#im just venting because Im so mad right now
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Hey mom, if you really wanted your house to be a safe space for me, you wouldn’t invite a known homophobe over while I’m here, and then call me sensitive when I tell you that I’m uncomfortable interacting with this person
#I cannot deal with being in this house much longer#like seriously wtf#this homophobic person is not actually coming over but the only reason is that there’s been too many other friends of my parents over#so their roster was already full#and she just casually mentioned this to me like it was no big deal???#how can you be comfortable with the idea of inviting a homophobe to your house while your gay daughter is also there?!?#how can you even be friends with that person while you have a gay daughter you say you ‘respect and accept’?!?#im just venting because Im so mad right now#watch she’s going to call ME intolerent for this#like yeah Im INTOLERENT TO HOMOPHOBIA IM LITERALLY GAY????#cw homophobia#tw homophobia#just fucking reminds me that Im not safe here and I have to constantly be on my toes because my safety is never considered
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i understand and appreciate the sentiment behind them but god, as someone in the process of getting an art degree and intending to pursue a career in art, those "don't get a job doing what you love because you'll start to hate it" posts are depressing
#im sure for lots of people monetizing their hobby/passion is not the right choice!!#that's good advice!!#but SOME people are happy with an artistic career?? right??#i know this is not at all the intent but it feels so often like they're telling me 'you should just give up now and get a boring job'#like i wanna do art for a living because there's nothing else i wanna do more!! i care about this!! so i want to do it all the time!!#and i mean who knows i don't know exactly what my plan is after school. having a non artistic day job is still on the table#and i'm aware of what those posts are really trying to say which is to protect your joy#and that will factor into whatever i end up deciding to do#but is it so bad to want to do the thing i love and make other people happy with it and get paid??#stars rambles#vent#i do hope it goes without saying when i vent about a post i saw on my dash but just in case:#if you're my mutual and you reblogged posts like this recently or anything this is not @ you and i am not mad <3
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to “educate” me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic 💀 they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my “anti ship propaganda” in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right 😅#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will 💀#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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don’t you love it when you have to debate for ur own fuxking rights against ur brother for an hour and it just ends with you in tears because your parents haven’t called you blue once and it’s been 3 years
#i’m just so tired#of having to fight for the right to exist everyday#god i have to finish my essay too#i want the fact queer people exist to be taught in school so that another 12 year old girl won’t want to cut herself because she thinks som#things wrong with her. i want another 13 year old to know people care about her so she won’t want to die because no one respects her#i’m so fuxking tired#‘being gay is trendy now’ it isn’t trendy to here about a new death and bill and law every day on the news.#i’m a dyke and i’m proud but sometimes i just want to stop with all this#vent#sh mention#sorry im so mad and sad and tired and i have no one irl who can remotely understand any of this
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#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here#I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process#ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it#got called slurs#got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way#been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments#its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it#and very few people are vocal about liking it#i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate#its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know#i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now#i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog#but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted#i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it#sorry for venting
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dudes ive hit a point with The Horrors:tm: where im unable to convince myself that any of my friends actually like me
#vent#it's like. i think im a pretty solid guy#my negative traits dont define my view of myself etc#i understand that if someone doesnt ike me it doesnt mean im horible etc#but like. i am unable to believe that anyone wants to be around me#even if someone explicitly says they want to talk to me/want to hang out/enjoy my presence#im like hmm. well. sounds fake.#and again it's not like i think im an unlovable piece of shit or something#i just dont think anyone is being honest with me#like i rarely notice hints or subtext or passive aggression when people talk to me#but im simultaneously excessively sensitive and will be like 'wait do they hate me now' if someone sends like an all lowercase one word tex#because it's like. oh no what if they actually ARE hinting that they dont like me. etc#most of the time when i get 'god shut the fuck up' vibes theres not actually anything wrong#BUT because theres been so many times that i MISSED the 'god shut the fuck up' vibes#i automatically assume everyone is mad at me/doesnt like me/doesnt want t talk.#even trying to say 'usually im wrong about people being mad' is extremely difficult#bc im like. fully convinced ive been right every time#and that everyone has just been lying t me#this has been a thing since like. age 14+ for me#but lately it's gotten worse#and like im scared to even dm a friend a meme because they might be mad (they literally sent me a song rec earlier. i have no reason to#assume theyre mad. except when i got the messages i was like 'oh no what if this has a hidden meaning')#it's one of those things where like. my anxiety medication works really well#but this is the flavor of anxiety thats inspired by past experiences#s even if i try to tell myself there arent any signs that theyre mad/annoyed/whatever#i immediately think 'but ive been wrong before.'#and then that same loop stops me from asking. because asking either annoys people or they lie to me about it#idk idk idk im tired#even if i did ask i wouldnt believe any answer other than 'yes im mad/annoyed/whatever'#including if they add 'i just need to be alone right now' or 'yes but not at you' or 'yes and i need to cool off'
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the gif of peter griffin snapping his neck is a bit too relatable
#i’m actually so mad rn#nothing im drawing looks right#i’m so tempted to quit this drawing cause it’s been a month and a hair and i can’t get anything right#i’m getting increasingly more frustrated#i can’t do anything right#maybe it’s cause my older brother is leaving for school tmrw#and it’s all hitting that i’m the oldest now technically and now i’ll become an even bigger scapegoat but that’s a vent fir another day#it’s funny how a drawing of ponyboy curtis with a sodapop swagger has me questioning my self worth#m not gonna hurt myself btw i just say shit after the smallest inconvenience#i wanna finish this before school starts but idk if i can now#i’m genuinely so frustrated and like why is a dumb drawing making me question my self worth#and i have another doctors appointment tomorrow because i have a bunch of random moles and i need to get them checked out or skth#this is a disaster#ugh#cw sui joke
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ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
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also, hello padisarah nonnie !! it's good to see you again :>
i decided to not answer your ask regarding the wholeeee stuff.. because i don't really care what they want to do anymore. i've done my part of speaking up about their behaviours and calling them out - which made a lot of people open their eyes for once instead of ignoring the warnings they got from me or other people. and i think that's all i want to do.
THIS WILL FORMALLY BE THE LAST POST ABOUT THEM. I will not answer any asks regarding it anymore, so if you want to make your own posts regarding those users, please use your own platforms, thank you.
as much as i encourage speaking up, i also don't want to give a flying duck about them anymore. y'know, like, i spoke up because i couldn't tolerate them and their behaviours anymore - couldn't just keep quiet when my mutuals are knowingly or unknowingly talking to shitty people like that. if they started a new blog, just let them. i don't really care anymore 😭 all i hope is that my mutuals and those that see this are more aware of internet safety and who you surround yourself with. it was already exhausting trying to warn others about them and not being listened to until i made this shit public — i'm not going to start becoming a blog that runs on discourse just so some can finally realise that this person was shitty and that person was the devil.
thanks for also caring abt me and informing me of their new url, i appreciate that a lot! it's on my blocklist now + the mutuals they've tagged on that post too 💀 if, however, i blocked you without a good reason why, or if i blocked you before you knew of this and had already cut ties with them, feel free to send me a message or ask on a different blog! i took precautionary blocks when it comes to having those kind of people as mutuals so .. yeah.
#visitors from teyvat : padisarah anon#thea answers#the post was made because i just couldn't stand the audacity of certain people still claiming to be the victim.#imagine claiming yourself as the victim when your story wasn't even straight.#venting in public but you can't even pick a plot. were you banned or did you leave willingly first without being punished?#then proceeded to say you were wrongly banned when you were literally guilttripping the mods . what did you think-#was gonna happen when you come back? did you think our arms were open then?#you left first . to avoid consequences . now that the consequences are staring right at you#you chicken out? you curse at the effects of your actions? YOUR actions? what about the people you've affected .#you say you aren't the same person you are a year ago but you only left a few months ago and you still affect the mental health of many .#our server wasn't even a mental health server. it's a positivity server. you're supposed to use it to get serotonin boosts#or boost other people. not a place for us to be your therapists and fix your problems.#i still can't get over the fact that neither of them can get their stories straight. wdym a year ago lmao. it was literally 4-5 months ago.#and you still act the same as ever. venting about how you wanted to kys or break down when a damn post unrelated to you talks-#-abt ur fav character in a scenario where they don't love you.#do you realize that the artists and writers' works you consume are for the general and not just you. what is your logic .#and i know you see this . you vague about us all the time. did you think i didn't notice.#the only mercy i've granted you was the peace for 4 months. you tell me i was dogpiling on you but you didn't change at all . so entitled t#-your ways of thinking and what you think is right.#in the first few weeks of u in that server i was the only one who thought better of u. funny how that turned out.#cuz u didn't change then and you wouldn't change now.#idk how many times i hv to repeat this but i blocked each n every ONE of them. including their moots.#and including anyone who interacted with them. im not sorry. if you were wrongly blocked then u can shoot a dm.#otherwise stay blocked and stay mad loser L.
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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#what the fuck did i do i was watching youtube and then my sisters wanted to play mario kart so i gave them the switch#i thought they knew how to disconnect my headphones from the switch because they didnt give me a chance to do it#then got mad at my headphones being connected#and got mad when i tried to explain and told me to just turn off my headphones#and yelled at me for something completely unrelated#and its still my fault????#i was enjoying myself and you guys shat on it and i left and i was fine but you got upset because it wasnt perfect and threw yhe contrller#across the room when i tried to show you whag yo do with it#and it almost got stuck in a place i#cant get it out of#and so i was upset and IM the bad person for being upset. so im even more upset and slam the door and get yelled at for THAT too#and its my fault#it's not adding up#i can barely walk right now im sorry im not perfect for you#k vent
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Dont you just. Love. When people tell you “oh I’ll be done at this time can you pick me up then?” And then. And then. They keep you waiting in the parking lot for a whole hour and dont respond to your text. And when they show up they dont even apologize 😀 like. Ha ha. Okay. I totally didnt have plans that i also had to do. I’m totally not exhausted from work. Dont worry. What the fuck.
#cw vent#// delete later#but if the roles were reversed and i was only 5 minutes late i get blown up at.#im.#fuck.#goodness im so tired. i dont care if i have to drink meds i have to have a drink or im gonna be mad the entire evening.#im so mad im not even seething i just dont feel anything right now.#ive had a shitty week. a shitty month. but my goodness this is the last straw im so exhausted.#and it sucks because !!! i judt got my hair done! i cut it short and i was really happy and felt really good.#and! i had this kbbq that ive been craving for a while! and even if i was tired from work it was looking to be okay.#but now all of that is just overshadowed by all the shit of the past few weeks piling up and im so tired and i hate everything.#and i cant feel happy from the little things that i was enjoying earlier today. the things i did to make myself happy.#fuck
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i can def relate to having an abusive mother, the worst part is that people always assume mothers to be good people. thankfully my dad and mother don't live together so i chose to stay with my dad permanently but my dad's girlfriend is constantly talking about how i should make up with my mother because "you only get one mom" and she completely ignores me when i try to talk about how abusive my mother was
yeah. ugh. sorry about your situation anon. it sucks and im sending sympathies
#ask#i just dunno what to do with myself#as if complex trauma isnt enough im now dealing with a lot of complicated situations regarding what to do now#i dont live there anymore. but my siblings do. hi guys i have 4 younger siblings#and me as much as everybody else just wishes there was a nice family to help us develop stable and normal#so im doing my damn best. im trying to stay in contact with the kids. im hoping they have a better support system than i did#but family policy means the teens get no texting privacy no internet time. so as if i can fucking stay in touch and look out for them anywa#i dont think i can do anything. it feels inevitable that every kid is gonna get completely fractured like me#and the only other alternative risks making it worse and uncomfortable when its none of my business anymore#(taking up my therapist on calling cps. lol)#i cant talk about it with my siblings (no real access to them) and it makes me insane#i cant talk to my dad because he has enough shit and i dont want to drive the family to pieces#i cant talk to my mum because she has a habit of abusing the kids and then telling them its because *I* made her mad; blame me#what am i meant to do#as if the past isnt a lot to process right now. im also dealing with the present that this is probably ongoing and theres fuck all i can do#sorry for venting. im in hell. im trying to be normal and failing spectacularly#abuse#domestic abuse#for cw#i wish i didnt have to worry. i wish this was never a problem in the first place
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how am i supposed to live laugh love under these conditions
tldr for tags my mom found an old journal of mine and read through it so i accidentally outed myself to her lols
#might be a vent in the tags jsyk#but brooo i had this journal when i was 14-15 and my MOTHER read it today because she Could (tm)#the journal in question was in a box in the storage unit that clearly had my name on it so she chose to open it and read through the journa#right so the journal in question had the name isaac on it and i am not out to her#i guess i fuckin am NOW???#but she hasnt said anything ab that. she def saw it tho. RIGHT on the cover#but no her focus was that i wrote that i. didnt particularly care for her when she lived with her boyfriend which is a WHOLE can of worms#but tdlr on him he kicked my brother and i out bc my brother used his phone past his bedtime. we were 13 and 11#and he fought with my mom + 11 yr old brother every night for like four years. which sucked a lil tbh#i dont know what she EXPECTED it to say#gonna be real im a little mad#because like girlllllllll you chose to open that box and then open that book and like that's mineeeee you cant just do that shit :(#i dont have to deal with it for two more days. am at my dad's house#i am fixing it with the power of ✨white out✨#WHICH I SHOULDNT HAVE TO DO. IT'S LITERALLY MINE#if i keep thinking about this im going to explode#vent#???#i think#ok update like an hour later. i read a little bit of the journal that she read and uhh SHIT.#girlie i wrote all THAT and you're upset because i wrote that i dont like your boyfriend??? okay
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Fucking done trying today.
Goodnight.
Fucking.. Vent in the tags, warning
#just.. im so fucking done today..#emotional breakdown time#vent past this point:#I FUCKING HATE NOT BEINF RESPECTED!#my little sister is my nieces favorite and she doesnt respect me#and NOW my little niece keeps telling me to shut up and screaming over/at me whoch hurts my ears because theyre sensitive#my parents arent in town. im the oldest in the house. and im being fucking trampled because whatever spine i do have gets fucking broken..#kai.. kai tried to tell me 'its okay to get mad and upset' but i found that bullshit because no! its not allowed!! ...#kais right.. fuck everything hurts..#im angry. im sad. i dont feel respected. whatever i do around the house feels so small and-..#the fucking break-up hurts.. they were fucking cheating on me for longer than i thought...#i tried to make an effort to that relationship! all for fuck all!#im sorry.. im trying my damnedest to just stay happy.. but it hurts.. so much..
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ohhhhhhh my godddd. soooooooo the worst thing Ever happened to me last night. but whatever we stay ballin
#this is stupi dsorry im just. angry and petty or whatever#vent#like oh my god. oh my god. just tell me to kill myself it wouldve hurt less.#sorry sorry this is stupid. i had a busy day yesterday. idk it doesnt matter. be nice to your friends guys okay? please?#'reach out more!' oh. oh. because messaging everyone in the group chat Youre In every day isnt enough?? fuck. sorry. guess ill try harder#guess ill fucking kill myself for your entertainment just so you can remember i exist for One Day. yeah maybe if i try hard enough ill fuck#ng Win your attention. youre right. god. i shouldve tried Harded to deserve your time. My Fucking Bad#IM MAD IM MAD SORRY ILL GET OVER IT BUT GODD. OH MY GOD.#ok im normal now sorry
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