#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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one of the funniest (most annoying) responses to my posts about my own personal experiences is “um this is [x] erasure” or “op this needs more nuance”. ??? no it doesn’t, it’s literally just a vent post about my own feelings and experiences ? lol
#why are you talking about a very variable experience that will widely differ from person to person that no 2 people encounter in the exact#same way without accounting for every nuance that applies to every person in the world ever?#it’s giving ‘how dare your experiences not align precisely with my own!!’#i made a post a while back complaining about disability tropes i find obnoxious in media and a shit ton of people started going ‘uhm op some#disabled people feel DIFFERENTLY than you’ cool? i never said my experiences were universal. i just wanted to vent about the way abled#people treat me and refer to me. i really wish it hadn’t breached containment lmao#leave me alone weirdos#if i wanted to make a blanket statement or write an essay to cover the entire experience of disabled people i would fucking do that#but sometimes personal memes are just that. it’s not any deeper. stop digging for what isn’t there#and stop expecting people to be monoliths or vessels through which entire communities of minorities speak#‘you don’t speak for everyone’ and i never claimed to. glad we cleared that up 👍
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Im going to fucking throw up
#i hate posting about how im insecure abt my drawings because that just makes people rb them out of pity thats annoying as shit dont do that#but then i try for hours to draw something and its honestly not important to me but by the end im pretty pround#so i post it knowing no ones gonna give a shit#and yeah pretty much thats what happens#and i feel like shit bc no one owes me attention ffs#and i know it isnt anything special and i should have drawn something actually interesting instead of another portrait#and i complain to my mother and shes like#'well this is something a child would have drawn it isnt good'#and im like oooh i should kms got it#like obviously im the one who craves validation without putting any effort into making it actually cool#so this is like no one's fault and im self aware of it and it drives me INSANE#and i need to vent this but it will make someone go pity rb all of my stuff and it's gonna feel like shit bc i hate begging for notes#like you know if someone wasnt going to reblog why beg them to. thats not them actually liking the art thats bullshit guilt tripping#i dont even need exposure i dont sell any drawings exposure is useless to me i dont even know what i want#i just want to make something that people like what the fuck
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the way tumblr talks about medicine makes me wonder how many of us here actually have critical thinking skills
#stop trying to explain shit you know nothing about so you can frame it negatively for clout!!!! literally knock it off!!!#there are so many valid opinions but i don’t understand this and therefore it’s bad “ is NOT one of them actually#fuck it’s far from perfect but seeing people talk about people I work with every day as if they’re monsters is honestly so tiring#it’s just all over my dash#if you read something and it confuses you and that makes you angry#the solution is NOT to make a tumblr post flaming it with all of your misinformation and undereducated opinions#“it is batshit to base dx criteria on statistics “ NO IT IS NOT NO IT IS NOT NO IT IS NOT ARE YOU STUPID???????#THIS IS STEM LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS MATH WHAT THE HELL DO YOU M E A N ?????#literally like!!! 90% of dx criteria involves statistical probability!!!! doctors prescribe statins because you are statistically likely#to develop heart disease or endure a major cardiac event#like they calculate your disease risk based on averages and so so so much data and math and shit THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!!!#so why are you complaining about it as if you do!!!!!!!!#sorry. I know it’s in good faith for the most part but. it feels like straight entitlement to constantly complain and dog on doctors#I’m a victim of medical malpractice!!! i still show respect and understand that they’re individuals. people. human beings.#who are largely trying to help others#regardless of my personal experience with others in their field#sorry this is just a vent now#i love research I love science I love medicine please stop hating on every aspect of it and my community ty#delete later#not fandom#stinky speaks
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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god fuck the topic of benkai’s future kids propels me into a state of I need to go outside and smoke a cigarette
#bitch don’t make me read that shit#I will complain about the pairing and unpack its issues#but that fucking shit is borderline depression inducing#lmao not to sound deranged on main#(and expose my bad habits)#dw it’s not that bad#a post was recommended to me and I got the ick#anti benkai#ben 10#vent#I guess
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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man. i wish you could control who specifically is and isn't allowed to see/interact with a specific post
#i wish it wasn't all or nothing#cause. i got some shit to complain/vent about.#but i don't want Specific People to hear me ranting.#and don't have a way of keeping their eyes off my posts. unless i block them which i don't want to do#ugh.#just gonna let it sit inside me and fester then ig#i wanna talk about me#it's been a long day. and a long week. and i am so fucking tired of everything
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I like DnD but I haven't been able to play it
BUT ONE OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS IS IN A HORROR STORY CAMPAIGN
The DM has a crappy Co DM, the other PCs are always rude to my friend's character, for a while the DM "couldn't" even pronounce my friends character's name(later perfectly pronounced it when I was in the same VC, my friend called it out and the DM sounded flustered like the correct pronunciation was a mistake), and the other players seem to CONSTANTLY have something against my friend for some reason???
Not my place to tell the whole thing, partially cuz idk the entire thing, but I want my friend to leave that campaign for the sake of their mental health.
(I also have another friend who is in that campaign but aren't hostile to my friend and some of the horror latches to them as well)
I mean, yeah, the DM is new I know that but THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY SET RULES?????
#rye vents#rye's friends#vent#tw vent#vent post#rpg horror#dnd#dnd horror#this is so fucking bad i dont want them dealing with this shit ugh#we have other campaigns we should work on anyways#where everyone has clear rules bounderies and COMMUNICATION#DMs please set rules for your players and HAVE A SESSION 0#explain all the rules and talk to ALL the players about their bounderies and yours#my friends are stressed enough as it is they dont need this shit#this us more me being angry on my friend's behalf but i know theyre mad themselves cuz they've been complaining#ive also listened in on some of the sessions#its so annoying like omg
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nothin prompted this on here but. not to be dramatic but if one more 14 yr old on discord calls me (grown adult man) "kid" ill morph into a lampshade can they just not. it feels so weird when ppl younger than me do that like i get yall do it as endearment but PLEASE im AN ADULT !! /lh who tf r yall gonna call kid in ur life anyway u cant even by energy drinks or go to see the fnaf movie like calm down..
#gen like even if ur my friend plz try not to call me kid or whatever it feels. infantalizing#and i know no one means it that way but#growin up autistic and with “childish” interests and ways of reacting ppl calling me a child or kid or whatever is so. eugrgh#also btw. as a man who has been through some shit online#its NEVER a good idea to present yourself as more mature than the adults around you because you never know who will latch onto you#i was used as a helpline from the ages of 14-16 and it was traumatising all because i was seen as more mature and able to handle it#its. yeah#like not saying everyone is like that but#idk my own two (very biased and traumatised) cents on the matter#be all end all is dont talk down to me at all#also if anyone acts like that on anon and u dont sign off as someone i know i might just block you#i block very freely so if u just annoy me too much ur gone.#if any of my friends go “oh im scared i annoy you too much” ill eat your fucking sofa this isnt about u here close ur eyes gang /lh#and again. NOTHING PROMPTED THIS POST OTHER THAN SOME ANNOYING KIDS ON A DIFFERENT PLATFORM#vent i guess?? more complaining#jack's hawkin the headlines !!
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I feel like every time i mention not liking plantcest, I lose a follower
Like what r u guys still doing here lol I feel like it should've been obvious by now
#speculation nation#incest ment/#again. im not even fuckin attacking anyone over it. call me an 'anti' if you want i just dont wanna fucking see incest shit#either it was this or the vent post which like. this is my house lol im gonna vent a little bit sometimes. it happens.#anyways im not complaining exactly. just commenting on how weird it is#id rather not put smth like this in my header but im very tired of this shit touching my sphere#hoped the statement about my server would be enough to show where i stand on the matter :p#oh well. thanks for showing urself out i guess
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#i am going to vent in the tags.#this is your warning to scroll past if you don't want to read about me complaining#particularly about fanfic stuff and irl stuff#there's something extra frustrating to me about people who just like posts who are authors too#like I'm not arrogant enough to think everyone loves my fics enough to reblog them#but fucking really? you're just going to go through my masterlists liking stuff?#i don't love that in general but it feels so much more grating from people who write too#honestly if i wasn't vigilant about children and ageless blogs I'd turn off notifications for likes so fast holy shit#anyways fanfic stuff aside i just had to spend so much ordering groceries fuck me#love being close to broke hahahahhahhahahha#rj vents
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#lyric posting#wip obviously#what the fuck am i cooking i need to learn to produce music stat#it sounds so corny when i post the screenshots but i feel like if and when these become actual songs people will be like damn this slaps#the constant battle between my decent natural way with words and love for having fun with them and my oberactive cringe filter#why are all my song ideas lately about gay sex#not that im complaining#gotta vent that repressed base need somehow i guess#just know when i post shit like this that duality makes me get this rly rly violent urge to delete and be like this is shit this is ass#but like.#im JUST confident enough in my short form writing that i try to leave it up because i know it isnt awful#exposure therapy except the only shame i feel is an anxiety depression based one i cant rly control very easily and im naturally shameless
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tried to ask my ex if she wanted her stuff back which was a horrible idea i shouldve just left it as it is. So i got to humiliate myself ONE more additional time n make her dislike me EVEN more, i hope i learn how to let go someday
#i wish id left it where it was#she asked me to stop making posts which is a big fucking ask considering she denied every ask i had that would make Me feel better#and this is my blog so she’ll just have to accept it i guess#i can love her and also feel like shit n complain abt things n vent my feelings#i dont mention her by name anywahs n nobody gaf#once i get my computer back ill keep busy til i can move on#and anyways she doesnt have to read my posts#we’re blocked now so she wont havw to see them#whatever. im insane and obsessive but i need to redirect that in a more productive way#and i can not wait to forget about all this and move on#i loathe how i messaaged her to ask her if she wants her stuff back#i just wanted an excuse to talk bc im a lonely freak#but ill move on#deep down i still wish maybe we’ll meet again sometime#but ill eventually get over that#i dont want her to think i hate her#cause i dont im just angry n sad n venting#oh well#i need to accept that it is what it is#and it dont matter how she feels abt me anymore#and ill eventually stop feelin for her#and i shouldnt hopelessly dream that maybe she’ll understand how i felt or whatever#like a romcom. expecting us to meet again n things will b nice#cause it wont happen n she really dont have any good will for me so#and YEA maybe i do want her to see my posts#rly bc i want her to understand how i feel#n know how much i think abt her#but for what?#she’ll just get mad n dislike me more#vent
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