#i dont need sleep to function
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Gideon has a whole protocol for when it gets too cold for Kremy. It's just how his brain works. He solved the issue like it was some machine acting up rather than his friend having a natural reaction to the cold.
First and foremost; GET WARM FAST. Whatever the quickest way to get Kremy warm is, that is the first step. Usually this involves wrapping a blanket around both of them so that Gideon can use his own heat to help him.
Secondly; consider how close the next town is. Is it less than an hour and there's no active snow storm? Great, hot foot it to the inn. Are they actively being snowed on and the next town is half a days walk? Find best cover and set up tents, his own fire could only do so much, and it's not worth the risk at that point just to get inside a building.
Thirdly; once in a relatively dry and protected space, remove any wet clothing and replace with comfy, dry jammies. If no wet clothing, removal beyond jacket and hat is unnecessary. Simply place sleepwear near the bed if Kremy wants to change later.
Fourth; alligators are evidently still able to drink during brumation. Grab waterskin and warm it a little. This will help with internal temperatures. AVOID ALCOHOL.
If all is well, simply prepare for bed. Grab a snack to assure internal fire keeps going all night. Ideal sleeping situation has Kremy on top of Gideon to avoid cold floors if they are in a tent, otherwise just having his arms around him in any other position.
There's only been one time when any other steps were needed. Thankfully they had the rest of the Krew by that point, so Gricko was able to assist, but Gideon really hopes he'll never have to do CPR again.
#mostly similar steps to hypothermia but you know#kremy's reptile brain 'mmm warmmm spot. sleepytime' vs kremy's conman brain 'if i don't do 300 tasks today I'll die idc if im cold'#i imagine lizardfolk have an altered version of brumation that is more watered down since they are humanoid#they dont need to sleep thru winter but they are generally tired all day and eat less meals#now REALLY cold temps cause them to actually get lethargic and even lose motor functions really quick#so its still not a good idea to be running around but like. they can. a little.#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#ouaw#text#this is a true fact#kremy lecroux#gideon coal#my own hc#...#coalecroux#sorry about the last line btw
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torn between "deacon is a Cat and will fully lay on you if hes decided you're one of his people" or "deacon claims to be averse to physical touch and is never physically affectionate with anyone. however, he is actually extremely touch starved and no one would have ever guessed it until sole survivor discovers it" what do y'all think. im leaning toward the second one. kinda want to draw a thing. can i even draw deacon. who knows probably not
i also think hancock is very casually affectionate with anyone he's close to. he's a "puts his arm around you anytime you're standing close enough" guy. a "rests his head on you when he's tired" guy. he is not concerned about being too affectionate at all unless you're giving signs you dont like it. i mean in a What Will People Think way
i feel like... nick valentine is emotionally affectionate but never physically until, one day, suddenly, wordlessly, he takes your hand without thinking. bizarrely automatic even though there was no precedent for this before. the second you acknowledge it if theres Any Hint of a negative or mocking response he drops it immediately and never does it again. but if not, could be slowly, cautiously convinced into a comfortable kind of unspoken unacknowledged closeness. holds your hand in the dark when he can tell you're scared. i think it doesn't come very naturally to him. i have no evidence for any of this but i feel it all in my heart
#what are fridays for if not playing fallout 4 with increasingly less brain function at 2 in the morning. i need to go to Sleep#i think there were more thoughts on this thread but its gone now its in the void i lost it#hancock seems very comfortable and natural with you when you romance him#i swear deacon said something like I Dont Do Hugs but i cannot remember the context#and im not even sure it happened it mightve been a headcanon i read or something#bonus thought strong doesnt know what the FUCK you're doing if you hug him. he is so confused. he doesnt know what to do#anyway. i need to be asleep
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real talk, yassen is insane for only sleeping 4 hours every 24 hours. baby that is not enough sleep. i know you're like peak health or whatever but that's only enough sleep to live, not thrive. how are you awake and alert everyday. whats wrong with you.
#i want to put him in a jar and shake him#i want to study him under a microscope#but for real adult humans need like a minimum of 7-9 hours of sleep to function properly#im not saying its not possible to live on 4 hours of sleep a day#but i am saying that i dont think the benefits outweigh the cons#maybe im just very defensive about getting a good amount of sleep everyday bc if i only slept 4 hours a day i would start biting people#and ripping doors off their hinges and punching holes into walls#i wanted to scream every time yassen mentioned he only sleeps 4 hours every night#russian roulette#yassen gregorovich#alex rider
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.
#i wish guilt wasnt a factor here#i feel bad about not providing content#idk i just#its 7am here and i havent slept quite yet#im really sad right now#like on the verge of tears but theyre not coming#im saving up to get back on hrt but its so fucking goddamn expensive#my hormones are having a fucking hard time balancing themselves i think#like theres a mountain of problems im faced with right now and theyre too real and i just want to burrow into the recesses of my own mind#and like stay there forever#it sucks when the “i feel broken” thing is manifesting in very real ways#when like your mental health issues are causing real tangible problems n shit#ive been too depressed and lacking in motivation to do anything with my life and its put me in a hole i dont feel capable of crawling from#im just#endlessly frustrated at my inability to function#which gets more potent the longer it goes on and the worse things get#blegh when did this become a vent post no thanks#whatever#people have already unfollowed me in the last 2 weeks of inactivity why should i hold myself back from posting this#i feel like im supposed to turn to drugs at this point lol#like thats the logical progression here#shame thats not a thing im willing to do#unless someone links me to a dubious but entirely safe source of adderall or something#amphetamines save me.....#i need sleep#fuck
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you know you primo fucking exhausted when you settle down for a nap/sleep and you wake up and have drooled all over your pillow
#spacie spoinks#i only do this when im really exhausted#that and dream when i nap#i heard somewhere that dreaming when you nap isnt good b/c it means you're sleep deprived and your body is skipping over the light sleeping#stage entirely and going directly into REM in order 2 get the rest it needs 2 function#which is nice 2 know#dont quote me on this tho . i have no idea if i heard it in an abnormal psyche lecture 2 years ago or if some bozo on the internet said#something that sounds true but isnt#i could look it up#eeeehhh
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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school is starting on i think tuesday? so rest in peace getting the recommended eight hours of sleep it’s been great
#i dual credit and preap in some subjects and im doubling up on another so i have more room in my schedule next year#so i am going to D I E but at least its less money wasted on college since i still havent a clue what id wanna major in#i’ll figure it out eventually#but good GRIEF i am afraid#rambles#i dont think ill have too much trouble?? like the specific classes arent ones i struggle with much it just seems like a ton of work but ill#figure out how to balance it#and most of the teachers are the ones people love so hopefully they wont make it too difficult#ANYWAYS…. STILL NEED TO GET BACKPACK TOGETHER.#i will survive by naps and naps alone#but also i function well on little sleep so i should be fine
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i havent posted about it since halloween because i literally havent worked on it since halloween but the clown is going well ^_^
#for one the shirt is um actually a functioning one puece shirt with a zipper. rather than Something im safetypinned into#last pic is the lining gor the vest but my lighting makes it look not gold. Its gold. Trust.#im going to start + hopefully finish the boots tomorrow ! one way or another.#and possibly find a fabric to make the red stripes up the leggings bc i went through the trouble of measuring + cuting out + gradient dying#the red fabric ive used for everything else. ontl for it to skip stitched in my machine like Crazy. i dont wsnt to fight with it#thought im leaving those until Absolute last becaude i dont care about having them that bad. actually ill probably hotglue them on#if that would fuckcifng work LOLL but idrc if i pull up in plain black leggings as long as the top is done. and i Want to do the boots but#if it doesnt work out i also have plain black boots to wear. im happy either way. smiling even#I for real have to go to bed sorry i like talking about it and i would usually message my girlfriend my yapfest but if i do that#while i need to lock in / sleep then we'll end up talking for an hour and locking in means i need to Alock IN. I NEED TO LOCK IN. GOONIGHT#one mroe thing TJE BLUE FAVRIC HOLDS ONTO CAT FUR AND THREADS LIKE A BITCH IM GONAN HAVE TO LITERALLY VACUUM IT. OKBYE
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im sick n obvi dont wanna get her sick too but i just wanna watch all the pixie hollow movies with her its rainy and my room is perf 4 all the pixie hollow movies marathon rly like idk last time i posted room pics but it is bc its v fairy/faerie themed and v pink n cutesy plus shes one of the few ppl id share anything i hav if she wants too(minus one thing but sometimes i daydream it but idk i just like one little idea if she could move to the us n just for what i want one day it could work and while i need my biofather to not die soon at all bc the i love you i hate you is complicated bbut once lakehouse is a thing bc rn 2/3 are in the will and ive worked out the no one can sell unless both wanna n some other stuff bc id live in itty bitty towns in ok theres extra stuff too but rambling
#actually havent stopped thinking she messaged me checking in bc itd been like 2 days and like 🥰🥺#like the moment she messaged it was like oki u can sleep now but i stayed up till i was pretty sure i wouldnt miss any messages#i think it proves id feel safe with her even if shes teeny tiny n cute theres a reason i call her my lil guard dog#also i wanna get on cam l8r but need 2 see if this cough n sinus meds work bc coughing fine but my fucking sinuses rn like ive never had it#pressure hurt b4#i rambled sorry took 2 bars bc i was anxious so not blackout but just slow brain bc i was panic attack starting when i took first which#awesome it works then im just like oh functioning bc the anxiety level just makes it worse less but dont feel high like i wanna#worse less as in im like oh i feel normal 4 me but the extra was 4 funsies#i got off topic#🖤❤🐶🗡🦮#batbaby rambles
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when you get all the motivation, inspiration, and consistency in the world to draw that you've been hoping to appear on Saturday but instead appears on a late Sunday afternoon to where you have to go to bed soon to be energized and productive enough to function in class
no? just me? okay.
#moonsona#love this for me#totally gonna be in bed at a reasonable time yep#fuck you brain#the fact this is relating to my project that i'm really excited about doesnt help#at all#the fact most of my energy has been revising it to look better doesnt help#FRICK MEEEEEEEE#if i can just finish this *one* thing i wont have to touch it for a whole month#BUT GOSH DARN IT THIS STUPID NEEDED FUNCTION TO SLEEP IS MAKING ME ANXIOUS BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK FASTER TO MEET THAT GOAL#i dont promise to meet deadlines n stuff because stuff happens but#i *truly* believe i can get this done by april#and if lucky before then#but like i said no promises
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you know that feeling you get when you've been doing something the hard way for fucking ages and then suddenly someone comes up and in five minutes says "oh. here's your problem" and then you do it their way and. and its the right way to do it. and its not hard anymore
guys i had *volition* today. like. actual volition. i wanted to do shit. i could say "no, what, i don't want to hurt" and actually *mean* it. guys i feel good. like, not 100%, but my old 100% was 30% so now me at 80% is a 260% increase. this good day was better than the best day of the past eight months, and it took. fucking. twenty five itty bitty milligrams of fucking nothing. ive eaten rocks bigger than that
im pissed. im pissed i didnt get this sooner. holy fuck
#but im also feeling angry again! hello anger i havent felt you in any meaningful way for ages#man. i love being an adult who can advocate for myself and get the things i need to function#the meds are wearing off for today tho so we'll see how the next six hours go#doc also got me sleeping pills so i dont have to be scared of that now
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I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered 😚
#and not feeling sick this morning so im sticking w the higher dose for one more day. my heart rate does feel a little uncomfortably fast#but its tolerable. just gonna make notes of how it goes through the day and ill submit my review form to my dr this evening#and hopefully she'll give me the green light to drop back down instead of continuing to titrate up#this is making me think of those heartrate fetishists... do u think i could make money selling tachycardic heart recordings online#i do wanna try to exercise this morning while i have energy. might take the bike out it looks like a gorgeously sunny day#maybe ill try to map my cycle route to work so i can consider cycling there instead of taking the bus in a couple weeks..#i cant atm thp cuz they have scaffolding up and its blocked off the bike racks sadly 😔#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig#and a lot of sleep.. its a bit stressful to think abt how rigid im going to have to be abt my daily routines if i want to stay medicated#but to be honest i have a pretty rock solid sleep/meal routine already bc its the only way i can function with the hours i work#so like. i dont rly need to worry too much. i think i reacted badly the first couple days bc my base anxiety was high#and then bc that feeling was heightened by meds -> made me not eat/sleep properly -> knock on sickness the next day#but yeah still the side effects arent very nice and i dont wanna take the risk of it exacerbating every difficult emotion i deal with#but fingers crossed bc 30 worked rly nice for me and i had barely any side effects so hopefully i can settle w that long term 🤞#we will see....#ANYWAY. sorry for making the same post over and over the last couple days. talking abt it on here has helped me feel a lot calmer#i dont wanna bother ppl irl w every thought and physical symptom i experience hourly. but this is my blog i can do what i want#hope everyone else has a nice sunday <3#.diaries
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#morning. morning. I'm so scared today I don't know how to function. yay#random#personal#my shitty English#I HATE election day. but this particular week has been hell#I need someone to sedate me tomorrow after I vote. so I get to sleep for two weeks#and wake up to see what happened. I dont want to have to /experience/ it#Venezueling
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Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;
I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that
This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)
#try not to forget again#:(#rambles#vent#rant#i need to get this out cuz if i dont my weekend will be shitty and i dont want it to be#wait.. maybe i can email the hr person#tbough i dont think shes in today#fuck#i really hate this#i know im gonna get the speech from whoever i talk to but it doesnt matter because I cant help it#my brain just doesnt function how it should#especially not when its my friday and ive been exhausted all fucking week#tired and angry and frustrated#imm try to sleep now and hope i feel better when i wake up#the amxiety will hopefully chill#so tired and anxious i cant type anymore#gonna stop before it devolved into anger
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