#and i know it isnt anything special and i should have drawn something actually interesting instead of another portrait

[hiveswap]

Im going to fucking throw up

[neverdoingmuch]

now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!! 

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica. 

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something 

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it. 

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic. 

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time 

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body. 

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is. 

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot! 

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

[kanohivolitakk]

Have you done Krekka for the ask game? I know you're a huge Nidhiki fan, curious if you have any thoughts on his partner?

I haven't gotten Krekka yet actually. So far I only done Toa Ignika and Axonn for the Bionicle ask game (which Im still accepting). That being said great choice. Krekka isn't necessarily a big favorite of mine (partially because I'm not that fond of the "dumb brute" archetype barring a few exceptions), but I have to admit I do have a soft spot for the big guy. Krekka is a relatively simple character when it comes to characterization/backstory/role in the story (especially when compared to Nidhiki), but that doesn't mean I don't have any "deeper" thoughts regarding him or that there isnt stuff worth discussing.

Anyways some thoughts/headcanons/general musings:

This is a weird thing to start with but... Krekka is kinda adorable for me. I think its kinda this ...overgrown puppy (bulldog??) vibe due to his loyalty and dumbness. I admit BOADH is a big reason for me feeling this way since it gave him a few moments that made me go "AWWW he's so cute". Just..love his loyalty so much.

His undying loyalty makes him stand out for me across the other dark hunters. While many dark hunters we ha e are opportunistic and schemy, Krekka is just...very loyal. Maybe too much so. But I love that he is loyal. Feels refreshing tbh.

And now I cant help but feel that TSO is just "guys stupid but at least he wont double cross me and is easy to keep in check" when it comes to him.

Not to go woobifying villains but I genuinely dont think the guys that bad. Hes just really stupid, overly loyal and doing his job. Its kinda like w Lariska being a decent person despite being a knife happy murder girl although to a much lesser extent since guys a literalminded fool and also just smashy boy.

I do like his backstory of being a former guard who lost his job and started wreck havoc until one day a dark hunter found and hired him. It isnt anything too complex but it works well for his character and explains why he is so loyal to Dark Hunters. It also helps bringing a bit more light to his homeland and I love when we get more info of places through character backstories, makes the world feel more real that way.

Also can Gorast please stop hurting charaxters I like. This is the reason shes my least favorite character in the 2001-2008 storyline that isnt just a glorified extra or a plot device.

When it comes to Krekka, one scene I always think of when I think of him is in BOADH where he temporarily forgot to fly and Nidhiki was just "WAIT A MOMENT LARISKA TOLD ME YOU CAN FLY????" and Krekka just goes "whoops I forgot". That was adorable honestly. You dumb idiot, forgot you could fly.

Also, I know he's kinda "the idiot character", and while I am NOT saying he isn't, I do think its worth pointing out that he's basically literal minded. In BOADH (again) when Nidhiki tried to do that training scenario Krekka basically was like "wait I’m here, there’s nothing there why should I move there". This is

Another thing I really like about Krekka is that how, despite being an absolute idiot and tool, he still is willing to sometimes not take Nidhikis bullshit, see preventing him from getting the Zamor launchers (geez BOADH did a lot for this guys characterization lmao)

I sometimes call him truck boy because his name is one letter off my languages word for truck.

Also unless canon/word of Greg says otherwise I don't think every member of his species is as stupid as him. Like possibly on similar level but still.

It is made pretty clear that Nidhiki couldn't stand Krekka at all, but I do genuinely wonder how Krekka feels about Nidhiki. Based on the little we have I'd say he liked him to some extent or at the very least, didn't hate him to the same degree. I also have to wonder how aware he was about Nidhikis haterd towards him.

I also love the idea that when Nidhiki was mutated, Krekka just...wasnt afraid of him at slightest, no fear in this dumb boy. (I also like the idea he didnt recognize him at first and Nidhiki just, had to explain to his thick skull who he was. It took a while but eventually he got it.)

On a related note, I find it interesting how the LOMN website describes him working with Nidhiki because guy knows where to get the good jobs or something rather than being his goverment (read TSO) assigned partner The way the twos relationship were described makes it feel that by this point the staff hadnt figured out what they wanted to do with Dark Hunters , or if it even was an organization or just these two tools.

Its really interesting for me how Krekkas characterization not only varies between the books/comics (where hes more intimidating and him being a simpleton isnt as pronounced) and the movie (where hes more of a dumbass) but also how his characterization evolved. Like, his loyalty wasn't that pronounced trait but now I feel its just as important part of him as him being a dumbass (which is to say, very interesting)

I remember how the aftoermentoined Metru Nui movie website described that Krekka hated toa to the point wouldve hunted them for free if Nidhiki didnt make sure the two would get paid. I feel this is somewhat early installment weirdness as it isnt mentioned anywhere else but at the same time Krekka being willing to fight without payment sounds 1000% in character if you ask me

Something I have been confused over: when exactly was Krekka recruited to the dark hunters??? The timeline is very vague about this and I wish we knew.

It's been AGES since I watched my home countrys dub of LOMN but what I recall I really liked Krekka's voice in that dub. He sounded more badass and I loved it, the VA had a pretty unique sound. Sadly dont think there is any clips of the LOMN dub, which is a shame. UPDATE: I rewatched the dub and I love the voice itself but felt the voice direction made him sound kinda inconsistent

This is more a "Nidhiki and Krekka related thought" rather than just Krekka related but one thing I really like about Krekka and Nidhiki is that how they are like a more serious and competent take of "those two evil henchmen with contrasting personalities" trope. Often these types of villains are rather goofy, but these two could be rather dangerous as well and I really like that. I also like their dynamic of just doing Nidhiki being done with Krekkas bullshit. One of the main reasons I wish LOMN was a miniseries rather than a movie is because I really wanted more screentime with the two.

On a related note can I JUST SAY I LOVE the way the two compliment/pararell each other. From design (Krekka being bulky mostly blue colored, Nidhiki being slender and monstrous, mostly green colored) to personality (Krekka being foolish and simpleminded but loyal Nidhiki being cunning and ambitious but treacherous) to powersets (Krekka being strong physical attacker, Nidhiki being weaker(??) but faster and more special attacker).Heck, even their backstories have similarities as they both lost their orginal purpose in one way or another and didnt have anywhere to go but Dark Hunters (the main difference being that Nidhiki inflicted his fate upon himself by betraying the toa while Krekka didnt really do anything iirc)

Now for something crossovery, Krekkas and Nidhikis dynamic reminds me a lot of Kronk and Yzma from Emperors New Groove. Yes I have drawn a parody of the "pull the lever kronk" meme, yes I intend to make more screencap redraws. They also remind me a lot of Mummymon and Archenemon from Digimon 02, partially due to the dynamic (smug spider that tries to be cunning and intimidating but gets outclassed by most other villains in that + loyal blue dumb boy) partially due to their ultimate fate being rather similar.

I don't know how familiar you are with the franchise, but Krekka reminds me a fair bit of Gamel, one of the four villain generals in Kamen Rider OOOs, mainly because "the dumb brute major villain that's kinda cuteish and loyal a f while everyone else is an asshole".

I remember reading a p good oneshot fic that was just him accidentally killing a civilian when all he wanted was a hug and...honestly that is p much what I imagine him being like. Guy may be strong, reckless and a fool but like I said I dont think hes all that bad and just a puppy. An overgrown, moronic puppy but a puppy nontheless

For AUs, I remember I have thought once of "What if Krekka survived but Nidhiki died" and just ...guy wouldve been very lost and confused and unsure what to do tbh. He would most likely returned to Dark Hunters but Mata Nui knows how say TSO wouldve felt about that. Its not too complex au yet but I am thinking of developing it further one day.

Thank you for asking.

Sorry this took longer than expected. I had too many thoughts and half of them were deleted so. I hope its worth the wait tho. I do have a lot of Krekka thoughts and tbh wasnt sure if I was even able to get them all here.

(I am still doing the ask game so if anyone wants to send me a bonkle I will try to give thoughts, meta and headcanons on them)

[imbeccablee]

HAPPY BIRTH TO OUR LITTLE GREEN FERAL BOI-HC about how his birthday were when he was younger compared to now? (bonus points for Mama Inko being the only constant and for steadily more and more people being at his parties and deku having no idea how to deal with so many people who love him)

oh you KNOW I'm here for that Izuku angst!!! (sorry this is late, I didnt see this until yesterday night lmao)

before Izuku was diagnosed, he would invite katsuki and those other boys over after daycare. it would always be a little awkward bc technically those other boys are more katsuki's friends than Izuku's but their parents made them go anyway bc it was the nice thing to do

oftentimes the rest of the party would end up with the boys playing with Izuku's new toys (which made him a lil upset but his mom says he should share and not be selfish and besides, these are his friends, he wants them to like him, so its whatever. it is) and also playing Heroes (this is the one of the few times Izuku is allowed to play a hero with katsuki (bc theres no way in heck katsuki would play a villain) and Izuku LIVES for it)

usually the other boys will leave and katsuki will spend the night. this is always the best part for Izuku because, while katsuki does keep showing off, it's almost softer in a way, like the fact that it's just the two of them, alone, with the rest of the world shut out makes katsuki relax and unwind. izuku doesnt understand why katsuki isnt like this all the time. he doesnt know how to ask, either.

this of course ends with his fifth birthday. the months following his fourth, he eagerly awaits the arrival of his quirk, but it never shows. a week after his fifth birthday (which had been even more awkward and embarrassing since his quirk still hadn't manifested), he is diagnosed. and, well, nobody wanted to go to his party after that.

the kids thought he was weird and lame and the parents were afraid their own kids would hurt him somehow if they were to come over, because they all believed the quirkless to be weak and fragile. this of course also meant that none of the kids were allowed to invite him over to their parties, the only exception being katsuki's. and then katsuki fell off a log into a shallow river and izuku tried to help him up and, well.

he still invites people, oh yes. the first few years, he makes little invitation cards drawn in all might colors and an enthusiastic "you're invited!" on the front. inko, the sweetheart, helps put them in envelopes and carefully stored them in Izuku's backpack and Izuku passes them out. the first time no one shows, izuku is devastated. the second time, after yet another year of being downgraded and belittled and beaten and ignored, he is still devastated, but he is not surprised. the third time, it aches and aches and aches, and he decides he's not going to make cards anymore. it's just a waste of time and paper.

inko tried so very hard. those first few birthdays After were completely unsalvageable, but after the third (when Izuku accepted no one would come) they got better. izuku was still sad and inko was still guilty, but they always had a lovely time with katsudon and cake and all might specials. sometimes, his dad would even remember to call and wish him a happy birthday. izuku was- well, not happy, but content. he had his mother. he had his conviction, his dream. what else could he need?

(he steadfastly ignored the longing, the ache. nothing he could do would fix it so there was no point in dwelling on it. it was stupid to feel that way anyway. his birthday was just another day of the week, the month, the year. it didnt matter. he shouldnt feel so bad about it. it didnt matter)

he didn't even think about telling all might his birthday. by the time he was 14 going on 15, he didnt really care about it. it had just been a day he got a gift or two from his mother, his favorite dinner, and a night spent rewatching all might documentaries or movies or interviews. you know, like basically every night, but like, older this time. so he doesnt mention it and all might never brought it up, so his 15th birthday comes and goes like every other birthday did after his 8th.

the truth of the matter was all might figured Izuku would mention it at some point during his training, like offhandedly saying he had to get home early so he could have a celebration, or make small talk about what he'd gotten, or even ask for the day off. but Izuku never did and all might felt too awkward to ask when it was (he didnt want to seem too eager to shower young Izuku with presents like something deep inside him begged for with a vengeance, even though he very much wanted to give Izuku literally anything he asked for. it is a troubling feeling), so all might just assumed his birthday hadn't come up yet.

then all might finally gets a look at Izuku's file, since all might is now a teacher, and sees 07/15/XXXX written and probably breaks the speed of sound with how quickly he calls izuku

"why didnt you tell me about your birthday!!" "wh- I mean- it's just not that big of a deal, I didnt think it was-" "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???"

he takes Izuku out to a very belated and nice birthday dinner and has to force an incredibly rare piece of decommissioned all might merch from his early days into Izuku's hands. despite his embarrassment and initial reluctance, that day is ranked in the top ten of his favorite days.

izuku doesnt learn his lesson, however, and neglects to tell his newly acquired friends about his date of birth. the only reason they find out is because all might, having been passing them by at the end of the school day, wished him a happy birthday.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY????" "uraraka please its not a big deal-" "I have to disagree midoriya, today should be special!" "I mean, I dont think birthdays are all that important either" "THANK YOU todoroki"

(and then Izuku thinks for 2 seconds WHY Todoroki thinks birthdays are unimportant and gets sad again but we're not focusing on that rn)

ochako DEMANDS that they celebrate bc theres no way in hell she's allowing her best friend to go without a birthday celebration with friends, but Izuku insists that they at least wait until summer vacation starts in less than a week, especially since he cant just come home with three friends without telling his mom

ochakos like >:( for a second, but concedes bc that's fair and then she launches herself at Izuku and gives him a big ole hug and says "happy birthday!!!" izuku's all sputtering and blushing, and then he feels a hand on either arm and Iida and Todoroki give him warm smiles and wish the same and it takes a good five minutes for his face to calm down and for him to come out from behind his arms once Ochako releases him.

so he tells his mom that his friends want to come over to celebrate soon and inko is just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because FINALLY her boy has GOOD FRIENDS who want to CELEBRATE HIM and Izuku freaks out cuz his mom is crying but she waves him off and tells him to tell the dekusquad that they can come over on saturday and that they can spend the night and that they'll have a wonderful time!!!

izuku relays two-thirds of that information in their group chat and they all agree and then basically Izuku is dreading the weekend bc the few birthday parties he's had with his "friends" before hadn't been all that great (besides the sleepover part with katsuki, though their current animosity kinda makes the memories bittersweet), and like, while he knows objectively Ochako, iida, and Todoroki are Much Better than those boys from his childhood, he just doesnt have a good frame of reference for how these things go.

anyway, so Saturday comes around and Izuku is just listlessly lazing around while his mother finishes cooking ("let me help you mom-" "nuh uh, this is for YOUR celebration mister, you arent doing a THING today), and then theres an enthusiastic knock on his door, and when he goes and opens it his friends greet him with yet another cheer of "happy birthday deku/midoriya!!"

izuku smiles because its sweet even if he doesnt particularly care about birthdays, and invites them in. they set their presents on the table and Izuku's like "you didnt have to!!" and Ochako's like "NONSENSE" and Iida is like "how could we show up at your birthday celebration without presents???" and todoroki's like "any chance to spend endeavour's money on things he wouldnt like is a chance I will never not take" and Izuku is just like akdjajdhajsb when his mom finally comes and greets them

and like. it's nice. it's really really REALLY freaking nice. Izuku didnt realize how much he was actually missing having people with him in his home besides his mom until they were there. there's a wonderful warmth filling his chest as they all eat his mother's homemade katsudon and talk about school and how excited they are for the upcoming summer trip. and when heroes come up, they ask him about different quirks and how they work and what he thinks of this hero and that hero and the only time he's interrupted from his tangents is when he stops himself because he's embarrassed for talking for so long. and then they smile and prompt him some more, saying they love hearing him talk about the stuff that interests him, and can anyone really blame him for bursting into tears?

his friends are alarmed but his mom just smiles, tearing up herself, and she asks if he'd like a big hug, and he nods, face burning bright, and then they all gather him in a warm, enveloping embrace, and he wonders how in the hell he survived without this for so long?

he's so warm and loved and for the first time in forever he feels happy during his birthday celebration.

his 16th birthday party is so incredibly different from the parties he held before he was diagnosed and from the birthdays he spent with only his mother. he'd forgotten that feeling of being cared for by people who didnt need to, or rather he'd never really known it. there's a slight twinge that it took so long for him to learn this feeling, but it's completely overshadowed by the pure elation he feels at finally being able to breathe and relax and let himself be loved.

his friends still look concerned and they obviously have questions, but they dont pry as they all continue with the party. he opens their presents and cries again and then they watch a ton of hero movies and he cries a little more. iida worries he'll dehydrate himself and Ochako fuckin loses it and Todoroki has such a soft look on his face and GOD how has Izuku lived without friends? without THEM?

it's late when they turn in, with futons and mountains of pillows and blankets surrounding them on the living room floor. izuku is nestled between Ochako and Todoroki, and he stares at the ceiling as his friends doze around him. he can feel his heart beating in his chest and, with amusement, he feels his eyes watering again, but he blinks the tears away and whispers thickly, "hey guys?" once he gets sleepy questioning murmurs, he breathes in deeply and says, "thank you." in response Ochako and Todoroki schooch closer until they're cuddled on either arm and Izuku can see Iida doing the same on the other end of ochako. then Ochako mumbles, "anything for you, deku" to which the other two boys agree. and Izuku tries to not get choked up and fails again, but its okay, because its safe here and his friends are surrounding him with warmth and love and Izuku falls asleep happy.

(their second year they have another party, of course, but this one is bigger, with the whole class. it's in the dorm, which is fine bc he doesnt think his mom's apartment could hold all of them. it's just as wonderful as his 16th birthday. he managed to hold his tears back during nearly the entire thing, and the only reason he broke was because katsuki came up to him with a perfectly wrapped box, because everything katsuki does is perfect, and shoved it into his hands with a growled well wishes. katsuki yells at him and the class laughs good heartedly as he weeps, but Izuku is just focused on katsuki, who looks soft and relaxed and nearly identical to the version of him that Izuku saw so, so long ago. and as Izuku thanks him for the present and katsuki berates him cuz "you dont even know what it is yet you idiot open it already", izuku feels a new happiness bubbling up in him, because he's so incredibly glad katsuki has been able to heal as well)

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[comicteaparty]

August 30th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 30th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey~! (http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question for participants to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer! If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comic~! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yo

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

HI THERE JONNY

sorry I'll stop the caps locking

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

should I answer the questions too?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Well, I guess my favorite scene to design was the final pages of #4

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if you want to answer the questions i wont stop you. though this is basically the only one thats non spoiler-y

and anything specific you liked about designing those pages?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

There was a lot of quiet still shots . I enjoy writing dialouge enough but visual emotion is more interesting to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think that shows through the comic throughout. not that the dialogue or other aspects are poor, mind you. but i do think the comic shines strongest when its relying on the visuals.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Agreed.

The comic has a really great art style that lends itself really well to action and dramatic scenes

And the expressive characters

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. although definitely the action. theres something in the movements that feels immensely fluid.

ironically though, i think my favorite scene is the end of #5. i enjoyed the emotional drama of jonny realizing that the world simply just isnt this easy to define black and white thing. and i think that just adds a good emotional layer that helps followup on the fact that #3 had that sense of moral grayness as well. i also just liked seeing jonny having his own little folders for villains. thats just kind of cute. practical but cute.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

ye

I just wonder when our boy the J-Man will return

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(working on next ish

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

yessssss

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

#3 was probably the first true character arc in the comic

I'm glad it followed up nicely so far

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Good to hear

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes and im really enjoying the balance of the villains. like theres this great moral grayness to them where their motives and backstories are sympathetic. but i like that in this case it doesnt go too far. like the story keeps it clear that nah, theyre sympathetic and have dimension, but theyre 100% the villain and need to be stopped.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh, Jonny, I have something to report, if you don't mind

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/jonny-concept-art

I think the images here are broken

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

oh yeah. I haven't gotten around to fixing that.

There's just so much to do in one day :0

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I can imagine

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I keep putting stuff like that aside so I can work on the archive stuff.

but Justin what's your fav scene. I really wanna know.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes do tell SJ

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Crap uhh It's been so long ago

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/125 bu I'd say this scene was a pretty fun one

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh yeah, that took a long time to make.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

how long?

if ya remember

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Probably the whole day

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

wow, that quickly huh?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I wonder if anyone noticed that pipe gag.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe but definitely not me. now i see it and thats a fantastic detail.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i never saw it either

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like sign jokes a lot. Probably cause of The Simpsons.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i can see that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i want to say i really like jonny's costume design. i like the contrast of colors but i also like how its this mix of superhero and street clothes. i think it really expresses his personality well that this is his choice of uniform.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I remember when he was drawn with rainbow colors one time

as a joke

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The rainbow would make a cool special short sometime.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

nice

Aw yeah now I remember

you were doing a Q&A

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His suit got more "professional superhero" as it went along but I'll be damned if he ever loses his sneakers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

aw yea

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf sneakers seem very comfy for fighting

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

indeed

for me my footwear of choice are boots

cause they hit hard

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Made it. ^.^ I liked the scene where Abe gave Johnny the costume. Like, I know you're not going to quit this, so I've got your back. And you be styling.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

MATH

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

He'll wear boots in the winter

yo!

That was very nice of him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

boots good for kicking?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

boots are made for walking

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

abe is the bestest of best friends. abe is the vip. has the costume, has the science, has the loyalty. A+ friend.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you sure bout that

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 2. Of all the threads in the comic, there is one that stands above the rest: Who is the Big-Man? What do you think the Big-Man’s ultimate goal is? Is he up to something big, or is his goal simply self-profit? We’ve also seen many people are in the Big-Man’s pockets. Do you believe they’ll stay loyal, or will one of them eventually bail and squeal on the Big-Man? What do you think will happen if Jonny discovers the identity of one of these accomplices? What if it is someone he knows? Do you believe, at current, that Jonny would be able to beat the Big-Man? Or do you believe the Big-Man has something up his sleeve? Lastly, what do you think the Big-Man’s next move will be in regards to dealing with Jonny? Will he continue to try and capture him, or will all efforts move to elimination?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ok, this one I can't answer.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you mean this one?

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Sergei-Sternoff-Updated.png

cause he's pretty big

if you know what I mean

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

no not that one, but fair point. unless this was all a rouse. and if we think sergei is out of the picture well never suspect him of being the big-man O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sergei's just a hired goon. Not very bright.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

of course cause he has to follow the dumb muscle stereotype, is that it?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Just reading the backlog. Incidentally, I only made it to the end of #5, the two parter. Lots of pages!)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

That's pretty far. You only missed the prequel. (Hope we discuss that later)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think I noticed that pipe gag in passing, it only really registered subconsciously.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i unfortunately did not include a question about the prequel cause i worried it was too far along, but the questions are optional. and so we can talk about it towards the end if we so choose.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

ok

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The Big-Man is actually Johnny himself, who time travelled back into the past and is now trying to set himself up to be a better superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that would be quite the twist

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

It's the reason he knows so much.

Actually, Big-Man's probably just an extra terrestrial.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

interesting theory

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is interesting and not something that occured to me

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oh I also found this guy on the site

http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/assets/images/static/Unknown-Man.png

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

who's dat??????

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

it's easy

it's [NAME REDACTED]

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually can even make that make sense. he was interested in that one energy project cause the big-man needs unlimited energy to get off earth and get home. big-man just homesick.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh yeah, and there's the Question too.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

so im gonna assume the big-man's goal is something like world domination. maybe on the underground black market level, but some sort of domination. but one thing from this question set i believe is that one of the ppl in his pockets is gonna squeal. someone somewhere is gonna get a conscience and be like, "nah maybe this is a bad idea."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I like it! It's why he's interested in the scientists too.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

because nothing like becoming the president for a day or two

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

idk, money doesn't talk

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Does Big-Man need world domination though? He's already got all the neatest gadgets, from the stuff used in the first chapter to whatever the heck hypnotized a scientist to smuggle out blood samples via camera feed.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nonsense

they ALWAYS want world domination

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe shady Question guy is the squealer.

By the way, the smuggling of samples I think means Big-Man doesn't need to try and capture him. In fact, that whole thing could have been a ruse to distract from the real crime.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that is true. you could make an argument big-man already owns the world. he has no goal and is just playing with his toys. but then jonny came and he was like "a shiny new toy!?"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Why not just grab Sleepy Bear though? Seems like an easier target somehow.

Guy's more sentimental. (Which is weird for an AI.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

J-Mam is too protective of Sleepy to keep him out of his sight. Don't think it'd be easy to kidnap him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats good. i think id be too horrified if sleepy got kidnapped.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

That is a good point. Would need a decoy.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

decoys fooling the big bad

Never fails to amaze me

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Wait, you're not sleepy bear, you're... grumpy bear!"

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

i read that as "Sleepy Bar"

"Come get your Sleepy Candy Bars Today!"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Sleepy Bar is what he's called in Boston

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think sleepy bear was a great addition. because partners are good. and like, its good for the j-man's image. nobody is gonna look at a superhero with a backpack bear and think he isnt the best superhero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

XD(edited)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

good PR

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I also want to give a shotout of my own to Jonny's costume/outfit I like how it almost looks like he's in casual gear or something

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Honestly, sleepy bear creeps me out a bit. I think maybe because of that one panel where he was putting on the outfit, and it felt vaguely like the robot putting on someone else's skin just to blend in better.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

but then you see him from the front and

wait what

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

In terms of someone working for Big-Man who might flip, aside from mystery question man, it could be that female scientist person who got kidnapped.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna blame FNAF. cause i did get FNAF vibes for a moment tbh

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"Inhale my dong enragement child"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

But that's why he wears the bear suit. Cause his robot body is scary.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

idk she seems unlikely to flip to me. mostly cause i dont think shes on the end that realizes the extent of evil. that one friend whose name i forget has a dad that got roped in though. and i think hes the most likely to flip and then jonny will be sad realizing the big-man is just basically everywhere.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

orly

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah's dad is the most sympathetic character for me. Sleepy Bear too actually.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

There is that. Not sure I remember which friend you mean in context though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Jonah Knoxford, Jonny's friend from Cali.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh, right! Kinda forgot about him, that's plausible.

Could be that Abe's scientist guy friend gets recruited too.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

it would be reluctantly if that happened

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, like I don't see him knowing what he's getting into there, but his discovery seemed like it'd be useful to evil purposes if they learned of it.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe theres a twist coming that jonah's dad wanted to protect jonah, but jonah was already working for the big-man the whole time.

to protect his dad

its the whole switcheroo double cross

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Since they're both Jonathans in a way

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Big twist: The big-man is actually the big-woman. It's Jonny's mom.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hahaha tbf i did consider that possibility. that maybe its a woman pulling the strings. just going pronoun wise by the fact its big-man. XD

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

How better to stay one step ahead of the police than to be married to the chief.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Big-Man could just be a code name

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, it would make sense to obfuscate that way, everyone's looking for a guy, you're in the clear.

Big-Man... code... he is actually an AI.

An alien AI.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i like the alien theory over the AI personally speaking. if only cause an AI just keeps making me think of 2001 a space odyssey atm

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm sorry, J-man. You can't do that."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I'm sorry, J-Man. I'm afraid I can't do that.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. Jonny would not be the superhero he is today without the help of the mysterious substance Jaintium crashing to Earth. What do you think Jaintium even is? Is it just an undiscovered element as the scientists believe, some sort of sentient, alien being, or a bit of both? Why did the Jaintium-related entity save Jonny? Was he just a convenient host, or was it a good will attempt to save Jonny’s life? Was the Jaintium crashing on Earth a coincidence, or is there something more to it? Whatever the being was, do you think it and Jonny will continue to work symbiotically? Or is there some dark foreshadowing in the fact we often see a mental embodiment of it goading Jonny into more extreme methods? Do you think Jonny will suffer more side effects, whether they are for better (i.e. new powers) or worse? Do you think others will discover the origin of Jonny’s powers (besides those that know), and if so, what do you think will happen to people’s perception of The J-Man?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

The one answer I'm pretty sure about is that he was just a convenient host. It's interesting that both Jonny and the Alien had a presence inside, kind of making up the whole being.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

crap I stepped out for a bit, my apologies

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Technically, the superhero's name is just "J", isn't it? (That was an amusing bit, where it's like 'I can't use my name'.)

Waiting for the crossover with Q from Star Trek.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

at first. He's trying to get people to start using J-Man now

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

or Q from Street Fighter

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"Is this a Q&A? No, it's a Q&J, we're not answering anything."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I would watch that

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I guess it's nice to be thought of as a "Man" when you're, y'know, still young.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

haha i did like him almost using his name and then being like "wtf self." i like how no one called him out on the fact that it sounded like he was going to say something else.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"you da man now, dog"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I'm Jo... J... J. Jonah Jameson. Wait."

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

The next coming of Jojo's bizarre adventure?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do agree with math in that i think jonny was just a convenient host.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Yare yare daze.

One thing I kind of wonder, was Jonny actually dead? Like, can Element-J actually revive the freshly deceased? Or was Jonny still bleeding out?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

gonna go out on a limb and say that i think the crash to earth was a bit of both. in that i think whatever creature was in that meteor left its origin point for a reason but that arriving on earth was not intentional.

im assuming he was dead tbh O_O

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Ooo, I'm saving that question for a later issue, Math

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

itt Rebel influences the future of J-Man

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: I could go along with that. Might be that arriving on Earth was just the closest place that could support life.

Also, the element seems to be trying to get itself back together, based on Sleepy Bear. Maybe you can use it to find more of the same. They could track J-Man that way, figure out his identity.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually could be an interesting conflict. like mr. stone showing up in jonny's living room and then jonny's dad getting home and being like "ITS YOU!!!!!"

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"You have no chance to survive, make your time."

Though what if it's Abe's father who manages to figure out a way to track using the element? And he tells Jonny's dad?

Plus it is radioactive, even though the cells are preventing anyone from getting dosed. Maybe the half life is such that they can work something out based on concentration in the air.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

damn I should be writing this down

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

You're free to use anything you like as a red herring.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

this is going on the assumption theyd want to devote the resources to that atm. cause tbh theres probably a lot of other things to learn about the element first.

like why is it stable cause iirc past a certain point most elements are not stable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: True. But if Big-Man's been stealing it, maybe the police want to track it to find HIM. J-Man's a fringe benefit.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and can only be made for a fraction of a moment

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe that's what grapple-girl was measuring. That time she poked J-Man in the eye.

I want to see more of her, incidentally.

I feel like she's that Megan person who had moved back into the area?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that was my thoughts exactly too

that it was this megan who was moving back

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

write it all down, please J

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Most of the mystery I have worked out. Just the little details I could use.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like she'd have lots of cool gadgets, because she doesn't have superhero powers (that we know of).

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, that's something I'll mention - at first, I thought the J-Man had kind of attracted more evil to him, what with bulking up Sergei and Big-Man sending in goons. The idea that superheros cause supervillains. But then there's been a few like Heatwave who already existed. So maybe not as much?

I wonder if Megan's defeated anyone.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i usually assume with superhero genres its a bit of both

that some ppl are already super powerful

but that superheroes attract more super powerful ppl to be made as well

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

hmm

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

which is logical

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

maybe

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

cause you cant do the evil unless you can neutralize the ppl who can stop you

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Makes sense to me.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

and thats assuming the superhero lady is megan. it might not be even if we theorize the same. but the possibility exists.

i wonder if the jman's world has like a justice league or avengers equivalent

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

They work out of Sweden.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe in the future. As of right now the only public-known supers are J-Man in New York and The Valve in Seattle. J-Man's on his own.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Until Abe gets his superpowers.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

there's more beings with superpowers in this world?

*shot

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Waiting for the issue where Abe and Jonny switch minds.

I'm not even sure which minds - J-Man's head is crowded.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actually that was a point i thought that was worthy of discussion. is the being using jonny as a host sapient and when we see those mental manifestations were seeing the creature? or is the creature not really sapient and those manifestations are simply a side effect of the joining that sort of splits jonny's mind into extremes?

QUESTION 4. Besides the bigger mysteries, there are many, many smaller mysteries that have been left unanswered. Who is the shadow person who appeared to help Jonny when Jonny was fighting Sergei? Why did they help Jonny, and how did they know about the tranquilizer? Who was the mysterious masked person Jonny met before getting distracted by Abe’s father’s kidnapping? What was the masked person up to? Have we seen the last of Heat-Wave, or will Heat-Wave come back to exact revenge on Jonny or someone else? What about any of the other villains we’ve seen? Do you expect we’ll see them again, or will they stay away for good? On a less superhero level, do you think Jonny will continue to be able to keep his secret superhero life secret? Who do you think might find out next, how, and what will it affect? Finally, what do you think will happen if Jonny’s dad finds out The J-Man is his son?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like it's sapient but still very confused by the Earth.

Good questions, I feel like I already talked about some of 'em.

I'm psychic.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

lol

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

is masked lady who we assume is megan a crime fighter or is she more an antihero up to her own business that requires a hidden identity? that is a question we havent addressed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I think she's up to her own business, but not necessarily an antihero.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Maybe

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Just fashion challenged.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

not a fan of black skin-tight suits?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Actually, maybe she's the blue character in the 'previously' art.

Jonny: .... Got me there.

I still don't think she's antihero like catwoman though.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

looks at his characters with black skintight suits

hides them in a corner

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do think shes up to her own stuff. my antihero opinions are out until we see her again. i dont see her and jonny joining forces though.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

We don't know if she was doing any illegal stuff cause J-Man interrupted her. Very rude.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

True. That's a good point actually J-Man needs better social skills. He tends to assume the worst.

His shades of grey skills are getting better though.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i assume illegal cause she ran off and wasnt doing any crime fighting. although tbf vigilantism is pretty illegal so j-man is, in fact, the criminal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

"I was the criminal all along..."

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

His dad would be dissapointed

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Could it connect back to the prequel that I didn't have time to read?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i really hope his dad finds out. that sounds like such the epic emotional drama

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

On some subconscious level, maybe his dad suspects.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe. idk about that.

i liked that the prequel had mr. stone. cause in the main comic i always was like "man this is a weird lighting choice for mr. stone." and now it all makes sense. its not lighting. the name is just literal

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

He's stoned?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Oh man. I hope that wasn't confusing.

I guess I coulda conveyed it better.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I just thought he looked pale, I think...

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Nah, his skin is pure concrete.

He beats up Jon Sr. pretty badly in the prequel

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Ouchie. Stone cold.

So, two things I want to get out there in the last 15 minutes or so. First of all, WOW, how much time has likely gone into this... because I followed the link of the old vs new fight with Sergei, and it looked REAL different. So, a lot of early stuff was drawn twice, I guess?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

nah its okay. it wasnt something that really bugged me. just one of those hmmm thats odd maybe theres a reason. i just like knowing now and in retrospect i feel sort of dumb for not realizing XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

heh

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Yeah, I first made 6 issues in high school (2011-2012), but I didn't like the art and some story elements so I decided to remake them for the webcomic. #1-3 are those old comics redone.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

that long ago huh?

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Damn, that takes willpower. IMHO.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yeah. J-Man now is about 4 years old

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

happy 4th!

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Second thing I wanted to mention was all the little cameos and things that were mentioned to be there from other comics. That's classy, like going the extra mile in my opinion. Kudos.

I also remember seeing Christmas arts on Twitter with some of the people I follow.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I like cameos

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

oh yeah I got one of those last year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Not sure what I'm gonna do this year.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

I's amazed at having the time and inclination for all that. Whoa.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that outfit for sleepy bear is adorable

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Works as nice promotion too.

Random question, d'you think anyone could remote into Sleepy Bear and take over? Does he have a good firewall?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

It started as a thing to do cause there wasn't a Tapas X-Mas collab last year (and this year too, sadly)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

seriously, thank ya for the awesome art, Jonny

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

if sleepy bear could be remoted into, that sounds like the makings of a personal FNAF

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I hope Christmas J-Claus returns this year

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

The Jaintium in him would probably disrupt anyone trying to hack him remotely. I'd have to be a physical connection.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Maybe it's Megan's way of getting a sidekick.

(If Megan's not the girl, this'll look real silly when someone goes through the backlogs.)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that sounds adorable. fighting over sleepy bear and who gets to have him as a partner

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

(Maybe if SF does a holiday thing Santa-J will come back)

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

sounds good

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Jonny: Fair point. Interesting how it's not ruled out.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

And before we go I wanted to say keep it up with J-Man, you've really turned it into something magnificent. @The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

As to mystery masked person providing tips, maybe it's just another manifestation in Jonny's head.

And I think HeatWave will become a hermit somewhere. If he returns, it might be to help J-man at the climax.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i considered that. but perhaps its that one chick from the prequel you didnt read math.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: Ahh, hmmm.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i do hope heat-wave returns. and also makes fire puns. "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

Wait, we haven't mentioned ships! So, anyone out there shipping Jonny and Abe?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Puns are always good.

LAST MINUTE SHIPS GO

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

(Actually, some of the bonus art is really cool, like for Halloween. I laughed at the BL one for April 1st.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Don't want to burst your theories but the chick from the prequel was Jonny's Mom.

MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑

So Jonny's Mom IS the Big-Man. Wait.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

This year's Halloween pic will be video game based

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Nice

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Jonny Aleksey, as well, for making The J-Man and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Jonny Aleksey’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on MORBIDITY by Charu. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on September from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY

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Dr. Daves Field Guide to Bad Cocktails

If the idea of sitting in a dark, elegant bar, lapping at a small, icy pool whose waters have a way of smoothing the furrows in your brow and oiling the trunnions of your tongue appeals to you, then as dark as these times may be there is at least one recompense. It is now possible to get a perfect cocktail, or close enough, in every city in America. Ten years ago, it was not. That is a positive good, then, and sometimes a very positive one indeed.

But it doesnt always go that way, though, does it? You do your part OKgetting to the bar, finding a seat, putting your damn phone away, ordering a drink, looking expectantand the bartender does a stylish job of picking bottles, measuring and mixing, and pours your drink into a steaming-cold glass with a precise, crisp flourish. Then you take a sip. Oh no. The drinks list billed this Transitive Nightfall of Diamonds as a subtly-accented take on the classic Dry Martini. What you got instead is potpourri-tasting gin, cilantro-infused vermouth and aggressive splashes of bitter gentian aperitif and crme de violette, with a huge swatch of bergamot peel squeezed over the top. It smells like Victorian hand soap. It tastes like Victorian hand soap. It costs $15, before tip.

The expansion of the Cocktail Renaissance (as its aficionados have come to call it) from a few bars in New York, San Francisco, Seattle and a couple of other places to hundredswho knows, thousands?of bars practically everywhere has depended on a concurrent expansion in the amount of bartending and mixological talent and knowledge. But good bartending has expanded not as air does when filling a balloon, where theres an equal amount of it in every part, but more like how Legos fill a hallway when, on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you kick over the huge tub of them your kid left out. Although it doesnt happen with every step, every part of the hall holds the danger of putting your foot down on something fun that has turned diabolical.

What I mean to say is, not all tattooed young bartenders are the modern-day Jerry Thomases they think they are, and not every cocktail they make is the nectareous, brow-smoothing trunnion oil you hope for when you order it. Some, alas, are just plain bad.

The badness of many modern cocktails has been discussed widely and often, and by discussed I mean ranted about. Its easy to go off on the excesses of eager young mixologists who apparently watch too much Adventure Time and let its deadpan randomness infect the drinks they come up withlamb-fat washed rye-corn-barley eau de vie, citrus colloid, Indonesian palm sugar and brick dust, finished with a beet-Malibu foam; like that. What we need, however, is not more rants, as fun as they might be, but some basic science.

Before we can solve the problem of bad cocktails, we need to know the different ways a cocktail can go bad. We need a botany, a zoology, a classification. Every creeping thing that slideth over the bar must be known by his kind, that thou mayst order him no more. (I think it said that in the Bible somewhere, although I might be getting some of the words mixed up.)

Thats not a simple task. At first glance, it seems like cocktails follow Dostoyevskys happy-family rule; that the good ones are more or less all alike, or at least fall into a handful of common patterns (bitters-sugar-booze; bitters-vermouth-booze; sugar-citrus-booze, etc), and the bad ones are each awful in its own peculiar way.

Upon soberish reflection, though, one can identify two main realms of error, each with its inevitable subdivisions. The Strategic and the Tactical. Here, then, is a subjective, preliminary and open-ended attempt to sketch out the different ways mixed drinks can go bad. In this, Ive left out the main one, statistically speaking, which is the old Garbage In-Garbage Out: shoddy, artificial ingredients mixed sloppily together will rarely yield anything drinkable. Fortunately, most modern cocktail bars are out of that phase, at least. These, then, are higher-order errors, the kind you can make with booze that costs more than $20 a bottle and mixers that dont come out of a gun or a #5 can.

But before I get into the details, let me just say that as a mixologist Ive made drinks that fall into just about every one of the following categories and foisted them on the general public, whether at bars Ive consulted for, at charity events, at parties, during my occasional bartending shifts, or via the printed or pixelated word. I write, in other words, from inside the House of Bad. Its partly from making so many wrong drinks that Ive learned to make the occasional right one. Bearing that in mind, Im going to give examples here, some of mine, God help me, but many drawn from actual bars, lightly disguised (the purpose of this isnt to assign individual guilt, of which there is plenty to go around).

STRATEGIC ERRORS

Drinks with strategic errors will never be right because theyre wrong from the get-go; not even an Audrey Saunders, a Jim Meehan or an Alex Kratena, some of the top bartenders out there, could make them taste good without major surgery to the recipe. Here are a few of the most common mistakes.

Historical Errors

Warning signs: David Emburys recipe

Bad drinks, like disease, have always been with us. Some of them have interesting backstories. That does not mean they should be revived. Some of the most respected mixologists from the past, including Charles H. Baker, Jr., author of the legendary, and damned amusing, Gentlemans Companions, and particularly David Embury, the great theorist of mixing drinks, did not know how to balance a cocktail. Even the great 1930 Savoy Cocktail Book has far more wretched drinks in it than brilliant ones. Some whole periodsthe shockingly booze-forward 1950s; the sweet and sticky 70sare largely devoid of good drinks (the 70s ones, for instance, tend to require major surgery to make them drinkable, such as Jeffrey Morgenthalers addition of 125-proof Bookers Bourbon to the Amaretto Sour). You fish in these waters at your peril.

I learned this lesson back in 2005, when I was asked to provide an opening cocktail for a dinner featuring a few of New Yorks top French chefs, including Jacques Ppin and Andr Soltner, two of my culinary idols. I chose the Henri Souls Special, a drink recorded in Ted Sauciers 1951 drinks compendium Bottoms Up. Soul was the formidable presence behind Le Pavillon, New Yorks leading French restaurant in the 1940s and 1950s, and since Ppin had gotten his start in the city there I thought it would be an appropriate tribute.

Here, however, was the drink: 2.5 ounces Cognac, 1 teaspoon sugar, half a teaspoon lemon juice and two pieces of orange peel, shaken with ice and strained into a cocktail glass. OK, perhaps a trifle strong, I thought, but that was how they liked em then. That may have been true, but it was not how they liked em now: Ppin took one sip and left his on a convenient shrubbery-pot, and few people got through more than a few sips. They were right: the drink tasted like California jug wine fortified with rubbing alcohol. A good story does not fix a bad drink.

Also, see below under tactical errors.

Thematic Errors

Warning signs: garnishes fashioned to resemble known objects

A very fertile source of bad drinks is the idea that the drinks name should determine its ingredients. This can make for perfectly lovely drinkstake the Rob Roy, a Manhattan where Scotch whisky has been substituted for American ryebut it is risky, as it can lead to the choice of ingredients for reasons other than flavor and texture. A prime example is the drink I came across recently called the Indian Itch, where a few slices of the little, blisteringly-hot green Jwala pepper so common in Indian food were muddled in Indian rum, shaken with pineapple juice and a hearty pinch of curry powder (thats right, curry powder), strained into an ice-filled glass and topped with ginger ale. Yes, it conveyed the idea India. No, it did not also convey the idea drinkable.

A great deal of modern mixology flirts with this error: many modern drinks are thematic, and use unorthodox ingredients, from distilled dirt (seriously) to pigs eyeballs (again, seriously), to reinforce their themes. Are such drinks always bad? No. Should you be wary? Again, pigs eyeballs.

Volume Errors

Warning signs: bartender is either unenthusiastic or too enthusiastic at your order

By volume here I mean not the amount of liquid in the drink, but the amount of flavor. Some drinks have too little, but given the choice between, say, light, blended Irish whiskey shaken with lemon juice, simple syrup and a dash of elderflower liqueur, and Navy-strength gin, green Chartreuse, Fernet-Branca, Pimiento Bitters and rich, concentrated and sweet Pedro Ximnez sherry, Ill take the dull one. Two or three strong-flavored ingredients played against each other can work well, but with each additional one you risk the whole thing falling apart.

Unclubbable Ingredient Errors

Warning signs: herb garden behind the bar

The unclubbable ingredient is the one thing you add that refuses to get along with others, either by being loud and bullying and entirely blotting them out or by being passive-aggressive and persistent and speaking through all the silences. Smoky Scotch, Chinese baijiu, some mescals, absinthe, Fernet, and some pot-still rums all are dangerous in this way. But so are herbs, such as tarragon, chervil, and the like. They dont drown out the other flavors like the big spirits do, but they have a persistence that makes them linger when all the other flavors are gone. Thats not to say they cant be used well, just that they very often are not.

Brown Drink Errors

Warning signs: over 5 ingredients

Just as all colors, when blended, create brown, theres a flavor profile drinks tend to take on when theyve got too many ingredients. Sorta sweet, sorta bitter, sorta herbal, a little bit fruity, maybe sourish, too. Inexperienced mixologists, faced with a drink that doesnt quite work, have a tendency to keep adding ingredients until the thing tastes OK. Eventually, almost any drink, as long as it doesnt have an unclubbable ingredient, can be made to taste OK if you add enough stuff. But just mediocre isnt worth $15. For that, you want a drink that is focused; that doesnt taste like a little of this and a little of that, but rather has a point of view and a harmonious identity. The only way to get there is to strip away ingredients and start over with different ones; ones that get along well together. Knowing what those are takes experience. The older the mixologist, the fewer ingredients he or she tends to use. As the great jazz trumpeter Roy Eldridge once told Dale DeGroff, dean of American bartenders, when I was younger I used to play all the notes; now, I just play the right ones.

So much for strategic errors.

TACTICAL ERRORS

Drinks with tactical errors are fundamentally sound, but something has gone wrong in their execution. Here, Im not going to bother with simple incompetencereaching for the wrong ingredient, under-stirring, pouring fruit-fly infested liquor or spoiled lime juice, serving a drink in a warm glass, things like that. Thats just bad bartending, not bad mixology.

Historical Errors

Warning signs: Imbibe, by one David Wondrich, and a collection of other history books behind the bar

Some drinks are bad because their makers have gotten hold of a piece of knowledge from the wrong end and are letting it mess them up. For example, a common error I encounter occurs with the New York Sour, a whiskey sour with a float of red wine and one of my favorite drinks. Sometimes when I order one the bartender will add egg white to the drink. Historically, some sours used egg white, but never this one. The egg white produces a layer of froth on top of the drink, which clashes with the layer of red wine also being added to it, and you end up with a drink topped with an unattractive, pinkish muck, rather than a visually-striking, thin red line. Here, history has trumped common sense.

Another historical error involving egg whites occurs when the bartender, following an old recipe, adds a whole egg white to a drink, not realizing that eggs were much smaller in 1918 than the supersized jumbo ones we get in 2018. A little egg white adds a nice texture; a lot, and youre tasting egg white. Nobody wants to taste egg white.

Arts & Crafts and Food Tech Errors

Warning signs: more than two house-made ingredients on the cocktail list, or bar uses purchased simple syrup

Its fine to make your ingredients if you can do them masterfully and theres no other way to get them. Alas, too many bars make theirs just to say that they did. I cant count the number of times Ive had an overly sour Jack Rose (apple brandy, lime juice and grenadine) because the bar makes its own grenadine from pomegranates and sugar rather than using the commercial stuff. Admittedly, the ingredients of the supermarket brands are fairly appalling, but at least theyre really sweet and brightly colored, which is why grenadine was called for in the first place. Nobody ever talked about the stuffs flavor. A good house-made grenadine will duplicate the heavy sweetness and intense red color of the commercial stuff, leaving out the high-fructose corn syrup, the artificial flavors and the dyes (okay, sometimes a little food coloring helps). A bad one, as one encounters more often than not, will be sour and brownish and will neither adequately sweeten nor color the drink. Then there are the clumpy orgeats, the gritty tonic waters, the weird-tasting bitters, the infused vermouths that no longer taste like vermouth. Homemade ingredients can be great, but they have to be great, so to speak. Nothing so-so should go in a drink, no matter who makes it.

Which brings us to the other side of the equation; the crappy commercial products that are mucking up a perfectly good drink. Otherwise-crafty bars that purchase things like simple syrup (sugar and water, mixed), lemon and lime juice and Bloody Mary mix should be avoided. Theyll charge you three times what the corner tap will for the same quality of drink, or worse.

Helping a Brother Out and Helping a Sponsor Out Errors

Warning signs: More than 10 bottles youve never heard of; no bottles youve never heard of

These are the booze versions of the Arts & Crafts/Food Tech errors. We live in an amazing time where literally hundreds of new, small distilleries are making every kind of spirit imaginable. Some of them are even good at it. Many of them, though, are not quite there yet. When I see a local gin I havent heard of being used in my Martini, I start to get very worried. The Martini is a pitiless drink, and it demands a tight, focused gin. All too many of the new brands, in an understandable move to differentiate themselves from whats already out there, employ wide ranges of non-traditional botanicals. These can make for a weird Martini. A Martini should not be weird.

The same goes for whiskey. Too many of the new brands are under-aged, which mean that Old-Fashioned will be hot and fumey and redolent of the wet-dog aroma of new-make grain spirit. Thats not what you want. On the other hand, if the bar carries only big national brands, or has the whole line of Large Producer Xs flavored vodkas or rums on display behind the bar, it might not be the place for a fine cocktail.

Glassware Errors

Warning signs: All the drinks look like a giant, translucent version of a kids cup-and-ball game

Many new cocktail bars, having expensive and elaborate ice programs, like to show off by putting as many drinks as possible in bucket glasses (basically, large whiskey glasses), each holding one huge ball or cube of ice. Thats fine for an Old-Fashioned. Its not fine, or even acceptable, for a vast range of other drinks that want to be straight up in a stemmed glass. If I have one more Last Word served to me on the rocks I swear I shall go to a mountain cave and speak no more.

We could go on with all this, and perhaps in the future we shall. In the meanwhile, be warned and drink well.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/dr-daves-field-guide-to-bad-cocktails

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