#i think about this so fucking often
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mmmm okay but having Amy just barely having her heart start beating moments before she was killed (and her clear JOY at that) will forever be one of the most heartbreakingly cruel things ever. the writers knew what they were doing with that. hurting me right in the feels
#amy dyer#in the flesh#bbc in the flesh#i think about this so fucking often#like#goddamnit she was so happy!!! shed found a guy who she liked and who liked her!!!! she was eating toffee apples and visiting her nans grave😫#i love her so much and she deserved the world :(#amy youre my bdff in my heart always
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~
Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍
#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#considering the speed and the amount of fanart#….yeah I can see why tumblr thought I was a bot lmao#also#I mostly read during night and then drawing from memory during day so uhhhhh the accuracy is questionable haha#mainly I feel like half of the time I don’t know how tf Jazz looks. The guy switching between his looks so often jdjfjfj#IM. SO GLAD THEY RESOLVED THEIR DRAMA EHEHBJGJ#The scene in medbay was so damn cute#oh my goddddd#the scene of the tac net crash#muah#loved it~#you know the thing is - I'm a biiiig fan of mutual feelings and actions#the scene of the kiss was absolutely great but it was a bit one sided#Jazz cared about Prowl but Prowl was far more concerned about information safety and strategy and stuff#but this?? mmmm~ Them caring for each other#Prowl using his last moments of consciousness to ask Jazz if he is mad at him#Prowl actually deeply caring of what Jazz thinks about him now when he knows Prowl killed his friends#i don't know how to explain#kisses are great but this (points) this is my favorite five star meal right here#also there is something so funny about Prowl slowly discovering fow fucked up Jazz is and just accepting it#but being so scared when Jazz discover how fucked up he is. Only for Jazz to be like “boo I knew about your fuckedupness from the start”
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lurking in radfem spaces has really changed my entire view of most mainstream internet spaces because once you realize just how censored women's voices and feminist thought are on these sites, and how much porn and misogynistic values are defended, you can't unsee it.
how anyone can bear to participate in an online space where porn, of all things, is lauded as the bastion of "self-expression" and yet any woman slightly critical of popular cultural opinions is demonized is wild, especially when a lot of that porn is a) violent and misogynistic b) often accessible by minors c) gross and shallow d) myriad of other reasons far better writers have probably described
fuck I'm just so tired. seeking rationality online is just opening a pandora's box of garbage and seeing the reflection of how bleak the social hegemony has become.
#the worst part is that the only mainstream opposition to this kind of culture is from the right#and they're also fucking terrible most of the time so that's great#the fact that most popular leftist online “thought-leaders” don't discuss this more often is certainly something though...#imagine being too busy to make navel-gazing video essays about identity with fancy lighting and silly editing#when this kind of attitude towards a whole HALF of the population is perpetuated online#god I hate thinking about social politics#and yet here I am#I need to throw my internet router against a wall I think#radical feminism
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there's a certain character archetype where a lot of people woobify them to the 'they're soooo pathetic' extreme, and other people fight back with the 'the're literally not pathetic at all think about all the insane things they did' and like. did you know that both things can be true at the same time actually
those characters are so deeply pathetic in the way that they'll do anything for just a smidge of validation. those characters will upend every sense of themself and any aspect of their life to maintain the hope that they have a purpose. those characters will fight and kill and scream bloody murder for a chance to feel loved
characters that are dangerous can still be pathetic. a wounded predator still has teeth and claws y'know
#idk just been thinking abt this . because i see both extremes kind of often#and it makes me saaaaad#because i love this type of character !!!! and that dichotomy is why i love them !!!!!#yeah fuck it i'll tag who this is about too#ultrakill gabriel#messmer the impaler#because yeah . Yeah#do u see where i'm coming from . can anyone hear me . it's so dark in here
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Imagine you live in pelican town. The new farmer has been here a couple weeks now and seems to be settling in, except... He's picking the weirdest friend choices. Like sure it's not weird to befriend the local fisherman, especially when he has an interest in fishing himself, but you're pretty sure you've seen him rooting through the Saloon's garbage with the local homeless man. As well, he keeps harassing the poor guy who works at Joja even though you KNOW he doesn't want to be friends with him.
And since you're on the topic of weirdness, isn't it odd he seemingly runs everywhere at a full sprint? Or just... Eats entire raw fish while fishing for "energy reasons"...
...
Despite all that, it's too early to call him off putting or anything... He has been engaging in town traditions, and he's started helping out with the old community centre. He's probably like the rest of you. Someone with a few quirks, that will fit in with the valley great!
Surely he can't get any weirder... Right?
#been playing my new sdv save some more recently#i keep thinking about the whole “eldritch” farmer thing#where the famer is just... objectively strange#i fucking love it#i love the idea of the farmer being some sort of higher being#someone who doesnt understand local conventions#someone who doesnt get why its considered weird to eat whole raw fish fresh from the river#or how it might be offputting to greet someone for the first time using their name#but at the same time#this eldritch entity genuinely wants to be a part of the community#they want to learn and they want to love and they want to learn to love#i see minmaxxer/speedrunner eldritch famer a lot#mainly played off for gags#but not genuinely loving their live in the valley eldritch farmer#at least not often#theres so much temptation to write an eldritch farmer x shane fanfic set in spring 1 or some shit lmao#text post#stardew valley#sdv#sdv farmer
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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Perceptive kid, I wonder just how much they pretend not to overhear.
#ignooore that a5 bonnie doesnt get the nice resolved versions of their discussions with sif.. i still think they can navigate it eventually#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#the dialogue in this kicked my asssss. trying to balance loop's evasiveness and layered meaning...#to spell it out: it's not that loop is actually *that* worried they'll hurt bonnie. it's that they think siffrin is being a fucking idiot#and being extremely sloppy in their protection of their party by trusting them to not be a loose cannon. THEY simply wouldn't#be that irresponsible if it were them!!! hmph!!! ... because they care. and because they maybe Are a little worried.#they don't want that responsibility. they gave that all up. stop making them responsible again. stop stop stop#and as for the other half of the meaning here: get called out idiot. not on purpose of course. bonnie doesn't know (yet).#but it's a brisk reminder of the hypocrisy (since even if loop makes sly reference to their identity to sif all the time... one must wonder#how often it actually sinks in that that's true....? it must be hard to get your head around when you refuse to admit that your habits and#demeanor have changed so drastically since then. like wtf thats not what i would do! clearly a different guy ! faker !! and yet...)#but yeah idk i think about loop and bonnie's relationship a lot. the one party member i dont think loop could ever bring themselves to be#mean to. because cmon. thats a kid. but still... the emotional distance probably stings even worse than usual.#and once bonnie finds out.... ! well. that emotional distance probably stings. even worse. than usual.
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Taking the current topic as an excuse to ask you to tell me all the reasons you love Rarijack. Your art for the ship is so sweet and intimate I'd love to hear any in depth thoughts you have.
Breathes in.
I think what makes their dynamic really strong is that they have opposing personalities but aligned values. It's deeper than just "opposites attract." Rarity's fancy, prissy, and femme while Applejack's modest, rough, and "masculine." But both value hard work (to the point of being workaholics), their families (both have guardianship over their little sisters), running successful businesses, and eventually each other. Their relationship can be boiled down to, "Despite our differences/disagreements, I still like you because we value the same things."
We see their relationship develop so much. In the first season, they can't stop bickering about surface-level differences. By season four, they still bicker, but will mend their relationship because they can't help but do nice things for each other. In Trade Ya, they start off arguing over personality differences (Applejack likes old junk and Rarity likes useless crap). Then they pivot and start arguing that they value their relationship more than the other. In the end, they mend things by sacrificing their needs and buying each other a gift. Even if they don't understand it, they know it'd make the other happy. And that's all that really matters. It's a genuinely sweet moment that shows how arguing can be healthy and necessary for relationships to strengthen.
We even see them dropping their hang-ups about each others' personalities. In Made in Manehattan, when Rarity runs off in dramatics about someone's fashion, AJ doesn't roll her eyes or scoff, she smiles. Oftentimes, their conflicts are very common domestic conflicts romantic couples face. Applejack's Day Off is about a woman's inability to balance work and life and find time to properly spend with her partner, causing her partner to feel neglected.
By season seven, they're actively participating in each others' interests. Any problems or conflicts that arise are dealt with, and they come out the other end stronger and closer. In Honest Apple, AJ pretty much spells out why their relationship works so well: even though she doesn't understand fashion, she can recognize and appreciate how much work it takes and wants to respect that. When she realizes her mistake in the episode, AJ goes above and beyond to fix things and apologize to Rarity. They care about each other so much.
The two go out of their way, sacrificing their personal desires and beliefs and doing things they normally wouldn't, to make the other happy. That's just love.
There's Simple Ways, where AJ gets stuck in an unwanted love triangle between Rarity and her hipster crush. And her frustration and anger can be so easily interpreted as AJ finding herself in a terrible position; the girl she loves wants another man, and that man wants her.
I dunno. I've always had a preference for opposites attract ships, but Rarijack's stuck with me like a brain worm because they have the perfect chemistry. The way they show they care, or do things for each other, I've always read it as the truest representation of romance in the show.
#rarijack#i refuse to be embarrased by how much i know about this damn pony show#this is part of the reason why i never bought into appledash unfortunately. their values aren't aligned#rd lies a lot and often for very self serving reasons#and she distances herself from her family because they're. cringe? overbearing? her parents are very loving and supportive#meanwhile aj's. whole fucking thing. is honesty and family#ask me#anon#this is why it's still a little baffling they aren't canon#we got SO much real development with so much potential subtext#and it never really crossed the finish line#i dunno every time they do something to show they care i'm reminded of myself and my partner too#whenever i see something that's inconvenient or complicated or against my personality (adhd haver) but i know it'd make my#boyfriend happy. i do it anyways. and i always think to myself “wow. that's what love is. that's what it feels like”
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got him off-balance!
#my art#ds9#star trek deep space nine#julian bashir#elim garak#garashir#watercolor#image desc in alt text#i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare#“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT!#look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior#if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !”#cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad#ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole#the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod#AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel#because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it#often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows#i struggled at first to find full body references#they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless
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thinkin' about Bardaby and his illusion smoke...
#went on yet another bardaby bender. these are only part of it lmao#i am often seized by the fatal need to Draw Barnaby In Some Shape Or Form#but yes. thinking very hard about the illusion smoke#i feel like sometimes he uses it recreationally... mixed with other stuff to dilute it ofc#but it keeps the color!#im imagining that it can act sort of like a Mood Ring!#the core color that he exhales yk yk!#but using it full strength for proper illusions and such#he's gotta be careful about it! it'll fuck him up!#he's built up Quite The Resistance to illusions and illusion magic over his life#but everyone has their limits...#scribble salad#wh fantasy au#IM NOT USED TO DRAWING SMOKE. IT LOOKS BAD LMAO#i'll have to work on that! look up tutorials! Practice!#anyhow i think the other scribbles need their own post#its mainly bardaby and our little warlock...#there are three ways i love drawing barnaby#i love scribbling him angry. i love scribbling him with howdy. and i love scribbling him being soft w/ wally#side note i realized earlier that part of the reason why i love characters who are just so much bigger than everyone else#ex: poppy & barnaby#is bc then its like. they're the smaller guys' personal jungle gym lmao#free bed! free climbing wall! free bean bag! free Getting Tossed Around!!!!#all wrapped up with the wonderful bow of Friend!!!!#...my touch starvedness is showing isnt it. away with ye demons!!!
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obsessive
#did i put more effort into this than i needed to? yes. did i put myself through unnecessary pain drawing fighting scenes? yes#but i learned how to outline my strokes so maybe i won after all#i thought about it and i think it turned out ok drawing the eyes differently. like the way i usually draw em#although i dont know if that says much since i change my art style every couple weeks but eh#had fun playing with grayscale and limited palette. i want to do that more often dhghdg#although idk whens the next time i will have enough energy to commit to the bit and do.. this#theyre fucking stupid your honor. for every art we get of them acting dramatic and yearning (/pos) i make dumb shit like this#equivalent exchange girlies!#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#lmk shadowpeach#shadowpeach#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#sun wukong#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#six eared macaque#liu er mihou#my art#myart#doodles#comic#lmk monkey king#lmk fanart
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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trying to figure out how to draw the rest of the bad kids, so here they are after their first fight. they're having a normal one. (alt version under the cut, content warning for blood!)
#I think about the corn fight so often#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#riz gukgak#fabian seacaster#fig faeth#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#adaine abernant#fuck I posted this on main by accident. welp
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I do agree with the people calling Somerton out for his misogyny and lesbophobia but I do want to remind everyone that him treating Becky Albertalli like that was an explicit act of biphobia. Like there is something very transparent about him insisting that lesbians have it easier than gay men only to turn to a bisexual woman and refuse to accept that she's queer at all. That was biphobia in it's purest form. It doesn't make the rest okay by any means and I'm not trying to minimize it, but as a bisexual woman I think it's important for everyone to recognize that he did not just treat her like that because she's a woman who happens to like women, he did that because she's bisexual and he clearly doesn't think bisexual women are queer at all.
Also don't gloss over the transphobia around ignoring ND Stephenson and Rebecca Sugar's gender identities as well. He's not just a misogynist and a lesbophobe, he's biphobic and transphobic too. Acknowledge all of it.
#I just dont want people to ignore the biphobia bcs so often people act like bi people are only hated#because we're attracted to the same gender and thus there is no biphobia in the queer community#but he didnt hate her for liking women#he treated her differently than he treated the lesbians he talked about#and it's because she's bisexual#same with how he treated ND Stephenson and Rebecca Sugar#he didnt do it just because he hates women/people he perceives to be women#he did it bcs he doesnt think nonbinary people count as queer either#and that's really fucking transphobic#Hbomberguy#james somerton
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