#idk if im ever gonna do that again but if i know myself at all itll happen because this wasnt disastrous enough a result to dissuade me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deoidesign · 11 days ago

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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!

Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.

You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.

I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...

I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.

#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao #it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that #it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting #and im not doing it again #i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again #but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics #but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me #ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about #it's so hard for me not to complain about them #i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now #well i do the merch packages but like #it's mostly just my discord #just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon #cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous #so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help #anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end #and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that #like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that #its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else #anyways yeah #i havent finished writing the last arc yet #so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want #so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post #sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon #theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...

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zackcharine · 4 days ago

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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh

#🤖.txt #aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor #anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk #i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then #genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time #i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time #Idkkkk i just really hate living like this #thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle #that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months #ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well #just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do #Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing #anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right #im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have #Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier #But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while #aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t #evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be #vent

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mushed-kid · 23 days ago

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#vent #tw suicide #tw sh #kinda #i hate hate hate having bad days #for no reason nothing happened nothings wrong i just suck #i just want to ruin everything with everyone i know and then kill myself #i wish i could stab myself to death #i Should be studying and i want to watch voltron but i cant stop just wasting my time on my phone #i want to rip myself open and bleed to death violently #actually remembered to cut my nails this morning so i cant even do anythign. they dont even cut into my palm at this length.#and anything else is too much effort im a low-effort self harmer💀#ugh i would actually love to die lowkey kinda idk but i live by this one thing i read #‘if my depression wants be dead its gonna have to kill me itself’#im not doing noones dirtywork #me when healing isnt linear #i should be over all of these things i have been over all of these things why am i so bothered again #chronic cant move on-er #i wish i could disappear #i think i took a hit i cant come back from #like mentally/emotionally #well several hits #i wish someone liked me #like really liked me. the way i like people. more thsn they like anyone else #im not good enough on my own i meed somelne to hang onto #human parasite #something something everything ive ever let go of has claw marks on it #ive never not ruined something

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arom-antix · 1 year ago

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Yuri!!! On Cards collaboration!

So, I know I've been pretty inactive recently, at least in posting my own art but for good reason! In the Yuri on the Web Discord server artists and writers alike have all collaborated to illustrate a deck of cards and write stories for each of them. And as a resident artist myself, I couldn't not take the opportunity to draw for this project UuU

Oh and if anyone was wondering, yes, I am to blame for inflicting this giant project onto the server BUT I REGRET NOTHING AND NEITHER WILL YOU IF YOU CHECK OUT EVERYONE ELSE'S WORKS. Trust me, they are amazing! The masterpost can be found here!

GIANT thanks to @lines-on-ice and @yaoiconnoisseur for helping so much and being amazing co-administrators and basically making this entire thing possible! You really saved me from my own overambition XD

The guidelines for this project can be found on the Yuri!!! On Cards blog as can the masterpost with all the links to everything. All the art that gets posted to Tumblr will also be reblogged by the blog.

With all that said, here's the actual art I made! (Break for those who don't want their dash to die UuU)

Okay, I lied. First, I'd heavily recommend for you to check out the guideline posts, both the general and artists' and even the writers' if you're up to it to get a grasp of the perimeters of this project. There's also some vague lore and AU stuff about the whole thing to find which will give you context for why the art looks the way it does to a certain extent.

You can also just jump right in and take everything as I ramble about it which, I mean, I won't stop you, the guideline posts aren't short. I will not blame you. You can still just look at the art. If that's your choice, go on ahead!

First up!

Ace of the Kingdom Otabek, The Deep Shadow

Being of the Kingdom of Diamonds, he's skillful and sharp. He moves quietly as a shadow and is just as mysterious.

Okay, I can't comment much on how he actually is, you'll have find that out by reading his fic(let?). They were supposed to be ficlets but as writers tend to do, none of us could manage that so take "ficlet" with a big grain of salt for every written work.

I've, by the way, not read any of the ficlets for this project beside my own so I'll get to experience the reveal with y'all and I'm gonna perish waiting.

Anyway, about the art. The yellow of course comes from the Kingdom of Diamonds' designated colour. As for the outfit, it's based on this handsome fellow I found who's supposed to be a Kazakh archer which I thought fit Otabek's whole shadow thing perfectly (and Writingfromtheshadow's fic Equivalent Exchange has me in an iron grip and I don't want to be released).

If there are any Kazakhs in the audience, you are free to laugh at me for any inaccuracies or missteps, I am but a humble little not-Kazakh, I don't expect to have gotten it all right UuU

Next up!

King Yuuri, Wanderer of Dreams

The ruler of his realm, he is as the mind flows. Kind and benevolent yet of fickle thoughts, the spirals of the subconscious are ones he both masters and bows to.

Again, gonna be waiting for his fic with everyone else but like. It's Yuuri. Anxiety is kind of a given.

In terms of art, I don't know if you can tell but this was where I started writing my will because oh my stars, what did I get myself into. If you follow me or my art, you'll know that I don't draw lineless. Like ever. And apparently I decided this project on a deadline that others were depending on me making look nice was the place to go all out.

And the worst part is that I'm not even mad at it so I have no argument to not do it again.

Anyway, the blue is from the designated colour of spades and yes, you've guessed right as to why this colour was picked for this suit. I'm predictable, leave me alone. As for the rest, the outfit is inspired by traditional Japanese dress that the Internet told me about (again, Japanese may laugh at me all they want UuU Your culture is very cool but also there was so much info, I hope I got it at least a bit right).

Also I spent like eight hours looking at hanakotoba for this and I've never been this happy about a decision I regretted so much while I was having to draw that many flowers. And you know I had to include The Gay Flower^(TM).

The Japanese iris is now Yuuri's btw.

All the flowers used are: Japanese irises, Jasmine flowers, Forget-me-nots, cherry blossoms, white roses, green carnations and blue roses (Viktor's flower. Read: I am predictable).

And finally!

Queen Minako, Tamer of Minds

Of the Realm of Dreams, she sees your fears, the snares laid by the subconscious and, strict and blunt as she is, she clears a path for the motivated and lets no potential go to waste.

Again, haven't read a word of the fic.

This one was by far the one that I made the fastest and I would've loved to do more with it but like deadlines. I'm gracefully skipping over the fact that I set the deadline and am fully to blame for being late.

But, as with Yuuri, blue is for spades. And since I wanted her to have a leotard but still match Yuuri and make her outfit look even slightly Japanese inspired, sheer fabric to the rescue! With cherry blossoms, of course, because CSP had the pattern preinstalled UuU

And I don't know if it worked but I tried to make her hair both look like her signature style, traditional Japanese hairstyles I found on the good ol' Interwebs and then kind of a spade by having that middle stick be the stem and the hair the spade's butt.

Also this probably goes without saying but the ranks of the characters are just titles. Yuuri is not married to Minako, she is just the Queen and he the King, don't worry.

Again, a BIG thank you to everyone who also participated, it was so fun to work together on this and see everyone's progress! Nic and Lil, you're amazing, thank you so much for everything you've done for this!

And to everyone who's made it this far, thank you for sticking around and please go check out all the other art and the ficlets! I promise it's worth it!

Masterpost | AO3 collection

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this project almost killed me #i am so infinitely happy about everyones contributions they are so lovely and i am gonna die happy now #but seriously what idiot decided to try a new and more detailed rendering style on a deadline #its me #i am that idiot and if i had a time machine past me would have gotten the fattest slap #idk if im ever gonna do that again but if i know myself at all itll happen because this wasnt disastrous enough a result to dissuade me #and most of it im pretty happy with #also i had so much fun with otabek #i got to play with light and texture and light and those smoke tendrils in the back and light and that fabric and light and #also rendering minako was a BLAST even if i churned her out on severe sleep deprivation my only energy being spite for my own mortality #oh and yes it was a this we decided that the aces should somehow incorporate the king of the given suit so the anger kitten is there #in otabeks i mean #now ON TO ANOTHER PROJECT #THATS... ON A DEADLINE #UH #yuri on cards #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanart #yoi fanart #fanart #art #arom antix art #arom antix #otabek altin #katsuki yuuri #okukawa minako #collab

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p1harmonie · 4 months ago

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I JUST REWATCHED PIWON MOVIE AND I HAVE THINGS TO SAY

#okay first of all THEY DEBUTED WITH A MOVIE !!!! that's so crazy every time i think about it im like woooow #jongseob and intak acting debut when ???? they were sooo good omg unlike kyo i didn't remember how bad he was 😭😭 but his #character is hilarious so it's fine <3 ALSO i completely forgot yoo jaesuk and jung haein are in it like guysss what are u doing here hihi #anyways absolutely oscar worthy real cinema if u ask me #now after taking notes and watching the new trailer a few times i think that p1epi is actually chaeyoons weird talking plushie #but since it's away from her it can't talk so that's why jongseob create that thingy to translate from #dog language to human language and i think it's there because maybe the members got like lost in time and #it wants to remind them that they have to save the entire world from the apocalypse #also p1epi came down from the sky just like the alcot meteor like ummm yes we love symbolism 🙂‍↕️#i saw someone saying the dog it's actually intak because the dog came through the window and intak wakes up next to one but it doesn't make #any sense to me so we're throwing that idea in the trash can #talking about intak hes now has blue eyes so that means he got infected but honestly when did that happen while he was fighting #some zombie? idk i think i have to watch all their mvs again for clues but what that means he's one of the bad guy now??#also i may be insane but what if the shop represents the world and seeing it in flames means the members couldn't save it and their lore #ends with the saddest ending ever like yeah sorry the apocalypse won #OR WHAT IF !!!!! they aren't the ones who can save the world they actually are the reason why it's ending like the masked ghost #actually created them to spread the virus and that would also explain them at the end of the trailer looking #at the burning shop without doing anything like they ARE alcot the meteor thats gonna destroy the world #but that would be too dark i know they're the heroes so it will have a happy ending #i have many theories but im starting to scare myself so ill shut up #pt

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dullahandyke · 1 year ago

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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point #and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared #but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure #ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit #n this deep plays into that #idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot #so i probs need to do that again #yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008 #but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like #which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit #and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it #but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it #like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head #its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever #idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me #so now im here like Uh Oh #and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes #i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers #and im being disproven #i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime

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jrueships · 1 year ago

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stefs ass is SO fat..... HOW isn't there more fanfiction of diggs/allen. im gonna thr*w up

#sometimes i think abt how much more loved my favs would be by others if they were basic white twinks and i wanna claw the wall #sauce would be a tumblr sexyman rn #diggs/allen would get more love if 1. allen was skinnier 2. diggs was the top 3. diggs was the bttm but he was white #sorry aometimes it's like. frustrating to see even in the simple media #shit is cruel #and i feel like i keep just encouraging more fans for the underrated #and rarely ever make stuff for it myself bcs i keep trying to hold out some hope that things can change #without me #bcs im terrified of starting things off on the wrong start but since it's the start no one notices and it just goes downhill from there #but it's like i think i have to which sucks so so bad #bcs i KNOW theres people who can do so much better than me for it but it just #idk sometimes i hate caring abt stuff no one else does sometimes like it's just so tiring #maybe i just need to leave or give up or smthin like im the outsider and thats just how it's gonna be #im always gonna be attracted to the stray and i cant ever stay it's so tiring it's so tiring #anyways this was supposed to be funny bcs it's me being all harrumph abt little ship fic lol #i need to watch fat albert again i love fat albert

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chiistarri · 7 months ago

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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever #im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point #and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn #selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too #we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right #get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure #what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye #AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care #she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us #what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not #taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg #just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg #why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend #and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic #and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc #but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever #if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die #sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP #id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh #post #nickpost #will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1 #i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it #sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh #nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone #living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh #adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway #its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her #bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships

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widevibratobitch · 9 months ago

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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

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surreal-duck · 2 years ago

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messing around a bit

#delete later #man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird #trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg #shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me #should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess #just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony #well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole #even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw #actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself #but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate #hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week #man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay #hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini #masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh #ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini #aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr #me when i have to do my job at work #i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower #sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit

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kurthorton-moving · 10 months ago

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shaking kurt by the shoulders

#i wanna write i wanna write i wanna #i have muse i have muse for everyone i write i wanna write i have desire to write i have motivation to write #there is just a. there is a wall #i think theres. i think its been so long since i really wrote and was active here that it feels.#i feel like i need to revamp restart redo it all #but at the same time. i cant. its #theres a very #i revamped a lot in the past and i dont wanna be like that again #but also i jsut. i do not have the time to #i used to spend like 10 hours a day on revamps and graphics and shit #and these days sometimes making a silly little shitpost on mobile takes all the energy i have #im trying bc this is a very important hobby to me and i dont wanna lose it #people whove been around know i tend to fade a lot during like. september-november bc that used to be exam season #ive never had a start of year slump tho. idk maybe its bc i didnt have uni so my brains delayed the slump #but im still working every day doing more than i ever did in uni so #idk who knows who cares gonna go watch a silly little movie and get over myself a bit lmao its not that serious

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xamaxenta · 2 years ago

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It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way

This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow

but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month

None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion