A day in the life with my family(illustrated):
Three of my siblings and my sisters boyfriend trying to get my cat to join them on the trampoline(note her expression)
My mom petting our cat on the couch sayinh "is something wrong with you" with a baby voice(he usually doesn’t like cuddles)
Me and @blueskybehindtheclouds bonding on a piano chair that barely has space for one person on a good day(honorable mention to our cat named chat noir)
And last but not least this with no context im not giving context
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when i was seven and our trailer burned down, i thought about leaving my father there, grabbing my brother, and getting us the hell out
i didn't. i ended up waking our father and we all ended up at the neighbors' house
but i should have
i fucking should have
because the minute he had a chance to be alone with me (after we got to my grandma's trailer) guess what he did! shortly after our fucking HOME burned down and the firefighters gave my brother and i teddy bears and wrapped blankets around us for shock!!!!!! fucking christ i hate our father more than anyone on this earth
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My anxiety about this coming date is getting worse.
I've managed to stave off the "Is he just being nice or is he actually interested?" thoughts with memories of "For Now," and him telling his parents (in front of me!) that I make "really good Italian food." (I cooked for him once before we went on any dates; it was a group gathering & I volunteered to cook dinner. It was pasta with besciamella, kielbasa, & broccoli.)
But now I'm anxious in the "time is moving too slow" kind of way, and the "what if I do or say something stupid/clingy/weird and he loses interest" kind of way.
So I used my extra energy to clean the more public parts of my house in case he ends up coming in, ESPECIALLY since one of my cats has had near-consistant diarrhea for a few months (we've gone to the vet but they say nothing is wrong that would cause it) and I really don't want it to smell. 😬
Tomorrow I'm tackling the bathroom bc if he's coming in there's a good chance he'll use the bathroom. The sink is a cluttered mess, on top of everything else.
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Everybody wish me luck on the Apartment plan because if we get it my cousin and I are going to turn the spare bedroom into a room to do physical art, and I have the best Idea for a GIANT painting.
I want to paint Bo and Vincent as Icarus (one of those paintings where you can flip it upside down and it will be right side up of the other character); they’ll each have one wing.
I want to layer wax on the canvas to sculpt the wings three dimensionally.
It will be the greatest physical art undertaking I’ve ever done, and I’m so excited to try that it feels like my rib cage is vibrating lol
(When I do a digital sketch of the painting concept I will post it here)
RIP me if we get that apartment because I am 100% going to get too much into mixed media paint and wax art when I actually have space to experiment. I used to drip red wax like “blood” over certain art pieces, but I haven’t created physical art in so long. My child is starting school next year so I will have 8 hours a day to work on my various arts and I am going to SPIRAL. I can’t wait. Præy Villain Era. I want to order a hoodie with pictures of that painting printed on the sleeves. Maybe brambles embroidered around the wrists to represent Bo’s scars. OOH I COULD DO THAT ON THE ACTUAL PAINTING SCULPTED IN WAX. Ahhhhhh I am excited.
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everytime. everytime i talk abt finding the whole immortality dilemma a lil funny/Personally trite bc i’ve very desperately wished i was immortal since i was like. 12 years old. i’ve gotten ppl trying to explain why immortality is narratively treated as a bad thing that has many downsides actually as if i haven’t heard the argument of “but you’ll outlive everyone you know🥺” before and just straight up don’t care that much abt it 😭
when i was watching iwtv this weekend w my cousin i brought it up bc obviously vampires r always talking abt the gift/curse of immortality n when i rolled my eyes n jokingly was like immortality rocks actually she very stiffly was like “you just say that bc you haven’t lost someone yet” and like yeah i guess that’s true but also i think you severely underestimate how much i fear my human mortality lol
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My sister: I'm going to try out for the volleyball team :)
*has a flashback to when my mom forced me into volleyball and I hated it and had a panic attack in the locker room that was interrupted by another girl also having a panic attack so we cried together on the floor of the locker room for like 15 minutes*
"Are you sure?"
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My parents were very young when they had me and when they moved to the U.S. They didn't own a house yet. We lived in an apartment with 3 other families. The line to go to the bathroom was always long. I remember being 3 or 4 and having too many accidents because of it... I remember taking the bus and walking to school because we didn't have a car for a while. My dad entered work at 5am and worked until midnight. He got paid $5 an hour. My parents argued over money sometimes. Life wasn't overly difficult for us but it was different than what it is right now. It's just weird that my siblings don't know that other life our family had. My siblings NEVER had to experience our old way of life. I wish they did, it builds character lmao.
Now I have to work hard to make my parents proud and give them experiences they never had. Oh and I am forever the family translator (but I am slowly forgetting my first language and it sucks).
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