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A GOLD RING AND COLD FEET
Rafe Cameron x fem!exgirlfriend!reader
A/N: (This is lowk 4.3k words I’m sorry) Hey guys lol I literally do not know what I’m doing help. I did not proofread idek how to work this app so if this sucks just don’t tell me bc this thing is the biggest pain in the ass lol. Like I am so genuinely sorry I’m such a grandma. Also this is what I listened to while writing this so feel free to listen as well :)
WARNINGS: AUTHOR CANT FIGURE THIS APP OUT, there’s no smut (not going to traumatize you guys with my brain on the first post), girl reader, marriage (basically the whole theme), cheating (sort of from reader but like it’s fine), ermmm just bad writing im sorry lol. Just a man yearning (like good). Okay Im sorry byeee.
14 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE BRIDAL SHOWER
Rafe Cameron was going to be the death of me. I knew it.
We had dated for 7 years. He asked me out when we were 14 after knowing each other since we were 6. He broke up with me when we were 21. He said he “couldn’t be tied down in his 20s”.
After that I thought I was completely broken. I had never even imagined loving anyone else - having to love someone else.
But here I was. 14 days away from my wedding to a man I didn’t love. A part of me felt like such an asshole. Marrying a man who I knew I’d never love. But Jackson had his faults. He raised his voice too much. He never opened my door…not since our third date at least. He worked all the time. He regularly forgot important events like anniversaries and birthdays.
We started dating 10 months, 1 week, and 4 days after Rafe broke up with me.
Even though most people said it was time to move on it still felt too soon to me. 3 years later and it still feels too soon sometimes.
But here I am. At my bridal shower. Wearing a silver ring when I haven’t touched a piece of silver jewelry since I was 9.
I was opening gifts when only one remained. A small black box with no tag attached.
“Who is this one from?” I ask the crowd of giddy women surrounding me. They all share confused looks. Shrugging and comments like “It’s not mine” falling from their lips. This only furthered my confusion as I opened the box.
I gasped.
Inside was a beautiful - gold - ring. It was my dream ring.
“Oh my gosh it’s just beautiful!” My best friend Grace said.
“Jackson must have picked it out for you since yours is missing.�� Grace says causing me to furrow my brows.
I looked down to my left hand and noticed the absence of my ring.
Since when was that gone?
“Oh yeah…I guess he did.” I smile and tuck the box away. Making a mental note to ask Jackson later. Even though I knew he didn’t get it for me, a part of me hoped.
As my friends went on and on about how beautiful this wedding would be and how happy they were…I couldn’t help but wish their joy was infectious.
At least someone is excited right?
12 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: BACHELORETTE
I was sitting in an expensive restaurant in downtown Charleston sipping a cocktail I’m pretty sure costs more than my salad. Jackson and I had decided to have our Bachelorette/Bachelor parties in the same city in case anything happened. He was out having a guys night while I was out with my girls. I hadn’t had this much fun doing anything wedding related well ever.
“It’s not a coincidence that you think that and Jackson isn’t here” a little voice inside my brain taunts me. But I push it down. Along with the bile rising in my throat. From the alcohol or the impending commitment of forever to a person who I know I don’t love - which, I’m not sure.
“How are you babe?” My friend Ava says as she turns her entire body to face me. I was tracing shapes on the condensation on the outside of my barely touched drink while I tuned out the rest of the chatter.
“I’m wonderful how about you Ava?” I smile and meet her eye. She gives an unconvinced smile and repeats her question: “Come on. How are you really? Cold feet? We can get on the next flight out of America just say the word.” She says with a laugh. And I know she’s joking but part of me is screaming “YES!” Inside of my head.
I laugh and shake my head.
“No cold feet. Just lukewarm maybe.”
Lukewarm. It’s funny cause that’s basically a word that sums up the entirety of Jackson and I’s relationship. I hadn’t felt fire, sparks, passion…any of it. Not since-
“Lukewarm is okay. Marriage is big. But…you’ll be okay.” Ava says cutting off my thoughts. And I can see her trying to hide her real feelings. She wants me to talk to him. Not him. Him.
The him who left me in a hotel room in Key West on what was supposed to be our 8 year anniversary trip. The him who wouldn’t stop sending letters to my house. The him who sent me 127 texts and 87 voicemails since last Tuesday. Which is apparently the day the Cameron’s wedding invitation arrived. I wasn’t going to invite them but I felt I needed to. Sarah and I were still friends and I adored Wheezie. The him who took up every inch of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself he didn’t.
LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL…
I entered my private suite in the hotel. I had gotten my drunk pack of bridesmaids back to their rooms…well the ones that were sleeping in their own rooms tonight. I had my own room this trip. My bridesmaid Lila insisted on it in case Jackson wanted to sneak over from his hotel…that’s what she said. But I knew she secretly wanted to give me my space away from the wedding buzz and events. I was grateful for that.
Until I was not.
Because the second I opened my door and ripped off my crown that said “BRIDE” I looked up and saw a man sitting on the couch in the suites living room. His elbows resting on his large thighs as he hung his head.
He looks up when I walk in.
I should’ve been scared…but I knew exactly who it was.
I flicked on the light. “Rafe what- what are you doing here?” I say in half anger half disbelief. OBX was at least 7 hours from here.
What the hell was he thinking?
“I had to see you…” I shake my head as he stands up and walks towards me. I take a step back.
“No. No. You can’t do this to me.” He walks closer. I put out my hands. Placing them on his chest to keep distance between us.
“Please just hear me out….” He gently grips my wrists that are placed on his chest. He paused for a second. Looking into my eyes to see if I would stop him again. I let him continue.
“I know…I know I have no right to be here. No right to do this. But please just listen to what I have to say…” He sighed before continuing. “You can’t marry him. Baby you can’t….I’m begging you. He doesn’t treat you right. You know that. I have so many regrets in my life…but I’d live them all over a million times if it meant I never let you go. I regret that every breath I take.”
My eyes gloss over. His touch was so gentle unlike Jackson’s. He didn’t raise his voice at me. He didn’t do anything but love me exactly the way I wanted while also being everything I needed.
He sighs seeing my eyes tear up. “Baby don’t- don’t cry….it’s just-….I can tell you’re not happy.” He says as he wipes a tear that escaped my eyes.
“I-I’m happy…” I say weakly.
But I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. Me or him?
He sighs. Bringing a hand up to my cheek to wipe away another tear. His hand not moving. “You’re not. I can see it. I know you…I see it in your face when you look at him. Those beautiful eyes have never told me a lie.”
“You don’t know me anymore…” another lie. He knew me. He knew me. He knew my coffee order at every coffee shop on the island. He knew my favorite songs and the lyrics to all of them. He knew my favorite movie. He knew my favorite animal.
He laughs softly in disbelief.
“I don’t know you? I know you. I know your order at every Mexican restaurant on the island. I can recite your coffee orders in my sleep. I know every word to your favorite Taylor Swift songs. Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast and you love the soundtrack. You love penguins and you’re a dog person. I know you baby.”
I cry harder as he recites everything about me. On surface it’s not much. Small talk topics he could’ve figured out from social media. But it goes so much deeper. He knows what makes me tick. What I need when I’m sad. How to cheer me up even through tears.
If only he could do that now…
“Does that asshole even know your favorite Jane Austen book? Huh? Does he? Cause I do. And it’s Emm-“
“Stop! Just stop Rafe! Just- just go! Why-why are you doing this me? This isn’t fair.” I say wiping my tears. I was full on crying now.
“I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone who’s not going to make you happy. You deserve so much better. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there for you, or doesn’t treat you well. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated - like the woman I love. I know I was stupid to let you go. I was young - and I thought I wanted freedom, but I was wrong. I haven’t known a minute of freedom since you left. I miss you, I miss us. And I need you more than I need air to breathe…”
“Please. Don’t marry him. Please baby…” He’s begging now. I’ve never seen Rafe Cameron beg for anything.
“Rafe I’m-I’m getting married in 12 days I can’t-“ I cut myself off with a sob.
He pulls me against his chest. I don’t protest as I cry harder. Pretty much sobbing now.
I clutch onto the end of his shirt. “I have to marry him Rafe…”
“Why? Why do you have to marry him? You know this isn’t what you want.” He says pleading with me. Running a soothing hand up and down my back. Providing me more comfort than I’ve known all of my relationship with Jackson.
“I know.” I say softly. My voice hoarse.
“Then don’t do it. Don’t marry him. I made the wrong choice a few years ago, but I’m here now. I want you not some false pretense of freedom. I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can give you a ring that you actually like, and a house that we build together. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t marry him. Be with me.” I pause when he mentions the ring. I look down to the gold ring on my left hand. Silently piecing things together.
“Did you send me a new ring?” I look back up him. Brows furrowed. My face puffy from crying. When I meet his eyes I see how utterly heartbroken he looks. It breaks me a little bit.
“I-uh…yeah I did.” He says. And as he confirms my theory I step away from him. Letting out sobs as I turn my back towards him. One hand cradling my stomach as the other covers my mouth.
“Hey - hey what’s wrong. Talk to me.” He says as he walks up behind me placing a soothing hand on my shoulder letting his hands rub me gently.
“Y-you remembered the ring.” I had shown him the type of ring I wanted back when I thought we were going to get married.
I was so stupid at 20. Or maybe I was just naive.
“Of course I remembered the ring. You showed it to me a million times. I know it was your dream ring and I couldn’t bear the idea of him giving you something you didn’t actually want…” He explains with a confused expression. Not quite sure why it was hurting me so bad.
The thought that he had gotten me a ring I wanted even though he didn’t want me marrying Jackson made me want to cry…and vomit.
“I-I can’t-“ My legs give out and I drop to my knees. Rafe immediately goes down with me. Pulling me into his chest. I was now cradled in his lap as he rocked me gently while I cried.
“Please don’t cry baby….it hurts me so bad.”
That night I fell asleep in Rafes arms.
THIRD PERSON POV:
As Rafe brought her to her hotel bed and tucked her in he couldn’t help but feel the urge to get in bed and hold her as she slept. But he knew how awful she’d feel if she woke up next to him knowing she betrayed Jackson. So he left a note next to her bedside and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving. The words “I love you” mumbled softly as she slept.
ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE NEXT MORNING.
THIRD PERSON POV:
As Jackson walks into the hotel room of his future wife he can’t help the guilt eating at him. He brings in the takeout bags and starts to place it onto a tray.
He takes out the water and Advil he got from the pharmacy and brings it over to her bedside.
As he’s placing the hangover cure on her nightstand a paper written on hotel stationery catches his eye.
He reads through the paper.
“All my love, R.C.”
He folds up the note and places it back in his pocket before going back to the takeout bags. Ready to act as if nothing happened.
FIRST PERSON POV
I wake up with an empty feeling in my stomach. The same one I’ve had for 3 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.
I hear someone walking around the suite and as much as I know it’s probably Jackson…a part of me hopes…
Seconds later Jackson comes into my room with a smile. Holding a tray of food.
Odd. He’s never done sweet gestures for me like this.
“Good morning my love…I thought this would help cure the hangover. I ordered breakfast from that place you like downtown. You always talk about how much you wish we had one back at home so…” As he explains his reasoning for being here the sick feeling grows in my stomach. And I wish it was hangover sickness. I felt like such crap. Here he was being so sweet to me and I cried in the arms of another man last night.
I look around the room for any evidence Rafe was here. Feeling slightly disappointed but relieved that I didn’t find anything.
“Have fun last night?” Jackson says as he picks a blueberry off my plate.
“Uh yeah….it was really fun.” I smile and lie. But he can’t tell the difference so he nods his head before getting up and kissing my forehead.
“Well I have to go into work early tomorrow so the guys and I are heading back home but…I love you.” He says. He rarely says those three words. And that itself wouldn’t be weird. We’re getting married of course we tell each other we love each other. But paired with the weird domestic wake-up I had this morning it left an icky feeling in my stomach. But I smiled and nodded. Swallowing my food before replying.
“Okay…love you too.”
TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY: THE REHEARSAL DINNER
“Have you seen my gold earrings?” I ask Jackson. Walking around our shared bathroom while he was shaving. We were getting ready for our rehearsal dinner before we left for the wedding venue in the morning.
“Which earrings?” He asks. Not pausing his movements of shaving his face.
“The ones I always-“ I huff in defeat knowing it’s no use. I’ve worn those earrings everyday for the past 9 years. They were Rafe’s 2 year anniversary gift to me.
I walk around the bedroom looking under a few things before my phone pings distracting me for a second. I walk over to it and turn the screen over to see an Instagram DM message request.
“Hey…I want to say I am so sorry to do this to you. I know you’re getting married in 2 days but there’s something you should know…”
THREE HOURS UNTIL WEDDING DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING
I was pacing around the cabin of my private room on the property of our venue.
The venue was a family owned property on the mainland. It was gorgeous. Jackson was in the cabin across the venue in the Groom’s cabin. I was staying in the Bridal lodge.
I felt nauseous. My throat felt like it was closing and the white matching way too expensive PJ set I was gifted especially for tonight felt like it was constricting my air. The cabin suddenly felt stuffy and like the walls were about to close in at any minute. I was all alone.
I pull out my phone quickly going to the only number I had on speed dial.
He picks up on the first ring - he always does.
RAFES POV
The whole day I had been sulking at home watching football and drinking whiskey. My lab Daisy sitting by my side as she watched me drown my sorrows.
Was she really going to marry him?
I had dozed off for a few hours before a phone ringing woke me up.
I look at the screen and immediately picked up.
“I need you.” I was standing up running to my shoes before the sentence was even over.
“I’m coming baby…I’m on my way just stay put okay?” Her shaky voice was breaking my heart. I grabbed my keys and made an hour long drive less than 40 minutes.
FIRST PERSON POV
I was sitting with my knees tucked to my chest. My eyes puffy and crying, sitting at the edge of the bed when Rafe barged in. He immediately dropped to his knees next to me. Pulling me into his lap. Cradling me as he rocked me back and forth.
“I’m here baby…I’m here.” He repeats the words like a mantra to ease my mind. And it does. But it doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach that seems to have taken a permanent residence.
“Talk to me baby…please you’re scaring me…” I could hear the fear in his voice. And I felt like such a dick. I called my ex boyfriend to help me the night before my wedding to another man.
I’m the worst.
“I-I’m so sorry….I didn’t know who else to call.” I get out between sobs. He shakes his head. Grabbing my face with both of his hands.
“Shhh….I just need you to tell me what you need. I’m right here. Just tell me how to help. Okay?”
How does he always know what to say? It’s ridiculous.
“I need out of this…” And at that sentence Rafe was pretty sure he could’ve cried a happy tear. But he needed to be sure.
“Out of what baby?” He knew. But he needed to know.
“You know what.” I pause before continuing. Sniffling and wiping my tears. “Jackson cheated on me. His bachelor party…she texted me the night our rehearsal dinner. She was their bartender in Charleston. But that’s not even the worst part…” I shake my head in disbelief at myself. “The worst part is I don’t even care. My fiancée cheated on me less than two weeks before our wedding. And I can’t find it in me to care.”
I knew I never loved Jackson. And that’s part of why I was marrying him. Because I knew that if I never loved him he’d never be able to hurt me…not like Rafe did at least.
I continue:
“I’m literally incapable of loving him because every inch of my heart belongs to you. And it kills me. I should be devastated right now. But- but all I can think is that I need you. And it’s so cold and you hate driving at night but this is the second time you’ve driven over an hour for me in two weeks.”
In reality it didn’t take Rafe an hour to get here. But he let me continue anyways.
“I’m terrible-“ He cuts me off.
“No. You’re perfect. I know you think you have to settle for this but you don’t. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be here. Whether or not you get married in 12 hours I’m always going to be there when you need me. I don’t care what it is or where you are. You call and I’m there. You need me…and I’m right here baby. I’ll always be right here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”
I look at him as he says that. And suddenly nothing about this makes sense. Why am I getting married to Jackson?
He sucks.
I stand up. Grabbing Rafes hands pulling him up with me.
“We need to leave.” I look around the room at my things. Rafe immediately nods and starts packing my things into my suitcase with me.
“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you anywhere baby. Car? Train? Plane? Boat? Fuck I’ll swim across the Atlantic for you baby.”
I pause and glance up at him from across my suitcase that we’re both knelt over. I meet his gaze. His eyes show me nothing but seriousness. Standing 10 toes behind his words. I wrap an arm around his neck and place an arm on his shoulder to steady myself as I lean in and kiss him.
He’s so taken aback but he kisses back after realizing this isn’t another one of his dreams that have felt like nightmares these past 3 years.
I pull away and he slightly sighs at the disconnect.
“Anywhere that’s not here. Just need to be with you. Please.”
2 HOURS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AN HOUR LATER ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT
I look around the room once more to make sure I have everything.
“You got everything you need baby?” He asks me and I nod.
“I’m gonna take this to the car.” I was carrying my pillow and blanket I had brought. Rafe insisted on carrying my bags. He nods but stays in his place before speaking up.
“Okay I’ll be there in a second I’m gonna take one last look around.” I nod before walking to his truck and getting inside.
THIRD PERSON POV:
Rafe pulls the object out of his pocket. Placing it on the dresser.
He grabs her bags taking one last look at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door before shutting the door behind him.
The silver ring shimmering in the moonlight sitting on the dresser where he left it.
FIRST PERSON POV
Rafe gets back in the car and looks over at me.
“If you change your mind I don’t mind-“ I cut him off.
“I’m not changing my mind. Now drive.” He smiles before putting the truck in reverse.
As we drive for a few minutes a question plagues my mind: Why didn’t he say anything the morning after the bachelorette party?
“Can I ask you something?” He glances over at me. He had a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove.
“Anything.” I smile at his answer while look at my lap before continuing.
“Why didn’t you say anything the morning after that night in Charleston? Not a text or a note or anything? I know you didn’t have to I just…hated waking up with no evidence that you had even been there.” Rafe’s brows furrow.
I did leave a note. He thought to himself.
“Baby I left a note on your dresser…didn’t you see it?” He says confused.
“No…the next morning I woke up and Jackson was…” I trailed off. Suddenly piecing everything together. Rafe seemed to as well. His grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched.
“I left a note. I promise. But it’s not anything I won’t tell you to your face everyday for the rest of our lives. So don’t worry about it, pretty. Okay? I love you, baby.”
“I love you, Rafe.” And I truly meant it.
On the way to the airport we sang along to Taylor Swift songs we both knew. And suddenly the pit in my stomach was slowly being filled with laughter and the way he didn’t even ask me what I wanted when we stopped at McDonald’s.
To be loved it to be seen. And I had to have been invisible to Jackson.
23 MINUTES UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AT THE AIRPORT 11:37 PM
“Flight 237 is now boarding. This is the final call for passengers to LaGuardia Airport.”
Rafe looks at me as we get ready to board the plane.
“You ready?” He sticks out his hand. I smile at him.
“Yeah…I’m ready.” I take his hand and lean up and kiss him as we walk onto the plane.
I glance down at the gold ring on my finger. And I realize no one will ever see me as clearly and perfectly as Rafe sees me. And that’s all I could ask for.
“Hey” he looks back at me. Glancing up from his sports magazine. His brows raised waiting for me to answer.
“I love you.” I continue and smile. His gaze softens and he pulls me into another quick kiss. I hated PDA but I didn’t care. Not with him.
“I love you more than I can even describe.” He pauses before continuing. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.”
I don’t know a lot…but I know I’ve found my person. And everything’s okay. And for the first time in 3 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, and 2 days…I felt like I could breathe.
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It’s my birthday today !! and honestly, I want to thank each and every one of you who made a post or sent a inbox ask or just wished me a happy birthday today, it genuinely made me really really happy that people I’ve never seen care for me just as much as my irl friends. :] ANYWAYS I’m feeling generous and in the birthday spirit so MUTUAL APPRECIATION TIME WITH ALL OF MY MOOTS !!!!
@real-odark !!!!! YOU GANG !!! You’re the one who actually got me to use and get an account on Tumblr lol and I gotta thank you for all those epic drawings you sent to me for my bday 😛😛😛😛 and your also like my only irl friend on here 🎉🎉
@wolfdog-weatherman I met you through your like wof x little shop drawing you did and I’m glad I did 😁😁 even though I don’t interact with you a lot you did convince me to watch ghd the musical and it is pretty banger so I gotta thank you for that vro !!!
@willoillo COOL PERSON ALERT !!!!! Guh you’re such a good artist and I can’t believe we’re moots and you’re really nice as well :3333 And um yeah im glad we’re moots :3
@theo-the-rockstar99 sorry for tagging you cause I know we like never talk ever but you seem like a cool awesome person so yeah !!! :33
@gay-witches-are-the-best CRICKET !!!!!!!!! YOU IS ALSO GANG !!!! Orghhh I’m also so glad we’re moots !!! Your Wicked art is SO AMAZING and you are such a nice and caring and cool person and aghahahahah yeah !1!!1!1!2!2
@scrollwyrm Scroll !!!!! Your art style is SO COOL !!!! Like I have never seen anything like it !!! /vpos I’m so glad I’m moots with a cool person like you !2!2!2!2!2!
@sprinkellz we don’t talk much buttt you also seem very cool and fire and dope !!!! And your art is cool !! :D
@salveofthesandwonks We don’t talk a lot but you were one of my first moots that I really talked to so yeah you like started my journey out I guess :3 you seem like a cool person !! :D
@minttea31 your art is AWESOME !!! Like I love how you shade and everything grhahhhhh !!1!1!1!1!2!2 I’m also glad I’m moots with a cool person like you even if we never talk !1!!1!1!1!1
@petrockenthusiast Your art and ocs seem so awesome !1!!1!1!2!2! And you also seem so cool !!!!!! :D I’m glad I’m moots with you !! :3
@spookys1fan We don’t talk like at all BUT your art is cool and awesome !!! You also seem awesome and cool !! :]
@secondhandtroubles You haven’t been online in a while but YOUR ART !!!! OH MY GODS ITS SO GOOD !!!1!1!1!1!1!1!1 I can’t believe I’m moots with a person like you !!!!!!
@lunaeclips We don’t talk that often but you seem cool and the art that I’ve seen of yours looks cool !! :] You seem like a dope person !!
@axilarycobra sorry for tagging you as we don’t talk like ever but your wof headcannons are cool and awesome !!! And I bet you’re as cool and awesome as them :]
@ninjazzy orghh your art is sick and um we don’t really talk ever but yeah :DD bet you’re awesome !!
@fourtytwo42 Okay sorry for tagging you cause we like don’t talk ever but your art is also SO GOOD !!!! And I think it’s really cool !!! :3
@raven-does-artstuff-894 We don’t talk a lot but I think you’re a cool person and your art is cool as well !!! I bet you’re awesome as well :33
T@fairyfrogmother We don’t talk at all hit I like your art style and your art and I think you’re a cool person !!!! :3 :D
@volleyballval You might not be online anymore buttt I think your wof art is cool !!!! And I’m pretty sure you also like TSOA so yeah !!!! :D bet you’re a cool and awesome person !!
@kotsuyadesign YOUR WOF STICKERS ARE SO COOL !!!!!! Would totally want to buy them someday !!! ^^ and you seem really cool !!!
@mythos321 MYTHOS !!1!!1!1!1!2!1!!1!2 COOL GUY ALERT !!!!! You are so cool and awesome !!!! I love all the little wof things combined with other fandoms you send me in my inbox (at least I’m pretty sure it’s you), they make my day :] And even though Im not in the Persona 5 fandom, your wof x persona 5 fanfic seems really cool !!!!
@rosy-cozy-radio Fellow corvid enjoyer !!!! You’re cool and you like epic the musical so that automatically makes you awesome as well 😎😎 I’m glad to have someone like you as my moot !!!!
@notodysseusofithaca YOU COOL !!!! WOF AND EPIC !!!!! Also I think you got me into watching Starkid (mainly just tgwdlm, Black Friday and npmd but hey it’s still something) you cool and awesome !!!!! Glad to have you as my moot !!!!!
@thequasarwinds We don’t talk much but you like wof and epic so automatic awesome person !!!! Anyways like I said you seem pretty cool and awesome and nice :DDD
@novalunosismyths we became moots because of your epic/the odyssey as a dating sim idea lol :3 but even if we don’t talk much, you still seem cool !!!! (And I still think about that epic dating sim,, Jorge you know what the people want /silly /j)
@seasonalmoss again we don’t talk much but like I said with your sibling you seem cool and dope and awesome !!! :D
@randommushro0m YOUR ART IS SO GORGEOUS HELLO !!?!?!?1!1?!1?1!1?1! I’m so glad someone with your awesome art skills became moots with little old me :333 you seem really cool and nice !!!!
@barnowlive I LOVE YOUR GREEK MYTHOLOGY/EPIC AS DRAGON DESIGNS !!!1!1!!1!2!2!2! GRAHHHHH !!!!!!! Anyways you’re so cool and awesome and I can’t believe I’m moots with some one like you !!1!1!1!1! :D
@moon-snailsss another one of my irl friends !!! :D thank you for the sugar cookie today it was lowkey fire,,, :33 hope a belted kingfisher comes up to u and you get to keep it :DD
@verridith we don’t talk like at all but your art is SO GOOD AND AWESOME LIKE WOAH !!!!!!! Glad I’m moots with a cool and awesome person like you !!!! :33
@mrmrsdarklordjrthethird like I’ve said for a lot of my moots we don’t talk like at all but I think your art is dope and I bet you’re a cool and nice person :DD
@harperfrost Harper !!!! Orgh love all the little convos we have every day even if we just say wawa back and forth :3 you seem very cool and I’m glad I’m moots with you :D
@brokenflaem123432 I alway liked your drawing a wof character a day series, and I think your art is really nice !!!! :D I think you’re cool and yeah !!! :)
@yellow-computer-mouse YELLOW THE LEGEND !!1!2!2!2!2!2!2!2!2! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR FICTIVES /p !1!1!1!1!2!2!1!1!!1 orghhhh your art style and art and you are SO COOL AND AWESOME !!!!!!!! I am so glad to be moots with a person like you !!!!!
@crystalshifer I think your art has a ton of potential (and in no way do I mean that badly !! I just wanna say I can see you being a amzigg by artist in your future !! Even though your art already amazing 😛😛) I’m glad to be moots with you !!
@crowsorrel We don’t talk like at all but I like the way you shade and draw,, and I think you’re really cool and awesome :33 glad to be moots with a person like you :]
@eury-the-cow-man we don’t talk ever but I’m glad to be moots with Eurylochus himself lol /silly you seem really cool and nice though :]
@dawnxd wof fan !!! :3 and your art is actually really nice !!!!! :D you seem like a nice and awesome person, glad I’m moots with you :]
@plalache0 Your wof art is so cool and dope !!!!1!1!1 and you seem so nice and cool and awesome !!! Glad I’m moots with someone like you :33
@ac1dfang your art is also so cool and wow !!!! I love the way you shade and draw !!! Glad I’m moots with a cool person like you !!
@imnotskyguy-the-third SKYYYYYY !1!1!1!2!2! TUMBLR CAN NEVER GET RID OF YOUUUUU !1!1!1!!2!2!2!2! You’ve been such an awesome friend/moot and your were one of the first that I managed to convert to an epic fan !!!!! >:D I’m so glad I’m moots with you Sky !!! :3
@sunbitternb WOF AND EPIC !!!!! You seem like quite the awesome person and I love your art style !!! I’m standing by what I said that it tastes like pomegranate :33 glad I’m moots with you :D
@el-crafts AH EL YOU ARE SO SO TALENTED AND GRAHJJJJH I CANT BELIEVE IM MUTUALS WITH YOU ?!?!1?1!1!1’ oh em gee your wof maps and epic animations are SO SO GOOD and your art style is just !!!!!!! Im so glad to be moots with a person like you :DD (don’t mind how I like fangirled in this entire message 😭😭)
@ieatsporks11 wof fan !!!!! :33 you have like the EXACT same profile as one of my moots and I think that’s kinda funny :33 you seem really cool and awesome and I bet you are !! Glad I’m moots with a person like you :DD
Andddd that’s all my moots !!! I love each and every one of you !! /p and I am so so sorry if none of you wanted to be tagged !! Anywayssss I’m eepy
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scare | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,, (part 4)
synopsis - you’re in a relationship with some one else and have a pregnancy scare, both your own reaction and spencer’s makes you realise that you’re not happy.
part synopsis - you return to work, and a sudden revelation changes everything.
genre - bau!reader x spencer, friends to lovers, r was with someone else, douchebag bf trope, pregnancy scare, angst & fluff, comfort, reader is female with female anatomy and feminine
warnings - pregnancy is the main theme, blood, menstrual cycle, crying, inaccuracies because i have never been pregnant/ever thought i could be pregnant, uneducated reference to abortion: 'stick something up there',
w/c - 2.1k
a/n - last part. im sorry for the long wait and the subpar writing, i lost motiviation for this series and wasnt as into the story as i was before. BUT! i kept going for you guys. thank you <3 if anyone catches my hamilton reference youre my best friend
You hadn’t shown up to work for the week, taking the precious sick leave you had been hoarding and spending it all on arguing and throwing things into cardboard boxes. Not your stuff, but Lloyd's. And Spencer had spent those days pulling at his hair, tapping his fingers on his desk, and watching the automatic glass doors of the bullpen open just to find somebody else.
To everyone else’s knowledge, you simply had a bad stomach bug, but to Spencer it was much more. His stress was just a ticking time bomb waiting to detonate if one more person asks him how you were. Because he didn’t know. Not only were you physically absent from Spencer’s life, but virtually as well. No texts, calls, online likes or tags. It made him think the of the worst possibilities.
That’s where he was now, sat at his desk, finger tapping, leg bouncing, eyes darting from glass doors to blank phone, before he grabbed his phone and started to Hotchner’s office. His steps echoed in the early morning office sepace, patting his sweaty hands down his pants. But he didn’t make it very far before he heard Garcia’s familiar squeal, and your own genuine giggle.
Six days had been the longest you went without seeing Spencer, let alone your entire group, since you got the job. But you couldn’t put such a burden on these people, especially not the one who had seen you break down in his own apartment. To you, this was something you needed to figure out slowly and alone. Alone. Thank god, you were single now.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, just a flu?” Garcia asked, slipping one of her arms into yours and walking you to your desk.
“Stomach bug.” You smiled, patting her hand and sitting down at your desk. You looked at all of your trinkets and photos, happy to see that you never actually put a couple photo on your desk, and happy to see a photo of your team all together instead.
Spencer spun on his heel and widened his eyes, a breath escaping him in relief.
“Y/n.”
You looked up and stared at the man, the bags under his eyes deepened and the creases between his brows appearing like scars.
“Spence, hey.” You smiled as Garcia took his hurried steps as her queue to leave.
“How are you-“
“He’s gone. Sorry you cut you off.” Your hands started fidgeting, you looked askance. Spencer’s eyes betrayed him in his shock, thankfully his lips didn’t betray him in his happiness.
“Oh. That’s great.” Spencer nodded and had to shake the sudden urge to grab your hands and squeeze them. He could feel the possibilities in his fingertips by the second, but he couldn’t lose sight of the bigger issue here. “Are you gonna work a case with us? Are you feeling… better?” He asked with full care in his warm brown eyes.
“Yeah, I’m better. I mean, I’m not great yet but I’m better. Still thinking about things.”
He nodded, but before he could ask anything more, the rest of the team emerged from the elevators.
“Eden Lim, missing for 9 hours after her mother left the front door open to let in fresh air. Power outage in the neighbourhood took out all the air conditionings. Neighbours are either elderly couples or other families.” JJ handed out manila folders and picked up the remote to the Tv screen, showing a photo of a sweet little girl with her mother in a slightly professional set up. Aaron nodded and started, “Wheels up in thirty, JJ organise a meeting with their sheriff and investigators.”
On the plane, you were surprised to say the least. You found out you were pregnant by a sudden sickness, and now, you felt fine. Even though you didn’t get plane sick often, you expected at least a little nausea or maybe a headache. But honestly? You felt fine. Maybe you were a superwoman, one of the rare lucky mothers that don’t get sick often.
That’s what starts to distract you, the thought of the future. You didn’t know anything about pregnancy, let alone parenting. The last time you babysat was for Emily’s cat. Your hands started sweating and you bit the inside of your lip to attempt a suppression of nerves, but you obviously weren’t slick enough.
Hotch sends a glance your way, “You okay, Y/n?”
You smile softly, “Yeah, just the plane is kinda waking up my stomach.”
He nodded, seemingly accepting of that answer, and you gave yourself a mental fist bump.
You try to refocus on the case, but another factor is making this specific one harder.
Eden.
The top name on your baby name list since you were 16, the one you sort of planned to use without much second thought. The one who belongs to a missing child.
A young man who had just lost his son stole Eden, took her to his house, and treated her well. He was a father who had suffered loss, and took from someone else in the same way so that he wasn’t alone in his feelings.
Something about that felt slightly relatable. If Lloyd knew how you were feeling, maybe he would understand the weight on your shoulders.
You walked with Spencer to your desk, the aura around you both feeling like it was going back to normal, just with another layer on top. The secret kept between you two, a bigger one than any of the others. You flicked your small, dark green scarf over your shoulder, the difference in temperature from the case hitting you harder than usual.
Spencer slipped his satchel over his shoulder and sent you a smile. You felt a spin in your stomach because of the sight, and looked down to hide your face discreetly. You heard a small clear of the throat and then Spencer’s voice,
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Every time the victims name was mentioned, you sniffled, you rubbed your arm, or took a harder breath. Why is that?”
You widened your eyes, nearly laughing at the question. You had no idea Spencer was paying that much attention to you. Honestly, you thought he was going out of his way to avoid you to lower the chances of the team getting suspicious.
“Oh, it’s just uh. Eden has been on my baby name list since I was a teenager.”
Spencer’s shoulders tensed slightly, and his mouth opened as he nodded. His heart broke a little more. And he realised this was the first time you two were having a conversation since the night you stayed at his apartment. Not only was it making it real for you, it was making it real for him. Although, he had already vowed to himself that he would help you out with anything you needed, he doubted his mental capacity to take care of a baby made from the women he loves and a man he despises.
You both started walking to the elevator, always the last two in the office before Hotch, and you subconsciously stayed close to him. A pang hit your lower stomach that you pushed down.
“How are you doing, physically and mentally?” Spencer pushed the button with the down arrow, and looked down at you. His hair was slightly ruffled, his tie askew, but his eyes were how they always were when they looked at you, full. Full of care, of adoration, of worry, of knowing. Full of… something that could ruin both of you if he made the wrong decisions.
You took a breath and had to tear your gaze off of his, “Well, like I said, I broke up with Lloyd. He didn’t want to be a father, and when I told him I didn’t know what to do with the… baby, he said… he said… he told me to ‘stick something up there’ if I couldn’t afford another way.”
Spencer felt a rush of rage wash over him, his cheeks reddening and his hands fidgeting harder by the second. How could he?
“Basically, the opposite of how you reacted,” you laughed but it didn’t last long.
“Y/n… why haven’t you told me about him before? I didn’t even know you had been talking to guys until you were already dating one of them. If you told me about him I could’ve… I don’t know.”
“Open my eyes?” You smile sadly, and nod. “If I told you about him, and about how he acted… it was kind of like complaining about a sapling to an oak tree. Complaining about a page to a library. Complaining about a dickhead to…” You shook your head, “I felt embarrassed. And, I want you to think highly of me. But I guess after all of this, I can’t really help it anymore.”
Spencer stopped you in front of the elevator and took your hands, he looked at you with concern, and a bit of anger.
“Y/n I don’t hate you, or think any lesser of you just because you’re… pregnant, or because you were with a bad guy. I think that, while it’s true I think Lloyd is a terrible guy and I don’t see a lot of logic in staying with him, it was your own decision. I’ll always respect that.” He glanced down to his hand holding yours and let go of it.
Your eyes widened, panic shot across your face.
“Y/n?” The elevator doors opened.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” You turned and ran to the toilet, hearing Spencer’s steps behind yours a moment later. He called your name, asked you if you felt sick, and it made him feel guilty for making you stress in a time like this.
He hadn’t fully processed that you weren’t just his best friend, his love, but his pregnant best friend.
You pushed on the ladies bathroom door hard and darted for a toilet stall. There is no way I’m peeing my pants in front of Spencer Reid.
You closed the stall, and soon heard Spencer enter the bathroom with no hesitation to the fact it was a women’s room. “Do you need to hold your hair up?”
And even though the offer played with your heart, you quickly denied him, “No, Spencer, I’m not sick. I just needed to…”
You wiped, and suddenly you felt dizzy. Red.
Red?
“Blood…” you whispered to yourself. "Oh my... god."
“Blood!? Y/n, should you go to the hospital?” He stood closer to the door as his heart rate picked up.
You stood up, pulled up your pants and opened the door. Spencer nearly fell into you.
You screwed your eyebrows together in confusion, and all at once a million feelings hit you. Hatred, sadness, depression, heart break, hope, denial, acceptance… relief. You looked down, unable to look at Spencer as your heart quickened, and covered your mouth with your shaking hand.
“Spencer, I’m on my period.”
His big eyes searched yours, looking down and over your face and body and it was like watching him piece a puzzle together. “You’re not…”
You shook your head, and a wave of relief hit you all at once, tears hitting you like a tsunami, your arms wrapping around Spencer’s shoulders like unforgiving ropes. He stilled for a moment, before reciprocating the tight embrace, a breath of air leaving him in the contact. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripping at your work shirt causing wrinkles to appear between his fingers. His large palm warmed your back in soothing strokes before they laid tightly around your ribcage. Honestly, hugging you was a big thing he had been thinking about in your absense - they were always genuine.
You let go and smiled at Spencer widely, the first one you gave him genuinely in too long a time. Spencer placed a hand on your cheek and wiped a tear gently, smiling back at you.
“Oh, Spencer, I’m so… sorry.”
He stopped in his tracks and widened his eyes, “Why?”
“I made you worry for so long-“
“Hey, a false positive is not your fault. You had a less than 1 percent chance of getting one so it’s no wonder it didn’t cross your mind. My mind, as well.” His heart swelled as you two looked into each others eyes. Happy, relieved, suddenly aware of how close you two were to each other.
Spencer dropped his hand, and looked down with a cough. “I’m happy for you, Y/n.”
You nodded with a shy smile, and turned to look back at the toilet, “Well, I’m gonna… you know… take care of this and then… do you wanna get a drink? I need to... I need somewhere that's not my apartment to think about this.”
He blushed slightly, realising where he was, and picked up his satchel, “Yes, of course. Do you want to go to mine? We can pick up drinks on the way?”
"That would be amazing, thank you Spence." "Anything for you."
taglist - @jeffswh0re @reap3erslov3 @candyd1es @0108s22m @aurorsworld @theoraekenslover @c-losur3 @littlelearningbrat @khxna @laurakirsten0502 @cultish-corner @yokaimoon @flow33didontsmoke @reidswifeyyyyyy @kitsunetori @yasmin12312 @softestqueeen @adoresami @hazza3000 @lov3-audz @issy25 @pleasantwitchgarden @upuntil6am
#criminal minds#spencer reid#cm#criminal minds imagine#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid oneshot#criminal minds fluff#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x you#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fanfic#criminal minds hurt/comfort#🍵 —☆ pia’s pages
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hehe ghost-turbo haunting felix au
turbo is connected to the last piece of his code in the whole arcade - a trophy he gifted to felix in mid 80s as a symbol of him genuinely caring about their relationships on par with being the best racer. felix also gave him one of his medals and both kept their gifts next to other rewards, but when roadblasters and turbotime were unplugged, the medal was gone with everything else
now, after burning in cola-lava turbo is basically dead, but scraps of his code still were intertwined with the trophy (after all, it was his first winner's cup, but felix never knew about it), giving turbo an opportunity to exist as a shadow incapable of interacting with anything and anyone besides felix, who kept the trophy even after the roadblasters incident
also I went crazy in tags, feel free to check them out
#turbo#turbotastic#fix it felix jr#80s boyfriends#hammertastic#headcanon about them exchanging their trophies isn't mine but i loved it A LOT#and “darling” is turbo making fun of how felix was calling him in 80s#this hc about “doll” and “darling” pet names also is not mine but i adore it#turbo here is a complete freak who just stays around felix most of the time even when felix has moments with calhoun#and felix is an ass who keeps secrets from everyone bc he doesn't want his dirt to come out#he's ashamed of his previous relationship with turbo and doesn't want anyone to know any details#and calhoun to just know about it#this just gets worse and worse#they also didn't actually break up and were still technically dating when turbo went gamejumping#and he's mad af at felix because he's the reason ppl in the acrade made a boogeyman out of turbo and he couldn't come back#like imagine your bf says to you what you are better than others think of you#and then behind your (presumably dead) back tells everyone that you're just an egocentric maniac#i believe turbo has other reasons why he gamejumped (besides jealousy which took place but wasn't the most important reason)#and felix is an unreliable narrator#so yeah turbo HATES his ass#(but still would-) no im not making it suggestive#anyway i hc that turbo had put A LOT of emotions in this relationship even tho he's bad at this#he tried his best with felix but they were just making each other worse#and turbo while feeling betrayed never really moved on (yes even after 25 years he's PATHETIC)#and felix is just full of regret about everything but he won't admit his mistakes in his relationship with turbo#bc “well he turned out to be a bad person so that automatically makes me in the right about everything”#but felix had made a lot of bad decisions while dating turbo and was just classically ignorant about a ton of things#sorry about this random ass essay in tags i'm done for now#wreck it ralph#wir
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ALICENT HIGHTOWER & RHAENYRA TARGARYEN HOUSE OF THE DRAGON "The Lord of the Tides"
#rhaenicent#house of the dragon#hotd#rhaenicentedit#hotdedit#alicenthightoweredit#rhaenyratargaryenedit#rhaenicentdaily#gameofthronesdaily#alicenthightowerdaily#rhaenyratargaryencentral#photopeablr#userellenberent#usermalcfoy#usermaguire#tuserlivia#useralicia#userzaynab#my gifs***#merry christmas to those who celebrate rhaenicent!!!#one of the few good things we got out of the show#s1 rhaenicent my beloved#all the wonderful little details i had to gif this scene#mr otto “i know what you are” hightower#their thumbs circling each other's wrists#alicent's smile and her eyes when rhaenyra agrees to come back#not to mention the way rhaenyra looks at alicent's face before she leaves#ugh i will never be over them#long ass tags im so sorry
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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You fucked up a perfectly good lamb is what you did. look at them. they dont actually want to be a cult leader and they freak out when they see one of their enemies worship them because they don't want to be in a world where turning to people that have hurt you for comfort is the norm.
#cotl#cult of the lamb#yogart#cotl sona#comic#cotl leshy#drawing#no i will never consistently draw the lambs horns. sorry#there's a lot of stuff i was trying to convey in this comic that im hoping gets through#like#narinder knows exactly whats going on because he went though the same thing when he was inducted#the lamb feels REALLY uncomfortable at the idea of the bishops worshipping them because why would you worship someone who hurt you#and actively hates you#the lamb has really complex thoughts about the crown too. which ill get to eventually.#i wont tag the ship bc this isnt really shippy yet but. in my mind it is there
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As an attempt at a polite "going forward" comment...
I do not plan to draw for Three Houses or Hopes for a long while. I know a lot of my followers are from the past four years and I appreciate that you followed me at all! But if you are only interested in the art of those characters I wanted to be clear and say you can unfollow me at any point if what i draw no longer aligns with what you want to see.
I might draw for other FEs (like Heroes or 13/14/17) but I do not want to get involved with 3H any more. I do have other interests and across tumblr, twitter (now inactive), and sometimes on discord I've heard enough "I thought it was (FE3H character)".
This is not one person doing it and it is not simply one character being mistaken. I simply want to distance myself from 3H and have unfollowed a few people that reblog art of it because it just leaves a lingering bad taste in my mouth.
Thank you very much for your time and I hope you can find artists who can provide art for topics you like.
#moe talks a lot#not art#again this is NOT the fault of one person its been accumulating for a loooong time#its not even other franchises entirely being labeled as 3h oopsies!#i think one of the most frustrating was a twitter exp where i drew felicia and flora from fates and someone said thought it was marihilda#its just very demotivating and makes me feel like im nothing but a machine for the 3h fans and i want to move past that#i would far prefer no comments or tags than the constant barrage of mistaking a character when i draw for anything else#i know (or rather hope) people who do this are not doing it to be mean! but ! it hurts to put time into something to have it devalued#im sorry to those that really liked my 3h art but i am extremely burnt out on some comments and being asked to justify my doodles#i just want to draw stupid things and it got to the point i had to explain my stupid things#which defeated the stress relief of it being stupid#half of the asks i never replied to were like this so again it is NOT just one person doing this ! its just finally added up#to me needing to be open and clear#i tried to be concise in the main post but it still looks really wordy#opened the ask box again temporarily but not open to anons so we will see how this goes
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just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount
branwen
- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall
- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.
- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.
- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.
- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.
- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.
boaz
- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle
- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.
- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.
- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.
- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.
- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella
ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry
#i’m at the gym for the first time since my od and ouugghh i’m so emotional#it’s 2am aslo. ouu they haunt me#i love thinking about them being silly little domestic cowboys#and just going on dates and riding their little horsies#my fav horse girls !1!!11!1!1!! even tho javi isn’t a horse girl really but in my heart he is cuz kieran loves trail rides#and so javieran go on trail rides a lot as well as “’riding into town’ as an excuse to get out of camp together#javier is so good at listening he truly learned the art of shutting up when he couldn’t speak english and also was learning in america that#he really should trust sparingly because the new world was so incredibly hostile to him from the start simply for being who he was and where#he came from#so he’s such a great active listener and while it’s kinda a trauma response it also works very well for javierans relationship because kiera#has never in his life ever felt important or safe or like anything he said mattered to anyone so perfect brilliant ‘i’m listening go on’ jab#vier makes kieran feel so loved and heard in ways he’s never ever in his life experienced and javi takes them fishing and riding and to the#stables constantly because he’s LISTENED to kieran and kieran never has to ask to do something he wants to do because javi’s already HEARD h#im (and he also knows kieran would never ask for anything first ever because he never feels like he deserves anything at all. nor even feels#safe enough to dare).#and javier gets his cake and eats it too when kieran asks and asks and asks because kieran cares about EVERYTHING right from the getgo beau#se unlike javier kieran has been entirely unable to turn his heart off at all in any capacity so he loves and loves ans loves against his wi#ll so javier has been so adored from the start because kieran can’t HELP it so he gets him gifts and learns things for him and javi just as#much never has to ask for much other than courage from kieran. ever. can anyone hear me is anyone lidtening ouuu#ok enough sorry they make me so emptipnal#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#javieran#kieran duffy#javier escuella#text#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s waxing poetry again#i think that was the tag ¿#im gonna throw up i miss them so bad they’re everything to me oouuggyuuuy
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i come check ur blog everytime my friends slander shane to my face. its a type of shane palette cleanser. ur the only mf who gets me
Im glad you can feel some sort of sanctuary in my blog bcz shane fans r always going through the fucking trenches in this fandom
#i just went through facebook looking at a page that did not ask for permission posting my art (i gave up) and im reading thru the comments#and most of them r just slandering shane left and right like CAN U GET OUT#i know that old man is stinky!!! now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE 👉🚪#i keep getting shit in reddit too everytime i post shane. this never happens w the other characters 😂#they all complain abt me drawing shane “handsome” like idk how to tell these ppl but can u fuckin imagine if i drew shane more poorly than#everyone else LMFAOOOOOOOOOO#like even if im not a fan of a character i wouldnt draw them intentionally 'ugly' 😭😂 there would always be someone who loved that person#ppl r entitled to their own opinion ofc and we cant stop them for not liking shane but they dont have to rub it in our face either 😭😂#i normally just avoid/ignore ppl who dont like shane (obviously. incredibly normal thing to do.) but shane haters will go to shane fans#and shit right in their front yard and personal spaces lmfaooo 😭😂 good lord#sorry for the yelling in the tags
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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Girl what did Arthur do in the legends
He got Morgana pregnant with baby Mordred
#arthur pendragon#morgana#morgan le fay#mordred#arthuriana#asks#it has only recently occured to me that there are probably people in the bbc merlin fandom that don't know arthuriana#which is totally fine it had just never occurred to me before bc ive been so fascinated with them for like a decade#it kinda explains why i was always so lost when people are like 'this bbc merlin thing is problematic i cant believe it'#and im sitting there like what this whole shebang starts off with uther killing a guy who's wife he wants to bang#and then merlin uses magic to disguise himself as the dead husband (gorlois) so the wife (igraine) doesnt know the difference#and thats how baby arthur is conceived#like these guys are FUCKED UP lmao#although i guess that isnt the TRUE start of the legends since theres some about baby merlin being the antichrist but they baptised him#so he's fine now. just got sickass magic powers but now he uses them for 'good'#and kid merlin dishing out prophecies to uther's predecessor vortigern to help him build a castle#but arthur's conception is the start of the main shit obvs#good god i infodumped in these tags damn i havent had my arthurian nerd cells activated in a BIT so thanks op#and also sorry to be the bearer of fucked up news to you
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i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.
#bee's buzzing#ieytd#i dont know.. its probably just me being Strange. but.#the Main guy in the fandom is juniper. and he's interesting! but. i don't... think about him as often#and when i do it's never in the shipping / x reader context i see so frequently in the tags.#i dont ship him with agent phoenix because. my agent is an it/its dyke. so i dont really engage in that side of fandom#i also dont think about the handler as often because. idk i just think about the women more!#but juniper and agent phoenix and the handler are like. the only people i see talked about often#which is fine!! people like them. i also like them just. not in the same way/to the same extent.#im here for the women. but. they're not talked about often at all :[#when they are it's usually briefly in passing.#they get the worst of the mischaracterization too imo. because people just do not give them the same depth as they like to give-#- charas like john. it makes me kinda sad tbh.#and also the fandom does not. seem to make much space for f/f content.#i know like. the handful of other people who make f/f content for ieytd.#and. god. idk im still honestly a bit ticked off by one solaris post that 1) was not a good analysis i will be quite honest.#it was very surface level. like really basic info and also iirc not entirely accurate? i cannot remember anymore#but. 2). it started by saying 'nobody talks about solaris outside of fabbylaris' and that still makes my blood boil.#like. not to vaguepost but. the fabbylaris posters ARE talking about solaris outside of a shipping context. please. please#also there was a whole Thing a while back where people started being strange about non-feminine nonbinary agent phoenix.#and as a nonbinary butch-adjacent dyke. it made my skin crawl!!! im NOT feminine and idk why making agent phoenix not feminine is.#apparently Bad to a certain subset of the fandom#sorry but im a dyke and i WILL make the player insert protag a butch lesbian who doesnt use she/her.#and if you have a problem with that please think about Why people making the player insert nonbinary and androgynous/Vaguely Masc is-#- such a problem to you. and whether that is alienating to the trans people in the fandom.#okay. im normal now. goodnight.
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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thinking abt doomed friendships*.........pearlrick i care you
#*yes i know they hardly knew anything abt each other after like eight years and their circumstances were never going to allow them to really#permanently connect and form a genuine lasting friendship. Let me have this#alsoooo its completely reasonable to assume that (since they were not the share all abt my past and loved ones type) that they gleaned info#abt the other by observing them and then literally never speaking about it ever like come on they spent eight years as pretty much#the others only “close” relationship and neither of them r stupid#this close to writing a lil fic of them over the years plus tweaking thornes death a little bc the whole poetic change of heart on deathbed#thing has Thoroughly gotten old for me sorry#ive gone on a tangent in my tags again oh dear#towl#the ones who live#rick grimes#pearl thorne#if i get flamed. yk what im not deleting this
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