#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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toothache :(
#THIS SHIT IS SUCKS AND BALLS !!!#dentist appointment on feb 5 save me. save me dentist appoint on feb 5#rambles#vent#fuuuuuuuuuuuck#lemme complain rq SORRY#i have been dealing with two tooth problems for multiple months#two cracked teeth that ive been ignoring bc they USUALLY do not hurt#right now tho. Fuck.#ive been trying to be alright with takinh care of myself more#that includes. going to the doctor and dentist#going to dentist is so hard n scary n awful for me for some reason. be proud of me#or whateverrrrrrrrrrr#idk what i want from this post. idk. give me a lil smooch or pat my head so i survive or smth
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i'm serious though that people online have got to stop looking at posts and trying to therapize the op and anyone who relates to it. "that's not a healthy way to think" "you just need to do it" maybe not, maybe so, but ultimately who cares??? people are allowed to express their unhealthy, maybe self-pitying, maybe nihilistic posts on their blog. they aren't asking you for advice. they do not know you. you are not their therapist nor are you even their friend. they are not having a conversation, they are venting on their own personal space. if you find these posts annoying just block the post or the op and move on. no one wants to hear your thoughts on someone's mental health when you don't even fucking know them or their situation
#people in the replies of that childhood bedroom post further back in my blog#'dungeons are only like $15' okay first of all not everyone has access to fucking sex dungeons (maybe geographically or physically)#secondly that can be a lot for some people. okay.#thirdly that's a small part of what the post is actually saying#and the other people saying 'you just need to do it' you don't know op#you don't know them! !! you don't!!!#'your friends are probably not living these fantastical lives' probably not but not the point of the post!#and also people are allowed to vent about things that might not be true!#i'm using this post as an example but it's really fucking everywhere#you can't express a negative or depressed opinion on here without people trying to make it positive#or some 'pick yourself up by the bootstraps' shit but make it mental health related#like the fucking 'heres the life i've always longed for' ~sequel~ that i complain about all the time
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fffffuck I hate that just existing feels too overwhelming sometimes. Like I'll be fine dw about me I've been feeling like this for. Years now. But god the way you just don't rlly get used to it.
#ventings#i dontttt like talking abt my passive suicidal ideation (im vague in the post body but thats what this is abt) but im kinda tired of#bottling it up. sorry. gonna complain about how i have to exist and do things when im really tired and just wanna stop existing for a while#wont do it a lot tho its just. this is still my blog lol ill just spare yall more depressing thoughts nd banish them to my sideblog#big thank you to my friends for sticking around me <3 love my friends ily guys. ill feel better when i get into a doodle grind im kinda#just worked up bc i have work later and. adhd-ers in the crowd u know how it is when u have shit to do later. makes it fucking#hard to actually start working on things AUGH. thank fuck i dont work this weekend and my parents will be gone#maybe chilling with my brother upstairs will help reset me :')
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second night of not being able to fall asleep since the new semester started. now im remembering why i stopped taking my adhd meds
#look im a fan of staying up late when it's done voluntarily but this is NOT voluntary#i need to get actual sleep bc i need to actually use my brain for school shit tomorrow and i only got like 2 hours of sleep last night#does my body care about that tho? noooo absolutely not no sleep for you for the rest of your life#even the benadryl isn't working anymore and I've already had 150mg#i need one of those chloroform soaked rags they use in movies when knocking someone out to kidnap them#just. im not fucking doing anything. this would be a much better use of my time if i used it to actually do shit like homework#but nooo i was too tired and wanted to go to sleep early but the sleep never came and the task is firmly stuck in tomorrow mode#and i don't even wanna do the tasks bc i never wanna do anything ever except when i take my adhd meds#but when i do take the meds i can't fall asleep. fucking fantastic#in the words of laura jane grace: i need a week long cocaine binge#wait that would probably make my sleeplessness worse tho nevermind#just. i thought this shit was supposed to be addictive. i just keep not wanting to take them#like the opposite of compulsive redosing or something#ugh ykw maybe i should just try fighting fire with fire#just keep going with the meds to see how long it takes until the lack of sleep is enough to overpower the insomnia#maybe i just need to be harder on myself. stop thinking about what i do or don't want#bc i keep getting stuck in this cycle where i try to find a way to convince myself why i should do a task#but end up only thinking of how i absolutely do not want to do the task#and decide to try being more constructive by asking myself what i do want#only to find that the one single thing i want is just to Not#and coming to the inevitable conclusion that i really just need to kill myself#except that's also a task i need to do that takes energy and i don't rlly wanna do that either so that's one bright side ig#ugh i hate this i hate complaining like if you don't like something abt the situation then fucking do something about it or suck it up#and here i am. doing neither.#i swear i need to be put down like a dog. where's that post abt getting into puppy play so you can be euthanized#welp. i guess it's a good thing i got a therapist before the semester started. he's gonna be in for a shock#mine#vent
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one of the funniest (most annoying) responses to my posts about my own personal experiences is “um this is [x] erasure” or “op this needs more nuance”. ??? no it doesn’t, it’s literally just a vent post about my own feelings and experiences ? lol
#why are you talking about a very variable experience that will widely differ from person to person that no 2 people encounter in the exact#same way without accounting for every nuance that applies to every person in the world ever?#it’s giving ‘how dare your experiences not align precisely with my own!!’#i made a post a while back complaining about disability tropes i find obnoxious in media and a shit ton of people started going ‘uhm op some#disabled people feel DIFFERENTLY than you’ cool? i never said my experiences were universal. i just wanted to vent about the way abled#people treat me and refer to me. i really wish it hadn’t breached containment lmao#leave me alone weirdos#if i wanted to make a blanket statement or write an essay to cover the entire experience of disabled people i would fucking do that#but sometimes personal memes are just that. it’s not any deeper. stop digging for what isn’t there#and stop expecting people to be monoliths or vessels through which entire communities of minorities speak#‘you don’t speak for everyone’ and i never claimed to. glad we cleared that up 👍
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Im going to fucking throw up
#i hate posting about how im insecure abt my drawings because that just makes people rb them out of pity thats annoying as shit dont do that#but then i try for hours to draw something and its honestly not important to me but by the end im pretty pround#so i post it knowing no ones gonna give a shit#and yeah pretty much thats what happens#and i feel like shit bc no one owes me attention ffs#and i know it isnt anything special and i should have drawn something actually interesting instead of another portrait#and i complain to my mother and shes like#'well this is something a child would have drawn it isnt good'#and im like oooh i should kms got it#like obviously im the one who craves validation without putting any effort into making it actually cool#so this is like no one's fault and im self aware of it and it drives me INSANE#and i need to vent this but it will make someone go pity rb all of my stuff and it's gonna feel like shit bc i hate begging for notes#like you know if someone wasnt going to reblog why beg them to. thats not them actually liking the art thats bullshit guilt tripping#i dont even need exposure i dont sell any drawings exposure is useless to me i dont even know what i want#i just want to make something that people like what the fuck
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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the way tumblr talks about medicine makes me wonder how many of us here actually have critical thinking skills
#stop trying to explain shit you know nothing about so you can frame it negatively for clout!!!! literally knock it off!!!#there are so many valid opinions but i don’t understand this and therefore it’s bad “ is NOT one of them actually#fuck it’s far from perfect but seeing people talk about people I work with every day as if they’re monsters is honestly so tiring#it’s just all over my dash#if you read something and it confuses you and that makes you angry#the solution is NOT to make a tumblr post flaming it with all of your misinformation and undereducated opinions#“it is batshit to base dx criteria on statistics “ NO IT IS NOT NO IT IS NOT NO IT IS NOT ARE YOU STUPID???????#THIS IS STEM LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS MATH WHAT THE HELL DO YOU M E A N ?????#literally like!!! 90% of dx criteria involves statistical probability!!!! doctors prescribe statins because you are statistically likely#to develop heart disease or endure a major cardiac event#like they calculate your disease risk based on averages and so so so much data and math and shit THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!!!#so why are you complaining about it as if you do!!!!!!!!#sorry. I know it’s in good faith for the most part but. it feels like straight entitlement to constantly complain and dog on doctors#I’m a victim of medical malpractice!!! i still show respect and understand that they’re individuals. people. human beings.#who are largely trying to help others#regardless of my personal experience with others in their field#sorry this is just a vent now#i love research I love science I love medicine please stop hating on every aspect of it and my community ty#delete later#not fandom#stinky speaks
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even BEFORE she took YET ANOTHER FUCKING STEP BACKWARDS and made me go another fucking mile on a compromise where she has moved half an inch. my sister volunteer to put the bags outside for me because getting to the place where we would be storing them is inconvenient at best and dangerous at worst for me (because, yk, disabled.) and that's not even considering the heat which i am extremely intolerant to. and my mother STILL FUCKING INSISTED that i help her with that. SHE LITERALLY OFFERED TO DO IT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON
#IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE HER FUCKING WAY. DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME OR MY SISTER IT JUST HAS TO BE HER WAY ALWAYS#DOESN'T MATTER IF EVERYONE INVOLVED HAS ALREADY AGREED ON SOMETHING. SHE HAS TO BE THE FUCKING OVERSEER#i remember when i was really little she used to joke that she had kids just so they could do (whatever) for her#and the truth of that statement becomes clearer by the day#she didn't have us because she wanted something to care about! no of course not! she had us so she had someone to boss around#someone who couldn't deny her no matter what#and then when we started doing that she got completely insufferable#and the rest is history! as soon as me and my sister became sentient humans with wants she hated us <3#marin complains#sorry for vent posting so much. i am so immeasurably pissed right now#she always talks about how i “never compromise” and then she goes and pulls shit like this#where i move a mile and she moves and inch#and then she goes even FURTHER back and expects me to meet her there!! like we already fucking compromised shut up!!#anyways. if i could tell my mother to shut the fuck up without severe consequences it wouldn't fix me but it wouldn't certainly help
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sorryyyy gonna vent under the cut
torn between "this customer knows nothing about me and i know nothing about him and i'm not going to assume that there is malice in his actions because i have no reason to" and "i need to sit this man down and explain to him in detail the consequences his actions are having for me specifically and also i hate him"
(elaborating in tags)
#multi makes text posts#ignore this#delete later. probably#vent cw#negative cw#fuckin. dude called in 5 minutes before closing to ask for his lock to be cut#explain to him that yeah sure we can do that. but it's gonna have to be tomorrow#because it's 5 minutes to closing#and i do not have time#he gets upset and guilt trips me until i agree to do it#(trying not to be mad bc i get it. from his perspective he's very stressed and worried.#and it will give him more peace of mind if i can do this for him now. this is customer service.#and it sounds like i don't care when i mention that it has to wait. so i get why he's upset.)#(but fuck you man)#i send him the form to sign so i can cut the lock and tell him i'll do it before i leave#he hangs up on me. proceeds not to sign it.#i call him back and tell him he has to sign it before i can cut the lock. this is a legality thing.#if i do not follow this procedure i will be in some deep shit with my boss#he sounds annoyed and goes like 'okay i get it lol. rules are rules. whatever.' signs it. sends it back.#i cut the lock. i burn my hand a little. (okay that one's my fault lol i wasn't as careful as i should've been). it's whatever#idk idk idk i'm sorry i feel silly complaining#but i was so upset with his attitude#and i'm trying to be understanding because I Get It but i'm also like... man. fuck you#i had to wait an extra like 20 minutes to leave#and then another 10 to finish the other shit i had to do before closing the store#if i get in trouble for ~unauthorized overtime~ i'm gonna start biting people
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯\_(ツ)_/¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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god fuck the topic of benkai’s future kids propels me into a state of I need to go outside and smoke a cigarette
#bitch don’t make me read that shit#I will complain about the pairing and unpack its issues#but that fucking shit is borderline depression inducing#lmao not to sound deranged on main#(and expose my bad habits)#dw it’s not that bad#a post was recommended to me and I got the ick#anti benkai#ben 10#vent#I guess
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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lrt ive been thinking about that sort of shit a lot lately. like i feel like the general discussion of misogyny got nuanced a bit too hard and now a bunch of people are basically softcore mra's
#like to the point of where im scared to post about my problems or feelings with men online#i cant say 'i fucking hate men' without the chance someone will jump down my throat going YOU CANT SAYYY THAAAATTT#NOT ALL OF THEM ARE BAD YOU CANT SAY THAAAATTT#im scared to attribute any of my suffering to men or misogyny cause yall are fucking weird#like no fjcking shit not every single man is like that#can you just let me vent#do i have ro post a big fucking disclaimer every time i complain about rape culture that yes men can get raped too#this isnt fucking about them right now though so maybe get off my fucking post#im talking about me and my problems being oppressed in this misogyny controlled world nowhere did i fucking imply men cant get hurt as well#so actually at this exact moment no i dont have to think about the fucking nuance#can you just let me talk about my problems without demanding i give my attention and sympathy to men for 5 seconds
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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