#i dont really talk about it

[thealphabard]

A little bit of a pallet cleanser from anything fandom related. I will always be proud of myself and how far I've come. That scared teenager, doing everything in her power to fit in, will always be a part of this very colorful man, proud to be himself.

[pinkydragon01]

CW: Abusive parents, advanced illness, and near child death.

I took a poll recently that harmlessly asked how many treatable- and even preventable- illnesses I've had. Thankfully, not all of them thanks to my biological mother who cared enough to vaccinate me. She was also the one who paid for my medical insurance.

Now, my mom has her own host of negligent problems with me, but I'm here to talk about my biological father and stepmother.

When I was a teenager- don't remember what age because much of that time period is fuzzy- I got sick. Really sick. It was just strep throat, and we all knew it. My dad knew, my stepmom knew, all of my stepbrothers and me too. They quarantined me away and that was it. No doctors visit.

Now, theoretically, strep throat can heal on its own, but mine didn't. I was grossly ill for over a week. Vomiting, poor eating, loss of voice, dizziness, fever, chills, and eventually a full body rash. Which some may know means I had advanced into developing scarlet fever.

My condition deteriorated with zero sign of improvement. Near the 2nd week mark, I was completely bedbound and, from what I can remember, unable to speak and could barely breath.

And this is where I want to stress- I had medical insurance.

My mother paid for it. Not my father or stepmother had not put a single dime into this responsibility, and yet they seemingly were unwilling to find me medical care. When I moved away with my dad into a different state, he never sought a primary care physician for me. Therefore, when I did get sick, he didn't have a fast means for me to see a doctor. Or maybe he did and I'm- to this day- wishfully thinking he had his hands tied and wasn't just... leaving me like this out of neglect.

But it was neglect. I didn't have a family doctor and they made no obvious attempt to help me. Not until they were finally convinced that this was going to kill me.

They eventually gave in and brought me to urgent care. The whole thing is a blur to me, but I do recall the nurse being astounded and the doctor being angry. I remember he lectured my parents about how this was completely preventable and I was far too sick for this to be acceptable. Turns out, I was in the early stages of developing rheumatic fever, which is basically an auto-immune response to untreated strep infections. When rheumatic fever is left untreated, it leads to childhood congestive heart failure and death.

The doctor prescribed me antibiotics and sent me home. The pills were less than $20.

To this day, I think about that cost. I think about how my dad and stepmom never got me a family doctor and never tried to seek care for me until I was quite literally on my death bed. They even had the fucking nerve to complain about how expensive the urgent care visit was. A visit that was completely caused by their own negligence.

They don't pay for my medical insurance, my mom does, and they still wouldn't put forth the small co-pays to give me adequate care.

The pills that saved my life costed $20, and my life was barely worth that to them.

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[thebabygronckle]

hey so i Fully Believe that telemachus was not afraid of odysseus in Hold Them Down

people may have told him stories of Odysseus, King of Ithaca, Athena's chosen Champion, Hero of Troy

but mama's boy telemachus sat by her feet as she wove tapestry after tapestry; and penelope told her little wolf stories of his father

how they met, how he tripped over himself to woo her, how he cried his eyes out when penelope became pregnant, how telemachus wouldn't sleep in his cot as a baby because he was so used to being in his father's arms because odysseus would not put him down; and yes, how viciously he defended their family when the atrides came to retrieve him for the war

telemachus? the child of the Unhinged Power Couple? who knew very well how horrible those suitors were, how they treated him and spoke of his mother?

took one look at his dad viciously protecting their home, their family, and thought he was the coolest, strongest person ever (after mom ofc)

[bluegiragi]

i drew johnny "soap" mactavish as phreak (the original design) from overwatch.

bonus (just for fun):

[heartorbit]

if we could stay connected, just like this

[callisteios]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!

[oifaaa]

It's funny how opinions can change over time for instance I used to want Bruce to be a good parent but then I realised how fucking boring that is to read at the end of the day comics are soap operas and I'm here for the drama

[bunnieswithknives]

As much as I love angst I think it would be funny if he just didnt give af

[verflares]

(click for higher quality!) draconified link concept ive been chipping away at this past week ..... here's my funny little compendium concept for him:

"A heroic spirit has taken the form of this bestial dragon. Unlike it's kin, this creature exhibits an extremely aggressive disposition. It appears highly territorial, and will relentlessly chase down those who disturb its skywide patrols - of which it seems to be endlessly searching for either a long-time vassal or foe. Unfortunately, it seems the spirit within has long since forgotten exactly who it was looking for…"

[abstractfrog]

Happy 1 year anniversary to Mr Sherlock Holmes! Here's a litttleee celebratory comic from me

[traaumaa]

*has several debilitating disorders* idk maybe i'm just lazy

[drenched-in-sunlight]

i love the DLC man

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

which movies have you watched the most amount of times? they dont have to be your actual favorite movies, just the ones youve rewatched most. for example: mine are the final destination movies and scream

[ravewing]

this is how im coping