#every time i have to face a situation where i am dealt something that could not even exist a moment in my head as a thought im reminded

[nameless-jamie]

Binged the PA reader x Jamie tartt and wondering how she dealt with him in the episode where Roy attached strings to each of them

Strings

Masterlist

Jamie Tartt x fem! PA reader

A/N: I love this idea! Let's see, I hope I did your vision justice.

TW: vulgar language

AFC Richmond’s training sessions had always been weird, but this? This was a new level.

Jamie stood in the middle of the pitch, hands on his hips, watching his teammates squirm uncomfortably. Every single one of them—him included—had a string tied around their, well, bits.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Y/N stood a few meters away from the team beside Ted and Roy, arms crossed, staring at the absolute disaster unfolding before her.

That was the curse of being Jamie Tartt’s personal assistant. Sure, most of the job involved handling his schedule, making sure he showed up to meetings, and ensuring his expensive, ridiculous skincare routine didn’t run out of products he insisted were life-changing. But it also meant this. Standing on the pitch, watching him do unbelievably stupid things, and making sure he lived to see another day.

“Now, I know this looks a little unusual,” Ted was saying, “but in Japanese culture, they have a myth that all soulmates are connected by an invisible red string. And those strings are attached to each of their little fingers.”

Jamie looked confused and asked. "Ok, but why is it tied around our dicks then?"

"Yeah, well, you know, that was Roy's idea actually..." Ted grinned pointing at the latter, who looked rather pleased with himself.

Y/N, standing at Roy's side, tried very, very hard not to laugh.

And Jamie, of course, had the biggest smirk on his face.

“Gotta say, coach, this is a new one,” he said, grinning. “What’s next? Gonna tie us all together by our nipples?”

“I mean, that’s an idea,” Ted mused. “But I’d rather not give HR another reason to call me in for a chat.”

“You know, when I signed up for this job, I had a lot of expectations,” Y/N mused, arms crossed as she watched AFC Richmond’s finest prepare for what could only be described as The Dumbest Drill of All Time. “None of them involved making sure my boss didn’t snap his dick in half.” She said rather towards Jamie's general direction than to Ted.

Jamie shot her a grin. “Babe, if my dick’s ever gonna break, I’d at least want it to be in a more entertaining situation.”

She rolled her eyes, biting back a smile. “You wish I’d dignify that with a response.”

“Oh, I do.” He smirked.

Y/N shook her head, biting back a smile as she made a mental note of the flirting. “You know Ted, I'll add ‘involuntary group castration’ to the list of things I never thought I’d witness at work.”

The American just chuckled at that and explained the purpose of the drill further. Something about how constant movement requires constant concentration...

Jamie turned to her again, tilting his head. “Babe, don’t pretend you ain’t enjoyin’ this.”

“Oh, I am,” she admitted. “Mostly because I get to watch you suffer.”

He gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest. “You’re evil. Thought you were supposed to take care of me?”

“Yeah, well, I draw the line at testicular rehabilitation.”

Ted clapped his hands. “Alright, fellas! The goal is simple—move together as a unit and most importantly, do not break the strings.”

“You break it,” Roy growled, “you suffer.”

The team collectively winced.

Jamie, however, just shot Y/N a wink. “Bet you’d be well devastated if somethin’ happened to my—”

“If you finish that sentence, I won't ever re-order the discontinued brand of hair gel you use, you know that you won't find it anywhere without me.”

Jamie barked out a laugh, but before he could push his luck further, the drill began.

It went badly immediately. As expected.

The moment they took their first synchronized step, Colin tripped over his own feet, yanking poor Sam in the process, which led to a horrifying chain reaction of agony.

“FUCK.”

“OH MY GOD.”

“I CAN’T FEEL MY BALLS.”

Then one team was suddenly attacking and pushing forward. Jeff, the defender whose bits are tied to Jamie's...well bits, started to abruptly run in the opposite direction with the ball.

"Jeff, wait. No No NO, NOOO Jeff. AAAAHHHH."

SNAP.

A sudden ripping sound was heard then Jamie Tartt screamed in agony. Even Y/N and Roy flinched at that.

Bumbercatch picked up the loose string that once was tied around Jamie from the ground in utter shock and winced.

Jamie nearly keeled over, grabbing Dani for support.

A chorus of pained groans rang out across the pitch. Players clutched their private parts in sympathy for their teammate, while Dani only whispered, “Football is life… but sometimes, football is pain…”

Y/N, still watching this spectacle, took a slow, deep breath—

And then lost it.

Laughter exploded out of her, completely uncontrollable. "Oh my god—Jamie—" she gasped, actually bending over as tears welled in her eyes. "That was tragic—"

Jamie, still hunched over in agony, shot her the most betrayed look she’d ever seen. "Oi, you're not supposed to laugh at the person who writes your paychecks!"

"I can't help it!" she wheezed, barely able to get the words out. "This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I've seen 'Hangover' about 200 times."

Ted, ever the optimist, walked towards Jamie and clapped him on the back. "Hang in there, sport. You’ll be fine, good story to tell your kids someday."

Jamie groaned dramatically, still not straightening up. "Dunno, coach, feels like I just lost all hope for future generations."

With that, Jamie pulled the hamstring on his pants to take a look at 'little Jamie'. He nodded toward Dani beside him, to confirm everything was intact.

"It’s okay, his penis is okay!” Dani declared cheerfully as if Jamie hadn’t just seen his entire life flash before his eyes.

Jamie glared at him, breathing heavily. “Dani, I swear on me life—”

Roy, completely unimpressed, scowled at him. "Get your head out of your ass, you’re fine, Tartt."

"Am I?!" Jamie cried. "Am I, Roy?!"

Roy didn’t dignify that with a response just shook his head with a pleased smile. One man's agony is another man's joy or whatever...

Y/N just sighed now, stepping forward and—against her better judgment—placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “C’mon, drama queen, let’s get you some ice before you pass out from the tragedy of it all.”

Jamie, still crouched slightly, turned his big, pitiful puppy-dog eyes on her. “Now you’ll take care of me, yeah?”

She rolled her eyes, but her hand did move to the back of his neck, squeezing lightly. “It is in my job description to keep you in one piece.”

Jamie grinned, even through the pain. “Knew you loved me.”

She shoved him toward the medical bench.

“Shut up and sit down before I let you suffer.”

[alphalesbian]

When I think of the ways people have hurt me - the ways people have gone out of their way to hurt me, the ways people have changed themselves to become hurtful to me, the ways people know my hurt and hurt me right there - I can only see now, how I will not hurt back the same.

[sscieloz]

Mystery of Love

Hirai Momo x Member!reader

Synopsis: the group’s comeback is approaching. There’s a full day of shootings waiting ahead of you. You should rest, but you can’t sleep.

Warnings: hurt/comfort. reader talks about her feelings.

Word count: 2.5k

Notes: I AM STILL HERE ! not my best, but still ^^

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4 | Pt.5 | Pt.6

—

Sometimes your thoughts were so loud inside your head you were sure everyone could hear them too. 

They were constant reminders of how everything was wrong in your life. The way you dealt with your loved ones, your daily routine, the way your brain worked, the words you chose to use in a conversation… everything was just deeply wrong. It was a constant reminder of how much you managed to mess up by just existing.

You could feel the familiar feeling starting to cripple your skin, followed by a million needles poking you at the same time. Yet, you knew that no matter how much you scrubbed, scratched, and hurt yourself, such feelings would never disappear. 

Said knowledge doesn’t keep you from running your nails all over your arms and abdomen, of course. At least the burning sensation was a vivid reminder that you was still hanging on. You were still alive; in Seoul, at the dorms, existing. You were not a ghost, and there was still hope. 

Like a mantra, you whispered the words in the dark, running your hands through your face to calm yourself down. The pressure worked, but that uneasy feeling still lingered, guilt-tripping your guts.

It’s been nearly six months since the episode, shouldn’t you feel any better already? You’ve been following your diet religiously, attending therapy twice a week, and working on reaching out whenever you felt one of your crises coming up— yet it seemed like it was all in vain. Despite all of your efforts, you still felt so wrong. 

How scary is it, to know that the anxiety was carved deep in your bones as part of who you were? 

Terrifying, indeed. 

You’ve done a great job convincing the girls of your progress, reassuring them there was no need to push their first comeback of the year. You told them it was fine to attend photoshoots, rehearsals, mv shootings, and go through promotions without fuss. 

Which was the truth, in a way. The staff were always kind and understanding to you, kind as they encouraged you to take short breaks after every hour or so. You felt seen, along with the strength and protection your unnies provided.

However, going to any pre-recorded events was still something scary. Especially one as important as Music Bank, where Onces would be ogling you with such attentive eyes. Not judging, naturally, but staring with their eyes full of hope… you couldn’t disappoint them, either. Not your fans, who loved you unconditionally, and your sisters, who have been nothing but patient and protective throughout these last months. They’ve done so much for you, who had nothing to give in return. 

Naturally, the girls would understand if you chose to be absent. They’ve told you so repeatedly, reassuring situation is completely understandable and that it’s incredible that you’re even participating in the comeback, but you know how much it hurts them to not be complete as a group. Without you, something is missing, even if it’s hard to understand what you could possibly add to these women, who already have everything. 

Joining them in their comeback was an honor, and you wouldn’t skip it for anything in the world. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do to have your unnies happy. 

The van will pick you up in the morning, so they’re all currently resting. And you’re exhausted— crushingly so, which is an easy thing to notice with no more than a quick look. Your new sleeping pills did not make the bags under your eyes go away, and you’re still bony, a shallow of the smiley, reserved maknae you once were.

Once again, your breaths grow rapidly, the pitch-black ceiling getting smaller with each passing minute, shrinking enough to trap your body inside the walls of your bedroom. You try to control your breathing by taking deep breaths to calm yourself down, just like your unnies usually do. Your apartment is too high up to hear the whistle of the trees or the noise of crickets, but somehow the stars in quiet night are enough. Those same stars, shining so bright in the late hours, remind you so much of the girls whom you share a home and a life with— your most loved ones, your soulmates. Let us in, Y/n, please. Let us help. they begged you, so loud in their silence. It pained them to give you space, as you’re well aware. If they could, they’d just wrap you up in a bubble and protect you from any sorrows. 

If only they could. 

You’re not alone. You don’t have to struggle by yourself. You can come to us.

With that in mind, you drop your covers and leave your bedroom, walking to the corridor in quiet, unhurried steps. It’s only once you reach the third room on the left that your long, delicate fingers brush the door, with barely any force. It opens easily, thanks to their no-locking policy, and you observe the room for a moment before settling in. 

Momo and Nayeon share a bedroom, just like old times. The room is vast— big enough for two queen-sized beds, and visibly messy. Clothes hang everywhere, either on the ground or left in a pile in some of the open drawers. You squint your eyes to adjust yourself to the darkness and notices the nail supplies cluttered on their tea table. Letters, legos, stuffed animals… so many objects that make you nearly lose balance many times, as you make your way to a pitch-black dot lost amidst the thick covers of Momo’s fluffy bed. 

You don’t mind, though. If anything, you find yourself giggling quietly, amused by how the pair had turned the bland room into a home within a few weeks. 

Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for the members to accustomed to living together once again. It had been years since they’d decided to live apart, but your episode had made them make the decision almost immediately. You needed them, so they’d be there for you 24/7, guarding and offering their best support. Sure, your new apartment was much more luxurious and spacious than any of their old dorms, but it was just as cozy and filled with love. 

And you needed that. You didn’t think so, naturally— fiercely advocating against their decision, terrified of making your bandmates change their lifestyle because of yourself, but they gave you no choice. In fact, you felt much like a baby as they moved things over and over, sitting down on the big couch while they did all the boring and hard work. 

It was nice to have the house noisy again, you noted. After so many years of living by yourself, you discovered you liked a little bit of chaos, especially those that came from your loved ones. You needed that. Once again, your unnies proved that they knew you best. 

You moved carefully to not wake Momo up, even though the dancer sleeps like a rock. Lifting the covers, you lowered your body until you were lying down in your unnie’s bed, staring at the older woman’s soft features. 

Momo was perfect in every way, and she was so _strong_, too. Not only with her toned muscles, she was a true pillar, taking care of her members so subtly they barely noticed. They were all drawn to her when things got rough. With her sleepish smile and round eyes, her easy laugh was like a beacon on a heavy storm. Talking to her was not only easy, it felt so freeing. You would always forget about your troubles for a few minutes, whenever they were together.

Without even noticing, your eyes start to water—you were so loved, and what for? What have you done to deserve such a honorable feeling? It’s hard to suppress your hiccups as tears start to water Momo’s pillow. Then, almost instinctively, Momo’s arms are around you, holding and bringing you closer until your noses are nearly touching. 

You focus on Momo’s eyes, which are still only half-open, and on the sounds she makes, purring as she tries to shake the sleep from her body so she can stay awake. Her hand goes to your hair immediately, fingers running through your scalp in circles. The delicate movements of Momo’s fingers differ from your usual clumsiness, but it’s so soothing that you calm down immediately.

“Can’t sleep, baby?” You shake your head at the sound of her raspy voice, with trembling lips. Momo knows the crying will soon get worse if she doesn’t do anything, so she holds you closer, her grip extra strong, “No no, don’t cry. It’s okay, you’re okay… we’ll help you.”

It’s a routine you’re used to, by now. At first, it made Momo nervous to see you in such agony, sobbing so hard you choked over nothing, desperate for air. Then, Mina explained to her that it was a way of releasing the heavy feelings you kept bottled up for so long, which put Momo’s nerves a little bit at ease. Still, it broke her heart to see you hurting. Her sweet little maknae, who’s always been so, graceful, and quiet…

Yet, Momo couldn’t do anything to take all this pain from your chest. She’d take it all in a blink, were that possible. She’d take all of your sorrows and keep them to herself. 

Instead, Momo brushes the wet strands of your hair away from your face, greeting you with a sleepy smile. “Hello, baby girl. Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

Your nod is so subtle Momo finds herself brushing her eyes, wondering if she’d imagined it. There’s a big pause, and the dancer starts to drool as she fights sleep to listen. 

“I…” You speak, and it’s like you’re a trainee all over again: small and anxious and so filled with doubts all you want to do is curl up and disappear forever. You gulp hard to suppress another sob. “I c-an’t do it, unnie. Music bank, tomorrow. I can’t. It’s just, there will be so many people and so many cameras and the fans don’t  know I’m weak, and if I fuck the group’s image once again we’ll never be invited to anything ever and it’s going to be all my fucking faul—" 

You bury your head in Momo’s chest, unable to look at the dancer as you open up your fresh wounds. It hurts to know the amount of hate and backlash they group has gotten because of your scandal. You still didn’t even know who leaked your hospital chart, but JYP did a good work of putting it all under the carpet. And to make all of the denying real, you had to look put together to the public. 

You don’t remember the last time you looked like anything but a crystal piece of art, full of cracks and ready to shatter into a million pieces. 

Lithe fingers touch your skin once again, moving without rush to not startle or overwhelm you. Momo knows what you need: her presence alone is already so comforting. You get a glimpse of her short, black nails as the older girl runs them over your arms, then your torso. 

“Do you want to try mirroring my breathing, baby? You always do it so well.” She asks and you nod immediately. With your face against Momo’s chest, you follow the rhythm of your unnie’s heartbeats, focusing on that alone. “That’s it, dear. Good Job.” 

Everything is suddenly pitch black: there’s only Momo’s loving embrace and the way your bodies are naturally tangled, so close to each other that two become one and your sorrows slowly dissipate amidst the warmth. Love does heal, you’re proof of that. You know so because, even if your progress isn’t nearly as you’d envisioned it, it’s still there. You’re slowly working to recovery, no matter how much your stubborn self denies it. And it’s much due to their help: your bandmates, your loves.

Momo’s thumbs brush your cheeks, washing your tears away as the minutes turn your crying into faint sniffles. “You’ve been so brave, Y/n. I’m serious. All the effort you’ve been pouring into our new comeback… it’s impressive. But please, please know you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel ready to do. We can wait, baby.”

And you knows they won’t pressure you by any means. Although sometimes, you wish they did. 

“I know, it’s just…” You sigh, untangling yourself from Momo so you can press your elbows onto the bed and run your hands all over your face, huffing with frustration. “I want to do it, unnie. I really do. I just don’t want to break in front of everyone and destroy our group’s image.” 

I don’t want to disappoint you again.

That’s what it was. Frustrating and tiring, to feel so unsure over something you’ve done a thousand times before.

“Y/n, look at me.” The dancer’s tone is imposing, so commanding you have no choice but to oblige immediately. “You’re the strongest person I know, and I admire you so much. We see you trying every day, baby, and it’s where we find our strength, too,” She adds, just as quietly, “On seeing you try. It makes me— makes us try to be better every day, too. For you. We love you, so much. And if it’s what you want to do, we’ll be with you every second of it.” 

How could you inspire them? It doesn’t seem possible. Not when you’re so weak, vulnerable and a complete mess. Your unnies are all so graceful and certainly much better at everything they do. You don’t understand Momo’s words, but it’s late, and you’re too tired to ask. So you simply nod, trying hard not to pout. 

It’s a different kind of sadness, one of not being able to give what your unnies so desperately want. The hopelessness is carved so deep in your bones you can’t do anything but sigh, shuffle, and turn until you’re staring at the ceiling and your hands are hidden under the covers, so Momo doesn’t notice how much they tremble.

“You can’t give me what I need.” You can’t fix what’s broken inside. You want to scream. I think I can’t, either.

“I can’t. I’m sorry for that.” She stops, staring down at you. Her dark orbs are filled with nothing but the purest form of love as she kisses your forehead and whispers, because it’s just the two of you together and the night is quiet, ever so private. “But I can love you.”

Those same loving arms evolve you again, and no more words are spoken. You don’t need to say anything else— no words suffice, not in any language. For now, Momo and you grow content falling asleep together, soothed by each other’s breathing and the promise of taking one step at a time. 

In Momo’s arms, you feel safe, respected, and loved. You fall asleep thinking you might be able to go through all of this, as long as you’re together.

[s0apmactav1sh]

Its been a hot minute friends. I am currently going through a shitty ass time but here have me waffling about my fic im trying to write.

(This isnt an update, i just need to qrite something before i disappear for a bit over shit thats happening)

Crawler, the nickname given to you by the 141 after they got used to you casually crawling around the ceiling so it just came naturally to them to start teasing you with the nickname whenever the found you having a fit and giving out about the recruits while sitting upside down on the roof.

"Ya alright there crawler?" With how usually it was to find you in the prediment you were in right now it was no secret you didnt like the recruits you dealt with on the daily "No! How do they even survive on missions. My gods-" Cue Gaz listening for an entire hour as you ramble on about every mistake made by each individule recruit, names given and all. Once you stop your out of breathe and glaring at gaz because of the stupid grin hes been giving you. "What are you smiling at?" "You."

Spiderman kisses. No matter what no matter where. Could be in a random hallway, an office the debriefing room or any of there rooms at this point with how much time you spend with them. Soaps always the one looking for them no matter if you agrue that your nothing like a spider and he is being silly. But still you give in to the puppy eyes the werewolf man gives you. Your quite the sucker for them.

"No way am I hanging upside down because you want a kiss!" The way soaps ears droop and his tail lessens in wagging has you feeling guilty but what truly sticks it to you is the puppy dog eyes he now has to try convince you. Lips so prettily pouted and everything and who are you to deny that face. Even if you huff and groan as you geting yourself situated and crouched on the ceiling. So he can kiss you like in the spiderman movies. And as soon as its over Soaps rushing off to gaz to bloat over what you did.

Ghost somehow being the one to discover the ear bursting screech you let out when anyones hand even remotely brushes off your tail. He didnt even mean to purposely do it and the wraith was so thankful he was already dead bc the screech you had let out when his fingers lightly touched off the tip was enough to have him wincing and covering his ears to protect them.

It was a pure accident. He didnt even realise he had come in contact with your tail until you let out a horrifyingly loud screech that had him covering his ears. "Jesus. What on gods green earth was that. Are you some sort of banshee aswell." Before he can even get an answer out of you, your gone having bolted for the door as soon as that sound left your lips. What an awkward interaction that leaves you both walking on eggshells around each other.

Price deciding with all the time youve been around and the fact that his boys seem to trust you he adds you to his horde. But in a way that you dont realise that you apart of it. It starts off with him patting your back after missions amd saying goodjob, even if you were just look out. Then it moves on to him giving you random things, youve been eyeing up a new pair of gloves? Hes bought them and left them outside your door the next morning before you woke up. Its not until he leaves one of his scales on top of your desk that your realise what was happen but still you kinda oblivious so you just pocket the scale and run your fingers over it for good luck before every mission.

Ever since the others had become more comfortable and accepting with you on the team Price had bene thinking of making you a part of his horde. You'd be just like his boys, the centerpiece the thing he cared about the most. So whenever he saw your dule eyes light up at the sight of new gloves or a weapon he knew the way of winning you over was sneakily gifting you little presents. Without your gruad up so much it was easier to tell that you were a bit oblivious. Certain signs and things not processing in your mind. So when he leaves the scale down hes not sure if youll even see it but sure enough he manages to walk past your room, stopping when he see you slip the scale into the pocket of your gear before walking away with a goofy smile on his face. You may not know that your now his, but hey you will soon enough when the rest of the boys give you something of significance to them.

-

Silly rambles. Ok ima go take my meds and cry myself to sleep I might bring back king!price at like 4 am tonight.

[hiemaldesirae]

Arrax here: image Vox is doing another broadcast about Alastor or the hotel or something, when another Overlord breaks in and just out and out attacks him--because the other Overlord is in love with Alastor. All the Cannibals in Cannibal town and Rosie immediately shake their heads because they know this other overlord is a dead demon walking--Vox usually let's his challengers live after they've signed their souls over to him, no matter how badly they've wounded him....but Alastor definitely would have seen this. And attacking Al's muse, his everything because you think you love Al? Yeah, even if Vox owns you...it doesn't mean shit. You're a threat to his muse and you must be dealt with. Alastor can easily find Vox a better soul to have as an underling.

you know another anon was worried about you giving me painful ideas? yeah they were right

i think, honestly in theory, this sort of situation could be very comedic if in the hands of the right person. i however am the completely wrong person if you were searching for anything other than the worst possible writing ever. (putting a readmore because i cant fucking control myself when i get rambling LMAO)

picture this: vox is on tv for one of his usual broadcast segments, taking an interview about his involvement with the radio demon/dissolvement of their rivalry and the hazbin hotel or something. alastor is "begrudgingly" sitting with the rest because admit it or not, he does still have a lingering fondness for the "noisy picture box" demon and, well, that *is* the hotel he's running being promoted, so might as well... (he's mostly just here to stare at the other's face, and husk knows this but he's sworn to silence and niffty is. Niffty. so. whatever)

anyway, blah blah blah they cut to a segment and go off for intermission, but things start to drag on longer than they should. the ad theyre running for intermission stops, but the screen still stays black until it eventually flashes to an error. at this point, the hotel cast is like 'uhhh did something fuck up on set' but theyre not worried about anything until the lights start to flicker, and one by one, every streetlight begins to shut down and fizz out before the electricity cuts off completely, the constant white noise of tv static cutting out alongside it and the buzz of vox's own frequency in alastor's chest going flat with the rest of his power.

before anyone even realizes al is to his feet and out the door, shadows wrapping around his form and carrying him halfway across pentagram city to the vee's tower. when he enters the studio, it's already been trashed to hell and back, with black and red bloodstains from both the hellborn employees and whatever sinners were present at the time of the altercation staining the walls. there are bodies, of course, but none of them are important to him because none of them are *vox*. and he doesn't know where the hell the other is except the fact that he might be hurt. and that's- well, that's unacceptable. if anyone was going to kill vox, it would be him, with the other's blood on his claws and flesh in his mouth and the beating, pumping heart in his chest in his hands-

anyway. he needs to find him. so in classic radio demon fashion, alastor sweeps in and out of shadows and terrorizes those employees not already dead or dying, until he finally reaches-

"vox."

the overlord is standing in the middle of an empty room, completely devoid of any furniture or lighting. it's dark, and there are no windows. at the sound of alastor's voice, he turns to face him slowly. when he finally looks over, alastor almost wants to retch at the sight before him. the others screen is so cracked he looks like a stained glass window, and a seemingly endless stream of blood pours out from the giant gaping hole in the middle of his tv head. what looks like it could be mistaken for a human eye peers out at him before it softens, and a humming static fills the room as vox approaches him slowly, like *alastor* was the wounded prey and not the predator.

when vox reaches him- well, alastor isn't quite sure what the other was going to do anyway, but he pulls the other overlord forward and holds him up by his shoulders, gently tilting the other's screen up to look at him.

"who did this to you?"

it doesnt matter if vox cant reply right now. alastor will find out soon enough, and he'll make sure that whatever fool decided to lay a hand on his muse would suffer for it hundredfold.

(when he finds out that it was because of the other's foolish love for him, alastor not only proceeds to mock the other overlord on a live broadcast but literally proposes to vox on the spot just out of sheer pettiness)

[themsource]

Life Update 7/13/2024

I'm alive.

There's a lot that's gone on and is going on but I'm here. There's of course a lot going on in my life and has been going on that has once again kept me away. I will not divulge or explain, because I don't wish to. It was a lot, still is a lot, and is extremely personal.

I'm not leaving the undertale fandom as a creative, however, I will be leaving the fandom as a social participant. There's too much corruption and bitterness, too much drama and judgement in the social side of the fandom that I choose not to tolerate anymore.

There are too many people that would rather lie about who they are and what they believe as well as abuse or cut off people that have done them no harm in order to be liked and to gain approval. Acting as if life is one long extended episode of black mirror where your social ranking matters more than empathy to a fellow human, where the echo chamber is god and what's logically right and wrong doesn't matter in the face of personal opinion and paranoia.

I'm too old, and too tired.

Fandom is supposed to be fun, not a nightmare of walking on broken glass and eggshells. I have my small handful of friends that have proven that they are genuine people that legitimately don't care about the nonsense that goes around and imaginary pitchforks that can make them more popular or gain them more friends if they were to follow abusive hate trends and ignorant accusation posts lacking concrete evidence. I feel safe with them and will keep to them, always.

I no longer have time to deal with the "misunderstandings" or "confusion" that happens so often in large groups playing telephone or with those that try to fit words to their own narrative and understanding without attempting to think outside their own preverbal box of preconceived notions and bias, and don't care to do so.

I will no longer attempt to clear up anything or try to be understood by those that honestly don't know me and don't wish to, and who clearly only seek a thrill in causing pain and taking their own projected hurts and frustrations out on someone.

There will be no conversations. Every single online stranger reading this now is free to think what they want about me, even the untruths if they're so inclined.

I'm done trying.

The internet is where the hateful and cruel strive behind an anonymous mask—one often disguised in kindness and supposed acceptance—and of which is the whole of their life and meaning. But it is not mine.

Them, and the internet at large, is not worth my time, health, or life.

When I joined this fandom after my mother's death a few years ago I signed up for an experience that could bring a smile to my face while I gave one in turn to others while I dealt with my grief. Not to be shoved into situations where uneducated youths and adults in their 30s-40 with the maturity of previously said youths go rampart with the need to harm others, either to get ahead or for their own benefit in manipulation to get something out of others.

I have steadily been pulling away more and more over the years because of this. Struggling with the overflow of depression and stress that it has caused me, in turn making me push away and withdraw from people who didn't deserve it in many instances because my own value and self-worth tanked due to the self-deprecating thoughts it caused me.

I am not a saint.

I've done my fair share of wrongs, some of which I will never personally feel I have accounted for properly. I stood silent out of fear of being attacked when I should have said something to help someone wrongly accused by supposed friends and mutuals, I hid in the shadows and didn't think to lend a hand to people I saw were clearly in need because I didn't feel worthy of doing so, and probably many other things that I am unfortunately not aware of because they were never brought to my attention.

Because most people online don't believe in actual conversation but rather in blocking and spreading misinformed assumptions, and in dreaded call out posts so as to earn brownie points for "exposing" (or the nicer form of saying it, but is still just as cruel because the posters know that it WILL lead to harassment regardless of evidence or truth no matter if spread in public or private, but wish to play ignorant anyways — "spreading awareness") of someone. Granted these wrongs were for the most part carried out in my early fandom days that doesn't excuse the fact that they happened.

I still did the exact same thing that was done to me. I unknowingly perpetuated a never ending cycle of hurt, both out of fear and ignorance and out of a naïve want to be loved and accepted.

But I refuse to let myself be a victim or to think of myself as one out of guilt for those wrongs and loneliness anymore, and I refuse to witness others be abused and forced to feel the same way I did over the most menial and redundant bullshit that goes around and is somehow supposed to define your character to the dumbed digital masses.

I'm done.

Plain and simple.

I will be permanently turning off asks and no longer responding to any form of DM unless it is from someone I have initiated a conversation with, have engaged with before, or shares a mutual friend with me that can assure me that they're a decent person, and that I feel comfortable with. I will still on occasion post about updates or share something for the few that may want to keep following, but my personal accounts will largely be silent.

Just because I'm silent won't mean that I'm gone though.

It just means I'm not willing to be poisoned any longer, and am content at looking in from afar, if even that.

There's a lot of good people in this space, I know that, and it saddens me the possibilities I will miss out on in getting to meet or know any of them beyond the ones I know already, but I only get one life to live before I go six feet under, and I choose to put me first.

[cretaceousquake]

One shot -

Responsibility - montherly!Alcina Dimitrescu x Reader

A/n idk if these are any good but I am having fun with them so who cares (I take requests)

Summary - sometimes you really need to think about yourself in the situation, you mother and sisters have to remind you of that

Being the oldest child had its perks. You were given the most say in important decisions, and the first pick on new weapons. But it also had its down sides, one being that you were responsible for your three younger sisters. Your mother expected you to take care of them, and be the most mature in every situation. You loved them of course, but you got frustrated with them sometimes, this was one of those times. Daniela had brought a maiden down to the basement to drain her and you were supposed to be watching her, it was her first time draining and not just killing and you were expected to teach her. However, you had made a deal to play with cassandra that day and completely forgot. Of course Daniela didn’t come to get you, being determined that she was old enough to do this on her own. 

That is what led you to where you were now, freezing your ass off and attempting to close the window while Bela chased the maiden who escaped down. Your mother had heard the commotion from her study and you could hear the clicking of heels get closer by the second. “ Y/n, what is the meaning of this!?” you hear your mother's voice shout from behind you as you finally seal the window with boards. 

“Mother, I am so sorry! I was playing with Cass and lost track of time, then Daniela attempted to drain the maiden by herself.” You explained. Your mother gave you a frustrated sigh and an aggravated look

“ You need to be more responsible Y/n, you could have gotten one of you killed. I expected better of you.” Your mother lectured, you looked down in shame and anger. You were always responsible, but every time they made a mistake you were yelled at for it. You gave a simple ‘yes mother’ before going off to find the maiden.

The maiden was found and dealt with in no time by you and bela almost silently. You had wanted to berate Daniela, to tell her all the things she had done wrong and how it affected you, but you were too tired. Winter had been rough, with very little to hunt and eat, and you were all dependent on your mother because of the cold. This meant that you had to start draining maids, as you were currently doing, but you had always let your sisters have their fill of the food first and eating whatever they leave behind. Your mother suspects this behavior stems from your life when you were mortal, but you have no recollection of that time so it will never be truly explained. This habit also means a lot of the time, you don’t get to eat. Your body couldn’t starve like you could when you were mortal, it could only get so hungry before you turned feral and got your food one way or another. 

That was almost where you were while you were draining the maiden, the smell of blood had you fighting to stay yourself. Bela could see something about you was off, you weren’t your normal sarcastic but protective and sweet self. This energy followed you out to the dinner table, leaving your mother and sisters to look at you strangely. Your mother is the first to speak up about it. “Y/n, you seem…. Tired. Are you feeling alright?” You only find it in yourself to give a small nod and mumble confirmations under your breath. Your mother doesn't press you on it but has her suspicions on why you are acting this way. 

She watches as you let your sisters eat all of the flesh and blood she has gathered for you. You wait patiently, watching her other daughters finish the food with smiles on their faces. She sees you crack a small grin at the sight of your sisters, an infectious thing she figures out when it slowly creeps onto her face as well. She notices your smile falter as you excuse yourself and head to your chambers. Your mother makes a mental note to come talk to you after she finishes her work in her study. 

Meanwhile, you sit in your room curled up at the foot of your bed. You have been fighting your own body for control since the minute you entered your chambers. You knew that not eating today would send you over the edge but you didn’t really care. No matter how hungry or frustrated you got with them, you would always protect your little sisters. 

You remember the first time you saw them on the tables next to you. You had only been awake a couple of days but you had learned so much from your mother. She told you of your new existence and showed you how to hunt. You felt a large, warm hand on your back and turned to see your mother smiling over your shoulder. “ These are your sisters. They will need our help to grasp their new existence. I need you to show them how to be a Dimitrescu.” You had nodded to her, promising to be the best big sister you could be right as bela opened her eyes. 

You smile when you remember this, you had had this burning determination to protect them from the moment they opened their eyes, one harsh winter was not going to stop you. What you didn’t realize was that you had finally lost control and your rational mind was slowly fading. Your body acted on its own in a flash of flies, searching for the nearest maid. However, by this time the maids had all gone to sleep in the help quarters at the far end of the castle, meaning that it was Daniela who found you. 

She looked at you with a confused expression, racking her brain on how one of them could possibly have looked like you at that moment. You were paler than you normally were, with large bags under your eyes and your eyes themselves glossy. You looked like her when she finds a snack after a long day. Then it hit her, you haden't been eating. You had gotten like this once, but your mother had brought you out of it. She needed to get you to mother. “ Y/n, mother said she wanted to see you in her study.” don’t even look like you could hear her. Normally you would have immediately swarmed off to your mother but you just stood there staring like you didn’t hear her. She reached forward carefully to grab you, only to be pushed to the ground. In your haze you thought she was attempting to attack you. 

You both roll around on the ground for a while, she was only looking to restrain and pacify you with every movement, but it looked to be that you genuinely wanted her dead. She eventually escaped your grip and ran, booking it to your mothers study only to come to a stop when your other two sisters turned a corner. You look at them the way you looked at your youngest sister and they both immediately know what's going on. Bela yells at Daniela to go get your mother while Cassandra restrains your arms. You thrash wildly in her grip, making it difficult to hold you down, the brunette only barely managing it. Bela approaches, getting down to look you in the eyes as you growl and bite at her. “ Y/n, it's us, your sisters. Don’t you remember Cassie and I?”

 Bela puts a hand on your cheek and you calm slightly before you hear a door open and a large, imposing figure that you can’t quite place stalks toward you with familiarity. The tall person picks you up by your hood as you thrash and grunt once more. “ such ferocity, little one. I do wish you were just a bit more selfish so you wouldn’t get like this." The voice of the figure instantly puts you at ease, placating you long enough for you to notice the fresh body in her hands. She sets you down and slides the fresh carcass over, watching your eyes light up. You dig into the body like a starved wolf, ripping chucks with your bare hands and covering your mouth and clothes with a thick layer of blood and guts. 

You mother inches closer, and you let her, not fighting at all when she pulls you into her lap. She strokes your hair as your sister gather round. Your ferocity is slowly fading to regret as you realize what you have done. You attacked your sisters and eaten a whole body by yourself. Shame flashes across your face as you hear your mother tut “ Surely that frown is not for us child, you have done nothing to us.” You can feel tears peek in the corners of your eyes, you definitely did do wrong by them and they refuse to see it. 

“ I attacked my sister's momma, I could have hurt them.” your voice is breaking as you speak. You have failed as a protector.

“ Your only crime was not telling us just how hungry you really were. I wish you had just an ounce of self preservation in your body darling.” Your mother chuckles. You frown further at the joke, but calm when your mother pulls you closer to indicate that she really means it and you are not going to be lectured this once. You can only find the strength to curl into her, your body having been spent on your quest for food. “ Rest now child, your sisters and I will watch over you.” You find solace in that statement, drifting off comfortably in your mothers arms. 

[scepterno]

you've given me all the validation i need, and so i am coming out of the woodworks to further spread my josé redemption arc propaganda

because to josé it's one thing to see his little brother open and vulnerable, and choose not to use that to hurt him. it's one thing to try and offer whatever comfort he can, put those people skills to use and figure out how to best help his little brother. it's one thing to be trusted and looked to for stability when in crisis

it's an entirely different thing to be vulnerable, to be offered comfort, to trust. that's the hard part. that's what's terrifying

josé can feel the cold heaviness on his chest from the moment he opens his eyes. it's a phenomenon he's dealt with for years and years now, this churning tightness in his chest, urging him to look away from people's eyes, to hunch his shoulders, to stay where he is and just curl up in bed. it doesn't pop up very often, only a couple of times a year and it's only lasts for about a day or two at max. this somehow feels worse than all the other times

of course josé never listened to it. he's a burromuerto, he's not about to be defeated by some silly, fleeting sentiment. it doesn't matter how much the thought of having to talk to others, having to represent his and his family's value makes him want to hide away in his room and never come out. he's the perfect son, he's not weak. he worked hard to be where he is, to have the reputation he has now, he's not about to ruin it with some cheap excuse for laziness and moping

and just like every other time he's felt like this, josé ignores it and gets on with his routine. he's meant to meet up with alejandro in about 20 minutes, they are to go to the mall and hang out for some time, then head back to his apartment to catch the first airing of some new tv drama they're making their next target, easy as that

he could call it off, something treacherous and pathetic whines in the back of his mind. he could make up some excuse about being sick and he could just get back in bed

he shuts that thought off quickly. no. absolutely no way. he's not some weak pansy. he's josé burromuerto, he's not about to wuss out of something because of some shameful little pressure in the back of his throat. he's ignored it just fine every other time, went about charming people and talking to them as he's meant to, perfect and confident and unshakeable. he can do it again

he makes sure his grin looks real when he greets alejandro, makes sure his voice is strong and his shoulders set as he talks, makes sure he's every bit the man he prides himself on being, makes sure to hide every bit of that disgusting weakness inside of him. he does not falter. he does not fail. he cannot

he keeps the act up all the way back to his apartment, walking a step ahead of alejandro, barely pausing to kick his shoes off before stepping deeper into the livingroom, still talking animatedly, voice steady and posture perfect. he makes sure every part of him is presentable and flawless. anything less is unacceptable

he only falters when alejandro calls his name suddenly, cutting him off mid sentence. josé turns to look at him and sees him standing at the threshold of the room, something...uncertain in his expression. he walks closer to josé, peering at his face with enough intensity to make josé want to avert his eyes. he doesn't

alejandro continues before josé can respond. "you seem off today," he says, concerned gaze searching for something josé desperately hopes he cannot find. "are you okay?"

josé can only blink at the question. he blinks again. and then again. and he keeps blinking, trying to get rid of the heaviness, the burning in his eyes. he opens his mouth to respond and his voice catches at the first syllable, stuck behind something heavy in his throat. he's tearing up, josé realizes to his own horror. he's crying

he snaps his gaze away, hoping to keep at least some of his dignity intact, mind racing for a way out of this situation. he forces a laugh, hopes alejandro can't hear how wet it is, makes some snarky remark about alejandro's eyesight and tries to rapidly bite back the urge to snap and lash out. don't make a scene don't make a scene you can't you can't stop no no no--

he flinches when something touches the back of his head, eyes cutting back to focus on alejandro again. his face is twisted with something vile and pitiful, and josé doesn't need anyone's pity, least of all alejandro's-

but before he can make out the words, the hand on the nape of his neck pulls him forward and straight into alejandro. he's left wide eyed as his face presses into alejandro's shoulder, his head tilted down an inch to accommodate for their height difference. he doesn't move a muscle as alejandro collapses his cane and tucks it away, his now free hand coming to wrap around josé shoulders

"you don't have to pretend, hermano," he says softly, "not with me." and josé-- josé feels something inside him, something that's been stretched thin to it's limit and then some, worn and ragged from overuse, finally rip apart. it's not an explosive, violent thing. it doesn't snap to strike at anyone in range, simply falls apart now that the pressure is gone, tired and done

and josé's vision grows cloudy as tears fill his eyes and flow down his cheeks, he feels his face contort and his brow draw together in misery. his shoulders begin shaking as he curls inward, his breathing grows ragged and uneven, and in the end he can't resist the urge to close his eyes tight and tilt his head to hide against alejandro's shoulder. his hands come up to clutch at alejandro's shirt and in response he feels the arms around him tighten, pulling him firmly against a solid body

and they stay like that, josé doesn't even know for how long, in the middle of his livingroom, crowded in each other's space, josé with his face tucked into alejandro's shoulder, sobs he hasn't let loose in long, long years shaking his entire frame as he gasps around the clump in his throat. all the while alejandro keeps a strong hold of him, rubbing at the short hair on the back of his head and occasionally murmuring words that josé only half catches. they stay like that, alejandro holding him together while he breaks apart in his arms

sorry if this was a bit too out of character, i just felt like josé should be given a chance to have a miserable day where all it takes is one person asking you if you're okay for you to break down. and at one point he's gonna need to be weak and vulnerable in front of another person if he wants the comfort he never received as a child

oh

[zyalahmiscfandom]

Forgotten Stars: Platonic!Doctor x F!Reader pt 1

AN: This is the sequel to my series An Unexpected Trip, the master list can be found HERE. However this chapter can be read as a standalone. Also this is my first time writing for 10 and Donna. So I apologise if they are too OOC.

If I could name every star in the sky after you I would. I just wish I knew your name.

——————

The black void of sleep slowly left you as the waking world beckoned harshly to you. Groaning you rolled onto your back. A sharp pebble dug into your spine, eliciting a angry profanity from your lips. Sitting up, you rubbed your eyes, trying to rid yourself of the post sleep brain fog.

Bright sunshine blared down on you in a town square. The pebble in your back was from the stone floor you’d been lying on. Confused you looked frantically around, trying to find absolutely anything that seemed familiar.

However nothing was clicking in your brain, not the town or any of the words on signs, and certainly not the confused looking monks that had gathered about ten feet away from you.

“Uhhhh…Hello?” You awkwardly waved, before the monks quickly started yelling at you in a foreign language, possibly Italian, or wait was that Latin?

Their angry yells and your confusion compounded into a fight or flight response, but before you could run for the hills the advancing monks were halted by a loud commanding voice.

“Oi, Monkies leave her alone!” You turned to face your saviour, a pretty red head in her late thirties early forties, held her hand out to you, as another person, a man in a long brown coat dealt with the monks. Gladly you took the womans hand.

Normally you would be more weary of strangers but this was not a normal situation.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

“No problem, I’m Donna by the way.” She replied kindly.

“Hi…” You started but were swiftly interrupted by the ridiculously tall and peppy brown haired man. The same one that had talked to the monks and seemingly gotten rid of them.

“And I’m the Doctor, nice to meet you…” He outstretched his hand to you, urging you to introduce yourself, but as you stared at his outstretched hand your mind went completely blank. There was nothing there. A void.

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t know who I am.” You stuttered, terrified by your own admission. The Doctor and Donna shared a worried look, not that you really noticed, you were too busy spiralling. Your hands started to shake, your breathing becoming laboured and a cold sweat prickled at your nape. Every thought in your head was screaming.

Why couldn’t you remember your name? How old were you? Where did you grow up? What was happening?

“Hey, hey,” The calming voice of The Doctor broke through your fear, his large hands holding your shoulders steady, he was bent to be eye level with you, his brown eyes caring but probing. He was looking for something, but for what? You couldn’t tell.

“It’s going to be okay, trust me.” He smiled. You wearily eyed him, Donna noted this instantly.

“I know you don’t know us, and if it was me, I’d be side eyeing everyone I met, but if there’s anyone in the whole universe that can help, it’s The Doctor.” Her sincerity eased your nerves a little.

“Okay,” You sighed. “Besides it’s not like have have any other options.” You smiled, accepting their offer.

“That’s the spirit!” The Doctor slapped your shoulder jubilantly. “Come on then, allons y!” He bounced before starting off in the direction he’d come from. You looked to Donna confused by the sudden burst of energy, Donna simply laughed.

“You get used to it.” She answered your silent question as you both followed after the man.

As you walked with the redhead back to where they’d come from, you took a good look at the surrounding area. It was a small town, all stone and wood. It felt ancient compared to yourself, and the Latin the monks had spoken validated that feeling.

“Donna?” You questioned, she hummed in response. “Where are we?”

“Piza, Doctor said it was 1371.”

“So it is Italy,” You mumbled to yourself right before the other shoe dropped. “What’d’ya mean 1371! How are we in 1372?!”

“The Doctor has this box, it travels in time.” Donna gently replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Shut up, no it doesn’t.” You snorted incredulously interrupting her full explanation. A time travelling box, that was just impossible, how stupid did she think you were? Although deep down something told you that she wasn’t lying.

“I had the same reaction,” Donna laughed, “but just you wait. It’s amazing.” Her eyes were dazzling, full of wonder and excitement, it was a little infectious.

Shortly the three of you turned into a cobblestone alleyway, it was like any other alley you’d passed save for the bright blue wooden police box standing tall amongst the stone. The Doctor stood proudly in front of the box, beaming expectantly at you.

You walked towards it like a woman possessed. The low humming emanating from it was seemed inherently familiar. Ignoring The Doctor and Donna’s confused looks, you placed a tentative hand upon the blue wood. The police box hummed louder at your contact. Your hand drew quickly back, not from shock, but from confusion. Something felt off about the noise, at first it had felt comforting, like a long lost friend, however once you’d made contact, it felt different, foreign and not quite right.

“You alright?” The Doctor quirked an eyebrow at you.

“I…” You looked at the man, a deep sadness settling in your chest. “No.”

“Oh sweetheart, come here.” Donna hugged you lightly and you realised you were crying.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying over a box.” You wiped your tears from the redheads embrace.

“If you need to cry cry.” She soothed. “Right Doctor?”

“Right,” He smiled. “Now, I think it’s time we get to the bottom of this.”

With a flourish he opened the double doors and stepped inside. Donna gently encouraged you to step in after him. Slowly you crossed the threshold, a solemn smile spread across your sniffling facade.

A large cavernous room surrounded you, deep orange coral pillars grew from the grated floor right up to the domed ceiling. The walls matched with the pillars in colour but instead of an organic stone they were covered in mechanical hexagons, maybe they were lights or solely decorative, honestly you couldn’t tell. The highlight of the room, quite literally, was the coral control console. Bathed in a fierce green glow, the central pillar of the centre was slowly rising up and down, in time with the low humming of the box, almost as if the ship was breathing. It was simply beautiful.

“She’s gorgeous.” You breathed, as you touched a pillar close to you. The Doctor hovered closely, watching you intently.

“She?” There was a a smirk behind his question, as if he was being secretly validated.

“Oh, uh…” You don’t know why you’d referred to the machine as a she. It had just felt right.

“Oh don’t start spaceman,” Donna closed the doors behind her. “He’s always trying to convince me that the TARDIS is alive.”

“She is.” The Doctor insisted.

“TARDIS?” The word was familiar on your tongue. Permanent deja vu had settled in the back of your head the moment you’d seen the TARDIS in the alley. You were starting to believe that meeting The Doctor and Donna hadn’t been a coincidence, especially with how unfazed the two seemed to be. “This is insane.”

You huffed, sitting down on the grated floor. You were frustrated beyond belief, nothing made sense but it seemed all to normal for you. That frustration was quickly turning to anger. Apparently you had a short fuse. Goody.

Bbzzzzzz

A loud buzzing from behind you, snatched you out of your thoughts. Turning you saw The Doctor pointing some strange device at you, the blue light stung your eyes as he waved it in front of your face.

“Seriously Doctor why is sonicing strangers your go to?” Donna questioned. You were about to say something when The Doctor exclaimed loudly in excitement, causing you to almost jump out of your skin.

“Biometric teleport!” A smile overtook the mans face.

“What?” You and Donna asked in unison.

“Look.” The Doctor pulled you up and brought you to a small screen which he quickly ‘soniced’ as Donna had called it. What looked like a high tech x-ray of a neck and a flashing little dot in it played on the screen. The Doctor looked expectantly between you and Donna.

“What am I looking at?” You asked.

“You. Your neck to be precise. And the biomentric teleport implanted in it.” Your hand instantly shot to your neck.

“How does that work?” Donna beat you to the question.

“It’s brilliant really. Invented in the 52nd century as a sort of lifeboat.” The Doctors voice full of passion as he explained. “It binds to a persons DNA and a specific location. One way transportation for when the user is in mortal danger.”

“Mortal danger?” You questioned.

“Well,” He shrugged, “The device has to be set to a specific heart rate to trigger. Most people set it to an acute tachycardia and the nearest hospital. But for you, it’s set to 250 beats per minute. So I just assumed mortal danger.”

“Or just a regular day with you.” Donna snarked.

“Why was it set to Piza 1371?” You asked, almost more confused that you originally were.

“It wasn’t.” The Doctors eyes shifted away from you. “It’s set for the TARDIS.”

“Excuse me?” You balked. “What’d’ya mean ‘it’s set for the TARDIS.” You imitated his almost flippant tone.

“What’s going on?” Donna demanded, confused just as you were. The two of you stood side by side, a united front of confusion against a suddenly outnumbered Doctor.

“Ah okay” The Doctor raised his hands in surrender. You both shared an expectant glare towards the man. “Blimey there’s two of you.”

“Doctor.” You warned.

“Right, so time isn’t linear. And things don’t always happen to me in the right order. One downside of time travel.”

“Are you implying a you from the future did this?” You weren’t getting any clarity from his explanations, the frustrated anger was slowly building again.

“No…Maybe…Yes.”

“So why didn’t she go to her Doctor then?” Donna broke the tension.

“The teleport tech is short range. We were probably the closest TARDIS to you.”

“So why was I unconscious on the dirty floor of Piza?”

The Doctor looked a tad guilty.

“We were taking off, and you sort of bounced.”

“Bounced?!”

“Is that what that was?” Donna remarked almost to herself. “I wondered why you changed your mind on leaving. Now I know.”

“Yeah Donna, not helping.” The Doctor chastised.

“So that’s it, I bounced off your box and lost my memory in the impact?” This should have sounded too far fetched to be true, but once more there was something familiar about the absurdity of the situation. Maybe your version of The Doctor had thought they were doing the right thing when they implanted the teleport, but you had no way of knowing, and the man in front of you wouldn’t have the answers until some unknown time in the future.

The Doctor shifted uncomfortably under your gaze.

“That is it right?” You prodded. “Isn’t it Doctor?”

The silence in the TARDIS was almost deafening.

“I’m just gonna go put the kettle on.” Donna awkwardly motioned before shuffling away to another room. Leaving you and The Doctor alone.

“How bad is it?” Your voice was small.

“I don’t know, but I’ll fix it, I promise.” The Doctors face serious and determined. His words echoed around in your head, repeating, twisting, transforming into another voice. A more familiar one, one that you most definitely knew.

“Aghh.” You winced in pain, you hand flying up to your forehead. It was like a jackhammer was going off behind your eyes. The Doctor held your shoulders steadying you, worry painted across his face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Your promise…” You blinked slowly, your gaze meeting the mans in front of you. “I think MY Doctor promised the same thing. Right before you found me.”

“Quite possibly.” Your face fell a little at his statement. “But hey, if you can remember that, it means we can get your memory back.”

You held his hands on your shoulders and nodded.

“Damn right we will.” You smiled. “After all you have promised me, twice.”

The Doctor chuckled lightly, before letting you go and turning towards the direction Donna had run off.

“I should probably tell Donna it’s safe to come out now.” The Doctor chuckled, “Donna!” The Doctor yelled as he disappeared from the room.

You watched after him, your smile slowing fading as you thought about YOUR Doctor. Something didn’t sit right with those words. No, not words. Word. Doctor.

Why was the idea of you travelling with a future Doctor so uncomfortably wrong to you?

What the hell had you been through? And why did it feel like only the beginning of something much, much worse.

[psychic-winged-turtle]

As I wrap up this semester of Nursing school, I have found myself reflecting on the things that I used to think and then really thinking about my goals in life. Next semester I am going to graduate college, take my NCLEX, become an RN, and hopefully find work in the Emergency Department of a level 1 trauma center.

I used to think that I would work with kids. I've always wanted to be a pediatric nurse. After I spent some time in the PICU as a patient, I thought that that would be where I would work one day. I loved all the nurses who took care of me and it really drove home the fact that I wanted to be a nurse one day.

After a tough semester in nursing school, I still think I could be a pediatric nurse. I love children, I've worked as a babysitter when I was a kid, and in a nursery and daycare as an adult. One day I really want to have kids of my own! But it hurts my heart to see sick kids, hurt kids, abused kids. In the area where I'm doing clinical there are very high abuse rates. Every time I have had clinical at a children's hospital I have had at least one CPS case (one week, two out of four of my patients were CPS cases). Maybe one day I will come back to work pediatrics when I am at a more stable, rational place. But right now I think I might start fighting parents.

Another new thing is that I'm actually pretty good with adults. I was very intimidated at the prospect of caring for an adult. I was afraid of being yelled at, bullied, or assaulted. While these are certainly valid risk factors, during this semester I have become very confident in my ability to handle upset people, redirect confused people, and have an escape route if needed. On top of that, I feel confident in my ability to provide care. Up to this point I have been successful at starting IVs, placing urinary catheters, giving shots, and so much more! (I even got the chance to place a nasogastric tube!)

I have proven to myself that I can handle stressful situations and act appropriately. I have taken part in traumas and rapids. I have seen and dealt with blood, poop, urine, vomit, mucus, and any other thing you could imagine. (I got to see an intraosseus the other day, which was super cool - essentially an IV but it goes into the bone!)

During my time in clinical I have even faced patient death. It is sad, and not something that I am very good at handling yet. I still feel awkward when I talk to people and have trouble figuring out what to say. Mainly I just try to listen a lot, because I think that's what people need the most.

More than anything, I feel as though I am finally growing into the kind of nurse that I want to be. More than just a book-smart girl who can memorize facts about the body. I actually know things. I can implement that knowledge effectively. I can perform skills under pressure. I can interact with patients and provide compassionate, effective care.

I am still learning, and I will hopefully be learning all my life so that I will always be able to be the best nurse that I can be. I have so many role models of nurses that I had in my life, I want to be just as intelligent, caring, and compassionate as they were. (This includes my mom, my cousin, and pretty much every nurse that cared for me during childhood).

I don't know where I'm really going with all this. My post kinda got away from me and I lost the point somewhere.

[alias-sam]

Pierced by a Golden Soul

Chapter 1. A Normal Day in a Normal Life

Platonic Jojo's x Reader

Summary: Fate is a bizarre concept with countless more bizarre implications. In life sometimes such extraordinary events happen that the only reasoning left must be fate. The tragedies that constantly befall the Joestar bloodline for example may be the unluckiest series of cards drawn in human history, or perhaps the work of a greater power. There is no way to tell for sure. Had Dio Brando or Jonathan Joestar moved slightly on a divergent path the world itself would be left very different. The fate or luck of the noble Joestar bloodline has led to destruction of evil likes of the Pillar Men and DIO. This story is of a similar caliber to that of the other Joestars (as I am sure you are familiar with them). This is a story of lost souls, compassion, hope, and above all fate.

Word Count: 2,440

(Crosspost from Wattpad, full fic is already posted there.)

Saint Rosewater County Florida 1998. Between one of the oldest cities in the country, and one of the busiest cities in the panhandle, laid an ever-shifting tourist town known as Andorra Beach. Home to many a strange characters and many a stranger spectacles. Local tourist hotspots, including fishing and shopping destinations, had made Andorra quite the attractive vacation area.

Among hustle and bustle from travelers was the daily lives of more permanent residents to the area. This included you. Bordly you continued your trek towards an intersection that led to your high school. It was currently May, one of many hot months of the year where you lived. You wiped some sweat from your forehead, then rifled through your bag to make sure there was an umbrella handy. The gods of Florida weather were chaotic. You had to be prepared if they decided to bless you with random rain around the time you had to walk back home. As your leisurely morning pace brought you closer to the crosswalk, you noticed a peculiarly tall man. His nose was glued to a map and small book he held closely to his face. His staggering height alone did not grab your attention rather it was his flamboyant white jacket and hat.

You were just a few feet from him when you realized he was starting to step off of the sidewalk. The crossing light cleared him to go, despite traffic continuing to flow past the curb. You were oddly calm in this situation, as unfortunately it was one you dealt with every morning.

The crosswalk timer and traffic lights had been broken since before you could remember. Often the light up sign would misinform pedestrians of when it was really safe to cross. Thus began your morning routine of stopping tourists who tried to cross before the traffic lights changed. Occasionally pulling them out of the street before something tragic happened. With practiced movements you sprinted forward, reaching for the back of the man's jacket. Time seemed to slow when you noticed the man was just a hair out of your immediate reach. Before you could do anything else a ghostly hand shot out from your own. It gripped the man's jacket, tugging roughly backwards. He was quite large but the ghost hand managed to make him stumble back onto the sidewalk. A red car speedily zipped through the stretch of road where the man would have been standing. Your grip on the man's jacket loosened while you let out a small breath you had subconsciously held. You looked down to get a glimpse at your arm but the ghost hand disappeared just as suddenly as it showed up.

The man turned. He looked down at you before turning his gaze to the crossing sign and the road. You could see the questioning look gather on his face, just like every time you had this interaction with someone. He seemed to understand the reason you stopped him though, because he didn't look annoyed. You watched the giant tip his hat in front of his eyes and mutter in another language something along the lines of 'Yare Yare.' A phrase you couldn't really decipher.

"Thanks kid." His voice was monotone but you appreciated being acknowledged. In most instances you didn't get anything close to a thank you.

"Someone really needs to fix that light." You mumbled, mostly to yourself but loud enough for anyone around to hear. It was nice the guy was smart enough to figure out the problem, you hated having to explain it. As the light changed and cars stopped you stepped off of the curb and crossed. When you made it to the other side you had to readjusted your bag. There was a weird tugging sensation coming from your back. When you looked behind you there was nothing there. Maybe your strap was to tight or something?

The rest of your venture to school went as it always did, you passed by fellow commuters, occasionally checking your watch to make sure you were moving at a pace that would get you to first period on time.

This year had so far been boring as they come. While you were glad for nothing chaotic per say happening, a part of you longed for some break from the monotony. 1998 marked you entering high school, a change that would shake things up for most teens, however after the first day of school everything fell into a quiet rhythm. You weren't the most outgoing of people, but not a total introvert either, this landed you with a few acquaintances, but basically no friends. After the first few weeks you got marked a 'loner'. The title oddly enough made annoying people want to approach you. Often when you got closer to school a small gaggle of classmates and strangers would start following you. It was up to luck if they were there to try and hang out, or give you trouble.

You picked up your walking pace as you made it to school, hoping to avoid any unwanted attention. Unfortunately, luck was not smiling upon you today. You sighed to yourself as several high-pitched voices called out your name. You walked a bit faster but they just matched your strides.

"(Y/N)! We have a project coming up wanna partner up?"

"Hey! I heard that you aren't in any clubs! You should totally join mine!"

"You're looking nice today."

Any normal person would probably be flattered by all of the attention, but to you most of these people were strangers. You would occasionally recognize people maybe a boy or two from your English class and that girl you accidentally brushed past in the halls one time. Other than slight recognition you had no idea who these people were. It was weird and creepy to be approached like this.

A random brunette who was already walking close by grabbed your arm.

"We should have lunch together! How about it (Y/N)?" You quietly shook the girl away from you before turning slightly to the small group.

"Could you all just let me get to class? This is kind of ridiculous." You watched in confusion as several of them blushed and let out small 'Okays' and 'sures'

Thankfully they left and you made it to class without any other distractions. Classes came and went some feeling gruelingly longer than others. Not many lessons stood out to you today. When you made it to your biology class the teacher showed an article about fish in the area dying of an unknown cause at alarming rates. It was common local news that had popped up recently. Some residents attributed it to the sudden tourist season, others suggested it was pollution of some caliber. You tuned out the rest of class, completely missing when your teacher announced that a marine biologist was going to be volunteering at the school for a few days to give lectures.

Eventually school ended and you were freed from your stuffy classroom to enjoy the day that had been laid out in front of you A dark and gloomy sky replaced the clear one from that morning. Pulling your umbrella from your bag you walked with it in hand, ready to open it up in case any rain started. When you passed the courtyard, several eyes followed you. A thing to note about your school was its hive mind. Indeed cliché, but people who didn't conform to the social norm were targets for rumors. Luckily, none of the ones centered around you were particularly damaging. In fact, some of them were so outlandish it was hilarious. Luck seemed to smile upon you in that aspect.

All of your day did end in a bit of excitement since a massive downpour fell from the skies conveniently right as your commute neared home. You half jogged down the sidewalk, keeping in mind not to slip. At last, you reached the 'Jones Family Bakery' Smiling at some customers who exited before making your way to the back. The delicious and familiar smell of sweets hit you as the door closed behind.

"Ciao señora Jones." You greeted. Out from behind a cabinet door came a short Italian woman. Your adoptive mother.

"Greetings darling, how was school?" she asked while attentively removing a batch of cookies from the oven. You plopped down your school bags trading them for a work apron.

"Do you really need to ask?" was your immediate response. Senora Jones gave a light laugh as she sat the hot cooking pan on a cooling rack.

"I suppose not, you always give the same response." She cleared her throat before doing her best imitation of your voice. "Exactly the same as every day, I'm tired and just want to sleep." You chuckled slightly; her playful nature always put a smile on your face. You grabbed a pair of tongs, preparing to move some baked goods to a display.

"Did you make any new friends today?" Your mother's voice was a bit more serious than before. You froze where you were, and looked at her.

"I-... no." You knew the line you were going to get next. Just like clockwork, the conversation happened every day.

"Look," Jones spoke softly. "I don't want you going through life alone. I get that maybe you don't like everyone at school, but please amour? It would put me at ease if you had someone to rely on." You looked at the older woman and saw nothing but a caring expression. She wasn't mad, just worried. You hated disappointing her, but part of you knew her wishes were a bit hard to carry out. Mob mentality was the best way of describing your school's hierarchy. If someone messed up a wave of sorts was the result. A wave of bullying, rumors, and ostracization. Your method of staying afloat was keeping away from drama and wave makers.

"Yeah." You sighed. "I'll keep trying."

You worked mindlessly on a display in a comfortable silence until the front door bell caught your attention.

Ms. Jones raced you to the counter. She made it there first and kindly greeted the customer.

While you didn't necessarily recognize the girl, you were willing to bet that she went to your school. She had on a backpack and carried a slightly soaked textbook (identical to one you owned). She looked a bit disheveled, likely due to getting caught in the rain. Her platinum blonde hair was dripping wet and sticking to the sides of her face.

As the newcomer gave her order you watched and listened in case you had to get something specific from the kitchen for her.

"I'm here to pick up an order for Jaya Rossi." She politely said. Ms. Jones looked over at you, to which you nodded. You retreated to the kitchen and retrieved a small box marked Rossi, then moved back to the front counter and handed it to the girl.

"Thank you so much!" She seemed rather excited for a simple cupcake order, but you paid it no mind.

Your mother motioned towards the windows and the atrocious rain pouring down outside.

"You aren't planning to walk home in that. Are you?" The girl looked outside and visually sagged a bit.

"I forgot my umbrella at school." She responded bashfully.

"Well that just won't do!" Your mother grabbed a towel off of the counter, handing it to the girl. "You dry off what you can with this while I go find an extra one. Can't have you catching cold walking home in the rain!" She walked past you to make her way to the second floor where the two of you lived. "Please keep her company for a few minutes would ya Y/n?" You gave a nod of understanding to your mother, despite mentally preparing yourself for the awkward silence that was about to ensue. You pretty much knew exactly what she was doing too. Senora Jones was always the type to dote on you, and your stark lack of close friends had led her to put you in as many social situations possible.

She smiled and went back to finding an extra umbrella. You looked over at the girl, noticing her unyielding stare up at you. Paying her no mind you began moving around some of the baking displays and tidying up the front counter.

"So...." She trailed off, drumming a slow beat on the table she was sitting at. "You work here?" While the girl seemed comfortable enough talking to you all you felt in the atmosphere was awkwardness.

"Yes?" It was a statement that came out as a question. You were honestly thinking she wouldn't talk to you.

"That's pretty cool!" A wide grin was plastered on her face as she scooted a chair closer to where you were working. She did not seem to feel the same awkward atmosphere you did. "What's it like? Do you help make all of this?" She pointed to the display case that was filled with baked goods. You hesitated, caught a bit off guard at her forwardness but ultimately decided to humor her.

"I work after school and most weekends, it's peaceful actually. Senora Jones insists on doing most of the baking so I really just tidy up and deal with whatever customers she doesn't beat me to."

"What's your name?"

"Y/n. Y/n Jones." You introduced.

"Im Jaya." The girl held a hand out over the counter. It took you a second to process she wanted a handshake. There was really nothing in particular to talk about, but after the handshake your mother returned.

"Here you go." She handed the girl an umbrella with a warm smile. It unendingly amazed you how caring Senora Jones could be to complete strangers. While she would always care about you more than words could say she had a similar love for people in the community. Much like the current instance she would help passers by and customers at a moment's notice.

"Thank you so much! Ill return this I promise!" Your mother gave her signature laugh at the girl's determined expression.

"Don't worry! Just drop by tomorrow." The blonde girl (Who you had now come to know as Jaya) nodded and thanked your mom before heading out.

Your time at the bakery continued on. The familiar patter of raindrops against glass windows was calming. You reorganized some of the pantry as well as wiped down counters and tables. The normal daily work. When closing time rolled around Senora Jones trusted you to close the shop while she headed upstairs to make the two of you dinner.

[theluxuriansecret]

Diary Entry 6.18.2024

Dear Diary,

I haven't felt this consistently anxious in a really long time. It is really starting to get to me. I had my phone on DND all day and cried when I got home. I know that the answers lay within me, I just have to dig them out. I hate that I don't take the time to write (or type) as much as I used to, and I need to start getting back to my routine. I swear I say that every week and yet there is something about life that does not help me stick to it. I understand that life throws you curve balls sometimes, but I feel like.. why cant I dodge any of them? Why must I fall off every single time? I am starting to grow frustrated with myself because I feel as though there are too many outside factors starting to effect me. I try to let the emotions flow through me, but then it becomes everything at once and I can't handle it.

To begin, my moms misery is truly starting to rub off on me I feel. On Sunday, it was fathers day, my grandma didn't feel too well so we all went to dinner as 4, it has been a really long time since we did that. For the most part, I think dinner went really well. We were all laughing, making jokes, even my brother was participating. Until my mom brought up the fact that she's the one thats been cleaning out the fridge, they got a little loud about it, but my dad ultimately thanked her for cleaning out the fridge on his day. It was true, my dad was not holding up his end of the chores so naturally it fell onto my mom. I can completely understand her frustrations, but sometimes I wish she could put her misery aside for the rest of her family. That seems like such a selfish thing to wish for, but for a moment it felt like we were normal again, until she made it incredibly clear that we weren't. The food was really good though.

Moving on, but similar topic, my mother and I have really been butting heads. I just feel like some space would be really nice. I wish I had my own space, I wish I could just have the people I wanted over with out a three day notice. I wish that I didn't have to tell her every detail of every part of my plans. I appreciate her being such an incredible parent, I appreciate the fact that she is very attentive in my life and knows my friends names, and what they mean to me etc, but sometimes it just becomes too much. DO NOT get me wrong, I love that both of my parents are alive and I am grateful, but I cannot help but think about how I am trapped in these four wells, shrinking. In this house I feel small and helpless.

One of my friendships I truly feel is on the fence. Yesterday, my 4 friends and I went to dinner and one of them (one that I share a tattoo with) made a face at our other friend (who we also share the tattoo with) because I laughed a little loud. I have a really loud laugh, it's true, and it may have been right in her ear, but not on purpose. But I just felt like making fun of me right in front of me was truly rude, and I feel like this is the same thing I've dealt with in the past. I feel like she likes me, but she also doesn't like me. I think she enjoys my company, but also just doesn't like me. I don't know what that means. She has made sly comments, and faces and other uncomfortable remarks before, but I always decided to let it slide because they were moments where I wanted to just keep the peace and enjoy my night, but right now I do not feel peace, I feel very far from it actually, and I hate that. I've decided I am not going to be as present in her life as I want right now, not a full removal, but a full step back. I've done way too much for that girl or her to treat me as she does, it's just not right.

Lastly - I love my boyfriend, things are gong well on paper, but something feels off. I asked him if we were in good standing and he said yes, he also emphasized how our relationship was good in a situation that happened in his own life. I can't help but wonder why he hasn't told me he loves me without me saying it first in a week. I don't want to assume anything, or put anything negative out there. but I swear it started a week ago. And i know he has been going through things on his own so I try to give not only myself grace, but him as well. I also try to remind myself that no matter happens outside of me, it is not a reflection of me. I have enjoyed the experience thus far, and just like anything else in this life, it is an experience. I am grateful to experience all that I have in the years I have spent on this earth, and I will continue to the years count on.

no tags today, xoxo

[wyrm-town]

“I can grant you that… but in return I’d like ownership of your body.”

Mori stared at the tall shadow in front of them blankly.

“I mean yeah! Sounds all good to me.”

The demon’s shrouded face warped to expose a vicious grin. It outstretched its hand to finalize the agreement. Mori took it without hesitation.

The creature lunged at Mori, it’s already vaguely defined form shifting like a cloud of black smoke. It seemed to fill every pore in their skin before fully absorbing itself into them. Not a moment later Mori’s body started to move without their control. The demon inspected its new hands, turning them over and back, then over again.

Anyone, even if they were not conscious at the time, would surely notice a demon possessing their body, and that’s exactly what Will did. He awoke from the slumber all the headmates in his system found themselves in when they weren’t fronting. As he approached the front he noticed a presence he didn’t recognize, but he felt the secondhand emotions of triumph and a sort of malicious giddiness.

“Mori, is there a new headmate or something? Who is that?”

Mori felt a flush of anxiety; the kind you feel when you’ve been caught doing something you’re not supposed to. They were pulled into the headspace, as was the demon, where Will was standing with a concerned expression on his face.

“It’s a, uh, demon, Will! I, uhm, summoned a demon! I made a deal with it, too! So yeah, uh, a new headmate. Let’s call it that.”

Will sighed. He could see Mori’s memories, they sure weren’t lying! Of course the most unbelievable part of this situation was that demons existed in real life. It was entirely in character for Mori to have confidently summoned and dealt with a demon. He could hardly bring himself to feel surprised at all.

“What is this? Am I not the first to have made this kind of deal with you? This man appears to be completely human! What’s going on?” The demons voice was immediately noticeable as nonhuman, and yet what exactly made it sound so off was unidentifiable.

“Okay! So…”

Mori cringed at the awkward situation they had put themself in. They always liked to cause problems and never liked to live with them.

“We are a system! Which is to say we’re multiple people living in the same body. Eh… Welcome to your new home? You’re part of the family now!”

Will pressed his hands into his face, pushing up his glasses as he did.

The demon stood in shock for a moment, the realization of its mistake slowly hitting it.

“So you don’t own this body?”

Mori put on their most sweet, lovely, adorable little smile.

“Nooooo… But! I do have the power of friendship and community, and now you do too!

Suddenly, Will stepped forward, outstretching his hand to the demon, with a friendly but exasperated expression.

“Hi, my name is Will, and this is my worst enemy, Mori.” He gestured to his best friend. “Here in our headspace you can kill someone and they’ll painlessly respawn, so feel free take your anger out on Mori!”

“Oh my god! You are so dramatic!” Mori snapped playfully.

The demon accepted Wills handshake, but did not take up the offer of murder.

“No, I guess my fault. I mean after all, they always say never to make a deal with a human.”

Submitted Prompt #166

[character A] makes a deal with a supernatural entity, giving up their ownership over their body.

only after the deal has been made does the supernatural entity realise that [character A] is a member of a system, and as such isnt actually the sole owner of the body. leaving the supernatural entity now trapped in a body they dont fully own.

[secret-hidden-feelings]

You were my favourite good morning, my favourite goodnight, my favourite kiss, my favourite hug, my favourite hello but you were my hardest goodbye. You were the person I cherished and finally gave me 100%, you were all in. I was scared when I met you and I wish I was more ready then because I would still have you. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship but then I fell in love with you once I really opened up and got to know you. You were the best person to cuddle to sleep, I always slept so peacefully with you more than anyone else. It was the happiest I was when I was with you. The hardest thing was moving back home because when I cried I was crying mainly because I would hardly get to sleep next to you anymore. It would be harder to see you and I knew from there I would probably lose you. You were my home. My best friend and my whole world. Losing you has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life because I not only lost the love of my life. I lost my best friend, I lost the person I knew everything about every moment of the day and it hurts so much. It physically hurts my heart and I feel like it's gone. My heart is empty, my world is empty. You were the person who made me laugh more than anyone else in this world, I get flashbacks everyday of just little memories we had. My favourite memory will be the day we were together at our spot and both of our parents were calling us asking where we were but we didn't want to leave each other and we used the excuse of being too tired to drive home to stay together. We woke up in the car that morning to so many people walking on the beach, we felt so homeless. brushed our teeth from the one toothbrush and hung out at the beach together that day too after not showering or anything. You were so weird and retarded, I loved holding your hand because you made me safe. You always had my back and I have never ever felt so much more alone. I really fell in love with you, so deeply that I fought for us everyday and I will continue to fight for you till I have no fight in me left. I cry everyday for you, I remember I wrote about how I felt about sex, the 3rd person was you. You were my person, that person who was passionate, who loved every part of my body and appreciated no matter how much weight I gained. You would smell me like a weirdo every time you'd see me because of my smell. You'd even smell my armpits after I'd been sweating all day and tell me I didn't smell bad when I knew I did.

You cooked for me and when I was sad or had my bad days. You picked up the pieces all the time. I grew an attachment to you when I didn't want to be attached. You told me I could be clingy and I can be the way I am, that you dont care. You are and were my best friend and losing you has made me realise that I love you. I'm not obsessed with you like I was with other people I dated.

I know I hid things from you, but I'm not perfect. You lied and hid things from me which made me a little crazy and not trust you. You weren't perfect. We weren't and aren't perfect but I did truly believe that we were perfect together. If we communicated more and talked things out.

I hid trauma from you because im still yet to deal with it myself, I just needed you to see what happened. I didn't cheat on you and I wish you'd understand what trauma over and over again does to a person. I am going to work on it. You don’t need to believe me and I am not going to sit here trying to make you face this with me or prove this to you over and over again because I haven’t even allowed myself to face it myself. I am not saying all this to you to get you back whether you believe it or not. I have so much to work on myself that I see. However, I just wanted you to see and understand what trauma does to a person, I told you because I was hoping you’d understand how I deal with things. Because of something that happened to me as a kid and how I dealt with it is exactly how I dealt with that situation.

you will forever be my hardest goodbye and I wish our paths do cross again because I dont want to do this thing called life without you.

[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

Holy fucking shit fellas guess what.

I had deja vu, right? Except I also knew what I was going to think, before I thought it?! And then I remembered REMEMBERING something bad and embarrassing happening to me, at the same time as I was remembering the things they were actually happening, and I looked upon myself, and I could see myself look at myself, and I was literally like fucking this:

And then, one of the me’s I was remembering was talking to my dead Grandma, and there was also explaining something about Homestuck and some kind of elements to my little brother, accompanied by a “memory” of a fandom wiki page opened to an image of colored circles and symbols (and just for the record I know nothing about Homestuck, zero, zilch, too intimidated, and I certainly know nothing of Homestuck lore) but apparently in another timeline I do?! And the most vivid and scary thing was I wasn’t remembering or recalling any of this myself, I was remembering this from a memory of another me, who I “remember” being in my exact situation, in my position, down to the atom everything the same, having an equally confusing and disturbing experience, except they’re only the second in this strange line of me’s, and I inherit their sudden visions, getting all of this information second hand, from a me that also got all this information second hand, and I’m kinda worried now there’s another me out there who felt and experienced my experience and is now being dealt memories of futures and history that isn’t there own, futures they were locked out of ans opportunities for interactions they missed.

And this is a regular occurrence that has been happening since I was like 4 and every time for half a second I get the shit scared out of me hearing voices and seeing images and faces and me talking to people, minutes worth of conversation and experience condensed into a fraction of a second and dozens of those stacked onto each other and compacted into a short out of body and out of mind experience and memory that lasts less than a second, and it’s absolutely insane because the split second it happens, every time without fail, I think I’m remembering something that happened, until I realize this so called “memory” takes place right where I’m living now, right in my current situation, and right where I’m sitting.

Why the fuck does this keep happening? It’s, insane? I fashion myself as a particularly crazy individual, but this? It shocks me, despite being a relatively common occurrence! It just keeps happening, and suddenly my heart races and I forget where I am in my own body, and then it just stops. And I’m back, like nothing ever happened, and maybe that’s the thing, I’m “remembering” things that never happened, that can’t happen. What a useless ability, to see things in the present at random, but only things that don’t actually happen? Seems more like a mental illness than a super power to me.

My mother told me I gave her a prophecy as a baby among other “paranormal” things, quote un quote “visions”, but whatever gift I may have had then is gone and replaced by sudden spikes of hallucinogenic chemicals my body creates and runs to my brain. That or some god has cursed a future me to look back on and experience every possible life I have lived, and I am in fact not the last me in this terrifying chain of visions of alternate realities, and when it passes through me and disappears, some other poor soul inherits those visions, eventually culminating into one terrifying vision of all possible and impossible lifetimes I’ve lived for either a sinner trapped in a very extreme hell or an ascension for some more spiritually successful version of myself out there in the cosmos to ultimately experience. Is there some kind of “lesson” I have to take away from this? That even in the grand order of my own fate spanning across the multiverse I am in fact, not special and should humble myself? That I am a stepping stone towards my ultimate self or something? Or am I just genuinely insane?!

Either way, shit’s kinda crazy, and this among other things is why I’ve elected to stay away from any and all kinds of drugs, because if this is my brain normally I cower at the thought of how it could possibly get worse. Unfortunately, I suck at keeping promises to myself, and in fact, every time something like this happens, it’s never under the influence. In fact, I’ve been asked more times if I was on drugs while sober than when I was actually on drugs so, maybe I’m just a backwards ass person who knows! I sure as hell don’t.

[magenta-cat-drawingss]

hello, may i ask for an akutagawa version of this? https://magenta-cat-drawingss.tumblr.com/post/694953133328269312/this-is-my-first-time-asking-anything-but-your-the thank u so much for being so kind and sweet once again🥺🥺😭❤️❤️

Hello! For starters, I am extremely sorry for how extremely late this came out. I wanted to finish my mid exams to work on this with no rush, since I did find a lot of difficulties to grasp Akutagawa’s personality, or correction, and how to not make him super OOC.

Hopefully you enjoy reading, and you find it worth the wait!^^ and remember you are loved and important, don't forget that! -

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Something's wrong.

The minute he stepped into the apartment, there's something heavy in the air.

And it's not filled with happy energy at all.

It's…dull, and that rarely ever happens whenever he returns back.

What changed?

With furrowed brows he stepped further into the place, only to find you curled up into a ball on the living room’s floor.

You're so curled up as if you want to disappear.

His concerned expression turned into a surprised one.

Why…why are you in such a position?

Where is your usual jumping up and down energy?

He…just stood there in shock.

But only for a couple of seconds, before starting to fidget in his place.

Yeah…he has no idea how to deal with this situation.

Let alone he is not used to this side of yours.

Instead of greeting him with a warm hug and a gentle smile, with your lovely voice saying: “go change while I heat up your food!” like you usually do.

You…stayed put.

How can a ruthless mafioso, who dealt with countless deadly situations, find this current one the most difficult?

He groans internally, he remembers whenever he comes back, exhausted and wants nothing but to slump himself onto his bed. Only for you to jump out of nowhere and tackle him into a hug.

He would just huff and bonk you on the head or flick you on the forehead, but there's a small smile on his face which follows with a hair ruffle.

Oh…right.

Hugs.

Close contact.

Affection.

Things he rarely does.

But you don't.

And you definitely don't hesitate when giving him one.

Why?

“Because you deserve every single one of them, Ryuu!”

Not only that, but how shocked he was when you accepted him despite knowing himself that he's not perfect.

You could have chosen anyone to share the rest of your life with, but you chose him.

He looked back at your position.

Yup, he doesn't like that at all.

He won't be sleeping tonight until he at least sees a smile.

He took off his coat and hung it up, and padded his way towards you, gently so he wouldn't disturb your swirling thoughts.

He slowly knelt down, and he can see that both of your eyes are opened, but unfocused.

He carefully placed a hand on the arm that was hugging your waist, and whispered gently: “have you eaten or taken a shower yet?”

When you felt a contact you flinched, and he removed his hand immediately. He was about to lose hope, but perked up when you shuffled and looked at him and shook your head slightly.

He sighed, well at least you're responding, that means he's not failing. He gave himself a mental pat on the back.

He looked back at you, and you were still staring at him curiously. He took the opportunity to gently ask you if you could wait for him in the restroom, while he prepared everything.

You blinked a few times, and you were shocked by both the offering and its from Akutagawa.

You nodded slowly, and he carefully helped you to get up on your feet and on your way to the restroom.

Pushing you gently on the toilet lid to make you sit, while he prepares the bath and your clothes.

Once he's done, he turns back to you hesitantly, and you look back at him tilting your head questionably.

“Can you..can you take your clothes off to dip in? Before the water gets cold…”

He blushed slightly, and looked to the side, “I can get out if you want…”

You widen your eyes, this may be one of the rare times seeing his shy side, you couldn't help it but to chuckle.

He slowly looked back at you in surprise, and saw a very beautiful view…your smile.

“It's fine, Ryuu, it really is…” you took a deep breath, “I-I actually would like the company.”

When he was about to speak up, you interrupted him, “but who knew that you would be bold enough to ask me to strip in front of you,” and smirked.

Instead of being a flustered mess, he simply looked at you in deadpan and came up to you to bonk you on the head, in which you responded with an “oww..”

“I did ask if you wanted some privacy, you brat,” and slowly started to ruffle your hair, “if anything…” he smiled, “welcome back.”