#is abuse and trauma supposed to be for kids?

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

c//a stans: omg SPOP is such a revolutionary show, it's so mature and well-written! truly a blessing for all queer people!

c//a stans when someone criticizes SPOP: uhh why are you analyzing a kid's show lmao that's embarrassing

[nashvillethotchicken]

I stand with Louis no matter what. If either lestat or armand did that shit to me and people talked about me the way they talk about louis on here and on twitter you're gonna see me in history books

[robbyykeene]

So let me get this straight. Johnny can verbally berate and bully his students, throw them in a cement mixer, hogtie them to a punching bag to punish them for successfully landing a hit on him, set a pack of rabid dogs on them, and hurl glass beer bottles at them all in the name of “training,” and we’re supposed to laugh and clap and cheer. But then I’m supposed to think the hot new sensei from China is the epitome of evil because he cuffed one of his students with a foam pad?

[zappedbyzabka]

Need more Johnny wearing necklaces but also talking about his trauma of being abused, then abused again by another man and groomed

[bigender-cowboy]

I just wanna hug my sister so bad dude im tweaking

[backfliips]

if u finish reading the catcher in the rye and walk away going “ugh holden caulfield is such a spoiled rich kid” i am going to scream so loud into your face that your eardrums explode

[pinkydragon01]

CW: Abusive parents, advanced illness, and near child death.

I took a poll recently that harmlessly asked how many treatable- and even preventable- illnesses I've had. Thankfully, not all of them thanks to my biological mother who cared enough to vaccinate me. She was also the one who paid for my medical insurance.

Now, my mom has her own host of negligent problems with me, but I'm here to talk about my biological father and stepmother.

When I was a teenager- don't remember what age because much of that time period is fuzzy- I got sick. Really sick. It was just strep throat, and we all knew it. My dad knew, my stepmom knew, all of my stepbrothers and me too. They quarantined me away and that was it. No doctors visit.

Now, theoretically, strep throat can heal on its own, but mine didn't. I was grossly ill for over a week. Vomiting, poor eating, loss of voice, dizziness, fever, chills, and eventually a full body rash. Which some may know means I had advanced into developing scarlet fever.

My condition deteriorated with zero sign of improvement. Near the 2nd week mark, I was completely bedbound and, from what I can remember, unable to speak and could barely breath.

And this is where I want to stress- I had medical insurance.

My mother paid for it. Not my father or stepmother had not put a single dime into this responsibility, and yet they seemingly were unwilling to find me medical care. When I moved away with my dad into a different state, he never sought a primary care physician for me. Therefore, when I did get sick, he didn't have a fast means for me to see a doctor. Or maybe he did and I'm- to this day- wishfully thinking he had his hands tied and wasn't just... leaving me like this out of neglect.

But it was neglect. I didn't have a family doctor and they made no obvious attempt to help me. Not until they were finally convinced that this was going to kill me.

They eventually gave in and brought me to urgent care. The whole thing is a blur to me, but I do recall the nurse being astounded and the doctor being angry. I remember he lectured my parents about how this was completely preventable and I was far too sick for this to be acceptable. Turns out, I was in the early stages of developing rheumatic fever, which is basically an auto-immune response to untreated strep infections. When rheumatic fever is left untreated, it leads to childhood congestive heart failure and death.

The doctor prescribed me antibiotics and sent me home. The pills were less than $20.

To this day, I think about that cost. I think about how my dad and stepmom never got me a family doctor and never tried to seek care for me until I was quite literally on my death bed. They even had the fucking nerve to complain about how expensive the urgent care visit was. A visit that was completely caused by their own negligence.

They don't pay for my medical insurance, my mom does, and they still wouldn't put forth the small co-pays to give me adequate care.

The pills that saved my life costed $20, and my life was barely worth that to them.

[yay-depression]

thinking unhappy thoughts at 1 am except these can’t even be categorized into the “no feelings past 4pm in winter are real” bc it wasn’t inherently a negative thought it was a positive thought which upon saying aloud sounded really fucking sad

[jackett-slut]

ok sorry if this sounds fucking insane. i need to write something out.

[anonymous-depressed-figure]

My youngest brothers have started calling me mom, I’m the only one that keeps the abuse from getting physical. The older siblings try to hit them even more than our parents do. I have to leave next fall, I have to move three hours away. I can’t take them with me. I don’t know how to cope with what I know will happen. I don’t know how to tell them that I still love them more than anything. I don’t know how to keep them alive. I don’t know how to do this.

[thalassophobixodius]

help I keep looking on Pinterest to add spiritual or magical looking stuff to my DR board and I keep seeing very very toxic "christians" (wishing death upon others and trying to force them into your religion is the entire opposite of what christianity is supposed to be) telling the op to repent or spamming random passive aggressive bible quotes and like?? It's never on anything about shifting, it's never on anything that I could see a stereotypically toxic Christian getting mad at, it's literally just, little innocent gifs and word definitions?

(big rant/talk under cut)

How can you see a description of the word "sisu" and write a novel in the comments trying to convert op, how can you see a gif of an anime hand holding an orb and passive aggressively pretty much tell op they're going to hell by reminding them that your belief is that heaven and hell exists and doing anything you disagree with will send them to hell. How can you see a little cartoon gif and tell op to "repent", from WHAT, didn't in your beliefs God create everything? To you, God created nature and magic, to you God gave everyone the freedom to create art and animate, what do you mean people are going to hell for being free just as your god intended? You aren't truly Christian if you are like this, you are using religion as a disguise so that you can hurt and manipulate others; you are using a religion that isn't truly a belief system you tried to understand correctly and are morphing it into a Cult.

Religion isn't an excuse to go around blatantly trying to manipulate, guilt trip, gaslight, and invoke severe paranoia in random people. Do your knuckles drag when you walk? Did you forget about freedom of religion? Did you forget about freedom? I thought you said your God loved all his creation, and he told you to do the same and treat his creation with respect.

I've been friends/family with so many incredibly kind Christians, some made me somewhat uncomfortable unintentionally but most of the time I know it's just a slight trauma response, and I know they're my family and I know I'm accepted. Sometimes they can even feel more welcoming than anyone else! But that is, if they truly understand their religion . For what it's supposed to be teaching.

It's not all Christians, I know that as a fact; because that kind of stereotypical act ISN'T what Christianity is about! At all!

[renmorris]

I love Stan's relationship with the kids so much.

GF emphasizes a lot of very real trauma in Stan's past. Everything from child abuse, homelessness, drug abuse, and survival sex work. And the way that meshes with Mabel being this truly genuine depiction of a weird little girl creates something that is very unique to the series.

It's really touching how Mabel just being Mabel heals Stan's inner child and the way he naturally clicks with her. The weird and creative little boy he used to be, before his father's abuse and toxic masculinity beat that joy and optimism out of him.

It's just damn good. It's a really beautiful depiction of an intergenerational relationship. And I haven’t really seen anything else quite like it. Because there’s also Dipper.

There’s this wall between Stan and Dipper that goes beyond his similarities with Ford and its gender.

Dipper is a boy and Stan clearly doesn’t really know how to handle that. He was taught that boys are raised in a very specific way. And like we see how Stan really struggles with his past, the way he talks about the boxing lessons in particular.

Masculinity is so deeply entwined with Stan's pain and it’s something he can’t easily unravel. How is he supposed to be able to criticize his father for 'toughing him up' when he feels like punching things is one of the only things he’s good at? It's fucking sad.

[gurorori]

i will talk ab source. part 1 is prolly childhood? I REACHED TAG LIMIT

[lakesbian]

nobody move. i've just successfully articulated the sentiment that taylor's power turns her into a panopticon because she was living in one & explained her trigger in a way i feel satisfied with for the first time in my life

the concept of the panopticon is not just about surveillance, but about creating an environment where people cannot be sure whether or not they are being surveilled, and thus must constantly act under the assumption that they are. which is exactly what happened to taylor--we see from when we first meet her in the school that she's anticipating attack from every possible direction to avoid it, and the one time she lets her guard down a fraction and assumes she's found a safe spot to hide from abuse, she's targeted with the juice spills. and this is after her trigger event, but it's clear she behaves this way because it was beaten into her over the entire course of the bullying. it's what she describes when she recounts the trigger:

“I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.  But I made a friend, one of the girls who had sometimes joined in on the taunting came to me and apologized.  ...  Her approaching me and befriending me was one of the big reasons I could think the harassment was ending.  I never really let my guard down around her, but she was pretty cool about it. “And for most of November and the two weeks of classes before Christmas break, nothing.  They were leaving me alone.  I was able to relax.” I sighed, “That ended the day I came back from the winter break. I knew, instinctually, that they were playing me, that they were waiting before they pulled their next stunt, so it had more impact. I didn’t think they’d be so patient about it. I went to my locker, and well, they’d obviously raided the bins from the girls bathrooms or something, because they’d piled used pads and tampons into my locker. Almost filled it.”

the precise moment when she stopped consciously anticipating and preparing to react to abuse--when she relaxed, when she stopped acting as if the lack of danger didn't mean that she couldn't still be hurt at any time--is when she was brutally reminded that she's never safe. she's still in the panopticon. she isn't literally being watched every second, she isn't literally in lifelong danger of having her vulnerabilities exploited, but it feels like she is. she can never ever be sure she's safe.

so she triggers, and she gets a power that turns her into a panopticon, and lets her watch everyone right back. it lets her regain control by turning her into a source of danger that could attack anywhere, from any direction, any time, fully unexpected.

& the reason her power enables her to watch Everyone--not just a single person, or a few people--but Everyone, is that the other major aspect of her trigger is the trauma of facts like this:

“It was pretty obvious that they had done it before the school closed for Christmas, by the smell alone. I bent over to throw up, right there in a crowded hallway, everyone watching. Before I could recover or stop losing my breakfast, someone grabbed me by the hair, hard enough it hurt, and shoved me into the locker.”

"All I could think was that someone had been willing to get their hands that dirty to fuck with me, but of all the students that had seen me get shoved in the locker, nobody was getting a janitor or teacher to let me out."

for months, for years, she was in a community where everyone regularly witnessed her humiliation and abuse, and everyone, dozens and dozens of kids and teachers, either contributed to it or was knowingly, silently complacent. this is what sticks with her: the idea that she is so universally reviled, so deserving of revile, that any crowd of witnesses would, without hesitation, consign her to the filth of the locker.

what else is she supposed to conclude, but that everyone she interacts with is a threat? that she can't drop her guard ever again, because no one will be coming to help her if she does? of course she has to become the panopticon. of course she has to watch everyone, all of the time, if she wants to stop it from happening again. of course she has to live among the teeming lowly and crawling things she has been taught via one firm shove that she is worth less than, and of course she has to use them to watch everyone back. and it would be inaccurate to say that doing this--monitoring everything with her bugs--makes her feel safe. all it does is allow her to remain in a constant state of paranoia and traumatized hyper-vigilance more efficiently.

[aficionadoenthusiast]

*me, with tears of frustration in my eyes* rick didn't include annabeth's crush on luke or luke's pseudo-crush on annabeth for no reason! it is not something that needs to be cut because it's 'gross'! it serves thematic purpose! it adds to characterization! guys! please!

annabeth is twelve, and luke is the guy she's looked up to since she was seven. she not only has that bond, but she has the admiration from him getting his own quest. she has a lot of hero worship going for him, and it's really not unreasonable that she would like him or even that she would think of him as more than a sibling. beyond that, it's a great example of how a person who has never received real, unconditional love can become unhealthily attached to someone who is not good for them just because they've been shown a modicum of respect. if you want to look at it from a percabeth perspective, it could even tie into how her character has to learn the difference between love and kindness from a place of love and respect (i.e. percy) vs love and kindness from a place of obligation and manipulation (i.e. luke as kronos' vessel)

on luke's side, especially with him calling her his little sister now (in the show) and him literally turning into kronos later, it's symbolism for how he's being pulled farther and farther onto the dark side. as kronos takes over his body, he sees her less and less as a sister and more and more of something else, something that would be considered dark and unhealthy by anyone not on the dark side (for good reason), until eventually she has to remind him of their years on the run when he considered her a sister: "Family, Luke. You promised."

you're supposed to be grossed out by it! that means the theme is working!

you're supposed to see a traumatized 12 year old with a crush on her 19 year old mentor and think, "hey, that's weird! i wonder if her not getting any love or attention until she met him plays a role in their relationship?" and eventually see a 24 year old get a villain-induced crush on a 16 year old and think, "hey, that's really weird! i wonder if his turn to the dark side and how that turn happened twisted his view of her?" and ultimately think, "i wonder what that says about the type of trauma that develops in kids who grew up thinking they were unloved, especially since the author specifically wrote the book for his son with disabilities, the author who used to be a teacher, a profession that regularly encounters kids that are actively being abused and neglected?"

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

edit: this post is not speculation! i'm not trying to say i don't think they're going to include annabeth's crush! i am perfectly aware that we are only two episodes in! this post is in response the people i keep seeing say they're glad because they think Luke's little sister comment means they're not going to include the "gross stuff from the books" (other's wording, not mine), and I was trying to explain why including it would be a positive. sorry, i really thought i made that clear

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi bisexual sex ed person batman

Do you think teenagers masturbating to porn is bad or neutral

And also i have another question. We know young kids and sex is not a good match. Not questioning that. But do you know why, exactly? Like why is it traumatizing for a small kid to watch porn but not for a teenager. Like how does that work

Thank you in advance. And uh. Happy saturday

hi anon,

okay, so. I need you to understand that you're first question is basically this.

like, you want me to classify EVERY teenager who's ever jacked it to ANY kind of porn as either bad or neutral? good's not even an option? jesus christ.

let's say that I think any body jacking off to anything is for the most part a pretty morally neutral act so long as they're not cranking it on public transit or while spying on someone who is unaware of their presence and therefore unable to consent.

as for your second question, this is going to be unpopular but it's actually not inherently traumatizing for a prepubescent child to see porn. don't get me wrong, I'm in no way advocating for showing your baby porn instead of cocomelon or whatever, but there's no trauma button that automatically gets switched if it happens.

which I can say with a decent amount of firsthand experience because, you know, I work with kids, and I also work with their parents to talk about the experiences that they had as children. every time I teach my class I get parents telling me about how they found porn mags for the first time when they were young, in their parents' bedroom or in a gutter or, once, hidden in some farm equipment. and a lot of their kids have seen porn online by the time they're in the age range I teach (about 11 years old), whether accidentally or shown it a a crude prank by another child.

and for the most part they're like... completely fine. the adults who saw porn as kids grew up to be the kind of thoughtful, conscientious parents who want their kids to receive quality, inclusive sex education. most of their kids find it silly, because they can't imagine why adults might want to do something that looks so weird and awkward, or they get a little kick out of seeing something adult that they know is supposed to be off limits, or they don't get it and don't think much about it at all. hell, some of those kids will experience one of their first encounters with sexual arousal; that's a thing that's perfectly healthy for kids to experience and some are early bloomers!

some kids might find it confusing or upsetting, sure, but those kids also tend to put the magazine away or close the video very quickly. kids are, you know, people, and they're pretty good at just moving away from things that bother them. and discomfort is, ultimately, not the same thing as trauma.

to be sure, some kids have a long-term bad reaction, but there are often extenuating circumstances in that case. there are obvious cases in which porn is shown to a child specifically by an abuser, but I've also found that for a lot of people what causes their long-term psychological distress wasn't them seeing porn but the way their caregivers reacted to it, making the child feel ashamed and dirty without ever giving them an explanation for why the adults in their life reacted so negatively. that can create a huge burden that leaves people feeling shaky and insecure in their sexuality for decades after the fact.

once again, I just want to be super clear on this before anyone starts trying to make it seem like I think Coolsville sucks: I don't think little kids should be seeing a lot of porn! if a kid in your life is doing that, they should be directed gently away with a thoughtful explanation of what they've been looking at and why it's not a good fit for them at their age nor a good model of what real sexuality is like. it can be difficult to suppress the urge to panic and react harshly, even if you feel it's in the kid's best interest, but they deserve an explanation that will make clear that they're not the one in the wrong.

but, again, there's not a switch in a child's brain that automatically traumatizes them if they see a titty.