chitrasfoodbook

[dullahandyke]

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

[polyamorousmood]

Hey there :)

So I have no problem with my bf dating other people, and recently hes started having sth with someone else. Good for them! Legit, no problem with that by itself

But.. now I'm being left on read a lot, like majority of the time it feels like, no matter the topic or time. I just feel.. forgotten, I think, or replaced idk. But it feels pretty bad.

I dont want them to think I'm jealous or mad, I just wish he would still show me the same attention/care as before. Ive talked about how left on read makes me very insecure, due to fake friends and person past experiences before so I dont want to bring it up again.. but it hurts. Idk what to do?

Bad news, babe. You're gonna have to say something again. The good news though is that you can productively procrastinate it, because there's some stuff I want you to do first.

But before I get into that, I let having a cool opening distract me from very important other things that need said: That sucks, and I'm really sorry, but you can make it through this.

Now then. Time to productively procrastinate a difficult conversation. Look, I'm procrastinating it more by making it a read more! (It, um, it is A Lot. I took "blogging platform" literally on this one😅)

It sucks. Believe me, it bothers me too when I can't hear from my partner📵📴 because they're with my meta. It has been A Problem I've had to work through, so I think I'm actually pretty qualified to give advice on this.

Some of what I have to say is going to smart (old-timey word for sting) a bit, so I want to make it clear that I understand where you're coming from, so you can trust the part that stings is necessary. I imagine its something like this:

You relationship with your boyfriend is great! So great, you're happy for him to have someone else to love! That's. That's so rare and incredible, its a love beyond what most will know. And then he takes that love and wads it up and throws it in the back seat to make room for this new schmuck. The love is still there, it's just... in the back seat. And you never thought that would happen, because the relationship is so good! And you already said something, so you worry you're being a nag, which you don't want, because you ARE happy for them, you're so happy for them... except when you're not because you can't be happy when he can't be bothered to text you back. Its not really so much to ask, and you EXPLAINED why its important to you, so why doesn't he seem to care? You communicated, you did your part, and it was hard and scary! Surely harder than texting you back would be! And you don't want to feel like this, but. There's this anxiety that... shouldn't he want to text you back? Isn't that how he would act if he really did still care about you just as much?

Any of that resonate? I don't know you, so maybe some of it was way off base🎯, I don't know. But I hope enough of it was close enough to right that you know I get it when I say:

This isn't just your boyfriend fucking it up. This is, in part, probably you asking something unreasonable. To give you the exact same level of time an energy as when it was just you too is a big ask. To be able to supercede his time with the other person any time you want is a big ask. If you're only okay with your boyfriend having someone else if it doesn't cut into your time at all, how okay with it are you actually?

So before you talk to him about it, you gotta step back. Its not that you're wrong for feeling sidelined. But a poly relationship just isn't going to be the exact same as a monogamous one. It it were, I wouldn't have bothered making a blog, and I wouldn't have needed to because I wouldn't have a trail of loving, wonderful, burnt to ashes monogamous relationships behind me. Let's take a deep breath together. Pause here if you need.

Now, there are some questions here that do affect what I think would be fair. For example, if you're living with your boyfriend, and he's taking you for granted, always texting the other person when he's with you, you don't have any special time with him anymore, and then when he goes out its radio silence. That's a very different situation from you being in a long distance relationship so texting is your main form of communication/bonding and now he's got a new person that lives near him so he's with them constantly and now, what are you, chopped liver? for example. I'm going to give a list of things you might be doing that's unfair, and I want you to take a minute and evaluate as honestly as you can where you fall on that. This is a self-reflection, not an accusation, so please resist any temptations to get defensive (if you even feel them). I recommend taking out a pad of paper and committing to an answer for each. Some you may not be doing at all! Some okay maybe a little. And some now that you think about it, yeah actually, you're doing a lot. That's okay. You not handling it perfectly is okay, and doesn't mean we can't ask the boyfriend for accommodations still.

Are you valuing 1:1 time with your boyfriend as much as you're valuing (negatively) the time he spends 1:1 (not texting you) with his partner? IE, are you more bothered by him not texting you than you are appreciative when he takes time for you?

Are you texting him compulsively out of anxiety instead of because you have something more important to discuss?

Are you accidentally infringing on his other partner's time?

Are you trying to infringe on his other partner's time to reassure yourself that you're important to him?

Are you texting him to "test" him?

When you communicated that you didn't like being left on read, did you properly convey how big of a problem it is for you and what your expectations were?

When you communicated, did you allow space for negotiation and to work on the problem, or was it more like a list of demands?

Are you misplacing your feelings somehow? Is there something else that's bothering you that you don't feel comfortable bringing up?

Are you letting your anxieties run you? Is there something you could be doing to address your feelings?

Are you forgetting to weigh other allocations or shows of love he's making or you?

Is there anything else internally you might be overlooking in regards to this?

Whew! Heavy stuff. But you made it!🎉 Now, we'll dig into how his actions are making you feel. That last set was about what you could be doing better, and this one will help determine he could be doing better. But just like we weren't making accusations about you, we aren't making accusations about him either. We are assuming good faith on your boyfriend's part. This is still ultimately about your feelings and what reasonable accommodations could be made for them.

Do you feel the time allocation for you vs his other partner is fair? Why?

Does he seem to text them back more than you?

Does it seem like he's not taking your concerns seriously enough?

Does this issue look like a larger pattern? If so, what? How will that look long-term?

Has he made specific promises he hasn't kept to you in regards to this? If so, what were they and how hasn't he lived up to them?

Do you feel he's made adequate time for you to discuss concerns, or do you feel like he tries to rush through them?

Do you think he gave you a reasonably clear expectation of what him dating someone else would look like (or did he make it seem "nothing will change")?

Has he not responded to something critical?

Is there anything else he's done in regards to this that doesn't sit right with you?

You did it! 🎉Now we can officially start working on problem-solving. I imagine that was a lot more than you bargained for, for such a simple problem as "I want a text back," but its important to get everything laid out. This helps in a lot of ways. It helps guard against striking on a "solution" that isn't actually sustainable. It makes sure you're starting a discussion in good faith. And hopefully, it will help minimize having to return to the issue.

For the sake of formatting, we're going to address the questions for you first, then the questions about him, then how to have the hard conversation, then workarounds that you may not have considered that aren't really your or his problem. I actually think that third group has some of the better "quick fixes", if you can find one that works.

Starting with the questions about what you could be doing better, in order, skip any that don't apply:

Re: valuing 1:1 time -- Make active efforts to appreciate the time you do have more. Use this time as a guard against negative thoughts when he is unable to respond ("We spent all day together yesterday, a few hours today without hearing from him is fine")

Re: texting compulsively -- Be more vigilant about self-soothing. I find self-talk to be most effective for me. I cannot possibly cover everything here, but it sounds like it stirs up fears you're losing your partner. Since you cannot guarantee that will never happen, I find it most helpful to reassure myself I will be okay even if I do lose them. Another option is to make a reassurance bank, where you can store and see evidence of his affection without asking it from him. Your mileage may vary. If you really struggle with this, there's always therapy.

Re: accidental infringing -- Be more mindful of what you send. Save things that are non-urgent to discuss later, when you have his attention anyway.

Re: deliberate infringing -- Stop it. It will only strain things and make the outcomes you don't want more likely. See self-soothing. Find something else to distract you that you can put energy into.

Re: "testing" him -- See above. I know, its easier said than done. Do the hard work. That shit can ruin your life.

Re: didn't adequately express importance -- Well, its a good thing we're about to talk about it anyway! Really think through how you can explain how badly it makes you feel. We'll get into that more when we discuss How To Have the Conversation

Re: list of demands -- Well, its a good thing we're going to talk about it anyway! This time, see it as a negotiation. Ask him if that's feasible, or if its too much. But open to trying alternate solutions.

Re: misplaced feelings -- Take the advice on How To Have a Conversation and apply it to the thing that's actually the problem.

Re: managing anxieties -- Again, you'll have to find a way to self-soothe somewhat. That's not to say your partner shouldn't meet you halfway, but you do have to do your half.

Re: forgetting other expressions of love -- Literally make a list of all the things he's done/is doing for you. As many as you can think of. Add to it often. Pick a couple and do a deep dive on why that mattered so much to you and how you felt. Tell him, too. You gotta be grateful consciously, bro. This applies to all of life

Re: anything else -- Take that into account. Work on that, too, however you can. Be honest with him about your shortcomings when you address it.

A lot of these will require upkeep on your part (kind of mirrors🪞how texting you back consistently requires upkeep on his, huh?). Be prepared to discuss the changing you're going to make and have an actionable plan for them. Okay, his turn, same as before:

Re: fair time allocation -- does he need to make more time for you? Do he need to make protected time that is only for you? You said you feel forgotten, replaced, so maybe this is part of it.

Re: unequal texting -- first, consider why. If he lives with you, he's probably going to have to text the other person in front of you sometimes. If you still think its too much, again, protected time for you may be appropriate, he may need to do a better job keeping his New Relationship Energy (NRE) in check. Be prepared to discuss this, possibly including him defending himself!

Re: not taking concerns seriously -- Well, its a good thing we're discussing this again! Make sure you have an actionable, measurable metric he can do to show you progress here. (IE ❌"I need you to care more" ❌ but ✅"When you're unable to respond, I need you to say that you're busy so I know you thought of my needs" ✅)

Re: bigger patterns -- You will have to tell him you're concerned about those too. If it could become untenable for you, this will probably be a recurring discussion. Consider scheduling check-ins where you say one thing you think is going well and one thing you're worried about, for example.

Re: unkept promises -- here, you are super justified in being mad. Try not to be anyway. Try to be curious and interested in addressing the root problem. Ask him what got in his way, what middle ground he's confident he can manage. It is you and him vs the problem, even here, not you vs him.

Re: inadequate room to discuss -- Set expectations before the talk, and remind him of them if he forgets. (IE "I know this isn't nice to hear, but I need you to let me say my piece and talk through solutions, even if it takes awhile." and "I said I needed to talk through the solution. This sounds nice, but I'm concerned about X. How can we make sure that doesn't happen?") Consider reserving specific time to discuss it, consider reserving recurring time to discuss any problem, if you need it.

Re: didn't set expectations appropriately -- ask. Ask what this would ideally look like to him. If he's having trouble getting started, point out some differences you've already noticed, and ask if he thinks those are the new norm.

Re: didn't respond to something critical -- Establish a way he can see what is critical and what isn't. This might be texting something that can wait, but calling for something important, for example.

Re: anything else -- address that too. Give him a chance to explain himself. etc.

Okay, you've done everything up to this point alone. You're prepped. Now How Do You Have The Conversation?

For this type of stuff, I recommend the WIBS format. That is, "When [something happens], I feel [feelings] Because [explanation] So could you please [change]". But of course, it can't be that simple either. Critically you CANNOT say "you" before the "so could you please". The example I'm about to give is going to use the texting issue specifically, but if you've done the soul searching and found there's a bigger problem you want to address (which ngl, sounds like there might be something bigger based on what you sent), adjust accordingly! This is good general advice for any tough conversation. Anyway, here's what that might look like on the texting thing:

"When I am left on read, I feel anxious and betrayed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. So could you please make a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

But wait a minute! That doesn't include any of the bullshit I just made you do. What the hell am I trying to pull? Okay okay, so we have to modify this a bit. Our new format is going to be something more like this: "When [something happens], I feel [feelings and impact], because [explanation]. I have tried [things you've tried], and I am still struggling because [reason why that hasn't helped, including what you could do better]. So I was hoping to look at some more solutions, like, would you be willing to try [change]." Which might in practice look something like

"When I am left on read, I feel so anxious and betrayed I start spiraling thinking the relationship is doomed, because I've had a lot of friendships completely fall apart, and that's always how it started. I have tried dropping some hints and self soothing, and I'm still struggling because this is a really bad anxiety that I didn't have to deal with before recently and even with the hints I'm not getting the response rate I would like. So I wanted to talk about it and see if you'd be willing to try making a point to text me something when you read my message, even if its just 'lol' or you saying you want to discuss it later."

And then! The discussion continues. Maybe he says "oh my god, yeah, I didn't realize it was bothering you that much, absolutely I can do that" and maybe he says "I'm with you all the time how is this still a problem?" or maybe its "actually, [other partner] gets really anxious when I text, which is why I don't respond unless its important. I figured I could talk to you about dinner plans any time" and whatever the case is, you keep talking until you've set on clear goalposts and have reassurance they feel okay to all parties. So in order, your responses might be something like "are you sure you can manage that? I was really worried by my hints not being picked up on that that was the reason", "I know its a problem. That's why I'm talking to you about it. If that's not a good solution to you, let's come up with something else, because the way things are is really hard on me," and "okay. I don't want to make [other partner] anxious either, but this isn't working for me, can we find something else to try?"

Allow him to explain, be prepared to explain more yourself, and be willing to try a variety of solutions. Acknowledge

Is this my longest post yet? Maybe! Wild. Let's top it off with something easier: The Hack Solutions🧑‍💻. Sometimes, anxiety isn't logical, and goofy workarounds can be super helpful! Here are some off the top of my head, but feel free to get creative, too! Not all of these may be feasible, not all of them may help. But a lot less work than some other solutions so worth mentioning!

You said being "left on read" is what bothers you. Can you just... turn off read receipts? Or switch to a messaging app that doesn't have them? Can he just not read your texts until he has the time to respond?

A lot of phones have a driving mode, that will send an automated reply to texts. Can he turn that on when he's with his other partner so you get a reply like "hey I'm busy rn, but I'll text back later!" and would that help?

If you just want to feel more involved, maybe it would help if he just like, took a picture of his pizza to send to you. Reminds you you're thought of, doesn't require conversation.

Something that I've done with friends is write like, a dozen short affirmations/reassurances, and have them keep them in a special spot. When they need to feel loved, they can take one out to read. This has worked PHENOMENALLY for them, and still protects your partner's time away while allowing you to get love direct from your partner WHENEVER you want.

Can he just kick it with you both concurrently?

Can you have a friendship with your meta where you text THEM like "tell [bf] to text me back real quick" and then your bf doesn't feel bad about texting in front of the other partner because they're telling him to do it?

Classically condition yourself. Like, every time he leaves you on read, eat a chocolate. And then sometimes instead of it being "boyfriend won't text me :(((" it'll be "oooo! candy time!"

ai yai yai! That's all I have, though! Come back if you need help working through some specifics. I'm very happy to help however I can. Its not your fault you're struggling with this. Most polyam relationships have to deal with this to some extent, but with a little effort, you can make it through. Best of luck to you, friend. 💙💖🖤

[mjolnirswriststrap]

could you write a fanfic of clint barton making hot cocoa for reader when reader is sad? and just fluff all around :3 ♡

❄️DAY FOUR OF COUNTDOWN ‘TILL CHRISTMAS☃️

A/N: Ive never personally read or wrote anything to do with Clint, I see him as more of a father figure so I never crossed that line lol. So I tried to give you what you asked for, maybe some suggestive flirting but this is majorly platonic fluff. I can’t bring myself to do anything more than that 😅 Taking Request- a link to the characters I write for. Masterlist

Word Count: 1,588 (I did way over 1k cause this is so late, sorry babe)

Summary: Clint always knows just the right thing to say.

Here you were again, knocking on your best friend’s door, dripping wet from the rain and your own tears. It was a regular occurrence; you have any upset in your life and you went to Clint to help you fix it.

You waited till you heard shuffling from the other side of the door. Clint opened it, squinting at the bright hallway light. “It’s 3am, what happened this time kid?” He groans as he ushers you in the door. “He told me I was too much,” you take off your coat and make yourself right at home in his kitchen. Brewing you both a cup of cocoa, it was gonna be a long night.

You turn around and grab two mugs from the cabinet “, what does that even mean? Too pretty? Too talkative? Too smart? Was I too much of a woman for him, just help me make sense of it.” You say, sliding a steaming cup of chocolate across the counter.

Clint gives you a ‘are you done’ look and you nod. Not needing words to communicate with your friend. He takes a sip before he begins “It’s rather simple, I can’t believe you didn’t realize it sooner.”.

You furrow your eyebrows, preparing to be offended, even though you asked for his help. “C’mon.” You say walking around him to his living room, sitting on the couch. He spins in his stool, coming to join you on the couch. He sets down his mug on his ring covered coffee table, he didn’t believe in coasters.

You remember being so embarrassed the first night you sought him out. He gave you a piping hot cup of cocoa in a blue mug, it was old and wore down. You could barely make out “school of archery” and a bow drawn back, printed on the front.

It burned your finger tips when he handed it to you, so you quickly set it down on the solid wood in front of you. “That needs to cool down.” You sheepishly said, sucking on your burnt fingertips. Once you got to talking and you finally remembered your drink, you lifted it up to find a white circle, perfectly indented on the pristine wood. “I didn’t even think, I’m so sorry.” You said, worried you’d have to replace your coworkers coffee table.

“I’m not worried about it.” And you were ridden of any prior anxiety. That’s how the table ended up like this, covered in heat spots, peeled from sweat dripping down cups.

“So since it’s so clear for you, do you mind letting me in on my own problem?” You say, throwing your feet on his lap. He rolls his eyes, and begins massaging your toes. “Like I said, it’s obvious.” He looks over to you, catching your eyes, “You could never be too much, he wasn’t enough.”.

You rip your feet from him and flip your body the opposite way. Not being able to get comfortable. You lay your head in his lap instead, looking up to him. “Be so for real, maybe I need to relax on some things, I need your honesty.”. Clint looks up in thought.

You pick at the thread on his t-shirt. “I just don’t want to be the reason why nothing works for me. Why can’t it be some other driving force like, he’s married with kids, or he’s a psychopath. Why is it always me?” You huff out.

Clint runs his hand over your wet hair, “I mean it, he wasn’t enough.” You roll your eyes at him this time, why was he sparing your feelings. “Just hear me out, okay?” You turn back to him, nodding.

“He knew he wasn’t enough, and it’s not easy for boys to admit they can’t keep up with a woman, that’s why he projected it on to you, telling you that you were “too much”, cause he’s not a real man. And I agree, what does that even mean.” He says, he always knew exactly what to say.

Sometimes hearing how wise he is makes you feel years behind him, but you joined the team at the same time. “You promise?” You give him puppy dog eyes, knowing he couldn’t lie to you. “I promise.” He reached out his pinky and links it with yours. You lean up and kiss his cheek, causing you to blush, you’d never thanked him that way before. “My hero.” You were smiling now, far different from your first apparence tear soaked in his door way.

He looks down at you, placing his hand on your cheek, rubbing a thumb across your chin and up your cheek. “One day you’ll see what I see. The reason why I let you in a 3am, and sit on my couch in wet clothes, why I let you completely disregard that we have work in the morning.”. You looked up at your friend, seeing a glimmer in his eyes.

“Cause I’m the best, and you can’t resist.” You say, breaking up the tension of the moment. It causes him to scoff, “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, pal.” You lift yourself from the couch, and peel your sweater off your body. “Are you getting me pajamas or not pervert.”. You laugh when you catch Clint looking a second too long.

“You have a weird way of asking for things, don’t you?” He returns from his bedroom, dry clothes in his hands, he throws the shirt at you, you recognize it instantly. It was from a community fundraiser, “27th Street Center Toy Drive” was printed on the front.

“How do you still have this?” You say, throwing it on over your head. “I’m a collector, or hoarder, you decide.” Clint leans on the door way of his room, waiting on you to finish pulling on his basketball shorts. You were both adults, getting dressed and undressed wasn’t overly sexualized at work, so why should it be here?

You’d helped Sam pull off his tight ass flight pants plenty before. Natasha had literally poured baby powder in your latex suit while you were naked underneath. It’s more of a helping hand thing. Even though you definitely didn’t need Clint’s help tying up your shorts, you were numb to getting undressed randomly in front of people.

“You can have the bed I’ll take my own couch, again.” He says, pulling a blanket from the closet. You smile, knowing this was gonna be how your night ended when you walked out of the restaurant. You walk up to him, wrapping your arms around him, “I don’t know what I’d do without you hawk.”

He squeezes you, letting you know it’s gonna be okay. “Just get some sleep, pretty girl.” He says, pushing you into his room.

You climb into his soft sheets, waiting for the smell of his cologne to put you to sleep. You press your face into the pillow to be met with a freshly washed pillow case. “Clint!” You yell, annoyed that you’d have to admit to him you love his smell.

He appears in the dark doorway, he must have already gotten comfortable on the couch because he didn’t have a shirt on. “What’s wrong?” He says, looking at you take up only a tenth of his king size bed. “Are these fresh sheets?”.

“Is that a problem?” He says, his exhaustion fully showing. You shake your head, “it just doesn’t smell like you.”. “Whatever weirdo.” He laughs, walking into the room.

“Well, sort of a problem. Maybe just for me.” You say, sitting up in bed when he sits at the foot of it. You knew you’d have to tell on yourself eventually. “One of the best parts about coming to Clint’s to wallow in self pity, besides the cocoa and free therapy is getting to sleep in your bed.”. You look down at your hands, not being able to fully get to the point.

Clint reaches over and holds your hand, “I’m glad you feel so comfortable here. But shouldn’t you be happy I just washed my sheets? Maybe I’m missing something.” He says.

You look up at him, you need to play this off as nonchalant as possible. “I don’t know, it just smells like you and I’ve slowly associated that with a comforting thing, like the cocoa and you.” You give him a half smile, not really meaning it.

There was no other way to say it. It was going to sound either creepy or romantic no matter what. You just hope he didn’t take offense in any way. “Oh.” He says, breaking you from your nervous spiral.

“Yeah, now that I say it out loud, it’s actually really embarrassing.” You don’t understand yourself sometimes, it’s like you live to torment yourself. He stands up and you think he’s going to leave the room, but he walks around to the other side of the bed, climbing under the covers. “If it helps you, it helps. Who am I to judge my own friend?”.

You look at him with wide eyes, “it’s not weird?” You ask. He leans back against the headboard, folding his hands on his chest, “Only thing making it weird is you.” He laughs, closing his eyes. You roll on your side and face him, he’s laying on his back.

You feel yourself already falling asleep as you wiggled into a comfortable position. You crack open one eye “If you mention this to anyone I will kill you.” You say, not letting him forget that you’re both assassins.

[jacevelaryonswife]

ㅤㅤ Why’d you only call me when you high? | part IV

so sorry for the delay to update, I was really out of creativity to write this, but I'm more excited now, I hope you like it.

∴ pairing: Aegon Targaryen x Fem!Reader

why’d you only call me when you high?

Finding yourself slumped on the couch a week after your peculiar day with Aegon, you pondered an important matter: getting out. Saturday is your favorite day of the week, it's quiet enough for rest and too lively for a night out. You're not one for frequent parties and going out, but you wanted to take advantage of the period before college exams and papers arrived, so an avid battle was being waged in your mind about going out or not. Another important point about you: going out alone at night was never an option. You needed to be in someone's company to feel safe, so the options start swirling in your head until your phone screen lights up.

“are you on, babe? 😏”

Interesting.

Typing quickly, you replied:

“I need a partner, are you out tonight?”

“for you? always :)”

What about Aegon Targaryen?

Well, things were going remarkably well. A week ago the two of you were talking playfully about anything, no specifics, just ANYTHING. He was incredibly funny — as well as an incomparable flirt, but that's public knowledge — and he had really good memes. Come on, are you really complimenting a frat boy? Yes. Aegon is the bitch who sent you a dick pic when you said you were bored (not bad at all) and kept endearing you in a way. Since he wanted to be your friend, then why not test him?

“Have you ever been to rock 'n ribbs? I immediately need to breathe the air of that place.”

“I've never actually been but I've always been interested in going in, the facade is so cool.”

“It's SUPER cool! If you want to go with me, I want to accept the company.”

“I want 😏”

“So it's a date.”

It's a date... oh fuck. Why did you say that?

“Force of habit, sorry.”

“it’s okay babe.”

It wasn't force of habit, no it wasn't, you didn't used to say that and it scared both of you a little. You would have a date with Aegon Targaryen, the Aegon Targaryen, fuckboy, blonde, rich and stupid. It sounded crazy actually. He was known for not staying with the same girl for very long. But this was different, you don't want to be his girl, just a friend... or just fuck buddies. And what about Aegon? He couldn't stop thinking about you. It was almost scary, actually. The differences between you two were funny and visible, you were a responsible girl who was building a successful destiny, while he didn't have to care about that and any other shit, he was rich. But that didn't completely make it impossible for you to live together or anything else.

Anything else? You were amazing, smart, beautiful, and you fucked like a tigress. Fuck, he really fantasized about something else. A beautiful girl to show off to your friends and family. However, how hard would it be to make you fall in love with him? Was it love at first sex? He thought it wouldn't work on him. But here he was grinning as he watched you walk out of the apartment towards the luxuriously scandalous Ferrari, his baby, his darling Sunfyre.

“Hey pretty, ready to show me a good time?” he asked as he discarded the rest of the watermelon cigarette out the window.

“Take me out to dinner first, perv,” you replied humorously, putting on the bell as he synced to Spotify.

"I intend and hope your suggestion is indeed good, princess," he commented with a wink, placing his hand on your leg. Your eyes rolled back as huff came out of you, making him smirk. “You know Sunfyre don't you? But I don't think they were properly introduced."

"Who? Your car? Did you name your car?”

“Yeah, what's not to name this beauty?

“You know, if I didn't met you I'd say you were a pimp, your car is like one, but it's quite comfortable,” you said as you snuggled into the seat.

“Come on, it's not a pimp car, fuck off”, he complained indignantly, making you laugh out loud. “It is the most beautiful car you will ever see in your life.”

"I'm not saying it's done, just that it reeks of prostitution."

"Yeah, he's seen a lot of who-”

“I really don't want to know about this.”

“As you wish, ma'am, but don't worry, after you that car won't see but one bitch”, he flashed a smile before seeing your eyes narrow. “I didn't mean to call you a bitch, oh fuck, that was bad, wasn't it?”

"Terrible. Probably the worst thing I've heard”, the last part was an exaggeration, but yeah, it sucked — not that you'd expect anything different actually, Aegon was good at fucking women not being a great romantic.

“Sorry babe, I'm new to this business”, he withdrew his hand from your leg to scratch the back of his neck, putting again on your leg to strengthen the touch.

“If you didn't tell me I wouldn't guess,” your tone was a little bitter, which made him wince, but in the best possible way. He wouldn't tell you now but he loved it when your sharp tongue cut him like that.

“Well, you asked me on a date, so…” he teased, giving your leg a light squeeze.

"I didn't ask you out on a date, it was force of habit!" You snapped.

“Fuck off, ass,” you pinched his hand, knocking it off your leg.

“I know you're a good girl baby, that's why I'm in love with you. And your nice ass too, since you brought it up,” he remarked casually, looking at you sideways. It wasn't a lie, the motherfucker couldn't stop thinking about you and your ass.

“Again this matter? I already told you that you're not in love with me”, you rolled your eyes, looking at him with boredom.

“Of course I am, you're beautiful, sexy and smart, my mother would love to meet you”, that wasn’t also a lie, Alicent would easily approve of a girl like you and would probably hope that you would fix her eldest son, but that wasn't your job after all.

"I bet you say that to every girl you take out, don't you?"

“I didn't tell you that.”

“You just said.”

"But I didn't say before."

“Because you didn’t ask me out.”

"Fair."

After a few seconds, you interrupted the next thing he had to say — probably about being in love or about your hot body. “So what made you do architecture? It's a really nice area.”

Aegon shifted his gaze to the lane quickly, keeping it there as he replied, “I never knew what to do, so I took a chance. It's really hard to choose a path when you already have everything, I know, I know, I? A conscious person? Yeah, but it was either that or working at my family's business and there's no way that was going to happen, they're fucking crazy. And you? What made you choose your field?”

A small smile graced your lips, looking at the brightly lit city around him. “I also never knew what I wanted to be, I changed my decision every month and I could never find something that fully fulfilled me, or a great aspiration, so I decided to try the first thing that came along. I like what I do, so much so that I'm going to try for a master's degree after I finish the course, but I would have liked to have had the chance to know more about myself before making the choice.”

“I know that feeling,” he said. “I never fit in or saw myself in something, unlike my brothers who were born with exactly one purpose and are very good at what they do. So I just tried it, you know?”

"Yes, I know."

The comfortable silence that lingered between you was interrupted by their arrival at the bar. Now more than ever you felt like a whore by the way some men looked at Sunf- Aegon's car. He was quick to place a hand on your waist with a smug smile on his face as he guided you to the attendant. The place was divided into an external and an internal environment, the view from the outside was magnificent, but the inside was electrifying, with beautiful guitars hanging on the wall and a modern decoration linked to rock music.

“I said it was cool,” you whispered close to his ear.

“I never doubted, love. Now, how would you like to spend the whole night with me?” He took your hand, quickly turning his back to the others as you guided him to the table.

“If you can get me to stay, then it's a deal.”

“I love betting, you know, you already lost that one.”

“I really hate how cocky you are,” you said after sitting down across the table from him.

“No, you definitely like it, just how I like it when you're mean.”

You let out a nasal laugh when he winked, taking the opportunity to nudge his thigh with your foot. “Does Aegon Targaryen like to be put in his place? Interesting."

Oh fuck. He licked his lips with a smirk. “Just for you, love.”

It will be a long night indeed.

tag list: @pearlstiare @f4ll-for-you @fan-goddess @graykageyama

[thesimulacrasimp]

So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

[fruitcoops]

hi <3 i hope you’re well and having a beautiful day so far. i was wondering if you could write a fic about sirius or logan’s brother like relationship to adele - for example, how they would approach her when she’s having a bad day or when she needs advice about something or maybe even after a disagreement with her parents. no worries if you can’t, i just thought it would be a wholesome interaction 💕

Oh, for sure! Katie and Logan get so much attention (for good reason--they're adorable), but I like to think of Sirius and Adele as the blueprint. Hope you enjoy! Combined with asks for Logan and Loops friendship, Papa Dumo (for @ jinxedjaz), Sirius coming back from visiting his parents while living with the Dumais, and Sirius-learning-to-people from this hc list. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

I

A little hand tugged on the hem of Dumo’s sweater. “Papa?”

He glanced up from his crossword and smiled, turning to lift Adele into his lap. “Bonjour, mon papillon. Do you want to help me?”

“Is Sirius okay?”

Dumo paused. His first instinct was to lie—how could he even begin to explain the complexity of the situation to a seven-year-old?—but the brightness in Adele’s big eyes told him she already knew the answer. She was a smart kid. She deserved to know at least some of the truth. “He’s having a tough day,” Dumo said quietly as dishes clinked in the other room. No matter what he and Celeste tried, Sirius insisted on washing up. “He’ll be alright.”

A little furrow appeared between Adele’s eyebrows. “Is it because of us? Because he misses his family now?”

“No, sweetheart, not at all. He just…” The words were impossible to find. “He just doesn’t like holidays very much.”

She worried her lower lip for a moment before wiggling free of his arms. “I’m going to make him feel better.”

“Adele—” Dumo made a grab for her, but she had already scampered out of reach and around the corner to the kitchen. In the three days since Sirius had come back from Thanksgiving, he had already reverted back to his shut-down ghost of a self.

“Excuse me, please,” Adele announced. The sink shut off. “Are you sad?”

That’s certainly one way to do it. Dumo craned his neck to watch their reflections in the glass of the back door without revealing his position. Sirius was always more comfortable around the kids than himself and Celeste. “Quoi?” Sirius asked, turning to face her.

“Are you sad? You’ve been frowny.”

Silence fell for a few seconds. “Ouais, a little,” he said at last. “But I’m not sad because of you.”

“That’s good. Papa said so, too. He says you don’t like holidays, but that’s so silly, because we were just talking about Christmas last week.”

“I like some holidays,” Sirius said haltingly. There was a rustling noise; Dumo saw him pick Adele up and settle her on his hip with a thoughtful tilt to his head. “I’m very excited to spend Christmas with you.”

“Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

“Good. I want you to spend all the holidays with us. Will you be frowny on Christmas, too?”

“I don’t think so.” Dumo could practically hear Sirius’ smile. “See? I’m already better.”

“Will you open presents with me? Marc and Louis always open theirs together, and Mama and Papa, but Katie’s too little to do it with me. I like playing Santa, but it means I hafta go last.”

In the glass, Dumo saw Sirius press a raspberry kiss to her cheek until she burst into giggles; his grin lit up the whole kitchen. “Of course I will.”

II

“You have to smile,” Adele groaned. “You’re scaring off all my customers.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Pardon?”

She turned a big, sunshine grin on him, pressing her fingers into her dimples to exaggerate it. “Big smiles! You like being here! These are the best cookies you’ve ever had! Everyone should try them!”

“They should!” Sirius agreed. “I don’t know why you’re upset!”

She heaved a sigh and clonked her forehead on his stomach, knocking some of the air out of his lungs. “You look scary when you don’t smile.”

“I do not.”

“You do! You’re built like a brick wall and when you’re thinking, you get frowny!” She adjusted her Girl Scout vest and straightened up. “You have to be perky and fun and the cutest little kid on the block.”

“…I might have a problem with the last part.”

“Then I’ll be the cutest little kid on the block,” she said, exasperated.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you think I’m scary?”

“No,” she snorted. “But other people do.”

“No way.”

“Yes, way. Mama looks surprised when her face relaxes, but you’re, like, looming.”

“So…you’re upset with how my face looks?” he teased, dodging her attempt to poke his ribs.

“No, I just don’t need a bodyguard to sell cookies!”

“That’s literally what I’m here for,” he laughed, tugging one of her pigtails until she stuck her tongue out at him. “Alright, madame, I’ll try to be ‘perky’ and ‘fun’.”

“The air quotes weren’t necessary,” she informed him with great gravity, though she couldn’t hide the smile on her face as she turned back to the people walking across the street. “Hey, lady, do you want cookies?”

III

“So,” Logan began, then shoved another handful of pretzel sticks into his mouth. “Dating the captain. What’s that like?”

Sirius looked up from his phone and glared. “I am sitting right next to you.”

“Shush. Loops?”

Remus sighed and let his head fall toward Logan’s armchair; he was starting to get lightheaded from laying upside-down for so long, but it was doing wonders for his lower back and sore feet. “Dating the captain? Pretty cool, to be honest.”

Logan made a noise of disagreement. “I don’t believe that for a second. Does he make you run drills in the basement, or is it just a cuddle party all the time? ‘cause there’s no in-between.”

“Tabarnak,” Sirius muttered, flicking Logan’s ear as he headed out of the room. “You two gossip like middle-schoolers.”

“It’s really not bad,” Remus mused as he stretched one leg toward the curtains. “I’m the one who likes running drills, so he’ll usually watch tape while I do that for a bit. Cuddles aren’t as frequent as you might think. We’re boring.”

“Mmm, with some wild nights in there, eh?” Logan wiggled his eyebrows and Remus chucked a pillow at him, though it did not seem to deter him. “I seem to remember hearing a certain conversation about a new bedframe?”

“A headboard,” Remus corrected, pulling a face at him. “And it was already almost ten years old. You’re just jealous.”

“Ugh, for him? Nah. Peanut might have carried a torch—”

“You’re kidding. Did he really?”

“Oh, yeah,” Logan snorted, as if it was obvious. “But he has better taste now. Honestly, though, I’m glad you two are together. And that you’re happy in your boring domesticity, even if you’re breaking beds left and right.”

“Headboard, and it was one time.”

“Did I ever tell you about—”

The front door slammed open; both of them jumped as something heavy hit the ground with a thud. “Sweetheart?” Celeste asked from the living room, audibly concerned. Remus’ heart dropped and he shared a worried look with Logan, who was already on his feet. “Adele, what’s wrong?”

“Adele?” Logan called, his voice laced with worry. Remus’ heartbeat picked up as Adele appeared in the doorway to the living room with tears streaming down her cheeks, only to throw herself into Logan’s arms with a harsh sob. “Woah, hey, qu’est—”

“Boys are so stupid!” she half-shouted, half-wailed. “And I hate them!”

Remus stood there, useless, as she tore away and sprinted for the backyard, yanking the door shut with a bang before tearing across the grass. “Logan?” he asked after a moment. There was no protocol for this. He had absolutely zero experience with preteen breakdowns, and the Dumais kids always fell into Logan and Sirius’ territory. He could count on one hand the number of actual conversations he had had with Adele.

Logan’s nose twitched; he opened his mouth to speak, but the words died in his throat when Sirius came through the doorway and made a beeline for the yard without a single glance to either of them. “She’ll be okay,” Logan murmured as Sirius walked slowly to the swings, where Adele was sitting on the bench seat with her arms wrapped tight around herself.

“She seems pretty upset.”

Logan shook his head, not taking his eyes off the pair. “I’ve got Katie, he’s got Adele.”

“Yeah?” Remus asked, surprised. Logan and Katie were famous for their bond, two peas in a pod. As far as he knew, Sirius was equally close with all the Dumais kids.

“Apparently, they bonded from day one,” Logan said with the flicker of a smile. Outside, Adele laid her head on Sirius’ shoulder and pulled his arm around her back, burrowing into the softness of his hoodie as he gently rocked the swing with his foot and gave her a light squeeze. “They’re both quieter. Oldest children and all that. You really didn’t know?”

“I…” Remus trailed off and shook his head. “You and Katie are much louder about it, but that makes sense. He talks about all of you all the time., I guess I just assumed it was different since he was so closed off at first.”

Logan hummed. “Ask about it sometime. Dumo always likes talking about them.”

Sirius and Adele walked back after a few more minutes, still attached at the hip as Sirius jostled her lightly and pulled half a smile from her; they entered the house in relative quiet and Adele wrapped her arms around him one more time. “Love you,” she said, voice muffled in his sweater. Sirius rubbed her back in slow circles until she pulled away and padded down the hall to the bathroom

“Children are so mean,” he said as soon as the door closed.

“Then I’m glad she has you.” Remus curled his hand around Sirius’ shoulder and felt him relax beneath his touch. “Is she alright?”

“Some little asshole told her nobody would want to date her because she plays hockey.”

Remus’ heart panged. “How can we help?”

“Teach her how to throw a right hook,” Logan suggested. In a rare turn of events, Remus couldn’t tell whether he was joking or not; from the look on his face, it seemed to be the latter.

“She’ll be okay, baby,” Remus said. Sirius didn’t look away from the closed door. “Kids have always been mean, but the best thing you can do is be there for her, which you just did. It’s hard and it sucks but as long as she knows you love her, that’s enough.”

“Does she?” Sirius asked, almost too quiet for him to hear.

Remus looped an arm around his waist and kissed the top of his shoulder. “She does,” he promised. Without a doubt.

IV

Sirius drummed his hands on the steering wheel with a wide smile. “I’m so excited,” he said for the fourth time in twenty minutes.

“I can tell,” Remus said, still reading through his missed messages. The cell service in customs had been abysmal, and for some godforsaken reason his dad desperately needed to send paragraph updates on his hunt for the perfect holiday lights. Some days, Remus wondered whether he was happiest with his family or in Home Depot.

“I missed them.”

“Yep.”

“And I can’t let Logan get there first.”

“Sure thing, honey. Speed limit.”

“Three weeks is a long time, did you know that?”

“Mhmm. Sirius, speed limit.”

“How do you manage being away from Jules for that long?”

“Very poorly,” Remus said as he typed out a quick response to his dad’s latest text. His mother would end him if he allowed their house to be decorated with anything green—in all honesty, he was starting to think she had a personal rivalry with the Snakes. They turned onto Dumo’s street and he felt the excitement radiating off Sirius kick up several notches. “Deep breaths, love.”

“Ah, fuck me, the cubs are right behind us,” he muttered, pulling over to the curb and unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Sirius!” Remus spluttered.

“What?”

“Turn the fucking car off before you get out!”

Sirius heaved a sigh and pulled the key out, then took off toward the house at a jog; Logan went sprinting past the passenger window half a second later, and Remus heard Finn shouting after him from the still-running car to no avail. They reached the front steps at the exact same time, shouldering each other in an attempt to reach the doorbell first.

“—want to push it!” Logan insisted, kicking Sirius lightly on the shin as Remus headed up the walkway.

“You did it last time!” Sirius argued.

“I’m the youngest, so I get to do it!”

“That’s not how it works!”

The door swung open just as Logan tried to bodily shove Sirius out of the way, only to be put in a scrambling headlock. Dumo regarded them with an exhausted look on his face. “Bonjour, Loops.”

“Hey, Dumo,” Remus called from the base of the steps. “Nice night, eh?”

He shrugged, ignoring the two grown men roughhousing on his welcome mat. “Not bad.”

“Are les enfants here?” Logan panted, trying to heave Sirius into the nearest hedge.

Dumo rolled his eyes and opened the door the rest of the way. “Kids, we have visitors!”

Thundering footsteps echoed off the walls; Logan and Sirius tripped over each other in their haste to get inside. “Tremzy!” Katie shrieked, launching herself into his arms with a beaming smile.

Sirius hoisted Adele straight off her feet and shook her back and forth as she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. “You were gone forever!” she laughed. “We missed you!”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Logan teased as he set Katie down and opened his arms for a hug of his own. Marc and Louis slammed into him, nearly toppling him in the entryway.

“No, no, no!” Katie giggled as Sirius blew a raspberry kiss on her stomach, only to mimic it on his cheek a moment later. “You’re all scratchy.”

“Tough for kisses,” Remus agreed. “You should tell him to shave, Katie-bird.”

Katie squished his cheeks in her hands with a solemn frown. “No more porcupines.”

“You got it,” Sirius confirmed. “What do you think, Adele?”

She pulled a face and they all dissolved into laughter, exhausted from the long roadie and unable to contain their happiness. It was a tradition Remus was coming to know as he spent more time with the team—Logan and Sirius just couldn’t resist swinging by the Dumais house after a long trip, no matter how drained and battered they were. It was a combination of a competition and a family reunion, and the kids loved it every time.

“Are you staying the night?” Marc asked, lazily tying Sirius’ shoelaces together.

“Not tonight, no.”

“But it would be fun,” Louis said from his place hoisted under Logan’s arm, legs dangling.

“They’re tired, boys, be nice.” Celeste winked at Sirius as he leaned down so she could kiss his cheek before moving to Logan to do the same. “We watched all your games. You were wonderful.”

“Merci, Celeste.” The corners of Logan’s eyes crinkled, and Remus saw Finn and Leo share a smile behind him.

Sirius craned his neck to look back. “Oh, she wasn’t talking to you.”

Logan stuck his tongue out as the kids laughed, still clinging to them both. Remus happily accepted a quick hug and a hair-ruffle from Celeste before she moved on to Finn and Leo, and settled in for a cozy evening at home.

[fairestwriting]

Hi ❤️❤️

Can I ask for HC of Twisted Wonderland? Like, Riddle, Malleus, Epel, Vil and Azul has a crush on Yuu/reader and ask them what's their type, so Yuu/reader start to describe their type (in a jokingly way) like in GUY. EXE (a song)

Ignore this if you don't like it, im sorry if i'm being annoying

Anyways, remember drink water ❤️

thanks so much for all the sweet words! this took me a bit because ive never listened to that song before this fkskfdkl thank you for introducing me to it though i really like it

Riddle Rosehearts

He’ll ask you the question short of shyly, when you two are at Heartslabyul’s common area together, drinking some tea.

Never heard the song, so when you giggle and go “A doctor, a model, a man of possibilities.” in a sing-songy tone he’ll just nod, looking down at his teacup with reddish cheeks.

You’ll have to tell him it’s a song or he’ll go his whole life thinking that’s the sort of guys you’re into.

He also has high standards for himself (And others) so he doesn’t think it’s unreasonable? He’s sort of proud of you for knowing what you want and knowing your value actually.

Makes a little mental note to hopefully become the sort of person you could fall for. You’ll notice a little determined sparkle on his eyes when that happens.

Malleus Draconia

“Nice car, a CEO, and almost just as smart as me.” You say, and Malleus eyes subtly go wide.

Doesn’t recognize the song either, and I’m pretty sure they don’t have CEOs in the Valley of Thorns, so he’ll ask for clarification on what that is.

Just as earnest as Riddle, if not more. He’ll be patiently waiting for more information on what kind of man you’d want to be with. He could probably do that, right?

The implied high standards won’t faze him either, but, wow, he’s really impressed with your confidence. How refreshing it is to see somebody acting like that around him. Has a little moment internally because of how fearless he sees you as.

Please tell him it’s a joke. Once he knows what a CEO is he will try to become one as courtship.

Epel Felmier

You two are procrastinating on your studies and making some light conversation when he asks the question, flushed pink up to his ears. He’d been thinking about asking it for a while, and now was his chance.

He is so, so depressed when you go “Six feet tall and super strong, we’d always get along.” though.

Possibly heard the song before but when the height thing hits it hits hard. Sighs in complete defeat. Ah, so he’s no good after all, he’s barely 5′1...

If you didn’t notice his crush before you will now, it’s like a raincloud instantly appears over his head.

Remind him it’s a song and you’re kidding because his heart just shattered into a million pieces.

Might approach you long after this interaction, if he’s feeling bold, and ask, just to be sure, if you’d be okay if your boyfriend isn’t very tall, right? You wouldn’t mind if he’s actually pretty small, would you?

Vil Schoenheit

Definitely recognizes the song instantly.

“Oh, he’d pick me up at eight, and not a minute late, ‘cause I don’t like to wait, no.” You sing, smirk on your face, and Vil chuckles.

“Kind and ain’t afraid to cry, or treat his momma right” He’ll sing back at you, amused “You have good taste for a potato."

I think he'd like the song. He relates to it in a way, having really high standards for who he'd date himself. It also just has a fun beat Vil can appreciate from time to time.

Keeps quizzing you on what your type would be, though. You quoting the song only makes him more curious, are you the type to have high standards as well? A part of him hopes you are. Vil thinks you only deserve the best of the best.

Turns the conversation into subtle flirting somehow. Praises you if you do in fact have high standards, while also showing off his qualities a bit. Wants you to know he could be your picture perfect guy, if you want him to.

Azul Ashengrotto

You're having dinner in Mostro Lounge together when he brings the topic up, hoping to tailor his plan to woo you that had been already in the works (And not going too well until now, admittedly...)

Instead of getting the insight he was hoping to, though, what Azul gets is you grinning as you go I need a man who don't get jealous 'less I want him to, a gentleman to take care of me in the bedroom." before bursting into giggles.

"That's... a very bold response." He'll say, keeping his cool businessman smile, but the tips of his ears are burning red.

Another one that has never heard the song, and will think you're serious. He's taking mental notes, ready to question you further as you eat.

Hoping to let you know that, hey, he can do all these things you want your ideal boyfriend to do! He'll slide in comments about how capable he is as you talk -- Unless you just go on with the song quoting, if you do that he'll lose track of himself eventually.

It's just a lot of requeriments. You can see his eyes widening at them. He's internally panicking a bit but, but -- Surely he can do all of that, right? As long as he works as hard as he can...

Another one that needs to be warned that it's a joke before he does something crazy.

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

looks left and right whispers the om brothers except they're vampires, i need hcs ive seen a lack of vampires and its just hfsdkjhf

Brothers As Vampires (Headcanons)

Lucifer

The hottest vampire and he knows it. He’s also that one vampire that everyone assumes is a vampire but only because he never leaves the house and he just… looks like he’d be a vampire???

Takes pride in the fact that everyone assumes it but isn’t 100% sure. He’s good at hiding it, and that’s what’s important to him. He’d hate for anyone to find out, do you know how much harder that would make his life?

He still has to eat though…

Y’all ever seen uh… Fright Night? From the 80’s? He’s like, Jerry Dandrige type vampire, and he goes out and it’s kind of like a buffet because he knows he can get whoever he wants to come home with him because he is the hottest vampire and he can drink all the blood he wants. He’s killing it, figuratively and literally.

Mammon

He’s hot, but he’s not very smart. He goes into the sun because he “forgot” that it would hurt him. Eats garlic because it tastes good but then complains that his stomach hurts for the rest of the night. He’s one of those vampires… generally entertaining.

Very greedy with his “food” though. Any human that he brings back to the house is his human, and he’s not sharing with anyone. Feeding time is the only time he becomes serious when being a vampire.

Not good at hiding it at all though…

He will literally go up to people on the street and be like “lemme bite you. Lemme bite you pleeeease.” But people think he’s joking or really bad at flirting, so they go home with him anyway. It’s kind of become his thing. If he acts dumb enough, people will think he’s cute and he still gets to eat.

Leviathan

Nosferatu type creepy, but cute. He usually keeps himself locked up in his room, feeling like he’s “lesser than” his vampire brothers, even though he’s not.

Usually he’ll creep around the hallways of the house at night which creeps his brothers out even though it’s normal for vampires to be awake at night… He just doesn’t say anything and it makes them a little uncomfortable.

Very jealous of his older brothers…

They’re able to get food so easily, and he just comes off as awkward or strange. There’s always one “lucky” person who falls for his nervously charming demeanor and he gets to take them home. He usually feels bad about it after he’s done feeding though, that person was kind enough to go home with him even when he’s the way that he is.

Satan

Dracula type, but instead of the bad slicked back hairstyle it’s bad fashion. Spends his eternity of time as a vampire researching different blood types and what their effects on vampires are.

He’s also the type that learned that not going out for food every single night won’t actually kill him, and he won’t start getting really hungry for at least a week. He has specified “feeding” days, and then eats regular food the rest of the week.

He’s very good at finding food though….

He never brings people back to the house, and he never tells his brothers where he goes to find his meals. He goes to the library, it’s easier to watch people and get them alone between the bookshelves, and it’s easier to slip away unseen. He feels no remorse either, he can’t help the way he is, it’s what he needs to do to survive. Surely the people would understand.

Asmodeus

He’s like the Twilight vampires. With the sparkles and stuff… but actually cool. He’s gorgeous, of course he is, and he knows that he is.

Cleanest eater of all time. He wears his best clothes when he “goes out to eat”, and he never has a single drop of blood on his shirt or his pants, or a single hair out of place. It’s no doubt that he’s eating though because he hasn’t gone feral yet, it’s just confusing how he’s so neat.

He’s actually got a list of people waiting to come over to “see him”...

And he usually brags to his brothers about his menu, and how all of them look so delicious. He’s eating well, and he’ll never go hungry because he’s always got people lined up. He does feel just a little bad, so he’ll make sure their last moments are “enjoyable” before he drains them, and then he doesn’t feel like such a bad guy when he’s done.

Beelzebub

The only vampire who has a heart and soul. Even as a vampire he doesn’t actually want to hurt people, which is why it’s so hard for him.

He’s always hungry which makes it even harder to try to be good. He’s tried to go without eating before, but ended up breaking down the door and going after the first person he saw. He’s drank from more people than all of his brothers combined, and he feels awful about it.

The type to say sorry right before biting someone….

He really is sorry, he doesn’t like having to do it, but he’s just so hungry. He usually goes home and talks to Belphie about how bad he feels when he’s done, but the conversation doesn’t last more than an hour before he’s going back out to find his next meal. He never brings them back to the house though, he thinks that it would be rude of him to give someone false hope and then kill them. He cares.

Belphegor

“I’m a vampire” aesthetic, but it’s not an aesthetic. Sleeps all day, not to avoid the sun, but he’s genuinely exhausted. “Coffins are for losers, just get thicker curtains” type of guy.

Hates being hungry because that means he has to actually deal with people. Doesn’t like the idea of bringing people back to the house either because he’d get his sheets dirty and then he’d have to wash them and it’s a hassle that he doesn’t want to put up with.

Tells Beel to bring him back a “snack pack” so he doesn’t have to leave his room….

Snack packs are easier, and he doesn’t have to leave his room to get one. It’s just a little cup that he can drink before he goes back to bed. It’s convenient, and it fills his stomach enough to go back to sleep for the rest of the day. Plus he doesn’t have to “hide the evidence”, he can just toss it in the trash and say it’s Jell-O or something… A vampire of convenience.

[mybillyhardgrove]

He loves you, he loves you lots b.h.

A/n: if you haven’t read Mango Kisses, check it out :) this piece may be my favorite thing ive written so far and im excited for you to read it!

Disclaimer: i don’t own any Stranger Things material

Word count: 2467

Warnings: some cheeky remarks from billy and a couple curses

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader (female)

Summary: after being with Billy for a few months, it has become clear how he shows his love for you

Physical Touch

The touches had been deliberate at the start, meant to convey the interest you two had in each other. Flirty touches of his shoulder or arm as he talked to you in the school hallways or at random parties on the weekends. Gentle touches of your lower back as he walked past you, his chest rubbing a bit on your shoulder blades, though there was room enough for him not to need to be so close.

As your relationship developed, the touches became more frequent and less subtle. His arm draped around your shoulder or his hand in your back pocket, your legs crossed on his lap or your fingers intertwined with his. No matter what, it seemed that you were connected in some way almost all the time.

Finally, when you accepted Billy’s invitation to a date and you were officially his girl, the touching didn’t stop. Not that you minded. You found it so endearing that Billy seemed to reach for you, sitting with his knee touching yours, his hand on your back, his shoulder rubbing against yours, his hand on your thigh while he drove. It also seemed he didn’t realize he was doing it most of the time. It was an unconscious pull he had to you whenever you were near. One of your favorites was when you and Billy laid together and he played with the ends of your hair, rubbing his fingers together and smoothing the bumps away. It tended to relax you so much that you had to fight to keep your eyes open, lulled by his steady heartbeat and the warmth of his body wrapped up in yours. “That feels nice, Billy.” You felt his chest vibrate as he laughed, pulling you closer and lightly scratching your scalp as you let sleep fall over you.

It meant even more to you that Billy was so comfortable being physically affectionate with you after you learned about his childhood and the physical and verbal abuse of his father. This point was driven home when you were sitting at a diner one evening, Billy’s sneakered feet rubbing yours as you sipped your milkshake. You grabbed his hand resting on the table, softly rubbing your thumb over his knuckles and giving him a soft smile. He squeezed your hand in response, wiping his mouth and making sure he had your attention.

“I’m glad you’re my girl.” Your smile immediately widened, teeth popping out.

“I am, too, Billy.” After a beat, “What made you say that?” He grabbed your other hand across the table.

“I’m just happy to have you. It feels nice that I can reach out and I know you’ll be there. Your hugs, the way you touch me, I’ve never felt that before. Usually it’s rough and my dad or a girl wants something from me. I like that you touch me and let me touch you so much because you’re happy.” You could see he was losing his nerve, pulling his hands away and preparing to put on the devil-may-care attitude that was common when with friends.

“I love you, Billy. And I love that you feel comfortable enough to share that with me. I hope I can always make you feel that way.” He looked up, smiling a little, the tension leaving his shoulders. You didn’t want to make him feel awkward by focusing on the confession too long, so you continued. “Now eat those fries before I steal some.” He chuckled and grabbed your hand again, reaching across with a fry for you.

Once he had dropped it in your mouth, he cleared his throat. “I love you, too.” You smiled widely again, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

Words of Affirmation

You were rushing to get ready, imagining the look on Billy’s face as he sat on the couch all ready to head to the party. Your hands were shaking a bit as you dusted the rose blush on your cheekbones and nose. As Billy’s girl, you could expect as always to be the center of attention for most of the night as girls looked at you in jealousy and boys looked at you while they talked with Billy. It wasn’t that you wished you weren’t with Billy, it just got tiring to have all eyes on you both.

“Are you almost ready to head ou-” as you turned towards the sound of Billy’s voice, you watched him lower the sunglasses from his eyes, dragging his baby blues down your body and back up. You could feel your cheeks get hot as he let out a low whistle. “God damn, baby, you look like that and we may never make it to that party.” He came closer and wrapped his arm around your side, his hand fanning across your lower back and with a small pull, your body was flush to his. He leaned down to press his lips to your jaw, murmuring compliments as he spread the kisses down your neck and behind your ear. “You’re so beautiful.” Kiss. “I can’t believe you’re mine.” Kiss. “So smart and kind.” Kiss. “I am the luckiest man in Hawkins.” Kiss. “I love you so much.” After this last profession, Billy pressed a soft and meaningful kiss to your lips, lingering there as his hands came to rest on your hips, giving them a squeeze.

You tilted your head to the side into the kiss, slipping your fingers in his hair and scratching a bit at his scalp before pulling away and grabbing your purse. “I’m ready to go. Let’s get this over with.” You grabbed his hand and led him out of your room.

He followed with a lovesick look on his face. “Yes, ma’am.”

Gifts

“Bill, shift your legs a little, mine are falling asleep.” You and your boyfriend were currently watching Red Dawn, your head resting on one side of the couch as Billy’s was resting on the other, legs intertwined and a thin blanket over the both of you. Sadly for you, it wasn’t quite enough to keep goosebumps from rising on your skin. Although the day had been fairly warm and you felt good in a sundress as Billy showered you in compliments all day, you were now verging on cold. Alone in the Hargrove’s house for the evening, the cool air coming in the open window was making you shiver.

Finally too distracted by the chill, you rose from the couch and shut the window, returning to curl up against Billy. You lifted the blanket, wiggled between his legs, and rested your back against his chest with the blanket up to your chin. He shifted a little and wrapped his arms around you, putting your hands in his. “Jeez, babe, your hands are freezing.” He pulled them up to his mouth, blowing warm air into your curled fingers, rubbing his palms together in an effort to bring them back to normal. You moved your feet a bit and accidentally pressed your cold toes to his bare leg. “Your feet are like ice cubes! Why didn’t you tell me you were so cold? Scoot forward, I’ll be right back.” You did as you were told and he swung his leg over your head, retreating to his room for a minute before coming back, a mess of fabric in his hands. “Here, put these on.”

You took the lump to the bathroom and laid it out, finally determining what he had given you. A cozy pair of his sweatpants, a long-sleeved henley shirt, and a pair of thick socks. Humming, you slipped your clothes off and changed into his, surrounded by the smell of cologne and a hint of smoke. You grabbed your things, dumped them next to your purse in the living room, and crawled back under the blanket with Billy.

“Feeling better?” He rubbed his hands down your arms.

“Much. Thank you.” You turned your head, pressing a kiss to his lips before settling to watch the rest of the movie.

A while later when the movie was finished and it was time for Billy to drive you home, you explained you would return his clothes the following day. “Keep them. They look better on you anyway. My gift to you, so you don’t freeze your ass off anymore.” You giggled and grabbed your things, admiring how loving Billy was to you.

Acts of Service

It was a bit of a tradition that had developed where Billy would climb up the trellis to the roof outside your bedroom window, tapping lightly so you would let him in. You loved when he did this and never asked why. He loved that about you - you didn’t need a reason or an explanation, you were there with a smile and a kiss, ready to snuggle and whisper until the morning.

This particular night was a bit different than usual. When he began the climb to your room, he could see the window was already open, likely because it was a cool night and the breeze felt nice on your skin. Smiling as he thought about seeing you, he peeked in the window and saw something that warmed his heart. The light next to your bed was on and illuminated the pile of books and clothes around your room as you slept in the middle of your bed, a notebook still open on your lap.

Billy let out a breathy chuckle as he quietly climbed in, careful not to wake you. He shrugged off his jacket and slipped off his shoes, placing them by the window. Who knew a girl who so lovingly helped Billy clean his room when Neil rode his ass about it would be able to make such a mess herself. He knew from your recent conversations that school was kicking your ass at the moment and it seemed cleaning was taking a backseat for the time being. He looked at the soft rise and fall of your chest, your tangled hair, and the pout of your mouth for a minute before getting to work. He gathered empty water bottles and crumpled up pieces of paper, throwing them in the small garbage can under your nightstand. He collected the school books that lay in a halo around you, gently lifting your hand to grab the notebook and pen you had been writing with before nodding off. Placing those on the top of your dresser in a neat pile, he went into the hall to grab a laundry basket.

After Billy had picked up the discarded clothes on your bed and floor, as well as those in your hamper, he tiptoed to the basement to throw the load in for you. Carefully avoiding the creaky spots on the staircase, he returned to your room, pleased with himself that it once again resembled the way you liked it. He pulled the socks from your feet, knowing you hated sleeping in them. As he did so, it dawned on him that they were his socks. In fact, you were also wearing the pair of sweatpants and the henley shirt he had given you the night you were cold while you watched a movie together. That memory brought a smile to his lips. Finally, he grabbed the rolled edges of your sheets and comforter from the foot of the bed, lifting them over your legs and up to your chest. This caused you to shift, taking a deep breath before rolling over, giving him enough room to slide in next to you. He did just that, humming a bit as he wrapped you in his arms, drifting quickly to sleep to the sound of your soft breaths and the warmth of your bed.

Quality Time

“Really, Billy, I don’t mind. I’ll just stay home and see you later.” You were currently on the phone with your boyfriend, trying to convince him to go to the party alone that you were going to go to together. It had been your plan all week to go to this party together and you even had an outfit laid out for the occasion. Unfortunately, you had woken up with a sore throat and a completely stuffed nose. After a few hours of blowing your nose, taking Vitamin C, and praying this would go away, you were resigned to call Billy and tell him he’d have to go without you.

“I am not going unless you’re there and I can tell from your voice that you’re really sick. Lay down and get cozy, I’ll be over in a little.” You sighed, disappointed that you were altering the plans for the evening.

“I’ll be fine. I feel bad that-” Before finishing that you felt bad for throwing a wrench in the evening, you were interrupted.

“I am not going to that stupid party, baby. I couldn’t care less. Trust me. Now get under the covers. I’m coming over. Is the door unlocked?” You answered in the affirmative and with one more order to get under covers, he hung up. You shuffled your feet across the carpet, burrowing under the large throw blanket, tissue box close by.

For a while, there was silence (apart from the sneezing and the pounding in your head from an annoying little headache that had formed since your call with Billy). You were somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, praying that this would end and missing the time you could breathe out of your nose. As you lay staring at the ceiling, you heard a familiar rumble in the distance get closer until it finally stopped in front of your house.

A few steps up to the front door and the creak as it opened and shut brought your boyfriend into view. “Shit, baby,” and with that, he kneeled next to the couch, running his fingers through your hair, wincing a bit as they ran over your forehead. He put his cheek there to confirm before saying, “I think you have a bit of a fever, too. You got it rough. But don’t worry, I brought all the things to make you feel better and I won’t leave your side until you’re good again.” He reached behind him, dragging a plastic bag full of medicine, chocolate, more tissues, and even a couple movies. You knew you were in for a troubling evening as you fought against the fever, headache, and sore throat. But with Billy by your side, it would all be okay.

By the next morning, after a night of movies, talking, snuggling, and even Billy spoon-feeding you soup, you felt almost your old self again. You were so grateful for your wonderful and caring boyfriend who showed his love all different ways. You made sure to tell him a million times, though he already knew.

masterlist

[lunaekalenda]

hii i wanted to make a request if thats ok?? ive had this idea sat stewing in my mind for so long i-

BUT, w porco and pieck being good friends she drags him to the mall and they go to the makeup store where u work and pieck asks for advice ab smth (you dont have to go into detail if you dont know much ab makeup !!) and porco’s just absolutely starstruck n literally BEGS pieck to take him back so he can see n speak to u again

OR, jean coming in to buy mikasa a gift for valentines day n asking u for advice on what to get, but the bext day he brings it back bc mikasa “rejected it” (he acc just wants to see u again hehe)

sureee! i made a long scenario for pock and a little one for jean cause both ideas were so cool! btw don't get closer to people as Jean did be respectful

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

porco x reader, jean x reader

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

porco.

"I never agreed to enter here with you, Pieck." Porco says, his eyes looking to his best friend, that is about to enter to a make-up store. Pieck turns around, looking to Porco, that has a couple bags on his hands.

"I just need to choose an eyeshadow. Enter with me and help me to choose, please." she asks. Porco clicks his tongue, but he follows his best friend inside the store. You see them and, as your work protocole says, you ask them if they beed help.

At first, you thought they were a couple. The way he was close to her and she laughed all his jokes. You envy that type of relationship, but you're happy to see them having such a healthy one. You go closer, that couple are your customers, after all.

"Hi, can I help you?"

You don't know it, but Porco's brain stopped working with normality when he heard your voice. So sweet to him, that's the kind of voice he would love to hear every morning when he wakes up and every night right before sleep. His eyes search you and he finds you easily, his eyes finding your body near a makeup shelf, dressed with the shop uniform. His eyes scan your face, the smile youm're giving them. Pieck quickly notices how his friend got bewitched. She smiles.

"Hi, hi, sure! I need some help.... My friend isn't that smart for makeup, you know?" she laughs, making him react. He blushes. He doesn't know even what you're talking about.

"No worries, that's my work, after all." you say. Pieck nods and takes her phone out of her bag. "So, I have this party dress, the party being in three days, and I need an eyeshadow palette that goes with it. Also, I would like to have a discrete base and some highlighter." she asks, with a cute and sweet smile. You nod. "Sure! Sit here, I'll be right back with some products."

She sits, thanking you, and Porco stands by her side, looking at how you disappear between shelfs full of makeup products.

"Pretty, isn't?" Pieck asks. She isn't even looking at him. "Why don't you go and help to hold all the things?" She says. He looks at you again. Maybe you're having trouble with all those creams and delicate palettes. One hit and they will be destroyed. He nods quietly and gets next to you.

"Do you need help?" he asks, while he kneels next to you. You blush for the repentine talk. He is even more handsome there, near you, with his honey eyes looking at yours while his big hands help to lift the boxes you have on the ground. "I'll take this."

"Oh, sure. Thanks." you thank him, winning a smile. He follows you while you keep selecting things.

"Wow, you know a lot about this..." he says. You laugh.

"Yeah, I always liked makeup. But your girlfriend does, as well. And she's pretty, she will be beautiful with every single color." Porco lets out a little laugh.

"We aren't dating, we're close friends. She's like my big sister. She always took care of me." he says. You nod and go back to her seat. You tell him he can sit on the chair next to her mirror. Pieck often asks him about the makeup while you're aplying it, but Porco is more centred on the delicate touches you give her skin with the sponge, how you also move your lips while putting her some lipstick, how you blow softly on the palette to avoid excess of shade. Pieck looks good, but he can't even look at her. You have all his attention, you've capted all of it. Pieck smiles, looking happy at her reflection. She likes it. In the mirror, she can see how you look back to Porco, him smiling at you again. Does that look like... Porco liking you?

Pieck pays the makeup she's buying, asking how much she debts you for the makeup session.

"It is for free. It's just a trial. Be back whenever you want! And, thanks for the help." you say, this time looking at Porco. He smiles quietly. You smile at him back and they leave the store, waving their hands at you. Once the two of them are out, Pieck sighs.

"Say it, Galliard."

"So fucking pretty." he says, turning around, looking at you through the glass. "Their voice, their smile, oh, godess. I want to see them again. Do you need to buy something tomorrow?" he asks.

Pieck raises a brow. The boy that said 'I never agreed to enter' it's now begging to go back.

"I bought all I needed today, so nope."

"Oh, come on, Pieck. Sure you need another lipstick or a nail polish." he says. He looks back again, finding your eyes while you clean the glass. You blush. He caught you in 4K. He smiles at you again. "Definitely, we'll be back tomorrow." he says. Pieck sighs.

Sure, that's why she intentionally forgot the nail polish.

jean

Valentine's day for Jean is the most difficult day of the year, and since things with Mikasa are being a little cold lately, he's even more lost this year but he has to buy something. For her.

That's why there's a huge and handsome man looking at the girl section as if he was decrypting a secret code. You get closer.

"Can I help you?"

He looks at you. His eyes against yours. Yo smile. "I work here." you show him the little pin with your name. He nods.

"I need a cologne for my girlfriend." he says. Why is he feeling as if the temperature raised suddenly? "Wich ones do you recommend?" he asks. Oh, you have this one. Your favorite cologne ever. The one made with cotton flowers. You show it to him.

"I use this cologne every day, it gets really comfy and it doesn't matter how much time passes from when you put it on, it still smells as good as the beginning." he raises a brow, looking to the cologne. Is that true? You nod, taking your hair, letting him smell it.

"Yeah?" he asks. He leans against you a little, just making his head reach your hair for a second. "Oh, it smells good. I want this one." You nod, smiling. He finds attractive the curve of your neck. How his bites would look so good there. He cleans his throat. He's trying to save his relationship.

Maybe it is insalvable?

Next day, you get surprised when you find him again. But he isn't looking colognes. He gives the cologne to you.

"She didn't like it. She doesn't even like me anymore, I guess"

taglist <3: @dazaisusedbandages @lazyezstudy @riiza @levi-is-a-cutie @sassyjeankrs

[berryblissbby]

Fiercest; devoted;

Pairing: Princess!reader x Guard/Warrior! Hajime Iwaizumi

Word Count: 9,500

Warnings: Use of blades and knives

A/N: Sooo this is the longest thing I've ever posted on tumblr and one of the longest fics I've ever written. Ive only even written a handful of things to completion before so please be kind (⩾﹏⩽). I'm currently reading TOG and this story was born from me trying to process HOF so if you see some parallels just look away! This is fanfic we borrow, not steal. And finally I must say, must I write a plot? Can’t they just learn to tenderly love each other in the end? 

AND! AND! Here's the pinterest board i made for this fic, i'm so sorry that all the references are white people omg, pinterest has shit diversity.

Summary:

The moonlight won’t let you forget, the sunlight brightens the truth.

You are his princess, and he is your warrior. Raised together Hajime is your greatest source of comfort when he suddenly pulls away, igniting your temper and flaring animosity towards each other. Either under the light of the moon, or the rays of the sun, you’ll fight it out, just like always.

 You were the princess of an empire. Heir of the kingdom that was the pinnacle of learning, healing and safety for anyone who wished to stay there. Books, music, and art were all treasured, and culture was allowed to thrive and breathe. Your court was beloved, held strong by devotion and loyalty, “the strongest court in the world” the people said. You were loved as well, by your parents and their people. Adored, you were their future.

 Hajime was a lesser by his kingdom's terms. In a kingdom of magic wielders, he was unwanted nobility. So he was sent to you, to your kingdom, where compared to your human court, with a little magical blood in him, he would be strong. He was to be your guard, to keep you safe, and when you were ready to rule your bond would be unbreakable.  

You were nine and he was thirteen . Delightfully shy- to adults- you lacked true friends. Hiding behind your mother, father or nursemaid, you could be found with your nose in a book. Even at celebrations it was the same, unless you convinced your mother or father to dance with you, much to everyone’s joy. 

 But then you had Hajime, and even though you were scared, with red rung hands and shifting eyes, he danced with you. Uncoordinated and silly, gentle smiles turning to grins and grins to giggles, you landed on the floor in a heap of laughter. Everyone could tell- when you were with him your timidness melts, and is met with ferocious quips and laughter full of love- that you would grow to be a shining queen. You didn’t worry, your child princess self, because when you were sat on your heaviest burden, your own little throne, he would be behind you. With his chest puffed up, his daggers sharpened and shining. Already your fiercest warrior and most devoted protector. 

 -

 You grew together, his dark eyes were always watching you, blanketing you in warmth. When you learned  how to fight and hold a dagger correctly he practiced with you, until your coordination and form were perfect. When you were strong enough for a sword he was right there as well, much to the captain of the guards dismay. You practiced together, but he never let you win. It was infuriating, his determined expression and unrelenting jabs. But “it’s for your own good” and you knew you'd best him one day. 

 -

 He snuck into your room, when your chambers were too big, and the darknesses fingers too long. He stayed in the chair in the corner, and listened to you talk until your words slurred and you fell asleep. Your maids usually find him still there, curled up, in the morning.

 -

 He was right beside you when you learned how to ride a horse by yourself at ten years old, with shaky hands and gasping breaths. And when you fell off- the one and only time- he picked you right off the ground, dusted off your dress, and growled at the stable master. 

 He wiped the tears off your face as fast as they fell. Your little hands gripping the front of his shirt begging him not to leave.

 Hajime pulled you to his chest, shushing you again. It was awkward, just two little kids clinging to each other, one barely old enough to comfort the other. But you needed him nonetheless.

 He was right there the day you got it, hanging off the rails of the round pin, pumping his fist in triumph as you and your horse trotted in circles.

 Looking over, a grin breaking across your face,  you met his own grin. It sent shivers down your spine, blooming in your tummy. You could see it, with that feral grin on his face, you understood what type of man he would be. He truly was a warrior.

 -

 He stood behind you when you first attended state meetings with your father, against the wall with the other guards. You had been terrified. You hadn’t known, really, what they were talking about, and you had been scared that they would ask you questions you wouldn’t know the answer to. But Hajime was there, and that made your words a little more steady. 

 -

 He was eighteen and you fourteen, budding into adolescence, and it seemed to be everyone’s business. He was turning into a man and you couldn’t help but notice, not that you would ever speak of it.

 He was leading you horse, walking you around the gardens. He liked to pick and choose when you should be treated as a princess. With swords in your hands he tended to ignore it, but at times like these, you were an heiress and he was an indentured servant.

 “I don’t understand”

 “It’s a tragedy, it's supposed to make you sad!” You say. “It’s about the ‘what if’s’ and the yearning, you have to focus on the yearning.” You giggle at your words, as you drag out your syllables. 

 You were telling him about your latest book, and how it had left you heart broken for the two lovers. With bad timing, and greedy people stealing their chances at love, they could never be together. 

 You always told Hajime about your books, you couldn’t help talking about the ones that you couldn’t get out of your head. He was an amazing listener, and you appreciated him dearly for it. Even though his face would remain blank and his eyes would shift all around you, looking for threats, he would always pay attention.

 He scoffed. “ Well, what if I don’t care about yearning, what if they’re just stupid? The answer was right in front of them.” 

 “That’s not the point Hajime,” you pout.

 He scowls up at you, stopping your horse. 

 “What?” You can’t help but laugh at both of your dramatics.

 “Just don’t let me catch you doing anything dumb like that,” he doesn’t let you answer, starting your horse walking again. ¨Idiots.¨

 ¨Hajime!¨

 You appreciate him, in every sense, always protecting you, in body and soul.

 -

 He was twenty and you sixteen. Your temper was epic, it shook the stone walls and snapped as easily as the ribbons on your dresses. But your heart was just as easily broken. You were a slave to your emotions and you could feel it, festering in you. You would never let it show to the court, but your family knew, and so did Hajime. There was little left of the girl who used to hide behind skirts.

 You didn´t know if it was a gradual process, or if you woke up to it one day, but suddenly you couldn´t stop watching him. You couldn´t stop admiring him. He was so big, and strong, and he made you laugh so hard. His hands were soft, and large. He was smart, catching things you hadn’t in meetings, and his voice would send shivers down your spine when he whispered in your ear, telling you things about the people you were surrounded by. Things that he had learned to keep you safe; precautions. You couldn't stop your cheeks from heating up anymore, they were perpetually flushed, and it was impossible to hold his gaze. Things that wouldn't have mattered before made you stutter. But what set you off, was when you would look up to him, when you expected to meet those cool eyes, they would be somewhere else.

 Before, when you had been upset, you would drag Hajime to the training rooms and throw him a sword. He would let you get a few hits in, before winning, of course. But only after you got everything you needed out. He was the cool water to your raging disposition. He had a sternness to him now, even though his fiery character could rival yours sometimes, he knew when to hold back. And when he did, his easy answers and cool voice were equally frustrating as they were calming. You shared more together while in those practice rooms swinging swords than anywhere else. But now you had lost the thing that had made it better.

 Now you only saw him when mandatory, behind your throne and next to you at meals. He seemed to be more interested in the guards and other warriors than you, so you ate in silence and read alone at night. You eventually requested a new guard, and your parents said no. You two were friends, and he was sent here for you, that would not be changing overnight. But he didn't feel like your Hajime anymore, your friend or defender. Because he wasn't paying attention to you anymore, not like he was supposed to. Or how you wanted him too.

 It made you burn when you looked up and he wasn't looking at you. The embers in your chest that would flare when you didn't get your way, when someone disagreed with you, when Hajime said something brash, were a roaring fire. You didn't understand why things had changed, where it had come from.

 You saw it, when his eyes met the older courtiers- well, older compared to you. You saw the eyes of the women on him, how they trailed over his broad back and strong arms. You knew that the lady’s had started taking their walks through the section of the palace they had previously thought of as unpalatable. They would bat their eyelashes and fan their fans in front of them as they walked past the training rooms, hoping to catch Hajime in only a thin damp shirt. It was infuriating.

 You took to ignoring him, long lonely months. It was intense, the war between you both, silently throwing glances at each other, both sets of eyes holding promises of worse words to come. He was a weight behind you at all times, dragging your heart deeper into a pit of solitary despair. He left you whenever he could afford, never letting your parents or the other guards see. You were kept safe, but it wasn’t comforting like before. The walks to your rooms after dinner were the worst, the internal battle inside you was tearing you to shreds. Should you talk to him? Confront him? Bear a dagger and rough it out? But he would leave you by your door and walk away before you could decide anything at all. 

 You had burned too bright, the fire in you now gone. The fury that had kept you warm was nothing but a cold pit in your chest.

 You were all alone, every day that knowledge split you open like a cold blade. You were determined to stay away from him, to not bother him, since he obviously didn’t want anything to do with you. But one day, it all became too much. 

 You had attended a dinner tonight, with a distant royal family. And they had said things to you that they had no right to say. They had spoken as if they had known you. They knew things about you that made your skin crawl. All of those things were somewhat common knowledge, but then they had started making assumptions about you, asking you things that if you were a queen you would have known the answers to. But you weren’t, you were a stupid little princess, with no one. And you felt so small. 

 The only thing that made it worse was when you realized you were bracing for something. After every one of their comments, you were waiting for one of Hajime's raging blows. For him let his temper go, just a little. To tell them how it was, to defend you. But it didn’t come, you looked over and he wasn’t paying attention. What happened to your warrior? Your watcher? Your protector?

 -

 You remembered a conversation between you and Hajime, before. It was late at night, Hajime was laying on the rug in front of your heart, his arm thrown over his eyes. Your book set to the side.

 The candles had all burned low, but the fire stood strong. It casted a blood orange glow across half of his body, the other half a stark blue. You didn’t know if he was asleep, and took your time admiring him.

 The side away from you, from your vantage point lounging on the couch, was flushed. His mouth was pulled down slightly, but it didn’t scare you. That looked like you’re Hajime, with sharp teeth and a barking laugh. Who felt everything thrown at him. 

 You didn’t know how he hid it so well, but he really did experience everything; he might conceal it, but it was in there.

 You looked at the other side of him, the one in a cold blue light from the moon coming in your windows. You wondered if that was what other people saw, the straight backed man, who knew who he was and what he stood for. 

You said his name gently, he grunted in response.

“Do you remember… that tragedy I read years ago, about the two lovers…” you explained a little more, trailing off.

He took a deep breath saying, “ yes, with the idiots.” 

You don’t bother hiding your pursed lips before you say, “what… what would you do in their situation, since they’re such idiots.” You pluck at a thread on the couch, not looking at him.

From your peripheral vision you could see him turn his head to look at the flames, and suddenly a wave of anxiety hits you, you're scared to know his real answer, his honest one.

You get up and walk to the window, and the stark difference in temperature makes you shudder. It was starting to snow, just barely. The moon was so bright, causing the gardens below your window to glow. The marble walkways mirroring back the moon.

“I would…” you look back at him, with a hand still on the window sill, and almost gasp. “I would run too, because I wouldn’t know any better, just like them.” He had sat up and turned away from the fire, his whole front blue and cold. 

You couldn’t stand the window anymore, and went to sit by the hearth. 

-

You think he’s run. He’s carried himself as far away from you as he can without abandoning his responsibilities. The gap between you is the largest thing you have ever felt. A dark ravine, and on the other side was him, with his back turned to you. Everything is blue, the moon won’t let you forget, it refuses to shroud out the light, so you can’t remain ignorant. You hate it. And every day, you come closer and closer to falling into that deep crack in the earth, reaching out your arms, stretching your fingers, feeling the rocks shift under your feet, pebbles falling into the dark pit, maybe to never hit the bottom.

-

 You couldn’t calm yourself even hours later, your mind would go back to dinner when you tried to read, and you couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, when it was too late to brandish swords or you were too young to hold one, Hajime and you would walk the palace halls. Running from guards not to be caught, jumping on chairs in forgotten sitting rooms, daring each other to grab things from the kitchen. All before putting his grumpy cool mask back on and escorting you back to your rooms. But you never dared walk the halls yourself, you were always too scared. Hajime... Hajime, he would always take you, and make you feel better. 

 You had been pacing your rooms, trying to find a way to fix your hurt. Trying to come up with any solution. Sitting down on your bed, you put your head in your hands, pleading with the tears not to fall. You wanted him to make you feel better again, you wanted to feel safe with him behind you, not cold and unwanted. 

 You didn't know what to do, really, you told yourself as you snuck your way into his rooms, holding your breath the whole way there, still scared. Closing the door behind you you leaned against it, and for a moment, it felt like before. He smelled the same and the room was so warm it made you shiver in satisfaction. But he was a warrior, so your moment of peace didn’t last long as he rolled over, almost reaching for a weapon before he realized who you were. 

 You tried smiling, but seeing him like that, with his dark hair messy, and cheeks ruddy from sleep just hurt you more. You couldn’t stop the quiver in your lip.

 “You've been crying,” he said, pushing himself off the bed slightly. You tried not to watch the blanket fall off his shoulders.

 Nodding, you turn your head, wiping away tears with your wrist, not looking him in the eyes. You took a moment, trying to calm yourself and almost took a step towards him, but you caught yourself. That made the tears come faster. If things had been like before, you would have ran to him. You won't have hesitated, you wouldn't be bracing for something foul to come out of his mouth. 

 But those things didn't matter, not when he finally sat up and opened his arms letting you throw yourself at him.

 He rocked you back and forth, pulling you onto his lap, cooing at you. “What’s wrong, what’s the matter my princess.” The vibrato in his voice echoed through you, made you want to melt, but it was also painfully familiar. 

 His kind words only made you cry harder. How long had it been since you had heard him speak to you at all? And it had to have been even longer since he had been kind to you like this, only reserved for when you were totally alone, and desperately in need. 

 There was so much wrong, but you could only find it in yourself to shrug. He let out a scoff. Pulling you back, you tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin to make you look up. He swiped a thumb under your eye, catching a falling tear. You almost smiled at his frown, how you had missed it, when it only promised light scolding, not cruel disregard.

 “I j-just... want you t-to m-make me feel better,” the last word comes out in another desperate sob and he pulled you to him again. 

 He hummed saying, “Don't tell me someone did this to you.” 

 You shake your head, burying your face in his chest. You didn't want to face the truth, that he had been so neglectful that he really hadn't seen what had happened at dinner.

 “Let's get you to bed, okay?” 

 You desperately nod, you had missed this so much. You had missed his kindness so much. You almost felt like little kids again, and he led you through the dim hallways clutching your hand. Like when you had first met.

 You woke up alone.

 Cold, sober reality washed over you like water, slithering down your spine. Oh. Things were not back to before. You hated Before, it taunted you. It laughed at you as you broke each time the word crossed your mind. Before was better, the most shining and brilliant version of what you had lost. 

 -

 He was escorting you across the castle, and you battled with yourself again. Just like always but worse, now that you knew he was still in there. The contrast ached more. You almost didn't say anything, but you passed by a set of windows and happened to look outside.

 It was spring, almost summer, and everything was green again. The hills outside rippled as the green grass swayed. Beyond the grass were wildflowers. You wish you and Hajime could ride out there and lay in them. But you couldn't- or, he wouldn’t.

 That makes you stop for some reason, and you walk up to the window looking out. He stops too, remaining behind you.

 “Hajime,” You say quietly. He doesn't say anything, facing forward.

 He wouldn’t look at you. He refused until you grabbed him as hard as you could with your little hands, not holding back when your nails dug into his wrist and forearm.

 He tried pulling back, but you wouldn’t let him. Grabbing one of your wrists he made you yield. 

 “I’m not... we’re not going to talk about this, not yet,” he said the words with shifting eyes, not able to meet yours for too long. “I can’t.”

 You had never minded him when he was his serious self, because you would always see the loving side of him eventually. When you were alone, when it mattered. But this, the firm cold shoulder, it wasn’t the protective one you were used to, it was cruel. 

 “Well,” you spit out, ripping your wrist from his grip, “ when you can finally tell me your secret, it better be important, because right now I don’t appreciate being ignored- ignored and...” you struggled to find the right words, your chin quivering, eyes filling with tears. Unloved? Unprotected? 

 “Whatever this is,” you gesture at him, the venom in your voice dissipating with each syllable. Until each blink yielded more tears.

 ¨You´re dismissed,¨ you tell him, you could make it to tea just fine by yourself.

 -

 You were furious, angry, livid. The only thing that dosed the ever flaming embers in your chest was the announcement your father made. You had known it was coming, but him telling everyone solidified it.

 He had called you and Hajime to his private rooms a few nights before, you two had met in front of the door.

 You were to decide which member of your court  would take the oath to be your protector and advisor. Everyone knew it was going to be Hajime, but sometimes a ruler didn't have such loyal followers, and they would choose from a selection. But your father wanted to follow tradition and tell you properly. You had come of age, it would be time for you to take up more responsibility, and this was the first step.

 You could feel him standing next to you, facing your father and mother where they sat. The emers in you were doused, replaced by a rush of freezing water that contrasted your hot tears. You couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life like this. You would be a horrible queen if this was the future that awaited you. 

 Before he made his oath to you, there was to be your birthday celebration. A frantic day of eating, receiving gifts and dancing. Who would you dance with?

 Tight lipped, you thanked your parents and walked out. You could hear Hajime behind you, and you didn't try to quiet your ragged breathing as the tears flowed. 

 They had threatened to fall when your father stood up at dinner and told your court.

 -

 It was your birthday, you hadn't danced with Hajime, and you always danced with Hajime. Everytime you could, you let your face relax and your smile melted away. You were exhausted. But someone asked you to dance.

 The man no older than Hajime, with fluffy brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, asked you with a hypnotizing smile. He spun you around and said the most outrageous things in your ears, you couldn't help the grin that spread across your face. 

 You would pass a couple and he would share their most treacherous secrets. Nothing too bad, just outlandish enough that you would blush and want to hit him- only lightly.

 He asked you again and again, until you finally had to say no, your face was hot, your skin was covered in a layer of perspiration and you were sure that your hair had fallen out of its updo.

 You made your way back to your seat on the dais, next to your parents. You didn't realize that Hajime had moved from his spot on the wall, blending in with the other guards, to stand behind you.

 Taking a seat, you hear a scoff. Straightening your back you almost don't believe it. Maybe it was the exercise, or the fact that you were feeling loose after laughing so hard. Or maybe it was because you were actually having fun, but you found that tonight- tonight you had energy. 

 You could feel it in your chest, that scoff has blown a harsh wind over those embers, fanning them a glowing orange.

 “Yes, Hajime,” you say, slightly turning your head in his direction. You tried to keep your tone light.

 He grunted, not saying anything. You place your hands in your lap. He won't even give you words.

 “Tell me,” you say, face blank, friendly tone gone.

 “Nothing, Princess.”

 How dare he scoff at you and pretend you were the crazy one.

 You spun in your seat. There he was, in his nice uniform, with your kingdom's mascot and colors. Your mascot and colors. Your kingdom's mascot and colors. The kingdoms that you would rule, mascot and colors. 

 The blades strapped around him were intricate; polished and shrap. He looked straight forward, not acknowledging you. He looks good, something inside of your chest whispered, but was whisked away as your eyes caught on the dagger on his belt, with the same color jews as his uniform

 You stood up in a flurry, so fast that he only had time to brace himself before you were grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your level. Nails digging into him all the while.

 “Follow me,” you say through gritted teeth. Pulling back looking him in the eyes, you tell him exactly what he needed to know. It was an order, an order from his future ruler. The exchange was so fast you knew no one would see it.

 Spinning on your heel you walked down the dais and straight into the crowd of dancing people as they desperately tried to not step on you.

 “Princess,” Your father said from his seat behind you. You knew he was objecting at your rudeness, but you didn't care, the act of disobedience spurring you on. You hear the music halt, only for a second, but you keep moving.

 You could feel everyone's eyes on you as you made your way further and further towards the doors out of the hall. Each breath wasn’t enough oxygen, and your vision spotted, but the chills rippling over your skin were addicting. 

 You knew Hajime was behind you.

 -

 You didn't answer any of his furious remarks as you grabbed his forearm, dragging him through the palace. You turned down a certain hall and he stopped talking.

 You threw open the doors of the practice hall, letting go of Hajime’s arm. Marching down the long open space, so big it could probably hold dozens of bodies, you open one of the cabinets across from the row of tall windows. The room was dim, and you don´t think of lighting candles.

 Selecting two swords, you slide one to him across the floor, to where he stood still at the door. He stopped it carefully with his boot, as it spun towards him.

 Looking up from the sword, he says, ”No.”

 “Pick up the sword, Hajime,” You say from across the room, sword in your hand. You’re not sure why you threw it at him, he already had one on his hip. Maybe because it was unfair, that he could always have one and you could not.

 He scoffed at you, leaving it on the ground. 

 “Pick it up,” You growled.

 He didn't have time to roll his eyes before the twin dagger to the one on his belt landed in the door frame, next to his head.

You watched his eyes flick to your hand, smoothing out your skirts, hiding the slit that led to your thigh. You switched your sword back to your dominant hand, breathing already ragged, not looking away from those sharp eyes as he picked the sword off the ground. 

 You stayed exactly where you were as he walked towards you.

 “You are b-”

 “I don't want to hear any of what you have to say about my behavior.”

 He rolled his eyes, stopping in front of you, getting into his proper stance. You mimicked him.

 “You are being a brat.”

 You swing for him, and he easily blocks, sending your sword arcing through the air, still in your hand. He sends a shallow jab at you, which you take a step back from.

 “What right do you have judging the people I spend my time with?” You say, jabbing right back at him, which he blocks with a sweep of his sword. “And when am I not?”

 You go for his left, which he dodges, and as he came around spinning to face you again, he swung low at the wide skirts of your dress. You hear it rip and feel the cold air hit your calves. Taking two steps back he observes you, lowering his sword, intentions clear. 

 He thought that would end your little fight.

 He thought that the ruining of your dress would make you stop, that you were shallow enough to ask for his mercy just because of a tear in your skirts. It made you furious, knowing he wasn't taking this seriously.

 You feint lunging at him, he swung from the right, and you blocked, swords suspended in the air for just a moment. 

 “Stop it.” You say, voice almost a whisper.

 You grunt and pull back. Circling each other, you watch as the moonlight brightens his face. The circling continues, and no words are exchanged, giving you time to think about what had been said, only making you more upset.

 You had faults, in moments like these, you couldn't hide your next move, anger making you just want to act. You swing at him, and he blocks. While your sword is up, he takes the chance to roll, and shove you backwards away from him. A dirty trick.

 “Stop what?” He says to you, looking at you from where you had stumbled a few steps away, face blank.

 You looked at him, with his back to the windows, face shrouded in darkness, and you hated him.

 Before you could think about it, before you could flinch and regret your actions, your arms were arching up, throwing your sword across the room. Watching as Hajime involuntarily followed its arch through the air, sinning blade spinning over handle, until it landed in a clatter. You watched him all the while, and saw his shocked expression before he could hide it.

 “I am your princess,” You growl, his head snapping back to you.

 “I am your princess!” You yell, taking a step towards him, chest pressed to his.

 “I am your Princess!” You scream, shoving him backwards toward the large windows.

 You pressed against him, leaning him back against the window sill. You stretch to your tiptoes, your hands clutching his shirt as you stare into his eyes. With all the venom you can manage, panting, you say, “I am your princess! I am your princess and you will do as I say!”

 “What are you doing?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. You barely hear his words, or his sword clatter to the ground, your breathing too ragged, your heart beat too loud. You could feel it, in every part of your body, it echoed through you.

 And in that moment you can almost see him. That flash in his eyes, that tone of voice, his breath fanning over your face. He was your Hajime, only for a second.

 “Stop it,” you say, losing momentum with each word, “stop it.”

 He finally tugs himself free, ripping your hands from him. He doesn't let go as he presses you a few steps back and leans down to look into your eyes. 

 His eyes were dark, and you lost him again, the Hajime you want. You yearned to bang on his chest and beg for him back, but you don't dare break the delicate dance you two were in.

 “I see them,”  you hiss, trying to get in his face, “I see how they look at you.”

 “Who?” He spits.

 “Your courtiers.” You say the words as if it's a curse.

 He throws your hands down, taking steps to the door, still facing you.

 “Nothing?” You ask. “You never have anything to say anymore.”

 “Why does it matter?” Squaring his shoulders he looks at you straight on. 

 “Wh-”

 “Why does it matter if they look at me?”

 “It- I-”

 “Tell me why it matters, Princess, and maybe we can talk. I don't want part in your tantrums.”

 You watch him walk away, listening to every fading step, until you only have your breathing to fill the silence.

 -

 You couldn’t stop thinking about that night, it made you sick, haunting you with the memories of what you had said to each other.

 Maybe you had been wrong. Wrong to order him to follow you, wrong to act so brash, wrong to scream at him, and to accuse him of those things.

 You scolded yourself for acting that way, to let your temper control you. It had felt good, until you had crashed. 

 The option-less future spread in front of you. What would you do? Exhaustion was seeping into you, a new type of tired, one that you would do anything to amend. 

 If your temper wouldn’t fix your problems, you would have to try something else, even if it burned you from the inside out.

 -

 You called him to your rooms, something you had never done before. There was no need to call upon each other, you always knew where the other was

 Hajime found you in the chair in the corner, the one he used to stay in; you rarely used it.

 The last rays of evening sunlight were shining in your windows, cascading over your body.

 Your face was illuminated by the sun, every beautiful line and imperfection was open in the light. It made you glow, like you should have been kept in a painting so you could be adored forevermore. You were golden, hair caught fire, glowing like a beacon of truth. The heir of an empire, the hope of thousands. 

 “Majesty,” he bowed, something he had only done a handful of times, for special occasions. It felt forgien and stiff doing it there.

 “Iwaizumi” you said, it sounded like a song, a sigh and a prayer and a plea. But it wasn’t right.

 When was the last time you had called him that? Never, a furious voice in the back of his mind told him.

 “It’s almost time for me to choose.”

 He stood up straighter, meeting your eyes for the first time. There wasn’t that look in them like before, of hurt and hardness. Determination that you would power through. It was just a fact.

 It was almost time for you to choose the person of your court to swear a never ending bond with. To protect each other, in body and soul, to in turn protect your kingdom.

 You looked down at your hands, and he was compelled to take a step forward to make sure he heard you, but not too close. He had a feeling that if he took another step he would see your  red rung eyes, and he didn’t want to think about that.

 “I want it to be you… I'm sorry for that night, for yelling, and trying to cut you into pieces. But…” You take a deep breath and look out the window. “ I don’t know what’s changed, and I’m so sorry for how I’ve acted, and whatever I’ve done, but I want it to be you” 

 With those last words you looked him in the eyes. The anger was gone, and all he saw was a tired princess. His tired princess. You didn’t break his gaze, not saying anything more .

 He almost wanted to question you, the maturity in your words shocking. But he stayed quiet; that wasn’t his place anymore.

 You had said your peace, he knew, as he looked into your eyes, with your face passive. It was his turn now, to come to you and bear his teeth, to gouge the hurt out of his chest in to lay it bare for both of you.

 -

 Hajime had a memory he kept close to him, right on his hip. He might have kept it on his ribs, the ones that protected his heart, if that was where you kept daggers. 

 It was the winter solstice celebration from years before. Hajime and you were in your parents' private rooms, giving gifts.The two of you sat on the floor next to the fire, with your parents on the couch in front of you. 

 “Now this one is for both of you.” Your mother explained, handing you both identical boxes. “Open them at the same time.”

 You gave Hajime one look before tearing into yours. He didn’t get to see your reaction as he worked on delicately undoing the ribbons, but he heard your gasp.

 Resting in your hands was an exquisite, shining dagger. You gently held it up, and both your heads turned in to stare at it. 

 “Oh my…” You gawked.

 Hajime went back to his gift and opened it to an identical dagger. Twins. 

 He held his up, and you two compared.

They had blades of shimmering silver, with curved tips that looked sharp enough to split hairs. The handles were of matching silver formed into delicate patterns, inland with jewels that matched your kingdom's colors. The metal reflected the light of the fire behind you, flickering gold and orange, like the blades held the sun.

 Looking up to your parents your father explained. “I had those made for the two of you.” 

 You waited, but that was all he offered. Hajime watched you balance the dagger in your hand, turning it over and examining it. 

 “They’re beautiful.” You say.

 “I would hope that you don’t use them on each other, and only wear them for celebrations, but I doubt that is something that will happen.” 

 Hajime chuckled, looking down at his own dagger. The king might not have said it, but he had a feeling he knew what the daggers were for. 

 They were the two of you. Cut from the same stone, at each other with blades as sharp as diamonds, all while in your shining castle. 

 They were to remind you where you came from, that you two were one in the same, and that you were to work together. Much better to mar an enemy with the same blade than have the one that matches your in your gut. 

 “Thank you,” he said.

 Hajime looked at you, and you were smiling. Leaning over, your grin was feral, and he couldn’t help the electricity that went down his spine.

 “Do you know what this means?” You ask. “I need to get my dresses tailored.” 

 Hajime ruffled your hair, but your smile was burned into his memory. One in the same. Maybe his future queen really would be as strong as him. 

 Hajime could learn to like that.

 -

 Hajime was trained by your father and his men to be a warrior. Your warrior. While you were trained in how to fight men across oceans and continents, he was taught how to fight men with steel and teeth. You did give him a run for his money when you brawled, but he knew that he would never want to be facing you in a killing field, with an army at your disposal.

 Your cleverness was beyond him, not that you would ever give yourself credit for it. But you were still young, and when he caught something that you had missed in meetings or conversations, the sparkle in your eye, the way he knew you were in awe of him, was addictive.

 In all honesty, Hajime wasn’t your only lover, or admirer, you had many. Your parents were kind to you, your father could often be found making you giggle, especially when you were seated next to him at meetings. Your mother and you discussed books and music. You would often receive compliments from your father’s advisors and friends, which always made you blush in thanks. And your mothers lady’s loved to give you advice about clothes and any romantic endeavors you might go one. Not that there were many. The boys liked winking at you, and making you blush. Hajime tried his best to keep that to a minimum. Your court did love you, they loved the princess that was bashful and kind, but had the cleverest ideas at council meetings. You were the beautiful shining light, in your beautiful shining castle, and you would keep your court strong.

 Those were all things that Hajime knew well. Painfully well. Because he was always the first to notice. He had seen how they all cared and vowed to make sure that you would stay that way, that you were protected and cared for. So your light never went out, so your kingdom was always strong. He would do what he must, he would not let your court fall.

 So when he had looked at you and the light in your eyes had changed, he felt responsible.

 It wasn’t a bad change, just different. It only took him a short amount of time to pinpoint what it was.

 He couldn’t love you, not like that. He couldn’t let himself break you, because he knew he’d manage somehow, he was always a little heavy handed.

 What protector would he be if he broke your heart? If he was the first one to weaken you? To welcome you into the cruel world you would be entering, of choosing the best of horrible options, of lying and deceiving? He would not be the one to welcome you to that.

 -

 Maybe he was wrong, maybe you could take it. He wouldn’t be the one introducing you to the hurt, he could be the one to guide you through it.

 -

 He was surprised when he found you, always too afraid to wander the place at night. You were in a sitting room, long forgotten by the court, locked away and covered in sheets. 

 It was one of the rooms you would play in as children, with the furniture pushed to one corner; each and every one of the walls between the tall windows was covered in paintings.

 By now both of you had them memorized, whether that be by sunlight, candle light or moon light, both of you knew each of them well.

 You were only looking at one, standing right in front of it, your favorite painting of them all. 

 Hajime watched you, in the light of the moon, stare at the picture. Your profile was perfectly outlined by the stark light.

 “Tell me about her again,” he asked, voice carrying across the room.

 You spare him a glance before turning back to the painting.

 You take a step closer and take a breath. “Her name was Kiyoko.”

 You bring your hand up, and with only a finger you delicately trace the frame. 

“She was the most beautiful woman in the land, and the man who painted her was in love with her, but there were few who weren’t.”

 Hajime didn’t have to see the picture to know what it looked like, he had spent plenty of time looking at it with you. The girl was beautiful, with silky black hair, pale skin, and eyes that felt like they knew all, like they were windows into the fiercest storm.

 He knew the curve of her lips and the mole on her chin, and the pastel color of her dress. She was framed in a sea of greenery; plants, grass and trees all around her. Despite her pale dress and cool eyes she was surrounded by orange flowers, and in the corner of the painting, were perched crows.

 He wasn’t sure what made you stare at that painting like you did. Like you could see details that weren’t there. You had always said that when you looked at it, you longed for the frame to expand, for the picture to grow wider, to see what she saw.

 You also had a thousand questions for her, you wanted to know her as intimately as you knew her face. But she never answered, staring back with those eyes, until only Hajime was left to answer your questions.

 “She was loved by everyone, it was said that you would be blessed if she acknowledged you, and if she spoke to you, you were destined for the most devine heaven.” You move your finger from the frame to the painting, looking like you would touch it, but you don’t, only coming infinitely close.

 “She married the man she loved, and had a laugh that sounded like bells.” You bring your hand down and step back from the painting. 

 “You would be her most devoted admirer.” Hajime said.

 “I already am,” you smile looking down at your hands, “but I think she would have deserved a beautiful friendship.” 

 -

 It wasn’t a real story, her name was Kiyoko, that was the name of the painting, but each time you told it, it was different.

 Looking up to reply to Hajime, you met his eyes. On his face was a smile that delicately curved, turning his mouth up.

 That smile… the curve of his mouth, the sharp teeth behind it. It made your knees week, the relief of seeing it again.

 He took steps towards you, until you were standing shoulder to shoulder looking at her again. 

 “What do the crows mean,” he asked, encouraging you to keep going.

 You take a moment before answering. “They’re her other admirers, only to ever love her from afar.” 

 He hummed, and you swear you could feel it in your bones. 

 You turn to look at him, right in the eyes.

 “It matters… it mattered because you weren’t looking at me.”

 He tried to speak, but you stopped him. “No, listen to me.”

 He wouldn’t look away from your eyes, face cool.

 “I couldn’t- can’t- you just… you weren’t looking at me, and I didn’t know what to do. It’s unbearable.” Your words were so quiet, always so quiet in moments like these

 It seemed like he couldn’t bear to break the silence as he said with narrowed eyes. “You think I don’t know, that I didn’t see?”

 “You won’t break me Hajime,” you say with a scoff. He almost flinced, coming close but stopping. Like you had seen right through him when he wasn’t expecting.

 “You don’t know that,” he hissed, “I know, saw it, everything, and I made that decision. I won’t be the one to introduce you to that, to be the first one to hurt you.” 

 He spoke with his hands, and you watched them as they moved. They were so wide, well taken care of, you remember them being softer than expected.

 “You’re supposed to protect me,” you grit through your teeth. You don’t know if he can tell how flushed you are, but you know he can see the silver lining your eyes.

 “H-how am I supposed to protect this kingdom, t-this court without you! I can’t do it without you.”

 “You’ll do just fine,” he said, standing up straighter.

 “Don’t say that! Why would you- why would you say something like that.” 

It was getting hard to get the words out, every time he spoke you ached more and more.

 He was panting, like those words had winded him. His face was hard, unyielding. You wrapped your arms around yourself, and covered your wobbling mouth. A sick imitation of a comforting embrace

-

 He didn’t know what to do. His princess was shattering right in front of him and there was nothing he could do. 

 There was no one to point a blade at, no where to keep you safe. Looking at the tears in your eyes, he knew that this had been happening for a while. You were begging him to take his words back, any of them, but he wouldn’t let himself.

 Hajime resisted the urge to look down at his hands. He’d always been heavy handed, that's what he had said to himself. He was trying to shield you, gods-dammit, but those hands had done more harm than good when it really mattered.

 All he could do was watch you crumble in on yourself, while he stood feet away.

 -

 He was clueless. He always knew what to do. Your faithful, balanced Hajime was at a loss.

 You could see it, you blinked and you were there. No longer in that moon-bathed room, but outside, children again.

 How old were you? Nine? Eleven? How old was he? Thirteen? Fifteen? You were just children; the same as always. Had you even grown up, were you always clutching each other like this? So dependent yet so unaware of each other?

 You had never seen him like this, he lived with a sword in his hand and a shield on his back. His upper lip stiff, his will unmoving.

 But the man standing in front of you was desperate, with his hands splayed in front of him, like they would burn you if he got too close.

 Why couldn’’t you just say it, why were you two always dancing around it? Your own choreography, your own sacred, unique steps. 

 “I’m tired,” you say, shoulders dropping, eyes lifting to the ceiling.

 “I am too,” Hajime admitted.

 You closed your eyes tight, feeling more tears fall from your lashes. And when you opened them again, you were met with steel. Not like the steel of blades, but unforged steel, ready to be shaped, reborn.

 Looking into those eyes, the irises that framed hurricanes, it felt like those roaring winds blew right through you. Breathing life into you, fanning your flames. Maybe she could answer just one question for you.

 This is the last time, you vowed to yourself, no matter how it ends.

 -

 Hajime didn’t ask questions as you dragged him through the palace, his presence giving you a little more confidence than before.

 Up and up you went, just when he thought you were done taking him up stairs you found another set, and headed right to the top. You only felt him hesitate once, but you didn’t look back, and he followed. You made it to the top. A tower that was once a sentries station. 

 “How did you… isn’t there someone working here?” Hajime asked.

 You didn’t have to look at him to see the crease in his brow. “No, there’s no need to have anyone up here.”

 Your kingdom had been peaceful for years, if any attacks were to come, they would not be so often as to need guards on the lookout every day. Hajime knew that, so you followed. “I haven’t been sleeping, so I’ve just been walking around at night… and I wound up here.” 

 He didn’t say anything, but you knew what he was thinking. You never walked alone, the fact that you had been in that sitting room tonight was shocking. But you? Wondering up here?

 On one hand, you hoped that he was feeling guilty. On the other, you felt horrible for tearing him up like that. But you knew that was how he was feeling, he wouldn’t push it to the side this time. Not with it spelled out in front of him.

 Crossing his arms and leaning back, he gave you a look of disapproval, but you were no stranger to those cunning eyes. You tried not to dwell on the picture before you, slowly focusing into something- someone you recognized.

 You walked up to the window, leaning against it, staring at the slowly brightening horizon. 

 “Just tell me why.” Was all you said.

 -

 Hajime stepped forward, shoulder to shoulder with you, hand on the cool window sill. The warmth that encompassed Hajime's side almost made him purr, you were so close.

 He took a moment to look at the view, the mountains in the distance, silhouetted by the rising sun. The dark sky was slowly becoming a splash of deep colors.

 “I don’t just protect you, your life isn't your own. What I do affects you, what I see keeps you safe. What I let you do… it could change so much. If I stumble, if I overlook something- so much is at steak. And I know what you were thinking when you looked at me.”  He paused as you nodded, and watched your eyes move from the horizon to the city nestled below the palace. “So I stopped, and you were pissed.”

 “I’ll be disappointed if you say you didn’t see that coming.”

 “Well, it worked to my advantage… until you woke me up that night…” 

 Your smile melted, but you didn’t say anything. Maybe he was bracing for something, that crackling irritation he was used to. But it didn’t come.

 Hajime stiled. Maybe this wasn’t him talking to his princess anymore, as you listened, as he spoke, he realized it was his queen in front of him. 

 “You hurt me. You were mine and then suddenly you weren’t.” He sat there and listened as your voice cracked

 “I’m sorry”

 You turned to look at him. “You can’t break me that easy Hajime, we’re one and the same, in sword and devotion. I want you at my back, I want you protecting me. I need you to want the same. I thought- I thought we agreed on that. So please… let me choose you.”

 “Please let me be your princess, please let me choose you, I want you to protect me, the right way.”

 With you next to him he could see the sunlight reflected in your eyes, how it made them sparkle, how the roofs of your city seemed to wink up at you with the last slivers of moon light. Telling him how much hope they had for you, how they knew that their princess would keep them safe.

 “I'm sorry,” he whispered.

 With that admission, you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him as hard as you could. You took a few breaths before pulling back, still keeping your arms around him, looking into his eyes.

 “Let me be your princess Haji, please.” It was like you were looking for something in his eyes, not breaking the connection.

 “Always,” he whispered, leaning closer, not looking away.

 “But you aren’t my princess.” He watched your eyes flutter and he drew closer and closer, wrapping his arms around you, keeping you right against him. “You're my queen.”

 He met your lips, and you were the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself if he made you feel like you had again. 

 And as the sun created the mountains, and it's morning rays illuminated you and Hajime, he knew that his hands might have broken you, but they had also put you back together. 

 -

 Pulling away from Hajime, you try not to look as out of breath as you felt. You stared into his slate eyes and felt like he had never left, that the time between you that had hurt you  was just a memory, a distant past.

 They say you can’t remember pain. Maybe its to give you the courage to forgive, to be able to try again.

 You watched his mouth as he said, “I'm a fool.”

 “Then that would make me a fool too,” you muse, tone playful.

 “No,” he said, shaking his head slightly, furrow in his brow. “We can’t have a queen who's a fool.”

 “Then what am I?”

 “An idiot,” you watched his mouth as he said it. His smile was crooked, like he was trying to hide it.

 “Like the lovers,” You breathe, your own smile spreading across your face.

 “Like the lovers,” he repeated.

 The word lovers echoed in your head when you decided you wanted to kiss him again.

 -

 With each breath, you felt the embers inside of you cool to ashes, blowing in the wind like ash. 

 You might have lied, that night wouldn't be your last fight, but it would never be like that ever again.

 Hajime and you were once again in the practice hall, but this time things were different. You were both giddy, as the early morning sun glinted in your eyes. You tumbled and swung your swords at each other, but this time it was laughter shared between you, not savage words.

 You felt like you two were dancing again. With your dress whispering around your legs, and the dagger that matched Hajimes visible around your hip, you felt like you had that night as children, when Hajime first taught you to laugh. 

 You weren’t upset, or nervous this time, as you gave each other bruises and sore shoulders. Because later that morning at the ceremony you knew who would be standing next to you, with his back straight and his shoulders down. Your fiercest warrior and most devoted lover.

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter Eighteen

Amoreena Chapter Eighteen

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: hospital visits, fainting, IV's and ultrasounds!

word count: 5k

from the beginning <3

Y/N heads off to work at 8 on Wednesday, sick and miserable but it's her job. Leaving Spencer with the girls. “So, what are our plans for today?”

“We need to pick up some paint samples so we can pick for my room,” Jo replies, shovelling waffles into her mouth right after with syrup dripping down her chin.

Spencer passes her a napkin with a smile, “do you guys want to go visit my friend Penelope? She’s really good with aesthetics, as she calls them, she’ll be able to help the best.”

“She’s the one you told me about?”

Spencer nods, “yeah, I’m just going to call and see if she’s free today. Put your dishes in the dishwasher after, your mom doesn’t need to come home from work to do the sticky dishes okay?”

“Yes sir,” they both groan, jokingly, smiling at each other as they do so.

He runs up to his bedroom then, sitting on his side of the bed and taking his phone out of his pocket. He dials Luke’s number instead, knowing she’d kill him if she’s still asleep while he’s calling her.

“Hey man!” Luke answers, cheerful and very awake. “How’s the new kid?”

“Jo’s great, she’s settling in really well,” He smiles, news travelled fast in the BAU, “I actually want to introduce her to Penelope, is she awake and willing to take visitors this early?”

“Um,” he can hear Luke’s panic through the phone, “you know, here she’s beside me, she can tell you.”

“Hello, Spencer,” Penelope’s voice carries down the line and invoking a smile on Spencer’s face. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to introduce you to Josephine today, are you busy?”

“We have a doctor's appointment to go to in 10 minutes, but we’ll be home around 10:30?”

His brain stalls, malfunctioning a small amount at why Luke would be going to the doctors with Penelope. “You can’t be pregnant too, me you and Derek can’t all have kids the same age.”

“Savannah’s pregnant too?!” Penelope screams down the line, “holy shit.”

“Penelope!” Spencer shouts, “are you kidding me?”

“No, we were going to tell you soon, when you made that wine comment a few weeks ago I knew she was pregnant because I am too,” Penelope’s voice is so soft he knows she’s smiling on the other side.

She always wanted kids, that’s why she spoiled Henry and Hank so much, they were like her honorary babies until she was in the right place to have kids of her own. She has told Spencer time and time again how much she wants a family, how badly she wanted one but couldn’t find the perfect partner… then she met Luke.

“Put Luke back on,” Spencer sounds sterner than he means to, Penelope puts him on speaker instead.

“Are we going to have the father-to-son chat?” Luke teases him through the phone.

“I just wanted to thank you, this is going to be a really cool experience,” Spencer feels incredibly emotional at the thought of all 3 of their kid's meeting and being best friends.

“You just bumped Spencer to the top of my suggestions list,” Luke jokes in response, not able to handle the sappiness this early in the morning. “Thanks, man, So Derek’s going to be a dad again too?”

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” Spencer feels a bit like an idiot, “I don’t know how far along they are so just keep it a secret for now.”

“She’ll probably tell me when I tell her,” Penelope rationalized it, “it’s fine, Spence, all of us are having babies it’s a good secret to spill.”

“When are you due?”

“January 29th,” Penelope smiles, “you?”

“Y/N doesn’t know for sure, but she’s thinking it’s February 20th, if she got her math right,” Spencer confirms with a smile, “we have a doctor's appointment to see the little one in 2 weeks.”

“We find out if it’s a boy or girl today,” Luke added, and he can hear Penelope smack him.

“We’re not finding out! I want it to be a surprise!”

“I’m going to find out, I’m going to stare that sonogram down till I see a pee-pee or not,” Luke bickered back. Making her furious on purpose, like always.

“Good luck with that, it’s a blob and you’re a dork,” she fought right back, probably even more feisty now that she was pregnant.

That made Spencer just shake his head, he couldn’t even picture it. It was insane when Haley got pregnant and Hotch became a dad, he was so shocked when JJ got pregnant and her small body was able to do it. He’ll never forget seeing Derek become a father, it was way too eventful not to. But this, he never thought he’d see it.

She probably felt the same with him.

“We’ve got to go in now Spence, but we can pick up some brunch and meet you at ours around 11?” Penelope cut into his awkward silence, “you can see the ultrasound and be the first to know.”

“Sounds good, I’m really happy for you, Penny,” Spencer added with a smile. “Bye.”

“Bye!”

After he hangs up he shoots a text over to Y/N, “taking the girls to Penelope’s house, is there an extra booster seat for Amoreena anywhere?” And slides his phone back into his pocket.

Down the stairs, Jo and Amoreena are doing the dishes instead of just placing them in the dishwasher. Amoreena is on a stool, washing the plates as Jo dries and is able to reach the cabinets better to put them away. They don’t even know he’s there watching as they pass plates back and forth.

Then Amoreena jumps off the stool as the water drains, finally turning around to see her dad, “all clean! Mom shouldn’t have to do anything while she’s making a baby.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling, his girls were so perfectly kind and caring. It was like he won the genetic lottery being blessed with them.

“She’d really appreciate us keeping the house clean for the next few months,” Spencer agreed. “Are you guys excited or nervous about the baby?”

They both shrugged and moved in closer to the counter, resting against it as they thought it over. He pressed his lips together awkwardly as he waited, “I’m really nervous.” He announced, watching their faces turn to worry.

“Why?” Jo asked, “You’re really good at being a dad.”

“I haven’t done it from the beginning yet,” he’s open and honest with them, letting them know he doesn’t always have every answer but he’s brave enough to try.

“If anything,” Amoreena’s smart little mind gets to work, “because you’ve been so amazing without really knowing us, I can imagine Elly will love you the most because she’ll know you the longest.”

“Elly?” Spencer smiles, remembering how serious they all are about the next kid is a girl too.

Amoreena nodded, “she has the choice of 3 nicknames, Elly, Leo or Nora…” She’s clearly thought it all through.

“You know, I was thinking we should get something for Y/N and the baby, do you guys want to go to the store before we go see aunty Penny?”

They both nod enthusiastically, “can we go get changed first?” Amoreena asks, “I want to wear something nice.”

It makes him laugh, “of course, hey, before you go do you know where any more booster seats are for you?”

She bites her lip to think, “hmm, I think there’s one in poppy’s truck?”

“Okay, you go get ready, I’ll go talk to poppy,” Spencer replies, and before he can even turn around both of them are running up the creaky, loud, wooden steps and into their rooms.

He’s already in jeans and a plaid shirt from feeding the chickens that morning, adding just his running shoes and Grandpa’s hat, it was basically his now. He loved it, it felt right, it made Y/N and Amoreena smile when he wore it, and it completed the look of stay-at-home Farm Dad.

He walked right into Y/N’s parent's house, pulling back the screen door before walking, “knock, knock,” he says, smiling as he sees Linda rounding the corner from the kitchen.

“Spencer!” She cheers, wiping her hands off on her apron before pulling him into a hug. “How are your girls?”

“Good,” he smiles again, holding her close quickly before letting her go again. “I’m taking them to a friend's house, does Amoreena have a booster seat here?” He asks for the 3rd time that morning, not wanting to drive her anywhere unless she’s perfectly secured.

“Bob’s got one in the truck, leave your keys here in case he has to go anywhere and just take the truck, it’s easier than taking the seat out and putting it back in,” Linda problem-solved like it was her job.

“Okay,” he places his keys in her hand.

“Bob’s are on the wall by the door, have fun today!” Linda waved him off, “oh, and tell Y/N congratulations.”

“Oh, thanks,” he smiled, “the wedding was really fun.”

He’s just taking the keys off the wall and opening the door again when he hears her small laughter, “I meant on the baby.”

He turns quickly, “how did you know?”

Linda shakes her head, “there are 3 cases of ginger ale in the fridge and 8 empty boxes of saltine crackers in the recycling.”

He turns pink, embarrassed for some reason as if Linda didn’t know he was sleeping with her daughter. He nods with a press-lipped smile. “She didn’t want to tell anyone till the ultrasound.”

“I understand,” Linda smiled. “I’m ready to talk to her when she is, let her know that.”

“I will,” he smiled one last time, “see you later!”

And they were off.

—

He’s in a big red farm truck, wearing a farm hat and plaid while listening to Taylor Swift with his daughters.

He can’t help but shake his head at the insanity, agreeing with Taylor’s current lyric that’s being burned into his head, “fever dream high in the quiet of the night you know that I caught it!”

Amoreena and Jo are in the back, singing together as they share what songs are their favourites. It’s surreal, every single moment is, if it wasn’t for how badly it made his heartache to see them so happy he’d think it was all a dream.

The girls are very adamant about going to TJMaxx for a present for Y/N, saying it’s the best place to find nice things for a good price. Spencer would spend a million dollars on her if he could, but this was a group decision, and there were 2 of them now, so he never won anymore.

They get a decent parking space, getting out together they look insane. Spencer is a walking talking Woody from Toy Story at this point, Jo’s in all black and combat boots and Amoreena is a princess… it was an interesting group, to say the least.

They get a cart, pushing it up and down the aisles as they find a million and 1 cute things for Y/N. Everything from paintings to towels, maternity clothes and baby toys, makeup brushes and scarves… they were having the hardest time finding the best thing to get for them.

Spencer turned down the final aisle in the back corner, seeing a bunch of headboards and chairs, and a small little bassinet. It’s whicker and woven beautifully, light wood and a fluffy white inside. It’s soft, well made, and incredibly cute.

“Mom gave my crib to Aunt Ashely, she might like this!” Amoreena cheered, leaning over it to show that she was the perfect height to see inside of it too.

“I’m going to get it,” Spencer announces, “it’ll look nice in our room, and it’s good for the first few months while she’s really dependent on your mom.”

They were all on team girl now, Spencer and his little women just made the most sense. He couldn’t see anyone other than all his girls in his mind when he thought of the future, and he’s had enough time with boys anyway. Hank and Henry would always hold a special place in his heart.

The girls each wanted t pick something out for the baby, heading right for the girl section of the baby aisle. “Now, you have to remember that they’ll be very tiny in the winter, and around 6 months in the summer.”

Everything was actually decently priced like the girls said it would be, so Spencer went a bit overboard. It was his first baby too, he was allowed to spoil it. He stocked up on bib rags, swaddle blankets, pacifiers and cute little hats. Jo and Amoreena on the other handpicked out the cutest little winter coat. It would be perfect for the Virginia winter, a big brown bear coat that zipped up like a sleeping bag. She’s going to be so cozy.

Bringing everything to the cashier was fun, she could see they were all related and smiled, “another brother or sister on the way?”

Jo and Amoreena smiled, “in February,” Jo was the one to answer with a wide smile.

“Congrats!” She smiles as she rings everything through, bagging it all while Spencer pays and the girls take it all to the truck.

“Wait, so will I ever meet my other brother and sister?” Amoreena asks as they’re filling the bed of the truck with what they bought, completely out of the blue.

“Not for a while, Jo kinda broke the rules to find me and figured out who they are, but they can’t know till they’re 18,” Spencer explained.

She turns to Jo with a look of worry, “was my name on there?”

Jo nods enthusiastically, “oh yeah! You’re baby number 3! It goes me, Alice, you and then Dylan is the youngest.”

Amoreena starts to cry, it's soft at first as she goes silent and then she’s heaving as she thinks about it more. She throws herself into Spencer’s arms and he’s so confused. Shushing her as he rubs her back gently, “what’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I knew it,” is all she can say. Holding him closer than before. “You were too great to just be my dad.”

Jo places her hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “she’s right.”

“You guys are the amazing ones,” he says softly. “Come on, let’s get in the truck and go see Aunt Penny, she has a surprise.”

Amoreena sighed as she pulled back, “I don’t think I can handle anything more.”

It makes him laugh, “it’s a simple one, I promise.”

—

Jo loves Penelope. They instantly click, discussing exactly how she hacked the Sperm bank in all the technical terms which ended up sounding like gibberish to Spencer. She was incredibly smart and very interested in the computer programming field. Penelope offered to take her under her wing.

Amoreena, however, fell head over heels in love with Luke. He was nice to her at the barbecue because he’s Luke and he doesn’t know how to be anything but nice, and she thought he looked like Prince Naveen from the princess and the frog… which just so happened to be her favourite and suddenly Spencer understood why she was in a green princess dress today.

It was adorable, she looked up at him like he was an actual prince with big brown doe eyes as she listened to him talk about all the knightly battles he’s been on recently. She was enamoured, having her first little kid crush on her Aunt’s boyfriend.

Spencer was holding Penelope’s sonogram in his hands, alone on the couch as his kids were deep in conversation with his friends. It was really cool, that’s all he could think. Himself, Derek and Penelope were going to have 3 kids all around the same age.

3 little people who got to grow up with a bond and friendship just as strong as theirs. Each of them having 2 best friends, 2 protectors, it was going to be amazing. He can see it now, a confident little Garcia, a feisty little Morgan and a shy yet chatty little Reid baby all together on the playground. What a nightmare for their poor teacher.

Y/N still hasn’t texted him back from this morning, yet she’s calling him now at 1 pm as they’re getting ready to leave, “hello, princess.”

“Can you leave the girls with Penelope and meet me in the ER?”

“Of what hospital? Are you okay?” He asks, and all eyes are on his horrified face.

Luke stands then, “I’ll take you, let’s go.”

“Bethesda, it’s not bad I just came in to check something and I want you here,” her voice is soft and she knows he’s going to panic. “I need you to breathe and stay calm or the kids will freak out.”

He takes a deep breath, “sorry I forgot we had an appointment today.” He lies pretty well.

“I’ll see you soon okay, text me while Luke drives me?” He’s quiet as he and Luke slip out the door.

“I’ll just stay on the line, I don’t mind, cutie,” he could see her smile in his mind as he listened to her. Able to actually calm down and think straight as he climbed into the passenger seat and handed Luke the keys.

“What happened?”

“I didn’t feel good, I was extra dizzy and sick a few times at work, so Allison made me come in. Savannah has me hooked up to an IV now, I’ve been so sick I’m dehydrated, and they wanted to do an ultrasound but I can’t see her without you here.”

His heartbeat settles a bit, the same thing happened to JJ. It was fairly normal, the first-trimester sickness was so horrific she wasn’t really eating, she had maybe 1 full meal a day even though he tried to get her to eat more. And she was drinking a lot of water, but she was also throwing up hourly. It wasn’t healthy.

“Okay,” he’s able to smile softly. “Thank you for wanting to wait for me.”

She hears his smile too, knowing he’s calm and okay. “She’s your first baby, baby, I want you to have all the firsts with her. Or him. I’m so settled on it being another girl I feel so bad sometimes…”

He can hear the paper of her hospital gown rustling as she rubs her small stomach. “I love you forever even if you are a boy, or you come out a quote-unquote boy and want to be a girl or the other way or neither or even both!” She’s clearly not talking to him anymore as she assures the baby she’s not going to be upset about its gender.

Luke drives like a maniac, Spencer knows from experience but he’s extra insane today. He has dad panic now too, he knows what Spencer’s thinking and so he guns it and he’s in the ER parking lot within 10 minutes. “Okay, I’m here where are you?”

“Savannah’s going to collect you at the door and bring you to me,” her voice is soft and calm still, “I’ll see you in a few minutes, love you.”

“Love you too,” he replies before hanging up. “Thank you, Luke.”

Luke places his hand on Spencer’s shoulder, “you know by now I’d kill for you, right?”

Spencer’s heart has been at a capacity for love for a while now and yet it keeps getting piled on, “thank you. If you want to go back to Penny’s that’s okay. I’ll drive Y/N’s car back to your place.”

“Sure,” Luke smiles again. “Go see that baby, I want to see pictures after!”

With that, Spencer’s getting out of the truck and running into the hospital, holding his hat so it doesn’t fly off. Savannah laughs when she sees him, he’s so anxious and sweet and she’s always admired him for making Derek feel loved before her.

She places a hand on his back as she leads him down the hall, “she’s fine I promise, I wouldn’t be this chill if she wasn’t.”

“Thank you,” Spencer stops, “I really love her Savannah. Like if anything happens to her or my kids I will kill myself kind of love her and it’s terrifying.” His words are a whisper as he shakes, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m trying to be cool and collected for her but I need a minute.”

Savannah looks down the corridor past him, smiling softly as Derek walks out of Y/N’s room. “Derek was here for lunch when she called me.”

He wraps Spencer up in the hug he needs and Spencer just holds him. “You’re the best,” he says softly as he rests his lips against Derek's shoulder like he always does. And Derek messes up his hair, without fail.

Derek places his hands on his cheeks, “she’s really cool, but tomorrow is called off until they’re both past the first trimester and everything is chill, okay?”

“I forgot all about that,” Spencer’s eyes widen.

Derek laughs, “go see your girl, she invited us over for dinner after.”

“Penelope and Luke have to come too, they have big news to share today too,” Spencer spills the beans, “she’s going to be so mad at me for telling you but I have been wanting to scream about it for a few hours now.”

Derek’s face lights up, “I’ll be back!”

Savannah laughs as he runs down the hall, surely going to congratulate his best friend and tell her all about how cool it’ll be to all have kids together. With all the enthusiasm that Spencer kept inside, Derek was about to scream on his behalf.

Y/N’s a vision in the blue paper gown, laying on the table with her hand over her belly as Spencer walks in, “Hey, cutie.”

He peppers kisses to her whole face while she laughs, reaching up with her free hand, the other is all taped up with wires for her fluids. She looks much better already, her skin is glowing and the life is back in her eyes, she’s smiling again and he notices the 2 empty jello cups beside an unopened one.

“Derek made me save you one,” She adds as he notices it, “in case you passed out or something.”

Within minutes, he’s done his jello and there’s a new woman he’s never seen before coming in for Y/N’s ultrasound. She introduces herself as Aria and Y/N can’t help but mention she kind of looks like Arizona on Grey’s Anatomy.

She’s not far along enough for the regular ultrasound wand to pick anything up, wiping her belly clean of the jelly before prepping the other one and Y/N grips Spencer’s hand tighter. She looks like she hates it, and Spencer probably would too if some strange lady shoved a metal stick up his parts.

She’s clicking around on her own, Spencer knows she’s just a tech and she can’t really tell them anything until she does the first sweep for all the answers. She turns the screen after a few minutes, “here’s your little baby, we have a healthy heartbeat and a placenta up here in the top left.”

Seeing his baby is the most magical moment of his life. She was so tiny, the size of a sweet pea inside the love of his life. She looked like a little alien, tiny in her little sac as she floated around in there. Happy, and healthy and growing day by day.”

“Just the one?” Y/N confirms.

Aria laughs, “yes, nothing else is going on in here, but they are measuring more at 7 weeks, almost 8, instead of 6 weeks and 5 days, even with your period math, they might just be a big baby.”

“Our first kid was a chunky baby,” Y/N smiles, looking at the screen and oblivious to how Spencer smiles at the words our first kid…

“So this little one is good, in the fetal position and the tail is at the right length for development, they should look like a person the next time you see them. Everything looks like it’s on track and your HCG is doubling perfectly,” Aria was very cheerful. “You’re just sick because they’re super healthy.”

“I’m fine with that,” Y/N smiles again, “can I have a bunch of copies? Everyone is going to want one.”

“Sure,” Aria hits a few buttons, printing 11 photos off and handing them over to her in a long strand. “Have you looked into any OB’s for this one?”

“Not yet, I was going to bring it up tonight,” Y/N’s the only one talking, Spencer has no idea if he’s allowed an opinion on her body and he’s never going to give one unless she asks.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it! Here are some facilities we like if you need recommendations,” she smiles as she hands them a booklet. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Y/N swoons, sitting up to look at her little baby photos and read the booklet.

Once the woman is gone, she smiles at Spencer, “I want to do a water birth, how are you feeling about that?”

“Like I’ll be there no matter what you pick?” He answers, “I just want you to be safe and in good hands, preferably in a birthing centre where they’re all trained to care for you. I’ve been a little stressed at the idea of us living so far away from the hospital, so it’s better to not do a home birth in case something goes wrong last minute.”

It’s a Reid rant of epic proportions, “okay, water birth in a birthing centre it is. Plus, it’ll be winter so I wouldn’t want to drive in that while giving birth.”

“How long do you have to stay here?”

“Once my IV fluid bag is empty, I can go.” She smiles wide, holding his hand gently as she looks at him. “They’re going to send a nurse to the library on Tuesdays and Thursdays to ensure I get more fluids in me, and I’m also going to take some nausea meds now.”

“Thank you for calling me,” Spencer whispers, “I’m so happy you feel safe with Derek, and that he could have been here for you, but can you call me first next time?”

She nods, “I was scared, I needed to know if she was okay before I told you because I love you a lot and seeing you upset made me more scared.”

“I don’t want you to feel like that,” Spencer shook his head softly, leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. “I may be a worry wort and an anxious crier, but I will hold your hand and I will be here, you mean more to me than anything else.”

She cupped his face with her free hand, “the girls better be on the same level as me.” She brings a smile to his face, “if anything happens to me you have to be strong for them, I know nothing bad will. But I need you to know I do have faith in you to keep going after me, for them. They need a parent, be it me or you, at 100% all the time.”

“I promise,” he smiles so she knows he’s true.

—

Penelope Spencer and Derek laid all 3 of their ultrasounds on Y/N’s kitchen table, a sticky note on each one. Baby Garvez, Baby Morgan and Baby Reid…

The Big Three 2.0 coming this winter.

Penelope took a photo of it, opening the BAU text thread that has all members past and present included. Sending the photo to everyone while they patiently waited for a response.

Jordan Todd: way to go!!! Can’t wait to see all that cuteness!

Anderson: !!! Bring them by the office sometime, please!

Hotch: Jack said he’s excited to meet his new cousins. Congrats guys.

Elle: is Penelope having 2 babies or did Spencer get a wife I don’t know about?

Emily: Congrats!! (And yes Spencer has a wife and 3 kids now apparently…)

Elle: pics or it didn’t happen

Spencer:

Elle: no fuckin way... congrats Reid!

Alex Blake: so proud of you Spencer, I always knew you could do it. Love is full of endless possibilities. Your kids will be so loved, I miss you all.

Matt Cruz: congrats!

Kate Callahan: we need to get you a triple stroller

Penelope: Please!! Zoo trips are going to be a riot with that!

Tara: so happy for you all!

Matt: Welcome to the club Spencer and Luke!

Kristy: and Y/N! We need to throw a big baby shower on the farm before the cold weather!

Will: JJ…

JJ: no.

Will: Spencer, tell nini I’m really happy she’s finally going to be a big sis, she’s always been so good with the kids. You made some great kids!

Spencer: thanks everyone ♥︎

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

@k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves]

Assistant and Bill sykes nsfw headcanons righr now bitch, youve opend request and ive come

You fucking bitch, you've brought back my man. Let's go-

You said headcanons, buuut fuck you im writing a whole thing, go to hell.

“I don’t think you quite grasp the severity of this situation.”

She knew that tone in his voice. As if his words weren’t enough, she knew he was NOT in a good mood today. Always someone skimping out on payments. Always someone under performing, always someone not paying what they owed. She sighed, taking his coat as he threw it haphazardly, clearly not happy. As long as it wasn’t at her, honestly. Roscoe and Desoto hesitated as they followed him, not liking how he was yelling and throwing his arms around. She, while still focusing on her paperwork, dug into her jar of dog treats, and offered some to the poor pups.

“No. No, I’m NOT accepting that. Imma give you three days. You don’t have what you owe me, well. We’re just gonna see what you have, and take it.”

He hung up before the other person could talk. She kicked the chair next to her, just in time for him to sit down on it. He rubbed his forehead, and turned to her. She handed him a wet cloth, just how he liked it. Cool, slightly damp, for his ever steaming headaches. All without tearing her eyes away from her papers. 

“Thanks, Doll, much appreciated. Dunno what I’d do without you.”

“Probably kill anyone in the vicinity.”

He chuckled, dabbing his head for just a moment more, before sighing.

“You know me damn well. Now, you almost done with those files I asked for?”

She waited just a second, finishing up the sentence, before nodding.

“Yes, just finished today’s, and tomorrow’s numbers. You might wanna sit up for this one."

"I never like it when you say it like that…"

He rubbed his temples, clearly in frustration. She watched as his hands slowly rubbed at his skin in small, slow circles, before sighing, and opening his hand in order to accept the report. Suffice to say, he wasn’t happy. He swore, nearly tossing the papers to the floor. Yikes, he was angry. She wasn't filthy rich like him, but they did have something in common; both were opportunistic. She knew that helping him when his mood was sour, only made her his favorite. 

And his favorites always made more money. She got up from her seat, and let her fingers glide across shoulders, digging into his white, freshly ironed shirt.

"Don't worry Mr.Sykes. We all know you get what you want in the end. They're not worth the stress."

She dug into his shoulders, before meeting behind his back, and digging his thumbs into him. He sighed in relief, finally feeling something in terms of relaxation.

"Ugh...maybe you got a point."

"I like to think so. Now, relax. Breathe. Relax. Let me get all of that stress out of your poor body. So tense!"

"Work is stressful, Doll. You have no i-oh, right there, that's the ticket…"

She chuckled, watching him lean his head back for her. She massaged at his collarbone, making him close his eyes. His head tossed back, really letting her get at that big, thick neck.

"See? All you need was someone to help you, Mr.Sykes. Someone to take that stress away."

Sykes was silent as she continued, occasionally dipping her fingers past his shirt collar. She felt little bits of hair poke through, and she was so tempted to just peel off this pesky shirt for him. So much hair under there, he HAD to be steaming up something fierce. 

"I always liked how ya said my name, Doll. That alone is helpin'"

"Oh really now? Am I making you comfortable...Mr.Sykes?~"

She watched as his lips curled into a smirk. He was getting a kick out of just a simple coo of his name.

"Yeah, not bad. Though I could use-ah. You always know what I need before I do."

She dug into his coat, pulling out one of his cigars from his coat pockets, and lighting it for him. She let him take a huff, before continuing to massage his neck and shoulders. She never minded the smell of his cigars, strong as they were.

"Always do, Mr.Sykes. I can do anything you need of me."

She practically heard him purr when her hand slid past his shirt. So much to play and toy with. She played it discreetly as she un did the buttons on his shirt, occasionally toying with all that gray hair. So much of it, she could tell she'd be thinking of it later.

"Anything, eh?"

"ANYTHING, Mr.Sykes."

He took an inhale of his cigar, opening her mouth in order to blow smoke right into her lips. 

"Think you’re smart enough to know just what I need. Unless you want me to-"

She held onto his face, slowly sliding her tongue across his lips. He still tasted like his afternoon coffee.

"I know, Mr Sykes. But...you can tell me. Just so we're on the same page, of course."

Sykes found it hilarious, a light chuckle at his lips. He took another inhale of the smoke, before he held onto her chin, kissing her. Her lungs filled up with smoke, and the taste was delicious. So rich, so smooth. He pulled away after a second, putting her hand right in between his legs. Sykes was a big man, but she was STILL surprised by the size of his bulge.

"I want ya to take care of me. Stroke my cock till all that stress goes away."

"So we WERE on the same page, Mr. Sykes~"

She un clipped his belt, and pulled him out of his pants. She tried not to whistle at the sight. A nice, thick cock, with not only a nice set of balls (now she got why they called him 'Bull Sykes'), but plenty of gray, bushy pubic hair. A nice, big cock that seemed oh so responsive to her touch. She watched as he seemed to just lounge on the spot, not a care in the world as his secretary, so much smaller compared to his massive body, handled his cock. 

"You just finish whenever you'd like to, Mr.Sykes. You've had such a long, exhausting day."

He nodded with her words, stiffening up a bit as she massaged his balls. It was nice, not only having such a small, soft hand massaging and playing with his junk, but having her other hand stroke his chest and belly, occasionally running her nails against his skin (she recalled him saying he loved girls with long nails). All this, while she kissed at his neck and muttered sweet things into his ears.

"You're throbbing, Mr.Sykes. You simply must take better care of yourself. You're lucky I'm here to help you. Every office does need a bit of a 'woman's touch', wouldn't you agree?"

Sykes grunted as she pinched at his head.

"Yeah, woman's touch. Get what they mean by that now."

He chuckled. Oh he looked so smug, sitting around with not a care in the world, smoke in mouth and cock in someone's hands. She couldn't resist stealing another kiss, tasting more of his mouth. Rich, black coffee, smooth, flavorful cigars. It was a flavor that she greedily licked right off his tongue. Then, he came, right into her hand. She was careful, stroking him the whole orgasm, and making sure to not let the cum get on his pants (as dry cleaning was a bill he HATED paying for). He finished right when their lips parted, sighing in clear content. She pulled away from him, sat back at her desk, and after wiping her hands, proceeded to keep working.

"You look much more relaxed, Mr.Sykes."

"...yeah. You could say that."

He snickered. He took another inhale of smoke, before slowly blowing it back into the air. Only thing Sykes liked more than sex? A smoke immediately after. Indulgent man, he was.

"Doll? Do me a favor?"

"Yes Mr.Sykes?"

"Remind me to give you the tip later."

"Don't you mean 'A' tip?"

"Play ya cards right, maybe both."

Crass old man, her boss.

[juseki-taisen]

Ive watched the anime and that was some good shit right there. the mix of 3-D and 2-D animation is wonderful too! I would love to know how the 12 would treat their recently transitioned or in transition S/O because I hear “trans rights” coming from them

You bet your bottom dollar that they all scream TRANS RIGHTS!

Updated: Because I did Sharyu twice and forgot Nezumi. Sorry!

Inounoshishi

Dating Inounoshishi while transiting is actually ideal

Not only does she support you and whatever gender you want to be, but mama has money and is going to pay for it

You're her darling, why wouldn't she pay to keep you happy?

She's also going to take you shopping. She loves shopping and the idea of getting you a whole new wardrobe is to good.

Just be nice and say thank you, and show how much you appreciate her

Honestly? She never got to figure out who she really was/is as a person since she was always trying to please her parents. Seeing you figure out/announcing who you really are is really motivating for her.

Dotsuku

Doesn't have a problem with it.

May occasionally slip up on your pronouns, but always corrects himself immediately. After a week? Doesn't mess up again

Dog. Loyal. He's not about to let something like you being who you really are affect what he thinks of you.

Added bonus: His daughter just rolls with it. Kids aren't as stupid as people make them out to be. If you used to be a princess/prince, you're now the opposite. The real question is, what kind of super hero cape do you want?

Dostuku will help with your medical bills. If doctors give you shit for it, the man has connections. He will find a good doctor who respects you and get your surgery (if you so choose) taken care of

Niwatori

The whole idea of being trans is a little confusing at first for her, but it takes about 000.1 seconds for her to decide it doesn't really matter?

Her whole life she's been a tool for the family, with you she's a person. In the end, no matter how you identify, as long as you still love her that's what matters?

Does a TON of research. She gets books, medical journals, ect. She uses her contacts to find doctors for you, and don't worry. Cost isn't an issue.

Anyone who tries anything just...vanishes. You know from that weird smile she gets she 110% had something to do with it

If you ever feel ad or dysphoric about your body, she's very supportive.

Sharyu

She already knew. She's very perceptive, and was just waiting for you to be comfortable telling her.

The most supportive.

Does whatever she can to make you comfortable. If you want new cloths, she'll shop with you. If you're to embarrassed to go to a store, she'll order online.

Never uses the incorrect pronouns for you.

Will put one of those little trans flags in the window of her apartment.

If there's a pride event, will go with you.

Arranges a good doctor for your transition when you're ready, and will go to appointments if you're nervous

Hitsujii

He's old, and has seen it all. He may be older, but he's not going to question it.

One of those "Whatever makes you happy" people

Doesn't understand a lot of surgery details and hormone stuff. He'll try to research it, but you may have to help him learn terminology. He does catch on fast

The idea of surgery freaks him out because he has no control. He’d help you, but he is going to be silently panicking on the inside

Uuma

Actually really cool with it? Just tell him you still love him. The first thing he worries about is that you’re going to become this amazing you, and the you that loved him wont love him anymore

Really supportive? Doesn’t know a lot about trans issues, but he tries

He will probably buy you anything with the trans flag on it. 

If you have surgery, he’s going to make sure only the BEST doctors do it

Listens when you talk if you have feelings to get out. It just makes him really happy you’re confiding in him

Takeyasu

Trans? Cool. Fine. Help him pull off this heist

He really doesn’t care, if you’re happy he’s fine with it? 

Actually brings up frogs that can change their gender, and that there’s a species of lizards that reproduce without asexually. If reptiles do it, why can’t people?

Gives you money for surgery if you wanna get it. Worries through the entire thing, but only Nagayuki knows about his brother internal freak out

Also, shopping spree. Criminal shopping spree. grab and RUN

Has trouble using the correct pronouns, but tries really hard and corrects himself. 

Nagayuki

He already knew way before you told him. He’s perceptive, smart, and also finds your online content. Really, he was just waiting for you to tell him yourself

Probably gets you a tray of cupcakes with the frosting colored with the trans flag colors. He likes snacks, any excuse to get snacks and make you happy? Killing two birds with one stone

Master of your pronouns and possibly your new name

You know how hard it is to change your name? This dude hacks into the systems and does it in a night. 

Helps you get surgery if you want it. Not emotional about it, but will hold your hand if you want him to. 

Ushii

Help him. He doesn’t understand trans when you first bring it up, but when you explain it clicks

Now he is fully on board and ready

While he can’t keep up with a lot of LGBTQ+ terms, he supports you and what makes you happy. You want to be the gender you’ve always wanted? No problem. Just tell him what he needs to do

Has fought someone who purposely misgendered you before. 

Will take you shopping if you’d like

You want surgery? He knows people. Honestly? He’s so well known that the doctors are volunteering to make sure it gets done properly.

Never once messes up your pronouns.

Tora

She’s seen so much on the battlefield that when you tell her, she’s not that concerned. It’s great that you trust her, and she will support you but...You’re not going to leave her, right? 

Cuzz she loves you with all her heart and if someone like you can become every more yourself (and therefor more amazing) why would you stay with a screw up like her?

After she gets past her insecurities, Tore is very supportive of you

Has punched a guy in the face for being rude to you. Maye have started a street brawl over it, it’s fine. She won.

Surgery freaks her out no matter what is it, but she’s going to be there if you want it. She may just cry when you can’t see her. What if something goes wrong???

It wont and you’re fine but you wake up and she’s crying like a BABY

Usagi

This...is kind of a disaster? Not in the way you’re thinking

He gets all your pronouns right, and quickly is VERY excited to call you his new girl/boy friend. 

But uh...people may die...A lot of people

If he notices that people give you weird looks, they’re dead. He will FIGHT and MURDER people who are transphobic (but what’s the loss really?)

Loves to shop with you, and tries to pull things he thinks you’d like (probably kills people there too, RIP)

If you want the surgery, you have to do the research. Usagi doesn’t get it. HOWEVER he will help pay...sort of

“It’s expensive”

“Will this cover it?” Proceeds to pull out diamonds and gold bars, and...is that a rare species of monkey? WHERE DID HE GET A MONKEY?

How do you even exchange that for money?

Imagine going to pride with Usagi. 

Snuggling with Usagi if you have body dysphoria. Him not really understanding everything but 110% being willing to support you. 

Neuzmi

Already knew. Not a huge deal for him. 

Supportive, but really casual about it

He’s great with pronouns, and does use his ability a lot to try and make sure he doesn’t say something to make you uncomfortable

always quick to apologize if he does. 

[shoutaaizawas]

↳  ❝burn❞ dabi x fem!reader → part III

summary: touya todoroki, your childhood friend was dead or so you thought. trying to dig deep you find dabi at a local bar known for being a villain hangout. word count: 1.8k tags/warnings: flashback, bar setting a/n: now we’re getting somewhere, hope you guys enjoy!

masterlist

part II part III part IV

It didn’t take long for you to realize that things weren’t okay at home for Touya. You were a smart kid, observant. You didn’t miss how tired he looked, the bags under his eyes. The bruises that covered his skin, the burns. Whenever you asked him he would just brush it off and say he fell or hurt himself with his quirk again.

There were only so many times you could believe that. Eventually, he opened up about it. He trusted you more than anyone but he carried an amount of shame at the truth of what happened at home. His father trained him, harder than a child should ever have to train. Even when Fuyumi and Natsuo were born and got their quirks he continued to train Touya because he was still the best bet at becoming a hero out of all of them despite his quirks drawbacks.

There were many nights Touya would go to your house, climbing in your window. You would play video games, watch movies, or sometimes fall asleep beside each other. Anything that you could do to distract or give him shelter from what he faced at home.

It was only when Shoto got his quirk that Enji Todoroki gave up on Touya. It was the first year of UA. You remember him tapping at your window, tears in his eyes. He never cried, it hurt to see him cry more than you could ever describe.

It was complicated, in a way he was free from his father’s torment but at the same time, he felt so abandoned. The training and suffering he went through all for nothing. His own father didn’t believe he could be a good hero.

That night you found Touya at your window. Letting him in he explained what had happened before breaking down.

You took him in your arms and held him close as he let out all of the emotions he had stored up for years. The music you had playing softly a background to his quiet sobs. You pressed a kiss against the crown of his red hair, holding back the blooming feelings you had for him.

As he eventually calmed down, he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was low and raspy from crying.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, you know I’m always here for you.” You said, brushing your hands through his hair.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He whispered.

“Me neither.” You said giving him a soft smile before hugging him closer.

There was nothing harder than watching Touya and what he went through during all the years you knew him and not being able to do anything about it.

Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to look into something that the hero commission seemed to want to look the other way on but you were always one to get into things you shouldn’t. It wasn’t like you had a high rank you’d be at risk of losing, the worst they could do was take away your hero license and they were dumb if they thought you wouldn’t become a vigilante.

It was a dangerous game. You had two options, tail Hawks, and see what he was up to on a normal day. Hawks was far faster than you which would leave you struggling to keep up not to mention he had keen senses that would probably pick up on you quickly. The other option was to follow Dabi from the League of Villains, finding him wouldn’t be easy and the likelihood of him trying to kill you if he caught on was high.

Neither option was good but if you didn’t do something it would bother you. You had to get to the bottom of this.

Villains could be predictable, they had spots they liked to hang out in or make deals at. You dressed in civilian clothes, put a wig on, and did what you could to look different from your usual appearance. Waiting till night time you went to a bar that was a hot spot for villains. It was hard but you could repress the rain that followed you these days. It would take a lot of energy but it was possible and would help your cover.

Entering the bar you were hit by a cloud of smoke and the sound of music playing, the bass rumbling through the floor. This was the last place anyone wanted to be if they weren’t looking to get in trouble. Walking in you recognized a few villains right away. You carefully scanned the room as you made your way to the bar.

Ordering a whiskey neat you made your way to an empty corner of the bar, making sure to keep you back to the wall and your eyes on the entrance. You made note of the exits of the building.

Time passed and you waited, sipping your drink slowly and watching your surroundings. Some people glanced over at you but didn’t bother you. If you acted like you belonged somewhere people usually didn’t question that confidence.

The door opened and finally, you caught sight of the man you were looking for. Dabi walked in, you watched as other villains looked nervous at the sight of him. From what you had heard he was dangerous and quick to act if he felt the need to. No doubt people had learned not to mess with him here.

For a moment his gaze scanned the room pausing at the sight of you in the corner. He looked you up and down before walking to the bar, sitting down there. You watched him carefully as he ordered a drink and started sipping on it. You weren’t sure what exactly you were looking for, you doubted Hawks would show his face here and you didn’t think talking to him was the best idea.

At the same time if you missed your chance to get information from him now you might not get another chance. You could tail him home but if he caught on it would be bad, worse if you ended up at the league’s hideout.

After mulling it over you decided you should take the chance. If worse came to worse you knew you could escape if things got violent here. Standing up you made your way to the bar, placing your empty glass down before waving the bartender over for another one.

Dabi was next to you but you didn’t look over hoping to get his interest by seeming indifferent. You could feel his gaze on you.

“What brings someone like you to a dark place like this?” His raspy voice cut through the music of the bar. You looked over slowly smirking at him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You teased.

Seeing him this close up it was odd. You took in the dark patches of skin that covered his face, the staples connecting them to his unmarred skin. His eyes, the striking blue eyes felt familiar.

“Dabi, you bastard.” A man stepped up to his other side grabbing his shoulder roughly. The drunk man looked angry.

“Shove off.” He growled at the man before standing up pushing him back.

“Take it outside!” The bartender shouted at them.

“Gladly,” Dabi said with a dangerous glint in his eyes. He grabbed onto the man by the back of his shirt. “Sorry, doll. Another time.”

You stood there shocked by what happened. You had been so close to having a conversation with him before that man had interrupted. You let out a huff finishing off your drink. You waited a moment before following them out. You wanted to see what was going on.

Turning around the corner into the alley you could hear the commotion of Dabi and the man fighting. What you didn’t expect was the gas that had filled the small area. It must have been from the man’s quirk. You stopped breathing, hoping to stop whatever effects it might have but you were too late. You already felt woozy, your vision fading.

Blue flames filled the alley, the heat intense against your skin but not hurting you. You collapsed to the ground, falling onto your hands and knees. As everything faded to black you saw one last thing. The figure of Dabi approached you slowly, intimidating as he drew closer.

“You never could stay out of trouble, huh?” His voice sounded fuzzy, you could barely make out his words before your head hit the ground.

The breeze was soft a cool, moving through the petals of the cherry blossom tree above you. You laid across the soft grass, Touya next to you. You looked overtaking in his features as he watched the tree sway above the two of you. You smiled at how peaceful he looked.

“What are you smiling at, raindrop?” He said looking over with a teasing look.

“Trying to figure it out.” You teased. Touya let out a short laugh.

“Very creative.” He said. In one quick moment, he was over you, leaning down, his nose almost against yours. “If I didn’t know better I would say you were admiring me.”

“Hmm, I don’t know what you're talking about.” You said cheekily.

“Really?” He said leaning in closer, pressing his forehead against yours, almost brushing his lips against yours. “Then I guess you don’t want a kiss.” He said before laying back down at your side.

“Wait,” You said in a huff, pouting as you rolled to your side, leaning over him. You leaned down for a kiss but he turned his head.

“Nope.” He said as you tried again only to be dodged once again.

“Touya.” You whined. “Fine, I was admiring your handsome looks. Are you happy.”

“Yes.” He said with a smirk, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you on top of him. His lips finally met yours, softly. You smiled against him, content.

Sighing, you rest your cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and taking in his comforting scent. Your eyes drifted closed, sleepy from how relaxed you were.

“Go to sleep, raindrop. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go.” He said, his hand brushing up and down your back helping you fall to sleep even more.

You woke with a gasp, your lungs burning. Looking around you expected to be in the alley or somewhere worse but you were in your home. In your bed.

Had there been a hero nearby? Or perhaps one undercover at the bar that saw you hurt? Why hadn’t they left a note or taken you to the hospital?

You laid back down, exhausted still. Too tired to wonder what happened. You could figure that out later.

Your mind drifted back to your dream. It made your heartache it was so real. You could feel his arms around you, his lips against yours. Tears welled in your eyes. You never had the chance to kiss Touya, never had the chance to tell him how you felt and that would haunt you till the end of your days.

taglist(message to be added or taken out):  @flowersgirl02 @wesparklebitch @moon-write @strangely-charmed @ibookishqueen @tomomoni @why-so-red

[prionguy-old]

hello enderwalk arg people

so i saw a cool thread from @/ranbeans on twitter and it inspired me. so naturally i spent five hours straight analyzing ranboo’s lore playlist

basically i think it’s a timeline of c!ranboo’s life, and it fits kind of eerily

everything’s below the cut (and it’s a lot) :]

prologue from starkid 

 - more clock references. it’s literally just an instrumental of a clock ticking

 - instantly you think of the ender text in that pic he tweeted. like that, this could relate to dream’s clock, or foolish’s clock (reading 10:33 always iirc) 

 - note that butler in tales from the smp: masquerade kept staring at a clock

 - it could also mean a theme of running out of time, or fighting with time

 - in the thread i linked, the person also points out that there are 23 clock ticks in prologue, and angel number 23 means that you are meant to be a servant

 - this would be his beginning

introduction to the snow by miracle musical

 - the first of many songs from the hawaii: part ii album on this playlist

 - i’ve seen that album described as an arg and i find it funny if ranboo just went no. my arg now 

 - introduction to the snow only has one verse, and the rest is instrumental

 - the whole hawaii album has themes of loneliness and death, especially loneliness for this song

 - it talks about feeling isolated, which gives hints about his childhood maybe?

 - the “you’ll live forever tonight” lyric also gives off a hopeful vibe, like that of a child

dream sweet in sea major by miracle musical

 - starts with a changed reprise of introduction to the snow

 - "Rather than trying to “live forever”, it seems that the time has come for something else" from the analysis of the first part in genius

 - odd because this song is meant as a finale to the album, but it's towards the beginning of the playlist (could mean that there was almost an ending of sorts early on for c!ranboo, like a near death experience?)

turn the lights off by tally hall

 - okay this one confused me when i was first going through, but when the timeline started coming together it made more sense

 - about adolescence, and being uncomfortable with growing up, so it fits with the timeline playlist theory 

 - also about phobias and stuff like that in a way?? hm

the mind electric by miracle musical

 - the song starts out in reverse, then plays the stuff from the beginning normally

 - feels like a rls honestly i wish he could use this song

 - it's about someone put in an infirmary and condemned to electroshock therapy because they're insane. fun

 - this is where the timeline started to come together in a way. as soon as i saw the mood get darker i remembered ranboo’s line from the festival i think? “don’t let it happen again” or something like that

 - because of this, if the timeline theory is true, at some point before he joined the dream smp he did something which caused him to be condemned

 - also this

 - the mind electric isn’t the only song where the narrator glorifies themself in a way, we’ll get into this later

 - also the rejecting fanatical views,, i am thinking about that theory that endermen are servants to the ender dragon. if c!ranboo rejected that, the consequences could have been awful

live and let die by paul mccartney

 - if i wasn’t sold on the timeline theory before, i am now. after the mind electric, the mood changes drastically in terms of ideology and theme

 - this specifically made me say “holy shit” because like. that verse means that when you’re young, you’re open minded and say “live and let live” which resembles the optimistic but lonely attitude of the beginning of the playlist

 - but then when the world fucks you over, you begin to say “live and let die.”

 - “live and let die” i take to mean as him no longer caring about the people around him. how before, he wanted to help others, but then the mind electric happened, and he just. stopped caring

 - fun right!! /s

ruler of everything by tally hall

 - there are so many clock and time references in this. we get it

 - "mechanical hands" when it says “mechanical hands are the ruler of everything” refer to hands on a clock, saying how time rules over everything

 - the narrator is talking back and forth with time itself in this, which is interesting because i believe he joins the dream smp in the next song

 - the narrator appears very insecure and looking for a quick way to appeal to everyone (like how c!ranboo at the beginning was trying to be everyone's friend)

 - this is the second song with the narrator glorifying themself out of insecurity. what are you trying to tell us about your character buddy

 - also we can’t ignore this shit

 -  i don’t need to explain why this scared me right. right

merry go round of life from howl’s moving castle

 - this is a change huh

 - god i haven’t seen this movie in years, but i saw looking it up that it plays at the beginning introducing the main character, sophie

 - this is before everything changed for her

 - maybe this is when he joins dream smp? and ruler of everything is him talking to dream prior?

 - or maybe im reaching who the fuck knows

 - but him joining dream smp to this song would make sense. it feels like a clean slate and starting over, which would match with how he doesn’t. y’know. remember things

 - which begs the question: if ranboo forgot everything from before this song in the timeline, and after that i’m assuming his memory issues started,, what happened to cause this?

 - i’d say the mind electric could have caused this, but it was awhile back in the playlist. so whoever he’s talking to in ruler of everything, which could very well be dream, i believe messed with his memory somehow.

killer queen by queen

 - c!ranboo girlboss arc canon??

 - i got lost here ngl. it has a very specific vibe that doesn’t match well with what i know of c!ranboo im sorry

 - but two songs later, i get a hint kind of which makes me believe this could be him burning george’s house with tommy

 - also this song is a banger and i’m pretty sure he put it on there to scare the crown arg people because of the “baroness” line /j

mr. bad guy by freddie mercury

 - literally just more funky villain vibes. i love this

 - no more angst only girlboss

 - since cc!ranboo has said he doesn't want to do a villain arc, i take this to maybe be how he sees himself?? credit to the crown arg discord for that idea they’re smart and cool

 - if that is true, i’d say this would be another song for the “glorifying oneself out of insecurity” list because the narrator is like. seeing himself as cool and The Bad Guy, even if he might not be

 - possibly the butcher army if the next song is what i think it is

ain’t no rest for the wicked by cage the elephant

 - i have been informed someone saw ranboo listening to and grabbing songs for this off of a playlist called "my villain arc" king i hate you /lh

 - in seriousness: the song is about how the world forces people into wicked roles for money. i am getting live and let die vibes, like how both blame the world for making them not care/do bad things

 - c!ranboo take responsibility for your actions challenge /j

 - this definitely reminds me of how when he gave techno his armor, he blamed it on peer pressure. if this aligns with that event, the last two would be burning george’s house and butcher army i think

i can’t decide by the scissor sisters

 - this is probably about enderwalk

 - i really hope it's about enderwalk

 - did mr ranboo commit murder?? manslaughter?? sir

 - i really feel like this is enderwalk or ive forgotten something

stardust crusaders from jjba 

 - thank god for jjba fans, i know nothing about this

 - apparently this is the main theme for jotaro, who's power i think?? is like moving faster than time

 - and his main villain thing is dio, who's power is stopping the flow of time

 - and we're back with the fuckin time references

 - this is pure speculation at this point, but maybe it’s like. him fighting against time in a way, which would draw back to ruler of everything

a mask of my own face by lemon demon

 - the song is about not wanting to take responsibility for their actions again

 - c!ranboo i am begging

 -  specifically this lyric

 - also this lyric draws back to the bidding, in which the singer wanted to be enough for someone and showed almost narcissism as a sort of "mask"

 - also just. mask can be correlated with dream or the masquerade, where the butler stared at the clocks

stranded lullaby by miracle musical

 - been awhile since we had a hawaii album song huh

 - and,, a memory reference.

 - that lyric is talking about forgetting things

 - the rest of the song is,, im not saying time traveler ranboo but time traveler ranboo (look at this post about that theory by my friend pspspspsp)

 - he's talking to a "you" this whole time, and i have no idea who it is lmao

 - there are mentions of dreams and stuff throughout, so i almost want to associate it with the prison visit, but then i think the next song is after the festival so i guess not?

 - might also be him losing the memory book

hidden in the sand by tally hall

 - this is, lyrics wise, a song about a man whose girlfriend left him for someone else and he's upset

 - but if you look at the music video, it shows a cruise ship, on which people are friendly with each other at first, but when it starts to sink, they turn on each other trying to escape

 - i am feeling a connection to c!ranboo's views on "choose people not sides" somehow

 - i feel like he's called people selfish in lore, but my friends and i are all ranboo kinnies so we cant fuckin remember. if he has, then yeaH this definitely correlates

now i’m here by queen

 - there's a very optimistic and nostalgic tone to this

 - this one’s barely annotated on genius so i don’t have a lot for it, but i feel like it's after the dream voice disappeared or something? timeline's gettin a little funky

 - it could also be right before the festival, as he used optimism as a shield there

& by tally hall

 - this. yeah. & deals with opposites, especially good and evil. the singer talks about how everyone sees the world from their own perspective and doesn't look from another

 - and that definitely ties back to how ranboo wanted l’manburg people, like tubbo, to see from techno’s perspective

 - i feel like this is right after the festival. it resembles a lot of ranboo's speech from then, where he basically told everyone “sides dumb. just vibe”

 - and then the outro changes tone, almost like a warning?? which. yeah. a warning to choose people not sides before doomsday, or else they won’t be able to stop l’manburg from being blown up

i’m gonna win by rob cantor

 - this song is about someone fighting their inner demons

 - sounds familiar!! looks directly at dream voice

 - specifically, the singer is optimistic about winning their fight with the inner demons

 - it seems kind of chilling to me though, but it's also late at night when i’m doing these notes so it may just be me

 - if the timeline theory is true, this is where c!ranboo is mentally atm, which tracks honestly

=), an unplayable track

 - ranboo why do you hate us

tl;dr: ranboo’s songs that he would use for lore playlist might very well be a timeline of c!ranboo’s life, from even before dream smp and that’d be super cool

if you read all the way through this just know i would die for you

anyways feel free to drop your interpretations of the songs in the notes :0