#i just dont really have any other way to express myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way
This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow
but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month
None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion
#like i should be doing more#im very sorry for complaining so much online#i just dont really have any other way to express myself#i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear#but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter#matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal#but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time#i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to#but i also want to if that makes any sense at all#i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally#i want to stop being toxic towards myself#i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way#but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up#I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it#doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling#it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard#this is so woe is me#im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create#and i have none like thats so unfair#this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it#i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again#please im done i just dont want to
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be a complete ungrateful terrible horrible brat for a minute but like having a terminally ill parent who is also terminally fucking shitty really sucks because not only do you personally have to cope with your parent actively dying but also said parent will get mad at you for wanting time to yourself and not wanting to be their live in nurse 24/7 and also like completely forget about who you are and what you're like as a person especially in terms of like . energy level. because it's not convenient to them right now so anytime you try to think of yourself it always feels like you're Choosing Wrong
#crow.txt#like fuck me i hardly have the wherewithal to take care of myself. i do not also have the wherewithal OR PATIENCE#to take care of a WHOLE OTHER PERSON#and anytime i express im feeling run down and not really able to do Whatever#its always wah wah I RAISED YOU AS A KID. okay? nobody fucking asked you to do all that! by the way! nobody made you#least of all fuckin me.#if i had any say in the matter i wouldnt have been born like are you fucking kidding me#all of this has just been. utterly hazardous to my mental health.#that tweet about shitty parents thinking youll still take care of them when theyre old holds true#like no. your ass is going to a home. i cannot do this.#i am not qualified for this. i dont like that nobody really listens to me period anyway#but its worse when nobody really listens to me when i say i need a break or that im tired or whatever#like im sorry but hot take a lot of people are not really equipped to be caretakers for relatives and theres nothing wrong with that#idk what she wants me to say to I Raised You besides nobody asked you to or i wish you didnt#like do i Want to hurt anyones feelings. no. but i can! i fucking will! if you keep ignoring mine!#lord have fucking mercy my head hurts.
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
how do you stay motivated to keep making art, especially when it's in the ugly growing pains/studying stage?
Hm, had to think about this one quite a bit. Different people's motivations and processes for creating art can pretty varied--what works for me may not work for others, but I'll try to answer this best I can!
Personally, I've found that phase of dissatisfaction you've described can also be a sign that you're entering a phase of growth! You're recognizing that there's something that can be improved, even if you don't quite know what it is yet. Things like feedback from others and targeted studying can help you figure out what that is, and eventually things will feel more comfortable. Of course, this comfort won't always last, but that's okay! Making art is like a cycle, varying degrees of of 'it's so over' to 'we're so back' over and over. Your skill will be growing regardless.
In regards to staying motivated through that...for me, a lot of it is shifting gears from resentment/worry about where you are, to focusing on excitement about seeing what's on that other side. Change is inevitable, in many situations that can seem worrying but in art I find it more of a comfort. As long as you keep working past your comfort zone, keep finding inspiration, figuring out not just what works but why it works, I believe positive progress will be made.
Of course I know sometimes all that's easier said than done, just had a really nasty bout of artistic loathing myself(thanks, pmdd!!!). But just...try to be patient with yourself, and best of luck!
#personal so this goes in tags but. I guess another thing that drags me through my low points is the fact that I have lots of ideas#ones that i dont trust myself to express in an interesting way in any other form. but i need to get them out lest i implode#re my motivation also...my art is really the main thing I have going for me. its what makes me unique. its bigger than I ever could be#it lets me push past all my abysmal social skills and share those thoughts. touch people's lives in a way i couldn't with my words#even if there's aspects im dissatisfied with it'd be impossible for me to just. stop#granted i have a suspicion this is some kind of complex so i don't recommend trying to emulate that particular mindset HAHA#asks#anon
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
0 notes
Text
.
#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
0 notes
Text
⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
0 notes
Text
How will your future spouse pursue you ?
Ok you guys the series is finally here
All of my pacs are queer friendly
Since not everyone wants to get married , you could read for your s/o as well
Pics and dividers not mine , credits to their rightful owners @/saradika
Apologies for any mistakes
Let me know which pile you picked and don't be afraid to express your thoughts (:
Pile l . Pile ll. Pile lll.
🫀 Pile l.
For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it
>>> | Queen of swords , 4of wands , 5 of cups |
This person is gonna be competitive for your attention , they dont fall in love easily and when they do its ride or die , they are your typical bad boy stereotype that you see in the movies , they are someone who knows they are the best in the room this person's self esteem & self concept is amazing, their confidence speak for itself, they are someone who has seen a lot of things in life and their way of getting to you is very simple and straightforward, maybe in the past people weren't as actively pursuing you as you would love them too but this person is not like this , they are on your face they know they want you and they're gonna be sincere & upfront about it , this person is generally very quiet and people have a lot of ridiculous assumptions about them like they're a player etc etc but best believe me they're really not what others think of him , this person is hot asf , you could be a very stubborn person who takes decision carefully about their life and this will stress them out n,ot in a way to deceit anyone but they know they have to prove everyone wrong so that you see them truly for who they are awww:(
Anyways this person is very masculine in nature , they are gonna act as a mentor and a caregiver, you want this ? I got it , you need this ? Its on me ....and you're like wtf i can do that myself but its just their way to make you feel special , this person does not do that for everyone if they are doing 50% for you then they are gonna do 20% for their friends its like they value your connection a lot and they don't want you to feel like you're just like everyone else in their life , this person is gonna defend you in every situation be it with their family or friends they dont give a shit , this person is also very keen on you they notice everything about you , how you care for people what you like to wear so their another hobby will be gift giving they are very thoughtful and they'd love to make you smile . The four of wands with the five of cups rx is very much i don't want to see them sad , i don't want them to doubt our connection, i want to put efforts for them , i want to do SO much that this person never feel less about themselves, i feel like being with this person , one of the best things about them ...that you're gonna like is they are deadly whatever they do its 100% efforts they dont like to tease their partner even in a slightest way because they know words can stick with a person forever so they're very mindful ,people can envy this the most about you guys its like no one can say anything bad abt my partner if you're gonna be passive then i might play this game as well , they could have a scorpio mercury or virgo so whatever they say is gonna hurt the other person because scorpions and virgos are known for their details , they study people very deeply , whatever they say hold meaning.
This person is definately that cold hearted girl/ guy or you are because i'm picking up on this black cat energy from you and cats do not chose their owners instantly neither do they love everyone. I Also picked up on a very rockstar appearance like long hairs , leather jacket, ripped jeans , its so cool , they remind me of early 2000's era
How will they pursue you : competitively , your friends post you every week ?? ...i'm gonna post you everyday its that kind of person lol , the back of the deck I usually take that as an overall energy is ace of pentacle which is a very stable and set energy in its own so whatever they do , they do it to achieve victory , to be recognised, to show you that they are the shit (;
Channelled song :
Thank you for reading!!
🫀Pile ll .
For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it
| 10 of cups , strength, four of swords |
Ok so this is our cool guy /girl lmao
Even though they will be putting in efforts to pursue you , you shouldn't know that they are doing that , i feel like they will be pursuing you from the get go like this person on a random monday evening will just accept i have feelings for this person and i want them , now this person will try to make it seem like its all a coincidence, this could be a leo mercury or gemini they try to entertain people with their words but their words hold honesty which people cant always catch so they will try to make you feel comfortable like you should feel happy in their presence and it will satisfy them and they will replay this in their mind at night like oh this person laughed at my joke they touched me i made them happy and it brings a smile on their face , they might say or do things which will make you laugh take a scenario like OH ...and you're like what happened and this person is like deja vu darling i think we belong together the universe knows and its so cheesy but its also so cute , they like to break this barrier between you guys , this person will be friendly towards you , they will flirt with you , they're also very spontaneous and a little bit tricky they love to play with you , lets say you guys have a dinner plan and you're excited you're dressed up you have already reached the venue but they will purposefully show up late and when you text them they're like WHAT...? We had plans ? but they are just joking they are alrdy at the venue waiting for you to see them , they might even joke with you like oh i have 5 kids to feed ofcourse i'm late & its a very playfully banter , you play along like YOU match their freak ... its ridiculous you wanna be mad at them but you can't but i understand your feelings pile 2 and i validate 🙂↔️✋🏽
I really think this person is gonna steal your parents love like 😭✋🏽they are the favourite child now , this person has a tendency to play cool like they dont wanna give in first..... they want you to give in first its kind of a cute ego idk , let's take a scenario they say "love you " and you're like where's my " I LOVE YOU " and they're like yes "I LOVE YOU TOO" so petty 😭 they have this natural ability to piss you off , this is the type of person when someone would ask you guys ..."so who confessed first ??...they're gonna jump in like ofcourse it was them , they were crazy about me like you dont know i had to give in but its not true its the opposite. So as you can already guess their ass ? Dramatic ...but you cant say they are dramatic because they are gonna be MORE dramatic about it .
How will they pursue you ? With fear because i feel like they will mask their desire to make you theirs with humour you could start off as friends or colleagues so they cant be very open about their feelings because they feel like you are not focused on love and you might reject them so it's their little cute tactics to get to your heart yeah but they are gonna be very anxious about it they could even suffer from inferiority complex.
Channelled song:
Thank you for reading!!
🫀Pile lll.
For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it
• 3ofcoins, wheel of fortune rx , seven of swords rx •
This person will absolutely be focused on providing comfort to you whether it be emotional or sexual , they love to do things with you they love to hang out with you , they creatively express themselves, they are someone who's gonna listen to your rants they are gonna embrace every flaw & every good thing about you , you are gonna feel exposed in their presence there's something about this person knowing you more than you know them , they really love to spend time with you , i'm seeing this person pushing you towards better goals like your life is gonna improve being with them ,this person will be very happy for your success, they are gonna put you on pedestal they think you are more lovable than them and you deserve more than them and i can confidently say they'll always love you more than you love them its very sweet but also sad , they have insecurities yet they are here trying to soothe your heart, they are gonna apologise first its like they dont wanna lose you they know how to keep a connection you wouldn't need to worry this is a connection where you can let yourself just be you aint gonna walk on eggshells, they are mature , i feel like this person cannot express themselves through words so they prefer to write to you , take you to places with them , praise you infornt of others , make you something, i feel like this persons love is comforting and sweet , you are their equal and they want you to feel like that.
This person will definately engage more in your life , they are gonna be supportive towards you like a best friend, they will overgive to you , they can even say stuff like ...." as long as i'm here i'm gonna be there for you ".....they will hold your hand while you walk they will listen to your problems, they will embrace your silly nature , take you out , spend time with you " i'm getting this line you came and the other one is like you called " it went viral on tiktok i think its from a movie but yeah the energy is very much sweet
Oh you guys this is so sweet , you guys dont speak the same language? They're gonna learn for you we have that kind of person here , you know when they are in love they get hearty eyes it shows on their face and in their behaviour, those sneaky eye contacts , those blush when you are mentioned, the sincerity in their words ,its all there .
How they're gonna pursue you ? Its very passionate and being Passionate does not mean always having hots for each other and that is exactly how they will make you feel , you feel this wholeness i'm having a hard time describing it...its so divine...you know just so grateful and lucky to have a connection like this in this day n age , Yeah 😭this is sooooooo damnnn cuteee i'm scared of this person's energy its very intense , i mean your partner is into worshipping & if you like this then this is definitely your pile (:
Channelled song:
Thanks for reading!!
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
If you are ever thinking of an autistic person and say to yourself "I never really have to make any/many accomodations for them."
Yeah.
That is because WE are the ones making the accomodations for YOU.
You always hear about how we need all this support and patience but no one ever talks about the sacrafices ASD people make for he NTs in our lives that they never even see or know about.
Oh, you think I am "well spoken?" Thats cuz i spent a ridiculous amount of time rehearsing my lines and facial expressions to make sure they meet your liking.
I don't seem to have any sensory issues? My guy, i have nerve damage from raw dogging the pain. You ever watch a lactose intolerant person eat dairy? They aint gonna shit their pants in front of you. You dont have to follow them into he bathroom to believe them.
Oh you mean you dont remember me ever having a meltdown? I locked myself on the bathroom to have my "temper tantrums" in private since i was 5 years old.
You think I dont stim? Let me roll up my sleeves and show you the gashes and scars from clawing myself under my shirt. The inside of my mouth looks like a crime scene. I can taste the blood. You cant. I would much rather be "squirming" or wearing very strong perfume but i know that bothers people so i find another way.
You think i am "smart?" Yeah i might be, but that is because i am constantly using my problem solving skills to quietly and covertly solve problems i am not "supposed" to have. Problems that would never even occur to you. Problems you would never even know about because i am fucking terrified of what people would say if they knew it takes me 3 hours to get dressed and shower sometimes.
I have given myself perminant nerve damage just because i was afraid to make other people even a little uncomfy.
You understand body language because it comes naturally to you.
I understand body language because it comes naturally to you.
We are not the same.
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
In honor of me getting my first ever TMNT Comic,
here's Leo with a crush who gets overly excited when gifted something they're obsessed/hyperfixated with (cough definitely not me cough)
while I did buy the comic for myself (it was an Eastman and Laird's TMNT adventure special) I wanted to explore this more because my brain is way too active and i need an outlet lol
pls dont blame me if its a little ooc, im trying my best and this is impulsive T0T
note: Reader uses they/them, Leo is a massive dork, semi proofread
2012!Leo x Expressive!Reader
Saw something he thought you'd like while on patrol,
"Hey guys, you think they'll like this?" He looks throught the window.
They snicker and shit on him (lovingly in a sibling way)
Whether it was a poster or figurine or comic, he's getting that baby just for you
Obviously he'd get it by paying because stealing would be wrong.
And by paying he means snatching it in the middle of the night and leaving a twenty with an apology note
Because that's what heroes do
anyway
Hops up to your apartment,
(with his brothers watching from the shadows because they absolutely cannot resist a good show. yes, even Donnie; like a true hypocrite)
He makes sure that neither your parents are there with you and he knocks on the window
You, with your ultra smart brain, immediately knew it was him because it was either that or a murderer that climbed up to specifically your window to murder you
which was unlikely, but hey, so was being friends with a giant turtle
You open your window and are immediately greeted with a shiny (not-so-brand new) comic/poster/figurine of the thing you talked about nonstop for weeks. maybe months. actually now that you think about it it mightve been year—
"Hey."
"Wh-"
"No way. NO WAY." You take it out of his hands (gently) and look at it in awe, before looking up at him with a dazzled expression
(If you squinted you could see sparkles coming off of you)
"What- Where- Dude. Where'd you even find this?!" A wide grin on your face as you look at him.
"Oh y'know.. Patrol and fighting bad guys, awesome stuff. Uh, then, y'know.. I found some merch that I thought you'd like."
"Dude he's seriously blowing this." one of the guys (mikey) whisper. "Yeah, he's worse than Donnie." he says, earning a 'Hey!' from Donnie.
Leo glares at them for a second before turning his attention back to you.
You let out a giddy giggle, "ahh! dude!"
"Dude." You set it down gently and put both of your hands on his shoulders. "I. Love you. So much. You know that?"
He blushes a little, "Well, I mean, it's not really a big de-"
"Not a big deal?! DUDDEE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Is this a marriage proposal?" You say, shaking him a little.
"Wh- um.. What?" Leo lets out a weak chuckle, he feels his face heating up. "Because I accept. Let's get married, I love you so much. Oh my god, you have no idea-"
Ohhh god.
Yeah, that does it.
Well, even more than it already has.
"Whahahaha... Okay, uh, You don't really mean that, do y-" Oh.
"..Oh, sorry, is that too far? I mean, I do it with my other friends, but I'm not sure- Leo?" Yeah, no this is going to kill him. Kinda pathetic, huh? That a kiss on the cheek could send him spiraling just like that.
"Ah.. hahahah! Okay cool, haha.. uh, bye! I'll ah.. see you tomorrow? yep. Yeah. Okay, bye!"
He runs off.
Aw crap.
Did you do something wrong? God, you hope not. Maybe you should tone it down next time.
"Smooth moves brother, really got them falling for you."
"Shut up."
------------------------
Total writing time: idk like 15-20 mins?
Any fellow fic writers feel free to take inspo or even write a direct sequel to this, I just really like this idea and would absolutely love to read more abt it lol
#tmnt x reader#tmnt 2012 x reader#2012 leo x reader#leonardo x reader#tmnt leonardo x reader#leo x reader#tmnt leo x reader#tmnt 2012 leo x reader#tmnt#tmnt 2012#x reader#2012 leonardo#2012 leonardo x reader#leonardo hamato#tmnt leo#tmnt leonardo#tmnt 2012 leo
404 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you
well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck
what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)
now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.
what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too
on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen
so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.
YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO
it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries
somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.
this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.
when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)
and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art
because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.
and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS
SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED
there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it
here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you
do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in
LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR
create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT
then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'
now lets trot buckaroos
947 notes
·
View notes
Note
hiii want to say that i just met your blog and i obsessed with it!! i really love your writing. anddd i want to make a abby request, abby and reader are in college and abby is like super popular and when they start to date reader is called “abbys girl” all the time and get super flustered? i dont know if i express myself good, english is not my first language, sorry! hope u have a amazing day, xoxo <3
- Abby’s girl -
Pairings - modern au! Abby Anderson x Fem! Reader
An - this is kinda bad I’m sorry 😭😭 I wasn’t really sure what plot to write but I still appreciate the request.
Everybody was cheering. With only a minute left on the clock the Seattle wolves vrs the Jackson mustangs— one of the oldest lasting rivals on and off the court, were pushing one another around trying to keep Abby from making her shot.
The blonde dodged around trying to avoid the other team. Making it to the 3 point line she threw the ball. Going through the hoop the clock blared at the same time, the referees announced the wolves win making the home side scream with excitement.
Abby shouted happily, making eye contact with you she grinned. Making your way out of the stands was easier said then done.
Eventually getting to the locker room you walked towards Abby’s spot. One of her teammates walked past you taking a moment to say hi. “Shit It’s Abby’s girl, hey she’s just over there the girls are cheering for her”
You felt your face turn red, “oh thanks” with a smile you watched as she walked away before going towards the shouting. Being the girlfriend of the basketball team captain tended to help boost your own reputation. Most of them didn’t know your name only addressing you as ‘Abby’s girl’.
Was it your preferred way of being addressed… well no. But it wasn’t the end of the world, all it did really was embarrass you.
Setting your purse down by Abby’s duffel bag on the bench you watched as the girls other girls crowded around her, chanting Abby’s name while they all celebrated their big win which would now take them to state. You were and always will be Abby’s biggest supporter, no matter what you would never miss any of her games.
She instantly noticed your presence, breaking free abby quickly made her way to you. Grabbing you by the waist she pulled you into a messy kiss. It was full of adrenaline and not coordinated. Pulling back Abby kept her face close to yours. A few of the other girls on the team chuckled at the display making you blush. “Hey” abby flirted against your lips.
“Hi” You giggled “You did amazing out there.. I mean really I genuinely believe Your Gonna win this thing”
“And im Gonna do even better tonight” she continued her cocky streak, pressing your hips against hers.
You rolled your eyes finding her attempts at seduction funny. “Uh huh, I’m gonna wait for you outside ok” kissing her one more time you gasped as she grabbed your ass. You rolled your eyes as you pulled back, giving her a warning look as Abby remained on her high.
—
You sat down on a bench near by the exit. Pulling out your phone you started to scroll on Instagram, trying to decided what to make a post about. That and finding a new restaurant near by to take Abby to, just to celebrate her big win before she actually tried to get you pregnant.
“So your Abby’s girl huh?” A woman spoke. Looking up you were taken back by seeing Ellie Williams the Jackson mustangs team captain.
Confused you nodded “uh yeah..”
She just scoffed. “How the hell did she manage to pull you” standing up you grabbed your purse, Ellie knew you had been offended by what she said.
“First of all she didn’t pull anyone, how we got into a relationship was because she’s a good person and secondly” you looked her up and down “why are you even over here, your bus is on the other side of campus”
“Damn, I was just asking” she laughed crossing her arms “but seriously though Abby? Her being a good person, that’s total bullshit she’s anything but good, besides I can do anything she does”
“Except win a Game”
You could tell Ellie was starting to loose her patience. Why was she over by you, to hell if you knew. There was a tense silence between you both, before she could speak the back door opened.
Abby stood tall and strong as always only her former grin was replaced with a look of disgust. Getting up you walked over to her, kissing her cheek. “Williams”
“Anderson”
Both girls staring at each-other with a Look of hate, You had heard Time and time again the rivalry between the two schools and between their families. “Why are You over here, and better question why are you talking to my girl”
“Fuck dude nobody’s trying to fight Dina just forgot her bag inside I offered to come get it.” Ellie looked at one once again before gesturing her head to Abby. “Your Girl seems like a real catch, guess you got lucky”
“Guess i did” her response was harsh. At this point you were fed up with the conversation and dealing with Ellie. Grabbing Abby’s hand you pulled her away.
——
Sitting on Abby’s bed you laughed softly at watching her go on a rant. “And don’t get me started on Joel the sheer fucking audacity of that man! He punched my dad because he couldn’t help Ellie. I repeat he punched MY DAD— why are you laughing”
“Nothing Nothing its Just.. your really cute when you get mad” Abby flipped you off making you laugh once again. After a moment she sat down on the bed beside you, taking a calming breath she leaned over kissing you softly, slowly, sensually.. pulling back she gently squeezed your hand.
“What did I do to deserve you” she muttered.
“Not much but working out and getting buff and being blonde helped, you know the important shit” you gave her a charismatic smile
“Your not Funny”
“I’m hilarious”
#lesbian#wlw#abby anderson fluff#abby anderson tlou2#abby headcanons#abby anderson x reader#abby the last of us#abby tlou#abby x reader#abby anderson#tlou fluff#tlou fanfiction#tlou2#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us
410 notes
·
View notes
Text
goodbye Mersmp
Super long message below!! (Funny story!)
and a message to the CCs at the end! <3
This is a piece that means so much to me. 21 months ago the designs for Theo and Faye got released. That day, i drew them! On paper with the supplies I had laying around, in a sketchbook smaller than my hand. At this point I was proud of my art but still very nervous about it. I had no idea how to draw them. I struggled a lot.
The second time I drew it, a year had passed. I felt I had been able to grow a lot as an artist and was excited to show how much I improved, so I redrew it! I loved how the lineart turned out and was so so excited to see the finished piece! But guess what? I hated it. I colored it in and still hate it to the point that I don’t even have the final version saved to my phone. It makes me feel ashamed.
But now, Mersmp has come to a close and the characters I have grown to care about so deeply have gotten their happy ending. So I wanted to give this piece that as well.
And finally, I think I can finally say I did.
I started drawing this final piece as soon as I was able to screenshot their epilogue designs. I was determined to make it right. So I sat down and drew, and drew, and drew, only taking an hour break to have dinner with a friend (don’t be like me). Finally, at 3am, eleven hours later, I was satisfied.
In this final piece are things that show just how tired I was. There are countless freckles on both characters, even under their scales! That’s a lot of dots. But wait… not the smallest. If you zoom in close enough they have pores! Much smaller than their freckles. That’s really a lot of dots! My freckle brush must have really come in clutch, right? WRONG! I dont have a freckle brush! All of this was done with one single smooth brush and I made Every. Single. Dot. Individually. That must have been pretty hard on my stylus, right? ONCE AGAIN WRONG! I don’t have a stylus! All of this was done on Ibis Paint x, a free art program, on an old janky ipad I got for free because it was so broken, all drawn with my finger. Even if I got a stylus, my ipad is too old to connect to any of them, including apple pencils.
The moral of this story is to never give up and not to let your resources limit your creativity. It doesn’t matter what medium you use, just do something to learn and keep pushing to improve. You will get there. Despite everything, you can do it.
And to the Mermp crew: Thank you for everything you have done. Through the story you have told and the community you have built, you have helped myself and others to grow in many ways. I myself learned a lot from Theo, learning that I do in fact go nonverbal at times and that does not mean there is anything wrong, and that I can feel conflicted and unsure about gender and expression. I learned I don’t need to be fixed. Just like I have now learned to look at the first redraw. I may not like it, but it is an expression of who I was at the time. Similar to Cella and Bite. Those characters may not like what they did in the past, but they are able to look back and recognize that it made them who they are today. If I always was proud of my first redraw, I may have never pressed myself to make this third one as beautiful. Thank you for the stories and lessons you have shared with us and allowing us to grow along side you and your characters.
And maybe, one day, a year or so from now, I can return to this and redraw it again, seeing what other things I enjoy in the future and how they may shape me to change.
With love, Turtle.
#artists on tumblr#fanart#my art#mer smp#mer smp theo#mer smp faye#mersmp theo#Mersmp finale#redraw#i love them sm#A message to the Mersmp creators
159 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi!! i absolutely love your writing, you write alastor so so well and i absolutely devoured everything you have posted... would you by any chance be open to writing alastor with a f!reader who has an eating disorder/anorexia? <3 it's a triggering topic so i totally understand if you'd rather not! 💖 i've just recently been stressed about feeling like i need to lose weight again despite already having lost quite a lot and it just feels. never enough, so i would much appreciate some comfort! thank you for sharing your writing with us! 💖
hi my love!! i know you requested this some time ago, and i hope youve been feeling better (,: i also struggle with this type of thing so i 100% dont mind writing about it, but just know that you are super beautiful and worth every sweet treat and meal you get!!! mwah mwah mwah i hope you like the story ^.^
Ma Moitié
Alastor x Reader (fluff/comfort)
TW: eating disorder!!! alastor is def OOC hes being a sweetie pie join my discord!
◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈
You always had a poor relationship with your body and food, in life and in death. You went through periods of weight loss, gain, loss again—some seemingly never ending cycle that no amount of therapy has managed to halt.
Your mind was currently weighing the pros and cons of eating the slice of cake offered to you by Charlie. She was celebrating the arrival of a few new residents, the first to arrive since the last extermination. The news really helped the hotel garner some attention, that plus the fancy new renovation Lucifer himself helped with… needless to say, Charlie was thrilled. So, she threw a little party. You had been standing awkwardly near the doorway, trying to find an opportunity to slip away from the small party. But you doubted you could escape without your absence being noticed; there really weren't that many people here to begin with.
You had accepted the cake out of sheer politeness, but you now just held the plate loosely in your hands, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you thought. You’ve been feeling particularly… susceptible to the calories in food lately. You considered the fact that you hadn’t eaten much today—or, honestly, the whole week for that matter. It shouldn’t hurt to just have one slice of cake. Just this once.
But… still…
You frowned down at the cake. Picking up the plastic fork, you took a tiny chunk from it and lifted it to your lips. Your lips quivered as the food touched your tongue, and you felt sick as you chewed. You managed to swallow after an unnecessarily long few seconds of chewing, and you continued to just stare down at your plate. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle another bite.
Niffty had seen the sickly expression on your face, and loudly started throwing questions at you. Were you sick? Did you hate the party? Why didn’t you like the cake she made? Her loud voice was growing in volume, and catching the attention of a few other demons in the room. You tried various ways to shush her, attempting to answer her questions politely, but you felt your heart rate pick up at the obviously growing number of eyes.
“I’m not incredibly fond of sweets myself,” You heard that radio-afflicted voice pipe up from behind. You couldn’t help but jump at the unexpected presence, but you turned your head with a light smile. Alastor was looking curiously down at Niffty and you.
“Ah, yeah, the cake’s great, I just… don’t like dessert that much…” You lied. You actually really liked cake, but it had been a long time since you were actually able to enjoy it without feeling intensely guilty about it. The tiny demon made a fussy comment about how nobody appreciated her and all of her hard work, stomping away. Her mood didn’t last, though, immediately getting caught up in cleaning something you couldn’t even see.
You turned your head to thank Alastor, but you saw his smile drop slightly as he looked at you. The demon bent at the waist to lean down, his mouth near your ear and his usually boisterous voice quieted to a whisper. “Is everything alright, mon coeur?”
You felt your face heat up, both at the words he spoke and the proximity. You and Alastor had been quietly ‘official’ for quite a while now, but you weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to the small gestures of affection from the Radio Demon. It felt weird if you thought about it too long.
“I’m okay, just…” You weren’t sure how open you wanted to be about how you were feeling. Alastor knew about your poor body image and eating habits, but he truthfully never really knew how to go about comforting you. Plus, you felt as if your personal struggles were trivial to a literal Overlord of Hell. You didn’t want to bother him with your own shit.
“I’m fine,” You finally decided. You could tell Alastor knew you were lying, with that furrow of his eyebrows, but he stood up straight and didn’t push. You sighed and gently placed the plate of cake down on a small entryway table by the door you had been lurking near.
“I’ll get us out of here,” He declared with a wide smile, and he strode forward to where Charlie stood talking to the group of new guests. She knew Alastor was approaching due to the look of horror that slowly crossed the new demon’s faces. You couldn’t quite hear what they were saying, but it looked like she briefly scolded Alastor for being so damn intimidating for no reason.
They chatted for a moment, and you could hear the Radio Demon’s obnoxious laughter from across the room. He gestured to himself, then to you, to which Charlie looked in your direction. You shot her a small smile. She smiled back, nodded, and turned away to continue talking to the new residents—who all had been slowly inching away from Alastor. They looked incredibly relieved when he left the group.
He gave you a grin and wordlessly threaded his arm around yours, linking you at the elbow. You lifted your hand to give his upper arm an appreciative squeeze as you left the room. Your eyes lingered on the abandoned slice of cake as you walked away, feeling guilty in more ways than one.
Alastor had led you to your room, releasing your arm and leaning his body weight on his cane as he looked down at you. You glanced up at him, then back down, pursing your lips as you stared at anything else in the room.
“I hate when demons lie to me,” He said, eyes narrowed. Of course, you knew he wasn’t truly mad at you. Maybe frustrated. “What’s wrong.” It was more like a statement than a question. A demand.
You sat heavily down on the edge of your bed, fiddling with your fingers.
“I don’t know, Al,” You muttered. You hated this. “I just… You know how I get sometimes.” It somehow felt so silly, telling him about this.
Alastor had sat down next to you, his arm wrapped over your shoulder and a clawed hand rubbing up and down your forearm. You could tell his touch was light, awkward, unsure—but the gesture was appreciated nonetheless. While Alastor typically had no problem overstepping boundaries and shoving demons around purely to aggravate them, he obviously had no real idea how to be intimate and kind. But he tried for you.
He took his other hand and slipped it under your legs, swiftly lifting you and pulling you further up the bed. He leaned his body against the headboard, and dragged you over to lay your torso against his own.
“I don’t understand why you worry about all this, dear,” He mused, his fingers threading through your hair. His other hand graced past your stomach, which caused you to subconsciously flinch away. You felt his hand pause, but he didn’t mention it.
“I wish I didn’t have to,” You responded slowly, your cheek squished against his chest. “But I’ve dealt with this since I was alive. I feel like it’ll never get better.”
“Dearest, you have a whole eternity here,” He mused in response. He placed a finger under your chin and craned your head to meet his gaze. “You need to be strong to survive down here; to stay sane. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.”
Of course Alastor was always thinking about strength and survival. He was an Overlord, after all. You didn’t respond to him, but you kept looking at him as he spoke. There was an odd look in his eyes as he talked.
“Plus,” He continues. His words were slow, and his mouth moved as if the words tasted unnatural on his tongue. This uncertainty that touched the Radio Demon’s voice was… rare, to say the least. “I want to see ma moitié happy. I am… incredibly devoted to you.”
Your ear pricked when you noticed the radio frequency in his voice completely dropped when he spoke the words. That look in his eyes—you finally recognized it as some odd sense of passion and endearment. An emotion that you could tell confused him, with the strain in his brow as he examined you. He meant the words he said, no matter how unnatural they felt leaving his mouth.
You rested your head back down on his chest. You knew this conversation wouldn’t “cure” you or anything, but you hoped that maybe you could think back on his words everytime your hands shook as you held a fork to your mouth. Of all demons in Hell, Alastor’s opinion was probably the most important to you, and you knew his devotion wouldn’t halt because of a few pounds; Alastor had to be deeply, deeply passionate about you to even let you lay on top of him like this.
You only hummed in response, and simply rested your head back against his chest. You hugged your arm tightly against him to try to convey that you appreciated his words, but you didn’t really know what to say.
“Would you join me for breakfast tomorrow?” Alastor asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “I know this wonderful place that I frequent for coffee…”
You thought for a moment, again weighing the pros and cons; a habit that you struggled to drop when it came to meals. Your mind was buzzing with thoughts of what kind of food might be there, and if you should ration out the meals for the rest of the day. But, you felt the thoughts melt away when Alastor’s hand rubbed a comforting circle against your cheek, and then trailing down towards your shoulder in a light squeeze.
“Okay,” you finally said. It wouldn’t hurt to have a decent meal for once. You pulled yourself up onto your elbows again to look at Alastor. “Sounds awesome.”
His smile twisted up, his teeth peeking through a small gap in his lips. His head inched forward, but then paused, and you could tell his mind was racing with various thoughts. You waited for him to decide and, after a few moments, he closed the gap and lightly pressed his lips against yours. It was brief, as most intimate contact with him was, but you enjoyed it while it lasted.
“You will always be my only weakness,” Alastor admitted tenderly. “The most captivating demon in all of Hell.”
You couldn’t stop the shy smile that spread across your face at his words. You sputtered out some awkward response, to which he simply hummed and smiled at. He closed his eyes and rested his head back against the headboard, his fingers still playing with your hair gently.
You followed suit, resting your head against his chest and closing your own eyes. You didn’t even realize how tired you were, too caught up in the rare intimacy with Alastor. You let your worries of breakfast fade away, choosing to just enjoy the warmth of his body so close to yours.
#ohdeerfully#alastor#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor hazbin hotel#fluff#comfort#eating disorder#TW: eating disorder#TW: disordered eating#disordered eating
297 notes
·
View notes
Note
funny thought I had: hyo asking reader for dating advice and reader being like “lose the sunglasses” yk cause hyo has pretty eyes and her being like “but I can’t they’re basically a part of me” and “they make me look cool” “dont girls like that sort of thing??”💀 imagine bada overhearing and telling hyo not to get any funny ideas and to focus on her work 😭 — @aericrys
AERI. THIS IS GOLD!! 🕶️
“What, in your opinion, makes a woman attractive?” Hyo asks you.
You pause. You're currently standing on a ladder, about to reach for another book to read from the Lee mansion’s private and extensive library. “Where’s this coming from?”
Hyo sighs, moving to lean against the ceiling-tall bookshelf behind her. “Promise you won’t make fun of me?”
“Oh come on Hyo, do I seem like the type of friend to do that?”
Hyo cranes her neck up so she makes eye contact with you, quirking her eyebrow with an unamused expression.
“Okay, maybe I am…” you laugh lightheartedly. “But I promise I won’t this time.”
“And you won’t tell the girls or the Boss either,” Hyo adds.
“I won’t, I promise.”
Your bodyguard lets out a dramatic sigh. “I was thinking about getting back into dating–”
“No, way! Really?” You say excitedly, while grabbing the book you wanted.
“Yeah,” Hyo nods. “So I downloaded this dating app–”
“Oh Hyo…” you wince, closing your eyes and shaking your head. “A dating app?”
“What? I thought that’s what people normally do these days,” she says.
“A lot of young people do use dating apps, yes, but mostly for hookups,” you climb up the ladder more, locating another book from your list. “It’s kind of a mixed bag if you want a serious relationship to come from it.”
“Well, I already downloaded it and made a profile,” Hyo huffs. “But all the women I keep matching with suddenly stop messaging me back.”
“Can I see the pictures you have on your profile?” You look down to see Hyo nod, then slowly climb down from the tall ladder, multiple books still cradled in the crook of your arm.
Hyo pulls out her phone, opens the dating app, then shows you her profile.
The pictures aren’t terrible, but they aren’t great either. Although Hyo’s very good at taking photos for other people, it’s clear she hasn’t figured out her angles very well. She has a few taken at slightly awkward angles, but she also looks pretty good in them. You suppose it’s the advantage of being a more masculine woman–you can look good without even trying. And with Hyo already having naturally attractive features, she has a leg up.
“Okay, I already see a massive problem Hyo.” You look over at her, a frown settling on your lips. “You look like you’re scared of the camera in all your pictures.”
“What?” Hyo takes back her phone, squinting at her screen. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.” You point at a picture where she’s half smiling, half deadpanning, making an odd combination for an expression. “You look terrified.”
“I’m not–”
“But honestly, you could have gotten away with it if you just did one thing.” You cut her off.
“Wha–”
“Take off your sunglasses!” You exclaim, pointing at the black-tinted shades placed on top of her nose bridge.
“What? No!” Hyo says back, her pitch rising. “I can’t, they’re a part of my look.”
“Your look,” you gesture to her figure, “screams ‘I work for a mafia boss, and you should be scared of me!’”
“No, the sunglasses make me look cool,” Hyo argues back, shaking her head. “Wait… they make me look cool, right?”
“Yes Hyo, they can make you look cool, but coupled with the way you dress and your deadpan attitude, it makes you seem cold through text,” you state. “Taking off your sunglasses will show a more human part of you. Besides, you have nice eyes, you shouldn’t hide them.”
“I don’t know…” Hyo trails off, touching the frames of her sunglasses. She shakes her head, “Okay, then tell me what else I can do to make myself more attractive to women.”
“Quite the interesting question to be asking my fiancée, Hyo.” Bada’s voice suddenly echoes through the library, her tall frame standing right next to the door. She has her arms crossed over her chest, and one eyebrow raised upward as she stares your bodyguard down.
“Bada!” You smile widely at her.
“Hello,” she says, a natural and soft smile finding her lips easily as she approaches you. “I took a break and wanted to see you.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” You glance over at Hyo, who’s frozen still in her spot. “We were just talking about–”
“It’s alright, I heard everything.” Bada interrupts you.
“Oh…” You trail off, then nudge Hyo in an attempt at breaking her out of her stupor.
“All I can say is that women like it when you show them a more vulnerable side of yourself.” Your fiancée stops right in front of you and takes the heavy books you’re carrying out of your arms, holding them like their combined weight is nothing.
You shake your arms, having not even realized that they had begun to ache under the weight of the multiple books you’d been carrying. “Thank you.” You say, latching onto Bada’s unoccupied arm.
“You’re welcome, honey,” she says softly, before glancing at Hyo (who is still rooted in her spot), with mild annoyance. “Next time, instead of asking my fiancée for dating advice, do your job and help her carry her books, Hyo.”
Your bodyguard finally springs to life, nodding rapidly. “Yes, Boss.”
#౨ৎ melody's mafia au#bada lee x reader#bada x reader#bada lee#bada#street woman fighter 2 x reader#swf2 x reader#not including the taglist because it's more like a hyo and reader bonding moment w a bit of bada on the side
314 notes
·
View notes
Note
What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?
It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.
It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.
Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.
Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?
- [ ]
first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though
i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that
people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists
for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)
similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime
to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)
of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week
the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you
social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be
tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it
#ask#long post#i feel like i should tag for the ask bc it sucks but idk what so like. lmk#gender#trans stuff#i love you language philosophy i love you messy human relationships i love you contradictory identities
180 notes
·
View notes
Note
i dont know if u accept smut reqs but if u don’t please ignore my ask and i’m so sorry for overstepping!!
but could i please req a hard dom!seungkwan who teaches u a lesson at home after u couldn’t stop whining and begging for him at dinner with ur friends?
18+ / mdi
content: dom!seungkwan, afab reader, teasing, smut, oral (m receiving), letc.
wc: 1399
a/n: im so sorry i took so long to finish this!!! ive been trying to make time for all reqs so its taking a while to get them all out T-T anyways thank u for requesting and i hope u enjoy!!
masterlist
it was common for seungkwan to bring you along whenever he had dinner with the members. it had kind of become a tradition to have dinner together at least once a month, with the members' respective significant others tagging along.
you had been part of the crew for a while, having been dating seungkwan for an extended period of time by now. you were practically just another friend to the members at this point, making all of you quite comfortable with one another.
maybe too comfortable.
seungkwan always thought of you as a well-behaved girl. not even in a dirty way or anything. he just knew you were never the type to act out in public or to purposely become a nuance to him. yes, you would banter with him sometimes, but it was always in good faith and never really went anywhere. sure, you'd often tease him in the bedroom and take advantage of your effect on him time after time, but this always remained behind closed doors.
which was why seungkwan was quite shocked at the way in which you had suddenly decided to behave.
you weren't being too obvious about it, keeping your brattiness between you and himself. it started with a few touches far too high on his thigh, followed by raunchy comments hidden behind a cough. then it evolved into lustful eyes staring down on his own whenever no one was looking.
it even manifested itself into you cornering him on your way to the bathroom as he came back from a bathroom break himself.
you'd planted a steamy kiss on his lips and felt him up in a very unseemly way before letting him know you 'wanted his cock so fucking bad' and making your merry way to the bathroom as he walked back to the table completely flustered. it then (unsurprisingly) proceeded into a text message received by seungkwan a few moments later, a message containing your bare breasts and a look in your eye that he only ever saw between the sheets. except you weren't between his sheets. you were at the restaurant's bathroom, making a fool of him with a mere picture.
that was more or less where seungkwan felt it'd be appropriate to put his foot down. he was never good at resisting you, and he knew that adding the extra layer of being surrounded by his members would only make him break sooner or later. so he decided to throw you a curveball and storm after you in the bathroom, coughing out an excuse of 'forgot my wallet in the restroom' to the other guys before sneaking his way into the hallway leading to the restroom. that's where he found you making your way back to the table before wordlessly dragging you to one of the spacious gender neutral stalls and locking the door.
immediately pushing you up against the wall, he practically growled out his next words.
"you wanted me to embarrass myself out there, huh? knowing i dont know how to act any time you tease me," he assessed, knowing he was right by your shocked expression.
you clearly were expecting him to crumble and make up some weak excuse in order to take you home as you smirked next to him, giving the members clear indication of who begged for who in the relationship. but he decided to turn things on you and give you a taste of your own medicine, maybe show you what it was like to get on your knees for your beloved.
"no, i-"
"did i say you could speak? good girls stay quiet til i tell them do speak. do you understand?", his hands went to run up and down your body, making a game plan of how he was going to take you.
"y-yes."
"good girl. now ..."
his eyed drifted down to your cleavage, reminding him of the dirty picture you had sent him earlier.
without a second thought, his hands grabbed onto your cleavage and forcefully pulled it down, ripping a bit at the arms of your dress before diving right to your tits, mouth open and willing.
"k-kwannie, what are you-"
he ignored your gasp, simply adding more force to the suckling of your breasts, using his arms to push up your hips against his own as he began to grind against you. his groans and your gasps were the only thing that could be heard in the empty restroom.
after getting his fill of your tits in his mouth, he became too frustrated by the mere friction he felt at the grinding of your hips, opting instead to guide you into a kneeling position in front of him.
"you're gonna be a good girl and take care of the problem you caused, right, baby?", he looked down at you with indescribable lust in his gaze.
"yes, kwannie ... want it in my mouth so bad," you begged, licking at him through his pants while you gave him the prettiest eyes he'd ever seen.
in any other occasion, this would've had him on his knees, begging for your mouth around his dick and crying as he felt the barest touch, but today he had to prove a point.
"stop messing around and get my cock out. don't make me repeat myself," he didn't recognize himself as he ordered you around, but he liked the shudder he saw go through you at his demanding tone.
without complaint, you hurriedly undid his pants and brought his boxers down, immediately getting to work as you licked and kissed at his tip.
he threw his head back at your teasing, unable to reprimand you for it. it just felt so fucking good.
luckily for both you and him, this didn't last long. before even realizing it, you were already gagging on as much of his cock as you could get into your mouth, looking up at him with furrowed brows as you wordlessly begged him. he was confused as to what you were begging for at first, only realizing what you meant when you brought his hands behind your head, slightly making him push your head forward and- oh.
was this what you wanted? was this what you'd been after all along?
you wanted him to take control and use you for his pleasure. fuck.
he almost came at the realization, until realizing that he'd much rather cum after fucking your mouth until you cried.
he began pistoling his hips against your mouth, moaning as you let yourself become his pretty fleshlight while he groaned at both the sight and feeling. maybe you weren't a bad behaved girl after all. maybe all you wanted was him to take his frustrations out on you and use you like the pretty doll you were.
or at least he hoped this was the case, because he was already addicted.
"pretty thing ... oh, fuck. such a pretty thing for me to use, aren't you? gonna cum in your mouth, okay? gonna fill you up and you're gonna swallow it all for me, yeah?", he mumbled between moans, knowing his end would come faster than expected.
and he was right. his orgasm took over just moments later, with his hands dragging your head up and down his cock while his hips thrust into your awaiting mouth. he completely lost himself as his orgasm washed over him, making him lose all sense of his surroundings and almost disregard your gagging as he filled your mouth.
he pulled away moments after, crying out in painful pleasure when you still managed to suckle on his sensitive tip as he pulled himself out of your mouth.
he let himself fall down against the wall, now sitting at your level as he tried to catch his breath.
"i hate you," he groaned between breaths.
"yeah. i believe that. you just fucked my mouth like you wanted me dead," you chuckled as you also attempted to regulate your breathing.
"wasn't that what you wanted?", he quirked an eyebrow at you.
"maybe."
"you menace," he chuckled despite his words.
"you like it," you got close enough to him to land a sweet peck on his lips.
"i wont when we have to go out there and explain what we were doing this whole time."
"i got my fill of cock, nothing else matters."
he'd been completely wrong. you were absolutely not a well-behaved girl.
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#svt fanfic#svt x reader#seventeen#seventeen imagine#svt#seventeen oneshot#seventeen smut#svt smut#seungkwan scenarios#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan smut#seungkwan fanfic
169 notes
·
View notes