#a) because movie rec but b) because i feel like it says a lot about you as a person JSDHGFHJ

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

which movies have you watched the most amount of times? they dont have to be your actual favorite movies, just the ones youve rewatched most. for example: mine are the final destination movies and scream

[incorrectbatfam]

Types of obnoxious batfam stans

Written by an obnoxious batfam stan

Not really a rant but something I've noticed over the years interacting in different spaces and I've decided to make your problem now.

Please note that I'm not saying there's any "right" way to be a fan because we all suck by virtue of being comic nerds, but there are certain kinds of batfamily fans that stick out to be in particular.

Anywho, here are 12 kinds of annoying batfam stans that you've probably run into and you better get a laugh out of it *points gun to your head*.

1) The Newbies Who Never Heard of Google

There's no shame in being new to something. It's a phase that we're all guaranteed to go through, whether we're 11 or 101. However, in this day and age, so many things can be easily googled that you don't need to shout every question you have into the VVorld VVide VVoid. If you need comic recs or a reading list, google it. If you wanna know a character's origin story, google it. If you need to know the color of Batman's underpants in a particular issue in 1965... well that's probably too specific for Google but Reddit will definitely have an answer.

2) The Middle School Authors

Before the 13-year-olds get up in my notes, I'm not saying everyone that age writes like this. Middle school is a state of mind. These fanfic writers usually stand out in a few ways.

They're oftentimes first-person POV or reader-insert. Give Y/N a break, she's tired.

The grammar is stunningly atrocious. I get if you're inexperienced or if you're writing in a second language, but we are in the prime era of autocorrect. If you need help, it's right there. Also, fuck c*nsoring b*d w*rds and fuck "unalive."

The characters do things that are out-of-character because the author is projecting their own personality. Bruce Wayne is a lot of things but he does not listen to the fucking Mountain Goats.

There's a lack of experience or research when it comes to certain topics. That's not how physics works. He can't walk that injury off. And that's definitely NOT how you do the horizontal hokey pokey.

3) The Neckbeards

Unfortunately, these basement-dwelling mouth-breathers tainted the image of what a comic fan is, though that's been changing recently. Still, we've all seen them. They gatekeep via pop quizzes, 'cause obviously you're not a real fan unless you know what page 10 of Batman #138 smells like. They give unsolicited commentary on people's cosplays, nitpicking the guys and being gross toward women. And heaven forbid the comics add a little diversity.

4) The Moviegoers

Nothing inherently wrong with getting into the fandom via the movies, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to that. I just feel like we're two different species of Galapagos finches, you know?

5) The Christopher Nolans

Separate from casual fans of the Nolan movies. I'm calling them the Christopher Nolans because these people have a tendency to reach for the grimdarkest thing possible. It's like they cannot fathom Batman having any other emotions besides punching and gargoyle brooding.

6) The Canon Purists

Wanna share a fun headcanon? NO, because Stephanie Brown never used cherry lip balm in the comics so therefore that must be the absolute truth. These people are a stickler for comic accuracy to the point where it's like... why bother interacting with the fandom in the first place? The worst part is when they're adamant on following a single continuity and refuse to consider anything else. This is comics we're talking about. Everything either has been or will be canon at some point.

7) The Fanon Worshippers

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the people who base their entire perception of the characters on something either they pulled out of their ass or that their mutual with 16 followers came up with, despite evidence directly contradicting it. I love WFA, but I feel like that's partially responsible for further perpetuating certain popular myths. Also, these fans tend to focus solely on the batfam/their ships. It's one thing to have some people in the foreground vs. background, but put some respect to Bart Allen's name you goddamn cheesecakes.

8) The Golden Age Dads

These guys aren't really obnoxious. I actually find it kind of cute how they think Jason Todd is still dead.

9) The Chronically Online

I have a rule of thumb when it comes to discourse: if it's not something I'd hear about at a bar, it's not worth my mental energy. Some people haven't gotten the memo, though.

These are either the well-intentioned but misinformed teenagers or grown-ass adults beefing with children because they don't have a life. They have takes that are oversimplified, rage-inducing, TikTok algorithm attention-grabbers that no one cares about in real life.

Don't get me wrong, we've got a bunch of issues in comics and fandom that are worth discussing. However, there comes a point where you're splitting hairs and need to go the fuck outside. I'm not gonna link the post 'cause I don't wanna call them and their 7 notes out, but the other week I saw someone saying Stephcass was a racist ship because something something colonialism parallel. You gotta be Elastigirl to have that kind of reach.

10) The Corporate Simps

I love comics. I appreciate the writers and artists. However, you will find my carcass in a ditch before you catch me licking the boots of DC/Warner Bros. Basically, these fans, fewer as they are, can't seem to fathom that their favorite franchise can (and does) put out some steaming motherfucking garbage.

11) The Hot Cosplayers

Not actually annoyed, I'm just a little jealous. Stop being hotter than me, please and thank you.

12) The One With A Punchline For Everything

Wait–

[sapphicflower-ao3]

what are ur personal favorite fics? i can be a bit picky and have a hard time finding fics but i love ur writing and i feel like we might have similar tastes based on that :3

i'm sorry it took me like a week to get to this!! i wanted to compile my faves and write notes for each of them... and i went overboard LOL. but thanks so much omg, i'm flattered that you would trust my taste based on my writing!

these are all bkdk obviously :)

i. 'In Case of Fire' - passengerside

post-canon // complete // 11K // E

an absolute MASTERPIECE!!! this author has become a recent favourite of mine, i love the way they incorporate little details into their work and make the mundane so beautiful.

highly recommend all of their other works, especially 'Pacemaker'! so freaking beautiful and fun and the lead up to the confession was a genuine holding-my-breath moment

ii. 'Sun Hands' - yesthisisnarumi

snowboarding AU // complete // 5K // T

i've re-read this one so many times it's SOOOOO good! so fun and so classically bkdk it's insane. everybody say thank you OP for giving us the rival olympic champions to lovers story we needed

iii. 'all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing' - maxisnotokay

UA compliant // complete // 11K // T

i dont usually read a lot of whump but this was brilliant, im a sucker for this specific trope and for LOVE CONFESSIONS YEASS!!! obvi it has a happy ending bc i wouldnt have it any other way. a good length too :)

iv. 'Spinnin' On Our Feet' - sage_and_cinnamon

High School AU // ongoing // 47K // M

UNDERRATED AS FUCK and my favourite ongoing fic right now. i usually dont read jock x nerd AUs but this fic is so brilliantly funny and charming and heartwarming and it blew all my expectations out of the water and then some. i've been following it for ages and it's been on hiatus for a good while, but it updated recently and when i tell you it was the best day of my freaking life...

v. 'In Perfect Rhythm' - chalk

Band AU // complete // 50K // E

yes how surprising, a band AU fic in my faves list. anyway shut up, chalk is literally godlike in their writing and this fic was SO FUN and scratched all the itches. nothing gets me going more than awkwardly endearing izuku n rockstar katsuki

vi. 'Last Days of War' - antisora

Pacific Rim AU // complete // 44K // M

GENUINELY ONE OF HUMANITY'S BEST PIECES OF LITERATURE???? fuck. i never have the proper words for this fic, but it is SO gripping and the worldbuilding is so tight and their relationship development is so good and the CLIMAX OF THIS HAS BEEN MORE EPIC THAN HALF THE BLOCKBUSTERS I'VE SEEN. i beg you to read this even if you have never watched Pacific Rim. or maybe go watch the movie and get EDUCATED and then read this! i'm begging you, dear reader!!

vii. 'Ingenium' - crandberrycrush

Astronauts AU // complete // 85K // E

guys i love sci-fi sorry lol. this one is another brilliant fic. OP put so much blood, sweat and tears into research and it shows, it is just very intelligent and the plot itself is HEART RACING and GUTTING and THRILLING. there's a lot of POVs and it really fleshes it out, tho ofc bkdk is the main thing. happy ending obvi! it is the space/astronaut drama that i love and adore, just BKDKified now!

viii. 'The Magic in a Mirror' - totallyrottentomatoes

Magic/Circus AU // complete // 80K // E

oh how surprising, a totallyrottentomaoes fic in my faves list. anyone who knows me knows that i rec this fic all the time. it's one of my all time favourites, if not my favourite of all time lol, and it's really because of the writing and the imagery and the characterisation and the relationships b/w all the characters. it's all just so well done and MAGICAL. no joke, if i could print and bind a fic into a book, it would be this one. no notes. perfection. caters to my tastes so specifically. i could go on about this fic forever but i'll shut up for now

also highly recommend 'The Distance Between Suns' by this author - it's a high fantasy epic with TIGHT AS FUCK worldbuilding, brilliantly written, the romance is BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, the payoffs are amazing, etc... this deserves to be published and revered

ix. 'Battle of the Bands' - roadtripwithlucifer

Band AU // complete // 168K // E

look i know i always rec this fic, i just can't help that it's like my favourite thing ever. roadtripwithlucifer and totallyrottentomatoes my BELOVEDS. the humour in this fic is so fucking yummy and brilliant, the writing is gorgeous in typical roadtrip fashion, the stakes are gripping, the climax is thrilling, the romance n yearning is INTENSE, the sex is hot as hell, the ending is so satisfying, just..... the whole package.

and while you're here, read other roadtripwithlucifer works like 'Nothing Else Fills' if you feel like destroying your heart :) an angsty and beautifully written time-travel-to-save-my-kacchan-gone-wrong war AU fic. i love OP's works but her more recent fics (eg. after battle of the bands) have had some of her best writing. i adore it when you can feel how an author has poured their soul into their work, you can always feel it in a roadtripwithlucifer work and it's just the cherry on top

x. 'Scar Tissue' - Loriqod

canon-compliant // complete // 18K // E

loriqod is another author with a characterisation that i fuck with so hard... this one was so full of that Yearning and Tension that i so vibe with. bonus points to the plots focus on bkdk's scars like yes pls more of that <3

anyway i might make a part 2 some other time, these are just the ones i grabbed from my public bookmarks. i have a lot of private ones and some of them i forgot to make public oops

hope u find smth u enjoy!

[epicsteddieficrecs]

Epic Steddie Fic Rec | April 24th-May 7th 2023

Seems like spring has finally arrived for good and I am quite happy about it :)

Complete

🖤 Swing and a Miss by deadonarrival (Baseball Player Steve, Fake Relationship | 35K | Explicit): “Apparently they usually reserve the box for the wives and girlfriends … so either you’re gonna have to be my boyfriend or you’re going to have to sit in the stands with the fans. It’s not that bad, you just need to like, pretend to be my boyfriend so you can sit with the other WAGs and like, then you can be in the box and have all you can drink alcohol and snacks.” “Did you agree to this!?” Eddie asks. “If I say yes, how mad are you going to be?” Steve asks.

the reason comes (on the common tongue) by Beachfckerblake/ @stevebckley (Post-S2, A/B/O AU | 6K | Explicit): Eddie keeps Steve from succumbing to isolation syndrome after the fight with Billy and Steve offers to pay him back in a very creative way.

lose control by NicoBloodlust (PWP | 3K | Explicit): Steve has a plan. He’s going to seduce Eddie, but like, in a subtle way. Like he’s not trying at all like it's effortless. Except he’s actually trying really hard. He wants to make Eddie want him so badly, he’ll have no choice but to do something about it.

put your wings on me by hitlikehammers (Post-S4 | 4K | Mature): “Sorry. Again,” Steve breathes out once more like it’s Eddie’s for the taking, like they’re shotgunning just the fact of life between them and nothing more; “if that’s selfish.” — Or: a story about edibles, feelings, and the butterfly effect.

a cinematic vision ensued (like the holiest dream) by fivecenturiesverse/ @fivecenturiesverse (Post-S4 | 5K | Teen): Eddie and Steve have been spending a lot of time together since Vecna. They're co-parenting kids, getting high every night, and sleeping in the same bed. They basically share a wardrobe too. He thinks this is dangerous, its like they’re married, the casual sharing of intimacy, this space between them which feels like something and nothing all at the same time. He thinks it’s dangerous for him to pretend Steve sees it the same way, that one day Steve’s droopy, kind eyes are going to see right through him and he’ll lose this. This being a side of Steve’s bed that is his, a nightstand where his rings always pile, a draw of shirts in Steve’s bedroom that only Steve uses. He can’t lose it, so he shuts his mouth, turns out the light, and watches the slow breathing of sleep fill Steve’s chest.

like, for real? by NicoBloodlust (Post-S4 | 4K | Mature): But nothing could ever prepare him for what Steve does. Because Steve, fucking- Steve stands in front of him, close, really close, and looks at him, slowly and deliberately. Eddie can follow the exact path his eyes make, to his eyes, down his nose, over his jaw and chin, and finally, his lips. They linger there and then- then Steve takes a deep breath, so deep his chest rises and brings them even closer together and, still staring at Eddie with hooded, shiny, beautiful brown-green eyes, he sighs slowly. But it’s not just a sigh, it’s a sound, an almost but not quite moan.

where it counts by Adure/ @toburnup (Post-S4, PWP | 4K | Explicit): They finish the movie and when Steve pulls away, it's like Eddie's been branded, Steve's palm permanently emblazoned on his skin through his jeans. He must notice Eddie's hard-on but he doesn't say anything. They talk about the movie while Eddie keeps the blanket piled in his lap and wills his dick to calm down. "Next week?" Eddie asks on his way out, voice clumsy, tripping between words. "Yeah," Steve holds the door open for him, smiles easily like Eddie's not holding his jacket in front of him. So fucking obvious. "Next week."

a meeting between pages by loveinhawkins/ @loveinhawkins (Canon Divergent, S2 | 2K | Teen): There’s a table in the school library that’s nestled in the corner, right by a radiator; Steve has claimed it ever since his double block of ‘private study periods’ began. And it would be perfect, if his eyes weren’t instinctively drawn to movement at the front desk.Because for the past god-knows-how-long, Eddie Munson has been in a back-and-forth with the librarian.

an unconventional lookout spot by loveinhawkins/@loveinhawkins (Post-S3 | < 1K | General): It’s a long summer’s day—August 1985, to be precise—and all Eddie Munson wants to do is leave a broken down fridge in the junkyard. “I don’t know if you can dump those here, actually,” comes a voice from somewhere above. Eddie looks up and seriously contemplates the possibility that he’s contracted heatstroke while straining to remove the fridge from the back of his van. Because surely that’s not Steve Harrington sitting up on the roof of an old school bus like it’s a perfectly normal thing to do.

in for a penny, in for a pound by crushing (PWP, Virgin Eddie, Daddy Kink | 12K | Explicit): steve and eddie have been busy wasting time, getting high and telling dirty little secrets. the biggest of which being eddie's virginity and steve's seemingly insatiable lust. and maybe the crush they're both harboring.

WIP

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 30/? | 158K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

🖤 Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 7/10 | 27K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

In Just Seven Days by Oddree13 (Modern AU, Fake Relationship | 3/7 | 6K | Mature): Steve doesn’t exactly care about relationships anymore. Not after Nancy broke his heart and Billy broke his face. He’s bored and just going through the motions the first time it happens. Noelle asks him on Monday if he’s busy that coming Friday and Steve figures why not? He takes her to the movies on Friday, takes her to bed on Saturday, and on Sunday he lets her down gently. She takes it in stride, and the next Monday it’s Jocelyn at his locker. Then Ginny. Then Cami. Soon a rumor starts that Steve Harrington will accept anyone who asks him out at the beginning of the week and end their relationship after seven days of dating. Eddie doesn’t believe the rumors. After all, to say Steve Harrington would ignore the glaring asterisk of heteronormativity is just insane. But when he catches the King being tardy on a Monday he puts his theory to the test. Suddenly Eddie has a boyfriend for the next seven days. Now he just has to not fall in love.

No More Retreating by 3MinsOver (Post-S4 | 4/5 | 39K | Explicit): When Eddie Munson doesn’t kick the bucket in the Upside Down, he realizes there are a whole load of things he might have died without doing. And who’s there to help him out? Why, Steve Harrington, of course.

oh, just one night more (and then i'll close the door) by Smalls (Time Travel, Post-S4 Fix-It | 13/25 | 33K | Mature): Steve closed his eyes, raised a hand to wipe the tears pouring down his face, and spared a moment to wish that he could go back in time. He thinks if given the chance, he could have become friends with Eddie. That things could have been different. Then he heard a horn blaring and abruptly remembered he was driving. *** (or steve has a lot of regrets and the universe decides to let him try and fix a few)

[spocksocksrock]

ok I saw the reblog of your star trek books post about someone asking for recs someday, but I’m impatient and have decided I am not gonna wait and that I will send the recs ask MYSELF dammit!!

I feel like i��ve never gotten into the books because I’m worried they will be bad, so if you have any TOS/DS9 book recs I would LOVE to hear them — I have consumed all Star Trek content made up until this point and am so so desperate for new material

thank you SOOO much for asking i love any excuse to talk about st books!!! (though it is kinda funny cause that same person talking about recs did end up messaging me already lol)

for TOS i would say the best ones are:

Killing Time by Della Van Hise — famously gay and for good reason, it’s just blatantly romantic spirk content. it’s all about how they are meant to be together in every alternate universe and that they are soulmates <3

Spock’s World by Diane Duane — bones, kirk, and spock go to vulcan because the vulcans are considering leaving the federation. really great plot and super accessible characterization for the main three!

Vulcan’s Forge by Susan Shwartz — follows two plots- young spock figuring out that he wants to join star fleet, and older spock dealing with kirk’s death and trying to move on. it’s really not as sad as it sounds and it adds so much to spock’s character imo.

id honestly also recommend the novelizations of the movies, they definitely add a lot of new content

—

DS9 is harder cause i love soooo many of these but some of the best are:

Hollow Men by Una McCormack — kind of a sequel to the episode ‘in the pale moonlight’, garak and sisko go on a trip to earth to deal with dominion war stuff (and everyone else has shenanigans on the station)

The 34th Rule by Armin Shimerman — basically quark whump, him and rom are sort of kicked off the station and go to a prison camp and the rest of the characters have conflicting feelings about this (it’s a bit overdramatic at times but i love quark-centric stories so 🤷)

Fallen Heroes by Dafydd ab Hugh — this one is pretty crazy, quark and odo suddenly travel 3 days into the future and find the entire station is dead, like Everyone died, and they have to figure out what happened and fix it (i love quodo and there’s a scene where quark vacuums odo up, need i say more)

Saratoga by Michael jan Friedman — sisko is meeting with the other survivors from the ship jennifer died on. there’s sabotage, intrigue, betrayal and such and then the b plot is that odo has to pretend to be quark. so basically an average ds9 episode lol

there are definitely a lot more good ones but it depends on what characters you like and what kinds of stories you’re looking for ya know? please please message me if you want to talk ab it more!!!!

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

[x-i-l-verify]

Trick or treat!

One good turn deserves another!

-

If you want a rec... hm, well, it's not a "rec" per se, but I'm sure you see me posting a lot about it, so I figured I'd explain what the Dream SMP is just for clarity's sake. ^^;

So, to quote tumblr user existentialterror: "The Dream SMP is a private multiplayer Minecraft server. A bunch of Twitch/Youtube streamers roleplayed on it regularly from 2020-2022. It grew a 'plot' based on improv which later became somewhat scripted in advance. There are arcs, seasons, worldbuilding, and factions."

I personally describe it to people as this strange, unholy mix of Game of Thrones, Homestuck, and Loony Tunes, but it manages to still be compelling somehow despite all its many flaws (the story could have seriously benefited from having whatever the Minecraft RP version of a Dungeon Master is, that's all I'll say about it). It's also the single most nuanced and fascinating study of morality and perspective I've ever seen in a fictional medium (one that was absolutely wasted on its target audience because a lot of people - especially younger people - aren't capable at looking at stories through an objective lens anymore), because the DSMP has no single main protagonist. Every character is the "main character," and their story intertwines and intersects with the other characters', creating a vast web of character conflicts and interactions. A character can be the flawed hero of their own story, and a despicable villain from another character's POV. A silly little guy to one character, and the worst person imaginable to another. Basically, "Villain" by Stella Jang is the DSMP theme song. And I think that's neat!

Characters include:

A violent anarchist pigman who somehow manages to be the most open-minded and based character in the entire series.

A sentient slime monster who pretends to be human by saying things like "I have so many bones! I have like 300 bones in me like everyone else!" and "Hello, fellow meat brother!"

An anthro fox who suffers from prophetic nightmares and serious daddy issues.

A sweet, silly demon who spends half the series being a chaotic menace and the other half either being mind-controlled into a cult leader or being traumatized by what he did under the influence of said mind control.

A former king who spends most of the story sleeping to escape from the crushing disappointment of reality and who reshapes his dreams into what he wants reality to be courtesy of a deity he befriends while there.

And many more

Also the fandom is full of very talented animators. :D Here are just a few of the super cool animations they've made over the years. (Links because the rest of the videos are unavailable outside of YT dangit)

Requiem | Fundy Lore [DSMP animatic]

Tightrope | GeorgeNotFound Lore [DSMP animatic]

Folding Chair | BadBoyHalo Lore [DSMP animatic]

The Search | Season 2 Lore Recap [DSMP animation]

Put “trick-or-treat” in my inbox and I’ll give you either a) a meme or two related to a fandom you’re interested in (if I don’t know you as well I’ll go random/miscellaneous) or b) a random book/movie/game rec. Feel free to specify, or to ask for both!

[steviesays]

January Fic Recs

I'm back :')

Application of Virtual Systems by inalienable_wright

Fandom: Community

Jeff losing his mind, post-canon, what else is new - I really love post-canon Community fics that center Jeff and Annie and this one is off to a great start!! Its inspired by another one of my favorite Jeff/Annie fics, Everybody Knows, in which they both focus on Jeff trying to cope with being alone for the first time in 6 years and the fact that there was still so much left unfinished between him and Annie at the end of the series. I'm terrified the upcoming movie is going to absolutely obliterate all my headcanons so I need to read as many of these types of fics as possible before that happens :)

Every dog has its day by Pikkulef

Fandom: FMAB

This was a fun little fluff story about Roy and Hayate clashing over their love for Hawkeye Sidenote: please also read everything else by this author including but not limited to Everyone learns faster on fire

Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul by @onthearrow

Fandom: FMAB

Can't even tell you guys how excited I've been for every update of this fic !!! It's post-canon Royai and I'm so sad its going to be ending soon, but have enjoyed the ride so thoroughly

But Satisfaction Brought It Back by Starship_Phoenix

Fandom: FMAB

Second cute animal fic for January interesting ... Roy bonds with a cat against his will its a fun little read

Old Friends by foolishfalls

Fandom: FMAB

I love a little Ed and Riza bonding fic and this one was really great! I really like exploring the parallels between their characters and this story was a lighthearted delve into that dynamic. Extra points for the ending :)

When Thou Shalt Come To Judge the World By Fire by BewareTheGemini

Fandom: FMAB

When I say I love this fic ... so much ... angst, young Royai, their guilt about the war, the tragic romance, like this one has really just been hitting all of the correct buttons and I love it !!!!!!!

The Strictly Professional Series by NothingSoDivine

Fandom: FMAB

Royai smut - these two are so strange and I love them

low stakes by zauberer_sirin

Fandom: FMAB

I actually first read this story a while ago but come back to it every now and then when I want to smile :) Royai bed sharing, my loves

artificial destiny by RoryMarx (AuroraKant)

Fandom: FMAB

Depressing Royai soulmates fic (with a twist !!!!) we absolutely love to see it

The Literary Romanticism in B-Roll by slomyroll

Fandom: Community

This series is kind of a retelling of the show through the lens of Jeff and Annie's shifting relationships throughout it and I've loved it !!!!

cover (but come undone) by tsaritsaa

Fandom: FMAB

Some light post-canon Royai angst ugh we love the resolution of communication issues they cARE ABOUT EACH OTHER !!!!

I actually read a lot more than I thought I did this month haha I'm glad to get back into giving monthly rec lists because I do want to be more active/involved in fandom outside of just liking the occasional post :') a lot of these authors I just linked back to their AO3 page because I didn't know what their blog was, so if you know them, please let them know I loved their fic!! And as always, please feel free to send me your fic recs, I'm always reading and always looking for something new!

[stackslip]

I'm curious. How would you compare Fire Punch to Fujimoto's other works? While I did start with CSM, I was just sort of meh about it? Meanwhile, I adored the short stories, especially Look Back.

oh man that's a complicated question. i imagine by the short stories you also mean goodbye eri rather than his earlier one-shots (correct me if i'm wrong).

so the thing with fujimoto is that while he's a pretty eclectic writer there are recurring ideas and motifs in all of his works, as well as a distinctive sense of humour and sense of absurdity and a certain.... mood. but in the recently released collection of early one-shots, he talks about how look back was basically him finally making peace with himself as a person and artist after a long period of depression and an unhealthy relationship with his own art. and i think it absolutely shows--his earlier works are experimental but there's def an undercurrent of misery and self loathing through several of them. and nowhere does that show more clearly than fire punch.

chainsaw man is..... it's a shounen, at its core, not simply a "deconstruction" of it because it DOES pay loving homage to some aspects of shounen, as well as action b-movies and superhero media. fire punch is not a shounen. it shares some core themes with chainsaw man, but.... it's a very messy work and it's far more explicit and brutal in its violence than chainsaw man is. i've seen some folk call it grimdark/edgy, and i think at times it can def feel eyeroll worthy, but i don't think fujimoto wrote that violence for the sake of being edgy or cool. it's very clear that fire punch is, at its core, about suicidality. it's also about struggling to find your own identity in relationship to others, about how you use storytelling both as a way to cope and survive and as a way to justify your own actions. chainsaw man gets very depressing at some points but it is ultimately more hopeful. fire punch is about a man who is constantly on fire and feels every second of that agony. it's about systemic dehumanization, both through oppression and hero worship.

its mood is very different from chainsaw man. its plot structure and influences are also very different. it's a lot darker and cruel and more cynical than chainsaw man ever is, nevermind later works like look back and goodbye eri. it's also intensely personal--the hardest parts for me to read don't involve rape, or mass murder, or burning alive. they are the moments where the main protagonist wants nothing more but to die, when the world is a black hole he cannot escape, when he is self harming and when the very act of existing causes him incredible mental and physical anguish. it's such a raw depiction of what being actively suicidal feels like, especially when you know you can't kill yourself despite feeling like you have nothing to live for. it's.... very, very personal and real. there's no doubt in my mind that part of why fire punch is such a messy story and why it's also so raw and bleak is because it reflects fujimoto's state of mind at the time, or at least something he'd experienced very recently.

so like, if that's something that feels like your thing more than chainsaw man (especially if what turned you off in csm was stuff like the silliness and b-movie references and the absurd hyperviolent comicbook feeling) then i'd rec it, with a lot of caveats/trigger warnings, because while it's incredibly flawed it's also really unique and interesting. i will say that i compare fire punch and chainsaw man a lot because i feel like the two inform one another. despite their different tones and inspirations, chainsaw man reprises a lot of motifs and ideas from fire punch, and for some of these fujimoto's intentions are to build on them and improve his previous takes on the matter. rn part 2 of chainsaw man focuses a lot on how people perceive chainsaw man the superhero, how that identity is built and defined by outside people and the accompanying hero worship and deification and hypercommodification of said identity. cannibalism as a form of self sacrifice and grotesque enmeshment is also a thing. so are movies as a way to find meaning and connection. if these are a turn-off and things you didn't particularly enjoy in chainsaw man, i think you'll be turned off by the messier and earlier takes on them that are found in fire punch.

what fire punch does have that chainsaw man doesn't is togata, who's canonically trans and The Character Of All Time. i'd rec fire punch only for him, though he unfortunately leaves the narrative by like halfway through the story (and it's commonly agreed that after his exit fire punch is a lot less coherent and kinda loses steam, though there are still some very powerful moments and ideas) AND again, there's no trigger warning that doesn't apply to fire punch lol. i love togata with all my heart though.

i will say personally that reading fire punch gave me much greater appreciation for chainsaw man and vice versa, as well as more appreciation for his later one-shots. fujimoto first worked on it when he was 22-23, and again it was clearly a very dark part of his life. so it's a bit of a mess, and often it reads less like a coherent story than as a very personal and raw attempt to put his worst emotions into his art. which to me is also valuable. if you're ok with say, the first 2-3 chapters, then def continue on and give it a try. you might not like it and feel frustrated by it, but at the very least it might give you more insight and appreciation for his later stuff!

[salaciousslut]

I love hearing what other ppl like so please do!! I also like R&B a lot i just forgot to mention it when i was talking abt genres i like earlier bc i was too focused on rap 🤭 and im the same way tbh! Unless im a real big fan of an artist i'll wait a while, but sometimes like with Paramore's After Laughter i couldnt stand to accept the sound change so i waited a year to listen to it 🫣

I'm going out in an hour or two and im probably not gonna drink till i get back home late. Im always DD since i live the furthest. I wish you could come out with me and my friends i feel like you'd have fun with us. But my friends usually get crossfaded with me bc i always bring some weed. im ok to drive when its worn off a bit im safe i promise 🫣 but i drop everyone off so im used to getting home late a lot. I wish i could hear you giggling i bet you have a cute laugh sweetheart<3 i bet youre really fun to be around when you're drunk<3

I do the same but im trying to get back into better habits like journaling, like sometimes i just cant cry because ive bottled everything up for so long. So i very much urge ppl to cry when they can because its not a great feeling not being able to cry when you need to cry. Like even if its small, cry about it its fine. Its human to feel the full spectrum of emotion.

I forgot what voice i used for my character but i think it was some generic dude voice, i have been a little out of practice with my deeper voices though. But my voice is usually pretty deep anyway, i pitch my voice up a bit when im at work bc i dont want to scare the old timers too much. I hate to admit that my favorite voices to try to do are meatwad from aqua teen hunger force and stitch, theyre like the same voice to me 🤭 i do it for funsies, but in my teen years i did it a lot bc my friends gave me approval for it 🤭

Soo maybe i might budget to get my hands on those perfumes ☺️ i'd like to know what your favorite perfumes smelled like on first hand bases. This is a second best, best would be smelling it on your neck<3 theres a certain cologne i fell in love with years go that ive been trying to get my hands on, its polo red by ralph lauren it had smelled so wonderful to me.

Candles are a lot to take care of so i get it. I just have two main rules i follow for the life of my candle and the safety of my cats. Im the type of person where if i see soot in your candles i try to clean that out to lessen fire risk bc they can be dangerous, its something ppl never notice but thats ok i just want them to be safe. I used to play with the wax like that too!! It low key led to me trying to experiment a little with wax play which was interesting to say the least.

You really are an adorable little puppy<3 its nice to know i was right about thinking you were shorter than me<3 i like short girls, tall girls are nice but short girls are better<3 esp when theyre a little older than me🤭 also ironically i dont own anything royal purple but maybe one day!

oooh i love r&b!! one of my close friends loves it too and will always rec me songs!! and honestly thats sooo fair about waiting to listen to paramore i was the same way!

im always dd too!! just bc i wanna make sure my friends are safe!! bc we all live in the same apartment complex but i know what u mean! i also just like taking care of my friends as u know! im very much rather drink at home bc its my lil safe space! but if im with people i trust, then i like to let loose. plus i wanna lose my inhibitions with you! ill be such a cute lap pet while u and ur friends are drinking and having fun!!

omg i have trouble crying too!! i call it my emotional constipation so ill put on a sad movie to try and cry!! but yes, heres to us trying to me more in tune with our emotions!!

hehe cute cute cute i wanna hear now!! i think i also have a pretty deep voice so i bet we would sound amazing together!! also hehe stitch i love it!! i bet u sound sooo cute

oh trust me, i plan going to bbw soon and smelling you 🫣🥰 and omg i love polo red!! it smells sooo yummy

i started using a candle warmer rather than lighting my candles bc i got scared of the soot, and i know ur not suppose to keep candles lit for a long time but i love the smell so much!! and yes i love wax play. this is kinda embarrassing but i was doing wax play for someone and he had the audacity to get made at me bc i was moaning and enjoying it rather than in pain. smh just let me enjoy the warm feeling on my skin ya know?

i loveeeee being just a lil shorter, tall people kinda intimidate me at first but ur the perfect height!! hehe lets cuddle bc im sooo touch starved and lazy and in a cuddly mood rn. and omg how old are u??

[ladysisyphus]

@bellesauvage asks: "I need advice what should I sort by if not kudos??"

Okay, so.

I've seen in the responses to this post (which I was only ever expecting to get, like, three notes on, so hi, everybody!) a lot of antipathy toward the idea of sorting by kudos. For my own part, I don't feel the same way. Sometimes you luck into the fandom that either a) is full of Good Taste Havers, or b) has been around long enough that the cream has definitively risen to the top, but not so long that everything's started to get weird. In that case, yeah, sorting by kudos will get you a pretty good selection.

What I find sorting by kudos to be more useful for, though, is gauging what the fandom is like. If everything on the top kudos page is E-rated, you know you've hit a horny fandom. (Congratulations! Those are vanishingly rare.) If it's AUs all the way down, you've found a fandom that either has a real uneasy relationship with its source material or has existed for so long it left beind the normie shit years, if not entire decades, ago. And if it's filled with a character, pairing, and/or trope you can't stand ... honestly, you should probably bail now, if you're just going to get upset later by how little there is that caters to your tastes. (Either that, or make your own fun! Great things have come out of spiting a fandom at large!)

If you're looking for something actually worth reading, though, these are some sort methods you might try.

Hits. This will tell you what the people keep coming back to. It will absolutely privilege multi-chapter works published over a period of time, but at least you'll know people keep reading those multiple chapters. (Just be sure you select "Exclude crossovers" or you're just going to have to wade through those garbage monster things that have five thousand hundred-word bites of eighty different fandoms.)

Bookmarks. Anybody can click the kudos heart. It takes a least a couple clicks' worth of effort to bookmark something -- and anything you bookmark, whether publicly or privately, is saved for later, which kind of implies you want to make sure you can find it when you want it again. Sometimes it helps to know how many dedicated fans a thing has.

Comments. I mean, you can do this, since if bookmarking takes effort, commenting takes even more! Just be aware that an author who response to every comment they get will artificially double their count. If that's a problem for you, skip this one.

An actual rec list compiled by someone you trust. This is a thing I don't think we do enough in fandoms anymore: curate actual rec lists. It used to be the only way anyone found out about anything. I know I read things I wouldn't have otherwise because someone whose taste I trusted said I should check it out. This is an imperfect and incredibly niche system, but I feel we should get back into it.

I saw a Tumblr post the other day that was very "does fanfic have to be good? can't it just be fun vibes?" Which ... yes! If that's what does it for you, then vibe happily. I don't want to be the asshole who says you can only enjoy things if they're Fine Literature. I'll start to sound like one of those dickbags who throws a tantrum every time a Marvel movie makes a lot of money.

But something being fun does not erase when it is also bad. You have not atoned for the sins of your dogshit prose if your dogshit prose also happens to describe something I enjoy imagining. I'm not going to say that out loud, because that's a dick move. But I'm going to think it in my heart, and I'm going to quietly hit the back button.

I feel like my most "no, it's the children who are wrong" moments happen when I go to a new fandom on AO3 and sort by kudos and all the works at the top are absolutely terrible, and yet ... man, sometimes the children are wrong.

[mazeinthemiroh]

han sfw alphabet

genre: fluff

word count: 2.2k

warnings: none

requested?: yes

song rec: music for a sushi restaurant by harry styles

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection)

once han is fully comfortable with someone, he is pretty much the most affectionate bundle of fluff you will ever know

and he shows his affection in various ways. sometimes he will pull you in for random hugs and pepper your face with numerous kisses

or he might stay up all night writing a whole rap song about his feelings for you and how he is lost without you, you know, the usual swaggy stuff

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

his best friend is his safe place

he's the type of friend that cherishes having someone to joke around with. if you get his sense of humour than you guys are definitely gonna hit it off from day 1!

he just loves having someone who will go out and do stuff with him. and han is pretty much for anything you suggest, he's very open-minded! you want to go rock climbing? sure thing! you want to go fishing? not a problem! you want to eat you heart out at a buffet restaurant? he's already there.

c - cuddles (would they like to cuddle? how do they cuddle?)

he can be very cuddly

might take him some time at the start of the relationship to get comfortable, but once he can be very physically affection in general

he loves cuddling into you when you guys are watching a movie and snuggled up on the couch together. he will always have a fluffy blanket to hand and will most likely be the one to lean on your shoulder, expecting you to place an arm around him uwu

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

the thought of settling down kind of stresses him out at this point in his life

he feels he wants to settle down in the future (like marriage and stuff) but he views that as like... wayyyyyyy into the future. he's not going to rush into something like that

in terms of domestic work, he will always offer and tries to make himself available. he likes going over to your place to just relax and stuff but when he sees you doing chores around the house there's no way he's gonna let you do that alone??

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he's so anxious about it

like he's literally a heated mess, he doesn't know what to do with himself

has a whole crisis thinking about it, and loses a lot of sleep

he ends up phoning you at like 2am. you here his voice break in the other side as he starts crying, telling you it's over and (depending on the situation) apologising profusely

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

you seeeee

i persoanlly don't see han as a marriage type of guy

don't be me wrong, he is committed. he is loyal to the end, no joke

but marriage isn't really a goal for him. if you suggest it or say you want marriage, he is happy to oblige, of course. but it's not something he is dying to do, you know?

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

oh he's soooo gentle, perhaps more so emtoioanlly than anything else

we can tell just by the lyrics to his songs that hannie is very in touch with his own emotions, so relating and empathising with you is very natural for him

he knows very well when he has said something wrong, perhaps thinking before he speaks, because his eyes will grow wide before you even reaction. he'll rub his face and sigh, already apologising and backtracking from what he has said. he's very aware of his words and tries his best not to hurt you

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

just for the record, han is like a heater. his body is so naturally warm, and paired with the fact that he is the cutest bean on the planet, it's really hard not to hug him

of course he likes hugs. at times he even prefers them to kisses

he just thinks a hug say many things. they can say 'i love you,' 'i'm sorry,' 'i need you,' etc... which is why his go to physical affection is to pull you in for a big old hug <333

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

gosh imagine han saying he loves you oh my goshhh

i feel a mental breakdown coming 🚶‍♀️anyways

han will be hesitant when saying that he loves you. he needs to know he can trust you with his feelings, and he needs to know if you're in this for the long-run with him

because he's not going to tell someone he loves them for no reason

he dosn't want to waste his time or feelings

so once he has confirmed you are the one for him, he might say it randomly and suddenly

i can totally see him saying i love you after you guys have been laughing your asses off at a joke you have mad. just seeing you struggling to breath as you cackle with laughter, flushed cheeks and messy hair, he just knows that there is no one else he would rather be with

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

sometimes he lacks in confidence in himself so there are occasions when he would get jealous, but it wouldn't be obvious if he was

the majority of time he has trust in his partner and feels there's no reason to be jealous

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

he likes to attack you by peppering kisses all over your face. he just thinks your reaction is so cute and funny

and he appreciates any kisses you give him. it doesn't matter where you kiss him, he welcomes them all!!

issing you on the lips, han is usually soft and gentle. he almost always smiles into the kiss as he molds his lips into yours i'm actually suffering right now

he's got such funny, goofy energy most of the time but when it comes to kissing he's so soft and sensual and just sinks into a beautiful rhythm

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

he's good with them for the most part, mostly because he mostly tries to entertain them and does random things to make them laugh

and he's good at making them laugh, like he is with everyone! he doesn't view children much different from adults, they just have to be occupied a different way!

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

he's a sleepy bear who just wants to sleep some more :(

will probably grab and grip onto you if you even think about getting a out of bed. not on his watch! you're staying right here in his arms while he uses you as his personal pillow

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

will stay up all night chatting with you

he works all day and barely gets to see you during the week. and he stays up all night anyways, so he figures it would be even better to spend this time with you

likes to snuggle up with you and watch anime, and he's totally the type to have a big stash of midnight snacks just waiting to be eaten. you guys are gonna have so much fun

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

slowly

he gives off the vibe that he is quite an open person. it's the way he presents himself: quite confident, carefree, casual.

but finding out what he thinks about? his deep thoughts? his past mistakes? yeah, no. that's not going to be very easy access

it will took a lot of time and patience to get to know him in such a personal and intimate way, which will give him a chance to test and see if his partner is actually willing to be patient and kind with him

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

he was known for being a bit of a hot-head in his debut days

he's cooled down a bit now, for sure. he's matured and become more secure in himself, so he doesn't feel the need to start unnecessary drama

in fact, he actively avoids drama. sure, it's entertaining to watch an argument on a tv show, perhaps. but to actually be a part of it? definitely not good for his anxiety

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

he forgets things here and there. he has a bit of a scatter brain, tending to hop from one thing to the next. so it's hard for him to focus on one things or little details, especially since he's a busy man

he tries to put a lot of effort when it comes to you. and he feels so guilty if he forgets an anniversary date, or keeps reminding himself to get a present for your birthday up until the very last minute. some things just fall out of his brain

r = remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

one time he invited you over to the studio. he was working late that night but he promised himself that he would spend every night with you. so you happily obliged!

well he was supposed to be working on an their next comeback, and he was going to show off a couple of his new songs he composed

he loved watching your face light up as you compliment his artistry, or how you started doing embarrassingly bad dances to one of his edm songs

he just values your positivity and support so much <3

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

protective in the sense that he doesn't want you to get hurt

but other than that, he's pretty chill. he doesn't feel the need to be on guard and protect you at all times because you are your own person. and he expects you to treat him as such

you both will protect each other and have each others back when something serious has happened

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

not too much effort to be honest

he likes sharing the casual, mundane things in his life with you. you make those normal bits of his life special, that's why he appreciates you so much. that's why he doesn't feel the need to go all glitz and glam, becaus eh doesn't have that some expectation of you

on anniversaries though, he will try do something a little different. a bit more special. he will rack his brain trying to find the perfect present for you, mostly something that you have wanted for a long time

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

because he likes to avoid any drama or heated discussions, it can be hard to reason with him at times

if you want to confront him about a certain issue or try and explain yourself to him in and argument, he is usually quite dismissive or likes to defuse the conversation, shrugging and saying "it's not that big of a deal"

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

hey

you can't spell handsome without 'han'

he knows he's gorgeous as hell so he's not too concerned about what he looks like

he takes pride in his appearance but usually prefers to wear cosy, baggy casual clothes, which he looks good in either way

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

if he has grown with you as a person, and if you have stuck with him through thick and thin, i would say, yes

but this feeling would only grow over a long period of time. this type of thing doesn't happen overnight for him

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them)

we know hannie can be quite random at times

so he likes doing random stuff with you! like going on long, midnight drives leading to nowhere. or befriending strangers together like its the most normal thing in the world

he falls in love with how much you match his random spurts of energy and follow on with his creative mischief

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

han doesn't like people who take life too seriously. he knows from his own experience that it is very, very easy to get down about things and become cynical about life

and everyone has days where they feel like that

han just chooses not to hang out with people like that. they just drain his energy. he needs soemone who can lift his spirits, match his energy, and just want to have a good time, despite life's hardships

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

he will fall asleep randomly, anywhere at anytime

if he has a comfy surface for his head, there's nothing really stopping him from drifting off

and with the amount of sleep he misses, who can blame him?

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[willowser]

hi willow i was just perusing ur fic rec you just posted when i saw you mention if he’s a serial killer and of course I decided to re read it for the millionth time and now I wanted to say how much I absolutely adore it so much. The characterization of touya and his development of romantic feelings is just so, so wonderfully well done. I think about those two all the time— it’s just: what are they up to these days? has touya throttled kinjo yet? have they progressed to sleeping in the bed together rather than one on the couch? because they are just so special to me and I want to swaddle your touya in a heated blanket and make him a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream.

oh, oh !! 🥺✨️ thank you so much for sending this in !! i'm so glad you enjoy his characterization !! 🤗💐💕

what are these two up to these days !! let's see !!

warning for just dabi in general, as usual LOL also this got so fucking angsty and a bit sad ?? my b !!

dabi is — sitting in the dark of your room.

on the bed, looking at the window he's just come through, how the night has followed him in. the clothes he's wearing smell like people, weird as that is to say; not at all like the passion-blah-blah-blah detergent he's become spoiled on.

and you're — not home. before he clambered in, he knew that already, but even a shell of you is better than nothing. preferable, almost, or at least that's what he tells himself.

couple weeks ago, you mentioned seeing a movie together, asked if you should take the night off before your work schedule came out, but dabi thinks that's all a little juvenile, doesn't he? whaddya wanna do? tongue each other in the back row? as if he gives a damn what's popular these days, what everyone's watching or why. not like he's got a ton of time to consume the general media.

but he's still here now. in the absence of you and your passion-blah-blah-blah, picking the lint off your comforter. there's no telling how to work the fucking washing machine; it sings and has a lot of buttons and he's never really watched you put the soap in it, and all he needs is for you to come home and know he's been here 'cause he flooded the place.

still hasn't decided if he's gonna stay the night.

(well, he has, because he always does, but he's at least trying to entertain the prospect of skipping out. for the sake of his ego.)

a huff of laughter slips through his mouth and all his gaps, watching his mirrored image in your vanity. "fucking pussy-whipped, dude."

"oh, touya, don't say that," he raises his voice several octaves, eyes falling closed as he lays back on your bed. sinks into it, really, as if it's trying to swallow him whole. as if he wants it to. "watch your mouth, hm, hm, hm."

and then he laughs for real, because he's fucking stupid.

what do you look like right now, he wonders. how'd you do your makeup today, and if you wore your favorite scrubs or settled for the ones that are a little too big. who've you spoken to. who had the gall to make you laugh. after knowing your nearly every goddamn move for half his life, being in the dark — fucking literally — has him distracted. side-tracked, for the past two days since he's seen you.

you're asking a lot of questions lately. ones he can't answer. things are — moving into place, changing, and they're all preparing for the grand finale.

touya is supposed to be preparing for the end, and instead he has his face pressed into your pillow, trying to scent himself in you so that he'll go unnoticed, just for a little while. really shouldn't even be here because he's got real important lieutenant shit to do, but —

no. because he's fucking pussy-whipped. and he ain't even gotten any yet.

touya wonders if you'll take the night off, when he kills endeavor. if you'll take the week off, when he's killed in turn.

touya wonders who is gonna walk you home that late at night.

fight-or-flight kicks in when the keys sound in the lock, but dabi's preparing for the end, anyway, so he just lays there. watches the amber glow of your living room lamp as it's twisted on, listens to the soft sound of your footfalls and maybe a plastic bag or two. you mutter something to yourself and his lips twitch, and when you stroll into your room, your eyes are on your phone.

when the light flips on, he groans and buries his face, muffled. blinded. "ah, fuck!"

the wavering breath you gasp in has him snorting, and then the knock against the wall has him peeking at you, squinting. you've got a hand over your chest and your phone is face down on the carpet and you look like you've seen a ghost.

right now that metaphor sucks, with everything on his mind.

"touya," you exhale, and his toes curl in his holey socks like a little fucking schoolgirl. "god, you scared me half to death!"

right now that metaphor sucks.

"turn the damn light off," he groans again, "some of us are trying to get some shut eye."

your expression melts down into one he's used to; yeah, it's been two days since he's been around, but he's answered when you called — "just to check" — so you shouldn't be all pissy. a little upset, because that ain't hard to do, but this is the best he can give you, with the time he has left.

even after you flick the light off, he can make out the soft curve of your cheek and it releases him from some shitty, unnamed thing; he wouldn't call it fear or panic or anxiety, but maybe something like it, if he wanted to be honest. and he doesn't.

a little flicker of want comes to life in the pit of his stomach, at the sight of you kneeling on the bed to lay beside him. he's not gonna die without fucking the life out of you, but your touch is making him too jittery tonight. has him on edge, and not the sexy kind.

"well hello stranger," you muse, tucking hair behind his ear before fiddling with one of his hoops. tense as he is, he should probably tell you to cut it out, but — fuck it.

"i'm here to rob you. gimme all your valuables and i'll let you live."

and because you're a fucking — little weirdo, you just tilt your head and crinkle your nose, already grinning. "what if you are my valuable?"

"shut the fuck up," he gripes, back curling like a cat as he faces away from you. the lilt of your laughter drags across his spine like a fine point, making him shiver and itch. "though we were s'pposed to see a movie, or something? not kiss each other's ass."

despite the curtain he's closed in your face, you still scoot closer to him, press your face against his back. "well, i'm sure it's too late now, all the last showings have probably started." you take his silence for disappointment, and are quick to appease. "we can watch something here though, if you'd like."

"i was expecting popcorn."

you snort, "that'll probably hurt your stomach, but i can make some." silence unnerves you again and you poke at his hips. "do you mind facing me?"

dabi does mind — but moments like this are what he'll want to remember. you're so close that his nose bumps yours, but you just smile at him, a little shy, like he hasn't known you your whole goddamn life.

"missed you." gently, your eyes close, like you're so fucking content that you could fall asleep just like this. "i know you can't tell me, but...i hope everything's okay."

and — touya has to fist a hand in your hair and knock his forehead with yours — softly; he's not trying to have any repeat incidents.

"i said i'm here to rob you, now tell me where the money is," he grits, "and maybe i'll even keep you for myself. like a little housepet."

"my wallet's out in the kitchen," you hum, wrapping your hand over his own until his grip loosens. "you can have it, just don't hurt the guy here in my bedroom."

"fuck him," dabi rasps, and you gasp, all dramatics. "i'll torch the idiot."

"then i'll fight you." again with your grinning; you hitch a leg over his waist, like you'll straddle him any moment and — whew. okay, your touch isn't making him that jittery. "you'll have to go through me first."

it's fucking bullshit, how true that is; preparing for the end means letting go, unfurling the hand he's had on you for so long. the very idea has him rolling the two of you over, pressing you firmly into your passion-blah-blah-blah sheets so that you're stuck, with no means to escape. some feral voice inside touya's head reminds him that you're his, because he's fucking earned you. all the waiting and watching he did, how hard he's worked to get you like this; beneath him and laughing and unbothered by the macabre of his hands and lips.

preparing for the end: yeah, he's working on it, but it ain't something he's got time for tonight.

too bad, so sad, but — he's got a movie date.

[backofthebookshelf]

Horror Recs for Magnus Fans, Part the Second

Last time I did this I was assuming that anyone who was listening to a horror podcast already knew some horror, but I have since learned that this is not the case, so there are a few more classics in here, as well as some more of my faves.

For anyone and everyone who listens to TMA: Sarah Monette's Kyle Murchison Booth stories, many (though not all) of which are collected in The Bone Key. Queer information professional would very much like for ghosts and monsters to leave him alone, does not get what he wants; can't resist the impulse to help out people who are more fucked over than him anyway. I love Booth so much, he deserves much better things than he gets.

For Web stans: Blindsight by Peter Watts, a sci-fi horror novel about free will and consciousness. Lydia Nicholas named this as one of her favorite books in the first Assistant's Round Table; I respect her for it, but I read this once and it gave me an existential crisis. Highly recommended, but make sure you've got a palate cleanser.

For jonelias fans and/or fans of the Corruption: Candyman (1992). With bonus folklore & urban legend meta! Kissing bees into your (potential) lover's mouth in order to convince them to become a murderous spirit of vengeance just like you! "All you have left is my desire for you"!!! It's extremely sexy, is what I'm saying, in all the best ways. (Trigger warnings for violence against children and a fair amount of gore, in addition to the aforementioned bees.)

If you love the no-holds-barred social commentary of season five: The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle. No, I will not shut up about this book until absolutely everyone in the world has read it. It's short! You could read it in an afternoon! This is Lovecraft's "The Horror at Red Hook" from the point of view of a black musician and hustler who's hired to help out with the ritual, and it's incredible. (If you're enjoying Lovecraft Country, absolutely do not miss this.)

If you miss the standalone statements of season one and two: the works of the early 20th century cosmic horror and ghost story writers: M.R. James, Algernon Blackwood, Arthur Machen. Machen has a tendency to get pretty eugenics-y, and they're all either misogynistic or don't have women in their stories at all, but goddamn do they do atmosphere. ("The Magnus Archives" is named after James's "Count Magnus," Jonny's favorite M.R. James story.)

For Stranger fans and those who love unexplained mysteries: The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher, a Southern horror (not a Gothic) about a woman who goes to clean out her abusive grandmother's house to sell it only to find that there are things other than his wife that her grandfather was afraid of, and for good reason. Features hot competent neighbors, extremely practical reactions to terrible monsters, and a Very Good Dog (the dog does not die).

For Lonely bitches: "The Horla" by Guy de Maupassant, the story I use to describe my depression to people. That's a pretty good content warning, honestly.

If you loved the "Am I still human?" plotline: The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht, a grotesque little novella about monsters in (dysfunctional) love. I'm a bit iffy on the ending, but honestly landing the ending of horror is so tricky that I'll almost never discount something just because I'm iffy on the ending. The body horror and emotional repression throughout make up for it.

If you crave the supernatural adventure series starring Gerry Keay: The Sandman Slim series by Richard Kadrey - modern noir, so gritty you can feel it in your teeth, featuring all kinds of monsters, demons, curses, and narrowly-averted apocalypses. Not as misogynistic as noir can get, but it is noir so there's definitely a bit of that (but definitely not as misogynistic as Jim Butcher). Trigger warnings all over the place; this is B-movie horror in book form.

For Distortion fans: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Bears almost no resemblance to the Netflix series of the same name, or any of the movies based on it; this is a twisty psychological novel with a profoundly unreliable narrator and a lot of repressed queerness. Michael/Helen would be right at home in Hill House. (Content warning for suicidality.)

If you want your horror to make you cry: El Orfanado, directed by Guillermo del Toro; a family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage, that is, of course, haunted. This is a tremendous distillation of the way that horror movies are so often centered around women not being believed, so content warning for gaslighting (and for harm to children); I saw this movie once and entire scenes are embedded in my brain in full color. (Honestly you can't go wrong with any Guillermo del Toro movies; he's fantastic.)

If you want your horror to make you cry, but make it gay: In the Flesh, two seasons of a zombie TV show tragically cut short (yes, it ends on a cliffhanger, I’m sorry). Uses zombies as a metaphor for homophobia, but also includes actual queer people. Content warning for small-town-typical homophobia and tragic gays. Please come yell with me about Simon Monroe, I love him so much.

For Slaughter fans: The Shining by Stephen King - look, look, I know. He's not great. He needs an editor. The movie is all kinds of fucked up. But this book is one of the most raw, personal horror stories I've ever read, and it's got an excellent combination of supernatural influence and real-life mundane fear of addiction and personal weakness that really grabs you by the intestines. Again, an iffy ending, but it's worth it for the slow descent into paranoia and madness.

If you just want to try to find some authors to read: The Borderlands anthology series, paperbacks from the height of the 80s horror boom; there are so many different kinds of stories in here that I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't like some of them but you might well find something new to fall in love with. A lot of these writers are out of print but readily available at used bookstores or for pennies on Amazon.

As always, let me know if you liked any of these or if you have a specific need: it is no longer my job to recommend books and media to people but it is still my very favorite thing to do and I will be obnoxious about it forever

[dameronology]

obi-wan kenobi relationship alphabet

as requested by the lovely @read-and-rec - i hope u enjoy!!

a - actions. what sort of things do they do to show they love their s.o?

for obi-wan, it would be in his every day actions. he's not all that big on grand gestures - can't be drawing attention to a relationship he's not supposed to be in after all - so it's reflected in the actions that show how well he knows you. like, he always flips the pillow before you come to bed so that it's cold, and when you have a particularly early start, he'll get up 20 minutes before you to make you breakfast

b - beginnings. how did the relationship begin? how has it changed?

i don't think obi would get into a relationship in the casual way -- he'd probably have to be in love with his best friend (that's u, ofc) and it would take a life threatening event for him to finally confess his love. not a lot would change, bc you're still best friends, but obviously there's the added closeness and love.

c - comfortable. how comfy are they with each other? peeing with the door open close, or would they rather keep the mystery?

he'd let you determine that. but also bc most of your time together is spent within your quarters, due to the natures of your job and the risk of people seeing, you're within close proximity a lot of the time so you're bound to be pretty comfortable around each other. you wanna burst into the refresher when he's in the shower cos you you had twice as much coffee as ur bladder can hold? he's not gonna stop you

d - dates. do they consider dates to be important? what kind do they prefer?

his favourite kind of dates are the ones where he gets to be close to you - whether that's wandering round the temple gardens after dark, or curling up in bed and watching a movie. if you ever get the chance to catch a break and escape to a far, far away planet, he'd definitely be up for something more grand.

e - engagement. how would they propose? who would even pop the question?

i don't think he would propose - more on that later - but if he did, it would be low key. even though there's like 0% chance of you rejecting him, he wouldn't want to put that pressure on you by making a big, public ordeal of the occasion

f - fundamental. for them, what is the most fundamental part of a relationship?

support & commitment. for obi-wan, he needs someone who's gonna be there for him through thick and thin; someone who will listen to him when he needs to vent and someone who will lay with him in bed when everything gets too much. he also needs someone who is committed and in it for the long run, bc he's lost so many people and can't face to see another go (especially by choice). of course, you get both things in return from him.

g - gratitude. how do they show their appreciation for you?

he just says it how it is. ten times a day really, but especially before bed - "have i ever told you how much i love and appreciate you?"

h - home. a random domestic headcanon.

he's terrible to share a bed with. you'll fall asleep on your respective sides of the bed, hands interlinked, and then get woken up two hours later by him spreading out on the whole mattress like patrick the goddamn star fish, forcing you onto the floor

i - infinite. do they believe their love is endless, or is there something that could break it?

obi-wan is both. if you turned to the dark side, or betrayed him or his cause, he could never forgive you, and the relationship would most certainly be over. it doesn't mean he'd stop loving you though - he couldn't ever do that. not even if he tried his hardest. so, his love is infinite but there are things that could make him turn away from you.

j - jokes. who's the funny one?

if you like dry humour, he's definitely the funny one, but with practical jokes and puns, that would be you.

k - kiss. how do they kiss? favourite type?

every morning before he goes to work, obi-wan will pull you towards him and give you a deep, breath-taking kiss; with one hand on your back and one on your neck, it'll be on your mind for the rest of the day. that's his favourite type of kiss.

l - longing. who's the clingy one? how are they with long distance?

neither of you, but also obi-wan sometimes. obi-wan becomes a thousand times clingier when he has nothing to do; if he's between missions and meetings, he'll stick to your side like a golden retriever. it's cute at first, but then when you can't even sit down for twenty minutes to do paperwork without him wrapping himself around you? that's when you drop the council a message and beg them to do something with him. anything.

m - marriage. do they wanna get married?

initially, obi-wan isn't all that bothered by marriage. he doesn't need a ceremony or a wedding to prove either person's commitment - and he just kind of assumes that all those vows and promises are a given, regardless of whether you have a legal document to hold you to your word.

but, if you're still together after order 66, when he's on tatooine? he'd never be opposed to it. if it's important to you, he'll respect that.

n - nicknames. what ones do they like?

he likes when you call him obi, and for you, it's either my darling or my love

o - over the top. are they ever ott? or are they more low-key?

maybe in battle, but obi-wan generally relies on subtle & low-key gestures rather than massive displays of affection.

p - picture. what's their favourite picture of them and their s.o?

there's a selfie you took on your second or third date (idk if selfies exist in the star wars universe but...we move). he has his arm around you, and you're pressing a kiss to his cheek. it's so simple, but it means everything to him.

q - quintessential. what is one they would refuse to compromise in their relationship? what's a deal-breaker for them?

again - the dark side. even if he breaks the code to be with you, obi-wan is going to a dedicated jedi til the day he dies and it's something he holds in a regard as high as his love for you. so, he could never, ever be with someone who ever went against what he believed in, or someone susceptible to slipping.

but if he did see the person he loved turning to the dark-side? he'd do everything in his fucking power to stop it. he'd lose sleep and risk his life to help you, but once you're gone, that's it. if he couldn't save you before, he knows there'd be no chance once you'd turned.

t - tattoo. would they ever get matching tattoos with their s.o, or a tattoo for them?

probably not a tattoo, but i don't think he'd be opposed to subtly engraving your initials on his lightsaber

u - understanding. how understanding are they? or are they a little difficult?

understanding KING. it doesn't matter what the issue is, he's gonna be there to listen and make you feel valid. even if you do something that irks him a little bit, he'd still have all the patience in the world.

v - vases. do they buy flowers?

all. the. time. sometimes for special occasions, sometimes just because

w - wandering. do they wanna travel? or immediately settle down?

before order 66, obi would love travelling with you, provided you both work in a similar field and he can make it look conspicuous. if it's after, he's not entirely enthusiastic about planet hopping when darth goddamn vader has it out for him, but he would absolutely love to settle down.

x - ex. how many exes do they have? any horror stories?

one word: satine.

y - you. favourite thing about their partner?

just...everything. he could never choose a favourite thing. he could say your eyes, and the way you sparkle when you laugh, but then he'd feel bad for forgetting your butt, and the little dimples in your hips, and the way your brow creases when your confused. see what i mean?

z - zeal. how excitable are they? who's the calm one?

he's definitely the calm one. he can be very enthusiastic in battle, but in other aspects of life, he has the chilled out aura of someone who has consumed a pound of the devil's lettuce