#i want to be as happy as i always am | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halfdeadwallfly · 1 year ago

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do i go to sleep bc it's christmas and i know my family will be up in the morning. or do i watch doctor who / read more go fanfiction bc i want to

#boink #asking the real questions #feeling so very alone rn #bleh #i've felt disappointed at my level of excitement for christmas before #because it's such an event in my life #an event where everything is the exact same and i really need that #but this year that's already fucked up #and even the smallest things have changed #big things. massive things. and then even the small things so i can't even focus on those #anyway any time i think that maybe we can just have the day. i remember what's been. idk. going down.#and i just #i'm apathetic #i hate that i am #i want to be as happy as i always am #god i mean i'd rather be desperate for it like i've been the last couple years #but instead i don't want it to happen at all #i wish i could postone #anyway #it is what it is #really not that big of a deal #i'm just a dramatic bitch #i should chill out

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dickgraysonmybeloved · 22 days ago

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Bruce, High on pain killers: I hate to tell you this, but one of you is adopted

The Batfam: …

Dick: .. only one?

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hinamie · 5 months ago

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spiraling

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #jjk art #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #gojo satoru #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11 #i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having #cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right #until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible #but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god #it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised #which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED #when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333 #filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think #im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood #but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes #had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately #anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268 #bc that panel is S tier #i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like #u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane #art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok #so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row #:)

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago

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When in doubt, Soup it out.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #a-yuan.#wei wuxian #Yes I am skipping over LWJ's panic at WWX joking about giving birth to A-Yuan. It's funny bit but there are many more to come!#The last time these two sat down together the tensions were so high. The peace is nothing more than a layer of cold fat on the surface.#It's not 'really' them coming to see eye to eye. It's them not having the energy to say what they really want anymore.#LWJ is very defined by his jealousy and the conflict it creates with his need to put his feelings aside for the perceived greater good.#To live a life where you are always second and never ever allowing yourself to be first...#If other people can be at peace and happy - it has to be worth it right?#If he orders a plate of food that he will struggle to eat but is the favourite thing of the person sitting across from him #Is it not worth the sacrifice?#But remember! You can't take anything for yourself ever. No matter how much you want it.#He did it once before and he regrets it so much. So all he can do is accommodate.#And WWX? Well. You can't let anyone in if there isn't enough water to splash around in.#Keep things shallow and they just move on. Even if you'll miss them when they go - this is just how things are now.#No more teasing and trying to pull a reaction from LWJ anymore. You'll never be more than someone he can't stand so what's the point.

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technically-human · 4 months ago

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Ooh, now that we’ve seen N!Edwin and DP!Edwin talk about Feelings could we see the same with N!Charles and DP!Charles?

As simple as that.

Edwins version

ko-fi

#ask ask ask #dead boy detectives #dbda #payneland #edwin x charles #doom patrol #dead patrol #oof man i was not made to write serious conversations #is this healthy? who the hell knows #but is it true to charles' character?#well i sure hope so!#in dp!charles mind #his whole reason for staying has always been edwin #if he gets to do stay with him #it'll be great no matter what form their relationship takes #if edwin loves him in a romantic way? hell yeah! then they can be even closer!#he is thinking in an 'I am his already since the day he found me' sort of way #and to be honest I think dbd!charles agrees #but he also knows he is a people pleaser so he doesn't want to just go and say yes to edwin to make him happy #without being sure he will be able to keep saying yes forever #dp!charles doesn't have this conflict because i genuinely don't think he's picturing forever #he's not as confident in their ability to outrun Death indefinitely #but that allows him to understand more clearly what he's feeling now!#I have thoughts about these boys as you can see

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playtheshadw · 3 months ago

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You dreamt of stars, stars, stars.

(Still Versions)

Happy anniversary to In Stars and Time!

#in stars and time #isat #siffrin #isat siffrin #isat loop #loop in stars and time #isat twohats #twohats spoilers #sifloop #sloop #YAY ISAT DAY #i hope u guys like the details!!! i worked resl hard om this one #i am. so so so happy i found this game #thank u sm oomfies for always putting it on my tl #a little bit early but i wanted to post this before i went to bed #naru’s art #isat spoilers

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star-trekster · 5 months ago

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Have you ever danced with the devil

In the pale moonlight?

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madootles · 1 year ago

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consumed with the urge to draw with ed holding cat. that's all

edit: metal arm wrong side bc canvas flip

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teaboot · 2 months ago

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tranny freak :)

#Negativity #Transphobia #I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here #I am genuinely so much happier like this #Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever #All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive #I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool #And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades #What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy #What are you going through #Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely #Why are you so afraid of genuine connection #Why are you scared of people #Are you happy with your life right now #Do you like yourself #How much time do you spend doing this #Do you think the negativity might be getting to you #How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it #I'm really sorry #I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything #Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday #There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions #Kinda sad that you're missing out

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evercelle · 1 month ago

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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

#ever makes art #i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c #i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried #and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again #which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time #so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space #that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch #i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and #the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too #anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark #thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful

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tomatoart · 22 days ago

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Bleegeghh teh 11th💉🥫 ft. recent outfitz

#queue are lovely #sonaart #i feel awkward drawing myself as not a small dormouse😭😭😭#my two sides cutegirl and someidiot #happy one year to me today… it’s rlly cool to be able to say that #near 10yrs of my life it’s something I always wanted but never thought I’d ever get to do…im very lucky to be on it but at the same time it #rlly make u think about how unfair it is to have had waited so late in life to get the first bite of one’s own autonomy and personhood #it’s a very precious and confusing thing and im still finding out what it means to be someone #but compensation is my favorite singer gendered me correctly so like 🦀🦀🦀#also yes i still plan on answering everything I’ll be officially off hiatus this week (still haven’t drawn much i need to push myself to be #expected to again lol)#but i stopped my meds so i am in withdrawals so forgive me I am. so so so so so out of my mind HSHDHWHD

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beetlethebug · 3 months ago

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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...

bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.

#the angst potential alone #if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this #JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM #LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT #SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS #Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late #consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content #and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man #Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps #the same way he and death are #and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him #the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC #and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night #reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity #rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try #rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be #i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION #something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin #lucanis dellamorte #dragon age rook #dragon age veilguard #lucanis x emmrich #lucanis x rook #spite x rook #emmrich x rook #emmrich x lucanis #emmrich x rook x lucanis

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iamhereinthebg · 4 days ago

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Happy Lunar New Year!!

(the one from last year)

#tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #my art #akane aoi #ily Aoi #I wanted to do a design for Mei like I did for Akane last year #but my wrist/shoulder aren't healed at all it would have been too much work #I still wanted to draw Aoi I loved her design! (I added different details too)#I ate good food too today #life is great #Happy new year to those who celebrate yay #those AidaIro illsutrations are always so cool #I feel sad bc it's really not detailed as last year but I couldn't much more dhskjdh #I am still happy I managed to draw a little something yay #tbhk fanart #may this new year be good to everyone and bring good health yay

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fatedroses · 5 months ago

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Two former military elites taking merc jobs perform absolutely hellish battle tactics together.

#ffxiv #digital art #zenos yae galvus #estinien wyrmblood #adventurer zenos #I will always adore this duo conceptually #because like- socially theyre that aragorn-geralt brooding in a corner of a tavern meme #but in combat they are absolutely terrifying #the azure dragoon and the super soldier legatus are here to fuck up a poachers day #aka zenos is about to crossmap someone's airship cause he knows estinien cant make himself jump that far #why have him try to jump when he can just Olympic-level javelin toss this man #also guys #my dudes #all this time I've been working on adven!zenos being a tank #I... have realized I just write him like a warrior who isnt carrying a weapon- sturdy unkillableness and countering and all #I am only a little bit of a dumbass but orogeny just seems to live in my head rent free #it also gave me the terrifying concept of- after spending time with the scions and after the ultimatum-#of him trying to learn more about dynamis- and zenos being zenos starts learning eventually how to harness it #local calm apathetic man can berserk on command because he's a lot angrier/more expressive inwardly than most people expect #depending on how I look into it- it might be how he fuels most of his shinryu transformations but I'll have to work on it more #but ANYWAYS #I love the thought of these two hunting and working together #and estinien being tossed being turned into a tactic #especially with proper form #this is something ive wanted to draw for a very long time and im very happy I actually have the skill to do so now

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leonardburton · 6 months ago

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the thing is. juno & nureyev's relationship has been such a major guiding thread throughout the podcast and the major drive of season 5, and the fandom has built itself so much (as fandoms often do) around shipping the two of them.

and yet nureyev doesn't show up at all in the last episode! or, he does, but it's only implied (for all we know it could be like. alessandra strong)(i know it's not but it would be really funny) and we don't hear his voice.

and it's so important to me that despite the room that their romance has taken in the plot and in our hearts, his absence reinforces that the point of juno steel's story wasn't a lady getting his man, it was about learning to grow as person for himself and for his friends (and not just his love interest), and it was about finding his footing in life and being at peace with himself and his place in the world. and he did! his growth and relative serenity is so apparent and just. a balm to the soul

and the fact that his man is back is just a nice add-on, not a necessity for his happiness

#juno steel #my aro ass has been sitting still and staring at a wall thinking about this ever since listening to this episode #mannnn i'm just. so completely floored about how good this finale was #juno's been all over the place and his growth has been up and down throughout but like.#it's so nice to hear just how. serene he was this episode #he's doing alright guysss #juno steel is fine #he's accepting affection and expressing it back #i Will be reading massive amounts of fanfiction about juno and nureyev'#s reunion when it comes out but i am super happy it wasn't a part of the episode #i was a bit bummed out for sure cos like. hearing his voice is always a good time #but there's a different between what i kinda want to hear and what i actually want out of the episode #and i got allll i wanted outta this one #also i'm super into urban planning (starting a masters in urban governance in september hihi) so the new town description had me 😈 meow #🤌🤌#juno steel spoilers #tpp #tpp spoilers #the penumbra podcast #i am soo excited to find out which mildly unpleasant to outwardly despicable characters the writers will make us love next as they grow #mannnn now im thinking about caroline again #back to staring at a wall bye

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formulaoneisajoke · 3 months ago

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this year as a lando fan while it’s had its highs (it been great to witness everything he’s achieved) it’s been an absolute struggle more so than any other year, i’ve feel myself becoming less and less attached to the sport and to do so in the year he got his maiden win and was “fighting” for wdc feels so shitty. and the fact is it’s got absolutely nothing to do with lando himself, i will continue to support him no matter what, but the discourse surrounding him, people trying to minimise every achievement he got, the bombardment of hate towards him has been nothing less than disgusting, psychotic and heartbreaking. i used to come on this site and go through landos tag to see if id missed anything he’d been up to and it was something that brought joy to my day, however now i can’t scroll through the lando tag without seeing hate directed his way by people, (who are not only losing a few braincells with their inability to correctly anti tag), who just think it’s fun to wish injury and death on people and dont seem to understand the irony in a lot of their posts. not forgetting the insane lando hate anon, while yes i enjoyed laughing at, would flood lando fans inbox’s with hate anytime he so much as breathed. anytime i go on twitter i see more hate for lando from other drivers fan accounts than i see positive things about their drivers. the anti lando hate train that some people think is cool to be on isn’t. and it just shows how rotten of a person you are if no matter what your supposed favourite driver does the first words out of your mouth are about lando norris and reason 626174 of why you hate him. it’s very telling when people who claim they aren’t fans are more obsessed with talking about him than those who are, i beg you all seek help and get a hobby because this type of behaviour isn’t healthy both for yourself and for others around you to witness.

#idk i’ve been feeling removed for a while now #like yes i’ll always watch the race because i want to see him compete and do what he loves #but the discourse around everything is so draining that sometimes i just can’t stand to be around it #anyways happy 2 week break from hell #this also ended up being a lot longer than i originally thought it would be but i just wanted to get it all off my chest #lando norris they will never make me hate you but they will make me hate the sport and the toxicity #anyway lando girlies (gn) i am so happy the majority of us seem to have our heads screwed on and don’t make hatered our entire personality

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