#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-
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skullzy20 · 9 months ago
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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irskth · 5 years ago
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Haechan : Yes I hate you! - Part 1
Description : You and Donghyuck have a weird relationship, he appeared in your life during a stressful time and in a way helped you forget about it, by creating even more chaos as you got to know him better.
Warnings : Kind of a bad boy hyuck but still soft and funny savage ; Angst ; probably going to be suggestive (I don't know where to take this and I'm just going to write it as i go along) ; some fluff expected(?).
not proof read
A/N : It's not my first time writing a Fic but I haven't done it in some years and they have all been crap so let's see how this goes.
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- Hell no I am not doing that - you whisper to yourself after reading his text message, somehow leaving you speechless at his audacity.
" No thanks I want sleep " you text him back typing fast as you wanted to go to sleep soon.
" Why not? It'll be fun I promise! " he's persistent and annoying and you know he won't give up dragging you to that party he's been talking about all week.
" btw I'm at your doorstep, come down bish " he texts and you go down just to check and he really is at that damn doorstep.
- I already told you I'm not going - you said, stern look on your face but he just chuckled looking at your pajamas.
- You don't look that threatening with those bunny pants - he said annoying the shit out of you - come onn, you're always in your room never leaving your house, you're so boorinng - his whining face was cute.
- what's wrong with being boring?! -
- idk, being boring I guess? - he answered, ironic tone in his voice - come on, I'll buy you that game you've been talking about, just come this once pleaaasee - he begged, pout in his face.
you couldn't say no to the best game you've been dreaming about "Nier Automata" all you could talk about was playing it one day and hyuck was tired of your conversations being only about that game.
- fine I'll go, but only because of the game! - you said, going to your room to grab a sweater and some pants while hyuck was smilling proudly at your doorstep.
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still not happy about the idea of going to a party in the middle of the night you were still happy at the thought of your new game arriving soon, for free.
- what are we doing at this so called party? - you asked, the way to the house where the party was held was quite long and you were going on foot beside hyuck.
- well it's technically not a party - he said a little high pitched sound to his voice.
- so what it is then? - raised eyebrow on your face.
- kinda a sleepover? like just some friends hanging out, I don't even know why you dressed up lol - he said laughing at your fast combination of clothes and attempt at makeup.
- YOU TOLD ME IT WAS A PARTY! - you said, angry tone, still hyuck could only laugh at your angry expressions.
- yeah I know, I wanted to know if you'd still come if I said it was a party - he said low laughing.
- yeah okay, only for my precious game tho - you said still daydreaming about your game.
- man you and your games, could you pay a little more attention to me? - he said pouting while hitting your head.
- Ouch? why would I pay attention to you wtf? we're not even friends lol - you said, savageness in your eyes.
- yeah I hate you lol, idk why we even hang out, don't even know your name clown - you roll your eyes at his nickname.
- yeah lol wtf, you're kidnapping me - you say laughing at the end for how stupid you sound.
- I don't even like that much lol.
- yeah but you don't hang out with anyone else - he responds, tone in his voice deeper than before - you're a loser lol - he laughs it off before taking your hand to arrive at the so called house.
it seemed quiet, no loud music or flashing light so you assumed it was just friends hanging out.
- so like what are we going to do? it's not like I know any of your friends - you said before entering the house.
- relax and just try to get to know people, you might like them - he said reassuring you.
upon entering the house a guy greeted donghyuck and then motioned at you.
- is this your girl? - he said pointing at you, funny look on his face as if mocking you.
- no, actually we just know each other and she was bored so I brought her here.
- liar, I was not bored and I'm only here for the game you promised to buy me. - you said crossing your arms.
- yeah yeah, I know - he laughed it off - so what we doing tonight?
- just some drinking and games, you up for it? - the guy said arriving at the living room.
- you know I'm always up for it jeno - hyuck answered, arm around jeno's shoulder.
we sat down on the floor covered with blankets to make it comfortable and some girls were there already under the influence of alcohol.
- damn you brought all the pretty girls around - hyuck said smiling cheekily at some girls and obviously flirting.
you felt out of place, and he noticed that smiling and introducing you - so like this is Y/N and I don't really know how to explain our relationship cause like, I don't even know her - you rolled your eyes, smiling at the people around you.
- well you could've brought someone prettier - some guy commented, arms around two girls while drinking from a bottle.
hyuck didn't answer and only laughed it off, so you took it as your chance to throw a comment - glad you didn't find me attractive, didn't want to end up as one of those chicks - you said, not amused with the atmosphere you were ready to leave when you hyuck grabbed your arm for you to sit down.
- come on he was just joking right jaemin? apologise to her - hyuck said, as if warning him - yeah whatever - that dude said back? paying more attention to the other girls.
hyuck offered you a drink but you refused - I am not drinking in an unknown person's house -
- come on, just to help you relax, no one's gonna hurt you, at least not physically - he said joking tone in his voice.
- no hyuck, I don't risk my life like that - you still refused and he just took the drink to his lips turning to jeno to ask him something.
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the night was going along, you looked at your phone and it was already 4 am, worried you decided to leave but hyuck turned his attention to you for the first time after offering a drink.
- hey where do you think you're going? - he asked clearly drunk.
- to my house, I have one you know? - you answered ready to leave.
- noo come on you haven't played a single game, you're no fuun Y/N - he was clinging to you.
- hyuck get off I have school early tomorrow - you tried to get him off of you but he was to persistent.
- she calls you hyuck bro, just fuck her already what are you even waiting for? - jaemin guy was really getting on your nerves this night.
- sorry I am not interested, besides I don't even know this guy and he is no one to me - you said angry enough for the night.
- she ain't worth it anyways - you heard hyuck said while still on top of you.
you pushed him off and got up going home at a steady pace, angry plastered all over your expressions and you swore to yourself to never hang out with anyone again, especially donghyuck.
- waiit - you heard behind you and someone grabbing your arm
- I am not interested in listening to anything you have to say, i shouldn't have come here and I don't even want that stupid game anymore, why do I even bother hanging out with you?! - you sad angry still walking foward.
- you have no one else to talk to, everyone hates you and your bitch personality - hyuck said and you stopped on your tracks.
you turned around only to meet a drunk donghyuck, cheeks flushed red and eyes almost closed his posture giving away how drunk he was.
you slapped him hard, making a sound through the night that people could clearly hear amidst the silence - you do not know me. - you said calm yet your angry tone was clear you turn away from him and kept going to your house.
as if unbothered by your slap he stood there with a sarcastic smile - actually I do know you miss Y/N - all he said before he also turned away to go back to his friends.
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a/n : working on this with enthusiasm, also is this too short or is it okay? please let me know.
part 2
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boiguts · 6 years ago
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“When The World Gets Too Heavy” | Connor Murphy x Reader OneShot
It’d only been days since I left the treatment  facility. My depression was already kicking in a bit again, and I felt discouraged from the simplest things, even eating. And now, it was a Monday night. It’d been a long day, only just being back a few days ago and all, and the first day at this new school was… tough. My parents had moved here from a smaller town  while I was in treatment. They did this so that they could be closer to me and keep in touch. At the very least, I knew they cared.
But now, I longed for my old friends . Even the ones from treatment,  really. Like Connor Murphy. Connor was a stubborn, secretive, patient. Really distant. Off.  Hut he warmed up to you after a while. And you warmed up to him. I could tell you that he’s not who he comes off to be. He had this certain aura to him, you know?  Enchanting and warm, yet somehow offsetting. Or maybe it was just me. Desperate me.
It was late enough  into the evening now where no light except the streetlamps shone through my window Everyone else in the house was dead asleep. That is, except for me. I was up late almost every night. Usually,  thinking or writing. But tonight, I was listening to music. The volume  was up fairly quiet, as to of wake any of  my sleeping family members. I was sitting at my desk with only my lamp on for light, drumming pencils on my desk to the music’s beat. So, I guess you could say, everything was normal.
But then the lights went out. I gasped loudly and dropped the pencils. There was a quiet thump as they hit the carpeted floor. Though I was already seventeen, I was still terrified of the dark at the time. I was quick to act, and I got to my feet. I relocated myself to the center of the room to get a better look of my surroundings. But then I remembered that I could not see. So, I  only looked out into the blinding darkness.  The creaking of the house’s old structure rang out into the house. My breathing was in loud, clear, heaves, by now, and my eyes were  opened wide.
Then a small squeal broke the silence as the window opened. Loudly at first, but then slowly and quietly. I froze out of fear, and  found myself unable to turn around to glance at it. I heard hard, heavy footsteps beat into the carpeted floor. At once, I felt cold, wet, arms wrap around me. My breath hitched.
I tried to let out a scream, but the figure sensed it, and I was silenced  with a large hand over my mouth. The arms turned  me around to face the being in which possessed them.  “Whoa, chill out, god!” The voice whisper-yelled. It was a familiar voice, onne I’d heard many times before. I just couldn’t put my finger on which one.
At once, I was released, and I took a large step backward, nearly falling on my ass. I could see the vague figure of a person fishing for something from their pocket. They stopped, and brought out a lighter, lit it, and brought it up to show their face. It was Connor. He was soaked from head to toe. His hair was matted down by the rain, and he could hardly keep it out of his face.
The fear on my face evaporated into excitement,  then confusion. “Connor Murphy? I thought you were still in treatment?” I  heard him let out a soft chuckle. “Relax. I just got out the other  day.  They got tired of my  bullshit and gave up. My parents brought me back  home.” Connor explained, prancing across the room and to my  bed, nonchalantly plopping down on it. He made that statement with a smile on his face, but I could see the disappointment that plagued him just written in his eyes. He really thought he could get better. I watched  as he folded an arm behind his head and leaned back against the wall. He kept the light focused in front of his face, and put on a more obviously disappointed look.  “What, aren’t you happy to see me?”
I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “As happy as I can be. You’re getting my bed all wet. It’s the only one I’ve got, you know.”  I told Connor, only to see him raise an eyebrow. “Oh, my apologies princess, I’d never disrespect your royal beddings, your majesty.” He called out sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and took another few steps towards him. “You never were the polite type, were you?” Connor laughed again and threw up his hands in defeat. “What can I say? I never change.” “Of course you don’t.” It was true, too.
It was silent for a long time, except for the sounds of thee ongoing storm outside. I  kept my gaze away from his illuminated face. “You should go.” I told him. “But-” “You need to go. We can  talk later. Preferably when it’s not three in the morning. You can explain yourself then.” Connor let out a loud groan and stood up, opening the window again. He slowly turned. “Come with me.” From what I remember, eh then  proceeded to lead me deep into the woods, to a clearing with a large tarp tied over it and a fire beneath it.
By now, it was nearly pitch black outside. If I remember correctly, the only light to be found was the burning embers of the fire illuminating our pale faces. A tarp was strung above us, tied between the low-lying branches of two different trees. That was the only reason we were able to keep the fire burning. The rain tapped endlessly to an unsynchronized rhythm against the black plastic; a noise I was used to by now.
I watched as Connor pushed his hair out of his face and grabbed a lighter from his jacket pocket. The partially rusted silver zippo shined in the dim firelight. There was a quiet click as he flicked the lid back  and stuck the end of a rolled up piece of paper between his pursed lips. I knew what was in that paper. He inhaled deeply, followed by a loud, dry, cough.
For a brief moment, he held another rolled up paper towards me as an offer, but I waved my hand in dismissal. “Sorry, I just...I can’t get back into that again.” I admitted.  Connor just scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, whatever…” He said quietly.
I know why he wanted to come out here, out of all places. It was empty. It was one of the only ways for kids like us fresh out of treatment to get any time to themselves. Parents were constantly over-concerned, and refused to leave you alone in fear of what you might do while you were by yourself.
I watched him dig the rest of his blunt into the ground. “Did… Did you miss me?” You’d expect that would be a question asked with a little more emotion. But not from  Connor Murphy. I thought for a moment. “Well, yeah, of course I did. You were my friend.” I don’t know what I was thinking saying friend. We were obviously more than friends at some moments. Some moments that are clear in my mind. That are nearly impossible to forget. We were so much more. “Okay.” He replied quietly. That was clearly not what he wanted to hear.
I hesitated for a moment. “I shouldn’t be here. I should go, Connor.” His gaze quickly darted to my figure, now rising from the ground where I sat. His mouth sat slightly ajar for a moment. I could tell he was about to abject. But then his mouth closed again. “I’m sorry.” I got up and put the hood of my hoodie over my head, and began to run. I remembered all the trouble we got into treatment, and all the nights we spent together that I might never forget. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go back to that life. I wasn’t sure if I could.
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szebastianonne · 5 years ago
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“You Are What You Repeat” – Really?
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“One comes, finally, to believe whatever one repeats to one’s self, whether the statement is true or false.” – Napoleon Hill
Above quote made me wonder…
Do we actually begin to believe what we repeat in our minds?
Do we become the person we fear of becoming, by keep repeating in our mind, during conversations, an in action the very act that defines who we become and what we were originally afraid of becoming – every chance we get?
Does the repeated information that is pushed in our face over and over, really change what and how we think and ultimately the choices we make in our lives?
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We do not have to look too far for an answer – Advertising does it to us, day-in and day-out, NON-STOP! Wont’ you agree?
We see the same product/service being promoted over and over and Over and OVer and OVEr and OVER. You get the hint! It goes on until we just can’t get the advertisement out of our head. Next thing we know, at the supermarket – we don’t even realize how smoothly we pick up the very product we have been watching over and over, and place it in our shopping trolley without a second thought. This goes to show the impact of repetition in our day to day life. Now imagine things outside the marketing world and about your own life. Things that are repeated non-stop by our communities, families, friends, teachers and we are trained to think and believe a certain way. We become the by-product of the social repetitions that are drilled into our thought system relentlessly.
Remember when you were a little child and were asked ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ Ask yourself – Have you just become that .. or something similar? Studies show a considerable percentage of individuals end up in the jobs they are repeatedly told they will be good at or will ‘become’ when they grow up. Those who go against the ‘drilled-in’ ambition are often frowned upon, though that phenomenon is decreasing by the day. Not as quickly though, as we’d like to. Stereotyping the jobs and careers on gender-roles, preparing our mindsets according to our gender continues to take the lead to date.
Now, it could be that you wanted to be a pilot and ended up working at the reception of a travel agency but hey … that’s possibly how far you were meant to be in aviation industry, not to forget Success is directly proportional to effort and intelligence involved. Who would you blame anyway – at the end of the day what you become is directly proportional to the efforts you put towards your dreams – isn’t it? But here is the mind-blowing question: Were you meant to be in the industry you ended up in, or were you socially-repeat-trained to become who you have become? If you look at most successful names out there, you will find, the happy, progressing and authoritative figures out there have done something outside the box and beyond the repetitions they were raised with and created a niche and success path of their own. Though, there is no evident research or data to substantiate this theory, that we know of.
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But does it mean if you repeat to yourself – even as a joke, (as some people I know do as part of their dark humor) “I may have cancer, who knows” when they are tiniest bit unwell. You reckon they end up getting it … well I guess its brutal question to ask and a morbid way of putting things – but underlying question here is – do they know something  that makes them repeat it over and over as a joke and is it something they are preparing themselves for by constantly joking about it? Or are they getting their network used to the idea, so if it happens, it’s no-brainer? Could it be that they know that the lifestyle they are leading is high-risk for a certain medical condition and increases their chances of being part of the scary-statistics? If so, why not change how they live, improve the choices they make and repeat to themselves the better steps they can take and inspire others as well? I know, I ask too many questions. I suppose I try to not repeat but ask, learn, evolve, as much as I possibly can.
Touchy topic, and at the risk of sounding defensive, I am not making light of Cancer. I have lost 22 people in my immediate network in less than 8 years due to this horrid disease. I have shed far too many tears to ever mock cancer – instead I am asking valid question! And maybe it is a way of reducing the fear, stigma and all the baggage that comes along with it. But I cannot say, as I am not an expert – but yet the thought does stimulate my mind and increases my curiosity as to what could be behind this? Why would we joke about something so scary …. ! ? ? ?
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One of my exes (umm yeah I have more than one!) said to me all the time that I should not joke so much. She strongly believed ‘behind every joke is some bitter and real truth’ and I always seemed to disagree with her because I am known to joke for no reason and all the time. It is just who I am. But when I think of it – I agree with her in essence – every joke began with some incident, silly, funny – someone was being laughed at – it could be you or it could be someone else. But there is always someone or something you are laughing at and there is somewhat real situation that became funny for the audience. She’d be thrilled to know finally I agree with her on something. Yeah you wish Trish! (no, not her name!)
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My father always joked about death and constantly laughed and said ‘Hey it’s the only truth of our life – we all die, so why make it a taboo and why not talk about it?” – Mom and I always got annoyed (not so much – he always made it funny!) but… he died young and healthy.. At 48… it hit hard but when I think of it – had he not joked about death all the time, we would not have dealt with the loss the way we did. He prepared us every day in our lives that one day one of us will leave the rest of us. What seemed a cruel joke at the time, prepared us mentally to move on in our lives with or without each other – certainly the memories and feelings will always be there.
I can never get over the fact that I lost my father just when my career was beginning, but I also can never underestimate the power of truth, reality and preparation in his intentions. He was a Social Activist, he was fighting against ‘Big Money’ people for the poor, destitute, ignored and abused commoner. He knew one day, some way or the other our family will face a horrible tragedy like this. He was right, and he prepared us. I don’t know if I am more grateful or angry at him for knowing this, preparing us for this and leaving us. But I know, we have survived because his repeated jokes prepared us for the worst and kept us strong in the worst event of our lives.
It is amazing; things we don’t think of and don’t realize actually do rule our lives.
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Remember the song “I am beautiful, I am beautiful – damn it!” by Bette Meddler? You may laugh at my expense; but it always seems to works for me if I am feeling down or ugly.
We all do at times! So once again, repeating the information – in this case a song, does change how I feel about myself and does help me lift my spirits and gain my strength back.
So to me it appears, We really are what we repeat! How about you?
#INSPIREinfluenCEL
Szebastian Onne G. S.
Originally Published on http://szebastian.com on December 21, 2010. Republished with authorization. Copyright Reserved. For more inspiring articles, click here
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