#i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed
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this is all my personal opinion as a somewhat new arcane enjoyer.
act 3 of arcane really ruined it all for me. one of the things that makes me love shows so much is when they make me just feel so so much. and arcane did this so well, especially in s1. act 1 and 2 of s2 also did this very well, tho not even close to as well as s1 in my opinion.
i felt sad about isha's death, but i don't really care about jinx's. this isn't bc i cared more abt isha than jinx, a million percent no, this is bc it didnt feel liek there was any weight to it. we saw a very small clip of vi sobbing then, boom, she's almost fine???? her humming powder's lullaby isn't enough, i need to see her grieve. jinx literally completely gave up because of isha's death. vi wasn't even close to being in the same position as jinx but that was still her sister. her sister whom she tried so hard to protect and get back and finally got her back. it just didn't feel real. and on top of that, everyone thinks she's not actually dead. i wish they showed the "proof" of that later or something because i needed that grieving period from vi.
i felt so strongly about jayvik and their whole dynamic snd ending this season. in act 2 i felt that the writing for caitvi wasn't as good as it was in s1 and act 1 but then it just pissed me off at the end. i kinda liked the fact that they were in a cell when they had sex lol but i feel like it was weird timing and also could be a weird setting. but what rlly got me was the fact they don't fucking talk. they dont talk it out. one of the bjggest reasons i love jayvik is because of their lines too eachother. theyre so devestating and beautiful and thats what we got with caitvi before act 2. i was hoping they would talk about alllll the problems they were having because they were having a lot but, either they didn't or we just didn't see it. the resolution to jayvik was so satisfying because we got to know all of their closing thoughts and emotions. we didn't get to see cait apologizing or vi talking abt jinx and it just felt so emotionless.
im really sad they got rid of all the political stuff. i feel like the first step to doing that was putting vi in an enforcer outfit but with that i thought theyd explore into it and the trauma around it even more. but they didnt at all. they put more of the oppressed into the oppressors outfits and called it "fighting against a greater evil" i think thats a fine thing to happen but not if you throw away the whole conversation about politics you were having beforehand. i felt enger towards the piltover people and council just because they were a part of the oppressive regime. after s1 i felt like they tried to act like those ppl were never in the wrong. they swept it all under the rug.
it really just felt like there wasn't a clear conclusion. what happened to zaun and piltover? the scene of sevika sitting at the table isn't enough (don't get me started on sevika I MISS HER). what happened to the firelights?? everyone says ekko lost everything but like do we know what happened to the tree or to the firelights??? i wanted to see the progress the two cities made and how PILTOVER compensated for their actions.
thats it ig, im rlly trying to be happy abt the ending and to do that i have to think abt jayvik bc theyre the only perfect ending in my eyes and i miss caitvi i miss them
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane act 3#arcane ending#caitvi#jayvik#timebomb#ekko#jayce#viktor#caitlyn kiramman#vi#zaun#piltover
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my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.
and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc
and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.
and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.
bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.
/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!
i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.
i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.
im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.
and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.
i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#mine#vent#abuse mention//#i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed#i went to get food after starving all day bc my abuser was here#and my mom stood in the kitchen doorway and glared at me for almost a full minute#and when i snapped 'what' she cursed me out. bc. u know.#i fucking snapped hearing my abuser SCREAMING for two days straight.#oh but if /i/ have a meltdown where /i/ scream and throw a ~tantrum~?#then it's 'grow the fuck up. ur so immature'.#my sister is fucking 30 years old. and has NEVER fucking honed in her anger. EVER.#but IM the immature one here. not the 30 y/o with TWO CHILDREN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO CONTROL HER ANGER#im so done.#i literally bend over backwards being everyone's goddamn therapist#& then get told im a piece of shit when i too have human emotions & reactions to TRAUMA.#im done! im done. im done.#yall want a fucking apathetic snippy selfish piece of shit i always get framed as for being fucking burnt out after being brutalized#every goddamn day & losing everything in a year? fine. im done being a therapist for fucking free & suffering in silence alone#fuck this shit
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My personal head canon is that Richie is the type of fuck who does really well in school without putting in literally any effort and Eddie is the type of kid who tries so so so hard to get good grades but he's like. A b or c student at best. He fucking hates Richie for this.
#simetimes richie tutors eddie but more often than not it just ends up pissing eds off more#bc richie is HORRIBLE at explaining things since he doesnt really#understand what exactly the issue is. like he'll sort of just gloss over parts bc hes like “well duh this is obvious” but its rly not to a#lot of people. he just doesnt get it.#furthermore richie hasnt done a single homework assignment since 4th grade the latest and at this point his teachers have given up#theyre just glad he actually understands the lessons so they mostly let it slide#his guidance counselor on the other hand. that poor bastard. this dude tries sooooo hard to get richie to put LITERALLY ANY EFFORT in and he#flat out refuses to. hes like “richie u could probably be the fucking valedictorian if u actually tried” and richie shrugs and goes “eh i#dont want to give a speech“ like BITCH#<-btw all of this is projection from me. im richie hi. it fort of ruined my ability to train other people at anything ever.#and my ability to study i would have failed miserably had i tried college bc my ass would NOT be doing homework or studying#i would have dropped out sooooo quick lol#anyway. done now have this#Richie Tozier#Eddie Kaspbrak#IT 1986#IT Stephen King#spam brain
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fastest way to piss me off is to try and add something to a task im in the middle of doing because 'youre already doing it so this shouldnt be extra work tee hee' THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS
#i have planned this out. meticulously. in my fucking head#i have mentally prepared myself for every step. i have decided how much energy i need#i have Locked In. and u have just fucked everything up#this felt like a bigger issue for energy when i was depressed#but it turns out its still an issue because im Just Like That (probably autistic)#anyway. this all sounds catastrophic but this was inspired by being in the middle#of physically carrying plates and needing to rinse them#which is nothing really but my god did my temper suddenly explode. i think it was also the manner it was said#like tee hee just sneaking it in there youre already doing it so =) if i had been outright asked#before i started moving. i wouldnt have gotten so pissed off#and thinking back on it i wouldnt also have tipped off to nuclear if the extra plates#WERENT PUT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SINK WHERE THEYD BE A HUGE HINDRANCE#AND ID HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE THEM TO GET LITERALLY ANYTHING DONE#the simplest solution that absolves me of any assholery is to have said Hey.#next time tell me before i stand up instead of trying to sneak it in cos thats not cute.#unfortunately i was abruptly consumed by a haze of pissed off#tldr this all boils down to I had a plan i had allocated resources and everything was planned arnd it#and u threw a wrench in it. can u imagine what its like when bigger more substantial things#are interrupted. it involves drinking to avoid snapping at people
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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I have genuinely met some of the nicest people playing the One Piece card game but others are actual dicks oh my GOD!!!!!
#rant tw#was in a 3v3 tourney today and i was the last match#and u can talk with ur teammates during this format#and other context u need is u have 40 min and then 5 min overtime and once those 5 min are up#whoever has more life wins#my opponent took. 5+ minutes. on one. turn. talking to each other about whst they wanna do#which u know. whatever. when it went back to my turn tho we were in overtime and THEY STARTED RUSHING ME#talked w/ my teammates for 10 seconds and then they were like “oh they're 'thinking'” implying i was waiting out the clock#NO ASSHOLE I SHOULD GET TO TALK WITH MY TEAMMATES FOR LUTERALLY 10 SECONDS LIKE WHAT!!!!!#literally the audacity after taking so much of the time im enraged#so i lost when i had the upper hand the entire game because 3 people brainstorming for 5+ min got them a winning move#and then i was rushed by all 3 and then given snarky comments. literally soooo pissed asjsdkgl#literally fuck them lol#chen.txt
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like i genuinely cannot believe thegall that she has quinn saying that oh they loved being servants... really??
[ID: Text reading:
"“I let them go into the front parlor together, and then I went into the kitchen for lunch, where Jasmine was just telling Big Ramona that they were rich. I hated to break up their happiness with my glum looks and I blamed it all on hunger. Besides, Jasmine had always been rich and so was Big Ramona. They just never wanted to leave Blackwood Manor, everybody knew."/end ID]
#twist rambles#vc posting#sorry im so fucking sick of it. 1. set in 1990. 2. she does this w like quite literally EVERY slave character (of which most are barely#prominent characters outside of her using antiblack stereotypes. as im sure u can imagine which one of those a character named big ramona#fits.) and 3. we are really supposed to be on quinns side after it seems he pressured jasmine into sex after using terms such as#“my chocolate candy” “cafe au laut” “milk chocolate” to her. like out loud. we are supposed to like this guy?? like her racism (annes) know#no bounds atp#ask to tag#yeah haha the servants loveee being here lol they dont even need to be paid ^_^ theyre just that rich bc we are some of the GOOD ones. jesu#and this has been going on since the start of the book and just keeps on coming over and over#like not even to get into how all of these esrvants are objectified and jasmine esp is just reduced to a sex object. but the seconddd quinn#sees a white lady hes literally proposing. but jasmine isnt good enough for that in the narratives portrayal of her. its all fucking vile.#i dont want to hear ANYONE say she didnt have horrific handling of race when all this happens in this book and last book had mar.ius#referring to an indian man like he was an animal and had no human qualities. like genuinely i do not think ppl know how bad it is bc most#ppl stop after the first 3 books. and for good reason. anyways good god im so pissed off. my beautiful lj buddy had about 3 paragraphs on#the insane classism she demonstrated last chapter and it rly just keeps continuing to this chapter. like im sorry idc abt how rich quinn is#i need him dead. for many reasons. anyways good god. this book is hell.
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd
#also i literally met one#i met bryanstars when i was 14 i also met some other members of mde and damon fizzy but LORD#i also talked to him online before that as well publicly and privately and im so glad nothing bad happened in those messages bc i was#already having such a shitty time as a teen and i would've been pushed over the edge#im not bring this up outta nowhere i saw a video about this general topic on tiktok and didnt wanna leave an essay in the comments but#needed to rant#also i was actually so pissed off about miniladd liking miniladds i was obsessed with his videos in hs and i took it as a personal betrayal#i was always watching vanoss and his friends videos growing up so i had spent so long watching him not the longest ive ever watched a#youtuber(that goes to phillip lester who i found on complete accident when i was literally 5/6)#i did get groomed by a few older men online tho i Was of the kik generation#one of them was my bsfs bf who was a junior when we were freshman who would message me that he had a secret gf that didnt want to go public#he also would threaten to kill himself if i took too long answering him back so i was on my phone 24/7 basically and was stressed out so bad#combined with transphobic and homophobic bullying at school caused me to have a public meltdown in the class that held all my bullies and#had to convince my parents to enrole me in homeschooling after which ultimately also fucked up my relationship with 1st gf who was also#manipulating me at the time and also trying get me to make out with her while we cosplayed as levi and eren from aot#which i was uncomfortable with considering i wasnt an aot fan and also was aware of the age difference#i did get back with her after this and she did break up with me again after and i probably would've gotten back with her a 3rd time but#i never saw her message asking to talk again bc she messaged my old fb after my bsf made it an advertisement for the bee movie#i don't believe in a higher power but something was definitely protecting me bc i didn't see that message until TWO YEARS LATER#this went in so many directions#im tired#tw pedophila mention#pedophillia mention#pedophillia tw#suicide tw
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👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽some of my skipy lore in the tags i was supposed to bridge it with something else but i forgot what i wanted to say 😭
#i feel like i always show skip as like. a loser.....which he is#and a cheater. hes that too.#and a shit person in general. i dont show that one but he is#he tries to do right by other ppl but he'll always put his feelings first. self centered mf#he got married before he turned 20 he was NOT ready for that shit 😭#literally got married to brandi out of guilt bc he fucked up her life n shit too kinda. even tho she wanted a family she lost a lot of#other shit too#skip experiences a slight hurdle in his life and hes like ''i have to have an affair/fuck/fun away''#man that had high hopes for himself and his future gets frustrated by the consequences of his impulsive actions. more at 11#he thought he'd have a slightly better life than the rest of his family. but then his parents died and he got a girl he'd been dating for#less than a year pregnant and he was like. fuckkk it#started doing some foul ass shit to the ppl around him when he realized there was no getting back up to where he wanted to be#everything culminating into him running away from his family and responsibilities and changing his name#idk i never talk abt my skip broke is alive headcanon anymore 😭 mostly bc i'm not writing my story anyways so it's stagnant yk#hes stuck in limbo while i decide his fate based on what i want to post 😭#IDK WHY I WROTE ALL THIS IN THE TAGS IM PISSED. oh well#hidden skip lore if u read this u get one pass to leave ur wife and kids go fuck sexy bitches in belladonna cove
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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I'd like to state officially, for the record, that I think the Parallax retcon IS stupid as hell and if I worked for dc that garbage would be gone in an instant. Just like, FYI <3
#blah#just like... sooooooo stupid#just say you don't want characters to accept responsibility for their actions fir christs sake 🙄#saying this bc i ran into it for the first time reading the nu52 johns GL and its just so dumb actually#they literally had sinestro become parallax??????? thats not how that works??????? like bro. cmon.#like parallax also doesnt literally make hal more interesting too like come onnnn guysssss#its just so deeply stupid to me. like im not so pissed abt it that its the end of the world or whatever bc im not a hal gurlie like its not#the end of the world for me but literally like. what is the whole point of doing that arc if you don’t get the full angst from that arc.#insane to me.#anyways it would be so easy to unexist that. just say like parallax was dormant or smth and only woke up when hal died or whatever. and#that part of parallax like read hals mind and so has some of his memories or smth and that's why its called parallax. or its just some#creature that wasnt even involved but just wanted to fuck with him#bc thats a retcon like motivationally but it doesn't cancel out any of the parallax appearances needed for plot reasons or whatevs#while keeping characterization intact.#i mean in still working my way thru the comics including that arc but like im sure theres a way to do it that functions as a perfect retcon#where all plot events still happened just not some poeplr are lying or whatevs#lanterns#green lanterns#dc comics#parallax#hal jordan#swishy liveblogs
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hey y'all, anyone have any good stress relief tehniques or habits they'd like to share cuz I've been more stressed in the last 3 weeks then I was in the last 6 months
#to cut the long story short my mom had to sell the old house cuz her broke ass couldnt afford to keep it up#eventho it is a whole ass hoarders house and was in shambles with a flooded basement a collapsing ceiling in at least 2 rooms plus mold#and the stench a dirt and dog piss and shit all over the floor really made it worse then it was#but yeah so shes been staying with me and my grandma and its been awful#she hasnt been taking any of the medicine the doctors gave her when she snapped and started a fight and also started screaming at neighbour#so shes been terrorizing us here while the house has become her second hoarders den since she dragged so much crap here#my backyard side entrance and front porch are full of her shit and my grandma hates it since she can barely step into the house#so since she kept looking for places way out of her budget i had to go do house hunting since my useless sister is busy getting lit again#so ive been showing her shit in her price range that was under 420k cuz im not a moron who looks at 800k homes when i have 570k#and each time she has a new complaint saying its too expenive or its too small or its too old when she said she wants to do renovations#but shes saying she wants to renovate a newly renovated place instead of an old one#so i just showed her a house near my sisters uni and she liked the inside & backyard but she complained that 400k for newly renovated 3 bed#that is literally a 9 minute drive from my sisters uni is too expensive when shes the one who was looking at an old ass unrenovated bungalo#that is a street over from us that is 800k and she says it looks like garbage cuz an old lady previously owned it before dying#like no shit it looks old cuz older people lived those decades and like it and she just keeps doing her bullshit again & again#cuz when i tell you her mind is gone i mean it is GONE and she starts up all these wild stories to just explain some shit#like something goes missing? the neighbours are hungarian and stole it and left the hoard of junk in her old house#she has more stupid stories to harass and stress us out with but if im gonna share that ill have to write a book about it cuz fuck#and you know its bad when no one else can stand being in any contact with her cuz she starts screaming at people about it#so the only one who even likes her anymore is my sister and thats cuz shes deep in denial about just how insane she is & how abusive she is#so yeah i need some stress relief help that maybe isnt constantly hitting up maryjane cuz i dont do weed often especially since shes here#cuz weed 'burns your brain & makes you crazy like this' when shes the only one whos ever infuriated me to astronimical levels#i know retail therapy helped before she came here but i dont want to keep spending money i dont really have#it would be great tho but shes refusing to give me the 70k she said was mine from the house sale so i can cut her out for good
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