#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it

[faiell]

yapping about fics and commenting

sorry to yap but work is boring today and tumblr isn't blocked on my work computer LOL

ok it's abt that post where the writer friend stopped writing because they weren't getting the comments/kudos they wanted.

i'm like. an overeager fandom person. like i cannot get into a fandom without wanting to meet new people and make friends. i love yapping about whatever silly gay idiots i'm hyperfixating over. i'm all about community, and sharing the joy of fandom, and all that fun positive stuff.

i don't post my art for stats but like. that means nothing coming from me tbh. i get stats. i can't accurately predict what would happen if i stopped getting notes on my art, but i would probably keep drawing and keep posting, just maybe less confidently, and less often. i recognize that stats make it much easier and while it’s not my primary motivation, it definitely motivates me to keep posting.

and yet. for years, i never commented on fic. i think i left kudos? and i saw posts like this all the time about how writers were so sad they didn't get comments. and i would feel super guilty about it all the time. but i still wouldn't do it! it sounds stupid, but i would feel pressured. if i liked a fic a lot, it felt even more difficult to comment, because i thought i would have to somehow give back to the author everything that fic gave to me. i wanted to craft the perfect comment that could perfectly encapsulate everything a fic made me feel. and that was way too much pressure so i would just not say anything.

when i got into drarry, i started reading a shit ton of fic. and i still wouldn't comment. i left maybe... 2 or 3 comments, maybe, i think. i can't remember. but i had a lot to say and i WANTED the writers to hear that i had read it and liked it. i just... didn't comment! u know what i did instead? i just fucking straight up DM'd writers on discord and started gushing to them that i liked their fic. somehow i was confident enough to do that, but writing a comment still felt like too much pressure. ?? i don't understand it either, but in my head it felt like a writing assignment, but when I was in DMs it felt more like a conversation and so there wasn't any pressure to make it "good"? idk!! it's very weird.

then i wrote and posted my first complete fic. just a oneshot, nothing special, and i was like. UNREASONABLY nervous about posting it. like. i am a confident person, okay? i was going to make a burner AO3 account and post it under a different name so nobody would know it was me, and then never mention it to anyone except MAYBE super close friends. i got talked out of doing that (thanks i feel a bit silly about considering that now). and then i received my first comment on it, which was basically a two-liner where someone said they liked it and thanked me for writing it.

and i was like. ??...?????? ???????? ...??!!! because i felt like... uncontainable glee? i was freakishly happy. the amount of serotonin those two sentences gave me was definitely unnatural.

is that healthy? idk. will it continue? idk. LOL. i hope so? but idk, some people said it wears off if you write/post for a while. but whatever, the fact that one little comment like that could make my entire day blew my mind. tbh i thought writers were just exaggerating when they said stuff like that.

ever since then i started leaving comments! that shit's easy! like what was i overthinking for? i'm such a fucking tryhard! all i gotta say is that i liked it, and even the bare minimum can bring lots of joy to someone.

so basically what im trying to say is that negative reinforcement doesn't do shit!! it just makes people feel bad about themselves. that post is nasty for guilt-tripping readers like that, and i bet you it's going to have the opposite effect (or no effect tbh).

YAPPING FINISHED. for now.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[dreamertrilogys]

dating dani has made me feel SO #normalcore (not in a bad way obviously) like this is the most NORMAL i’ve felt in my life (not that feeling abnormal was bad: i have a tumblr complex.) but like i’m just some 16 year old guy with his first girlfriend. & i skip school for fun (hanging out purposes). that is the most normal-est thing on planet earth

[comfymoth]

On that note, what were your thoughts on Coraline? Specially on that scene where the beldam counts down from 3 as she transforms into her true form.

Because to me, it made me realize that I love horror movies and their concepts, and what I didn't like of other specific transformation scenes was that they were... too real to me? Like they made me think about "if people could really be turned into animals how horrible would it be to leave every single thing you know about life behind and never get to do the human things you like and nobody knowing that something unnatural happened to you, they'd just see a weird dog or cow or chicken" and that was too terrifying of a thought to me

that specific scene didn’t really bother me the same way! i thought it was scary, sure, but that’s just because the beldam looks scary. a monster turning into a monster because they’ve always been one didn’t make me queasy the way other stuff did. she’s choosing to change shapes, no one else is making her, and it’s one she seems to like!

like you said, a part of it for me was being so upset at the idea of losing your original life and not being able to go back, being separated from people or just not being recognized at all. i really didn’t like the idea that it might be painful, or embarrassing, or that you could have absolutely no control over what was happening. the loss of control was HUGE for me.

in a weird way that’s probably what drew little kid me to werewolves though. because they do have to go through all of that, but in the end they can change back. and they don’t have to be alone because of it, you know, wolves are such social animals, it doesn’t have to be completely isolating. and also wolves are just fucking cool!!! so it was a way to explore all of that discomfort without it being so horribly overwhelming. it was cathartic!

and now i’m just Like This. so. haha. oops?

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

kinda worried that i am the guy i am complaining about wrt character interpretations for grimmjow and i guess to some people i am (and possibly also to myself idk) but i think its more like. i see who he is in the manga and shit. and i also see that his character isnt progressing past that really. and like i get it not everyone needs an arc or whatever, sometimes characters are static and thats just how it is. however, he is my favourite boy. and i want him to have some development beyond, He Is Getting Stronger and Now Even Harribel Is Apprehensive About Fighting Him. like. idk man. is it so wrong for me to want him to do more than that.

[gayness-and-mayhem]

Now I'm watching Lewis for the first time and this random church they go to in S2E1 is the one from the Vicar of Dibley apparently, which is also the one from Goodnight Mr Tom and my dad thinks it's a coincidence but it can't be (coming back to edit that I mean bc of the Goodnight Mr Tom link, not bc of the Vicar of Dibley itself).

[wonysugar]

wonder why i’m bitter | julie han

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. casual — chappell roan

synopsis : friends don’t act like this, you would know that better than anyone else.

pairing : non-idol!julie x fem!reader

genre : smut, angst, smutty angst, if you will! heavy on the angst though sorry.

tags : they were roommates,,, making out, marking, implied possessiveness, implied jealousy, anal rimming (heyyy), strap-on sex, vaginal penetration, cunnilingus, julie is bent ova, and YESS WHO SAID BACKSHOTS, arguing, topsub!femreader, bottomdom!julie, frequent mentions of sexuality, praise kink, cheating?? could you call this cheating,, one singular l-bomb,,, yikesss

warnings : none..? i guess apart from the obvious content warnings here (angst and smut) there’s some underlying internal homophobia themes?? but i don’t think it’s that bad tbh IDK BE WARNED JUST IN CASE

word count : 3,1k

a/n : haiii!! i’m finally posting this draft OUHH it went through so many changes, like for example THE TITLEE?? i was gonna make the title be a lyric to ‘goodluck, babe!’ by chappell roan since i originally based the fic on that but i ended up listening to casual instead and went woaahh,, this fits so much more what the hell?!? but yeahh i think i’m happy with how it turned out! :’) i hope you guys can say the sameedckem

ALSO! first time writing anything involving anal,, while yes i do talk about it often (ahem we all know,,) i was incredibly nervous in the process and this definitely made me step out of my comfort zone, hope it isn’t too apparent in this ;; but yeah, to stop rambling, thank you for reading!! i hope you like itt! :]]

“so…” julie’s friend makes a motion between the two of you with a raised eyebrow, wearing a curious smile. “what exactly are you two?” they ask. you thought about it for a few moments, theoretically, you two are roommates, friends at most. but, if anything, you’re more like a couple behind closed doors. 

you shrug, thinking nothing of it, “i guess we’re kind of like—“

“we’re just friends.” she places, wearing a polite smile at the familiar in front of her before you could even think about the rest of your sentence. when you turn to look at her, she’s avoiding your gaze, already familiar with the type of expression you’re wearing. 

it’s the face you always make when she pushes you away like this.

turning back to her friend, you nod slightly, “yeah. we’re friends.” trying your hardest not to let your dejection show through your smile. 

maybe it’s all just in your imagination, perhaps you guys were never even close to being a ‘thing’ and you were the one who thought too much into it. but alas; no matter from which angle you looked at it, the way she displayed any ounce of affection towards you would always make you overthink what you two were exactly. anything she’d do in the comfort of your own apartment with you was never close to anything she’d do in public, in front of the eyes of everyone walking by. she always acts like she barely knows you whenever she is surrounded by people, whether she knows them or not.

you think about it often.

you think about her often.

you asked yourself, do you even like her like that? well, she’s pretty chill, smart, witty and funny. she’s also beautiful, and one hell of a tease, that much is obvious, you’ve had sex with her numerous times in the past, so sexual attraction is out of the question; you already knew the answer to that. the better question probably was; does she even like you like that?

“you done with them?” says julie, referring to the pile of kitchenware you guys left from last night on the counter as she hugs you from behind and rests her head on your shoulder, her arms wrapping all around your waist and watching you. you, on the other hand, were taken by surprise by the sudden display of affection, so much so that you lost your original train of thought. as much as you knew that she liked physical touch, it always did surprise you whenever you randomly felt her skin come in contact with yours throughout the day. getting quickly accustomed to the feeling of her lips kissing your shoulder, you hummed in response, washing and scrubbing the plate with the soaped-up sponge you were holding.

“almost.” 

she whines in an exaggerated manner, “hurry uppp..” lightly tapping on your stomach and resting her head on your shoulder, before adding, “i miss you.”

you giggle, putting away the plate you were now done washing, quickly grabbing another dirty one, “i’m right here, though?”

“no like,” she left another kiss on your shoulder, “i miss you.” 

you smirked, getting progressively more and more amused by the girl’s foreign, yet familiar behavior towards you, feeling her embrace you even tighter.

“oh yeah? well in that case, i miss you too, julie.”

you knew exactly what the girl in question meant by ‘i miss you’ and you would’ve teased her further if it weren’t for how impatient she was getting, despite how cute it was. her heavily annoyed sighs giving it away, despite those also being sprinkled with a tiny bit of humor. 

“come onn, don’t play dumb with me, smartass.”

so, you pushed the oblivious act aside and obliged, setting the plate down before facing her.

your lips danced in sync with hers as you carried her to your bed. once you got there, you gently sat her down on the edge of the mattress, lips still intertwined whilst her hands glided along the curves of your body, tracing circles with the tip of her index finger on your soft skin. 

you didn’t waste any time in laying her down moments later,, your mouth now eagerly roaming her neck and collarbone and leaving kisses down along her body, successfully marking it up. listening to her quiet hums, you proceeded to slide down her sweatpants, your hands tugging on the waistband.

now left in only her panties, you allowed your fingers to glide over the damp spot in between her legs, teasing the clothed entrance and taking in all of her reactions all at once. 

looking at you through the light brown hair that fell perfectly on her face with hooded eyes and slightly upturned eyebrows, she whispered in a low, husky and raspy tone, “see, baby? see how wet i am for you?”

now, julie had this certain ability to turn even the most confident person alive on this earth into a nervous wreck.

you were, obviously, no exception from her spells. if anything, you, y/n, were a prime example.

you slowly nodded at her words, entranced, feeling yourself fall more and more at her mercy with each second that passed. that earned a smirk from her, putting her hand atop yours, before continuing, “you’re gonna be good and do something about it, right?” 

you nodded once again, this time more eager. 

“words, darling.” she whispered.

“yes,” you muttered in response, a mix of nervousness and eagerness taking over all five of your senses, “o-of course i will.”

she hummed, perfectly content with your adorable answer, before pulling you back into a hungry kiss for another long, pleasant while. that is, until she added something else between kisses, something that made you shudder.

“get the strap.” 

immediately reaching for the drawer next to your bed upon hearing those words, lips still connected to hers, you obeyed and pulled the cabinet open, quickly pulling out the phallic silicone object residing in it as well as the harness, too impatient to feel even embarrassed about the sudden action. 

it didn’t take long before the harness was tight around your hips, the brunette bent over in front of you at the edge of the bed with her panties pulled down to her thighs. you ravished in the sight; her perfect pink pussy sitting before you, slick and wet with desire, begging for you to finally please it properly, practically throbbing in anticipation. who were you to deny her of such pleasure? 

you traced your index finger along her slit, your digit comfortably nestled in between her slippery folds as it slowly teased the entrance. 

rewarded by the sweet sounds coming out of her, you wasted no more time and slowly leaned into her core, giving a long swipe of the tongue to her pussy.

“ohh shitt..” overhearing her moans, you smiled against her as you were now making out with her swollen cunt, intending to taste every drop of her slick, not wasting a single one. your lips circled around her bundle of nerves, giving it small and gentle sucks whilst one of your hands massaged her ass.

subconsciously, julie’s back arched with each movement that your tongue made inside her, her head hung low on the bed as she whimpered filthy praises, her sounds just slightly muffled from the white bedsheet she had over her mouth. 

you heard them, though. 

thank god you heard them.

after a long while of giving more than endless attention to her pussy, you felt your mouth move upwards by itself, driven by the pure desire to make her feel even better than she already was. 

your tongue quickly made its way to her ass, roaming and dancing around her rim, which immediately earned a sharp gasp from her part. you’ve never made it a habit to eat julie’s ass, but whenever you did? it was always enough to cloud your brain with pure, raw want, and it always seemed to catch her pleasantly off-guard, since you’d always do it without any warning. 

you attempted to relax her again by tracing slow circles around her hole with your muscle, before inserting it fully, which you could only assume worked, since you could hear her whines get longer and louder. “fuckk yes baby..” she shamelessly moaned, this time more audibly due to her raising her head up and looking back at you as best as she possibly could, “that’s it, such a sweet girl for me— ah..“ 

using one of your hands, you made sure to thoroughly stimulate her clit, rubbing circles around it and even going as far as to inserting two fingers inside her dripping cunt with your other hand in the process, all whilst the muscle in your mouth flicked way within her, drilling and wriggling as you hummed against her. 

after what felt like hours of you messily rimming her, hours of her pushing herself further onto your mouth, practically fucking herself on you, you figured it was finally time to give her what’d she been wanting ever since she came up behind you in the kitchen.

pulling your fingers out and standing back up, you lined up your strap-on to her aching core, pressing the head against it before slowly inserting its entire length inside of her. 

she let out a groan at the feeling of being penetrated, which progressively turned into longer and more suggestive sounds. it all sounded like music to your ears, it only made you want to please her more.

you reached for her hand, grabbing it upon contact. she squeezed yours with just as much force in return, pleasure visibly taking over her senses. it didn’t take long for you to be full on thrusting into her, either, feeling her walls clench around your fake cock as she babbled praises. 

it was a small gesture, sure, but it made you feel things you weren’t quite certain on how to label.

“such a good girl for me—“ was what she let out, a loud moan escaping her agape mouth whilst you continued pounding her, faster with each second that passed. “f-fuck y/n i love you—“

you saw her lose herself under you, you watched in… admiration? infatuation? whatever it was, you thought she looked mesmerizing, especially with how her brown long hair fell all over the place, how perfect she sounded, how perfect she looked.

how perfect she was.

the words “i love you” resonated in your head. 

“who’s eric?” you ask her, having thrown glances at her phone that was charging on the kitchen counter whilst washing a plate, the singular one you had left untouched due to being… distracted. 

you finished washing it, then turned around, now met with a surprised julie, clothed in a pair of booty shorts and a white tank top, she was fresh out of the shower, towel drying her hair. that is, until she unexpectedly heard you speak that name, her eyes immediately darting between you and the phone, greeted by that man’s contact name and picture on the latter, an incoming phone call from his part. 

“a guy?” she says back, in her usual sarcastic yet gentle and quiet tone, “thought that was obvious enough—“

jealousy and inexplicable possessiveness flooded your senses; you knew most of her friends, but, you had no idea who this ‘eric’ dude was, and that especially ate at you. why was he calling her, on a random weekday at like, 4 pm? you had checked the clock hanging on the wall to confirm the time.

“well yeah but, i don’t think i know an eric.” you stated, wary of what the girl before you was gonna say, “who is he?”

“…i just told you, some dude. i met him on campus and we just exchanged contacts after he complimented me, a while ago.” she replied, slight annoyance cracking through the facade of the joking expression she wore. she ran her dominant hand through her messy and wet hair, causing it to fall back perfectly on the side of her face and her exposed shoulders. 

she added, “sure, he makes it very clear he wants to hook up with me, but that’s all it’ll ever be i think, he’s not the type of guy you’d wanna date seriously. why do you ask—“ 

“no reason.” you cut her off, cold and dry.

she furrowed her eyebrows, the previous annoyance being more and more apparent, this time only paired with confusion. “…what?” 

“so this is completely normal for you? like, you guys hook up and call each other sometimes and you’re just casually telling me about it? what, does he take you out on dates too?” 

“what are you, my girlfriend or something?” she scoffed, bitter and defensive, gently throwing the towel on the couch in close proximity to her, “and what if he does, why’s it such a big deal to you?” 

why is it such a big deal to me?

why is it such a big deal to me?

and before you know it, you’re quickly matching her tone. “i simply don’t understand how you could tell me something so casually, especially right after we—“

“listen, let’s get this straight.” she says to you, “i know that just because you and i fuck sometimes you’re convinced that it’s gotta mean something, that we’re something, but we aren’t. it doesn’t fucking mean shit to either of us and you know that very well. it’s all in good fun; i don’t belong to you, y/n, and i never will.” 

“it’s not about that?” you walked closer to her as you justified, trying to get your point across, “i’m not saying that you belong to me julie i’m just trying to say that—“

her stare pierces right through you as she cuts you off, and you could’ve sworn you noticed her eyes being glossy. her eyebrows furrowed in anger at you, she added on, “who i date isn’t your business. we’re just friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be, end of discussion. don’t try to turn our friendship into something it isn’t.” 

friends?

“so now i’m the crazy one for not liking the fact that you’re talking to that dude?” you eventually yelled back. you didn’t even notice her grabbing her things as you talked, ready to head out, despite her hair still being wet from the recent shower. you, however, noticed how she took her still ringing phone and put on her favorite puffy jacket, her soft hand’s acrylic nails digging and clutching onto the mentioned cellular device as you rambled on and on, irritated beyond comprehension. 

“we’re not fucking dating y/n, it’s all casual, i.. i’m not even into girls like that—” she asserted herself, trying her absolute hardest to sound as convincing as possible. you heard it, though, you heard that little twinge of doubt and guilt in her voice. it’s almost like she, herself, didn’t believe whatever nonsense was coming out of her mouth. 

how funny was it to watch her say that all whilst having the fresh hickeys you left on her neck and collarbone not even a few hours ago?

perhaps eric will notice them, too.

perhaps with that, he’ll realize how good you treat her, how he’ll never be able to do it like you do.

how he’ll never be able to make her feel as good as you do.

“sure, you aren’t.” you scoffed at her words, before proceeding to add on, “since you swear you aren’t, how about you stop acting like you are? you know, instead of giving me shit for getting upset.” 

“sorry?—“ she laughed bitterly, those words cut deep.

let me talk, you thought, let me place a damn word.

you continued, “no, seriously! you always do this julie, you always make me feel like i’m fucking insane for seeing it the way it is, for the way i see us. you’re convinced that there’s nothing between us, that we’re just friends, yet friends don’t randomly kiss me throughout the day for whatever reason, do they? they don’t fuck me and tell me that they love me in the process, do they?” as you spoke, she avoided your gaze and walked right past you, heading straight for the front door.

that’s when you recalled a certain moment, “sure, why not, let’s say, for your sake, that completely normal friends do fuck sometimes; they don’t buy you stupid lovey-dovey bullshit on valentine’s day and drive you to the middle of nowhere to stargaze, they do not take you out at night and take every opportunity to kiss you in public whenever nobody’s looking, they don’t fucking say they love you while you’re deep inside them— i mean for fuck’s sake julie do you hear yourself??”

she stopped in her tracks in front of the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. she hates it when you read her like a book, she hates it when you call her out on being the way she acts with you, she hates it when you stare at her like that— she fucking hates you. she fucking hates you for making her feel the way she does, for making her question everything about herself, she hates herself for thinking about you whenever she’s with him—

she let out a noise, something in between a sob and a laugh, before looking back at you with tear-filled eyes, she stared at you, up and down. her eyebrows twitching slightly, she then set her eyes on the ground and bit her lip in what seems to be frustration, frustration aimed both at you and herself.

“if i knew it was gonna be like this, i would’ve never done anything with you to begin with.” her voice was shaky.

you watched her figure as she turned the doorknob and slammed the door on you, with a loud clack. just like that, the apartment was empty, silent and once again, peaceful.

she’d be back, of course, whether she decides to sleep somewhere else and come back the next day or sneak back in here in the middle of the night on this same day, she always comes back after a fight. still, despite knowing that, you couldn’t help but feel like drowning in your own guilt, as this argument wasn’t like any other other. her pained expression still vivid in your memory and terrorizing you, you were afraid that you might never see her again after that.

that was pure dramatization, however.

the only thing that occupied the deafening silence of the room was the muffled sound of julie sniffling and being on the phone with who you assumed to be that boy, already planning to meet up. then, you could’ve sworn you heard the name “eric?” being pronounced as it progressively faded in the distance as she walked away, basically confirming your theory. 

that’s all that filled your house and your clouded mind.

that, and the sound of your pathetic sobbing.

[notexactlyei]

cloud strife dating hcs — ★

contains both sfw and nsfw!!

mdni with nsfw parts.

contains: intentional lowercase, awkward cloud, cute cloud, dom cloud, fluff, smut, gn/fem bodied reader, gn pronouns!

sfw

- at first I feel like cloud would be a bit awkward

- he would definitely be a bit mad at himself because he's supposed to be this tough dude..

- but then you come in and BAM you're just so??? cute??? and he doesn't know how to react to cuteness so he just stands there like 🧍���♀️ while cussing himself out in his head and being like "not cute shut up annoying annoying"

- and then you'd be all nice to him, just a genuinely kind person and he wouldn't be able to hate you

- he would just suppress his feelings like he always does but you would make it very difficult to him

- if you two were really close then he would maybe flirt a little bit considering the tifa drink scene but just a BIT

- he definitely wouldn't confess first, mans would be too scared and confused. he would think you hate him. So you would have to take the first move.

- when you do confess though, he would just.. be there.

- just stand there. shut down. aaaand... wait, is that a blush you see?!

- you would have to snap your fingers at him to actually get him to react

- "oh- uh, yeah.. I guess.. I like you too."

- he would be very doubtful and afraid that maybe you didn't actually like him, def would overthink the whole situation a lot.

- when you start dating.. he is still a bit awkward. needs some time to warm up.

- but as soon as he does, he is quite affectionate in a cloud-y way

- would scoff and roll his eyes a lot at you but that smile that he just can't get rid of when you "annoy" him tells you everything you need to know

- would love holding you and teasing you about things

- witty

- would absolutely adore it if you played with his hair

- he would just lay down on top of you, his head on your chest.. and as soon as you'd start playing with his hair, he'd make these cute little contented noises, almost catlike

- secretly plays mario kart

- no one can know this. idk why. it's cloud, okay? don't ask why playing mario kart is such a forbidden thing for him.

- one day u catch him and he just freezes.

- "hellooo earth to cloud????"

- *cloud.exe has stopped working*

- then u just take the controller in ur hands so that u could play too

- cue the most aggressive mario kart game ever

- he is SO good but at the same time he sucks ass idk how he does it. one time he's beating you by one lap next he's driving into every obstacle on the map

- ahem

- anyway

- back to fluffy cloud

- would watch you while you cook

- makes up excuses to do that

- "i need to make sure you don't burn the house down" BITCH YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TRIGGERED THE SMOKE DETECTOR LAST TIME

- again, he loves to hold you. he's usually the big spoon but sometimes he also wants to be the little spoon yk?

- poor baby's been through a lot and just needs some comfort :(

- shh there there, just pet his hair and hold him

- he might cry. it's very VERY rare but if you manage to make him feel extremely safe with you then he might cry

- give him love

- now

- NOW

- anyways

- now that I've made you all "awww that's so cute and sad"

- let's move on to smut

- nice topic contrast huh? ik ik

(ok minors now it's ur time to leave! byebyeeee <3)

NSFW

- ass guy!

- would walk behind you a lot just to get a nice view

- when you ask him about it he's like

- "i just need to make sure you're alright. what about it?"

- his fav position would probably be from the back

- would grab your throat (gently, not choking you.. unless you asked for it) or hips in that position

- considering the hand massage parlor scene, the noises he made.. I think a lot of them were suppressed too, so I think he would be pretty vocal if you dommed him

- but here's the thing

- he won't let you

- he is your dom

- first couple sessions he's really gentle

- but oh boy after that

- this boy is rough!!!

- would want you to sit on his lap a lot, which would usually lead to other things ;)

- "sit on my lap"

- "but-"

- "sit. now."

- yessir thank you sir

- would prefer receiving over giving, but he would still love giving.. he'd just love the sight of you choking and gagging on him so so beautiful <3

- when he'd give you oral he'd go ham

- he wouldn't really care if you tried to squirm away, he would just grab your hips to keep you in place

- "stay still"

- loves your cute little sounds

- when you're just bouncing on top of him but suddenly you stop cause you just can't take it anymore, he grabs your hips and just moves you up and down

- if you were being a sassy brat or made him jealous then oh god prepare yourself

- bro will NOT go easy on you

- will not use toys - he would show you how good he is without them

- loves when you wear his clothes

- can be sweet and passionate at times

- when he finally lets you dom him (which takes a lot of convincing)

- his whines and whimpers are just so heavenly. like OH MY GOD.

- secretly enjoys being overstimulated

a/n: I might update/edit this :)

[allthelovenina]

Birthday presents from Levi

Levi Ackerman x reader

Genre: Fluff(?)

Warning: non

You know how in some cultures giving perfume as a gift is considered to bring seperation and bad luck for that relationship?

Idk how to explain this but Levi would definitely buy you an expensive perfume for your birthday. My man is clueless, okay? Until you receive the gift and of course you appriciate it. Then, by chance, he hears a random cadet talking to his friend about what he'll buy for his girlfriend. He never meant to eavesdrop but he couldn't help it, the brats were loud. So he hears the conversation between them.

"How about perfume? I'll buy her something fancy."

"Yeah do that, unless you don't actually want to bring that relationship to an end."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"DoItt you know? It brings bad luck, seperation, even. She's already outta your league don't spit on your chance!"

Now, listen. Of course, he doesn't believe something as ridiculous and superstitious. But...being the overthinker he is, he just can't stop thinking about it.

What if you misunderstood him? Thinking he wants this relationship to end. What if something happens and you end up breaking up with him? After all, superstitions become common beliefs once something happens over and over, right? Or even worse, what if the bad luck the gift has brought, makes you end up dead in an expedition? He can't risk that.

His overthinking reaches its climax once he hears something breaking from your room as he was walking pass it . He rushes to you, only to find you with a piece of glass in your hand as the bottle of the perfume was already broken on the ground.

He takes you to the infirmary. Needless to say, he ignored you as you preached through the way 'Levi! It's fine. I'll ask Hange for a stitch!'.

A day passed a few stitches on your hand. You were in your office doing your paperwork when you heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." You said without taking away your eyes from the document in front of you.

"You can at least look at me, you know?"

You lifted your head and gave him a smile once you heard Levi. "Hello, Levi! What a sweet surprise."

"Tsk. Wait until you see the actual surprise."

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him with confusion. "Close your eyes." He ordered.

With suspicion in your eyes, you did as he asked. You could feel him doing something on your desk. "Now, open."

As you opened your eyes, you saw a little flower pot filled with soil on your desk. "Forget about the perfume. This is your present."

A big smile was now on your face "Wow thank you so much! But you have already gave me a gift. What's up with this one?"

"Apparently, perfumes weren't the best idea. Since...the fading scent causes a fading relationship so...I decided to give you something that grows instead of something that fades." He felt he was being cheesy. Almost embarrassed. "Anyways, water it every other day and leave it in sunlight."

He left so fast you couldn't say anything. Honestly, you didn't even have to. His gesture left no room for anything but appreciation.

[lfghughes]

something fluffy w/ dawson

maybe he loses a game & goes to her apartment after and he’s sad and so sweet & just wants to be comforted. he calls her baby a lot & asks to spend the night & idk

a/n: strayed just a little and turned into it something a little different but hope you like it!!

You didn’t let yourself fall too deep into this. If anything you reminded yourself constantly that what was going on between you and Dawson was simply just friends hooking up. Even if you felt like some of the things he did and said were borderline boyfriend territory. But boys were weird like that and you weren’t going to let yourself get delusional and get your hopes up.

Yet you had just spent your night on the couch watching his game and not too long after the game ended (and it didn’t end well) you had gotten a text asking if he could come over. Even though you didn’t want to get attached you weren’t going to tell him no especially when you knew he was having a rough night.

When the knock came on your door you went and opened it “Hey” he let out a small breath as soon as he saw you and before you could even return the hey his hands were on your face, pulling you in for a kiss. You reminded yourself this was why he came over, it’s not like he wanted to sit here and talk about his feelings. So you continued the kiss, pulling him into your place.

Somehow you both had ended up on the couch, you on his lap as his lips kept moving against yours. He pulled away slowly from you, his thumb brushing your cheek “I missed you tonight, baby.” The butterflies in your stomach bursted as he said this and there it was that small piece of hoping rising up. “I watched your game, sorry about how it ended.” You told him but instead of looking upset a small smile creeped onto his lips.

“You watched my game?” He asked and a small blush grew on your cheeks. “I usually watch them.” You admitted to him and it was like his smile couldn’t grow wider. “How about next time you come to the actual game?” That was definitely a normal friendly invite from him you reminded yourself. “You want me to go to your next game?”

“Yeah, the boys have been wanting to meet you too so it’ll be perfect. Plus of course I want my girl at my game.” You caught the nervous look that appeared on his face for only a few seconds before he quickly changed it back to normal. “Your girl?” You asked, a small smile playing on your lips. This time it was his turn to turn slightly pink.

“Uh yeah, if that’s okay. I know we haven’t really talked about what we were but I don’t know it kind of feels like we’re together..and I really like you and yeah I’m going to stop babbl—“ You didn’t let him finish his sentence before pressing your lips to his. Both of you stayed like that for a couple of minutes. This was happening for real and you weren’t overthinking everything that had happened since the night you two met.

Dawson slowly pulled away “Is it okay if I spend the night?” He asked and you didn’t even think twice about his question. “You don’t even have to ask that. You can spend as many nights here as you want.” With your words a smile grew on his lips as he returned right back to kissing you. Yeah, you were definitely enjoying the whole boyfriend thing.

[snalsupremacy]

Things I got from re-watching the s2 op way too many times

Spoilers for all of s2

ok, so the items inside the claw machine are an unintelligible photo, the pink bear, a Gameboy, and later a gun and a notebook can also be seen. Imma be so real I have no idea what the Gameboy and Notebook mean.

Though it's psychedelic, the liquid pouring out of cheng xiaoshi is def supposed to be blood

I have no idea which scene this photo is referring to. Could it be one of cheng xiaoshi's unseen deaths?

this frame drives me insane. WHY IS LU GUANG SMILING? IS HE SMILING? AM I READING TOO MUCH INTO IT? IT DEFINITELY LOOKS LIKE A SMILE BUT IDK MAYBE IM OVERTHINKING (pun intended)

The pink bear can actually be seen in xixi's hand! And since she was reaching for Cheng Xiaoshi, I can only assume that this op is saying that he and the plushie bear are symbolically the same

which makes this schene the more confusing to me. Is the horse skeleton thing supposed to symbolize death? Is the way it rips out of the plushie bear a way to represent how it is inevitable that cheng xiaoshi will die?

for some reason it took me a million rewatches to realize this giant metal thing is the claw from the claw machine, once again showing that the bear and him are the same

There's a very brief shot in which we can see Emma, Qiao Ling, Lu Guang, and Qian Jin all watching Cheng Xiaoshi fall.

Other stuff I noticed:

In the first half of the op the video is reversed while the song is normal, but once lg and cxs touch the video goes back to normal and the audio reverses. I think this is used to symbolize how they are experiencing time differently

Someone else pointed this out already, but while in the first op they are "diving" back in time, in this one they are straight-up drowning, showing how they lost control

The lyrics are 100% from Lu Guangs POV:

Take back all my regrets And camouflage it like your silhouette

^Lu Guang pretending that he doesn't know cxs is dead

Time is like music Play it 'til the end and then reset

^Lu Guang resetting the timeline every time cxs dies

Knowing it all, am I destined to fall? Like once you did for me

^ Despite knowing what will happen, Lu Guang continues to fail to stop his death

I think everyone noticed this but once Li Tianxi and Li Tianchen's identities are revealed, the hood comes off from the op and their faces are visible. Ops that change midway through to reflect the change in plot>>>>>>>

Conclusion

I'm really not that good in analysis and this op fascinates me just as much as it confuses me. Why is Qiao Ling turning her back on Cheng Xiaoshi's fall?? Why is Lu Guang's face not visible when they try to reach for each other?? What the hell is that notebookk😭what crime scene is in the photo?! So many questions and I genuinely don't know if they are supposed to be un-answered or if I'm just stupid(┬┬﹏┬┬)

Anyway this is my fave op ever. of all animated shows I've seen. and I've watched a lot man. yeah.

[mecachrome]

Hi k! If you feel like it, do you have any favourite Oscar facial quirks?

omgggg anon this is only my favorite topic ever!!! (kidding but also not really 🧡)

i'm a lot like oscar tbh in that i have something of a deadpan stare and usually speak in a monotone but when i DO properly react to something i am veryyy uncontrollably expressive lolol, which i feel like is the same with him and the one million things constantly going on in his face!!! 😭 he definitely has a lot of little quirks / "tics" i guess for lack of better word that i adore so much...

^ first off one of the best ones is the way he always moves his mouth to the side (see also), but i'd say my favorite overall is just his full nose + face scrunch ! as shown in MMMM DEBATABLE and the blind rankings one that i drew earlier t__t and also the 1st gif of this gifset!!! i'm guilty of constantly bunnycoding ojp and that expression is trewwlyyy on top... as well as another quirk that's quite bunnycoded which is whenever he sort of awkwardly grimaces and shows off his teeth idk if you know what i'm talking about 😭

of course another fav has to be his eyebrow raising and just overall eyebrow Mobility, it's so fun because they're very straight and slope downward when his face is resting but they ARCH perfectly when he raises them and he can also do the like 🤨 seth everman look which is iconic 2 me. tbh i like how much he enjoys Squinting at things in general LOL

i've also spoken about how the buzzfeed uk video has such a wealth of oscar facial expressions and imo part of this is the informal and relaxed setting on top of the fact that he was being forced to overthink and react to an inherently silly concept so we get the ultimate combo of CASUALLY EXPRESSIVE OSCAR!!! prema challenges have a similar vibe but imo this is still different because it's fairly removed from a motorsport setting so he's kind of just vibing... another v endearing quirk from this video is his eye twitching / blinking that you can see in a LOT of oscar content, i feel like it's a once you notice you never stop noticing it thing because he does it all the time and i find it really cute because it kind of makes him squinch his cheek too... miss cutieful....... SIMILARLY but also from the buzzfeed video this is one of my favorite examples of how much he (involuntarily imo) WIDENS his eyes (2) when talking or listening to something, here's another moment of him doing it back in f4 so you can see it's a long-ingrained habit.

sorry i'm literally giving you the most random ass deep cuts alkdfshaldsfh but i also remember watching ted's race notebook from miami and noticing oscar talking to a few mclaren employees during the team photo and something i find so endearing about him is when people call his name / try to get his attention and he does the >whips head around and widens his eyes with a polite little smile< thing like AGHHH... qt TT___TT ok i'm going off-topic now but the surprised smile he gave lando during the miami post-race debrief will haunt my memories forever because it was so Open !!!

anyway re: the grimacing he also kind of has a neck tic he does where he stretches his neck out... and i've noticed that he's also just kind of sensitive/particular with his neck in general and is always adjusting his collar where it sits on his skin, which again is off-topic but i find really cute because i can relate (sensitive to textures) hsdafhk.

let me stop talking but last but not least i'm obsessedddd with the way he pouts in the post-quali vid from canada this yr <3 and also his tendency to lick/bite his lips which always does great legwork in terms of the heart eyes piastri narrative and his apparent thirst for lando HKLFDSHLH which while i endorse wholeheartedly is definitely mostly just an unconscious habit of his... but i think rpf is fun so who cares!!! LOL i hope this makes sense idk if i described anything properly 😭🧡

[biscuitboba]

Thinking about zolu again :)

Ch. 213

I can't stop thinking about this line: "Oh hey, Zoro. Long time no see!"

Long time no see? Luffy how did you even come out with that conclusion?? You literally just woke up. It's almost like his brain knows? He even started to question his own words, "long time no see??" not just once but twice. It's like deep down he's thinking something along the line "huh, why did i think of that?" (he was asleep for 3 days mind you)

And luffy, you also haven't seen your other nakama for quite some time too right? (by logic) like where's your "long time no see" to the rest? (im overthinking this i know, but what's new?)

Ch. 912

So yeah, the hug.. Chapter 912 of one piece you will always be famous! Definitely my top 5 favorite zolu moments:D

Ok so while i'm at it, idk but i just love luffy's perception of time when it comes to zoro. Wano wasn't even the longest time where they had been apart, but they act like they haven't seen each other in 1234 years! (Also luffy's lil blush? the smile?? the excitement??? "it's been FOREVER" ????) like, i don't know, i just think that the captain adores his first mate very muchh!

[should-know-better]

What's in a name?

Thinking about the name "The Last Shadow Puppets" today. We know that Alex has never been happy with the name 'Arctic Monkeys' so it seems reasonable that he would take considerable time and pains to choose a name for the side project with Miles. Indeed, we know that Miles also gets quite involved in wordplay (just listen to Ransom).

The official story for the name, according to Miles in the 2008 Daily Record is:

“We got the name The Last Shadow Puppets because a friend of ours was on the phone lying on her bed and she was doing shadow puppets on the wall.”

Then, the pair also speak about it in the John Norris interview (part one). X

However then, in this 2016 interview (dailymotion.com) Alex tells us that the name was due to them listening to "sixties girl groups, and the Shadow Puppets seemed like it could be a sixties girl group name."

Hmmm... so a totally different story. Had Alex forgotten how they decided the name in that 8 year period?

Also, who is this girl who was on the phone to them? (Three people on one phone call in 2008 also seems odd to me? idk??) So I wondered if this is a constructed story that they came up with to hide a deeper meaning of the name.

I soon discovered via a quick google, that the original story doesn't even describe 'Shadow Puppets.' Images using hand shadows on a wall is called 'Shadowography' or 'Shadowplay' (which surely is referred to in EYCTE, especially as it refers to an ancient impulse, which is described below).

'Shadow Puppets' are flat figures that are placed between a light and a screen, that have been used as a traditional art form for centuries. So, in other words, you DON'T SEE THE REAL IMAGE OF THE OBJECT creating the art. Although it's not until later that we see Alex's different personas for each record, I wonder if he has thought about people seeing the real him for a long time.

Now consider the word, 'Puppet.

Definitions from collinsdictionary.com include:

'a doll that you can move, either by pulling strings that are attached to it, or by putting your hand inside its body and moving your fingers'!!! I promise I didn't make this up! or 'a person whose actions are controlled by a more powerful person even though they appear independent.'

Sexual connotations aside, is it possible that Alex is aware of how controlling the record industry is, even at this young age? I know that in interviews around the time, he's excited about everything that is happening with AM, but is there a little cynicism in there too? Little examples are dropped out, like AM originally wanting the first record out many months before it was (John Kennedy interview), so perhaps he's realised the control that the industry has over him - controlling him like a puppet.

I do like this definition of a puppet though:-

'they are a symbol of transformation and metamorphosis, a vehicle for expression, granting freedom and creativity where we might not be able to find it.' 'Puppets are a mirror that reflect back our own desires, fears and aspirations.' Source: storymaps.arcgis.com

The 'Shadow' side of the name also fits nicely with what we perceive of the relationship between Alex and Miles:

Shadow - 'a darkness in a place caused by something preventing light from reaching it.'

Am I overthinking when I consider this an apt description of someone hiding something? Or a feeling that you have if you're unable to be the real you?

Finally, we come to 'The Last' part of the name. 'Last' also has multiple meanings, some more relevant than others, including, 'the only remaining', 'the most recent' (e.g. last year), 'to remain usable for a length of time' (e.g. built to last). 'Last' applies to something that comes at the end of a series, but does not imply that the series is completed or stopped.

However in the John Norris interview, Alex and Miles explain why they chose this word:-

JN: And the 'Last' part of it?

MK: Cockiness, arrogance...

AT: Arrogance...

MK: Arrogant little bastards.

AT: Stark arrogance.

MK: Yeah.

Why was the word 'last' chosen as arrogance? It could be that they are saying there will never be another us, but that's not arrogance, it's true for everyone.

I wonder if it is referring to them having a youthful optimism that they feel that they won't be manipulated by the music industry. They are aware of what goes on, but it won't happen to them.

This would tie into the timing of the release of the name. Up until only a couple of weeks prior to the album launch, they were going to be called 'The Turner and Kane Project,' (see NME article January 2008 and John Norris interview). Then suddenly it changes. Could it be a ironic nod to the many X-Factor artists who were everywhere during this time and who were manipulated by the industry? The most recent Christmas Number One had been Leon Jackson, who had just won the show (and it was obvious that this would get to the prestigious festive top spot).

I'm not saying that Alex and Miles were dissing the artists, more so that they were saying, we are not going to be puppets in this world. After all, they got to record their album - Miles said in his interview with Nihal that the label said "let him go and do that with his mate," when Alex asked.

As usual, we will probably never find out the real thought behind the name. Maybe there was a girl? Maybe it was wordplay? After all, Alex told us that the album titles were ironic to him, so maybe it's not too much of a stretch that the band name could be too.

[froggy-anon]

I don’t smoke (Except for when I'm missing you)

Paring: pre re2!Ada Wong x gn!reader

Prompt: Your relationship with Ada was… let’s just say rocky for a while now. Low contact, constant work trips and unavoidable arguments while she’s home- it’s just too much. You both changed since she started working with Wesker …, and so did your body.

Warnings:  angst, body horror, no use of y/n, maybe nsft?, implied reader’s death, bebe you get infected so yeah but it wasn't meant to happen at least, semi-dependant reader, use of tobacco, vomiting, shitty punctuation and misuse of commas, canon divergence, semi-good ending???? idk

Word count: 2.3k 

Notes: omg did I finally post something instead of keeping it in my wips?? hell yeah! I might not be hyperfixating on RE now but I can't get Ada off my head. I mean- just look at her! She's perfect<3 Fucking hell it took me A LONG time to finally finish it but shh… Also only after writing did I realize that the idea is very similar to this fic my @uhlunaro so definitely check this out bc they’re an amazing writer<3

Actually proofread (like ½ for sure) by me omg

It all happened too fast; it was just the usual Thursday morning, the smell of freshly ground coffee and the familiar scent of your lover were in the air as you made the breakfast and the eggs you made were perfectly crispy with runny yolk. Everything seemed to be like it used to but then the call happened… You knew who was it, everyone knew because who else would it be? It was supposed to be your day, you both took the day off and you spent the last few days planning everything out. It was your anniversary, the day you should celebrate your love and not some emergency in the lab! But of course… She was gone again. 

“Why can’t you just pretend that you love me for once!?,” was the last thing you cried out screamed at her as she left. It’s just painful to know that even today her work is more important. It left you weeping softly on the floor, as the yolk of the egg spilled more and more towards your feet from the plate you broke. “Why can’t we be a normal couple…” Your tears had flown out even more now that you were alone.

Ada never liked when you smoked, she always said it left this awful scent on your fingers and breath but why would you care now? A soft breeze hit your face as you inhaled the smoke from your cigarette, who’d think that living near the river could be so nice? Loving Ada is tiring, she used to be one of the most caring and loving people you’ve ever known- even before you started dating! And now it all changed… Yeah, working in some big pharma company can be tiring but it’s ruining both of you. 

The butt of the cigarette was still slowly burning as you looked in the distance. She used to tell you how she grew up near the sea, how they used to go there every day after school and play until the dawn came. She used to say how she’d take me to her hometown in China. You never were even close to one, your parents used to take you and your brother to the countryside on holidays or visit the lake near your hometown; it wasn’t the same though. Loving Ada was never easy, she had her own problems as well as you had yours but before all this you both managed to heal, to thrive. You should’ve left when it started, before all the arguments and hate. It’s not a new idea but the thought of being alone again is scary. Ugh, you’re thinking too much, it makes you dizzy. Or maybe was it the cigarette?

You always get dizzy, maybe all this overthinking is too much for you. You head towards the kitchen sink and fill up a glass with the tap water. It was just a small argument, it wasn’t worth all the mess. You never thought that water would make you feel worse, no one would! We need it to live, so why your insides are burning? Who cares, anyway the mess won’t clean itself. It doesn’t feel right, nothing feels right. The burning sensation might’ve stopped but it was replaced with this sore, almost itchy feeling. Ada came home late again, she’s not looking better than you but as you greet her you could see a spark of worry in her eyes. Why would she worry? There’s nothing to worry about, right? All you can do is sigh and act like nothing happened, she surely flinches when you kiss her because she’s still annoyed over today’s morning…

You woke up somehow more tired than before you went to sleep. Funny enough you also look like shit. Yeah, you can tell yourself that you caught a cold but if so, then why does my body itch so much? Ada looks less worried than tomorrow but finally is some more affectionate than usual. Maybe the fight made her think finally.

You miss her touch though; the way she smuggles up to your chest and how soft are her lips. You miss how she used to be so good. You miss how your life was before this Wesker guy. Good, she’s warming up again. She kissed you goodbye and said something about coming home later. Weird…

It’s itching, itching so much. It feels like something is under your skin and it’s moving… It sure has to be a delusion, a hallucination maybe but it feels so real. Let’s try to calm down. okay? You can’t go to work while being such a mess and after all some DayQuill will help you a ton. You go to the kitchen and prepare some breakfast before popping some cold meds. You brush your still tangled hair to the side and oh my… I- it’s weird, you always had strong and healthy hair after all so why a clump of them is in your hand right now? I mean, I guess all all of the stress lately finally got to you, being a news reporter is not easy and it shouldn’t be. You sure will feel better when you’re finally in your work wear and clean face.

As soon as you get to the bathroom you hit the sink and rinse your face. It’s dry and surprisingly harder than always. As you lift your head and you look in the mirror, the rougher parts of your face look bruised. And there are some lacerations which weren’t there when you woke up- Ada would point them out for sure. It’s weird but that’s nothing that some makeup can’t fix. Also, it’s not like you can just get a day off at a whim. The amount of concealer you put on your face is enough to put a gyaru inro shame and yet your face still feels wrong and itchy. You brush your hair getlly while trying to not rip out another chunk of your hair and put on your usual shirt and blazer before putting on short heels on your sore and reddish feet. You sat at the vanity waiting for your usual makeup artist to return and rehearse your lines. It’s so hard to focus on the letters and it feels like you’re in a haze. It’s hard to explain really, mostly because it’s hard to form coherent thoughts too. No matter how much you rub your eyes and take small breaks you just can’t focus on anything. Words on the paper are blurry and there's always a silhouette of something or someone in the corner of your vision. It hurts and you’re almost sure that your feet are bleeding. You don’t even realize when the makeup artist has returned and been putting some TV stick on your face until she gets to the painful lesions you passed as some chemical burn from a face mask. Your concept of time is distorted and looking back now you don’t even remember when you and your colleague went live. Funny… You got suddenly sick and now you’re delivering the news of the water reservoir your apartment complex uses being contaminated.

Black tar filled your lungs making your trachea burn so pleasantly. The smoke inside your lungs made you feel so giddy right before you exhale. Cigarettes always help you take your mind off your problems and help preserve good emotions. You know that one day they will be the end of you, but it’s not like you’re gonna live forever so why not have fun now? 

Shadowy figures followed you home from the studio, it’s surprising that you managed to work your usual shift. Even your coworkers caught on your ailing and lying to them that you’re just a bit under the weather felt bad. Bills ain’t gonna pay themselves though so you gotta do what you gotta do. Ada didn’t say anything about your illness and only looked at you pitifully compassionately before kissing your cheek, she even offered to make a dinner for today. You pulled into a hug and her warm touch against your calloused skin reminded you of the old times, of the days you first met and how beautiful your relationship was. She smelled like honey and antiseptics, you couldn’t stop yourself from taking a deep breath of her scent which made your heart flutter. Her skin is so soft and delicate, making you want to bite down and taste her flesh push her against the counter and take her whole, she’s your wife after all. Before you can do that though she pulls away and makes a beeline towards the fridge. The packs of water, the ones that appeared in your kitchen a few days ago, took your attention away from her. You couldn’t help but feel a bit suspicious.

You didn’t sleep much- in fact, you didn’t sleep at all. Your body just kept itching and the nausea you felt as you forced down the dinner before got progressively worse. You can feel your body changing, turning into something disgusting as your skin gets progressively covered in more bruises and blisters where it seemed to be just irritated this morning. The taste of pennies in your mouth and dry skin on your lips isn’t doing you any favour either. It was only a matter of time before you ended up hunched over the toiled letting the dark ooze flow out of your stomach freely. Your vision kept spinning and those black creatures you saw before were coming closer. It’s not real, it has to be! Just try to remember that whatever you’re seeing is. not. real.

Throwing up usually makes you feel better; not this time though. Your eyes became watery and your fingers bloody as you gripped the toilet bowl. The odour of rotting flesh filled your nostrils and the sickeningly sweet note of it made you gag again. You dealt with rotten meat before on a few occasions and it never was so sweet.

“Shit!”

You broke out of your trance as the bathroom lit up.  Your head shot in the direction of the sound and of course, you noticed your worried lover standing in the doorway. Only a grunt was able to leave your mouth making your throat ache. “Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly as she approached. She looks scared for some reason? You’re just a bit sick, there’s no reason to be scared!

And then you looked down. The toilet was full of brownish-blackish and thick fluid and definitely not dinner. The sides of the toilet were covered in your blood and one of your nails was lying on the floor directly next to the bowl. You take a look at your hands and it makes your breath quicken. Your fingers were all purple and greenish, even some of the tips of your fingers were, unlike the spots on your skin, bloated.

“What the fuck is happening to me?” Your voice was husky and every word felt like a razor being pulled out of your throat. Ada just looked sad… You’d expect her to be scared, to scram, run away, but instead, she just kneeled next to you and pulled you into a loose embrace, as if she was scared to hurt you more.

It pained you, the lightest touch of her silky pyjamas or her warm hands made your skin feel like it was breaking and about to fall off. It was excruciating yet you laid your head gently on her shoulder. You should be scared, furious! You should feel whatever else than sorrow and warmth inside your chest. A few tears flew down your cheeks onto her arm as you bit down on your lip to stop a pathetic sob from escaping. You could feel her hand slowly crase your head like she always did before you used to fall asleep before your life became occupied by jealousy and your jobs took over your time, before your relationship went downhill. She let out a barely audible “I’m sorry…” and you swear you felt her breath hitch.

They are scratching your brain, you can feel every bone in your body change its shape, or maybe you’re just going insane.

Ada is making phone calls in the kitchen as you sit at the dinner table and scratch your fingers, eventually ripping one or two loose fingernails off. She keeps glancing at you while trying her best to hide the fear in her eyes. Damn, a cigarette would be good now… You can feel your muscles tear with your every move and slowly fall off your bones. Necrosis on your skin expands and only a few spots on your body are left the same colour as before.

It hurts, it hurts it hurts it hurts ithurts ithurts ithurts ithurtsithutsithurtsithutrsithurst i t h u r t s  s o  b a d l y.

Suddenly you can smell the familiar scent of honey and now Ada’s shampoo as she wraps her hands around you from behind. She looks so soft and tasty, so vulnerable. Her touch hurts so good you want to fall into her tight embrace, squeeze her waist tightly and fuse into one. It makes you feel loved again… And then your body stops aching.

You felt sudden force against your neck like you were punched, and then something lukewarm flowing down your chest as Ada creases your cheek slowly. It hurts for a while until it just stops. Everything just fades…

“I don't smoke Except for when I'm missing you To remember your mouth, how it Tasted true And I don't smoke Except for after I've held you, baby Being with you Makes the flame burn good”

It took me so long to finally post something but here it is! I hope you like the creation of euphoric me because let's be real, no way I'd write this fully without being euphoric :3 Technically it should've been posted on Pride Month but shh...

Dividers: @cafekitsune p1 p2

Song: I don't smoke by Mitski

©2023, froggy-anon and their related entities. All rights reserved.

[judysxnd]

Hi there!

I have a Pedro x f!reader request, can we get a cute/fluffy date day with Pedro after he comes back from a long filming stint?

idk i was thinking something like the aquarium/the zoo/visit a bookshop an have coffee, shall let you decide!

Thankyou🫶🫶

Proud for finally being able to write something, but again I don't like what I wrote. I'm not overthinking it, I'll publish it either way.

Hope you'll enjoy!

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Pedro has been away for months now. It's been hard for the both of you, especially this time, because none of you could actually fly to see each other. It never really happens, because you always manage to go and see him, even just for a few days. But this time, your schedule has been hectic and week-ends were shortened because your were spending them working from home.

You still managed to call each other, but never for long, due to the time differences, either one of you got busy at some point. And it is different. It's not physical, sometimes you get to see each other, but most of the time it was only phone calls as you were at work and Pedro on set.

You both felt the frustration. This time, it felt extremely longer, and it irritated you so much. You didn't have your lover by your side, he wasn't here to support you, to help you in hard times, and a text was definitely not enough. Every little things upset you. Not helping, was that every bad things were happening at the same time. It was getting intense and you didn't know how to act anymore.

Neither of you knew when it would end. Pedro told you that it was lasting longer than usual because the weather didn't fit the set and there were some problems with some accessories. It was hard to focus on the good things. You knew what you entering to when you both started to date. You usually managed to go through it, but this time was very different.

You tried so hard to focus on the day he would come back. Seeing him enter the house with his luggage, his exhausted expression with a big smile as he finally sees you in front of him. How you would hug him, very tight because it would still feel like a dream. Smelling his perfume like it was the first time.

What you also loved when Pedro come back is that he always takes you to the most sweet date the next day. It's like a ritual, showing you the love he missed giving you while he was away. Last time he took you to the zoo, you had a nice picnic in a parc not far from it, at the end of the day you drove to the beach for a nice dinner at a restaurant before going back home. You couldn't wait to see what he would prepare for you this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day Pedro came back finally arrived. It was long overdue. As soon as he texted that he was driving home, you were standing behind the window waiting for him. You didn't even wait for him to park that you ran outside. He barely had the time to get out of the car that you already in his arms. What you remembered and imagined were real, and it felt even better. He hold you tight and couldn't stop kissing your head. When you finally parted, it was only for a few seconds before you finally kissed each other. A feeling almost forgotten. Time stopped for a minute, nothing else mattered. You were reunited. You spent the rest of the day together, talking about everything, not remembering what you already knew or not. It didn't matter, you didn't see each other for months, you both had a lot to catch on.

The next day, as promised, Pedro took you out. This time he didn't tell where you were going. He didn't let out a thing, not even a hint.

"you know that stresses me out" you tried to convince him

"what?"

"not knowing where we're going" he rolled his eyes as he gently hit your thigh.

"if you must know, we're almost here" you were looking around you, it was the city, nothing weird. It was around 10am so it would definitely be some place to have some coffee or such.

"It doesn't help"

"Cariño" you looked at each other. You missed the pet names. You felt butterflies in your stomach. You were looking around, trying to recognise any place you could. Your eyes lit up when you saw the coffee shop where you had your first date with Pedro. You started to smile. "Why are you smiling?" Pedro asked as he caught a glimpse of you.

"I know where we're going"

"Is that so?"

"Yep. We drove in front of it." You were proud of yourself. Pedro didn't say anything and just turned on the left to a parking lot, and parked the car.

"So, where are we going? If you do know" Pedro asked as he got out of the car. You chuckled as you unbuckled your belt. He was quick to get to you and open the car door for you.

"You mean the coffee shop where we had our first date?" You stared at him with a big smile. Pedro sighed as he closed the door.

"Good reminder that I will have to blindfold you next time"

"Yeah" you playfully hit his arm. You started to walk there, arms intertwined.

Once you were in the place, you were having flashbacks of many memories. It's been a while since you came here. You were both seated to the same table where you had your first date. It made you think about the way you were so shy the first time you were sitting in front of him there.

You both had a wonderful time, catching up about things you both did while separated. You spent a couple of hours talking, reminiscing, not realising how fast the time was flying by. As you both got out of the coffee shop, you walked by to your car, not knowing that Pedro had lots of stuff planned for the rest of the day.

Lunch? A nice picnic in your favorite parc, where you go on a walk regularly together.

Afternoon? A cute trip to the zoo. You were surprised that Pedro took you there because he always hated to see so many people at the same time, but it was a quiet day and he secretly adored to see you fascinated and completely falling in love with all the animals there.

Dinner? A drive-thru and eating in the car parked in front of the nicest view of the city. Simple but always breathtaking. You stayed there the rest of the night, laughing, talking about everything, remaking the world, playing card games.

At some point you were starting to get tired, same for Pedro. The rhythm these past few days plus the jet lag was tough. So you finally head home, head full of new memories. Pedro always makes his return memorable. That's what helps when he is away, you know how special he makes you feel, the way he treats you like his queen.