#kaz brekker x oc

[moonstruck-poet]

The Confrontation

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - three times where the Crows find you two in suspicious situations leading them to conspire and the fourth time when they learn the truth.

Warnings - Assault, Harrassment

1. Nina

"You ready?" Nina Zenik questioned, quickly giving the surroundings a scan before pinning her eyes on you. "The minute Kaz joins us, you have to leave".

You exhaled and nodded, trying your best not to wince at the obnoxiously tight corset and trying to breathe properly. "Was this the only available option?"

"Thr most suitable option," she corrected and smirked after looking at you.

"Stop checking me out when I'm literally struggling to breathe, Zenik. Remind me why is it not you instead of me? Saints know you're better at this," you grumbled and shivered as the cold hair brushed against your off shoulder gown.

"Because unfortunately I'm the Heartrender here, aren't I?" She grinned and you glared, understanding that this was quite amusing. "Ah! There's your ticket," she nodded towards Kaz who was stumbling his way towards you, slightly out of breath.

"Here it goes," you sighed, smoothing your outfit. Somehow this simply seemed a much difficult job that gutting someone in the right place. Using a knife was just easier.

Kaz, now much closer gave you a nod, his eyes glinting as he gripped his cane tightly and you understood. You merely smiled softly before shooting Nina a wink and entered the club, your eyes immediately narrowing down on the target.

Your brain was replaying all of the tricks that your dear friend had so graciously shown. You weren't dumb of course, you knew the basics but she had a degree in flirting.

And so you braced yourself and appeared in front of the man, trying to hide a cringe when his gaze instantly swept over your physique shamelessly. A small flame of anger burned internally and you would be sure to use your favorite dagger very soon.

Meanwhile Kaz and Nina were sneakily observing from the window while also keeping an eye on the environment.

"She seems to be getting the required information," Nina exclaimed but her smile soon fell upon seeing the scene. "Oh Saints no," she whispered and Kaz, who had his back to the window whipped around.

His dark, dangerous stare found you with ease and his body tensed at your uncomfortable face that you were trying so desperately to hide.

He saw the way that man pulled you closer with every passing second until you were pressed flat against him, his foul breath staining your bare shoulders as your body shook with contained fury.

His fingers skimmed your skin while his lips brushed against your cheek and all Kaz wanted to do in that moment was to stride inside and take you out of his grasp.

But he was still talking, his lips moved and so did yours. You were still trying to wrangle every little piece of information you could possibly get while also trying to keep yourself safe.

"Kaz," Nina said urgently upon seeing the malicious smile on the stranger's face. "That's enough she needs to come out".

"I can't do anything," he said bitterly. "It'll just give out our position and put everybody in danger and I cannot have that," he finished, hating every part of himself.

"I like you, sweetheart," your target whispered, his face inches away. His breath fanning you, reeking of alcohol. "I wish to see you again. Please?" He asked, his voice manipulative and he dragged his lips from your shoulder to your neck.

"Of course," you murmured back, your tone deadly which he didn't seem to notice. "You'll see me soon. Very soon indeed".

"Perfect," he grinned against your cheek before kissing the skin and you stepped back with a smile, not breaking eye contact until you exited the door.

And immediately your flirty facade shattered and your were consumed by a dark energy as you rounded the corner, your pace increasing with every step.

"Oh Saints," Nina said as soon as you reached the meeting spot. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am," you teased, a wicked smile but Kaz wasn't fooled, not at all.

He looked at you, trying to pick up every noticeable change and he sae many. The twitch of your eyebrow, the small frown appearing on your lips which was quickly replaced with a grin and the slight shudder of your shoulders.

He didn't think of anything at all as he removed his coat. "Here," he offered, his dark brown eyes burning into yours.

"It's okay, Kaz, I'm alright-"

"-Take it," he said firmly and when you didn't move, he put it over your shoulders and you almost sighed at the warmth. His touch was so gentle, so secure, a constrast to the emotions plaguing you moments before. "Are you okay?" He asked again.

"I want to go home," was all you could reply as you looked longingly at him, hoping that your eyes were enough to convey all of your feelings. "Please".

Kaz nodded, looking down as pain struck his chest. He could handle numerous difficult situations, but when it concerned you, he was always vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly, his voice barely heard as he scanned your face, having an intense urge to place his palm on your cheek but the mere thought made him flinch. However he remained rooted to the spot, not backing away because he knew that you needed him at the present, and he wasn't leaving you.

Someone cleared her throat and that was what made him pull away.

"Extremely sorry but we have to move," she said softly and he nodded, his jaw clenching as he gave you one last, tender look before walking away.

The two of you followed and you clutched the coat around you tightly, a small smile threatening to break out on your face as you replayed the interaction with your dearest.

Meanwhile the Grisha was observing her friends quite eagerly, her eyes switching from one to the other. She had her suspicions from the minute she saw Kaz's panic-stricken face, and then the said person lending his coat confirmed it.

She saw his face contorting in sadness upon seeing your highly uneasy figure back at the club, saw the way his fingers fidgeted constantly because he felt helpless. In conclusion, she saw him lose control.

Kaz Brekker never lost control.

She should feel guilty for using her abilities on her boss, but how could she not? When a particular heart was thudding unbelievably as soon as his eyes fell onto someone else's. The beating had only seemed to intensify when he had put his coat around your shoulders.

The trip to the Crow Club was spent in silence. Everyone's mind being occupied by very different thoughts.

"There you are!" Jesper's cheery voice snapped them from their daydream. He slowly jogged over to you, excitement evident on his features. "Want to play a round of cards?"

All you gave him was a small, forced smile. He just looked so happy and you didn't want to be that person, "Let's go then".

"You don't have to," Kaz suddenly spoke making everyone stare in surprise.

"It's fine," you replied but he still gave you that look. The one where his eyes were just a tiny bit wide, eyebrows slightly raised to wordlessly ask if you were sure.

You nodded offering him a twitch of your lips before joining Jesper, Wylan and Inej at the table, helping yourself to some bread.

Nina had of course watched this soundless interaction quite seriously, and now she had some very interesting points that would definitely be shared with the other Crows; minus you two obviously.

"Now this seems fun," she said to herself, smirking at the way Dirtyhands had his eyes glued to you the entire time.

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2. Wylan & Matthias

Having a lazy day at the barrel was something that happened once in a blue moon, because Mr Brekker made sure to always keep everyone on their toes. Today was one of those rarest days that the Crows actually had no job and so naturally they were lazing around in the club.

Jesper and Nina were gossiping, holding a small muffin in their hands as they whispered amongst themselves, probably sharing the headlines of all that had happened in the Barrel.

"You're sure? Our Kaz? Kaz Brekker losing control like that?" Jesper asked, double checking to make sure they were talking about the same person.

"Yes Jesper!" Nina sighed. "His heartbeat seemed to skyrocket the minute his eyes fell on her. I wss actually worried that he might have a cardiac arrest or something.

"Djel help me," Matthias muttered. "She's too good for him to ever say yes".

"Oh come on," Nina insisted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "They're made for each other!"

"I don't know about that but they do make quite a pair," Inej added, her face screwed up in concentration.

"There's definitely something going on," Wylan whispered, putting on his scheming face as he analysed his thoughts.

Meanwhile Nina was now feeding another round of conversation to her gossip partner who was enjoying it very much indeed.

"No way he went over to the Dime Lions!" Jesper exclaimed mid-bite, his mouth opening as he registered the statement.

"He did indeed Jes," you walked down the stairs interrupting their conversation. "Rumour had it that he was paid handsomely as well".

"Of course he was," the gunslinger snorted before shaking his head.

"Where were you?" Nina asked, her eyebrow raised in question and all four heads turned to hear your answer.

"Kaz's office," you said and sat down on one of the couch, not noticing the small smirks painted on everybody's faces.

"What's he doing in there anyway?" Inej asked, having sharpened her knives and taking yours making you shoot her a highly grateful look.

But before you could reply, the said person called from from above, "Love! Have you seen that Kerch document that I had shown you? Where did you keep it?"

Silence. Complete and utter silence followed his statement as the Crows glanced at each other, their expressions the epitome of flabbergasted.

"Check in your bottom right drawer!" You shouted unaware, standing right below the floor so your voice could be heard better. "I've kept it along with other related files".

The minute you went back to your previous seat, you felt eyes staring at every inch of your face making you suddenly look up. "What the hell?" You asked, being startled at seeing every gaze pinned towards you.

"Did he just-" Jesper began but Wylan elbowed him harshly.

"Nothing," he answered sweetly, ignoring the sharp glare thrown his way. "How about we go visit the marketplace? You said you'd show me some firing powders".

"Yeah let's go," you nodded, putting your gun in the holster and donning a black leather jacket over your shirt. "Anybody need anything? I'm not going to get you fruit loops, Jesper," you narrowed your eyes before the boy could even utter a word.

"But you told me that-"

"But you also happened to have eaten three packets yesterday. So no. Absolutely not".

Inej and Nina snickered at the banter which was surely an everyday occurence. Jesper always being the hopeless little kid and you unintentionally acting like his older sister.

The said boy was looking at you with wide eyes and a small pout and you groaned in exasperation. "Fine! I'll get you some stop looking at me like that!"

"I love you so much," he grinned and shot a wink your way.

"Whom do you love?" Kaz Brekker asked, walking down the stairs and towards him with a raised eyebrow. Everybody fell silent at his impeccable timing to arive during the most unwelcoming moments.

"Her of course!" Nina butted in, pointing towards you before Jesper could reply and Matthiss noticed the way the Demjin's face contorted and tightened.

Kaz shot the Zemeni a small glare, not knowing himself that he was actually doing it before turning to look at you and all of the other crows saw the way his gaze softened considerably.

"Should we leave then?" Wylan broke the silence and tugged at your sleeve and your attention snapped to him.

"Yes yes let's leave," you followed him, almost at the door when Kaz called your name and you halted. "What's wrong? You need anything?" You questioned softly as he walked closer.

"You forgot this," he merely said and handed you a necklace that you had forgotten on his desk. It was only Wylan who actually saw the pendant and his mouth hung open.

You took it from his hands, fingers gently brushing against his gloved ones and he instantly felt a small amount of warmth seep into his very soul.

You lit a spark with only your touch.

You ignited him.

"Thank you," you smiled and quickly clasped it around your neck, tucking it inside your shirt so it would be hidden from privy eyes. "See you later, yeah?"

He nodded, hands tightening on his cane as he watched you leave. He never got round to telling you that he had wanted to spend this day with you and you only. But unfortunately you had plans and so he remained silent. Not wanting to be a hindrance.

He couldn't even remember the last time he had spent some quality time with you. Being too busy finding new deals and searching for missions that he couldn't properly acknowledge the best thing in his life.

When did he last take you out somewhere except for sneaking around to gather valuable information? You loved having hot chocolate late at night, when had he ever bought it for you despite knowing that the drink was your favorite?

You deserved so much better, his mind kept telling him. He couldn't even bring himself to give you the comforting touches that he knew you longed for. You never said a word but he saw it in your eyes. Whenever a plan had gone too complicated and particularly difficult, all you needed was a good embrace. But he could only ever bring himself to hold your hand. Nothing more.

And he hated himself for it. Despised every inch of his self because of his inability to provide for you. It killed him inside.

You were lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. And he was twisted, crooked, wrong but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for you.

He was so lost in his thoughts that his sharp instincts failed to notice the stares that were currently burning holes in his face. "What?" He snapped and was on his way back to his bedroom when they stopped him.

"Goodness Kaz you actually look sad," Nina concluded, fighting the smirk that was quick to spread on her face.

"I have no reason to be upset," he rolled his eyes and started climbing the stairs slowly, his leg throbbing with slight pain.

"Wylan's right," Matthias said lowly. "The demjin is infatuated".

Wylan on the other hand was busy geeking over the chemicals that were presented in front of him. "How did I never know about this!" He said in delight and you chucklef at the way his eyes lighted up. "These are so much cheaper too".

"Get whatever you want," you squeezed his shoulder and he nearly jumped in excitement. "I'll just quickly go and get something from that shop, yeah?"

He nodded and you crossed the street to enter the clothing shop, smiling to yourself upon seeing beautiful coats lining the walls.

"Can I see some black shirts and vests, please?" You requested the man who nodded and placed numerous boxes on the table. "I'll take these three," you smiled, selecting two dark grey shirts and a gorgeous black vest that you knew would suit your man well.

"Oh hey! Didn't see you coming in".

Wylan simply laughed and examined the clothes that were being folded neatly and transferred in a bag. "For you?"

"Oh no," you shook your head and paid the kruge, it was a little expensive but it's fine. You could give him a gift every now and then. "It's for Kaz".

His eyes widened in surprise just a tiny bit and his lips stretched wide as the two of you exited the store. But then he suddenly grabbed your hand and pulled you towards an artefacts shop.

"How would this look on Jesper?" He said and pointed at a hat which was exactly what the gunslinger preferred.

"Absolutely perfect".

"Hey take a look at this," he directed your attention towards a few bracelets kept neatly in a box, making sure to keep his trained on you to pick up on every little change.

Your hand instinctively flew towards a handmade one woven with black thread. It was quite simple but had an intricate design. You loved it immediately and wasted no time in purchasing the little present.

"Let's go?" You asked, almost forgetting for a moment that you weren't alone. While the boy had his arms crossed and a knowing smile on his face as he followed your lead. Having an intense conversation with himself in his head.

It was almost night when you entered the Slat again and two of the Crows were lounging in the basement itself with the exception of Inej and Nina.

"I'll be back in a few," you whispered to Matthias who nodded and you climbed up thr stairs, eagerly wanting to give Kaz the gifts you had brought.

He waited until the sound of a door closing was heard before looking at Wylan who had a cheeky grin on his face.

===============================

3. Inej & Jesper

"Look at his hand!" Matthias whispered under his breath and nudged Wylan whose eyes shot towards Kaz Brekker. And indeed, a black bracelet was clasped onto his left wrist. Not that noticeable but nowadays nothing could ever escape their sharp stare.

"I've never ever seen him wear anything synonymous to jewellery," Matthias muttered and passed the message to Nina who perked up with a bright grin, as though struck by an inspiration.

"Watch me," was all she said and the the two boys glanced ahead in apprehension as she neared your location and bumped into you quite harshly.

"Saints!" A small shout escaped your lips as you were thrown backwards onto Kaz who was right behind you.

"Goodness I'm so sorry," Nina immediately apologised, not being sorry in the least as she rather scanned the couple's reaction.

Your back was pressed against Kaz's chest while his gloved hand, the one wearing a bracelet was wrapped securely around your waist, holding you against him. You placed your palm on top of his in reassurance, and your heart started taking up its pace.

"You okay?" He murmured in your ear and helped you stand up straight as you nodded; and he shot a deathly glare towards the heartrender, who gave a grin and sashayed her way back to the boys.

"I'm fine, thank you for that," you whispered before returning to the documents that were scattered on the table.

"You saw that?" She joined the duo with an excited expression, her hands flapping in front of her. "He didn't even flinch at her touch! It was almost like-"

"Like he's used to it!" Wylan completed her sentence and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Usually he'll push the person off for even invading his personal space, much less someone actually falling on him," Matthias added and she agreed.

"Ghezen this is going much better than I expected. Fifty kruge that they're already together since the past few months".

"Oh yeah?" Jesper interrupted the conversation with the biggest smirk on his face as he sat down, joined by Inej who was shaking her head with a smile. "Hundred kruge says that they've been married already".

"You do know that you're horrible at betting, don't you?" Matthias asked, raising an eyebrow at the large sum.

"But I think Jes is right on this one," Inej supported him making the said person's grin widen if that was even possible.

"What's making you so sure?" Wylan asked, quite suspiciously.

"Let me ah- tell you a little something I saw," his brown eyes glinted as he recounted the miracle that he and Inej had seen.

Jesper was walking on his usual route that led him back to the Crow Club with the Wraith beside him. They had both finished their parts of the job and had met on their way home.

"You got some intel?" He asked, his eyes scanning the various treats that were covering the shelves of stalls.

"Nothing," she answered with a sigh. "It is the same. He comes in everyday sharp at 7 in the morning and leaves exactly at 5. There has been no change at all".

"I think I'm going insane," he suddenly whispered and stopped dead in his tracks making Inej tense up immediately as she looked around for any threat.

"What's wrong?"

"That- That's Kaz isn't it?" He questioned, unable to believe the words that were on their way through his mouth. "In a- a goddamn flower shop?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed lightly but her she too froze upon seeing a familiar figure standing merely a few metres away. "Saints that is Kaz!"

"Let's go," he nudged her and she hesitated, not really wanting to pry but curiosity certainly gets the better of everyone. They walked closer silently, hiding behind another store which gave them the perfect view.

And there he was, the bastard of the barrel holding a beautiful, red rose in his bare fingers. Yes, he did not have his gloves on. Something that was noticed by the two.

They saw as he paid the small amount of money and began trodding down the road, his cane held tightly in one hand and the rose was held in the other that was hidden behind his back.

"Breadcrumbs," Jesper smirked at her and she let out a laugh as the two followed their leader, becoming increasingly suspicious. They didn't have to wait for long as the person that they had expected arrived soon enough making the two Crows grin.

"Nina was right after all," Inej muttered as she watched you waving at Kaz to gain his attention and the spying people stepped closer, wanting to hear the conversation that would surely grant them something.

"Hey," they heard you whisper, sounding slightly breathless.

"Hi," Kaz replied and took a tiny step closer so that his shoes were touching yours making you bite your lip. "This is for you," he added and presented the rose, his eyes hungrily scanning yours for every little change that he itched to see.

And you rewarded him with the grin that he oh so loved. When your mouth fell open slightly in surprise before morphing slowly into a gorgeous and breathtaking smile.

"For me?" You asked despite yourself, gently taking the flower from his hand and twirling it in your fingers. "Are you sure?"

A small frown marked his face, "Of course I am. Why do you ask such a thing?"

"Is it not for someone else? Maybe a pretty girl that you're thinking of wooing to help you get whatever information that you need," you teased, your lips pressed together.

"Darling," was all he said. His voice low, deep as he stared intently into your eyes, tilting his head to look even deeper. "There is no one like you," he finished and let a small smile form on his hardened face.

Jesper who had been listening with every ounce of concentration had to slap his palm over his mouth to prevent a squeal from escaping his feeble clutches. It was only for Inej roughly smacking his arm and dragging him away that he managed to not give away their position.

"Hence proved," he concluded his story with his arms extended to the present crowd who were utterly and completely shocked.

"No way that actually happened," Matthias grumbled, muttering to himself while Nina looked like she'd just received all of the available waffles for free.

"I'm a genius," she laughed heartily and chugged down a shot of whiskey in celebration of her matchmaking skills.

"I'm so going to win that bet, Zenik".

"Don't count your pigeons before they're killed, Fahey. We can't be so sure that they're actually married".

"We have to ask them!" Wylan urged, sitting up straight and looking at them for their opinions.

"We will," Nina nodded firmly while the rest appeared unconvinced. "Tomorrow".

"Let's hope that we're not murdered in our beds later that night then," Jesper sighed but he too couldn't contain his excitement.

===============================

4. The Confrontation

"Kaz," Nina said in delight as soon as the man climbed down the last step.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day when you're actually looking happy to see me," he retorted making her roll her eyes.

"We need to talk," Jesper elaborated making him raise an eyebrow as he took in all of his Crows minus you and Inej sitting with their arms crossed and heads held high.

"Does it concern me?"

"Of course it does that's why we're asking!"

"Saints give me the strength," he muttered under his breath before looking at the lot. "Go on then I don't have all day".

That's when Inej entered the scene, dragging you along with her and making you stand next to Kaz. "What's going on?" You questioned, heavily confused and looking around for an answer.

"We need to ask you something," Wylan answered your request.

"I gathered just as much".

"Are you going to ask or not?" Kaz growled in annoyance, his patience running thin.

"We just wanted to know-"

"I've been wanting to ask-"

"We had a feeling that-"

They all began together but not one could complete their sentence until Jesper was the one to blurt it out.

"You're married?"

Kaz and you stood still, dumbstruck before visibly relaxing and you chuckled, "That was quicker than I expected".

"I don't think four years is quick, love," Kaz responded, his lips stretching just the slightest making the crowd explode.

"FOUR YEARS?!"

"YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY MARRIED!"

"WHEN DID YOU EVEN START DATING?!"

"HOW ON EARTH DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO PULL HER OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE??"

"Ask him about it," was all you said and sat down on a chair with a very obvious smile adorning your pleased face. Everybody fell silent at once and you knew you had said the right thing. Nobody sensible would ever dare to question Kaz.

Jesper glanced nervously at him, "Can I atleast see your ring? Just to you know, have some confirmation?"

You laughed and pulled the necklace out from under your shirt, revealing a thin but elegant silver band encrusted with a small diamond at its center.

"K- Kaz?" Wylan asked, or rather pleaded.

To their surprise, he took off the glove of his right hand to reveal a similar ring resting beautifully against his pale fingers.

"Saints I win!" Jesper said in disbelief and stood up straight, slowly turning his head to look at Nina. "GIVE ME MY KRUGE!" And all watched as the girl slowly backed away, probably hatching an escape plan and ran swiftly with him hot on her heels.

"That was something huh?" You grinned and looked at your husband, slowly leaning over to intertwine your fingers with his.

"Quite," he huffed lightly but couldn't stay annoyed for long and alas, he too smiled. Not a particularly big one, rather a small, gentle twitch of his lips. One that was only ever displayed for you.

His eyes held the entire universe as he admired you from the side, looking at you as if you had hung those few stars that formed his constellation.

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Taglist :-

@phoenix666stuff

[petertingle-yipyip]

GUILTY AS SIN - KAZ BREKKER

//don’t ask me what this is dawg, i thought of it forever ago and wrote it half asleep and threw on an ending. leave me alone//

Pairing: Kaz x Crow!Reader

Word Count: 2,119

Summary: The little Songbird. A silly nickname for the Crow that likes to sing at the Club. When debuting a very personal, very specific song, the muse of that song - who isn’t supposed to know - is intrigued by the performance.

You were seated at the piano bench with Wylan while Jesper was bleeding fabric of color on the floor. You tapped your pencil against the notepad in your lap while Wylan played the same chords on the piano.

“I can’t get this chorus!” You groaned.

“What’s this song about? That Merchant’s son?” Jesper asked idly and you had to resist throwing your pencil at him.

“No, she’s writing about Kaz.” Wylan answered.

You whacked his arm with the notepad and he laughed.

“Just play the notes again.” You grumbled.

He was right, of course. Everyone knew of your crush on Kaz. It had started when you were younger and you figured you’d grow out of it. His cruelty seemed to guarantee it, yet he was kind enough to you. He was a very confusing man, especially as he grew into the feared Barrel Boss.

But still, your heart yearned and who were you to deny it?

You let your crush exist, burning under your skin when he was around. When you met his eyes in the crowded Club, your pulse jumped. When you two were partnered for a job, your nerves were electrified. When he spoke to you, you melted. Oh Saints, were you in deep.

Wylan, with a grin still plastered on his face, began the notes. You hummed along, finding the general flow of syllables.

“What if he’s written mine on my upper thigh, only in my mind?” Your voice drifted with the music and Wylan nodded along.

“One slip and falling back into the hedge maze. Oh, what a way to die.” Jesper added from the floor.

“I keep recalling things we never did.”

“Messy top lip kiss.” Jesper teased. He was lucky your legs weren’t long enough to kick him past Wylan.

“How I long for our trysts.” Wylan continued and you pinched him, making him yelp.

“Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?” You finished then squealed in delight. “I like that!”

“You should be more honest though.” Jesper said, standing and leaning on the piano. Your brows furrowed and he grinned.

You suddenly regretted his input.

“You should say something about wanting to bed him.” He laughed and you stood calmly. Wylan leaned out of the way and let you fully whack Jesper on the arm.

The boys laughed and you shook your head with a smile as you jotted down the lyrics you all came up with. You worked through the next verse with them and started a bridge. You adjusted a few lines in the chorus when it rolled around a second time, then found your favorite line.

I choose you and me, religiously.

You has chosen to be at Kaz’s side every time, without fail. You wondered if he noticed, then doubted he paid that much attention.

Later that week, there were no upcoming jobs to prepare for. There was no fight to ready yourself for. There was hardly any opposition since Pekka Rollins disappeared. So you found yourself, and friends, falling into your usual downtime routines.

Nina and Matthias playfully argued about something trivial. Wylan and Jesper made nonsense bets with each other, occasionally roping in Nina and Matthias, that usually ended with owing the other a drink or some treat. Kaz was nowhere to be seen, which wasn’t entirely unusual.

And you took to the stage.

Wylan had done several copies of the music for the few members of the band you recruited. While they played, you sang and lightly danced. You captivated the crowd, watching the women giggle and exchange glances at your lyrics. It seemed like they all had their own versions of that special type of crush.

The lyric change for the second chorus came up and you watched Jesper’s reaction specifically.

“My bedsheets are ablaze. I’ve screamed his name. Building up like waves, crashing over my grave.”

Jesper nearly spit out his drink and you grinned.

The grin quickly fell away and your body went ice cold when you noticed who had slid into the booth with your friends.

Kaz Brekker.

“I choose you and me, religiously.”

You finished your song and curtised to your applauding crowd. You smiled kindly before you hopped off the stage. Jesper was whistling loudly and waving

you over but you shook your head. You hid behind your hand to make your way through the dense crowd, making yourself scarce for the rest of the night.

Finally, though unsure how, you made it back to your room. The laces of your bodice had felt suffocating tight all night after seeing Kaz so as soon as your door shut, you pulled at the ends and took a deep breath.

You had sang in front of Kaz before. He said you had talent the first time he heard, and he was the one who offered you the stage whenever you wanted it. But singing that song in front him felt like you were holding a large sign that said “IM IN LOVE WITH YOU” with a bright red arrow pointing to yourself.

What else was he to think?

I dream of cracking locks = Kaz.

Without ever touching his skin = Kaz.

Every single lyric felt like an allusion to Kaz and you felt

stupider than ever.

You changed into something to sleep in and had just gotten the flush to leave your skin when a quick knock sounded at your door. You groaned quietly and flopped back onto your bed when you called for them to enter. You folded your arms under your head and stared at the ceiling as they came in. The door shut gently behind them, then a few seconds later, the bed dipped with their weight as they sat near your feet.

“If you’ve come to gloat about your lyric suggestion, I’m going to shove you off with my foot.” You warned, assuming it was Jesper.

You were wrong.

“Is that how you welcome all your guests?” He asked and you bolted upright.

You nearly collided with him but he seemed unfazed.

“I was expecting Jesper.” You admitted.

“He was very excited about your lyrics.” He nodded. “You gave him quite the ego boost.”

You groaned and fell back against your mattress again.

“Why are you here?” You asked the ceiling.

“Your song…”

“My song.” You sighed, closing your eyes in embarrassment and to brace yourself for his berating. “It wasn’t something you were meant to hear.”

“I assumed as much when you practically ran from the Club stage.” He agreed, tapping his cane rhythmically against the floor.

“Yes, well, I don’t exactly enjoy being mortified.”

“Though I’m not sure why you ran from me.”

Did he really not put it together?

You sat up on your elbows and gave him a dumbfounded expression. You doubted Kaz Brekker couldn’t figure out the truth behind your song, so you decided you’d play dumb too. The Saints themselves wouldn’t be able

to get you to outright admit to that song being very much so about Kaz, so there’s no way he would get it out of you easily.

“That song was very vulnerable.” You carefully admitted, watching for a reaction but getting nothing. “You weren’t supposed to know.”

“Seemed like you wanted someone to know.”

“Not specifically.” You mumbled. “I blame Jesper and Wylan. They helped me write it and then convinced me to sing it…”

He nodded slightly and you let out a sigh. You pushed yourself to sit up and crossed your legs in front of you. Kaz shifted slightly and intently looked at your expression. You had both lips between your teeth with your brows raised, waiting for him to say something.

“Did you like the song, at least?” You finally asked.

The corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile. “I’ve never heard anything like it.”

You refrained from swatting him with your pillow. Instead, you huffed and rolled your eyes.

“You do realize that could be both insult and compliment, right?”

That half smile grew a little wider and that time, you did hit him with the pillow.

“Jackass.” You laughed and tucked your pillow into your lap.

“Tell me.” He said. “You said ‘there’s no such thing as bad thoughts.’ Did you write that line?”

You nodded. “My sister told me that when we were little, before she was recruited for the Second Army… I was struggling with my first crush and she said that it was okay to think things about people. It mainly mattered what I did with those thoughts.”

“And who do you have thoughts about now?” He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

You pursed your lips and looked down at your scrunched pillow in your lap. It was the perfect opportunity to tell him, you recognized that, but that would mean telling him. The weight of the secret coming off your shoulders was tempting, but the fear of losing your current relationship gripped your heart tightly.

You two didn’t have the same closeness as you did with Wylan or Jesper. You could tell those two anything. Often times you did. But you and Kaz had an unspoken understanding to watch the other’s back. You never feared walking the Barrel or pissing someone off - unusually unintentionally - because you knew Kaz was there for you. In turn, Kaz knew he could depend on you for your part of the job or just your support for his death defying plans.

You were the first to agree to the Ice Court and you two had been an unexpectedly natural pair ever since.

“A man that I'll never quite get over, I fear.” You answered vaguely. “But I doubt I’ll ever truly have.”

“Then he’s a fool.” He said honestly, but the look on his face told you he hadn’t meant to say it.

“No.” You smiled softly. “It’s just… different. He’s different and complicated. I’d choose him and I if I had the chance.”

You were ignoring the fact that you did, in fact, have the chance.

“Complicated…” Kaz repeated.

“Among other things. But that’s one of the things about him.” You looked at your hands rather than him. “He’s clever and caring, but in a ‘I’d rather yell at you for being reckless than tell you I care about your life’ kind of way. And he does these subtle things to show he pays attention and he listens, but if you ever bring it up to him, he’ll deny it. He’s tough to get through to, but if you mean something to him, Saints, he’d burn Ketterdam to the ground to protect you.”

“And you feel guilty having these feelings for him?”

You looked up at him. “Not exactly… It’s more about whether or not I should feel guilty for thinking of him like that.”

“Because you think it's unrequited?”

“I’m almost sure it is. I’ve never seen him have feelings for anyone, except one woman, and it’s not the same with me.” You shook your head sadly.

“Y/N.” He hesitated.

Your brows furrowed. You’d never seen Kaz hesitate.

“You alright, Kaz?” You reached a hand for his arm, a gesture you did with the rest of the Crows without hesitation, then thought the better of it. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re wrong.” He answered carefully.

That answer cleared up nothing.

“About why he treats you differently.” He continued while staring at his hands and you listened quietly, trying to figure out what on earth the man was talking about. “It’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s because he cares about you and that frightens him. Last time he cared about someone, he still lost her. He doesn’t want the same to happen with you.”

“What are you…” You trailed off. Then it hit you. “Oh.”

His hand landed on your leg.

“How did you know?” You asked, not knowing if you should be excited or embarrassed.

Probably both. Both felt right.

“You weren’t exactly subtle.” He joked and you picked up the pillow to whack him again. “And Jesper told me.”

“Saints, that man can run his mouth.” You complained. “I’m going to stop telling him things.”

“Am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?” Kaz repeated your lyrics to you. “To have these feelings about you? To have these thoughts about you?”

“Someone told me there’s no such thing as bad thoughts.” You smiled slightly at him.

It’d be a trial to date Kaz. You always figured it would be, considering his temper and violent tendencies and touch aversion. But the look in his eyes, open and pleading, had you immediately choosing to try.

I choose you and me, religiously. 

Your smile grew a little wider when you felt his finger moving against your leg. 

M-I-N-E

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

The way of the water

request: can i have some kaz x grisha!reader where she's a tidemaker and during a heist he falls into the water and she uses her powers to pull him out and helps him through a panic attack? hurt/comfort and preferably established relationship pls and thx

a/n I am so tired that I do not know what this is. And I really apologize if it is bad.

warning: drowning?, fear of water, not really played into his touch aversion.

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Kaz was convinced that you were simply his best investment. A quick and smart way of dealing with his fear of water. He had torn earth and sky. Put at least five bullets between different merchants' eyes before he found you locked in a glass tomb. For a moment, you looked repulsive to him. Floating in the water like a corpse. But then again, he remembered the gossip. The way the creature was forced into a trance. It had been the only way to drag you out of the village the salesman had raided once the word about your kind spread. Just you didn’t remind him of a creature...

“Unlock her," Kaz had muttered to Jasper, who had stood gaping like a fish himself, “and I don’t know... offer her water." Kaz had glanced one more time at you. “Very funny, boss," Jasper hissed. “You do know that she could bite my head off and drown me once I...", but Jasper was only met with a slam of the door.

The weeks that followed left Kaz both satisfied and frustrated. You had tried to run only five times in a span of two weeks. In an angry haze, Kaz had locked you against the staircase railing. Much to everyone’s displeasure. But then he only managed to sit in his office for an hour before he found himself reaching for his cane.

“Extend your leg," he muttered, watching as the droplets fell to the floor. Your angry eyes darted toward him. “Sometimes I’m glad you can’t move blood," he muttered under his breath. “Careful, maybe you don’t know all of my tricks," you huffed, pulling your chained leg beneath yourself. Kaz inhaled deeply. He needed you. There was no use in you if you just sulked.

“You do know that I wasn’t the one who brought you here. I saved you from a very bleak existence. You should be thankful," he said blankly. “My apologies; you want me to bow or kneel?”, you scowled back. “I don’t want to exploit you, I..." Kaz swallowed thickly. He hadn’t told anyone why he had been so close to obsessively looking for you. He was sure they had found their conclusions on their own. “I need your help," he finished.

Kaz watched as curiosity flicked in your gaze. He knew that you weren’t going to ask. You could very well just sit there for hours. “I don’t like... I have a complicated relationship with water." For some reason, Kaz was waiting for you to start laughing. Make a joke. But the expression on your face didn’t change. If anything, the harsh frown eased up. “It… I had to be near corpses during the plague”, Kaz pulled at the suit he was wearing as his throat slowly closed up with anxiety. But then, in a heartbeat, the air in the room shifted. The dripping of the leaks in the roof faded to nothing. Kaz lifted his head to assess the droplets turning to mist the moment they entered the room. Once he glanced back down, he found you standing with the chained leg extended to him. He held your gaze for a moment before nodding. A silent understanding taking shape between you both.

“It’s an easy job. Pick up the document and go." It had been a while since any job had come into Kaz’s view. One he would like to take on, at least. Until now. He needed that handbook, the new shipment trades, and the new substance that had leaked into the market. “Worst-case scenario, there’s a harbor," Kaz tapped onto the map. His eyes caught yours across the room. He had sworn to never involve you in the Six Crows business but caved in after watching you wilt into nothing for weeks. So now he just offered you the safest job he could find. To stand watch. To leave false trails. To watch his back if a big body of water was near.

“Fourth floor. You will go through here." Kaz quickly averted his gaze. “I will scale the outside wall." He could hear the sharp breath you had taken in. He knew why. The side wall was bordered by the edge of the dock. Kaz swallowed thickly and said, “Get me that fucking book," before folding the map up and showing it into the top drawer of the desk.

The salty water kissed your skin as you slowly walked into the waves. You knew that Kaz watched you from his spot. You could feel his eyes on you. It had been weird the last few months. Going from full terror to finding a strange family of sorts. Yet still, it was Kaz who intrigued you the most. It was unusual the relationship between you two. If you could even call it that. You rarely talked, but then it never felt like you had to. He understood. And when he wanted you to be there when he tried to overcome his fear of water, you would just linger there. Like a phantom touch. Guarding him. And then he would stand there looking at you for hours. Eyes pouring more than words could ever tell.

You are the one watching him now. Like a shadow. Crawling up the wall. Each move is calculated, each move is planned out. Covered by the waves crashing against the shore. It always bugged you in the moments when you couldn’t see him. When he was inside the building, outside of your sight. You couldn’t protect him there. Even if Jasper had told you time after time that it was you and all of them that needed saving from Kaz, not the other way around.

A loud bang sent your head shooting up to the balcony. Voices following through. Shouts. Glass braking. The light flickering on throughout the whole upper floor. One that was supposed to stay undisturbed. Your own heart picked up in pace. Then the dark coat appeared, swaying in the wind. Another figure leaped upfront. The two wrestle in the tight spaces. A loud snap. And there it was. The time stopped still as a flash of Kaz’s face eliminated by the moon glimpsed by right as his body was forced over the railing. You had barely managed to swallow his name while diving into the waves. Forcing your body to move as fast as possible.

The free fall felt short, but the impact of the water felt as if Kaz had been drowning for an eternity. He didn’t even realize that he was falling into the water. He was prepared for hard ground. But the panic that filled his body when he was submerged made him let out a gasp. Filling his lungs with salty water. Memories of the past clasped clammy hands all over him, dragging him deeper and deeper. The light from the moon fading away.

And then it’s as if he’s wrapped in an invisible net. Kaz blinks once, and it’s you there. Right in front of him. By some absolute stupidity, he tries to call out your name. Letting more water into his lungs. Your eyes grow big, and then your fingers are grasping for him. Kaz catches that apologetic expression on your face before you pull him closer to you. Lips crashing into his, and at once it feels as if his lungs don’t remember how to breathe or how to welcome that gust of oxygen. But he’s holding onto you regardless. Feeling the fear fade away until it all goes black.

“Look at me," you frantically tap at Kaz’s cheek. Breathing heavily. The very tips of the waves still kissing your legs. You didn’t have enough energy to pull you both out fully. Feet slipping beneath the wet sand. Making you fall over, with Kaz’s body following right with you. "Kaz," you press your ear against his chest, trying to listen for a heartbeat, but you’re too anxious and too shaky to distinguish anyway.

“Why aren’t you waking up? Wake up!" You whine in frustration, pressing your lips against his now-blue ones. A kiss from you had to be enough. Had to breathe him back to life. You couldn’t have been too late. Couldn’t have. And then Kaz jerks, sitting up in a rush, his pained coughs slipping past his lips. You don’t dare to touch him now. You know he doesn’t like it. You had already overstepped as it was, but now.

“What the fuck?", he hissed through clenched teeth, making you drop your gaze. “Are you out of your mind?”, Kaz was coughed once again. Now you could see a sharp gash in his forehead. Still leaking blood. Your fingers traced the wet sand. “I saved it," you muttered, handing him the book he had come for—one that fell alongside him into the water. Kaz rips it out of your grasp, throwing it to the side. His fingers wrap around your wrist. “Are you insane?”, he hisses, pulling you closer. “You could have gotten hurt; they could have very well shot at you." His words hit you like a blow, leaving you speechless as you glanced up at him.

“Your arm." You want to laugh at how insane this is. Had you too hit your heads? Why is he concerned with... “What happened to your hand?” Kaz demands, making you glance down at the torn flesh. He was too heavy for you to lift up the dock. You tried. Unfortunately, that resulted in you slipping, and since you were too afraid to let go of his body, your arm met the sharp edge of the hook that was left carelessly there.

The sound of the shirt being ripped makes you blink. And here he stands. Taring his shirt up before grasping your hand as he wraps it around. “Your head," you mutter, "You," "It’s a scuff," Kaz grunts, his fingers shaking the longer he touches you. You back away slightly, not wanting him to do something he’s uncomfortable with. But Kaz’s wild eyes meet yours, making you still. “Next time," he breathes out, “Next time, you swim away without looking back.”

He drops your arm, turning away from you. Brushing his shaky fingers through his messy hair. “There will be no next time," you mutter, making Kaz turn around so quickly it makes you jolt. “There will be no next time," you continue once again, “because I will be right there, right under, and you will never get to feel what drowning feels like." Your hands wrap into fists as angry tears roll down your face. Kaz shakes his head. “You silly girl," he huffs, stopping closer to you. Not daring to touch you, but enough to feel your body close. Enough to feel whatever that is left of both of your bodies's warmth bouncing off of each other. Kaz takes a deep breath, "I would rather drown over and over again than see you get hurt again.”

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Passing The Baton (Six of Crows One-Shot)

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader / requests are open and encouraged

Summary: To your knowledge, your crush on Kaz is unrequited. Apparently this is not the case.

CW: Kaz is dumb but we love him

SAB/SOC Tag List: (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Kaz ‘Dirtyhands’ Brekker. Bastard of The Barrel. Also- your unrequited love. Kaz had caught your eye just as he had caught everyone else’s. Everyone knew not to mess with the Dregs, and that was thanks to Kaz. Before he’d risen through the ranks of the club, the Dregs had been no one. Quite literally the dregs of society- and while, yes, that was where the name came from, it was quite the rise to fame as the Dregs started getting more and more popular, and more and more dangerous.

Even the Crow Club was starting to become a real pain in the other clubs’ asses. 

But Kaz? He’d fascinated you well before any of this. You’d been working at the Crow Club as a serving girl since before Kaz arrived. Not long, mind, but long enough before that you got to experience both sides of the Dregs’ fortune. 

Kaz hadn’t seemed to take much notice of you at first- and why would he? Weren’t you just another serving girl being groped by the drunk patrons? Anything to make a few Kruge. But he did take notice when you threatened to cut the balls off a patron when said patron got a little too handsy one day.

He’d taken you back into his office and thwacked his cane on the table hard enough to scratch the varnish and told you rather harshly to never do that again. To come to him next time there was an issue like that and he’d deal with it… discretely. 

What that had meant was clear only to Kaz, and that was fine by you. But that was when your little crush had really taken off. What could you say? You liked a bad boy. Someone who could handle his own and Kaz could definitely handle his own. Cane or no. 

Despite telling you off, Kaz had clearly taken note that you weren’t afraid to get your hands a little dirty either, something he had an appreciation and mutual respect for. And so you went from lowly serving girl to, well, still a serving girl, but a serving girl who also took jobs for Dirtyhands and worked with him to secure patronage for the club, and Kruge for his and your own pockets. And for Per Haskell’s pockets as well, you supposed. Lazy bastard. 

But you longed for more.

 

You longed for Kaz’s touch, for his lips on your skin. You longed for his affections as much as you longed for his approval. It was a dangerous combination.

As far as you could tell, he did not feel the same way. But then again, would you have ever known otherwise? Kaz kept his cards close to his chest- as he should. 

Today seemed different though. You’d barely made it back from a job and Kaz seemed… angry, to put it lightly. You had no idea why, though, considering you got what he wanted, and made it out alive, too. Win-win. 

Inej may have had to save you, but that was beside the point. 

“You need to be careful,” he said, mouth pursed angrily. “You can’t be making reckless choices and silly mistakes. This is The Barrel. I can’t afford mistakes.” 

You met his harsh gaze head-on and shoved the ledger he’d asked for into his chest with vigour. Kaz didn’t even break the gaze between you, just reached with one gloved hand to take the ledger off you. 

“I got what you wanted, didn’t I?” 

A muscle in Kaz’s jaw twinged. 

“That is not the point.” 

You let out an exasperated scoff, removing your hand from his chest with another soft shove. Surprisingly, Kaz lets the action move him. 

“Then what is the point?” You ask, frustration evident in your features. 

“The point is- oh, for Saints’ sake,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We could have lost you. I could have lost you.” 

Your eyebrows practically disappeared into your hairline. 

“You could have lost me…” you trail off, echoing his words, feeling them out for hidden meanings. 

“You’re a good investment. I don’t like to lose investments.” 

Oh. Okay. An investment. You should have known that that was all you were to him. That’s all you were ever going to be to Kaz no matter how much you wished differently. Ridiculous. 

“Of course,” you reply, turning to walk away. “Your investment needs a dri-hey!” 

Kaz’s gloved hand snatches at your forearm and yanks you back towards him. You re-balance yourself and glare at him, looking between the tight grip he has on your arm and his heated glare. 

“Stop,” he says before forcing his features to soften. “I’m not one for feelings.” He practically shudders through the word. “You’re more than that. An investment, I mean.” 

You stay quiet, not giving him anything to work with here, but you’re surprised he can’t hear the uptick in your heartbeat. 

“Look,” his grip loosens. “I don’t want to lose you. Purely selfish reasons. Not because you’re an investment, but-” Kaz clears his throat and avoids eye contact. “I care for your wellbeing.” 

It’s not an outright declaration of love, but it’s about as close to it as someone like Kaz would give. He’d bared his soul to you here. All the fractured, broken pieces of it. He’d bared his heart for you to treasure or smash into bitty little pieces. 

You sucked in a breath. 

“Are you saying you have feelings for me?” 

Kaz grunts and lets go of your arm. You brush your fingers over where he’d just touched you. 

“I suppose so, yes,” he said, eyes flitting to the door like he was thinking about making a run for it. 

“Don’t suppose it would interest you to know I felt the same way, would it?” 

And there it was. Passing the baton back to Kaz. Passing your heart in return for his. Now it was he who held the power to treasure or smash you into pieces. 

Kaz finally met your gaze, and his lips ticked up into a small smirk.

“Oh, I knew that.”

[that-one-ostrich-friend]

Young Love & Old Money

kaz brekker x reader - young love & old money

word count: 3k

summary: this is a kaz x fem!reader fic inspired by elizabeth gerardi’s song “young love & old money”

warnings: maybe angst? other than that none :)

a/n: this is my first fic to be published here so I hope you enjoy! my requests are open if you like my writing and have any fic suggestions <3

     It was an unnaturally sunny day in Ketterdam when Kaz saw her. She was sitting in a corner booth at one of Nina’s waffle places with Jesper at her side. He knew instantly who she was, y/n l/n, heir to the l/n fortune and daughter of y/f/n l/n. One could only wonder, what the hell was she doing with Jesper?

     “Kaz!” Jesper called him over and patted the area next to him. 

     Kaz found himself hesitating, eyes still on y/n. She had an air of elegance and vulnerability that captured him, but she lived in a gilded cage— one that even he could not break into.

     A wave from Jesper broke his trance. Y/n’s eyes met his, and he looked down as he took his place beside Jesper.

     “This,” Jesper began while motioning towards her, “is y/n. She’s a friend I met in my… uh… brief time at university.”

     Kaz nodded slightly in her direction. He didn’t want her attention. She came from a life he despised— people who were so rich they never felt pain and who had their tapestries of life woven from silk and gold. Compared to her, he was nothing but the scum that desperately tried to cling to the shoes of those walking on the streets.

     He looked up God, why did he look up? 

     Her face was turned towards him with nothing but warmth radiating from it. Her smile could rival the diamonds that surely covered her mother’s neck. 

     “It’s nice to meet you, Kaz,” her voice was soft, making his pulse quicken. “I would love to talk, but I have to return home.”

     Home. It was a word heavy with meaning. He could only imagine the luxurious estate she was bound to.

     “Oh, c’mon, just stay a little longer,” Jesper urged, leaning back into the cushioned booth.

     Her eyes met Kaz’s again, this time prompting Jesper to look between them. 

     “You should at least keep Kaz company while I order.”

     She looked down with a small smile that hid something else, mischief perhaps, “Only if he’ll have my company.”

     “I wouldn’t mind,” the words didn’t feel as though they came from him. His gaze was still fixed on her. 

     Jesper whistled as he stood, “I’ll be back.”

     They were left alone.

     Conversation flowed easily between them. The mood was light as she talked about Jesper and his escapades at university. He had lost track of how long ago Jesper had gone off to “order”. Kaz couldn’t complain; however, he felt a warmth spreading within him that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

     As the conversation died down and her voice melted away softly, he had a question begging to be answered. “Y/n?”

     Her eyes found his again, “Yes?”

     “Do you ever get tired of it?”

     Her smile faltered, “Tired of what?”

     He cleared his throat, carefully choosing his words, “The wealth, the expectations?”

     She sighed; it was a very slight sigh, almost unnoticeable, “It can be… tiring, having your whole life mapped out for you.”

     There it was. The cracks in her porcelain facade. She was trapped, consumed by a life of luxury, condemned. 

     Her eyes flicked to the window. The once bright sun was now setting over the dirty city. Jesper wasn’t coming back anytime soon.

     She stood up abruptly, “I really need to be getting home.” Her voice trailed off as they made eye contact once more. “I,” she hesitated as if asking permission to say what she was about to say, “I hope to see you soon, Kaz.” She offered him a genuine smile before walking out of the cafe.

     Kaz watched her leave, the door chiming softly behind her, and he felt an unexpected ache in his chest. Jesper returned later, laden with waffles and toppings, oblivious to the moment that had just passed.

     “Did you two hit it off?” Jesper grinned, sliding into the booth. “She’s a gem isn’t she?”

     Gem. She was a gem wasn’t she? A diamond in the rough of Ketterdam.

     Kaz composed himself to mask his deeper thoughts, “She’s… interesting.”

     “Interesting? More like enchanting! You should ask her out,” Jesper said, his mouth full of waffle “I mean, c’mon. Look at her. You’d be a fool not to.”

     Kaz shot him a look. There was too much risk getting involved with her. They were from completely different worlds, and she did not deserve to be dragged down to his.

     “Not a chance,” he said flatly. 

     Jesper rolled his eyes, “Your call, I guess. Just don’t let good things pass you by because you think you’re not good enough.”

     The thought lingered in Kaz’s mind, but he quickly brushed it aside. He had no business entertaining such fantasies. Yet, he couldn’t shake the image of her smile, the way her eyes sparkled with mischief.

     Days passed, each one heavy with the echo of their conversation. Kaz found himself wandering the streets of Ketterdam, searching for a glimpse of her. He could rationalize it all he wanted—curiosity, boredom—but deep down, he knew it was something more.

     One evening, as twilight cast a purple haze over the city, Kaz found himself at one of the docks, waiting to monitor a shipment. He leaned against a wooden post, watching the water ripple under the dim glow of lanterns when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

     “Fancy meeting you here.”

      He turned to see y/n, her silhouette framed by the fading light. The sight of her made his heart race. “What are you doing here?” he asked, feigning indifference.

      “Just out for a walk,” she replied, stepping closer.

     “Isn’t that what your estate’s garden is for?” he realized his tone was too harsh when she quickly looked away and shifted her feet. “I’m, uh, actually… it’s good to see you,” he tried to mend the situation and was met with her smile.

        They stood in comfortable silence, the distant sounds of Ketterdam buzzing around them. The world felt smaller in that moment, just the two of them sharing an unspoken understanding.

     She broke the silence, “Y’know, sometimes I wish I were you, Kaz.”

     “No you don’t,” his response was quick, without thought.

     She chuckled lightly, “Perhaps I phrased that wrong. I wish I were the idea of you. Someone with freedom.”

     Kaz looked at her sideways, “You don’t have freedom now?”

     “My parents run my life until I find a husband with deep pockets and strong connections to support me. A rich man’s jokes are always funny, right?” A hint of bitterness laced the honey that formed her smile. 

     He wanted to offer her something, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get involved. 

     He cleared his throat gruffly, “I need to document this delivery.”

     Her posture straightened out and she stepped back from him, “Right, I won’t keep you any longer.”

     Before she could walk away he called to her, “Y/n!”

     “Yes?”

     “I hope to see you again?”

     The only response he got was a small smile before she turned her back to him. Kaz watched her walk away, the distant sound of her footsteps fading into the hum of the docks. His heart raced, a mix of frustration and longing coiling within him. He could feel the weight of her unspoken words, the desire for freedom that echoed in her every glance.

     Days passed and he found himself haunted by thoughts of y/n. He had to maintain the walls that he had built around himself, but the more he saw her absence, the more it felt like an ache in his chest.

     One afternoon, as he sat at the bar, Jesper plopped down next to him. “You’re still brooding over her, aren’t you?” he said, smirking knowingly.

     Kaz glared at him, “I’m not brooding.”

     “Sure, keep telling yourself that. You’ve got it bad, my friend. Just ask her out already.”

     “I can’t,” Kaz replied, frustration bubbling over. It wasn’t that simple.

     “Maybe you’re exactly what she needs,” Jesper said, his tone serious for once. “You might just be the escape she’s looking for.”

     That night, Kaz lay awake, staring at the ceiling of his cramped room, Jesper's words replaying in his mind. He couldn’t shake the idea that y/n might be different, that perhaps she could understand the darkness he carried. And yet, the thought of pulling her into his world felt selfish.

     A few nights later, unable to resist any longer, Kaz found himself at a lavish charity gala hosted by y/n’s family. He had disguised himself well, opting for a simple dark suit that blended in with the shadows of the grand ballroom. The rich and influential were gathered, their laughter and chatter filling the air, but all Kaz could focus on was y/n.

     She looked stunning in a sapphire gown that shimmered in the candlelight, her laughter ringing like music amidst the crowd. For a moment, he simply watched her, captivated by the way she navigated her world with grace.

     As the night wore on, Kaz gathered the courage to approach her. She stood by a large window, gazing out at the city, her expression contemplative. He could feel the tension in the air as he stepped closer.

     “Y/n,” he said softly, and she turned, surprise lighting up her features.

     “Kaz! What are you doing here?” Her smile was radiant, yet her eyes betrayed a flicker of uncertainty as they looked around.

     He pulled back the cuff of his sleeve just enough to expose a few gold watches. 

     She gasped dramatically, “This is a charity gala! You dare steal?”

     He rolled his eyes and gestured around, “As if half of this would go to the poor anyways.”

     She opened her mouth to respond but was cut off as a woman’s voice called her name. 

     “Y/n!” A gloved hand grabbed her arm and pulled her away from him, “I have someone you need to meet.” 

     Kaz stood there, watching helplessly as y/n was swept into the throng of guests, her laughter fading into the background noise of the gala. He clenched his fists, frustration bubbling within him. He had finally worked up the courage to approach her, only to have their moment stolen away by the very life she was bound to.

     He turned his back on the ballroom, feeling the weight of the opulence around him—gold-plated chandeliers, laughter laced with insincerity, and the masked faces of the elite. He needed air. The exit beckoned, and he slipped outside, the cool night air hitting him like a balm.

     Leaning against a marble column, he forced himself to breathe, reminding himself why he had come to the gala in the first place. This world was not his. Y/n was not his. And yet, every time he tried to push her from his mind, she returned—her smile, her spark, the hint of rebellion in her eyes.

     Kaz decided to cut his losses here and return to the Crow Club for the night. As her name lingered in his mind, he found himself picking up a pen and writing a letter addressed to her.

     To his surprise, Kaz found a letter on his desk days later. The address was written in thin, elegant ink. 

     That’s how it happened. 

     Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.

      Kaz walked the familiar streets of Ketterdam, the letter from y/n clutched tightly in his hand. It had been months since they started corresponding, and each exchange deepened the bond between them. She wrote about her world—the endless soirées, the suffocating expectations, the empty laughter that filled grand halls. In turn, he shared snippets of his life, the thrill of a successful job, the camaraderie of his crew, the shadows he navigated daily.

     Yet despite the distance, their connection felt tangible, like a thin thread woven between two worlds. He often found himself wondering what it would be like if he could just step into her life for a moment, to experience the beauty of her laughter without the weight of her reality bearing down on them both.

     Today she had invited him to her estate for a walk in the garden. As he stood before the imposing doors, heart racing in anticipation, he couldn’t help but hesitate. What if she saw him as nothing more than a distraction? A fleeting moment of entertainment. He swallowed hard and knocked, the sound echoing in the silence.

     After what felt like an eternity, the door opened to reveal y/n, her face sparkling with joy. “Kaz!” her voice was a melody that wrapped around him. She softly stepped aside to let him in. 

     Kaz stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “We’ve spent months writing to each other. I was looking forward to seeing you in person.”

     As they walked through the lush gardens, the scent of blooming flowers mingled with the tension in the air. They talked about trivial things—flowers, the weather—but underneath it all, Kaz felt the weight of unspoken words pressing down.

     After a while, they found a secluded bench beneath a willow tree, its branches swaying gently. Kaz took a deep breath, his heart pounding. “Y/n, I need to tell you something.”

     Her eyes widened, and he could see the flicker of hope there, “What is it?”

      He leaned forward, searching for the right words, “These past months… I’ve come to care about you. More than I thought I could. You make me feel alive, like there’s more to life than just surviving. I wanted to ask you if you would—”

     But she interrupted him, her expression shifting to something more serious. “Kaz, wait. I—”

     “No, please,” he pressed, desperation creeping into his voice.

     But she looked away, her gaze fixed on the flowers blooming around them, and Kaz's heart sank. She didn’t need to explain the cause of her hesitation. 

     Silence enveloped them, heavy and suffocating. Kaz’s heart raced as he tried to find words, but nothing came. The moment stretched on, the weight of unfulfilled dreams and unspoken desires pressing down.

     Finally, he stood, the ache of rejection settling deep within him. “I’m sorry for putting you in this position,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

      “No!” She stood as well, “I just need some time, I promise. It’ll work out.”

     Everything in him urged him to turn away now, get out while he still could, but as he searched her face there was nothing but sincerity. Kaz's heart waged war with his mind. He couldn’t leave her.

     They continued to write letters until her’s gradually started to trickle away. He was left to relive their moments through her past writings.

     One day as he was doing his rounds in the club he spotted Jesper with a copy of the paper. The cover had a familiar face on the front, y/n. Kaz approached him and took the paper. Flipping through the pages.

     “Hey, I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Jesper tentatively tried to approach a conversation.

     Kaz didn’t look up. His heart felt heavy, the words from Jesper’s mouth barely registering. He’d been expecting this moment for weeks—no, months—but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

     “I’m going for a walk,” he stated simply.

     Kaz walked down the chilly roads of Ketterdam, the newspaper still clutched tightly in his hand. His cane hit the ground harder than it usually did, whether it was due to his anger or the cold, he did not know. Suddenly a very familiar voice called out of the blurry pedestrians.

     “Kaz?” He didn’t turn around, he couldn’t. “Kaz Brekker?” Ever so lightly a hand tapped his coat covered shoulder.

     He clenched his jaw but as her face came into view he could only whisper her name, “y/n.’’

     She smelled like wild flowers and smiled like she had stolen the sun, so beautiful, so out of place in this godforsaken city. However, clouds covered her smile when she saw the paper in his hand and for a very small moment she looked as though she belonged here. “You’ve heard the news I see.”

     “Congratulations,” something awful was in the back of his throat, he couldn’t look at her.

     “You know, Kaz, I almost called it off,” her voice trailed into nothingness and her hand reached out tentatively. 

     His eyes caught on the huge diamond that sat upon her finger and he scoffed, “Almost.” Her hand retracted but he wished it hadn’t. He wished for it to rest upon his chest while her lips were on his and their belongings were sprawled across the floor. Tears like acid pricked at the corners of his eyes but he blinked them away.

     “I meant what I said,” her cracking voice drew him from his thoughts, “I truly did.” She tilted her head to see his face, “Our lives are just… too different. We could never really be happy together, right? It all just seemed so much better because it was forbidden.”

     His lungs stopped working. He was in the middle of Ketterdam and fighting for control over his own body, but he wanted his body to win, he wanted to curl up and die. All he ever was to her was a forbidden fruit. With a forced and shaky breath he said, “Goodbye, y/n,” and he walked past her on unsteady feet. Every fiber in his being begged him to turn around, to go back to her.

     “I’ll never forget you, Kaz Brekker,” was that just his mind telling him what he wanted to hear? But he couldn’t turn around because if he did and she was there he wouldn't be able to leave. He would spend the rest of his life in that spot if it only meant he could be with the ghost of her memory.

     He forced himself to keep walking.

      Somewhere he lost the newspaper.

       He kept walking.

       And walking.

       She was gone.

[kasagia]

Bruises and scars

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem! tidemaker! reader Summary: Kaz Brekker believed he was too broken and bruised to ever count on you reciprocating his childish crush. You were a powerful Grisha, someone who wouldn't be content to be in a relationship with the human shell that he was. That's why he gives you the cold shoulder, that's why he avoids you like the water you wield so well, that's why he tried to drive you away after the day you confessed your feelings to him. Kaz Brekker couldn't love anyone. It would not be beneficial to either side. But Kaz Rietveld rises from the dead, reminding him of what it's like to feel unconditional, blind love. And he won't give up. Not until he gets his girl back... isn't it too late for that, though? Warning(s): Kaz and his trauma; violence; he's afraid of his feelings but loves the reader; generally Kazzle misses the reader; angst with fluff; I'm a sucker for happy endings, but the boy suffered WITHOUT HIS INVESTMENT; mentions of de@th and bl00d Word count: 7,4k

Counting days, counting days since my love up and got lost on me

"You're sending Jesper to do your dirty work for you? I didn't know you were afraid to talk to one of your own crows." you stormed into his office without even bothering to knock. Kaz swallowed. He really should have been better prepared for this conversation. After all, he knew you wouldn't give up so easily. "What is this?" you asked, slamming the wad of paper onto his desk.

"I thought you could read. This is your next job." he replied calmly, not looking up from the papers in his hand.

"In some snobbish fucking king's palace? Are you kidding me?"

"Nikolai isn't that bad. You'll see when you get there."

"And what makes you think that I will voluntarily leave Ketterdam, the club, my friends, and the Crows for two bloody years, Kaz?" for the first time since you walked into his office, he looked up from his papers, fixing you with a cool, impassive gaze.

"That I'm your boss, and you have to obey me. You needed a reminder, judging by the tone of voice you use when you speak to me."

"Was it because of what I said to you when I almost..."

"No!" he growled at you, stopping you from finishing your sentence. That day had already joined his nightmares anyway. He didn't have to constantly recall your almost-death. "It has nothing to do with it." he said, hoping that would put an end to your conversation and went back to writing down the numbers.

"Do not lie to me. I know when you do it, Kaz. You got scared because I said I love…"

"You can go and get ready, Y/N." he said without looking up from the paper he was holding. He had never felt her gaze so hot and intense on him before. They always glanced furtively at each other, discreetly indulging in the silly fantasy of loving each other.

Like they could ever afford to live a normal life. As if he could ever love you properly—the way you deserved.

You stared at him intently, trying to find any trace of emotion in him, any evidence that he didn't really want to send you away from Ketterdam, that he was only doing it because Dirtyhands was afraid of the growing feeling between you two.

"I can hold on like this, Kaz." your soft whisper cut through him, making him shiver. He could bear your screams, your anger, your madness, but the tenderness, the vulnerability you showed only around him… was much more dangerous to the cold Barrel Bastard. "I can go and return to you like nothing happened. I can stay near you and pretend I don't feel anything towards you. I can stop myself from wishing for your slightest touch. I can hide my true emotions around you and other people, just like I have done before… but please just prove to me that it's all worth it. That you can slowly take off pieces of your armour and let me see and be with the real you. Not the Brekker's mask you wore every time we were on Ketterdam's street. Not the Dirtyhands' cruel version of yourself that you created to survive in this town. Not the Bastard from the Barrel, who has so much power in his hands to take down his every enemy. Just the real you, Kaz. The genius-mind boss who cares about his people, not only the kruge. The man who loves his friends more than anything on this earth. The man who risked his own life and saved me from death's arms more times than I could count. Please… just give me this little piece of hope." he tried hard not to raise his gaze to meet your captivating, imploring irises that could touch Brekker's heart.

He knew that the moment he looked at your face, he would doom you both by giving in to this burning desire to be with you.

But he couldn't.

He had to keep you away from him.

"You must be foolish or delusional to think like that. I'm the Bastard from the Barrel. And I care about my crows, because they are good investments. Nothing more and nothing less, Y/L/N."

"Is this everything that we are? What am I to you? An investment?"

Kaz's mouth went dry as he felt the waters rising around him, when a familiar feeling of panic began to seep through his practised mask. He looked away, not wanting you to read his true emotions. Not wanting you to see how much he wanted to confess his true feelings to you.

No. You're my moon, my sun that illuminates me in my darkness. The reason why I'm even bothering to learn how to touch people without going under the water again. You give me hope and peace every time you're close to me. You're my greatest power and weakness. The only one in this bloody world who can change my plans. The only one I care about in the mornings, afternoons, nights, and midnights. I can't drink, eat, think, sleep, or work without thinking about you. You have the power over me. And that's terrified me.

He desperately wanted to give in to his desire.

But he couldn't.

He was too bruised and broken for you.

"Then I have my answer, Mr. Brekker." you broke the long, tense silence between you two. Kaz was too terrified to shift his gaze from the papers on his desk to the only woman who could easily crack the wall around his cold, almost dead heart with one of your smiles towards him. Too afraid to watch the tender expression on your face turn into a cold detachment, just like your tone of voice. "Sorry for taking up your precious time, boss. But I would rather be the foolish girl who falls in love too easily for her own good than a powerful man who doesn't want to feel anything. Nobody will sit around the table and tell a story about a man who loves only his kruge. No matter how great he was." your disappointed whisper lingered in his office long after you left.

He sat dazed in his chair until the candle stub burned out completely, leaving him alone in the darkness of his office. He stood up, lit a new candle, and watched the flame. He couldn't focus on anything other than replaying your conversation.

Rietveld's voice echoed in Brekker's head, somehow getting through his wall, mocking powerful Dirtyhands.

Coward.

And every breath that I’ve been taking since you left feels like a waste on me

"No way!" Jesper's loudspeaker scream snapped Kaz out of his thoughts. He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, and got up from the desk.

He has done nothing since that fateful conversation. Absolutely nothing. He limited himself to staring blankly at the wall as his thoughts of Y/N effectively took complete control of him. He needed a distraction. Jesper's screams outside his office were perfect.

Without his cane, he walked to the door, eavesdropping on what was going on outside his office.

"Find another idiot to tell him. Or better yet, grab some suicide guy from the roof. If he wants to die anyway, he might as well act as a messenger for their one last time before Kaz rips their head off. SHIT!" the sharpshooter screamed in panic, nearly losing his balance as the door he was partially leaning against was opened by his rather worried boss. "Kaz, the fuck, since when are you sneaking around like that?!"

"Why exactly would I want to have ripped someone's heads off, Jesper?" he ignored his comment, eager to find out what they were hiding from him as soon as possible.

Maybe that would effectively occupy his head, so he could stop thinking about the tidemaker for a while. Unfortunately, neither of the two were in a hurry to answer his question.

"You know, there's always an occasion. Theft, insult, threat, frown, bad day, wedding, christening…" Jesper shut up, seeing that his attempts at a joke only infuriated an already irritated Kaz.

"Y/N is gone." Kaz unconsciously held his breath, feeling the whole world freeze around him for a moment, until anger and panic took hold of him.

"What? Did someone kidnap her? How did you look after her?!" he growled furiously, walking back to the office and limping towards his cane. His crows followed hesitantly, watching him struggle as he tried to put on his cloak in his haste.

"She runaway. I lost track of her around the harbour." a new revelation made Kaz freeze again. He stared blankly into the space between Jesper and Inej, turning his cane's crow head in his hand.

He should have anticipated that too. Had a backup plan. But he didn't. He's been acting strangely lately. He didn't recognize himself. But after all, that was what he had wanted all along - to stay away from Y/N. So why had her disappearance made him feel so much worse?

"Kaz? Should we send some people to…"

"No need, Inej. Go back to work. You too, Jesper." the gambler looked like he wanted to argue with him, but the Wraith, seeing their friend's strange behavior, grabbed his hand, and they obediently walked away from their boss.

Kaz leaned against the desk, dullly staring at the closed door.

It was supposed to be better that way. Neither you nor he will ever meet again. You won't exchange those longing glances again. You won't act like a couple of teenagers in love, and no one will ever attack or harm you to get to him again or to threaten him. Nobody was going to get hurt.

So why did he feel like he was going back under the water?

I’ve been holding on to hope That you’ll come back when you can find some peace Cause every word that I’ve heard spoken since you left feels like an hollow street

One week, two days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 29 seconds. That's how long it's been since he last saw your face.

He was secretly hoping you'd come back to him and the crows. Fuck the crows, he just wanted you to walk through that damned door again and start arguing with him, shouting at him, cursing his name at all the saints you knew, so he could hear your voice again.

He missed you. More than he thought he would.

Irritatingly, everything around him reminded him of you.

Especially your empty seat during Crow's meetings. No one dared to occupy it, as if every one of the gathered was waiting for you to come through that door (or window) again with a malicious, characteristic smirk on your face, mumbling some insincere apology for being late.

It never happened. Though Inej prayed to her saints every day for your return. Just like the others. Although each of them experienced your departure differently. Jes stared often at the places you once occupied, imagining you were still there. Nina found herself often making too many waffles (of course, accidentally making exactly the few you were used to eating). Wylan often creates his bombs and other things in your favourite colours.

But Kaz probably took your absence the worst of them all.

If he had slept little before, fearing that nightmares about Jordie would haunt him, now he hardly slept at all. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw your face. He heard your laugh. He smelled your perfume. He felt cursed. Cursed by you the moment your eyes looked at him full of sadness, anger, and disappointment... full of pain.

He thought that if you disappeared from his sight, he would forget about you and go back to normal. But your leaving only made him think of you more often and longer. He sat behind his desk for hours, staring blankly at the papers in front of him. Spread out plans, bills, and maps; it all stopped making sense to him. It stopped coming together, creating a perfect plan in his head.

All he could think about was you.

And Rietveld's voice, instead of being silenced and buried alive in his cold heart with your disappearance, only broke through his hard surface more and more often with the passing days without you by his side. And he wasn't holding back from taunting Dirtyhands at all.

The great Kaz Brekker fell victim to one of his own plans.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Even Ketterdam has felt your absence.

This time of year, it usually warms up enough for people to shed their heavy winter coats. However, it was the middle of spring, and a cool, icy wind still blew through the streets, bringing occasional, small snowfalls that melted on the street, creating mud.

Kaz had never despised the city he lived in more. Even it laughed in his face at his stupidity, reminding him that it was his fault that the only spark of joy and bewitchingness in this damned city had gone.

He shuddered as a child shoved past him, running happily to the ship that had come into harbour and thrown itself into its father's waiting arms. Brekker began to take rapid, panicked breaths. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of one of the buildings, trying to imagine something other than Jordie.

His haphephobia got worse.

Earlier, he could bear the fleeting touch of strangers, such as being brushed up against him in a crowd. It was no problem for him to touch his crows for a few minutes (especially you and your comfortable hugs, holding your hand, or just feeling your warm skin under his bare fingertips).

But now even the slightest contact with a stranger brought him immediately under the water. And the tiny touch from his crows raised the waves he had to calm in the privacy of his office.

He was rolling down. He knew it well. But he saw it as his personal punishment for hurting your feelings in a brutal way instead of gently cutting you off. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Kaz knew he was fooling himself. He would suffer anyway. He let you go too deep under his skin, penetrate his essence, and know his soul too well to just give up on you, and forget about you.

And what terrified him most was that, given the choice, he would let you in again. Even knowing he would be devastated after letting you go.

But it was better for you. You deserved something better than this life you would live with him.

And that one thought kept him sane. That he did it for your own good, that wherever you are now, he's sure you're better off than you were in Ketterdam.

Which didn't stop him from checking every ship that came into port in the sick hope of seeing your angelic face.

He just had to get over his grief. He did the same with Jordie.

The only difference was that he didn't dream of holding his brother back in his arms like he dreamed of you.

Maybe I, maybe I’m just being blinded By the brighter side Of what we had because it’s over Well there must be something in the tide

Kaz was on your bed, reading one of your books you accidentally left behind. It was all he could do lately. He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd left that room for anything other than food and a change of clothes. He missed you. And he had no idea what he should do.

He inhaled your faint scent on the pillows.

In some strange way (probably because of your ability to control the water), you always smelled of the sea, even when you weren't near the harbour. Kaz hated water and hated the salty sea smell that hit him whenever he passed near the harbour. It reminded him of Jordie. But inexplicably, the smell of the sea on you brought him comfort, safety... peace.

Now it was a reminder of something else—how he let you slip through his fingers. In fact, he pushed you away from himself.

He shook his head, trying not to think about you. However, the world was always against him and never made things easy for him. The fact that the dried flower had fallen out of the book onto his chest was proof of that.

With trembling hands, he set the book aside and reached for the flower, afraid he would ruin it. However, the need to see if his eyes were deceiving him was greater than the fear of spoiling such a precious thing.

He remembered that flower. He put it in your hair himself.

"Just the two of us in a field of flowers? If I didn't know you better, I'd think it was a date, boss." he rolled his eyes as you giggled at his reaction.

"Stop it. Or they'll notice us." he muttered, trying to ignore the cool wind that somehow made its way through the high grass. He wrapped his cloak around him, enviously noting that the girl next to him didn't seem to feel that cold. He internally slapped himself for wanting to share his cloak with her.

"I highly doubt they'd want to look for us in that thicket of grass. Besides, usually when a woman is giggling at a place and situation like this, stealing some noblewoman's jewels is the last thing on her mind, Kaz. The same applies to her potential partner."

"As if I heard Jesper." he sighed, focusing on the nobles in front of them. The plan was for Jesper to distract them while he and Y/N collected what they had come for. Simple and fast, if his childish desire to be paired with Y/N did not overwhelm his senses. She distracted him more than he could afford.

"You and Jes also had a secret meeting among the wildflowers? Now, I'm jealous."

"Jes?" he asked, turning his surprised gaze on her.

"Yes, do you mind?"

"You've known him for a week." he remarked dryly.

"Yes, and what?"

"It took you two months to start calling me by my first name, let alone a nickname."

"Just because you preferred to call me tidemaker instead of using my name."

"To be honest, it might have slipped my mind then." he muttered under his breath, not realising she heard him.

"You forgot my fucking name?! Kaz Brekker you are the most ignorant person I've ever seen." Kaz knew from the anger in her eyes that only his haphephobia kept him from getting his ass kicked by Y/N.

"Well, now I remember." he tried to defend himself.

"I don't care, Brekker. Now you can even call me the fucking Easter Bunny and I won't answer you anyway."

"Don't be a child, Y/N. Y/N?" Kaz sighed in frustration when he got no response from you.

He had to come up with something; he knew this name thing wouldn't be resolved until he appeased you properly. And he didn't have time to indulge in your sulks. You had to rob these people. (It's not like his heart ached when you were mad at him.)

Fortunately, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that might help him. Your favourite flower, growing at his fingertips. He plucked a plant and put it behind your ear without thinking. You flinched at the sudden touch, staring at him in shock as the material of his gloves brushed your cheek as he pulled his hand away.

"Maybe I forgot your name then, but now I remember and know a lot more about you than just a stupid name."

"But how… how do you know I like y/f/f?" you asked in shock, never in your wildest dreams imagining that Kaz Brekker would bother with something like your favorite flower.

"You are my tidemaker. My most important investment. It's logical that I'll know you inside out."

"Should I be afraid or appreciate this unsettling but sweet effort?"

"You should know by now that nothing I do is sweet."

"Of course, big, terrible, Dirtyhands." you replied with a small smirk, similar to the one that kept Kaz from your sight.

To her, he could be more than Kaz Brekker. He could be Kaz Rietveld. And it terrified him more than the urge to reach out his hand again and fix her windblown hair.

The mastermind has been deceived by his own heart.

I’ve been told, I’ve been told to get you off my mind But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side

"Zenik. Follow me." he muttered as he finally found the woman at the bar. He headed for his office without looking back, knowing full well that she would do as she was told this time.

"Yes, Kaz?"

"You are contacting Y/N." it wasn't a question. He knew it the moment Nina sent you her first letter a month ago.

He himself tried to send you his letter a week ago. It came back unopened, and the delivery man said no such person lives at this address. A lie he recognised without even knowing that Nina and you were still writing to each other.

"I am." she replied coolly. Kaz, seeing that he did not want to voluntarily cooperate, sighed and sat down in his chair. His leg was starting to hurt more and more often - another thing that went bad with you leaving.

"How is she?"

"Happy. Relatively. She is tormented by nightmares and unwanted thoughts about you." if Nina wanted to make him feel guilty, she did it brilliantly.

He already felt terrible without her judging eyes and dry answers. She must have seen the shadows under his eyes, as he did in his mirror. He had no right to pity himself. He knew it well. That's why he put up with Nina's attitude, in his stupid desire to know how you were doing.

"So… is she better off than here?"

"No. But that's not your problem anymore."

"Did she find someone?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of an affirmative answer.

"Possibly, things are evolving."

Kaz felt the world stop around him for a moment. The idea of someone else watching how you play with water and create ice sculptures, someone listening to your beautiful voice and making you laugh, someone capable of holding you and kissing you, made him sick. A sick sense of jealousy that Kaz only experienced when he saw the wealth of others.

A rash desire to come for you overtook him. He had to have you back. Before you fall in love with someone other than him.

"Do you think if we…"

"No, Kaz." Nina cut him off before he could ask a question. "You wanted to get rid of her, so hold on to your fucking decision. You hurt her, and you knew damn well you would, by ordering her to return to Ravka. Honestly, Kaz, did you think about how it would impact her? How she would feel? If you wanna break her heart again, go on. Chase her. Let's see if she forgives you also this time."

"Then what should I do?" he asked, and the desperation and hopelessness of his tone terrified both him and the woman standing in front of his desk. Nobody had ever seen him like this. Even you. And now he was ready to open up to anyone just to have you by his side again.

"Forget about her. After all, that's what you wanted, right?" he did not answer.

She was right. He wanted to get rid of you. Now he was paying the price, and he had no right to ask you to ease his pain and return to the Kettedram. Return to him. Which doesn't mean that his stupid heart will just let him forget about you. He's learned that over the months without you. And he cursed all the saints that he didn't know it until he gave you the cold shoulder.

Kaz no longer had the right to your affection. He had to accept it. He had to accept that he had given up his chance to love you. That now you had every right to go and love someone else. Even if the very idea drove him crazy and desperate.

He must have forgotten about you. For the sake of all of you.

But Nina's slamming of his office door only brought him back to his memories of you.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

Kaz fell. He was in the most pathetic position.

He didn't care, though, as he sat like a fool on the shore of the same lake where he met you. At which he irreversibly gave you the remnants of his heart a few years ago, without even knowing it.

He told himself that Nina was right. Once he let you go, he had to persevere in that resolve. Ketterdam will only bring you pain... so why was it so hard for him to let go of his last ties to you?

"Why are you coming here with me?" your gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he stared spellbound at your little water show.

"Am I bothering you?" he asked, shifting in his place on the dock as he watched you float in the lake.

He wouldn't even dip his little toe in himself, but he liked to silently watch you become one with what was dear to you. And by the way, he could admire your skills and beauty as much as he wanted. He didn't have to look for any particular excuse.

"No. It's just that I've never seen you watch your other crows train."

"They're not like you." it slipped out before he could think about it. "If anyone sees you, I better get them before they announce to the world that one of the Black General's tidemakers has taken refuge with me." your smirk dropped at the mere mention of your former life. Kaz cursed in his mind. "You are also too valuable an investment. And the rest of the crows liked you. It's a big achievement. Inej doesn't let new people in so easily... me too."

"So you like me after all, boss?" you asked with that mischievous smirk on your lips that made his heart beat like crazy. Good thing water was your specialty. At least you didn't hear his heart pounding.

"You're tolerable company, and what you can do… what you can do is amazing."

"It's just little tricks." you murmured, forming different shapes out of the water. "At the king's parties, I was quite often one of the highlights." you waved your hand, freezing the water to form an ice statue. His statue. "Not every tidemaker is strong enough to freeze water." with another wave of your hand, to his silent displeasure, you melted the ice. "Not to mention turning ice into water again. Most just stop at its liquid form and don't train any more. I like to think I'm too curious to ever stop exploring my powers."

"Or stubborn." he said with a small smirk, listening to your wonderful laugh.

He must have been cursed from the start, since fate had put someone so perfect in his path... someone he could never have. But he could have been watching you. Enjoy his eyes with your beauty and his ears with the tone of your voice.

"Sometimes that's a good trait too. You taught me that yourself."

"How convenient for you to learn from me only what you want and not what you need."

"Sometimes what we want is more important than what we need and what is more rational for us."

"What for example?"

"Love." he tried to keep a poker face, but apparently his eyes betrayed more than he would have liked, as you gave him a confused, questioning look. "What? You've never been in love?"

NO. Not until he looked into your eyes and heard you laugh. Not until he got into your first argument with you and lost with a smile on his face. Not until he first saw you use your powers to outsmart the bandits who attacked you. Not until he saw how the moonlight in Ketterdam made your eyes shine even more than usual, so that you might as well have lit up all of the city with your beauty. Not until he first heard his name come out of your mouth. No, until he foolishly began to believe in Inej's saints, when he saw how tenderly and kindly you treat the orphans in the streets of Ketterdam.

"This silence means either a very powerful heartbreak, or you really only love a kruge."

"What if I really never loved anyone? What if I don't believe in love?" he whispered, looking up at you. You sneaked up to him so that you were standing in front of him. Water trickled down your hair and along your neck to the hand you held out to him. You opened your hand, handing him a small shell.

"The world is too cruel for such beliefs, Kaz. If we don't believe in love, why should we get out of bed at all? Why do we accumulate all these riches and try to survive each day?" Kaz didn't know the answer. Not one that would allow him to avoid the uncomfortable subject of his feelings for you.

He took the shell from you and, being careful not to break it, put it in his pouch. Along with the other little things you fished out of the water.

Your eyes met. You stared into the other's eyes for a moment, lost in your own dreams, which were not too different from each other... Yet neither of you had the courage to admit them out loud and risk everything you had been so carefully building between yourselves. Even if your hearts burned for more.

So he sat with you in silence, watching you play with the water and analysing what you told him. What was the reason for his existence?

Kaz from a year ago would have answered quickly and without thinking. Revenge. But now that he was looking at you, he wasn't so sure about his answer… or at least it was closer to something much different than his desire for revenge.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh It's your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in And I'm tired of being so exhausted

He sat behind his desk, involuntarily reminiscing about the day it all began.

The day he almost lost you. The day you almost died in his arms. The day you told him something he secretly wanted to hear but wasn't prepared for. The day he will curse forever.

This was your first assignment after returning from Ravka and the whole sun summoner thing. A childish, simple burglary. Something to warm up his crows—a return to the reality of Ketterdam without queens and kings and politics.

And so it was. You filled your pockets with valuables and were about to leave when one of the guards spotted you. They were much better armed than you (it was supposed to be a simple robbery with no witnesses and no blood spilled, so you only had daggers and knives "just in case") and strangely familiar with all the secret passages in the small mansion.

Even though you found yourself in a terrible situation, you managed to leave the property. You laid out in the finish as you and Kaz ran towards the club. One of the guards shot at you and hit you. Very accurate, almost piercing your heart with a bullet.

Kaz stared dazedly as you screamed in pain as you clutched your chest and tumbled onto the muddy, cobbled road. He reacted faster than he thought, throwing the dagger at the man who shot you and killing him instantly. Inej would have praised him for such a throw.

But that effective kill didn't matter to him now. He ran over to you in a panic and kneeled beside you, tugging at the fabric of your shirt. He hissed as he saw the blood pouring down your skin.

"Kaz..." you groaned, looking at him terrified. Kaz ripped off a piece of his shirt and wrapped it tightly around your waist, trying to stop the gushing blood. "Cold." you mumbled, shivering in his arms. Brekker didn't even notice as he placed you in his lap; he was too busy to stop the bleeding until he found bloody Zenik. Where was she when he really fucking needed her?

"Shhh…. I know. Just try to hold on a little longer, okay? Nina and Jes will be here soon." he tried to calm you down by running his hand through your sweat-soaked hair. He rocked you back and forth, not knowing who he was trying to reassure—you or himself.

"We both know they won't make it on time."

"If you're wasting your energy talking, at least say something useful instead of talking nonsense, tidemaker." he growled at you, tightening his grip on you. "You're not getting away from me that fast. I didn't invest so much in you to make you leave before…" Until I tell you how much you mean to me... "Until we fill our vault with tonnes of Kruge."

"I could have predicted that even on my deathbed you'd be talking about the fucking Kruges." you laughed, coughing up some blood, which didn't calm his already madly beating heart. Where is that damn Zenik?

"Die in my arms and I promise I'll go back to hell for you. The devil can wait for you - I signed a pact with you first." you suddenly became serious, squeezing his gloved hand tighter and staring into his eyes as if they were the only stars in your dark sky.

"Kaz… I… I have to tell you…"

"Shut up, Y/L/N. You're not dying today." he snarled a warning, squeezing you so hard that he was sure to leave bruises on your arms. Panic rose in him as he felt your body slowly go limp, your breaths becoming less and less frequent.

"Kaz… I love you." you whispered, making him freeze in a daze. You only said those words in his wildest dreams. He had secretly dreamed of it many times, but certainly not like this. Not while your soul was slowly escaping from this cruel world unworthy of you.

He doesn't remember exactly when Nina came running, or how Jesper took you out of his arms, or how he kept up with Jesper's frantic pace as he ran with you in his arms.

But he surely was shaking all the way to the Crow Club. He only breathed a few hours after Nina announced to everyone that you would live. Then he left, without even entering your room to make sure Zenik's words were true, and locked himself in his office.

Tears began to fall from his eyes as he leaned against the door.

He could have lost you. Forever. Another person close to him.

His dreams would be tormented by the sight of your bloody corpse in some dirty alley. Again, he felt like that helpless little boy who had lost his brother. He found himself with Jordie THERE again.

Kaz couldn't go through all of it again. He wouldn't get up after your death. And there was only one thing he could do...

Fuck it all.

He needed you.

He was too exhausted to pretend any longer.

He was Kaz Brekker. He didn't need a reason. But his slowly dying heart without you seemed to be enough of an excuse to see you. Even if you're going to completely break it. Even the cold Bastard from the Barrel saw it as a good deal.

"JESPER!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair with his cane in hand.

"Yes?" his friend was at his side faster than ever.

"Tell the others to pack up. We're leaving in an hour." he muttered, taking out his travel bag from the wardrobe. Even without turning around, he knew a big smile had formed on Jesper's face.

We're going to get my girl back.

"About the damn time, Kaz." he patted him on the back and ran out of his office, telling the other crows the good news.

Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Your love I'm lost in Even though I'm nothing to you now Even though I'm nothing to you now

Kaz had been afraid of a few things in his life, but walking through the threshold of your new apartment seemed to be the most terrible of all his fears.

His crows obeyed him without objection for the first time in their lives and stayed at the hotel. He came here. On trembling legs and a rapidly beating heart. With his soul on his shoulder, ready to sacrifice and do anything to get you back. And if you didn't change your mind, it would be with a mind ready to carve your image into his memory so he could enjoy seeing you one last time in his miserable life.

Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.

He waited patiently, hearing footsteps approaching. He held his breath as the key turned in the lock.

But you weren't the one who opened the door for him.

"What?" a well-built, dark-haired man stood in the doorway.

Kaz began to compare himself to him, concluding that, when it came to appearance, he was superior to him in everything. He didn't stand a chance against someone like that for your heart. Doubts began to flood back into him. What if Nina was right?

"Are you going to stand here for half a day or..."

"Jackson!" your voice from the depths of the apartment shook Kaz. It froze him completely, irritating the man in front of him even more. "I need your help here, you big fool. What are you doing?" a moment later, you were standing in the vestibule. Your eyes met. Kaz shivered under your gaze, cursing himself for how quickly he fell under your spell as he stood there completely dazed.

"Y/N." your name came out of his mouth reverently, like a prayer, like a song long forgotten by a wanderer. You looked exactly the same as you did a few months ago. Except for the faint shadows under his eyes, which Kaz considered his greatest enemies.

"Kaz."

"Jackson. Hello there." the man waved at him, stepping between you. Jackson looked at you, worried. Kaz felt both anger welling up in him, a feeling of envy at how close you were with this strange guy, but also relief that you had someone close to take care of you. Not that you couldn't overcome the worst hell alone. He just felt relieved that you didn't have to. "Let him in, or should I kick his ass, wave?"

Wave? Did you two have nicknames for each other?

"It's all right. You can leave us." you said as you walked past him to face Kaz. The man behind you sighed, shaking his head.

"I hope you know what you're doing."

It might as well have been directed at Kaz. For the first time in his whole new Dirtyhands' life, he didn't have a plan, an emergency exit, or another backup plan. But now he was standing in front of you, staring at you helplessly as he absorbed your form. And that damn sea smell in your hair...

"Kaz."

"Y/N." he said as he came back down to earth. He took a small, calming breath. "How are you?"

"Really? Are you here just to ask how I'm doing?" she asked incredulously, folding her arms.

Kaz wrinkled his nose at your dry, angry tone. As he could see, it would be even more difficult than he thought. He stood in front of you, twirling his cane nervously in his hands.

"I'm here for a completely different reason, but I couldn't… I couldn't not come and see you." he admitted turning his gaze back to you after lowering his head in embarrassment.

"I'm alright. My brother and I are having a great time."

"Brother?" he asked. Relief and joy washed over him. Nor could he help himself to this naive hope, which began to warm his cold heart.

"Yes... Jackson. Who did you think he was?" he did not answer. You could have guessed. He knew you saw the flicker of jealousy in his eyes after that strange man called you a wave. You were his tidemaker, his wave, his sea, and all the fucking things. For a moment, he forgot that he was the one who had deprived himself of the right to claim against you. "You saw me, you asked how I was, so you can go now. Goodbye, Kaz." you were about to close the door on him, but at the last moment he put his cane between them, preventing you from doing so. You opened your door again, giving him a questioning look.

"Come back with me." he whispered, defeated. He couldn't let you go. Not again, not after there was still the slightest chance you might still want him.

"What?" you whispered softly, pretty sure you misheard him.

"There's no other reason why I'm here... I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't think or function like a normal person without you next to me. I'm one step away from daydreaming about you, hallucinating, and being insane that you're still by my side, so please... I'm begging you to come back to me. I know I don't deserve you and that I hurt you. You have every right to kick me out, but please, Y/N, just come home."

"What exactly am I supposed to come back to, Kaz? A cold, surly boss who is afraid of his feelings? Who doesn't hesitate to hurt me to protect his heart?"

"I'm not... I'm not good at this. Feelings. I... I don't know what it's like to love, but I know that when I'm with you... when I'm with you, nothing else matters. Not Ketterdam, not power, not Kruge, not wealth, not profit—nothing has ever been on my pedestal. Only you. Always you. And maybe I'm terrified of it, but now I know that I'd rather fight my own demons for you than let you go. I will try my best. If you still want me." he stared at you with undisguised hope in his eyes, only now realising how close he had come to you during your conversation. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek uncertainly. "I love you, Y/N... even if I'm nothing to you now." he murmured, risking everything and resting his forehead against yours with a sigh.

There must be something in the water Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold you You'd keep my head from going under

He inhaled your scent with his eyes closed, waiting for your move. Hope grew with him every second you continued to let him be so close to you.

"You're an idiot, Kaz Brekker." he didn't contradict or argue with you. He was a complete idiot, pushing you away and begging you to come back, all the while acting like a love-crazy fool… however, he wouldn't have it any other way if it meant you taking your place in his office again. If someday he could hold you in his arms… "You have lucky you're my idiot. With all of your bruises, scars, and everything else." you promised, hugging him tighter. You pulled away from him with serious eyes, making Kaz swallow. "But if you do that shit again, forget I'm coming back to you. Also, we need to seriously work on your communication, Brekker. Do you know how long I've had to struggle here with that other idiot who claims to be my brother?"

"I can hear all of it!" you sighed at your brother's grumbling and gave Kaz a meaningful look. Brekker smiled slightly, causing a matching goofy smirk to appear on your face.

"See? But seriously, I'm not kidding. Last chance, Kaz."

"A deal is a deal. You're never going anywhere without me again."

"A red flag!" your brother coughed from the kitchen. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the edge of Kaz's coat sleeve.

"Shut up, Jackson. I'm leaving, I'll be back in an hour! Try not to burn down the apartment, spitfire."

You didn't wait for his answer as you slammed the door behind you and stepped out with Kaz into the street. Brekker led you towards the hotel where the other crows were staying. His hand in yours, which did not escape your notice. You turned your head towards him, giving him a confused look, which made him smile slightly, shifting his gaze to the port and the sea.

At one point, he noticed that one of the waves "attacked" a trader, washing him over. He cursed so loudly that you could hear him even from this distance. Kaz shifted his gaze to you, immediately noticing the sly smirk on your face. Suddenly, the wallet fell from the sky right into your waiting hand, along with droplets of salty, cool water.

He chuckled, shaking his head in amusement as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. A self-satisfied smirk formed on his face after seeing your blush.

One day, he will be able to touch you without his gloves. Hold in your arms without layers of clothes on. He will do it. No matter how long it takes him to get rid of the greatest demon of his past. But something told him that you'd keep his head from going under the water again. His queen of waves. His crow. His anchor. And he will make sure that he holds you in his arms forever. 

[queenofspades6]

Not an investment - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: You try to forget Kaz with a man from the Crow Club. Kaz isn’t pleased at all. He finds a way to get rid of the guy, but you caught him. Kaz finally touches you for the first time.

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Jealous Kaz.

A/N: I first wrote a draft of this when the first season of Shadow & Bone launched, i finally finished it, and wanted to share! I am so obsessed with Kaz! I might meet Freddy Carter on May, can’t wait but I am so scared at the same time!

———

You and the Crows had just accomplished another successful mission, earning each of you considerable money. The Crows had decided to throw a party to celebrate. Even Kaz had agreed to come. When Jesper asked him to join them, Kaz nodded, and Jesper cheered loudly, earning Kaz a grin.

Kaz Brekker had spent the last hour sitting with his arm on the bar, sipping a drink, and keeping an eye on the improvised dance floor. When the party began, Nina was already dancing, earning curious glances from both women and men. Jesper joined her after getting a few drinks. He tried to convince Inej to go dancing with him and Nina.

”You don’t want to go with them?“ You asked Inej, frowning.

”I do, but don’t tell them. Let them try to convince me.”

You nodded and asked the bartender for a strong drink. ”Make it two,” Inej said.

You watched her before glancing at the bartender.

”Tough night?” Inej asked.

You nodded again.

Inej didn’t bother to pry much; she knew each of you had your past. She knew how it felt to live with it, to live with the memories still there, haunting at night and even during the day... She knew better than to ask you about it.

The bartender arrived with both of your drinks. You thanked him and looked at Kaz, who was sitting at the other end of the bar, staring at people dancing and drinking in the Crow Club.

A man approached you. You didn’t see him coming; you were too caught up in stealing glances at Dirtyhands. The man took the seat next to you, and with a charming smile, he said:

“I didn’t take the infamous Ghost of Ketterdam for a drinker.”

You turned toward him, with a serious and almost warning look.

After all, you were the Ghost. If someone had a job to do, you were here. Looking for someone who disappeared? Easy. Stealing? As if you were a beginner. Taking revenge? Already done. Killing? Done. The Ghost was a shadow in Ketterdam. The kind of story that makes kids stay up all night. Rumors were you had no law, no faith and no humanity left. Oh, how wrong were they. If only they knew...

“What if I am?” You replied to the man.

”Even better.”

You grinned at him and decided to play the game.

“What about I offer you a drink?” He questioned, glancing at your body.

“I already have one, but go on.”

The man asked for another round of drinks, and the bartender complied.

”I didn’t think the Ghost was a beautiful woman like you.” He started, his eyes looking at his next prey.

Before, you would have punched that man hard in the face, but tonight, you didn’t care. You just wanted to have fun, and maybe it could involve him.

“Oh yeah? “

”Yes. Do you know how much people would pay to have you in their bed?”

You laughed and crossed eyes with Kaz. He was staring at you curiously. You thought it was a coincidence, but Kaz had been watching the whole time.

“I know.”

”Quite modest, I see.”

“I can be and do many things, you know?” You flirted, your head already spinning.

A little flirt was harmless, right? It wasn’t like it would change something. You stole another glance at Kaz, still sipping his drink in deadly silence. You knew there had always been something unspoken between the two of you, which you both probably wanted, but that was just impossible. Something that couldn’t be. So why not have fun with this silly man, you thought?

”I can only imagine.“ The man replied, his right hand stroking yours on the counter and his other hand on your knee.

”Let’s dance first.“

The man took your hand and complied, bringing you to the dance floor. The man danced with you, sometimes brushing your body. You didn’t care. Alcohol gave you confidence and relief. You danced closer to the man. And even closer. You both moved simultaneously, feeling the loud music and the alcohol in your veins. You could already feel the man’s arousal. But you didn’t care. You were trying to forget. Forget him and his stupid blue eyes. His silly cane. His silly waistcoats. Him. You just wanted to forget.

What you didn’t know was that Kaz Brekker couldn’t look away. His eyes were glued to your form and this man. This Dreg. Oh, Kaz hated the man at this moment. His hand tightened around his cane.

The man touched you even more intimately, placing his hand on your thigh. Kaz was watching it all; his hand clenched in a fist. He couldn’t bear it anymore. He knew you had a few drinks and hated the idea of the man taking advantage of you. Or worse... Maybe you let him...

Dirtyhands whispered something to the bartender, and then a servant rushed anxiously towards you.

The servant asked for ‘Jake’ something and then told him that someone was waiting outside for him.

He nodded.

“Sweetheart, I need to take care of something, and then I am coming back for you. We’ll finish what we started.”He said, a smirk forming on his lips.

You consented, not understanding what was happening.

The man walked toward the backdoor leading to the streets. You took a deep breath and went back towards your seat. You finished your drink quickly and began to think.

‘What was I doing? Seriously? This man? I am the Ghost, for Saint’s sake, I deserve better.’

Feeling shameful, you wanted some fresh air to think clearly. Or maybe you just needed to flee. You rushed toward the door of the Crow Club and opened it.

There was ‘Jake’, his face bloody and bruised, held by the arms of two men taller than him.

What was going on?

That’s when you saw Kaz punching Jake in the face. The man spit blood, and Dirtyhands held his head in his gloved hand.

”If you dare touch her again, you are dead.”

Kaz was going to hit Jake with his cane, but your screaming interrupted him.

”What’s going on?“

Kaz nodded, and his men let Jake go. He didn’t think twice. Without looking at you once, the man flew in as he had arrived.

The men stared at Dirtyhands, waiting for his approval to leave. Kaz gestured, and they left.

”What’s going on? I won’t ask it again.“

“This stupid... man touched you.” He declared calmly, removing the blood from his sleeve.

”Yes, and?”

“He didn’t ask.”

”Because I let him. Do you genuinely think he would have touched me if I hadn’t allowed it? You know what I do and who I am.” You murmured.

Kaz’s blue eyes were avoiding your gaze, looking at the street and holding tightly onto his cane. He frowned.

”Why?“He questioned.

“Why? You dare ask why? You know damn well, Brekker.“

”Enlighten me with what I am supposed to know ‘damn well’.

He clenched his teeth, and you approached him dangerously. You plunged your eyes into his, almost begging him not to let you speak.

”I needed a distraction.”

“A distraction?” He questioned, wonder in his eyes.

“But we succeeded in the mission. We won thousands of kruge, Y/N.”

”I know.”

”Is it not enough for you? What do you need more? What do you need more than what thousands of Kruge can offer you?”

You repressed your tears. You were the Ghost after all, you couldn’t cry even if you wanted to.

“Thousands of Kruge can’t buy me you.” You whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear.

“Me?”

“Your name is Kaz Brekker, no? Or should I say Dirtyhands?“

A small smile escaped his lips, quickly replaced by sadness. He was staring at his gloved hands. What was he supposed to do? Tell you he felt the same, and offer you what exactly? He couldn’t even touch you.

“I was trying to forget you with this man, to forget the times you looked at me like I was an investment, when I came back from a mission hurt badly and you just said ‘good job’.

“What do I have that you might want?” He asked, his voice almost trembling.

Memories of Jordie flooded his mind. The times when they were happy, or at least tried to because they were together.

You didn’t reply, just watched him, the man you love.

“I can’t offer you anything, Y/N.” Kaz declared, approaching you with the most sincere look you’ve ever seen him with.

”I can’t offer you a crown, a throne, or even a palace. I can’t provide you the most precious jewels in the world. I can’t make you my queen, Y/N.”

”How romantic.” You finally spoke, crossing your arms.

”At least I have the decency not to lie to you.” He replied.

”I think I would have preferred you to lie.” You declared, trying to repress your tears again.

”What did you want me to say? That I would make you a Queen even though we live in Ketterdam, and would cover you with the most expensive jewels when we loot every day to survive? You would have wanted me to tell you that I cannot live without you, although touching you is unbearable to me? You would have liked me to tell you that I love you, right Y/N?

Eyes misted with tears, Y/N dared to meet his gaze. When Kaz saw that Y/N’s eyes were shining, he realized the magnitude of his words. He had always thought that by being cruel, he could push people away, keep them away, to avoid doing harm and, above all, be hurt. Things had gone wrong the last time he had loved someone, so how could he really trust his heart anymore?

Jordie.

His name echoed in his head when he looked at Y/N. He wanted to apologize, hug her, and kiss her lips, but he couldn’t.

He tried to take a step towards her to try to comfort her, but when his hand approached her bare arm, he resigned himself to it. He was shaking. Touching someone seemed impossible so how could he ask Y/N to stay? What could he offer her? A life of hidden gazes, impossible caresses, abstinence... Y/N deserved better. She could have had better. Nikolai Lantsov had always wanted her. All she had to do was say yes, and she would become the first Grisha Queen. Kaz had to admit Y/N would make an exquisite Queen. She was fair, and she only hurt when necessary. Y/N deserved a better life than a life in danger in Ketterdam. And if Pekka Rollins learned that Dirtyhands cared about her, he would seek to get rid of her by any means possible.

Y/N gazed at Kaz one last time before turning to the door. She was about to grab the handle when she felt pressure on her arm. Kaz was touching her.

“Don’t leave, Y/N.” You rolled your eyes.

“Is it a command, Boss? You asked, annoyed.

“It’s not.”

You observed Kaz’s face. For someone who didn’t know him, Kaz was emotionless. But at that moment, you knew he was vulnerable. His features were different. He seemed fragile. The bastard of the barrel seemed weak! You laughed in your head.

“Stay, please.” He begged you, the silence in his head unbearable.

You made a small move to get out of his grip. His hand fell against his body. And suddenly, he grabbed your hand. You stared at your hand in his gloved ones. Seeing your reluctance, he pulled his hand away and took off his gloves. Trying to calm his trembling, he reached for your delicate hand. His fingers brushed your skin, knuckles, and wrist, sending shivers down your whole body. Kaz was trying to memorize your hand, the veins in your wrists, your knuckles, to make it familiar, so that he wouldn’t be scared anymore.

“Can I?” He asked you.

You nodded, astonished to see Kaz Brekker asking for permission. He wasn’t one to ask. He always took and took. Never saying please. Never asking for permission. And here he was. All vulnerable in front of you.

He took your hand in his with hesitation and still trembling. Dirtyhands was trying his best to hide his fear in front of you. He was the bastard of the barrel. Everybody feared him, and yet he could not take your bare hand in his. He felt pathetic. He stared at your intertwined fingers for some time.

“What more can I offer you than what you already have?”

Your attention, your time, your love, your skin (maybe not), everything, you wanted to scream but you couldn’t. He was Kaz Krekker after all.

“I can’t make you happy, Y/N. You should go with Nikolai, he’ll know what to do. I can’t even kiss you, Y/N. I can’t, it’s pure torture. I can’t.”

One tear was slowly running across your cheek.

“I don’t want wealth or power. I don’t care about Saints.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Your love.“ You spitted.

Your hands were still intertwined, and that’s when Kaz noticed that while you were talking, he forgot about your hand in his, and for once, it had not disturbed him. It was brief, but he had felt your skin against his, the feeling of coldness and an almost delicate hand. He was staring at your hands with intensity, not knowing where his began and yours finished. The contact with your skin burned him, it was like caressing fire, feeling the unbearable heat against his fingers, against his palm, and yet he didn’t want to remove his hand from your painful skin.

“Kaz, look at me.”

You knew he was fighting his own demons, and it was not easy to hold your hand, and much less for a few minutes.

“Focus on my voice.”

He complied, and you dared take his hand and bring it to your face.

“I am here for you. Since the beginning, I have been here. Since the first day we looked at each other in this street, I knew everything would be different.”

While talking, you held his index finger in your tiny fingers compared to his. It was reaching dangerously for your cheek.

“Do you remember, Brekker, the first day we met?”

Kaz was trying his best to focus on your eyes, lips, on everything other than his fear to feel. It was finally this fear of hurting that made every touch burn. And you knew, you understood.

“I was pulling a dagger from my bleeding shoulder, sitting alone on the street, when you came. And do you remember what you said to me?”

You finally put his index finger delicately on your cheek. Step by step. You knew it would take time. Months and years, probably. But you were never a quitter after all.

Kaz chuckled, remembering this particular day when he thought that the Ghost everybody was scared of was just a little girl. Today, he knew he was wrong.

“You first said to me “Work for me, Ghost, and you’ll never have to pull out any dagger of your shoulders.”

Dirtyhands grinned, and with his index finger on your cheek, he explored your skin, still burning him. You removed your hand and laughed.

“You know, the day I met you, I knew you wanted me to work for you because I was taking all your contracts.”

He laughed again, and a second finger was caressing your cheek.

“I couldn’t let you take all the money.” Kaz replied, with this smirk you loved.”And you said ‘yes’ if I recall.”

“That I did. Though I did pull out many other daggers from my shoulder.” You spoke softly.

Another laugh, and he put a third finger on your face, stroking and trying to control his trembling. Still, he never dared remove his gaze from you.

“I know. I was planning a meeting with you for weeks, trying to find something to make you work for me. But you had no weakness, no secret that I knew of. I didn’t know what you were looking for.”

The tips of his three fingers were still on your skin, learning every wrinkle you would have, every scar, everything, even if it burned.

“That’s what made me so good, back then I had nothing to look for and nothing to lose.”

“And now?”

“Now, I have a goal, something to fight for, that’s what makes me fearsome.” You muttered and smiled at your words because you meant them.

Kaz smirked. He knew there were two kinds of people to fear: those who had nothing left to lose, and the ones who had everything to lose.

With sudden confidence, Kaz reached with one finger for your lips, trying to touch, and caress them. His trembling finger found your lip, he felt it, his deep blue eyes on yours. You were watching him with pride.

Maybe too greedy, Kaz wanted to feel your face with his hand, he tried to place all his fingers against your skin, but the burning was too powerful. Suddenly, he removed his hand, shivering.

“I-I am sorry.”He said, his armor falling back in place.

He saw Jordie’s face again. And he felt the skin of other corpses on his. It was warm. Too warm. It was burning him up. He was screaming, and nobody came.

“Kaz. Kaz! Look at me.”

He heard your voice calling in this ocean of corpses.

You didn’t touch him, but called his name.

“Kaz. You are with me. You are not there. Not anymore. Breathe. You are safe.”

He finally saw your eyes and where he was. In the middle of the street with you. He got up, dusted off his coat, and stared at you.

“Sorry, Y/N.”

He put back on his gloves and resumed leaning on his cane.

He was not only Kaz Brekker at this moment, but also Dirtyhands, and the bastard of the barrel. You smiled and glanced at his form as it left the room.

“The answer is this.”

The Bastard of the barrel turned to you and looked at your face, eyes full of silent interrogation.

“This is what I want, Kaz Brekker, and this is what you can offer me.”

You swore you could see a smirk escaping his lips. And this was the moment you knew you were not just an investment for Kaz Brekker.

———

If you loved this story, don’t forget to like, reblog and comment! I’d love to write more Kaz x reader with the OC “The Ghost” if there is enough interest, I’ll write more for Kaz!

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

The One Where Kaz Brekker Considers His Life Choices

Summary: Kaz Brekker is a deadly Barrel Boss who has the most dangerous task at hand... To deal with the chaotic shenanigans that you pull with the Crows.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader, Six of Crows X Platonic! Reader.

Warnings: Lots of humour, fluff, chaotic energy of our Crows.

A/N: So I'm down with a terrible cold and fever and in my delirium, I came up with this story inspired by John Oliver and B99. I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Happy reading!

"Dammit." muttered Kaz under his breath as he searched for your face through the Crow Club because he was a hundred percent certain that you were responsible for his present headache as he controlled himself "No, I love Y/N, she's my friend, she's my friend who is good at her job..."

Kaz was fairly certain he looked like a lunatic but finally he spotted you at the Crows private table laughing with your friends.

He marched up to you with his stony expression as he overheard Jesper announcing his plans "I think I might customize my revolvers."

Wylan immediately interjected "What? How are you going to do that?"

"I was thinking really bright colours like purple,pink and orange to match my outfits and maybe engrave my name." said Jesper thoughtfully while all of them rolled their eyes and laughed "I mean, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Oh yes! So fun! Absolutely fun!" you mocked Jesper in a high pitched tone as you smirked at him "Or when you commit murderer, a grave oversight on your part. Good news Chief, we found Fahey's revolvers at the murder scene."

Jesper stuck out his tongue at you childishly while you replied sarcastically "We do not know what motivated him to go on a killing spree but he had a lot of fun with it."

Kaz stood behind you "Y/L/N"

"Ah Kaz, you're looking very happy today." said Nina brightly as she greeted him infuriatingly "Let us guess what happened based on your facial expression. You got offered a job with a lot of Kruge and high stakes?"

Inej joined in the fun "Pekka Rollins finally died?"

Maththias' smirked "He found a life of charity and prayer."

Everyone nodded in agreement and Wylan grinned "He's about to reveal that he's actually Nikolai Lantsov!"

"Saints! Wylan, he's about to reveal that he's secretly married to me and has secretly raised my baby!" cried Jesper dramatically as Kaz thought of resignation from this life.

"All of these options is probable. But I know the Captain. He's having a meltdown." you announced dramatically exasperating Kaz who hadn't got one word in since this conversation started.

Matthias looked at you pointedly and then at Kaz "What are you talking about? The demjin looks the same as he always does."

"To you perhaps. But I have mastered the art of reading his emotions. His lips are tightly sealed, he's gripping onto his cane as if he's trying to control himself and he's blinking at his three second intervals as opposed to his nine." you observed Kaz closely with a knowing smile surprising Kaz who was tongue tied and speechless that you could easily read him "Therefore, he's having a meltdown!"

Wylan intervened as he shook his head at you fondly "That seems excessive."

You grinned "No, I'm impressive."

Nina knew that you were telling the truth based on Kaz' heartbeat she heard as she queried sweetly "So Waffles, is everything okay?"

Kaz glared at Nina and then at you "No. I'm having a meltdown."

Wylan and Matthias gasped at you as if you were a Saint "Wow."

Kaz decided to speak before anyone could interfere "Who the hell is responsible for the mess?"

"You have to be more specific about which mess given out daily life experience." retorted Nina sassily.

Kaz eyebrows furrowed deeply "Alright. The slogan outside the Crow Club and the Slat? Who did it?"

There was silence as everyone pointed toward you who looked unremorseful as you smirked at Kaz who was fuming in rage as he turned his dangerous gaze upon you "As I suspected. Now you better have a goddamn good reason as to why you would do such a silly, stupid, idiotic act?"

You looked completely calm for a person who was about to feel Kaz Brekker's wrath "Clear communication and marketing to our customers."

Kaz couldn't quite comprehend what you said as he stuttered "Excuse me?"

"Well Kaz, to tell you the truth, people in Ketterdam weren't really clear on where we were coming from... you know our main objective as to why we steal,maim and kill so much." you explained nonchalantly and calmly that made Kaz feel as if he was the idiot in this conversation. "So we put up a slogan to educate everyone in Ketterdam, our objective in pursuing destruction and crime."

"It's rather a genius slogan, Y/N." praised Inej with a kind smile "The ones we came up with were sloppy and funny but Y/N understood the assignment."

Kaz realized that you had come up with the goddamn slogan yourself as he literally let out all his exasperation out "Yes but did the slogan of the Dregs have to be BECAUSE DEATH IS THE UNDENIABLE FUEL OF LIFE!'"

"I think it's very classy, professional and straightforward conveying the necessary message." commented Matthias with honest admiration for your work and grinned at how red the demjin was "People won't like it but at least they'll understand and respect where you come from."

All of them exchanged mischievous glances as they saw Kaz close to spontaneously combusting and had to hand it to you. This was the best prank they played on Kaz and honestly at this point, you should be appointed as the Prank master General of the Dregs.

"I can't believe you would do something so stupid!" burst out Kaz in despair and anger.

You remained completely unfazed while Nina, Matthias, Wylan, Jesper and Inej snickered in unison "Can't you?"

"Shut it! I know you lot encouraged her to do this." snapped Kaz in frustration as he pointed at the rest of his friends who grinned

Kaz looked at you once again as he took a deep breath "And why did you place this slogan in bright and glittering colours as bright as Jesper's irritating fashion sense?"

"Because people are more attracted to bright colours and like glitter. Like if I saw that message in black, I'd be afraid but since it's in pretty bold sparkling colours, everyone kind of digs it." you said smartly while the rest of the Crowd clapped proudly for you "They are not like afraid. They are more like... Oh my god Kaz Brekker is about to murder me. Go right ahead Kazzle Dazzle, just whack me -"

"Alright thank you, that's enough." interrupted Kaz hastily and briskly because he did not want to hear the end of the sentence.

Amidst the Crows loud laughter, Jesper hooted "They're like... I'd die for Kaz Brekker and honestly he'll let me. Brutal!"

"The way I consider murder illegal but if Kaz Brekker is doing it, make me the victim." replied Wylan with a teasing smirk.

"CHOKE ME TO DEATH DADDY BREKKER, HALLELUJAH!" you yelled loudly as you raised your glass while Kaz was completely red in the face, embarrassed by his friends drunk shenanigans and chaotic energies.

"Daddy... It's a kink isn't it? It's like a paternal thing?" explained Nina with a wink to Maththias' who had inquired about it.

"Alright Freud." retorted Kaz rolling his eyes at Nina who laughed as he hoped to shut down this conversation quickly "I don't understand why you chose that particular slogan. It sounds like an excerpt from a letter of a serial killer!"

You looked at Kaz with a deadpanned expression "How many killings does it take for a person to be a serial killer?"

Kaz was slightly taken aback but answered nevertheless "Er... Five?"

"Great. We're all serial killers." sighed Jesper dramatically as he looked pointedly at Kaz who obviously had the highest body count.

"Not me." stated Wylan with an innocent smile.

"Bitch please!" chorused everyone together in disbelief as they glared at Wylan who was hiding a grin and you added "You have the second highest body count and you're relatively new."

Jesper grinned as he placed a kiss on Wylan "Well that's my man! He's spectacular at everything he does!"

Kaz gave up. There was no point talking to you.

"Fine. Those slogans are to be taken down tonight -" began Kaz when Rotty came toward them

"Sorry to interrupt boss but there are more than eighteen people and some other gang members queued outside waiting to be initiated as part of the Dregs."

You smirked into your drink as you heard Kaz retort "What is the meaning of this?"

"Uh... The new slogan is real popular boss. People want to be part of the Dregs because we showed them out vision and they like it." said Rotty vibrating in excitement "Also, the customers are pouring in more boss! I think it's the glitter they like -"

"Thank you Rotty. I'll attend to it. Dismissed." said Kaz as he felt your infuriating and insufferable smirk burn a hole through his skull.

"Oh Captain... I believe it's time to say those very special words." you crooned sweetly as you watched Kaz' lips twitch once.

"Y/L/N... you're a genius." stated Kaz in a deadpanned expression and watched in amusement as you nearly choked on your drink while the rest of the Crows were checking their drinks for toxin trips.

You squealed in delight "OH MY GOD! YOU ACTUALLY SAID IT! IT'S REAL!"

"I heard you practicing it to yourself in your room last night." said Kaz calmly and deadpanned as he smirked at how your enthusiasm slightly faded but you were still grinning.

You nodded "That makes more sense. So are you like now going to give me a raise, or a -"

"You're an idiot, Y/N." said Kaz with a subtle exasperated and amused smile and walked away.

"THANK YOU? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU CROWFATHER!" you yelled out loud in exasperation and amusement as everyone laughed.

Inej smiled "Honestly, I didn't expect the prank to turn into something profitable."

Jesper frowned slightly "Yeah it kind ruins it all, doesn't it?"

"Never fear my friends. Kaz is a prankster's delight." you replied with a delightful smile, mischief glinting in your eyes.

Before anyone could ask what you meant, Kaz Brekker's mad voice rumbled across the Crow Club "Y/N Y/L/N! WHAT ARE ALL THESE CONGRATULATORY LETTERS I'VE RECEIVED FROM DIGNITARIES ALL OVER THE WORLD ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM TO BE MARRIED TO THAT STRUTTING PEACOCK ZOYA NAZALENZKY AT THE CHURCH OF BARTER IN KETTERDAM IN TWO DAYS?"

"What?" exclaimed Jesper in amazement

Nina, Wylan, Inej and you exchanged amused stares "Who's going to tell him Zoya is in on this and is actually coming here tonight?"

"You know what, never change, Y/N." said Matthias looking at you affectionately and then looked alarmed because he saw the demjin marching toward you "But you better run or you'll be in trouble with the demjin!"

"Trouble?" you laughed as you winked at your friends "You're only in trouble if you are caught!"

Kaz caught you before you could flee "Gotcha!"

"I'm in trouble." you mumbled and then grinned widely at Kaz Brekker who looked like a bull who had just been kicked as you bit him making him let go of you and you took off running "Congratulations on your nuptials, Captain! You're going to be a lovely bride!"

[siriuslyobsessedwithfiction]

My favorite quotes from Kaz Brekker in my fic, which I will most likely never publish because I'm too embarrassed. I just wanted to share these beause Kaz's personality is difficult to capture in a fic without making him ooc, so I'm sort of proud that these seem like exact things Kaz would say or do:

"The desperate men are the worst kind of men."

"The Dregs can go screw themselves, he muttered, I'll tell them if and when I feel like it."

"One thing I've learned in this life, he said, sighing. There was a small smile on his face, There are no such things as saints. Everyone's flawed."

"Being tense and being prepared are two different things. But you seem to be both, in all the wrong ways."

 (Sarcastically) "After this miraculous sun summoner is discovered, all your problems will surely be solved, and all of Ravka will live in harmony forever."

"If they can't pay me back, I'll take the money from their pockets myself."

"Inej is better off doing more useful tasks then trying to catch a shipment thief. If the thief even exists. His own employees might be stealing from him without him realizing."

"I got paid 240 kruge just for stumbling across those morons, and the night is still young."

"I suppose I have no argument with a midnight waffle run."

"At this point, I could just pretend to be another candidate for the Ravkan throne. A bastard, fathered by the King. I'd have more claim than Nikolai Lantsov."

"See, Nina, sweet? You let them kick mud on your shoes, they'll kick mud in your face next. That's why you shatter their kneecap the first time."

"Lost track of time? What's there to lose track of, Jes? Time only heads one way."

"The steadfast members of the Council of Tides who won't cooperate will be steadfastly replaced."

"The Kerch choose the God of trade and act surprised when he doesn't grant mercy. Benevolence has no place in commerce. Ghezen only hears your prayers when you promise profit."

"You can tell her you got jumped at the docks by a knife-wielding seagull for all I care."

[happynowyo]

Reflection, part 1

So basically I was reading a lot of stuff here with Kaz and got so obsessed I just couldn't stay away. English isn't my first language but I'll try my best to create some readable story. I don't own the characters or the idea itself, it's quite basic but I hope some of you will like it just as I do.

Fandom: Six of crows

Warnings: Kaz Brekker and everything that goes with him

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Shadow Summoner!OC

Summary: Darkling's daughter comes to Ketterdam to hide and get help from Nina, an old friend of her, but instead gets herself a new family that will protect her much better than her real one. The similar touch aversion will bring Jess and Kaz closer together than they could imagine.

Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

For the rest of her life Baghra will be convinced she did the right thing. She may have made many mistakes in her long life but helping her granddaughter Jess was not one of them.

She had grown attached to the girl from the moment she first saw her in the cradle, and she naively thought it would be a good reason for her son to turn his life around. To focus on the family, to get to that rare part of something good that was still left in him as she hoped. And for some period of time it worked. Aleksander paid a lot of attention to his daughter, made time to be with her in spite of his former struggles with the Second Army. Baghra felt his joy and saw it in his black eyes and hoped that Jess would become her support.

She wasn't the only one counting on that, however, and it became abundantly clear when Aleksander began to do individual training with Jess. His thoughts of superior power, his ideas about limitless control were penetrating more and more into his daughter's young mind, and that was why Baghra tried to take control of her, using as an excuse that General Kirigan had to focus on another rebellion.

His departure from the Little Palace was a breath of fresh air, and Baghra put all her energies into helping Jess develop her abilities faster. Her trainings became more intense and started to vary, because Baghra preferred to think that Grishas should not rely solely on their unique abilities. Guns intimidated her with their noise, but Jess developed a special love with knives. A swift throw could be completely silent and it reminded her of the her own shadows that danced so easily and so silently on her fingertips with no effort at all.

— You control the darkness. Not the other way around, remember that, — her father used to say and Jess had believed him so unconditionally that neither of them had ever thought of betraying him in the future.

His lessons had been extremely harsh, and as she grew older, they had increasingly ended in bruises and open wounds, easily vanished by healers only to have Darkling drag her back to the empty West side of the palace the next day and force her to unleash the darkness against his own. Jess was always amazed at how different he could be - attentive and caring one moment and utterly ruthless and indifferent the next. She preferred to separate the two and think of Aleksander as her father and of the Darkling as a teacher, a general, someone who was so obsessed with power that deep down she was horrified at the thought that he could destroy the whole world without blinking an eye just to get what he wanted.

And Baghra confirmed her fears when she told her the truth. About the Black Heretic who created the Fold and faked his death many times just to stay in power. Alina's flee from the Little Palace was the right trigger, and the events in the Fold had proved that the Darkling was blind and deaf to any mercy, that he had no compassion or conscience. Rumors of his tragic death reached everyone, but Baghra suspected that Fold's creator would be able to find a way to deal with its darkness from within and that is why she made Jess run as far away as possible.

After all it was obvious to both of them what would happen if the Darkling was still alive. He would return even more fierce and ruthless than before and he certainly would seek help from his daughter he had raised in his own image. He would use her as an amplifier for himself or force her to serve for his own vengeance. So Baghra, who learned the news from Alina through a secret letter, sent her granddaughter straight to Ketterdam. There, among the countless thieves and murderers, no one would pay attention to the girl hiding her past. Moreover, Baghra had heard rumors that Nina Zenik had settled in Ketterdam and she hoped that Jess, reunited with an old friend, would get the help and support she needed in a foreign land.

If she had known how this would turn out, she would have preferred to leave her granddaughter by her side among the guards of the Little Palace, but doubts had to be killed and she directed all of her prayers that Jess would be able to continue to save the mystery of who her father was and what her abilities were.

"In the darkness and from the darkness," as she used to say.

Part 2

[jahayla-parker]

Never Steal From The Devil : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Part 1

Desc. & Warnings: 3.3k wc, see mini-series masterlist navigation page (link near bottom)

“Still not going to talk?“ the man in front of y/n asks. Y/n had figured out his name was Judson and he was the leader of the group who had captured her. Whoever this Judson guy was, his crew wasn’t very good at keeping their identities secret; having called their leader by his name within minutes of y/n waking up.

Y/n was tied to a metal chair even though she wasn’t putting up much of a fight. Whatever the group had injected her with when they’d jumped her the night she was taken hadn’t fully left her system yet. Whatever it was made y/n feel as though she was being weighed down by a ton of bricks. She could feel it slowly releasing its grip on her over time, but still too slowly for her taste.

Y/n was uncertain how long it had even been. She woke up in some dim, seemingly underground, chamber. Y/n had no sunlight or sky to base an estimated time of day on. Nor did she know how long she was unconscious after having been taken. Saints, y/n didn’t even know if she was still in Ketterdam. However, the thick accents of the men around her made her suspect she was far from home.

Right now y/n was being forced to watch as Judson tortured a random small child. The child was clearly terrified and the group’s leader was feeding off of it. Judson held the child in a separate chair, just across the room from y/n. He’d already struck the kid multiple times without getting any verbal response from y/n. So Judson adjusted his approach as he moved his hand to grab the child by their throat.

Y/n tensed and her mind fought with itself over with her decision to not react. Y/n tried not to grimace when the child squirmed and cried as Judson’s grip tightened. She closed her eyes only for someone to smack her face as they shouted “keep your eyes open”. Y/n opened her eyes as instructed but blurred her gaze as she focused on the wall behind the child instead.

Judson and his crew kept going with repetitive attempts to break her but it wasn’t working. However, as y/n saw the blurry image of the little child go limp her resolve slipped. She instinctively moved her head to the side to look away, as a small, -barely audible even to herself- whimper left her tight lips.

“You can’t listen, can you? How does Dirtyhands put up with your disobedience?” Judson mocked, dropping the child carelessly. “Since he’s not here, we’ll have to figure out a way ourselves” he added, digging into his pocket as he stepped closer. “Perhaps, like this” Judson smirked just as a burning pain formed in her leg.

The force and speed with which the blade punctured her skin caused her body to skip past the tingling sensation that normally accompanied the initial breaking of skin. She stiffly turned her neck to look down at the blood pouring from her thigh. It took all of her strength to not sigh with morbid relief when she saw Judson had missed her femoral artery. At least this way it would take longer for her to bleed out. It was a grim thought, but at least there was something in her favor.

It gave Kaz a chance to make it to her in time. He had to be coming. Y/n knew that. There was little in this world she trusted anymore. Her trust and optimism had been beaten out of her when she was a mere child herself, not much older than the child across from her now; the child Y/n tried to convince herself would live past tonight.

But there was one thing she still trusted and one person she trusted with her life. Kaz and his vengeance. He’d come for her. That was what kept her going as the man’s blade twisted and she felt the fat and tissues in her leg shred apart at its slicing touch.

“Kaz did you forget she’s been taken?” Nina huffed, tired of his stoic demeanor.

Kaz snapped his head towards her and glared venomously, "I've never forgotten anything”. He turned back to the storm of notes on his desk as he whispered to himself, “but, sometimes, I wish I could." It was both true and a blatant lie. Dirtyhands’ world view figured if he could forget about y/n, his life would be easier; he’d have one less target or area of weakness for someone to strike. Such as this group had done the night before when they took Y/n from her post.

Dirtyhands’ argument was logical but it wasn’t true. Not for Kaz. He couldn’t forget y/n and it wasn’t just because his mind memorized every single detail of his surroundings. Instead, he’d long ago suffered through the realization that he’d fallen for Y/n. And as selfish as it may be, he couldn’t wouldn’t give her up. He’d tried to, of course, for both of their sakes, but its result was disastrous.

Even Kaz’s own attempt to sever from y/n broke him in ways he thought were no longer possible. So he’d long ago shifted gears into protecting her with everything in him and everything he had, or could get his hands on. Which is why it had taken so long for something like this to happen. Kaz was careful. Saints, they both were. No one outside of the Crows knew they were together and even the Crows hadn’t known for quite some time.

While Kaz was still working on rebuilding his trust with Jesper’s loose lips, he knew this incident wasn’t on his sharpshooter. Kaz had shown his weakness just weeks prior to her capture. They’d been on a mission that went awry and his first instinct -as always- was to find his girl and get her out. However, he hadn’t accounted for someone to be watching from the skies when Kaz took down the people between him and Y/n. He’d only learned of this after y/n’s capture. Inej had been promptly sent out to find any clues and stumbled upon this information. Kaz’s instinct betrayed him that night and it cost Y/n her safety.

Kaz was currently awaiting Inej to return from her latest orders to search for more information. Nina had only seen his stoic front and not what happened behind closed doors after y/n went missing. Since the night y/n had been taken, Kaz had broken his cane at least twice in his own attempts to obtain information. Fortunately, Jesper was able to solder it back together for Kaz. Kaz was silently very grateful for Jesper’s repairs. He’d need his cane to be functional if Inej was unsuccessful tonight.

Kaz had notes everywhere in his room with even the smallest of details scribbled on them. Things like which boats were in the harbor at what times, the crew lists for said boats, the whereabouts of every Dime Lion for every second of the last month. But nothing was pointing him toward where y/n might have been taken.

If y/n was in the barrell or hell, even anywhere in Ketterdam, she’d be home by now. Kaz had literally torn the streets apart in his fiery search for her. Doors were stripped away from their hinges, windows smashed in, ships lit ablaze, and all around destruction encompassed the Barrel, and soon all of Ketterdam within a matter of 24hrs. Yet, he’d still not found her. Kaz was struggling to keep his stoic facade up as time went on. But, he hadn’t lost his appetite for vengeance and his desire to see y/n returned to him.

Nonetheless, it took everything in Kaz not to snap at his Crows the way he had with the other residents of Ketterdam. He’d undoubtedly lashed out at them several times, but if they kept pushing him or suggesting he wasn’t doing enough to find y/n, Kaz would snap. As tempting as it may have been, it would’ve been a distraction and Kaz needed to keep his focus if he wanted to find y/n. And he more than wanted to find her, he needed to.

Kaz rose from his seat so quickly that his bad leg nearly buckled under him as he heard Inej land on his windowsill. He threw back the curtains as he stared at her with an impatient gaze. Inej offered a small smile and it lit a surge of hope in Kaz; she had something. Something to help him find y/n.

Inej stepped around him as she passed through the window and into his office. The others joined Kaz in staring at her expectantly.

“Good news or bad news first?” Inej questioned, uncertain how to start.

They all shouted out different preferences expect for Kaz. He just narrowed his eyes as he gripped his cane tightly in nervous anticipation.

Inej noticed the movement and decided to give the good news first. “Y/n is alive” she assured them.

Kaz knew this. Or so he told himself. He hadn’t allowed himself to even think for a second that there was any other possibility.

Inej saw Kaz’s impatience grow and she continued, “And, I have a lead on where she may be”.

“Go on,” Kaz commanded firmly, stepping closer as he stared at her with his wild eyes.

Inej glanced at their group before she gave the bad news. She sighed, “intel suggests that she’s in Shu Han”.

Kaz felt himself freeze as his body aggressively tensed at her words. Shu Han? Why would y/n be in Shu Han?

Inej sighed again, “it seems some rebel group heard about y/n’s involvement in our heist with Kuwei and Parem… it’s retaliation”.

Kaz hadn’t realized he asked the questions aloud, something that had never happened to him before. He’d clearly lost control of himself at least for a moment. He had to get it together. For y/n. Kaz nodded and turned to his desk before he sat down and he stared out his window.

The Crows looked at each other as they whisperered suggestions to one another.

Wylan merely shook his head and pointed to Kaz. “Scheming face” Wylan mumbled.

Jesper smirked, Nina resisted the urge to cheer, Inej sighed in relief, and Wylan smiled.

Matthias only nodded to himself as Wylan wasn’t wrong, but he had missed something Matthias hadn’t. It was clear to the Fjerdan that Kaz wasn’t just scheming. Kaz wasn’t merely scheming y/n’s safe return, nor even his revenge for someone having taken her in the first place. Matthias could see Kaz was more determined than he’d ever seen before.

Kaz’s eyes were alight in a way they weren’t when he was merely scheming. He was hopeful, confident, and eager. To Matthias, Kaz was visibly ready to set the rest of the world ablaze -the way he had Ketterdam-, on his way to y/n. It wasn’t just scheming, it was a silent acceptance that Kaz would do anything and everything to bring y/n home; even if it cost him his life in the process. Kaz would remove everyone and everything from this world if necessary, no matter what the odds against him were.

Kaz would go through literal hell, crawling bloody and broken, in order to drag y/n back to them. Back to him. And for once, it was a look and emotion that Matthias could sympathize with Kaz over.

The weather was excruciatingly cold, the numbness giving way into an eternal ache in Kaz’s leg. Yet, he trailed on. They’d been venturing through the inner terrains of Shu Han’s borders for days. They stayed just on the inside of the Shu Han border as the Ravkan side was covered in Ravka militia. However, they couldn’t go too far into Shu Han territory just yet. The Shu Han border held Shu Han’s military, but the true threat was more towards the center of their country where the government was held.

As such, Kaz and his Crows -minus one- stuck in the terrain between those threats. It was rugged, wet, and cold; but it was necessary. Kaz refused to slow down, even if something were to happen to his crew. Y/n had been in the hands of the Shu Han rebels for far too long already and Kaz would not permit it to continue longer than necessary.

Kaz’s mind had zoned out on any possibility of a negative outcome. Any questions or doubts that entered his mind or were whispered amongst his Crows already had an answer. Would he find her? Without question. Would he save her? Always. Would it be too late? No; he refused to entertain that possibility. Would everything go according to his plans? It had to.

Kaz was torn from his dully repetitive thoughts as Inej hesitantly cleared her throat from beside him. When he looked over at her, she nodded towards their right, a few miles ahead of them. Kaz felt his lips curl into a smirk when he saw the first piece of his plan had fallen into place.

They may have known y/n was in Shu Han, but they didn’t know where in Shu Han. Their first step was to solve that problem.

Kaz glanced over at Nina, his smirk still on his lips made her smirk back before she nodded and looked to Wylan.

Wylan pulled a large jar from his bag and placed it in Nina’s outstretched hand.

Nina thanked him and gave Kaz one last look before she parted from their group.

Kaz wordlessly held up a hand as Matthias instinctively stepped forward, as if he were going to follow after Nina. It wasn’t meant to be dismissive. Kaz understood Matthias’s desire and natural inclination to go. But, he’d made a similar decision before and it had let them to this disastrous situation; he wouldn’t have that happen to Matthias. Besides, he needed Nina to do her part flawlessly if they were to proceed with the next step. And Matthias wouldn’t exactly blend into the background while Nina did her work.

Kaz had leveraged his connection with the Ravkan King to have Zoya tailor his crew in order to blend in with the Shu Han residents. Partially for their safety and partially for convenience. Kaz had two Grisha on his team and couldn’t risk the Shu Hans learning of their abilities. Their tailored appearances also allowed them to be less conspicuous when they would wander through the village after Nina’s job was done; therefore not wasting any time in proceeding to the next stage of the plan, to y/n.

This step was simple, or so Kaz hoped. He’d had Wylan concoct a serum that would not cause any harm but still produce a tingling sensation when applied to the skin.

Wylan was of course left in the dark as to the purpose behind such an item, but completed it willingly nonetheless. After all, y/n had become practically a sister to Wylan by now.

Nina was to use said creation to create a ruse as to how the ailments of Evrin Sallow were remedied.

Kaz had determined that Evrin Sallow was the romantic partner of one of the rebel group’s co-leaders. He knew how hypocritical and ironic it was to go after her for the way they’d gone after y/n. But, he didn’t care. They’d crossed him the moment they even debated laying harm to y/n. Therefore, they were too far past any chance of mercy or redemption now.

Kaz had learned that Evrin had been seriously injured, resulting in the girl having trouble moving one of her arms. He ordered Nina to heal the girls arm, slightly; just enough to peak her interest in the pretend miracle topical medicine Nina would be claiming was the cure.

Kaz and the others watched from afar, Inej hiding much closer to Nina should something go wrong or to alert Kaz as to when to move to the next stage. Kaz could feel the energy and nerves bouncing off his Crows as they all waited for a sign as to how things were going.

When Inej looked over her shoulder and gave one nod, they all jumped into action. Wylan and Jesper rushed off to the left to make sure the home Kaz had found earlier was still empty for them to use. Matthias stuck with Kaz as they made their way to the designated spot.

“Is this really the only way?” Matthias asked quietly, his voice showing his deep judgment against their next action. Kaz shot him a look that made Matthias grumble but nod. He wanted Y/n back too, but he just wished there were a less immoral way to do so. But, perhaps that lifestyle became part of the past as soon as he’d chosen to stand by Nina and her friends.

Kaz shot Matthias another silent look, this time questioning his commitment. Matthias glanced from Kaz over to where he saw Nina guiding the evidently naive, or just overly optimistic, Evrin Sallow to the small hut down the road from the village center.

Kaz and Matthias were a mere two feet from the entrance of the hut, the perfect place to grab the girl and force her inside should she change her mind in trusting Nina’s guidance. Which was good because just a few inches before reaching Matthias’s right shoulder, the girl halted.

“It’s in there?” Evrin asked skeptically.

Nina continued her faux timidness as she ‘nervously’ nodded and pretended to stumble over her words. “It… like I said… I can only carry so much on me” Nina glanced back at the hut and shuffled her feet in the muddy ground. “I’m not supposed to be using it on strangers” she lied, biting her lip as she turned to Evrin. “But… your arm… it just made me… sad” Nina sighed dramatically, “my brother lost his in the war, to… a Grisha”.

Evrin frowned but nodded, “I’m sorry”.

Nina nodded along, “so.. yeah. I have some more inside, my partner is not home so you can have some”.

“You said he found the medicine in Ravka?” Evrin asked.

It was a good cover, a great one actually. For the Shu Hans refused to allow Grishas to live, much less use their abilities even if it were to heal something; like Evrin’s arm. Ravkan made medicinal substances on the other hand, were well known to be used by the Shu Hans. They’d tried to make their own medicines but Ravkan soil was the most fertile for growing the crops needed for effective medicine. Yet, they’d had little to no access to such products in decades due to the war. Any access came from thefts by their milita during attacks, or spies within Ravkan borders. Therefore it was only accessible to the wealthier of Shu Han residents.

It was clear that Evrin not only believed the ruse, but also was eager to be healed. Nina had clearly healed her arm enough for Evrin to be able to no longer have it limp, but not enough for her to use it; as was the plan.

Nina nodded, looking around ‘nervously’, “yes”.

Evrin took a hesitant step towards the hut. She looked over her shoulder once more, not able to see that Inej was watching from the roof of the next nearest house. Evrin turned and followed Nina inside.

Matthias sighed with relief when he realized he wasn’t going to have to wrestle the girl to get her inside.

Kaz promptly followed after Nina and Evrin before the door could swing shut behind him. He locked the door, leaving Inej and Matthias outside. He had no time or energy for their moral compasses at the moment.

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Kaz nsftd tag: @thedelusionreaderbitch @deadlymistletoe

[moonstruck-poet]

His Love Language

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - This fic depicts Kaz and the subtle ways in which he shows his love.

Warnings - curse words, injury, wounds, blood, fight.

Kaz Brekker noticed everything. Whether it be someone cheating in a game of cards, enemies tailing him during his walk, or even his crows being unlike their usual selves.

Because he always paid more attention to what a person is doing than what they're saying. Talk may thrill, but action reveals.

He had an eye for taking in the details. It was both terrifying and beautiful.

Terrifying for his rivals of course. He knew exactly what to pull off and how to pull it off for them to go insane.

And beautiful for his love, his one and only. Him having such a knack for remembering the littlest of things helped him immensely in his relationship with you.

Not many people noticed it before, not even you yourself. But as time passed, you learned that his love language were actions. Not physical touches, words of affirmations, gifts and presents. No.

But it was all about those small acts showcased by him that made you fall deeper for the bastard of the barrel. Your heart now always took notice whenever he did the most mundane things for you. It immediately took up its pace and reminded you of the exact reason why it still kept on beating.

Your fellow crows took a hell of time to gather just how deep the love of Kaz Brekker was. But once they did, saints were they both shocked and ecstatic.

All of them had their own doubts when they came to know of your relationship. Nobody was a stranger to the fact that both of you were extremely closed off people. Not opening more than what was necessary, and in the case of Kaz, not opening up at all.

But one look at the way you two understood each other without even having to express, made them believe that you two would make each other happy.

===============================

Dirtyhands had struck another deal with a man named Arken Viking. The plan seemed quite simple, understandable even when it was explained.

And naturally everybody was feeling good knowing that they had a hundred percent chance of survival as it wasn't a difficult mission by any means. It just had a lot of steps that needed to be followed and so all seven of them were heavily involved.

Jesper, Wylan, Kaz and Matthias were waiting for the other girls to arrive. It was the final task of the day and they would then carry on again tomorrow.

Jesper was the one to pace around, unable to sit still in one place. He hated waiting more than anything else. Ask him to put up some money for a gamble? It would be done without wasting a second. Task him with shooting something impossibly far away? He'd have it completed before you could say shoot. But staying put in one place, he couldn't do it.

It was only for Wylan engaging with him that he even sat for ten minutes.

"Where did they go?" He grumbled and finally got up, stretching his legs and walking to stand near the two men who stared ahead, their expressions tight.

"They're late," Matthias muttered, trying his best to hide the worry he felt for a specific one but it was useless, all of them knew about his feelings but him.

"It'll be fine, they'll be here soon," Wylan said, standing next to Jesper and blushing very slightly when the tall boy leaned his shoulder against his and let out a sigh.

"You're sure that there's no danger right, Kaz?" Jesper asked and looked at his boss who didn't look away. His eyes firmly set on the road in front of them.

"Yes," he spoke, sure of himself. But there was this slight, very tiny nagging in the back of his mind that something had gone terribly wrong and he clenched his jaw.

But all of their worries dissipated at seeing the silhouette of three women walking towards them.

Matthias let out a sigh of relief once he saw Nina's bright face, him sending a quick prayer to Djel for looking over the three.

Kaz felt himself lighten instantly, his previously tensed posture relaxed as he saw you looking positively unscathed. His eyes found yours instantly and you sent him a smile, while quickly closing the distance between you two.

"You're late," was all he said, his eyes sweeping over everyone before landing on your figure which was leaning against the wall, right next to him.

"Let us live a little, Brekker," Nina rolled her eyes while Inej shook her head, though she too smirked.

"We were worried," Wylan was the one to speak that was on the tip of everybody's tongue.

"All of you?" She said with a raised eyebrow, looking pointedly at Kaz who merely glared at her sharply.

"Obviously!" Jesper exclaimed. "Now that you're all here, we can finally get some well deserved rest. Kaz let's take a room somewhere, yeah?"

"We can't," he said, turning his eyes away from you, rather unwillingly actually.

"What do you mean we can't?"

"Use your eyes, Jes," Inej said with a teasing smile. "Do you see any shops, hotels or anything nearby?"

"Then where the hell are we sleeping?" Nina said with a incredulous look. "I am not going to lie down in the middle of the street!"

Jesper too looked alarmed at the prospect and whipped his head around to stare at their leader.

"You think I'd let everyone sleep on the roads?"

"Can't put anything past you at this point," she grumbled and you laughed making Kaz give you a disbelieving expression.

"There's a warehouse ten minutes from here, we'll stay there for the night".

All of them groaned loudly at the thought of walking once again but soon started their small journey. And once they had reached the place, Jesper quite literally threw open the doors and scanned the area.

"Clean enough," he shrugged and laid the small blankets they had brought onto the floor. "Good night then," he waved lazily and Wylan followed his lead but not before gazing fondly at him for a few seconds.

"You failed to mention this in you plan, Kaz," Nina shot him a look and dragged her belongings to the corner of the room, accompanied by Inej and Matthias.

"Let's sleep, shall we?" You said softly and he nodded, taking off his coat while you arranged the sheets and removed your shoes, sighing at finally being able to rest.

He laid down himself, his body close to yours so your arms brushed a little. "You're okay, aren't you?"

"I'm all good," you turned your head to face him, taking in his features that you so loved. From his dark brown eyes that softened at your reply to his hands placed in front of him, the pale skin shining under the minimum lighting present.

He gave a curt nod and scanned your face once before closing his eyes, depriving himself of your addictive beauty.

"Night," you whispered and turned on your side, one hand under your head for support and the other lying in front. He didn't reply but instead reach ahead to brush his thumb against your forearm and interlocking your little fingers together.

You smiled, him being the last thought in your mind before sleep overtook you.

The rest of the night passed in peace before it was time for the sunrise. Naturally Kaz, Inej and Matthias were the first ones to wake. The rest were all sleeping soundly and soft breaths echoed in the room.

Kaz was looking over the layout of the building once again, making sure that everything would go on without any problems or worries when suddenly your knee brushed against his.

He stiffened at the contact for a second before turning around to see you pulling your legs up to your chest and curling into a ball. He immediately spotted the goosebumps that littered your arms and an unnoticeable shiver pass through you.

His eyes searched for a spare blanket somewhere but found none as all were used as mattresses for everybody to lay on. A small frown marked his lips as his mind raced and landed on a conclusion.

He took his coat that he had used as a pillow and dusted it before gently putting it over your body. Your curled figure made it easier and he adjusted it, making sure the warm jacket covered you completely.

You involuntarily grabbed the collar, your eyes still shut and cuddled into it.

While he felt himself ease up with satisfaction and he shot you one last look, unable to keep the fondness away from his gaze and returned to check the papers.

Matthias who had been watching the unspoken exchange felt his insides warming up at seeing the cold and distant demeanour of Kaz Brekker melting a little for you.

===============================

Predictably, the heist was successful and no one had expected anything less. In fact, it had gone a little more than satisfactory. They had no troubles waiting for them inside the building and no distractions outside too.

So to conclude, everybody was high on the fact that they had managed to pull it off with such stealth.

They were all given their paychecks when they returned back home.

"Saints," Jesper sighed and lovingly twirled the kruge in his fingers while Wylan unknown to anyone else but you shot tiny daggers at those pieces of money.

You hid your smirk, keeping the check in your pocket and walked over to your friend, "I understand, Wy," you patted his shoulder sympathetically while he became red.

"What do you understand?" He asked hurriedly and avoided eye contact.

"Oh come on," you chuckled. "I know about your not so little feelings. You fancy him, don't you?"

"No I don't," he mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe just a little," he added as an afterthought.

You just brought him in a comforting side hug, quite endeared by the boy and ruffled his already wild hair. "I hate to say it, but he's more oblivious than anyone".

"I know," he groaned in exasperation, resting his head on your shoulder as you were considerably taller than him.

"Planning to steal her from Brekker?" Nina's playful words broke their conversation making the others laugh.

"Who's stealing what from me?" The man himself entered, as usual being perfect in his timing of showing up at the most unnecessary of times.

Wylan immediately removed your arm from his shoulder but Kaz being himself obviously glimpsed it. His expression did not betray anything, it was carefully kept stoic and calm. But he couldn't fool you, there was a reason why he'd let you walk fearlessly into his locked up heart.

His eyes seemed sullen for just a fraction of second. He wasn't reacting on the joke, of course not. He was now used to the crows trying to make him jealous. But rather the thing that had made him feel lost, was touch.

His inability to provide you with every bit of himself was killing him inside. For heaven's sake he couldn't even bear to embrace you without feeling as though he were on the edge and one small step would make him fall deeper into the oceans.

He swallowed and averted his gaze making you stare at him even more, trying to figure out what was bothering him.

You got up from your place and went over to sit in a chair beside him, keeping the distance because you weren't sure if he was okay with the proximity or not. But then he himself shifted his chair, and your legs brushed making him pull away quickly.

"Kaz," you said worriedly, moving back a little. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he lied and you frowned. He knew very well that you could tell he was being untruthful.

He willed his mind to focus on you rather than his surroundings and took your hand in his, taking a deep breath despite the barrier of his glove.

But it wasn't enough, he felt the strange need to be even closer to you despite his brain screaming in denial. And for the second time in his life, he decided to go with his heart and looked you in the eyes, noticing your evident concern as you approached him cautiously.

He gave his surroundings a quick scan. It was only the seven of them and they were all minding their own business. He made a split decision and started taking the glove off of his right hand.

You didn't say anything, finally understanding that he needed your touch and you were more than happy to provide.

He stopped in his tracks after pulling it off, staring at his pale, vulnerable hand.

"It's okay," you whispered softly, fighting the urge to lean over yourself. "I'm here. It's just you and me. You can do this".

He looked unsure but slowly extended it towards you. It wasn't like he hadn't done it before, he had, but it had been quite a long time ago.

He gently brushed his fingertips over your palm and relaxed when no waters rose. He nudged his little finger with yours and looked up to see you before locking them.

Your face held a small, adoring smile. It was so simple, yet so complex. You squeezed gently once and he returned it instantly making you laugh softly.

He felt strange in a good way, as if he had accomplished everything he wanted when he had only heard the sound of your laughter.

"Okay you two stop your gossiping, it's dinner time," Jesper broke the moment and was rewarded with a threatening glare. He just grinned in return when his eyes fell on a hand, Kaz's hand to be specific and his mouth hung open slightly.

"Never seen a hand before?" Kaz raised an eyebrow and swiftly pulled on the glove.

He looked away, his mind still trying to figure it out as he grabbed the plates.

You stood up from your seat much to Kaz's displeasure who shot a heartbroken look your way that you missed. But Jesper caught on as he was sitting right opposite.

He'd never thought that he would live to see the day when Dirtyhands would look sad like a lovesick puppy. He was debating with himself whether he even saw it happening because the look was gone in less than a second, replaced by his usual dark gaze.

But he was cut off from his thoughts when you smiled at him, keeping a plate of food on the table. "Enjoy".

"Yeah, 'course love".

All of them were now sitting at the table for the first time in months. They just never seemed to have a time fixed that would match everyone's schedule. And for most part, they were all lazy as well.

You were sitting at the corner of the table with Nina at the opposite side, her having every bit of your attention at the moment as she chatted away happily much to the disappointment of the man sitting to your right.

"The cake is great, Nina," Inej complimented her and she gave her a wink in return.

"It is nice," Matthias agreed making the said chef blush despite her smirk.

"Yeah I love it," Wylan smiled brightly.

"Oh damn," you winced as the spoon fell down with a loud clatter, breaking the conversation for a bit before it resumed again.

Inej watched you with amusement, laughing at your resigned expression when you bent down to retrieve it with a sigh. But then her eyes widened in surprise.

Kaz Brekker, the most ruthless man she'd ever met was maybe not that uncaring. She merely watched as his hand went to cover the sharp corner of the table as if it was an everyday occurence.

And you got up, putting the spoon away to take a new one when you stopped mid-action to see a gloved hand had been placed inches above your head that would have definitely rubbed against the edge.

At the moment all that existed for you was the person sitting right next to you. You stared at him blankly, planting holes on the side of his face.

He, sensing it turned to look at you, raising his eyebrows as though to ask, 'What?'

But you just shook your head and offered him a small smile and you swore you saw his lip twitch slightly.

===============================

"Ready Inej?" You asked, as softly as you could muster though you were shaking inside, knowing that you two only had one shot at this.

"All ready," she whisperer back and crouched down slightly, preparing to jump.

A gunshot was heard and the guard was successfully distracted by the sound giving Inej some time to slip in between the shadows and enter the room.

You had no choice than to shoot a bullet and now they were all alarmed which would make escaping very difficult.

Your eyes squinted in the darkness as you surveyed the room, hoping no one caught a glimpse of you and praying to whichever Saint there was for Inej to finish her job.

"Come on," you muttered to yourself, your legs shaking with anticipation as it had easily been ten minutes since she had disappeared. "Where the hell are you?"

Just then you spotted some movement going on further to your left and loaded your gun while also keeping one hand on the scabbard tied around your waist. Your footsteps were barely heard as they travelled softly on the wooden floor.

Someone had definitely seen you and were on a hunt, all you could do was make sure to stay hidden perfectly. The darkness was surely an ally but an enemy too.

A loud thud was the only warning you had before someone knocked the air out of your lungs making you skid backwards. You gasped, hands pressed to your chest while taking in deep breaths and moving away from the man, buying yourself time. It didn't feel like your ribs had broken but it hurt nonetheless.

You wracked your brain for a sign of another presence but it was only him. "Viking," you growled in anger after he stepped into the light. "I should've known".

He simply chuckled darkly, "You didn't though. Even Brekker failed. So I think I did my work to perfection, yeah?"

"Who else have you got?"

"No one!" He said, sounding strangely happy and you believed him to be a psychopath. "But the same can't be said for you, am I right?"

But you just shrugged, knowing if you spoke he'd be able to distinguish because of your voice. You should think about asking Kaz to teach you how he managed to always control his tone perfectly. But that would only be possible if you got out of here alive.

Not saying another word you charged, knowing using a gun would prove to be dangerous for you if he snatched it from you. Unfortunately, one of your downfalls was thag you didn't have much of a strong grip. And so you took two knifes and attacked him from both sides.

He took on a few cuts, some going deep and you were scarred too. A small one painted your cheekbone, one on the side of your neck and some on your arms.

You fought for quite a time, both being bloody with sweat dripping off your bodies. It was only when you pretended to hit him from your left and he fell for the basic trick, blocking your attack and in turn giving you easy access to wedge your knife straight into his abdomen. You shot him too for safety measures and double checking.

"Motherfucker," you heaved a sigh, wincing after feeling the burn of the cuts littering you and the stickiness of blood. "Fucking finally!" You exclaimed when your friend came into view, panting slightly and you knew she had gotten into a fight as well.

"Atleast we're matching," she said with a smile and pointed at the similar scars on your forearms.

"Yeah sure," you laughed and quickly moved out, not wanting to personally invite trouble.

The journey back the the Slat was a peaceful one, as it always was with Inej. You talked about Arken's betrayal, the documents she'd found and copied and some amounts of kruge that was just lying on the desk.

"Well despite everything, atleast we got it done," you grimaced slightly and opened the door, immediately walking over to the bar to get yourself a shot atleast. You needed the liquor desperately.

"Oh you're h- Saints!" Wylan sputtered, taking in the bloody sight when you turned. "You're drinking whiskey?!"

"Wy," you said, trying to explain before you faced his wrath. "I needed it".

"Like hell you did," he shook his head and called Nina so urgently that anyone would think you were dying.

"Don't- Wylan-" you cut yourself off after seeing his glare.

"Calm your potions, she's not dying" Nina Zenik said after one glance at your figure lounging in the chair.

"But she's injured!"

"Injury and death don't mean the same thing! And she looks alright to me except for a few cuts. Oh you and Inej have matching tattoos now," she said with a laugh.

"Jesper!" You summoned your gunslinger and he appeared right before you. "Take your man away or I'm going to actually die".

The boy got out of his haze of sering you all bruised and bloodied up before smirking a little and throwing a wink. He took hold of Wylan's arm and dragged his away.

"Matthias get me some bandages would you?" Nina asked as she healed the cuts and Matthias who had finished dressing Inej's arm walked over to you.

"Ouch woman!" You groaned and threw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

"It's the size of a paper cut! You don't shout this much when you have a literal bullet in your shoulder".

"They hurt more".

She rolled her eyes though a smile was present on her face as she cleaned the blood from your neck and healed the long cut there.

"Where's Kaz?" You asked, not wanting to admit that you had missed him and wanted to be in his presence.

"He's out somewhere, probably finding another deal," Matthias sighed and bandaged your palm.

After some time you were all healed though the scars were as clear as day. You didn't mind them at all because you were convinced they made you look even more terrifying and beautiful.

"You all okay?" You questioned Inej who was sharpening her collection of knives.

"I always am," she smiled and took your knife to sharpen making you give her a grateful look.

It was now almost past eleven at night and you were sitting on the bed in Kaz's room waiting for him. You wanted to see him, had longed for him after being away for almost an entire day.

And the Saints did answer your plea albeit a while later. You heard the familiar tap of his cane and heavy footsteps as he climbed the staircase and opened the door. His eyes sharp but relaxing upon seeing you.

"Mission went well?" He asked and took off his coat and hat while walking towards you and slumping down on the bed.

"Yes, though Arken's betrayal was a great bit of surprise," you said and sat up, unconsciously putting weight on your elbows and arms in doing so and hissing hissing angrily, clutching your sore muscles.

"What's wrong?" He asked immediately but when you didn't answer, he got up to turn on the lights and saw your scrunched up face.

And one by one he took notice of the bruises that were turning black and blue, bandages being wrapped around your palm and bicep and a thin but prominent scar on your neck. He swallowed the unfamiliar restlessness, fighting the urge to wrap you in his arms and kill the man who had injured you so badly.

"You're hurt," he stated as though you weren't aware of it and closed the distance, sitting as close to you as possible. "You're hurt," he repeated, his eyes flicking from every part of you back to your eyes.

"I was, I'm okay now".

"Who?" He all but spat out, his insides burning with hatred.

"Arken. But I killed him, don't worry".

He eased a little and removed his gloves, cautiously reaching forward to hold your bandaged palm in both of his hands. His breath hitched at the coldness and you made a move to pull away but his grip tightened and he shook his head firmly.

Slowly but surely he relaxed again, feeling comfortable as he unknowingly cradled your hand with such gentleness that you closed your eyes. His fingers traced the edge of the white material, rubbing slow circles.

He suddenly looked up and your breath got caught in your throat at the sheer proximity between you two. You were so close that you could feel the air he heavily exhaled and a faint blush was quick to rise on your cheeks. His dark brown irises staring intently into yours with a flame of possessiveness.

His eyes dipped down to your lips before moving to the scar on your cheekbone and his eyebrows furrowed just a tiny bit. He raised his hand once again, he had only done it once before and the feeling was a huge rival to drowning.

His jaw tightened when the tip of his index finger touched your jaw as softly as a feather. Despite wanting to stay still, you couldn't help it and leaned into his hand, conveying the message that you needed more.

He understood and gritted his teeth, carefully sliding his palm upwards to cup your cheek. His chest expanded as he released the pent up frustration.

This feeling, it was a rival to heaven.

Now that he had touched your skin, he craved more. His thumb softly caressed the scar like it may disappear under his brush. The finger moved at a leisurely pace, soaking in the beautiful feeling for as long as he could hold on.

You couldn't bring yourself to talk after witnessing the tenderness that oozed from his touches and caresses. It was like nothing you had experienced before. The moment felt so precious and for good reason.

You smiled at him, your eyes displaying the immense love that your heart held only for him and also silently thanked him.

He noticed. Of course he did.

And he offered you a gorgeous smile of his own. His lips stretching though not too wide but it was perfect for you and you fell for him yet again.

You found home in his smile and he saw love in your eyes.

===============================

[petertingle-yipyip]

STRANGER (iv) -KAZ BREKKER

tags: @beekeepingageissome @shadowzena43 @nikfigueiredo @mp-littlebit @starmansirius @hadesnumber1daughter // previously / next

Pairing: Kaz x Davina Rollins (enemies to lovers)

Word Count: 6,626

Summary: The Bastard of the Barrel faces off with the Snake. On neutral ground, the start of the potential alliance shines through. The only problem is if it can cut through the tension.

You slammed Kaz against the wall hard. Maybe harder than you needed to. The impact shifted the hat he wore and you wanted to smack it off his head. You twisted the fistful of his jacket for a tighter grip. Your forearm was pressed against his chest and your knuckles were pressing at the high collar of the button-up under the jacket.

Your other hand was firmly against his mouth. Your fingers were pressing into his cheek, feeling the presence of a faded scar on his skin and the hammering pulse in his veins. You could feel his shallow breathing, both from the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the exhales from his nose.

He was rigid under your pressure. His arms were locked at his side, a death grip on his cane that you thought would snap it in half. His eyes were bigger than dinner plates and it was as if he was trying to become one with the wall behind him.

“Are you insane?” You hissed. “Lions prowl the Barrel more than you and the Crows. You call me that and it could very well end with a bullet in my chest.”

He said nothing, but it felt like he was trembling.

“Yes, it’s not nice when someone else has you pinned.” You continued. “I ought to rid myself of you right now.”

More silence, as if he had shut down.

You rolled your eyes and released his jacket. You reached under your cloak and freed your knife, holding it against his throat instead.

“Will you speak now, hmm?” You taunted. “Or have you forgotten your Kerch?”

It may have been the clouds hiding the sun, or the depth of the alley you ducked into, but you were convinced you had seen his eyes go glassy as if he were fighting tears. His breathing had grown faster, shallower. You worried his heart may give out.

What had you done?

All the Saints, Davina, how did you break him?

“Kaz?” Your brows furrowed. “Are you alright?”

His eyes darted to the hand on his mouth before back to your eyes. You saw a thin sheen of sweat beginning across his features so you carefully withdrew both your hands. You put them up in surrender, or maybe apology, and took a step back.

His eyes closed and you saw the heavy sigh of relief. He tilted his head back against the brick and he slid down, dropping to the unceremonious thud. His cane clattered lightly beside him and he pulled his hat off, holding it tightly between his gloved hands.

Carefully, you knelt in front of him. You swallowed your nerves as you put your knife away. You shifted your position so your back was more towards the streets and you adjusted your hood so your face was more visible.

You hesitated, both wondering what was happening and how you were supposed to react. You could tell that he was losing himself in thoughts, something haunted, but how were you supposed to bring him back to the present?

Or felt like you were caught in some intimate moment, some vulnerable instance that you were never meant to see.

You considered the childish nickname you had for him. It would be easy enough to say, but you wanted to at least pretend you had maintained your secret identity. 

“Brekker?” You tried instead but he wouldn’t open his eyes. You reached for his arm, to try and place a comforting hand, but he jerked his limb away from your touch as soon as your hand touched his sleeve. “What’s…”

“Do not touch me.” He bit out and you nearly flinched.

“Is there any way I can help?”

“Keep talking.” He said tightly. “Please.”

“If this is some ploy to get me to give you intelligence on the snakes.” You snapped.

“It isn’t, Vina…”

Vina. The nickname he decided he would use instead of Davi. It hit your chest like an anvil and you sucked in a gasp. You were equal parts glad he still remembered and surprised he used it.

“Fine…” You forced out and nodded, buying time to think about what to say. “Well, I’ve been thinking of learning Ravkan. I think language is the one thing I hadn’t had a tutor for as a child. Saints, that sounds terrible, like I were a merchant’s daughter.” You wrinkled your nose in disgust. Not that your true parentage was much better.

“Oh but I do wish I had a tutor for more grace, to move and float like the Suli. Their abilities on the high wire or the trapeze are just magical, don’t you think?”

What were you supposed to say? You had no idea what else to yammer about so you simply pretended you were just two people catching up, and in a way, maybe you were.

“Not to say I can’t stick a landing or a balance across a parapet, but I feel as if it’s just amateur. Perhaps I’m being overly critical of myself.” You shrugged. “I am self-taught in most regards, which is impressive if I say so myself, but dammit all if I cannot do some of the tricks the Wraith can do. I envy her for that.”

Among other things, like Dirtyhands’ favor.

No. Even though you had silenced it, the little voice wouldn’t stay away long.

“You envy the Wraith?” He finally spoke. His voice was tight, like an elastic pulled too tight, and rough like it had been dragged across East Stave. His eyes were finally open, though he was staring blankly at the wall across from him.

“She moves with such grace and fluidity.” You confessed. “Such sure-footedness. It’s as if she’s never questioned where to step or where she’s going.”

“You say that as if you don’t.”

“I know what I want.” Mostly. “But I’m not sure if it will be all I want.”

“What is it that you want?”

Looking at Kaz, with that brief crack in his armor, it made you reconsider what you had told Melli earlier. There is nothing between Kaz and I. And she was right, he was very pretty. But it also reminded you of something else. Kaz was just a man, and all men could fall.

You didn’t want that, though. At least, you didn’t think you did.

“That seems to be the question, other than to see my father’s empire burn, of course.” You nodded. “What just happened to you?”

“Nothing to concern yourself with, Hood.” He said flatly. You could tell there was the intent of anger in the words, cool danger that was supposed to threaten, but it was missing. Maybe purposefully so. “Why are you visiting Zenik?”

“For a chat.” You shrugged. If he wanted to switch personas, you could too. “She makes me laugh, and given the life I choose to lead, I could use it.”

“And the boy?”

“Who I choose to tumble is none of your concern.” You snapped, pushing to your feet, and noticed he looked as if you had struck him. The expression was quick and you had nearly missed it. You stepped over his outstretched legs and reached down, picking up his cane and tossing it between your hands. “I could ask why you’re shadowing me and what you hope to learn, assuming you don’t have everything figured out already, but I won’t. Because unlike you, my friend, I can see when I’ve hit a wall I cannot yet beat down.”

You offered a hand to help him up but he batted it away. You made a face to yourself and turned your attention to some imaginary lint on your cloak while he worked to stand. Once he was on his feet, you handed the cane back and you noticed his purposeful avoidance of your hands.

“Have you been to your new business venture recently?” Kaz asked. A casual enough question, but a question from Kaz was never simple. Every inquisition was a loaded blow, ready to strike for information.

“No.” You confessed, pulling your hood down to hide in the shadows it created. “I intended to stop by later. Why? What have you done?”

“Do you think me so underhanded that I wouldn't give you a day to enjoy your purchase?”

“Well, considering it has been a day since, yes.”

“Your gambling hall is unscathed.” He shrugged and you glared at him. “But there is a neat little message waiting for you.”

“Is this some coy way of saying that you’ve repainted the facade with blood?” You asked wearily. “Or you’ve hung Dime Lions from the gutters?”

“Now that would be a sight, wouldn’t it?” His eyes shone with the thought. “But alas, I haven’t.”

“Then what’s the message?”

“Well, that’d spoil it.” He feigned a frown and you thought of stomping on his meticulously polished shoe. “The Wraith went through all the effort to deliver it herself.”

“Now I’m sure it’s a body. If it’s not Pekka Rollins, you can take it back.”

He smiled at the idea and it was a smile of pure malice. That was who the Barrel knew as Dirtyhands, and that was a man you could fear. However, you maintained composure and showed no sign of backing down.

“Or maybe it’s the ring.” Your eyes caught on the flash of silver chain around his neck. You smiled slightly. “I wouldn’t have thought you one for sympathy, Dirtyhands.”

“Clearly you don’t know me the way you think, Hood.” He waved a hand.

You made a small noise of disagreement and shrugged your shoulders. He cut you a sideways glance and you saw his hands shifted over the crow’s head of his cane. You thought of the weight it carried when it banged into your ribs, the precision he used to slice your cheek, the all over danger the adorned stick held.

“You should know…” You began, backing out of the alley. “If you speak at all on that name and my appearances again, I’ll have to cut out your tongue.”

“Is that right?” He asked in amusement, as if he were playing a game with a toddler.

“Yes, quite. I’ll cut it out, shove it down your treacherous throat, and then I’ll slit your neck open and watch you choke on your tongue and drown in your own blood.” You threatened. “What a sight that would be, hmm? Oh, and then I’ll dump your body at the Wraith’s feet.”

“I can only imagine what she’d do in return.” He mocked, feigning a shiver. “Besides, I could give you the same warning for what you’ve seen here.”

“But you won’t?” You asked hesitantly.

As he walked by you, he tapped the crow’s head against your arm in some sort of silent message. You nearly pulled a blade on him, or at the very least stuck your foot out to trip the bastard.

But you did nothing. Once he was out of sight, you let out a long sigh. You had no idea what was going on anymore, but you did know one thing. You had to figure out what was waiting for you at the gambling hall, courtesy of the Dregs.

When Kol met you outside, his eyes were alight from using his powers. He was grinning, rubbing his fingers together as if they were covered in something you couldn’t see, and the excitement was radiating off him. You brought him with you to retrieve the message before returning to your building.

You brought it to your office and called Melli in. She insisted Kol stay. She said that you needed more people in your inner circle than just her and a Corporalnik was as good as anyone. You waved a hand and dropped in your chair while she opened the door and called him back in.

Your cloak was still fitted in place and your arms crossed under the dark fabric, hood still sitting low on your forehead. You stared silently at the envelope, seeing your name across the front in a tall, slanted script. You doubted it was the Wraith’s or Haskell’s. No, something about the letters told you it was Kaz who wrote it.

You shivered.

“You’re staring at it like it will speak to you.” Melli commented.

“Or like it’s going to bite her.” Kol joked.

“Maybe it will.” You answered flatly. “You never know for sure what Dirtyhands is up to.”

“Don’t you?” Melli teased but you refrained from turning a glare on her. You heard her huff a loud sigh. “Oh for Saint’s sake, Dav, you can take the hood off. You look like you’re part of that cult.”

“A cult?” Your eyes came up.

“There’s rumors of a small cult in Ravka, devoted to the Starless One… The Darkling.” Kol filled in, a deep frown settling across his usually bright features. “They think he should be named a Saint.”

You reached up and pushed back the hood with both hands and Kol gave you a thankful smile. You nodded slightly and used a finger to spin the envelope. You pushed it towards Melli and she took it with greedy fingers.

“They’re demanding a meet at the Exchange.” She read, her eyes moving along the words, paper gripping in both hands. “Three days from deliverance of the letter, but there’s no exact date. Otherwise they’ll protest the sale of the gambling den.”

“Of course.” You sighed. “It’s my understanding the Wraith delivered it last night, meaning today is one day since.”

“So the night after tomorrow.”

“Hand it here.” You held a hand out and Melli handed you the note. You read it over, noting the specifics of his wording. “He’s calling for me to show up…”

“You as in Davina or you as in the Hood?”

“It says ‘The Snake’ so I’m guessing Davina.” You tossed the paper to your desk and ran a hand down your face. “Kol, how well can you Tailor?”

“Small changes, usually last a few hours.” He gave a small, almost apologetic shrug.

“Good enough.”

“What are you thinking?” Melli chimed in.

“It calls for me, but it doesn’t say to come as I am.” You smiled slightly. “Kol, you’ll Tailor me to look more like my father, as close a resemblance as you can.”

“I’ve never seen your father.” He shook his head.

“I have a family miniature around here somewhere.” You waved a hand. “Melli? Would you be willing to be Tailored to look closer to me as I am now?”

“To be the Hood.” She understood, though she paled at the idea. “Wouldn’t you want your cloak? As protection?”

“I have the other armor. I won’t make you do this if you don’t want to.”

“I just worry that Brekker will know.” She reached for the cuff of her long sleeve before freezing and folding her hands neatly behind her back. “He may not believe the illusion.”

“He has no proof to make any accusations. And I’ve already given you my word, Melli. I won’t let him harm you.” You hoped honesty came across in your expression. “Besides, an untrained Heartrender may be just as dangerous as a trained one.”

Kol stood a little straighter. “I’ll protect you both as best I can.”

“As kind as that is, let’s hope we won’t need it. I believe there’s no weapons in the courtyard, so that may deter any idiotic ambushes.”

“Didn’t you say the cane was what gave you that scar? If he brings that, he has a weapon.” Melli argued.

“Yes.” You answered carefully. “But I can try to hide a blade or two. Worst case scenario, I’m caught and Stadwatch takes them.”

“Very confidence inspiring, thank you.” Melli grumbled.

“You can tell me no. I won’t be offended.”

“Can I think on it?”

“Of course. Let me know the morning of… And do we still have the paperwork to rename the den?”

“Yes, in my room.” She nodded.

“I don’t think we’ll name it Sixth Sense. It’s too niche.”

“What then?”

“Poisoned Rook.” You shrugged.

“A rook is a crow.” Kol commented.

“Exactly.” You smiled. “If it’s in Dreg territory, why not make it a jab at them?”

“I like it but wouldn’t it anger them?” Melli asked.

“Very likely, but that’s the point. Mel. And we’ll commission someone to design a crow being caught by a snake, maybe even bitten by the snake.”

You noticed their concerned expressions.

“This summons is a show of force, an attempt to bully us. They have us outnumbered and they know it.” You explained. “But I am my father’s daughter and if it means anything, it means that I will not be pushed around by Kaz Brekker.”

“I like that fire in your eyes.” Kol said with a mischievous smile of his own.

The days came and went and you were seated in your office while Kol did his work. Your scalp tingled as the color of your hair changed and it bunched itself into tighter curls. You saw from your peripherals the dark, shadowed red turning to a burnt copper color, as if it was mixing your mother’s and father’s color. His fingers brushed your cheeks and bridge of your nose to adorn scattered freckles. He adjusted your brows and lashes to match in hair color and he even shifted your eye color. Small changes to your face shape, rounded cheeks like your childhood and a different curve of your lips.

You almost didn’t recognize yourself when you caught your reflection.

“Kaelish features in all their glory.” You rolled your eyes, fitting your protective vest into place. “Do you want to change anything on yourself?”

“No.” He shook his head, a confident look in his eyes.

“Alright.” You nodded. “Melli will be seeing to the name change paperwork so without her, they’re likely to ask about the Hood. Do not answer them, for anything really. I’m not sure who Brekker will bring, so be ready for anything.”

He nodded and you two were on your way. You made it to the Exchange at about the same time Kaz did. The posted Stadwatch nodded you through after a brief glimpse over your persons.

He didn’t find the retractable blade cuffed around your wrist or the thinner knife stashed in your boot.

You wore no mask, deciding your Tailored features were enough. You cleared your throat and dawned your best Kaelish accent.

“Pleasure to see you boys.” You nodded to them, noticing only Kaz and Jesper showed up. “What, no Wraith tonight? Or is she watching from above?” You glanced to the rooftops, Kol kept his eyes trained on Kaz.

“No need.” Kaz said simply, though there was a slightly puzzled look in his eyes.

“Don’t tell me I’m not worth the trouble anymore.”

“This is a friendly chat after all, Davina. Besides, you don’t have your Hood.”

“Forgive me, but you seem different.” Jesper cut in, eyeing your red hair carefully. “I swear on all the Saints your hair was darker.”

“Bit of Tailoring is all.” You shrugged. “It’s not as if my father isn’t recognizable and I’m trying to build something to take him down. I can’t exactly do that if I’m his spitting image, can I?”

“So you’re Tailored now or you were before?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Kol bit out.

“Now, now.” Kaz clicked his tongue in disappointment and you noticed he sported a plain walking stick instead of the crow-topped cane he usually used. “You may want to keep your little guard dog on a tighter leash.”

“I suggest you try not to piss him off then.” You countered smoothly. “He bears no Snake.”

“He stands at your side, doesn’t he?”

“What business, Brekker? You leave a note like a spook and then dance around your demands.” You pressed. “You let your friend do all the talking for you?”

Kaz took a step forward and you did the same. Jesper hesitantly reached for his friend before he thought better of it. Kol didn't move.

“I could say the same for you, Snake.” Kaz answered. His eyes flicked across your face and you saw him examining the new features you sported. He made a face when he got the freckles.

“What. Business.” You repeated, adding more force to your words.

“The gambling den you’ve acquired is in Dreg territory.” He began, tapping his stick with his words like a metronome keeping beat. “Before, Haskell let it go because Rollins was the owner.”

“Yes, dear old Dad was very proud of the ‘thorn in Haskell’s side’ that the place was.”

“Ten percent a week.” Kaz said flatly, all business at that moment.

“If Haskell wants money he could’ve bought it out sooner. What’s the real point of this attempted tax?”

“Profit.”

“Papa said the place was a pisspot, hardly any profit to be made.”

“Why’d you buy it then?”

“To piss you off, clearly.” You smiled. “And a jab at Rollins. Six percent a week or ten percent a fortnight.”

“We aren’t here to barter, Dear.” Kaz shook his head. “Ten a week.”

You itched to flick out the blade but you held back.

“The Kerch love to barter.” You said instead and gestured to the large building of the Exchange behind you. “Their patron is all about profit and you’re no better. I see your game.”

“Do you?”

“You want to try to drain my coffers so we’ll need to come to you for aid.” You scoffed. “Eight a week.”

“Ten.”

“No.”

You saw the flash of Jesper’s pistol handles at his hips.

“As I said last time.” You spoke to Jesper over Kaz’s shoulder. “Never unarmed are we, Fahey?”

He grinned, fingers grazing his pistols affectionately, before you turned back to Kaz.

“You want to catch us in some short-sticked deal that gives you power over us.” You said simply. “I may not have the numbers of the Dregs or your experience, Dirtyhands, but I’ve watched my father enough to know better. Ten every fortnight.”

“Fifteen a fortnight.”

“All of the Saint’s.” You groaned and ran a hand down your face. “What will you offer us in return? You’re biding time, for either some dramatic reveal or some alleged last chance offer to force my hand. What is it?”

You felt the back of Kol’s hand tap yours, an unspoken question that you ignored.

“Your lives.” Kaz shrugged.

“You can’t kill us here.”

“That won’t stop us as soon as you step out the Exchange.”

“Kaz.” Jesper tried but Kaz held up a gloved hand. “This wasn't the plan.”

“I think it was.” Kol spoke firmly. “Dirtyhands doesn’t offer fair deals.”

“He’s a quick study, isn’t he?” Kaz spoke with faux admiration and you gave him a sarcastic expression. “Tell me. How goes it with Nina, hmm?”

“She’s a very lovely woman.” Kol gave a small bow. “I enjoyed our time.”

“Leave him be.” You cut in with a raised hand of your own. “We came here to make a deal, Brekker, so let’s make it. Tell me what you really want from me and my snakes, then I’ll consider what percentage of the Rook’s profit you can hold.”

“The Rook?” Jesper asked, ignoring the look Kaz gave him.

“Well, the Poisoned Rook to be exact.” You smiled and Kaz’s glare turned to you. “An omen of a bird to some, but it’s simply homage to the gang that lets us make a nice little den there. And the poison is, of course, a snake bite.”

“Clever.” Jesper nodded, his weight shifting between feet as his finger drummed the handles of his pistols. “But not very nice.”

“Or smart.” Kaz bit out.

“You know what they say, worthless parents makes stupid kids.” You shrugged and flicked your hair over shoulder but you couldn’t ignore the way the tension had risen in the square.

You were suddenly highly aware of Kaz’s body language. His shoulders were set, head high and challenging. Both hands rested atop the cane, fingers twitching and tapping. You liked that you were grating his nerves, wearing him down to something, but you didn’t know if you really wanted to see what that something was.

Kol was a solid presence beside you. He was less than a step behind you and his arm brushed yours. There was a jittery feeling from him, as if his powers were crawling to the surface with a demand to be released. To be released at your command.

“I’d like to reach a deal tonight, Brekker.” You gave a small nod. “We all know you are a man that can make life very easy or very difficult in the Barrel. My father can attest to that, I assume?”

He said nothing, only raised a dark brow. You inched forward, leaning in slightly so only he heard your next words.

“You think I don’t remember what he did.” You spoke lowly. “But I do. You think I hate him for the fun of it? He took your brother from you but he took you both from me.”

“Did you even notice?” He asked in the same hushed tone but there was a sadness laced into his words. “When we were left to die.”

Your eyes found the chain around his neck. Trailing your  gaze asking the length of it, you saw your ring neatly tucked away. “A story for another day.”

You leaned away and took a half step back, just to be able to look him in the eyes.

“Twelve percent every fortnight.” You offered, holding a hand out for him to shake.

“Thirteen.” He countered.

You sighed slightly, knowing there wasn’t much else you could do. You could sit there and go back and forth with Kaz all night over single percentages, having Kol and Jesper sitting at the ready in case either of you got too testy, but it wouldn’t be worth anything. You glanced over your shoulder at Kol but he simply shook his head, not looking at you. You didn’t need him to speak for you to know what he was trying to tell you.

Do not give in to Kaz Brekker. Not now, not ever.

“I…” You trailed off, looking back to Kaz. “You’ve backed me into a corner.”

You folded your arms over your chest, feeling the hard material of your hidden weaponry at your wrist.

“So it seems.” Kaz said, sounding bored.

“But you also have some leverage you haven’t used.” You realized, eyes catching on the silver chain around his neck. “It makes me wonder what else you’re hiding.”

He offered you a slight smirk. “I assure you, Davina, that I have no tricks here tonight.”

“Tonight.” Kol repeated.

“I agree.” You pointed in Kol’s direction for a moment. “What’s to keep your tricks away after tonight?”

“Trust.” Kaz shrugged, as if it didn’t matter.

“Listen, Davina.” Jesper said, taking a step closer. “Can I call you that?”

“What else would you call me?” You asked plainly, head tilting slightly.

“Right.” He grinned. “Kaz may be a cheat and a liar and a con and a-”

“Yes, he’s a sparkling personality.” You cut in gently. “Is this intended to inspire confidence?”

“I agree with Vi-” Kaz began before he sharply cut himself off. “Davina.”

Jesper gave him a questioning look, and you assumed Kol did the same, but all you could do was smirk. The Zemeni boy shook away whatever he was thinking and turned back to you.

“My point is that while Kaz is every terrible thing you’ve heard about him, he is still a man of his word. If you two manage to strike a deal, he’ll honor it.” He nodded firmly, wholeheartedly believing in Kaz.

“I admire your trust in your leader.” Kol offered and you felt his hand press lightly against the small of your back. “But will the rest of the Dregs? Will the Wraith?”

The action caught Kaz’s attention and he narrowed his eyes in Kol’s direction. You could’ve sworn you’d seen a new fire ignite in his stare, jaw clenching and his chin raising in a silent challenge.

Interesting.

“Kaz?” You said, drawing his focus back to you. The anger in his eyes seemed to soften and you stared in quiet suspicion for a moment. You let the idea leave you and redirected your thoughts to the deal at hand. “I know you understand that I need this deal to beneficial to me and my snakes in some way. What can you truly offer?”

Before Kaz could answer, a new voice cut through from the far end of the Exchange and you all turned towards it.

“Well, isn’t this a sight?” He announced and the sound of his voice reminded you of the way his bullet tore through your shoulder.

You growled quietly and flicked your hand, the blade shooting free at your wrist. Kol came around you to be one step in front of you. Jesper had drew a pistol in a move so fast you didn’t see it, just the light gleaming off the carefully polished weapons.

You had to admit, they were a beautiful piece of craftsmanship.

Jesper caught you admiring his weapons and he shot you a wink.

You all seemed to ready yourselves for a fight, everyone but Kaz.

“Tell me you didn’t.” You tried, hating the desperation in your voice but unable to keep it out. “Kaz, please.”

“Only the previous owners can protest a sale.” He explained and your heart sunk. Any hopes of a true deal that night were squandered almost immediately. “Given your father was the majority owner, it was quite simple really.”

“Bastard.” You hissed and turned back to your father’s approaching figure. He seemed to have come alone, but you didn’t trust he didn’t have Lions in the shadows.

“Hello, daughter.” He smiled and you sneered slightly. “You seem different.”

“I grew into those Kaelish features, just like you said I would.” You spat and his movements stopped as he reached you two.

“And the boy with his hands up must be the one who made you look the way you had when we first met.” He nodded and you hated the way he spoke about Kol. “He almost had me convinced. You looked so much like your mother.”

“Yet you were still able to shoot me. You would’ve killed me.”

“So you come running to this wretched urchin?” He laughed. “Little Boy Brekker can’t protect you, Davi.”

“I don’t need his protection.” You shoved past Kol, your blade glittering in the pale moonlight. Shining, like something divine from your wrist. “I put my own knife in you, without help from a Corporalnik or Brekker or anyone.”

“Which reminds me.”

He threw your blade at your feet and you slammed you foot down on it.

“Consider it a peace offering.” Your father shrugged. “Took four sessions with a Healer to truly mend that wound so I tip my hat to you.”

“Peace?” You laughed. “There is no peace with you, Father. The only peace is death.”

You looked to Kaz and he was already studying you. The thought that this was all for him to learn something about you, that you were simply an investment or entertainment, made yout stomach turn.

You wanted to scream at him, to curse him and threaten him and beat him bloody. But you did none of those things. You did nothing because it wasn’t his fault you felt betrayed. He had called your father to protest, but he had never said anything towards your side. He never claimed he would be your ally, your friend, or anything other than a problem. You had convinced yourself that there was potential in your allegiance, that the ways he looked at you or the way he spoke had meant something more was at least possible if not likely.

Your endless fawning is going to get you killed.

Maybe Melli was right. Maybe Kaz had managed to con you to your own execution.

But you weren’t going to be the one to tell her that.

“Fine.” You huffed. You tucked the blade, slid the cuff off, and handed it to Kol. Kneeling down, you reached for your other blade. It had been cleaned of your father’s blood.

Kol was kneeling beside you, reaching for your hands. You pushed the handle into his grip instead.

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly. You peaked up and saw Jesper speaking to Kaz in the same low tone. You couldn’t hear what the boys were saying, but Kaz’s watchful gaze was flicking between you and presumably your father. “Davina?”

“I won’t risk you or Fahey for whatever scheme Brekker’s lured us into.” You shook your head. “Take those back to Melli, tell her what’s happened. She knows what to do.”

“You can’t mean that.” His eyes were wide and pleading.

“I do… Stay with her as if she were me. And tell her she was right. I shouldn’t have put so much faith into Kaz.”

“I wouldn’t dream of leaving, but I… I can’t let you do this.”

You felt your pulse flutter, carefully slowing. You blinked in surprise and then reached out to shove Kol to the ground. The quick motion broke his focus and your heart beat normally in your chest. You stood tall, feeling the other blade settle in your boot, and glared at Kaz for a moment.

“Kaz, may I employ your sharpshooter for a favor?” You asked tightly.

“Employment requires you to pay him.” He answered carefully.

You scoffed and reached into your boot. You pulled the blade out and tucked it into a sheath along your vest before pulling three folded bills. You held it between two fingers and raised your brows expectantly.

“His decision then.” Kaz gestured to Jesper.

“All I ask is you walk my friend out the courtyard.” You said.

“What? Davina, I-“ Kol tried.

“He will not raise a hand or his powers towards you because that may be considered cause for war between Snakes and Dregs.” You said pointedly to Kol before returning focus to Jesper. “You’ll be safe as a baby swaddled in their mother’s arms. He just needs to leave and then you can do whatever it is you planned.”

You held the money out to him and he looked to Kaz in hesitation. Kaz shrugged so Jesper reached for the money. You handed it over without a word and he led Kol away. The Heartrender looked over his shoulder once and you waved him away.

You turned your glare back to Kaz/

“And how does this end now? A three way deal where you still end up taking majority.” You snapped as you began crossing the grounds to stand across from your father. Kaz was keeping stride beside you and the urge to kick his cane out from under him had never been stronger.

“In all truth, Davina, I was hoping our deal would be done before it go to this.” He answered, but you no longer trusted anything he said.

“That’s why the Wraith isn’t here. She’s watching the bought Stadwatch.”

He said nothing as you approached your father.

“What business?” You said flatly to him and you felt Kaz stand closer to your side. You wanted to jerk away to ensure distance, but you didn’t want to give your father any ammunition against you.

You were on your own in that courtyard, but you didn’t need to advertise it.

“My gambling den.” He said simply. “I want it back.”

“No.” You shrugged. “Make me an offer and I’ll consider selling you a few shares.”

“I am majority owner of that place, Davina. You cannot take it from me.” “You were the majority owner but you signed it away.” You shrugged. “If you go to the Exchange in the morning and request to see the paperwork, you’ll find your signature. Nice and neat, with just enough flourish to roll your eyes at.”

He scoffed. “I never would’ve sold it to the likes of you.”

“And yet you did… That’s what the paperwork claims, at least.”

“Forgery.” He realized. “You wretched little girl.”

“Thank you.” You smiled. “I learned it from my father.”

His hand raised and you shifted your feet, widening your stance to take the hit. His fist slammed your jaw, head jerking to the side as you stumbled slightly. You laughed to yourself as you faced him again and a horrified silence fell over the Exchange.

“How much did it cost you, hmm?” You wiped your thumb along your bottom lip and it came back wet, a small collection of blood from where your lip split. “To buy off the Stadwatch.”

“I’d pay it again in a heartbeat.” He practically snarled.

“Come on then.” You taunted. “Get your money’s worth.”

His fist collided with your stomach and you doubled over. You reached for your sheathed blade but both of his fists slammed against your spine and you dropped to the floor, the knife clattering to the ground. You scrambled for it but his boot came against your side.

One. Two. Three. Four. Hard kicks hitting your stomach, stealing the air from your lungs, feeling as if they were bruising your organs, threatening to crack your rib. You found your blade and threw yourself on your back, propping up on your elbows, and crawled backwards. You were desperate for space to get to your feet despite every breath you took feeling as if you had no room in your chest for your lungs anymore.

You saw the bottom of his boot aiming for your head so you rolled out of the way. Your other hand shot out and gripped his pant leg before you gave a hard yank. He hit the floor with a satisfying thump. Once you cleared your father’s reach, you felt two hands under your arms hauling you to your feet. Turning your head, you saw gloved hands on you and you jerked out of Kaz’s grip.

“Touch me again and I will-” You tried to threaten when a shot cut through the courtyard.

The bullet landed in the cobblestones a few inches from where you stood. If you had still been on the ground, the bullet would’ve ripped through your body. You spun towards where the bullet came from and you saw a blur of a small figure darting along the roofline.

Inej wasn’t trying to save you, but Kaz made sure he did.

“My thanks to your Spider.” You muttered to Kaz, empty hand reaching to hold your pained stomach. “We won’t reach a deal while he’s here.” You gestured to your father with your knife, who was getting to his feet.

“So it seems.” Kaz said thoughtfully, scanning your figure quickly. You saw his gaze catch on your midsection.

“You had to have seen this coming.” You reasoned. “He shot me last time I spoke to him.”

“His mistake.” He shook his head. “You’re stronger than he gives you credit for. There are as many tales of you as there are me. He’d do well to learn them.”

“They’re tales, Brekker. They don’t mean anything.”

“There’s enough truth in all of them.”

“Right, well, that doesn’t answer how we get out of this.”

He offered you a smirk and your brows furrowed. He raised his cane and after a moment, the Exchange’s courtyard erupted into a flurry of bright lights. Some were colored, others dazzling. You stared in awe, though you had to squint through the sudden luminance. There was a fine powder coming from some of the bursts but you didn’t have a chance to interact with it.

Kaz grabbed your arm and dragged you away from the scene, leaving your father covering his eyes and yelling to no one.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Cause it’s you

a/n what the hell is it with Kazzle Dazzle that always makes me write a full ass story inside of a simple little blurb… chokehold.

request: kaz brekker x reader one bed trope on a heist 🙏🙏

warning: blood, injuries, touch aversion, one bed.

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Kaz was tired. Bone deep tired. That kind of tired that made you drag your legs through the pavement. His cane was taking most of his weight tonight, and truthfully, Kaz was ready for the day to end. And end as soon as possible. “So… Who’s going in to buy the rooms?” Jesper let out a painful breath. His ribs had to be black and blue by now. He did cover for most of the team during the job, and the way he was leaning on Wylan clearly showed that the adrenaline was wearing off.

“I would, but if I moved even the slightest, they would see blood all over my dress," Nina’s sugary, venomous voice shouted as she glared at Kaz, clearly still annoyed that her perfect dress, not to mention that Kaz bought the said dress, was ruined because of the job gone slightly wrong. Inej didn’t even move from her shadows. She and Kaz had a falling out while the pack trotted through the damp streets, and neither wanted to let go of their grudges.

“I’ve got it, guys," you said softly, catching everyone’s attention. “We all need a hot bath and a good night's sleep." You rested your hand on Nina’s shoulder as you peeked out of the alley. “Flirt your way through it," Jesper whispered. “Get us extra perks, please." The rest of the team snickered quietly.

You were about to respond when Kaz’s cane blocked your way. “No one is flirting, and you’re not going alone." His voice was way sharper than he usually used when he was talking to you. “I can handle myself, boss," you said, crossing your arms over your chest. “Yeah, but a lady alone in the shithole like this... Would be too suspicious," Kaz breathed, stepping out and looking back at you.

A couple of hours later, you were finally drying your hands after patching everyone up. Girls had jumped into sharing a room and had walked you out while wiggling eyebrows that you greeted with a middle finger. Wylan was, of course, sharing with Jasper, who had been complaining about the single beds ever since he stepped foot into the room, so you had helped Wylan push them against one another.

It’s not like you hadn’t shared rooms with Kaz. You two grew up together in the slums. You were the one to pull him out of the water when he finally floated to the shore. He had his ever-going addenda of pushing you away ever since, but you had always stuck around. You had always tried to be his voice of reason. "Shit," you muttered once you flicked the light on. “No, no, no," you breathed out, rushing forward. This had to be a joke. What were the odds of getting three rooms and one of them having a double bed? Maybe you could pull them apart; maybe there were two. You yanked the duvet covers off. Fingers searching for a split in the mattress.

“What did that poor bed do to you?" A voice from behind you startled you, making you lose your footing and go face-first into the covers. “Great now, street grime is all over the sheets," he grumbled. “Well, if you weren’t sneaking behind my back, this wouldn’t have happened," you huffed, climbing off the plush sheets. “It’s my room," Kaz breathed out. Your gaze found him as you narrowed your eyes, “Our room, you mean?”.

He held your gaze. Strong. Unmoving. “I’ll take the chair," he muttered under his breath, stepping deeper into the room and starting to undo his jacket. “Like hell you will, your legs will be killing you tomorrow," you huffed, bending to undo your shoes. “And your shoulder won’t?”, Kaz huffed. “Speaking of which," his movements halted as he turned to face you. “Stand up and undo your shirt," he motioned with his hand. You raised an eyebrow at him. “Kaz Brekker, you’re trying to get me naked?”, you teased. Kaz simply tilted his head to the side, his face emotionless. Before he stepped closer, “You have two choices," he said quietly. “Enlighten me," you muttered under your breath. “You take it off willingly, or I will cut it off your body." You could feel his breath on your skin, making a shiver run down your back. “It’s nothing," you breathed. “Prove it," he dared you.

You held his gaze in silence. You knew that it was probably more than bad. You could barely lift your hand, and your shoulder blade was throbbing. It was almost funny how not the fact that you had to strip in front of him made you anxious but the fact that he would see you weak. You hated being vulnerable. When you finally clawed out of the street, you had sworn to never be vulnerable again. And Kaz hated weak investments. He didn’t do deals that weren’t beneficial to him. And now you...

You felt the cold metal tip of his cane slip between the two buttons right in between your breasts. "Hey," you jerked back, turning away from him. “Show me that fucking shoulder, YN," Kaz practically growled. “Or, I’ll...”. But he didn’t get to finish as your hands clumsily moved to undo the handful of buttons until you were practically panting from the panic cursing through your veins. Turning back to him, you yanked the dirty fabric from your body. "Happy," you hissed.

Kaz clenched his jaw. He didn’t even allow himself to blink as he looked at the crusted, angrily red cut and a handful of bruises littering your skin. He forced himself to put them all into his memory. Because this was all his doing. All his games had gotten you hurt. “Wipe those fucking tears off your cheeks," he huffed harshly. Too harshly, and he hated himself for it. But he couldn’t. Physically couldn’t watch you cry. It felt as if someone was carving out his chest. Your shaky hands clumsily wiped the damp patches beneath your eyes.

“You got out. We both did," Kaz muttered because he knew the demons that were clouding your brain now. He had met them too. You nodded. Wrapping your hands around your torso, it only just now hit him that you were standing in front of him topless. Kaz turned around so quickly that he nearly gave himself a whiplash before muttering, “Go, take a bath.”.

Your fingers were crinkling from the time you had spent laying in that hot water. You had hurried off the moment Kaz dismissed you. You knew he would never take advantage of you. And that bodies in general made him uncomfortable, but the way he had turned away from you. As if you were the most ugly creature that he had seen. Now your only salvation was that he might just be asleep by the time you stepped out of the bathroom.

Kaz, however, was far from sleeping. He had lost count of how many times he had walked up to the bathroom door to listen that you were still rustling around. He had lost his jacket and gloves. His hair was messy from all the pulling he has done. The slow turning of the key made him look up. Your hair was done up and still damp. Feet bare. You looked so small, like this. And that deep desire to keep you safe shifted gears without him even realizing it.

“You’re not asleep," you muttered, barely meeting his eyes. “It looks like I’m not," Kaz said quietly. There was no one else whom Kaz trusted the way he trusted you, yet here you two were as if you hadn’t spent the majority of your lives together. “Did you fix your shoulder?” Kaz asked, clearly stalling. You nodded, and he followed suit. “Then get into bed," "Kaz," you huffed. “I didn’t ask," he said, narrowing his eyes at you. You wanted to fight him, but you simply didn’t have enough energy to do so, “And you?”.

You saw something glistening in his eyes for a heartbeat before he swallowed, “I..." and let out a labored breath. “You can also lay down," you muttered. “I will keep to my side; we can put pillows in between." There was a note of hopefulness in your voice. One that held Kaz in a chokehold. “Lay down, woman," he said through gritted teeth. But you caught it. There was that part of him that he hid. So you wasted no time, doing right as he said.

He watched your every move. Watched your frame disappear between the sheets. Only then did Kaz step closer, his breathing hitching in his chest. The tide was rising. threatening to swallow him whole. “Kaz...”, and here it was with that same velvety voice. One that always pulled him right out. Chasing away all of his fears. He blinked a couple of times only to meet your beautiful eyes looking right at him.

“Close your eyes," he breathed, making you frown. “I didn’t know that you getting into bed was such a big secret," you teased. Kaz felt the corners of his lips turning upwards. "Smartass," he whispered under his breath as he swung his legs over the mattress. And for some reason, this didn’t feel too bad. It didn’t seem all that scary now that he was in bed. With you. You. It was because of you. Kaz turned his head to the side, watching you watch him. And for the first time, he let himself look. Not only look, actually see you. And fuck if you weren’t the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

“You’re okay?”, you muttered, your fingers slowly moving toward the center of the bed. Kaz watched them getting closer, but he didn’t feel like stopping you. “When am I not okay when I’m with you?" A light gasp left your lips at his words, your lips disappearing between your teeth. “Don’t do that," he grumbled, his fingers only lifting and grazing yours, and you instantly pulled them away. Not wanting to cross his boundaries. "Sorry," you shook your head. “Not your fingers," Kaz protested. “Your lip," he pointed out, making you frown. “What about it?” You brushed your fingers over it, trying to see if you had bitten too hard and drawn blood. “Because if you’ll continue to do it, I’ll...", Kaz swallowed. “I might lose my restraint in holding back." And then he reached out, his shaky fingers brushing over your plump lips. It took all the self-control you had to not whimper at the touch. Savoring the way his fingers felt, you only let your eyes close for a second, and then there was nothing. As if you had imagined it. You had barely caught Kaz practically jumping out of bed. Reaching for his jacket and cane. "Kaz," you breathed, pushing the covers off your body. But your plea was met with a slam of the door.

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Paying Attention (Six of Crows One-Shot)

Kaz Brekker x GN!Reader / requests are OPEN

Summary: You're a little clueless, but the Crows are trying their best to get you to see the light.

SAB/SOC: @the-sweet-psycho (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___

“You-” Jesper said, sitting down at the card table, crossing one leg over the other and running a gambling chip down his knuckles in an impressive display of his dexterity. “Are clueless.” 

You practically choked on your margarita, eyeing him up and down and yanking the chip from his fingers before he had a chance to pull it from your reach. He cocked a brow at you in quiet respect and you clicked your tongue. 

“Really? How so?” You deposited the chip onto your stack and shot Jesper an award-winning smile. He grunted, not at all impressed.

 

“The boss man,” he said, picking up his cards to check his hand, “and his very obvious feelings for you, of course.” 

You checked your own hand, playing with the stack of chips. You risked a glance at the upstairs balcony area and who do you see? Kaz, of course. He’s leaning down at the tables below with that calculating glower that sends you mad with desire.

Jesper follows your gaze and has to stop himself from snorting. Kaz’s eyes flick over the tables and finally settle on you. The unexpected eye contact sends a shiver down your spine and a flush up your cheeks. Kaz arches one brow at you, expression otherwise not changing. You know him well enough by now to know that that eyebrow raise means ‘are you okay?’ 

You flash him a microscopic nod, which he returns before standing upright again and wandering off in the direction of his office. You know what that means- Inej is here somewhere keeping an eye on things. That leaves him to retire to his office and peer over ledgers and jobs for another several hours. 

“Hello,” a velvet voice says over your shoulder as the body that came with it slid into a chair beside you with such grace it couldn’t have been anyone else other than-

“Inej,” you greeted warmly, placing your cards down for the round. “Kaz have you keeping an eye on things at the Club tonight?” 

She’s barely moving, but you know she’s on high alert, watching and waiting for any sign of trouble. She hummed her confirmation. 

“Yes, he’s concerned the Dime Lions are getting a little too bold with their territory. Kaz wants to make sure they don’t cause any trouble for the Pigeons.” 

“Pigeons,” you reply, watching as Jesper finally makes his move. “Not language I hear you speak in very often.” 

Inej lets out a sigh, allowing herself to break vigilance for just long enough to rub her forehead. 

“No, but you stay in the Barrel long enough, you get used to the local speech patterns.” 

That made sense to you, yes. It was easy enough to slip into the language of the Barrel. Particularly when you spent time in the Crow club and the dodgier parts of town. 

“Inej,” Jesper piped up, that signature look on his face that told you he was about to stir shit up. “You know Kaz better than most- tell me, do you think he has a crush on our dear friend here?” 

You spluttered, slapping Jes on the shoulder playfully in disbelief. You were about to defend your fearless leader once again when you turned to look at Inej. She was usually so good at keeping things to herself, but one look at her expression and you knew she thought the same as Jesper. 

“Oh, no- not you too,” you protested. “You don’t seriously-” 

“Oh, yes,” she said, eyeing a patron by the bar who was starting to look like getting in a fight might not be such a bad idea after all. “Completely smitten.” 

You scoffed once again, rolling your eyes at the absurdity of it all.

 

“We’re not joking,” Jesper said, placing his hat on his knee. 

Your laugh died off and you frowned thoughtfully. It would be nice if he did have a little crush on you, given how he made you feel, but you weren’t at all convinced. 

“Well then,” you said. “Guess I better start paying more attention and see for myself.” 

[audreyclimbs]

plssss do a kaz brekker x reader where reader is drunk and kaz takes care of her and they’re like so in love and it’s soft and fluffyyyyy

anon i gotchu i love making borderline sociopathic, murderous, highly traumatized men into sappy little lovers