#i get into parent stuff in my writing every chance i freaking get

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

[cranberrv]

so high school

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ in which you run into your high-school sweetheart, darrel curtis.

( a/n : this isn’t my best work but not every piece has to be my fave! hope u cuties enjoy nonetheless, sorry i have no idea how to write darry )

his brown eyes met yours from across the classroom for the first time since grade 12.

your heart sank. you thought darry would’ve left by now, started his career as a successful football player or something even better, but he was standing in your classroom, still in tulsa.

your entire teenage years flash before your eyes — running on the field to kiss the quarterback, playing kiss marry kill, driving to parties, meeting his family. he looked the same.

darry’s eyes widen as he sees you. he elbows ponyboy. “you did not tell me that y/n l/n was your geography teacher.” he whispers.

“you’d of freaked if i had told you, man,” ponyboy whispers back.

tonight was parent-teacher interviews. one of your best students was ponyboy curtis, little brother of your high-school sweetheart. they were greasers, and you were a soc, but that never stopped you from going over to their house everyday, back when you were bittersweet 16.

“darry curtis,” you say softly, smiling gently. “long time no see.”

he avoids your gaze, his cheeks glowing pink. “yeah, nice to see you, y/n.”

“feel free to take a seat,” you offer, and they sit in front of your desk.

you begin talking about ponyboy — his incredible grades, your insistence on him participating more, assuring darry that ponyboy has a high chance of getting into a good post-secondary school.

you look at darry again. you have to address the elephant in the room — it would be weird not to. “this is weird, isn’t it?” you ask, voice soft. “i mean, we met in this school, and now i’m teaching your younger brother.”

“yeah, i guess so,” he agrees. “i honestly thought you would’ve left this dump by now, you always talked about wanting to move to new york city or toronto or somethin’.”

“yeah, plans changed.” you shrug. “i thought you would’ve moved by now, too.”

“plans changed,” he repeats, quoting you. you smile at him.

“what have you been up to since high school?” you ask him. “still play football?”

“i roof houses.” he answers. “but yeah, sometimes i fool around with football. not as much, though.”

“you were good,” you compliment.

“thanks,” he answers. he is never this awkward, what is happening? “you still into reading and history and stuff?”

“yeah,” you answer. “i mean, ponyboy can tell you, i never shut up about it when i’m teaching. always got a new book to talk about.”

and there we go. the conversation is back to ponyboy. “oh, that’s nice. pony only talks good about you. just never pieced together that it was you.”

“yeah, well, guess you thought i would’ve been gone by now.”

“guess so,” he agrees. “glad you’re not.”

you smile at him.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

the following weeks, you’d notice ponyboy talking to you a bit more whenever he could in class, talking to you about darry. and when you walked into the DX, sodapop asked if you were “darry’s chick,” and you had no idea how to respond.

flowers started blooming at the local park in your neighbourhood, so you decided to take a walk and pick some to decorate your classroom and decorate them for spring.

everything reminded you of him — you walked past a small punch of pink tulips. he got you tulips for your grade 11 semi-formal. he got them for a discount at the gas station, it was all he could afford. they were beautiful.

while you were walking, you spotted a gang of greasers. darry was with them, he was the tallest and stuck out like a sore thumb among the pink and yellow flowers and blossoming trees.

sodapop and ponyboy spotted you instantly, catching your eye and then telling the rest of the gang that you were here. they all excitedly started pressuring darry to go talk to you. you overheard the giggles and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

darry walked up to you after a few moments of resistance. you looked stunning — your hair gently waving in the warm breeze, a handful of wildflowers in your grasp. and you were smiling at him!

“hi darry,” you greet. he starts walking beside you, leaving his friends behind.

“hey, y/n,” he says. his voice is deeper than it was when you knew him. “it was real nice seein’ you at ponyboy’s parent-teacher thing.”

you agree, and then he speaks again. “i just, uh, wanted to talk to you about something.”

“what about?” you ask with a tilt of your head.

“okay, so i know we dated back in high school and stuff,” he starts. “it was real fun. we had some good times.”

“yeah, we did.” you agree.

“do you want to try again?” he asks you. his muscular body and his intimidating looks would be nothing if you heard how he was speaking now. it felt wholesome, shy, like how he asked you out in high school.

you take a second to think. you remember how you felt when he took another girl to prom 3 weeks after you broke up, you remember how that hurt you and how you wanted to kill him. but you remember watching shows with him on saturday nights, you remember kissing in the backseat, you remember his mom, mrs. curtis, kissing you on the cheek the first time you met her. you remember cheering when he got a touchdown, you remember him kissing tears off your face when he got hurt in a rumble. you remember the good and the bad. and when you look back up at him, you feel so high school.

“yeah,” you say softly. “i would love that, darry.”

[maddheaven]

My Interpretation of Yandere Dick Grayson/Nightwing - also a ramble post, kinda.

It’s been awhile since I’ve found time to write something. I was gonna write a short ramble post about my version of Yandere Dick Grayson but I had work to do.

Otherwise here it is:

So most versions of Yandere Dick I’ve read of him being extremely dark and sadistic towards his darling. Personally, I think this portrayal of Yandere Dick is interesting, and a little fun to write, because you don’t have to follow his optimistic values and traits, and just go crazy with it. Over time though - and now that I finally found time to read some comics and stuff, getting my inspiration juices flowing - it kinda got old and overused for me. While I do like the take on it, there are some parts of it that I would do differently or change completely like him having a full-blown freak-out and accusing his darling of cheating, ya know, screaming, shouting, punching things and all. I also like the soft yandere version of Dick, and incorporate some parts of that as well based on the few that I've read.

So with some inspirations from headcanons, and a bit of daydreaming, here is what I came up with:

Even before his parents' death. Grayson felt this deep, subconscious need for normalcy; for some semblance of ordinary.

He grew up moving around a lot, being in a circus act and all, and therefore, never had a real home.

Dick wanted the white picket fence, he wanted the typical suburban house, and he dreamed of being married to the love of his life with a bunch of kids, and maybe, a pet or two running around.

When his parents died, the only affection he ever had was ripped away from him leaving a dark void in his heart.

Despite being adopted by Bruce, and getting acquainted in his new home, that empty spot in his chest never went away.

He went through a couple of partners, Kori and Barbara included, had a few heartbreaks, but that empty feeling stayed.

Something was missing, he wasn’t sure what it was.

He cared for his previous partners, stayed loyal to them the whole way, yet there wasn’t a ‘click.’

There are multiple ways he could’ve come across you.

Either you were a civilian he saved from danger as Nightwing, helping you out as an officer, or maybe you met during a walk out in Bludhaven or Gotham.

However he met you, there was an instant click.

There was something, something about you, that was different.

His obsession comes in waves.

First: He’s interested, and starts watching out for you - not to the point of stalking yet.

He'll try to strike up a conversation, start building some sort of friendship or acquaintance with you, anything to get to know you.

Second: Then that interest becomes intrigue, and now he’s following you wherever you go, wanting to learn more about you.

That need he felt for all of his life grows, and grows.

He can’t get you out of his head, he can’t stop thinking about you.

He could be taking on as many cases as a police officer, he could be fighting criminals in some alley.

Yet, no matter how hard he tries, his mind always wanders back to you.

It's conflicting for him; he knows he shouldn't be this obsessed with you yet.. nothing seems to get you off his mind!

But that all comes to a head, when he either sees you in danger or hanging around someone.

Then something snaps inside him.

He doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it at all - he hates it.

Dick can’t deny his feelings anymore.

He needs to protect you.

He needs to be there for you.

He needs you.

Then comes the third wave:

He's around you more, he's taking every chance he can to spend time with you.

Sometimes, it can come off as clingy. But if you're the kind who doesn't notice subtle cues very well (like me), then he may just come off as someone who wants to be your friend.

And given his charismatic, and almost up-beat attitude, it wouldn't be surprising if you thought that.

However, there are some things with Dick that seem.. off.

He becomes eerily silent when that one friend, who you haven't seen in months, is talking to you.

Sometimes he'll tug at your wrist, force a smile whilst trying to make some excuse that you guys are in a hurry.

And as you guys get to know each other more, he gets more 'touchy.' More than what would be considered as 'friendly.'

Swinging an arm around you, resting his chin on your head, and one time, he put an arm around your waist while you guys were walking around the park.

But if there ever is a situation where someone is getting handsy with you, friendly or not, he steps in.

Hates when people touch you, but doesn't have any problem when it's only him, of course.

The man is more touch-starved than Jason.

As your relationship grows closer - or rather, he believes you and him are growing closer - then his tolerance would start to go down.

As for meeting him for the first time, Dick comes across as extroverted and friendly!

Very much a people person, so it isn’t hard to warm up to him.

If you aren’t the social type however, then he may come off as abrasive.

If he notices your slight discomfort, then he’ll ease up a bit.

He doesn’t like it if he sees you tense up or show any signs of discomfort around him - leaves a strange ache in his chest.

Though, he’ll admit, sometimes he likes to tease you because he finds some of your reactions adorable.

Dick is also patient to an extent.

If he sees that you’re avoiding him or making it obvious you aren’t interested, he’ll either eliminate all competition.

Anyone he thinks is getting in the way of him and your relationship, or would have a hand in getting anyone to avoid you.

Dick will make sure he is all you have.

If it's him, he'll either try to ‘fix’ his behavior around you or talk it out with you.

If neither works then.. well.. he'll be tempted to just take you.

With all the general stuff aside, there is one thing that I want to get into which is his temper.

Most headcanons I read are Dick having full-blown freak-outs - shouting, yelling, punching, throwing things ect.

I don't think he would do that, if anything, I think it would be much worse:

Let's say he kidnaps you and you aren't cooperating at all.

No matter what he does, all he gets is insults, profanity thrown at him, struggling - the whole shabang.

His patience isn't one to be tested, so as soon as you start acting out his demeanor changes in a snap.

His eyebrows would furrow, the usual ‘picture-perfect’ smile drops, and those shining blue eyes go cold.

His voice would drop low, he'll get real close to your face.

If you're struggling, he'll grab your wrist and squeeze it hard.

Every word he says, he not only wants you to hear, but to listen, ingrain it into your head.

The sudden shift in the air is too obvious to ignore, and that low voice is just.. too terrifying to tune out.

There’s a threatening undertone; a warning.

It’s incredibly eerie and tense.

The man is capable of anything - he was raised by Batman for god sakes! - and if he kidnapped you, god knows what the hell he’ll do to you.

To sum it up, Dick can be the most affectionate, loving boyfriend/husband you could ever have or he can be your absolute worst nightmare...

[rc-writes]

Hello!!!

I just read your Ethan Morgan Drabble and it was so freaking adorable. It’s so nice to see people writing for MBV as I love that show so much.

I was wondering if I can request an idea? I don’t know if you write this type of stuff but if you do then can you please write some fluffy Dad!Ethan Morgan or Dad!Benny Weir scenario (i dont know why but they both give goofy sad vibes if they were parents)

If you don’t write that sort of thing that can you write Ethan Morgan x reader, where he has to take care of his sick significant other

Thank you again!!!

𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐢���𝐤

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢

pairings: ethan morgan x reader

warnings: nothing besides the reader being sick i believe

a/n: i'm glad you loved my other ethan fic! and i agree that's its so cool to see people still writing for this show. our fandom may be small but it lives on lol. and i decided to go with the sick reader request (wasn't sure if you wanted it to be hcs or an imagine so i just went with hcs because i've been wanting to write more of those) but completely agree see either of the two with kids would be both incredibly cute/funny! anyways, i hope you like the hcs!!

ethan had texted you earlier that day asking if you wanted to go see the newest zombie movie 

which on any other day you would’ve jumped at the chance to spend the entire day with your boyfriend

but today you woke up feeling like you were the zombie

but you decided against telling ethan that in fear of him going overboard

you loved that he cared but sometimes he was a but much

last time you were sick he convinced himself you must have been cursed by the monster of the week

so you opted to just tell him that you were just a bit too tired to go anywhere

which wasn’t technically a lie

you did just sleep past noon and hadn’t gotten out of bed yet

ethan was a kinda disappointed that you didn’t want to go be he understood wanting to do nothing

saving the world would take a toll on anyone

when ethan replied that he understood you’re worry of making him worry went away

unbeknownst he did still worry

you didn’t even realize in your dazed state that you responded rather deadpan-y

usually you’d crack a joke about how tiring saving the world was, or something along those lines

not just “sorry i’m just a bit too tired today :(“

ethan immediately got a feeling that there was more to the story, so he planned to go to your house and seeing you in person

curse him and his caring nature

the jig was up the moment you opened the door wearing a haphazardly thrown on robe, hair a mess, and bags under your eyes

“ethan, what are you doing here?” 

sneeze #1

“i came to see if you were alright, which you don’t seem to be”

“don’t be silly i am-” sneeze #2 “alright”

he did not believe you for a second

even if he did the multiple sneezes gave it away

let caretaker ethan mode begin

don’t even think about getting off the couch any time soon

he will insist of getting anything and everything for you

want to change the channel? he will get up and get it for you even if you’re closer

getting kinda cold?

immediately throws the biggest blanket he can find on you

need a snack?

don’t worry he spread out a million different things he found in your cabinets the moment he set foot in your house

which at first he tried to find only healthy types of snacks but your sad pleading eyes convinced him to just grab everything

“you can’t eat only oreos all day”

“but they make me feel better” *sad eyes intensify*

“okay fine”

will make it his duty to find every tissue box in the vicinity and stack them up within arms reach

“i don’t think i’ll need that many”

“it’s just in case”

besides the many snacks laid out be prepared to be eating many bowls of soap

i don’t think ethan knows how to properly cook so it's mostly likely from a can

not that you’re complaining, the hot soap makes your throat not feel as scratchy

he’d probably call up benny at least once

“what’s up dude!?”

“is your grandma home?”

“you want to talk to grandma??”

as much of a good friend benny is he isn’t exactly the best at spells or potion making

so he was hoping grandma weir could stir something up that could make you feel better

and grandma weir loved you so of course she does

best she can do on such short notice is make a little home remedy that clears your nasal cavity for a few hours

you take it as if she offered you gold

“i can breathe again!”

“why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t before!?”

“i was just exaggerating a bit e”

“oh” you tell him that he worries too much

but you mean the world to him, how could he not worry?

you two would spend the rest of the day binge watching random movies

eventually you’d fall asleep on ethan’s shoulder

he’s a bit upset that you fell asleep during his favorite part of the movie

but he’s more than happy to see you finally sleeping peacefully

he falls asleep not much later

thankfully for you both you woke up the next morning feeling much better

and you about to cheer for joy when ethan suddenly starts sneezing

guess it’s his turn to be sick

oops

[acowardinmordor]

My brain won't shut up about this, so maybe if I write it my brain will let me finish working and get this massive work project off my plate.

Warning for Accidental Drunken Pregnancy

Fandom loves, correctly, the idea of Girl!Steve Harrington, either as an 'always a' or trans, we're a fan. And that's good. No arguments from me there.

But I was thinking about Always a Girl Eddie. And the impact that would have. Because see, Eddie is already Wrong in a lot of ways. She's poor, she's loud, she's a freak, she sells drugs, and starts shit with bullies. She's too much in every way, and she refuses to be a girl properly. Has ever since she was old enough to express an opinion.

She didn't want to play with dolls or play house. She wanted to run through the park chasing dragons. When her parents fought, she wanted to run away and get found by the Addams family where no one would be mad at her for liking black and reading about blood and fights and monsters.

By the time she's in high school, everyone's decided she's a lesbian. She isn't. She thinks she isn't, but she doesn't get a chance to try or test or find out before the whole damn town has made it Known. Eddie doesn't wear skirts, and she doesn't style her hair, and she doesn't listen when the counselor sits her down to talk about her behavior and how she needs to try to be a bit more like other girls if she wants to get married one day. That's her junior year, which is when she snaps and, true or not, goes on a rant about being a carpet munching butch who never wants to have a husband.

Her friends don't care. They've talked to her and agree its all bullshit. Her only regret about it is that her outburst becomes fodder for the kind of bias that makes her fail two classes her senior year. It makes her fail four her second time around. PE is one of them. The teacher won't let her participate if she isn't 'dressed appropriately' which suddenly requires that all the girls have their legs shaved. Surprise surprise, Eddie is the only one that has an impact on. Wayne gets into a shouting match over it, and he wins, but not in time for Eddie to pass.

And every time someone pushes her to be more ladylike, Eddie doubles down on being a freak because she's a lot of things, but she's not a quitter. The one good she knows she manages is that barely any other girls in Hawkins get bullied all that much. Eddie pulls too much attention, and Eddie is so far off the end of the scale, it makes the minor mistakes easy to ignore.

All her friends are guys because the girls of Hawkins are scared of the witch/lesbian/succubus/whatever bs they came up with this week. There are some girls who Eddie thinks want to come talk to her, thinks she'd be friends with if she could, but any girl willingly hanging around the Freak is going to get painted with the same brush.

She showed up to every single class in her third go around, daring her teachers to fail her again when she was getting perfect scores on anything with a straight answer, and doing so well on the subjective stuff they were giving her passing grades. She had a new flock of sheep who didn't care about the rumors because she ran Hellfire for them.

After Spring Break, after they accuse her of seducing and murdering Chrissy, after Eddie walks into Mordor and is dragged out the other side. After Eddie gives everything she has for a town that hates her, the school gives her the diploma. Maybe its just because they're terrified that she'll come back for a fourth try if they don't, but she has the damn thing.

Or maybe they don't want the new freshmen to start crying when they see her scars.

After the hospital lets them all leave, and after El and Will do whatever it is they do and promise it's over for real this time, Robin, Eddie, and Harrington sit around and watch crap movies and talk. It's still June when Robin comes out to her, and Eddie has to awkwardly explain that she isn't. Supportive, in favor of it, but not sure if she's like Robin.

"But everyone heard about what you said to--"

"Yeah, she was telling me I should start curling my hair and wearing makeup so I could find a husband."

"She did not."

"Yeah. I kinda snapped."

A few minutes tearing apart that kind of thinking later, and Steve asks, "So you like dudes?"

Eddie shrugs, because she's never tested that either. A bit of leftover enmity from when he was the King and she was the Freak keeps her from admitting she's a virgin. Instead she gestures to her face and neck, the part of her chest visible around her tank top.

"Don't think that's going to matter, Stevie, not now that I look like the Wicked Witch midway through melting."

There's nothing either of them can say about that. Between her status as a murder suspect, the infection from Upside Down dirt, and how efficient the demo bat fuckers were, her scars are ugly. Not the sort of thing she's read in books that a hero learns to take pride in. Just a mess. Her smile is jacked up on the left, and while she does have both of her nipples, the one boob is significantly smaller, and lumpier than the other now.

But they're friends, and its nice. Robin didn't find a fellow lesbian, but Eddie can understand the way she feels, and they bond over it. Where Robin goes, so goes Steve, so intentional or not, Eddie and Steve get close. Help each other with scar cream type close. It would be weird if there was any universe in which Steve would ever be interested in her. Instead they're good friends, and co-conspirators against the gremlins.

Robin is starting college in the spring semester in Chicago. Steve is going with her. Obviously. Eddie hasn't agreed to anything, but she's considering it.

They have one last party at Harrington's place. The kids leave around seven. The Hellfire guys leave around nine. By eleven, all three of them are plastered, and Robin is lamenting that she's leaving Hawkins and still hasn't kissed a girl. Eddie rolls her eyes and smacks one on her. Get it over and done with, right?

After an hour of Robin flustered and babbling about 'yes, yes, yeah, I do like girls! Kissing! Kissing girls is great! Steve! Steve-o! Did you know kissing girls is great?" she passes out on the couch.

Steve and Eddie, just sober enough to know that they're all going to be hungover in the morning, close blinds and lock doors. They leave water and asprin by Robin, then chug down a glass each.

"So, did it help you figure it out? Kissing my Soulmate with a capital P? Did you figure out if you like kissing girls more than guys?"

Eddie giggles instead of answering.

"I know Rob's not kissed anyone, but if you liked kissing her you probably could tell, right? So if you liked kissing her as much as you like kissing guys, or if its not like kissing guys, then you know!"

Steve's not a dumb as the kids joke. When Eddie doesn't answer, he puts it together. "Oh. Oh shit. Eds. You and Robin were each others' first kisses? Thats so -- you didn't have to do that! And now you don't know if you like kissing girls or guys or both or neither or -- Oh!"

Eddie watches Steve come to his decision and turn, and she decides to let it happen. Steve is the only guy her age who doesn't wince looking at her face. This is probably the only chance she's got until she's old enough her skin gets all wrinkly and no one can see the scars are there anymore.

It's better than kissing Robin. There's a lot of reasons why that might be true, but none of them matter, because after that first one. After a few seconds pause. After she leans a little closer like she's asking, they don't stop.

She wakes up naked and sore, with a blinding headache and the tight-skin pain that comes from forgetting the scar cream.

Awkward doesn't cover it when they look at each other in bed. When Robin trips on her way to make coffee, it gives them an excuse not to talk about it. It's bad enough that Eddie keeps thinking about it, and excavating the fragments of memory she's got. Probably the only chance she's going to get, and she remembers barely half. She does remember liking it, and Steve liking it, and neither of them being weird about the scars because they've been helping each other with them for months now.

Once they're sober enough for it, they talk, both of them apologizing, but not really. Neither of them regret it, even if it wasn't their best idea, and Eddie starts quoting Robin's rant about antiquated concepts of virginity when Steve tries to apologize for that. It's definitely weird, but they're not going to freak out about it.

By Wednesday, when Steve and Rob are loading up the beemer to drive north before the holidays, so they could get a place with a rental discount, everyone turns out to say bye. Eddie winks at Robin again, because it still makes her blush, and it still makes Eddie and Steve laugh when she does. She gives Steve a hug, and a promise to make a decision soon about moving up with them.

Six weeks of scheduled phone calls with them, and uncomfortable talks with Wayne, Eddie has finally, finally decided to go for it. She'll still be a freak, but according to Steve, no one in the city will bother her about it unless she asks them to. He's working at a diner, and swears the bookstore across the street will totally hire Eddie if she applies. Robin loves her classes, and her part time hours at the library on campus.

It's while Eddie is looking around and opening drawers, trying to plan how to move with more detail than 'throw stuff in the van' that she notices. There's a box of pads, mostly empty, in the corner of the bathroom cabinet. It's been mostly empty since November. And yeah, her period has never been predictable, and this isn't the longest its gone, and Eddie has never cared since she wears black all the time -- but. This time she had sex.

The odds are tiny, and the image of it is ridiculous. Eddie isn't any kind of a mom. Harrington is more a mom than she is. Anyway, all that shit in sex ed about it only takes once is crap. And she remembers Steve getting out the box of condoms. She doesn't remember anything between that and getting fucked, but she definitely remembers how concerned he was about opening the foil. So there's no way. No chance. Absolutely none.

The test comes back positive, and the nurse at the planed parenthood in Indianapolis asks if she wants to hear about her options.

It's pretty easy to choose as it turns out. Easier than quitting smoking cold turkey is for sure. Hell of a lot easier than telling Wayne. It's not something she ever wanted, ever thought about or considered, but Eddie knows this is the only chance she's got. Well. Sperm donors maybe, not that she'll ever have the money for it, unless she paid a guy to keep coming around until she got knocked up.

At first, she keeps it quiet because the nurse told her about the potential problems, especially with how much Eddie drank and smoked. It's not certain, so she stays quiet. Stalls the topic of moving up. She waits an entire day for the doctor to slip her in between appointments to get an ultrasound and check. Everything looks good. Healthy. and Eddie gets on their weekly scheduled call, hears Robin and Steve laughing as they tell stories, and Eddie breaks it to them.

"What do you mean? You said you were going to move up here. I thought you said you -- Eds, what the hell? You're going to leave me alone to watch Robin's attempts at flirting? You - I thought you promised."

"Excuse you, Dingus, she needs to come up so we can watch your attempts at flirting. I'm great."

"Fun as that sounds, me and Wayne are getting out of Hawkins. Wayne has some family in West Virginia, and I can't leave him at the mercy of all those spinsters. I'll still have a phone, you know."

They move before she's showing, and Wayne never asks, and Eddie never tells, but her uncle knows who it has to be. They land in Summersville, which is a damn lie since its a blizzard when they arrive. It isn't hard to use moving as an excuse to cancel a few phone calls. Then uses a boss moving her hours working at motel as an excuse when hormones means she knows she'll start sobbing if she gets picks up the phone.

Steve gets accepted to a community college. Robin aces her exams. Eddie finds out she's having a girl. She wouldn't have spent the money to find out since it wouldn't change anything, but the planned parenthood was still worried because of the alcohol at the start.

Wayne brings it up. Eddie considers it.

Steve gets a girlfriend. Eddie stalls.

Robin calls solo because Steve is on a one month anniversary date.

Eddie abandons the idea.

She never makes a choice to hide it from anybody. It's always one moment at a time, needing to get through one more thing, one more problem, one more checkpoint, then she could say it. By the end of July it's been too long, and it would be too weird. They didn't have some great tragic romance. They were good friends who got drunk one night. And Eddie is just living up to the warnings all the guidance counselors scribbled down about her.

She's never going to be anything special. She's not going to go chase her dreams and become the Joan Jett of metal music. She's coming up on eight months pregnant, can't hide it or pretend its something it isn't. She's still loud and obnoxious. She still wears all black and chained pants and refuses to style her hair in anything more complex than a ponytail. She's still mauled by monsters and scarred.

She's never going to be marriage material, and never wanted to be anyway. She can be a good mom though. Not a normal mom. Or a traditional one. She's probably going to end up punching someone at a pta meeting. But she can be a good mom for her daughter, whoever her daughter wants to be as she grows. And if that means she has to learn about ballet and glitter and my little pony, then she will.

Steve and Robin ask about a visit before their classes start since they'll have to do calls every other week now. They offer to drive to West Virginia, or buy Eddie a bus ticket. Eddie manages to dodge that bullet.

She dodges another when she starts contractions while on the phone with them, and plays it off like she has heartburn. She cries when she holds her daughter thirty hours later, smiling broad enough that the scars on her face hurt nearly as bad as the rest of her.

She gets good at sewing together a patchwork lie. Gets Wayne to take Lulu out for a walk during calls. Swallows the guilt when Steve talks about his girlfriend, Amy, who wants to have kids. Stares down the pediatrician who raises an eyebrow at her daughter's name.

It's awful. It's wonderful. It hurts more to do it alone than Eddie could have imagined, but she still can't bring herself to say it. Not because she thinks Steve would hate her for it . He wouldn't. One look at Stephanie Luthien Munson -- Lulu -- and Steve would know. And Steve would stay. And Steve would give up his classes and his girlfriend and his hope for his perfect family. Eddie has always known she's not what anyone is looking for.

So Eddie gets good at dodging questions, and explaining away noises in the background, and finding very reasonable excuses not to come out to visit. Very good at it.

She makes it to June of 1989, when her best friends decide it's been too long, and show up for a surprise visit.

Eddie was right though. It only takes a glance at the toddler on Eddie's hip as she opens the door for both of them to know.

[gwiyeounsonyeon]

out of all the people you write for in cod watchdogs and strangerthings who is most to least kinky

COD i dont think a lot of these men would be diabolically kinky, like they see enough shit on a daily basis, i think they just want to be loved.

BUT-

Konig and Ghost are at the top of the list, they're into some weird shit konig moreso they're both into size difference stuff, like,

ghost cant get over how small you feel in his hands, it turns him on so fast. he covers up for it by teasing you or playfully being mean, bullying your cock if its smaller than his, poking fun at how wet your cunt is when he hasn't even touched you yet, stuff like that...

i also think he might be into bullying or degradation, not to him of course, if you try to bully him he gets all fussy but as soon as the tables are turned hes relentless.

konig LOVES your size difference, i wholeheartedly believe this man is a sub-leaning, he can still dom he just needs to be in the mood for it first but thats pretty rare. so if you're tiny and you can still dom someone the size of him hes head over heals swooning for you. if you top him AND dom him hes actually in love.

hes got some other nasty kinks as well, i can feel it

third place is a close tie between soap and price,

price is super into taboo stuff, it just takes a minute to unlock that side of him. he likes being called daddy and sir and LOVES roleplay

soap is an exhibitionist, you can't argue with me on this one. he pulling you to every little nook and cranny he knows of and having at it. there was one point in his life where he couldn't have sex in normal places like he just couldn't get hard at all unless there was a chance you could get caught.

Stranger Things

first place is Johnathan, youu know that saying i think its like the quiet people are always the freakiest.

hes nasty, i can feel it in my bones.

he LOVES taking photos of you and himself, he gets off on knowing you're probably jerking off to one of his pictures.

slight exhibitionist, he likes going to develop his photos in public dark rooms, the thought of someone seeing one gets him all hot and bothered.

hes kind of into cnc, as far as his photos, nothing more than taking pictures of you without you knowing you've already consented before

next in line HAS got to be eddie, theres someone i cant remember the name of who hc's him as a virgin and i whole heartedly believe it, hes had so much time to just sit and think, hes got so many filthy little fantasies and hes so pent up

he likes being edged, hes only thought about it, every time hes tried he ends up getting too desperate and making himself cum anyway, if its by accident or not.

he gets off on being called a pervert, maybe a freak but only if its in an explicitly playful way, theres a fine line and honestly its better to steer clear of degradation unless he states he wants it outright.

he likes being made to say what he wants, he likes to act confident and stuff but as soon as it comes to actually having sex hes so nervous.

i also think he really latches onto nonsexual domination, not like anything aggressive just if you nonchalantly do something that strikes as dominant in your every day life he starts getting hot and bothered like, telling him to do something "answer the phone, I'm busy" or "move i need to get over there" he likes a man who can assert himself without being overly aggressive.

steve and controversially billy have to be the most vanilla,

as much as i want to say steve is a kinky degenerate, hes not. hes a rich white boy with no parents, he probably just wants to be comforted during sex.

but that doesnt mean he wont try things you want to try, hes open to suggestions you have. the kinkiest thing hes ever initiated would probably be heavy making out along with some frottage in a public bathroom.

billy is heavily traumatized and very like self-repressive and oppressive, he hates himself for being gay and he probably won't let you touch him like that for the longest time.

WATCH DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so excited to get this one, i never get watch dogs asks but i love my babies sm

first on the list is wrench, duh. the guys a fucking degenerate, he wants to try any and everything, no matter what it is.

i think his personal favorites are choking, cameras/filming, wearing women's underwear, and exhibitionism less so in legion

he doesnt like being called or calling you daddy unironically, it gives him the ick if its done seriously.

second is probably jordi. the more i think about it the more i think he might be kinkier than wrench but jori knows what he likes whereas wrench will do anything.

jordis into objectifying, hes not really the kind of guy to turn to a sex worker, i see him as a fuck buddies guy purely because he thinks hes too old/his job is too much to have a real relationship with you but he still acts like your boyfriend and he gets possessive in the way where he stalks you and your socials for more info about that new guy you're hanging out with. he wants to be the only guy you fuck and what he wants he gets.

jordi also favorites rough sex and choking and he likes cumming inside you whether you like it or not.

hes also super into spending money on you but only when it benefits him, he'll whine and complain if you ask him to buy you a charger or something but hes all over buying you like expensive ass lingerie or something

in last place is marcus, im sorry but he doesn't give me kinky vibes, the kiniest hes ever gotten was playing the weekend and turned the leds red while you fucked

[devondespresso]

Find the Word Tag Game!!

tagged by @lingeringmirth and my words are: beloved, insipient, clever, diverse and pervasive

unfortunately, my vocabulary hasn't extended to any of these, outside of one joke use of "my beloved" in the planning notes of my doc, and since i see no rules I'm making my own and stealing (oh so evil) lingeringmirth's words (because i already know i use them all the time)

Tear, Frown, Skin, Heard, and Lean

Tear -

Steve shook his head, finally sitting up and breathing. “No, sorry I– hey, what’s wrong?” He leaned forward to get a better look at Dustin's face, and as his mind woke up he finally heard the shakiness of his breath and saw light reflecting off tears falling just below his eyes. Steve dropped his feet to the ground and gave Dustin the space to sit.

Frown -

The sound of scattered clinks came from behind them, stopping just as sudden as it started. Steve turned around and saw Mrs. Henderson paused after pouring cat food in a dish. She put the box down, opening the bag inside to put the food back. Steve turned back around quickly. He chanced a glance at Dustin, who was still looking back over his shoulder, eyes shiny and mouth hanging in a small frown. After a moment he turned back around, busying himself with spreading jelly but blinking too much to be really over it.

Skin - (the most painful one to just choose one from, so we picked my favouite from the Dustin pov chapter)

Dustin had to take another breath. At least he was getting it out of the way. Better now in the house with clean supplies than in the car, or the tunnels, where Upside Down stuff could get in and make him sick. He took the wet side again, trying to scrub the dried blood off while being gentle, using a different spot on the towel every time it got too dark. The dry blood was stubborn, sticking to the skin like a scab and he couldn’t be sure how hard he could scrub without hurting Steve more. Not that Steve could feel it right now.

Heard -

Steve huffed a laugh before pressing the button.  “Well right now I'm sitting in Dustin’s room talking to nerds on a walkie.” “You’re so funny, Harrington, now why are you at Dustin's?” Steve laughed again, this time letting it be heard, and leaned back against the dresser. “Hopper freaked when he heard my parents are out of town and can’t check to make sure I don't die in my sleep. Dustin volunteered his couch till they're back.”

Lean - (also difficult to choose, but mostly becuase it's apparently all i write with 84 appearances in my document, so heres the most recent one)

He turned back around to the house, looking just as he left it. He walked around to the back of the patio to grab the slipper that he dropped, but turning the corner he found the area empty. Steve tiptoed up to the sliding door, opening it just enough to slip inside. The house looked empty with one glance around. He slid the door shut behind him, intending to go upstairs, but a few steps into the room and he made eye-contact with his mom. Leaning against the kitchen wall, arms folded with the missing slipper in hand, watching and waiting for him to notice.

and im tagging @marvel-ous-m @eriquin @roguenancy @sharpbutsoft @itsthestrangestthings @findafight

and your words are: strange, shaking, smile, scratch, and still.

[smolwritingchick]

What is Next for The Bangtan Gal!? Upcoming Chapters Part 2!

Damn, I'm really back writing this story with new chapters. It's weird yet exciting. Please bear with me with slow updates. I will try my best not to take forever to upload. You are welcome to skip this if you do not want to be spoiled on what I plan to write next for this story. 

Here is what I plan to work on. Some of these chapter titles may be placeholders and not everything is revealed in the summary as I'm still planning to get the gist of what's happening. As well as when I'll put smut and suggestive content in it. So stay tuned! But here is the first set of what I plan to write.

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Blood, Sweat, and Tears- Jennie and Jimin fight over his extreme diet. BTS film BST with Jennie and Taehyung filming a sexy scene together. Jennie spends time with GOT7. (This will be the last time I write about his diet. There is angst in this but it will end fluffy with them making up. I apologize in advance for the angst :( )

Idol Parents?- BTS anticipates the release of WINGS. Jennie and Jungkook are assigned to take care of a robot baby for a parenting class at school. (A reader gave me the robot baby idea years ago and I ran with it, lol. I used to have parenting classes back in high school but could never take them because it was always full smfh. Weenies I tell ya. Always taking up spots for the classes I was interested in. College was WORSE OMFG I was pissed that I had to wait days while others got first dibs.)

Big Enough For Two- BTS promote BST as viewers and fans freak out and wonder what is going on between Jennie and Taehyung due to what they saw in the MV. Jennie suffers a wardrobe malfunction during a show. Jennie and Jungkook become stressed trying to juggle school and promotions. Pissed about having to take an exam the next morning, Jungkook's angry emotions are shown while performing late at night for a show and Jennie helps him calm down back at the dorm.

Thank You- Jennie finally tells Jungkook that she is ready for the next step. BTS continues to promote BST. JenKook plans with Bangtan and Big Hit on how they want to reveal their relationship. BTS film their Halloween dance practice

Our First Time (Jungkook smut)- Jennie celebrates her birthday in Japan and Jungkook makes it a memorable one.

BTS 3rd Muster

First Daesang!- BTS wins their first Daesang! Jennie excitedly shares on social media about her preparations to collab with Hyuna at the MAMA Awards. But less than a week before the show, Mnet claims Jennie is not ready for a vocal solo performance and it is too early in her story to perform solo. The collab gets scrapped and Hyuna plans to perform by herself which pisses off Armies with the blindslide. (That'll be the end of the Hyuna stuff. They will no longer be friends after this and I will be done writing about her. For Mnet telling Jen she is not ready, I got inspiration from Victoria Monet being told she was not ready by MTV. But best believe MAMA Awards 2017 with Big Hit making sure she gets her time to shine without dealing with another Idol like Hyuna, she will SLAY. It will suck having Jennie spend long hours every day preparing for her solo before collabing with Hyuna. She planned to release a new song too. The song I thought of was Victoria Monet's Alright. Without the cussing since it would be on TV and also without the Jaguar roaring at the end of the song. That song is a banger! Omg. The plan was to have her perform that song for the first time while DJing and then dance and stuff before Hyuna met with her on stage. She will have the chance to perform it at one of the end of the year shows instead. G-Dragon will give Jen a pep talk on everything too and show support. I hope you like the vision when I write it.)

Mama Awards 2016- Jennie and Taehyung prepare for a stage kiss at the award show and BTS wins Best Artist. Jennie still makes sure to have a little solo dance for Fire when Bangtan performs, proving that she is ready for a solo.

BREAKING!! BTS' Jennie & Jungkook dating!?- Jennie supports Taehyung during his press conference for his drama. JenKook reveal their relationship in their own unique way, catching Dispatch and the world offguard. Big Hit and Bangtan show their support for the couple

BTS GAYO Episodes 10-15

BTS RUN Episodes 10-19

Going Public- With their relationship out, Jennie and Jungkook happily enjoy being a couple without having to be private. BTS attends ISAC 

You Never Walk Alone- Jennie and Jungkook graduate high school. BTS promote their new album with Jennie getting called Storm for dyeing her hair white/grey for the new comeback.

Black Panther- BTS begins their WINGS tour. Black Panther's director reaches out to Big Hit, wanting Jennie to have a small role in the film, and makes a character for her. Excited and honored, Jennie films with the Black Panther cast in Busan for the casino/chase scene, doing her own stunts. (I have been having this idea for years! It'll be a step closer for Jennie and Jungkook to meet Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr. I got major ideas for the future after this Marvel themed chapter! I hope you enjoy the vision when I write it! It's going to be so fun!)

Billboard Awards 2017- Jennie Media trains BTS for America as they prepare to attend the Billboard Awards. Jennie runs into Trinity from Amity. (Best believe she will make sure to let Namjoon know what a heart throb is lol. I still remember that. Lots of Jennie and Namjoon fluff. She is going to have his back)

BTS Festa 2017

BTS Bon Voyage Season 2

Love Yourself: Her- BTS perform at Seo Taiji's 25th anniversary concert. BTS promote their new album

BTS Run Episodes 20-29

BT21- BTS creates their characters for BT21. Jennie creates a cute Hamster character called JW.

American Music Awards 2017- Suffering a broken ankle, Jennie documents her recovery, trying to stay positive as she promotes with BTS in America injured.

Mic Drop Remix- BTS release the Mic Drop Remix. Jennie and Desiigner snap on his version of Mic Drop. Recovered from her injury, Jennie makes a statement with a vocal and dance solo stage during Bangtan's performance after getting her solo scrapped at last year's MAMA Awards.

New Year's Rockin' Eve

Black Panther Premiere & Press Tour In Seoul- BTS attend the Black Panther Premiere to support Jennie. Jennie attends the Press Tour of Black Panther in Korea. Hobi releases his mixtape

Burn The Stage

Complete The Square- After Hobi's mixtape is out, ARMY trends for wanting Jennie, the last of the rap line for BTS, to finally release the music she has been working on for years. (Since there will be 4 people in the rap line of BTS, RM, Suga, Hobi, and Jennie, I thought it would be cool to say complete the square since she's the last one to release solo music)

Jennie X NIKE- Jennie films commercials for her Nike endorsement with celebs like Lebron James and Kevin Hart. Jennie proves that her getting chosen to endorse Nike was one of the best business decisions as her endorsement with the brand is released and sells out immediately, creating high demand. Jennie goes on press tours to promote the brand. (I'm highkey considering her Nike collab to be like Beyonce's IVY Park. Having various collections each time. I am still brainstorming.)

Love Yourself: Tear- BTS promote their new album. BTS attends the Billboard Awards 2018. BTS goes on Ellen and the Late Late Show with James Corden. (Jennie is not a fan of Ellen and will think of the negative experience she had during the Amity days with her.)

BTS Festa 2018

The Square Is Complete- Jennie finally releases her solo music

[yuncheoligans]

Jumpscare

Idol!Choi San x Reader

You watch a scary movie with your boyfriend, but you don't seem to have as much fun as you hoped.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety but nothing extreme, Language, Just Fluff!

wc: 1645 (I know its short! Forgive me!)

a/n: Just a short San Oneshot not related to my other works just wanted to write a little comfort fic, I hope you guys like it! I am working on other things but this came to me as I was talking to a friend (@senpai-of-doom Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! <3 <3 <3!!) about comfort fic ideas. I had fun writing it, I hope you enjoy reading it!

Tag: @layzfeelit since I know you were also looking forward to it! Your support means the world to me!

Masterlist

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To say I am a coward when it comes to scary movies is an understatement.I was not a fan of horror films but I knew they were a good date idea, and I barely get to see him anymore, not since the group started gaining popularity and I’d be damned before I ever thought about holding him back. I am his number one fan always, I was at every show I could make it to and I’d never stop him from living his dream like that, he meant the world to me so I’d prove it every chance I got. However, he thought it’d be fun to scare the piss out of each other and watch scary movies, you get all cuddled up together and it’s cute but I hope he doesn’t pick something that scares the piss out of me. 

“I was thinking about Paranormal Activity?” San smiled as I got comfortable on the couch.

“I don’t think I’ve seen that one.” I looked at him curiously.

“I heard it’s pretty scary. I think we can handle it though, it’s a found footage film.” he got next to me as he scrolled Netflix. He came over to mine, much more quiet than me trying to sneak into the dorms and all the guys. “Ready?”

“Mmhmm.” I nodded and grabbed the blanket and popcorn. You could tell he was really excited to watch this.

We got about halfway into the movie before I really started to get tense, the movie was building obviously but I was starting to feel it. My hands felt kind of clammy. I could tell he was trying not to let it show he was also getting a little paranoid but he had a certain look to him that told me he was almost as tensed up as I was. I don’t know why we suggested this he doesn’t like scary stuff either. This is so dumb of us. It was the end of the movie when the main character Katie screamed for her boyfriend Micah after watching him for almost 2 hours, that finally caused me to lose it. I practically threw the popcorn in the air when he got thrown at the camera letting out a yelp. San wasn’t doing much better but I think between the two of us I was the one that was terrified. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice, I mean it's just a movie I shouldn’t be this scared. 

“Maybe we should go to bed?” San suggested as the credits rolled.

“Oh yeah sure.” I nodded, closing my eyes to break my stare on the screen. As he got up I learned he had no intention of inviting himself to stay over, I wasn’t about to let that happen, there’s no way I was going to sleep alone. “W-Where are you going?” I stuttered. “I barely get to see you, please stay the night.” so I don’t get freaked out by anything.

“I didn’t…want to assume you wanted me to stay.” he looked relieved honestly.

“San we’ve been dating for 2 years now, I think it’s safe to say please stay after any and all date nights?” I gave him a warm smile trying to hide the fear in my voice.

We got ready for bed but that was the easy part it seemed. As we laid down, in my dark…dark room, I couldn’t help but start to feel the anxiety rise in my chest. I tossed and turned for the better part of 3 hours before I started feeling like there were things happening I couldn’t see, noises were coming from everywhere, and the worst part….he fell asleep facing away from me. Now I’ve never been one to be able to wake anyone up, I used to be so scared to wake my parents up during the night I’d rather suffer under my covers during a loud thunderstorm than go crawl to them. I heard a loud thump come from my hallway and it completely sent me over the edge, I threw myself out of bed and into the bathroom letting the tears flow down my face. I couldn’t help it anymore, I was so scared there was something in my apartment and I couldn’t ask for help. I yelped when there was a knock on the bathroom door and practically died when it opened. I threw the closest thing I could at the intruder which happened to be a towel….very effective.

“Baby…Baby it’s me. It’s me, hey take a breath.” San said, hushing me calmly. “Hey hey hey shhh shhh.” he wrapped his arms around me. 

“Th-There’s something out there.” I blubbered.

“I already checked it’s okay, it’s just your imagination.” he held my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were this scared.”

Was I really that good at hiding it? I guess that’s the troubled past coming through…I thought I was an open book when it came to that. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’m so sorry y/n. I thought…I’m so stupid.”

“No you’re not.” I looked at him teary eyed. “Please don’t talk about my boyfriend that way.”

“Hey your boyfriend did a poor job at looking after you, I can be a little harsh on him right now.” he picked me up. “Come here jagiya.” I wrapped my legs around his waist as we got up.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” I said in a small voice.

“I was awake anyways.” he let out a little chuckle. “How about we watch something else. As silly as can be, even your favorite kids show. Youtube, we can play video games. Make cookies?” He brushed my hair back and wiped my face.

“You can go back to sleep.” I whispered.

“And leave my baby out here like this, no way.” he kissed my forehead. “I’m not leaving you until you’re smiling, and forgetting about this whole scary thing.”

“Can we watch Business Proposal then?” I looked at him.

“Absolutely.” he smiled and turned it on. It was just the amount of cuteness, no scares, and romance I wanted. Nothing terrifying happened and it was nice leaning against his chest while watching it. He wrapped the blanket over my head and rubbed my back. “I love you.” he whispered to the top of my head, giving it a small kiss.

“I love you too.” I nuzzled into his chest a little more.

“I really am sorry Jagiya.”

“Sannie, please don’t worry about it anymore. It’s really ok, it was just a movie.”

“I know, I just should’ve realized sooner you were scared. I honestly didn’t know.”

“Which is why I’m not mad Sannie.” I squeezed his other hand that was holding mine. “I know you wouldn’t just ignore it, you’re not that type of person.”

“How about some chocolate? It really does help after you cry.” he opened up a little piece for me and popped it in my mouth, not letting me grab it myself.

It felt nice to get taken care of for a little bit, I felt bad since it was so late but he kept telling me it was no bother to him, as long as I was happy.

“You do so much for me, you’re at every show, cheering, singing along, taking photos. I can take care of you for a few hours.” he chuckles and nudges my head with his nose. “I love you.” he kissed the side of my face again.

“I know.” I giggled since his breath tickled me. “You said it earlier.”

“And I’m going to say it again. I love you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you heard me. I love you!”

“I know!”

“I Love You!”

“I Know!” I started chuckling more.

“I LOVE YOU!” he kissed all over my face after his loud 2 am proclamation.

“I LOVE YOU TOO!” I said back with a laugh now.

“I love you y/n,” he smiled watching me.

“I love you too, San.”

“I love you more.” he pulled me closer and kept his hand on my back. “And I’ll tell you as many times as there are stars in the sky.”

“Whoa, that’s at least….like 20 times.” I chuckled at his expression.

“Probably more like 20,000.”

“I did say at least.” I smiled which was quickly followed by a yawn.

“Bedtime?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Bedtime.” I nodded.

Still he carried me to the bedroom, not letting my feet touch the floor for a second. He said it was too cold and I shouldn’t have to know what that feels like, whatever that meant. He cradled me to him this time and tangled our legs together, now I know how he feels, his feet are cold as hell. No wonder he complains when I do it in the winter, will that stop me…no. 

“Goodnight Baby.” he smiled his wonderful crinkled eye smile. I love that smile so much, it felt like home.

“Goodnight-” I yawned. “Sannie.”

We both got quiet if only for a moment, my eyes starting to shut peacefully.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“I wish I knew you didn’t like scary movies either, it would’ve saved us a lot of anxiety.” he chuckled.

“Either? So…you didn’t like the movie?”

“I was honestly terrified the whole time. I thought you liked scary movies.”

“San, I honest to god hate scary movies with my entire being.”

“We really should’ve watched Up again instead.” he smiled into my hair.

“Maybe next time. No more scary movies?”

“No more scary movies.” he agreed.

“Good.” I nodded. A sense of relief washed over me learning he was just as scared as I was and thought I was fine. That was all I needed to finally put my mind at ease and fall asleep in his arms.

“Goodnight baby. I love you.” he smiled, pulling the covers over us.

[angrybell]

Had to go in for a meeting with my youngest’s teachers and school counselor.

Now, I’m not a fan of these meetings because I always sort of feel like they’re judging the parent. And my son doesn’t have any real problems, he’s just a little boy who doesn’t want to sit still and hasn’t learned to focus yet. Normal stuff.

This year, has been a struggle for him. Why? Because his teacher is Dolores Umbridge sans cats. My other kids have had her. It was not fun dealing with her when they were girls who could sit still and, mostly, follow all of her rules.

For a boy? She’s a freaking nightmare. The tone for the year was set when she sent home a note that he had trouble sitting still on the first day. He didn’t get up when he wasn’t supposed to. He just was fidgeting. Pretty much every other teacher at the school I like. This one… we didn’t throw in for any gifts for her because she’s just awful.

Thankfully, she got pregnant at the end of year and missed the last 2 weeks. My wife was ecstatic. It was 2 weeks without a daily email about some little infraction by my son (the most infuriating was we was wiggling his pencil too much. No noise. Just flipping it in his fingers.)

Anyways.

We go through everything, I think I’m almost home free. We know most of my son’s academic deficiencies already and we’re working on them. No surprises.

Then, the counselor pulls out a stack of papers. Fishes through them and pulls out a picture of two dinosaurs. She says “On Friday, I noticed this that your son drew. I don’t know where he heard this word. I was going to talk to the teacher’s aide and see she heard him using this language.”

One of the dinosaurs had a speech bubble drawn and it read, “What the fuke.” Which she took to mean “fuck”. It might have been. But my son’s penmanship is worthy of a doctor so there is a chance it could have meant something else. But … probably not since it was the best ‘f” and “k” I’ve ever seen him write.

“He learned it from me,” I said.

Fun being a parent.

[jos-10-minyard]

13/11/2023

I have so much to say I don't even know how to start this. Maybe discussing about how my mom's being suck a jerk with me this week. She fucking knows about all my mental health shit, and even so she gives me all the indications that she doesen't trust me enough. I already knew she and dad didn't trust me, but receiving the confirmation is tough. Very much tough.

Basically, what happened is: I'm living with my aunt in another state now, to try to take care of my mental health. It's been being really helpful, and she's an angel in my life, I can't express how much I love her and love being here, in my hometown. I'll try to apply to the university in here, so I can stay longer.

But let's go to what really matters now. Thursday, my uncle got his knee operated, and my aunt went to the hospital with him to stay a couple days. At thursday night, my older cousin and his wife came to stay with me and my youngest cousin, so we won't be alone for the night (even though I'm 20 and he's 18). Friday, my aunt told me to call my friends to sleep with us, and so I did.

So here we were: me, Rafa, Ninne and Luiz (my youngest cousin), doing a barbecue and swimming at night (it's really fucking hot here in Brazil this week). And then my dad video calls me. That's weird, my dad never calls me, it's always my mom, but I accepted it.

Dude, the second my mom saw that I was at the pool, her face immeadiatly closed and she asked what I thought I was doing. I explained to her that my aunt was the one to give the idea to call my friends, and she continued to be mad at me. I really don't know why she was mad. Did she think we were having a crazy sex night at the pool? Did she think that I had organized a rave at my aunt's house while she was away? I didn't do any of these stuff. We only had a barbecue and swimmed. Only. Oh, we watched movies too. But that's all. The only boy present in all the situation was my cousin, and that means nothing because I live with him.

Anyway, as we were hanging out the call, my dad says to me to don't do any shit, and I jokily ask "don't you guys trust me?". He answered "no". And hung out. Yeah, that's really fucked up.

See, I don't think I ever did anything to deserve that lack of trust in me. In 20 years of my life, I barely went out of home, I never got home drunk or high, always told my parents where I was going and who were with me, they know all of my friends. Even so, they still don't trust me, and I can't figure out why. I'm 20 years old and they still treat me as if I was 10 and didn't know anything about life and how to take care of myself at all.

Man, they freaked out with me having a night alone, without any "responsible adults" nearby. Imagine when I live by myself? I'm planning to move out next year, if I get into college, and live with my friends and my cats. I think that's capable of giving my mom a heart attack.

Anyway, I'll talk about this with my psychologist later on today. I hope she helps me to not feel anxious every time I talk to my mom. And that I can figure out why the fuck I don't want to come home for summer vacations. Mom wants me to spend january with her, dad and my brother, but, honestly, I feel no will to come back home. It just seem so suffocating! I don't want to go home because that means I'll have the slightly chance to meet my ex without wanting to. And that would be the worst nightmare ever.

Someday I'll tell the story about why he broke up with me. Not today. I have another important things to write about today.

One of those is that I'm under the doubt of having or not Borderline. When I went to the psychiarist, she gave me emotional control pills to take, and I have been taking them since then. She also asked if there was people with bipolarity in my family, and my aunt said that yes, there is, my other aunt and her daughter are also under this doubt. Since this, I couldn't stop thinking and researching about borderline, and it's scary how much I identify with all of the symptoms. All of them.

Also, that would explain a LOT of things in my life. For example, my whole relationship with Mileto, my ex-webgirlfriend. Yes, I webdated when I was 15, you're free to judge me.

Me and her had a relationship that worked based on cycles. There were days where we would be so in love, feeling that nothing would ever end us, imagining a future where we would happily live together with a lot of children and animals in our big house. And, then, the next day we would be fighting so hard that anything would seem to work at all.

Talking to her about it last week, we came to the conclusion that the cycles were there to satisfy both her autism and my possible borderline. By living in a cycle, she would feel safe and confortable, because she would know exactly what's about to happen next, without any scary possibilities that she couln't predict. And I would gladly live in a scenario where I could win and lose interest on her without changing our relationship status.

Yep, that wasn't healthy at all, for neither of us. But we were young and knew little or almost nothing about ourselves, thinking and acting as if we knew everything. That only got us to hurt each other more and more, getting to the point where we broke up definitively, and live happier than ever as friends. She got a girlfriend now, and they're so happy and in love! I'm glad and proud of her, truly. No jealous, just good feelings towards her.

I think that's what love truly is, after all. Being happy about someone, even though you're not the one who got them to feel good.

That leads us to another important point that's been going round and round my head these days: Pablo. He's a boy I met on Tinder when I came to live with my aunt in another state. I downloaded this app because my friends told me so, hoping I would feel a little bit better about my life if I knew new people. They said it would distract my head from thinking about my ex-boyfriend.

Well, it didn't worked 100%, but it actually helped a little.

I started going out with this guy I met there, Pablo, almost two months ago. I think it was 2 weeks after Xande broke up with me. Blame me whatever you want, but I was so desperate to feel a little bit better that I would do actually anything to feel something that wasn't complete sadness and willing to die.

We had sex a couple times, and, in my head, I was certain that it was only this: sex. Hell, how I was wrong.

Maybe I'm feeling things about him, and I'm so fucking scared. The last time I gave all of myself to someone, he threw my heart into the ground and kicked it until it was bleeding. And I'm still recovering from all the wounds he gave me. I had this conversation with Pablo a lot of times, and I honestly think he feels the same, but both of us aren't ready for a serious relationship right now. Specialty me. Seriously, I know that I'll get emotional dependence in anyone that I decide to get romantic with. And I can't do this again. Not now.

I don't think I can survive another heartbreak right now. I still think about Alexandre more than I should, more than it's healthy to think about someone who fucking hurt you until you seriously thought about death, because anything could be possibily worse than what you were feeling at that moment.

That's why I'm so scared. I don't trust anyone with my heart anymore. I can't trust. If I do it, there's a big chance of my heart coming back more injured than it was before, and that I can't handle. I need to recover this first.

Anyway, me and Pablo had the most romantic date I ever had this saturday. We spent the whole day together with my friends and cousin, then I watched him playing football (he's a goalkeeper), and then we went to a hidden spot in the city, where we layed down and watched the stars in the sky, talking about everything. It was so simple, but also so fucking meanable to both of us. It really seemed like I was living inside a romance book or fanfiction.

Alexandre said that life wasn't a book, so I didn't need to be so dramatic at all the times. Well, I think I can romanticize life a little bit now, it wouldn't hurt anyone.

[taelovesjohnny]

Time traveled and fell in love ( the outsiders ) Bullied

Jocelyn’s pov 

“ get your ass up and get ready for school” my mom yelled at me.

I ground I hated school, I always get bullied by Jackson and his two friends Mason and Sam , I did nothing to them they were like the flirty kind of bullies I don’t know it’s hard to explain. I pushed the covers off of me and took my slippers off, I grabbed my outfit for today a jean skirt and just a regular black shirt, I didn’t really like dressing in girly cloths but my mom always yelled at me for not wearing something nice, I groaned at the thought why can’t I wear what I want to. I went to the restroom and took a shower it felt nice and warm. Wants I got out I put on my cloths, brush my teeth and hair, and other stuff, and grab my book bag, my dad punched me in the stomach and I winced and ran out of the house, I skipped breakfast not wanting to throw it up.  I saw Alicia and ran up to her, sense I was holding onto my stomach I let go she already knew what my dad did and mom as well, but she doesn’t need to worry about me.

“H-hey Alic” I said 

that’s what I call her, she doesn’t let anyone but me call her that. And I have always had That stutter. 

“ hey Jock” she smiled 

I nod and we soon arrive at school, it was kind of big, I took out my phone and showed it to her.

” i-i call you d-don’t worry” I said.

” you know me to well jock” she laughed.

she always makes me either text her or call her when those boys bully me,we separated and she went to her class sadly we do not have every class together, I put my stuff away in my but before I could put my history book away the locker door was slammed shut, and I turned away and saw Jack towering over me with one hand above my head. 

“ now, I’m going to ask you one more time, be my girl friend” he smirked.

” N-No” I said. 

I didn’t get why he kept asking me this i mean he always bullied me, I tried pushing him away but he wouldn’t move, he pinned my arms to the locker and I was freaking out, he tried kissing me but I turned my head away, he signaled for Mason to hold my head still and that’s what I did I glared at Mason but he only smirked. I looked back at Jackson and he winked at me.

” J-Jack leave me a-alone” I said.

” no, never” he said.

He leaned in and kissed me and my eyes widened he let go of my arms and left holding my hands up to Sam, he was more of the kinder one and he gave me apologetic look, and held my hands up. Jack pulled me closer to him, I refused to kiss back and that got him mad so he bit my lip,I yelped and that only gave him the chance to stick his tongue in my mouth, I mentally yelled at myself for that. Suddenly I heard yelling.

” Hey get off her!” Alic yelled 

The boys ran off, it’s a long story to why they are scared of her, basically they wouldn’t leave me alone so they beat the shit out of the , I so happy to have a friend like her. She gave me a hug and I hugged her back, I’ll only let her hug me.

” are you okay “ she asked.

” n-no, he kissed m-me I don’t like him!” I said.

I was almost in tears and she hugged me tighter.

” I’ve got you, next time I’m beating his ass I promise” she said.

I couldn’t laugh or smile, I haven’t done that in years. So I just thanked her.

” thanks Alic your the best” I said.

“ I know girl” she said.

I went to class then after a bit the first period was over, and now it was English I was happy I love English class, we get to write and read books I love doing those things ( sorry if I didn’t put that in intro, I’ll do that). Good thing Alicia has this class with me she likes it to, what makes this day an okay day is that we get to read the outsiders it is me and Alicia’s favorite movie and book! My favorite character is Johnny Cade! He is like me in some way our parents both abuse us and we are both very shy. I hated the way his parents yelled and beat him and when the soc’s beats him and left a scar that set my blood boiling. I know he’s just a fictional character but I don’t care. Alicia waved at me and sat down.

” hey I’m so excited” she said.

” m-me to!” I said.

I watched the teacher come in and take a seat grabbing her own copy of the outsiders.

” okay class open you books to page one please” the teacher said.

I had already turned there, I couldn’t wait to read this book.

” I’m going to call on people to read, so pay attention” the teacher said.

I was definitely going to pay attention to this. But as soon as I looked down at it I felt dizzy for some reason, I look at Alicia and she looks pale as well, was it because I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. I asked myself, I heard aloud thud and I hit my head on the desk, that loud thud came from me because next thing I know I’m laying on the ground and blacked out..when I woke up I saw Alice laying next to me and I was cold, I looked around, how did we get hear and where were we. I go over to Alicia and try to shake her awake.

” A-Alic wake u-up” I said.

she groaned and got up, I felt something trickle down my head and I touched it feeling liquid, I was blood I must of hit my head on a table when I fell but I don’t really remember any thing.

” where are we” she asked.

“I-i have no c-clue” I said. 

Suddenly I was picked up my the waist and my eyes widened. 

“ hey baby wanna come have a good time with us” the guys smirked.

”n-no thanks” I said.

” hey you leave her alone!” Alic said 

suddenly I hear rushed foot steps and I was pulled away from the boy.

” leave her alone!” One of the boys said.

And they beat the other guys up, wait a minute they….oh my god those were the Curtis gang! I felt like I was going to pass out, I look over at Alicia and her eyes were widened to. 

“ hey are you okay” ponyboy asked.

I gulped and shook my head yes, and walked over to Alicia 

“ o-oh my g-hid he talked to me” I said 

I almost screamed a real outsiders boy talked to me. But I stayed calm, I rubbed my arms I was cold. They motioned us to follow them and we did I stayed behind to shy to walk by them, but Alicia made me walk with them, we ended up at the Curtis house. We all walked in, it was a really nice house.

” A-Are you okay, are y-you cold” Johnny asked me.

I almost fainted the one and only Johnny Cade just talked to me.

”i-I’m okay, and a-a bit” I told him. 

I saw Alicia smirking at me she new he was my fictional crush, well now I believe he is real. I looked down and blushed a bit, suddenly I felt someone put something on my shoulders and I felt warmth, I looked up to see Johnny no longer had his jean jacket on him. And I looked down and saw it was wrapped around my shoulders I blushed even more. 

“ you pretty girls can take a seat we don’t bite” Dallas smirks.

I saw Alicia’s face go red and we both sat down. 

[leo-k-102105]

bruh my parents have no clue what boundaries are. They legit say that i go around all their rules like no social media until like 18 or smth but like 🤷🏻‍♂️ and i used to go around those rules back in the day a few years ago and they act like i did it yesterday. like tf. They also are so. freaking. dramatic. I legit only want them to use my pronouns and chosen name and they cant even do that. They also still barge in the room with out even knocking still. I’m 17. They also say they love me yet to me, its just empty words. 🤷🏻‍♂️ They legit never noticed that i cry every single day now from the extreme stress i am in. I also barely sleep too. They act like everything is my fault and then blame it on how i act. They say the are accepting of me yet 🙄 yeah right. They also say that they want to work on our relationship but they can’t even say the right name and pronouns? I’ve been out to them for a little more than a year already. I just feel so out of control. My sister is getting all the love from our parents too. My fathers wife got her a bunch of stuff to decorate the room so now it looks girly and they refuse to even buy me a single pair of pants. 😑 thats fucked up. My sister also has control over the lights to our room so when i just want to write or draw, i dont get a chance go becuz she just makes a big deal abt it and swears at me then she turns off the light. I hate this. She pisses me off. I also put a towel on our mirror (becuz of my bad dysphoria) and she makes it out to be like i did something horrible. I just love it here.

parents, it's called setting boundaries, NOT disrespect.

if your child doesn't wanna talk about something with you or do a certain thing, don't force them. don't hold it against them.

because the more you do, the more they'll pull away from you.

don't make it worse, please. setting boundaries ≠ disrespect.

[johnathanandrewcade]

Time traveled and fell in love ( the outsiders ) Bullied

Jocelyn’s pov 

“ get your ass up and get ready for school” my mom yelled at me.

I ground I hated school, I always get bullied by Jackson and his two friends Mason and Sam , I did nothing to them they were like the flirty kind of bullies I don’t know it’s hard to explain. I pushed the covers off of me and took my slippers off, I grabbed my outfit for today a jean skirt and just a regular black shirt, I didn’t really like dressing in girly cloths but my mom always yelled at me for not wearing something nice, I groaned at the thought why can’t I wear what I want to. I went to the restroom and took a shower it felt nice and warm. Wants I got out I put on my cloths, brush my teeth and hair, and other stuff, and grab my book bag, my dad punched me in the stomach and I winced and ran out of the house, I skipped breakfast not wanting to throw it up.  I saw Alicia and ran up to her, sense I was holding onto my stomach I let go she already knew what my dad did and mom as well, but she doesn’t need to worry about me.

“H-hey Alic” I said 

that’s what I call her, she doesn’t let anyone but me call her that. And I have always had That stutter. 

“ hey Jock” she smiled 

I nod and we soon arrive at school, it was kind of big, I took out my phone and showed it to her.

” i-i call you d-don’t worry” I said.

” you know me to well jock” she laughed.

she always makes me either text her or call her when those boys bully me,we separated and she went to her class sadly we do not have every class together, I put my stuff away in my but before I could put my history book away the locker door was slammed shut, and I turned away and saw Jack towering over me with one hand above my head. 

“ now, I’m going to ask you one more time, be my girl friend” he smirked.

” N-No” I said. 

I didn’t get why he kept asking me this i mean he always bullied me, I tried pushing him away but he wouldn’t move, he pinned my arms to the locker and I was freaking out, he tried kissing me but I turned my head away, he signaled for Mason to hold my head still and that’s what I did I glared at Mason but he only smirked. I looked back at Jackson and he winked at me.

” J-Jack leave me a-alone” I said.

” no, never” he said.

He leaned in and kissed me and my eyes widened he let go of my arms and left holding my hands up to Sam, he was more of the kinder one and he gave me apologetic look, and held my hands up. Jack pulled me closer to him, I refused to kiss back and that got him mad so he bit my lip,I yelped and that only gave him the chance to stick his tongue in my mouth, I mentally yelled at myself for that. Suddenly I heard yelling.

” Hey get off her!” Alic yelled 

The boys ran off, it’s a long story to why they are scared of her, basically they wouldn’t leave me alone so they beat the shit out of the , I so happy to have a friend like her. She gave me a hug and I hugged her back, I’ll only let her hug me.

” are you okay “ she asked.

” n-no, he kissed m-me I don’t like him!” I said.

I was almost in tears and she hugged me tighter.

” I’ve got you, next time I’m beating his ass I promise” she said.

I couldn’t laugh or smile, I haven’t done that in years. So I just thanked her.

” thanks Alic your the best” I said.

“ I know girl” she said.

I went to class then after a bit the first period was over, and now it was English I was happy I love English class, we get to write and read books I love doing those things ( sorry if I didn’t put that in intro, I’ll do that). Good thing Alicia has this class with me she likes it to, what makes this day an okay day is that we get to read the outsiders it is me and Alicia’s favorite movie and book! My favorite character is Johnny Cade! He is like me in some way our parents both abuse us and we are both very shy. I hated the way his parents yelled and beat him and when the soc’s beats him and left a scar that set my blood boiling. I know he’s just a fictional character but I don’t care. Alicia waved at me and sat down.

” hey I’m so excited” she said.

” m-me to!” I said.

I watched the teacher come in and take a seat grabbing her own copy of the outsiders.

” okay class open you books to page one please” the teacher said.

I had already turned there, I couldn’t wait to read this book.

” I’m going to call on people to read, so pay attention” the teacher said.

I was definitely going to pay attention to this. But as soon as I looked down at it I felt dizzy for some reason, I look at Alicia and she looks pale as well, was it because I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. I asked myself, I heard aloud thud and I hit my head on the desk, that loud thud came from me because next thing I know I’m laying on the ground and blacked out..when I woke up I saw Alice laying next to me and I was cold, I looked around, how did we get hear and where were we. I go over to Alicia and try to shake her awake.

” A-Alic wake u-up” I said.

she groaned and got up, I felt something trickle down my head and I touched it feeling liquid, I was blood I must of hit my head on a table when I fell but I don’t really remember any thing.

” where are we” she asked.

“I-i have no c-clue” I said. 

Suddenly I was picked up my the waist and my eyes widened. 

“ hey baby wanna come have a good time with us” the guys smirked.

”n-no thanks” I said.

” hey you leave her alone!” Alic said 

suddenly I hear rushed foot steps and I was pulled away from the boy.

” leave her alone!” One of the boys said.

And they beat the other guys up, wait a minute they….oh my god those were the Curtis gang! I felt like I was going to pass out, I look over at Alicia and her eyes were widened to. 

“ hey are you okay” ponyboy asked.

I gulped and shook my head yes, and walked over to Alicia 

“ o-oh my g-hid he talked to me” I said 

I almost screamed a real outsiders boy talked to me. But I stayed calm, I rubbed my arms I was cold. They motioned us to follow them and we did I stayed behind to shy to walk by them, but Alicia made me walk with them, we ended up at the Curtis house. We all walked in, it was a really nice house.

” A-Are you okay, are y-you cold” Johnny asked me.

I almost fainted the one and only Johnny Cade just talked to me.

”i-I’m okay, and a-a bit” I told him. 

I saw Alicia smirking at me she new he was my fictional crush, well now I believe he is real. I looked down and blushed a bit, suddenly I felt someone put something on my shoulders and I felt warmth, I looked up to see Johnny no longer had his jean jacket on him. And I looked down and saw it was wrapped around my shoulders I blushed even more. 

“ you pretty girls can take a seat we don’t bite” Dallas smirks.

I saw Alicia’s face go red and we both sat down. 

[romeowsblog]

I keep wondering about what is it exactly i want, why do i keep delying stuff, am i really wasting my chances? I mean none of the chance i got were that impressive so probably not. Its not like i had a choice. But at the same time what am i waitig for? Im terrified of marriage terrified of commitment and what comes after especially if my partner wants children in the future emphasise on children and not just one which is a concept i cant even imagine. What i really want is to leave this town bjt i freak out whenever i think of something happening to my family even though i live with them maybe i should give up and ecccept everything? Maybe its really time to give up and just do whatever people want me to. I mean my parents have been okay with it lately but mmaybe i should just . I dont know i dont k ow i dont. I really want to sleep. Im so tired and im afraid of being forever alone bjt at the same time i dont want to commit to something bad and regret it later i dont want to settle fown for less i dont want to accept thigs just bc i might never get it a better chance. I dont know. I want to feel. ETter and alive and free and happy and loved and this feels so bad now. I keep relapsing and i cant seem to think straight and my confidence levels is throught the floor and i keeps goig lower and lower and i thi k my luck has run out. I feel weird i feel sad i feel a lot feeligs and im afraind i might never get my happiness im afriand of gettj g stuck in this sad and pathetic loop where i suddenly feel happy and the next minute i wanna cry and give up on the world if eel tired and maybe writing this down will help thigs or maybe it will make it worse i want my good days back i want my happiness and hopefulness back i want my luck or faith or anythi g that could help me through this, maybe its the pmsing and maybei should not fast tomorrow but at the same time ive been wasting so much time just waiting and waiti g andiwating and ugh. Im tired take a shot every time you read the word tired huh. U would die of intoxication im terrified of missing up maybe i shouldnt have agreed to go on that dum course maybe i should have left or given up by now mahbe anoth versiom of mme is feeling better maybe it dstole my bette rlife and mmaybe it s happier. And maybe that s hy its going to hell here. Like literally everythig is bad and im hopi g the course gets canceld orr sth

Bc this is ridiculous but who cares

Unless shit goes to hell mothing will chage and ill suffer forever and ifont want to be alone ai want someome who loves me and wants to be with me whih sound hard but maybe bec its hard.

[streets-in-paradise]

Steve Harrington x pregnant Henderson! reader???

Hi, thanks for passing by my ask box ( and sorry for this late reply)

I got this ask after returning home from class, so I couldn't answer it on time because I was very tired. The specifical concept I'm working on i referenced on the post ( you can check on it on my masterlist, if you are interested) didn't get yet to advanced stances of a relationship so I will be answering this with the closest thing I can think to that:

Enjoy some of Steve and the Reader accidentally sounding like parents when talking about Dustin ( in a drabble instead of blurb) 

Our Shithead  - Steve Harrington x Henderson! Reader

It was one of those moments where your brother wasn’t around and you were seeing Steve for the sake of being together. It could be said that you enjoyed it a relatively equal amount compared to your hours spent with Dustin, but the time alone had a more particular importance for both of you. For a friendship that started and developed around the boy, every bit of bonding time without him was proof of how your closeness was intensifying. It was different, allowing you to experience different sorts of intimacy that wouldn’t be fitting in different context. Your talks weren’t the same, your mutual approach would also suffer from a few shifts and you were just two highschool aged persons free to completely act as such. 

Precisely because of how much he appreciated that, Steve noticed how unusually distracted you were and began to wonder if you were alright. You were very quiet, while he was used to hearing you ramble about anything making you happy and he missed it because he loved it perhaps a bit too much. It wouldn’t matter if you would be telling him random stuff like anecdotes of your involvement in Hellfire, a new story you were writing or the new vest you were making and that damned Freddy Kruger patch you still couldn’t find for it, anything sounded amazing to hear simply because you were always so passionate. Lacking that enthusiasm made him think something could be wrong and he craved to comfort you. Coming to you was a highlight of his day on every chance and he simply couldn’t resist wanting to make you feel good. 

“ Are you sad because the school year is over? Damn, you are such a nerd.” He teased you to avoid making his worry evident. “ Although I get it. I’m not gonna be there anymore and you are stuck with Munson and his freaks.” 

The slightly offensive joke got you out of trance, what he considered the beginning of a victory. 

“ You are the one who is stuck with a freak, which is me. Too late if you thought graduating high school was getting you out of this.” 

Fearing the comment may have actually upsetted you, he playfully dragged you beside him and he could swear he would have peppered you with kisses if his goal wouldn’t have been impeding him. 

“ What makes you think I want an out? You are the one who seems somewhere else today.” 

The soft callout put you in the right place for venting, what you proceeded to do right after laying close to him beside the very same spot he was sitting and placing your head on his lap. Despite everything that had been going on between you two that action still managed to surprise him. You have used him as a pillow before, but only going for either chest or shoulders. The new position just happened without warnings, so Steve listened to you while containing his own excitement about that. 

“ Mom plans to take Dustin to a summer camp and I am very worried for him. I know it is not rational to worry this much, but I can’t help it. I keep thinking about how it is going to be the first time I will be fully unavailable to him if he has a problem and I’m freaking out.” 

He smiled at you, evidently softened by you in the problem you were bringing up. 

“ He will be alright, you have to stop rewatching Friday 13th movies for a while.” 

“ Then where will I get my material to joke back on Carver?” You snarked back in return with a meaningless joke before throwing the hint for a serious confession. “ If there is only one thing the franchise portrays partially accurately is the lesson behind it: summer camp bullying is not a freaking joke.” 

“ Maybe you feel you can’t control being concerned because it hits close to you. Did you have a bad experience at a summer camp?” 

“ I don’t condone murder, neither would follow the route of Jason or Angela, but summer camps are hell and that is why those work soo well as horror locations.“ You insisted, making him laugh for an instant. “ The phranks escalate too easily, counselors don’t do shit and even if you are not the target of every joke things don’t get better. If you happen to be a child who is insecure about their body, like I used to, that's doom. I never got to learn how to swim because there was no way on earth I was going to wear a swimsuit in front of all the kids. “ 

The last part caught his attention with significant concern, swimming was like riding a bike for Steve and he couldn’t conceive you have never learned to do it. . 

“ Wait, you don’t know how to swim?” 

“ It’s not like it has been a vital skill for me before and I don’t plan to learn in the near future. I heard from Max that her step brother is a lifeguard at the public pool and I shall not be humiliated in front of him.” 

“ I have a pool in my house, you are out of excuses.” Your friend pointed out before you could complain. “ No matter what, I'm going to give you swimming lessons this summer and you are going to recover from that summer camp childhood trauma.” 

You looked up at him with some skepticism in your expression. 

“ What you should be doing is applying as a counselor for one of those, it would be the perfect job for you. KIds love you and you are nice to them, really attentive. Jason Vorhees wouldn't have drowned on your watch and little nerds stuck there would trust you.” 

Steve took the compliment, but twisted it once more into what he intended to discuss. 

“ Does that imply that you are scared because I will not be there for Dustin? Is that what worries you the most?” 

You felt caught up in your reasonings, but had to be honest. 

“ Subconsciously? Maybe, you are the dude who saved his life. We fought monsters together the first time, so did Johnny and Nancy alongside us, but I have very fresh in my mind what you did for him on the second one.” 

You took his hand before continuing and he felt really good about that. 

“ It has been a long while since the last time one of us did some trip alone, I’m not used to being separated from Dustin and he is always my top priority. The last time I prioritized something else a bunch of monsters could have eaten him, but you were there. If he goes to that camp I will not be there, but neither will you.” 

“ You could be such a great mom someday… If that’s what you would want, of course. You sound like one right now and the little shithead is your brother.“ He teased you, remarking your role as company and watcher of Dustin. “ This sort of experience is part of growing up. You are there for Dustin and that is awesome, but he needs to do things on his own. If it goes like shit we will be here to comfort him when he comes back, but he needs to go through it.” 

“ I know, but there is a little voice in the back of my head telling me to save him the pain because it once sucked for me. What if the other kids make him feel insecure? What if he doesn’t bond well and makes no friends? “ 

“ Listen to yourself, we are talking of Dustin. If he doesn’t make any friendships with kids, nothing will stop him from befriending the counselors.” 

The reminder brought a few chuckles out of you. 

“ You are right, but I would still worry to death and miss him an amount he will never get to know or otherwise he would tease me. “ 

Steve related to those feelings, that kid was his best friend in the whole world. 

“ We are two, a secret we should take to our graves: he is our shithead.”