#mostly just talking about them i guess lol

[trashlie]

How do you feel about 223? Haven’t seen your thoughts on this even on Reddit so hope you’re ok!

Aaaaahhhbbh this message is so sweet hehe! 🥰💕 No worries, I'm fine! I went on my first trip I'm 5 years and I was so busy I had no down time to write down any of my thoughts! I did read it, though - I was trailing behind my friends into H-Mart and having a quiet cry as I read LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm going to try to write a proper post after work but aaaaaahhhh! Tbh as hopeful as I wanted to be, I think the episode went through best it could have. (More spoilers moments under the cut!)

Real talk: I feel like there was no other way for that episode to go. I wanted to hope that Shinae could push Nol, I wanted to hope that Nol could in that moment find the comfort he needs, but I think we all knew better. And as heartbreaking as the episode was (like, TRULY heartbreaking) it felt weirdly hopeful...?

I'm going to write up a commentary/thought post as I reread it here shortly but I guess all summed up my thoughts are: Nol's scars are so incredibly deep, and many of them yet unhealed. While Shine has her scars and we know she hasn't made peace with them all (as evidenced when she went ham on the bear costume), she's in a better place regarding her scars than Nol is. I don't want to downplay what she's endured by any means, and I think part of her endurance is because she shoved so much of it down and repressed it, but I think it's safe to say that what has hurt her isn't as active. Alyssa's betrayal is in the past. Her mom leaving her is in the past. Although she's dealing with her sister stalking her, because she's not actively dealing with it, it's "in the past". That is to say - she's not held back in the same way by her scars as Nol is. His methods worked on her because of that, and likewise, using his methods on him won't work the same.

Nol's life is an active pit of quicksand pulling him down, and he found the more he struggled, the faster he went down. But even when he was content and ignored it, even when he found a sense of, perhaps not calm or peace but just a breather, he was still being dragged down. What happened to Shinae at the Kim formal is a reminder of just how active his scar remains. What happened with the judge of his case was a reminder of how active his scar still is.

It is not enough to love and be loved, because Nol is, for lack of better metaphor, a prey animal who has spent his life living like prey. He feels constantly under attack (because he IS) and thus he cannot bear to show his weakness. It's not simply that he doesn't want Shinae to see him like this, to see that weakness; it's not who HE wants to be, either. I think he bore a lot of remorse that he couldn't do it, that he isn't strong enough to. It's not a slight against their relationship, or who she is to him. It's that he is a person who is so hurt, who has spent so much of his life so afraid and hurt, whose very weaknesses have been used against him over and over. It's that while Shinae has found the ability to love him, he, himself, has not found the ability to love himself, can't bear to be who he really is for long.

I think Shinae is right, that she got a glimpse of the real him, and I'm glad she wants to see more. I think as heartbreaking and painful as the episode was, it's also SO HOPEFUL. It would be very easy to give up on him, but Shinaed learned from herself that no one is so hopeless they can't be helped. As it was, she thought it was impossible to beat herself when it came to this, and now she's learned that Nol suffers on a level she couldn't even imagine before, and instead of being mad that he won't open up to her, she has the empathetic insight to know the last thing he needs is to be truly abandoned. Maybe it's easier for him to feel like he's enduring alone, that he's not bringing anyone down or being a burden, but I trust that Shinae will find a way to reach out to him. Maybe it WILL take time. I always worried that we'd find all three main characters going their separate ways and it seems like I was right.

Maybe time away will help Nol heal some of his wounds. Maybe he'll find himself while he's away. Or maybe he'll find a shell that's easier to wear. (I've had a thought that maybe if Nol ever does go anti-hero, Shinae would be the tether that keeps him from going overboard, from turning into that what made him.) Like I said, it's not enough to be loved - he has to find a way to heal. Even if he's not fully healed, right now he's just an open-wound that's continuing to fester, and he can't make progress like that.

But at any rate, yeah, it feels hopeful. Shinae has learned that people need different methods to heal, that people are not an inherently lost cause. And while she's hurt by his refusal to take off his mask, I think she gets it, and understands that abandoning him is the last thing he needs.

But man did I cry lmao I felt so deeply for her, but also for him. It hurts to know how badly he feels, that even a moment that brought her so much joy couldn't reach him the same (that he's likely haunted by the fear of what happens when it ends, afraid that it could be used against him, afraid he doesn't deserve any of it). That little panel of her red nose ;~; I think this was masterfully played, too - the pacing has been SO GOOD and the tender, intimate episode leading to this one, the way 222 felt SO MUCH like the season finale of your favorite show leading to this moment of pain and heartbreak, that's somehow JUST hopeful enough for you to think that maybe, JUST maybe, on the other side of all this pain is the sunrise they desperately need ;~;

[sysig]

my 2nd request !! The skeleton brothers wearing matching pajamas :D

Day 13 - The Friendship Brothers

[pepperpixel]

Some inside job art! Mostly just trying to figure out how to draw these two

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[sherlock-is-ace]

the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.

Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho

[lord-squiggletits]

I need to reread the comics again to have specific arguments/evidence for this, but like

I feel a bit like I could've been sympathetic to the way other Cybertronian colonies view Cybertron, if it weren't for the fact that at least several of them (as in, ones that get notable dialogue/screen time) are so low-key self-righteous?

Like, idk... there's a lot of criticism of Cybertronians because they're so "warlike" and how their obsession with violence and vengeance is just dragging the whole galaxy down with them, but uh. The Autobot-Decepticon war was basically a product of societal ills bubbling over for like 6 million years beforehand and then finally boiling over into a 4 million year war that lasted as long as it did because the people involved had immense social/psychological trauma from being "raised" in an oppressive society.

So when the colonists come in being all 'omg you people are so violent and uncivilized why don't you just like, stop fighting' it kind of pissed me off a little bit as a reader/person like. Idk the colonists really came into this society of people full of massive amounts of trauma where even before the war society was super oppressive and no one has any experience of living "normal" lives unaffected by violence and bigotry. And the colonists were like "ummm wow why don't you guys just??? stop fighting???." Like idk it wasn't EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, in fact I think that when it was played for laughs it's quite a funny "fridge horror" type element. It was just annoying because like.... IDK???? It's just really annoying to watch a bunch of people who lived relatively sheltered lives on their own planets come to a different planet full of traumatized people and be like "omg why are you people so fucked up" IDK BRO MAYBE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY WAS OPPRESSIVE AND THEY LIVED THROUGH A LIFELONG WAR???

It also doesn't help that the colonies were literally founded based on imperialism and conquest so like, it's fucking rich to hear colonists scolding Cybertronians for their violence ruining the whole galaxy while literally sitting on planets that their Primes colonized from others. The hypocrisy of this is briefly mentioned in Unicron (literally the FINAL STORY OF THE SERIES) but like, that's basically the only time Cybertronian characters are given a reprieve of sympathy from other characters in universe and it's so tiresome.

I've talked to other people who didn't like the colonists and thought they basically (narratively speaking) existed just to shit on the existing characters, and it's actually really easy for me to sympathize with/outright agree with that assessment of the story considering how much of exRID/OP seems to be preoccupied with "Cybertron/the Primes/Optimus sucks" with very few reprieves for anything positive happening and even fewer chances for characters to get to explain themselves and experience a little bit of justice? Like, as the audience, it's just very frustrating to see the characters you spent hundreds of issues keeping up with get shit on by a bunch of "literally-who"s and then not really get a chance to ever defend themselves, either by literally defending themselves in conversation or having some sort of narrative thing happening that vindicates them at least symbolically

[orcelito]

I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

[ofcowardiceandkings]

the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do

[trashcandroid]

Apparently my mom shares trans memes on her facebook, which is… cool I guess? But she also still posts old pictures of me all the time

[cerealmonster15]

i dont think i ever felt more annoyed at commercials than when those mean girls walmart ads were playing a few months ago or whenever that was

[bread-of-death]

Oh my god I might get to take my friend on a date EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

[sureuncertainty]

at first i felt so bad for blocking my mutual who turned out to be a terf, or at least to be transphobic as shit, mostly bc i know this person was having a lot of anxiety about it and made posts about how they were so worried about losing friends etc. over it but you know what i decided fuck that lol good. i hope they feel anxious about it. i hope every transphobe never has a moment's peace

[capaldiera]

i wonder if i would ever at all be able to recapture how the hobbit used to make me feel

[icewindandboringhorror]

"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

[supercantaloupe]

finally got our damn concert program (we leave in less than two days lol.) i'm listed as a soloist on gabriel's oboe which is nice (and as it should be.) but not on the schindler's list