#and i know my brain is very irrational

[eggmeralda]

when I was 19 in 2019 I got these Vibes about 2023, it wouldn't be good or bad it would just be a Significant year

2020 was so bad that 2021 could only be better, it started good and then I got paranoid that 2022 was gonna be bad in comparison, so I mentally prepared myself for 2022 months in advance

then by the summer 2021 suddenly became worse than all of 2020 combined, but it improved by about september

bc of the mentally preparing myself months before, 2022 was amazing, but bc it started so good I got the feeling that it wouldn't end well

the last 4 months were pretty bad, and then came 2023

I got many different vibes for it over the past 4 years, but one of the main things was that there'd been a pattern going since 2015

2015: extremely good

2016: extremely bad

2017: average

2018: pretty decent

2019: extremely good

2020: extremely bad

2021: average

2022: pretty decent

so 2023 was expected to be really good? but also it had to get up from 2022's bad ending so the goodness was gradual

my brain is prepared for a good last 4 months to compare to 2022's bad last 4 months

but also following the pattern, 2024 should be extremely bad, and once I've got the thought in my head that a year will be bad, there's no going back. which would explain the extremely bad year following an extremely good year

2015 and 2019 were unreal, which meant 2016 and 2020 would've looked bad in comparison no matter what, so they just completely gave up and decided to be awful

but anyway it's 'getting paranoid about next year' season, also I can never escape the patterns of time etc etc

[prozac-shaped-urn]

question for my fellow mentally fucked humans and/or anyone with a disability of any kind who has been able to keep a job for longer than a month

i've been receiving disability benefits since 2014, which means i haven't worked a full day at a real job since 2014. i'm *finally* getting my shit together to prepare myself for when i eventually do get a real job, and while i'm excited to take that step, i'm somehow wondering if i'll still be considered disabled because i'm able to work again or if that'll mean i'm like "cured" or whatever. because ultimately, my mental illness does get in the way of me living a full life and the kind of life most people are able to live and the kinds of careers most people are able to have. i can't do those things, and i wish i could, but i can't fix what's broken - only manage it (which i am).

am i still disabled if i can hold down a job? i know the answer is yes, but i'd still like some reassurance. ❤️

[toytulini]

me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts

[bilestat]

[goldkirk]

If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.

I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.

[anglerflsh]

(guy who regularly experiences paranoia voice) hey uhm. why am I irrationally convinced of terrifying things

[spearxwind]

This is gonna be such a weird post but id like to know if other people have this problem as well. Do any of you feel like... really misplaced uh. Embarrassment when looking at pictures of people on your phone? Especially people who you actually know, including yourself. Because i have this issue where i find it hard looking at pictures of both me and others (my friends and loved ones) if they are not """perfect""" looking (whatever that means to my brain) because im afraid of people eventually seeing them and judging them as less than perfect or pointing out imperfections etc.

Even knowing that no one but me will ever see said pictures i am haunted by the fear that since the pictures arent like. Idk, magazine cover worthy then people will find them cringe or embarrassing or god forbid ugly (and im a lover of ugly candid pictures too. I think they're the most charming). The way that some people judge a person and their appearance based on a single picture. So I struggle a lot showing pictures of my friends to my family for example out of this fear, and i really struggle to just take pictures of myself that arent from my one Brain Approved Angle(tm)

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[neverendingford]

.

[tvrningout]

tldr for the below post/vent is i may or may not be away for a few more days! we’ll just see, and thank you for being patient with me as always 💜

maybe i’ll wait a few more days till i really come back? i dunno if that’s really the solution bc i just feel a weird distance from everyone rn, and that’ll just get worse if i stay away, i feel like. but i can also tell i’m probably at my worst as far as hormonal mood spirals go, and i really don’t wanna subject myself or y’all to that. it’s a rock and a hard place bc no matter what, i’m gonna feel bad to some extent — just if i stay away, i can maybe manage it a lil better. i really don’t know, so we’ll just see how the next few days go.

sorry to be so up and down, and thank you for being patient with me ;v; i really do hope all of you are taking care of yourselves and having good days!!

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep

[diffenbachiae]

the worst part of anxiety is that it feels bad before you do the thing, while you’re doing the thing, AND after you’re doing the thing, but if you ever stop doing the things it gets WAY WORSE!!!!

[seiya-starsniper]

.

[sensitivedead]

.

[torchickentacos]

anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.

[andromeda3116]

look, there are definitely aspects of adhd that are useful, or at least fun (tell me that getting into a hyperfocus groove - no matter how ultimately rough the "waking up from it and realizing that seven hours have passed and it's 3AM" part may be - isn't enjoyable at the time), but most of it just sucks and listen

the "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" part might be the worst