hotxseries

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me

[highoncatfood]

im going to dump my thoughts on u here cuz i can anyway have u heard of the song Bed of Roses by Mindless Self Indulgence ive been listening to it on loop and i am going to share with u my interpretation of the lyrics cuz it seems im an outlier amongst what people (or atleast whats on the genius page) think it means but my take is so real and true to me

basically Bed of Roses is thought to be a song about being passive in life and letting things pass you by and happen as they do, not caring about making the perfect life, but for me personally it always came off as being about suicidal thoughts and that interpretation not only makes more sense to me but also is far more interesting

'hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses' is the singer talking about their life, saying how its unlike a bed of roses which are seen as beautiful and also a symbol of love (also searching it up it seems bed of roses is an expression for a carefree easy life) in short theyre saying their life sucks, but thinking of it in the context of it being suicidal its interesting because the 'hey its alright' then sounds like a rationalization, the following line 'this ways better for me' only helps with painting this image. its a person rationalizing their thoughts by going 'hey my life has always sucked, death would just be better for me'

and the line 'i dont care to live the life ive chosen' further adds to this, its explicitly saying they dont care to live their life

then theres the next part, which is pretty similiar to the last but then there is the line 'dont feel sorry for me', they're asking an outside party to not feel bad for their planned demise, and its repetition makes it seem like begging almost. tying this into the earlier verses which can be read as rationalization makes it seem like the singer is a person trying to comfort and placate a close one, by rationalizing that their suicide will be better for them and begging them to not feel sorry

also 'feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion' is a banger line . i have thoughts on what it could be interpreted as but i feel like the connections arent strong enough and the line like speaks for itself i think

i think this part could be about being resistance to change or healing, it could be a negative reaction to this outside party trying to talk them out of it or reason with them, but in the end they still say 'my friend' showing they care and love them. the 'screw you' could perhaps also be read as someone trying to distance themselves from their loved ones in hopes that their death wont be as painful then

i think its interesting how after that the song ends with just a reptition of 'my lifes never been a bed of roses', perhaps im looking too far into it but it could be seen as the 'last stage', of fixating on the worst parts of life as you spiral annnd .

anyway i like this song and i kinda associate this song with seth but 4 different reasons (flower imagery, lifes sucked, not wanting pity, 'feeling sorrys been my life devotion' -> religion with its emphasis on remorse for sins and devotion. etc.)

was not expecting this at all and i dont know this song but! i like this interpretation thank u for sharing honestly i always love to read too much into lyrics and i tend to come up with diff interpretations than wht was most likely the artists intention

for example recently ive been thinking of reuse the cels by car seat headrest as a song abt gender dysphoria and the transition process (when in.reality its abt like. getting back into a relationship with someone which havent worked out in the past or whetevr)

i like to think the narrator is actually talking abt themself 'i should be glad to have you back' the 'you' being their own sense of identity

'i know every frame so many times that ive seen' refering to their own body, reminiscent of how a lot of trans folks experiencing dysphoria who tend to worry abt their self image and the ways their body looks, r constantly thinking abt it and spotting every detail, being forced to look at it everyday, wishing it was something esle/wanting to change it

this chorus and lines to me r abt hrt and like. thinking of times before realizing they were trans, times when maybe they were oblivious and not yet so worried abt their body and/or identity and wanting to not have to worry again and be happy with themself, hoping tht hrt will help with that. but at the same time the fear and anxiety that comes with not knowing if medically transitioning will guarantee being freed from all the insecurity and pain caused by the dysphoric feelings. asking urself what if it doesnt satisfy. wht if going through all that trouble, all those changes, spending all that time and money doesnt even bring the result ur hoping for. is it worth it? u dont have to do all of that. wht if all it does is drain u of energy and hope and actually make u into something further from wht ur goal was (symbolized by fading colors on reused animation cels [idk much abt that but also u could interpret it as like real body cells i guess] like.... the repeating process of replacing hormones, going through constant physical changes and stuff) so generally like. indecision and thinking too far ahead/overthinking i guess. does any of that make sense im jst saying whtever comes to mind at this point i gave up on trying to keep this cohesive

'doesnt it seem an awful waste' and 'will i lose you again' can be the narrator again referring to themself, thinking that the person they were pre-transition will fade away. that they couldve lived a completely different life, that all they do is bring 'that girl or boy they couldve been' to an end. replacing them with the desired version of themself, but not sure if thats still even the same person they used to be

and. i think it should be obvious but this is all based on how i myself deal with and think of my identity as a trans person. i feel like i should clarify that this isnt me saying that this is the experience of every trans person, each of us is different etc etc

um anyway yeah thanks for the ask wiki i might listen to the song u talked abt at some point <3

[blueiight]

Im trying to read tvc but Im struggling with qotd cause I'm finding all the conflicts to be kind of lacking stakes? Cause I'M still mad about what Armand did to Claudia but it seems like no one else cares anymore. Is this just what the series is cause they're immortal and they get over things cuz I'm not sure I wanna keep going with the series at this point? This is just my sensibilites but I feel like seeing Claudia get murdered on television is going to be a lot more painful and hard to get over.

its entirely up to u w/ how far u want to engage with the immortal universe. i personally found qotd engaging for lore purposes at the very least if nothing else.. the stakes of conflicts do escalate imo, which may be why u feel like they dont matter as much or have stakes anymore as u worded it bc theyre not concentrated to select character dynamics asin the earlier books, but multiple characters dealing w a wider conflict that may not be as easy to ascertain?.. qotd introduces the reader to the mythical origin of vampires in the ricean universe and focuses more on the figures / concepts introduced [twmbk, akasha] at the end of tvl.. i think it was the last book where rice had her editors & after , fired such, but there are some aspects of the later series i do find engaging. the reversal of power dynamics for lxl in tobt: where les begs to be lew’s fledgling and lew is more comfortable openly professing his adoration to les.. & if nothing else, u will find lestat engaging w claudia’s ghost memory in tobt, more of armand’s backstory/rationale in tva & later lew being haunted by clauds to be somewhat engaging. i think ppl who believe amc louis knows of the revelations his white cousin learned in merrick2000 wrt to claudia playing a role into why hes more generous to lestat v his scorned voice in the 70s show interview reliant on his view of lestat’s role in claudia’s death in the second interview r onto something.. i think w the idea that “vampires r created out of trauma” the show sells too suggest that they wont be shy about claudia’s death not only in terms of the actual means but also the repercussions wrt to other characters [i had another anon who asked about this <3] lestat says in qotd most of the vampires long to be human, bc being human has become a myth to [them]. some of this notion of ‘humanity’ is entangled in this idea of forgiveness, even for the most vile of acts committed against them or their close ones.. rice’s immortal universe rly present a fascinating take on what it means to be immortal, and what these creatures consider ‘forgivable’ v ‘unforgivable’ can be considered anywhere from arbitrary to extremely irrational and unforgivable otherwise even, by any decent standards. characters r allowed to be inconvenient, ugly, disturbing, and make foolish decisions. but to say lxl dont care for claudia past a certain point i cant rly agree with that fully. i dont think the tragedy of claudia’s end diminishes her arc or is any indication of ‘faulty’ writing: in fact like i said the reminiscence on claudia vs her haunting of select parts of the later books r what i think r some of its most compelling sections that i want to see the screen. the show pivots from the books in several key ways, while drawing upon them in several more. if the series during/post qotd is not ur thing, u dont rly care for the new posse of vamps , and/or u would rather wait for the later seasons of the show to see how u adapted that is perfectly fine.

[comradesnufkin]

@starrylou

- i got drunk pretty fast.. i was one of the first ones apparently rip - i got along really well with everyone actually, even people i dont like all that much - i wished Julian (a white boy who thinks he can rap) good luck with his music and explained how i weirdly meant it even though i don’t like him ??? im like 99% sure he kissed me on the forehead. i cant explain how i know but i just do. - i told this girl from my spanish class how good at spanish she is and we laughed abt it together - i said something nice to this girl tanja but i can’t remember what.. i danced to ke$ha with her - i hugged everyone - in fact i allegedly hugged my friend katie so much that we both fell on the ground and she couldn’t get up because i was on top of her lol - i interrupted katie’s convo with this guy william to tell him that i tied his shoelaces together (he had already untied them but i felt bad so i ran across the room to let him know it was me and say sorry) - he said something along the lines of “dude i totally get it, they were there, what were you supposed to do, NOT tie them together???” and i said “EXACTLY” - i bonded with this girl melissa who i dont talk to much anymore because we used to play together in kindergarten lol, we had fun reminiscing and also settled a conflict abt a plant that would take too long to explain - i talked to this one kid who i sit close to in art class and had a really good time actually, we switched glasses and debated whose were stronger and talked abt music (he’s into heavy metal) - i talked to this girl lea abt this one argument we had with this guy in art class once and it was so fucking funny like we hardcore bonded abt that - when my friend pauline showed up to the party i hugged her and thanked her for giving me rides to the metro on wednesdays and she said “you can have all the rides you want” and it was really sweet - while i was barfing in the bathroom with william i apparently said i was cold and had my friend valentino to pour warm water over my head and then ended up doing it myself continuously using a red party cup. i ended up completely drenched. - my friend rashid called my mom to come get me cuz he thought i was gonna die - this girl (a junior i think?) who i had never spoken to and @bellardea got me a towel and were looking after me while we waited for my mom - i just remember being like “im sorry i have no idea who you are but thank you” and she’d laugh and be like “it’s ok” - i apologized profusely to the guy who was hosting the party and who i barely talk to and he was, as i recall, very chill abt it - this guy tim and gabriel (the heavy metal dude) showed up and were like “man this happens to everybody dont even worry” and it made me feel a lot better actually - @bellardea told me something funny that also made me feel a lot better but i wont repeat for privacy reasons - basically it started off as a really fun night but ended with a lot of vomiting, crying, and the worst hangover of my life - stay away from hard liquor, kids

[poisonivy-21]

wasted (potential)

you come to haunt me in my dreams, to beg, scream, & plead down on your knees. Forgive me please. But always in the background is your brother, looming & hovering. His strings still attached to you like a marionette. you so want to let go of all of that mess but can because he directs you. & all the thoughts become a blur due to the drugs he got you into. One minute its i love you & then just like always your no where to be found, push me away because you think all will do you the same. & the setting is always in the same place a school how quaint. Thinking if only you’d got involved with me before all the b.s, the hardcore fall off, & chicks who lied & cheated. Things would be so much different. who you think you kidding? Think you got a lot of shit to get off your chest but instead its take another pill push it down further still then go on the defensive when I who loved you tried to let some light in. No...Darkness you believe is your only friend. & the strings keep being pulled, & I cant do shit because blood is thicker then water but you put this ring on my finger...I’m so confused??? Your a magician you could disappear while being right it front of me. Then tell me to my face I didnt just see what i saw, & that to begin with its all my fault. Then tear me - us down some more. I wonder how you sleep at night, to be able to haunt my dreams. Chasing after what you said you’d do way better off without. & now your calling just my name into the void. & I dont answer...going through different avenues & channels asking if I talk about you, do i bring up how i feel, do i have any messages for you. I’m thinking is this fool for real. You lied, abused, disrespected my family & home. But I’m a cold hearted bitch that thinks i deserve a throne? all you do is reminisce on times gone by (bye) cuz that’s all you’ve got. nothing new, you forgot. time moves on whether you like it or not & you can throw a tantrum it still wont heed you or obey, instead your its bitch & its making you pay. If its not clear already let me spell it out for you I did truly love you the what i thought was the real you, when you were sober. The man who laughed, cared, shared, was honest, & put me first. But i cant blame you because this was your last chance your second strike & you want a third? No! Twice was enough, the first is on you the second I’ll take because i should know better then to make the same mistake. Yes mistake because the man I thought you were was all made up you did it to reel me in because you needed someone to be there on your journey of pain, & have them feel it too. Your way of putting up your middle finger to everyone who did you wrong, i feel pity your so screwed. I had hope by showing how much I cared & being true that you could let go of the baggage & move forward not keep looking back. But the strings got pulled so tight you couldn't move. & words were all you had to try & knock me on my ass with. & whispers of a care free life sounded so good & sweet...But your forget you told me all your real dreams. I wont be second choice, hell not an option at all because your a puppet, alcohols mouthpiece, & xanaxs booty call. Why I never got nothing from you you had nothing to give, to busy baggin them pills & sucking the bottles dick. I pity you because once upon a time there was potential, once upon a time you had a choice, once upon a time there was a time...even if not me. You could of had a life, you could of cut those strings instead of winding yourself up in them so tightly. How are you free? Doesnt matter anymore, just leave me alone. When I sleep at night, leave that door closed, Lord knows i bolted that mother fucker tight. Because you cant be no ones anything, when your owned already...