#in the end he was just wylan
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love this little dude, here’s a silly doodle of him since i’ve been obsessed with six of crows recently
#six of crows#soc wylan#wylan van eck#soc fanart#shadow and bone#wylan fanart#he’s everything to me#in the end he was just wylan#he told them everything#i’m also obsessed with jack wolfe#but that’s a different story#this is book wylan
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Sun : Kaz, Jesper, Nina
Moon : Inej, Wylan, Matthias
#six of crows#soc#crooked kingdom#six of crows headcanons#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#kaz brekker#wylan van eck#nina zenik#matthias helvar#ok for kanej case i think alot of ppl would call both of them moons#but if i were to decide who is sun or moon i would say inej is more preferable to be moon while kaz is sun#in inej case i would say her whole character ideals(?) are more moon vibes to me#like how she “blends with the shadows” or how her footsteps are silent#she has a wise personality and her character just seems so mysterious#yeah sure her personality can be a bit optimistic (?) but i dont think that whole should categorise her as sun#ok so basically i just wanna say inej is more of a moon person than a sun person ok#ok onto kaz#for kaz i think we all know this man is so dramatic#so about the “dirtyhands” ideal#dirtyhands are made to be a monster in ketterdam where everyone oh so fears of him !!#and if childrens were to misbehave parents would tell them that dirtyhands is going to end up under their bed#i feel like kaz ideal is more of a “show off”#like how the sun will shine so bright eveyone will notice#thays the case with kaz#kaz is known as a monster that is known to all of ketterdam#everyone not stupid would be on alert if dirtyhands were to be near them#but yeah thats my case with kaz and why i think he's more of a sun person than moon ‼️#for wesper and helnik i think their too obvious enough 😭😭#provably my first time analyzing 💔 tbh i havent read the soc books in months now so 💔💔 i hope u guys get what i mean by this 🤕
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Jesper: If I had a kruge for every time a friend was dramatically revealed to have faked their death and assumed a new name, only to embark on the path of vengeance via an incredibly complex illegal scheme, I would have two kruge.
Jesper: Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice.
#ie Kaz and Wylan#shadow and bone#six of crows#memes#wesper#my posts#okay but think about it#Kaz in that scene with Pekka Rollins#And then Kaz (again) when he dramatically reveals Wylan's secret#Kaz just lives for this dramatic bullshit and Jesper is so close to the end of his rope#sab netflix#crooked kingdom#i haven't read the books but I've binged all the fanfic I can find so I know some of what is going on#six of crows spoilers#book spoilers#soc#soc jesper#wylan van sunshine#soc wylan#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#shadow and bone wylan#kaz brekker#soc kaz
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ive rlly enjoyed jesper's charisma and banter established w/ kaz in s1 it's very clear why he's #mr. brekker's-right-hand-arm-man so what happened in s2!! 😭😭😭
#for the record i still have not watch s2 in its entirety but the parts i did he just seemed goofy. sorry i blame the white twink's arrival#qq#s2 sounded like it had too many characters. wylan should have stayed in the bg and at the end we get his one-night stand w/ jesper#and then kaz approaches him and recruits him. that lil rich boy is such a fan favorite it would have made sense to tease them#with him being more of a cameo than him spouting poetics abt butterflies. sorry i also dont care for this character he's kinda swagless 2 m
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reading crooked kingdom rn and i just got to the part where wylan supposedly spills the whole plan to van eck and i just don’t want to believe that kaz didn’t see that coming but also i can see everything lining up for disaster and i’m afraid for inej because i know the white blade dunyasha or whatever is most likely going to intercept her again and i have so much anxiety for the characters and the plot right now i can hardly read
#cries in nervous anticipation#but kaz had to know this would happen right?#but how could he#but remember that jesper said kaz looked like he was getting his way when wylan had his looks returned to him and was standing his ground#against his dad and saying that he was going to stay in kerch after everything was over#so he must have anticipated something#and kaz never shares all of the details of his plans with anyone#that’s what increases the suspense and leaves room for things to unfold differently than anticipated#but also kaz is still only human#just a boy#but he and nina have something planned right#i need to calm down because you know what?#it’s all going to be alright in the end because that’s the kind of book i’m reading THANK GOD#crooked kingdom#nikita reads crooked kingdom
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Quote from crooked kingdom (six of crows book #2)
the belief that no matter the odds, somehow they would win.
#In the end he was not Nina or Matthias or Kaz or Inej or Jesper. He was just Wylan Van Eck. He told them everything.#cant wait for the van eck storyline#shadow and bone
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So I have been minorly skimming some stuff on YouTube and TikTok about SOC, and I cannot believe some of the things that people say about Kaz and the Crows.
One point I tend to hear from Six of Crows critiques a lot is "The Crows act older than their supposed age, especially Kaz"
And... Seriously? Did we read the same book? The Crows are constantly making jokes and bickering. Do you think people who are in their 30's or even their late 20's would say shit like "jogs the liver" or "I need a cup of the darkest bitterest coffee or a real punch to the jaw" or "my ghost won't associate with your ghost" or "a hive of bees in your dresser drawer"? THEY WOULDN'T. (Actually, they can, but maybe not every single sentence and not as impulsively) These are things only dramatic teenagers would say. Not to mention the way the Crows handle their traumas is extremely immature and they're awful at communicating. The Crows actually act more like teenagers than 90% of teenagers in YA novels. The only reason why they seem older is because they have skills.
Another point I tend to hear a lot from critiques is "Kaz never faces consequences and he always wins and he's perfect"
What!!???? Just what!!?? In what universe? Once again, did these people read the same book as us?? Kaz is always facing terrible consequences. He is on the edge of losing his own crew every other chapter. His own crew is not afraid to call him out on his shit when he does it. The trauma he has doesn't glorify him, it makes him look pathetic and weak next to the other Crows. Kaz himself is deeply ashamed of it and he's lonely and isolated because of it. He is restricted from hugging his crewmates, he is restricted from kissing Inej and that kills him. He is broken and miserable because of it. But simultaneously, the trauma is his problem to fix. Nobody fixes it for him.
And yes, Kaz is highly intelligent and incredibly skilled and strong, but trust me, he does not always win, and he isn't perfect. If I remember correctly, his first plan for the Ice Court was a failure and they had to improvise from there. But the final plan came at a cost, and that was Nina using parem. Towards the end of the book, Kaz was wrong about predicting that Van Eck actually loved Wylan enough to not kill him, and it cost him everything. The first plan he made to take down Van Eck in the middle of CK was a complete disaster. The crew ended up stuck in the Geldrenner hotel. Kaz was clearly dangling so far off the point of utter insanity that he actually resorted to giving himself up for the crew and only resigned because the other Crows stopped him. And for the final plan of the book, Kaz ended up using every single resource he had left, which once again, subtly implies how desperate he was. He gave up all his assets, he used his old home, he used his original surname, he injured himself a lot in order to recruit more people for the plan. It took him a great deal of time, effort, and thinking to finally put together a plan. AND EVEN THEN, it came at a terrible cost which was the life of one of his Crows.
Even the revenge he took against Pekka wasn't that worth it as Pekka still couldn't remember Jordie's name, Jordie was still dead, and Kaz's trauma and pain didn't get any better than it was before.
Kaz is not at all a perfect guy who always wins. He is deeply flawed, twisted and is always losing something even when he wins a bit. I don't understand how some of these SoC critiques didn't understand this.
#six of crows#grishaverse#crooked kingdom#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#wylan van eck#mattias helvar
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Six of Crows Character Design Notes
Character design notes for my most recent character lineup for The Crows! I did this last time for the super old ones I did right after I read the series, so these new ones are much closer to how I imagine them. There probably will be a good amount of rehashing from the old notes, but I hope you enjoy these nonetheless!

Kaz and Inej
Closest in color scheme due to how close they are at the start of the series, though there is a difference between the purples. Kaz's purple accents are light and muted (similar to the color of Kruge). Inej's tunic is more indigo, shifting away from the warmer purple she wore at the Menagerie. After she realizes her dream in the incinerator shaft, I imagine her theme color changing to dark blue, then dark teal by the end of the series.
I often see Kaz in a red tie, but he had to wear something different for my design since him and Van Eck would basically be in the same outfit. His black shirt is also meant to distinguish him from the real merchant class.
Coin added to Kaz's pose to refer to his magician and thief personas (and a callback to his backstory)
Their vests symbolize their morality. Kaz's is asymmetrical ("crooked and wrong...") while Inej's evenly goes down the center (more balanced and true to herself).

Jesper and Wylan
They're meant to contrast each other, since they don't exactly see eye-to-eye at the start, but their similarities are important. Both have patterned elements, brown leather boots, and freckles. My favorite differences: vibrant vs muted, gold vs silver, open vs closed poses
Jesper has freckles just because I feel like they suit him but also as a visual connection to Jordie. :)
Wylan is holding a Victorian fire grenade! They were actually used for extinguishing fires back then, but I can imagine Wylan replacing the ingredients to do the exact opposite.
I used to draw Jesper in a longcoat just because that look from the show is so iconic, but I changed it to something more cropped. The shorter coat makes him look taller and differentiates his silhouette from Kaz's.
Wylan's black vest is meant to hint at his merch family ties.

Nina and Matthias
Another couple who clashes through color palette! Nina's Heartrender red vs Matthias's northern blue. They also differ in leather color (black vs brown).
Matthias was a bit harder to design since he's not wearing clothes that he'd pick out himself. These are whatever Kerch dockworker clothes the gang could find for him, but I feel like they suit him enough to convey his personality.
Nina's necklace pendant is teardrop shaped (The Queen of Mourning).
Nina is wearing makeup and nail polish. From my limited research on Victorian culture, this was seen as improper, but I think that fits Nina's boldness all the better. I don't try to make any of my designs authentically Dutch Victorian (It's a fantasy series after all! Why not make semi-anachronistic designs that value personality over accuracy?), but it is fun to think about how these characters would be interpreted with that lens.
#next week's post isn't a comic but it's still gonna be real cool#six of crows#six of crows fanart#soc#soc fanart#grishaverse#grishaverse fanart#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#matthias helvar#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#kanej#wesper#helnik#character design
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y'all dont understand, hearing "In the end, he was not Nina or Matthias or Kaz or Inej or Jesper. He was just Wylan Van Eck. He told them everything." in Jack Wolfe's voice isn't a want it's a NEED
#LEIGH#GIVE ME THE CAST NARRATED AUDIOBOOK#PLEASE#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#jesper fahey#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#matthias helvar#nina zenik#six of crows#crooked kingdom#shadow and bone tv#jack wolfe#grishaverse
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i love that one of the main messages in six of crows is just that some people don’t deserve forgiveness. kaz dedicates his whole life to destroying pekka rollins, and people may not understand it, but no one tries to change his mind. when he finally tells inej that pekka killed his brother, she responds by telling him that they’ll destroy him for it. inej, the kindest and most mature character, doesn’t believe that powerful men who prey on children deserve mercy. and she has her own demons, too. she handles them a bit better than kaz, but at the end of the day, she dedicates her life to hunting down people like the ones who hurt her. nina and matthias never stop haunting jarl brum. matthias is a country traitor dating the most “unnatural” grisha the world has ever seen. and nina… of course it’s nina who destroys him in the end, tearing him down and then dating his child. because that’s the story that jarl laid out for her. one of his soldiers killed matthias so she uses her second chance at love as her vengeance. even wylan, who believed that he deserved what happened to him, learns to hate his father. if not for himself, than for his mother. “i’m here for her” repeats in his head like a battle cry. he was content on disappearing until he finds marya and decides, “no, jan van eck isn’t going to get his wish. i’m not going anywhere.” and he tears down his father’s reputation and takes his place in the merchant counsel and becomes his father’s greatest nightmare. all this, i guess, to say that there is no perfect victim. and if the only reason you’re still living is out of spite, it’s okay. because at least you’re living
#of course this doesn’t work with jesper#because the only person he couldn’t forgive was himself#grishaverse#six of crows#crooked kingdom#ck#soc#gv#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#nina zenik#matthias helvar#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#helnik
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All of the actors for the Six of Crows storyline are remarkably well cast, but gonna focus on Kit Young for a second because that dude has something so fucking special. There's a subversive joy in his choices as Jesper that just kills me. Like at the end of season one with the line: "Tell me you have a plan. I don't care if it's a lie."
Reading that in your head without having seen his interpretation, the instinct is to go a little ragged, sardonic, exasperated - something to tell us that the character does actually care but just fucking can't deal with this shit right now. But Kit puts a pleading inflection on the line, his Jesper truly wants to be lied to, bringing it around to comedic desperation.
And it's not just with this line delivery, those facial expression reactions he does elevates every scene he's in. My favorite underrated moment is when he gives Wylan a confident wink and thumbs up when they're both getting the shit beat out of them. The juxtaposition of Jesper indicating "this is going exactly according to plan" when it's clearly not brings so much fun to the scene.
But the scene I keep coming back to over and over that I'm blown away by is under the carriage, when Jesper remembers Wylan. I could see so many actors taking those line directions and putting some angst behind them. We know Jesper was hurt when Wylan left in the morning, we know he blocked it out because his ego was bruised and he didn't want to face the pain of it. It would have made perfect sense for the line reading to have an edge to it, any indication of a grudge.
But Kit's face is lit up with nothing but fondness and joy as he remembers. And obviously actors aren't islands, the writers and directors have big influence - and they clearly are in line with a joy-filled Jesper, since the first thing they have Jesper say isn't "and you left me," it's "and you brought me stroopwaffles."
Jesper isn't a clown, but he's allowed to be one when he wants to be, and Kit leans into choosing joy with such effervescence. It only serves to make the dramatic scenes that much more heart wrenching. I hope we get a lot more Crows on screen, but whatever happens I'm excited to follow Kit's career, what a talented dude.
#actors that make my fingers itch to write#kit young#jesper fahey#six of crows#also his social handles are kittheyounger#what a fucking nerd#shadow and bone
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There’s an alternate universe where Kaz has very different coping mechanisms and just blurts out his life story in random nonsensical bursts like Phoebe in Friends, and I’m imagining it looking something like this
Kaz: Give him a break, it’s hard being on your own for the first time
Wylan: Thank you
Kaz, cheerily: I remember when I first came to the Barrel. I was nine; my father was dead and we’d just been conned out of all our money, and I ended up living behind a bunch of old of crates for a while with my brother before we caught the Queens Lady Plague and he died, and then I joined the Dregs and found these guys - so I totally get what you’re going through
Wylan: 😯😧😨
Jesper: the word you’re looking for is… anyway,
#six of crows#grishaverse#crooked kingdom#leigh bardugo#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#nina zenik#matthias helvar#kanej#phoebe buffay#friends#source: friends#soc incorrect quotes#six of crows incorrect quotes#grishaverse incorrect quotes
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thinking about how jesper is the embodiment of ‘this is me trying’
#literally the entire song is about him OOOF#‘i got wasted like all my potential’ and ‘fell behind on all my classmates and now i ended up here’#honestly. dare i say that this song is entirely kaz + jesper coded#as well as crooked kingdom jesper coded ….. this is him trying hes trying for kaz hes trying for inej for colm for wylan for everyone and#its not what they need its not what works its useless hes just trying and its not working
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I like to believe that the Grishaverse doesn’t have homophobia (even tho that’s bs bc homophobia stems entirely from sexism and there’s CLEARLY that in the Grishaverse but WHATVEVER) however I like to believe that the Grishaverse doesn’t have homophobia… except Fjerda.
Because Matthias doesn’t know what to do when he sees Jesper kissing Wylan goodbye before leaving a room. Hmm. Maybe it’s a Zemeni thing. Well, alright, Matthias is all for trying new cultures.
so he kisses Wylan goodbye before leaving the room.
at the end of a very long week, Nina has to ask Jesper and Wylan if they are dating her boyfriend— because she can work around that if they are, and honestly she wouldn’t mind poly— and they just stare at her blankly.
“We just assumed that was a Fjerdan thing.”
#Kaz and Inej are just laughing to each other in the corner#Matthias did not try to kiss either of them#He respects boundaries.#Also they probably would both kill him#six of crows#soc#matthias helvar#helnik
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GUILTY AS SIN - KAZ BREKKER
//don’t ask me what this is dawg, i thought of it forever ago and wrote it half asleep and threw on an ending. leave me alone//
Pairing: Kaz x Crow!Reader
Word Count: 2,119
Summary: The little Songbird. A silly nickname for the Crow that likes to sing at the Club. When debuting a very personal, very specific song, the muse of that song - who isn’t supposed to know - is intrigued by the performance.
You were seated at the piano bench with Wylan while Jesper was bleeding fabric of color on the floor. You tapped your pencil against the notepad in your lap while Wylan played the same chords on the piano.
“I can’t get this chorus!” You groaned.
“What’s this song about? That Merchant’s son?” Jesper asked idly and you had to resist throwing your pencil at him.
“No, she’s writing about Kaz.” Wylan answered.
You whacked his arm with the notepad and he laughed.
“Just play the notes again.” You grumbled.
He was right, of course. Everyone knew of your crush on Kaz. It had started when you were younger and you figured you’d grow out of it. His cruelty seemed to guarantee it, yet he was kind enough to you. He was a very confusing man, especially as he grew into the feared Barrel Boss.
But still, your heart yearned and who were you to deny it?
You let your crush exist, burning under your skin when he was around. When you met his eyes in the crowded Club, your pulse jumped. When you two were partnered for a job, your nerves were electrified. When he spoke to you, you melted. Oh Saints, were you in deep.
Wylan, with a grin still plastered on his face, began the notes. You hummed along, finding the general flow of syllables.
“What if he’s written mine on my upper thigh, only in my mind?” Your voice drifted with the music and Wylan nodded along.
“One slip and falling back into the hedge maze. Oh, what a way to die.” Jesper added from the floor.
“I keep recalling things we never did.”
“Messy top lip kiss.” Jesper teased. He was lucky your legs weren’t long enough to kick him past Wylan.
“How I long for our trysts.” Wylan continued and you pinched him, making him yelp.
“Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?” You finished then squealed in delight. “I like that!”
“You should be more honest though.” Jesper said, standing and leaning on the piano. Your brows furrowed and he grinned.
You suddenly regretted his input.
“You should say something about wanting to bed him.” He laughed and you stood calmly. Wylan leaned out of the way and let you fully whack Jesper on the arm.
The boys laughed and you shook your head with a smile as you jotted down the lyrics you all came up with. You worked through the next verse with them and started a bridge. You adjusted a few lines in the chorus when it rolled around a second time, then found your favorite line.
I choose you and me, religiously.
You has chosen to be at Kaz’s side every time, without fail. You wondered if he noticed, then doubted he paid that much attention.
Later that week, there were no upcoming jobs to prepare for. There was no fight to ready yourself for. There was hardly any opposition since Pekka Rollins disappeared. So you found yourself, and friends, falling into your usual downtime routines.
Nina and Matthias playfully argued about something trivial. Wylan and Jesper made nonsense bets with each other, occasionally roping in Nina and Matthias, that usually ended with owing the other a drink or some treat. Kaz was nowhere to be seen, which wasn’t entirely unusual.
And you took to the stage.
Wylan had done several copies of the music for the few members of the band you recruited. While they played, you sang and lightly danced. You captivated the crowd, watching the women giggle and exchange glances at your lyrics. It seemed like they all had their own versions of that special type of crush.
The lyric change for the second chorus came up and you watched Jesper’s reaction specifically.
“My bedsheets are ablaze. I’ve screamed his name. Building up like waves, crashing over my grave.”
Jesper nearly spit out his drink and you grinned.
The grin quickly fell away and your body went ice cold when you noticed who had slid into the booth with your friends.
Kaz Brekker.
“I choose you and me, religiously.”
You finished your song and curtised to your applauding crowd. You smiled kindly before you hopped off the stage. Jesper was whistling loudly and waving
you over but you shook your head. You hid behind your hand to make your way through the dense crowd, making yourself scarce for the rest of the night.
Finally, though unsure how, you made it back to your room. The laces of your bodice had felt suffocating tight all night after seeing Kaz so as soon as your door shut, you pulled at the ends and took a deep breath.
You had sang in front of Kaz before. He said you had talent the first time he heard, and he was the one who offered you the stage whenever you wanted it. But singing that song in front him felt like you were holding a large sign that said “IM IN LOVE WITH YOU” with a bright red arrow pointing to yourself.
What else was he to think?
I dream of cracking locks = Kaz.
Without ever touching his skin = Kaz.
Every single lyric felt like an allusion to Kaz and you felt
stupider than ever.
You changed into something to sleep in and had just gotten the flush to leave your skin when a quick knock sounded at your door. You groaned quietly and flopped back onto your bed when you called for them to enter. You folded your arms under your head and stared at the ceiling as they came in. The door shut gently behind them, then a few seconds later, the bed dipped with their weight as they sat near your feet.
“If you’ve come to gloat about your lyric suggestion, I’m going to shove you off with my foot.” You warned, assuming it was Jesper.
You were wrong.
“Is that how you welcome all your guests?” He asked and you bolted upright.
You nearly collided with him but he seemed unfazed.
“I was expecting Jesper.” You admitted.
“He was very excited about your lyrics.” He nodded. “You gave him quite the ego boost.”
You groaned and fell back against your mattress again.
“Why are you here?” You asked the ceiling.
“Your song…”
“My song.” You sighed, closing your eyes in embarrassment and to brace yourself for his berating. “It wasn’t something you were meant to hear.”
“I assumed as much when you practically ran from the Club stage.” He agreed, tapping his cane rhythmically against the floor.
“Yes, well, I don’t exactly enjoy being mortified.”
“Though I’m not sure why you ran from me.”
Did he really not put it together?
You sat up on your elbows and gave him a dumbfounded expression. You doubted Kaz Brekker couldn’t figure out the truth behind your song, so you decided you’d play dumb too. The Saints themselves wouldn’t be able
to get you to outright admit to that song being very much so about Kaz, so there’s no way he would get it out of you easily.
“That song was very vulnerable.” You carefully admitted, watching for a reaction but getting nothing. “You weren’t supposed to know.”
“Seemed like you wanted someone to know.”
“Not specifically.” You mumbled. “I blame Jesper and Wylan. They helped me write it and then convinced me to sing it…”
He nodded slightly and you let out a sigh. You pushed yourself to sit up and crossed your legs in front of you. Kaz shifted slightly and intently looked at your expression. You had both lips between your teeth with your brows raised, waiting for him to say something.
“Did you like the song, at least?” You finally asked.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile. “I’ve never heard anything like it.”
You refrained from swatting him with your pillow. Instead, you huffed and rolled your eyes.
“You do realize that could be both insult and compliment, right?”
That half smile grew a little wider and that time, you did hit him with the pillow.
“Jackass.” You laughed and tucked your pillow into your lap.
“Tell me.” He said. “You said ‘there’s no such thing as bad thoughts.’ Did you write that line?”
You nodded. “My sister told me that when we were little, before she was recruited for the Second Army… I was struggling with my first crush and she said that it was okay to think things about people. It mainly mattered what I did with those thoughts.”
“And who do you have thoughts about now?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper.
You pursed your lips and looked down at your scrunched pillow in your lap. It was the perfect opportunity to tell him, you recognized that, but that would mean telling him. The weight of the secret coming off your shoulders was tempting, but the fear of losing your current relationship gripped your heart tightly.
You two didn’t have the same closeness as you did with Wylan or Jesper. You could tell those two anything. Often times you did. But you and Kaz had an unspoken understanding to watch the other’s back. You never feared walking the Barrel or pissing someone off - unusually unintentionally - because you knew Kaz was there for you. In turn, Kaz knew he could depend on you for your part of the job or just your support for his death defying plans.
You were the first to agree to the Ice Court and you two had been an unexpectedly natural pair ever since.
“A man that I'll never quite get over, I fear.” You answered vaguely. “But I doubt I’ll ever truly have.”
“Then he’s a fool.” He said honestly, but the look on his face told you he hadn’t meant to say it.
“No.” You smiled softly. “It’s just… different. He’s different and complicated. I’d choose him and I if I had the chance.”
You were ignoring the fact that you did, in fact, have the chance.
“Complicated…” Kaz repeated.
“Among other things. But that’s one of the things about him.” You looked at your hands rather than him. “He’s clever and caring, but in a ‘I’d rather yell at you for being reckless than tell you I care about your life’ kind of way. And he does these subtle things to show he pays attention and he listens, but if you ever bring it up to him, he’ll deny it. He’s tough to get through to, but if you mean something to him, Saints, he’d burn Ketterdam to the ground to protect you.”
“And you feel guilty having these feelings for him?”
You looked up at him. “Not exactly… It’s more about whether or not I should feel guilty for thinking of him like that.”
“Because you think it's unrequited?”
“I’m almost sure it is. I’ve never seen him have feelings for anyone, except one woman, and it’s not the same with me.” You shook your head sadly.
“Y/N.” He hesitated.
Your brows furrowed. You’d never seen Kaz hesitate.
“You alright, Kaz?” You reached a hand for his arm, a gesture you did with the rest of the Crows without hesitation, then thought the better of it. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re wrong.” He answered carefully.
That answer cleared up nothing.
“About why he treats you differently.” He continued while staring at his hands and you listened quietly, trying to figure out what on earth the man was talking about. “It’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s because he cares about you and that frightens him. Last time he cared about someone, he still lost her. He doesn’t want the same to happen with you.”
“What are you…” You trailed off. Then it hit you. “Oh.”
His hand landed on your leg.
“How did you know?” You asked, not knowing if you should be excited or embarrassed.
Probably both. Both felt right.
“You weren’t exactly subtle.” He joked and you picked up the pillow to whack him again. “And Jesper told me.”
“Saints, that man can run his mouth.” You complained. “I’m going to stop telling him things.”
“Am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?” Kaz repeated your lyrics to you. “To have these feelings about you? To have these thoughts about you?”
“Someone told me there’s no such thing as bad thoughts.” You smiled slightly at him.
It’d be a trial to date Kaz. You always figured it would be, considering his temper and violent tendencies and touch aversion. But the look in his eyes, open and pleading, had you immediately choosing to try.
I choose you and me, religiously.
Your smile grew a little wider when you felt his finger moving against your leg.
M-I-N-E
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I was just thinking about how Kaz built this heartless persona for himself and how everyone falls for it to varying degrees: He's widely regarded as a monster and as "not made right"; Inej thought he wouldn't come for her and that once she was useless to him that he would discard her; Jesper never knows where exactly he stands with him; Nina "doesn't want to know what dark hole he crawled out of"; Wylan calls him "the most vengeful creature he had ever met"; Matthias believes he's a demon. But in reality his true motives for most things are love and grief and loss of family.
Kaz only wanted money for revenge, he didn't want to try and build a meaningful connection with Imogen because she would distract him from pursuing his vengeance, he only mentions how Pekka conned them out of money to explain how they ended up on the streets, how it was never about the money but about Jordie.
Kaz says that he and Jordie were such easy marks because they missed their dad. Kaz's biggest gripe was not just the loss of Jordie but the illusion of a home and family that Pekka had snatched away before the plague snatched Jordie away too.
It all always leads back to Jordie and his loss and avenging him and about never wanting to be that vulnerable again. Kaz created Kaz Brekker to protect himself, to hide his vulnerabilities. His grief is hidden behind a fake name, his naivety is hidden behind violence, his touch aversion is hidden behind the gloves.
Kaz pushes people away because he fears what will happen if he lets them in. He gets mean when he's vulnerable to hide said vulnerability. He did it in the clocktower, he did it in the bathroom. After he accidently calls Jesper Jordie he lashes out verbally and physically, when Inej asks about Jordie and Pekka's involvement in what happened he recounts how he tortured someone. In both incidents it's again Jordie that he's hiding, that is causing him to be vulnerable. It always leads back to Jordie. Even with Van Eck! He's again angry that he fell for what he fell for before, the thing that made him lose Jordie making him temporarily lose Inej.
In both the Jesper and Inej examples he hides behind violence - by brawling with Jesper and recounting a time when he tortured a young boy. He does this because he loves Inej and Jesper, and it scares him, and he doesn't know what to do with it. Because everyone he's ever loved has died in horrible ways (his father was torn apart by a plough, his brother died from a horrible sickness) and he doesn't want to go through it again - especially since he still hasn't let go of Jordie, although it has been eight years.
Kaz is a person who loves so deeply. Who is mainly motivated by love. Who, when Pekka asks him what he wants, replies "Bring my brother back from the dead." because he never cared about money, nor power, nor anything else. He just wants his brother. All he wanted this whole time is his brother, and since he no longer has him he lashes out, all hurt and grieving. He's hurting so badly that he destroys everyone even mildly involved in what took Jordie away from him. But he only did that because he loved Jordie. It wasn't revenge for the sake of money it was for the sake of love. It was for the sake of Jordie.
Kaz loved Jordie so much that he became the most feared person in Ketterdam, that he took down the King of the Barrel and a merchant from one of the oldest families in Ketterdam (because even if his gripe with Van Eck was unrelated, it's because of Jordie's loss that life snowballed into their interactions and the consequent betrayal and destruction of everything Van Eck held dear). Kaz loved Jordie so much that it changed the entire course of the narrative.
If not for Jordie's loss the heist wouldn't of happened, all of the Crows lives would've been different, some of the Crows would even most likely be dead, and this extends even further to much more major things. The King of Ravka managed to steal the titanium because of his help which will aid Ravka in wars, the path to jurda parem is no longer in the hands of the Fjerdans and a cure is being safely developed in Ravka because Kaz rescued Kuwei, Wylan took over the Van Eck empire because Kaz tampered with Van Eck's will and papers, Inej is working on taking down the slave trade which is only possible because Kaz freed her from her indenture, Nina became the queen of Fjerda because of things that Kaz started (her joining the Dregs instead of being indebted to the Dime Lions, him freeing Matthias, him organising the heist, Matthias dying in the aftermath, her going to Fjerda to bury Matthias and the results which ended up being her and her new lover on the Fjerdan throne trying to fix prejudice against grisha, and women, in the most conservative country).
All of it leads back to Kaz. And he did all of it for Jordie. It all always leads back to Jordie. Jordie and Kaz's love for his big brother and his grief over having him snatched away from him.
#he makes me INSANE#talk about haunting the narrative#kaz really said: my brother is haunting me and i'm going to make that everyones problem#kaz brekker#jordie rietveld#kaz rietveld#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#nina zenik#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#pekka rollins#six of crows#six of crows duology#grishaverse#my analysis
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