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r4izx · 6 months ago

Text

Blooming flowers, Wilting love

lyney x g/n reader!

6,212 words and 33,475 characters

summary: lyney feels love when he sees you. but he feels itchy in his throat when he also sees you. he sometimes cough up petals as well... is this love?

warnings: mentions of blood, slight cursing (one curse word lol)

a/n: as i was writing this, i saw a tumblr post all about their love-hate relationship with hanahaki disease fanfics. it made me pause and go like, ʘ‿ʘ oh.

this is my longest fic so far but also...!!! one of my least favorites as i wrote this during a writer's block. •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ nevertheless, hope you still enjoy!

"do you think we'd stay together, forever, yn?"

you and lyney were gazing at the sea that time. staring at the constellations, counting the stars, you think you won't ever forget that moment. the sound of the waves, the wind's breeze, it was so... peaceful for the lives of two fatui members. but his question was a bit abrupt, you think. especially for someone like you who thinks it's pointless to believe in such thoughts.

"there's no such thing as forever, lyney." it's the truth you think. nothing in this world lasts forever. that's why it's better to cherish the things you have now while you still can. this was your point of view of the world. for you the world had limits. you always thought that in the end, everyone will die anyway. so you didn't meddle yourself with beliefs about 'forever'. although... "-but i don't think i can live without you, all, beside me, lyney." you, of course, was referring to him and his siblings. you know how much lyney loves his family. after all, they're the only ones he has left to take care of in his life. compared to you who has no one, he had a responsibility.

lyney loves his family more than himself. from when you were kids staying at house of the hearth, you watched how much he cares for them. to the point where he'd sacrifice himself if he needed to. just for the sake of his family. and just like lyney, you cherish your family a lot. although not connected by blood, you view lyney, lynette, and freminet as your family. you've been together since childhood, you all grew up together, what else could they be but family?

what else?, you say?

contrary to your view of the three as family, lyney views you more than that. at first, he didn't know what he was feeling. he didn't know when it all began either. he just remembers when he started to think about you everytime you weren't there, everytime you weren't by his side. everytime you were with someone else. all of a sudden he started to feel jealous when he sees you with someone else. but it quickly goes away when you go to him at the end of the day. you were always there for him. lyney often bottled up his feelings. he had no one to vent to. it would be awkward to talk to father about it and he doesn't want to burden his siblings with his worries. but he has you. you were there to comfort him. at moments where he was at his lowest, you were just... there. he was sure you didn't learn any magic tricks, how come you always surprise him by being there when he needed someone? as if you knew what he was feeling. but still, he isn't complaining. at this point, he couldn't go by a day without you and he felt reassured, ..you cherish him more than anyone else, you feel that you have a duty to protect him, ..just like family! you are his family. that's all it is, ..-right?

but if that was the case, then... lyney thinks why doesn't he feel the same way towards his siblings, his family. he never got jealous when lynette and freminet was with someone else, no. he never relied on somone this much and felt comforted just by their presence. and sure enough, lyney was sure about his feelings for you. his love for you. and no, not love for family way but more like... a romantic way. he was sure of it when he noticed the fact that his temperature rises slightly when you both make contact. when you make cheesy remarks not knowing what it does to him cause you just view him as family. he felt butterflies in his stomach. and lyney thinks that this is what romantic love felt. it felt warm. it felt like he found a bonfire in a cold, snowy mountain. that fire was the only thing keeping him alive. it made him feel safe, warm and...

itchy?

is love supposed to irritate you like this? it started with an itch. lyney has been feeling itchy in his throat ever since he figured out his feelings for you. it was so irritating and annoying he wanted to take his throat out but he couldn't. he doesn't know what it is, he doesn't know anything at all. it's his first time loving someone in a way that's more than love for family, after all. so he goes to a doctor since he couldn't tell anyone about this. not father, not his siblings, and not even you. he doesn't have the courage yet. the doctor began examining him. asking him all kinds of questions. when did you start feeling the itch? are you able to eat properly? and... did you do anything that triggered it? well, that question definitely triggered something in his memories. and all of a sudden, he started coughing. his throat stated to ache unbearably. he couldn't breathe, he felt his airway being blocked no matter how hard he tried. it was a good choice to go to the doctor earlier, the doctor quickly moved to help lyney breathe. slowly, the coughing was going down but lyney's throat was getting itchier and itchier. he couldn't take it anymore. he coughed up whatever was making him feel that way despite the immense pain. to say that he was shocked was an understatement.

blood.

and...

..petals..

lyney wasn't stupid. he's heard of this before. he heard it a long time ago. when someone's love doesn't get reciprocated, they start to grow flowers in their lungs and cough up petals. he heard it when he was younger and thought it was stupid. that whoever was in love was stupid. clearly they were gonna die because of love, so why do they still continue? it wasn't even love for family. but now that he's older, lyney thinks he understands now. it doesn't make him any smarter for understanding though, rather he thinks that maybe he is stupid. he became the person who he thought was dumb for continuing to love someone despite that being the reason for why they're hurting so much. but how could he ever stop? he thinks that if he stops loving you his heart would as well. you made him feel safe, warm, comforted and... loved. he trusted you so much that it scared him how easily you could hurt him. but still, he won't stop. how could he when he can't even imagine a life without you?

the doctor explained to him in detail. how people only get this disease when they're love is unrequited and the fact that it was so rare to get it but he still did. he didn't know if he was lucky or not. although the doctor did tell him there was a way to remove the flowers though, it was basically a cure. he could get surgery in exchange for his memories. he would have to forget all about you. and so... "What! NO!" lyney couldn't help but shout out of surprise and annoyance. was this doctor crazy? do they think a person would want to forget someone they love? the thought of not remembering you sends lyney shivers down his spine. he can't even imagine forgetting all those memories. when you both went sparring together, got lost during a mission, when you wiped his tears when he couldn't keep his emotions to himself anymore, and even when you both first got taken in at the orphanage. it scares him. he doesn't want to forget you. so he never will.

the doctor just chuckled, fortunately they understood and gave some 'advice'.

"then, you better tell 'em what you feel soon. take the chance while you still can. you don't possibly think that you would live forever, right? ahaha..-"

forever.

"...there's no such thing as forever, lyney."

that memory suddenly popped into his mind. is this what you meant? that death will await for us in the end anyway? it's not like you were wrong though.. you were right. there's no forever in this world. but the doctor was also right. he should go ahead and tell you how he feels soon. he just needs to muster up the courage and confess!.. but how could he? how could he have the courage when he sees the way you look at him?

lyney always felt something odd about you everytime that tangerine head harbinger passed by. he sees the way your breath slightly hitches. the way you'd steal secret glances at him, the way your eyes glimmer for a bit when you see him, the way you turn your head to hide your reddening face.

he hated it.

he hated the fact that you liked someone else when he's right beside you and has always been right there since childhood. but what he hated even more is the fact that he pays so much attention to you. he'd notice things about you that he was sure you probably didn't know about yourself. you never acted this way around him... does he even have a chance? how can he possibly confess to you at this state? he feels his throat ache even more now. breathing felt more of a curse than a cause to live at this point. everytime he inhaled, he could feel petals going up his throat. truly, his time is limited now and he has to do something before it's too late.

by now, you've probably noticed that something was wrong with lyney. when he sees you, instead of usually greeting you with a bright smile and a hug, he just smiles, sends a wave, or even worse- he just nods at you! he barely talked you don't get what you did wrong so it was getting slightly annoying.

scratch that-- it was REALLY annoying.

you both finally met again after a busy week cause of father's orders at fontaine. it was a fatui meeting. everyone had to attend. you were glad cause that meant you would be able to see your family-- lyney, lynette, and freminet of course, --and also see lord childe. the harbringer who you oh so look up to. well, okay, maybe it's more than just admiration.

you like him.

you like that ginger head.

maybe it was because of the stupid smile on his face whenever he made you laugh, maybe it was because of the fact that you felt safe around him, or maybe it was simply because he was outgoing that he ended up stealing your attention. you didn't expect yourself to be the type to fall for someone really quickly, but you got to know him for a few months in a mission together and you... really liked him. he didn't just steal your attention, he stole your heart as well. although, you had no one to talk to about this and you don't think you would actually tell it to someone.

so here you are, at the fatui meeting, waiting for the harbringers to finish their speeches when it finally ended. originally, you took this meeting as an opportunity for you to catch up with your family. but it seems that lyney

had the same intentions when you feel a tap on your shoulder. you turn around and face him. you almost couldn't control the smile on your face when you remember that he's been acting differently towards you the past few weeks. you quickly compose yourself and speak to him with a stern look.

"don't you think you have something to say to me?" you cross your arms and stare at him, waiting for him to speak up. lyney suddenly mutters something incoherent, he sounded as if he couldn't form words probably in his mouth. the only thing you understood was his almost incomprehensible "wa--t--r. wah-... ter!!". for a moment, you were really worried. you've never seen lyney in such state before. you grabbed the nearest bottle you could and gave it to him as he takes a deep breathe and clears his throat. "well,... where, do i, begin?"

"oh ho, from the very beginning. lyney. we haven't seen eachother for so long, i can spare some time for you." despite your sharp tone, the sweet smile on your face was quite unsettling. oh boy, he's doomed. you were gonna scold him. you always did this. from when you both were a child, you always scolded lyney when he did some outrageous things like hurting himself just to rescue a cat stuck on a tree. you scolded him for a while that time. you were quite protective. after all, it's your duty as his family.

lyney tells you that he was feeling unwell and couldn't speak properly these past few weeks which explains the situation earlier with the water. "--but why didn't you tell me anything!?" that's right. why didn't he tell you anything? the lyney who always relied on you, who felt safe and comforted when he vented his feelings to you was now the same lyney who started acting a bit distant and different. when did he change so much? you just don't get it. did you really do something that he didn't like for him to be like this with you? he seemed fine with others which made you even more concerned. but before you could finish worrying, --lyney interrupts.

"..y/n.. i have something to tell you, okay?"

what's this? all of a sudden the atmosphere changed. it was gloomy yet felt somewhat reassuring. you didn't know what was gonna happen next. what is he gonna say? why is he being so serious? is he gonna drop some big news? why can't you understand him at all right now? and why is the 11th fatui harbringer approaching you? wait-- what?

"y/n!! so you were here!~" the ginger head was approaching you with that same stupid smile on his face again. you couldn't control yourself from slightly blushing. you could feel your ears reddening a bit as you try and look away from him. you cover your mouth to hide the fact that your mouth is slightly raised upward as you turn away from childe's direction as an attempt to hide from his gaze only for you to catch a short glimpse of lyney's expression.

you don't get it. you don't understand at all what that look on his face was. you, who's one of lyney's closest companions, someone who he could consider as family, for the first time was unable to know what lyney felt. he's been hiding too much stuff from you these days. he hasn't been opening up to you. you can't help but worry that he might be bottling up his feelings again and doesn't have anyone to vent to. but the thing is... lyney always went to you. he would go to you and you would comfort him. so why isn't he?... 'don't tell me.. that, he lost his trust in me?' the thought sent a shiver down your spine. you quickly looked at lyney's face again, only to see him gently smiling. was that just a trick of your eye? you were sure it wasn't. you look at his odd smile. unlike what a smile should do, it didn't reassure you at all. it made you worry even more. you really can't read him. he looks sad yet happy. he has a solemn face yet it felt as if it was filled with so much guilt. unfortunately, your thoughts was cut off when the man whom you liked stands before you.

"i've been looking for you everywhere! i'm hosting an after party with some of my companions, wanna join us?" childe asks you when he finally noticed lyney and continued, "--oh, and, you could invite your friend over there too." you glance at lyney who heard the offer. he understands that you're trying to ask him if he wants to attend. so, he looks at you with that unsettling smile again. "y-ou- ...you should go.. y/n, i'm.. fine.." he clears his throat mid sentence. he wasn't fine at all. his throat is so itchy, he feels that his lungs is about to burst, his chest feels heavy, his airway feels blocked and he feels that something is going up his throat and he's trying so desperately to hold it in. but there's only so much a person could handle. but... in the first place, lyney was a person who had no one he could rely on, who he could vent to except for you. but he can't bear it. he can't bear the sight of you with that tangerine. he thinks he really won't be able to handle this hanahaki disease thing. and for some reason, seeing you so in love with someone else hurt him more than the flowers threatening to spill from his body.

so he gathers some remaining strength to tug at your sleeve when you were about to leave with childe. he grabs your hand, flipping it to the side of your palm and does a little magic trick. he takes his hat, rummages through a bunch of items in it until he finally stops and grabs something. he grabs it and closes his hand and places it on top of your open palm. when he finally opens his fist, he then revealed a flower. a rainbow rose, to be exact. before you could even say something, lyney just nudges your hand a bit as a sign for you to just go already. you hadn't even left when he himself took the initiative and faced the opposite direction and left in a hurry. you didn't know why he was rushing you and himself so much. and at this point, you don't what your efforts to talk to him was all about when in the end, he just leaves. without leaving a word behind.

childe takes your hand in his and that was all it took for you to snap out of your daze. your heart instantly started beating faster. you think he might even be able to hear your heart pounding so loudly right now. was it because of the fact that he's holding you? the fact the he came all this way just to invite you? and that he was looking for you, and only you? or maybe it was because of a certain flower you were holding in your other hand. on one side, you were holding childe, and on the other, was a rainbow rose.

'a rainbow rose, huh.'

lyney couldn't sleep that day. nor could he breathe. nor could he eat, speak, and think properly. his heart felt like bursting. maybe it really was. when he saw the way you light up when childe came, he was hit with an arrow of reality through his lungs. suddenly the air around him felt warm. but not the type of warmth your presence gives him, rather... it felt suffocating. he felt like throwing up. he was doing all he could to keeo himself from vomiting. he really was. it was the hardest battle he has ever done. a battle between him and his own feelings. there is a saying that one's greatest enemy is theirselves and in this battle, lyney thinks he's at the losing end. when he left you there after giving the rainbow rose, he felt his heart throb in pain. he saw the look on your face. a face full of confusion, worry, and a small hint of happiness. at that moment, he just wanted to chase after you, hug you and never let you go. yet..., all he could do was send a small smile. a smile filled with mixed feelings, a smile you wouldn't be able to understand, even if you tried. lyney himself doesn't understand what he feels too. jealousy? anger? happiness? relief? sad? he didn't know! but one thing for sure was that he felt like he was...

about to die.

he immediately went to the nearest secluded place he could go to. making sure nobody, was around. and after all his efforts to not throw up, he started vomiting. blood. it was so bloody. not even enemies has hurt him to this point, yet... his own feelings did this. and lyney thinks again, 'is love supposed to feel like this?' he wanted to blame you, blame you for not returning his feelings and put him to such a miserable state like this, but he couldn't. cause he knew it was his fault. it was his fault for falling for someone who only views him as family. and if he wanted to he could just take surgery and forget about you! --but he won't. he's sure that forgetting you will hurt even more than this disease.

the downpour of blood and petals wasn't stopping. he was starting to choke on the petals. his throat was hurting, so, so badly. it was aching, it was itching. he wanted to scratch it out of him and just end his suffering. especially when something really rough went up his throat. it even got stuck there. he was coughing and coughing, trying to vomit it out. he was having such a difficult type to breathe and aside from petals and blood, even tears was spilling out from him. he was dying yet living. and so, he spitted it out. a flower. no, flowers. such beautiful flowers came out tainted with blood. at first, he didn't recognize what flowers it was because it was painted red from the blood, but he looked really closely and...

rainbow roses.

he scoffed, really? these, again? was teyvat making fun of him right now? cause it sure feels like it. the rainbow roses that was supposed to be filled with a bunch of colors was now just red. for some reason, that color reminded him of his fate. and so, he kept that rose.

lynette and freminet has caught on to lyney at this point. they started wondering what was wrong with him when they saw that he's been having too much so-called bathroom breaks, --especially, when you're around. they noticed how lyney's breath slightly hitched when he sees you, they noticed the fact that he now tends to avoid your gaze rather than look up to you and stare at your eyes as if he saw something beyond it like before. at first, they just watched. they waited, and they observed. just like in their missions. they knew for a fact that lyney won't open up his problems to his own siblings. which is why he always relied on you, opening up to you. you were his source of fresh air. in a place where he felt suffocated and had nowhere to go to, you were there. so surely, if lyney didn't want to tell them, they just have to wait, ...but if it takes too long and progressively gets worse, they have no choice but to interrogate him.

it's been a few weeks since lyney has been acting strange and there was no sign of him telling the truth to lynette and freminet. they were growing impatient to their brother's antics. they aren't usually this bothered but when it comes to health, they have to step in no matter what. family comes first and their brother showed them that. which is why, it's totally valid to do this right now because it's out of love and concern, ...right? lynette and freminet decided to follow lyney when he needed a bathroom break. they followed as lyney goes to a secluded area instead where no could see or hear him, which was perfect for them. --and almost immediately when lyney got there, he started throwing up.

how can they explain what they're feeling right now? watching their own brother suffer, vomiting blood and petals. their heart dropped. it felt like it. the world froze around them, only lyney was moving as if the time stopped. all this time... lyney was suffering this much and didn't tell anyone...? they couldn't help but think he was greedy, for not wanting to burden others but himself. they couldn't make a sound. they needed to be... patient. --like how they were trained and taught to be by their very own brother. tears were starting to blur their vision when the sound of raspy coughs kept on going as it becomes even more rougher than the last one. patience.., they both think to themselves. --but only when they heard their brother utter a name did they lose it.

"...y-/n--..."

blood, petals, and the way he acted around you. everything seemed connected somehow. it all cleared up. and it was so obvious that lyney was suffering an unrequited love. but they had to confirm it. their patience? gone. lynette and freminet look at eachother and nods, a signal saying 'go' as they rush towards lyney's side. just as they went beside him, lyney collapses to the ground, although still conscious. the other two immediately went to support him and lyney finally looks at them. he looks them in the eye and send a sheepish smile as if saying, 'don't get mad'. but how? how could they not? they wanted to scold lyney, scold him for keeping all his problems to himself, scold him for doing nothing and bearing the pain all this time, scold him for liking someone who only sees him as family and of course, ...scold him for continuing to love you despite everything.

lynette says it first, despite the cracks and sniffles between her words she still says, "brother--!!.. wh-..why don't you just.. get surgery and forget them?..". and lyney is shooked. how did they know who he really liked? was he.. "..so obvious.." freminet continues his thoughts. now, lyney couldn't hold back his tears anymore. he started crying. it wasn't about you, -no. he cried because after a long time again, he could open up. he could breathe again, although he knows not for long. literally. so he thinks he has to say everything now before he loses the chance. he has to explain everything to lynette, to freminet, and of course, to you..

"..--c--can't.." he can't. he can't forget you. why did everyone think this way? the doctor and even lynette. he wanted to tell lyney that he would rather lose his vision than forget you. he would rather duel with father than forget you, he would rather bear this pain than forget you. he would rather lose his life.. than forget you. he wanted to say all this to his siblings but he can't. he couldn't even imagine a life where he doesn't know how to utter your name. the thought scared him. to him, a life without you was a life without a home. no safe place. he wouldn't be able to breathe. most importantly he couldn't stop thinking about what you would feel if he forgets you. how ironic though, he doesn't even think about what you would feel if you found out that he's suffering all because of his feelings for you.

once, twice, thrice, it kept going on. petals enough to make flower crowns surged from lyney's throat. and now freminet speaks up, "--p-please, ..just, tell y/n what you feel..". ah, that's right. another cure for this disease aside from the surgery was to be loved right back. but he knows it's impossible so he just shakes his head in response. "h-he's telling you to confess..!, --n-not to get your feelings returned.." "stop being so stubborn!" freminet adds. for once, lyney let his siblings scold him, after all it's a first, and perhaps even the last time this would occur. the thought made lyney cry. salty tears came flowing down his eyes along with blood and flowers from his mouth. it was mostly because he thinks that sooner or later he'll end up leaving his loved ones behind, both his family, and you.

a week had passed and his disease showed no signs of getting better, only getting worse as time passed. it was the same thing over and over again except for the fact that he has his siblings to help and rely on now. but then again, nothing would change if he doesn't tell you what he feels, that's why he's been preparing himself. for the entire week ever since lynette and freminet found out about his condition, he's been taking a break from missions with the excuse that he got a severe injury from a recent battle. which lead to him to being stuck in his room for the whole week, unable to see anyone aside from his siblings and father. nobody raised suspicions about him faking his condition, after all, he did look like he was suffering. but during that period of time, he didn't need to control his vomiting which helped him, ... sorta..? anyway, it simply meant that he's ready.

ready to tell you what he truly feels before it's too late,

...or not..

"i'm confessing to childe soon.."

hah...

...-ahahaHah"--ahaHahaha..--"

lyney couldn't help but laugh. should he have just stayed in his room for a couple more weeks? he laughed. watching your amused yet confused expression, you're probably thinking 'what's wrong with him?' and he laughs even more! he was laughing so hard tears started forming in his eyes, atleast, he thinks it's because of that. it was a bittersweet laugh. he starts to ponder, 'maybe i should've just gotten surgery..' but he smacks his head with his palm. that's right. his hat nearly tumbles off his head.

"lyney-?! what's wrong? -you.. okay..?"

you probably questioned if he was okay because he was still smiling and chuckling. "-pfft. i was just so enamoured by your eagerness to confess! ahaha-!!" contrary to him, that is. it took him so long, to build up the courage to tell you his feelings, and now he just feels like running away. he starts to feel that sooner or later tears won't be the only thing pouring out of him again. he may be chuckling right now but his mind is

it took a while for lyney to calm down again, while you were stressing over what's going on. why was he being like this? he's acting weird, again. the lyney who opened up his heart to you before is long gone now. replaced with unreadable expressions and held back words. you knew, something was off. enamoured? really? something was off about lyney in a way he was only like this towards you. but no matter what you do, you can't seem to remember anything you might have done to put him in such state. you might be a bit oblivious but you aren't stupid. yet, you still can't pin point why he's like this.

lyney interrupts your thoughts. he clears his throat and with a shaky voice, he asks,

"y-you... you're confessing, today?"

hm?

why would lyney be so curious about your confession? maybe he's curious as a friend just like others would be, but, something smells fishy. lyney isn't the type of person to be so caught up on topics like these, as far as you know. so, what's up with him now?

"..yeah, later. ..he invited me to go to on a mission with me. it's these little acts of him that make me so heads over heels for him." and that was all it took for lyney's courage to vanish. all bark yet no bite. you who was once his home, a person he could confide in, where he could breathe and feel safe, is now the reason why he is unable to breathe. he's inhaling, yes, --yet he feels that he can't exhale anymore. just endlessly gasping for air.

-fuck. he has to do this. he knows it himself, --that it isn't long before he has to go. he has to. -no, he needs to. he needs to confess. lyney takes a long, deep breath and finally let out some air. he looks at you, --you who's blushing so meekly, fiddling with your fingers like a teenager texting their crush, only for him to remember that it's all because you're thinking about him. someone else.

"y/n... y-you know, you're really special to me right, i just wanna know if you feel the same.. do you love me too?" maybe lyney should've made it clear, --or maybe he shouldn't have asked because- "--of course i do, lyney.. were family okay? always remember that." oh he is for sure gonna remember that. until his last breath most likely.

at this point he just had to go. "i-i see, well- y/n, I'll get going, goodluck!" lyney is rushing to get out of here, his heart his thumping so fast but the butterflies he feels is in his throat, he needs to go, -as soon as possible. just as he turns around to leave you immediately say something, "-lyney! wait-". and he gulps, but doesn't turn around to look at you. there was a short pause until you continued, "i want you to know that you're special to me, okay? you're one of my closest friends.., family-, even, ...just wanted to say this so you know.. goodluck! stay safe! let's watch the waves again next time, when we have time. see you!"

that time never comes.

he can sense that you're waving but he doesn't wave back. you hear his footsteps and watch as he leaves. something was wrong with lyney today so you wanted to reassure him. albeit it was just an inkling.

liquid trails on the ground as lyney walk-runs. he doesn't know whether it's from the tears running down his face or the blood pouring out of his mouth. maybe a mix of both. the trail leads to an room that served as a dormitory for the fatuis, but fortunately for him, it was empty. unlike his mind that was full of thoughts and his heart full of emotions. he couldn't stop thinking about what you said. sure, you may have said that he's special and all but what he heard was the word friend. a reminder that he'll never be more to you than that.

maybe it was just him.

maybe he was the only one who felt like his day is complete when he sees you. maybe he was the only one who thought that you were eachother's back. but now he feels as if he's the only one watching your back as you take a step forward while he's just there, watching you. maybe he was the only one who thought he had a chance. considering you were childhood friends and all. fuck- friends. it was right there all along. you both were childhood friends, nothing more, nothing less. this was his destiny. but for once he wants to stray from the path towards this so called destiny and it leads him to this current situation.

flowers.

there's no point in holding back now. he really feels like he's reaching the end of the path he's walking. he lets it all out, coughing up different kinds of flowers. heliotropes, chrysanthemums, rainbow roses... this time it's not just petals anymore, it's full on blooming flowers coated in red.

everything hurts.

his throat, his lungs, his heart... even his mind! he can't take it anymore yet for some reason his mind starts drifting back to the memories he and you had together. these memories felt like home. the sound of waves crashing onto the land, the sound of his heart beating along, and the sound of your comforting voice. for a split second he felt like the pain he was feeling eased for a bit, but he was brought back to reality when he realizes that these moments are really just memories, ...and will forever stay like that. he will no longer be able to be with you again, no longer have the ability to make more moments like these. and it dawns on him,

his friends, his family, the fatui, childe, father, and... you. his life flashes before his eyes. and he didn't even realize it but he was shedding no tears. weird but, maybe this was just too much pain for him to even process. he feels his body weakening, his legs barely able to stand makes him fall onto his knees. the way he starts to feel dizzy and his vision is blurred-- even without tears in his eyes. the way he feels like something pierced through his stomach, his heart-, even. he knows, his time is up.

lyney wishes he could say his last words, but he isn't able to. so he just says it in his mind,

...thank you,

and that was his final words. to you, to his siblings, to everyone.

he falls down the ground, and with all the strength he could muster, he tries to open his eyes, ...only to see a rainbow rose. the rose he kept. though, it wasn't covered in red anymore, and it was fresh. it was blooming.

then lyney smiles,

maybe there was forever in this world, but it was just... not meant for lyney.

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sb25p · 2 years ago

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Warning: THE LAST OF US SPOILERS: EPISODE 5!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED EP 5, PLEASE SCROLL PAST!!!!!

Also this an essay!! 🥴 tbh I write these more for myself than anything else…my Tumblr is my mf journal.

I normally don’t like to write posts that involve spoilers for current series/movies etc but TLOU episode 5 affected me in such a powerful way, I feel like I just need to vent it for a min.

Can we talk about the final scene? How hopeful Ellie is when she wakes up only to find out Sam has unfortunately become infected. Sam then attacking Ellie for Joel and Henry to realise what’s happening and Henry to raise the gun to Joel.

The actor, Lamar Johnson, absolutely killed that role (no pun intended…too soon?)

Like we see his face go from confused to protective yet terrified, shocked, panicked, regretful, devastated, remorseful, angry and numb.

I could go on and on about the diversity of emotions that Lamar portrayed in that moment to capture the reaction of Henry losing Sam. The one person he loves more than anything and has sacrificed everything for only to lose at what he believes to be his own hands but as we know is due to being infected.

It was never Henry’s fault. Henry didn’t kill Sam. Sam was already dead. The infection took him. Henry actually saved Ellie from being harmed by Sam. He’s still a hero regardless of what he’s done. He continued to protect others but without Sam, what is his purpose? Sam to Henry is purpose. He always has been. Now that Sam is gone, Henry doesn’t feel any purpose and ultimately that causes him to take his own life without any hesitation.

Then we have the other parallel of Pedro Pascal in that situation playing the role of Joel Miller.

We see Joel (not for the first time) jumping in ultimately to protect Ellie. He’s terrified. He’s seeing her at risk and scared and she’s calling out to him in that moment for help.

Joel talks earlier to Henry about being relied on. He says that it’s easier for kids because no one is relying on them but that’s not really true is it? Because although Sam relied on Henry for protection, Henry relied on Sam for purpose. He loved him. He lived for him because he had Sam by his side.

What really got me in that moment after Henry shoots Sam, is Joel. The way his face turns into a realisation. An understanding.

It doesn’t happen right away.

I feel if you watch Joel’s face just after Sam dies, he’s asking for the gun because he’s afraid Henry will turn on the both of them, pin a blame on them maybe that Sam got infected because of them but when Henry says “what did I do?” You can see that Joel’s face falls. He goes from appearing assertive and protective of Ellie to becoming understanding and gentle towards Henry.

I think that is because Joel recognises that feeling all too well. It’s not hard to think that Joel would have had a time after Sarah’s death where he must have thought that life wasn’t worth living anymore. That his purpose in life has been ripped from him so abruptly and if his sole purpose now is merely to survive, what kind of life does he have anyway?

It’s why I always saw Joel to be one of the strongest characters in the whole of the TLOU universe. He was a father to an only child who was taken from him during the time the world was falling apart anyway. Not only was his own beautiful little world ended in that split second, the one he shared with his daughter, the whole planet was being ripped apart.

What motivated him to keep on living? We could say Tommy but a parents love like Joel’s is so incredibly powerful. Even my own parents once said to me (and I’m one of four children) that if I ever took my own life, they couldn’t go on themselves without me. The true love of a parent is absolutely infinitely one of the most powerful things in this world. Pedro absolutely portrayed that emotion in the moment when he’s trying to talk Henry down. It’s like he’s mentally saying “look at me, I understand, PLEASE, I understand”. Joel knows they’re not at risk to Henry at that moment, Henry is at risk to himself.

Not only that but Joel asks Ellie if she’s okay shortly after Sam dies and even tries to go to her but is stopped by Henry raising the gun to him.

We see Joel becoming softer and more of a father figure to Ellie in this situation. His usual hardened expression drops when he has just witnessed a serious threat to Ellie’s life. He can see the distress in her. He’s just watched her bond with a child over a period of time that she clearly felt very strongly for very quickly. He also has strong feelings about Ellie watching others die due to the discussion he has with her when she shoots the man in the previous episode to protect Joel.

“You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to��” to kill someone he means.

He doesn’t want her to witness this world. He wants to protect her from it and we’re seeing so much more of that in these newer episodes. The paternal feelings he’s developing for her are slowly but surely finding their way out into the open.

And finally the note that Ellie leaves on Sam’s grave.

“I’m sorry.”

We see Joel realising when he reads this, that this young girl feels a lot more than she’s giving out. That Joel is starting to come to terms with how much of a weight is sitting on Ellie’s shoulders by being treat like a possible cure. That the thought of her feeling as though it’s her fault that she couldn’t save Sam from infection, ultimately has Joel feeling even more responsible for ensuring she doesn’t feel that way and that she understands how important she is in herself rather than to the rest of the crumbling world.

I really look forward to seeing how their relationship develops. Particularly, how Joel’s feelings develop further towards Ellie. I also look forward to seeing more vulnerability from Ellie. Joel walks around with this hardened expression but Ellie doesn’t need to do anything like that. We know from how she admits to Sam that she fears being left alone, that she has a lot of emotion she is holding back. She needs that someone to be vulnerable with and I can’t wait for her to let it all go for Joel.

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bluehairmisfit · 1 month ago

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Look okay yall are allowed, expected, even encouraged to ignore everything below the upcoming readmore. I'm only posting this here because I need to rant somewhere that isn't a brick wall, and I don't feel like dumping this in a vent channel for a school club.

(cw friendships and endings, anger, irritation, the things that come along with being autistic around people, etc. Abuse/trauma mentions. Talk of being a shitty friend/shitty person. All that good stuff. Lots of self-deprecation.)

I'm pissed off. I'm not showing it externally because there's just no fucking point to that but I want to do SOMETHING about it at this point and journaling it isn't enough anymore okay. I'm fucking irritated.

Like lemme start off with my high school crush. I have a friend who rants about his high school crush and I'm happy to listen, don't get me wrong, but I so badly want to rant back about mine because I thought we were friends and this person just kinda faded out of my life. And I'm irritated because I reached out and I tried to ask what I did wrong because I'm still very sure it was something I did. I have no clue what. The message containing the plea for information got no response, so I still don't know what I did, but it warranted whispering and pointing and I know that realistically I don't want to be friends or partners with someone like that but it still hurts in my chest when I think about it too hard, so I just have to try really fucking hard not to think of that person, as if I get a fucking choice in it.

And then there's my up-til-recently best friend. Like. There was a lot of shit that went wrong there on both fucking sides. I know this. Painfully-fucking-aware of the role I played. Because admittedly, I did something pretty similar to what my ex-crush did. We had an argument, and neither of us reached out. The thing is that we were both fucking HORRIBLE for each other and I could not do the things this friend wanted me to do without changing a lot of who I am as a person and how I naturally relate to people. I thought for the past two years that I was just an overall bad friend, and in hindsight, I was a bad friend to this specific person. But I have different friends that really like how I perform friendship.

So why the fuck would I sit there breaking someone else and being broken when I could just accept that things would not work out? It's not like I fully withdrew; I didn't break the DM silence, no, but I still liked and shared posts that this friend posted. I still tried in my own way because I was holding out hope that maybe we'd shift to acquaintances for a while and be able to try again later once we both had grown.

IT IS FULLY ON ME FOR NOT COMMUNICATING THIS DESIRE. I'm not saying it's not. But I talked about it in therapy, and I built the skills I would need to have this conversation, and every time I thought I was ready, I saw, vividly, intrusively, how it was likely to end.

And it's definitively, exceptionally selfish of me to say this.

But I decided I'd rather take advantage of the moot point we were at and just let shit happen, for better or worse.

Than to have to speak how I was feeling. And have it out in the open. And hear for the thousandth time what a terrible, shitty friend and person I am.

BUT MORE THAN THAT, the fucking CORE of why I'm pissed off has less to do with either of them (FUCK MICROSOFT FOR JUST GIVING ME A POPUP ABOUT PICTURES SAVED THAT SHOW ME AND MY HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH BTW. FUCK YOU).

The core of why I'm pissed off goes back to my fucking abuser, as everything seems to. Because that's the bitch that got me masking so hard in the first place for the sake of safety and survival and I'm pissed off that I ever fucking had to do that at all. Bullying contributed, yes, but she played such a major role in taking what was already stress-fracturing and just smashed it in finally.

Like I've changed so much about myself over the years, to the point that for a good chuck of late-middle to early-high school, I was a shell of a person. At some point I felt like I was waking up and seeing the people around me in a completely different way. I interacted with my siblings and learned about them as if I'd been away for years and just came back to fully-fledged tweens and teens.

I suppressed and changed and fucking. Ignored the idea of boundaries. To the point that honestly, now-ex-bestie was screwed over by all of this. Because when we became friends I was still so much more broken than I am today and he helped a lot but when shit went wrong it went SO wrong. And I never got the hang of boundaries or communication with him and I don't know why exactly I didn't feel safe but I didn't and I don't think that's entirely his fault.

But like. She fucked me up. I don't know a better way to say it.

And what actually pisses me off, the core thought that led to this entire, rambling, pain-in-the-ass blog post is the idea that I've changed myself so many times and I tried so hard to be what I thought people wanted me to be and I can't do that. I can't continue to do that because I'm fucking miserable, and aside from my partner and the remaining QPP that I haven't pushed away yet somehow, I have maybe three other friends who see me being myself, even as terrified as I was when that started, and embraced that person.

I'm rediscovering things about myself that I hadn't seen or remembered in years, and I'm becoming closer to my core self over time, and I value that greatly, but it should not have taken this much pain and suffering, whether that I've given or received, to get to this point. And I hate it and I regret the shit I've done but I just want to grow from this and move on and my stupid fucking brain sees tiny things and overreacts to them.

So I should be doing homework but instead I'm sitting on Tumblr, writing some fucking blog post trying to excuse everything I've done, to myself and others, to get to this point as if the ends could ever justify the means.

And I said I didn't really want people to read it but that's a lie. I'm just scared that people will finally tell me how terrible of a person I've been for the past 24 years. And confirm every bad thought I've ever had about myself. Because for every part of me that believes I've never deserved it, there's at least one part that believes I earned every single scar that exists on my body and mind.

#vent #personal vent #vent post #fucking help me not think about anything #I'm sorry.#I'm safe.#Unfortunately.

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rey-jake-therapist · 2 months ago

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I don't if this is allowed but I kinda want to vent a bit after seeing all this drama today, and I've sent an ask before about theories. I'm hoping since they blocked me they won't see this I'm kind of neutral to all of this and there's some points on both sides that I agree, as well as disagree with. But the one thing that really kind of feels depressing is... seeing that those people in that discord are writers that I really liked. It's like, seeing someone I admired and a source of aspiration for me turn out to be unapproachable and not who I thought they were. I guess it's also my bad for putting people on a pedestal just because I admire what they do. In the end it hurt me in the end I think that more than anything made me sad. It's one of those kind of things where you saw something and you wish you never discovered it. I felt like Eve after she bit the apple and it's an awful feeling. Also for the record, when I saw that post about the 'antis' disguised as fake shippers, it never occurred to me that it is the people who's stories I was enjoying. That's why I was able to scroll past it without really thinking about it. I just thought it was one of those blogs that ship haladriel AND sauron with brimby/another male character (cause I've been in fandoms where a female character is absolutely hated because she 'got in the way'). I never even thought it had to do with her canon husband. I don't really care about him this way or another (hence why I didn't even know it was about him), I don't check his tag even though I don't have the word blocked (since it's not a trigger like bl00d or g0re). But I guess someone did see the post about antis and the one about him and it caused a visceral reaction? Usually when I see something like that that I feel 'ok i must say something i need to' i just make my own post. I already struggle with being assertive so it's eye-opening for me when I see other people have no problem going onto other blogs just to say something. In the end, I feel like the best course of action is to not interact with posts that trigger you. I don't feel like that's the right move. Even if you have something to say that is true and reasonable, it's very hard to change people's minds in their space. Also, I won't say that I think it's right to paint haladriels one way or another, or to assume something because they like x or y character, or are not opposed to it. <-- I'm not preaching just kind of typing out my own thoughts cause this is how I work out my feelings. I feel like the part that got some people upset is when the line is crossed between talking about a ship/character to the people behind it. I feel like that's what rubbed them the wrong way, and I do agree a bit. It makes me mad when I see poeple on reddit dismiss haladriels as 'teenage hormonal girls who just want the hot bad guy to screw them so they can project their fantasies onto tolkien's work' because that's def not what we are. Anyway, my vent got really long and I'm apologizing because I don't mean cry ugly on anyone's shoulder. I feel better now after typing all this. I hope I don't piss anyone off, and.. while I said what I said about the writers, I'm still choosing to read and review and show support for their stories as a fellow haladriel. I just wish we could all do better and find other outlets for frustration that doesn't involve talking about people and their opinions (this goes both ways). In the same vein, I'm still going to show support and like meta stuff that I find interesting and be supportive of haladriel content creators. Much love, peace! Thanks for listening to me an keeping your inbox open on anon! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Hey ! Thank you for choosing me, anon, it means that you probably trust me not to be rude or judgemental, and it means a lot :) I must say I was a bit afraid to let my inbox opened for anon messages at the beginning, but except for a few bad apples it's nothing but a lovely experience so far.

Yeah today's events were... something. I usually stay away from fandom dramas, whenever I see a fight over fictional characters I look away and mind my own business tbh. It just seems very silly to me to attack someone over their opinion on fiction, when it's so easy to just block or mute.

Yesterday, I made an exception to my rule because I saw a fellow shipper, who happens to be one of my favorite Tumblr persons as well, getting ganged by people who attacked her like a bunch of hyenas. And it was happening because she said something about a character which made them feel personnally attacked, while it was (presumably) not about them. It was straight out bullying, and all this drama could have been avoided if they had just clicked on the "block" button. You don't like a person's tone ? Just block, it's not even worth spending more than 0.1 second on it ! Launching a bullying campaign over one person is not the way. At least, that's my personal opinion on this matter, I'm sure it's not that popular otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation...

Now I'm not going to tell you or anyone else, "don't read their fics !", "don't talk to them !", "block them all !". I personally choose to do that, because they personnally attacked me as well in their little group chats, and I don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. But I'm not the fandom police, and I'm the mother of only one child who doesn't even grasp what a fandom and Tumblr are. I wouldn't even fathom telling anyone how they should feel about this whole thing.

In other words, you do you. At the end, it was just a silly drama over nothing. It makes me sad, because I blocked people who I know ship Haladriel. It's a small fandom already and since yesterday, it got even smaller for me :(

#ask answered #fandom wank #shipping wank #tw bullying

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durmom · 4 months ago

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Its Useless

Part 9

Part 8:

Everything cements for Kelly, when Lucifer puts his hands on her. The boys seem hopeful with the device Ketch gave them. Everything is going to plan, until Sam watches Lucifer's essence go down the vent. Cas gets Kelly out of the room, still debating on what you said. Dean however is happy that they got Lucifer, not knowing what Sam saw. When they are put under arrest Dean can feel the blood drain from his face. He is at a loss for words, he feels utterly defeated by you. How could you be on their side and let this happen? In the truck Sam looks to Dean concerned. Sam is confused, specifically about you. It was clear to him that you cared about them, and would never want to hurt them so why, why would you not tell them this?

While Kelly goes to the bathroom Cas is thinking about what you said, was this nephilim a good thing? When Kelly calls him, he speaks without thinking, telling her she needs to get rid of the baby. Now stressed about the situation, he realizes its up to him to find Kelly, and that he does believe the nephilim needs to be taken care of. Cas goes back to the motel, seeing the boys are no longer there, he calls Mary to meet him at the bunker.

Dean is brooding in his cell, when the interrogator comes in all he can think about is how he wants to kill him. He’s an annoyance, disturbing his thoughts. His thoughts about you. His anger is so immense and all he can do is sit in his cell, where no one, but you, knows where it is. At this point he’s thinking about every way to escape.

At the bunker, you await Cas and Mary’s arrival. When they do arrive Mary is pissed when you explain what happened. She’s pissed as Cas for leaving her boys and losing Kelly. Shes pissed at you for letting them walk into it.

“Mary, I can’t explain it all to you but I promise you they are okay. It’s for the greater good.”

“I dont get why they didn’t call me?”

“Mary, you were out.” Cas says.

“Why did you let this happen?” she turns to you.

“Because… it needed to happen. I need you to trust me on this. They will be out. I promise you, just wait for them to call.”

“You promise me?”

“I promise. If not, you can kill me.”

“I will.”

Cas is not satisfied and goes to Crowley, who refuses to help. Mary stays at the bunker, when Alicia calls asking for help you tell her to go.

“Go, It's what they’d want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll run point from here, keep hunting, and working with the Brits. Which by the way will turn on you eventually but keep them close for now.”

“They’ll what?”

“Sorry today’s been a mess. The Brits will turn on hunters but right now we need to keep them close. When the time comes, I’ll call.”

“O-Okay.” Mary rushes out, confused, and clearly annoyed with you. Once alone, you feel the crushing weight of everything.

Over the next weeks Cas keeps trying to hunt down Kelly and Mary continues hunting. You on the other hand spent two weeks in another depressive episode. You’d sleep until one or two before forcing yourself up to eat, check on Mary and Cas, and look for cases for them to work. After two weeks you get angry, why did Amara bring you here? It’s annoying to not be able to talk to the boys. That's when you get an idea. Cas has brought the impala back so you head to the car and rummage through the glove box. Finding one of the back up phones you call Crowley.

“Out so soon?” He asks.

“No, he’s not.”

“And who is this I’m speaking to? Is this Squirrels Nut?”

“Ew, what? No, Crowley, my name is y/n i’ve been working with the boys for six months. I need you to smuggle letters to them.” “And why would I do that?”

“Because I know you have Lucifer, and I wont tell Sam and Dean who will absolutely kill you.” The line goes silent.

“Where should we meet?”

“There's a bar, down the street from the bunker.”

“I know the place.”

“One hour.” You hang up.

Your foot shakes anxiously, every time the door opens you look expecting Crowley, which is dumb, you know he's just going to appear next to you. Which he does.

“Hello y/n”

“Crowley.” you actually smile. You always found him funny, dumb, but funny, and in the end he actually does do some good.

“So, Nut what's in these letters?”

“Ew, Crowley, not your best work.” He furrows his brows at you, “Nevermind, I know you know where they are, I just want you to get these to them. You won't be able to read them, to make sure they actually get to them they both have code words they have to say. I want you to return to me, here, in an hour, and tell me the code word. Also if they have anything to say, tell me.” He opens one of the letters looking it over before folding it back up, “Enochian.”

“Yes, do this and I wont tell the boys about your dumbass plan.”

“Really? For some lousy letters?”

“Yep.” You smile at him before taking a sip of the rum and coke you ordered.

“I guess I’ll be back.”

Crowley meets his inside man who somehow gets the letters to Sam and Dean. They both rush to open them.

Sam,

I know you have a lot of questions and I promise you I will answer as many as I can when you get out. To start, yes I knew this was going to happen. I swear to you it's for the greater good. I’m running things back home. Cas is looking for Kelly, yes he lost her, and your mom is hunting. She's obviously pissed at me, but it’ll be okay. Now I am going to tell you some things that you cannot share with Dean yet. I want to tell him but you know how he is, angry. Kelly’s baby. His name is Jack. He is good, nothing but good, he takes after his mom. Jack needs to be born, he saves the world. That's why I had to keep you in the dark, I couldn't risk it. Again I will answer more questions when you're out. I know you boys have a plan, it's a good plan by the way. I love you Sammy, I’ll see you soon.

P.S code word is Crowley’s a hoe.

Sam knocks on the door to signal he’s done. When the guard comes up he flashes his black eyes to show it's Crowley’s demon.

“Say, I believe her. Code word is Crowley’s a hoe.” Once alone Sam rereads the letter and can’t help but laugh. Only you could make him laugh when he’s absolutely miserable.

Dean,

I know you’re pissed at me, I don’t blame you. There's a reason why I had to let you guys go through this. I am taking care of everything at home. I’m sorry it had to be this way. For your own sanity, the reason I did this was to save the world. It might not make sense now but it will when all is said and done. Trust me when I tell you that everything will be okay. Genuinely Dean, I had to let things go the same way they do in the show for the reason it actually saves us. It saves everyone. I know you told me to leave but I’m not going to. I believe in you boys and will be by your side whether you want me to or not. I still care about you. I love you Dean Winchester.

P.S code word is magical liopleurodons

Dean gets up and knocks on the door, all he says is the code word. Once the demon leaves he turns and punches the wall.

Crowley meets you back at the bar and recites what Sam said, and the codes.

“Sam says he believes you. Dean didn't say anything.”

“The codes?”

“Crowley is a.. Hoe. Magical liopleurodons.”

“Good job!”

“Are we done here?” His shoulders hang low, fists balled into his pockets.

“Not quite, have a drink.” You wave over the bartender and order the fruitiest drink you can, with an umbrella.

“You know Crowley, I actually find you hilarious.”

“That's what i’ve been trying to get these hooligans to see for years!”

“They just can’t give you that satisfaction.”

Once your drinks are finished you part. You would have liked to hang around him a bit longer but he is the King of Hell in this world, and is actually bad. So not the best idea to tell him about you. You decided to have a couple more drinks when a good looking guy comes up to you. He was no Dean, but attractive. You were drunk, and sad so you thought why not. You needed to release some steam and it's been quite a while. Dean is not going to be happy with you when he gets out, so that relationship is dead. Might as well enjoy yourself, Dean was a slut anyways.

The hookup was messy, not wanting to leave with a guy you just met, you decide on the bathroom. He has you up against the stall, since it had been a while and you are drunk, you finish fast, as does he. The feeling is euphoric, minus the fact you kept imagining it was Dean. When all is said and done you say goodbye and go to the car. Suddenly you start crying, full of guilt. This isn't who you are, you’ve never had a one night stand type of thing. Trying to justify it was fucked up but you did need it. The following days though consisted of the same thing, getting drunk and hooking up with a guy at the bar. It was a coping method, more a method of self destruction and self harm. The guilt of the boys being locked in a cell was eating you alive. The sex allowed you to forget about it for a moment, then feel it in full swing. Your daily routine was the same. Sleep until one, eat, check for cases, call Mary, go to the bar and drink, sex, leave to go back to the empty bunker as late as you could. Everynight you found yourself in Dean’s bed, sleeping in one of his shirts. Slowly you were deteriorating. However one morning when you called Mary about a case she told you she needed you to take care of it. It was a small nest of vamps and she knew you could handle it. Reluctantly you agreed. You packed up the impala and headed to Virginia.

The case was easy, you had Sam make you fake IDs a couple months back so you were able to get into the morgue, talk to the sheriff, and interview family and friends of the victims. You worked quickly and wrapped the case up within two days. The nest had five vamps, living in an old barn in the woods. They had kidnapped a sixteen year old girl after killing a forty year old man. You were able to save the girl and kill all the vamps. They were almost too easy to kill but you were fueled by so much rage that it was almost fun.

That night you went back to the motel to shower before going to a bar that was a walk away. Sitting at the bar you stir your drink just staring at the liquid in the glass. Dissociating is the easiest way to get through this period. You sense a guy standing next to you. He orders an old fashioned. Taking a deep breath you take the last of your drink like a shot. You turn your head to look at the man next to you. He’s tall, between the lines of lanky and muscular, and has a boy band type haircut. Looking at his clothes he wears a suit, mismatched socks, and dress shoes. When you look back up you see him looking at you smiling politely.

“Sorry.”

“No you're fine. My name's Spencer.”

“Y/n, I like to just observe people.”

“Me too. What’d you notice about me?”

“You wear mismatched socks but are wearing a suit, so not your normal attire. Clearly dorky, a compliment by the way, a star wars fan and..” looking back down to his socks, “doctor who.”

“Good job.” He smiles at you before taking a sip of his drink and pulling out a stool to join you.

“Thank you. So Spencer, what about me?”

“Honestly I can’t tell much about you but clearly you’re here trying to forget something…” intently he looks into your eyes, “ or someone.”

“Ha! Kinda both.”

“Tell me about it?”

“Hmm, why should I?”

“I’m a stranger? Tell me and I’ll share something with you?”

“Are you also trying to forget someone?”

“Kind of.”

“Okay. Deal.” You adjust in your seat, “I have a friend, Dean. Ever since I met him he’s been so back and forth with me. We are either best buds, laughing, and having a good time or we are screaming at each other. It's been so frustrating until this last case. We are PIs, I knew something about the case that I couldn’t tell him and when he found out he was so mad. I mean I’ve never heard him yell like that. But I couldn’t tell him. It was for the greater good whether he realizes it or not. It just sucks, he’s been so back and forth and now he’s… now he’s not talking to me.” “How long have you known him?”

You chuckle, “I’ve known him awhile but we became friends about six months ago.”

“Hmm.”

“Yeah.” you laugh again, “I don't really need advice, I know it’ll blow over but thanks for letting me vent.”

“You’re welcome.” Spencer smiles at you.

“So, tell me your story.” Spencer proceeds to tell you about how he’s in the FBI and he thought his friend died but they covered it up and she just came back. He tells you how angry he is about it because his boss and best friend lied to his face while he was grieving. It was around two in the morning, you had spent hours talking. You had long sobered up and enjoyed Spencer’s company. Spencer offers to walk you back to the motel and you accept the offer. At the motel you exchange numbers saying you’d call. Going to bed that night was easier, for the first time in six weeks you talked to someone genuine, it was nice. The next few days you and Spencer kept texting, sometimes calling. He went all over the country, as did you, but he is mostly in virginia. Every night before bed you text Spencer until you fall asleep. You meet up once for dinner, after you feel like a new person. Like who you were before coming to this world, before nursing school.

The day had finally come, Dean and Sam were dead. Not really, but it was their time to escape. You knew roughly when they’d be escaping so you had Cas and Mary meet you at the bunker and stay with you for a few days. Cas finally gets the call. You all rush to the car to meet them in Colorado. You are shaking as you get closer, excited to see them but nervous about the reactions. Cas and Mary insist on help which meant the Brits. You sit in the car as they talk. Your window is rolled down, they obviously ask about you. Cas and Mary give little explanation. The Brits lead the way down the roads towards the Rockies. Night is passing, Cas tells you and Mary to get some sleep. That was not happening. You both are anxious to see the boys. In the morning you can tell you’re close. In your lap was a change of clothes for the boys. As Cas drove down the road you kept your eyes peeled for Sam and Dean. It was still dark but early in the morning. You see them running out of the woods and yell for Cas to pull over, the Brits drive ahead a bit. Cas and Mary jump out of the car excited to see their family. Knowing Dean is mad at you, you decide to stand by the car. Still able to see the boys but not the first to greet them, you are the one who let them get arrested. Sam and Dean are excited to see their family, the reunion is heartfelt. When Sam pulls away from his mom he starts looking around when he spots you. Sam gives you a big smile and jogs over to you. He gives you a hug, so huge that he actually lifted you off the ground.

“Thank you for your letter!”

“Of course, I needed you to know what was going on! And I knew it had been awhile since you talked to someone.”

“Yeah, it definitely gave me hope.”

“What are you doing here?” The blood rushes from your face, Sam steps aside revealing Dean, who is rightfully pissed.

“I- I have a change of clothes for you.” Is all you can say.

“I thought I told you to leave.” Now Dean is inches away from your face.

“I can’t.”

“After the stunt you just pulled?” He puts his hands on the car, trapping you.

“I swear it’s for a good reason.” Even though he has you trapped and is trying to intimidate you, you hold eye contact and remain calm. However you jump when he hits the car right next to your head.

“Dean!” Sam grabs his brother to pull him off. Dean shrugs Sam’s hands off.

“No Sam! I'm done with her ‘good reason’ bullshit! If she’s on our side why is she not helping?”

“She is. Dean, we don't have time for this, we have to go.”

“Fine.”

#dean winchester #dean x reader #destiel #reader insert #sam and dean #spn #sam winchester #supernatural #the winchester brothers #supernatural y/n

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coconutcows · 2 years ago

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Hey Rebecca. I don't really know you and you don't know me. But please don't take your life. I don't know your situation. But I know what it feels like when everything seems pointless. But even if there really is no one around you right now who would miss you or it feels like there is no reason to keep going, that doesn't mean that can't change one day. Imagine the people you could meet in the future. The things you could see and experience. Don't take that possibility away from yourself. I can't tell you everything will work out. But I can tell you that doing it would take away the possibility of everything working out. You made it this far. You can keep going. I believe in you.

Hello!!! I’m sorry I’ve taken a bit to respond to this I’ve had a couple busy days and a few miserable days, but I really appreciate you sending this to me. I assume you saw my post, although idk how you did, but my issues just run really deep and I’m not sure what to do. I’m putting a bunch under the cut to not dash stretch.

I’ve been trying my best for years and nothing works out for me. That sounds like an exaggeration like people say when they just can’t see any positives but any time anything goes well for me something happens to screw everything up. I have some examples but if I listed those this would be a mile long. But basically my entire world has been swiftly destroyed in the past three months or so.

The thought of meeting new people and experiences is a nice one and I appreciate the positive attitude but the thought makes me feel sick. People tend not to like me much even if I do nothing to them, and experiences just seem to get more out of reach every day for multiple reasons. I don’t have many opportunities anyway, nor do I have the brainpower to plot a path of any kind.

I can’t hold a job because they all end up causing me immense mental distress and there’s no financial assistance that actually makes a difference here (just programs that give you what’s essentially pocket change towards bills and groceries while rushing you to find a job any job) and any job options are limited here to begin with. There’s very little hope for general financial improvement here anytime soon. I don’t think I have the talent or mental strength to try commissions.

Everything that made me look towards the future, that made me feel capable of anything is just gone now. I only have three friends and they get along just fine without me. They’d miss me if I was gone maybe but they’d get along just fine as well. I have my parents but they were a cause towards these issues back when I was a teen so i’ve already gotten over most of the guilt on that front. I know they’d be super upset but they wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.

If I go through with it I won’t exactly be taking my own life. I plan on waiting until MAID gets expanded to include mental illness since the lovely Canadian Government also thinks disabled and mentally ill people should just be able to choose to die instead of scraping by on their meager assistance. That way I can arrange for anyone who wants to spend time with me before I go to do so.

All I hear is that I need to take care of myself, love myself etc etc etc, but I honestly can’t remember ever even liking myself so how am I supposed to get to that point? Besides I lost all the progress I’d made towards that goal over the past five years. I just really don’t know what to do at this point tbh, I just want to give up.

Anyways, if you or anybody else read all this thanks. Thanks if you care, and thanks for the chance to vent. I’ll make a post in the future if I get some stuff cleared up in case anyone genuinely wants to know what happened. Or people can ask, I’ll answer if I’m comfortable or able to.

#Asks #Personal #Vent #I thought you could respond to an ask without publishing it? I guess not #or maybe not on mobile? idrk #anyways anyone is 100% allowed to ask me questions about this bs even if you’re just curious

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saeyoungchoismaid · 4 years ago

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Obey Me! boys playing Among Us

Genre: crack? Warnings: betrayal lmao A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts for so long

Lucifer:

Is always dark blue

Is a GOD at the game

Everyone is kinda confused by it cause ????

He’s literally an old man????

He’s just really good at lying

And killing people

He blames Mammon every time even if he saw someone kill or vent

If he ends up being imposter with Mammon, he’ll find out where Mammon is, kill near him, and vent away. Then when Mammon or someone else finds the body, everyone is sus of him

Will second (or third) imposter if Diavolo plays and is the imposter

Mammon:

Is always ‘gold,’ to which everyone yells at him that it’s yellow

Is always the first to get kicked off

He gets heated and always yells into the mic to blow out everyone’s eardrums

He doesn’t know how to do some of the tasks only because he never does them because he’s sick of being kicked off first every time

Once his brothers realize he’s not doing his tasks to spite them, they stop kicking him off first unless they have proof

Everyone likes killing him first when they can though

Levi:

He goes with orange

Is good at the game because duh he’s a gamer. He caught on quickly

He’s really bad at lying though so he usually just stays quiet and let’s his brothers yell at each other

He will almost second (or third) imposter for anyone, except for Mammon, because he likes having an alibi

Despite Mammon’s tantrums, he likes voting and killing him first

His go to sabotage move is turning off the lights because it’s the easiest way to kill someone and get away with it

Satan:

He usually goes with dark green or lime, depending on who’s playing with them

Another brother who is a little too good at the game

He’s perfect at lying. He’s quick at his tasks. He has amazing deduction skills. He’s really good at planning kills. The list goes on about what he’s good at

The only thing he’s not good at is being imposter with Lucifer. The first time he was imposter with him, he ratted them out and lost the game

Now, he just claims to have seen Lucifer do a bunch of things he never did

If you kill Lucifer in front of him, he won’t report you and will second (or third) imposter with you

Asmo:

Pink!!!!

Has no idea what he’s doing

If it’s not Mammon, Asmo is always the one who dies first

“Why is my name red?” “Why are the vents red now?” “Why can’t I do my task?” “Why does it say ‘sabotage’?”

He also always goes to fix things when they go off because “I can’t work in these conditions!” which leads him to be killed almost every time

Will never kill Solomon when the sorcerer decides to play. Asmo always does second (or third) imposter with him

Beel:

He likes being red

No one ever kills him nor do they ever vote him off, even if they know it’s him

He has no idea what he’s doing but he likes hanging out in the cafeteria because he hopes that his little space guy can get some grub

Everyone has to help him figure out how to do tasks

He always walks past and over dead bodies without realizing it

He likes following purple (Belphie) around

Belphie:

Always purple

Probably the best at the game

No one has ever caught him so far because he’s just that good at lying and killing

He always sticks by Beel and Beel will unknowingly be the honorary second/third imposter because he never reports Belphie’s victims (and doesn’t even know how to for a while)

When he and Lucifer or Satan are the imposters, oh, it’s over in just a few minutes. It’s the only time he gets along with Lucifer

Diavolo:

He is always black. When he plays, he likes to claim the color makes him “more mysterious” and “easier for him to hide in the shadows”

Barbatos is always with him, just like in real life. So, if someone kills Diavolo, Barbatos is tattling on their ugly rat self

Surprisingly though, if someone kills Barbatos, Diavolo won’t tattle, depending on who it is (read: if Lucifer, Beel, Luke, or Simeon kill Barbatos)

After he plays a couple games, he actually gets pretty good at it

He loves how everyone is bonding with each other!!!

Barbatos:

He only plays when Diavolo plays because Diavolo makes him

He doesn’t care what color he is so he’s either dark green, lime, or brown, depending on who’s playing

As I said before, he’s ALWAYS with Diavolo, which means they always second (or third) imposter for the other. Because of this, no one trusts them

If someone kills Diavolo in front of him, he will not hesitate to report. If the killer somehow gets away with it, he’ll remember it for when he’s imposter and will kill them first

If Barbatos gets killed, he will follow Diavolo around in ghost form

He likes the Polus map the best because it kinda reminds him of The Devildom

Solomon:

Is either brown, one of the greens, or white, depending on who’s playing. If Simeon isn’t playing though, he’s always white!!

He is quite clueless at first but quickly catches on

He’s quite the actor and can lie perfectly on the spot. It’s a little frightening

Asmo always follows him around but he’s a good alibi and he doesn’t tattle on the sorcerer when he’s the imposter

He discovers bugs and cheats to help him win but he doesn’t always use them because he likes the feeling of winning because he worked hard

Simeon:

Is always white!!

Just like Asmo, he’s a mess

“How come my name is red this time?” “Are you able to use the red vents for something?” “Why is there a diamond in the trash?”

He never kills, so his partner always has to do the work

If he does kill, one of two things happens

1. He kills, reports, and tells everyone it was him

2. If everyone starts complaining and even threaten not to invite him anymore, he gets serious. And I mean serious

Once the second option happens, there is no going back. He is ruthless and shows no mercy

Luke:

He is always cyan!! It’s such a pretty color ᵘʷᵘ

He is also a huge mess and doesn’t really like the game. He only plays when Simeon does

He never kills Simeon or Solomon. He only ever kills the demons lol

He acts so innocent and clueless every time, so he always wins

Mammon always tries convincing the others to vote Luke out but that always backfires and gets him voted out instead

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More with Obey Me!

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ct-multifandom · 3 years ago

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Miracuclass Amogus Cringe

I was going back and forth about making this post, but then I saw @charming-mage ‘s and I was like screw it we’re doing this. This ended up 10x longer than I thought it’d be.

Marinette (crewmate) - tries to organize everyone into a buddy system to corner the impostors, gets frustrated when people agree to her plan and then start running rogue. When discussions start she’s leading the conversation and asking the most questions. She greatly prefers crewmate over impostor because she likes the mystery solving element of discussions.

Marinette (impostor) - whenever she kills someone she goes, “ahhhh” out loud and panics while her avatar sprints away from the body. She likes coming up with convoluted plans, especially when she can communicate with her fellow imp(s), and tries to make it seem like she’s in two places at once wether it be through venting or falsified testimony.

Adrien (crewmate) - he has to unmute and ask how to do like every individual task to the point where he’s been voted out over it before because cmon, you’ve gotta be lying about it at this point, just piece it together and stop unmuting during task time. He makes puns and sings little improvised songs while tasking. When he suspects someone but they don’t get voted out, he offers to tail them at the cost of his own safety. Same with fixing sabotages late-game. To him, getting killed is just part of the game progression, and it’s not a big deal because he trusts his fellow crewmates to avenge him and doesn’t mind ghost-tasking.

Adrien (impostor) - okay maybe he lies about not knowing tasks sometimes. But it also took him a while to learn imp mechanics and he kept asking about them out loud like, “what’s the red square task on the floor? Why’s my name highlighted?” And somehow nobody noticed while his partner(s) were like nggggg Adrien no... At least he’s good at playing innocent/fake-detective-ing in discussions. Whenever he kills someone he makes some stupid one-liner about it out loud.

Alya (crewmate) - we got Sherlock Holmes over here. She overanalyzes every tiny detail and isn’t scared to sacrifice the sus for the greater cause. When she finishes tasks, she likes to hang out by security and snoop in case of the rare satisfaction of catching someone red-handed. If there’s an emergency meeting, it’s probably because she probably saw something. She supports Crewinette’s plans to corner the imps. She thinks tasks wins are boring and that it’s a lot more fun to win through voting correctly. If they task-win or lose she stops before the new game and asks who the imps were and for a recap of their actions.

Alya (impostor) - a force to be reckoned with. She’ll wait for the perfect moment to strike someone, and then cover her tracks, join a group and win herself a strong alibi anyways. Her reputation as a ruthless detective protects her, even when the game is set to show that the ejected person was innocent. She always chooses someone to kill and someone to blame for it, but sometimes she gets carried away and they vote her off for pointing too many fingers.

Nino (crewmate) - he’s just tasking, man. If he gets killed he’s like, “oh mf” and just keeps ghost-tasking. He mostly hangs out during the discussions unless he has something solid to say, only jumping in at the end to confirm, “so we’re voting for _?”. He leads his own little crewmate squad around when he finishes tasks to protect them while they finish theirs.

Nino (impostor) - mostly plays off the strategy of his partner(s). He likes playing the protective team-player type “innocent diversion” role while the partner(s) get to killing, so when discussions start he’s totally in the clear, which gives him an opening to dodge suspicion in the future if he needs to take over killing. He pretends to fix sabotages all the time because people rely on him to do that as a crewmate.

Max (crewmate) - freakishly good at the card scanning task. People always ask for his secret and he’s like? It’s so easy? He has every map memorized to a t so he can point out the contradictions in people’s stories like an ace attorney character. It’s surprisingly really helpful. He’s the opposite of Alya in that he’s a big supporter of the “guys, stop voting off random innocent people, we have like five tasks left. Whoever hasn’t done them, just finish them” strategy.

Max (impostor) - he tries his best to protect his partner(s) in the discussion while laying low himself, and sometimes he gets voted out for it, but if he senses that there’s nothing he can do, he’ll throw them even further under the bus to build credit for himself. He doesn’t like sacrificing innocents as a crewmate, so his defenses are only sus when he’s caught being wrong. He sabotages a lot to control people’s movements and vents liberally unless he committed to a tasking group. That being said, he can go whole rounds without killing out of caution.

Kim (crewmate) - he’s the guy who calls emergency meetings early into the game only to say, “I miss you guys :)” He gets voted out all the time for doing troll-y crap and ignoring Crewinette’s plans. He’s also severely confused by some of the tasks and game mechanics, but fakes it till he makes it, until the discussion where he rarely says anything valuable and just jokes around. Sometimes, though, he’ll offer a tiny offhand detail and everyone’s like Kim, I hate to say it, but you’re a genius or that’s the piece we’ve been missing! And he’s like haha ok. He’s always behind on tasks, sometimes out of laziness, sometimes out of confusion, but he’s one of the people Max is impatiently waiting on.

Kim (impostor) - he gets caught in the act a lot and it’s hilarious, but other times he gets away with everything the entire time, which is kinda scary. He’s weirdly good at introducing so much confusion and derailment to discussions that everyone gets totally lost and doesn’t know what’s going on, allowing him to survive when they could’ve easily figured him out. Unlike Max, he knows literally nothing about the maps and always says he was at the “slidey thing” or whatever and everyone’s like idk wtf the slidey thing is, and if this were anyone else they’d be gone immediately, but it’s Kim so he might actually be telling the truth. He refuses to learn the names of anything because this really helps him out.

Alix (crewmate) - always trying to convince her friends to experiment with ridiculous game settings. Occasionally, she gets to them, and they get games with comically unbalanced imp:crew ratios, awful lighting, an overwhelming load or lack of tasks, or hilariously low cool downs. She revels in the chaos. When she tasks she usually moves from place to place alone but tries to hop in with groups to confirm her movements. She’s pretty good at sussing imps out when they offer enough information, but otherwise she just makes goofy comments with Kim.

Alix (impostor) - not too worried about killing people and venting. She moves fast and dashes from place to place, joining a group on the opposite side of the map from her last body. If anyone says, “I saw someone vent but I didn’t see who” it was probably her. She likes the “stand in a clump and watch the chaos ensue when one person drops” technique as well as the gambling “hope that the UI for the task everyone’s doing covers your killing and venting” strat. Sometimes she’s forced to vent to a dead end and gets caught, and sometimes the big brain detectives catch her, but she’s usually pretty smooth.

Rose (crewmate) - a big fan of hide and seek mode. She likes grouping up for tasks, protecting each other at the cost of efficiency. During discussions, she has a hard time believing anyone’s the impostor, and everyone’s like, Rose, we know there are exactly three of them, you can’t defend every individual person. Whenever she gets killed she is like *gasp* et tu, Brute? No matter who it was.

Rose (impostor) - runs around with her squad when... oops... looks like something got sabotaged! Uh oh, wonder who could’ve done that? She’s in a battle against that task bar more so than the players, and tries to stay away from killing. She emulates crewmate behavior perfectly so no one ever suspects her until really late. If she’s the only imp left and she has to kill, it’s like an Agatha Christie locked room mystery level of drama and betrayal within her squad. But we were all together the whole time... omfg no way... it was one of us.

Juleka (crewmate) - she secretly prefers when everyone tasks alone, but goes with the squad for Rose. She only talks in discussions if she’s 100% sure about something, and she often incomprehensibly mumbles vital evidence. ~10 minutes later when they catch the imp she’s like iItoldyouso and the crew’s like ??? If she gets killed and her tasks are done, she haunts that impostor relentlessly. Sometimes she even organizes ghost brigades in ghost chat and gets everyone to follow them.

Juleka (impostor) - definitely gets a kick out of the kill button. Whenever she takes someone down she’s like heeheehee. If she was peer pressured into a task team again, she’ll anxiously try to slip away unnoticed for a second to catch someone in the hallway outside, but if she’s alone, she’s on a hunt. Nobody is safe. When she defends herself on voice chat she also mumbles incomprehensibly and everyone’s like sure, fair enough.

Mylene (crewmate) - seasoned task group leader. She also sings little task songs like Adrien. She tries to organize people into chatting regular status updates so they can tell if someone goes missing. She reports every body she finds and actively participates in the discussion, but whenever she makes good points, she gets overlooked. Then, the crew’s like Mylene, why didn’t you say anything sooner? And she’s like agjdjdhh Either that or she gets voted off for always reporting and being too eager to discuss on top of it.

Mylene (impostor) - gets her partner(s) inside her team and tries to tag-team anyone passing by, only for all the impostors to have alibis when she reports. If the ratio is right, they can destroy their own group, and then immediately point the finger at whoever is left, which works about half the time. Mylene is a pretty convincing actress, but the high IQ tricks only work a couple times.

Ivan (crewmate) - he’ll take one for the team if he has to, especially in those sabotage cases where you’d have to be isolated and vulnerable. Otherwise he’ll protect his group. He has an “innocent until proven guilty” attitude when he runs into other people on the map, and skips during a lot of the votes.

Ivan (impostor) - we all know he can’t lie to save his life. He usually gets voted out really fast if he kills someone because he gets nervous and starts saying contradictory things when questioned. That being said, he’ll do what he can to keep his partner(s) in the clear. He never vents because the risk is too high for him, instead just running around and saying, “sorry” out loud when he catches a victim.

Nathaniel (crewmate) - he’s the opposite of Adrien in that he’ll do anything to avoid getting killed. He runs around tasking on his own, but he’s usually behind because he’s so focused on avoiding everyone, to Max’s frustration. He also never reports bodies. This causes him to be sus at all times, so he gets voted out a lot. Wild Nath sightings are rare and terrifying because he’s never in the clear and he’s just standing there, menacingly. Imp!Alix sees him as a fun combo of Where’s Waldo and Assassin.

Nathaniel (impostor) - the millisecond that cool down timer runs out, someone is getting killed. Hit and run. He’s good at entering a fairly crowded large space, striking, and staying in everyone’s blind spots while he runs away, especially when the lights are out. He likes venting to isolated areas and killing as many people per round as he can, laughing when someone finally reports and everyone unmutes to go WHAT!? at the number of deaths. He tends to operate separately from his partner(s) unless they have an actual plan.

Chloe (crewmate) - gathers every single person in medbay and makes sure they all watch her scan. Yeah okay, we get, you’re a crewmate. She feels personally offended whenever someone kills her, which is often, since people tend to jokingly target her. During discussions, she accuses anyone and everyone of being sus, even if she just walked past them or saw them tasking alone. She likes stalking people as a ghost and spilling tea in ghost chat.

Chloe (impostor) - reacts similarly to Marinette when she kills. She will throw her partner(s) under the bus if it’s more advantageous in the long run, and she’s great at shifting the blame to innocents. People vote her out a lot anyways, and she says she can’t believe that they even like this stupid little game. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Unless she wins. Then it’s fun.

Sabrina (crewmate) - discussion detective supreme. She keeps track of every piece of evidence and testimony, every detail. She tails the sus at a distance, trying to catch them doing something. Sometimes it gets her targeted, but sometimes she catches them and calls emergency meetings to snitch. Somehow she manages to do this and finish her tasks at the same time.

Sabrina (impostor) - sabotages everything, and tries to get her partner(s) to do it too. Once she won because the crew just didn’t fix O2 in time. She avoids killing Chloe, but feels bad if she has to kill anyone else too. She typically just sticks to making other people seem suspicious, and likes the game mode where you can’t see if you voted correctly or not.

Lila (both) - she rarely joins these games. She isn’t even a member of the chat group they use. They occasionally invite her, and she usually lies about how busy she is, but she accepted a couple times to further her narrative. She pretends to be really bad at being an impostor to establish herself as someone incapable of trickery. Regardless of her role, whenever the body announcement pops up, she goes, “oh nooo, not [victim(s)]... nooo....” and Mari’s like stfu Lila.

Bonus Polaroid kids because,,, they <3

Kagami (crewmate) - hella efficient at tasks. Two discussions in and she’s done. She’s the interrogation specialist who stresses out the imps and crew alike with her barrage of questions. She likes moving either alone or in partners, three people maximum, unless Crewinette needs her, in which case she’ll stick to the plan no matter what.

Kagami (impostor) - you’re walking through the base / there’s no one around and comms are down / out of the corner of your eye you spot her / Kagami Tsurugi. She will have you cornered and you won’t be able to do anything about it. She always has a made up explanation for what she was doing, but sometimes it falls through solely because she’s always acting sus.

Luka (crewmate) - he likes crewmate a lot more than impostor. He’ll tag along with a task group until he’s done, and then he’ll go lurk in the corner and spy on people. He moves along the walls, and a few times this has led to him witnessing murders in the middle of the room while the imp only saw him after it was too late. Cue the mad dash for emergency meeting.

Luka (impostor) - works together with his partner(s) to perform some high level backstabbery. He rarely gets voted out unless he messes up because he builds bonds of trust with like half of the crew while he leads the rest into his partner(s)’ traps. He feels bad about killing sometimes, but he doesn’t mind sabotaging.

Zoe (crewmate) - she finds one or two other people she trusts and follows them around. She uses the logic of “well we could’ve both killed each other by now but we didn’t so they must be safe”. She immediately recounts everything that happened to her that round in discussions, even irrelevant details, just in case they might end up useful, and tends to bandwagon with voting.

Zoe (impostor) - tries to catch people in secluded corners or rooms with closable doors to kill them. She avoids taking risks, but sometimes she reports her own bodies and tries to act all surprised by the discovery. She’s a good actress, but she’s not the best bs artist, although the crew is used to her giving a ton of details right from the start, so they don’t suspect her unless there’s a hole in her story.

Marc (crewmate) - does tasks on his own but makes sure to stop near crowds when he can. Whenever he’s running around alone and sees someone else, he immediately turns around like ohmygodohmygod and anxiously dances around the other person who’s more than likely just another, equally anxious crewmate with places to be. He still gets killed a lot.

Marc (impostor) - he goes full anime villain mode. All according to keikaku. He’s one of those people who disproportionately rolls the impostor role and ends up with it like twice every five games. He plans out every move he’s gonna make, every complex lie and big brain play, and sometimes he gets that glorious evil win, but sometimes his plans are totally sabotaged by stupid things like Kim’s trolling.

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jinxedpanda4life · 4 years ago

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DamiRae Hospital AU?

No I am not writing one, if I could write well I would though! So here are some HCs for a hospital AU. If someone decides to write this then I’ll be your first reader. Also I am sort of basing things off of Grey’s Anatomy just a bit and my limited knowledge of the medical field.

- Starts of as 1st year residents, specialties may vary

- The “Titans” are residents and 1st years that show great promise, this doesn’t really play a role its just what people call them behind their backs

- Dr. Kori Anders is a OBGYN (women parts and birth) resident, a year or two away from finishing

- Dr. Richard “Dick” Grayson is is a surgery resident, trained by the hospital owner Bruce Wayne (who is a world renowned surgeon, has awards, etc), specifically general surgery

- Dr. Garfield Logan is pediatrician (kid doctor) res, bonds well with kids, but is considering going back to school to become a vet instead

- Dr. Jaime Reyes is an oncology (cancer doctor), having had cancer as a teen and is now forever trying to rid the world of it, works mostly with kids and teens

- Dr. Jonathan Kent is a physical therapist that works with pain management. Up beat guy and is always trying to brighten his patient’s lives.

- Dr. Damian Wayne is a surgical intern, blood thirsty little thing, hoping to become a neurosurgeon (brain, spine) (or cardiothoracic (heart, lungs) both are competitive)

- Dr. Raven Roth is an anesthesiologist (the drug person that knocks you out) and is starting her surgical internship (she wanted to do more than just help people get high essentially or whatever) has no current preference for any specific surgical field

- Add in characters:

-- Dr. Jason Todd, trauma surgeon (fits too well)

-- Dr. Timothy Drake diagnostician (medical detective basically)

-- Dr. Donna Troy gynecologist

-- Terra Markov is a nurse (i don’t like Terra but nurses are the actual best)

- Story stuff:

- Damian and Raven meet as they are put under the guidance of the same resident

-Damian has an automatic dislike for Raven because she knows everyone already and is equally, if not much more, knowledgable about surgery, the OR, the ER, protocol, etc He also thinks she is cold because she rarely shows emotion (pot kettle Damian)

- Raven can always be found in the medical archives researching old cases and studying new ones, Damian stumbles upon her when looking for an old cardiomegaly case (enlarged heart).

- Raven gets along with all of the past ‘Robins’ making her a go to intern

- Garfield can be seen whenever he is not needed trying to flirt with Nurse Markov and often goes to Raven to sulk

- Damian and Raven are always early to pre-rounds and are typically the first ones there (usually early in the morning, getting there before 500)

- Jon bumps into Damian more often than not and they start becoming friends (Damian is reluctant at first and is still you know Damian about everything), Damian even recommends patients to him

- Though Damian doesn’t want to really ‘hang out’ with anyone he reluctantly hangs out with the Titans, because of Jon and Dick

- When in a large group when at a bar, club or whatever Damian tends to stay close to Raven because 1) they actually have things to talk about 2) she isn’t loud

- Raven & Damian are both assigned to a case that is frankly befuddling and have to start spending long nights and early mornings together to figure it out

- Over that period of time they learn things about each other:

-- Raven learns:

Damian has a dog (Titus) and cat (Alfred)

He is single (Kori told her) and lives in an apartment close to the hospital

He has lived in various countries

He is trained in multiple martial arts

He prefers his tea with brown sugar and a slice of lemon

His eyes are a true emerald color with a ring of gold and flecks scattered within

He may hide it well but when Raven compliments him he becomes flustered

He speaks to himself in Arabic when he curses, trying to remember something, doesn’t want anyone to know what he is saying

He isn’t always an asshole

When he actually smiles a true and genuine smile, she has heart palpitations

-- Damian learns:

Raven has two tattoos (neither are a bird), a gang tat (she is saving up to get it removed), and a mantra in Azarathian; Azarath Metrion Zinthos

She immigrated from Azarath when she was around 8

Her notes are in Azarathian

She actually feels a lot of emotion and knows how to control them

If she is not reading about a current or past case she is reading any book or file she can get her hands on, he has caught her reading in multiple different languages; Azarathian, English, French, Russian, Arabic, Dutch, Mandarin, (could be more or less)

She lives alone and has a cat, Nevermore, and thanks to Dick he already knew she was single

She likes all tea, no matter how prepared, but prefers the sweetener to be honey

Her hair is black but shines purple, especially under the ER lights

Her eyes are a purple that at first glance look blue, like Elizabeth Taylor, he realizes though her eyes are galaxies on their own

When she smiles the world actually stops moving, her eyes shine like stars and he never wants the world to start moving again

She always wears a necklace with a gold and ruby ring at all times (it was her mother’s wedding ring)

- When Damian starts having le feelings for Raven he considers actually seeking medical advice as this has never happened to him before

- Raven tries her best to contain her feelings when at work, going so far as one day a month staying home just to scream, cry and feel her feelings

- It does not help that new feelings towards Damian start popping up, especially since he starts bringing her tea and hanging out with her at work

- During the middle of their 2nd year of residency someone holds Raven hostage in the hospital to fix someone that person loves (this person had connections to Trigon and knew who Raven was)

- That was not a fun time for either Damian or Raven; Damian was outside the hospital pacing trying to figure something out with the other Titans trying to calm themselves and him down

- Shots are fired and when all is said and done, Raven gets shot in the abdomen and the hand (she was in ICU for a hot sec)

- Damian seemed to be there every time Raven woke up, he was always checking on her during rounds even though he wasn’t on her case

- Raven did have to have surgery on her hand and in her abdomen (idk where i’m not getting that specific), she hated being, in her words, coddled

- Even though Raven was right handed (the one that got shot) she learned how to do everything, writing, eating, going to the bathroom, etc. (many of the other residents are impressed since she keeps working on it after her other hand heals)

- Raven’s room also becomes a space for other residents to destress and just vent about their day. She listens and gives advice, all without looking up from whatever she was doing.

- During this time Raven becomes hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus

- Raven’s room is also full of cards, flowers, etc all from fellow staff and some from patients. When she leaves (she spends a couple weeks in thanks to multiple surgeries, recovery, and other minor injuries) all of the gifts litter her apartment, the cards end up in a box by her desk, she presses the flowers, and stuffed animals are donated to children’s shelter (she keeps some that she has grown attached to)

- During this time Damian is more of an ass than usual (people notice and tease him)

- Damian at some points keeps working without breaks/sleep for hours on end. Dick pulls him aside after noticing, scolds and forces him to sleep in one of the on call rooms. (He really wanted him to go home, but Damian wasn’t leaving)

- Once Raven was discharged Damian and Garfield help her back home (clothes + gifts + Raven w/a healing hand/other injuries = need help) the other Titans would have helped but were needed at the hospital

- Garfield leaves after dropping off Raven and Damian (and her stuff) as he is called in on a Peds case (could be fake, may not be) and Raven & Damian spend the rest of the time basically watching terrible movies. (with Nevermore sitting on both of them)

- That is the night Damian realizes that not only does he like Raven, but he like likes her. He starts devising plans on how to get her to date him.

- All his plans basically are thrown out the window because of one reason or another (he kept overthinking it)(poor guy)

- It is not until their 3rd year of residency that Raven realizes her feelings towards Damian (Have I made it clear she likes him? I can’t remember...)

- She realizes her feelings when she has to crash at his place for a night (because he lives ridiculously close to the hospital, like how expensive is that??) and he tries to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible

- She never realized how much he cared for her? Like she was always helping him out and there for him but she never realized he reciprocated that care? *Shocker*

- Raven becomes kind of a mess because of all her emotions that she is trying to bottle up. (all the corks are disintegrating and the jar is overflowing)

- Raven is during her Ortho rotation (bone surgeon people, they are cool, ik from experience) that she actually gets a good release for her emotions (setting peoples bones and drilling and hammering in pins is actually therapeutic)

- Raven thinks that may be the specialty she chooses

- Damian saw her as a mess and could not fathom why she was said mess, he figured it was about a romantic interest after someone made an offhand comment about her love life and she became a blubbering mess (very un-Raven like)

- After all of well *motions with hands* that Raven asks why Damian doesn’t have a s/o or someone

- He says there is only person that he has been meaning to ask out (looks pointedly at Raven)

- All Raven says is “Go for it.”

And that is where my HCs end. Now if anyone who happens upon this post decides to write a Medical AU with any of these please tag me, tell me, message me.

You do not have to give me credit, I just want to read it.

This took me a couple of days to write up, so if it is disjointed I apologize.

If anything needs to be corrected for any reason let me know!

I hope this fuels some imaginations!

-I may post more HC AU things if they come to mind, we will have to see.

#damirae #damian x raven #demonbirds #teen titans #raven #damian wayne #rachel roth #headcanon #medical au #au

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incorrectlumityquotes · 4 years ago

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FULL REVIEWS: “Lost In Language”

Lost in language and I don't know much. Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch? But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted.

Seriously? Nothing? You guys have never heard Air Supply? I mean, they’re old AF but still. It’s a funny pun. Whatever.

Back in the day (like it was so long ago) I didn’t know what to expect from this episode. The only thing I caught from the description was library, but hoo boy, we got so much more!

I love the cold opens to this show. It always reminds me that Luz is a silly ass hyper fangirl who still wants life to play out like it does on TV.

“Learning about love and life through the eyes of a child.”

Spoken like a true person who have never done any actual babysitting. The Bat Queen gets her own soft intro for another episode, which I’m noticing more and more re-watching this show. She pays Eda to watch her baby in exchange for a butt-ton of money. Eda, in classic Eda fashion, would rather not split the cash with Luz and gives her an errand to run so she doesn’t have to do it.

I don’t know about you guys, but liked going to the library when I was a kid. It was the only way I could play computer games or go on the internet. Getting online is the easiest thing in the world today, but when I was a kid, it was a luxury my parents couldn’t afford. And dumb-dumb kid me didn’t know that you can borrow movies and comic for free at the library too. That’s how I saw Jaws for the first time.

The library at The Boiling Isles is almost exactly what I expected. Kinda like the Hogwarts library, but with a lot more teeth and eyes everywhere. Luz has a bunch of fun just messing around, until she stumbles upon the cutest goddamn thing ever!

Amity reading to kids at the public library in her free time. My god.

I’m with Luz here. Holy hell, I did not see that coming. I thought Amity was the rival character, the Draco Malfoy of the show, the reluctant ally, the jerk with the heart of gold DEEP in there somewhere. Instead she’s at the Kid’s Corner reading her favorite childhood classic to toddlers. I didn’t know there were angels in the demon realm.

Stop. Stop! You’re already cute.

Seriously this moment made me go “aw” and laugh at the same time. It was weird. Also how does this library have a manga section? Do they import these books from JAPAN in the HUMAN REALM? Is there a publishing company that acts as the middleman? Or are these just the books that the trash slugs ended up barfing on the beach somewhere? I’m thinking too hard about a throwaway joke in the background. Big brain hurt.

AND back to reality...

Luz tries to extend the hand of friendship to Amity and Amity rejects it. I have...thoughts.

First, they this up with another parallel to Azura in the beginning of the episode. I get it. It’s a theme that they are doing, but I would have rather have Luz try to befriend Amity because she wants to, not because Azura did it. It’s not the only reason she does it, but it does kinda bug me a bit. It kinda goes back to Luz wanting life to play out like a story.

Also, a part of me thinks that this is something Amity likes to do alone. Her way of getting away from everyone else and just do something that she enjoys and makes her feel good. We have no proof that it gives her extra credit, so she could just use that as a way to save face. She seemed so happy to do it too.

Finally, you know what this else this reminds me of? The Karate Kid and Cobra Kai. There��s a popular fan theory that has been around since the eighties that if you look at The Karate Kid from the rival’s perspective, the protagonist is the bully. I’m more than sure that’s what going on here. From Amity’s perspective, Luz just gets her into trouble. We’ll get more into that later.

Luz walks off dejected and we get the second big surprise to punch me in the face.

Holy hell, why the fuck are you two so goddamn fucking pretty? I mean, holy shit, look at these two. My god. And ERICA LINDBECK as Emira? Jesus Christ, I’m going to be feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling in places I can’t say!

Joking aside, we get one of our first full introductions that didn’t come with a soft intro from a previous episode. Enter Emira and Emira, Amity’s older siblings who in true sibling fashion like to give Amity a hard time.

“Hey, mittens!”

This seems normal at first. Siblings always rib each other. No big deal.

Amity storms off. The twins introduce themselves proper to Luz (and the audience) and they mess around for a bit.

In fact, they have so much fun messing around with Luz that they decide to invite her back afterhours to check out The Wailing Star. Luz thinks that this is a great way to get on Amity’s good side by befriending her siblings. Why she would think this I have no idea.

Meanwhile the B-plot continues its adventures in babysitting. I don’t like using the word filler (so I won’t) but this B-plot is really just for two things: setting up Escape of the Palisman and jokes. It does both. No harm, no foul.

Also the twins said for Luz to meet back at midnight and Luz was at The Owl House for like a hot second. There’s like a huge gap of time there. What did she do until midnight? Whatever. If it was important it would have been animated.

Also also, I love all of Luz’s little saying in this episode. She does it a lot but they cranked it up in this episode. Featuring great hits like:

“This sour lemon drop has a hidden sweet center.”

and

“I thought we were as cool as cucumbers but we’re as sour as pickles.”

and my favorite

“Call me a library book because they were checking me out.”

I hope they keep doing that.

Back at the literal Wailing Star (I laughed so hard), The twins and Luz discover that The Wailing Star brings the content of the books to life. Does that work for all books in The Boiling Isles or just the library? Enough. No more big brain. The three proceed to...mess around some more.

The twins discover offscreen (Really? Really.) that if you edit the contents of the book, you change what comes to life. Then the twins reveal their true objectives. Apparently, Amity has been tattling on the twins whenever they cut class or do whatever it is that they want. They’ve decided to look for her secret little hideaway (that they somehow know is in the library), find her diary and post all the pages all over school to teach her a lesson.

Um, fucking no.

And here we enter the true lesson of this episode and probably the reason why Hecate is draw with two faces. People being more than just what they appear to be at face value.

Amity appears to be the bully character of the show, and while she did bully Willow, Luz and King, there’s more to her than that. Amity is lonely. As a fellow person who grew up lonely, trust me. I can tell from a mile away. She puts pressure on herself to be the best at whatever she’s doing and to be the best. She hates that she follows the rules but people like her siblings seem to get rewarded for breaking the rules and doing whatever they want free of consequence. She sees the double standard that they live by and it angers her. But at the same time, everyone seems to give the twins a free pass so she can’t do anything about it.

Even worse, there’s no one for her to confide in. It wouldn’t make it better but it would make it easier for her to just vent and get the bullshit out of her brain. She doesn’t like her friends and the one friend she did like...that’s for another episode. Hence, the diary. Amity is a big ball of frustration and loneliness. I know because I grew up in a very similar way.

When you’re forced to keep your anger inside you, you lash out at any little thing that bothers you just to ease your frustrations. It doesn’t make it okay but it’s the only way to cope sometimes just to get by.

The twins on the other hand seem like everything you’d want in a friend. They’re fun; they like you; they’re attractive; they’re attentive. But in reality, they live in a world where they believe consequences and accountability don’t apply to them. And they’ll do anything to keep it that way. Even humiliate their sister.

Luz seems like a happy-go-lucky, friends to all things kinda person, but she can also be innocently insensitive. She just does things hoping they turn out the way they would for Azura without considering how the people around her would feel about it.

It doesn’t make any of these characters two-faced. We just are different things to different people.

Amity discovers what’s going down and Luz (being the empathic person that she is) decide to try to go talk to her.

Then I’m reminded that this is a horror-comedy.

My god, you’re ugly.

One climax later (don’t laugh), and Luz and Amity try to make amends with each other. They both have to think about how they’ve been treating the other, earning the title of bully or not. They’re not friends yet but this is...better.

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it.

Damn, The Owl House is one a roll. That’s what? Three 5 scored episodes already? Hot damn. This episode was fun but it really hit hard with the character work on Amity. She quickly became one of the most interesting characters and a fan favorite. And the third act provided a good amount of horror to call this a horror comedy. The B-plot is fine but probably one of the weakest only saved by several funny jokes. This is one of those episodes I kept coming back to and a favorite to watch.

Could you two please not? I’m gonna get in trouble.

#the owl house #my works #full review #full reviews

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handonhaven · 3 years ago

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So I just saw this post that made me mad but also made me laugh all at once. The post pretty much said that Handon is the most hated ship in the fandom and that even actress Danielle Rose Russel hates Handon and called them dragged out. That Handon only purpose was the bring Hope out of shell. And that Handon is a mother son relationship. It just goes on like that(and you can tell a H*ise made that post). It just made me laugh because 1 Danielle never said she hates Handon, I think she's one of the biggest handon shippers I've seen. I've seen so many people say at the beginning she was, but she still is now. 2 she never called Handon dragged. People are really still twisting around that interview she did back in March. When she talked about Handon she said she was really excited about where Handon is going. And that part where she said "dragged out to get to this point" she wasn't talking about handon(it was a while after she stopped talking about handon when she said that) and even though she didn't state what she meant by that she could have been talking about anything, the malilandon plot, Hope finally putting herself first. But I guess antis decided to forget about the part where she said she was really excited about where Handon is going. And when they heard dragged out just decided that Danielle was talking about Handon even though she wasn't.

Also that part about the only purpose for Handon was to bring Hope out of shell is just not a very good argument or even true. Because if that was the case handon would have been over after s1, they wouldn't have kept them together. Even Brett said in an interview back in June that Landon is one of the, if not the most important person in Hopes life. Whenever I see people say stuff like that I'm truly convinced that they're watching a completely different show.

And let's be honest the only mother/child relationship on the show is between Hope and that school. They go to her with every little problem they have. They expect her to put the school and them over herself all the time(just like a mother would for their child). And then when she does put herself first for once they act like she's betrayed them.

P.s sorry to vent/rant like this. It's just whenever I see stuff like that I get a little upset. And not because they took the time to twist around and make up stuff. It's that they tag Handon in it, so we can see it, probably thinking it's some type of win for them(kind of like how they think the new staff writer is gonna give them a win, but that's a whole other thing that I don't want to get into right now). I can get not liking a ship and wanting your ship to happen and I know ship wars are a thing no matter fandom your on. But can they just stay off our tags. Because it honestly feels like they're more obsessed with Handon than we are.

I’m not even surprised, sounds like the same old stuff. Yeah, Danielle has never expressed that she hates Handon, quite the opposite. Ikr, she still likes Handon, why else would she have suggested Hope sing a love song to Landon if she only liked Handon in the beginning? If she hates Handon so much now, why did she say in that March interview how excited she was about Handon this last season and how big a part Landon has played in Hope’s character arc and how much she’s enjoyed playing how that has impacted Hope? In a season where Hope’s love for Landon was solidified more than ever, and she fought for him all season long? Do they honestly think that if she hated Handon that she would’ve been acting that happy and excited in that interview, and voluntarily bringing up Handon throughout the interview without being asked?

And yes, she never said Handon’s relationship in general was dragged out. They really do twist everything and completely ignore the last part of her sentence where she said she thought “it was a bit dragged out to get to this point.” And now that we know there was no Handon breakup, we know she didn’t mean she thought it was dragged out to get to the point of them breaking up, so why are people still holding onto that? And she actually was talking about Handon when she said that, I went back to rewatch that bit to make sure and she was responding to a question about Handon. But I don’t see that as anything negative about Handon at all, because if Danielle thought things were dragged out to get to this point for Handon’s relationship, what point did Handon get to? Yes, they’ve been in a horrible situation all this time and have been apart when they haven’t wanted to be, and they have a lot more crap to deal with, but Hope’s love for Landon is as strong as ever and she’s determined to fight fate to be with him. So how does this help the antis? But like you said, Danielle didn’t say what exactly she meant. She said it was a “long time coming between the characters,” so she could’ve been referring to Malilandon, or Hope and Landon coming to terms with their fate and fighting that, or yeah, she could’ve meant Hope putting herself first and fighting for her happiness with Landon when she struggled with that in the first two seasons. Which was dragged out imo, it took a while for Hope to get this point where she believes that she and Landon can be together and be happy, and that they don’t have to be doomed. And it’s taken a while to get the point where they’re really facing Malivore as well, so Danielle could’ve been referring to any of these things. But however I look at it, I don’t see how it means anything bad about Handon when you consider the context of how she said “dragged out” as well as what happened with Handon this last season. But yep, people will pick and choose what they want to hear and what they want it to mean, while ignoring all the positive things Danielle said about Handon.

And yeah, if people think the purpose of Handon was only to get Hope “out of her shell”, they’re really just not watching the show. Hope and Landon’s relationship has done so much more than that, it’s helped both Hope and Landon grow and develop as characters in so many ways. And if I went into all of those ways, this post would become even longer, I could write a whole other post about it. But it’s crazy how people totally miss so much of what goes on in the show. And true, Handon wouldn’t have lasted if that was their only purpose, and Brett certainly wouldn’t have said that about them either.

My gosh, not the “mother/son” thing... yeah, when it comes to Hope protecting others like a mother would, yes to all you said, you’re right. Once again, people pay no attention to the fact that Hope protects and saves everyone at the school all the time and how dependent they are on her, how they expect her to do everything for them. Meanwhile, Landon actually tries, he doesn’t expect Hope to do everything on her own and doesn’t want her to either. He has continuously done whatever he can to help Hope and is always trying to be better. Hope and Landon are a team, and that has been stated on the show, Hope literally called them a power couple. Yet those people really keep comparing their relationship, a romantic relationship, to a mother/son relationship? I can’t...

And I get that, it’s definitely so annoying how they’ll tag Handon in their stuff, it can make it almost impossible to avoid hate sometimes. Yeah, it seems they do just wanna take what they think is a win and rub it in Handon fans’ faces. Exactly, the least they could do is stay out of the tags. It makes it so obvious what they’re trying to do when they don’t. Haha yeah, it really does seem like they’re more obsessed with Handon than Handon fans sometimes with the amount of time they spend hating on them. It’s pretty sad.

#answered #handon #danielle rose russell

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iwritemush · 3 years ago

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Hey I hope I’m not bothering you but I saw the match up thing so

I’m a girl of average tallness, redish brown hair normally in a bun or ponytail. My favorite colors are green, blue and yellow

I like to draw and I want to be an animator. I can play the clarinet. However I have dyslexia, ADHD, and anxiety. Im also a sailing instructor and live near lots of water.

Also I would like to say that I’m apparently so quite that people don’t tend to notice me or I I have to repeat things multiple times

Ummmmm so I hope you have a good day and bye-

First of all- We seem very similar, you sound like a cooler version of me and I love that for you.

Second- your not bothering me :)

But I’ll get onto the actual post here,,

Now who’s your Match up,,,,,,,

Bulky bulky bulkhead

If I find out that anyone other then whoever asks uses this images you will be banned bc this is only for whoever ask

May be a giant wrecker on the outside but is really just a flower

Probably doesn’t know much about art, but absolutely LOVES your art

I imagine if you like drawing sceneries he might take you on a ride to a cool place for inspo, and if your more into character design maybe take you to other places (like different towns, states, places where people do things)

Is amazed with all your art, just surprised someone can make that! Probably been a LONG time since he’s stopped to look at art and whenever the last time was, might be a blurry memory due to how long the war had been going on.

I’m begging you to draw him a picture

Mr gentle giant always double checking on you if you got anxiety, just wants to make sure your okay

After a while of learning about one another will probably figure out some coping mechanisms for you and ways to help you calm down if you ever have panic attacks

Guy just wants the best for you

He highly encourages you to go out and make friends(if your anxiety gets in the way of that-ik it affects my social life)

Thinks other people will like your personality or your art bc he thinks both are amazing

If you start making friends with the other humans at the base or maybe when he comes to pick you up and you talk to someone at school?? So proud of you! He won’t make a big deal out of it or anything, not wanting you to be uncomfortable but if he wasn’t in his alt mode you would see a massive smile.

With your adhd, will try his best to understand, can’t do much as he is limited but he doesn’t judge

Same with dyslexia, he might not understand but doesn’t mind or judge

If anyone DARES hurt you (a con) my guy is INSANE. Hates the thought of anyone hurting you.

If your ever hurt he is so worried, not a medic but he can tell when stuff isn’t good

Breakdown often may target you bc he knows he’s your guardian

Bulkhead just gets a worse relationship after he realizes he goes after you, genuinely feels horrible about it because he’s your guardian.

Will always listen to you vent, might give very strange advice but he’s trying yk??? And he tries just for you.

They will get better over time after he learns more I swear (or I hope)

As a vroom vroom car he isn’t near the water often but loves hearing about your experience with the sea

If you don’t make a video on a boat rn and show it to him I will be very sad

Explain to him boating stuff, be his instructor but without the boat, it will be hard but I promise it is needed

He thinks your so cool and talented, loves hearing anything about your day

Anyway I just talked to him and we both agree your super cool

I also hope you had a fantastic day and liked this post!

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woah-were-halfway-there · 5 years ago

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Dating Auston Matthews Would Include...

A/N: this wasn’t requested or anything, I just felt like making a list. Enjoy ☺️

A gradual start to the relationship

Like the two of you start as friends before it goes anywhere

But, he's met his match with you, so he's in it for the long haul

He'd be so excited but also extremely nervous to tell his family about you

Especially his mom

"So mom, there's this girl."

"I know."

"Wait. What?"

"Your sisters told me. I hear she's lovely."

It'd mean the world to him that you got along with them

Him not being huge on PDA

But low(high)key gets jealous when others are giving you unwanted attention

If someone is hitting on you or making suggestive comments, he'd try his best not to make a scene

But would undoubtedly let the person know you're his through actions

Like casually snaking his arm around his waist and pulling you closer to him while forcing the fakest of smiles as he introduces himself to whoever it is talking to you

Say the two of you are at a group dinner and the waiter/waitress is a wee bit flirty towards you

It's a no from Auston, dawg

He wouldn't say anything but he would definitely give some (not so) subtle glares to the other person

And have his hand resting on your thigh/knee, making sure to give it the odd squeeze every once in a while; especially whenever the waiter returned

So much competitiveness

Literally over everything

Such as, something stupid like him betting that he could carry more grocery bags from the car up to the condo than you

Or you asking him to hand you something and him just holding the item above his head saying "only if you can reach it".

He's a headache, but he's your headache

He'd absolutely love if you were into sports like he was, but also would dig you not really caring about them cause it gives him a little break from it all

But also think about how if it came to a different sport like baseball and the two of you were diehard fans for different teams

Wooo boy

The chirping and pettiness would be unreal especially when those teams played against each other

But it would also be so, so fun

He's a softie, and everyone knows it, but you bring it out of him the most

Like he's whipped

And the guys on the team live for it

Especially when he shows it in little gestures

Such as making pit stops on the way back from practice regardless of who he's with just to pick up your go-to drink from Starbucks

Or being on the road and him hanging out with his teammates but smiling goofily at his phone because of something you sent him

And blushing when he gets called out on it and immediately changing the subject

He just loves being around you

The two of you are very spontaneous together

Like deciding to go on random long car rides

And walking around the city late at night without a care in the world

But even with your spontaneity

You both just love being at home together so freaking much

Cuddling on the couch

Watching your favourite movies or a Netflix show the two of you started watching together

And him getting super offended if you even think about going ahead and watching an episode without him

"I think you're being a tad dramatic about this, Auston."

"Well, then maybe you shouldn't have watched the season finale while I'm not there."

"Yeah, ok, now here's what happened..."

"DON'T SPOIL IT!"

In a room full of people he always has eyes for you

Whether that be staring at you from where he's sat only a few feet away while visiting friends or family; waiting for you to react to the meme he just sent you

Or always looking to that one spot in the crowd at the arena where he knows you're sitting, wearing his jersey, and smiles widely or winks while skating back to the bench after scoring a goal

Cause he's a cocky mf'er

But it's fine

It's cool

And then the two of you are alone, and it's a whole other story

If you know what I mean 👀

Bow chicka wow wow

MOVING ON

You're one of his biggest supporters, but he's also your number one fan

You post a picture on Instagram? Not long after you'll hear him make a pleased noise from the other room before being notified of him commenting a bunch of fire emojis

Regardless of what you do in life, he's always cheering you on

And offering you a shoulder to lean on when things become too much

It works both ways

But he has more trouble expressing his frustrations than you do and tends to get mopey instead

Like after a big game loss

He'd just be quiet and either not want to talk about it or blame everything on himself

And you'd listen

Let him vent before putting in your two cents of how he doesn't need to be so hard on himself

But most of all, just being there for him

Which he appreciates more than he could ever explain

He always gets your opinion on things

Whether that be a new suit or a birthday gift to get for one of his sisters, it doesn't really matter

And since he values your opinion so much, he also knows you'd never judge him for having a different one

Maybe the hat he wanted to wear with a suit was just a little extra to you, but he likes it, so you just shrug it off. He still looked good regardless

And it wouldn't be just about fashion or gifts

He'd send you new songs he liked and thought you would enjoy too

Maybe even make you the odd playlist

Who knows

But it's little things like that where he shows his affection

Because he doesn't always voice it

However, you never have to doubt the love this man has for you

He absolutely loves kissing you

Literally thinks about it while he's away

Even longs for it

And boy does he make use of the time the two of you have together while he's back for home games or during off season

Going on new adventures together

Trying new things

He'd probably try to teach you to rollerblade or something

But would also be down for trying this new craft thing you saw on Pinterest

There would definitely be the odd emotional reunion after spending some time apart regardless of how cheesy the two of you felt because you just love and missed each other so much

You'd be extremely comfortable around each other

Like you could wake up from a night out with friends in the roughest state, and he'd tease you a little bit, but still manage to make you smile

Because he's so freaking cheeky

And flirty, my GOD

But, again, he's basically just a big teddy bear

And just wants to be loved

Which you do so well

"You're the most important girl in my life, I hope you know that."

"I'm gonna tell your mom you said that."

"Wait. No, don't!"

*intro of Mr. Brightside starts playing during a long road trip*

The two of you: *slowly glance at each other knowingly*

Six seconds later, in unison:" COMING OUT OF MY CAGE AND I'VE BEEN DOING JUST FINE."

Cheesy holiday traditions that form over time

Damn right he's making use of that mistletoe every year

Calling each other to rant about any minor inconvenience that may have happened as a way to calm down

Him being extra loud and obnoxious around you just because he can

Him: *loudly entering the condo after making a quick run to the store*

"SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME."

You: *groans for 18 hours*

The two of you wouldn't fight all that much

But when you do, they're bad

They just suck so much because fights between the two of you are so rare that when they happen, they're definitely over something serious

However, communication is a big thing

And although you both may be grumpy and petty, neither of you want it to last

"Auston?"

"Hmm?"

"You still love me, right?"

"Of course I do."

You and him being literal partners in crime

Plotting against everyone

But no one takes offence to it because the two of you are just harmless goofballs

Talk a big talk but that's about it

You'd always be showing each other new things

Being the CEO's of working smarter, not harder

IKEA trips that would result in one of you getting separated from the other

Inside jokes and references only the two of you get

Because you're each other's best friend

And want nothing but the best

Because the force(love) is strong with this one

You're each other's missing piece that makes a whole

And there is no doubt that the two of you will eventually vow to be each other's person, forever

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