#just someone who wants to fit in with people and explore the world up above

[forgetful-nerd]

Sometimes, you just have to rewrite/rework the things you don't like in your favorite shows for your own sanity.

For instance this scene:

Oh sure I could just let this be as a simple joke about how obsessive Donnie is over April.

OR

I could believe that Donnie has memorized most or all of NYC’s layout and, with that information, he can calculate the distance between any two points in the city. Why does he do this you might ask? Because he is a massive overthinker.

He wants to know how far everything is or should be just in case something bad happens. Like for instance: if he was somehow blinded, he'd know how many steps he is to the nearest manhole cover or to any safe place he can think of.

His knows how far April’s apartment is, not because he has a crush on her, but because it's the result of survival tactic he’s perfected.

[bloomzone]

2025 : #12 step by step you can change your life. how I found my way back

I want to talk about something real today. Something that I think a lot of us go through but don’t always talk about.

✒️..You ever feel… lost? Like, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t figure out where you’re supposed to go, or who you’re supposed to be? Like you’re stuck in this endless loop of feeling not good enough, not smart enough, not anything enough?

I’ve been there.

And I want to share my story—not because I’ve got everything figured out (I definitely don’t), but because maybe my experience can help someone else feel a little less alone.

Growing Up with Big Dreams

Growing up, I was that kid. Curious about everything, constantly reading, always asking questions. I loved learning. I loved dreaming. My parents encouraged me in every way they could—books, art, even challenging me with random exams that were way above my level. Because of them, I felt like I could do anything. Like the world was wide open, just waiting for me to take my place in it. (they are toxic I won't lie especially in the term of getting good grades)

But life has a way of shaking things up, doesn’t it?

When I started middle school, everything changed.

When Everything Fell Apart

Middle school was… the hardest time of my life. I’m not exaggerating when I say those years broke me in ways I didn’t think were possible.I was bullied—constantly. Nasty comments, rumors, people talking about me behind my back. It even got physical sometimes—from my best friends MY FRIENDS that I think they will always be by my side but malheureusement they were just slaves for the bullies anyway.. And you know what? At first, I thought I could handle it. But the thing about bullying is that it creeps in, little by little, until one day you realize it’s taken over your entire life.

I didn’t recognize myself anymore.I became bitter, angry, and mean. I lashed out at people because I didn’t know what else to do. And at the same time, I was desperate to fit in, so I started copying the people who hurt me—adopting their behavior, their mannerisms—just so they’d accept me

But it didn’t work.!!!Instead, I just felt… empty. Like everything that made me me was gone.

Hitting Rock Bottom

By 14, I was at my lowest point. My grades were trash, my friendships felt fake, and I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror because I hated what I saw.I started staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning just crying .I shut myself off from everyone. And, at my worst, I started self-harming.

I felt like there was no way out.And then one day, I came home from school it was an 8 april 2023 7pm threw my bag on the floor, and climbed onto the ledge of the house roof I just wanted it to stop. The pain, the loneliness, the feeling that I’d never be enough. I was ready to give up.

But then… I looked up.

The Moment That Changed Everything

The sky was gorgeous that day. It was one of those sunsets where the colors just don’t make sense—soft pinks fading into oranges and purples, with clouds that looked like they’d been painted on.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt something.

It reminded me of all the things I used to love—the watercolor / pastel paintings I used to paint in my ipad and put it as a lock screen lmao , the books I used to read, the way my parents would encourage me to dream bigger, be curious explore the world my favs music artists (I'm a wizone,stay,dive, engene if anyone want to know hehe)

It hit me: I wasn’t ready to let go of all of that. I wasn’t ready to let go of me I was too young for this

So, instead of stepping forward, I sat down. Right there on the ledge, legs crossed, staring at the sky as the colors changed.

That small step—sitting down—was the single most extraordinary step I’ve ever taken.

Rebuilding Myself

That moment didn’t fix everything. Life doesn’t work like that. But it was the start of something.It reminded me that even when I felt broken, the core of who I was—the curious, creative, passionate version of me—was still there.I started making changes. Little ones, at first. Letting go of toxic friendships. Focusing on the things that made me happy, like reading , listening to music and writing.

And then came high school. High school was my first real fresh start.

It was a place where I could make new friends, try new things, and leave the past behind me. It was a chance to reinvent myself.

And I did. I created a Tumblr account later in the last days of November 2023 as a sort of diary—a safe space where I could share my thoughts, help others who felt lost like I did, and find comfort in the small, everyday moments. It became my little corner of the world, where I could be myself and help others feel better and be the best version of themselves

It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick. But slowly, I started to feel like me again.

What I Learned

Here’s what I’ve learned through all of this:

1. Your Compass Is Never Broken.

No matter how lost you feel, the good in you—the things that make you you—never go away. They’re always there, waiting for you to see them again.

2. You Can Choose Your Environment.

You don’t have to stay in toxic spaces. You deserve to be around people who lift you up, who make you feel valued and loved.

3. Small Steps Matter.

Sometimes, the smallest actions—sitting down, looking at the sky, talking to a friend—can change everything. Don’t underestimate them.

To Anyone Who Feels Lost

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling, I need you to hear me: You are not alone.I know it feels like things will never get better, but I promise you, they can. The pain you’re feeling right now doesn’t define you.You have so much to offer this world. You have so much good inside of you. And even if it feels like your compass is cracked and empty, the needle—your essence—is still pointing north.So, take a deep breath. Look for the little things that remind you of who you are. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.Because you are so much stronger than you think.

And trust me… you’re going to find your way.

Thank you for reading.

written by tears and love @bloomzone

[thatmooncake]

Obsessed with how Sun fits so much of himself into such a tiny space.

I mean first of all, literally.

He’s gonna have to surgically detach his rays from that slide.

And then we have his living space, the Superstar daycare. Big at first but when it’s the only place you can seem to access while others get free roam of half the building or even get to go outside of it? TINY. The outside world is unfathomably HUGE in comparison. And everyone he comes into contact with has basically seen so much more of it than he has. And that must feel so impressive to him but at the same time so strange and …maybe somewhat limiting? Like no matter how hard he tries to relate or understand from his little corner, others have experienced things firsthand that he probably never has. Things he’s read to kids in storybooks and sang songs about but never seen up close.

And we know that in some sense he likes things to be just so. The barrels are aligned. The lights stay on. That’s the only way he feels safe. So I imagine his own limited perspective when he comes face to face with people from the outside world feels kind of scary to him in a way.

And despite the daycare being his domain, people encroach upon his space without warning, and he plays along. All of a sudden there are people and he must deal with them accordingly and he must act in a certain way no matter how he feels about it and how much stress he’s put under (for example, continuing on with playtime despite the whole situation with Moon, perhaps because he has to, or he wants to, or he has nothing else - maybe all of the above).

^ Look at his little room! It makes me sad. I don’t know if Moon ripped up all the bots that are scattered over the floor or if Sun did or if someone else did but the fact is the place looks so depressing compared to most of the Glamrocks’ rooms it’s painful. Here we have two of the most neglected robots in the pizzaplex and they carry on like that doesn’t matter, but we know Sun knows that something is very wrong so even if this is the norm for him and even if he’s used to it, the more broken bits and pieces he encounters the more it must be killing him because every day when he’s done entertaining the kids or pretending someone’s going to show up that day (depending on if the daycare is closed or not) he goes back to a permanent reminder of just how messed up things have become.

And he seems SO HAPPY to see a stranger from outside of that little room. No matter how you look at that, it’s pretty sad. Is he faking his enthusiasm? What a frustrating and stressful situation that must be to be at the beck and call of someone you don’t genuinely want to be around and act like you’re their new best friend. Is he actually excited? What a stressful situation that must be too, only for any semblance of control you had to be abruptly torn from you as you’re forced to switch when the lights go out, clearly horrified by what’s going to happen all the while because you know it won’t be good for anyone.

Does it hurt when he switches? I’m fascinated by Sun’s relationship with Moon. It’s played in so many interesting ways by the fandom. Are they two separate people? Are they like roommates who share a body? Are they two aspects of the same AI? They’re so versatile and I love it. I love all the takes there are on their personalities. Sun? Silly, goofy, playful, ray of sunshine, bundle of nerves, parental, fiery, bossy, strict, the embodiment of anxiety, and so on. Moon? Prankster, gremlin, sleepy, calm, collected, grumpy, silly, catlike, etc. I love it when they get along and I love it when they don’t. I have so many feelings about them both and it’s less that I want to know the truth about them (if there is such a thing) and more I just like exploring every avenue because they’re just really fun and fascinating characters.

And THAT SYMBOLISM. Wow. The sun and moon themes give you so much to play around with. So many metaphors and so many things you can plaster the surfaces of your house or the background of your phone with that make you think of them. The moon’s phases. The way the sun sets earlier in the winter. Would Sun get tired more easily in the winter? Does Moon have a blue moon phase that makes him feel down at the drop of a hat? Because same, guys, same.

Not getting over these guys any time soon I guess.

[whispersleo]

Can't sleep so of course I started thinking about Spite

I was mulling over the spanish translation of his name and although there are a LOT of things that get lost in the translation, jokes and puns that can't be passed from one language to the other while preserving their original meaning, I'm talking about the name of the demon in specific.

His name is translated as Rencor (Rancor / Grudge / Resentment); when I first met him, I liked this name a lot more than "Spite" because I am an extremely resentful person, and felt that the translation had much more strength and hatred in it, so I thought it would be a much better fit for a "demon". Then I actually got to know more about the demon and Lucanis in the game, and Spite couldn't have any better name than Spite.

Spirit of Determination? I'm so sorry that's his deadname and we won't be using it in this home thank u

Rencor is a big and special word for me. I keep it close to my heart all the time. In my long understanding living with this feeling (resentment), it deeply hurts because whatever caused it mattered to you, one way or another. I hold resentment towards so many things in my life, to memories that, when replayed in my head, makes my blood boil. My throat goes dry and my chest sinks, my head hurts. It's painful, bitter, but more than anything, it is this mix of anger and a little sadness for something that happened, that I did to myself or that I allowed to be done to me.

Resentment can be “overcome” with forgiveness, but that’s where Spite comes in.

You see, Spite happens when you decide NOT to forgive, nor forget the harm they did to you, the pain you went through, your suffering. Why would you forgive? People often tell me over and over again to forgive, that it will make me feel better. But why? Why should I be the "bigger" person?

Why am I the one who is wrong for feeling resentful, and not them for hurting me?

I decide not to forgive, and to live in spite of it. Living despite the harm they did to me. It is such a wonderful word, which translates most directly in spanish as Despecho. And THAT is another big, special word, that fills your mouth when you pronounce it, as much as Rencor, but with the same different meanings.

When people gossip about someone "lo hizo por despecho" (they did it out of spite), we immediately think -okay, someone hurt them and whatever they did was their vengeance-, as a first point. It is a feeling of revenge, of hatred, of pain but above all, rage and anger. Doing something por Despecho or being despechado are words saved for situations where Rencor falls too short. Despecho - Spite is the desire to do harm, while one can drown in the bitter pain of Rencor - Resentment and do nothing.

And I just find the such beautiful nature of the word Spite lost in translation, because he (the demon) is not Rencor.

Rencor is Lucanis. He, in fact, drowns in resentment, and I love him for it. It makes me wish the game was well written and explored in deep the narrative of all the abuse he suffered from his grandmother, and the complex feelings of being betrayed by his brother. I mean, it's all complex feelings with Lucanis, but let's imagine for a moment that the game isn't written like shit. Let's imagine that we can get to understand him as a character through this immense pain of loving two people who have done him so much harm, and they are all he has in this world. All he's ever had, in Lucanis' own words. Resenting the people you love hurts so much that it closes up your throat and prevents you from breathing. He can't help it, because he is unable to kill Illario after all the betrayals; he loves him and cannot be forced to do real harm to him, the same type of harm Illario has already done to Lucanis without any problem (apparently).

It's SPITE who actually pushes him to, lmao, live??? And I love that and this is my specific problem with the translation in particular. Is not resentment, is the wanting-to-hurt-something demon, who tries hard to talk to Rook to seek help for Lucanis, who drives him to continue inciting plans for revenge, and wishes for them to be free and live in spite of everything that was done to them. Every torture, every pain, every betrayal. The spirit (now demon) does not kill Lucanis out of SPITE, because he refuses to do what his torturers want.

Rencor es un dolor, un sentimiento amargo en la boca que se queda ahí. ¿Pero Despecho? Es tomar todo lo que te hicieron y decir que se jodan, joderlos, joder a todo el mundo, que sepan que sufriste y aún así sigues viviendo, lleno de rabia y adolorido, pero vivo, respirando, lidiando con ello.

That last part is also what I love about the name "Spite". You have to live to be able to experience spite, you have to suffer the consequences of what they did to you, breathe with that pain, and somehow keep walking, keep smiling, keep suffering, keep going... Just keep swimming, just keep going. No matter what. That is Spite.

[yaksha-lover]

Hi! Maybe strange question but you seem to have a good grasp on the boys’ personalities. I’ve been reading a lot of the yanderification of the TWST boys and started wondering which ones (if any) would be most likely to have what could be labeled “yandere” tendencies. Just seems like a fun train of thought to chase.

Do you have any thoughts on this? (Also sorry for the word salad.)

In my opinion, I think it’s pretty easy to twist most of their personalities to fit a yandere type, but as for who’s yandere characterizations are closest to their canon counterparts, I would say:

Malleus, I think is the obvious one. Although clearly I don’t think he’d be yandere in canon, it makes sense for him to have some clingy tendencies in a relationship, and an obsession with his romantic interest. It’s the whole ‘you’re the only person in the world who matters to me’ type trope, because of the social rejection and isolation he’s faced.

People usually take it two ways here, either a) very possessive and jealous or b) very protective. I tend to lean towards the second interpretation (although I love to explore the first one, the second is more canon to me). More ‘I would burn cities to protect you, move heaven and earth to make you happy’ than ‘I want to keep you locked up here all to myself, you belong to me.’ So yes, a yandere Malleus may kidnap you, but only to keep you ‘safe.’ He’s also not as emotionally immature as I think he’s sometimes characterized as (although I’m probably also guilty of this). He’s not really the type to force someone to love him, imo, because he wants it to be genuine (his insecurity stems from an inability to be accepted so forcing it wouldn’t truly fulfill that desire to be loved and validated).

Rook, I think also makes sense, but it’s hard to say because most of the time a lot of his characterization is just played for jokes. Like the whole ‘he’s a stalker, he knows a lot about everyone, others get unnerved by him, etc.’ It’s meant to be funny, but if we take it seriously then we could probably jump to some interesting conclusions about Rook. Also, combined with that ghost bride line about him ‘never letting his beloved go’ -

He seems the type to get fixated on some object of beauty, and I could see that developing into a yandere-like obsession. Maybe if he finally finds the one thing - or person - who he thinks is the true pinnacle of art and beauty, what he’s been searching for all along. Initial stalking to learn more about his interest, some uncomfortable attempts at closeness because he knows everything about them and they know nothing about him. Divided between showing his beloved off to the world and keeping them all nice and pretty for his own enjoyment - the only one who can truly appreciate their beauty. Also, once he’s felt the experience of love, I doubt he’d ever want to live without it. Maybe that’s the ‘true’ beauty of life to him, even.

Jamil is just so apathetic that if he ever did fall for someone, I can’t see him ever giving them up if he can help it. Also, we’ve seen in canon that Jamil isn’t above doing mildly bad things for self-serving interests (think masquerade with ruggie, manipulating the oblivious students).

He just wants something nice and soft for himself. Is that so much to ask for, after all he’s been through? Jamil is never allowed to have anything, nothing that Kalim doesn’t. It’s no wonder he’d cling to the only sweet thing he can get his hands on, something just for him. Even if you’re frustrated with him, even if you get tired of him, he isn’t so willing to just let you go. He deserves something nice like you, and you’ll be happy with him, even if you might need a ‘charming’ reminder of it sometimes.

Lastly, Jade and Floyd are popular yanderes to write for a reason. They both already have so much inexplicably unhinged energy even compared to the rest of the cast (other than maybe Rook). Jade seems so cold and apathetic, while putting on a mask of care. Floyd doesn’t really care to do so, wearing his many moods on his sleeve. But they’re still two sides of the same coin; they’re used to getting whatever they want, often by questionable means.

They also seem like they would be pretty possessive, even if it comes out in different ways. Jade and Floyd may be good at sharing with each other, but they’ve never been good at sharing with anyone else. Floyd will show you (and whoever thinks it’s okay to encroach on his partner) how upset he is by this particular development. I doubt you’d want to keep it up when he threatens your friends that get a little too close. Jade is different; the same annoyance and possessiveness still burns him, but he has a little more patience than Floyd. He isn’t willing to start any fights. Jade prefers not to get his hands dirty, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other tactics to scare away anyone who tries to flirt with you.

[randomnumbers751650]

Saying that No Game, No Life is wasted potential isn’t a particularly new take, but still, I can’t help but to think about it. When I first watched it, I honestly didn’t notice how weird it is, how shock-full of invasive fanservice it was, just that it was colorful and had an engaging plot – I only learned of that when rewatching clips and I honestly can’t understand how I just not noticed those things at all and that makes me wonder how much of it is the editor’s demands or the author decided to put there (because, in order to sell, there needs to be a bit or a lot of otaku pandering).

In hindsight, Sora and Shiro were really different from other isekai protagonists. Most of them were really “normal people” given powers, reflecting the average audience of these works, with varying degrees of success. Sora does seem like the standard isekai protagonists at first: people who feel they don’t fit on Earth and would be glad to turn their virtual escapism into a real one.

But, the more you watch, the more you realize there’s nothing normal about these two: they’re both batshit insane. They don’t concoct crazy plans because the situation demands them to, but rather they’re the ones pushing forward those crazy plans, they’re the ones betting everything on the table in order to win a game. And, above all, they want to have fun doing it.

Tet didn’t just bring them to the new world, but he spirited them away. Before the term “isekai’d” was popularized in anime fandoms, the term was “spirited away” (just like the movie) when a god or entity decided to take someone from their world into a new one; there are hundreds of stories like that in many cultures before isekais. Tet saw them as perfect for his plans and thus he didn’t give them a lot of say.

And it makes me wonder what made Sora and Shiro reject their world so deeply, before being spirited away. They are in their own room playing games and criticizing real life for being such a crappy game. They probably were into e-sports or something (which, given their ability, wouldn’t be a big problem), and that would explain how they could afford all that stuff and why they are so attached to their stuff, that's all they have besides each other. I remember there was a flashback with their parents or guardians just walking past them and I think that’s a great example of minimalism – it teases you into thinking what actually happened, but that’s the only it’s needed to explain their perspective: no one really likes them in Earth. Maybe they tried to make friends and couldn’t, maybe everyone looked at them for being different. This makes plausible why they just stop working when they’re separate (something the anime never had time to explore, but I’m sure it would play a role in the later game).

Also, one thing that attracted most was that the author (Yuu Kamiya, or Thiago Furukawa Lucas) was born and lived in Brazil for most of his early years, before moving to Japan. As a Brazilian, I always thought that to be amazing, because I can see some “Brazilianity” in NGNL. I mean, I hope I’m not seeing things that aren’t there, but an author adds the flavor they grew up with consciously or not. Sora’s “I love humanity” shirt reminds me of the catchphrase “Sou brasileiro e não desisto nunca” (I’m Brazilian and never give up) and even the Brazilian method of resourcefulness (called “jeitinho”, check r/ItHadToBeBrazil and you’ll get it), which might be a component on how Sora and Shiro act in their crazy plans. It makes me want to try to read isekai not as an escapist fantasy, but rather as a metaphor for immigration.

The series also has a degree of deconstruction: Tet rewrote the rules of the world to avoid that catastrophic war and centuries later it feels like the inhabitants of Disboard learned nothing, there’s still racism and high demands for war, and humans are an endangered species. So, he needs Sora and Shiro to break through this probably teach a lesson, so that they can unite all the peoples of Disboard in the best game ever against Tet.

But I don’t think we’ll ever see that. The jeitinho has a dark side, represented by the saying “Pra Deus, até faço gol de mão” (I’ll even score a goal with my hand for God), and a Brazilian can understand how it applies here. Kamiya got involved in a plagiarism case and I’m not sure if his reputation rebounded or not. Either way, I have to admit I haven’t followed the light novel’s updates since a bit later after the anime ending, but the fact no one talks about it means that I guess we can only expect the worse.

Either way, it’s been over 10 years since I watched NGNL and it was something that really let a mark on me. I honestly think isekai opens the possibility to explore so many questions and scenarios. Even if NGNL recycled certain very very questionable tropes and pandering, I do believe it did try to do something different and fun with it.

[thecomfywriter]

Tell me more about Caramel and Cara’s friendship. I know the tiniest bit about they first met, but how did they first trust each other? How did they work in a way that kept them loyal to each other for so long, despite growing differences?

hi smihi! i think this is the last caramel ask of the day? unless i get one in the next hour lol.

this is fun! this ask made me realize i've never been asked this before, which is interesting since caramel and cara's life pre-tov is RARELY explored in the book. you only get a tinge of it in cara's pov chapters because, unlike caramel, she's not super guarded.

okay! let me not yamble before we actually start, lol. without further ado...

day two of tcw askmas--caramel and cara's pre-tov life [tov & sai spoilers]

alrighty. lemme answer this in parts based on what you specifically asked:

a) how did they first trust each other?

cara trusted caramel because she had been watching her for a while before caramel had approached her, and she already admired the "girl on fire" who was so skilled at magic, as though it was second nature. she was also desperate for any type of socialization, so really, she would have befriended anyone who talked to her.

for caramel, the reasoning is slightly the same, slightly different. see, cara was basically mute for the first year or so of their friendship. she was completely unsocialized, hence the inability to speak. on top of that, she was sickly-looking, scrawny, and basically looked like she was a cold night away from dying. caramel took her in because 1) she wanted a friend, someone who wasn't hilbert to talk to. someone that was her age, that was a girl, and that wasn't mean. cara fit all of the above. on top of that, the girls had an immediate bond when they realized they were both dancers (albeit opposite elements), and cara actually helped caramel learn the tiniest bit of water magic that she knows. meanwhile, caramel helped her perfect her general forms and learn to be daring/experimental with magic. magic helped them bond quite a bite, to be honest.

but when it comes to how they STAYED trusting each other and loyal, that has a lot to do with hilbert.

b) How did they work in a way that kept them loyal to each other for so long, despite growing differences?

hilbert. and trauma bonds.

caramel never thought cara noticed. and honestly, there were a lot of things that cara never DID notice. but efuiheniuhfuf fine i'll just share the except screw it.

anyways... as you can tell by the excerpt, hilbert did a lot of shit to caramel growing up. and this is only the stuff cara noticed. caramel made an effort to hide a lot of it (you know how our girl is... constantly guarded and self-preservational), for the main reason being the following: she was protecting cara.

see, caramel knows things about hilbert. the ways he sees people as projects or opportunities. and cara is one HELL of a water-dancer. to the point where caramel in tov is constantly surprised at just how good cara is. and guess what--hilbert had his sights on cara too.

so in an effort to keep them distant and avoid cara being hilbert's next "project", she took more of his time, attention, and (let's just call it what it is), abuse. all while shielding cara from it all.

in that way, cara felt a sense of security and protection and safety with caramel, and caramel found a sanctuary, normalcy, and someone to love enough to want to protect them from the entire world's evils.

they became each other's safe spaces, and their crutches. this is why i say caramel's overprotectiveness vice is complicated. because, yes. she is incredibly possessive, especially over cara. to the point where she actively tries to sabotage her relationship with morreial for a little bit because she's scared of losing cara to him. but with the context of their history, there's so much sympathy and nuance i attach to her her possessiveness. because i can see why in her eyes, keeping cara close to her is keeping her safe and therefore an extension of her love. because for literally a decade of their lives, that was true. every act of possessiveness caramel extended towards cara protected her from hilbert and society (when they were theives). if all of a sudden, they are in this new, safe, and secure environment, it would be hard for her to unlearn that "being possessive isnt' an extension of love" and that is was actually more harmful than helpful.

she ends up learning that lesson eventually. a small fraction of the lesson learned was with cara and morreial. but its mainly with alan that she learns that lesson, because her acting possessively with alan actively ruins her relationship with him, rather than saves it.

anyways, i hope that answered the question. cheers!

--

dead taglist alert:

@wyked-ao3 @an-indecisive-nerd @drchenquill

@paeliae-occasionally @theink-stainedfolk @inseasofgreen

@thelovelymachinery @the-letterbox-archives @illarian-rambling

@bunnymermaidwrites @the-golden-comet @sm-writes-chaos

@leahnardo-da-veggie

[please tell me if you don't wanna be tagged i promise i will stop 🥺)

[flamebringer0]

More About Nightwing Powers

I decided I had more to say about this post, so I reblogged it and wrote some more. It seems like when you do that Tumblr doesn't put the post into tag searches, so nobody can actually find it. I'm just going to copy the full text into a new post. I'm sorry if this spams anyone's feed, I just don't understand how this site works yet. I've never actually had a blog before.

-----

Ohhhh damn I just had another thought about this. This is my problem, I think about this stuff all the time and I keep coming up with new things I think are cool, but now that I've written all this out and published it for the whole world to see I can't change it so easily.

It's actually fine though. These thoughts are kind of a mix of things I think are canon but sufficiently non-obvious to be worth stating (All Nightwings have powers at hatching and then lose them), things that are definitely not canon but I feel like it doesn't mess with the story too much to change them (Prophets have a silver scale on their foreheads), and things that are ambiguous and I'm just filling in the blanks (fake Nightwing magic is based on their sense of smell). But there's a fourth category, which is things that I don't like about canon but changing them would basically entail writing a whole new story. I'm pretty sure this new idea falls into the latter category, so I wouldn't really have put it in that post anyway.

But let's explore the hypothesis that Tui T Sutherland and Scholastic collectively lose their minds and give me the rights to Wings of Fire, and also I have infinite time, resources and motivation to make my own adaptation of the story. Then what happens? Well, the first thing is obviously to change animus magic to be something other than total omnipotence, because omnipotent characters are the kind of albatross (tee hee) you don't want around your neck when you're trying to write a coherent story. And the second thing is to make it so the terrible Rainwing queens in book 3 are hereditary royalty and Glory is not, because I've never liked the valorisation of hereditary royalty in WOF (or in general), and that would be an easy way to subvert that. And THEN I would turn scavengers into lizard people, because I am a furry and I think that's cuter than making them humans. Lol.

But somewhere down the list would be the fact that I don't actually vibe with the idea that normal Nightwing seers/mind readers apparently have a built-in power limiter that varies randomly according to the specific individual, and the special gift you get for hatching under three moons is just to have that limiter set to 0. I don't like this because, first of all, the fact that it works like that just doesn't fit into my brain in a satisfactory way. Hatching under zero, one, or two full moons each results in a qualitatively different outcome, so in my mind, the third full moon should also do something qualitatively different. But it doesn't, it's just the same as two full moons but better. And then I'm left to assume that there are probably very rare cases of twice-moonborn Nightwings who have all the power, just because whatever secondary factors there are happened to line up in their favor? Weird.

But the more important reason is, I don't really like the idea of Clearsight as someone who has extraordinary power because she just hatched that way. Nor do I like the fact that the reasons for this are, on the one talon, unexplained (maybe inexplicable?), and on the other, not a function of who she is as a character. I think it would make for a much stronger motif if run-of-the-mill seer Clearsight were able to take down once-in-a-generation chosen one Darkstalker because she's diligent and doesn't believe in destiny while he's entitled and sure of his glorious future. At its core this feeling is actually the same thing as what I said about the Rainwing queens above: I just don't find it satisfying when the hero has some kind of special trait that makes them naturally better than everyone else. A villain can have that, but a hero I want to prove themselves through their own efforts. But that's explicitly not what happened in canon: Clearsight IS naturally more powerful than all the other seers, that's an essential part of her story, and changing it requires basically rewriting the books. I don't love it!

So anyway in the universe where I'm rewriting the books, here's a thought about how Nightwing powers might work. This partially contradicts what I wrote above, but I've decided I'm cool with that. I love contradicting myself actually, and maybe next week I'll contradict all of this again. There are no laws.

Some Nightwings are seers, some are mind readers, a few are both, and most are neither. But aside from the fact that an individual might or might not have these powers, they don't vary in strength from dragon to dragon. All seers have equally strong abilities, and all mind readers have equally strong abilities. But the strength of the abilities does vary: not per individual, but over time. Specifically, the current state of the moons affects the abilities of empowered Nightwings. On a hypothetical "darkest night" with three new moons, all Nightwings are effectively powerless. On the brightest night, empowered Nightwings experience the full strength of their abilities. Seers can easily look down many different paths into the distant future, and mind readers can easily examine any information in the mind of another dragon. Of course, the phases of the three moons are not synchronous. Most of the time, the moons are all in different states, and empowered Nightwings experience abilities somewhere in between those extremes.

Above, I said that the "strength" of Nightwing abilities doesn't really vary per dragon. Strength, as I use the term here, only refers to the raw potential to look into the future or into another dragon's mind. But different individuals do have different levels of adeptness when it comes to applying their abilities. On the brightest night, any seer can look with relative ease into the far future, down multiple timelines, examining subtle ripples of possibility. The rest of the time, most seers can't use their abilities on that level, but a particularly adept one can get closer. What makes one seer more adept than another? Well, it's really just training. If you're someone who, for whatever reason, keeps looking into the future, over time you'll get better at it, just like anything you keep doing. This is what sets Clearsight apart from her peers. She isn't more blessed by the moons than them, because no seer is more blessed by the moons than any other. Clearsight just looks into the future all the time, to a degree nobody else does. She works harder on her visions than any other seer, so her abilities are more advanced than those of any other seer.

There is one exception to the maxim "no seer is more blessed by the moons than any other". The special gift of the thrice-moonborn is that they are exempt from the cyclical waning and waxing of power with the phases of the moons. They hatch on the brightest night, and its power soaks into them and becomes permanently part of them. And so, they live as if every night is a brightest night. They always have the potential to see the ripples that spread into many distant futures, and they can always pluck any information they want out of another dragon's mind. What other Nightwings may train and train for, these dragons do as easily as they breathe.

There are few Nightwings who never dreamed as dragonets about what it would be like to have hatched under three full moons. How different their lives could have been from those of the common powerless Nightwing, or even ordinary seers and mind readers! And not just directly because of what they could see: the thrice-moonborn are almost inevitably beloved by their tribe, showered with attention, and elevated to the highest strata of society. Wouldn't that be nice, think the dragons who could have walked that path but for something as meaningless as the sky under which they hatched.

It's unsurprising that many covet that life, but it's not entirely as pleasant as they imagine. The adulation that surrounds the most powerful Nightwings is instrumental. As laid out in excruciating detail just behind the eyes of smiling dragons, few love them for who they are; many more love them for what they are. They will never have any interaction with friends or family that isn't fundamentally shaped by the asymmetrical power dynamic implied by their abilities. It's easy for a dragon in that situation to become profoundly isolated, especially without support. But the brightest night comes so rarely that most Nightwings who receive its gift will grow up with neither peers, nor mentors who can relate to these experiences. That many ultimately respond in unhealthy, self-destructive ways is a given; that the self-destruction of such powerful dragons often also destroys those around them is a recurring tragedy in the history of the tribe.

But it's not inevitable. No dragon's fate is actually written in the stars or sealed by the moons. It's always possible to choose a different future.

[mdhwrites]

Is TOH Worse By Having Character Arcs?

In a story theoretically about inclusivity, finding your space and accepting who you are... Is it right that so many people change as drastically as they do?

This is going to be a bit of an odd topic because pop culture nowadays reveres the concept of the character arc almost above any other aspect of writing. If your characters do not exhibit change, how can they be deep or interesting? Where is the story in a character who mostly stays static? And that's not a bad instinct because a character overcoming some major flaw or corrupted ideal they hold onto is very compelling.

However, character arcs are like any part of writing: They are a TOOL for the writer to use. Just like with any tool, it won't fit every job. Not every story needs large, grand arcs. So was The Owl House a story where this tool should have been applied?

I argue no, despite the fact that its character arcs are such a lauded part of it. This isn't entirely because there is no space for character arcs in its themes but that its goals are... touchy when it comes to the idea of change. That requires us to first ask what those goals are in the first place.

Well, the show isn't always very good at defining these but if I'm being generous, we'll go with: The idea that one shouldn't be ashamed for who they are.

The need for a space where you can feel safe and like yourself.

Self expression and self determination being the greatest virtues in both people and society.

As a base this isn't bad. The middle one is dangerous because it can very quickly become isolationist but they do all point in the same direction of a story that wants to make sure that 'the other' doesn't feel wrong simply for not conforming to what society expects of them. Whether this is stereotypes pushed upon them, anxieties over things like sexuality, generational gaps, etc. like that, there's PLENTY to explore. Even if you want to go less severe, there's just a lot of quirks, especially in modern society, that can lead to someone feeling fake or wrong or weird, including feeling like you lean too much on your own stereotype just because you genuinely like makeup or the like.

The problem for TOH becomes that only the more extreme version actually supports real, long term character arcs. Someone who is deeply entrenched in a toxic element of society figuring out ways to be themselves despite the prejudice before them. In the show, the only person who actually faces anything like this is Eda since the society of the Isles actually DOES push down on what she believes is her identity as a wild witch. Unfortunately, Eda's arc isn't about grappling with her position as a wild witch and how that separates her from the world and family but more about softening up, getting rid of the activities she used to love/kept her alive and becoming maternal rather than embracing the wild side that made her a wild witch in the first place.

In other words, her arc is about flipping her character around rather than about embracing who she is. Which, you know... Goes against the goals of the show.

Pretty much every arc is like this. Amity goes from being extremely driven about magic and caring about her future in this world, as well as having anxieties about her family to the point where she takes drastic action to get ahead... To caring only about her girlfriend and marginally about maybe keeping some okay relations with her family. Instead of any of her drive, intelligence, cunning, etc. like that being refined by smoothing out the rougher edges and realizing she shouldn't be cruel in order to succeed in her ambitions, her ambitions are blamed on someone else and otherwise her character entirely inverts for the sake of... Luz. Which, you know... Luz needing a maternal figure for her found family is much of why, in hindsight, it feels like Eda became motherly. For Luz.

Hunter becomes a soft boy because when he gets his staff back and reminds her that he is a loyal member of the EC, she disapproves. Hell, 90% of what Hunter ever does in the show is for someone else's approval or survival, with him even ending up following after an ancestor almost 1:1, making him probably the least self-accepting character in the entire cast. Lilith falls under similar issues. She was driven and even had appeared to have softened with age, wanting to usher in new witches into their best forms as part of her job, and then... She stops. She gives up on all of her ambitions besides a little bit of a grudge against someone else and is turned into a joke for the most part. Even her trauma is mocked which doesn't seem to have literally ever been something she would have accepted, young or old nor is it something a show about acceptance should include.

And you might notice that most of the problems for these characters I'm describing aren't for themselves. Solving them isn't about self actualization. At best, they are about getting out of shitty situations but you can do that without changing the core of the character. You can have Luz save someone from death but then have who they are reject Luz anyways because of her position in society. People are complex like that. After all, if you wish for acceptance for what you care about, you naturally have to extend that kindness to others and their interests (so long as those interests aren't hateful/harmful, etc. like that. Do not tolerate Nazis.)

Amity for example is at worst a bully. She isn't hateful, she's just mean as a function of how she sees EVERYONE as an enemy. A competitor who she needs to guard against. You can develop her, because not all development forms a character arc, into still being driven, still desiring to be better, but now she understands that she doesn't need to be an island. That she can drop her guard sometimes and when she needs to crush something, it's an actual enemy. Instead, her desires, beliefs, friends, family, etc. are all put to the pyre. They are not allowed to coexist with the 'correct' version of her, not without them having to also change in a similar manner to her. To a state that the show is willing to deem acceptable in a wider sense.

Why is that a thing in a show about self acceptance and realization? How is that self-expression or self-determination? How is that understanding?

And that's why I think in the end, The Owl House's character arcs hurt it more than anything else.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[undertheopensky]

Concealed

Whumptober Day 15: Suppressed Suffering

Characters: Four

Trigger warnings: Stab wound, blood, electrocution, violence to a child (if you personally consider Four a child)

Spoiler warnings: This is set in the TotK Hyrule, so there may be some environment-related spoilers!

Read on Ao3!

-----

Four huddles in a dark corner, nursing bruises and a new disdain for Wild’s ‘Yiga’ cult.

They definitely hadn’t been prepared to hold onto someone child-sized. Even at their tightest, it had only cost Four a little skin and some time to wriggle free of the manacles, and that gap above the door was clearly not supposed to be large enough to fit a whole person through. Sometimes, the side-effects of being immersed in Minish magic at such a young age came in handy.

Now, his main problem is just that they’re fucking everywhere.

We have got to help Wild clear some of these bastards out, Blue grumbles. I thought he said they were a splinter group?

Well they’re clearly a sizeable splinter group, says Vio, now shut up and let me focus. We have to time this just right.

Four waits for the guard to turn away from the tunnel he wants, and darts forward. He’s following the pull of fresh air, the sense of relief that is the earth spilling an opening to the outside world, rather than a map or empirical exploration. Which is great, because these tunnels are ridiculous, he’d get so lost doing that. It’s rooms upon rooms and tunnels that all look the same, except for however many fucking Yiga inhabit each one. He’d call it a miracle none of them have caught him yet, but they don’t seem… all that bright. He’d overheard a three-way argument on the best way to cook bananas, with a fourth person proudly chiming in about how the Hero had told him to try freezing them and they were amazing, only to get dogpiled by the others because when did you talk to the Hero?! Why didn’t you kill him?! “But banana ice cream!” they wailed from the bottom of the heap. “It’s so good, you have to try it!”

Blue in particular is offended they’d been captured by these guys, though Green is also not pleased.

All the wet stone and moss makes for slippery footing. It makes it even harder to get out without attracting attention, struggling not to flail or fall over or do anything attention grabbing.

This doesn’t seem very safe, Red muses. Four is climbing up a wall, very carefully choosing his grips and praying no one looks up.

Who the fuck even has a tunnel that people have to climb vertically?!

It doesn’t look like it was carved, says Green. Maybe it’s just the way the cave happened?

Ignoring all of them, Four peers over his shoulder as he nears the lip of the overhang to make sure no one can see him. Fortunately there’s a stack of crates in the way, so he climbs up using them as cover.

Look at all the moss on the stone, no one uses this as a regular path, Vio is arguing. At best it’s utilised for air ventilation.

I still think it’s fucking stupid to just have an open hole any idiot can fall down in your secret base!

“Maybe it’s how they weed out the stupidest,” Four mutters under his breath.

Red giggles guiltily.

The crates make a great but ultimately unnecessary barrier; no one’s in the room or any of the nearest corridors. Four creeps onwards. Distant laughter echoes; he can’t help tensing, despite knowing it’s just another card game. Identities hidden behind masks and magic, even their voices sound the same, and that eerily-similar laughter was the last thing he heard before waking up in a moss-covered cell. Some part of him still expects the cold touch of a blade or a hard fist to be waiting around every corner, punctuated by mocking laughter.

Four turns a corner and catches a glimpse of sunlight, a snatch of pine-scented air.

His heart leaps. The exit!

There’s no one along this stretch of tunnel, probably because of the small cliff he has to climb. Why bother guarding something no one will bother with, or will fall down like a blind idiot and then lie around moaning over their broken leg?

Blue’s annoying but he’s not wrong. The cliff is high enough to force Four to shove a crate up against it to climb onto first, since he isn’t Wild and can’t climb like a lizard with thumbs. They must not use this entrance much if there isn’t so much as a ladder for access. Goddess, he can see the sky from here, he can even see the castle.

Four takes the last few steps at a run, desperate to feel sunlight again -

Pain bursts in his side.

“Haha! So the great Hero thought he could sneak past me…”

The words fade into meaningless noise. Lost in static, Four staggers as the blade is yanked back. He nearly falls. Doesn’t, thanks to the combined efforts of the four screaming Colours in his head, pulling at every muscle to lock him in place until the dizziness hardens. One shaking hand comes up to cup the new wound, blood hot and wet and flooding his fingers.

The Yiga is just standing there, Four’s blood dripping off their wicked hooked blade.

He doesn’t stick around to see what their next move will be. He runs.

The steep grade of the path yanks gasping sobs from him with every agonising step. Even breathing hurts. It pulls at the new hole in his side every time he inhales. In his mind the Colours are a strained hum. They all experience the same pain, the same fear; all their words have fled in the face of it.

Instinct drags him towards the heavy shadows and reaching trees of the forest. Maybe it’s the promise of hiding places; maybe it’s the memory of the Minish Woods, a lifelong haven for them. Whatever the case, the dappled shadows and thick underbrush are a visceral relief.

…they should be hunting him by now. Even if that guard was too incompetent to call for backup, someone had to have found his empty cell.

He’s stumbling, dizzy with pain and shock. He needs to get away - needs to get enough distance - but he’s so slow right now there’s no way they won’t outpace him -

Voices. Loud, angry; the sound of metal on metal.

Out of time.

The tree is so ancient that its roots cradle empty hollows where the dirt of centuries has been washed away by rain. Four crawls into this empty space, burrowing into the thick carpet of leaves. He hopes the bright colours will disguise any blood that he gets on them in the process.

Burying his nose in musty dirt to hide his breath, he waits.

The voices come closer.

“- you kidding me?! In the time it took you to remember to do your rounds he could have made it off the Plateau entirely! He could be anywhere by now!”

“Aw, come off it, Marn! None of us thought the kid would get out of those chains!”

“Besides, I’ve been wanting to test this thing out!”

There’s a crackling sound Four is all-too familiar with. His eyes widen, and he shoves as much of his bracer-covered forearm in his mouth as he can manage before -

Thunder booms directly overhead.

Four feels it more than hears it. Ears ringing, brain whiting out, electricity dancing over his skin; the pain that had been radiating from his side is overridden by the lightning in every nerve screaming to life. It goes on, and on, and on -

Then it stops, just as suddenly as it started.

Four lies in the leaves, gulping air that burns, and knows he screamed through the makeshift gag. Can only pray it did enough, just as he can only pray no one was looking at this pile of leaves while his body thrashed and jerked. He’s in no condition to stand up, much less run, if the Yiga noticed him.

His ears still ring.

Through the buzz, he hears more shouting, but it takes a moment for the words to register. The Yiga are fighting - arguing, rather.

“Oam, what in the DAMNED HELL was that for?!”

“It’s lightning! If he was in range, he woulda gone down like a sack of rocks!”

“You idiot!” There’s the sound of someone being smacked upside the head. “There’s no way he’s still close enough! You just zapped all of us instead! And look, you called up a damn thunderstorm! Quick, everyone get inside!”

Four lies very very still in the fallen leaves, waiting for the footsteps to fade away.

Then he drags himself up, clamps a hand over the still-bleeding wound in his side, and starts to move.

[tsskyx]

"I want to travel. See new places, meet new people."

"But I don't like the people... I don't like... humans."

"For the longest time, I thought I was stuck."

"Stuck at the place I live at."

"It's not so bad here, to be honest."

"I've got good food, nice friends, a family... but I want to travel."

"With the help of an auspicious associate, I found a spark in me."

"The resolve to change fate, the power to reshape reality."

"Determination."

"I always thought this power was just about magic... or maybe time travel. But as it turns out, it also allows me to... visit places."

"So many... other places, other worlds..."

"There are monsters out there, new people I wish to meet..."

"And so I extend my arm, and let the blade cut through the fabric of reality. Ever so subtle, it opens up a new horizon to me, a new universe..."

"And I pass through."

Introducing the Traveler!Chara AU!

Okay, this is not an announcement of a series or a comic or anything. It's just a fancy crossover idea that I came up with about Undertale and His Dark Materials, particularly the way that parallel realities are represented and traveled between in that book series (though personally I haven't read them, I've only seen the TV show).

And as the above text implies, this Chara comes from a post-pacifist timeline (in which they lived), who wished to explore new worlds and meet new people. Not that they didn't love their home, but compared to the whole of humankind, their tiny corner of reality felt a little bit oppressive at times.

At first it was just a fleeting thought - what if there are other worlds, with other monster communities out there? How would they look like? And then, one day, it all became a reality. Taking an ordinary kitchen knife, using the power of determination (and with the help of a certain someone), they reforged it into something unique. The blade ceased to be physical, its very edge becoming infinitely sharp, enabling it to cut through the quantum mesh itself.

And as for Chara's outfit, I dunno what it's supposed to be exactly. I just felt like this sort of... steampunk-ish aviator-ish style would fit them here? I also can't draw that well and I envy the people who can, who have designed so many amazing out!code characters like Ink Sans, Core Frisk, etc. I tried to create something unique of my own, something that I myself could feel proud of. Not sure that I do yet, but creating these images certainly took a lot of effort.

Welp, that's my contribution to the 9/9 Chara birthday Tumblr day!

[beevean]

Your honest opinion of Sigma?

Boring.

It's funny how Sigma, who most likely was intended to be edgier and cooler and more morally complex than Wily, ended up being much more generic and forgettable than the goofy scientist who creates a Bubble Man and a Spring Man :P

I think the difference is that Wily has much more presence in the Classics, even in those that pretend to trick you that this time the villain will be different. Besides, even in those games, the only new character introduced was Cossack: MM5 has Protoman, and I doubt anyone believed that he'd be evil, and MM6 has Mr. X, which... yeah.

Sigma doesn't have this. From X2 to X7, with X5 being the major exception, the major antagonist is someone else, all with their solid motivations. You enter their bases, you fight their forces. And then fucking Sigma swoops in and steals the show without any buildup, or the worst foreshadowing known to man. It gets to a point where he gets the same treatment in X8, and instead of making people groan like Sonic fans used to do when Eggman got replaced, they celebrated it because FINALLY. (although even Lumine isn't best villain in this regard lol)

Sigma simply doesn't have personality or style. Wily wants to conquer the world to prove his genius, and in a story like the Classics, it's all you need. He's goofy, he's perpetually jealous, he's not above humiliating himself to run away, at one point he leaves the cure for the Roboenza behind to make things even, and we even get a honest glimpse on his past and what were his original plans. Sigma believes in Reploid superiority... at first. You'd be forgiven if you forgot about this because after the first game, my man is just evil for the sake of evil, the most generic "hahaha you will never defeat me" bad guy you can think of. Also I swear that none of his speeches are in any way memorable, except the one in X7 because of his voice and because he says things like "that's right folks!" and "I will make X and Zero mine!". Again, zero personality.

You'd think that the idea that he was infected by the virus Zero carried within him would make him more interesting, but no, not even The Days of Sigma properly explore this, one day Sigma is a honorable commander and the other he's sabotaging shit.

So yeah, I don't hate Sigma, he fills his purpose, but he's one of the weakest villains in the franchise for me, if not the weakest, because he doesn't fit the supposedly more complex tone of the X series. Fucking Serpent from ZX is more memorable than he is, because of that one scene where he bombs a whole highway that is given the gravitas it deserves.

[sighbergeist]

on Chipper

i was kind of a lonely boy growing up. i was painfully shy and reserved; sensitive, insecure. i never really felt like i fit in anywhere. and being raised catholic certainly didn’t help. i felt like i always had to play pretend in someone else’s skin. or maybe it was less of a desire to fit in and more of an urge born of a soon-to-be record-breaking people-pleasing streak. whatever. either way, i spent a lot of time alone in my own little world. it would have been all too easy for me to turn inward and begin the time-consuming task of self-destruction. but on christmas morning of 2001 (i was 3 going on 4), there came Ripley, the first of a trio of dogs that gave me the possibility to turn outward and create instead of destroy… but this isn't really about me. this is more like a snapshot of something beautiful and innocent in an effort to honor it. i do think i needed to write this, though.

the four of us — we’d run and explore and play make believe all day. kings, queens, knights, ninjas, pokémon, bakugan, my own “-mon” spin off i’d created. i’d write plays and make music videos starring them. the possibilities were endless. exploring forests until we found a road, sliding down the slide one after another, totally slaughtering bad guys, listening to me cry when i felt like i couldn’t to anyone else. i consider myself lucky. they were family to me. Ripley and Trooper left in 2018, and now, Chipper has left as well.

the final addition to the trio, she was this little Catahoula Leopard Dog pup in the corner of the pound on a spring day in 2009. and when she looked at me with her beautiful honey, sad puppy-dog eyes, i immediately spoke up and requested to meet her. her name was Chi — some hippies were moving and couldn’t take their few-month-old puppy with them so they dropped her off at the shelter. hearing that story made me sad, but i was much much happier. she was timid and reserved like me and i instantly made up my mind that she was the dog we’d take home. her shyness didn’t last and she blossomed into a larger-than-life personality. "Chipper" was very fitting.

she was hilarious. she couldn’t keep up with Trooper so she’d grab onto his tail and he’d drag her. she’d drink water by sticking her nose into the bowl and biting. she’d always be on the prowl to pounce on Trooper, so she’d run on top of my dad’s car to get a better view (which i remember having to help wax once - thanks a lot).

she was so goofy, but she was smart and loyal. she knew friend from foe. she was excited to meet every person invited into our home. she only bit someone once — a guy who was casing our house. he never came back. the ups driver also seemed to have a bad aura, but she never bit them. she was patient with the little dogs and would lie down to play at their level. she’d would watch over Ripley like a hawk, but in a lot of cases, he was watching out for her. one story in particular stands out: she was messing with the donkeys and they got tired of it, so they were chasing her—heads and ears down, hot on her tail, mad as hell like rent was due—out of the pasture. Ripley was watching from just beyond the fence the whole time and as the donkeys ran up to stomp her out, he let out the deepest bark i’d ever heard from him (a mini schnauzer). it was like a cartoonish hit-the-breaks moment for the donkeys and Chipper was able to slip under the fence just in time. she was mischievous and, as kiddo-me would say, a little bit ‘evil’ in the best way.

she was adventurous, full of character, beautiful, and spry (though, she was still rather clumsy and became a bit chonky in her later years). but above all, oh boy, was she good. all she ever wanted to do was please you and be near you. she loved so much with her whole wiggly body and wrinkly forehead. she was gentle, friendly, and affectionate. everyone who met her would say they wanted to take her home. some of my friends may know her as Amanda (idk why). she was my dad’s favorite (that’s a big deal). she had i swear to god, you couldn’t train a dog to be any sweeter, and that’s just how she was. she was the best girl…

it stings a little extra now that i am the last of the original crew. i feel this unfillable absence, a constant dull ache in some undefined cavity in my chest. and though my heart breaks and a heaviness pools at the bottom of my throat, i wouldn't trade it for the world because i consider myself lucky far more than i consider myself sad. i'm happy to have shared even a fraction of this little life with them.

today, i generally blanket reject religious institutions. i think my perspective on the cycle of life is probably best summed up by a combination of the first law of thermodynamics and reincarnation. but there is a part of me that remains spiritual. the same part of me that wants only to do good in this world, if only out of rapacity. i hold out belief that there is something beyond this because, selfishly, i want to run with them again. i want to be greeted in an empty cornfield on a perpetually sunny day, untouched by the years and aches that came. there is no doubt in my mind that my unending optimism that there is good in this scary world is because of those three and the moments we shared. all that youth and beauty and innocence and love won’t be wasted on me.

so, the trio is reunited. i hope i’ll join them one day, in some way or another. rest in peace, Chippie. i’ll miss you. i love you, good night. 🧡

to be loved...

is to be changed <3

Chipper Chica was loved so so so very much for 15 long years. we were so lucky.

[tuiyla]

I love all these discussions on sexuality in Yellowjacket because some are really obvious and some are obvious but mostly through symbolism. Personally I think Shauna is lesbian becuase honestly did she really look like she cared about men at all? Jeff was the closest thing she could get to being with Jackie ( someone on here and fics really get into it like she kisses the lips Jackie did etc) meanwhile Jackie I know people say lesbian but she seems bi to me she ( although I don’t know if I’m protecting because I’m bi 😂) she just didn’t seem to be disgusted with guys like Shauna

I have another ask about Shauna's (and Jackie's) sexuality so I guess I'll get into that whenever I stop avoiding that ask lol but just to reflect on your thoughts.

I personally don't see Shauna as a lesbian; I think she has a genuine attraction towards men but because she's The Most Girl to have ever girled she goes about it in a deeply messed up way. See both her relationships with men. Like, I do agree being with Jeff was largely about Jackie - and I think the beautiful mess of that is that it's much deeper than just being in love with Jackie. That's the beautiful mess of their entire friendship. That it's several different layers of fucked up and of deep devotion and of resentment and Jeff is the perfect conduit for that. And so fucking Jeff is as much about getting close to Jackie as it is also about sticking it to her and feeling superior. Part of it is kissing the lips Jackie kissed, yes, but it's also claiming something Jackie never thought Shauna could have. No one does it like these two codependent girlies.

But I also think Shauna does genuinely love Jeff. Idk about high school because we don't get enough of the flashbacks to really be able to know, and their marriage is as much about Jackie as the affair was, but Shauna loves Jeff and is attracted to him. I think Shauna is into men and she resented that Jackie viewed her as someone who couldn't get with "cool guys", only the Randys of the world. And Shauna was also genuinely into Adam - what he represented, sure, but also the sheer physicality of it all. I'm not one to ignore the call of a comphet queen, don't get me wrong, but to me Shauna doesn't give off those vibes. Bi, maybe, but as I'll most probably get into with the above-mentioned ask I'm also really not hell-bent on trying to put a label on Shauna's and Jackie's sexualities.

I will say that Jackie gives me more serious lesbian/comphet vibes than Shauna. I wouldn't necessarily say I see her as a lesbian, again I'm just not that into wanting to label the girl who died before she could ever explore herself, but I have written before about how a comphet interpretation is valid imo. The way I see it, Jackie saw heterosexuality as something to be performed as part of her intricate role, and it was ultimately something that got her killed, basically. And Shauna performs too, to a degree, because so much of what she does is directly informed by Jackie and living in her shadow and violently ripping herself away from it. But she also strikes me as the ch who actually is really into sex with men. Her disgust towards guys like Randy is more so her rejecting the narrative Jackie thought would fit her because it's condescending.

[mirkwoodsprinceofdoingtoomuch]

Nine part one

An hour later, there are several cartons of Chinese food and a PowerPoint cued up. The first slide says: SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION WITH FOREIGN MONARCHS: A GRAY AREA. Alex wonders if it’s too late to swan dive off the roof.

The next slide is titled: EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND? She apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles. Alex actively wishes for the sweet release of death.

“Here’s the thing. I know I put a lot on you. But I do it because I trust you. You’re a dumbass, but I trust you, and I trust your judgment. I promised you years ago I would never tell you to be anything you’re not. So I’m not gonna be the president or the mother who forbids you from seeing him.”

She takes another breath, waiting for Alex to nod that he understands.

“But,” she goes on, “this is a really, really big fucking deal. This is not just some person from class or some intern. You need to think really long and hard because you are putting yourself and your career and, above all, this campaign and this entire administration, in danger here. I know you’re young, but this is a forever decision. Even if you don’t stay with him forever, if people find out, that sticks with you forever. So you need to figure out if you feel forever about him. And if you don’t, you need to cut it the fuck out.”

Anyway, I found this part of a letter he wrote to Laurens, and it made me think of you. And me, I guess:

The truth is I am an unlucky honest man, that speak my sentiments to all and with emphasis. I say this to you because you know it and will not charge me with vanity. I hate Congress―I hate the army―I hate the world―I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you …

Thinking about history makes me wonder how I’ll fit into it one day, I guess. And you too. I kinda wish people still wrote like that.

History, huh? Bet we could make some.

Or are you suggesting you’d rather exchange passionate letters by candlelight?

Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?

I think perhaps Hamilton said it better in a letter to Eliza:

You engross my thoughts too entirely to allow me to think of any thing else―you not only employ my mind all day; but you intrude upon my sleep. I meet you in every dream―and when I wake I cannot close my eyes again for ruminating on your sweetness.

Even after all this, I still always feel like I want to know more of you. Does that sound crazy? I just sit here and wonder, who is this person who knows stuff about Hamilton and writes like this? Where does someone like that even come from? How was I so wrong?

It’s weird because I always know things about people, gut feelings that usually lead me in more or less the right direction. I do think I had a gut feeling with you, I just didn’t have what I needed in my head to understand it. But I kind of kept chasing it anyway, like I was just going blindly in a certain direction and hoping for the best. I guess that makes you the North Star?

I wanna see you again and soon. I keep reading that one paragraph over and over again s you know which one. I want you back here with me. I want your body and I want the rest of you too.

P.S. Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky―1958:

Tho I long for the actual sunlight contact between us I miss you like a home. Shine back honey & think of me.

If I’m north, I shudder to think where in God’s name we’re going.

So the Prince wore it, and for many years, he believed it was right.

Until he met the most devastatingly gorgeous peasant boy from a nearby village who said absolutely ghastly things to him that made him feel alive for the first time in years and who turned out to be the most mad sort of sorcerer, one who could conjure up things like gold and vodka shots and apricot tarts out of absolutely nothing, and the prince’s whole life went up in a puff of dazzling purple smoke, and the kingdom said, “I can’t believe we’re all so surprised.”

[horsegurltrainor]

I would love for some headcanons about Silver and Edith's relationship if you don't mind! I'd love to imagine them together more.

Ooo, okay! Sorry I took so long, but I had to refamiliarize myself with the character, as it's been a while since I thought about or written for her!

It's a lot so all you want is below the cut! 💝💖💕

Personalities: I think their personalities would fit very well, especially since Silver seems to become more attached to quirky individuals. I think Silver would appreciate Edith not being afraid to get dirty, and those two could potentially have a lot of fun together just going wild! Edith might present herself as more calm, and prefers to ignore or act dismissively towards other when confronted unfairly rather than start a fight, they are still very enthusiastic about their hobbies, and a friendly/cheerful individual that is easy to get along with.

I think Edith's mellowness doesn't come off as the judgmental kind of mellowness, but more of, an open-minded kind of mellowness that shows they love to listen to the people around them and love a good back and forth, which I think Silver would appreciate with his quick tongue and interest in discussing the people and things around him in a thoughtful manner. You can definitely see how Edith was inspired by her brother in that way.

Both Edith and Silver would be able to rant to each other about their more proper upbringing, and having that one familial figure that actually understood them and wanted them to be themselves. Edith had a kooky father, similar to the one in the movie Epic for those that have scene it, that gave Edith her love for exploration and learning! They're very cute together, I imagine, and still very close even though Edith has since moved in with Lacy.

Hobbies: Following up what I said above, I think Edith, however, could calm Silver down in a good way, thanks to her connection with nature. She loves feeling engrained in the world around her, and I've always thought was Silver needed was just to be allowed to roll around in the grass and feel the beauty of being free in the privacy of a beautiful forest. I actually headcanon Edith and Rocky would get along very well for this reason! Edith would also love to help Silver present as the man he wants to thanks to her knowledge of fashion.

On the other side of things, Silver could open Edith up to becoming more interested in less textbook like literature, and I think Edith would grow to love romance stories thanks to Silver's beautiful descriptions of them. Not to mention, I think Edith would love The Great Gatsby and its themes as much as Silver, after Silver helps Edith realize just how colorful text and metaphors can be!

Quirks: I think Silver could help Edith open up to being just a little more assertive. I also think it might take Silver a while to adjust to Edith's quirks, and Edith's to Silver's in turn, but, I think they'd both be very respectful of each other and willing to calmly explain their point of view or why they act the way they do to prevent the other from being hurt. They're both people pleasers and this would definitely effect their communication in the relationship. In this case it's for good, but, in other cases, they may be too polite with each other and need a third party (probably Edith's brother or Mordecai) to speak honestly and break down those barriers for them.

Crushes: I do think Edith and Silver might clash a bit in this area. Yes, as someone who is biologically female, like Silver, it is kind of a big deal she is going out with another woman. So, I think she might misunderstand Silver's individual struggles because Mordecai and him are straight presenting a a couple. I think Silver might have to take Edith down a peg a little and explain to Edith how bad it can feel to be mistaken as a heterometric couple and constantly denied the euphoria of being seen as a man.

I also think Lacy probably doesn't like Mordecai for the same reasons Mitzi is a bit weird about them. She probably views his behavior as creepy, and, being a bit of an avoidant individual, Edith might be inclined to agree. Even when Edith does meet Mordecai, she would probably misunderstand some of his behaviors.

I think getting Mordy and Edith to connect through some of their neurodivergent quirks (both being a bit particular about their environments, textures, and obsessing over certain topics) would make Edith realize that Mordecai doesn't mean any harm. He just has difficulties expressing himself, and she'd probably feel really bad for not realizing that earlier, to be honest.

I hope that answered your question! I would love for some input on Silver's side of things, especially with how he'd react to Lacy and the situation with Mordecai! 👍🏻😽 /p