#i really love discussing characterization and stuff like this :)

[rmbunnie]

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

[yaksha-lover]

Hi! Maybe strange question but you seem to have a good grasp on the boys’ personalities. I’ve been reading a lot of the yanderification of the TWST boys and started wondering which ones (if any) would be most likely to have what could be labeled “yandere” tendencies. Just seems like a fun train of thought to chase.

Do you have any thoughts on this? (Also sorry for the word salad.)

In my opinion, I think it’s pretty easy to twist most of their personalities to fit a yandere type, but as for who’s yandere characterizations are closest to their canon counterparts, I would say:

Malleus, I think is the obvious one. Although clearly I don’t think he’d be yandere in canon, it makes sense for him to have some clingy tendencies in a relationship, and an obsession with his romantic interest. It’s the whole ‘you’re the only person in the world who matters to me’ type trope, because of the social rejection and isolation he’s faced.

People usually take it two ways here, either a) very possessive and jealous or b) very protective. I tend to lean towards the second interpretation (although I love to explore the first one, the second is more canon to me). More ‘I would burn cities to protect you, move heaven and earth to make you happy’ than ‘I want to keep you locked up here all to myself, you belong to me.’ So yes, a yandere Malleus may kidnap you, but only to keep you ‘safe.’ He’s also not as emotionally immature as I think he’s sometimes characterized as (although I’m probably also guilty of this). He’s not really the type to force someone to love him, imo, because he wants it to be genuine (his insecurity stems from an inability to be accepted so forcing it wouldn’t truly fulfill that desire to be loved and validated).

Rook, I think also makes sense, but it’s hard to say because most of the time a lot of his characterization is just played for jokes. Like the whole ‘he’s a stalker, he knows a lot about everyone, others get unnerved by him, etc.’ It’s meant to be funny, but if we take it seriously then we could probably jump to some interesting conclusions about Rook. Also, combined with that ghost bride line about him ‘never letting his beloved go’ -

He seems the type to get fixated on some object of beauty, and I could see that developing into a yandere-like obsession. Maybe if he finally finds the one thing - or person - who he thinks is the true pinnacle of art and beauty, what he’s been searching for all along. Initial stalking to learn more about his interest, some uncomfortable attempts at closeness because he knows everything about them and they know nothing about him. Divided between showing his beloved off to the world and keeping them all nice and pretty for his own enjoyment - the only one who can truly appreciate their beauty. Also, once he’s felt the experience of love, I doubt he’d ever want to live without it. Maybe that’s the ‘true’ beauty of life to him, even.

Jamil is just so apathetic that if he ever did fall for someone, I can’t see him ever giving them up if he can help it. Also, we’ve seen in canon that Jamil isn’t above doing mildly bad things for self-serving interests (think masquerade with ruggie, manipulating the oblivious students).

He just wants something nice and soft for himself. Is that so much to ask for, after all he’s been through? Jamil is never allowed to have anything, nothing that Kalim doesn’t. It’s no wonder he’d cling to the only sweet thing he can get his hands on, something just for him. Even if you’re frustrated with him, even if you get tired of him, he isn’t so willing to just let you go. He deserves something nice like you, and you’ll be happy with him, even if you might need a ‘charming’ reminder of it sometimes.

Lastly, Jade and Floyd are popular yanderes to write for a reason. They both already have so much inexplicably unhinged energy even compared to the rest of the cast (other than maybe Rook). Jade seems so cold and apathetic, while putting on a mask of care. Floyd doesn’t really care to do so, wearing his many moods on his sleeve. But they’re still two sides of the same coin; they’re used to getting whatever they want, often by questionable means.

They also seem like they would be pretty possessive, even if it comes out in different ways. Jade and Floyd may be good at sharing with each other, but they’ve never been good at sharing with anyone else. Floyd will show you (and whoever thinks it’s okay to encroach on his partner) how upset he is by this particular development. I doubt you’d want to keep it up when he threatens your friends that get a little too close. Jade is different; the same annoyance and possessiveness still burns him, but he has a little more patience than Floyd. He isn’t willing to start any fights. Jade prefers not to get his hands dirty, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other tactics to scare away anyone who tries to flirt with you.

[sabertoothwalrus]

I probably missed it, but what IS your favourite Dungeon Meshi ship?

WELL SINCE YOU ASKED, I have a chart already hdhshdh

1) Farcille is my number one!!! I wish I’ve drawn more of them, but most of my ideas for them are longggg and angsty and take a lot more mental bandwith. I’ve said before, I approach comics like I’m pitching an idea, and I mostly* agree with people’s depictions of them, so I have less to say.

*I say mostly because I cannot stand when people depict Falin as possessive, or disregard her characterization to give her generic dommy alpha monster traits hdhshdjs NOT THAT IT’S BAD it just doesn’t feel true to her character. I find myself bored by it.

I’m also put off by some of the folks I’ve seen in the farcille tags. They’re like,,, cliquey?? There was a point where people were dunking on mlm ships that came off borderline terfy, as if most of the dungeon meshi mlm shippers aren’t transmascs and lesbians?? I wasn’t a fan of the hostility like lmao it’s cartoons man

2) labru……… I love them….. mostly just post-canon. I really love Kabru (I think he’s my favorite character overall) and I loveeee the poetry of their individual character arcs and how well they play together. Guy who struggles to be honest, even with his own feelings vs Guy who doesn’t even consider being anything except honest. Kabru needing to carefully, painstakingly craft a mask tailored to each individual he interacts with, vs Laios, who is the only one to make all of Kabru’s masks fall apart. Also I think they’re kinda aro about it. They’re really good t4t flavored too.

The main appeal is post-canon. The King and his advisor. His right hand man. But it’s also the way like,,, Laios is DEFINITELY not the one in charge in their relationship dhshshsh (and this is what peeves me about how @myszkaa’s labru comic got memed to hell and back…. they don’t understand the later of comedy is from the KING asking for PRAISE from his SUBORDINATE!!!)

I will say!! This ship has a lot of folks with good takes on it, but it’s not immune to flanderization and boring yaoification. It’s popular enough that there’s enough of the good stuff.

3) chilshi!! I’ll admit this one has less canon validation hdhshsh but I think they have a lot of post-canon potential, and I think their difference in lifespans + the contrast in their lifestyle habits is really interesting and directly addresses a lot of the Dungeon Meshi’s core themes.

Part of the reason I like hanging out with chilshi shippers is cause most of em are chill, more nuanced in discussions, and are actually willing to draw fat & hairy people. And middle aged people.

special mention Kabumisu. I WISH I LIKED THIS ONE MORE!! I’ve tried,,,, I see the potential but I’m so picky about it and most of the content for it does absolutely nothing for me 🙈

Another thing is I HAVE to be able to like a pairing platonically to ship them romantically. Obviously shipping isn’t the only thing that matters to be about dungeon meshi.

I could say a lot more. Feel free to ask about my thoughts 👍

[elmonstro]

Hahahaha! Love it, thank you! 😍🤣 All the bickering!!!!! He put googly eyes on his cathetometer, amazing

Percy: Damn bitch you live like this??

Can I ask for 17. noticing their individual quirks from the blossoming romance prompt list with Simpatico? <3

WHAT A COINCIDENCE THAT I STARTED REWRITING LIKE 3 HOURS BEFORE I SAY THE POST ABOUT YOUR BIRTHDAY!! Anyways, Happy Belated Birthday!!! Enjoy some simpatico nonsense:)

Ao3 Link Here

Perceptor narrowed his optics down at the pile of clutter before him. Clutter was a kind, professional, polite way of describing explosive havoc of disorder and chaos that made up the dimensions of Brainstorm’s desk. Disgusting was another word that came to mind. 

::How do you live like this?::  

::Oh please, let’s not exaggerate. It’s not that bad.:: came Brainstorm’s groan. 

It was not an exaggeration. If anything, it was an understatement. 

Perceptor’s internal processors had a difficult time distinguishing just what exactly he was looking at. The only way to actually piece through what was on the desk was to deconstruct it layer by layer. A cross-section analysis.

The bottom-most layer- the foundation, if you will -were dried dribbles of fuel intermingled with a noxious dusting of sentiment and dirt. One of Perceptor’s background scanners identified a cluster of granulated particles to be aged candied energon treat crumbs. An entire rust strick made the foundation brick, its sticky residue gluing it to the hard surface of the desk. Perceptor idly pondered if its removal would cause the entire system to fall apart. And while his internal protocols desperately would like the area cleaned, organized and sanitary, he was not willing to find out if his hypothesis was correct. 

Cemented to this foundational core layer was the secondary mantle layer. This, from what Perceptor could read, was a scattering of notes all in Brainstorm’s sloppy, near illegible scribble. Tattered napkin bits from Swerve’s and printed notices from Ultra Magnus acted as the canvas for dynamic invention designs, schematics and impossible (and implausible) equations with attached nonsensical theorems. Several datapads acted as structural weights. When flicked on, Perceptor wasn’t sure if he felt amusement, exasperation or a sickly, prickling bashfulness in seeing several of his academic research papers and studies riddled with extensive notes, doodles and elaborations from Brainstorm. 

It didn’t take away from the utter disaster that was Brainstorm’s work space but it did soften the blow. Still, Perceptor would prefer if his research wasn’t adding to the disgusting catastrophe that made up Brainstorm’s desk. Perhaps a bookshelf or three would greatly benefit organization.

Level three- the crust -was as troublesome as the other two layers of clutter, if not more prone to disaster by their fragile and incongruous shapes. Trinkets , Brainstorm affectionately called them. Garbage , Perceptor was more keen on describing. In truth, they probably served best as paperweights, however haphazardly placed they were. 

The sentimentality was not missed on Perceptor and a part of him could even find the collection charming. Endearing. 

Perceptor had bared witness to the slow accumulation over the course of the Lost Light’s journey but had never really taken the time to truly examine them. Now he did, his optics scanning over the seemingly random series of objects: little samples of rock, crystal, fossil collected on pit-stop planets, a Rodi-Star for Temporal Excellence half hanging off the desk, a cluster of thumb drive stocked with films, music, and other media either gifted or stolen from Rewind- Perceptor was still not sure. Little gadgets and doodles from Nautica were in abundance and horrible tiny contractions built by Whirl intermingled with them. There was even a small toy-like bauble on the corner of his desk from Chromedome, Perceptor had been present when the Mnemosurgeon had left it there and Brainstorm never moved it, simply fiddled with it absentmindedly while mulling over his work before throwing it back to the corner of his desk.

All these items, papers and dirt and yet Perceptor still did not actually find what he was looking for. 

With a heavy sign, Perceptor responded to the insisting ping in his comms. 

::How do you expect me to find anything on your desk?:: 

Brainstorm’s response was bitingly quick. ::What are you talking about? Everything is organized!::

::It’s garbage, Brainstorm.::

::Use that brilliant mind of yours and you’ll see everything has a purpose.::

::What purpose do Ultra Magnus’s cease orders from 28 cycles ago have?:: Perceptor didn’t dare touch the fragile, lopsided stack in fear of it tumbling down and only adding to the mess. 

::They are counterbalances. Don’t move them or the desk will collapse.:: Perceptor had no doubt in the truth of that statement even if its intent was a joke.

::We are cleaning this when you return to the ship.::

::It doesn’t need any cleaning! I know where everything is!:

Perceptor let out a derisive snort. He could picture perfectly the little fluttering of Brainstorm’s ailerons, his hands moving in frustration. 

::The tell me where your cathetometer is.::

It was the reason for this call in the first place. For rare occasion, Perceptor had the lab to himself with Brainstorm accompanying Rodimus’s small expedition team. It’s not Perceptor’s fault his colleague forgot his equipment but he was not about to be a complete aft in not assisting. He just wasn’t going to personally dig through Brainstorm’s garbage heap of a desk alone. 

::Hmm, if you don’t see it in top it’s probably in one of the drawers.::

Perceptor rounded the desk to see six drawers lining the sides of the desk with three on each side. 

::Which one?::

::The left side. I keep the important stuff there.::

Perceptor raised an optic ridge and couldn’t help but ask ::And what do you keep on the right?::

::Come on Percy, let me have a little mystery, a touch in intrigue.::

::Nevermind, I don’t want to know.::

Perceptor didn’t need to be present to know Brainstorm was pouting, blast mask intact or not. Even hundreds of meters between them and Perceptor knew a pouting, sulking Brainstorm anywhere. 

::You’re no fun.::

::Yes I am.:: Perceptor replied back as he started with the top drawer, pulling it open only to find it crammed to the brim with even more data pads. All of them pressed together to a block so not even a tiny piece of dust could enter. Perceptor slammed the drawer shut. ::How do you live like this?:: he found himself reiterating. 

::Oh, not fun loving Perceptor still complaining about my desk. Is that fun? Cleaning and organizing?::

::You’re a scientist. How do you find anything in this?::

::Tell me how you are fun in explicit detail and I’ll tell you my organizational strategies. We can make a date of it.::

Perceptor snorted as he opened the second drawer. This was filled with several instruments and after some careful digging, he found the cathetometer . ::We can clean your desk together.::

::You must be a hit at the club, Percy. Really. Absolute stud. What moves do you have? The pencil sharpener? The label maker? The file organizer? Actually, you can’t claim that one. Minimus invented and perfected that one. ::

Perceptor could have told Brainstorm at any moment that he had found what the other mech was looking for but, he held onto the tool for a moment, softly smiling to himself as Brainstorm rambled insults to him. It shouldn’t be charming, it shouldn’t be amusing, it shouldn’t bubble up any sort of affection. And yet. 

::I’ve seen you dance, Brainstorm. I wouldn’t speak so confidentially with what you’ve demonstrated.::

::Are you saying Minimus is a better dancer than me? Because you surely can be saying that you are a better dancer. I mean, I think you’ll fall apart if you stepped foot on the dance floor.::

::It hasn’t happened yet.::

::When have you been dancing at Swerve’s? Before or after you deep clean and detail your desk every day?::

::Funny.::

Without even thinking about it, Perceptor opened the third drawer. He stopped as it slid open, its few contents rocking in the sway. Recognition lit his processor in a warm, shy heat.

::I’m hilarious. So funny and smart and amazing and talented and resourceful. Speaking of resourceful…did you find the my cathetometer yet? I put googly eyes on it. For personality. Can’t miss it.::

Perceptor felt the warmth spread across his faceplates. ::I did.::

::Oh Percy, I could kiss you. Tailgate is almost back at the ship if you can give it to him. The mods to his hoverboard make him almost as fast as Rodimus. He’s pissed. Anyways I told you it would be easy to find. All my important stuff is.::

Perceptor barely heard a word of what Brainstorm said. Only sending back a short affirmative as he stared at the drawer. 

::Perceptor? You alright?::

With a sharp invent, Perceptor closed the drawer shut firmly. 

::Perfectly fine. I’ll be ready to pass it off to Tailgate. I’m clearing your schedule for the next cycle. We are cleaning your desk. I can’t work knowing you are working like this.::

::Percy! It’s fine. I don’t need your shitty excuse for a date-::

::It’s not a date.:: Perceptor swiftly cut off. ::This is a work hazard that is being remedied immediately.::

Brainstorm’s response was muted, delayed. ::Okay, okay. We’ll clean it up. I’m sure you’ll have a checklist and everything.::

Perceptor let a small smile come to his face even though he could hear the telltale rumbling of Tailgate’s juiced up hoverboard. ::Of course. You shouldn’t expect anything less from me. If you manage to get it done by shift’s end, I’ll buy you a drink. Maybe if you are lucky, we can dance.::

Brainstorm’s next several responses were streams of incoherent stutters that formed a very excitable agreement. Perceptor didn’t feel the need to continue the chatter as he passed over the tool to Tailgate who only gave him a slightly confused look at his smile. Perceptor didn’t care, not when he knew what lay at the bottom of Brainstorm’s important drawer. 

Sentimental fool.  

[jesncin]

Okay, I'll bite, what are your feelings on the trans conner pitch?

Oh boy! Thank you for tossing me this bone because I have a lot of mixed feelings!

I notice that people online are very hot and cold about the Trans Superboy Pitch, they either love it or hate it and that doesn't leave a lot of room for nuance + discussion. So to be respectful to a fellow trans peer in the industry, I want to do a fair review/analysis of Skyrocket: the trans Conner Kent pitch by Magdalene Visaggio.

My general takeaway from the pitch is that I like the premise, but the details fumble the execution for me. I can really feel from reading the pitch that Visaggio cares about Superboy. She understands that he's a very weird legacy character who has struggled to find proper footing in the DC Universe after all these years. An effective legacy character is one who is able to spin off and expand upon the themes of the character whose mantle they carry. But the cheesy whatever-goes 90's-ness of Superboy's original run didn't give future writers a lot to work with in terms of a Superman Legacy Character.

It's why I genuinely believe the later retcon reveal that -part of Conner's DNA is from Lex Luthor- is a fantastic addition to his character. It takes a character who was just kind of screwing off to gentrify Hawaii back into the center of Superman's good vs evil conflict. But now Conner's problem is that his story is too tied to his origin and Superman's shadow. Placing Conner with the Kents in Smallville afterwards made him narratively redundant. What's next for him?

So let's dig into the pitch!

I like what's at the heart of this pitch. It's a very season-3-ATLA-Zuko "honor wasn't all it's cracked up to be" arc and I think that suits Conner's character really well! It's the details I have gripes with:

"Conner has been largely relegated to the Jason Todd of the Superfamily" oof, haha that's not a particularly fair characterization.

The constant comparing of Superman to Christian imagery. He's described as basically "Jesus goddamn Christ" in the pitch. The Tyrannical Kryptonians are named Saint, Shepherd and Savior. No surprise I don't like seeing a character who allegorically represented Jewish immigrants to be constantly compared to Christian imagery and deified.

It's inevitable with pitching to the company, but the pitch is bogged down by a lot of convoluted plot points. I get that it's necessary to pitch event tie-ins and universe hopping shenanigans, but it's a lot.

Leland feels like a plot device in this. I'm sure there were plans to flesh out the brotherly clone relationship between him and Conner so that he can feel like his own character, but from the summary he just kind of revolves around Conner the way the pitch describes Conner revolving around Superman. Oops!

Conner's relation to Luthor and Superman works as a story about legacy, bloodlines and the things parents pass down to their kids. It's best when handled thematically and not literally because it's easy to get into essentialist "good genes" vs "evil genes" near-eugenics talking points. Unfortunately this pitch has a lot of that vibe. Leland has more Lex genes so he's super smart. Conner and Leland are able to start a schism in the Future Tyrannical Kryptonian House by "proving their truer genetic link to the original Superman, unsullied by thousands of years of tinkering" thereby gaining allies. Not great!

The part where Conner wants to find "his own Metropolis" by moving to Dripping Springs, Texas. That's Jinny Hex's field of operations, so is it really his own space? I would've just given Conner a new town so he can better stand on his own and build out a unique cast system.

Okay let's talk about the trans stuff!

I get that it makes for an Iconic Visual Superhero Moment, but I really don't like the part where Conner steps through a magical crystal and pops out the other side as a trans woman. It robs her of having that discovery on her own. The pitch says "I believe that this is as natural a move as Iceman's coming out". And just?? Man, remember when Jean Grey read Iceman Bobby Drake's mind and robbed him of his agency by outing him through that invasion of privacy? For a pitch all about Conner's journey of defining herself, it weirdly robbed her of that moment.

The pitch does such a good job talking about how Conner feels like her whole life revolves around Superman and how pointless wanting to be Superman feels now that Jon Kent has taken the mantle. She has Clark's genes, goes to Clark's hometown school, is raised by Clark's parents and all that. So then why is she eventually named after the women in Clark's life? Constance "Connie" Lara Kent. Clark's Kryptonian mom and human grandma? Was the world so small that she could not name herself after anyone else or come up with a new name? Connie doesn't even get to name herself, her new name is one Martha Kent bestows her with. It's hypocritical, and doesn't have the same impact that Superman giving Superboy a Kryptonian name does.

Speaking of which, this right here is my biggest gripe. It's not in the pitch itself but?? Wait- why go on about how Conner deserves a name that's not given to her and then turn around and make Martha name her? Sure, Connie comes up with the superhero name "Skyrocket" herself but surely she also deserves to name herself considering the thesis the pitch built up about self discovery and agency right?

Also with all due respect, this is the whitest queer take on Conner's identity. I wish white trans people could understand that you can have multiple true names that reflect different parts of you.

When Clark gives Superboy the name "Kon-El" it matters that it's given. It ties so well to the idea of familial acceptance into a nearly-extinct culture. You wouldn't know how to reclaim that part of your identity when that culture's been wiped out, so of course it's an honor to be trusted with a name that preserves Krypton's culture. This is a common practice with diaspora reclaiming cultural names from closed cultures, they are gifted their names by someone more culturally connected. I think the pitch having Martha name Connie is trying to echo this, but it doesn't hit the same without that cultural context. It also undercuts the genuine joy Conner felt from finally having a name he truly identifies with. Conner was only ever referred to as Superboy before then. When Clark gives him the name Kon El, Conner cries out that Kon El is his "real name". It's one of his defining moments, and to have that be diminished by saying "It's still a name someone else gave him" is so disappointing.

Then there's the design.

This is gonna lean more into preference, but I'm not the biggest fan of this design! I get what it's going for but it has too much going on everywhere. It also doesn't have that proto-punk look original Conner had, so it ends up not feeling like him. It's too superhero, and not enough casual-wear-on-a-supersuit that Conner sports really well. I see how it fits in with the everyone-in-Superfam-is-wearing-jackets-era, but I also think those new designs don't look good either. Especially Supergirl's. I feel like Conner should be more punk post transition. No respectability beam for her!

Also the name Skyrocket? It's giving knock off-brand toy vibes to me I'm sorry D: People on twidder suggested Supernova and that sounds way better! Even Visaggio stated she prefers that name so you can't be mad at me for this.

Overall big conclusion feelings!

I've been following Visaggio's work for a while because it's awesome seeing trans people getting picked up in comics. While there are some things about her writing I like, for the most part I've felt like her work isn't my cup of tea. I tried reading up a bunch of interviews she's in to try to understand why her writing wasn't clicking with me, and what I discovered is that we have fundamentally different approaches to queer storytelling.

From Paste Magazine. I get where she's coming from, trans characters deserve to have multi-faceted narratives that don't overly center how they're othered at the expense of further characterization. But also? I just actually find the interior lives of queer people and identity interesting. I like writing the kind of escapism and joy that's informed by surviving and inheriting hardships rather than erasing those things or skipping past it. I think this is why Connie is robbed of her trans discovery in the pitch. Why we don't get to watch her grapple with gender identity in a political way. Queer stories about queer struggles are considered archaic and unnecessary nowadays. It's part of the escapism Visaggio values in her work; to give a place of respite for trans readers from the cruelty they experience in reality, but I don't connect to stories like that personally. Whenever I try to share queer Indonesian art and writing with my peers, I'm often told it's too painful to look at. That our pain doesn't fit the modern expectation for happy, empowering queer stories. "trans people get enough hardships in real life, they don't need that in their fiction" Visaggio still talks about her newest projects like this btw.

I'd love to see a take on Conner that more holistically continues the political immigrant themes of Superman. The white parts of fandom love interpreting Conner's identity crisis as primarily a queer struggle, but it's also one of a person grappling with his mixed heritage. He's a diaspora kid separated by a generation away from Krypton. He has yet to make peace with the Luthor side of his identity, one borne of generational trauma and resentment for one's roots. Instead of a take where his queerness separates him from the pressures of legacy, I want to see a Conner take that has themes that are intersectional about his mixed diaspora and queer identity. I want his superficial punk aesthetic to graduate into actual punk ideals. The anti-establishment and radical love philosophies of punk culture would make such a cool extension of Superman themes and it would make so much sense that someone facing so many intersections of marginalization would be radicalized from their experience. I want a queer Conner who isn't just empowering and idealistic, I want one that also gives space for queer readers to feel like their pain is seen too. Conner isn't "Truth, Justice and the American Way" he's famously "Truth, Justice, My Way".

There's a tendency in media criticism to treat marginalized talent as infallible, and I don't think that fair to creatives like Visaggio. Being able to look at their ideas with nuance instead of essentializing it as being Good or Trash is the best way to respect diverse creativity. And my nuanced feelings are that a white queer person who looks at Conner's story and just sees the queer part and dismisses the diaspora mixed heritage side of him,,, is not going to give me the Conner story I want to see.

[genericpuff]

I caught up with LR and I love Hades freaking out over liking Persephone and trying to find reasons to stop but it makes me really sad because he's so unused to happiness and kindness that he freaks out over the first signs of both. Part of what drew me to LO at first was the journey Hades went through, going from miserable and pushing away anything that made him happy to accepting that he can be happy and it's okay. I'm glad that's showing up here as well and I can't wait to see where you take Hades' character growth.

I really love all the characters in LR. More fleshed out than LO, more accurate to the myths and character stereotypes they fall into. Hera certainly acts more like royalty, Hestia seems genuinely kind, stuff like that. I like the story line better and I like how Apollo is characterized so far. The build up in Kore and Apollo's relationship is done so much better than LO and I can't wait to see where you take the relationship.

It looks like I can leave comments on Dillyhub. Is that where you prefer to get positive feed back or do you prefer asks like this?

Aw thanks so much! Writing Hades is definitely fun, I know all too well that feeling of arguing with your own emotions, especially when it's concerning matters of the heart, so writing Hades' own struggles and perspectives in that way is very entertaining. I also personally just love writing male characters with Big Feelings(tm) regardless of whether or not they're capable of communicating those feelings (Hades definitely isn't there yet LOL) Guys are capable of feeling giddy / bashful / emotionally overwhelmed too and I feel like we don't see that enough in a lot of romance stories these days. He's got a lot to unpack but we're taking it slow so that neither he nor the audience get overwhelmed LOL All in due time though !!!

To answer your closing question - I'm usually checking notifications at least a couple times a day on Tumblr, reddit, and Dillyhub, so honestly, where you want to leave feedback or your theories / ideas / speculation / etc. is completely up to you! There are a variety of ways to interact with my work, either directly through the comment section on either Tumblr or DH, or indirectly through the #lore rekindled hashtag or the /r/LoreOlympusRekindled subreddit ! (which exists now thanks to some very cool fans!) We also have a community Discord if you want to discuss your theories 'n such with other readers 🤗💖

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Because it's been a while since any of these have been around

APPRECIATION POST

@loosesodamarble - You are one of my fandom wives, and I couldn't be happier about it. I love your OCs who are complex and deep, and they explore very humane emotions and wishes (such as locking emotions away after a loss), and combine into a world that both fits so well into existing canon, and expands on it in a very natural manner. On top of that, we get scrumptious pieces of meta and japanese language tidbits, for which I am ever so grateful. I'm overjoyed to be able to call you as not only a mutual, but as a friend

@lyranova - You are also one of my fandom wives and oldest friends here. You have written, what I dare say, is one of The most popular fics in the fandom, but you also have wonderful OCs, with which I love playing during out metaphorical 2D doll play-sessions. I know that over the years there have been a lot of emotions, both for good and bad, but I think that is just how life works. And I am beyond grateful that we've stayed friends throughout all the storms in our lives, and continue to be friends in the future. I am also very proud to call you not only a mutual, but a friend too

@koneko-pi - Third fandom wife! I know we haven't been in contact for as long, which is... over a year still at this point XD And dare I say I was surprised to get a DM on IG from you because I admired your art a lot, so... what can I say? I was just perplexed to see you in my DMs. And it was more than apparent that you are an absolute sweetheart, and I cherish your presence in my life. Even if such things as work dare interfere in having fun times. Also the memory of you saying "I am the floridan man" is inscribed into my brain (affectionate). You are a fey creature to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You are an equally valued friend

@wildflowerwoodsworld - I hope that I've at least implied by now that you are a force of nature, and very brave. I feel like I can be honest with my opinions with you, and I value someone with strong opinions in my life. Like, even if we wouldn't agree on something, we can still manoeuvre around the discussion. Your input into the fandom is also notable, in the form of fanfic, theories, and rants; but also, I adore Lia. She is a rascal, and that is what makes her so great. (And I still find myself giggling over a lot of the stuff that has happened in our dnd campaign, for which the credit should be divided equally among all the players, but you are a vital part of that group). Also, I find your characterizations to be peak

@acacia-may - I know that due to irl, you haven't been around much, but I wanted to take this opportunity to send out my gratitude for you; someone who takes so much time in exploring the platonic relationships of BC, which is an important component of BC at large. And you are an absolute sweetheart as well

@kalolasfantasyworld - My 4th fandom wife in the making? (*holds out a ringbox*) I'm still surprised about being the first to talk to you, because like... I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first to see or rb your art? I feel like the pieces had circulated a bit before that at least? But still, I am so happy to have you in my life. I'm not sure how exactly to put it into words, but I feel like we understand each other. And being able to complain over school (and speak latin to you :P ) is just an added bonus. I am really happy to have you as a friend. Simple as that. I value your presence in my life so much

@faewraithsworld - I love Acy! That probably shouldn't be my first thought, but that's the thing that got us connected. So, perhaps appreciating the OC that connected us is alright XD You also are just an absolute doll, and I love having you in my life. Even if life keeps both of us busy too, and the interactions are scarce

@t-f-t - Can I just say that I love the fandom discussions with you? Like they tickle my brain in a nice way? Again, while we might not agree, we get a good discussion out of it, and to me that's much more valuable than agreeing (especially on the spot), because it's a way of widening one's view to things. Also, holy damn your backbone, because of things, and the BCM project T-T

@funky-sea-cryptid - You are adorable, and I feel you to be a little bit of a silly gremlin (affectionate). And I love the fics and the art and the generally just good vibes you bring into this corner of the fandom. If I had to write your blog slogan in 6 words, it'd be "write fic, do art, love WIFE" <3

@purpled-royalty - I am incredibly happy to have you around in my circles. And even though we've only recently started talking, I feel like I can be genuine with you, and that we both are on the same wavelength regarding time and effort. Like, even when we go back and forth about our OCs' stories and characterizations, I don't feel pressure to reply instantly, y'know? You just have this way of feeling... Idk if "soothing" is the right word here, but something along the lines ^^' I value your presence ~

@the-black-bulls - You are one of the fandom olds, and I appreciate immensely that you've stuck around throughout all these years Cy. And that you keep your blog alive even due to irl. I wish only good things to you, and clear skies in the future

@yellowgreendinno - I love your energy Ginny! You keep things light, and bring just a dash of bright yellow into this corner of Tumblr~

@yukiblob - Your art is so tasty! They really are paintings, and I think your style is very unique~

@valtoswife - A lot of great art has crossed my dash because of you, and I am so happy that it has. So, I appreciate your presence here as well~

@cringeyvanillamilk - I know you're not around as much anymore as you used to either, but over the years you've contributed to the fandom so much, and the Fuegoleon plushy comic is still one of my favourites. So, I wanted to take this time to express my gratitude

@crazycookiemaniac - You are an absolute sweetheart, and you've also contributed to the fandom so much over the years. And you've made one of the best known art pieces, or so I think, which would be the Magna comic where he's giving a supportive message. So, thank you for being here~

@artificialpillow - I know we haven't yet interacted much, on Tumblr at least, but you're adorable, and I'm happy to have you join in on the fun <3 Also Eloise is so cute~

@f-oighear - I wish I had your organization skills and ability to write such good commentary. Like I feel that your fics are always outlines, they come timely, and you are also very structured in your feedback. And you've given the fandom The Nozessa fic, so that definitely is a feat as well ^^

[therealvinelle]

From what I can tell, in the actual books there's just one line from Sirius saying Alphard left him some gold, and not much other canon mention of him. How did Alphard become such a big character in your fics/Tom Riddle's love interest?

You know, that's a very good question.

The true and full story behind how Alphard Black became an important character in our fics is laden with a lot of spoilers and back-and-forth, though I will say it wouldn't have happened at all if @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin hadn't already used him in When Harry Met Tom. When we later then needed to add a character for The Man Who Would Be King, Alphard's name lent itself easily and on discussion we found he was the only that really fit the role we needed a character to play. He went on to become a surprisingly large part of secret fic, now we've imprinted on him like baby ducks and he's in everything.

So, what makes Alphard Black so fitting for what we need him to be?

We have little to go on from canon, but compared to some of the other characters fandom has decided on characterisation for, we at least have something to go on when we make stuff up. Oh, we have to conjecture, fabricate, and headcanon away, and for every possible Alphard Black we draft up someone could have used those same clues to create a different Alphard, but we would both be following certain constraints.

By contrast, characters like Alice Longbottom or Abraxas Malfoy have very strong fanon characterizations, a lot read into them, but I'd argue we have just as much, if not slightly more, to go on with Alphard Black.

With that said, here is the information we have on Alphard and how Muffin and I used every bit of it to make up as much as we could.

Teen pregnancy 1.0: Pollux edition

Alphard's sister was born when their father Pollux Black was twelve, and his father married her mother. Going by his young age, I assume this was so Walburga wouldn't be a bastard. Walburga, by her painting's ravings, appears to have spent all her life in 13 Grimmauld Place, she feels a connection to "the house of my fathers" and always had a strong sense of Black identity she tried to pass on to her sons: I think it's a very fair assumption that the Blacks raised the baby, and not her mother's family (as her mother would have been in Hogwarts as well or else a statutory rapist, either case spells a grim homelife for Walburga).

Now, Alphard's birthdate is unknown since he's struck off the family tree, but it was sometime between 1925 and 1938.

Muffin and I have decided that he was born the next year, since this gives Tom a dorm mate, and more importantly it gives Alphard a teen father, one who learned nothing from last year and assumed no responsibility. Tom now has a fucked up dorm mate, and we didn't have to (completely) invent a character.

You now have two kids raised by family members not their parents since their father is a literal thirteen-year-old, and the generational age gap is so narrow that when Walburga starts school her paternal aunt Dorea is canonically a fifth year. They want for nothing materially and the family does step up, but the complete parental absence in their life has an impact.

For the sake of funny, we thought Arcturus Black, who is already raising Lucretia and Orion, is our candidate for raising his cousin's spawn. Now Walburga's marriage to her second cousin is to someone who was raised alongside her, which is funny and so awful. Another feasible candidate is Cygnus Black, Pollux's father and currently raising four kids, but... not as funny.

Teen pregnancy 2.0: Cygnus edition

Cut to 1951. Alphard is a happy bachelor, his father has stopped having kids (legitimate ones anyhow), Walburga's happily married to their cousin, and then... their brother Cygnus does a booboo.

Bellatrix is born, Cygnus is thirteen. Andromeda's birthdate is unknown, but must have been while he was in Hogwarts because Narcissa is born in 1955, while he is still seventeen.

The same problem as with Pollux arises with Bellatrix: who wants baby? And, as with Walburga, I think a fair argument could be made that the Blacks took her in, not the Rosiers.

There are many options here (and can't rule out the Rosiers), but I think it's fair to assume Bellatrix went to live with close family.

Per the Black family, this gives us three options that I find feasible: Walburga, Alphard, and Pollux.

I don't think it was Walburga, I think that would inevitably have come up in canon, either as Walburga lost her shit when Andromeda eloped, handled her grief differently after Regulus died if she had surrogate daughters, or Sirius had a different dynamic with Bellatrix. The Orion-Walburga-Sirius-Regulus family unit doesn't come across at all as having had three nieces raised alongside the boys, so Walburga's a no.

Which leaves us with Alphard, Pollux, someone in the Rosier family, or extended Black family raising Bellatrix.

Pollux, per his wild youth, might not be topping the lists. One could posit that Pollux wants a second shot at parenting and would take in his granddaughter based on this, but he already has Cygnus if he wanted a second shot at parenting. Still, he's a candidate.

So is Alphard, however, who is living alone and has no wife to worry about, no children of his own, and a pile of gold. Per his choice to give Sirius gold after he ran away, one can also assume he's one to come through for family, which fits with taking in his much younger brother's daughter.

TL;DR: we can't prove Alphard Black didn't raise the Black sisters, or at least care for them in their early years, but someone must have and it might as well have been him.

Let there be no pregnancies and no marriages

We then enter the bit that had Muffin go "oh, gay. I will use him in my fic" long before any of the detective nonsense to come up with the above, which is that Alphard did not marry. Now, that could mean anything, perfectly straight people don't marry and gay people do marry.

However, from 1938 through 1960, no Black heirs are born. Which isn't necessarily a long time, on the contrary, Cygnus has been supplying the family with children for years now, luck just had it so they're all daughters who can't pass on the family name.

Still, taking a step back, Orion, Walburga, Alphard, and Lucretia (who married a Prewett) are all adults who are just not having any children. The Orion and Walburga are perhaps not even married, we don't know when they married, and it could be they married specifically because neither of them had found anyone else to marry and there were no sons. Alternatively, they married earlier but then did not have children until they were in their mid-thirties. Considering Lucretia's childless marriage, it might be some Blacks struggled with infertility.

A bit of nerding about why I think Walburga waiting so long to have children is odd

The tldr for Western European demographics is that if you can afford to have children and provide for your family, you will marry and have children early. The upper classes have historically married and had children much younger than the lower classes because of this. The mother's education will also impact when she has children - higher education means having children later.

I think we see this reflected in the wizarding world, in that education is both low (arguably nonexistent, considering the curriculum at Hogwarts) and in magic making material considerations Muggles must make obsolete. And we do see a lot of young parents - Lily and James are both 20 when they have Harry, Andromeda is maximum 24 when she has Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley is 20 when she has Bill, Narcissa is 25 when she has Draco, Fleur would have been 23-25 when she had Victoire, Harry and Ginny are 26 and 25 when they have James Sirius, Hermione and Ron are 26-27 when they have Rose...

Young is the norm.

And with the Blacks, who were lineage obsessed, and where Walburga is never reported to have had a career keeping her busy, I find it very interesting that Walburga doesn't have children until she's 35.

There are three possible explanations I can see:

Walburga and Orion didn't want to have children, and waited for Alphard or Cygnus to get on with it, only for Cygnus to only have daughters and Alphard to have no children at all (bit unlikely since they had two sons, a couple who pointedly did not want children would have called it quits after the first)

They had fertility issues

Walburga and Orion did not instantly marry, but waited for years until it became clear Orion wasn't going to find anybody else, Alphard apparently not either, and Cygnus said "fuck you all, I've contributed three kids already", at which point Walburga and Orion were both single, both cared about the lineage, and went for it.

We've gone for option 2 since it's just funnier to have a pair of cousins all over each other at Hogwarts, "Aren't they-" "Yes and they're very happy together :)", but I think option 3 is pretty feasible too.

Either way, you can read into Walburga and Orion from the late births of their children and you also get free Alphard characterisation, because his choice not to marry starts to look rather pointed.

Back to Alphard

While the Blacks were not dying out at the time, they also weren't swimming in children. Only Cygnus was passing on the family name, and that was exclusively to daughters, and he went on to have no more (legitimate) children after leaving school. Pollux wasn't having any more (legitimate) children, and while there are and grandfathers uncles on the family tree who could do the deed they were quite old, many unmarried, and most importantly they canonically had no children.

We're down to Alphard, Orion, and Cygnus having to pass on the family name, with Orion and Walburga a decade into their marriage with no sons to show for it. Sure, Cygnus could have sons, but that would be placing all their dragon eggs in one dragon basket (and indeed, he had no sons).

Why doesn't Alphard marry?

The family must have brought it up, if not pressured him. Alphard not marrying in a world where arranging a match would have been the easiest thing in the world looks to me like a deliberate refusal.

The giving of the money to the Sirius

This all brings us to the one thing we know for sure that Alphard did in his life: he willed money to Sirius after he'd been disowned.

We know Alphard was not a blood traitor prior to this, or he'd have been burned off earlier.

I frankly take this to mean Alphard most likely subscribed to pureblood supremacy, or at least he did not mind it enough to do anything else to cross his family. Giving money to Sirius isn't a political act, it's an uncle providing for a family member who has suddenly lost everything.

(And, if we assume Alphard himself is gay: it's an uncle who sees his nephew run away from home to be with his best friend, and perhaps drawing a few conclusions of his own about the strength of Sirius's friendship to James. There are many ways to interpret his choice to support Sirius financially, is what I'm saying.)

It also seems a distinct overreaction to me that Walburga would burn him off the family tapestry for something like this, and... it seems very much like one angry, mourning, woman's way of hurting a brother she can no longer confront. If she had been hoping Sirius wouldn't make it out in the wild and be forced to return, then Alphard giving him money would be a betrayal of the highest order.

Walburga putting a cigarette to her wallpaper isn't the same as the entire Black family disowning Alphard posthumously, it's an act of grief and anger.

Where we make things up wholesale

I'll go ahead and assume Alphard was gay, had a good and stable but slightly fucked up family life, and got overly attached to his dorm mate Tom Riddle as a stranger to all of this who perhaps seemed above it all. I also vote he raised Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda, because it's a more interesting option than Pollux. (In case you didn't notice, Muffin and I subscribe to the Black family being as fucked up as we can reasonably make them.)

Vinelle, what was the point of this?

My point is that we may not have any canon appearances to go on with Alphard Black, but we do have dates, biographical facts, what he did with his will, a few statements from Walburga's insane painting and other characters, and a whole lot of imagination. And an obsessive tendency.

And a willingness to say "Mm, no. Can't read. Sorry, that fact's just wrong." when we don't like things (more specifically, Sirius's phrasing making it sound like Alphard died not too long after Sirius ran away from home, which would make him dead for The Man Who Would Be King, a fic that takes place in 1982. We will assume Sirius meant "gave", not "left".)

Wee.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 153 thoughts

Heads up, this chapter review contains canon typical discussions of abuse, CSA and suicidal ideation.

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: Ten! TEN chapters since the 143 kiss happened and went entirely unacknowledged and unaddressed! Ah hah hah! [<- read this in count von count's voice]

Aqua Hoshigan Status: (Still) white

LET'S

FUCKING

GO

After like 140 chapters and an RPF jumpscare, we finally get a continuation of 152's impromptu father-son therapy session and start digging into the real deal no bullshit Kamiki Hikaru's brain and his relationship with Ai. A lot of the stuff laid out here are things that I had personally speculated about in prior posts and it once again feels really satisfying to see that I've been keyed into what the series has been laying out for its characters now we're getting some answers.

Before digging into the meat of things, the usual shout out to Mengo's art for this chapter. I am repeating myself on this point to the extent that I say "i know I say mengo's art is really good every chapter, but" every chapter but holy fuck, dawg. The expression work, especially on Kamiki and Airi is so fucking good and the way it contrasts the movie's portrayal of those events is insanely effective. I am Once Again begging the universe to conspire events such that Mengo draws a horror manga someday pleeeeeease I have been so good

kamiki's production house being called EYES is so on the nose it looped back to being genuinely hilarious to me.

Honestly this chapter is soooooo hard to talk about w/o me wanting to just break down every single line of dialogue in it and I already know i'm gonna go sicko mode talking about the flashback so I'll broad strokes it for now. What I WILL say is that Hikaru fucking quoting the opening monologue of the series got me right in the gut. These last two chapters have been really laying it on thick with the volume 1 callbacks and while this too is ridiculously on the nose it did make me start barking like a fucking dog so who's to say if it's really good or bad.

Hikaru's POV here in general is just fascinating. It's so juicy finally getting some insight into his weird little brain right from the man himself. The way he's characterized here - or rather, the way Hikaru chooses to characterize himself - is extremely compelling. He seems resigned and weary, almost - surrendering himself to the role of the despicable villain with a sort of wry self-awareness that got a bit of a dark chuckle out of me.

What's most interesting though is the final exchange between the two of them. Hikaru dismissing the idea that Ai ever loved him is understandable but what really jumped out to me was Aqua's respose to this - he honestly seems like… not just confused but almost mad that Hikaru supposedly still doesn't understand Ai's true feelings.

also. can i just say. i earnestly and genuinely thought the DVDs had been completely forgotten and were never going to come back up. what a jumpscare.

real bold of aqua to say this is nonfiction after the whole rpf debacle btw

We transition at last into an actual honest to god flashback to his past from Hikaru's actual POV, the likes of which I didn't think we'd ever get lol. I take Hikaru's lack of quibbles with his portrayal in the movie and that the flashback begins at Airi and Uehara's funeral as an indication from the story that 15YL's portrayal of Hikaru and those events is true enough that it doesn't need to relitigate them and thus, we can analyze this flashback with those events as context.

Something I couldn't help but notice immediately is that Hikaru's hoshigans start off as white this chapter. Given the future/hope (white) futurelessness/despair (black) dichotomy the last handful of chapters seem to have cemented, I think this makes a lot of sense in representing that while Hikaru is certainly not over his trauma, he seems able to conceptualize a future for himself now that he isn't bound to Airi; he has escaped her grasp. Or so he's able to believe, for a moment.

God, Hikaru's little meltdown once he spots Taiki is so heartbreaking. Kindaichi obviously means well, but his words must have sounded like a horrifying curse to Hikaru - the idea that for the rest of his life, he would never escape what Airi did to him.

hikaru begging ai to save him is soooooooo…… augugugugugh. this is all in line with what i'd predicted for their relationship but seeing it actually on page is such a gut punch. I just feel so fucking sorry for both these kids - both of them so desperately hurt and trying to heal and struggling in their own ways.

Because like… man! Not to be like "this rape victim's trauma is so hard for this other person to deal with" but… yeah, I'm really glad that even in just the framing, OnK makes it clear what a tremendous weight and pressure this is on Ai. I've talked before about the potential for her need to love and be loved to lead her into unhealthy and codependent dynamics and I think the HKAI relationship (as seen from Hikaru's POV) is exactly the sort of thing I was imagining.

With that in mind, even though we haven't seen her side of the story (YET……. IF WE GET AI POV NEXT WEEK AUUUUAUAU CAN YOU EVE N IMAGINE), it's not hard for me to imagine why Ai might have needed to withdraw. Because the sort of love Hikaru wants from her - something utterly all consuming, all encompassing, a world containing only two people and shutting out everything else - is not something she can or wants to provide. She's too full of compassionate curiosity for other people to give her love exclusively to one person alone… especially if a certain two troublemaking twins are already in the mix.

Admittedly this is as far as I can go in my analysis of this bit until we actually see how the breakup as a whole went down because I am admittedly still very confused as to the timeline here lol. The impression I'd always gotten was that Ai and Hikaru broke up before the twins were born, but the pacing of the flashback places it after Airi died, which we know wasn't super long before the Dome concert but I feel like Hikaru looks way too fucking young to be like a 17-19yo person here…. so who even knows. Hopefully we'll get some clarification next chapter. In ether case, I do think the twins threw a wrench into the HKAI relationship one way or another so I guess we'll see.

The fact that we're actually getting the real deal HKAI breakup happening on-panel also makes me feel a bit less insane about the Movie Arc skipping over that in recording (though I still ain't ever gonna forgive not focusing on how everyone felt about filming Ai's death even when we do see the final product). That said, I do still have issues with it that I talked about in an ask just the other day so I'll just repeat what I said: "Not only is [the HKAI breakup and the 'I can't love you'] line given a huge amount of weight, so is the fact that Aqua and Ruby had seemingly misinterpreted or even actively twisted it. If that’s the case then I’d say it’s even MORE important for us to have seen what 15YL’s version of events looked like so the contrast with the real thing can hit all the harder."

We already saw that with this chapter having a page very strongly echoing a similar one from the Movie Arc, a direct representation of the real version of events the movie fictionalized and it hits like a truck. I mentioned it up top but fuck, man. Hikaru and Airi's faces here are incredible. Hikaru's blank, innocent expression contrasted with that vile grin on Airi's face with her hair splayed everywhere… if Frill's portrayal of her was like a snake, the real thing made me think of some kind of spider.

That same page also seems to imply that Hikaru didn't only suffer abuse under Airi but may have suffered CSA prior to meeting her that caused him to become hypersexual. This is, unfortunately, in line with the way a lot of CSA victims will cope with their abuse and it really surprised me to see this aspect of it portrayed the way it was with Hikaru - already an exceptionally rare sympathetic and tasteful portrayal of a male CSA victim's experiences in manga. I've said over and over that I'm really impressed with how OnK is handling this aspect of the story but it really does continue to catch me by surprise.

Hikaru only ever to hear 'I love you' as a lie, while Ai can only ever say it as a lie… ouuughhh that's juicy.

Moving on a bit, the Ruby/Hikaru parallels are still going strong… Hikaru's insistence that so long as he has Ai he can endure anything very strongly echoes Ruby's speech in 143 about how if she has Gorou, her oshi, then that's all she needs. This means Aqua/Ai parallel stonks are on the rise which makes me very happy. I also hope this is a lead in to more directly addressing something that has been quiet subtext for a while - how destructive the pressure of being someone's singular saviour can be and how unhealthy this dynamic is, even for the person being saved. The idea that isolation and a lacking support system causes dysfunction is something we see sort of gestured at across the series so I'd love to see OnK explore codependency more explicitly through this angle, too.

No break next week…! Going by the editor's note in the JP version of the chapter, it looks like we'll be continuing this flashback and getting some of Ai's perspective so I'm really looking forward to it. After what a slog to keep up with the Movie Arc turned into, it feels sooooo fucking refreshing to be getting material I feel excited and energized to chew on. It sure did take until the last arc to explore some of this though, huh………..

hey ai. why did you break up with your boyfriend while you were brushingyour teeth. are you okay.

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

i wana fuck gob

So, the best AND simultaneously worst thing about coming up with headcanons and fics for characters from Fallout 3 is that there's often so little to the characters, canonically. Most of them have pretty scant backstories and characterization. That can be both an opportunity to mold a character to what you'd like them to be and a way to end up with a very contested character no one agrees on anything about.

Don't get me wrong; I like Fallout 3 quite a bit, but in the same way I like Fallout 4, which is "wow this game has some really loveable/memorable/fuckable characters and you can make your own fun, which I don't mind". However, Fallout 4's characters overall have stronger characterization, in my opinion, so it seems like the fan base has a fairly generalized sense of what each character is like. That doesn't seem to be the case with 3, at least sometimes.

***All that to say: if I make any claims about characters you like from Fallout 3 that you disagree with, 1. sorry, and 2. I would love to discuss.

Gob (Fallout 3) NSFW Headcanons

Boundary communication would be HUGE with Gob, but especially for Gob. For decades, he hasn't been allowed to stand up for himself, to even have boundaries, so a long, long chat about consent would be due before the two of you ever did anything. You'll have to make it clear to him that if he doesn't like something, you don't want to do it, so he needs to say something, and that you won't be mad at him for not enjoying something.

This man is SO quiet during sex that it's initially quite unsettling to you. Even when he cums, he's completely silent. He's so used to having to be ridiculously quiet all the time (or else), but especially at a time like this. You may feel the need to take a step or two back in terms of your intimacy until he feels more able to relax, because it would be difficult for you to gauge whether he was enjoying something or not with full confidence. At least, not without constantly having to ask him, which can be a bit of a mood killer if you're not sure the person you're doing things with is enjoying themselves or just going along with it for your sake. No one wants to feel like they're imposing themselves on their partner, and Gob is, as a result of what he's been though, absolutely the type to just lie there and let you have what you want so he doesn't upset you. He insists that he's enjoying himself, that he likes the way you touch him, but you'll have to explain that you need some sort of feedback when you're touching him to ensure you're not hurting him or crossing some boundary. Once he relaxes, he can be quite vocal, but still quiet; mostly hums and sighs.

I think he also struggles to maintain eye contact with literally anyone, and this doesn't improve when he's nervous or being sexually stimulated. He already feels so exposed with you touching him, even if he's still mostly or fully clothed, that eye contact feels like too much a lot of the time. Once you two have been together a while and you've been physical a few times, he may be able to relax enough to look at you when you ask him to (he gets the cutest look on his face when he cums), but his gaze will continue to wander otherwise.

I think you'd be wise to keep things fairly formulaic early on with Gob. Whatever the two of you enjoy, find your rhythm and stay with it for a while; no need to start experimenting or introducing the poor thing to a bunch of new kinks and positions and things he's never experienced while he's over here still trying to relax enough to let you jerk him off without him crying afterwards.

Would agree to try mommy kink stuff with you and then be beyond embarrassed by how much he likes it. Absolutely loves to be babied and treated softly while you take care of him.

Once he's really comfortable with you, and once he's begun to really feel like he has autonomy and safety in his life, he shyly starts to make requests, wants to try things that he's thought about doing with you since the moment he laid eyes on you. Of course, he's nervous, but he's gotten good at communicating his wants and needs at this point. He wants to fuck you on the bar when the place is closed. He wants to cum on your face. He wants you to peg him. He REALLY wants you to peg him.

Lots of early morning sex. He likes to lay in bed and cuddle for a little while before he gets up to open the bar, and, more often than not, that leads to him feeling all warm and appreciative of you, which usually leads to him pulling you on top of him so you can guide his cock inside you, grinding and rolling your hips lazily until you both cum.

Tit man. Not good at hiding the fact that he's oogling your chest from the minute you meet, sort of like a teenage boy, but once he's comfortable with you and it's been established that he's attracted to you, he doesn't really try to hide it.

[dungeonsynths]

seeking some help nailing down jayce's characterization for a fic

hey arcane and/or jayce talis and/or jayvik nation!

i'll keep it short: im trying to write a very casual jayvik fic. however, while i love writing viktor, i REALLY struggle writing jayce. like, really REALLY struggle with it. would anyone who is insane (affectionate) about jayce talis be okay with me messaging them with a question or two, or discussing stuff in the replies of this post?

thank you, and have a nice day <333

[closed--meadow]

Fanon Ship children are good, very interesting to write and characterize. But what about ship pets?? What about two charecters becoming so emotionally attached to a creature that their life literally molds around it??

Cus I can't stop thinking about Ratio having a pet cat that he'd name something so goofy and serious that it's funny. Something like Theorem of Ptolemy (Theo for short) and the cat would be the most reserved girlie ever. Doesn't give a fuck about anyone, not even Ratio most if the time, and Ratio would treat her like she is a grown human, would talk to her like she is just another work colleague and she'd not even meow back at him. It's fine though, she keeps him company and after his parents the cat is the only thing he is most attached to.

Until the Annoying Gambler comes into his life Ofcourse, suddenly he has another person to care for. And just when he thinks his life is the most affected by Aventurine, the gambler comes over for whatever business stuff they are to discuss one day, and Theo suddenly has multiple Fucks to give. She'd not go near him at first, but that hasn't really stopped Aventurine, ever, so he'd try to warm up to her. And it would so backfire. Like she's now falling asleep on his lap and trapping him in one place for hours level backfire. She MUST stick to him the whole time he is over at Ratio's. Would hijack his coat but loafing up on top of it and forcing him to leave it behind.

Ratio would stand there and feel betrayed af. And he wouldn't even know who is he most jealous of, Aventurine cus that cat has never given /him/ the same amount of attention, or Theo cus he himself has never been able to shower that Gambler with that much attention. He'd grumble and would try to ignore the obvious warmth in his chest cus- two of his most favourite beings love each other???? Also soft aventurine, the real kind. Cus who wouldn't absolutely melt at a Cat.

Now, I had all of this in my mind before 2.2 so I'm only a bit salty that hoyo alr made it canon that aventurine acquires the catcakes and we all sort fo agreed that it was Ratio who gifted him those. And now my headcanons is somehow sort of canon :| but yeah, I still wanted to get this brainrot out of my head so 😋

[umeji-writes]

I would like to talk about the Music Festival arc - aka my favorite Mairuma arc until now. I love them all tbh, this is just very close to my heart for several reasons. [cw: non-suggestive discussion of s*x; if you are a s*x-repulsed asexual person you are very much welcome to interact, but this may not be the post for you, take care and proceed with caution ♡ edit: I'm uncensoring the words from here onwards thanks to a kind anon's suggestion] To make it short, I love that the main theme of this arc is pleasure, and the desire for it. Honestly, it's very horny - but not in a slimy or creepy way, which is sadly quite rare in my experience. The appreciation for pleasure coming from love (also platonic love) is there in several layers. First, the plot itself, as Lilith cries out her desire to find "a love that burns like fire". She is not satisfied by most pretenders, and especially this frame spoke to me:

Because... Well... It's so true. I am an adult, and I had my share of sexual partners. The expressions people make irl are not always aesthetically pleasing, but who cares! We are told to strive to be always attractive, but in those moments of intimacy it's really not important, not as much as being fully present and enjoying the moment! Then, can we talk about Kalego please?

I mean, Nishi here went all out and didn't even try to hide her fascination for ...discipline:

(and to be fully clear: I am NOT implying there is sexual tension between Kalego and his students, I am only referring to him!!!) When I saw the whip I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course in that context it's not used that way, but it's very much recognizable as an adult tool... But more on this later. Finally, I really like that the Misfits are growing up and finding out new things about themselves. They are characterized as high school students (even if we don't know how old they actually are), which is when humans tend to have their first experiences and explore their sexualities. They are building together this beautiful show full of emotions and desire, and honestly performing with other people is really an amazing feeling (I am a former musician and theater actor - let me tell you, every performance was fire). Look at their faces: from here...

...to here.

They are shocked, but happy! And definitely feeling ...feelings. And here is my main takeaway: I am really, really sad that sex is a taboo topic in our society, and when there's something about sex, it's mostly treated in a very bad way. This includes sex scenes in generic-audience movies, which I tend to dislike... I hate that sex is handled like a dirty and secret thing. I hate that sex is mostly treated as something that has to do with power imbalance and taking advantage of someone else, usually men that "want to do stuff TO" women (nonbinary individuals like myself not found) - and too often not in a hot and consensual way. I hate that social media are becoming more and more sex-hostile, because investors fear these topics, and use children as a shield to justify limiting contents for adults as well. I hate that sexual education is mainly reserved for talking about pregnancies and, if the students are lucky, prevention of STDs. Solo or reciprocal pleasure? Consent? Treating it as a normal part of life for many people (and not ALL, again, asexual people exist)??? Naaaah, why do that, when you can make people feel shame and embarassment and perpetuate trauma. Again, I am a grown-up now, and while this is legal and everything, I was conditioned to feel some level of shame nonetheless when talking about it irl (which I am working on). The whip I was writing about before (and the kneeling scene afterward)? It was a revolution in my brain. "So... That's a thing we can do...?"

(like that) I plan on doing some adult drawings in the future, but there's a part of me that resists the idea, because adult entertainment usually involves some level of dehumanization... But you know what? I want to take it back and make it about pleasure and enjoyment as it should be. Tbh, I could write a whole essay on the causes for all of the above and how they interact (patriarchy, capitalism, religions as power institutions, etc.), but this is not the place. So I'll just say that I am really, really grateful to Nishi for including this arc in a manga for a young audience, as those are important years to build a healthy relationship with pleasure and one's own body. And as Sullivan said...

I'm very much convinced that Nishi is doing a great job at sending messages for inclusion and social equality in M!IK, taking the role of educator herself. (Other reasons why I love the Music Festival arc are: Soi's story, Clara and Azz becoming closer, Iruma learning the piano, the appreciation of music itself, the immaculate art and more, but that's for another post!!!)

[hollow-lime-green]

hi!! just wondering if you have any stsg fic recs you’d be willing to share? i’m currently gobbling up 2sorcs like a gremlin and looking for something else to read between updates but i only really trust your opinions and characterizations which 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 anyways love ur work and hope you’re doing well!!

Ah! First of all, thank you <3 I do have some fics I really like! I shall rec them and give a little anxiety disclaimer at the end.

Fic Recs - Shorties

it would make a whole - by @diggingupgrave 8.8k, T, First Year, Pre-Relationship, Emotional H/C oh i love this fic so very much. this may have been one of the fics that really got me thinking about their characterization in the first place, tbh.

As You Wish - by @haha-funny-valentine 2.5k, T, Post-Star Plasma Arc, Emotional H/C wonderful characterization here and I am just such a sucker for H/C.

The Heart of the Perfection of Wisdom - by @zombieheroine 16.3k, T, Prison Realm Gojo Character Study I took my skin off to check and I am shocked that this fic is not like, Doing Numbers. this fic is SO fucking creative and unique and I just. love. it. Definitely a big inspiration for FIYM. It's like Harrow the Ninth but for Gojo in the Prison Realm and like, oh my god so well done imo.

Longfic Recs with Caveats

and if you take my hand (series) - by @detta-pica 40k (Ongoing), T, Witch AU, Slow Burn Caveat: this is a WIP, and we're in the early part so very much Unresolved Romantic Tension. But I really like the worldbuilding in this and I'm excited to follow it as it keeps going, so big rec here if you like Plot and are down to follow some more ongoing fics. :)

coanda effect - by @bunniehoneys 250k, M, F1 AU, Slow Burn, Eating Disorders, Drugs, Bad Choices I am probably the last person in the world to read this fic so it feels silly to rec, but I'm doing it anyway because I'm a little obsessed. Caveat 1: also technically a WIP for another week or two

Caveat 2: TAGS check the tags. If you are at all sensitive to discussion of EDs, skip this fic, but I think it's done well and adds a lot to the characterization

Caveat 3: I am not caught up on this fic. it's one that I didn't let myself read for a while (see below) but F1 has a special place in my heart (my dad is into it, I used to live in a Gran Prix city, and I have watched WAY too much F1 Lets Play content).

I've been working really shitty hours for the past 48 hours (almost done) due to research that requires specific spans of real earth time. Because I don't have the focus to write right now, I've had the chance to read a little, and I've read about 75% of this gargantuan fic in windowless rooms on my phone, which has to say something about how much I love it lmao.

Disclaimer: I am a bad source of stsg fics because I actually don't read very many. If I read amazing fic then it tends to trigger the "you will never be as good as the old masters" part of the brain, although instead of real art like in the meme, my fic is putting gojo in a minecraft hoodie and making him do the gangnam style dance. Still.

I also get very unhealthy about metrics/numbers, which I mostly manage by using AO3 skins to block stats, but I still have some moments of weakness. So I try to avoid looking at stuff that I know might make me anxious/insecure about my own works and be unable to finish them (this has unfortunately happened to me before in the FE3H fandom, and that continues to weigh on me).

All that to say, there are some really big, nice, and well-loved fics by wonderful authors currently being updated, and I have read almost none of them. So this is absolutely not me saying I don't like their characterizations, I'm just kind of a hermit.

[writerbuddha]

Your blog is interesting and informative. Learning the behind the scenes stuff is interesting but I have found that I cannot accept some of the things Lucas says. Especially the discourse around attachment. Having watched the movies and read their novelizations I just do not find Lucas’s idea behind what he was trying to convey to be in his story.

This really hit home for me when rewatching The Clone Wars. In the episode Voyage of Temptation (season 2 episode 13) Obi-Wan and Anakin have this discussion:

Obi-Wan My duty as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere.

Anakin Demanded? But it’s obvious you had feelings for her. Surely that would affect your decision.

Obi-Wan Oh, it did. I live by the Jedi Code.

Anakin Of course. As Master Yoda says, “A Jedi must not form attachments.”

Obi-Wan Yes. But he usually leaves out the undercurrent of remorse.

I cannot square the idea that a Jedi would feel an undercurrent of remorse about not having a supposedly negative thing in their life. The only thing I can conclude is that it does not mean a negative and just means having a partner. Having love.

I'm really glad you like my blog, Anon! :)

What I take from your message is that you're a bit confused about attachment and non-attachment and how not forming attachments is guiding the life of a Jedi Knight.

You seem to equate "attachment" with "love" and "having a partner." However, this isn't quite right: attachment is the feeling that you like or love something or someone, paired with the feeling that you would be unhappy without them. Attachment is not the same as liking or loving, because attachment is characterized by the feeling that you have to have the things or people you like or love in your life to keep yourself happy. Once you feel this, you start to want things to not to change, to stay as they are, you want to permanently have things. But everything changes, things come and things go, you can't stop that. Attachment is an unrealistic and unreasonable desire that will lead to the fear of loss, and out of that comes anger, and from that comes hate. And being filled by fear, anger and hate is suffering.

The things we're attached to are most likely very positive, very good and very enjoyable, since we love and like them. Having a romantic partner and a romantic, loving relationship with that partner is not a problem at all, because that's not an attachment. Rather, attachment is the harmful and destructive way of relating to having a romantic partner and a romantic, loving relationship with that partner.

Let's go through this dialogue in Voyage of Temptation!

ANAKIN: You didn't stay to help her? OBI-WAN: That would have been problematic. My duty as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere. ANAKIN: Demanded? But it's obvious you had feelings for her. Surely that would affect your decision. OBI-WAN: Oh, it did. I live by the Jedi code. ANAKIN: Of course. As master Yoda says, "a Jedi must not form attachments." OBI-WAN: Yes. But he usually leaves out the undercurrent of remorse.

It would be important to be able to distinguish between not forming attachments and the life of the Jedi Knight made possible by not forming attachments, since the two are related, but very different.

ANAKIN: You didn't stay to help her? OBI-WAN: That would have been problematic. My duty as a Jedi demanded I be elsewhere.

Jedi Knights aren't where they would like to be, but where they are needed, and for a good Jedi Knight, who lives on compassion, the two are the same. They dedicate themselves to serve the entire known universe, to guard peace and justice, to settle disputes and make sure that everyone is protected. Obi-Wan couldn't stay with Satine, because as he tells Anakin, his Jedi duty demanded him to be elsewhere. He isn't saying, his duty as a Jedi was to "be nowhere near her," because a Jedi is not allowed to have partners and love.

The reason why Jedi Knights aren't entering marriages and romantic relationships is not that these would be attachments. They won't do it because it's simply impractical. The duty of the parent and spouse, who has to protect and support their family and the duty of the Jedi, who has to guard peace and justice in the entire universe cannot be fulfilled at the same time.

ANAKIN: Demanded? But it's obvious you had feelings for her. Surely that would affect your decision. OBI-WAN: Oh, it did. I live by the Jedi code. ANAKIN: Of course. As master Yoda says, "a Jedi must not form attachments."

Attachment is a very conditional way of relating to others. It says, "You make me very happy, I enjoy you so much, so I love you and I cherish you." It says, "You make me very unhappy, I despise you so much, I I hate you and I want to harm you." And it says, "You do not make me feel happy nor unhappy, I have no concern for you." And these are walking hand in hand: when Padmé made Anakin feel very happy, he wanted her to be safe, he was willing to pledge loyalty to Darth Sidious to keep her alive and in his life, but on Mustafar, when she made him feel unhappy, he wanted her to be miserable and he choked her. A Jedi Knight shall not form attachments, rather, they must have unconditional love, which is compassion. True love says, "I want you to be happy and free from suffering."

It's an aspiration coming from the simple realization that we're the same human beings in wanting to be happy and free from suffering. This can extend to all living things: the people who make us feel happy, the people who make us feel unhappy and the rest. Obi-Wan had to adhere to the Jedi code, "a Jedi must not form attachments." Compassion is central to a Jedi Knight's life. So, Obi-Wan had to make a decision that is based on compassion, the concern for the well-being of everyone, not just the concern for the woman he has romantic feelings for, who he likes and cherishes. Satine had a hard task ahead of her, but the war was over and she was safe. Others, however, were in need of the protection and guidance of the Jedi.

OBI-WAN: Yes. But he usually leaves out the undercurrent of remorse.

What Obi-Wan feels an undercurrent of remorse about not having is a very positive thing: it's the relationship that he had with Satine, what he sacrificed for the life of a Jedi Knight. It was a hard choice, he loved Satine greatly. He doesn't feel bad about serving others as a Jedi Knight, but he does feel bad about leaving Satine.

But Satine didn't ask him to leave the Order, and by the end of the arc, they were both able to find peace, knowing that they made the right decision. I've already posted this quote from the great Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk and teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, but it's still explains this perfectly: "As a monastic you lead a life of monastic celibacy and community, and if the one you love realizes that, she will not suffer and you will not suffer, because love is much more than having a sexual relationship. Because of great love you can sacrifice that aspect of love, and your love becomes much greater. That nourishes you, that nourishes the other person, and finally your love will have no limit. That is the Buddha’s love."

Obviously, the disappearance of a loved one from our lives will never be easy, will bring sadness, and their absence will always be felt. But the severe pain, sorrow, regret over this, the anguish that we are not with them, the intense yearning to be with them, to get them back is stemming from our desire to hold on to what we find pleasant, good and joyous, from the inability to accept that we can never truly have, own, possess anything. If we cease the unrealistic and unreasonable yearning, we’re able to allow change, to allow death to enter into our lives and seeing it as a natural part of it. And we can be at peace.

[always-just-down-the-street]

Misremembered Lanes Timeline (Pt. 1): During the Show

Alright, everyone, it is time for that Misremembered Lanes timeline I was talking about! Now, this is gonna be split up into two pieces since...I don't have the post-show/Box and Suitcase stuff yet, all of this was kinda just spitballed with the help of the creator of @inanimate-reboots, I recommend you really check them out, they're a sick AU and the owner's a good friend! Anyway, so, Part 1, all stuff that happens during Season 2 and 3 because like I mentioned, Season 1 is basically unchanged.

ALSO THIS POST IS GONNA BE LIKE SUPER LONG SO GET READY FOR THE LONG HAUL.

First, some ground rules, more or less setting how OJ and Taco will act in a more general sense without going episode-by-episode for two whole seasons.

General Changes to Characterization

OJ is a lot more antagonistic whenever he appears for reasons discussed in my last Misremembered Lanes post- he is struggling with feelings of lack of control that he cannot explain to himself, being more commanding in Everything's A-OJ and, while he's still a good person, he can tend to get a bit lost in his own head.

Taco, in exchange, is a lot more...I don't wanna say sympathetic- she's less evil because she wants to be and more because she feels like she has to be. Her intent to stop the show to save everyone forms way sooner than before Season 3, even if she only gives it up in a moment of weakness to Mic. Ever since she lost, she's just felt...off. Ever since she's lost in Season 1 she's felt off, and it's been chaining her to this show like a ball and chain.

So, in her mind, the only way to stop the feeling...is to stop the show. So she doesn't feel like this anymore, so nobody else has to feel like her, end up like her, whatever that means. Ironically, this means she feels aimless but realized her endgame way sooner than in canon. Truth or Flare is just when she gets desperate enough to physically intervene because they're so. close.

She's tried to leave the show but she can't, something inside of her that's been there since the finale won't let her. She has to be in the show, but this is the only role she can have after what she did. She doesn't even really know why she did it, she just felt so…wronged after losing, such anger she'd never really felt before, it should have been her, it should have been her-

…and then she blacked out. And she woke up the villain.

I'll get more into how the swap functions in their minds in a bit, but there is one thing I wanna tackle before I get into the II2 finale, and that is:

Season 3

I'd like to think OJ would actually love the idea of being in Season 3, as opposed to his canon counterpart- instead of focusing on the hotel and focusing on how everyone else is doing, he takes Invitational as a way to prove Season 1 wasn't a fluke, that he does earn his keep, that he is as good as he says he is.

But then...he does lose. And as Silver Spoon boasts about being the one to dethrone the king of Inanimate Insanity, something within OJ snaps. His original programming, come to roost. For a moment everyone sees a side of OJ that is frankly terrifying, even to Silver Spoon- especially since it mostly comes out through screaming in the silverware's face. He is furious in a way he's never been before, in a way that makes his earlier fight with Paintbrush look tame.

And then...he snaps back, looking at himself in shock before MePhone quickly gets him knocked out before things get any worse. The show must go on, after all...

OJ goes back to the hotel and pretends Season 3 never happened, sliding into denial...sort of because of his loss, but moreso the fallout of it. The person he became for a moment, the anger he felt inside of him. Best to just pretend it never happened!

The Reality of the Situation

The strain this creates rears its head again during OJ and Paper's fallout in The Reality of the Situation, which ends up being way worse due to Paper bringing up OJ's outburst and OJ's...well, crumbling ego. He ends up X'ed, like in canon, but people are a lot more split on it- it's terrifying, sure, but...not the worst person it could've happened to.

Taco, on the other hand, just tries not to think about the confliction she feels whenever she looks at it. Deep down, in a sense, she's won. She outlived him. But she never wanted it like this.

Through No Choice Of Your Own

Things are mostly the same for Taco, she talks with Mic, trying to parse her feelings on the deceased OJ and Pickle and her failed attempts at reconciliation...

...and then MePhone explains that he made them all for the show, and it ends up hitting her way harder than it did in canon. She basically regresses to her intense villain side from the end of S1/start of S2 and tries to kill him out of desperation because he's why she feels so broken, he's why they're all broken. She can't handle that she's been trying to stop the show when the show is what made her. She is the show. They're all the show. It's all in his voice. It's always been his voice.

Mic and MePad get her to Purgatory Mansion, but she's still a mess- but a mess away from MePhone, at least, even if she's deluded to the point of being paranoid that MePad's in on it. She doesn't try to hurt him. The others who are brought with her? They are shocked by seeing how much Taco's fallen. After everything they had heard from Baseball and Lightbulb and Microphone, she looks more broken and desperate than...evil. But she still made her choice, they said. Even if once again she did it in a fugue state. At least that means they don't try to push her buttons while she's clearly not in the right headspace, if on Mic and MePad's request.

And she spends her last moments lost in her own head, trying to make sense of everything. She can't.

She just can't.

Objects in Mirror

Taco and OJ appear next to each other in MeAfterlife. (Frankly, I just thought it was weird that Taco and OJ never got to interact and that besides a one-off line by Paper, she never interacts with anyone from Season 1). He doesn't know that she's been really not in the right space and at least somewhat trying to get better? So he just treats her like a villain and stuff, and Taco is just not having it- and without anyone to hold her back, she lays into OJ hard.

TACO: "Oh, and that precious game you won?! The- the one that made you a millionaire, gave you the love and adoration of everyone around you?! It's fake! It's ALL fake, WE'RE fake!"

OJ: "W- What-"

TACO: (She laughs, her face cracking slightly. She sounds on the brink of madness.) "MePhone made us, OJ! We were all so stupid, we couldn't see the truth dangling in front of our faces- this isn't a game show, it's the sad, sad story about how one bastard created a theatre of nightmares and made every actor to dance forever on the stage! And I'm just his favorite mistake, stuck playing the role of the villain!"

OJ: (He stands firm.) "I- Even if you're right, that doesn't change anything! I still heard about how you were interfering with the season, you tried to steal the million from me, you still chose to be a villain."

TACO: "Chose?! CHOSE?! How- You're really not getting it! Unbelievable! We- we- we we we we we can't escape, I've tried to escape, you think I wanted to be chained to a show where everybody hates you?! Maybe that's why he let you win, you couldn't see the truth if it in his shoddy bloody handwriting!"

OJ: "…Are…you crying-"

TACO: "I WANTED TO HELP THEM, OJ! I THOUGHT IF I JUST STOPPED THE SHOW THEY WOULDN'T…they wouldn't end up like…me. And. and…"

OJ: "…Taco?"

TACO: "…i would have just made it even worse…it's- it's pathetic, really. all these plans and schemes and…i never thought about what i'd do after."

The air- the non-existent air, really, no need to breathe in purgatory- is still, awkward. OJ doesn't really know what to do, he thinks Taco's finally lost it. He almost pities her, he can see that same doubt he's been grappling with for...what, months now? But she made her choice. And this is probably just some weird pity play she's conjuring up- not real, that's ridiculous! If this wasn't real then everything he'd done would've been for nothing, and he can't accept that.

He can't accept that.

Just don't think about why you woke up in a place that looks like MePhone and you don't have to accept anything!

But of course, just as MePhone4S and Knife found themselves at the tables, OJ soon finds himself stepping on something else. A piece of paper.

"FULL OF HOT AIR".

He keeps looking through them, unsure of why these papers are here. "MICROPHONE", "MARSHMALLOW", "BASEBALL- ALWAYS STRIKES OUT", "KNIFE- MEAN, JERK, CHANGE OF HEART?"…

Taco eventually wanders over and calls them as she sees them- these…are the blueprints for the II cast. OJ can't handle it, but then he mumbles something that gets the gears turning in both of their heads.

OJ: "...i can see what's wrong with me..."

They silently began to scour through the papers, seeing the faces of (almost) everyone they've ever known. Floor, Salt, Yin-Yang, Nickel, Apple, Taco almost breaks down when she sees Pickle's…and then they find theirs.

And they just. Can't understand it. Why is OJ's all negative? Why is Taco an "underdog"? She manipulated everyone to get to second, she played the role of an underdog but if MePhone made her to be the villain, why is she being called a genuine underdog?

…Why does it sound more like OJ was made to be more of a villain than she was?

And all of a sudden, she's ripped away. She closes her eyes, and she's suddenly with everyone again, next to Paper…

And then she hears something.

FAN: "Weird, I thought I just pressed OJ's button."

The gears turn.

They turn again.

A look of abject horror overtakes her.

TACO: "Press my button."

Fan doesn't think much about it, pressing it.

And OJ appears, still holding the two papers in his hands.

FAN: "Huh- I guess something's wrong with MeLife?"

MARSHMALLOW: "Great, another thing he was hiding from us…"

FAN: "I was wondering why he turned away when he had to recover OJ back in the season premiere! Thought he was just building up suspense for the big reveal of how he revives every…oh, that makes a lot more sense now."

PAINTBRUSH: "Why would it just be their buttons though? Everyone else's work fine."

TEST TUBE: "Well, you flip a 0 and a 1 somewhere and who knows what could go wrong!"

CABBY: "He is a known dyslexic…"

(The two of them just stare at each other as everyone else talks.)

(You flip a 0 and a 1.)

(You flip a 0 and a 1.)

(A 0.)

(and a 1.)

(A failure.)

(and a victory.)

(You flip a winner and a loser and everything goes wrong.)

Taking a step away from the two of them for a moment, because to be entirely honest...I wanna do something more with the red line game. Felt a little too...one-and-done, the only actual stakes ended up being because Marshmallow fucked up. Yes this a mild fix fic for II2 18, you are just under two thousand words into reading about the timeline of an II darkfic, neither of us have better things to do.

I had an idea that maybe they're more in groups. Like they can't convince everyone all at once, but eventually they all need to try and get out.

The main group, the plot-important group with like Knife and Suitcase and Marshmallow and stuff can go first, they're the biggest and they need to fulfill their lore obligations- I'm thriving, I'm not a monster, they can keep their sappy happy ending.

But then maybe more people start to go because…well, nobody knows what happened to Knife. Did he die? Did he make it out? Did anyone make it out?

It also helps that a bunch of people won, which means it is winnable, and that gives more people hope to do it and go for it.

…Until it's just Taco and OJ. They both have that same, awful feeling in their heads. They both know. They know the other know. They both dance around it, a waltz where even one misstep will destroy them both but eventually they need to break away to look out.

They both approach the buttons.

Taco presses her button. OJ feels it.

OJ presses his button. Taco feels it.

There's a long silence, neither of them know what to do. What to say.

What could you even say?

OJ: "…i'm sorry."

TACO: "…"

TACO: "let's just go."

They both make it out, of course. How could you worry about some ghostly images, some lies from your brain, when the truth is so much worse?

They're the last two out, since everyone was a tad more split in arriving it's not too alarming. MePhone won't leave for good until everyone is out, but he's keeping his distance from everyone else.

And boy is he surprised by Taco and OJ looking at him like they've just seen a ghost! (I mean they haven't even seen Knife yet.)

MePhone half-expects Taco to try to kill him again, but instead he's bombarded by a bunch of questions he can't answer. Why? What's wrong with them? What made them this way? Why did everything go wrong? Why won't the feeling go away? What went wrong so early? Was OJ really supposed to win or was it supposed to be Taco?

MEPHONE4: "…I…don't know? I'll admit, a lot of it was, uh, on the spot back in Season 1, and…okay, also Season 2. And Season 3-"

(OJ holds out the papers of him and Taco.)

OJ: "THEN WHAT ARE THESE?!"

(MePhone holds the papers in surprise.)

MEPHONE4: "Oh…wow! Heh, the things you forget, huh? …Uh, I know these maybe aren't the best things to cherish, but-"

TACO: "ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

MEPHONE4: "I don't know, okay?! I was young, I was stupid- sure, maybe I wanted you to win deep down or whatever cause I thought stupid was funny, but you two should know better than everyone that the finale was a mess! Partially because of you."

TACO: "I ONLY-" OJ: "If it wasn't HER, it was going to be ME!"

(MePhone just…shrugs.)

MEPHONE4: "Well, uh...it wasn't? I'm sorry if that's a bad answer, but at this point it's all I got."

(And he begins to walk away.)

TACO: "W- Where are you going?!"

MEPHONE4: "Eh, I don't know. You two were the last ones, and…frankly I've made enough of a mess here. Enjoy your lives."

MEPHONE4: "…Oh, and, uh…I can't respawn you anymore and there's a funeral happening right now. I'd say you two should go there now but honestly you look miserable as-is and I think it'd…just make things worse."

OJ: "Wh- Who died? Everyone got out…unless-"

MEPHONE4: "Knife's a ghost, but he's…fine?"

("As fine as a ghost can be, really.")

MEPHONE: "It's not for one of you guys…"

(They both pause for a moment- if it's not MePhone and it's not one of the contestants, then...)

TACO: "…no."

TACO: "No no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO-"

(Taco immediately makes a run opposite MePhone- if he's going away, then following his footprints would lead her back to them and she can see MePad, he's not dead, he didn't die, she can still apologize, she can still…)

(She can still…)

(She realizes someone's holding her back.)

TACO: "OJ, GET OFF OF ME, YOU'RE- THIS IS ALL YOU DO! ALL YOU'VE DONE IS HOLD ME BACK! I COULD'VE HAD EVERYTHING, I COULD'VE BEEN A WINNER, THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT AND WE COULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY BUT YOU- YOU, YOU…"

(She lets out a scream of despair. As she collapses into OJ's arms, sobbing, she feels like she's about to break into a million pieces.)

(They both do.)

I imagine only OJ comes back. He offered Taco a place in the hotel, but they both know it’s an empty gesture. They’re too freaked out to even be near each other afterwards, afraid of what could happen, afraid of what they could become.

OJ pretends everything is fine, deep down his ego still won’t let him confess the truth. He fears everyone would hate him for taking Taco’s life, even if he didn’t mean it.

Taco wouldn’t mind if she knew- her self-destructive mind would never want someone else to take her place. It’s her burden, she tells herself, she chose this.

Even if it’s a lie…it’s the devil she knows.

Hey So Nova, How Does The Swap Work Anyway?

Great question! I wanted to do it earlier but I got sidetracked by my II fixfic/darkfic.

Let's set a baseline: Taco was supposed to win as the goofy underdog while OJ, the manipulative and egotistical guy (if one that puts on a role of leadership) snaps from being denied his victory because he hates losing- but due to Bow, OJ wins instead of Taco, so without realizing their code is forced to correct and fast.

Taco goes from a charismatic if silly… (leader? I don't think she'd quite be a caretaker like OJ is in canon, moreso a general friend-to-all maybe?) to a suddenly villainous puppetmaster who'd been playing the audience and contestants for fools.

OJ goes from an egotistical timebomb to a firm leader and caretaker, if one that tends to get lost in his own head sometimes without realizing.

In a sense, even their worst parts are taken from each other.

OJ's timebomb nature turns into Taco's self-destruction as she believes stopping the game is all she has left.

Taco's ditzy, clueless nature turns into OJ's blindness to his now-unchecked ego until the doubt sets in.

Another detail along this train of thought but focusing on a different part of the question of how is...

Well, the main thing with their last talk with MePhone is that that first season, even if he realizes it, was guided subconsciously. Maybe he did want Taco to win, maybe he had it be equal- remember, this AU was more or less founded on a hypothetical twist before MePhone's intent was ever discussed in-canon that in execution would have been more of a meta twist based on what the viewer knows.

There's a lot of things he can't answer for himself or for them, and there definitely aren't any answers that are gonna make them happy with him. MePad had a point- what he wanted and what the reality was are probably very different. And unfortunately, he's just as good at discerning which is which as the rest of them.

They might never know the definitive answer- they might not even ever learn Bow's the reason this all happened. At the end of the day, it's more of a question of if they can move on despite it.

(...or, you know, if they can't, which is fine by me- can't thrive if there's no suffering. It's why I went quiet after II2 18 dropped, how was I supposed to thrive in those conditions?)

Yeah I Don't Care, Now What?

Well, that's for Part 2! I imagine Mic wouldn't be willing to leave Taco alone, especially based on what OJ says after he returns about Taco being distraught about MePad's death and feeling the bridges are too far burnt down. Sure, the...revelation made things worse, but it was a shock to everyone. Mic just hopes they can start to recover that progress someday, even if she doesn't know the truth.

Like I said, they can keep their happy ending, Cobs is dead, everyone's gonna get to live their lives...just really the emotional states that'll end up in question.

Especially for the latest winner and her new friend. But that's a story for another day.