#its all starting to come together too
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cant sleep.
have so many hsr!kami brainworm instead.
#; ooc.#; mobile#listen my sleep has been suffering lately#my boyfriend called me out on it#but hear me out#i am really invested in kami's development in this setting#i want him to feel like a legit part of the world#so im constantly trying to find a voice and reasona for him#its all starting to come together too#one day i will add chongyun too#cause they are just as much apart of it#but in some ways its easier to write kami over chongyun#because more people are willing to write with him#plus i love lore dumping about his nonhuman status#PLEASE i just love diving into kami's head#and putting his entire complex being into words on tumblr#so other people ca brainworms with me
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"Marchil? I guess I can see it on Chilchuckās end, but what about Marcilleās? What makes you think she could develop feelings for him?" Iām glad you asked!
The first thing to note is that she does think highly of him
In the page on the right, literally defending his virtues and literally comparing him to Dalclan. And ohā¦
She does love a brooding mysterious guy who closes himself to love. But surely, Chilchuck isnāt her type at all, right? Heās not princely or knightly at all. In apperances certainly not, both looks wise and demeanor wise, but then thatās why she seeks to know him on a deeper level, to not only look shallowly.
And hmm. Chilchuck really is quite selfless isnāt he? Always looking out for others, and saving specifically her often, always making sure himself and, staying in or even running towards danger for her sometimes. Modesty is often considered heroicā¦
And can we talk about that drowning oneā¦ You can definitely frame the special attention as him knowing she tends to hesitate or be clumsy, and then his insistance on pulling her out of danger that sheās the healer aka the most important to keep alive, but. From the one who says that he just keeps his ass out of fights and wonāt help this is a lot of risk to take, and he does die trying to pull her to safety in the dungeon rabbits chapter. And the drowning bit??? Thatās when the dungeon collapses. The only reason they DONāT die of drowning here is that the water then gives way to outside. There was NO hope of pulling her to safety here and resurrections would likely not work either, he truly preferred to die with her than try to survive himself.
Sit your ass back DOWN you are in no state, self-sacrifical hero much damn
And Marcille definitely noticed this imo, after all she loves learning all she can about him, remembering things like how he hates waiting on people too. She pays attention to him and what he does and what he says. This to say that itās notable, whatever reason for it you may think (though we know by this point at least she was already aware he was an adult though it wasnāt internalized), out of everyone itās Chilchuckās bed that she wants to sleep in during the Golden Kingdom stay. Heās safe and comforting to her: dependable, the defining trait in her view of him as is shown by the relationship chart in the Adventurerās Bible.
^ Lending handkerchiefs is a romance trope btw and handkerchiefs have irl history of being used for courting. Especially in old English literature and plays like Shakespeareās Othello, and personally I do see a lot of Shakespeare in Dalclan (nobility political drama with some romance). Thereās how his cowl is a dearly beloved souvenir from his family too, thereās a lot of aesthetic tropes you can apply to him.
All this to say you can 100% romanticize Chilchuck into a princely noble guy if you try and thatās exactly what Marcille does with the wife roleplay. She doesnāt need much in the first place, she latches onto crumbs and makes aesthetic narratives out of details, give her an inch sheāll take a mile.
But whatās interesting about the shift throughout the arc of her and his relationship is that she starts out idealizing him into a little angel of a kid (shapeshifter), and she ends it idealizing him as a virtuous husband and family man instead.
And whatās doubly interesting is that in the former, sheās actively warping who he is personality and demeanor wise to fit the aesthetic, he doesnāt have that bitter pride of not asking for help and the edges have been smoothened. But what she does during the wife roleplay is something else, she acknowledges the flaws and justā¦ Accepts them, rolls with them. Sheās aware of his flaws and implements them into the narrative, but the reason why his wife left doesnāt capitalize on them even, rather Chil is chilblivious and his wife loves him very much still, sheās just testing him after having had a night of feeling out of place at his side.
And this is what separates the idealization vs romanticization, sheās not twisting him into someone else sheās just uplifting what he is and focusing on the good sides.
Marcille: "he has a shitty personality sometimes but if he was my husband Iād still cherish him" "If I were your wife Iād be overjoyed to go out with you and would get myself prettied up while you complain about me taking a long time, your friends would tell me that Iām nice and thatād make me happy, but Iād also be sad because you wouldnāt tell me that you love me enough"
Heās angry and his wife left him, heās *flawed*, but heās still worth hyping up, still worth having his own romance story, still has a shot of winning back his beloved. She sees him for what he is, human and real and not a carefully scripted character that fits an aesthetic, and she thinks itās still worthy of love and admiration and fighting for
And whatās funny too is that you might expect her to cool down on him once she learns more about him but actually she only gets increasingly into his business. You tell her your age and next thing you know you promise to introduce her to your family. Give her an inch she takes a mile. And too the thing is, Senshi is equally mysterious but she doesnāt pester him like at all, asks him ONCE about his succubus and he doesnāt even answer and thatās likeā¦ It. With Chilchuck it starts off innocently enough with her wanting to know his age, hometown, the stuff she mentions having asked pre-canon. But it just keeps and keeps going and escalating. Think sheāll be satisfied now knowing you have a wife and kids, maybe sheās disillusioned now? Wrong! She wants to know their names and ages and occupations and hey how did you propose to your wife? Do you think sheāll stop after meeting them? Whatās next? What will she want to know next????
Sheāsā¦ Like itās not a reach that Marcille is all over him. Like it doesnāt mean itās romantic but she just is. She is not normal about him idk. Can you not ask him about what tongue technique he used when first kissing his wife, give the man breathing room
Marcille could literally go "if I was Chilchuckās wife" having deeply pondered and thought out the hypothetical and people would still ask where anyone sees any romantic potential between them. Oh wait
Thereās a platonic explanation for everything (almost?) in Dungeon Meshi donāt say Iām saying otherwise, but itās definitely not like thereās nothing here to read into lol
Going off a bit more under read bc itās my fave topic
Marcille has a whole theme with the charming prince trope with her idealization and storybook motif and Chil is kinda the "Well someone perfect like that isnāt very realistic and romance is usually more complex and thatās ok and good and flawed people can still be āØvirtuousāØ" catalyst
Do you see do you see she starts canon thinking the most romantic thing is a prince charming but her arc in the end has her romanticizing an average, flawed, real and realistic family man, whoās on the poorer side and is on the verge of divorce. And thatās what he needed, too, seeing the positive of himself and the situation instead of focusing on the negative is explicitly what inspires him to hope that he might be able to reconcile with his wife, gives him the courage and self-esteem to shoot his shot.
He IS a prince figure instead that now itās not about idealizing the grand and overt itās about romanticizing the small things in real life!! About finding joy and beauty in things that seem normal or mundane and uplifting them to make the world feel kinder!!!!
Heās the devoted virtuous man that she wantsss not the storybook prince thatās unrealistic and could crumble like a script at any time. Heās the perfect example of a flawed realistic but virtuous & devoted & loving man. Far from a prince charming, but not fully detached from it either. Something worth fighting for despite the flawed cracks. Like literally, flawed romance being worth fighting for is literally the finale of Chilchuck and Marcilleās arc on the matter, where their separate arcs and issues intersect at the most crucial moment.
Marcille is important to Chilās arc not only because of her optimism, but also because of her interest and knowledge in romance & matters of the heart, and thatās what he needs to both open his heart up to hope and to try to reconcile with his wife, like idk sounds gay
Their arc together is literally learning to 1) see each other for how they are and not undermining their qualities capacities etc etc while still not leaving flaws unchecked either and 2) opening up to people. Marcille LITERALLY makes Chil open his heart up to hope like idk man. What do you want from me. Heās literally the guy helping her through deconstructing novels and fantasy and rose tinted glasses and like. Deconstructing the prince charming figure into something more real but still romantically beautiful like KUI KUI STOOOOP STOP IāM ALREADY HOOKED IāM ALREADY-
Ā Ok fine thatās me reading into the tropes too much forgive me for being storybook brained but like. Speaking his heart out to a lone woman on a balcony, Romeo and Juliette shit, asking if she, too, doesnāt want to meet his family, madly blushing. And like sheās learned with Chilchuck itās all in the little things, all the implications he cannot speak aloud. She does reciprocate, does blush madly back, and the first thing she does is shower him in flowers and jewelry and what in her heart is coded as romantic gifts
A lady, stashed away in a high tower by her lonesome, waiting for someone to call out to her from belowā¦ Romeo courting type shit with an offer, a heartfelt spiel, implicit confession from underneath her balcony. Offering him flowers because he succeeded in calling out to her heartā¦ā¦.. And they have to climb to her tooā¦. Crazy
Doesnāt it sound like a proposal. One thatās both so storybook-like and not, contrastedly real and grounded, all about the implications rather than in your face grand gestures, "Donāt you want to meet my family?". They literally have an arc about the topic of romance and this is the climax/pinnacle of it like god?? This is @ the woman who said "Chilchuck is a shy/bashful man so I know he wouldnāt tell me he loves me, butā¦" btw
To quote a friend, truly the shiny secret unlockable dating sim capture target : THE DUNGEON LORD BIT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE'D TAKE IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER HES THE ONE WHO GOT HER TO TURN AROUND COMPLETELY SHES LIKE. WIDE EYED FLAG RAISED???? FLAG RAISED WITH CHILCHUCKĀ šššā¼ļøššā¼ļøš
And the way that this is the culmination of their arc togetherā¦ Like people are not ready for the āChil calling out to dunlord Marcille on the balcony has Romeo and Juliette romance novels imageryā take. Or the ātheir arc is about growing to see beauty even in the non-idealized, in the flawed and in the realā take which makes it so so perfect if she were to lower her ideal from a charming elven prince to a virtuous halfling man (which she does end up romanticizing)
So there, you got to witness in real time what happens when I think about marchil for longer than 2 minutes, there are so many layers itās a deranged rabbithole. I saw the necronomicon of subtext and itās driving me to madness with forbidden knowledge that no one else sees
ā¦ā¦. Like what if I told you she implicitly picked Chilchuck over a "unrealistic prince charming whoās actually disingenuous" much earlier in the story already. If she was given the choice to think through going with a guy that seems perfect and chivalrous like her succubus sheād pick Chilchuck over the other actually. If I sound insane rn tune in for my full analysis on them coming this month hopefully thank youu. Interwoven arcs of fantasy vs reality and idealization vs pessimism I love youuu
So now you know the general thesis of my planned analysis about the importance of the prince charming figure in Marcille and Chilchuckās arc, where she romanticizes things to a sometimes worrying degree or idealize people into something easy and digestible and poetic (like Chil being a kid, and then him being a virtuous āØāØāØhusband), and how she needs to value aesthetics less and actual acts and facts more, be more grounded (like seeing people for what they are flaws and all, and accepting that people need money and not pulling through on principles of honor or unity shouldnāt get Namari shamed) and a part of that is accepting that Chilchuck is BOTH flawed and virtuous, a loving husband that still has shitty moods and fumbled his marriage so bad etc etc. So itās like, her image of perfect prince charming that will whisk you away on an ethereal romance -> realistic flawed middle aged dad with personality issues and a failing marriage but he still is worthy of love and having his cute grand romance story and his happy ending. Ik I keep repeating the same point through this but I need it to be burned into everyoneās brains it has its grip on me I canāt do this. They are so specialā¦ā¦
#Someone did ask (on discord) btw iām not just being a smartass though I do love being that too#This is stuff I cover in my upcoming marcille & chil arc analysis except here I can go full romo and donāt keep the strictly platonic angle#Itās at like 15k words rn I think. The 30 pics limit is killing me which is why I started asking my friend to do collages of panels for me#Sob#I keep alternating between it and the Falin analysis save me. Should be dropping soon idk i might test out having a beta reader for that on#Marchil foreplay is 2 years of being coworkers and slowly worming personal questions out of him until he blinks and she has#a key to his house#Dungeon meshi#marchil#marcille donato#chilchuck tims#like theyāre so so funny look at this shit. Nonconsensual romanticizing of you as a person. Obsessive interest in your personal life#Sheās latched so hard onto the āmysteryā of him theyāre deranged#MAYBE ITS ALL COMPROMISES MAYBE ITS ALL SWEET INBETWEENS <3#maybe we'll take our vision of what we thought we could be and make something new together. something for just us#Fumi rambles#Maaan Marcilleās āidealizing him into liking him even for all his flaws bc his personality is often kinda shittyā arcā#and Chilchuckās āprejudice against elves and mages and optimism into respect and trustā arc are everything to me#Meta#Spoilers#Dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Tagged this so late oops#Itās so funny. Sheās canonically wondered how Chil would be like as a lover#No no but like do u see. Fantasy is a key part of her chrcter and arc and heās the foil to that heās the thing that comes challenge it
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Art Wip Game
@artisticallyill you asked about the Battle Cody & Obi so here it is
This one is definitely a bad name. While technically accurate, it's not the defining thing about this. Battle Cody & Obi is the name of my drawing that is my Codywan FMAB AU. Truly the title says nothing, and idk what i was thinking when i named the drawing but it's my fmab au
Here's it is so far:
In this au, the jedi are the state alchemists, Obi-Wan is a general and a state alchemist and a highly revered one but I don't know what his alchemy specialization is yet. Cody is his right hand who watches his back and has several big guns and people are scared of him.
I imagine this drawing to be them fighting Maul, who would absolutely just set a bunch of things on fire, not even with alchemy but with straight up matches cuz he's petty like that and Cody and Obi-Wan are trapped by the fire and waiting to see where he strikes next.
When I was ideating this, I realized that their dynamic is already pretty similar to Mustang and Hawkeye, especially with the "we can't date cuz you're my superior officer/subordinate" and the "i will flirt with others as a tactical move but it's fake and the real adoration only comes out with you"
Find wip game post here
#tag game#my wips#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#codywan#codywan fmab au#i have so many thoughts#i also imagine that one scene where roys abouta smush envy and hawkeye stops him#cuz i want a falling obi beign held at gunpoint by his commander because cody will not let him fall#cody makes him a better jedi okay?#obiwan might start to fall and codys there#theyre a team and they work well together#cody the ever serious one and obi putting on some false bravado to go by unnoticed because people underestimate him#its perfect#i think about it all the time#obi wan loses his state alchemist watch all the freaking time#cody always has it#and he clips it to his person so it comes to a point where people think hes the state alchemist#and they dont know what theyre fighting for or who#fives is hughes too smart for his own good#there are a lot of high ranking separatists and sith but i havent assigned them to a deadly sin yet#something to think about when i go to sleep tonight#fanart#digital art#star wars#my art#my wip art#fmab au#star wars fanart#wip
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Racism and misogynoir are so apparent in fandom, especially when it comes to shipping because why is it when a white male, sometimes female but I see it more with the former, character is on screen with a love interest, particularly woc, especially if they're black, and even with all the emotional scenes or just moments where they look at one another in ways different from the rest, it's met with "No, they aren't dating/the show is not going to put them together" but let the other love interest be white as well and suddenly it all makes sense? Heck, the examples I mentioned above don't even have to exist between the latter for some to STILL go and believe this rhetoric (eg. some Jace and Helaena shippers because, even if these two only interacted with a dance but yet we see Baela console Jace, after he seeks her out, apparently it's to far fetched to believe that Jacela could be a thing?!)
Sometimes it could be a headcanon that, largely, would make sense (and oftentimes was birth due to lack of respect that the poc characters could have been given by the writers *cough* TVD *cough*), and yet you'd still have people dismissing it left and right and spewing hate. At a HEADCANON! And I'm not saying that just because the other person in the ship is poc that you have to ship them, I'm not, but it's very apparent to many poc fans in fandom that unless the characters are swapping spit and doing the nasty, the possibility of them being viewed in any romantic lens feels too much of stretch even though their white counterparts don't have to jump through the same loops.
#fandom racism#and even if the characters are already together in some way you still have some in the fandom picking a part every little thing#and don't let it be a love triangle either bc even tho the main consensus is supposed to be rooting for one side#if the other happens to be poc you can BET that their will be racial undertones from the fandom used as ājustificationā#(mark/amber/eve even tho mark is half korean but even with that some fans still viewed him as white and used that even more to hate on amber#and use a lot of misogynior) i remember those dark days in that fandom#from the early days until the ends of the westallen to jacela its so apparent especially when the love interest is black#and its not only jace/helaena shipprs that do this but cregan/sara shippers as well#and this is coming from someone who doesn't even mind jacelaena (prefers jace/hel/baela tho)#dont even get me started on the star wars fandom & how the idea of finn and rey was too out there l#and how much racism finn & john boyega had to deal with as a result#and i just know the same will happen with percy & annabeth when rachel is added (as someone who ships all three of them too)#like you can ship whomever you want but at the same time don't ignore/be apart of this racist and hateful rhetoric#jacela#sydcarmy#percabeth#westallen#bc its the way that this can be applied to SO MANY fandoms and ships that it's exhausting#finnrey#bamon#klonnie#kennett#tvd#pjo#star wars#hotd#the flash#for queer stories too bc ill never forget how some acted about dare me even tho the afro latina character was literally being groomed!#so many examples to many to name š#stefonnie
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER ššš#sorry triglycercule but no š§” they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious š§” like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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Concept sketch of my new JJBA self insert and her stand, BellaDonna (who will eventually be known as Madonna). Inspired by the song 'Like a Prayer' by...well, Madonna! @sapphire-heart-tippy
(lore dump under the cut, TW for mentions of animal injury and religious trauma)
My self insert (who will also go by Jane) grew up in a deeply religious family and tried to be a good jehovah's witness child that made her parents proud.
One day, she comes up with the power to heal various injuries and ailments, almost to the point of being able to revive the dead. She figures she's given this power by the lord himself and vows to do good with it, but when she's found using them to heal a bird that had been wounded by a cat, her mother falls into hysterics thinking that she MUST be possessed by the devil to have such abilities.
She's punished and shunned by her community while her mother prays for a cure and though she tries to repent her power doesn't seem to go away, so eventually her mother snaps and drags her into the wilderness and attempts to throw her to the bottom of an old well.
Her Stand, which had previously not manifested physically, appears then to cushion her fall and eventually she manages to pull herself out of the well with her Stand's help, who she now believes to be a guardian angel. But not wanting to return home, she runs away to face the world alone, growing jaded and bitter over time. She loses all of her faith, and the power to heal inverts itself, becoming a sort of poison. Something that LEECHES life, rather than heal it.
When she's an adult (my age irl so 25 I guess) she's made her way by becomes a bounty hunter/assassin using her Stand and eventually catches the attention of Dio. Who takes her in and explains to her what her Stand REALLY is, promising to teach her how to properly wield those powers if she agrees to serve him. She reluctantly takes his offer, but starts to see him as a familial figure, since no one else had ever tried to nurture or even accept her gift. Dio is the one who giver her Stand the name BellaDonna, after the deadly plant!
#artfarts#self insert#self ship#self insert art#jojo self insert#jojo oc#jjba#jjba oc#jjba part 3#stardust crusaders#jojo's bizarre adventure#and of course wehehehe she meets polnareff and they eventually get together!!#so...i actually kinda forgot that polnareff actually ALSO starts off as an agent of dio šš with the mind control thing#idk just HOW influential the buds can be. he seems to retain his personality and it just sorta...dictates his morality#and also does whatever dio says. so when he DOES get mind probed by dio my s/i is already his agent#and what im saying is even when they meet THEN hes flirty as hell and immediately interested in her#cause OFC he is thats his personality šš its his nature hes french#and ofc we know he gets the bud removed and he joins the main cast so im trying to figure out how jane fits in!!#i definitely dont think she joins or turns immediately#i think they capture her first to CHECK for a bud and when they dont find it theyre like...well what now#pol wont let them kill her so they just sorta drag her along and over time she starts to have a change of heart#i think she expects dio to send someone after her or to save her himself but when other agents keep coming and trying to kill her TOO#she realizes he never really cared about her at all#blah blah angsty stuff aside she starts seeing who polnareff truly is and starts falling for him too!!#ok ive rambled enough here if u read all of this mwah im kissing ur forehead š«¶š«¶š«¶#š©¶ just like a prayer š©¶
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metalhead ghost whoās been in moshpits since he was a kid and is now a veteran of the scene and the self appointed look out. he keeps an eye out for anyone falling or passing out, kicks the shit out of anyone crowd killing or putting their hands where they shouldnāt
and heās been keeping an eye on the punk in the kilt since he saw him throw himself headfirst into the wall of death
he looks like the type to start shit - loud and aggressive as anyone else here but a punk doesn't end up at a metal show for no reason - but there's also something niggling at him that he's gonna end up getting himself hurt. and ghost canāt tell if heās going to do it on purpose
if he does, ghost needs to know. he uses these places as an escape - the music, the violence, the community - always has and he knows all to well how easily an escape can curdle and become destructive. heās seen too many people lost to the darker parts of the scene, almost lost himself to it; he doesnāt want it to happen to anyone else if he can help it
so when he sees the punk sweating his mohawk off, his movements becoming looser and uncoordinated, he has no issues with yanking him out of the pit and pulling him away from the crowd; pushing him up against the venue wall and ordering him to open his mouth
the glaze that falls over his eyes concerns him even as he obediently lets his mouth fall open. he was right; the punkās severely dehydrated, tongue and gums far to pale and along with the look in his eyes, he half-thinks heās about to drop
he reflexively tightens his hold on his jaw to keep him up and the punk shivers, a flush creeping up his neck. an almost confused arousal joins the haze in his eyes and ghost smirks beneath his mask
looks like metal shows arenāt the only thing the punk is new to
#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost has a split tongue bc i said so#and soaps mohawk is overgrown and fluffy as hell running down the back of his neck#once ghost forces water down his throat soap comes back online and is his usual self and ghost starts to like him even more#he likes having someone that can go toe to toe with him#i wish i knew more about the scene so i could expand this but i dont know shit about punk or metal culture lmao#i do know itd be mid 20s soap and late 30s early 40s ghost and soaps just self destructing#wanting to be an artist but hes being strangled both by his family who think its a waste when hes so mathematically smart#and by the artistic community who hate his pieces for being too chaotic and non traditional#ghost keeps running into him at shows and he recognises that self destruction all too well#and he sees him declining and knows if he doesnt step in no one will#he was a drug addict after getting caught up in abusive relationship with roba#and it was only his brothers death that pulled him out of his spiral#he doesnt want death to be the end of this spitfire punks story#soaps also got that classic catholic guilt internalised homophobia going for him#hes only ever known the bad parts of the scene he didnt know there was anything different#until ghost introduces him to price and nikolai whove been together longer than hes been alive#and to gaz and farah and alex who make no secret of their love for each other and soap realises just how deprived he is of healthy love#not when his parents barely stand him not when his sister only got married when she fell pregnant and they forced her into the church#with a man she hardly knew just so they could keep their reputation#just ghost showing soap theres more to life than violence and hatred and theres so much love for him to discover#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#weāre a team. ghost team#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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i havent followed the manga in several months and im not interested in catching up again but has bakugo un-died yet. has deku saved him yet with the power of gay love. or is he still getting open heart surgery. has this boy been getting open heart surgery for the past 8 months.
#shut up pandora#bnha#boku no hero academia#katsuki bakugo#izuku midoriya#bakudeku#i guess#the first time bakugo Fucking McDied was pretty romantic#and i guess the second time deku did get pretty mad about it so fuck it im down#its shounen so dekus will they wont they with uraraka is so misogynistic#that his relationship with bakugo has become the greatest love story of all time#i jest ofc#even if they became canon RIGHT NOW the rest of the story is too mid for them to be even a particularly good love story#but its also the only relationship in bnha that i still care about after the disrespect they showed my girl momo#and the direction they went with the todoroki family#and the general plot progression#imma stop talking about that bc this is not a complain about bnha post this is a 'is bakugo still dead' post#but yeah although this is the only bnha ship i still care about i dont think horikoshis brave enough to make them canon#but if all the tjlc-ing from the bakudeku fans come true and they really do pull a fakeout and bkdk gets together#i will stomach the poor plot progression and hatred towards women and start following the manga again#but yeah if hes still dead horikoshi get on it???#it was dramatic the first few chapters but if you drag it out for several months ppl (me) are going to get tired of it and drop the series
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no wonder missy is insane about him. she just mindmeld trauma bonded with him and got confirmation through him that she was right the whole time about the thing that happened to her, AND then they traded life-saving moments. of course she wants her friend back. she needs him to see her again, as clearly as he did in that moment. she needs him to be like her, because among time lords, she is alone, but with the doctor, she isnāt.
#and also he looks like peter capaldi now and she wants to fuck that old man so bad#missy is very. masterlike in her affections. of course she is. but sheās also so so sincere about them too?#its jarring compared to simm!master because you have similar moments right u have like. āoh davros is your archenemy now? ill scratch his#eyes out.ā and yeah i could see simm!master saying that same thing same tone. because they are both freaks about the doctor#but this is the same scene where she tells the doctor heās walking into a deathtrap and when he doesnāt back down. she walks into it with#him. itās like she made a decision at some point that Of Course Theyāre On The Same Side Now.#thatās why she offers him the cybermen. thatās why she gives him clara. this is their side and itās going to be the side that. if the#hybrid shit had come together as expected. would have destroyed gallifrey. and then there would be no time lords. just them. and they would#not be alone because of this.#and the thing is that. again havent started s10 im getting to it. but the thing is that missy decided this was true.#the doctor is not on the same page as her at all.#and thatās why its soooo! okay <3 break my heart forever then <3#the doctor thinks missy has to earn. has to work at. being on his side. and missy thinks she already is and that itās so so obvious.#u understand?#missy dw#the master#doctor who
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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2000's Trio 2020's Trio
Imagine how great it would be if the PJO show is successful and gets the Harry Potter treatment where we get to see these kids grow up throughout the show!
If the Golden Trio was our big 2000's trio, I hope the Original Trio will be our big 2020's trioššš
#these are my 2 favorite middle grade book series and I'd love if I can have well done adaptations for both of them to squeal over#I actually didn't get into the HP movies until they were all well done and over with#so i didn't really get to 'grow up' with the characters in real time as the movies were coming out#so I'm really hoping I'll get that chance with the actors in the PJO series#how cool would it be to watch the Original Trio and the rest of CHB grow up alongside the show in real time?#also my mom and I love marathoning HP together and I'm really hoping the PJO show can be the next big thing we obsess over together#I convinced her to watch PJO with me be telling her PJO is like HP and showing her the trailer and musical songs#she was interested and said she's into mythology too so its a start!#tbh I'm looking forward to the PJO show way more than the HP reboot#mostly because I'm so attacted to the films and think they're pretty good adaptations even if they're not perfect#but with PJO we don't have any GOOD and FAITHFUL adaptations at all#what movies? there are no PJO movies#I still might give the HP reboot a watch esp. if its good but still. the movies mean so much to me#i love both series and there's nothing wrong with that#please be nice#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackson tv show#disney+#the original trio#annabeth chase#grover underwood#harry potter#harry potter movies#harmione granger#ron weasley#the golden trio#harry potter reboot#hbo max#2000s trio and 2020s trio
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#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN#But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee#but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch#not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual#his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion#who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright#But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right#Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore#cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind#and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual#subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what#Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands#conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh#Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info#and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up#while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG#while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL#Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject#he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF šš#and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val#(val def does it too in his northern appartment#idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ#sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together#but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense#while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too#and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee#tbd
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ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess
#avil plays hsr#idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out#but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM#i gotta line these pieces up first#i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false#UH#ill just tag this as#hsr 2.1 spoilers#because thats the ramble in the tags#but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you#so i just have to wonder too#and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder#he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed#so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true#i want to believe those are true even despite his false front#the things i want to talk about is like#well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony#and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time#and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor#but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer#unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said#SOMEONE PROBABLY DID#but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles āØ#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS
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iāve been watching yannis marshall choreography for like 15 minutes and iām back thinking about my dancer au
gaz suggests a pole dancing segment for the music video for price and ghost shuts it down hard, saying he doesnāt do pole. gaz calls him selfish, that heās just saying no to spite him but ghost holds firm; not even listening to soap as he tries to reason with him and reach a compromise
soap gets to practice early like he always does, just to see ghost blasting another life by motionless in white and doing a flawless pole routine. heās as mesmerised by him as he always is, such beautiful movements contrasted by the seemingly harsh music, and waits for him to break before teasing, āi thought you said you couldnāt do pole dancinā.ā
ghost just wipes the sweat off his face with a towel. he knew he was there
he always knows when soapās there
āi said i didnāt do pole; not that i couldnāt.ā
āwhatās stoppinā you?ā soap asks, genuine and innocently curious and itās the only reason ghost doesnāt completely shut him down
āwhat ābout you?ā he asks instead. āever done pole?ā
he shrugs and sets his bag down. āenough to get in a twirl or two. āsides, gazās better suited to that kinda delicate work.ā
ānow, that i know is bullshit,ā ghost scoffs and soap tenses, expecting him to go off on another rant about his best mate (just like he waits through gaz going off on ghost) but- āiāve seen your competition tapes; youāre plenty strong enough to work a pole.ā
soap stares at him. āhow have you-?ā
āprice,ā he answers simply, throwing the towel on top of his gear and all but stalks towards him. āi like knowinā who iām working with; he sent me your breakdancinā comps. if you can hold a three-fingered hollowback handstand, you can bend on a pole.ā
soap sputters as ghost grips his tank top and yanks him over to the pole, setting his hands in place on the body-warmed metal; bracketing his body with his own. he guides his body through the motions; teaches him how to fall and catch himself in a spin, how to gracefully climb and hold his body in midair
soap laughs as he throws himself into a spin just to bend his legs over his head, twisting his body to latch onto the pole with knee and lean perfectly horizontal with his other leg splayed out; his arm thrown above his head
he tips his head back to catch ghostās grin and almost drops himself as he jumps up to join him; artfully climbing above him and holding his whole weight on his hip as he flips down to look at him
soapās breath catches at the scant distance between their faces; so close he can count the near invisible freckles on ghosts skin, his fair lashes and the deep flecks of gold in his dark eyes
ghost is just as entranced; his grin slowly fading as he looks into the light sparkling in soapās eyes. he tips his head towards the mirrors lining the studio and they slowly turn to look at themselves; fitting perfectly together
āsee?ā he whispers. āwe donāt look all that outta place, do we?ā
āno,ā soap whispers back. āwe donāt.ā
#after stripping for roba he cant do traditional pole without being reminded of it#of the hundreds of hungry eyes and greedy hands wanting to rip him apart. all encouraged by the man who has him trapped#im still trying to work out details (not that ill ever be fleshing this out beyond a notfic lmao) but i think other than soapās self esteem#the other main subplot would be roba coming back after he realises ghost is simon#price got him away from his cartel backed strip club. whether he bought him out or has something else to hold over him i dont know#but part of simon taking on ghost was to hide from roba as much as it was to give himself a new life#but roba still has security footage of him in the club and if he releases it heāll do irreparable damage to his and priceās career#the ghost used to work for (against his will) the cartel? esteemed director john price made a deal with him?#theyll both be ruined#not that ghost cares about his reputation. he only starts to go along with it bc itll hurt price#and after roba finds out about soap he threatens him too#how easy it would be for him to find soap and break a few bones. just enough to ensure heāll never dance again#WAIT THIS COULD BE THE TURNING POINT I COULDNT FIGURE OUT!!#i said nikolai would be gazs manager so maybe ghost starts pushing soap away to try and protect him and gaz loses his shit#like āhow dare you just drop soap after making him like you so much?!ā then it all just comes out and gaz says heāll help#but hes doing it for soap and price /not/ ghost and enrolls nik who still has underworld connections of his own#oh shit its all coming together#if anyone wants to adopt and write this brw i would love you forever#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#weāre a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#gaz cod#task force 141#save post
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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