#i must be reminded that this break will do good
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
✴︎ —PAINT THE AGES A HUNDRED SHADES OF GOLD ⊹₊⟡⋆
I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT LOVE ANYMORE ‘CAUSE IT’S GETTING TOO MUCH FOR ME …
cw: councilor!sevika x painter!mel, sevika is a lil sad and mean but she gets over it, sevika is also kind of a loser who can’t stop talking when she gets drunk, jinx and isha mentions because i’m evil and we know this, mel paints sevika nude, body worship, lots of comfort, oral sex, 18+
word count: 7.3k
it’s been months since sevika’s big move, and she fucking hates it to say the least.
all of these pilties are stuck up, even more than she remembers. which is a lot. she’s exhausted, she questions why she’s even a part of the council if all they do is ignore her. showing up every day and listening to them talk about her home and her people the way they do makes her sick.
they draft plans to raid the markets, shutting down anyone who isn’t licensed to be selling meat or rice or bread, but they refuse to let anyone get a license to sell those things. of course, she’s glad that she gets to eat three meals a day now, but with every bite she takes, she’s reminded of her home, and how starving they must be over there.
no matter how much she fights back, offers up a real plan that could make peace between the rivaling nations, they all just snicker and point fingers at her like she’s some sort of circus act.
and don’t ask her about how much she likes being called councilor sevika, because she doesn’t like it at all. she’s not a councilor, and maybe that’s a good thing, because it’s the last thing she’d ever wanna be.
still, she keeps her emotions under control. this is a huge opportunity to help get zaun on it’s feet and cut ties with piltover officially, she won’t spoil it by making a scene and giving up. no matter what, she’s gonna make an effort, even if it means being locked in a room with a group of rich pigs who’ve never felt that growing pit of hunger in their stomachs that make them so dizzy that they keel over on the streets.
that they die on the streets.
so yeah, it’s not easy, not even a little bit.
most of her nights are spent alone in her room. it’s nice, “small” compared to the rooms everyone else occupies, but still bigger than any house she’s ever seen in the undercity. it has large windows that let every bit of light in, but it’s still eerily dark at night compared to zaun.
in zaun, there are neon lights and buzzing street lamps that glow and flicker at every hour, so when it gets dark, the colorful lights bounce off of every inch of the city. you can see them in the reflections of the puddles, bright streaks of light flying up into the night from behind buildings and stretching until they’re out of sight.
here, in piltover, they have different kinds of lights. tiny, white holes in the sky called stars that shine when it gets dark. they have spotlights and statues and lanterns, but it gets lonely at night. everyone is at home, distancing from their friends and their jobs, getting sleep and resting up for whatever the next day will bring.
there isn’t really any rest in zaun, just a small wink of sleep whenever you catch it, and you’re up again. everyone’s grouchy and hungry and cold, but it makes for good shimmer sales, and the bar is a great place to find refuge when you need a break from it all.
so sevika sleeps with all of her lights on. an attempt to remind her of home— although her home doesn’t have a queen sized bed, fluffy pillows and soft blankets, lamps, alarm clocks, fireplaces, clean water on their nightstands, and stars that shine through their windows.
the stars might be her favorite part about piltover. probably the only good thing about piltover. she doesn’t really know what they are or what they do, but they’re nice to look at late at night when she can’t manage to sleep.
every time she finds herself staring up at them, she sends a prayer or two up to janna. always one for the people, a prayer that even though they pretend to hate each other, and there sure are a few goons who are ready to slit her throat for never paying them back, she hopes they’re okay.
she hopes that ran and theiram have got the bar under control, that vi and ekko manage to keep the chaos limited, and most of all, that jinx and isha are doing alright.
ever since silco died, her whole world was flipped upside down and shaken vigorously. who knew that someday she’d be missing jinx? but she does. she cries at night for the blue haired girl, praying for her safety and her happiness, hoping that she’s managed to keep some of her creativity after everything that went down.
and of course for the more tolerable blue haired kid, isha.
she prays that isha is still attached at the hip to jinx, that her fluffy hair gets dyed that awful bright blue color as often as she wants it to, that she’s found some way to communicate with the world while her voice is at rest.
she’s got no clue as to where they could be. one second, she’s wishing jinx would leave her alone. that she’d pack up her inventions and make a home for them far away from sevika’s life. the next second, they’re gone. no warning, no heads up whatsoever, just completely taken from her life.
but if she wishes to find any wisp of happiness, she’s gonna have to push these thoughts to the back of her mind, only letting them front when she’s alone and awake and accompanied by the stars. they’re the only things who understand her.
——
if you listen closely, you might be able to hear the sound of mel’s thoughts buzzing around in her mind.
the past few months have given her some intense whiplash, but things are finally starting to straighten out. her life isn’t exactly normal, but she’s growing used to her… new self.
she spends most of her time perched at her easel, painting the canvas in beautiful colors that fall over various people or places. it’s therapeutic for her, whatever image or question or anger she has lingering in her head, she can work it out with the paints. when she’s done, she lines them up in front of her.
it helps her see things more clearly, like a thought that can’t float away, frozen in time for her to analyze further. some of them are just plain colors. gold, with white, yellow, and bronze streaks, an attempt to recreate the swirls that are painted on her own body.
sometimes she paints her mother, her eyebrows lowered in a scowl and her silvery gray hair crowning her head. jayce and viktor occasionally make an appearance, both of their faces lost in thought as they stare at various equations and formulas that she can’t quite make out.
sometimes she just sees miscellaneous things, quick visions that she needs to bring to life. countless canvases are covered in black, with that dark red fog reaching into it like vines. there’s also the hextech that makes the occasional appearance, but she can’t quite get that bright, rich blue color right.
a few times before, she’s attempted portraits, but she doesn’t prefer them. lest has been one of her closest friends during all of this, she can sit and pose for hours while mel works away at her figure on the canvas. they’ve also tried painting together, but mel prefers her alone time.
she’s tried recreating the pictures from her memory, but it never comes out as well. she covers the canvas in thick paint, a bronze, brown, and white, making up jayce’s features. but she always clouds his face with shiny white webs, and those glistening, rainbow stars. the ones that stole him away.
while she sits, her body stays stagnant, eyes racing around the blank canvas. she mixes the colors in her head before she even opens the tubes, her eyes proportion it all for her, so she rarely makes sketches anymore.
recently, she’s been more interested in staying in and shutting out the world. the occasional knock rings out against her door, but she can’t be bothered to investigate. she doesn’t wanna give her opinions anymore, doesn’t wanna lead all of topside to peace and gas the streets of the undercity. really, she never signed up for that. sure, she’s ambessa’s daughter, but she doesn’t care to be a leader anymore. not when all it does is get people hurt and killed.
but apparently it’s urgent this time, because the knocking persists.
“um, mel?” a timid voice asks. “i hate to bother you, but the council requires yo—”
she flings the door open, clad in her white robe and slippers. her hood hangs halfway over her head as she glares at the man, but he insists on escorting her to the council meeting. her feet gently pad against the floor as she walks through the long halls, already dreading having to play referee for a group of adults who should know better.
but ambessa is gone now, and these people need someone to give them any sort of direction.
the dome shaped room welcomes her, and although she dreads being there, the sun shining through the stained glass is gorgeous. she spies a few familiar faces sitting in their respective seats, and notices some new ones who were added after the war.
“but they need the money!” one councilor booms, one of the newer ones who mel doesn’t quite recognize yet. “you can’t just cut their funds and raise the tax prices, they—”
“councilor sevika, please.” someone says, talking over her voice. “what possibly could they need more money for? our city needs to be rebuilt, and it’s them who’s caused all of this destruction.”
mel observes quietly, noticing the tears that fill sevika’s eyes. she makes an assumption that they’re either out of sadness, anger, or exhaustion, but she can’t quite tell. one thing she does know, though, is that it isn’t fair.
it’s not fair to just drag a zaunite up to topside and force her to be the only one representing her nation. especially when she has to be locked in a room full of people who hate her, who think she’s nothing more than just undercity trash to mock and make fun of.
mel’s surprised that sevika has held her ground for this long. if that were her, she’d want to pack up and leave within a day, especially when she notices the snorts and sideways glances that she gets every time she opens her mouth.
“have you even been down there?” sevika asks. “have you seen the bodies lying on the streets? have you heard the sobs of the starving children?”
they all look at her, unable to imagine what hunger even is, much less an entire nation overcome by it. shoola offers a sympathetic frown, but it’s not enough for sevika. she’s exhausted, and the thought of seeing her home even more impoverished is killing her. worst of all, word on the street is that zaunites are beginning to call her a traitor.
she wishes that they could see how hard she’s working, how much she’s fighting for them behind the scenes. but she can’t exactly blame them, it must be hard to watch every leader they’ve ever had either fail at leading them to sovereignty or turn their backs on the people. must be worse to watch someone who they thought was on their side disappear into the council and watch as things just keep getting worse and worse down there.
and this makes sevika feel horrible.
it’s hard for her not to blame herself for this, especially because that’s what she’s used to. her job for years was to be silco’s right hand, so it was constantly her fault if something went wrong. that’s just how things are. if things don’t go her way, it must be her fault for not working harder to overcome it.
“i agree.” mel says plainly. “councilor sevika has firsthand knowledge of what it’s like for them, why shouldn’t we trust her?”
sevika is taken aback at this. she’s never seen someone so… rich looking… be this understanding toward her. but although it’s the bare minimum, she appreciates it. she’ll take whatever form of kindness she can get right now.
the other councilors stare at mel like she’s just grown three heads. obviously, they’ve never been told no a day in their life. sevika is glad that she gets to be present for the first time. some of them sputter and growl, some of them roll their eyes, but sevika just sinks back into her chair and decides to let them argue it out.
“i agree too.” councilor shoola says. “it’s only fair… unless, any of you would like to go down there and experience it for yourselves? then you could tell us all about their excess of funds.”
sevika sighs in relief, thanking janna or the universe or whatever god decided to help her out. she can’t exactly smile, at least not yet, but she manages a tiny grin, and decides that maybe she shouldn’t feel too bad about herself just yet.
mel is glad that sevika and shoola have at least a little bit of brains, but she’s starting to rethink having all of the others on the council. maybe they need to fire some, or at least add some more zaunites to level the playing field. although, she now knows that sevika can put up one hell of a fight, so maybe she doesn’t need it.
but the clock strikes two in the afternoon, and the councilors file out to get on with their day until they meet again tomorrow. sevika hangs back, waiting for everyone to leave before she returns to her office. but mel hangs back too, determined to talk to sevika more, to get to know her.
sevika pulls her cape over her shoulders, completely covering her figure before she exits the room. mel perks up and shoots her a questioning look.
“yes?” sevika asks.
“you’re brave.” mel says.
“no i’m not. d’you think it’s brave of me to leave my people starving and helpless down there while i have a real home and three meals a day?”
mel just stares blankly at her. that isn’t what she meant at all, but at the same time, she’s completely right. as much as she still believes that sevika is brave for putting up with the councilors, she should be calling everyone else brave, everyone in zaun who goes days without food. sevika is the luckiest of them all.
“that’s not what i meant.” mel explains. “i meant that you’re better than them because you stand your ground instead of just getting everything you want. you work hard for what you earn.”
sevika shrugs. “i guess you could say that.”
“do you miss it down there?”
“what do you think?” sevika grunts.
“i’d bet that you do, you just try not to show it in front of anyone.”
“yes, because showing weakness gets you killed.”
“not up here, it doesn’t. you should open up a little, it might be good for you.” mel suggests.
“i’ll pass.”
“i could help you.”
“i don’t need—”
“let me help you.” mel says, reaching out to grab sevika’s hand.
“help me how?” sevika asks.
“open up to me. tell me about your life. friends, family, past, anything.”
“okay… maybe.”
“okay, good.”
——
sevika has never been great at opening up to anyone, but mel is… understanding. as much as she hates to talk about her struggles to other people, mel is probably the best possible person to talk to. mel marched herself down sevika’s hall to her door, banging on it until sevika sleepily presented herself. she marched sevika down the hall and through the building until they reached her own suite, and she fed sevika more and more wine until she started to talk to her.
it started with just a confession. sevika was wine drunk and admitted that yes, she did miss her home, and that she hated topside. and then mel pressed for more, made her tell her specifically who she missed and what she missed about them.
the list of people who she missed was never ending. at the top— jinx and isha. in all honesty, mel is shocked to learn that sevika had anyone that she really considered family, much less a daughter or a niece. but sevika tells her all about them, how isha would beg to paint her nails or dye her hair, and how jinx finally had a sister who she could play with, instead of just being too young to do anything.
but when mel asks where they’ve gone, sevika freezes. she doesn’t know, and it’s not something she prefers to think about. dead is something she’d heavily considered, but that ending makes her too sad. as long as she doesn’t know that they’re dead, they’re not. at least not in her world.
she tells mel that she hopes they’re somewhere safe, somewhere that they can have fun together. like floating on a cloud, or living in outer space with the stars. maybe they are with the stars, and that’s why she loves them so much.
“you like the stars?” mel asks.
“that’s the only thing actually worth liking about this place, i think…” sevika slurs drunkenly.
“hmm, i guess they are pretty, aren’t they.” mel ponders.
“yeah and there are so many of them, and it’s like every time you see them you’re seeing a completely different sky. and they’re cool because they only come out at night when they think nobody can see them, it’s like they’re shy. but i always see them because i’m always awake with them.” she rambles.
mel can’t help but giggle. again, everything she said is exactly right, but she’s never seen it that way. sevika offers her a fresh new perspective, one that makes her ponder how much she knows about the world.
“sorry…” sevika whispers, suddenly aware that she’s drunkenly blabbering and probably making a fool of herself. she tries to blink herself sober but it doesn’t work.
“no worries. i like them too.” mel soothes.
“i think i should go.”
“already?” mel asks.
“it’s gett’n late. i have places to be tomorrow…” sevika sighs. mel stands and walks her to the door, grabbing on gently to her human arm in an attempt to stabilize the woman. she offers a sweet smile to sevika as she leaves, even takes her hand in her own for a second and squeezes it tightly, but sevika just stares at the floor.
“mel?” she asks finally, although in a timid voice.
“yes?”
“thanks for sticking up for me. i don’t know what those pigs would get up to without people like me and you.”
mel’s heart warms at this. sevika is so drunk that she’s starting to get sappy and sweet, and while it’s adorable, it’s clear that she needs to get home. but she’s glad that her effort isn’t going unnoticed, and she’s starting to really like sevika.
“of course.” she smiles again. “get some sleep for me, okay? don’t spend too much time with the stars.”
sevika curses herself for the warm feeling that wraps herself all around her, she hates that she’s being vulnerable and making friends. she just blames the feeling on the alcohol, but she knows that it’s not. because that light, warm feeling clings itself to her every time she sees mel.
it happens again when they coincidentally cross paths, mel on her way outside for some fresh air and sevika on her way to her room to sign papers until her fingers bleed. but she realizes for the first time that mel is so beautiful. she hasn’t spotted sevika yet, but the sunlight glowing in from the windows catches her golden streaked skin perfectly, and she’s shining. it’s like she’s a real life star, and sevika can’t peel her eyes away.
“oh, hi sevika.” mel grins.
“um… hi.” she responds, her heart suddenly beating faster than usual. “where are you going?”
“just outside. been cramped up inside all day and the smell of my paints are starting to give me a headache.”
“you paint?” sevika asks, although to anyone else the answer would be obvious.
“yeah, all the time. i’d love to show you someday.” she offers, already knowing that she’s gonna have to drag sevika by the arm and force her to visit.
“okay… yeah, that would be nice.” she says.
“what are you doing right now?” mel asks.
“i just have a lot of paperwork to fill out, letters to write, things to sign, you know how it is.”
“will you stop by later, then?”
“are you gonna make me?”
“probably. if you don’t show up by yourself.”
“alright, see you later then.”
——
sevika is dreading this outing. the more times she thinks about going back over to mel’s, the more anxious she gets. every time she’s been over there the past month, she’s ended up either drunk or blabbering on about stuff that doesn’t matter. or worse— drunk and blabbering. she always finds some way to make a fool of herself, and she doesn’t know how to stop. she just wishes it wasn’t so easy to open up to her, wishes that mel wasn’t so damn likable.
mel already knows she’s gonna have to drag sevika over to come look at her paintings. she always does. no matter how many times she tells the woman to come on her own terms, she finds herself stomping down to sevika’s door and forcing her to hang out. it’s cute, in mel’s mind, it’s like a date. so that’s what she finds herself doing tonight. cleaning up her suite a little, spinning one of her jazz records, and marching down to collect sevika.
she’s arranged her paintings in no particular order, but the array is beautiful. some are framed, some are smaller than others, some of them aren’t even finished. sevika feels so moved by this. she’s never seen anything so beautiful. not anything in real life, not mel herself, not even the stars are as beautiful as her paintings.
mel sits her down on the loveseat, pouring two glasses of wine and sitting down next to sevika, but sevika begs her to talk about her paintings. she’s dying to know how anyone could make anything look more beautiful than the stars. mel blushes at that compliment— it’s a lot coming from sevika for multiple reasons— but she decides that now it’s her turn to open up.
they sit an chat for hours, and before long, sevika feels as if she knows mel like the back of her hand. she now knows about jayce and viktor and what happened to them, about ambessa, her mother, the noxians, and the rest of her family. sevika’s oddly surprised. of course, she’s aware that mel is probably the strongest woman she knows, but she never would’ve guessed that she’s been through that much.
mel cries a bit, and sevika cries too, and they laugh about their emotions like old friends. for once in her life, sevika feels like maybe not everything sucks, and that maybe it’s okay to let herself fall for someone. she just hopes that mel feels the same way.
“sevika?” mel asks, still catching her breath after a fit of giggles.
“yeah?” she smiles.
“will you dance with me?”
“i don’t dance.” sevika says, laughing at the image of her dancing with someone. how silly.
“aww, come on! it’s just us and some jazz! you’ll be fine.” she reasons. “please?”
sevika rolls her eyes at mel’s outstretched hand, but she’s very tipsy and in a good mood, so how could she say no to the beautiful woman standing in front of her?
mel yanks her up by her arm, and sevika wastes no time following after her to the middle of the room where the big sky lights let the stars shine in. sevika scowls and tenses up a bit, but mel wraps her arms around sevika’s waist so gently, guiding sevika’s arm to press against her back. mel sways them back and forth a bit, and sevika soon loosens up and stares down at mel with a smile that puts all of the stars to shame.
“do you ever miss your arm?” mel asks.
“yeah, sometimes. i miss the one jinx made for me, i wish i didn’t take it for granted.” she responds, her mood quickly turning sad against her will.
“i could have one made for you.” mel offers.
sevika shakes her head and flattens her lips into a straight line. “they won’t let me have one on the council.”
it’s mel’s turn to roll her eyes now. “no, i’ll make you one that they’ll accept. they always listen to me, you know.” she grins.
“i guess that would be alright, as long as it’s not much of a hassle.”
“for you? nothing’s a hassle. don’t be silly.”
sevika’s eyebrows pull together in the middle and she pouts, tears quickly filling her eyes. nobody’s ever been this nice to her before. offering her a new limb, protection from the ruthless comments from the council, good wine, and a dance underneath the stars. she can’t help but cry, but she’s not afraid to anymore. with mel, she feels safe enough to be this vulnerable.
mel notices her sad expression, and she silently prays that she didn’t accidentally offend sevika, it’s the last thing she’d ever wanna do. “oh, what’s wrong? did i—”
sevika cuts her off with a kiss. she doesn’t wanna hear any apologies from mel, not after she’s been a literal angel to sevika this past week. mel’s lips are warm and welcoming, they taste sweet, like if gold was a flavor. she reaches her hands up and cradles the back of mel’s head, deepening the kiss.
mel is completely taken aback by this. she didn’t know that sevika had feelings for her. actually, she thought that sevika was sick of her. but she kisses sevika back, her lips are big and pouty and oh so soft. she also gets to feel sevika’s piercing up close, and the cold metal drags against the bottom of her lips ever so slightly. it’s a stark contrast, but a comforting one at that.
one thing leads to another, and they’re quickly back on the loveseat, lapping at each others tongues and giggling like kids and holding hands. sevika’s had tons of sex before, sure, but nothing comes close to this. she feels so special, so cared for, that she notices this strange, giddy feeling bubbling up in her chest.
little does she know, that feeling is called love.
she pins mel down to the seat, both of them breathless and high on this mysterious feeling— although it definitely has something to do with the liquor— and sevika almost cries again when mel spreads her legs beneath her white gown. the warm lamplight mixed with the starlight causes her to glow again, like she’s on fire, so sevika can’t help but kiss all over the gold patterns that paint her skin.
mel erupts into another fit of giggles, holding sevika’s shocked face in her hands. sevika tenses up slightly at her touch, but takes a deep breath and swallows all of her anxiety.
“can i?” sevika asks.
mel smiles and nods. “of course. you can do whatever you want to me.”
sevika shudders and reaches up mel’s dress, caressing her stomach and hips. mel is soft and malleable under her touch, and she’s golden. she reaches forward to tug her dress above her hips. sevika doesn’t think she’s ever seen such a beautiful sight, and mel absolutely adores sevika’s awestruck face.
the same golden markings that paint her face also trail down her abdomen, all the way to her ankles. there are thick streaks of gold that mirror each other on each side of her torso, twisting themselves into swirls and shapes. she also has small golden freckles littering her body, identical to the ones on her face. they look like stars.
best of all, as if sevika wasn’t already turned on enough, she has small, golden hairs that trail down from just beneath her belly button, only stopping when they crown her dripping hole. this woman is made of pure magic, and if sevika doesn’t get her mouth on her within the next millisecond, she thinks she might faint.
mel grabs sevika’s hand when she notices her hesitation, and this makes her snap back into the moment and start eating mel out. she starts slow, just some teasing, soft licks to her clit that make her shiver. mel moans so sweetly and beautifully and sevika feels like she’s floating.
sevika grips mel’s hand harder and harder as she keeps eating her out, and it’s times like these that she wishes she has two hands. one to hold mel’s with, and one to feel inside of her, pumping her full of her thick fingers. mel arches her back and thrusts up into sevika’s face, and they both nearly cum on the spot.
she pulls back for a second, a string of white slick connecting itself to sevika’s lips before dripping down her chin.
“sev, you’re doing so good, baby.” mel praises. “don’t stop, i’m so close.”
sevika speeds up her movements, determined to make mel cum. her big, silver eyes squeeze shut as her mouth works it’s magic, sucking on her clit and running her pointed tongue between mel’s folds to collect her slick.
but she doesn’t cum until sevika wraps her lips around her clit again, her piercing colliding with mel’s throbbing clit as she tips over the edge. a low whine is pulled from her throat, and sevika pulls back to admire the woman above her. mel yanks sevika up by her shirt, thanking her with a deep kiss. some of sevika’s lipstick is smudged, so mel wipes it off with her thumbs, as well as the wet slick that’s smeared all over her face.
sevika is suddenly very aware that she doesn’t need shimmer anymore, because she feels like mel’s sweet nectar is enough to get her high.
“i’m gonna need that new arm as soon as you can get it.” sevika says with her lips smashed against mel’s. “need to show you what else i can do.”
——
it’s been three weeks since then, and sevika’s been coming over every night. she still has lots of work to do, but mel helps her with all of it. they sort through tall stacks of paperwork, taking turns sitting on the others lap and pouring each other more wine. sometimes they get distracted with sex, but they try their hardest to stay focused. occasionally mel will bring out her paints and work on something new, forcing sevika to stay focused while she’s at work.
they also spend their mornings together. if they don’t wake up in the other’s arms, they’ll sleepily march down to their door and bang on it until they reunite and hold each other again.
but this morning, sevika wakes up in mel’s bed alone. she reaches out for the woman with her arm, but that side of the bed is just cold and empty. sitting up, she glances around the room until she spies mel in her silky white cloak painting on the balcony.
“mel?” she asks groggily. “why’re you up so early?”
“just had to finish something, love.” she responds, smiling at her girlfriend’s half awake state. “you can go back to sleep if you’d like.”
“can i at least see what you’re working on?”
“not yet.” she smiles. “it’s a surprise.”
sevika groans and turns around to go back inside, but mel catches her arm and yanks her back for a kiss. sevika kisses over each of mel’s golden freckles, and then her lips, then her nose, her forehead, chin, and then lips again, before returning inside. mel giggles and tries to swat sevika’s back before she gets away, but she’s too slow and the effort is wasted.
back inside, sevika grabs onto mel’s pillow and stuffs her face into it, bringing a familiar comfort that lulls her back to sleep. she’s shaken awake a few hours later, though. it’s mel, very gently rattling sevika’s shoulder while caressing her hair. “sevika, babe, wake up.” she whispers.
“mmmmh?”
“i have a present for you.”
“hmmmm?”
“wake up so you can open it.”
“ughhhhh.”
“oh, please. don’t be so pouty. i want you to see it! quickly, quickly!” she urges, yanking sevika back to the balcony. the sun is slightly higher in the sky now, some of the orange in the sky is still fading away but the sky is painted in a light yellow color, it matches mel a little bit.
she hands her a giant white box with mel’s name on it, a small golden bow sitting directly on the top. “what is this?” sevika asks.
“open it and see!” mel smiles.
so she does. she flips the lock on the box and pulls it open, a smooth, golden arm staring back at her.
“what is this?” sevika asks again, this time in disbelief. she couldn’t tell how serious mel was about acquiring a new arm for her, so she didn’t think she’d be receiving a new one this quickly, or one this pretty.
it’s a lot more modern compared to her other two arms that she’s had in the past. it has a matte gold casing all around it, with shimmery gold patterns that resemble mel’s carved into it. it has all five fingers, but they’re not as pointy, more resembling her human fingers than her past arms. sevika is overcome with emotions, and she turns around to pull mel in for a hug, hiding her tears on her shoulder.
“do you like it?” mel asks.
“i love it.”
“will you teach me how to put it on you?”
“of course.” sevika promises, and with that, mel tugs her inside and makes her sit and show her. it takes a bit of fumbling. sevika isn’t great at explaining things, but she also can’t do much with only one arm, so lots of trial and error occurs during the process. but eventually it’s all screwed in, and the first thing sevika does is pull mel in for a real hug.
mel never really realized how strong sevika is, and how crushing her hugs are. at least, not until now. she knows that sevika can hold her somewhat tightly, but one arm doesn’t do much. now that she as two arms though, mel is struggling to breathe with the way sevika is crushing her. or maybe it’s just because sevika wants to show her girlfriend some love. and she’s definitely not crying.
“i have one more thing.” mel says, although most of it gets muffled by sevika’s chest.
“what is it?” she asks.
“come outside and look.”
sevika follows her outside, grabbing onto mel’s elbow with her new hand.
“close your eyes.” mel says, so sevika squeezes her eyes shut and tries her hardest not to peek. mel dashes over to retrieve the painting on her canvas that’s now fully dry, and then she holds it to face sevika.
“okay, now open them.”
she opens her eyes to see mel holding one of her new paintings— the one she wasn’t allowed to see yet. but now she’s aware of why she wasn’t allowed to see it, because the painting is of her.
it’s sevika. hunched over at mel’s desk with her reading glasses on and a pen in her hand, a glass of wine half empty on the table next to her. the colors in the painting are very warm, likely resembling the warm lamps that decorate mel’s suite. and the most surprising thing— there’s a smile on sevika’s face.
it’s not something she’s ever seen on herself before. for one, she’s never been one to smile in general, it’s just not something she was ever used to doing. photographs are also very rare in zaun, so the only way she could’ve seen it on herself is by smiling in front of a mirror, which is even more rare.
sevika doesn’t even know how to feel. she should cry, because nobody has ever been this kind to her before, and she’s overwhelmed with emotions from the arm, the painting, and just being around mel.
she should also be happy. nobody has ever understood her as much as mel does, and she feels so honored to be seen in her artistic lense. she should be glad that she gets to live up here, where everything is safe and pretty and valuable. she’s also still half asleep, and can’t exactly tell if she’s dreaming or not.
“what do you think?” mel asks after a while.
“i don’t know what i did to deserve this.” sevika says honestly. “is there some kind of special occasion that i don’t know about? or are you just spoiling me.”
“well, mostly the latter,” mel laughs. “but it is our one month anniversary, if that counts for anything.”
“i didn’t get you anything.” sevika frowns, suddenly feeling way out of mel’s league, almost insecure.
“that’s alright.” mel smiles. “your presence is enough.”
sevika rolls her eyes and manages a smile too, yanking mel forward and giving her a sweet kiss. one month isn’t much, but it’s been the happiest month of sevika’s life, and things are starting to look up for her. for zaun, too.
“well,” mel starts, pulling away from sevika’s lips. “there is one small thing you could do for me.”
“and that is…?”
“model for me so i can paint you?” she asks with a happy shrug of her shoulders.
“now? but you just painted me.”
“yes, i’m aware.” she laughs. “but i haven’t painted your new arm yet, and that was from a few days ago but you just look so adorable today. please?”
sevika smiles too. how could she say no to mel when she asks so nicely? “alright, fine.” she agrees.
“good, and take all of your clothes off, too.”
sevika freezes. although mel has seen her naked hundreds of times, she suddenly feels shy.
“don’t worry, it’s just for us.” mel soothes. “lay on the bed and i’ll position you.”
so sevika is left no choice but to follow the orders she was given. she strips herself of her clothes— which is much easier now that she has two arms— and lays down on the bed, looking up at mel with her big, watery eyes. mel walks over and pushes her backward until she’s propped up with just one elbow.
“is this comfortable?” mel asks.
“uh… y-yeah.” sevika responds.
mel pries sevika’s legs open, positioning them apart so that she has a full view of sevika’s dripping cunt from her easel. sevika whimpers, her eyes widening and sparkling as she looks up at mel.
“don’t be shy.” mel teases. “it’s just me.”
“i know, sorry…” sevika says with a sigh, making a mental note to loosen up.
“are you ready for me to start? we’re probably gonna be here all day.”
“yeah. ready.” sevika responds.
“okay, let me know if you need a break.”
mel isn’t too fond of painting from models, but she can feel her opinion changing as she sculpts sevika with the paint. her legs are easy. long and thick, and she gets to mimic the way they’re pressed open.
her torso is next, which is one of her favorite things about sevika. her abs are hard and sturdy, but they get slightly softened out by the rolls of her stomach. then mel moves up to her tits, painting two perfectly pointed brown circles accented with thick, dark nipples.
her neck comes after, and then her arms, and finally her face. mel has memorized every little expression sevika has, so she has a lot to choose from, but she chooses the one that sevika is wearing right now. a goofy, lovestruck smile, adorned with a slight blush sparkling on her cheeks.
her eyes are also fun, they’re so big and sparkly and metallic, mel can’t help but paint stars in them. and of course, her nose, her tooth gap, her piercing, and her hair. they all come together to make up the most perfect face that mel has ever seen.
she moves on to the arms next, painting one with her thick muscles and her warm brown skin, and the other with a shiny gold. her shoulders are slightly slanted, and they have bite marks and hickeys carved into them, which makes mel immensely proud of herself.
and finally, sevika’s glistening cunt. she paints each fold tenderly, a small circle at the top covered slightly by a thin, fleshy hood. she paints the slick in between her thighs that just keeps collecting with her finest white and silver paints.
and of course, her bush, because she wouldn’t dare to forget it. she curls each stroke of her brush until it perfectly mirrors sevika’s thick, dark curls, and then she trails them all the way up her lower stomach.
she finishes the background next, but it’s not much. she doesn’t want anything to take away from sevika’s beauty. but she makes sure to add a few stars surrounding her of various sizes and shades of gold.
sevika has been surprisingly patient throughout the whole thing, mel predicted that she’d be begging for snacks only ten minutes in. but mel finishes quickly and she’s beaming with excitement as soon as she’s done.
“do you wanna see it?” she asks.
“you’re done already?” sevika replies.
“yeah. you’re an easy model.”
“okay, yeah, let me see.” sevika smiles.
mel lifts up the canvas and presents it to sevika, and it’s somehow even more beautiful than the other painting. mel captures her so beautifully, sevika is so honored to be viewed that way. for the first time in her life, she truly feels beautiful. and mel can tell that she feels that way too, through the tears that threaten to spill in her eyes.
and just as sevika is about to tackle mel to the bed too, she notices something in the bottom corner. in a shimmery gold writing, the words “my star. -mel m.” are painted. sevika looks up at mel with a questioning glance and asks, “what’s that?”
“it’s my signature. the title of the painting and my name.”
“‘my star’?” sevika reads off.
“yeah, because that’s what you are. you’re my star, sevika. you’re so beautiful and bright.”
and those words echo in sevika’s mind for the rest of time, especially when sevika pins mel down and rides her face into the pillow a few seconds later. she’s right. she is mel’s star, isn’t she.
#inspired by golden age by ethel cain because i can’t write a fic if it’s not based off of one of her songs 😭#ANYWAYS MELVIKA IS HEREEEEE#sevika#sevika arcane#arcane sevika#mel medarda#mel medarda arcane#mel arcane#melvika#sevika x mel#sevika x mel medarda#arcane#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends
161 notes
·
View notes
Text
pick a pile: shifting advice 🪬
intuitively pick a pile - whichever resonates most or whichever you feel drawn to. don't think on it, just pick the first one that comes to mind. the chosen pile will give you shifting advice that you may need to hear right now. good luck! :) pile 1
kshama - patience, forgiveness
lately you may have been feeling overwhelmed and burdened. maybe you’re carrying a heavy baggage, like doubts, anxieties, even fear. or perhaps, you feel like you have too many responsibilities and work in your current reality, which may be stressing you out and making shifting hard for you at the moment. maybe you’re even finding shifting a challenge at the moment. worry not, for shifting will always be there for you, and no matter what, you will always be guided back to it. shifting is meant for you, it found you for a reason. there is a reason you haven’t give up on it yet. trust, friend. :) the universe will continue to bring you back to shifting, so don’t worry.
now is the right time for you to break free from limitations and negativity. try to recognise your limiting beliefs and repeating patterns via journalling and shadow work. you will be able to overcome self-doubt, fear of failure and attachment to the 3d. free yourself from the patterns that have been holding you back. leave what doesn’t work for you, leave what you no longer resonate with. heal yourself. you may have gone through a period of emotional pain and/or heartbreak. it is now time for you to ease that pain. work on being more emotional stable. whether negative events took place in your current reality that have hurt you, or not shifting yet is causing you pain. just leave it all behind, let go of the past. let go of the pain. do what’s best for you and take time for yourself. do some self-care. do anything that makes you feel better. focus on and prioritise your happiness and wellbeing. try journaling and shadow work like i said, it will help you immensely. once you heal the emotional pain, things will get a lot easier for you. the universe has your back, don’t worry. all will go well for you. push through! don't put shifting on a pedestal and definitely don't be desperate to shift. your time will come. it will happen, there is no need to be obsessed with the idea of shifting. you will do it, but you must rethink your priorities.
pile 2 shakti - power, energy
shifting is aligned with your highest good and you’re highly likely to be successful! you’ve got this! you’re very much on the right path and the universe is there to support you in every step. you must realize that you have the inner strength and power to shift. you are in control of your reality and have the power to manifest whatever it is you desire. take control. stop being on autopilot; grab the steering wheel and lead yourself to wherever it is you desire. you will excel immensely once you realise your power and take control.
keep reminding yourself that you’re powerful and know that you have everything you need, you’re on the right path and all will go well for you. think highly of yourself and your abilities, and quit procrastinating. no time is better than the present. pile 3 nirnaya - determination
you may have been feeling more peaceful, happy, and confident lately. even if you aren’t, try to do things that will bring you peace and happiness. perhaps you’re enjoying time in your current reality? keep staying in this state of peace and happiness, it’ll help you connect to your desired reality with ease. let go of all limiting beliefs, if you feel you still have any.
you already possess all the skills and qualities you need to shift. as a matter of fact, everyone does, regardless of which pile they chose. now would be a great time for you to identify your limiting beliefs and emotions via meditation and journalling. you have the strength to overcome them. be brave, let go of your fear of the unknown. embrace the beauty of the multiverse and of shifting. know that is it your destiny to shift. it is meant for you. don’t let anything demotivate you, just persevere and keep going. have faith in yourself. focus on where you are (your desired reality), not the process. keep a shifting journal to track each time you shift, make a list of what works and doesn't work for you.
#reality shifting#shifting#shifting realities#desired reality#shifting motivation#shifting blog#shifting community#shifting antis dni#shiftblr#shifter#shifting to hogwarts#loassumption#loa tumblr#manifesting#manifestation#law of assumption#reality shifter#anti shifters dni#law of attraction#robotic affirming#tarot#tarot reading#quantum jumping#neville goddard
72 notes
·
View notes
Note
your yandere starscream snippet?? good lord... 🧎♀️🧎♀️as a fellow starscream simp I (and plenty of other followers) are willing to read more if u wanna expand on yandere starscream? (ignore or delete if u dont wanna :3)
[tfp] yandere!starscream x human!reader very incoherent and crack(ish) ramblings because I'm insane about this scrimblo
Imagine it’s four in the morning, and you suddenly wake up to get a drink of water. You lean over to grab the full glass on your nightstand, but you don’t even manage to touch the glass with your fingertips because you notice a pair of scarlet optics staring directly at you in the darkness. Oh, and they’re hovering right above your bed. The best part? This isn’t the first or last time this has happened, because he frequently breaks into your house at night just to look at you.
You’d better hope you sleep through his visit, because if you wake up and Starscream notices, you’ll be bombarded with a monologue about how you don’t pay him enough attention. How dare you bolt the doors against him?! You knew full well he would come to see you. And now, thanks to you, the door is ripped off its hinges, cold air is pouring into your house, and he absolutely detests the cold. So you’d better warm his majesty up—or he’ll shove himself under your blanket. Oh, and it’s only Tuesday, which means you’ve got at least ten more incidents like this to look forward to this week.
Since he enjoys breaking into your house—because it’s nice to have a place where no one takes out their frustrations on you with brute force, and where he’s at least somewhat welcome (or so he convinces himself)—he also loves to snatch a few “souvenirs” for himself. Especially when his obsession reaches its peak and he knows he won’t be able to see you for a while. Usually, it’s your clothes that he takes. They remind him of you when he desperately needs comfort.
He’ll nuzzle and cling to them, imagining he’s doing so with you, using them to stave off complete madness. The only downside of stealing clothes soaked in your scent is that the scent fades far too quickly, especially since Starscream often finds himself in rough patches. So you’ll soon notice your clothes disappearing at an alarming rate. Unfortunately, I’m afraid you’ll never get them back. Starscream will adamantly deny any knowledge of the theft and refuse to return the stolen items. By now, they’ve been so thoroughly abused that they’d never return to their original state of cleanliness anyway.
Without his obsession, Starscream is already demanding attention, but when you add a deranged and unhealthy love into the mix, his need for attention skyrockets. When you’re awake, and Starscream decides to visit you—which happens alarmingly often, especially during his self-imposed exile, he insists you keep your eyes on him at all times.
When you talk to him, you must look at him, listen carefully to what he has to say, and actively participate in the conversation. Otherwise, he becomes unbearable. You can’t walk away or leave him; you’re forced to engage. Any attempt to escape will result in manipulation—and if that doesn’t work, he’ll use force. How dare you use your phone in his presence? He’ll snatch it right out of your hands and force you into a conversation with him. Ignoring him despite his threats and insults? If you’re outside, he’ll pin you in place with his claws, forming a sort of cage, and continue his tirade as if nothing happened. If you’re indoors, he’ll trap you with his body instead.
The problem is that once physical contact occurs, Starscream has no intention of letting go.
He clings to you so desperately it’s almost disgusting. He constantly forces physical contact, whether it’s kissing, stroking, or demanding affection himself, often at the most unexpected times, like that miserable four in the morning. And since he’s nearly impossible to satisfy, these sessions can go on forever.
Hours spent stroking his helm and delivering monologues praising his majesty leave your wrist aching and your throat sore. And the next day? You can look forward to another session of the exact same thing.
He’s intensely possessive and jealous, ready to gouge out the eyes, or optics, of anyone who dares so much as glance at you. You can’t even mention your friends’ names in his presence. He’d be happiest if you stopped interacting with anyone else altogether, shrinking your circle of acquaintances down to just him. You don’t need anyone else, right?
After all, the only thing he needs to be happy is you and you alone.
He’s exhausting, demanding, and unafraid to use force to get what he wants from you, but you’ll never get rid of him, no matter how much you might want to. You can scream at him until your voice gives out, try to fortify your home against his intrusions, but Starscream isn’t going anywhere. He has no intention of giving up the only source of comfort in this vile and unjust world. He’ll fight for you at the cost of his sanity—or even his life.
#be silly#transformers x reader#starscream x reader#obsessed!starscream#yandere!starscream#yandere!transformers
109 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hello, y'all! I just wanted to let you know that creator sign-ups for @fandomtrumpshate in 2025 start on January 20th. If you're not familiar with FTH, let me break it down: in response to our 45th President of the United States being as hateful as he still is, fans came together to auction off their time (fan labor) to do fan works for people who donate to a cause supporting the ending of hate against marginalized people around the world. Each year, thousands of dollars are raised through donations, and as a sweet deal, the winner of each auction gets a fan work of their choosing.
Creators can be of any type and choose which fandoms, characters, and ships they want to create. They get to say what they will and won't create. They usually list a quantity, say a fan fiction of at least 5k words, for their fanwork. Creators can also offer multiple things in multiple fandoms. It's up to them.
If you win the auction, you must provide proof of your donation, and then the creator will make your gift out of gratitude. Reminder: at no point in this process should you refer to this as buying, selling, or commissioning fan works because sites like AO3 will nuke the whole thing if you do that. So don't be that person.
If this sounds like something you would like to participate in, I encourage you to reblog the posts from the FTH blog with more details about the auctions and encourage fan creators to participate. However, don't be an ass and harass them to do so. All of this is done by volunteers for a good cause. Please, don't forget that.
Anyway, I'm still crying about us raising $10k in just a few days for @alliwantforchristmasislou, and I hope you'll take this opportunity to help others around the world, too.
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Book 7 thoughts(spoilers ofc👀)
God i finally caught up with this book i have been putting it off because lilia is one of my favorite characters I couldn’t handle seeing the implication that he’s going to die and the diasomnia family's reaction to it
But i finally recovered and steeled myself to be able to continue this chapter
God poor silver he definitely was going through it this whole book please give this man a break.
I teared up (and even cried) at all the moments he was crying on🥹 PLS NO MORE I HAVE NO MORE TEARS TO GIVE
gotta say i enjoyed knowing more about silver and sebek and how they get to know each other and how their relationship is like
They feel like such opposite but have a little of similarities? If this makes sense lol
I loved sebek's confrontation to silver when silver discovered the truth! It shows how much he cared. And honestly it was kinda funny silver crying and saying that lilia must have hated him and then sebek just goes
“…
…
BAKA MONOOOOOOOOOOO”
I was so emotional and then when sebek screamed it cracked me up LMAOO😭😭 never change sebek lol
Also someone said this and it always makes me cry that what set off malleus to overblot is when silver cried on front of him. That’s when he thought to let everyone sleep and make them dream of their ideal life. Just how much everyone in this dorm cares about each other💔💔 it hurts sm aghh
Gotta say tho diasomnia fans winning we get to know SO MUCH about them. I especially enjoyed getting all these chapters about lilia's past I’m so glad we get to see the things he went through!! The fact that he was involved in everyone's (from diasomnia) childhood and how he grew and changed his mindset on certain things🥺 i want to hug him he didn’t deserve all the hardships��😔
I cried sm here holy shi-
I can’t. Way to break my heart💔💔
It’s so intense that this is the moment he was the most happiest after everything holy hell🫠 (don’t get me started that he gave him some of his magic AND lifespan to hatch and how malleus got pissed when he knew about it AGHH)
That reminded me when lilia screamed malleus’s name right before he overbloted. That gave me the chills god I can’t get over it. It’s the fact that he couldn’t do anything about it..💔
I’m so excited for the next part and what they’re cooking up. Seeing lilia, malleus and baby silver intreaction were so precious🥹🥹 the fact that the accessory we see in lilia's room in the beginning was amade by silver when he was young??? And how much lilia treasured it?? JDJSJJSJDSJKSDJJDSJ
Even though i cried multiple times i still enjoyed these parts of the book a lot and it showed me that there is still hope that things will get better. Looking forward for the next part(which will release this month) to see ignihyde's involvement on this book? Maybe?
Things I screenshoted
ACE AND DEUCE BEING SO CONSIDERATE AND CARING FOR YUU AGAHAHHAH I CANNOT☹️☹️ EVERY DAY MY LOVE FOR HEARTSLABYUL GROWS STRONGER
💔💔💔🥺
God please stop hurting me🥺🥺
The voice actor did a good job here i still can’t get his scream out of my mind omg
Maleanor casually makes me cry on her first appearance. Thanks queen🫠
Do i even need to talk🥺🥺🥺
Silver deserves all the hugs🫂🫂 babyy i feel so bad for him🥹
And that’s it!
I am sure I probably have more to say but forgot lol
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland book 7#noram talks about twst🦋#lilia vanrouge#malleus draconia#twisted wonderland silver#sebek zigvolt#diasomnia
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Paddington keyring at the ready off to see Mr Whish on stage in the big city!!!
#piffle#yes the main reason i am going to london this weekend is for a friends' joint birthday do#yes i managed to nab a matinee ticket for godot because when else might i get to see the man himself#october marks officially two months of unemployment and being back at home and i have very mixed reviews#sure i finally have time to myself but that does also mean more time to dwell™️#and i'm a little worried seeing a lot of unemployed and settled friends is going to set my silly brain off#but alas#i must be reminded that this break will do good#any suggestions of what career i should pursue tho is much appreciated
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I overshare online because I need constant validation that every thought and action of mine is Good and Okay and Normal. Surely this is a healthy coping mechanism
#something I'm trying to work through#comes from a hard mixture of autism (not knowing if what im doing is Normal behavior)#OCD (guilt loops that last for days weeks months on end)#ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)#being raised christian (always being reminded that bad thoughts and actions will send you to hell)#and trauma from being heavily monitored as a teenager (very used to having every thought & action over-analyzed)#i have a constant craving for validation because of all of those things#which leads me to being a very self-absorbed person#i feel like if people aren't consistently telling me that im a good person then i must be horrible#im putting my emotional work onto others when i do that#making it THEIR responsibility to make me love myself#it's not healthy for you or anyone around you#you can't truly improve yourself if you're always relying on other people to verify whether or not you're okay#especially since everyone has different opinions & biases#if you never learn how to validate yourself you become completely reliant on others#and if you lose that outside validation everything will fall apart#even though i know these things i still haven't broken out of the habit#but that's another thing you have to give yourself grace for#you can't expect yourself to instantly adhere to new expectations#so you're gonna be hypocritical at times#you can't hate youself for that either it takes time to break habits#you need to find the line between self criticism and self hatred#love yourself Or Else. literally.#.bdo
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
Your art bring so much joy and pterodactyl screeching. Thanks so much for being great. For funsies, what do you think a good day or vacation for Charles be? :)
thank you so much !!!!! i'm happy to be able to share my doodles and rambles with everyone and to get such a warm reception (❁´◡`❁)
but a good day for charles !!!!!! in my Humblest of opinions, a 'good day' is probably any day he can just. be with the x-men as a family. any day they dont have to worry about any kind of threats or have to do any x-men training or any of that: just a day they can really behave like a typical family and relax together
bonus points if erik can be a part of this perfect day/vacation without incident. i mean, his happiest moments were with him, weren't they..
#charles xavier#snap chats#i think a lot about charles and his feelings of loneliness/isolation and want for love/family and it makes me want to throw up#please . .. just one day where he gets to be with his kids and it doesnt turn into a soap opera#have a picnic in the park. take them to the library. play some wii sports and accidentally break the tv i dont KNOW#just a domestic day for charles ... thatd be good ....#god wait that reminds me of a goofy 92 christmas comic i wanted to do. is it too early for christmas art.#no matter im too busy rn anyhow VACATION WISE THO hmm...... thats something to ponder......#god i have to drive. and do work late tonight how am i supposed to do allat when im thinking of charles xavier#oh to be able to talk about charles xavier all night ... alas .... tasks must be done ....#i will be given another chance another day but for now good night team !!!!!!!! thank you for the ask and excuse to talk about charles <3
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time a choices book talks about how a premium outfit will "hug your curves", I think PB should pay me $1000
#as a GNC woman who is not hourglass shaped and does not aspire to be hourglass shaped#it.#fills.#me.#with.#so.#much.#RAGE.#everytime they do this.#gotta always be reminding us how **feminine** and **curvy** and **sexy** and **womanly** our fMCs body is#even if some of us wanna imagine it differently#yknow... “must be sexy because woman”#I mean good for you if you like it#but I personally find it really immersion breaking#look if you're going to default us to the same f!MC body type every damn time#at least have the writing be a little more body type neutral#Witness: a bodyguard romance#Ms. Match#the billionaire's baby#choices surrender#choices roommates with benefits#roommates with benefits#choices the billionare's baby#choices ms. match#choices witness#choices tbb#tbb#choices mm#choices stories you play#choices
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
quick wip
no i’m totally not obsessed with this man he’s totally not living in my mind rent free
also originally i had this like handheld card-style vertical orientation for this drawing but,, i might actually like what i have right now
(feel free to look in the tags to see me rant about david btw)
#wips#i’m reading every single theory on here btw. y’all. why are y’all so good at doing interpretations like those it’s insane#should i also bring up the fact that uhh#since the motives weren’t disclosed until after arei’s death#the first time david actually heard his motive was during the confrontation with arei?#i feel like his given motive contributed to him like. breaking#because it probably feeds into his inner spiral of self hatred and confirms his inner doubts#as well as. literally reminding him of the parts he hates the most about himself#so hearing accusations of manipulation from AREI of all people? who he literally just tried to help?? god that must hurt for him#don’t even mention the SHOCK value of hearing that out of nowhere for the first time. god#david chiem#danganronpa despair time#drdt#fanganronpa
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
when I was 19 in 2019 I got these Vibes about 2023, it wouldn't be good or bad it would just be a Significant year
2020 was so bad that 2021 could only be better, it started good and then I got paranoid that 2022 was gonna be bad in comparison, so I mentally prepared myself for 2022 months in advance
then by the summer 2021 suddenly became worse than all of 2020 combined, but it improved by about september
bc of the mentally preparing myself months before, 2022 was amazing, but bc it started so good I got the feeling that it wouldn't end well
the last 4 months were pretty bad, and then came 2023
I got many different vibes for it over the past 4 years, but one of the main things was that there'd been a pattern going since 2015
2015: extremely good
2016: extremely bad
2017: average
2018: pretty decent
2019: extremely good
2020: extremely bad
2021: average
2022: pretty decent
so 2023 was expected to be really good? but also it had to get up from 2022's bad ending so the goodness was gradual
my brain is prepared for a good last 4 months to compare to 2022's bad last 4 months
but also following the pattern, 2024 should be extremely bad, and once I've got the thought in my head that a year will be bad, there's no going back. which would explain the extremely bad year following an extremely good year
2015 and 2019 were unreal, which meant 2016 and 2020 would've looked bad in comparison no matter what, so they just completely gave up and decided to be awful
but anyway it's 'getting paranoid about next year' season, also I can never escape the patterns of time etc etc
#in 5 days it's the 10th anniversary of the beginning of my memory and dates obsession. which is fun#oh time thoughts why must you run my life#why must you keep constant surveillance on my thoughts and if i think the wrong thing then something disastrous will happen#fun fun times 👍#also like *19yo thoughts voice* ''something very bad will happen in 2020''#*19yo thoughts voice* ''2023 will be a significant year'' and then me paranoidly thinking what could be That significant that i'm getting#info about it now? oh my god someone's gonna die#and then by 2023 someone died#bc i reblogged that post saying 'reblog to get good news in late march'#which meant i left the thoughts unsupervised by late march bc i thought i was protected by that post#then my friend and his toxic girlfriend had a massive fight and i was like 'oh my god they're gonna break up this must be the good news'#then they stayed together and my sister's friend died instead#as if the time patterns were reminding me never to let my thoughts relax like that again#i need to always remember every memory and make sure i don't accidentally control the future again#i know realistically i don't control the future and i didn't cause my sister's friend to die and i didn't cause the pandemic#and i know my brain is very irrational#but still#this happens way too much and idk i just don't want something really bad to happen in 2024#hopefully it'll do a weird swapover like with 2017/18#bc before that odd number years were good and even number years were bad starting in 2014#or like odd number years would start bad but end good and the even number years would be the other way round#but 2017 stayed neutral throughout and then 2018 started bad ended good#then until 2021 the pattern was swapped#2021 was weird bc it started and ended good but was horrendous in the middle#no other year has ever done that#so yeah 2024 could do something weird and swap with another year idk#but i'll have to see#ramble
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
When I think of the ways people have hurt me - the ways people have gone out of their way to hurt me, the ways people have changed themselves to become hurtful to me, the ways people know my hurt and hurt me right there - I can only see now, how I will not hurt back the same.
#every time i have to face a situation where i am dealt something that could not even exist a moment in my head as a thought im reminded#in fact it matters to me very much how anyone hurt me on purpose. and it always will. and what matters most to me and i wish would matter#more to others is that you can justify anything. stop justifying ways to hurt people on purpose. dont give it back. dont make it or let it#happen. do that and become that and i could only trust you completely. prove that to me in honest to your soul and i could only love you#in response and forever.#its just. you meet people who are hurting and who demand you hurt as well with them through some justification. you only ever break this#cycle by not justifying that someone should hurt with you actually. and personally im very very effected by years and years and#years of that that dawn on me now only in this good holiday season not one year removed from when i started this big personal journey#both by my own concious choices and others but chiefly here by others. ive long since forgiven myself for that choice but now its just#fool me once again. i have no tolerance for it in anyone. i feel myself boiling over when i see these things happen let alone trying to#creep up in front of me. i only feel that boiling stop once once these things stop or these people stop or i am alone or make myself alone#your results my vary but ive personally had the most disgusting intimate year with myself my soul my brain body and psyche this year as#a result so far. still held on steely to my hobbies and my passions and my love for everything i do still as sweet as ever and still#the same person so many many different things and people tried to bring down and destroy. so from the bottom of my heart if you have put#yourself in my way this year i feel sorry for you and your loss. to the hall brothers & your lame ilk. your will break yourself some day.#my brothers my sisters my cousins my aunts my uncles i hope you never live this year down for what i saw of you and every year before.#and from the bottom of my heart if you have put yourself beside me this year you must already know that terrible tired sadness.#my good friends and my true family that have me i hope i never let you down and i hope we only prove ourselves better still.#anyways. know your worth trans women. know your worth and refine yourself always. nothing else matters first and foremost.
0 notes
Text
The other day I told a friend of mine that I never forget to take my ADHD meds because I fucking love my ADHD meds. I'm in my late 30s, I didn't finally get a diagnosis and meds until less than two years ago, and they have changed my entire life.
And he raised his eyebrow at me. We'd been discussing addictive medications a few minutes before, like the Tramadol I finally got from the pain specialist to take once a week or so to give me a break from my chronic pain, so I reassured him that methylpenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) is not addictive (at least not in people with ADHD).
His response? To raise his eyebrow even harder and say "Well it sure SOUNDS like it's addictive!"
And I had to explain to this man - who works in a healthcare related job by the way - that just because medication makes you feel good and helps you, just because you look forward to taking it, that doesn't make it addictive or dangerous. And he wasn't convinced.
The simple fact that I was excited to take a daily pill that has literally changed my life, after decades of fighting to get that medication, made him think I shouldn't be taking it so often. That it must inherently be dangerous.
I'm not even in America, but I'm pretty sure this attitude began there and then spread over here to Europe. This Puritan idea of "if something feels good, you must beware of it. Pleasure is dangerous, it is sinful, it is addiction, it is evil."
I know too many people who subconsciously believe that pleasure = addictive = dangerous = bad. Joy is a slippery slope to hell.
So here is your reminder for today that you don't need to be afraid of feeling good. If something improves your life, use it. Even if it is addictive - learn what that addiction means, whether the addiction is inherently dangerous or not, and whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and risks.
My ADHD meds are, in fact, not addictive. But I will take them every day because they make my life orders of magnitude easier. I will enjoy them every time I take them.
My tramadol is addictive. I will still take it. I will keep it on a schedule to avoid becoming addicted, primarily because addiction in this case would mean reduced effectiveness. But I am not afraid of my painkillers. They are life changing.
Take your meds, everyone. Don't let anyone scare you away from doing something that improves your life.
#adhd#medication#ritalin#concerta#methylphenidate#addiction#puritan values#neurodivergence#actually adhd#take your meds
39K notes
·
View notes
Text
JJK Men with a GF with a Fat Ass (NSFW-ISH)
���I’m taking a small break from drawing and I missed doing HCs. Shaddap.
Ft. Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Choso
Black ! Fem Reader in Mind
CW: Twt Links!, mentions of sex, men are a bit OOC
Gojo
Gojo definitely does this to you anytime you lay on his lap. And if he finds out you’re not wearing any panties under it…welp..all plans are now cancelled
He’s a pervert and it’s your fault.
He’s never really seen women of your stature often so when you both were younger he was so BLUNT with his thoughts about your body.
“You have a very voluptuous—“
“Imma stop you right there….VO-WHO?”
“You don’t know what the word vo—-“
“No, I know. I’m confused as to why you are using that word when talking about my ass.”
Gojo is 6’6-7” , he’s a big nigga, but can he handle a big behind?
No.
No he cannot.
He constantly uses his blindfolded eyes to shamelessly watch the way your walk across the room in public. His poker face is actually impressive, but if you couldn’t see how tight his fist were in his pockets it’d prove otherwise.
He’s so got damn childish he does this shit sometimes because he thinks your ass is perfect for playing on
“CAN YOU STOP.”
“Whhhyyyyuuuhhhhhh.”
When you wear moomoo’s or a big shirt it is his favorite
Yup.
Moomoo.
Your ass is free to move and shake to its desire and he just watches in awe. He loves you bad.
Another thing he loves doing is napping on your butt, he doesn’t sleep often, unfortunately, but he can attest that the best nap he has ever taken was in between your plush thighs and ass.
He blames his pretty little girlfriend as to why he is now an ass man when he initially was a boob guy.
Geto
He takes these kinda pictures with you which sometimes leads to him pulling down your underpants and massaging it with his bare hands to then licking or kissing it to then…eating…you…out…while you’re standing.
He loves watching you put on clothes.
Having to shake, jump, and wiggle yourself into some pants is actually so sexy to him.
If your butt is anything like mine and is HEAVY. He LOVES it even more , watching the way the movement in your butt and thighs to match is something Geto finds so so mesmerizing.
One thing about Geto he’s very sneaky, he’ll come up behind you to help pull up your bottoms you clearly need no help putting on, and everytime he does you can feel a slight pressure on your ass that is a verrrryyy familiar feel to a bulge.
He can’t help it, your ass is so pretty.
Sitting on his lap is a must, whether he is talking with someone in public or doing some work he needs to feel your weight on him.
The first time you sat on his lap you swore you heard a groan. When you turned to ask him if he was okay, his cheeks were very pink.
He denies it to this day, but even if he did it’s your fault because why does your ass feel so good against his pelvis?
Showers with Geto are so insufferable in the best way because once you finish cleaning yourself your long haired boyfriend can’t wait to practically grind and hump against you into the cool shower wall.
He definitely loves hugging you from behind, swaying you back and forth. To others it’s a cute gesture seeing such a big man hold you so close, practically dwarfing you , only you and him know the real intention behind it was just him whispering how good you look in that dress and how badly he wants you.
Geto is such a sensual person next to nanami. Even after sex and you’re laying with him in a bliss he finds his way to continue his love by kissing and licking you down and praises of how beautiful and sexy you are even after such activities. He calls it “Cleaning you up”…little perv.
“‘Was wrong?… Embarrassed?”
“YES.”
“Good, now c’mere.”
Toji
Ass eater.🫵🏾
That’s an ass eater he eat ass🫵🏾.
Toji “Ass Eater” Fushiguro
You thought gojo was shameless? Toji is WORSE
As an ass connoisseur he prides himself on always reminding you how fine you are to him.
“You like my dress?”
“Hell yes, mama. Turn around for me.”
SWAT to the ass just to see it recoil
He definitely slaps and GRABS. It’s kinda hot though because he’ll do it anytime anywhere
For example you went with him to some horse racing game for him to make bets and got hungry so you headed to grab a few drinks and snacks. Before walking past him, his legs were spread, tooth pick in his mouth and just like clock work you feel a firm hit to your Jean covered behind.
“OOWWUH!”
“Sssh, Baby im watchin the game….what? Your ass was all in my face what else could I do?”
Whether you are a chunky girl or a skinny girl with a larger butt he don’t care he quite actually is your biggest fan.
Toji is your new seat btw.
Not just his pretty face but his lap too.
He’s a big strong man so don’t EVER think or assume you’re too heavy for him. It ACTUALLY wounds his ego more than you think.
Of course Toji being the ass eater he is almost every other night is spent just like this or sitting on his face. He never seen himself as a pleasure dom kinda guy. With his one night stands he only had sex for himself, but with you of course being the first woman he finally got to love after MamaGuro he takes his time with you. It’s a slutty sight but he knows it’s exactly what can get you off before him
Nanami
This man here.
A KING.
Freaky king but a king none the less.
He loves every part of you.
Which is what he does say and prove everytime you both are together but he does have a small little quirk about him that you aren’t sure whether or not to point it out in fear he may stop out of embarrassment or awareness.
Most men guide their woman by putting their hand on their lower back
Nanami however does this
ESPECIALLY on date night.
Just like Geto he loves to watch you dress, but also dresses you himself
“Wear this, yes? It compliments your skin beautifully.”
“You sure it’s not, because it’s a bit tighter below the waist?”
And now hes blushing.
He’ll admit. Whenever you come and visit him during lunch to feed him a home cooked meal he hates to see you go but LOVES to watch you leave.
Especially with that sundress you wear during the spring.
Nanami definitely is another man that will practically BEG for you to sit on his face.
“It’s okay, baby, honest. Use my face.”
“Kentoooo—!??”
One of his favorite ways to eat you out is like this. It was actually so embarrassing for you at first only because of his SLUTTY MOANS. Which was something you wouldn’t expect from a man like him, but you wasn’t complaining!He whined and whimpered so shamelessly inside you, you couldn’t even make eyes contact after cumming on his tongue.
Choso
Lord bless him.
He is very….confused to say the least.
He never understood the attraction of women’s parts.
Of course he found YOU attractive, but that was all over until he seen your shape.
“Oh.”
“…oh?”
“You—“
You usually wore baggy clothing like him. You decided to change really quickly at his new apartment and he was watching you.
Who knew you had a BODY LIKE THAT under all of those clothes!
“You’re sex—cute…”
Choso isn’t necessarily a shy man, but more hesitant when it comes to touching and complimenting you…
You’ve told him time and time again he is free to touch you when he wants but you sometimes have to guide him.
Usually when he wants to grab your ass he walks DANGEROUSLY close behind you.
So a few times you take his hand and place it on your cheek. For a moment he just rubs his hand across the soft skin and then SQUEEZE.
Choso loves to kneed and rub on your ass while he licks you so usually it’s 69 or you laid to your side.
Another things he actually loves seeing you in are sweats with a small top. Your lower body being heavier than the top is so attractive and you look so squeezable he can’t help but to hug you from behind
Please. Please PUH LEASE wear thigh high socks around him the ones that go RIGHT UNDER the cup of your ass and shake it JUST A LIL in front of him.
Moans at the sight everytime
No like literally MOANS by just looking at your ass jiggle.
He doesn’t think he’s a pervert but from how he grinds and hump against your ass while you sleep says otherwise.
If yall are wondering why I didn’t really speak on backshots it js because ALL OF THEM GO FERAL DOING IT.
#black reader#gojo#gojo satoru#jjk#jjk gojo#jujutsu gojo#jjk headcanons#gojo saturo#geto#gojo x reader#jjk smut#gojo x black reader#jjk x black reader#jjk toji#gojo x y/n#toji#nanami headcanons#nanami smut#choso headcanons#Choso smut#jjk x black y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu geto#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk x chubby reader#gojo smut#toji smut#geto smut#toji fushiguro#gojo x you
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
The Rats Pt. 2
Aegon Targaryen ii x Velaryon(Strong)!Reader
Summary: Aegon attempts to make peace with Rhaenyra after being forced to usurp her throne. Lucerys’ death complicates things.
18+ ONLY, MDNI
Part 1
“Princess Y/N of house Velaryon.” The guard announces.
Rhaenyra’s heart skips a beat, surely he is mistaken.
“Mother,” Y/N says, racing toward her. “Your grace,” she corrects herself.
Rhaenyra wraps her eldest child in her arms. “Mother will do just fine.”
Y/N buries her face in Rhaenyra’s shoulder.
“How did you get here?” Aegon would never let her go of his own free will.
“Daemon,” Y/N breathes. Knowing that her stepfather will owe her for the half truth.
“Where are the children?”
“In King’s Landing.” Y/N tells her, “to keep Aegon’s wits about him in my absence. He wants to come to an agreement, he’s more than willing to bend the knee. I only ask that he and Helaena be spared…as for Aemond Targaryen, he is a murderer.” Y/N’s voice breaks, “we will avenge the murder of my brother.”
Rhaenyra’s strokes a hand over her hair, feeling the dark waves that remind her of Lucerys. “Aegon and Helaena will receive full pardons based on your testimony. Rest assured I appreciate what you have done on my behalf.”
“Thank you.” Y/N pulls back marginally, realizing her mother’s pregnant belly should be between them. “Where is the babe?”
Rhaenyra shakes her head.
Y/N covers her mouth with her hand, “I am terribly sorry.”
“It is no fault of yours, darling girl.”
“I should have been here with you.”
“When I offered your hand in marriage, I had no idea Aegon was capable of love. It has complicated all of this.”
Y/N nods, “speaking of my husband. I should send word that I am well, lest he take out his frustration on Dragonstone.”
Rhaenyra taps her chin, affectionately. “I will fetch a scroll.”
————————————————————————-
Aegon’s youngest son is the only one of his children to share Y/N’s dark locks. His wife insisted they name him Aegon. After my dearest love. She said.
Aegon agreed of course as he can deny her nothing. The child wails nonstop, in the absence of his mother. At all of four months old, Aegon is the only one who can quiet him besides Y/N. As such, the King is now attending the small council meeting with a babe in his arms.
Their daughter, Dahlia, the eldest of the twins will sit the iron throne one day, through his line of succession and Rhaenyra’s. At all of six, she is sitting at the table. His other children Visera and Laenor have not been properly protected under the guard, they too must stay in his sightline.
“Gods be good.” Alicent frowns at her son.
“What is it?” Aegon huffs, arching a brow at her.
“The small council is no place for children, your grace.” Alicent explains. “They would be better tended by their maids.”
Aegon nods, “right. As you all know, two nights ago, the Princess Helaena was attacked in the children’s chambers. Our heirs were threatened and Queen Y/N was taken from us. During which time, not a single guard could be found on the entirety of the royal floor! Because you were-”
Aegon looks to his children in turn, “cover your ears my darlings.” He smiles, waiting until they have done as they’re told, holding his own hand over his infant’s ear. “Where were we, mother? Oh, that’s right, no one was guarding my children because you were fucking the royal guard.”
The council members lower their heads in acknowledgement.
“The men who carried out this attack, entered under the guise of rat catching. I want them found and swiftly executed.” Aegon demands, patting his sleeping son’s leg.
“We have been interrogating rat catchers for days, thus far we have no leads.” Otto explains.
A slow smile spreads over the King’s face. “Then hang them all.”
Alicent blanches.
“Anything else?” Aegon asks, watching Visera begin toying with Otto’s chair.
“A letter arrived from Dragonstone, your grace.” Lord Tyland informs him.
“Oh?” Aegon says, “from Rhaenyra?”
“From Queen Y/N.”
Aegon swallows, “did you read it?”
“No, my King.”
“Good,” Aegon reaches for the rolled parchment.
‘My dearest Aegon,
Please know that I am well. We would like to begin negotiations to end the blockade and create a peaceful transfer of power. This will require your cooperation, I hope you will meet me at Dragonstone to discuss this matter farther.
Forever yours,
Y/N’
Aegon exhales, sharply.
“What is it, your grace?”
“The children and I are off to Dragonstone.”
“Whatever for?”
“To negotiate the terms of Y/N’s return.”
“My King…”
“And if you cannot agree on said terms?” Alicent asks.
Aegon frowns, lifting a shoulder. “To war then.”
“He is unhinged,” Otto whispers to his daughter.
“As I warned he would be.” Alicent rises from her seat. “He is quite…devoted to her.”
————————————————————————
“It has been three days since you sent word to King’s Landing. We must assume Aegon’s silence is his response.” Daemon seethes, around the drawing table.
“Give it time.” Y/N insists, “you owe me that.”
Daemon smirks, “I owe you nothing, spoiled thing.”
“Mmm,” Y/N hums. “My mother does not yet know how I came to be here.”
“And you are not going to tell her. Otherwise, my distaste for your usurping cunt of a husband will be demonstrated at length.”
Sunfyre roars, calling their attention to the nearest window.
Daemon huffs, “I’ll be damned.”
“And he’s brought the children.” Y/N rejoices, running out to join her family.
Jacaerys is already helping to unload her children from the makeshift carriage on the dragon’s saddle.
“Mother!” Dahlia and Visera charge Y/N nearly knocking her backwards.
Laenor runs after them with his little legs as Aegon the fourth, stares at her, babbling in his father’s arms.
Y/N is moved to tears, “you came.”
“You didn’t think I would?” Aegon cocks his head to the side.
“It’s a rather large ask,” Y/N explains.
“For you, the world.” He replies, with a kiss to her temple. “Now, where is Rhaenyra? We have much to discuss.”
“Her grace will join us soon.”
Aegon nods, “I request a small audience, before the council.”
“That can be arranged.”
“After which your brother might tend the children whilst you show me your quarters.” Aegon whispers.
Y/N smirks, “of course.”
Part 3
Taglist: @minttea07 @callsignwidow @fallout-girl219 @syraxnyra @vickynephilim @jeondeluxe111 @geeksareunique @arya-brooke @7minutes-tomidnight
#house of the dragon#hotd smut#aegon targaryen x you#aegon targaryen x reader#aegon targaryen#hotd aegon#aegon smut#aegon fanfic
3K notes
·
View notes