#gotta play The Mission(tm) on the mission trip i guess

[supercantaloupe]

finally got our damn concert program (we leave in less than two days lol.) i'm listed as a soloist on gabriel's oboe which is nice (and as it should be.) but not on the schindler's list

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

Headcanons for Michael, please?

hMMMM- Gonna be honest, I haven’t given neaaar enough consideration to Michael ASHODAOISHD, I will do my best with this-

By the way, a lot of these headcanons were made in collaboration with friends so like, these are by no means Bovine Originals TM-  I’m gonna tag som people but if someone gets tagged who did not wa n t to be tagged I will take it out and I am sowwy if this happens

What I think realistically:

  In between episodes, missions still go on (this has been confirmed by canon at least once I think?), but the missions are a whole lot more casual.  A lot of times, it’s more like a glorified road trip than an actual mission, and this is where Peak Bonding Time with Michael and Kitt happens.  As long as Michael’s not spending the whole time playing Atari, anyway... They wind up playing a lot of games that Kitt rigs with Hax (c’mon now that can’t not be how he swept the floor with Michael at blackjack of all things) which Michael somehow doesn’t catch on to, and they end up at a looot of drive-thrus, much to Kitt’s chagrin. 

What I think is hilarious:

  Pretty much all of these were made with @trust-doesnt-oxidize, we stan they-

  Michael really, really loves his burgers okay?  Like, so much.  Like SO much that if he doesn’t think he’ll be able to go to a drive-thru for a while, he’ll just.  Store one in the glove compartment.  Kitt hates this SO BADLY-  Michael will willingly eat week old food from his glove compartment and it reaches a point where Kitt has to stop him for sanitary reasons.  Perhaps Bonnie occasionally finds one of these highly expired treasures during repairs and loses her mind.

  But also our mans is a human garbage disposal, so he’ll eat anything you put in front of him.  He is very not picky, but if he has an option he will choose That Option.

  Also Michael continually forgetting that Kitt has access to his own programming and betting him to beat his high score on Atari games,,,

  Michael continually losing said bets.

What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends:

  Honestly I don’t think I can ever beat the novelization’s tragic backstory, seriously I refuse to believe that what the heck-

  I was talking with @solarcitymelodies and they mentioned Michael being emotionally repressed as a product of the time (and likely his history in the military), which is why he has a very difficult time being emotionally vulnerable.  He plays off everything as a joke, and what he can’t do that for, he likes to project (think “Trust Doesn’t Rust,” where he repeatedly just Told Kitt yOu FeEl NeRvOuS tOo RoIt?! and Kitt’s like ???no??? and Michael’s like uwu I totally get you buddy it’s okay to be scared and Kitt’s like Literally What-).  That one def hurts, and I think it’s real accurate.  Our mans doesn’t think he can be emotionally vulnerable because he’s gotta be Strong Tough Boi and like Michael stop nobody takes you seriously anyway <3

  Another one that I love to toy around with is just,,, Michael seems very confused about what the heck Kitt i s.  Like, sometimes he treats Kitt like a robot who just happens to talk, sometimes he treats him like a friend, sometimes he acknowledges Kitt’s feelings, sometimes he doesn’t-- It’s likely a product of inconsistent writing from different teams since Michael’s character was actually progressing quite naturally throughout Season 2 until Season 3 decided to destroy our hopes and dreams. Sniffles.  But like, I feel like he wants Kitt to be a person and a friend, but until he can get himself to really believe it, he can’t really,,, act on it I guess?  It seems like he’s catching on by Season 2, but, once again, Season 3 is evil and hates me.  I like to think that, once the series ended, at sooome point, he’d come to a more confident realization about Kitt, and it’s then that he’d realize Kitt’s own insecurities as a result of being confused about what he himself is based on how others treated him.  And he’d feel at least somewhat responsible for that, so yeah.

What would never work with canon but canon is Stinky Poopoo so I believe it anyway:

  Michael realizes that smacking the dashboard as hard as humanly possible is actually abuse, and he stops doing that.

Haha jk that’s too crazy even for this.

  This one’s the hardest for me because Michael is such a spazz that nothing feels too OOC for him, so this is more going to be an explanation for why something I love to think, and I think most of the fandom loves to think,,, can’t be canon.  I’m sorry.

  Whether it’s after the events of Knight Rider or Knight Rider 2000 *gAGS*, Michael eventually has to permanently retire from FLAG because, y’know.  Aging exists.  And I would love to think that Michael is able to take Kitt with him to live this very calm and “normal” stretch of life, where their friendship can grow and they can be buds.

The issue is idk if this can ha pp e n .

  And no, I don’t mean because Shawn happened in KR2000, I literally give zero hoots about what that movie wanted us to think.  The only thing I take from that movie is Kitt’s temporary deactivation for finance reasons, but anyway...

  I just feel like FLAG couldn’t afford to DO that.  I mean, it was actually pretty clever that the events of KR2000 were kicked off by FLAG running out of funds because, really, that was going to happen eventually.  In the original series, it seems like Wilton left behind an infinite supply of money based on what Michael is able to do and whatnot, but unless Wilton was the richest man in existence ever, that’s not the case.  Devon still has to host fundraisers for charity reasons, and it’s still highly discouraged that Michael causes as much property damage as he does on a regular basis, because that all comes out of the Foundation’s wallet.  Eventually, that’s going to run out if donations don’t match what Wilton had.  And while repairing a building costs a lot of money, something costs a lot more money than that, and that is the vehicle itself.  I can’t tell whether more money went into the microchips or the cars themselves, all I know is that they cost a LOT of money, like I want to say Kitt was 16 million?  Karr was even more expensive at 20-something million I- I don’t know my lore well enough okAyyyyy- It was a bad enough blow to lose Karr, but FLAG viewed that as a necessary loss which it wasn’t imo but AnYwaY.  Kitt is currently programmed to Michael, but I feel like that would be easy enough to change.  It wouldn’t erase his emotional bond to Michael since I think most of that was Kitt’s own feelings over his programming, but it would allow FLAG to utilize their investment for even longer.

  I could see the show taking the happy ending where they’re able to continue to exist together, and any stories of mine will definitely take the happy ending, but it’s not actually very realistic with canon.  Maybe, if Kitt’s programming became outdated or the Knight 2000 was too expensive to keep in good repair, then it could happen?  Idk, lemme know what you think about this one!

[xxx-cat-xxx]

so if this doesn't speak to you feel free to just consider it a Nice Concept(TM), but: Clint (and whoever?) giving a sick Tony a hard time about being crabby on a mission. Tony is leading directionally, cause he has the map memorized (genius boy!!). but he's snippy and complaining and the gang is getting Real Tired Of It, and to top it off, eventually it becomes clear they're not even going the right way, but when they go to yell at Tony, he's basically delirious with fever and confused 3 ily!

I absolutely loved this idea, and I had so much fun writing it! Apart from this, getting prompts from one of my favourite writers is awesome. I hope you liked what it turned out to be.

Also, apologies for that super long title. I was going through my music, and that Coldplay song just fit the story (and Tony´s character) so well that I couldn´t resist.

Just because I´m losing doesn´t mean I´m lost

“Isn’t the guy who navigates supposed to lead?” Clint complained. “Hey, genius, I´m talking to you!”

Tony, who was lagging behind, gave him the finger.

“I was just - securing the terrain,” he panted while pulling himself up to the ledge where Peter and Clint were already standing.

“Sure,” Clint spit. “There´s so much danger coming from, well, cactuses and butterflies. Just admit it, we´re lost.”

“I´ve told you before, I know the way. All saved up here,“ Tony said, pointing at his forehead. “Just because you need a sticky note to remember how to tie your shoelaces, birdbrain, doesn´t mean other people aren´t a little more intelligent.”

Peter was usually on Tony’s side when it came to arguments between the Avengers, but even he wondered what was going on now, Tony´s showcase arrogance doing nothing to reassure him. He knew from experience that it was more than anything elsea sign of Tony trying to hide his insecurity.

They had been walking in the mountainous terrain for more than three hours, trying to find a hut in which a group of arms dealers were supposedly hiding their loot. However, it was getting more and more evident that they weren´t even anywhere near their destination, and Peter was sure that they’d crossed this particular hill at least twice already, if not more.

“If you´re so clever, then tell me how much longer we have to walk?” It was clear that Clint had seen through the attempt, too. “I´m honestly getting tired of this.”

“If you´re not up to a short hike, you should have stayed on your hippy-dippy fairytale farm, planting flowers and practicing retirement,” Tony shot back without giving a real answer.

Peter frowned. He knew that Clint´s and Tony´s relationship was sort of bumpy since the whole Civil War thing, but that comment was below the belt line, even for Tony´s usual standards.

If Clint felt bad about it, he didn´t show.

“Look at yourself, old man, you´re panting like a steam loco,” he remarked instead.

Indeed Tony was breathing heavily, sweat beading on his forehead. His cheeks were showing red spots, and he was bent slightly over while standing. Peter expected a snarky reply, but none came. Instead he saw Tony biting his lips, readjusting his backpack and speeding up the pace.

They walked in silence for another 15 minutes, Tony now leading the way, Clint stomping behind like a stubborn child.

“You remember, at MIT, what happened during the last final?” Tony suddenly saidto Peter, his tone completely changed. They were walking up a steep path, and Tony was leaning heavily onto the stone wall to his left.

“No, how would I?” he replied confusedly.

“We got so smashed the night before,“ Tony rambled, his eyes looking a bit glassy from what Peter thought were memories. “I don´t know what happened that day. Just don´t remember anymore. Thought you might.“

Peter waited half a minute for Tony to explain himself, but nothing else came.

“Was that supposed to be funny?” he asked. “Because it´s not.”

Tony looked at him with a bit of surprise. “What?”

“What you just asked me”, Peter repeated impatiently. “Was it supposed to be funny?”

“What did I ask?” Tony inquired, confusion on his face.

“Are you kidding me?” Clint interrupted, his voice rising to an uncomfortable level. “I don’t know which game you are playing, Stark, but I’m seriously fed up from this. We´ve been following you for hours, and I feel like you have no idea what the fuck you´re doing!”

“I´m not…” Tony suddenly trailed off, swaying heavily on his feet.

“Wow, wow, what´s going on?” Clint said, anger still evident in his voice, but taking a step forward to steady the other man.

“I´m okay…´s just the palladium from the arc reactor….gotta replace the core…” Tony slurred.

Peter and Clint exchanged a worried glance.

“Mr. Stark, which arc reactor are you talking about?” Peter asked hesitantly. Everyone knew that Tony had gotten the actual implant removed years ago.

But Tony didn´t reply. Clutching one of his hands to his chest, he let out a small moan before his legs gave out all together and he would have hit the ground hadn´t it been for Clint to catch him.

“Thanks, Rhodey,” Tony murmured, clearly delirious.

“He´s cooking,” Clint assessed while pressing his palm to Tony`s forehead.His snarky attitude had vanished within an instant and was replaced by sober professionalism. Peter could see concern edged in the crease above his brow.

“Running a fever of….must be 104, at least.” He cursed when Tony´s eyes rolled back and he went malleable in his hands.

They carefully laid him on the ground, and Clint quickly opened a water bottle to push it in between Tony´s lips. He had to nudge him a few times before he woke up enough to actually start swallowing. After a few sips, all colour drained from his face, and he gagged weakly once the water went down his throat.

“Turn his head to the side in case he throws up,” Clint directed while keeping a finger on his wrist and checking his watch simultaneouslyto measure the heartbeat.

“His pulse is way too rapid,” he declared after a minute.

Peter could bet his heart was beating nearly as fast as Tony’s. He lifted a hand in order to touch his mentor´s face, but the older man immediately pushed him away with both arms, fear and defensiveness in his eyes.

“Don´ touch me,” he hissed.

“Mr. Stark, it´s only me,” Peter was taken a little aback, but didn´t try again.

“What can I do?” he asked instead, looking at Clint for guidance.

“There´s no way he´s getting out here on his own feet. Make an emergency call, Peter.”

Peter pulled out his phone, just to see an X above the bars indicating the lack of signals.

“There’s no network,” he stated.

He thought of other ways to contact someone, but there weren´t any. None of them was wearing armour, since they were supposed to pass for a family on a hiking day trip, at least if seen from afar. Peter had only brought his webshooters, Clint a foldable bow and Tony his famous watch gauntlet, although Peter was sure he could call one of his suits within minutes if he were lucid enough to do so.

“Yeah, we´re in a dead spot,” Clint said without looking up from Tony. “I think there should be signals up that hill, though. Mind trying?”

“Of course I will.”

Despite his enhanced abilities, Peter ran so fast that he was out of breath by the time he reached the hilltop. At least his mobile started to work again, evident by the beeping of messages arriving. He ignored numerous texts by Ned and scrolled through his contacts untill he found Natasha´s number. Thankfully, she picked up within minutes, and Peter tried his best to explain the situation as clearly as possible.

He made his way down even faster and was back within minutes, just to find Tony still lying in the same position as before.

“How’s he?” he panted.

“Semi-conscious, I’d say. Keeps talking nonsense.”Clint shrugged.“The call went through?”

“Yes, Nat is coming.” Peter replied absentmindedly.

Clint had emptied a water bottle over Tony´s head in an attempt to cool him down, which caused Tony to shiver hard. He moaned a little and mumbled something indiscernible while once again clutching his hand to his chest. The other one was clenched into a fist, ready to strike. Peter could only guess what was going on in Tony´s head, but he was sure it had something to do with the arc reactor.

“He´ll be okay, right?” Peter asked, trying not to sound too concerned, more like an Avenger.

“Don’t worry, it´s not so bad. He´s been much worse.”

This didn´t really help to reassure him. If taking a three-hour mountain walk with a fever of over 104 was considered not so bad for Tony´s standards, Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what worse meant. He wondered again how much  - or how less - he actually knew about his mentor´s past history.

“Hey, I’m still here, I can hear you,” Tony announced weakly, finally seeming a bit more clearheaded.

He was trying to push himself up on his hands, and Peter was immediately there to help him leanagainst the stone wall in a half-sitting position. Tony squinted against the sunlight.

“I think my brain´s gonna blow up,” he stated, pressing his hands to his temples in an attempt to lessen his headache.

“Why did you even come here when you were sick?” Peter asked.

“It wasn’t this bad before,” Tony mumbled.

While this was not necessary untrue, Peter was pretty sure he knew the deeper reason: Tony´s never-ending urge to prove himself that he was stronger - stronger than pain, illness, and anyone who´d ever claimed that he wouldn´t be able to achieve what he wanted. Peter sighed.

“Well, I would have expected something more from you, being a genius and all.” Clint said, half smirking, half scolding.  “At least you should have let one of us navigate instead of getting everyone lost.”

“I knew where we were”, Tony assured, “just forgot where we had to go.”

Peter was still trying to bend his head around this when he heard the blades of a helicopter approachingquickly.

“Help is here,“ he announced, more to himself than anyone.

Tony nodded, closing his eyes with an exhausted groan while another chill ran through his body.

“Hey, no napping yet.”Clint tapped his fingers on his cheek. “You still need to get on the helicopter and take some medicine, or do you think I`m gonna spoonfeed you?”

“What else are you there for?” Tony teased without opening his eyes.

“I`m not your PA, dude.” Clint said, slightly irritated. “Nor your wife, for that matter.”

“Friends, family, s`all the same,” Tony murmured, alreadyhalf asleep. And this time, it actually made Clint smile a bit.