#and it almost got stuck in a place i
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#what the fuck did i do i was watching youtube and then my sisters wanted to play mario kart so i gave them the switch#i thought they knew how to disconnect my headphones from the switch because they didnt give me a chance to do it#then got mad at my headphones being connected#and got mad when i tried to explain and told me to just turn off my headphones#and yelled at me for something completely unrelated#and its still my fault????#i was enjoying myself and you guys shat on it and i left and i was fine but you got upset because it wasnt perfect and threw yhe contrller#across the room when i tried to show you whag yo do with it#and it almost got stuck in a place i#cant get it out of#and so i was upset and IM the bad person for being upset. so im even more upset and slam the door and get yelled at for THAT too#and its my fault#it's not adding up#i can barely walk right now im sorry im not perfect for you#k vent
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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disney is a coward so I know they'll never do this, but given what we learned was SUPPOSE to happen between alex and stevie, I would still love a post-eloping for the reboot.
like just imagine alex and stevie as the Cool Gay Aunts(tm) for justin's kids (+ billie). they show up for the holidays and totally shower the kids with magical gifts, including a baby dragon for the boys (which does end up setting fire to their parents bed sheets). milo shows off a magic trick to his friends, using alex (since billie's not allowed to) sneakily casting spells from the bushes so the card really does dissapear from his hand, leaving his friends cheering (stevie smiling but refusing to admit to alex how cute is it). stevie has a motorcycle (which alex thinks is super hot but also refuses to admit) and while the kids aren't old enough for a ride, she does let them sit on it and rev the handles nice and loud while justin panics from the porch. they team up with all three kids to pull pranks on justin and even sometimes get giana in on a few harmless ones. maybe alex even uses her role on the tribunal to get stevie's records cleared, and they both start to advocate for a more fair way of distributing magic between families.
and billie could have an extra adult at her side! I know justin is suppose to fill the pseudo-dad role, but while billie spends her time with the russo's, also gets to spend her summers or whatever with her two cool wizard aunts. they encourage her to keep up with her studies but for the most part they just chill, letting billie indulge in a few sweets (knowing how health-conscious justin has forced his family to be) and sometimes in a pg-13 movie together. when she's there however, the house does turn into a prank war; guests are to be extremely careful when entering and encouraged to bring a separate pair of clothes.
I dunno it would just be super cool; alex and stevie reunited and I think the kids would love her too - plus watching their aunt who's always acted so aloof get all smiley and whatnot and I'm just imagining a scenario with alex and the kids like:
billie: why does stevie call you babygirl
alex: hey who wants to play the quiet game!!
#wizards of waverly place#wowp#wizards beyond waverly place#disney channel#I would LOVE a reappearance of stevie though just imagine it#even though billie has been training something happens where the council finally decides to strip her of her powers like alex warned about#alex and justin try going to talk to the council on billie's behalf but have to leave her behind#and when billie's all alone you suddenly see stevie slink from the shadows with a 'hey kid..'#billie is nervous at first but stevie says she actually wants to help her and that it's not fair what's happening to her#and says if billie comes with her then she can keep her powers and in a moment of worry billie makes the split decision to go with her#I dunno how alex finds out maybe roman sees it happen too late and says some girl took billie#'what girl??' 'I dunno! she was a wizard too - she kept her wand in her boot!'#and IMMEDIATELY alex knows what happened#alex eventually finds stevie and there's this VERY tense moment when they see each other#stevie still mad at alex for 'betraying' her (even if stevie was kinda right but nvm) and who's she's aligned with now#'you workin' for the man now russo? gone soft?' 'at least I'm not straight-up stealing kids'#alex still feeling a bit guilty about what she did to stevie but mad at her for taking billie#there's an almost fight (verbal or magical whichever) but in some outside chaos they loose billie#now they're forced to team up to find her#and although it's cold at first they both warm up again to each other having missed their friendship (even if it was short lived)#stevie quietly admiring how much further alex has gotten with magic and how she's excelled#and alex still having a soft heart for stevie wanting to help the wizards who got abandoned#anyway they find billie but the council is alerted to what happened and is now on their way to them to capture stevie#a cornered alex pleads with stevie saying she can persuade the council to let her go and while stevie's heart skips at that#she knows it's no use and uses her magic to create a pocket dimension to escape or something#but not before kissing alex on the corner of her lips and saying 'till next time russo - give that stuck-up council some hell for me'#freezing alex who's seconds from pulling her back and then disappears#billie enters and unfreezes alex and watches her face slowly turns crestfallen as she realizes#'do you think we'll ever see her again?' 'your guess is as good as mine kid..' '..do you want to?' '....lets head back home.'#WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
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🗣️🗣️ pov dan and phil base their pizza selection in part 2 of their iconic mukbang video on their hatred for the detroit pizza company that almost ruined your life
#validating my trauma???#yessir#no but actually when i tell you i went into shock when they showed the picture#i recognized it immediately#of ALL the pizza places in the world tho#lmao rlly just dumping in the tags#that fucking company#was the reason i was forced to move halfway across the country during covid lockdown at the start of high school#from a big city to a small conservative snobby suburb#like completely isolated from everyone and everything i knew#stuck w my only resource being my shitty toxic ass family#that’s in nice terms lmao#bc my dad got a job w them#that he DIDNT EVEN KEEP#already wasn’t the most mentally stable#so when i say it spiraled into complete mental health crisis like#nearly hospitalized (or maybe i technically was briefly idk??) almost didn’t finish high school etc etc#has taken years to try to come back from it#still barely even there yet#i mean obvi there were several factors but one of the biggest instigators was the move#and the reason for it?#that fucking pizza company#and yeah can confirm it’s greasy as shit and kind of nasty#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dapg#dan and phil games#dnpgames#pizza
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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vsynth has long since been trending towards the uncanny valley of singing but i feel like its been especially pronounced the past few years now that a higher proportion of banks sound nigh indistinguishable from human people. you can only really tell if youre already deeply familiar with each bank's respective engine
#its stunning the amount of progress vsynth tech has made within the past few years#and its been really interesting too seeing like adachi rei rise in popularity almost as a counter to ai vsynth#its admittedly kind of saddening that the industry preference overwhelmingly pushes realistic vocals over mechanical robot vocals#and i mean i know they do come equipped with parameters you can edit to make them sound robotic again but its genuinely not the same#when you have the concatenation ai built into the software and the phoneme transitions are automatically smoothed over#this isnt to say that ai vsynth has like completely overtaken or threatening the Future of Vocalsynth though#there is a significant portion of people who largely prefer the clunky/mechanical/robotic sound of early vocalsynth#which is why i think rei has gotten as popular as she has#and the cryptonloids in particular are forever stuck in the piapro ether so the most we'll ever see of a miku ai#is just ppl messing with the rvc ai voice cloner LOL#i think if ai truly was causing Creative Bankruptcy or whatever then utau would not remain as wildly popular as it is#and part of the reason why utau still remains so popular is because [teto image] FREE SOFT its free!! anyone can use it & develop their own#vb on it too. so like yes you have the matter of industry pushing out these hyperrealistic voicebanks at an overwhelming pace#but individual fans will remain using/developing their own voicebanks (aggressively points to adachi rei again) so long as public interest#stays. hence why i dont think ''big ai'' in vocalsynth is a real threat or anything#referring to them as ai banks in the first place anyway is such a misnomer bc its not the same as generative ai#i do think that the relative simplicity at which realistic vocals are synthesized now does somewhat obscure the monumental amount of skill#it takes to tune older voicebank because that shit is HARD!!!!!!!!!#like with how synthv works it obscures the technical tuning feats of older engines and how massively massively massively impressive it is#to get anything to sound good let alone Realistic on smth like vocaloid2#synthv got popular because its ui made tuning a genuinely intuitive process rather than something that makes you want to throw#bricks at your head so its easy to forget tuning (albeit Still hard) was Much much harder#but at the same time.... ai doesnt automatically make tuning better either#actual plain vanilla ai voicebanks often sound very flat and lifeless if no actual tuning is applied i.e. vibrato pitch change tension etc#its such a beautiful complicated lovely artform#anyways my original thoughts. you unfortunately cant get that mechanical/clunky/robotic sound with. any commercial voice synth#released within the past 3 years#i hope more overtly artificial in nature banks along the same genre as rei catch on in popularity
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"Poor little Az used to always quit
But she never really quit, she just say she did"
-Cigarettes out the Window (TV Girl)
I just though this song would fit since this fandom never really left me- I mean, my OC whole entire backstory is heavily inspired of this universe so....
#little nightmares#I'm so excited for the 3 !!!#I never played the games myself#I would like to but kind of difficult when u don't have them...#I only watched gameplay#But I really like it#I played Unravel also#I think it's kind of the same style of game#I started with Unravel II#wich was amazing#and I started the first#but I got stuck on.. Uh.. The car scene ?#no I did not look up solutions on the internet#It's too late now I got stuck like... Almost a year and a half ago I think ?#I want to replay it honestly#and actually finish it this time#I'm talking to much in the tags...#Okay the tag for the explication got removed and I can't place another like I want so..#basically (If I remember correctly) there was a car crusher thingy and we had to escape before the crush thingy.. Well.. Crush ?
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Talking with my husband last night (FYI, I don’t use his name because I like to keep aspects of my personal life off the internet, not because I’m some tradwife trying to hide the fact that my husband is just some dude. He is very much just some dude) and I realized something. I have never once, in the fifteen years we’ve been dating, heard him say one bad thing about any of his exes. Like not one. Not even his ex-fiancée who did kind of do him a little dirty. Not really dirty, but a little. When he talks about her breaking off their engagement, he’s like “I totally understand why she did it; I wasn’t as invested as she was and she realized that. I’m grateful she realized what I didn’t even know and stopped things before we both did something we’d regret.” I knew his ex-fiancée and she hated me, so every now and then I’ll poke a little fun at her just to see what he does, and he may chuckle a bit, but he never speaks ill of her or her family. Same for all his other exes. He’ll reflect on things and admit where he fucked up and wish them well, but he won’t ever talk shit about any of them. He’s Facebook friends with one of the women he dated in high school (this one liked me, we were friends) and just last night he was telling me how well she’s doing, running marathons and doing beautiful garde manager work for a high end restaurant and how happy he is that things turned out well for her (my friend group was the ‘oh god they’re all gonna shoot themselves or the other students’ group in high school, so our outcomes were always in question).
I dunno. So many of the men I’ve dated, all of them really, have talked SO MUCH SHIT about their exes, how they’re “crazy” or bitches or just whatever. Even my own brother would go on about women he dated being crazy and how he was never going to date again and it was all women’s fault. And none of them ever stopped to ask what their part in all of this was. What did you DO that made her act crazy? If ALL your exes are crazy and YOU are the one unifying factor then MAYBE you had SOMETHING to do with them acting that way? My husband didn’t even have any exes that went “crazy” but he still looks back and accepts his responsibility for things falling apart.
I dunno, it just really struck me last night that I have literally never once heard him say a single negative thing about any woman he’s dated. Or any woman in his life, honestly.
My advice to younger OSA women would be to run for the hills the very instant a man mentions his “crazy ex.” If he’s willing to paint women in his past as psychos, do you think he will really treat you any differently? Pay attention to how the men in your life talk about women in their lives, past or present. If every woman is written off as crazy or a bitch, how do you think he will describe you to others? Do you think you’ll be the one special lady that he approves of? Or is it more likely that the very instant you set boundaries or have needs that he’ll write you off as just another crazy, needy psycho bitch?
Men will tell you how they plan to treat you. You just have to pay attention to how they talk about the women who’s pants they are no longer trying to get into.
#personal#bilbobawks#feminism#relationships#dating#marriage#my brother has gotten better#I wouldn’t have let him marry my best friend otherwise#I almost didn’t#and I was the officiant so when I say I almost didn’t marry them I fucking meant it#we can all grow and improve as people#even men#I just wouldn’t allow him to keep making excuses for himself and I’m his sister so what was he gonna do?#not be my sibling? nice try you’re stuck with me and my refusal to let you be an asshole male#we do love each other so I am allowed to tell him when he’s being a fuckwit because it comes from a place of love and knowing he can be#better#wouldn’t recommend those tactics with strange men necessarily#or even some of your family cause some of yall got FUCKED UP families and brothers who aren’t willing to listen#I’m just glad mine listens to me and respects my opinion#I think he probably respects my opinion his wife’s and my other best friends opinions and not many else#so at least he has The Three Feminist Fates whispering feminist propaganda in his ears at all times
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hi what is wrong with me
#I don’t even know what exactly I am Processing#but boy am I processing something#like was I really That Affected by stupid internet artist drama#to this day#like#what unhealed part of me#like I ugh#I think this is maybe just another tism experience#ever since fuckin Girl Scouts and elementary school#I’ve always been Too Cool to care about being in the in group like that’s so fucking shallow and stupid#but then also I suck at feeling like I belong in literally almost any space#so ummmmmmmmmmmmm#I guess maybe sometimes I get stuck in that wanting to belong and fit in feeling#but I don’t want to do it in the stupid shallow way#I want to find a place where I belong because I’m me#and I think I get triggered and stupid and annoyed when I see fake ass shallow toxic ass hoes living it up being in The Clique or whatever#like why them and not me#what the fuck tumblr tag venting really does make you think so introspectively#like idc abt being in groups where everyone’s just fucking stupid and mean#but when there are people who are cool and nice and chill in them#I get so much FOMO#like they hang around them bc they are cool and chill and nice but they’re not cool and chill and nice themselves#and I get annoYYYEEDDD#I’m not even feeling entitled to getting attention from cool and chill and nice people it’s just that like#sometimes it feels so slippery and wobbly trying to even coordinate hanging out with people you want to regularly#what am I even talking about though really#I think I really am just annoyed and triggered by deep seated pay attention to me and make me feel valued issues#maybe it is an entitlement issue in a way lmao#like I don’t expect attention from everyone ever but also I deserve attention I never got from my parents and does anyone ever tell you how#to like deal with that once you’re an adult like what the actual fuck
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...
#if u r curious abt following the saga that is my life:#i did finally accept an official offer from a school this afternoon. which is a huge relief and really exciting#and for once i think i did something that will b good for me in mind and body lol bc i think i could b happy with any of the places i#applied to but this program is most geared to my interests and its in a place where i think i can have fun due to the accessibility#of nature and the mountains haha. like at rutgers i think i could have got a good education and had a lot of opportunities but i think it#would have crushed my soul a lil bc it would b more high pressure and in the city. ya kno? so i hopefully i dont regret the choice lol#i still have to wait on the offical acceptance stuff but now at least i can allow myself to get excited abt the potential project and start#researching. which i mean ill have 5yrs of a phd for that but idk im excited and my life feels so empty and meaningless rn ive gotta take#the excitement where i can haha#anyway housing is gonna b a bitch bc there arent a lot of places available in grad student price ranges in the city to the point where they#said so in the official offer rip. and i have to decide when im leaving the southwest bc i could stay til August or leave in july and take#like a whole almost 2 months to just not b doing anything for a sec. and my dad was like !!! u could go to the crazy state parks#or drive out to the pacific northwest! and that would b amazing but also that sounds so scary to do on my own lol#like i dont wanna b missing and murdered as a youngish non guy traveling alone#but i could do it if i tried im sure. anyway i just wanted to let yall kno#bc im so doom and gloom on here all the time but a transition period is looming so im only stuck here for a few more months#and hopefully itll b a page turn into a happier place haha#watch out yellowstone cyanobacteria. im coming for u >:-]#knock on wood. ya kno. just in case#hhhh at least i can breathe a lil better now i have a direction#unrelated
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Beloved hanloooo!!
It's been very long since I last checked up i haven't been in the nicest of places so haven't been very active but how are you and will?? Hope you guys are okay! I hope you guys have been well mentally emotionally and physically, i hope you guys are well fed and hydrated, sorry i haven't been checking up more sending love bookmark anon (❁´◡`❁)
we're mostly okay!! will is pretty sick right now, and i think he's staying off tumblr for a bit until he figures out a url change (if you have any ideas maybe send them to him! i'll let him know to check)
i am getting a passing grade at the dentist (genuinely got told i'm a wonderful patient and easy to work with) and i now run two dnd games! they are using the same maps or else i'd die<3 i'm also finally getting my hermit ass to the dmv to get my actual license lmao
#stellaric.exe#bookmark anon#fun fact about me i genuinely am a hermit#dont like going places or leaving my house actually#weird vibe when you live on the same property as your parents#but it DID mean i got to gleefully burst into my mom's room to tell her about the ppl stuck in donner pass#her sense of humor is just as twisted as mine so she Got It#its almost like i got it from her wow
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i will never not find it hilarious that they completely forgot to animate patty at the very end of the final cutscene in the last three frames of the whole group
and the dub didn't even give her voiced lines when everyone was shouting they so the localization forgot about her too
#GTF Vesperia Things#the loc also changed her line from “it stopped?” to “it's over?” which is awkward#bc i'm pretty sure she was referring to the blastia+spirit's power not working as they intended#i know the DE loc was really wonky and they rly just went what's a consistency tho#but it's actually very jarring for me to play the DE version bc the loc was actually relatively on point originally#and then all the additions and changes are super awkward in the loc#like flynn saying good luck out there to yuri if you sleep at the inn at aurnion... even tho he's literally in the party#you can tell they didn't actually check the original script for accuracy/consistency AT ALL#just really feels like they didn't care much about it ultimately and just shoved it out#the remake is what i have access to rn but like... the original was def better and like#as someone who did play the original numerous times it's so blatantly obvious where they changed/added stuff#esp since patty's lines outside of anything immediately directed at her own story#were almost entirely throwaway lines they stuck in there just to give her lines to make her more present#i'd say about half of flynn's added lines if not more for anything he wasn't originally part of were similar#like anything that was exactly the same except they stuck in a few extra lines for those two#and like... i love flynn but imo the DE version really didn't do him that much more justice (n-no pun intended)#and like it doesn't matter that they did plan patty originally bc ultimately she got cut#which meant making the entire story/plot without her; so adding her back in LATER is like... why did you fucking bother removing her then#they ended up having to forcefully stick her back in anyway and whatever she would've had in the first place#prob would've been better/integrated better into the story than trying to squeeze in lines wherever possible#and I say that bc her lines (and a chunk of flynn's) don't actually change anything. chars will respond the same with or without their line#like... hearts r did really great in integrating a new char into the main party#even if i usually do NOT like additions to the main cast in remakes and is usually why i don't want remakes in the first place for tales#and then you've got innocence r which just butchered everything with its additions#and vespy is right in the middle as like... why bother (for money i know but still)#also tho honestly with how little flynn is even actually playable it's still a big why bother for me#bc yeah i do love having him there and i do love the sidequest stuff with him#but the biggest difference between hearts r and the vespy remake is that they didn't really... remake it#they just stuck new things into existing unchanged content and added a little bit more and reused the base game#if the tag count is still thirty im out of tags lol i just have a lot of Feelings abt this remake
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I wish I had a job so bad but no matter how many resumes I send even to low paying jobs I get no reply and I'm so tired
#my younger sister just got a job at a bar#and its a part time job but at least it's something#and i have nothing#i feel so useless I'm almost 30 but have nothing#because i guess I'm overqualified for most jobs#but have no experience bc i spent most of my early 20s studying and for what??#my degree is useless#my only hope is to pass an exam for a public job#but i suck at math i doubt I'm going to pass anything#i don't know I'm just tired to see everybody moving on with their lives but mine is always stuck in place#no matter what i do#sigh#vent
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the worst kind of gjinkas is when people take a fucking canonically ancient character and make them into the most bland looking anime teenager-looking person
hhh
#sage speaks#even worse when its an ANCIENT GOD#sorry i saw a Radi design which made her look like a teenager#which just feels horrible. like I.#did she really only guve you petty mean girl energy or something????#no offence but if you saw Radi as a petty mean girl. I don't think you got her. at all.#Shes an ancient god of dreams that got forgotten about due to the influence of a new white guy#then she was basically only lost in dreams in small snippets of stories. she had no power#and was probably stuck for millennia stuck there#festering in loneliness and rage so when she got the time to strike back she did.#only to get imprisoned once again by the guy that forced her into that festering rage and loneliness in the first place#and yeah sure killing people is bad but i get why. pk kind of took everything from her so she did the same#and turning her into a stupid anime girl. feels like such an insult into an interesting character as it feels like its just#it feels almost infantalizing in a way? maybe ? it just makes her not seem like an ancient god like a at all who did rule the moths before#pk came along#uhhh this probably isnt worded well#but like yeah. hk is a very nuanced game where you can get where most characters are coming from but that doesn't justify their actions#uhhhhhhh yeah don't get into hk if you want simple characters with a simple bad guy#or at least thats my opinion#sorry if you read all these tags
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sometimes i forget how distinctly american my mother is, and how we are generally a product of our surroundings
#personal#just found out she’s pro-military!!! and she was accusing me of being anti-military because of watching x files. like girl i am 10 episodes#into this show. i have had these views for a Long time (VERY specifically about the us military). and im just like. damn. like yeah of COURS#it’s not plastered everywhere. ‘give me some peer reviewed articles’ i would but i just cant bring myself to get the energy to get stuck in#this exhausting npd abuse loop again (sounds exaggerated but im basically falling for exacerbating the situation. which is why it’s always#hit me the hardest i guess. because she Will just straight up either not mention it ever again or just simply deny it. and i’m not exactly#educated enough on the subject to remember specific points. my memory has been destroyed BECAUSE of this kinda shit and i cant recall decent#argument points anymore. not that i even particularly want to!!! read up on all this shit!!!! oh and even realizing that she was Definitely#seeing me as an Extreme. like girl what. i forgot that npd does that#reminds me of how. she’s very liberal. she was the one who got me out of the closet in the first place (bc i wouldnt do so myself)#and yet the other day. i swear she said something that was almost terf rhetoric#FUCK i HATE that my memory has already scrambled it. fuuuuuck and here i thought my memory was coming back#but it was something along the lines of implying that men Would try to get into women’s shelters etc in a skirt or smth and i#i just stopped talking i was so shocked#god. sorry didnt mean to vent lmao but im. hhh im just Tired yknow?#mandont
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thinking abt natphi
#me n a friend at the time decided both of our dnd characters would be stuck in that difficult place between ‘besties’ and ‘deeply in love’#and i think about it ALL THE TIME#but that friend and i don’t talk anymore (no falling out we just grew apart) and. idk#it’d feel weird to talk about their oc considering we don’t talk#but i think about that relationship natphi has soooo often#bc nat spent a lot of her life alone. most of it#and then she met luca (the friend’s oc). and the two got on like a house on fire#and i don’t think natphi realizes it. but she’s in love#and. i dunno they’ve both been through some shit but they find comfort in each other#and luca sometimes helps natphi perform#and they keep almost kissing backstage but they Never Talk About It#plus luca has a backstory element of looking for a girl she lost- a girl she loved#and that adds a whole other foil#natphi refuses to even entertain the idea that something could be happening. luca’s eyes are elsewhere#don’t fuck this up just because of your ego#and while luca isn’t my character and i can’t speak for her. i think she feels for natphi as well#but she has to deal with that conflict of past vs present. does she sacrifice a blossoming romance to chase after someone who may be dead#or does she try to move on despite how much of a betrayal it feels like#idk there’s just so many LAYERS to it. they’re in love but they don’t acknowledge it. they’re tragic and yet they’re beautiful#and i think they exist in that stasis for a long time#idk if they ever get together. i like to think they do but maybe not#maybe they’re stuck in limbo forever. star-crossed#they have each other’s friendship yes. but there’s something else there and they struggle to realize it#idk i’m thinking abt the song butch 4 butch and it is literally just them#but once again. luca isn’t my character so i’d feel bad using her likeness#but i also don’t wanna replace her. luca is important to natphi’s story#idk maybe i should contact that friend. if i get their insta i could credit them in any posts including luca#we were good friends too. bet it’d be fun to catch up#natphi
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