#literally the entire song is about him OOOF

[crowshoots]

thinking about how jesper is the embodiment of ‘this is me trying’

[cheol-e-kat]

• no blueberries, feat. mingyu, pt. 1 •

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

pairing: kim mingyu x f!reader

mentioned: seungcheol, joshua, vernon, christian yu (dpr ian in part ii)

word count: 4.1K

genre: fake dating, college au, college student!mingyu, college student!reader, fluff, f2l, idiots, idiots in love, angst, pining, denial of feelings, etsablished friendship (reader & ian)

summary: mingyu was just your lab partner and study buddy for several semesters, but lately things seem to have changed, and maybe everyone else has noticed, but for the most part, neither of you even think about what you are to one another until mingyu asks you to be his 'fake' date for a long weekend trip so he can avoid an ex, the biggest problem is realizing that there's nothing fake about your relationship but when mingyu won't even talk about what you are to each other, you start to think things might be over before they even really start

warnings: explicit language, mentions of anxiety, sexually suggestive situations, drinking, established open relationship

a/n: they are literally idiots in love but they're so dumb they almost don't deserve a happy ending - i am screaming at them ;-; ooof writing part ii...and well, i need to update this with additional characters...oops (if you don't know - i am not a planning writing - i just go where the characters take me - they get their shit together - trust the process) besides it's named for a dpr ian song anyway, might as well include him for his dilf status and the accent

xx kat

[part ii] [part iii]

♡ if you would like to be tagged in my upcoming posts, go [here]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

“please, y/n,” he was definitely begging now. 

she rolled her eyes, “dude, she’s your ex - you’re over her, just go and be normal, okay?” she was a bit annoyed at this point because he was over her, wasn't he, she wondered.

he whined softly, “seriously, just come with me, pretend you’re into me for like four days - i can’t deal with her, you know, alone,” she watched him stare at his textbook, looking fully embarrassed. 

she blinked quickly wondering how she was the friend being enlisted for this - to her they were mainly lab partners and study buddies. she had no clue how he had decided they were close enough to even bring this idea up. but she did feel bad. even as lab partners, she knew his ex was genuinely horrible, as in her entire personality was “gaslight, gate keep, girl boss” - as though those were positive things no less. 

she sighed, “i thought it was kind of a couples thing? since almost everyone is part of a couple,” she trailed off. 

he nodded, “yeah, it is, but she’s going alone - she told someone her whole goal is to fuck me one more time,” he mumbled the last part, blushing hard, “apparently, she ‘misses’ that,” he rolled his eyes, looking miserable. 

even she was shocked to hear that. it was certainly a new low. 

“that’s - that’s really shitty,” she sighed, not knowing what else to say. 

she watched him nod, still staring at his textbook, thumbing the edges of the page. she bit her lip gently, “can i think about it for a bit?”

he nodded, glancing up at her. she couldn’t help but notice how glossy his eyes looked - she worried he was on the verge of crying. she wasn’t equipped to deal with a crying mingyu. happy? sure. drunk? yes. whiny and ridiculous? no problem. 

but to see him on the verge of tearing up because he was worried or stressed or whatever, that was beyond her friendship scope. but to be fair, fake dating probably was too. even if she knew some people did mistake them for a couple. that really wasn’t the point.

the point was the longer they sat there fake studying, she knew what she was going to do. she couldn’t sit back while he went off to a terrible trip to the lake where he might be the target of his ex’s sexcapades. she knew he hadn’t dated since her, which would just be a point againts him - she could easily imagine, ‘oh baby, you haven’t even tried since me?’ - gross, she thought. besides, if he were gone for the break, she wasn’t really sure what she would do anyway. 

the standard was for them to study friday afternoon, and then they would usually met up at a party or something and would duck out for food when either of them got bored and go back to y/n's to watch tv and pass out. saturday was fairly similar, but sunday was more like study, and then they kind of always ordered food and watched tv or something. sometimes he slept on the couch - something her roommate would roll her eyes at whenever possible, espeically since ‘sometimes’ seemed to translate to almost every sunday. 

she had finally told him to just bring clothes so he would't be late for monday morning practices anymore. her roommate had wondered loudly why mingyu didn't just move into y/n's room and get a tiny corner of the closet already. she had ignored that unnecessary commentary. 

she groaned inwardly, “okay, fine - i’ll go with you, but you owe me,” you whispered. 

he glanced up, “really?”

she ignored that he sounded a little too happy and nodded, “yes, if it means you can avoid her insanity for the long weekend,” she tried to feel confident about the decision. 

luckily, she knew there was nothing between them. they’re only lab partners and maybe friends, at best, she tried to assure herself and ignore every other thought she had. 

⋆˙⟡

she truly hated packing for anything, and this trip was no exception. the only slight difference was mingyu hanging out on her bed while she packed this time. she wasn’t sure if he was nervous or what, but he kept shifting around on her bed - it reminded her of a puppy rolling around in the hope that someone would rub its stomach. she tried not to laugh at the mental image of him rolling around in search of belly rubs. instead, she tried to focus on what to pack. 

it was still warm enough to go swimming, despite the fact that it was ‘fall’ break, so she tried to decide on swimsuits. ultimately, she just packed them all - they were basically underwear anyway, she reasoned. 

“are we sharing a room?”

“yeah, you know, since we’re together and ‘finally admitting it’ - is that really what jeonghan said?” he asked. he had been annoyed about that response for at least two hours. 

“i literally showed you his text,” she mumbled as she hunted for friends-who-are-fake-dating appropriate sleepwear, aka her most oversized tshirts, sleep shorts that were as un-sexy as possible, and a few sweatshirts in case it was cold.

he sighed, “okay, but that’s such a flippant answer,” he complained. 

she snorted, “‘flippant’?”

“yes!”

she grinned, wondering when he started using words like ‘flippant’ in normal conversations. mingyu was one of those guys who she hadn’t taken seriously when she first met him - he was fun at parties, but when he wanted to study together, she had been seriously skeptical. but then she saw their first exam grades post and realized how well he had ranked. she had wondered if it was just his personality or if he actively worked to hide the fact that he was that smart. 

it hadn’t really mattered though since they had been studying together since then. something she distinctly remembered being an issue for his ex - katie had genuinely hated y/n and wasn’t quiet about it. it was maybe the only time she had seen mingyu fully lose his mind over something - she had never heard the words ‘get fucked’ said quiet so intensely, especially since that they were sitting in the library at the time. 

she sighed, “don’t you think it might be a little obvious for us to show up together?”

“not really - she always said we had some weird thing, so why not let her be right,” his voice was concerningly normal. 

she had been thinking about the fact that it was kind of a petty move. actually, there were loads of reasons she could think of for not going, including almost every scenario from a horror movie - she was not discounting serial killers in masks waiting in the woods. but her main concern was being confronted by katie - it just felt like a needlessly stressful way to spend her fall break.

“okay, but i mean, you couldn’t think of anyone else?"

he sighed, “like who? i hang out with you, i go out with you - you make sense,” his voice was soft, but he still sounded just a little disappointed that she was asking him…again. 

she rolled her eyes, “we could just hang out like normal and avoid this.”

she glanced at him, watching him mull over what she had said and not for the first time either. to be fair, her anxiety was only growing. she left him to go pretend to be discerning about how much of her skincare she was packing, even though she was blindly grabbing everything from her counter. when she walked back into her room, he was sitting up.

“even if she’s there, the trip is just to have fun and not be on campus - you know, a break at joshua’s nice lake house,” he didn’t look at her as he explained. 

she stared for a moment and turned back to her already exploding suitcase, “you only asked me because of her,” she felt like it was very obvious why she was going, but she heard him mumble something, which she ignored. instead, she violently jammed her clothes and toiletries into her bag. 

she absolutely hated that knowing katie would be there made her feel a tiny bit competitive - she had purposefully picked all of her smallest swimsuits - she had even gone to get waxed for this, something she definitely would never admit to anyone. she had even dragged out her status luggage bag - the one her step-mom had given her two christmases ago that made her cringe. there was also the little, tiny mean voice in the back of her mind that had always thought katie had never been good enough for mingyu anyway - she wasn’t especially cute, and her voice drove y/n up the walls - not to mention she was kind of dumb and objectively sucked at beer pong. y/n would also never admit that she used to play them on purpose just to beat them because she was good at beer pong. 

she jumped when mingyu touched her arm, “fuck, what?” 

she hadn’t even noticed that he was lying on his side, watching her jam everything into her bag.

“you don’t have to go,” he whispered. 

she swooped all of her hair off her shoulders in annoyance, mostly because there was something about the way he whispered, with this weird tenderness, that made her feel way too quivery. it wasn’t fair because she knew she never affected him like that. she just shook her head. she was totally fine with everything. plus, she didn’t believe him for a moment that she could just stay. she knew in her gut that she had moved something in their friendship past a boundary that she hadn’t even noticed, and now, she couldn’t just take it back without suffering the consequences. 

⋆˙⟡

she was glad she was driving. she could at least focus on the road, plus they were the ones tasked with stopping at the liquor store, so she only had to deal with mingyu and seungcheol - she only wondered briefly why no one cared that seungcheol was solo for the long weekend. actually, it only annoyed her slightly that mingyu had left that fact out - she knew he could have spent the entire break with seungcheol, no problem, which only made her wonder why he really asked her. worse was her wondering why it seemed to matter that mingyu sounded disappointed at the idea of her not going, accepting but unhappy - not like he had been when she said ‘yes’. 

she walked through the store, mainly looking for the things she wanted. her ideal party weekend was starting her day off with something bubbly and moving on to liquor by lunch. she wasn’t really paying attention to the cases of beer, tequila, and vodka mingyu and seungcheol were collecting. instead, she was in line to pay for her stuff and some edible gummy candies she noticed last minute - she grabbed several of those. she could’ve kicked herself for not asking her roommate’s girlfriend for some weed before she left. she waited next to her car for them to come out, answering a few texts. she ignored the ones from mingyu. she couldn’t help that she was from a family of people who completely avoided their emotions, plus she could see the message preview - it wasn’t anything life-changing. 

when they came out, she wasn’t super shocked by the very full cart or the fact that they practically filled the back of her suv - they had to move their bags into the seat with seungcheol. it was like half the soccer team, their girlfriends, and friends for five nights, after all. the team wasn’t known for holding back at any of their parties - the rule was ‘no empties.’ she could only hope that the people getting food were grabbing enough to balance everything out. 

the rest of the drive was uneventful. it was pretty though - even if it still looked like summer and not a bit like fall. 

the house was a massive hunk of glass overlooking the lake. everything was very modern and sleek inside. she had been imagining something a little more cozy, less brutal. but that didn’t really matter, especially when they started divvying up the rooms - she and mingyu had a room that shared a bathroom with seungcheol’s room. and it hit her immediatly, mingyu was staying in seungcheol’s room. she wasn’t sure why it annoyed her, but it did, especially when she planned to be sharing a room with him. 

she starfished out on the bed - her bed - and decided she would probably go home the next day. there was literally no reason for her to be here, and there probably never had been. also, sharing the bathroom with two whole ass guys just sounded miserable. she sat up after a few moments of moping, remembering the edibles she had - she ate three and dropped back onto the bed. she wasn’t planning on coming out of her room. mingyu could get fucked, she decided. 

it was seungcheol who was leaning over when she woke up with a yelp, “what the fuck?” her heart was pounding. 

he laughed, “sorry, mingyu wondered if you were okay, so i came to check,” he raised an eyebrow, “you seem alive, though,” he concluded.

she rolled her eyes, “thanks for the astute diagnosis, dr. choi,” she murmured and fell back onto the bed.

he laughed, “seriously though, you good?”

she exhaled loudly, “is he like standing in the bathroom or something?”

seungcheol shook his head.

“liar,” she groaned and rolled over, “i’m going home in the morning, so he can stop feeling whatever way he’s feeling.”

seungcheol looked surprised, “you’re just heading back? isn’t this like the first time you’ve like been somewhere together?”

she shrugged, “and?” your annoyance was definitely coming through, loud and clear.

seungcheol nodded, “right, you two have weird vibes, but look, i need him out of my room - my date is here, and i actually want to spend time with her.”

she could only roll her eyes, “so four people and one bathroom - this is only getting better,” she sighed, “i should just go home now.”

seungcheol shrugged, “whatever, just say it’s okay for him to come in here, so he stops whining in my room - it’s seriously killing my mood.”

“okay, whatever, i don’t care.” 

this was truly going downhill as far as she was concerned. and why would mingyu be whining to seungcheol anyway, she wondered. she heard him come into the room, but she didn’t move. even when he sat on the bed, she stayed still. 

“are you really leaving?”

she pressed her lips together, thinking, “probably not, but seriously, why did you even ask me?” 

she had maybe run out of whatever annoyance she had felt before at being woken up out of nowhere, plus her edibles were wearing off. she sat up so she was next to him, “just tell me what this is - like i’m a buffer, right? but you didn’t tell anyone that i was just coming along, you told them we’re dating, and that comes with like expectations,” she trailed off. 

“since when do you care about expectations?”

she wondered if smacking him would be too strong of a reaction. 

this was all such a bad idea. she was going to have a shit weekend and probably lose her friend in the process. 

⋆˙⟡

the rest of the night was uneventful, with everyone filtering in and no one eating at the same time. she grabbed food and something to drink and mostly avoided conversation, especially if it had to do with her and mingyu. 

she also decided if she pretended this was like a retreat, she could just focus on swimming and hiking since, according to her phone, there were some great trails around. and obeying her fake retreat rules, she grabbed some extra water and headed to bed early - she needed to sleep if she was going to go for a sunrise swim. she was glad that she brought a sleep mask and ear plugs.

her only problem was mingyu’s texts. he hadn’t answered her question about why he asked her or explained why he went nuclear and told everyone they were dating. she had thoughts on what was going on, but she was as bad as he was. even lying in bed, in her not sexy at all clothes, her brain was in overdrive thinking about him in ways she didn’t want to be, especially since her phone kept going off. she knew he was thinking about her, even if it was this pretend, fake way - it didn’t matter. she pulled her pillow over her head to try to drown out the telltale buzzing. she refused to check her phone. 

even when she finally heard the sounds of people going to bed. she cringed at the idea of seungcheol fucking. her gut reaction was that man would be loud. 

she heard the footsteps outside their door, “come on mingyu - baby, just come to my room - you know you want to,” she sat up, knowing the voice immediately. 

“no, i told you i’m not” — she heard the sudden wet sounds of a kiss.

“fuck, katie, stop - what are you not hearing?” she could hear the edge in his voice. 

she sighed, she was technically there to help him avoid this kind of thing. she got out of bed and pulled off her sleep shorts, so she was clearly down to just her panties and tshirt, and tossed her sleep mask. 

she walked to the door and opened it slowly, “gyu?” she made sure sleep was thick in her voice, as she pouted up at him adn tugged his shirt sleeve, “come to bed,” she whispered, biting her lower lip gently. 

she didn’t even look at katie, just him.

he looked at her, “hey, baby,” he didn’t miss a beat, pulling away from katie as fast as he could and walking into their room after her, closing and locking the door. 

she walked back over to the bed and flopped back onto the soft mattress, “helpful enough?” she asked. 

the low light from outside was enough for her to see him nod, “sorry we woke you up,” his voice was soft. 

she shook her head, “it’s fine, just come to bed - i want to swim in the morning,” she was already happily back under the duvet. 

he was gone long enough for her to doze, but she opened her eyes when she heard him, “do you literally mean come to bed?”

she turned over and threw the covers back and patted the spot next to her. he still looked uncertain. she sighed and moved so she was on her knees - she grabbed his hand, “how much more of an invitation do you need?”

“you didn’t even check my messages,” his voice was so small - he sounded hurt. 

she tried to find some answer in the way he was looking at her. but there was nothing besides the fact that she had hurt his feelings. ignoring him was the only thing she knew genuinely drove him nuts - he had told her when they were strictly lab partners how much he hated it - how much it annoyed him. she rarely ignored him. but she had tonight, mainly because her own thoughts were kind of fucked, seeing his stream of conciousness texts would have made it worse.

“so let me apologize,” she whispered, pulling his hand gently - it wasn’t lost on her that he was just in his underwear. 

he let her pull him into bed, and she straddled him, reaching down to smooth his hair back from his face, “what hurts, baby?” 

he touched his lips - she nodded, leaning down to kiss him softly. she held his jaw gently and kissed him slowly. she moaned faintly when she felt his hands ghost along her lower back and under her shirt. his hands were so warm, she shivered. she deepened their kiss, tracing her fingers through his hair as she did, loving how soft his hair was. they stayed that way, making out like it was the only thing in the world that mattered. even when she felt one of his hands slide down over the curve of her ass to trace his fingers under the hem of her panties, she didn’t break the kiss. she wasn’t worried about where his hands might wander. there were only so many things he could touch. 

when she finally pulled away to breathe, she still played with his hair, “so, tell me what we’re doing, mingyu - so we both know, please.”

she could feel his hands on the backs of her thighs - he squeezed her thighs lightly, “what we do every weekend, y/n,” his voice was low.

she bit her lip softly, thinking about the weekend before, letting all her memories bubble to the top. her favorite part was the way he had held her back against his chest, leaning down to kiss her while he fucked her from below. 

she shook her head gently, “just say it - tell me the way you told everyone else,” she murmured. 

she waited for anything besides silence before sitting up and shaking her head. she moved to her side of the bed. she didn’t understand how they had gone so fluidly from one thing to another without really talking about it at all. but then again, that was maybe exactly how it happened - they hadn’t called it anything - it was just what they did. and she hadn’t cared about what it was anymore than he had until he brought it up - until he told people what they were. but somehow, that was the fake part - actually calling it a relationship wasn’t real, even though they had clearly been more than friends or anything else for months. 

⋆˙⟡

she went to sleep purely for spite. and when she woke up with her alarm, she slipped out of bed, grabbed her swimsuit and went to change. it was when she walked out of the bathroom and by the bed that she felt him grab her hand gently, “are you really going out?”

she nodded, “yeah, why shouldn’t i do the stuff i want?”

“i didn’t say you shouldn’t,” he let go of her, sighing as he shifted around under the duvet. 

she didn’t repsond, instead, she just grabbed her stuff and went quietly through the house and out the back. she walked along the dock, pausing at the end for a moment before jumping into the cool waters. even when she surfaced, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. she floated, thinking about the fact that whatever they were was only nameless when they were alone. she laughed to herself. 

she got out when she started to feel chilly. she dried off and walked back to the house. she poked around the kitchen to find something for breakfast and some ice - she had kept her own drinks in their room, knowing they would be gone otherwise. 

she went back to their room, bypassing the bed in favor of going onto the balcony they had. she hadn’t looked at it the night before. she only went back in to grab a bottle of champagne. she popped the cork, not really caring that it wasn’t chilled yet. she sipped it before sticking the bottle in the ice she had gotten. she ate fruit and some leftover steak she had found in the fridge. she scrolled through her socials. 

a few of her friends had messaged to ask if she were really dating mingyu - her blanket response was easy, ‘no.’ 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

a/n: told you they are dumb af...trust the process, yes they're about to be messy af...but i only write happy endings

♡ kat

[part ii] [part iii]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁ ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚ .𖥔 ݁

tag list: @syluslittlecrows

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[ellesthots]

my list of songs and their lyrics that remind me of fateful :) (sorry it’s so long but they literally have taken over my brain)

Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery- ‘the ways that you say my name have me runnin’ on and on’ reminds me so much of bruce’s thoughts when she calls him by his first name chisjsjd

bubble gum by clairo- literally describes the night in his theatre when he could have kissed her but didn’t 😭

please please please let me get what i want by deftones- this version sounds so desperate and really conveys how much they want each other

francis forever by mitski- ‘i don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me’ is very much going to be her in washington(if she goes ;))but missing bruce so bad

daylight by david kushner- ‘souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt’ is so them feeling bad for each other all the time and ‘i love it and i hate it at the same time’ is very much her

i love you, im sorry by gracie abrams- ‘thankful you don’t send someone to kill me’ is so her in the beginning when shes scared that he’s gonna hurt her because she knows about batman

where’d all the time go? by dr.dog- reminds me of her when she is having to keep reminding herself that she only has so much time left with him before she leaves

we hug now by sidney rose- ‘You don't see stars here, they're just city lights, I think back to where you live and how you can see the entire sky’ reminds me so much of when they are looking at the stars on the road outside of gotham

OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCHHH, it was so fun listening to all of these!! okay okay, divin in (doing the ‘read more’ because this will also be long lol):

Mr. Loverman: suuuuch a good lyric pull, it really reminds me of how much he loves hearing her say his name 🥹 oh how far we’ve gone from him absolutely detesting hearing her say it to savoring it like a damn dessert 🙂‍↕️ i also like the “i’m reeling in my brain again before it can get back to you”, reminds me of the Luminol chapter where he is incessantly spiraling with thoughts but his internal monologue gets so, so much quieter when she’s around. AHHH love. and just the “oh and i miss my lover” is so yearnful, so prettyyyy <3

Bubble Gum: IT TOTALLY DOES LSKFJDSKLJF. “sorry i didn’t kiss you, but it’s obvious I wanted to, bubble gum down my throat and it’s a curse”. i love how visceral the imagery is, like something literally lodged and stuck in your throat, when so much of what he/she wants to say is literally stuck there!!! imagining a bubble being blown and then popped, need that to happen (i say as i am fully in charge as the writer). “you look so nice in your shirt” (thinking about them when she’s wearing his shirt), and i love the pining aspect of the “i’d do anything for you but would you do that for me, too?” when YES THEY WOULD THEY WOULD THEY WOULD

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want: OOOH this is such a good version for battinson. he’s so deftones. he’s probably canonically heard this song LMAO. plenty of times, in fact. you said it perfectly and so succinctly: it sounds SO desperate, like genuinely desperate and reaching, like you’re at the end of your rope exhausted yearning. it so does. so exhausted, in such a depressing city (the ambiance Matt created for Gotham is so hopeless omg), they’re straiiining to reach each other’s light 😩 i also fucking adore “the life i’ve had could make a good man bad” before the “so for once in my life let me get what i want” like BRUCIEEE GET UPPPPPP PLEASEEE. and the ending of “Lord knows it would be the last time… it would be the first time” OOOF STOPPPPPP, i really have this idea that Bruce sees her as like The First and Last Good Thing. sobbing.

Francis Forever: the way i literally gasped when i listened to this song… because you are RIGHT ON THIS IS SO HER!!! fuck. !!! so her in Washington (if she goes, i love that), and even just in her apartment too, or the trips back home she’s taken, but especially going forward just being away from each other in any capacity now that the press has started to get ahold of things. it fits SO perfectly in the exchange after the library trip with “i don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be, but i don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me”. the idea that she doesn’t give a shit what the press thinks about her or the rumors, but if Bruce didn’t see she’s been the best she can be, if she doesn’t feel seen by Bruce, that’s completely intolerable. they both feel so seen and understood and safe with each other, and then to have that broken or marred in any capacity would be devastating. also goes along with her wanting to stay in Gotham just for him even, even just a little longer so she can be in his orbit; she hates it so much there and it seems everyone wants her to feel unwelcome, but all that matters is him 🥲 and how he freaks out internally every time he makes her upset or she’s disappointed/hurt by him and he scrambles to apologize and desperately needs her to believe him dsljflsadfj, they have such a deep craving to be known and understood by each other, it is SO IMPORTANT TO THEMMMM

Daylight: why is “pride and guilt” literally enough to describe bruce and her and also vice versa… you are so SO right that it’s them feeling bad for each other all the time sdlkfjds, that “souls tied, intertwined by pride and guilt” just perfectly encapsulates their dynamic. they switch between who is doing what and both at different times lmao. they really are INTERTWINED in each other’s lives through these emotions, so many arguments, bickering, pulls to come together and to pull away. i also love the “hiding all of our sins from the daylight” lyric because she really is. and he is too!! she’s hiding so much guilt and a lie at such a pivotal moment, him only going out at night to be an anonymous vigilante <3 also the “telling myself it’s the last time” makes me think of when he tries to stop talking to her/set a hard boundary and he just can’t 💀

I Love You, I’m Sorry: THERE’S SO MUCH IN THISSS and i’ve also listened to this song thinking of them over and over!! so this will be long lmao. you’re so right on, per usual! i love also the “i push my luck, it shows. thankful you don’t send someone to kill me” full lyrics for that analysis—how she feels she genuinely pushed her luck, she was essentially blackmailing a brooding billionaire man who is also a violent vigilante in GOTHAM of all places, just pushing pushing pushing at the envelope of his patience by forcing her way into his home, into dinner, and then getting that notification that she was stuck there for days LMAOOO RIPPPP. her being scared at city hall that Bruce is gonna do away with her, and the bit of relief at Alfred and Bruce being generally accommodating and *not* hurting her <3 i also love the “now you go alone, charm all the people you’ve trained for, you mean well but aim low”. the first part of that i so think about graduation, how everyone is buying it, and same with the city hall meetings recently where he’s been trying to put on a more laid-back, playboy-esque persona, that image of her watching him thinking that this is sooo not him, how it’s all just a performance, and the belief she has that Bruce should be doing more with his money with the “you mean well but aim low”; she doesn’t hate him for his status and money like she used to, because she can see where his heart is, but she still thinks he’s not doing enough and not focusing his attention where it should be the most and would make the most impact. “i tend to laugh whenever i’m sad” — when he comes to cook for her and he sets part of his shirt on fire and she just goes to her room and laugh cries. “i stare at the crash, it actually works” this self-flagellation of hers where she won’t stop thinking about the guilt/can’t stop thinking about it, and she thinks it’s a sort of karma for her actions to carry this burden. “you’re in your Benz, I’m by the gate” makes me think of 1. their opposing statuses and 2. her waiting for him to pull up in his snazzy lil car after city hall stuff <3 and last but far from least, “i love you, i’m sorry”. this HITS. so simple. but so them. she feels bad about the lying, and that she can’t/doesn’t want to stay away from him, feels like he deserves someone better who isn’t holding this huge lie. and especially BRUCE!! he feels not only his love, but his existence alongside anyone else in any significant capacity is a curse. this guilt/fight within himself of wanting to get closer to her and spend more time with her but feeing so selfish and shitty for that, like it’s a curse that’s gonna kill her. reminds me of how he keeps micromanaging her mannerisms/demeanor and fretting over her acting too timid/anxious/worried because that’s how his mom was affected by the press, he’s worrying if his mom was ever actually happy, and he desperately doesn’t want her to suffer Martha’s fate. he feels like his parent’s death was in part his fault, that what happened to Alfred is entirely his fault, and those are the two biggest people in his life, his parents and Alfred. if history follows… feels like he’s cursing her by loving her, my poor baby!!!

can you tell i’ve already thought a lot about that song with them, lmaooo

Where’d All the Time Go?: already sobbing at the beginning lyrics </3 “where’d all the time go? it’s starting to fly” and “you know i get so forgetful when i look in your eyes” SOBBBINGGGG. i love that they’re so obsessed with each other’s eyes, especially her. bruce’s lil blue eyes 🥹 AHHHHH. reminds me of the most recent chapter when she has to look away bc it’s so much to look in them <3 and the “ain’t no way to sweep up the mess that we made” ahaha haha literallyyy, this song is exactly that, her reminding herself that she doesn’t have much time left/only has x amount of time, paired with this longing sort of guilt and yearning… and the lyrics “there’s nothing to keep you from falling in love” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this song just keeps having me key smashing fdklajkdsf. “like pieces of a puzzle, like a hand in a glove”. i love the nonchalant energy of this song, like you’re skipping down a sunny, dusty street without a care in the world to get a dollar ice cream cone. it feels like such a cool juxtaposition to the melancholic lyrics !!!! the brightness of their care for each other in the ever-raining, ever-gloomy Gotham!

We Hug Now: YESSS YES YES!! the opening lyrics!! exactly!! i really want Bruce to see some small-town, wide-open skies. he’s so cute. so sweet. HE HAS A CHILDLIKE SPIRIT THAT’S BEEN PUSHED TO THE SIDE BC OF TRAUMA OK!!! i wonder how Bruce conceptualizes a small town, how he’ll feel in it. i imagine Gotham as being this enormous abyss for him to be continuously sucked into, like it’s all he’s ever known. i need to see that city boy vigilante in rural america lmao. i also love the lyrics of “my mom will convince me, and i’ll get the courage to ask” because her parents ship them so bad… and the part of the lyrics about pretending you’re younger/pretending to a time before where the person they love isn’t mad at them… OHHHHHHHHHHH i’m sniffling. “no one has come close to you and I don’t think anyone will” 😭😭😭😭 and the lyrics “i have a feeling you got everything you wanted and you’re not wasting time stuck here like me” reminds me of her hugging him last chapter and feeling that one day he’ll have someone to love and adore him bc he’s so full of love himself………. she really thinks he’s gonna make it!! already reminiscing on a future of his where he’s happy and loved by someone not her!! and how she sees him as someone who is so competent and doesn’t ever question ‘if’ he’ll find out about her lie, ‘if’ he’ll find info about the journalists etc., like of course he’s gonna get everything he wants! sobs.

thank you thank you for these songs!! breaks up the monotony of grad school and brings me soo much joy to see how you relate different lyrics to them, and getting to dig and dive into them too, love love love 💕 still flabbergasted and endlessly flattered at my story existing outside of my own head and being so beautifully engaged with 🥹 adding all of these (+ those from the other asks!!) into a ‘my lovely readers’ playlist!! means the world <3

[bromcommie]

Hello & Happy Monday!

So...for the WIP tag game...I know I'm supposed to pick the one (1! ONE!) that I find most intriguing, but this is like a whole buffet of intrigue, so maybe I can have two? 👀 1) НОЧНОЙ РАЗГОВОР (FIGURE OUT) <- ngl, the 'figure out' cracked me up. Also, late night conversations? Yes, please!

2) what's a nice nutcase like you doing in a place like astoria 1203 <- this just sounds fun...and possibly like the title could be deliberately misleading

Thank you! <3

Hello helloo, happy Monday to you too! (but also Tuesday now I guess. It's a 2-for-1!)

Thank you for the ask, and thank you for indulging me with two (2! it's gonna be so long!) <3

НОЧНОЙ РАЗГОВОР (FIGURE OUT!!!) - Ooof, this fucking guy. I'm glad my stern instructions to myself in the title there were funny, because I do indeed need to FIGURE this one OUT and it's bugging me. It's essentially another chapter that's a part of a larger work (not naming names not pointing fingers but it's. The Work I'm Having Trouble Updating) and it was written a looong while back, which is why it's now a standalone file. I love the premise but I kinda want to tear it down and rebuild it entirely, mostly because I'm still deciding on whether I like the way I wrote the backstory for it. So. It's fun! It's challenging! It's giving me a migraine! The title's from this song about a tired traveler trying to find his way in the night. It's three conversations (Steve+Nat, Nat+Bucky and Bucky+Steve - although they barely talk at all) that happen in the night after a very not lucid, injured Don't-Call-Me-Bucky who's recently remembered the Red Room and also had a pretty rattling encounter with the code words seeks Natasha out in Europe for [redacted] something as a last resort, but instead accidentally walks straight into Steve who he's been staying away from like the Devil Himself since CATWS. And then basically bleeds all over him. (I am not immune to the wound care trope! However, this is unfortunately not that.) A lot of ugly feelings and defense mechanisms are brought up, some painful memories re: the war and the Red Room are brought up, and nobody's having a good time or really knows how to process jack shit. They all communicate/perceive love&protection in wildly different ways, and while all three dynamics end on some kind of natural conclusion it's still a lot of unfinished, unspoken business and just kind of sad. Hurt no comfort that's necessary for there to be the promise of comfort in the future, if you will. Tbh, I really want to finish/reincorporate this one. But it's just so *screams into paper bag*. Anyway. Snippet:

When Steve wakes up the next morning Bucky’s gone, like he knew he would be. Like a hurricane passing through, the foreknowledge doesn’t make the aftermath any easier. And then what? his own voice from so long ago echoes in his head as he waits for the water for Natasha’s tea to boil in the sunny little kitchenette of the motel’s lobby. 16 hours later, he’s watching the blinding stripe of the sun setting over the East River before the plane maneuvers onto the landing strip at JFK. The hell else? Then we march on, ace. We go home.

2. what's a nice nutcase like you doing in a place like astoria 1203 - oh good, thank god! So this one is a bit more fun, but it's only got a few disjointed half-scenes so far. The title is actually one of the most literal ones on the list - the fic does take place in Astoria, Queens, and it does involves a certain "nutcase". Several, even. They really don't get along, and then they almost do.

(Blame my recent rewatch of the Netflix shows for this one. Man. What a golden age that was.)

Excerpt under the cut:

It was easy to clock the combat training before, sure, but up close this guy’s… Keyed up. Wild-eyed, a little, and not in the twitchy way of the three idiots piled up outside by the ruined water hydrant, not just sheer adrenaline stoked by fear and booze and coke. More dialed-in, purposefully ruthless. Hungry. Getting up with an expression like an enraged bull in spite of the beating he just took. Nutcase, Barnes thinks bleakly. Not that he’s in any position to judge — glass houses, all that, but — “What’re you,” he croaks, “some kind of psycho?” “Says the guy who just mowed down six guys without blinking." The man spits, grimacing at the blood that lands on the stark white of the rooftop like it personally offends him. If he notices the similar spray across his busted face, his clothes, his military-short hair, he doesn't seem to give a damn. "Nice going, by the way— my man got away." "And my man's bleeding out on a fucking pool table downstairs," he grits out. He doesn't have time for this. This whole night has been one giant exercise in unpredictability, and the police sirens echoing off in the distance are problem enough without him having to duke it out over and over with some local homicidal moron who might or might not be HYDRA. "You wanna tell me what that's about?" The man levels an irritated look back at him and then shrugs, dismissive. "I don't play with my food." "Your food had intel I've been hunting for two weeks." "Tough shit. Maybe if you hadn't screwed up your goddamn trig—" His lip curls of its own volition, affronted despite himself. What an appropriate time for his ego to announce it's back from the dead and in the mix. How fun. “The hell I did. I don’t miss.” "Is that right? There's some real screwed up drywall down there that says otherwise." His voice picks up an edge of something dangerous, aiming for threatening and landing on feral as he takes a step closer, and Jesus, can he stay down already? "Unless you did it on purpose to let him know I'm coming because you work for the bastard, in which case lemme tell you, you and me have a whole different problem." "I don't work for anybody," he says, probably with more intensity than strictly necessary. "He was a civillian. I don't kill civillians." The words curl acerbic on his tongue. He doesn't. He doesn't. That, of all things, makes the man laugh, a bitter little thing that sounds like it clawed its way out of his throat, and only barely. Who the fuck is this guy. "Oh Jesus Christ, not this bullshit again— how many of you assholes are running around this place, huh?" he says, gesturing a little wildly at him. "You got a fancy catsuit under that hobo getup, too?" It's Barnes' turn to look at him like he's a few marbles short, which judging by all evidence he very well might be. The guy snorts at his confusion, shaking his head. "If you consider that criminal piece of dog shit a civilian, you’re way more out of your depth than I thought, kid.”

but also:

“Self-righteous, God's sacrificial lamb type-of-shit," he mumbles around the mouthful with distaste, staring off across the bridge. "Got himself a stupid fucking title and everything, if you can believe that. Major pain in my ass.” Barnes hums, considering, before taking a cautious bite of his own sandwich. The thick pile of fatty meat and melted cheese breaks apart in his mouth easy with a sudden, almost overwhelming explosion of flavours, his empty stomach singing praises despite the ache in his bruised jaw as he chews. He never thought he’d say this, but god bless Queens. “Catholic?” Castle grunts an affirmative. “Yeah, I have some experience with that.”

[deanandthephantoms]

I'm going bananas for you. (a Charlie Gillespie story.)

A/N: So. I was talking with @julie-thefatones and we stumbled upon the topic of Charlie and how he loves bananas.. - listen it was 3am we we're having fun you can't blame us.- ANYWAY. i turned that conversation into this little story. Enjoy reading it haha!

Wordcount : 1328 --

Today was gonna be a good day. The cast of Julie and the Phantoms had, after 2 years of waiting, finally been able to go on a world tour. A little over two years ago Charlie met Y/N and not long after their first meeting they started dating which quickly turned into them being an official couple. Due to Covid and quarantine they practically ended up living together and both had loved every minute of it. When things stared to get better and the world slowly became normal again the official JATP-World tour was announced and as excited as Charlie was he was not excited about the fact that he would have to miss Y/N for literal months. He couldn’t be away from her for that long! So he had, one day, gotten down on his knees – causing a bit of panic and confusion, making people think he was about to propose- only to beg Y/N to come with him on tour. A proposal Y/N happily said yes to under the condition she could bring her best friend Hannah, so she wouldn’t be lonely during rehearsals and stuff. She also would have said yes to a marriage proposal by the way, but that was apparently something for another day. At this point the cast had played different states and cities and every city had organized his own Fan-action. From all waving a flashlight during unsaid Emily. to throwing colorful balloons around during Edge of great. It had been awesome. And it had inspired Y/N and Hannah to organize a little something as well.. and that brings us to Today..

I was woken up by soft kisses that were being placed all over my face. Before actually opening my eyes I enjoyed the feeling of Charlie’s arms around me, there really was no place where I felt more at home than in his arms. The soft kisses making my heart flutter. I snuggled closer to his bare warm chest, giving away that I had in fact woken up. “Morning sleepyhead” He said in the morning voice I loved all too much. “Morning” I smiled before I kissed him. “Are you ready to play your biggest show yet?” I asked him. They were playing in New York tonight, the biggest venue they had played to date. “YEAH I AM! There’s gonna be so many cool people to rock out with I can’t wait!’ Charlie was always excited to get on stage but I could tell the show tonight got him a bit over excited. “you know what babe, me too. Can’t wait to see you kill it on stage again.’ ‘ Yeaah you like seeing me pretending to be a rockstar ey?’ there was a teasing tone in his voice. “What do you mean pretend? You are a rockstar Charlie.” I reply dead serious before adding “Cause you’re a star and you rock my world.” “ooof. Not your best pick up line babe..” “Oh i know.” and then we just both laugh. There was never a grumpy start of the day with this man.

Later that day we arrived to the venue for Soundchecks and a short rehearsal for the night. That’s when I meet up with Hannah. “Did you bring the costumes for tonight?” I ask her. “She laughs at me “yeah was kind of hard to sneak them in without anyone noticing but they’re in the building” “Goooood! I’m curious to see if the fans will work with us on this one.. and even more curious to see Charlies face if they do.” Just the image of it in my head cracks me up. That’s when I hear Owens voice behind me “What’s so funny?” “nooothing.” Me and Hannah reply in our most innocent ways. “You’re up to something aren’t you?” I share a look with Hannah trying to decide whether we should tell Owen or not. That’s when Hannah makes the decision for us. “We may have kind of planned a prank on Charlie?” Prank on Charlie is all Owen needed to be fully on our side. “ooooh what are we doing?” he asks. “Well you know how he’s kind of know for eating bananas right?” “yeah. The dude is eating them all the time. But..” Hannah cuts Owen off: “Right. So as a Joke we asked all the fans to come in dressed in normal clothes, but to put on their banana costumes when now or never is about to happen . And then once he gets off stage we’ll be wearing a banana costume as well just to make it clear where the joke is coming from.” Owen bursts out in laughter “ok. That’s gold I hope it works’ he says after composing himself. “ Don’t mention a thing to Charlie okay? Just act normal or he’ll know we’re up to something” I say to Owen before he gets back on stage. He just gives me a nod as assurance.

Hannah and me are alone again and decide to log on to our fake fan account to hype up our idea one last time. We had over the last few days gotten a lot of reactions of fans who told us they were gonna do it. Now we’ll just have to wait and see what happens tonight.

After all having dinner together with the whole cast and crew the show was about to begin. The venue was starting to fill gradually and one glance into the crowd had told me and Hannah that at least everyone had gotten the message about wearing normal clothes to begin with. Seconds before the cast is about to go on stage I find Charlie, wrapping my arms around his waist I pull him close to me. “Go rock their world, rockstar” we share a deep kiss. Before I let him go up on the stage. I don’t think I will ever get used to the sound of all those screams when the cast first appears on stage. It really is deafening. They start of with a song they al wrote together and after that a few more songs by other cast members follow. The fans know that after Savannah’s ‘all eyes on me’ performance it’s time for Now or never. This is it. This is the moment me and Hannah have been waiting for all day. Sav gets off the stage and the first notes of Now or Never start to play. In no time the entire crowd starts turning yellow. “ WE DID IT Y/N! THEY’RE WEARING THEIR COSTUMES !” Hannah yells at me. “ I KNOWWW!” I just say waiting for Charlie to come on stage and see his reaction. And there he is. I see Owen laugh at the scene. Charlie seems genuinely confused at the sight of an entire crowd of bananas. He shrugs it off like a total pro and gets into the song skipping and hopping around like he always does. But that moment of confusion was enough to have me and my best friend dying of laughter. At the end of song Charlie takes the mic and goes “YOU’RE ALL LOOKING WONDERFUL TONIGHT!” making the crowd go wild with cheers. Before coming of the stage only to be greeted by me in my banana costume. He stops and looks at me with a confused face. “Youu… you did this?”

I step towards him and pull him closer to me. “Welll.. What can I say? I’m going Bananas for you and I just had to show that to you.” He laughs at me “You’re so weird. I love you.” and then pulls me in for a kiss. That’s when Owen walks by ‘You also just eat a crazy amount of bananas dude. It’s a problem.’ That made me laugh. It ruined our sweet little moment but that was fine. Charlie gives Owen a offended look. “He’s not wrong you know.. You do love you bananas” I laugh before pulling him in for another kiss.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 28

catch me completely ignoring dark cybertron lmao

yeahhhh so I'm just gonna skip dark cybertron bc no thanks. I did read the tf wiki articles for the issues tho, which is more than I did in the past, so at least now I kinda know what happened, though I had to suffer thru reading about dark cybertron to learn stuff about it. yikes. reading ABOUT dark cybertron further enforced my decision to not actually read thru it

anyways. the best part of dark cybertron was when chromedome threw prowl off that cliff. that was baller lmfao

a 1 page recap of dark cybertron is about all I can handle. thank you

ooh, the 6 months later smash-cut, I fucking love itttt

nautica’s here!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy I love her. also brainstorm, and I love their friendship sm

hvbjdkhfbshdfj god I love them. they have such a fun dynamic 

everyone eavesdropping on a therapy session vhbhdjkhafbhkjsdf. hipaa laws mean nothing as usual 

the casual reveal of captain megatron, oh god 

the title fucking slaps, as usual. this is one of my favorites - ‘world, shut your mouth.’ great stuff, and a song title/reference to boot! and this being part 1: towards peace...chefs kiss

and then we flash back to 6 months earlier...yknow now that I'm rereading this, mtmte has a LOT of framing devices used - there's story-within-a-story, flashback/flash-forwards, storytelling with narration, etc...I love it

god hbvhjakdfbshjkdf rodimus saying ‘magic’ and then the little *magic = science rodimus doesn't understand HBGKJHSDBFKHJSDF my idiot boy ily

rodimus roasting prowl is my fav hbfjdkafshsbjkf ‘maybe the knights can help us find a cure for your personality’ ily sm

and then prowl agreeing w/rodimus a few panels later about megatron’s guilt...

optimus...don't you think that making yourself chief of justice is...maybe a bad idea...like, maybe there's a conflict of interests here...just a little bit of bias...a bit too much history, perhaps...

the fact that all the big roles in the trial were given to high-ranking autobots who were heavily involved in the war...I see that cybertrons justice system is as much of a farce as their medical ethics and patient confidentiality laws 

the ‘you BROKE the MATRIX’ panel is so good bjhkdhfbajskhdf

rodimus: LISTEN dad I just wanna resume my space cruise with my frat bro ship I have no interest in politics

psychiatrists HATE him! local former warlord refuses to recognize the validity of psychological analyzation of people’s actions

ravage casually breaking hipaa laws and chilling in megatron’s therapy session like >:3

I love rung...he’s so good at like, passive-aggressively cutting right to the heart of someone’s issues, and he’s so generally mild that you can’t even really get mad at him 

the sudden inclusion of megatron as a major character in mtmte is kinda jarring at first - mostly, for me at least, due in part because I didn't read dark cybertron so this is like, megatron’s introduction as a relevant character in general - but I feel like jro does a great job laying a lot of intrigue down from the very beginning w/his character - like, I already want to know more about what his whole deal is, even though we have, ostensibly, seen pretty much all of his story play out already 

rung name-dropping froid...i remember that made me lose my shit bc cmon. FROID....jesus christ

rung and megatron: holy shit! we’re suddenly being drawn in a 90s-esque sci-fi tron-looking retro-futuristic style!

interesting that megatron sought rung out, and not the other way around

RIPTIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my favorite sharkboy is HERE

CREWDITIONS...YES....

‘we’re not allowed to take anyone who might remind rodimus of prowl’ vhbhjdkshfbhaskfd brutal

I love nautica so so much. a perfect autistic scientist after my own heart

I adore that nautica brought chromia along for moral support

hgvbjdakhfbhsj and then swerve saying that rodimus hates ‘trisyllabic names’ and nautica is like....but....‘rodimus’.....

and then nightbeat busts in to get all bbc sherlock on they asses hgbfhjadkfbjaskdf

WHY was perceptor at the crewditions if he was already part of the crew lmao

ooof, and then we have megatron flipping out when chromedome, a mnemosurgeon, shows up

also damn the autobots were rlly like okay so we wanna speed this trial up so lets just like, probe megatrons brain, that seems completely ethical, especially when you consider the history of shadowplay and stuff that our previous government had

I know important stuff is happening but megatron is holding a CUBE and I love CUBES so I'm distracted by that. C U B E

and then right after a scene where we see chromedome willing to perform mnemosurgery again - despite rewind’s like, dying wish for him not to - we hear that he’s been locked up in his room rewatching rewinds goodbye message over and over again :( I'm fucking depressed

I love nightbeat, he’s so funny and kind of an asshole

and then you see more missing letters behind them next panel...clearly nightbeat is right and there’s a mystery afoot...OR somebody is fucking with the ship’s lettering as a prank, which is a plot point I would absolutely buy

yeahhhh skids is right, chromedome is clearly Not dealing 

the dramatic graffiti on megatrons door...I wanna know who spray-painted ‘die’ everywhere like they're reaper overwatch

oh god. whirl vs megatron

really cool red lighting tho

GOD its so brutal, all the stuff megatron said about how he told the cons not to kill whirl...and doesn't that end up being false anyways? so he was just saying it to dig at whirl, which is awful

also I'm never over the fact that literally everyone - including megatron and whirl - blames whirl for ‘turning megatron violent,’ as if the entire Point isn't that whirl was a tool for a corrupt system, and if it wasn't whirl it would've just been someone else, and megatron turning away from pacifism was inevitable given the circumstances, AND also a choice on his part, so he really only has himself to blame for his OWN ACTIONS

bye bye whirls right arm, see you in lost light 

‘people never stop changing’ that IS something I say all the time...damn you warlord grandpa! how can you steal my philosophies?!

ohhh man and then rewind’s goodbye message being different....oooh

AUGH the fact that whirl was basically trying to goad megatron into killing him, just like he did in issue 1 w/cyclonus...It Hurts Man

also I do love the hint at who he’s talking to w/whirl shooting megatron with the bow and arrow earlier, and we know that atomizer is a fan of those

ok, but here’s where my philosophy diverges - megatron talks about throwing away his past and starting new, but I think that you have to learn from and build on your past...either way, megatron’s arc is one that I enjoy greatly from a character writing standpoint, and I'm excited to get it underway, especially w/how controversial it is lmao

big ole double-page spread...I like how you can pick out individual characters in the background crowd, which is crazy cause that's a LOT of people. also how come cosmos is so HUGE

phewwww 4.6 billion cybertronians died in the war, that’s INSANE. that's like, an incomprehensibly huge number. is there an estimate for their current population? I bet its not a lot. no wonder jro leaned into reproductive themes so much in mtmte/ll - of course the continuation of your species would be a concern for many if your numbers have been that greatly reduced

optimus w/his fancy tyrest-lookin crown

oughdajbfsbdf and the fact that megatron ALSO murdered 100 BILLION non-cybertronians...bruh. I feel like they maybe should've dialed those numbers back a little to allow his ‘redemption arc’ to run a little smoother lmao. but also I admire the commitment either way

and then we end w/megatron doing captain stuff, and seeing The Coffin...and we never did see rodimus in any of the flash-forward parts of this issue, did we???? I love how concerning that is. where's my BOY

also of course we gotta remember the warning from way back at the beginning of mtmte: ‘don't open the coffin’....

and so begins mtmte s2! man I love s2. I love mtmte in general lmao. s2 takes on the impossible w/the whole ‘megatron redemption arc’ thing, and I know that’s like, a divisive plot point and stuff, but from a writing standpoint I enjoyed it a lot...I think it was pretty much as well done as it could've been given the enormity of the task, and I thought it was a really interesting direction for the story to go in 

also espec if it’s true that hasbro was like ‘hey jro put megatron in your story and give him a redemption arc’ rather than jro like, planning/asking to do it 

anyways. I doubt ill talk much abt the disc horse(tm) here bc this is just for fun and also my own personal opinions and whatever, but I for one am excited to reexperience this stuff 

so yeah s2 off to a strong start with some wild shit already happening! cant wait to read more!

[blueymoons]

Hey boo! Here's a bunch of numbers for that music meme: 1, 5, 6, 15, 20, 26, 28, 35, 38, and 50 🥳❤️ Looking forward to your answers, I love your music taste!

OOOoh this is so exciting!!! @kenzthepea...I adore you and I haven’t told you that enough lately. ❤❤❤

OK..Here goes:

1. Current Favorite Song: This is hard...Because I love so many songs. But the one I kept repeating today was Cardigan by Taylor Swift. I like the melody, and the lyrics that are so intricate. I especially love the bridge and I think my brain is formulating a fic with this song...but I have to wait and see what percolates. But it feels like that’s about to happen. 

5. A Song That Reminds You Of Another Time In Your Life: I’m going to with It’s Been Awhile by Staind. I don’t know why...but every time I hear this song I think back to the first guy I fell in love with. It literally never played while we were together, or featured in our relationship at all, and has nothing to do with either of us...but it makes me think of him because I feel him in it. I think it’s maybe that during the time I met him, and fell in love with him and was held by him...I was dealing with some serious things in my home life. My mother was abusive, and I felt worthless and like a complete fuck up...but all of that didn’t matter when he hugged me. None of it mattered when we were talking. It makes me feel the way he made me feel and I love that. Because I still love him. Just differently, though 15 year old me is still deeply in love with him...But I am happily married to a man who adores me, who listens to me, and who makes me feel seen...which is exactly what Daniel did for me all those years ago. We’re still very good friends and we sing karaoke together (not currently obviously) and he still gives the best hugs and he’s still as sweet and dreamy and magnetic as he was the day I met him. And I feel grateful, so damn grateful that the first man I ever loved, taught me that I was worthy of that love, so that I could recognize when my husband felt the same way. That was long...but worth it. And you knew I’d be wordy. 🤣

6. A Song That Reminds You of A Place You’ve Been: I cannot hear the Hawaiian version of I’m Yours by Jason Mraz without instantly being transported to the beach house my husband and I were married out of a little over 11 years ago. That song was played multiple times during our stay, and the Hawaiian version is so much more lovely than the radio version. It wasn’t our wedding song...but it is our unofficial wedding song. So much so that it’s the song my husband set as my ring tone when I call him. 🥰🥰🥰 I can’t seem to find the Hawaiian version but the version I linked is very damn close. 

15. A Song That Makes You Want To Fall In Love: This one was really hard...Because I’m already very much in love with my husband...But I’m going to give you two...by the same artist, on the same album, because both give off some serious sex appeal to me and both would make me ache to have someone to feel that way about if I didn’t already have my Husband-Man. Wolf Like Me by Lera Lynn ft. Shovels and Rope, and Lose Myself by Lera Lynn, ft. John Paul White (you knew he had to be in here somewhere). Both are on her Plays Well With Others album, which was co-produced by John Paul and Ben Tanner (of the Alabama Shakes) at their Sun Drop Sound recording studio in Florence, Alabama and is on their label Single Lock Records (I’m a huge fan of pretty much every artist on Single Lock’s label) and these two songs are just straight up magic. Wolf Like Me is like...a werewolf love song. It’s literally her begging someone to be a wolf like her, and understand her, and I believe its a cover...but I choose to ignore that because I don’t ever want to hear anyone but Lera and S&R singing it. It’s haunting and sexy and just...ooof. So good. Lose Myself is sexy AF as well because it’s a duet with John and they’re basically singing about being in love with someone who they know is bad for them...and it’s just so painfully sexily delicious. I dare you to listen to their voices melding and not melt into a puddle. It’s almost impossible. 

(This damn post is going to be really long...I hope you don’t mind. 🤣)

20. A Song You’ve Listened To On Repeat Recently: Rattle by Penny and Sparrow (I think you already know this one) has been on repeat for me lately. This song has been many things to me...But It’s become my worship song. When I REALLY need to talk to God (I’m spiritual...I hope this isn’t something that bothers you. Apologies if it is...I won’t preach...I promise) I turn this song on and I always feel closer to Him. When I first heard it I heard it as a romantic song. But the more I listened to it, the more I felt Him in it and the lyrics really called to me. “Because I’m not proud, I’m not proud, I’m not proud of me...so how could you, how could you ever be?” really nails me on the head. I feel like I fall down on being a light for God quite a bit. I try, always, to be a beacon of love and acceptance and grace to everyone. I want to understand my fellow humans...and love them despite their flaws and foibles...but it’s hard. And so this song reminds me that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the only one who occasionally feels that I’m not making Him proud...but the last lines, “I'm gonna work on waiting, If it's true you wanna say you love me every day. And I'm sorry (that it took me so long to realize) you've always felt that way”, are a beautiful reminder that God’s love for me is something he wants to give me everyday, no matter how much I’ve failed at being His beacon on Earth. So it’s my worship song, because I don’t go to church, but hearing this song is feeling a wash of his love over me and that helps me on really hard days. (I hope that wasn’t too preachy)

26. A Song That Reminds You Of Your Favorite Fictional Character: GOD SO MANY!!! Like...everyone I’ve ever written a fic about...and there are MANY. I guess the best way to find this one is to go to my AO3 series The Music Made Me Do It

28. A Song That Represents Your “Aesthetic”: I don’t really know what my “Aesthetic” is...maybe uptight, bohemian, plant loving, boy and dog mom, who over thinks everything constantly? Is that an aesthetic? LOL. So i’m not sure how to answer this one. But if “aesthetic” means what I would have playing in the house all the time, no matter what, no matter who comes over...It would be THIS entire playlist. It’s called Relaxed Jams (which is the EPITOME of an original title...I’m not good with titles...leave me alone 😂) and it’s pretty much playing nonstop in my house and car...Unless I’m listening to Hamilton...which is also constantly playing. So...there you go...My “Aesthetic”...Hope that works for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

35. A Song That Sends Chills Down Your Spine: In the fall of 2018 I was dealing with the knowledge that my oldest son was planning to move to Florida. And I was NOT handling it well. To be honest...I still am not handling it well. I don’t like my baby being so far away and I miss seeing his face, hearing his voice, yelling at him to clean up after himself...I just miss him like I’d miss a limb. We’ve been together since I was 18 and he’s going to be 20 in a few weeks and so, I’m sure you can imagine, over half of my life has been spent loving him. My two boys are the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. They are EVERYTHING to me and that’s not hyperbole. It’s FACT. So, the idea of him moving away from me made me feel like I’d done something wrong, something to chase him away. And I was listening to a random Jason Mraz playlist on Spotify when I heard a song of his that I’d never heard before (which, in itself was a fucking miracle). That song is God Rests In Reason (yes...another God song...sorry) and it’s lyrics were so utterly perfect for the way I was feeling that I had to literally pull over on the side of the road because I couldn’t see where I was going for the tears in my eyes. Those lyrics were: “Well your children will not be your children They are the daughters and the sons a beginning They'll come through your womb but not be coming from you They will be with you, but they do not belong to you You can give them your love but not your thoughts 'Cause they'll arrive with their own hearts They're the coming of angels this blessed season Undone they’ll sing, Oh how God rests in reason God rests in reason Isn’t reason enough to prove how God moves through you God rests in reason And thank God you can direct the course of love itself of love itself Directs the course of life Believe not God is your heart child But rather you’re in the Heart of God” And it just SPOKE to everything I felt. I’d been asking myself why my child, who I love beyond everything else, who I’d lay down and die for if he asked me to, would want to leave me. Why would he want to go so far away...and God answered with this song. Because Michael has his own heart...and his heart is pulling him to Florida. And in those moments I started to feel a measure of peace. And I started to cope a little better. I stopped crying and feeling like he was telling me I’d done something wrong, and I started being proud that I’d raised my son to feel strongly enough about his own intuition to follow his dreams and reach for the things he wanted in life. I still miss him. I still hate that he’s gone. But it’s eased. And when it threatens to suffocate me, I go to this song. I realize it isn’t spine tingling in the manner that this question probably meant...but it tingled my spine that a song I’d never heard, by an artist I adore and thought I’d heard everything from, shuffled through my phone at a time that I really needed the message in it. I hope that makes sense...and fills the request.     

38. A Song That You Think Is Underrated: I really think pretty much everything Penny & Sparrow has done is horribly underrated. These two men deserve at least the same amount of accolades that Hozier has. And I’m sure Hozier would agree with me if he’d listened to their catalog. I’m never NOT going to promote these guys and I know y’all are tired of it but they mean a literal shit ton to me and I NEED everyone to know their music and recognize their brilliance. They’re better than Ryan Adams, and all the other sad bastards of folk...and they’re complete and total sweethearts who really give a damn about their fans. I will not rest until I’ve told the entire world about Andy Baxter and Kyle Jahnke and that’s that about that. You can find a playlist of their entire catalog of music songs here. I listed them in order of release...and I recommend listening to them that way. At least for the first listen. But be prepared to be hooked because they’re addictive. 

50. Free Slot! Any Song You Want To Share: I feel like you just had me create a playlist for you...And I’m totally OK with it. But I can tell you that...the song Green Eyes by Joseph will be featured in a forthcoming work of mine...The chapter has already been written...I just need time to finish the chapters before it. I guess this is a spoiler for the fic...but it isn’t really because if you know anything about my #1 ship...you know where I want it to go...and this song, is perfect for it. 

Goodness Kenz...I hope this was what you were expecting because I feel like I wrote you a book. 

Thanks for asking me for all of these songs...You know I love talking about my favorite musics. And I hope there are some songs that you just fall in love with here. I’d love to hear about it if you do. Hope you’re well.

Love you!

[annabethisterrified]

Book Review: THE TYRANT’S TOMB by Rick Riordan (The Trials of Apollo #4)

“Today, one way or another, the fate of New Rome would be decided.”

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS UNTIL YOU GO BELOW THE CUT!

Reeling from the loss of Jason Grace and the mounting danger of his mission to stop the evil emperors ascendance, Apollo (aka Lester) and Meg arrive disheveled and devastated in New Rome...with a coffin in tow. Getting into Camp Jupiter is tricky enough, and once Apollo and Meg get caught up to speed on the chaos that’s been wreaked in the Bay Area, they realize that the impending battle will be the culmination of everything they’ve been fighting for. Reyna, Frank, and Hazel’s leadership roles put them to the ultimate test as they scramble to prepare for their final stand against Caligula and Commodus. Together, Apollo, Meg, and the inhabitants of New Rome must mourn who they’ve already lost while simultaneously gearing up for the inevitable confrontation that will seal the fate of their home once and for all. 

The penultimate installment of The Trials of Apollo picks up on the heels of The Burning Maze’s tragic conclusion. Through Apollo’s perspective, the reality of what went down in the third book continues to weigh heavily upon the whole cast, but most of their focus is forced forward to an incredibly dangerous confrontation slated for the Blood Moon. Loose ends from the Heroes of Olympus series are tied neatly yet surprisingly, and the continued evolution of Apollo and Meg’s bond shines as the book’s true, gleaming heart. Apollo’s own recognition of his past failings, his father’s abusiveness, and the reality of what his humanity has taught him all come to a head, setting up what’s sure to be an impactful fifth and final book-- not just for Apollo’s journey, but as a capstone for what the whole saga’s implications about what it means to be a hero, and to be a human. 

The Tyrant’s Tomb is consistently entertaining and heartfelt, but the final third of the story proves to be the most deftly-crafted and meaningful. Though not as heavy as its previous installment, this fourth book gives plenty of focus on some lovely development from our main protagonist, priming the series for its finale next fall.

If you click below, there will be spoilers. 

Hello? Okay. You promise you’re good for spoilers...?

All right, just because of who I am as a person I guess, I’ve broken this down into like ten sections. Ooof. Generally, I will say that I was super pleased with how this story went. My only disappointment was that I’d hoped for more of a prolonged or “on-screen” unpacking of the effects of Jason’s death on the Camp Jupiter kids, specifically Reyna. However, I get that that’s kind of hard to do through Apollo’s perspective. I wasn’t totally sold on the idea that he sang a song haha, but I’m glad that Jason’s loss wasn’t just addressed at the beginning and then “moved on” from. It was threaded throughout, showing that grief is not something that you can check off a list. This is something that will always stay with these characters, and alter how they live and feel about things. It ebbs and flows. In addition, I think there could’ve been just a bit more action in the first half of the story, but it was never boring or aimless. And the concluding battle was expertly written and soooooo amazing omfg. Still reeling.

Anyway, let’s go.

FRANKLY, I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE

I’m so happy we got the chance to see Frank leading Camp Jupiter as praetor! He did such a good job, but also acknowledged that this is still a new role he’s transitioning into. I was so pleasantly surprised at how he managed to be both authoritative and gentle, and it was gut-wrenching to know that he intended to take Caligula down with him. When I imagined the fallout of Jason’s death, I always pictured Reyna being the one to tear down the emperors in revenge, which was why I was so affected by Frank’s commitment to honoring his friend. Not only did he order Jason’s designs to be built in like thirty hours, but he was so ready to avenge Jason that he was fully prepared to die. 

What. An. Arc. I LOVE HIM. I’m glad he’s finally free of his burden, and that he gets to keep doing an epic job as praetor (though hopefully during more future peaceful times). Camp Jupiter’s lucky to have him. 

SHINE ON HAZEL

Words can’t express how infatuated I was with Hazel in this book. She’s always been one of my favorites, but she really shone in this story. She was already so strong and developed at the end of Heroes of Olympus, but this book still brought her out better and smarter than she was before. She cannot be stopped. Hazel’s determination and grit make her formidable, and she definitely proved to be Rome’s greatest asset throughout the entire story. 

I think it’s great that she gets to step up and take on Jason and Reyna’s former role of praetor...alongside Frank, too! I didn’t expect her to react with anger towards Jason once she found out about his death, but it hit me hard. She initially took Jason’s death to be a reflection of the Seven’s failings as a team. Hazel loved how powerful the bond between them all was, and when Jason took on the burden of TBM’s prophecy alone without confiding in anyone, I can totally see why she felt like that was a betrayal. UGH hit me hard.

REYNA REYNA REYNA!

Reyna is just objectively an amazing character. I’m so so so glad we got to revisit her in this story, and loved where she ended up going. Starting this book, I had literally no idea how she would be handled. She’s always been the quintessential strong leader, which is awesome, but I’m glad we got to unpack the implications behind her very...layered...existence. Leaving Puerto Rico in a traumatic situation, going straight to Circe’s Island, escaping as a pirate, carving out her path in New Rome, getting roped into the Titan then Giant War? Damn. She’s been through a lot, and none of it of her own free will.

Like I mentioned earlier, I wish we’d learned more of how she dealt with Jason’s death. They were obviously really close growing up, and though it was clear she was devastated and things were referenced “off-screen”, I still kind of wish we’d gotten a bit more. Regardless, I liked that the focus of her presence in this book was about HERSELF and nobody else. 

And hello!!!!! She has a red truck!!!! and goes out hiking with her greyhounds??? makes me so glad. 

And yeah-- that ending, huh? I know it got mixed reactions. Personally, it felt pretty natural to me. I’m so glad she stayed in touch with Thalia after the events of HoO, and knowing that they’ll be on eternal adventures with a bunch of other wonderful girls....happy sigh. Reyna’s right-- this is kind of a much-needed vacation by joining Artemis’s team. No matter how long or short she stays with them, it’s important that she’s able to reclaim her destiny and figure out what and who she’d like to be. 

APOLLO & MEG

These two!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit. Their bond was so well handled and I loved seeing how it developed in this installment. They can communicate on an instinctual level-- they can call each other out, and recognize the abusive patterns both of their fathers have over them. They have so much in common, but also have so much to teach one another. I loved that they were both able to tell each other “I love you” and ughhhh yes the sibling dynamic is so epic. (Also, the whole Reyna and Meg ganging up on Apollo about Koronis bit was hysterical.) (And the “I thought you loved me?” “I’m multitasking.”) 

WHERE TO NEXT?

Just because I haven’t said this yet, but HOLY MOLY I adored Lavinia. Oh my god. She was amazing-- hilarious, presumptuous, go-getter, kind...what a star!!! What a joy to read!

Anyway, now it’s onto the fifth and final installment...THE TOWER OF NERO. I’m so happy that we’re going back to where this story started (in both Hidden Oracle and The Lightning Thief)....New York! And it sounds like also a potential field trip to Delphi, Greece? I’m down!

I’m assuming we’ll be able to tag up with Annabeth, since she’s the only main-player we haven’t yet revisited in ToA. And probably also Percy, Nico, Will, Austin, Kayla, etc. at Camp Half Blood. 

There’s a lot of ways this could all go down, but I think this book set up a heart-wrenching conclusion. I’m looking forward to Apollo and especially Meg standing up to their fathers and claiming their own lives. I’m not even sure if Apollo will want to be returned to godhood by the time his trials are up. We delved into some really interesting threads in this book-- he mentioned several times that he’d only ever felt comfortable and “at home” when he was human. What will that mean for his final trial? 

In either case, this book was fabulous and I’m so glad we got a chance to learn more about Camp Jupiter and New Rome...and I feel like a lot got resolved, so it felt like a satisfying way to say goodbye to the California crew. I doubt they’ll be in the last book, so it was bittersweet but fitting to leave them as we did!

Now, we wait. One last time! Thanks for reading this if you made it all the way down, haha!

[bethhxrmon]

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again Pt. 5

“We’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away” - “Dear Theodosia” from Hamilton

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female OC

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Serious sad boi hours, two (2) f-bombs

Summary: It’s right after the battle

A/N: Ooof so this took a hot minute, so sorry about that! I had a huge writer’s block thing going on these last couple weeks, but I think I’m over it! You can find the masterlist in my bio!

The challenging part for just after the battle was figuring out where to put everyone. Obviously, the solution for everyone who were supposed to be on an entirely different country was to have them travel back through portals again. That was what ended up being the case for everyone except for Peter, Harper, and Annie.

In all fairness, they could have likely just asked for a portal to the city. However, Annie didn’t know how to find some clothes that weren’t her suit or so dirtied up to the point her parents would question it. Harper didn’t even have a place to stay anymore. Their room in the compound was entirely decimated. Peter was the one with no excuse other than wanting to stay with the people he was closest to after everything that just happened.

Tony’s death was still fresh in everyone’s minds and they were all reacting in different ways. And instead of letting Annie over think the battle, Harper pulled her away.

“Hey, what’re you doing?” Annie asked, following her friend.

Harper sighed, “I gotta get you to meet a certain person before he leaves.”

Still confused, Annie followed Harper close, not entirely enjoying having to step around all the rubble of where they had just been fighting. How they were going to move on from this, Annie had absolutely no idea. There had to be a way, she just hoped she wouldn’t be the one in charge of figuring it out.

“Hey, Scotty!” Harper called out, “I found your biggest fan.”

Scott turned away from a conversation he was having with a woman, shaking his head at Harper, “No way, I told you I don’t have any-”

“Ant-Man, meet White Swan, also my best friend. She’s your biggest fan, trust me,” Harper said, pushing Annie in front of them.

Annie waved nervously, “Hi, sorry, I know now’s probably a really bad time, but Harper kinda dragged me over here and since I’m here um… well, you’ve always been, like, my favorite hero. Ya know, there weren’t many heroes on the west coast and um… yeah, sorry.”

“No, now’s a good enough time, you don’t gotta be sorry. Anytime’s a good time to meet a fan,” Scott insisted.

She nodded quickly, “Right, um… if that’s the case, would it be too much to ask for, like, a selfie or an autograph or something? Actually, just the selfie, I don’t have any paper. See… I was in space and, yeah, there’s no paper in space.”

“Y-yeah, sure thing, no paper in space, right. We can totally do a selfie,” Scott agreed, letting Annie pull out her phone.

A few moments later, Annie had her phone out, snapping a picture with both her and Scott. Obviously it was just for her, anyone seeing her in the White Swan suit would have too many questions for her to deal with and she knew that.

"Scott, it's our turn to get going," a lady said, coming up to them.

Scott nodded, "Hope! I just wanted you to meet my new fan. It’s Annie, right?”

"Yeah, it is. Um... hi," Annie replied, holding out her hand.

"Hope, it's nice to meet you. You did a good job today, but aren't you a little young to be a superhero?" Hope asked, shaking her hand.

Annie shrugged a little bit, "Well, probably. I don't know, I'm not that young."

"Still in high school?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"You're probably too young then, but that's alright. I'll see you around," Hope told her.

With that, they went through another one of Strange's portals. Annie wanted to ask him some things, but those were questions she wasn't sure she could even ask without freaking herself out. So instead she went back to Peter with Harper in tow.

She greeted him with a tight hug. It seemed like he wasn't doing much better. Of course, Annie couldn't blame him. She knew what kind of relationship they had and she knew if Tony's death hurt her, then it was that much worse for Peter.

For that exact reason, it was almost impossible to know what to do about the situation. Annie had been at the end of losing people before, but she didn't know how to be at the caring end of it all. Wasn't that what she needed to do? Obviously one of them had to be the more stable out of the two. It only made sense for it to be her when Peter was the one who had been right there as Tony died.

What had she been thinking, going off with Harper like that? She should have been comforting Peter or trying to help or something. Except, if she acknowledged what had happened then she wasn't sure if she was going to be much better off than Peter.

When just about everyone was gone, the only people left were Pepper, Harper, Peter, and Annie. It was difficult to know what the best approach to ask about Harper about what happened was. Annie was debating over asking if her parents died. Then, had they lived, did they get divorced since she wasn't around anymore? Did only one of them die? Now what was supposed to happen? Did she even have a place to go to when Strange got to her? There were so many questions she still had for him and she didn't even know where she was supposed to begin with everything.

"Hey, do you kids have a place to stay?" Pepper asked, approaching them.

Harper laughed, "I'm right here. I think my room's somewhere in all that rubble along with literally all of my things and the suit maker Tony made, which I can't get again because he's dead!"

"Pepper... we don't even know what happened with our families. I don't know about Peter, but I haven't tried calling anyone yet. And I mean, how the hell am I supposed to explain this beaten up suit to my parents? Do you know how much they'd freak out if they knew I was White Swan?" Annie started to pace around and then stopped, "Sorry, I just... yeah, I don't have anywhere yet."

Pepper nodded slowly, "Right, that's completely fine. Peter?"

"Oh, um... yeah, I haven't called my aunt or anything. I don't think I really wanna go home just yet, but if there's nowhere else..." Peter shrugged a little bit.

Strange walked over to everyone after the last portal, "So, where to for you guys?"

"They're with me. Just the lake house upstate," Pepper told him.

With that, Annie was walking through yet another portal and right into a rainy Appalachian forest. There were too many trees to count, leaving her to wonder if plants and animals died as well. What happened to her cat? She really hoped that he was alright.

Yes, there were more important things to be worried about, but it was so much easier for her to think about the fate of her cat than the fact that she was staying with Pepper because she had no clue where her parents were or what was going on. That Tony Stark was dead and there was nothing to be done about it. Annie had no idea how Pepper was managing like she was, just leading them into the house like it was any other day.

Well, it was more like they were all rushing to get inside and out of the rain. And Annie hadn't known what to expect. She had no idea Pepper was living in a house in the woods. Were she and Tony married? It wasn't really any of her business, but a lot could happen in five years. How was she going to make up for all the time she missed? There wasn't anything right about all of this, not in the slightest. Still, Annie went ahead into the house.

There was a sound of running and small feet as a little girl showed up before all of them could even get inside. The girl had to be at the most four, but Annie had never been very good with figuring out ages.

"Mommy, I thought you said Happy was the only one babysitting me," the little girl said, looking over the three strangers.

Pepper gave a small smile, picking up the small girl, "These are our guests for tonight. I'm gonna need you to be on your best behavior for them," she looked over at the others, "This is Morgan, my kid."

"Yeah, I think we've met before," Harper said, waving at the kid a little bit.

A kid? As in Pepper had a kid in the last five years? It had to have been with Tony. They had a little girl, and she hadn't been alive when it happened. Obviously they were allowed to have a life outside of whatever was going on before everything, but she didn't realize what that could possibly entail. Nor the quick burst of emotions at Morgan's next question.

"Where's Daddy?"

There was a long pause at that. Annie knew she couldn't explain it. How do you explain to a child that their father is dead because he saved everyone else? Peter quickly held Annie's hand and squeezed it hard, almost unrelenting. She tried to give an assuring squeeze of some kind.

Pepper frowned, "I have to explain it to you later. First, we gotta get our company situated. Why don't you go hang out with Happy for a little longer?"

Annie didn't miss the look in Pepper's eyes as she set Morgan down. Not even alive for a full day and Annie had no clue how things were going to work. Something told her that no one really seemed to know. Which was all well and good except for the fact that she had questions no one would be able to answer. Or she didn't know if she wanted the answers.

While looking for those pajamas, Annie stumbled across a bright turquoise ukulele. Something that looked a lot like the one Pepper said she couldn't get at the beginning of the summer. Or was that just five years ago? Trying to figure out the time difference was really giving Annie a headache.

Once she changed into pajamas, she tried figuring out some chords, strumming along to some song that she couldn't quite place. It started off pretty well for not playing in five years.

Until she played one of the chords wrong.

"Fuck," she muttered.

"Fuck!" a small voice echoed.

Annie jumped and turned around to see that Morgan was right behind her, "Oh, no, you can't say that word, that's a bad word."

"But you said it," Morgan pointed out.

Annie sighed, convinced that Pepper was now going to kill her and that there was going to be yet another funeral everyone would have to go to, "I-I yeah, I did, but it's... it's a word you use when you don't think anyone's listening."

"You're not very good at using it, then," the small girl insisted, climbing onto the bed, "Can you play a song?"

"I um... I can try? How about we go downstairs and I play while everyone's around," Annie suggested.

Morgan nodded quickly, "Okay! Daddy always told me about this one girl who liked singing and stuff and she sounded really cool. He said she had powers too and that she was a pain in the butt. I always wanted to be just like her."

Annie couldn't get herself to say anything to that. The implications were obvious, and it made her eyes water up. She wouldn't ever be able to be a pain in the butt to Tony ever again. Which wasn't fair because she should have had five more years. No, it likely wouldn't have been enough, but it would have been better than the microscopic amount of time she had in the first place.

When the two of them got downstairs, everyone else was already in the living room. If they were talking, she couldn't tell what it was about. Not that it really mattered, she would likely find out what it was after Morgan went to bed. Still, Annie couldn't help thinking about everything that happened.

There should have been a better way. There had to be a better way.

"Good! You're out of the shower, we can call Ned now!" Harper exclaimed.

It seemed they were all trying to find something to distract from what just happened. She never even had a chance to ask about Ned. Though, with how Harper spoke, it sounded like he lived through everything too. Which was great, except, she couldn't imagine missing him after five years.

Peter pressed the call button on his phone and waited, keeping it on speaker phone. It was odd that they were calling a friend first. Not her parents or his aunt or anyone else, just one of their closest friends. Likely because it would have been better if Ned were with them too. Nothing would make things completely right, but at least it would have made things feel normal in some sort of way.

There was a shuffling and click on the other end of the line, "Hello?"

"Ned! Hey, it's me, it's Peter. I um... yeah, I'm okay," Peter stammered.

A small laugh went through the phone, "Wait, Peter?! Y- you're back! I should've known, I mean, that's all they've been reporting on right now. But... but this is freaking great!"

"Hey, I'm alive too!" Annie called out, looking at Peter.

Peter nodded, "Yeah, yeah, um... Annie's here too, we're all good."

It was a difficult conversation to carry out. Because Peter wasn't completely himself and that was obvious to all of them. In reality, none of them were really themselves at the moment, and Annie wasn't sure if there was anything to be done about that.

Then again, they could only have so much of a reunion when they couldn't even see each other face to face. It made Annie more and more relieved that Harper was right there with her.

Even then, it was still hard to voice everything she was thinking. How she was sorry that she likely failed in some sort of backwards way. That if everything had gone right to begin with, no one would have died or come back or whatever the news was trying to claim happened. It was hard to explain all of this, but knowing the truth made it that much more difficult for her.

After a little while, Peter hung up the phone, knowing they probably wouldn't get much of a chance to see each other for a little while. So that left everyone, including Pepper and Happy trying to figure out what to do. Annie just kept strumming lightly on the small ukulele, not really able to get around to singing.

Pepper eventually decided that it was time for Morgan to get to bed and went to go tuck her in for the night. It was hard for Annie to tell if anyone told the little girl what happened. Was she even old enough to understand dying? 

Then again, Annie wasn't sure she really understood the concept in the first place.

Happy looked between Annie and Peter, "You two have a lot to catch up on with everything else going on."

"Well, where can you start us off?" Annie asked.

In what comparatively little time Annie had working with Tony Stark, she also barely met Happy. Maybe once or twice and she seemed to stress him out every time. Arguably more than Peter ever could. Which was completely fine by her.

Harper cut off happy before he could say anything else, "Like your parents, you know how they had, like, the world's worst relationship? Well, neither of them died and they decided to make an effort. I can't tell you why, but they did. They're still in the same apartment. A-and it took them five years, but they were just beginning to clear out your room."

There was a long pause. Not because Annie was angry or disappointed, she got it. Getting rid of things was healthy, wasn't it?

"So they actually got it together, while I wasn't around?" she asked slowly.

They needed, "Yeah, I think it could really be good for you... and Peter, your aunt stayed alive. She kept some of your things, but not everything. Actually, she moved a bit closer to Annie's parents."

"Hey, I wanted to explain some of that," Happy interjected.

Harper shrugged, "You snooze, you lose."

"Wait, but what did you do during... everything?" Annie asked, looking at Harper.

From there, it took a lot of explaining. Mainly because the way everything happened was still so foggy in Harper's own mind. Still, they talked about befriending some aliens and working with Natasha Romanoff and staying in touch with Ned. Everything. Pepper even made it back down while Harper was going over all that they had been doing.

Happy had to go home eventually, and Pepper went to bed as well. She told the kids to not stay up too late. Yes, Harper was in their twenties, but Pepper still saw them as just a kid. All of them were too young to have gone through what they had in that day. She wished they could have just been allowed to go home and enjoy the fact that they were alive again. Except, it was hard because she knew that Tony would have wanted to see everyone together like this again.

Despite being told to not stay up late, it was around two in the morning when Peter nodded off, somehow relaxing as Annie played around with his hair. At least one of them was getting some kind of rest.

"Annie?"

"Yeah?" 

"It might be too soon, but... but when you died, was there anything?" Harper questioned.

She sighed, trying to think, "Well... I'm not even sure if that counts as dying. We all just sort of disappeared. It felt like I woke up from a really long nap, but... I feel like I remember there was something that happened. Some sort of conversations or a dream or something. I don't know, though."

"Right... yeah, I get that," Harper paused for a moment to wipe tears from their bright blue eyes, "I-I'm just glad you're here. I didn't know what was gonna happen if this didn't work."

Annie tentatively moved away from Peter so she could hug Harper tightly, "Well, I'm right here now, and you're sure as hell not getting rid of me. Not even if you wanted to."

Tag List (let me know if you’d like to be added): @moonstruckholland @parkerpuffwrites @flushings-here @gaypanda @twilightparker @parrkerspeters @lcy-thot @lionsfandomsandbearsohmy @buzzinglee @ijustdontknowsometimes @dolphinsarecuteandstuff

[magical-xirl-4]

Now that every episode of S3 has aired, I’m going to be watching Heart Hunter/Loveater and Miracle Queen. And so, I present to you, my thoughts on Battle of The Miraculous:

Ahem,

I WAS LITERALLY IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING MY THOUGHTS ON HEART HUNTER BUT MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWN AND DECIDED TO UPDATE

Which was super annoying, cause I was halfway through the episode. But I’ve managed to remember most of it

Anyway, that was annoying, but I still remember what I wrote:

- Marinette narrating in the beginning about loss, was honestly a big oof, since I know what happens in these two episodes

- Ugh, Cat was being petty about making LB jealous for sure

- Luka and LUKANETTE WAS SO CUTE I’M-- I love him so much, and I love them. They’re the light of my life right now. (also when he finishes Marinette’s melody, it’s totally going to be the theme of the show) THE BIKE RIDING AND CHEEK KISS WAS CUTE TOO

- Heart Hunter’s design is bad (Gabriel also totally gave them that cloak so they’d get pissed at each other)

- Adrigaminette rights!!!

- Adrien has a crush on both Ladybug, Kagami and Marinette, change my mind (He was smitten when he saw her with her hair out, like seriously) Rip to him scrolling through LB’s photos too, I felt bad but I had to laugh

- Kagami watching Adrien play piano is the softest shit, I died (Kagami and Adrigami in general is great in this episode)

- Also I freaked out when Adrien was grabbing Mari’s hand, and just hers. Like boy stop denying your feelings.

- Andre didn’t say poly rights but he did say Kagaminette rights

And now, back to where I left off in the episode:

- MARI’S GETTING SAD ABOUT THEM-

- ooof now things be getting intense, Hawkmoth’s figured out that she goes to Fu whenever she’s stuck

- RIP she saw Adrigami in action

- uh oh... she didn’t de-transform

- NO don’t choose Kagami, ffs this is like what happened in Desperada, don’t let your personal agenda interfere!

- Okay but Hawkmoth standing in front of the merry-go-round window is kinda funny

- POCKY GAME ADRIGAMI- oh never mind it’s just a kiss anyway

- Ladybug just straight up kidnapped her. Anyway we got some Ladygami/Kagamibug because she was carrying her :3

- I like how Mari was actually making her voice a little deeper to conceal herself... I’ve noticed that she does that in this season more often (her voice does change slightly when she’s LB, but not like what she used to sound like in S1)

- ARE WE GETTING A RYUUKO TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE OR WHAT? Like, a full one. PLEASE.

- NOOO we didn’t get one aghh

- YES BITCH, Jade Turtle let’s goo

- I am actually really enjoying this battle 

- Lmaoo Ladybug called out Cat’s flirting with Ryuuko 

- HOW DID CHLOE THROW THE HOW SPOTLIGHT AWAY

- Oh my jesus Hawkmoth and Chloe talking I CAN’T

- NOO POOR POLLEN

- Yeah I’m real worried about Fu’s whereabouts now

- OOF ADRIGAMI KISS. lmaoo Andre just staring at them

- oh shit. OH SHIT HERE IT COMES. LUKANETTE. I REPEAT LUKANETTE

- AHHHHH TEARS, IN MY EYES. 

- Mari crying is the worst BUT LUKA BEING SUPPORTIVE IS SO GOOD

...

Okay, now, after that, let’s finally move into the last episode: Miracle Queen.

- Oh my gosh, seeing everyone getting stung (families like Alya’s and Max’s especially) and Marinette narrating over it again... This shit is hurting

- AGh Luka saving her, I can’t do this

- I’m glad she thought to use Aqua Tikki. Anyway- OH. OH SHIT ADRIEN’S REJECTING KAGAMI?

- Well, ok, not really, but still...

- AH she saved him

- ANDRE WAS WATCHING THE ENTIRE TIME, EVEN WHEN HE TRANSFORMED 

- Seeing everyone being mind controlled is a bit worrying

- nNONONO MIRACLE QUEEN WANTS MIRACULOUS HOLDERS TO COME TO HER. NOW NO ONE’S GOING TO BE ABLE TO TRANSFORM AGAIN AFTER THIS

- SHE GRABBED ALYA’S GLASSES AND SMASHED THEM TF

- ahaha the first one who didn’t have glasses was Kim (”I thought that was a requirement”) oml that was actually funny

- SAY ANYTHING ABOUT LUKA AGAIN AND I’LL WHOOP YOUR ASS

- The Kwami’s aren’t going to do or say anything seeing them brainwashed??

- ew more Gabenath. THEIR BODIES ARE WAY TOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER-

-  Noo she’s upset again ;-;

- OKAY THE LADYNOIR HUG WAS REALLY SWEET 

- YESSS FUCK YESSS. DRAGONBUG LET’S GOOO!!!

- SHE USED THE WATER DRAGON WITH HER YOYO, I’M SHOOK

- ohh shit Hawkmoth’s gonna use Fu to reveal their identity’s!

- YESS MAN, CAT NOIR AND LADYBUG TOGETHER!

- Okay but... Rena Rouge, Roy Singe, Pegase and especially Viperion are so deadly all together I have no idea how they’re going to win.

- NOO no. No. NO. I do not want to see Cat and Viperion fighting. Even if Luka is brain washed, I dont think I can handle it.

- OK NVM WHAT WAS EASY

- Was gonna say, poor Sass, but at least he got some food.

- Hell yeah SNAKE NOIR.

- WTF NO. ROY SINGE DAMMIT. DRAGONBUG NOOO.

- Thank fUCK for Second Chance

- YESS THAT WAS GENIUS YALL

- Can’t believe Chloe really thought she could get Akumatized AGAIN when LB is right there

- HEYEHEYEHHEYEY CHLOE WTF STOP. she has no idea that she literally can’t do that. she’ll crumble mentally is she uses all the miraculous

- anyway it’s super funny that all the Kwami’s are pissed at her. (Honey it don’t work like that, they’re not going to let you order them around)

- GUYS DO SOMETHING AND STOP THE SENTIMONSTER

- JUST GO UP THERE IT’S NOT HARD??

- OOF *that zoom on HM’s face when Fu said LB will be the next guardian aha*

- yeah.... the MIRACLE BOX JUST CHANGED WHAT THE HELL

- HAHA I like how Hawkmoth and Mayura just rode off on the Sentimonster

- Goodbye and good riddance, Chloe

- THEY’RE GONNA FIX THE PEACOCK MIRACULOUS?

- It’s sad hours now boys... Fu doesn’t remember anything... Wayzz’s face too, ugh :(

- MARINETTE’S NARRATION WAS FROM THE POV OF FU’S LETTER. HOLY SHIT. WHATTHE-

- Fu was ready to throw everything away, everything in that locker... Oh my god, I’m not ready for this

- Marianne! AHHH (he remembered her in some way, gosh damn this is bittersweet)

- WHAT.. what.... what the.... Adrien and Mari getting ice cream together, smiling.... AND TALKING normally, I...

- The way that the camera followed them... the fact that they said goodbye to each other to go sit apart from each other...

- NO .... NO I CAN’T HANDLE THIS. 

- Luka’s tune was so similar to the theme song and I’m... yeah I’m getting chills OKAY, I’LL ADMIT IT

This... holy shit this finale was good. Like... damn I loved how it ended. There were some good moments that I appreciated, and all together it was really nice.

I need to know how season 4 is going to pick up after this one, so much has changed. I want this show to be better, I really do, and I’m hoping the next season really takes the wind out of us.  

[pengychan]

[Coco] Down to Dust, Pt. 12

Title: Down to Dust Summary: After it all came crashing down, Ernesto’s to-do list is short: stay hidden, and wait for the Final Death. Héctor’s is even shorter: enjoy being with his family again. But life - or rather, the living - will get in the way even of the simplest plans. Characters: Hector Rivera, Imelda Rivera, Ernesto de la Cruz, the Rivera family in general, Miguel Rivera, Socorro Rivera. [Part 1 can be found here. All parts up so far here.]

A/N: For the record, that scene with the chihuahualebrijes trying to protect Ernesto from Pepita? That was literally the FIRST thing about this fic to be thought up. Everything else just... sort of followed. I don’t have the slightest control over the shit I write, is what I’m saying.

***

The kid was cute, Ernesto had no trouble admitting that.

Maybe not the most gorgeous little girl in the entire world as Héctor kept claiming - Ernesto suspected his judgment may be just a little biased there - but still rather cute, especially when she looked up at him and demanded for Tío Neto to pick her up. He complied, of course, because that’s what you have to do with a little kid. It was no problem.

Being lured into babysitting duty with little to no forewarning was, on the other hand, definitely a problem.

“I did not agree to this,” muttered. If he’d known what trap awaited him, he’d have made up an excuse and headed for the cantina. He was rather sure he’d find Mariquita there that evening, and maybe convince her to join him for some fun after her shift.

Unaware of his thoughts, Héctor smiled apologetically. “It’s only for this evening, honest.”

“Héctor. You told me we were going to--”

“She already ate, so don’t worry about it. You’re welcome to take anything from the pantry. She needs to be in bed at nine on the dot, don’t let her stay up late. She likes it when you tell her a story, but a song is even better.”

“I did not agree to--”

“You can use my guitar if you want, it’s in the usual place.”

“You’re not listening to me, are you?”

“Coco! Come here and say hi to Tío Neto! He’ll stay with you while mamá and papá are out!”

“I did not agree-- what the hell, you’re not listening at a--” Ernesto began, only to trail off when Héctor suddenly turned and slammed a hand over his mouth.

“Hey! Watch your language! Don’t make me clean your mouth with soap!” he protested, gaining himself a silent glare that spelled, in no uncertain terms, where Ernesto wanted to suggest he could shove the soap. He gave a somewhat sheepish smile, and pulled his hand back. “Sorry. I know I should have warned you. I was so busy making this evening out a surprise for Imelda, I sort of made it a surprise for you too.”

Ernesto sighed. “I hope she enjoys the surprise more than I did,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “You owe me a drink.”

“Heh. Fair enough,” Héctor conceded, and turned to the door when he heard quick footsteps, and a little girl with braided hair came running in. “Ah, Coco! Look who’s here!”

“Tío Neto!”

“That’s right! Ooof, you’re getting so big!” Héctor laughed, picking her up and giving her a kiss on each cheek before placing her in Ernesto’s arms. The child immediately clung to his neck, babbling gibberish, just as Imelda walked in the room. She was wearing a red dress Ernesto had seen on her only few times and, to be entirely honest, she did look stunning.

How Héctor had managed to get her to marry him was still a mystery to Ernesto… and to Héctor himself, really, if the way he was looking at her with his mouth hanging open was anything to go by. Ernesto gave him a quick jab with his elbow, and Héctor recoiled.

“You look beautiful tonight! I mean, every night, but especially tonight,” he exclaimed with a goofy smile, and she smiled back before tilting her head towards Ernesto and Coco.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” she asked, and her husband shrugged.

“Of course!”

“Of course not,” Ernesto said, deadpanned, but he was already letting Coco climb on top of his head and he knew the battle was lost. He chuckled and lifted her up on his shoulders. “But we’ve had worse ideas that worked out, so go and have fun. You’ll find us both still in one piece, señora Rivera,” he added with a slight - and slightly mocking - bow. “I think.”

Imelda didn’t look entirely certain, but she smiled when her daughter waved at her over Ernesto’s head, at didn’t argue again. After kissing their child a couple of times each - which was a bit awkward, because she wouldn’t get off Ernesto’s shoulders and he had to crouch slightly to let them reach - both Héctor and Imelda left, and Coco waved at the closed door.

“¡Chau!”

“¡Hasta Luego!” Ernesto called out, but he found himself frowning at the closed door. It wasn’t the first time Héctor entirely cancelled plans on him to do something stupid or stupidly sappy with his family and it probably wouldn’t be the last, and it was starting to get on his nerves. Sooner or later, they would need to have a talk about--

“Tío Neto?”

Coco’s voice, as well as a pull at his ear, snapped Ernesto from his thoughts. He shrugged them off before speaking, glancing up. “So, it’s only us, huh? The fun team,” he muttered, giving the child on his shoulders a jolt and causing her to burst in giggles. “A story or a song, right? So which - ow! Ow! Easy there, I need that hair!” he protested, and picked Coco up to hold her in front of his face. “There. Much better. Story or song, señorita Socorro?”

She gave him a gap-toothed grin, dangling her legs in the air. Héctor had had almost identical gaps in his teeth, too, when he’d been her age and Ernesto himself was only a few years older - when they’d be together day in day out, the entire town their playground. It had seemed so big to them, then; now it felt so tiny, so stale, so suffocating. Héctor felt the same, or at least so Ernesto had thought. Now he wasn’t so sure anymore, and he didn’t like that.

Unaware of his thoughts, Coco shrilled. “Song! Song!”

Ernesto laughed. “Just what I was hoping to hear! Let me get your papá’s guitar, sì?” he added, and went to fetch it, holding the child with one arm and mulling over one song he’d heard in the cantina a few nights earlier. He’d been wanting to try that one out with Héctor, just for the heck of it, but since he was off playing lovebirds with his wife and had left him on babysitting duty, he may as well play it for his kid.

Was it appropriate for a child? Would Héctor and Imelda approve? Did he care either way? The answer being ��no’ to all three questions, Ernesto just shrugged and began playing the guitar that, barely a year later, he would take from the hands of his dying friend.

***

“Coco...”

Her papá sounded surprised and ashamed in equal measure, like she’d just walked into something he would have never wanted her to see. He immediately turned to her, giving his back to de la Cruz. In order circumstances, it would have been a terrible idea… but as de la Cruz didn’t move at all, she could tell he wouldn’t try to run off, much less to attack.

“Hello, papá. I figured I’d come see how this was going,” Coco said, smiling at him, and turned to de la Cruz. “I was expecting something more impressive, to be entirely honest,” she added, and put the rolling pin away. She’d brought it with her just in case, but it clearly was not needed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry for the disappointment,” de la Cruz muttered, his voice a bit too flat to really come across as sarcastic. He stayed on his knees, a hand braced against the ground and the other pressed on his side, gaze fixed on the cobblestones. His entire body was tense, like he was expecting a blow to rain down on him any moment.

If her mother had been there, Coco knew he wouldn’t have to wait long for it to come… but she had managed to convince her mother to stay behind, and she’d handle it her way. Not that she wouldn’t have liked to hit him a few times, but this wasn’t about her, nor about her desire for retribution. It was about her family, about little Socorro going home to live her life, hopefully a long one, before she joined them there. The past couldn’t be rewritten, but the future was still theirs to shape. She had sacrificed her love for music to keep her family together, after all; she could renounce the momentary satisfaction of revenge, too.

After all, she wasn’t precisely a vengeful person. There was too much of her father in her.

“You know who I am,” she said in the end. After a moment of silence, Ernesto de la Cruz replied without looking up.

“... Sí.”

“I had forgotten about you, you know. I had forgotten about a lot of things. I lived to a very old age,” Coco went on, and took a step forward. She was aware of the shift in her father’s posture, as though he was preparing himself to leap in and shield her if need be, but she wasn’t especially worried. De la Cruz was in no shape to try anything, and a cry for help would get the rest of their family running there in a heartbeat. “Miguel brought back my memories of papá, but a lot was still lost. I regained it after I died, though, and I remembered you, only to be told it had been you to take my father from me. Tío Ernesto.”

“Neto,” de la Cruz muttered, his voice oddly distant. “It was Tío Neto. You couldn’t say my name properly.”

“True. I remember a few of the songs you’d sing to me when no one else was there, too. Not terribly appropriate ones for a child, I may add.”

De la Cruz didn’t move, but had she seen the corners of his mouth twitch just a little? It was hard to tell, as he kept facing the ground. “Right. You kept asking what a puta was afterwards. I bolted out of there before your mother could give me a concussion. Apparently, having some fun was a capital offense like--”

“Like murder?” Her voice came out sharper than she’d meant to, and de la Cruz fell silent. He closed his eyes, saying nothing, and she made an effort to soften her voice before speaking again. “You’re not looking at me.”

“Should I?”

“It would be appreciated. Do you need help to sit up?”

“So you can better hit me?”

“And why would I want to hit you?”

A snort. “You know why,” he muttered, but there was no bite to his voice. He sounded dazed.

“Say it aloud.”

“Do you really need to hear it?”

“No. But I think you need to say it.”

“I did --”

“You screamed it to be left alone. There is a difference.”

There were a few, long moments of silence; Coco was vaguely aware that her papá had stepped by her side, his hand a reassuring weight on her shoulder, but her gaze stayed fixed on de la Cruz. She saw him squeezing his eyes shut, saw him drawing in a deep breath, and then she saw his shoulders sagging when he finally spoke. Was he afraid of her? Ashamed of himself at long last? Both? It was hard to tell. She wasn’t certain it truly mattered.

“I murdered your father,” he finally said, his voice somewhat raspy. There was another pause, then, “I never told you he was dead. How long did you wait for him to return?”

“My entire life.” Coco hadn’t expected him to ask that, and her own voice came out weaker than she’d meant it to. She’d had a long and fulfilling life, but somewhere in a corner of her mind there had always been a child who’d stared out of the window until it was too dark to see a thing, who woke up at night crying for her papá. Her father’s arm slipping around her shoulders just now helped, yes, but the sting was still there. It fueled some anger, but she forced herself to keep her voice even. She had lost too much to that man to risk losing even more because she let anger get the best of her.

“You took him from me, from us, for a songbook. You almost let him be gone for good. You took music from our family and tried to take my great-grandson, too.”

“He would have destroyed everything. He did, and now I’m left with nothing,” de la Cruz said, his voice bitter as bile. “I’d say we’re even.”

“Are we? If you were in my shoes right now, would you think so? What would you do?”

That caused Ernesto de la Cruz to pause, and he said nothing for what felt like a long time. Then, finally, he pulled himself upright on his knees. He let out a grunt of pain and cradled both arms around his ribcage before he spoke, staring at the cobblestones. “I’d leave no bone unbroken,” he said, very quietly, and finally turned to look at her. Something about his gaze made her think of a beast at slaughter, waiting for the fatal blow in the neck in a sort of resigned stupor. “Isn’t that what you’re here for?”

Coco sighed, and shook her head. “No. I’m here because you can do something to make up for what you did. Or begin to, at least,” she added, and stepped forward, letting her father’s arm slip off her shoulders. She pulled out a marigold petal from her pocket, holding it before de la Cruz. “Give my great-granddaughter your blessing. So that she can go home.”

De la Cruz blinked at the petal a couple of times, as though not comprehending, then he frowned and looked up at her again. “I can’t do anything. You need the boy’s family to do it, and they’re all gone.”

“You can. That’s what I was trying to tell you,” her papá spoke up, and stepped closer. He held out his hand, and de la Cruz stared at it warily before he sighed and reached to grasp it, letting her father help him up. He took a couple of steps back, as thought trying to keep some distance, a hand still shielding his side. He seemed more alert now, more present.

“What are you talking about?”

A sigh. “Ernesto, the boy’s great-great-grandmother was Maricarmen de la Fuente,” her papá said, and paused, waiting for a reaction.

As it turned out, said reaction was a very confused look. “... Who?”

“She-- wait, what? What do you mean, who? Maricarmen! Did you just forget about her?”

De la Cruz tilted his head, frowning in thought for a moment before his expression brightened. “Oh! Was it the one with green eyes?”

“Uh? No, she didn’t--”

“No, right,” Ernesto cut him off with a wave of his hand. “That was Marisol. Was it… oh, the tall one? Curly hair, always wearing red?”

“Er… no?”

“Oh. How about-- no, wait, I met that one way after you died. We starred in the same movie. I played a priest, she played a nun, there was this one time we were alone and still wearing our costumes when--”

“Ernesto! There is a child present!” her papá cried out, and immediately went to cover her ears, or at least the general area where they would have been. That caused de la Cruz to fall silent, his eyes shifting slowly from him to Coco, who just shrugged, and then back to him.

“Héctor. The child has great-grandchildren,” he said.

“That’s irrelevant!” her papá protested, still holding his hands on the sides of her head like it would keep her from hearing anything. “Did you bed every woman you met?”

“Don't be absurd, of course not. I never had a go at your wife, for one. I’m not crazy.”

“De la Cruz, I’m warning you--"

“Plus, you know I never limited myself to women onl--"

“Not in front-- Mariquita, Ernesto! I’m talking about Mariquita!”

De la Cruz paused, blinking. “Mariquita?” he repeated, then his perplexed look turned into recognition. “Oh! Of course I remember Mariquita! Why didn’t you say that right away? Who ever called her by her full name?”

“Everyone except you, really,” her papá said drily, finally removing his hands from the sides of Coco’s head, but de la Cruz ignored him.

“If she’s Cheque’s great-grandmother--”

“Great-great-grandmother.”

“Whatever that is. Why don’t you go to her for a blessing?”

A sigh. “Because she was forgotten, earlier tonight. She’s gone,” was the reply, and Coco thought she’d seen de la Cruz recoil slightly at his words before her father spoke again. “That leaves only you,” he added, and de la Cruz’s expression turned to confusion again.

“That makes no sense. I wasn’t related to Mariquita. I have nothing to do with--” he began, and trailed off when they both raised an eyebrow, staring at him in silence. His eyes moved slowly back and forth between them. “Oh,” he finally said, comprehension dawning in. “Oh.”

“Yes, that was also my reaction when I realized. Have you always been this dense?”

De la Cruz seemed too stunned to acknowledge the jab. “How would you know--"

“Maricarmen told me, before she faded.”

“She never told me, though.”

“She knew better,” was the dry reply, and de la Cruz seemed to have nothing to retort to that. “She bore you a daughter, in case you care at all. Maricruz del Rio. She was born the night you killed me, and died in 1942. She was forgotten years ago, but her child had children of her own - and eventually, Ezequiel was born.”

De la Cruz seemed to be still processing what he’d been just told for a few moments, then he sighed and pinched what would have been the ridge of his nose if he’d still had one. “I have starred in cheesy movies with better plot twists than this one,” he muttered.

“This is not a movie, Ernesto.”

“I’d hope so. If it were, whoever wrote the script would be fired,” was the sour reply, and  Coco stepped forward. There was no more time for idle talk, not with dawn so close.

“Ezequiel is your great-great-grandson. The poor boy is distraught that he can’t do give Socorro his blessing, but you can do it on his behalf,” she added, and held out the marigold petal again, staring straight up at him. De la Cruz held her gaze, but not for long; the next moment he was looking over her shoulder, and straight at her father.

The silence stretched on, and Coco didn’t turn to see the look on her papá’s face as he stared back: she only waited, her own gaze fixed on de la Cruz, whose expression was unreadable. Finally, after what felt like a long time, she heard her papá speak.

“We’ll drop all charges. I promise.”

“I don’t care what you do,” de la Cruz said dully. “There is nothing you can give or do that could possibly--”

“It would mean the world to Cheque,” Coco said quietly. “He cares for Socorro too much to see her die, even to keep her with him. And she refused to go anywhere until she knew he’d be safe. He is safe now, but he will never forgive himself, or you,  if Socorro dies tonight.”

That caused de la Cruz to flinch, if just barely, and his eyes flickered back to Coco, to the petal she was holding. She found his gaze, and held it. “I waited and waited for my father to return to me, and all along he was trapped here. If Socorro doesn’t get a blessing, her parents will wait for their whole lives, too.”

“I’m not responsible for her--”

“You never let my papá come home,” Coco cut him off. “I won’t ask how could you do a such thing. That cannot be changed either way. But if you were ever his friend at all, let her go home now.”

Ernesto de la Cruz worked his jaw as though to say something, but no word left him. In the end, he turned away from both of them and let out a long breath, shoulders dropping. He said nothing, gaze low, and just held out his hand. Coco smiled, relief making her feel so much lighter all of a sudden.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, and placed the petal on his palm. He stared at it and his fingers twitched; for an instant she feared he was about to crush it - even later, she wouldn’t be able to shake off the feeling he’d at least thought about it - but instead his hand closed around it slowly, his grip slack enough not to damage it.

“Let’s get this over with,” he said, his voice tight. “Before I change my mind.”

The sigh of relief that left her papá was so loud, Coco could almost believe it could be heard across the Land of the Dead. He opened his mouth to say something - to thank him, maybe? He was so relieved he just might - but before he could, someone else spoke up.

“Well well well, isn’t this cute. I feel almost sorry for intruding.”

The voice was sudden and unexpected, but not new. Coco turned to see the same woman they’d met earlier standing before them, one of the men - the big one - by her side and, most worrying of all, a pistol in her hand. It looked very antiquated, but it might just work well enough to shatter someone’s skull. Namely, de la Cruz’s: it was him the mouth of the pistol was aimed at.

“Anita, please, don’t,” her papá spoke up, a note of urgency in his voice. “Socorro - my great-great-granddaughter, she--”

“Needs his blessing, yes,” was the almost bored reply. “I’ve heard enough to gather that much and, unlike someone I will not be naming, I draw the line at trapping living kids in the Land of the Dead. Give me some credit there,” she said, although she did not lower the gun. “He can go and give the blessing. Then we’ll take him to the police.”

“We are going to drop the charges against him, Anita.”

A shrug. “A stupid move if you ask to me, but go right ahead. I’ll have cashed in the reward anyway. Whether he stays locked up or walks right out will make no difference to me,” she replied. Her gaze moved to de la Cruz, and turned colder. “I can’t promise I’ll hand you over in one piece. Is there a bone you don’t mind me breaking too much? Asking for a frien--”

“Can you promise me you won’t harm him? As a personal favor?” her papá blurted out, taking a step forward. It didn’t surprise Coco in the slightest, but it did gain him a stunned look from de la Cruz. The woman raised an eyebrow, but didn’t look quite as taken aback.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re ridiculously sentimental?”

“Plenty of people, several times,” her papá replied with a small grin. “So… you take him, no problem, but hand him over in one piece. Por favor?”

Anita rolled her eyes, then sighed. She had no reason to promise them a thing, Coco knew, and it came as a small relief when she did. “Ah well. It wasn’t even him to drop that cage, after all - that was the little outlaw,” she muttered. “You have my word he won’t be harmed,” she added, causing the man standing next to her to snort, clearly displeased.

“Your word. Not mine,” he muttered, glaring at de la Cruz… only to wince when Anita turned, casually pointing the pistol straight at his skull.

“My word, yes. And what is that to you?” she asked, and the man hesitated for a moment before dropping his shoulders, as though conceding defeat.

“My command,” he grumbled, gaining himself a smile that looked even sincere.

“Good boy,” she said approvingly, and put the pistol back to her belt. “For the record, de la Cruz - if it were me you’d poisoned, each and every one of your bones would be snapped in two and in a separate block of concrete at the bottom of some canal right now. Just so you know.”

“Noted,” de la Cruz said dully, and added nothing more as they headed out of the alley, back to where the rest of the family was waiting.

***

Even though he was her best friend, Socorro knew very little about Cheque’s family - mostly because, really, he knew very little himself.

He didn’t know who his father was, he’d told her once, in a rare moment he felt like talking - well, writing - about it. He knew his mamá’s name had been Celia del Rio and that she’d had a much older half-brother called Bernardo who had left home when she was little, never to be seen again, because their mother had been ‘a control freak’. Celia had left too, once old enough, but she hadn’t done very well on her own.

He also knew that his abuela lived in a nearby town - he didn’t know which one - and he remembered, very vaguely, seeing her once, only weeks before being left in foster care. His mamá had tried to ask her to take him in, or so he assumed now. All he knew at the time was that the woman glaring down at him looked scary, with cold black eyes and a hard-set mouth. The only word he remembered her uttering at him - bastardo - had sounded like the crack of a whip, and she’d called his mamá a lot worse before she’d picked him up and left quickly, trying and failing to hold back tears. Ezequiel had never seen his grandmother again, and he hoped he never would. His fosterers were so much nicer, he’d added, and had never called him a bad name.  

Socorro couldn’t fault him for that and, after returning home, she’d given Abuelita the biggest hug. She’s asked her how could someone be so mean to her grandchild, too, and Abuelita had shaken her head.

“Not everyone is born in a family who deserves them, Coquito,” she’d said. “Good thing we’re looking after him, no?”

Her words rang even truer now that she knew a mean grandmother and an addicted mother were not even the worst to be found in Cheque’s family - that a murderer was in it, too. But that was all right because their family would still be looking after him, dead or alive.

“You don’t need to worry about a thing, chico,” Tía Rosita was repeating for what was probably the fourth time in a row, holding onto Cheque so tight it was a small wonder she hadn’t cracked a rib or two. Overall, he looked far more stunned than upset by the revelation. “We won’t let that man get anywhere near you again. And if he tries, I...I’ll sit on him!”

“Realistically, there is simply not a chance he would be allowed to be your legal guardian - next of kin or not,” Tía Victoria agreed, and Tío Óscar was nodded.

“Absolutely! And bureaucracy for adoption is a nightmare, but if we can speed things up…”

“... And we can, none of them will dare say no to our sister, you wait and see…”

Whatever he said next was lost to Socorro, because she’d turned her attention to Mamá Imelda, who was scowling at the entrance of the street her husband and daughter had disappeared into, pacing back and forth.

“I am going in,” she finally snapped, and Papá Julio tentatively held out his hand.

“We promised Coco we would wait--”

“You heard yelling, too! That was Héctor!”

“Yes, but he sounded angry, not in trouble,” Miguel pointed out. He looked worried, too, biting his lower lip bloody. “He and Mamá Coco are right, we… we just can’t risk it. Everything depends on de la Cruz now. He needs to be convinced. We should trust them--”

“Oh, I know how to convince him--!”

“I’m... pretty sure that wouldn’t count as convincing him,” Miguel said, and Mamá Imelda scoffed, conceding the point. Beside her Pepita growled, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Fine. Fine. We are giving them five more minutes, and then we--”

Her word were covered by a sudden roar, and Pepita rose to her feet, lurching forward. There was a cry, and they all turned to see that Papá Héctor and Mamá Coco were back… and that de la Cruz was with them, too, a scruffy wreck of a man who hardly looked like the man Socorro had seen in pictures and bits of old movies.

He’d stumbled back when Pepita had roared and he was on the ground, trying to back away while looking at the giant winged jaguar with nothing short of pure terror, one arm up to shield his head. Pepita took a menacing step forward, or tried to: the next moment there was furious yapping and four tiny alebrijes moved like bolts of lighting, coming to stand between her and the cowering man, barking and growling and trying to nip at paws much larger than themselves to keep her away. That caused Pepita to rear back, blink, and look back at Mamá Imelda in clear confusion.

What do they think they’re doing?, that look clearly said. In other circumstances it might have even been funny, but Mamá Imelda clearly was not amused.

“Leave him be,” she said, instead, reaching to put a hand on her alebrije’s flank, and Pepita crouched down with a snort… although her eyes stayed fixed on de la Cruz, as did everyone else’s. “Your alebrijes understand what loyalty is, at least. You might want to learn a thing or two from them,” Mamá Imelda spoke coldly.

De la Cruz grunted, standing up with clear effort and entirely ignoring the helping hand Papá Héctor was holding out for him. He took a step forward, a hand pressing on his side, eyeing Pepita warily. “And you might want to keep that beast away from me if you want any blessing at all,” he snapped back, but he didn’t really sound that threatening. He looked like he could barely stand, and his glare gave in to surprise when his gaze paused on Miguel. “Wha-- you? What are you doing-- I’m not giving you a blessing!”

Miguel looked back at him, unimpressed. “No worries, I don’t need a blessing from you. I never did,” he pointed out, crossing his arms… then he smirked, an eyebrow raised. “You’re shorter than I remembered,” he added, leaning forward a little, and de la Cruz scowled. He wasn’t short, but still a good inch shorter than Miguel, and Socorro wondered how long ago was it that de la Cruz had tried to murder him.

With a sigh, Mamá Coco stepped forward. “Not now, dear. He agreed to give Socorro his blessing,” she said. “That’s what matters now.”

Had he really? Socorro could hardly believe it. She turned to glance at Cheque, who looked back at her with a look of pure relief on his face… until someone - the woman called Anita, what was she doing there? - spoke up.

“Ah, so you are the little bandito,” she muttered, walking closer and then crouching down. She peered at Cheque before laughing at his scowl. “Hah! Look at that angelic little face. No wonder you fell for it, Fabricio,” she added, causing the man who was with her to grumble.

Tía Rosita scowled, putting both hands on Cheque’s shoulders. “What do you want from him?” she demanded to know, clearly ready to wage war if needed, but Anita only shrugged.

“From him? Nothing,” she said, standing up. “His great-great-grandpa, on the other hand, will be coming with us as soon as he’s done with the blessing. Which had better happen now, really. Not much time left to sunrise,” she added, and turned back to de la Cruz. “If you want to pretend you’re a somewhat decent excuse of a human being, this is the moment to do it.”

De la Cruz shot another glare in Miguel’s general direction, then avoided to look at Papá Héctor at all, and reached into the pocket of his coat to pull out something - a marigold petal. He stared at it for a moment, and drew in a deep breath.

“There will be a condition,” he finally said, very quietly, causing Miguel to scowl. He opened his mouth to speak, but Mamá Imelda got there first, her voice seething with fury.

“We’ll be accepting no conditions from you, de la Cruz!” she spat, gaining herself an unimpressed look.

“Then you can get looking for someone else to give her a blessing in the next ten minutes,” he said, causing her to grind her teeth again, clearly wanting to hit him with her boot more than anything in the world. Beside her, Miguel had clenched his fists.

“What do you have in mind, you--” he began, only to pause when Papá Héctor put a hand on his shoulder and spoke, his voice quiet, before the situation could escalate.

“What kind of condition, Ernesto?”

De la Cruz stared at him for a moment, then he turned without replying, and his gaze found Socorro. He walked up to her, no more than a few steps, and knelt, holding the petal out.

“Socorro. I give you my blessing to go home,” he began. Before Socorro’s eyes, the petal began glowing. Around her, her family waited with baited breath… and de la Cruz’s eyes moved away from her  face. He turned to his right where Cheque was, Tía Rosita’s hands resting protectively on both of his shoulders. “And to… to always put Ezequiel’s photo up on your ofrenda,” he added, causing the petal to grow brighter.

There was a huge, collective sigh of relief and maybe a couple of noises of surprise, but Socorro hardly heard any of it. She blinked at de la Cruz, taken aback. “That’s it?” she found herself saying, and smiled before turning back to look at Cheque. He looked surprised, too, and was staring at de la Cruz like he was growing a second head. Still, when Socorro spoke again, he turned to her. “Of course I will. His photo is already on our ofrenda and it will be there every year,” she promised, and Cheque smiled back at her before his gaze paused on de la Cruz… and his face went blank, that scary blankness she had seen once before.

For a moment he and de la Cruz just stared at each other, no expression showing on either of their faces and suddenly, for the very first time, Socorro could see the resemblance. It was somewhat eerie because she hadn’t thought at all they looked alike until that one moment, but she had no time to feel uncomfortable about it. Cheque reached into his pocket to pull out something - the pen he’d taken from the clerk’s desk, only hours and yet an eternity earlier - and began clicking fast, his eyes moving to Socorro.

It was a short message in the morse-ish code they had come up with together, one meant for her ears only: a request.

Can you make an ofrenda for him, too?

It wasn’t a request Socorro had expected, no more than she’d expected de la Cruz’s own, but it was just as easy to comply with, so she nodded and smiled at Cheque again. After all, Miguel had set up a secret ofrenda for him before. She could do that, too. “Sure. Will do!” she promised, then, “You… you come see me next year,” she added, and Cheque nodded.

It hurt to say that, because a year felt like such a long time, and in that time she’d grow older and he never would. Soon she’d be older than he ever got to be, then she would become an adult, and then old, and he would forever stay her childhood friend. It wasn’t fair, because they were supposed to grow up together. He was supposed to hit that growth spurt and get taller than her, and she was supposed to act all annoyed about it.

There were so many things they had wanted to do, but there was nothing she could do to bring him back; Tío Óscar - or was it Tío Felipe? - had told her that the dead who lingered in the Land of the Living after Día de los Muertos would turn to dust, never to be seen again, and she didn’t want that to happen. At least now she knew that they could make up for the lost time someday, once she crossed over to the other side.

They would look funny together, even more than Mamá Coco and Papá Héctor acting like father and daughter with her looking so much older, and the thought made her smile a bit.

They’ll look after him. He’ll be okay. I can go.

Biting her lower lip, Socorro turned to de la Cruz. He was still staring at Cheque, his eyes somewhat empty, but he blinked when she spoke again.

“I should kick you real hard for trying to hurt Miguel,” she said, scowling, and she had a half idea to do just that - but Miguel began to frantically shake his head behind de la Cruz, and she rolled her eyes. Right, fair enough. No kicking the guy who was supposed to send her home. “But I won’t,” she conceded. “So… thanks for sending me back, I guess.”

Ernesto de la Cruz stared at her for a moment, as though wondering how she’d come to be there, and then scowled. “I absolutely loathe you and your entire family, and if I had anything to gain from your death I’d crush this petal right now,” he informed her, but he sounded more tired than anything else. He held out the petal to her, and looked away. “Just take it and get out of my sight.”

Sheesh, talk about grumpy. Socorro glared back for a moment, but decided not to retort and looked at her family. She smiled, and they all smiled back; Miguel had a hand on Mamá Coco’s shoulder, and she was covering that hand with her own.

“I’m happy I met you. Can’t wait to see you again and drive you crazy all the time,” she told them, and her smile turned in a grin when she looked at Miguel. “See you on the other side?”

Miguel grinned back. “I’ll be right after you so you can resume driving me crazy right away, every day, until I die.”

“Have a safe journey back, Coquito!”

“We’ll see you next year!”

“And give Elena a hug from me, will you?”

Socorro nodded, and her gaze paused on Cheque again. He was huddled against Tía Rosita’s side, and he nodded at her. Next year, he mouthed, and she grinned despite the fact her vision was starting to get all blurry.

Next year.

One last look at him, at all of them, and Socorro reached for the petal with skeletal fingers before she could cry. There were petals where everywhere, and then she was falling.

Socorro Rivera opened her eyes to see the last few fading stars in the sky above, a cracked whiteboard on the ground beside her.

***

[Back to Part 11]

[On to Part 13]

[brightlytae]

angel, awe, baby, blossom, blush, bright, calm, cozy, cupcake, cute, cutie pie, daylight, dear, doll, dreams, euphoric, fairy, gem, giggles, heart, honey, hunnybunch, kitty, ladybug, love, magic, moonlight, munchkin, paddywack, precious, pretty, prince, princess, pumpkin, rainbow, smitten, snuggle, starlight, soft, toot, treasure, whiffle, whiskers, wiggly, and wispy.

angel: do you have a nickname? people normally just call me P, little P or Paoletta!

awe: How old are you? 21

baby: Fave colour? Purple and blue!

blossom: Favourite book/ movie/ song? book- The Princess Bride, movie- The Goonies, song- (ima stick to bts) Move, Spring day and Baepsae

blush: What was your stuffed animal as a child? I had this teddy bear called angel and I used to take her everywhere with me. I loved her so much seriously she was so soft and i used to buy little outfits for her and everything.

bright: Mermaids or fairies? damnnnnnn like a bitch loves both so much? Ima pick mermaids though just because im so attached to the sea and water in general.

calm: Favourite scent? vanilla!

cozy: eye/hair colour? I have green eyes and ashy blonde hair. Im naturally brunette though. 

cupcake: Favourite flower/plant? Lotus flowers, blossoms, cacti, money plants (this is what my famo call them so idk their actual name?)

cute: What did you get on your last birthday? LOTS OF FLOWERS! (i absolutely adore flowers), Jewelry to mark my 21st, money...

cutie pie: Most precious item you own? anything my grandparents have given me. My nonno bought me a vintage typewriter that i keep in my room that i love. 

daylight: Favourite album of all time? this is hard. the all time low weightless album is really special to me. The wicked broadway musical soundtrack too. Also the bts Young forever album has a very very special place in my heart.

dear: Zodiac sign? cancer!

doll: How do you like to dress? I wear a lot of jumpers, a lot of oversized clothes, and like loads of culottes- wide flare pants or dungarees. I tend to tuck my jumpers in to high waist jeans (If im wearing jeans they will always be high waist), or skirts. Also long flowy patterned dresses. My wardrobe is pretty made up of long flowy dresses. I also either wear all black or i live in very vibrant patterns- its one or the other! also i wear a lot of rings and earrings like all the time.

dreams: Do you want any tattoos? I want loadsssss of tattoos but just havent had the time to get any done yet!

euphoric: Talk about someone you love? My grandmother is the strongest, bravest most honest woman i have ever met. No one has so much love and care within their heart as this woman does. She is my everything. I go to her for everything and she will always listen to me, look after me and just be there when I need her. she is the type of person who will drop anything just to help someone out. She does so much for the people around her, she helps everyone no matter what. She’s been through so much in her life yet continues to power through and its really just inspirational to me. If i could give her the whole entire world, i would bc she deserves nothing less. 

fairy: Do you have a pet? I have a little doggo called rolo and he is just a sweet little old man who makes my heart melt. Honestly hes freaking precious and i dare anyone not to fall in love with him.

gem: who are your favourite tumblrs? I love a lot of bts based tumblrs but i feel sort of bad tagging them in this post coz its super long and im kinda shy ahahah. 

giggles: What is your aesthetic of choice?  i honestly dont even know? i dont really think i have one...

heart: silk or lace? ooof i think i look better in lace and i own more lace so...

honey: Coffee or tea? being italian living in england im so adjusted to both. Im a cappucino girl but i love tea. Both with milk and either 1 or 2 sugars depending on how im feeling.

hunnybunch: What sounds help you sleep? I actually sleep with earplugs in because i need like complete silence to sleep. The littlest sound and i stay awake!

kitty: Whats your favorite time of the day? I like the morning period from like 8:30-12:00 when i have nothing to do and can just send the time doing things i love!

ladybug: What’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad? when im sad i tend to listen to musicals. Like the Rent soundtrack is a big go to when im upset! musicals just generally evoke a lot of emotion out of me and that tends to make me feel better

love: Whats your favorite season and why? SPRING! (I actually really love all the seasons bc i think theres something relly beautiful about each one) but spring to me just feels bright? the weather starts to change, everything sort of shines, everything gets a bit more colourful and it always feels like a new start for me.

magic: what are five flaws you have?

I worry too much about everything all the time where i cant ever really enjoy myself

I struggle with my confidence a lot and tend to put myself down

I struggle to keep control of my life a lot

I dont think im great at meeting new people and i tend to give off a bad first impression

I overthink so much to the point where i can obsess for days over the tiniest detail.

moonlight:do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks? when i think about my wardrobe its literally a mix of all three. cool darks maybe?

munchkin: what do you look for in a significant other? really i just want someone who is kind-hearted, passionate, shares my interests and makes me smile.

paddywack: How would you describe a perfect date? i think its less about where i am and more about how i feel. A perfect date would be one where i cant contain my smile because the person i am with makes me feel so happy, where i cant help but blush every time my date looks at me because their eyes seem to twinkle and show me that they like me too. A perfect date would be one where theres never ending discussions and conversations, where i laugh so loud at something my date said, or they listen to every single word of what ive said and i can tell the were listening. I want to feel comfortable and secure, like my date wants to be with me.

precious: What is something valuable that you learned in your life? Someone elses success, is not your failure.

pretty: Do you like to cook or bake more? I honestly love to do both but baking is a big hobby of mine!

prince: How would you describe you handwriting? always changing, normally cursive, slants to one side

princess:do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play? I used to play piano. I’d love to play the guitar and also the harp would be super cool to learn

pumpkin: favorite fruit/veg? i love watermelon!!!!!! my fave veg is either broccoli, or brussel sprouts

rainbow: what was the last line of the last book you read? “always dancing in the sun. yes. yes. yes”

smitten: do you collect anything? Theater playbills, concert/show tickets, i take and collect polaroids and i also have a small collection of beach rocks and VW camper vans.

snuggle: what is your favorite candy? does chocolate count as candy?

starlight: What was your favorite show as a child? RECESS

soft: describe your favourite spot in your house? white walls decorates with lights, polaroids and patterned flags, anti war posters, a pinboard full of art, a whiteboard full of ‘to-dos’, plants, photoframes, ornaments, a flamingo, books upon books, a television nd the comfiest bed in the world...

toot: What is something you find unique about yourself? I think that i think in quite a unique way. I kind of talk and deduce and speak in a way that i dont think some people always understand.

treasure: What was something that made you smile today? I had dinner with my sisters and their boyfriends and i smiled a lot as we sat and talked. It was really nice.

whiffle: If you could have a magical power what would it be? Ive often wished i could read peoples minds or stop time. Maybe also heal people or change their state of emotion so they could always be happy. 

whiskers: Do you usually wear makeup? I love wearing make up and i find it kinda therapeutic to put on. I do tend to wear makeup everyday if im leaving the house.

wiggly: Are you a messy or tidy person? tidy. I love to clean, i love clean spaces, and i also love to organize.

wispy: do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older? my town is very cute and very lovely and as i grew up i dont think i ever truly appreciated how wonderful a town it is. That being said, with the dreams i have and the places i wanna go, my town is too small and i need to expand my horizons.

Thank you hun!!💜💜💜

[bethhxrmon]

All the ones that would be even 💖 Love youuu!

Love you too, mom!!!! 😘

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls? Ummmm neither, I kinda just use spotify and youtube whoops!

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets? Heck fricking yes!!!! I love it!

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? Ooof idk that I’m not gonna beat myself up for getting a B in AP Stats.

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again? It genuinely depends, most likely not tho. I’d probably slap him first for being a douchecanoe.

apricot drift; how do you feel right now? Pretty alright, still sick but not too terrible!

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now? Fruit. Just, give me all the fruit please and thanks.

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why? Literally today bc I was listening to the Legally Blonde soundtrack and one of the songs got me too hard today.

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream? Normally I just lick, but if I’m in a rush, you gotta do what you gotta do even if it hurts the teeth.

desert rose; do you like yourself? For the most part, yeah!

night owl; how many countries have you visited? Only the US, but I’ll get to go to France, the UK, and Spain soon so there’s that!

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? Idk, there was this one time last year when it was the last orchestra concert of the year. And I was playing while people were coming in. And I deadass played the Mii Channel music for a whole ten minutes. That was pretty wild for me.

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign? Scorpio!

daphne; do you believe in karma? Hmmm I think so.

wisteria; whom do you admire and why? If we’re talking people I know, then definitely my orchestra teacher bc she just does so much and works so hard. She deserves the freaking world.

remember me; did you make someone laugh today? I don’t think so, depends on if my chronic dumbassery entertained my friends today.

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit? I think it’d be fun to hang out in the 20s. Not for too long bc human rights, but I’d love to check it out.

primula; what makes you sad? Climate change lmao

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most? Almost definitely my all time best friend @gaypanda 

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life? Not really, I’ve just been doing what I can.

violet; favorite tv show? I really love The Good Place

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like? Waking up without an alarm, getting to be around people I enjoy, having coffee or tea with them, and just chilling.

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. I can’t find it verbatim, but that part in War and Peace when Sonya is hated on even though she’s done nothing wrong means a lot. Mostly because it pisses me off. Tolstoy is truly a little bitch.

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger? Usually older bc I’m the youngest in my grade.

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? In no particular order: Phantom of the Opera, The Body Project, The Color Purple, the entire Harry Potter series, and Turtles All the Way Down

magnolia; coffee or tea? Why not both???

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person? Cats. I just really love them, dogs are okay tho.

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? All the time!

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not? My parents, yeah, I don’t have any siblings.

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness? Hell yeah boi, got that good ol’ depression and anxiety that my parents don’t think I have oof.

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert? I think I’m both

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words. I am baby ( @spellboundcities will understand)

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color? Green eyes and blonde hair

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? The establishment, fam. Gotta stop that poverty and that climate change.

calendula; biggest pet peeve? When people say they “don’t believe” in something that literally exists?????? Like, how dumb can ya get tbh

blazing star; share a secret. Idk if this counts, but I totally threw my stand partner under the bus so I could be stand partners with one of my close friends bc he can actually play.

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? Right now, probably Elle Woods’, I know she’s fictional but she’s freaking great and it’s an inspiration when I gotta go to college all by myself and stuff.

nymphea; forest or river? Forest

pansy; do you like poetry? Yeah, it’s cool!