#and javier gets his cake and eats it too when kieran asks and asks and asks because kieran cares about EVERYTHING right from the getgo beau

[javierduffy]

just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount

branwen

- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall

- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.

- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.

- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.

- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.

- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.

boaz

- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle

- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.

- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.

- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.

- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.

- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella

ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry

[vegetalass]

RDR2 Boys Cooking + Eating Habits

Arthur 

Somebody else on here wrote some headcanons about Arthur not being able to cook and just eating microwave food all the time and I just have to say…. That’s canon 

Lowkey though he’s trying his best to get better at cooking

Probably the only thing he knows how to make is pasta 

He adds a bunch of random frozen veggies to water as the noodles are cooking 

And then smothers the whole thing in butter and calls it a meal

Or he puts marinara sauce on it straight from the jar 

And yes, that means it’s cold

He’s also getting better at friend rice, too

But he’s really bad at actually making rice 

If he doesn’t add too much water… He burns the bottom 

Charles makes a mental note to buy him a rice cooker for his birthday 

Makes his own popsicles out of random fruit juices and eats them 24/7 

Thinks this qualifies him as a chef

Eats pickles and olives straight out of the jar with a fork 

And sauerkraut too probably 

Just goes over to john’s house on his pizza nights 

Puts ketchup on eggs

John 

Pizza dad 

Probably orders pizza, salad, and a 64oz soda twice a week 

Everything else is just Dino chicken nuggets, Eggos, hot dogs, quesadillas, and frozen peas and corn 

Food you feed to little kids, basically 

Mostly because he does have a little kid 

But also because it’s easy and takes minimal effort and he doesn’t mind eating it, too

Abigail would be mad but she has no room to talk

The most you’ll see him actually make is buttered pasta (like Arthur) or sometimes beans and rice 

Abigail bought them a rice cooker a while ago so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to worry about 

Probably always has some type of dessert laying around 

Doesn’t mean it’s good, but it’s there 

Abigail buys a bunch of those gross, low calorie ice creams and John ends up having to finishing them 

Family lunches consist of a bologna sandwich on wheat bread with American cheese and mayo, a piece of fruit, a bag of chips or crackers, a go-gurt, and some gummies 

And yes he makes them for himself and Abigail too 

They’re all eating good at the Marston household 

(Not really)

Charles 

Everything he cooks are things that can’t be made in single batches 

Lots of healthy soups, chilis, stew, etc…

Most of the time, he makes too much of whatever it is so he always has leftovers 

Everyone is jealous when he brings them for lunch

Probably finds all of his recipes in the newspaper or random magazines he reads while at the grocery store checkout line

Everyone is like, “Charles… Why are you reading Women’s Fitness?” 

And he’s like, “Check out this salad recipe, though”

Puts hot sauce on everything 

Salad, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers... You name it 

And he’s the king of snacking

All of his snacks are healthy, though

Raw veggies and fruit and quinoa chips from Whole Foods or something like that

Nobody likes this

He’s one of those people who brings hard boiled eggs everywhere as a “snack,” too

And yea, he puts hot sauce on those, also 

He really likes those weird protein bars that are hard to bite into and taste like chalk 

The flavors are either normal stuff like white chocolate macadamia or Protein Power Punch with whey, chia and seaweed 

There’s no in between 

He’s also a charcuterie board legend

Hosea is jealous of this talent

Micah

Spends all his money on take out 

He’s totally one of those weird people who’s entire trash can is just filled with take out boxes and cans of coke or beer

Constantly eating fast food 

You ask him what he bought at the supermarket and he’s like “Pub mix and bud light” 

SIR 

Everything that he does manage to cook only involve one step of preparation 

Unseasoned, fried meats and boiled veggies 

Sometimes scrambled eggs and bacon

If he’s feeling fancy, he will make plain sandwiches

This is very rare, though

Can and will complain about anyone’s cooking

Even if it’s good and he he likes it

There are certain people he can’t do this to, though, or they won’t let him eat

The only person’s cooking he doesn’t complain about is Dutch’s

Constantly snacking from an entire party sized bag of chips

And yes, he eats straight out of the bag and wipes his fingers on his jeans

His oven is dirty

Hosea 

A meal for him is probably a handful of almonds and an applesauce or yogurt cup 

He is constantly making a bunch of those Tik Tok recipes where you just put a bunch of random stuff into your crock pot and add ranch seasoning and cream cheese

*insert all of those memes about mom pulling out the crock pot*

If you complain, he says “Well, you’re always welcome to cook, too”

Wears an apron when he cooks

Constantly eating plain toast with butter

And bananas 

And cheese sticks

Thinks that this makes him “healthy” 

Definitely likes to snack on those cocktail fruit cups and canned mandarin oranges

His entire freezer is just full of ice cream 

It’s all weird flavors like Cherry Garcia, chocolate banana, and pistachio though

Everyone hates him for this

Raisins are his late night treat 

Has a secret stash of candy no one can find 

That’s okay though because it’s mostly Werthers Originals

And Chiclets gum

He picks out all the orange ones, though

Dutch

Tries to re-plate takeout so he can call it his own

Everybody sees through this but they stopped commenting on it like four Thanksgivings ago 

Buys a bunch of those meals from Costco that all you need to do is heat up in the oven

He does like fast food but only from the less popular places

Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, BK, Arby’s, etc. 

A&W, too, because he’s old and weird

He can totally cook, he just never does 

It’s just normal stuff like spaghetti and meatballs or chicken and rice, though

Tuna fish casserole

He over-seasons everything, though

Mostly because he’s trying to prove that he’s a good cook 

Eats dessert twice, every night 

Once right after dinner, and then later when he’s feeling like a treat 

Will eat in bed

Uses a little bib and tray and everything 

Likes pumpkin and sunflower seeds

Would eat hot wings with gloves on 

He’s the one who taught Arthur to put ketchup on eggs 

Kieran 

The second I realized that Kieran would probably be white trash, my life changed 

Hamburger Helper meals for LIFE

That one cheeseburger pasta? Kieran probably eats that three times a week 

He 100% makes the ketchup-butter sketti from Honey Boo Boo 

“It’s been a while since I done had roadkill in my belly”

His favorite dessert is ambrosia salad or that weird yogurt/Cool Whip covered jello that was popular in the 2000s

Probably has a TV dinner every once in a while, too

Instant mashed potatoes and minute rice type of guy 

Also gives me big microwave cheddar broccoli vibes 

I’ve said this before, but his house is probably stocked with all kinds of on-brand goodies 

Probably always has some kind of chip and cookie around 

Eats dinner in front of the TV

Dips french fries in mayonnaise

All of this said though, he isn’t a picky eater and will eat whatever is put on his plate 

That’s why he’s great to take to restaurants, because he never complains

Honestly it’s just so sweet to think of him making big crockpot meals to share with ppl even if his cooking is a lil.... strange 

Javier

Thinks that the hot dog combo from Costco is a suitable dinner 

Also gets hot food from the grocery store for dinner a lot

Literally will just heat up a can of something and eat it plain 

Beans, chili, soup… 

Doesn’t doctor it up or change it at all 

He’s happy to share but no one wants any

Chips and dip, 24/7

And it’s just Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and hummus

Probably puts hummus on everything, too 

Corn chips, tortilla chips, tortillas, vegetables, sandwiches, etc. 

Will put anything in a tortilla and call it a sandwich 

Eats leftovers cold 

The rest of the gang thinks this is a sin

Makes stir fry with whatever is laying around the house

It’s a little gross because he will try to add leftover beans

Refuses to eat fast food

The only exception he’ll make is for french fries and ice cream

Walks around and eats at the same time

Isn’t above asking the other boys to share with him 

Despite the fact that this only happens if what they’re eating is good

Which is almost never

Sean

Sean can’t cook. That’s the end of it

The most he can make is that weird microwave Mac and cheese where the pasta is boiled in the mug?? 

He never does it tho and just sticks with the normal, frozen Mac and Cheese you can microwave instead

Uses his microwaving ability to make mug cakes

And microwave scrambled eggs

Burns his popcorn every single time

He’s probably set of the smoke detector or fire alarm multiple times

He’s Irish though so of course he’s addicted to potatoes and cabbage

And since he’s from the UK, he likes stuff like beans on toast and marmite

He’s a little nasty too so catch him eating bologna sandwiches on wonder bread

Not even the Marstons are that bad

When he does get takeout, he overspends trying to use a delivery app 

He’s like, “And do I need the extra side of special sauce for $5…? Yes.” 

Cooks like this 

[vegetalass]

RDR2 Boys Grocery Shopping

Arthur 

Arthur can do a lot of things quickly, but shopping is not one of them. 

He’s totally happy to do it, but he takes his time looking at everything really carefully and thinking about what to get

Usually just ends up buying the store brand because it’s the most affordable, but if you specify a brand you like he’s willing to get it 

He’s also willing to spend more on things that are better when higher quality, though, like beer and meat

That being said, definitely prefers local stores and small businesses because they aren’t corporate and are usually less busy 

If he gets to choose the snacks, he chooses boring stuff like plain tortilla and potato chips

Always really nice to the cashiers, and has fun talking to them about whatever he’s buying. Good at conversing about simple things like that.

Despite this, will make a comment about how expensive everything is

If you go shopping with him, he’ll buy you guys a snack to share on the way home 

John 

Not awful at shopping… But not fantastic at it, either. 

If you send him in for six items, he’ll most likely come back with five or seven things

Refuses to buy anything other than store brand because “it’s just as good” 

Will absolutely not break this rule unless he’s with someone who forces him to, and even then he complains

Jack has never had Froot Loops because of this, since John always buys the Tooty Frooty O’s instead

Abigail has given up

If he’s buying for himself, his shopping list is like “Juice, jerky, snacks” 

Never remembers where anything is so it’s likely he’s going around in circles trying to find something

Bad at asking for help, but always spends a lot of time talking to the meat and seafood guys… 

Honestly, he’s just a guy being a dude at the grocery store

Charles 

Not a vegan, but likes vegan snacks and always spends a lot of time thinking about what to get and trying new things. 

He’s a pretty quick shopper though, just because he does all this thinking in advance

Arthur’s always like “How do you shop so quickly?” And Charles is like “Internet.” 

Also budgets very well and still manages to buy a lot. 

He comes home and the gang is like, “You got all of that for $50?” And Charles is like “Um, yes?” 

Probably has to buy more than he normally would just because he the gang is always eating his stuff

That being said, they don’t always like it and often complain about what he buys (and it’s literally just Hummus or something)

The girls are happy though because he’s the only one (other than Hosea) who buys vegetables 

He has snacks that you can touch and snacks that you shouldn’t 

Probably shops exclusively at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods tbh 

King of tote bags (Arthur is jealous) 

Micah 

Good luck trying to give this man a shopping list. He walks in with a vague idea of what he needs and walks out with practically none of it. 

Mostly goes shopping for the fun of it and only buys things he likes

Decides on the spot about whether or not he’s getting something and is 100% the type of person to just leave the things he doesn’t want in random places

If you try to put anything in the cart when he’s around, he thinks he gets a deciding vote on whether or not you actually buy it

Just watch him be like “WTF do we need toilet paper for?” 

If he’s buying something for himself, he buys the most expensive one. If he’s buying anything for the gang, he buys the cheapest. 

Also, even if he’s only supposed to do shopping for the gang, he always ends up buying himself a bunch of stuff that he doesn’t plan on sharing. 

It’s like… “And here’s your ground beef, Pearson! Also, I got this ribeye for me.” 

Hosea 

Literally only shops at Costco. You cannot make him shop anywhere else. He buys everything there

Gets everyone’s snacks at Costco, gets everyone’s shampoo and conditioner at Costco, and even probably gets everyone’s winter coat and boots at Costco. 

If you complain about it, he’ll tell you to do the shopping yourself

Being lent his Costco membership card is a PRIVILEGE. Only Charles, Lenny, and Arthur (as well as most of the girls) have ever received it. 

(Pearson and Ms. Grimshaw probably have their own)

You have to beg him to buy you a hot dog combo and yogurt, but he’ll do it if you persist

Puts relish on his because he’s old

Buys a bunch of random old man stuff. Always buying nuts and dried fruit and apple sauce in bulk. 

Always buys off-brand, too. Everyone is disappointed but not surprised when he brings home weird snacks that are all the wrong brand

You have to make special requests for anything else, and even then, he selectively remembers what people want

Dutch 

King of trying to make the employees “check in the back” 

King of having a bunch of random coupons for things no one likes 

King of taking forever, not because he’s shopping, but because he’s making friends with everyone at customer service and distracting people by asking for opinions on what to buy

Always forgets what he came for, even though he swears to Hosea that he’ll remember

Also impulse buys a bunch of stuff… cake mixes, random kitchen tools, avocados, you name it. He always has some weird justification as to why he thinks it will get eaten/used

Don’t let him go shopping with anyone because he’ll buy whatever they ask for

“How much could one banana cost? Seven dollars?” 

Honestly, other than Micah, one of the most likely people to complain about something stupid to staff 

Also, the only one (besides Micah *cough*) who doesn’t use reusable bags 

Still shops at BevMo! cause he’s a freak

Kieran 

He’s a good shopper. Definitely does his best to follow the list 

That being said, isn’t very good at budgeting, but will at least get you everything you need

His only flaw is that he’s also probably not very good at putting things back in the right spots (not for lack of trying, though)

The only person in the gang who buys the on-brand, quality snacks you asked for AND is willing to share

Everyone goes nuts when he brings home REAL Oreos, Cheetos, and Lucky Charms after weeks of healthy versions or knock-offs

Yes, there is probably fighting

But it’s worth it because Jack loves him forever after this

When he does buy food for himself, it’s honestly probably boring stuff like Raisin Bran and veggie chips (Hosea is pleased) 

Pays for everything in cash and is one of those weird people that always asks for $10 in quarters when he’s getting change

Make sure you specify which store he should go to, though, because if you don’t, he’s 100% going to Walmart (and doesn’t know what’s wrong with it)

Javier 

He’s happy to do the shopping, but he isn’t going to follow a list

Even if all of the food is for the gang, he’s like “nah” and just gets what he wants to eat

Example: he buys everyone snacks but it’s just a bunch of random things he thinks sound good

That being said, unlike Micah, he’s not doing it to be mean

Just like Charles buys the veggies, Javier buys the fruit. 

While he mostly shops at ethnic grocery stores, you can still catch him at Costco sometimes because the deals are just too good

And in the spring and summer, he shops at the the farmer’s market (with Charles and Arthur, of course)

Honestly, the fun of shopping for him is the drive there and back

He uses reusable bags but they’re all just old shopping bags Dutch never threw away 

One word: Kombucha