#its sad but also a part of life and all...
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・❥・ Headcanon time ・❥・
╰┈➤ Here’s only a few headcanons I’ve made throughout my whole ego phase [my life basically]. Some that I have are already pretty popular amongst the community, so that must mean I’m doing something right!!!
.·:*¨༺╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗༻¨*:·.
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・❥・ Wilford Headcanons
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•⌇⌦ Can shift fragments of reality intentionally and unintentionally [he can’t necessarily manipulate all of reality itself. But he is aware of his existence and its purpose - he knows he is a character meant to play in a story and he simply goes along with it, all while manipulating and shifting the story in some ways.] His reality shifting power is similar to Wanda’s [marvel] reality manipulating powers in a way, though watered down. He can sneeze confetti, take out balloons out of thin air, spawn bubbles in his hands, teleport, and defy the laws of physics.
•⌇⌦ With his reality shifting abilities, he can turn into AU [alternate universe] versions of himself. Maybe there’s a universe where he’s a cartoon? Chibi? Horror eldritch creature? He can turn into those versions of himself in the physical world whenever he wants! The laws of those universes will then apply to the world he is in [such as onomatopoeia words appearing in physical text midair.]
•⌇⌦ He is easily distracted and can never sit still. He always tries to actively distract himself from the darker parts of his mind.
•⌇⌦ His body ‘desaturates’ similar to pinkie pie from my little pony whenever he is in a ‘dull mood’ or when someone drives him to the point of being sad.
•⌇⌦ He loves stickers a lot, he can never stop collecting them. Mischievously, he also likes to splash glitter onto anything he deems necessary [to torture people to clean it up, but he claims that it’s just to ‘liven things up’ a bit.]
•⌇⌦ Too much creamer in coffee kind of guy [“Can I have coffee with my vanilla creamer please?”]
•⌇⌦ Constantly eats and smells like fruit candies.
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.·:*¨༺╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗༻¨*:·.
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・❥・ Dark Headcanons
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•⌇⌦ More monster than human. [Yes, Dark is all the mansion, Celine, and Damien in one walking corpse. However, overtime, as Damien fell into the role of the villain, he may have embraced it a bit much. He still cares about his sister very dearly… so much so that he made sure she’s in a permanent sleep. Celine, even in her sleep, knows about this, and parts of herself influences Damien - thus influencing Dark as a whole. He is completely merciless, sadistic, manipulative, and couldn’t care less about the consequences of his actions as long as it benefits himself and his plan. Besides, he is immensely powerful, so if he is met with his consequences, he simply destroys them.
•⌇⌦ He is also very aware he is nothing more than a character, but, he knows he’s much more than this. Because he knows he’s a character, you often see him staring at the fourth wall but never necessarily addressing it [unlike Wilford.]
•⌇⌦ Can read minds and telepathically speak to people, conceal his presence, move through shadows, mimic voices, shift shadows and blend into them, and can turn himself into a Raven. Ravens hold a lot of symbolism, but for Dark specifically, The Raven means ‘Death, bad omen, bringer of chaos, transformation & metamorphosis, and the duality of existence’. He often stalks, observes, and travels within this form of himself.
•⌇⌦ Camera’s, no matter what kind, CANNOT pick up him as a whole. Whenever a picture is taken, a video, or anything of that sort is taken of him, he will always appear as a sporadic blur of blue, red, and black. He can never be caught on any footage.
•⌇⌦ Whenever he is present in a room, depending on his mood, the ringing sound that emits from him can completely shatter ANY kind of surface. Glass, wood, stone, etc. His surroundings also turn a bit desaturated/monotone whenever he’s around.
•⌇⌦ EXTREMELY tall, eerily tall, to the point it is very obviously inhuman.
•⌇⌦ Can take form of people’s fears and/or desires [used for manipulation tactics.]
•⌇⌦ Loves being praised for any reason. In fact, he could get distracted by it… likely because he’s slightly egotistical.
•⌇⌦ His body, to the touch, is always ice cold. Just being around him gives off cold chills and makes rooms colder.
•⌇⌦ Neck twitches constantly.
•⌇⌦ He’s highly patient.
•⌇⌦ Smells like smoke and old candles.
•⌇⌦ He is constantly tired, yet he never sleeps.
•⌇⌦ He can be referred to as Damien only by Wilford as he knows it’s a comfort for Wilford rather than anything else.
•⌇⌦ Dark wisps, like smoke, often emits from his hair and leaves a feint trail wherever he walks.
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・❥・ Bonus Short-Story ・❥・
.·:*¨༺╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗༻¨*:·.
A fuchsia haired man sat on a weathered wooden bench, the crisp autumn air swirling around him, carrying with it the scent of fallen leaves and the hint of change. The trees stood tall and dark, their skeletal branches reaching out like gnarled fingers against the dark sky. Beneath the rolling clouds of black was a light shower of cold rain, paired with occasional deep bellows of thunder. Wilford, unbothered by the weather, wore a bright yellow coat that bore a striking contrast to the muted colors of the dark day, yet he felt oddly muted himself, as if the world around him had absorbed all the vibrancy he once possessed just moments ago. He stared at the trees, his curled mustache twitching as he was lost in thought. The shadows cast by the branches danced around him, triggering a flood of memories that flickered in his mind like fading autumn light. This time of year always made him contemplative how everything seemed to prepare for a long slumber, how decay and beauty coexisted in a delicate balance. Just as a gust of wind dragged him out of his thoughts and rippled up his spine, a dark figure swooped down from the sky. It landed gracefully next to him, perching on the back of the bench; its form a sleek raven whose feathers shimmered black as the void. The raven’s eyes glowed with an otherworldly stygian energy, deep pools of darkness that could drag anything into them.
Wilford turned to the raven, raising an eyebrow. “Well, aren’t you a striking little creature?” he quipped, a grin tugging at his lips. “What brings you to my little corner of the world? Here to steal my bread?” The raven tilted its head, regarding him with an unsettling calm, remaining silent but observant. Fragments of its being would fall out of place and come back together, as if reality itself fought against the creatures existence. Wilford leaned back against the bench, hearing it creak from his weight while his expression shifted. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the roles we play, the expectations we uphold… it’s exhausting.” He glanced at the raven, as if seeking validation. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m still just a part of the show. One of the many characters in this unending, chaotic play. Am I the hero, the jester, or maybe even the villain? It’s hard to tell when the lines blur! As if I would use any scripted lines… but you know what I mean.” The raven hopped a bit closer, its gaze cold. Wilford felt a familiar chill run through him from the stare. “And then there’s the bigger picture. All those choices we make, the paths we tread. Are they truly ours? Or are we really just puppets on strings, guided by forces beyond our understanding? It’s like we’re all just fragments of a larger story, one even I can never understand, lost in a labyrinth of our own making.”
The raven remained silent, but its intensity seemed to deepen, as if it understood. Wilford sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I guess what I’m really trying to say is… I’m not sure where I fit into all of this. Sometimes I want to scream, to break free from agonizing expectation. But then I think—what if in doing so, I lose everything that makes me��� me? Do I even have the power to break this? If I do, what would happen?” He would ask, hoping for an answer. With a rustle of feathers, the raven leaned in slightly, almost as if offering comfort. “You will never know until you try, William. Every great discovery begins with a leap of faith.” The raven spoke without its beak moving an inch. The raven studied the man in the yellow coat for a moment longer, and then, with a powerful flap, it took to the air, soaring high above the trees. As it ascended, Wilford felt an odd sense of clarity settle over him. He smiled softly to himself, the weight of the world feeling a little lighter as he returned his gaze to the autumn trees. In the depths of uncertainty, there was hope. A chance to steer his path towards an unforeseeable future. And it was all only a leap of faith away.
.·:*¨༺╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗༻¨*:·.
・❥Thank you for reading! If you wish to see more, request some ideas. What are you curious about the most?❥・
#character art#small artist#digital art#digital illustration#artists on tumblr#artwork#darkiplier#fan art#markiplier#markiplier egos#wilford warfstache headcanons#wilford warfstache#markiplier warfstache#darkiplier headcanons#markiplier wilford#markipler egos#egos#youtuber egos#digital artist#original art#concept art#my art#character illustration#short story#story#storytelling#original story#fanfic#writing#wkm
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Thinking back to episode 1, where Agatha/Agnes clearly remembers losing Nicky (e.g. the bedroom scene), but doesn't remember why she hates Rio - even though those two things are so intertwined. Why do you think that is?
Hi Anon, thank you for the ask, and for the interesting observation + question!
I can think of 2 possible (Watsonian) reasons why Agent Rio Vidal isn't connected to Detective Agnes' lost son within the spell — and both can be true at the same time:
Rio popping up was unexpected and the spell — already distorted and stretched as it was — simply didn't have time or the juice to adapt this new character into its current storyline and setting.
It's possible that if things dragged on the spell could have made Agent Vidal somehow responsible for spell!Nicky's demise: What a delicious plot development that'd be for our small-town murder mystery prestige crime genre show!
Agatha does't want to remember why she hates Rio, as evidenced by Rio's follow-up comment: "You're only lying to yourself."
We know that the spell is being influenced by Agatha and what she believes about herself ("Is this really how you see yourself?").
E.g. Detective Agnes reflects how Agatha sees herself as a skilled investigator but also her belief and interest in the darker sides of human nature. Agnes' sad social life also reflects Agatha's own loneliness ("a lady cop cannot be good at her job and have a healthy personal life at the same time").
But I think the spell is also influenced by what Agatha wants to believe. Agnes here, as abrasive as she is, is still part of the community. People turn to her as a trusted expert. She's not shunned or hated the same way Agatha is.
And while Agatha has accepted that Nicky's dead and gone, she's struggling with the need to assign blame or reason for it. She ends up blaming Rio and herself.
And I think on the subconscious level that the spell pulls from, Agatha simply doesn't want to blame Rio.
She still has love and all these feelings for Rio but instead of dealing with what happened with Nicky — with how sometimes death and loss just happens beyond one's control no matter how much we love or how deserved it is — she prefers to run, to lie to herself (she's such a good liar).
It's this same reason why in episode 4, despite all evidence and reason pointing out that Billy isn't Nicky, Agatha embraces Rio and tries to kiss her. Don't get me wrong, Rio's truthful campfire confession definitely played a part too, but I think Agatha's an awfully good liar.
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sorry im so insane about little details in my art... theres such rich and specific lore in my head i can barely explain
#at least i havent seen anyone comment about these specific detaills#everyone is barefoot/ wearing socks in jhonny' home related comics cause vanillas home seems like a shoes off home#mighty doesnt hug max back in the agsnt dementia comic cause he grew up afraid hed crush things accidentaly#but he DOES hold espio in chaotix:exit post cause hes grown and somewhat healed from that#also yeah bill passed away in the chaotix:exit#its sad but also a part of life and all...#i have more thoughts about this but id just ramble a lot#porker never got in contact with his parents cause he doesnt want to endager them but also!#he thinks hes been a coward... thinking hell dissapoint them#SORRY I RRLY LIKE THESE CHARACTERS
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something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."
like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...
#like it's sad both on the front of 'dehumanizing my real life'#but also on the front of 'you deserve to have healthy communication in your life'#like if you think this is unrealistic it means more than likely you havent experienced someone being patient and understanding with you#and that makes me very very sad#I'm sorry#also it's just rude to tell me my writing is unrealistic LOL like hey#real people talk all kinds of ways. shut up#I've been told it's also in part cause they always understand their own feelings when theyre talking#but I'm like...#theyre like mid 30-early 40 and theyre immortal and theyre going through a lot of shit#I feel like theyve thought about it a lot#also the comic takes place over the course of a year so far#we're seeing the big moments and the fun mysteries#so#its about grown men who love eachother#sorry that they think about what they want to say before they say it#also as if adam isnt constantly wrong and steve isnt constantly pushing shit down#he's only JUST RECENTLY starting to share his emotions as they come up#instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over#I think people just THINK theyre communicating way too clearly because their partner#who loves them#is listening and responding with kindness#like..#idk I have a lot of thoughts about this#would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for this to spark a discussion#and especially for it to cause people to reread a little more critically#and perhaps even introspect on their own ideas of communication standards#I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother
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(been relistening to cr2 some more) love so much when caduceus has his vry religious very ritualistic moments. its nice. love the slow methodical ritual of it all . love him talking to others like yasha or fjord about it and the extremely slow and careful wording of exactly what he wants to say . love him gently laying a body to rest or growing tea for it . its just niceys
#religious characters when ur not viewing all religion thru an american christian lense ❤️#<- referring to people saying he pushed his religion onto the other characters too much when mostly he just spoke about it alot#because it means tha world to him . its a huge part of his life . and also he mostly only gives advice when people come to him anyway#sometimes hes a little arrogant about it all but mostly he waits for things to happen (including people needing help)#(and isnt that also an interesting character trait. him learning that he cant just wait for things to happen forever)#(but not abandoning his faith either)#kiddo say#sad and basically no spoons today so lets all think abt him
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Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.
Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.
Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!
The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.
And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?
Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.
Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.
It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.
And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.
I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-
i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon
(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)
i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)
my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)
(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)
in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam
(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-
i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..
it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i dont need it to be mind breaking#i just want it to be interesting#botw was interesting to me!! so much so!! god i miss loving that game- totk just gives everything a bitter taste..#i dont find echoes of wisdoms lore that interesting as some seem to do#the main thing being you play.. as zelda (and need to transform into link via mystic energy to be able to actually fight hahaaa)#and i find that cool but also a little .. sad? like this series is so set in its path that even playing as the other good guy is a big hook#i have nothing much against the game (other than how zelda is handled- of course she da priestess not a hero .. the FUCKING UI ARGH)#idk totk kinda killed how invested i was into the lore#im just kinda numb to it by now ... like whatever#i still care mind you- but it would take alot ot get me excited again#also this long ass response isnt meant agressively or something#i just have .. opinions tm#also .. the whole breakign the cycle is the entire idea of my totk rewrite- with zelda having to realize she is part of what perpetuates it#and everything shes been told all her life was a lie- shaking her entire worldview to the core#anyway#im gonna guess this wasnt the point of the ask but uh ... words go brrrrr
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Love being an arcane warrior in dao i love swinging a giant maul around and being in armour but also casting walking nightmare and horror on my enemies i think swords are cooler but the affect of a maul is funnier than big sword in my opinion. I have like 3 affects (at the minimum) going on at all times and then i do an aoe chug some lyrium just in case and bludgen some guy to death. What.
#dao#dragon age origins#dao surana#dragon age#i havent drawn athima in a while bc im busy w zine stuff but. you bet when im done (hopefully this week) im drawing them sm#idk theyre a silly guy#also my quest dlcs arent working? and when i look shit up it doesnt make sense#im not a tech savvy person is the issue here#anyway- athima my beloved#just met goldanna which was a bust#and im hoping i dont accidentally harden alistair idk how id do it accidentally but.#i wouldnt be surprised if i did#kimda sad you dont get to explain to goldanna that alistair did not in fact live in the royal palace#and that currently all he has is the ppl w him and the clothes on his back#since the arl is still fucked up rn#idk she assumes a lot about him and i wish you could explain stuff to her#cuz its like. i get her perspective she lives a shit life with what 5 kids?#like yeah if i thought my brother was better off than me then id want some help#however she just. assumes hes lived the worlds lushest life#when that isnt the case?#and ik its like. a part of the wholw him standing up for himself thing i think?#idk i read some stuff bc i like to know what im getting into but still be a bit surprised#so. idk man#athima is goin through it too get these guys some therapy#anyway im done rambling in my tags now
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what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that
#at this point I’m begging people to see the overlap with adhd too bc anecdotally it seems like everyone I know also has that#and the overlap with bpd and hpd but I think the main difference is. being stuck in that high energy state. even when the energy turns sad#and bitter and hopeless. it’s essentially just overstimulation from your own brain. gets stuck overstimulating itself to cope maybe?#like i know people say it’s not triggered by life events but they sometimes can trigger it. but imho depression is gonna trigger it too#eventually. anything where everything is Too Much can start the positive feedback loop that’s almost impossible to turn off#which if you don’t know what a positive feedback loop is. means smth triggers smth which goes back and triggers its original trigger#thus getting bigger and bigger in magnitude. it’s like the chicken and the egg. egg makes chicken and chicken makes egg. more egg more#chicken and more chicken more egg. as opposed to a negative feedback loop which by the time there gets enough of smth it stops triggering#making more of it. your body relies on negative feedback loops for smth called homeostasis which is basically keeping everything stable#so obv positive feedback loops are gonna do the opposite of stable. in this case for your energy and your mood#most people are able to sleep better when they’re tired. my hypothesis of hypomania is when being tired makes you less able to rest#and that obviously spirals in on itself. mania would just be an extension of that I guess? but in some people it does happen really fast so#I get the narrative that it’s a chemical imbalance bc it is. but the specific imbalance being the tendency to a positive feedback loop make#more sense to me too. and can be why predictability and external cycles to ground yourself to are so important#there’s also never a 0% chance of you ever having a manic episode btw. anyones brain can theoretically get into this loop it’s just that if#you’re genetically predisposed to bipolar you’re much more likely to! and that’s okay. you can manage it with meds and lifestyle#but it makes sense why lowering stress (which can trigger this cycle) is such an important part of treatment and management#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth#bipolar awareness#bipolar 2#hypomania#personal mental health tag#neurodivergence#would you believe I was reminiscing about a concert I went to once. and it made me think of all this
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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unironically one of the most fucked up endings to any manga ever i literally cried for like 30 minutes when I first reached the last few chapters of this
#me.txt#kazeki#kaze to ki no uta#1970s manga#vintage shoujo#the story has so many problems and i had to skip certain parts but also its just so tragic and i feel so bad for the characters#i dont really assume any ill intent in the content btw its just that some of it isnt executed as well as it could be to say the least#i think tho the way things are so flowery and beautiful when its just horrific (gilberts backstory) add to how its distorted his worldview#which to me makes it even sadder cause im reading it like no no no no 😭😭#but weirdly i think that goes over some ppls heads . idk. this scene in particular illustrates it well though#the way he looks back on his life with such rosetinted glasses because its all he ever knew... :( it just makes me so sad#i just wish he got a happy ending because he did not deserve all that#top 10 anime characters who have suffered more than jesus
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it is now officially the 25th which means...
merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33
#sophie's idle chatter#this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays....#i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true)#also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god#(not so) mini life updates :#the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and....#my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...)#my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF#currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔#the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :((#oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series...#sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently.....#the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;)#my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps#on my own 🧍♀️#OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT???#i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this#i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series.......#tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them#idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG#thats abt it i think?#anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33#ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶#queue... ueueue
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#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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potential sonic 3 spoilers incoming if anyone cares. anyway . apparently there was an official survey about the knuckles show/scu in general and one of the questions was about what name you would use for an eggman/shadow/gerald teamup. which is a weirdly specific question. and also one of the name options was team dark …….. ?? even though rouge isnt mentioned in the question and theres no sign of her being in the next movie in general ? i was willing to accept amy being introduced a little after knuckles and tails but between there still being no sign of her being in the next movie and now this if they actually have gerald time travel or something and have him be the third member of the dark story trio instead of rouge then i will be fully convinced that theyre going out of their way to exclude as many already existing girl characters as possible. like i get cgi is expensive which could be part of the reason rouge might not have made the cut. but damn . assuming this is real anyway it could just be another fake leak but idk
#im not saying the writers hate all the girl characters (iirc they have said they like amy and rouge and shown interest in adding them)#and i also dont think the movies have to be complete copies of the games in terms of stories and characters#but some of the decisions being made here are so weird and kinda show a lack of care for those characters ..#its especially odd that iirc theyve said that part of what influences the choices on what characters to use is popularity/recognizability#both to fans of the games as well as more casual viewers#yet they might be rewriting a major part of the story just to include gerald over rouge?#and they wanted a character who was a ghost echidna that guided the living characters and they picked pachacamac#instead of tikal who both already fits that description And is more popular?#okay well i doubt casual viewers would know who tikal is but they dont know who pachacamac is either#and its also an objective fact that tikal is more popular among fans . Man .#also theres the thing of knuckles being given a connection to iblis when thats already elise (and blaze)'s thing#to be fair knuckles is way more popular and recognizable than elise. and i really doubt sonic 06 would get adapted#but still#maria IS confirmed to be in the next movie though#but idk if i would consider that to be a win for girl sonic characters#considering shes the only one known to be in it AND she dies#sonic movie spoilers#sonic movie 3 spoilers#i guess idk#also again considering the whole cgi thing i would have been willing to accept no rouge even if its disappointing#but to have gerald of all characters replace her is just so. what .... cant you just use agent stone or a new character or something#i dont hate gerald its just the idea of bringing him back to life instead of including rouge is weird .#anyway . we also dont have full context so maybe its nt as bad as it sounds. or maybe theyre hiding rouge and amy from us . IDKK#but also every new info about this movie we get has me like that one picture of a guy holding a cigarette and looking reallytired#and i hate feeling this way when i was so excited about the first 2 when they came out#sad ! well theres other sonic media
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#hi im not dead !! tee hee#anyways its incredible how like 99% of the absolute most bonkers scourge takes#come from people who entirely erase her existence from his life! funny how that works huh#like you dont have to ship them i dont care. frankly ride-or-die evil besties fiona & scourge is something that i would 1000% be down for#being the aroace sonic truther i am.#however. if you rip her completely out and throw her to the wayside#despite the fact that she has been a major part of like all of his appearances after he becomes scourge#then there is a 99.9999999999999999999% chance your takes suck horrifically#and also you do not understand scourge as a character. or sonic for that matter since a lot of the time the terrible takes overlap#i was about to say ''i cant believe i came out of an entirely unannounced 3 week hiatus just to complain#about the fandom's take on something to do with archie sonic''#but actually this is incredibly on brand#anyways fiona justice. its so sad its so sad#like whenever i post something with fiona in it and somebody tags her i immediately go check their tag#just to find that my 3 art pieces are the only things in there#come on guys lets do better#well. actually given the way half the fandom treats scourge im not sure if i want them touching fiona#well . then i guess *ill* have to do better#make it four art pieces instead of three
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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