#my brain just doesnt function how it should

[sad-leon]

Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;

I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that

This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[simonstamenovic]

my mother acting like me not grabbing the garbage from the curb is the end of the world. it was taken Yesterday and im so close to having a panic attack it is not even funny so youre going to need to give me a few fucking minutes.

[system-of-a-feather]

Tagging @syscurse with this cause they seem to have more awareness of the final fusion "discourse" and I dont have a thesis statement or any real argument here beyond just casual discussion nor do I know if Im "strawmanning" cause I havent actually seen much of it since M&M's final fusion backlash (+ Im not trying to argue, just share thoughts)

But the common line of "Final Fusion isnt even worth it / isnt even good because you can always resplit" and what not is honestly fucked up and problematic to say in regards to a healing method but on a personal level didnt so much have anything to compare it to in order to highlight it

But as someone who has been working with OCD longer than DID and final fusion, its kind of like saying "Trying to resist / be free from doing your compulsions isn't even worth it because you can always get new compulsions or relapse, even if you free yourself from all the ones you have now, its not like itll stay that way"

Cause - and Im not sure how many chronic long term OCD folks are out there - but for cases like mine where its "high functioning" (ie constant but due to how its done it doesnt impact my day to day as much as it should) and long long long deeply rooted and untreated, a valid settling place for healing is to just integrate and adjust the compulsions to be less intrusive and focus on navigating obsessions and intrusive thoughts better

For some it might just not be worth the time and effort to actually fully stop all the compulsions entirely because - in our case - there are too many, its too deeply rooted in trauma and other disorders, and so reinforced that to do so would be a SHIT ton of work whereas usually we actually are pretty functioning

So if we were to put the community aspect the DID community has onto the OCD "community" then one could say there is "full remission" and "functional OCD" as recovery goals.

And as someone whose happily settled in functional OCD and currently really isnt seeking out full remission (as that would probably be after final fusion) its completely valid to say "Im happy with this level".

Much like DID and splitting though, the OCD brain even after healing is still a brain physically wired in an OCD way and inevitably you are always going to be prone to developing obsessions and compulsions. Does that mean working on freeing yourself from the ones you currently have is pointless? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Even if you have two weeks, two months, two years, twenty years, forty years and then "relapse" or whatever it is and end up gaining new obsessions / compulsions or splitting a new alter, obtaining that period of ideal and desired healing is an amazing thing.

Healing has ups and downs and works like a tide for almost every disorder and every version of healing. Its not a special thing about DID or final fusion, heck the claim could be made with functional multiplicity and dissociative symptoms and barriers coming back

Idk man, Im mostly rambling thoughts but TLDR healing is a rollercoaster, sometimes its a Disneyland ride sometimes its Six Flags, but there are ups and downs regardless of the disorder and version of healing for an individual and I really think its a bit of a negative nancy and a thought coming from a place of not understanding later stages of healing from people not quite there yet

Anyways, just rambles open mic to anyone who wants to ramble back

[s0lar-ch3ri]

when cheri has ocs

its time to go silly mode.

LETS TALK ABOUT MY OCS FOR ONCE IN FOREVER :D

OKAY SO LIKE. paige (he/xey). 16 year old paige. he got multiple arms and shit, can grow up to 20 extra, and uses sign mainly to communicate as hes slowly losing his hearing (hes like at 40 as of rn, would be more but Events happened and it went down a LOT quicker)! he is a pd oc and has a nephew named collins (who ill talk about more either later or in a diff post, depends how i feel) and like. lets get into his silly lil thigns (putting a read more cause long rambles tee hee)

(OH AND NELF IK YOU FOLLOW ME. NO NO READING FOR YOU. or actually any of my friends in the rp sighs)

POWER INFO:

the arms can pop out basically anywhere on the back and sides of the torso (this does include the shoulders)! they can all be given different tasks to do, but paige prefers to have them all do the same things. the arms function like regular arms, and can be hidden on command. the arms arent really stored, they just appear. xeir skin though does has a faster scar-making process as to handle the arms that pierce out.

DRAWBACKS/DOWNSIDES/WEAKNESSES:

the arms do pierce the skin each time, and while xeir skin is able to form back at much quicker speeds, it still aches a bit when their first pulled out. the pain can last for longer and hurt more dependent on how many arms are pulled out. from this, everything becomes strange sensory wise and attempting tasks (like restraining someone or even picking something up) becomes a lot harder.

to command the arms to do different things requires a lot of focus on the arms. the more complicated, or the more arms doing all different things, the commands to the arms are, the less outside information is to taken in as to keep a focus over all the arms.

if an odd amount of arms is in use, it can cause an unbalance. its similar to phantom limb in a way, being incomplete in its set.

the arms can randomly pop out unexpectedly. whether its because of a fear response or he just had the misfortune of having them, it always hurts like hell (more then normal, and because of their wild nature, it doesnt really go away) and takes a bit to put away. he also becames basically unaware of his surroundings as all his focus goes into controlling these arms.

with the wild arms and shit, they also can damage paige. they are not under paiges control (unless, ofc, the focus thing) and as such squirm around. however, things can escalate and the arms seem to have a mind of their own, able to aimlessly grab and rip at things. this includes paige.

BACKSTORY:

paige had started noticably going deaf at the age of 8. for a couple years, they (xeir parents) tried to have paige speak, but eventually (when he was like 9 or 10) they just had him learn sign. also around the age of 8, paige had noticed the arm thing, but managed to hide them easy. hes a lil transgender guy and uses binding tape (he/xey btw should have said that sooner)! he ended up telling his nephew his secret (moreso because he caught him once and paige just decided to explain it all). as of current, paige is in highschool (where he gets picked on i mean hes a disabled kid hello??), able to balance both being a hero and a student pretty well (he may be failing a couple classes but like. surely he can fix it).

THE SECRET:

paige doesnt actually have "xeir" own powers. its a parasite, implanted into his brain. whether by accident or not (still havent decided), it was implanted around the birth of paige and is slowly eating away. its why the arms can be very wild and shit, theyre not really belonging to his control or him at all. it wasnt really identifiable and it isnt noticed by paige. so uh yeah

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

[compassionatereminders]

Hi Kat! Im thinking of going to the psychiatrist to get an evaluation if i have adhd and i want to get on some kind of medication, cause my executive function is mostly nonexistent and its really getting on my nerves. My boyfriend who i live with doesnt support me in starting medication. He says im managing and i can “fix” my brain without pills and he doesnt believe in this kind of medication. Like, im gonna do whats best for me anyway and he said he can deal with me taking meds. But its really disheartening. I want to do it less if i dont have his support. With his support i would just finally get into it and call the doctor, but now i feel like im making it up and i can manage without. Like im taking the easy way out. I guess im just looking for support to go through with it. And if you have any tips on how i can further try to convince him its a good idea. Thanks, u are lovely.

Ask him why suffering unnecessarily is the superior option. Like it's not that I literally can't navigate the world without my glasses, but it would be a lot harder than just wearing my glasses, and why should I choose the hardest option when someone invented glasses? Just like how many people in horrific pain wouldn't literally drop dead without pain killers, but why should they be expected to suffer through it if there's a well known way to reduce their suffering? Taking ADHD meds when you have ADHD isn't a shortcut or a cheat code, it's an accommodation which allows you to access most people's baseline. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting to suffer and struggle unnecessarily. I, for one, fully support your decision to seek out diagnosis and treatment - and I'm sorry your boyfriend has internalized so much ableism!

[fipindustries]

hey, remember a couple of months ago when i went around giving arguments for dualism? lets give that another go!

so, let's take it as a given that the human body is just a biological machine, it is deterministic, ultimatly its behavior is out of our control because we ourselves, our own desitions, our preferences, our thoughts, are going to be dictated by the state of the chemicals inside our brain.

now the thing is, we do know how this feels, this is not that hard to imagine at all. my heart beats because my brain is making it beat, i dont put any concious effort into it, i dont choose at every moment to make it beat because i really like how it fees when it does. i cant move the muscles in my heart the same way i can move my finger. same with breathing, i can try to hold my breath for a long time but eventually my brain will override my efforts and make me take a gulp of air. same with my eyes, i cant choose to keep my eyes open if something crashes against my eye suddenly. same with coughing, if something goes down the wrong pipe my body will make me cough wether i want it or not. same with goosebumps, same with sweating, with producing white cells, with moving my intestines to help the waste flow, with sweating and with a bunch of other things.

and the thing about all these processes is that they feel like they would expect from a biological machine, they feel like nothing, it doesnt feel like we "want" to do them and so we do them, they just happen, without us even being aware of it, with no thought, no feeling, no conciousness of it.

so

why is not every process in our body like that? why is it that when it comes to other things like eating or walking or fucking there is an internal process, an awareness, a feeling? all of those things are just bodily functions like the heart beat or the bowel movement or the shiver due to the cold. all of those things are also ultimatly produced by the mechanical processes of the chemicals in our brains, so why those feel different, why do those involve internal feelings at all? we dont do them automatically or on autopilot as it were. we have to internally feel like we "want" to do them and then internally "choose" to do them and then "will" our body to do it. why?

what is going on there? how can there be a "want" codified into ourself through chemicals and why does that want which generate bodily actions feels diferent than other bodily actions?

i understand that making the brain a general problem solving machine and then giving that brain goals and letting it figure out the means to reach those goals is much more effective, versatile and powerful than merely making all of our survival actions hardcoded like heartbeats or breathing is. and i understand that the question can be answered as "because that is the solution evolution came up with" still doesnt really explain how did evolution did it.

how did evolution summon the right combination of chemicals such that certain actions taken by those chemicals are completly unconcious and others generate an internal awareness, if its all chemicals in the brain then it should all be unconcious or it should all be deliberate but we have this weird mix instead

[ohanny]

another friday, another cutie pie episode! so here are my thoughts while watching the second episode:

kuea is absolutely not me because i would never check my email first thing in the morning, notifs be damned

also even if i did get good news, i would not have the energy to throw a full "blackpink in your area" on top of my bed

kuea: oh yes, i am a bit... sore lian: ¬‿¬

ugh, why can't you just talk to this man who just happens to be a supportive, relatively mentally stable, functioning adult who dresses nice, cooks you food, pulls out your chair and YOU ACT LIKE THE RETURNING HIDE AND SEEK CHAMPION OF 2022

lian: if you need help, you can always tell me me: IF ONLY

nonetheless, i've had a boyfriend for a decade and i feel as single as the last crushed pringle at the bottom of the tube of doom when zee looks at nunew

kuea, a lying liar who lies: kon diao texted me lian: i love you me: KUEA DO YOU FEEL EVEN A LIL BAD???

i love the mission impossible theme tune

nong diao squared ready to cover up crimes

yi can smell bullshit a mile away but unfortunately for him, he's also a weak victorian bitch who gets flustered by a cheek touch from a twink he (alledgedly) fucked in his car just last week

JUST SHOW ME PERTH YOU COWARDS chapter 2

diao is a good friend with a good brain cell. we all need a diao.

kuea: i have a lot to think about. me: you also have a lo to TALK about goddammit

meanwhile poor lian is just trying to plan his barbie dream wedding, oh dear

yi is here to be the best man but also to watch the world burn.

kon diao loves lists. kon diao is me.

the world does not deserve diao. this show certainly doesnt. if he was running it, again, it would be 5 minutes long. well, maybe 15. he would keep all the spicy bits.

this beauty clinic is totally not the sponsor of this series.

the totally not sponsoring intensifies

"how do i look?" EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID 30 SECONDS AGO YOU BABY SKINNED MOCHI OF PERFECTION

i will never not mishear this as "cosmic-exo entertainment" and i am not sorry

uh-oh, their barbie dream weddings are NOT the same

lsakjfkasljfafj a nuer x syn intermission! and nuer has a less questionable shirt on!

you two (ಥ﹏ಥ)

but props to syn never hiding his intentions and props to nuer respecting his choices even if they make him a sad boy. SOME PEOPLE could never

hia yi is eternal suffering personified even at a cake tasting and quickly becoming my favourite.

foei: oh is it too crowded? do we need more room? the gays: *offended*

salaldkjf i am catching vibes. pls tell me they will grey's anatomy this and diao and yi will end up getting married in the barbie dream wedding horror show while kuea and lian elope in korea

"you can make the final decision" says lian, not having any idea they like the polar opposite things.

he is a smooth bastard though. "ah yes, my favourite wedding singer will be too busy being my husband"

"oh no, how will our suits match if we cannot see them?" you dumbo, you have kon diao, the wedding planner extraordinaire. he has a list for that.

diao has been calling out bullshit since birth at this point.

yi: ah yes, they are so compatible. diao: dude, they can't agree on anything. yi: which is not my problem.

yi really be like "pfffft, let them talk it out between them" as if we have time to be here for the next ten years. he really couldn't give less fucks, lol

DIAO LEGIT IS LIKE IZZIE PLANNING MERDER'S WEDDING

how can he answer cosmic-exo in that suit. go change.

oh, the straights are at it again

lian: thank you yi: oh, you already picked a suit? lian: yes yi: wow, i am so helpful. you are blessed to have me tolerate you.

i love how nunew's voice gets so much deeper when he switches to english

IF ONLY YOU WERE THAT EXCITED ABOUT YOUR OWN WEDDING

kuea: what should i do? me screaming at my tv: TALK TO YOUR MAN

diao is seriously like baby yoda and syn doesn't need to become a monk. he just needs to hang out with diao more for some deep wisdom and then keep living in sin.

nuer is a sweet understanding angel and syn is a pouty baby and i could watch these two forever

"it's our wedding, not just mine." except you have NO IDEA you're not getting your wedding but an industrial scale keerati legacy production

yi: see? they're totally on the same page diao: ...

who is this random laxatives lady and why does she look like she's about to place a curse on kuea?

lian: you pick kuea: i am fine with everything narrator: he was not, in fact, fine with anything

diao turn of the tap for fucks sake, it is very obvious you are not paying your own bills in this economy

diao: my dog is so smart yi: your dog is literally an idiot

oh god here we have hia yi talk about marriage and kasdjflkafj they might kiss and i can't believe i am about to say this but at this point diao needs to worry about me cooking that cockblocking dog :D

WE HAVE A STAIRCASE WITH A HAND RAIL? IN A BL?!?!?!

lian: *trying* kuea: cosmic-exo is calling, byeee

look at his sad eyes, he KNOWS

"why am i talking to a doll?" BECAUSE IT IS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU. you deserve better, boo.

lian: aren't you kirin already kuea: but i could be cosmic-exo kirin in korea. lian: okay. kuea: ... wait what?

OH FUCK SCREW THE WEDDING WAS THAT PERTH I JUST SAW?!?!?!?

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[softness-and-shattering]

Im not looking to pick a fight here I just want to express something.

I see a lot of posts with a declaration like "this is for physically disabled people only, dont make this about mental health, neurodivergents dont interact". And it just doesnt sit well with me.

It could be that Im not seeing what this is a reaction to.

Bodies and brains arent separate. Our bodyminds are one big set of feedback loops.

Firstly brains are physical organs. We dont know exactly how to see thoughts on a scanner but theyre somehow made of neurons and electricity and brain stuff. Maybe even brain stuff that we cant currently detect or measure. But it is physical because what else could it be? We're made out of meat.

Second. Trauma is stored in the body. Anxiety partly is stored in muscle tension. Mental illness and neurodivergence manifests physically. In headaches and stimming and tension and bad sleep, fatigue, impaired executive function, skin picking and handwashing and fine motor skills and likely many other things I dont have as much knowledge of.

And physical disabilities affect the mind too. Frustration, anger, helplessness, distress, pain, loneliness, fatigue, brain fog. Trauma. Likely other things I have less knowledge of.

And yes some disabilities are more accepted and/or accommodated. We all have different experiences and I think we like to think other people have it easier, if only I was disabled this other way Id have my needs better fulfilled.

And in some cases theres truth to it. We all have different experiences and no one should talk over anyone else about their own lives.

And, we all live in an ableist society that isnt set up for us and we all struggle in different ways to different degrees. We're also not all that different.

Like if one person is talking about how they cant go to the shops because they dont have the mobility necessary, and someone with agoraphobia chimes in and says I also hate that I cant go shopping, congratulations you have something in common to talk about. The source of your difficulties and what would allow you to negate or manage those barriers are very different, but you have the same struggle.

[system-of-a-feather]

I think one of the most interesting things about our redivision is that I honestly can't really internally clearly tell the difference between me (Riku part) and me (fused Feathers w/ Riku dominant brain) other than the fact that I know I'm not *actually* a fully fused whole so I'm *technically* not the full Feathers TM

And in hindsight, it makes sense cause its not like we redivided into all our typical parts. If anything, we just redivided into our host quadfecta + Ray and Lucille being in like, schrodingers fused part plus like... even before we ever really got to functional multiplicity / final fusion, I've always been the part that can just pretty easily absorb and host parts temporarily, so it kinda makes sense that I've more or less become the "base" for our state of full integration.

So like a lot of the time, I honestly still kind of just identify as largely Feathers, despite also identifying as specifically Riku as a part and it's such an interesting non-duality and I'm not really quite sure if I would say "Im still Feathers" or if "I'm still Riku" cause yeah, both are true, but the implication of "still" implies which one I would have expected to be predominant / to actually be here and which one I think would be weird and.... I really don't know which? XD

It's kind of really funny. Somehow after redividing, as Feathers I was a lot more "Feathers w/ Riku dominant brain" and now I'm just like "Yes I am both Feathers and Riku" which almost seems like... more integrated than before which is odd but a pretty welcome state.

I'm also kind of wondering if mayyybeeee we really should stick to a MOSTLY fused whole as a base - ie me as Riku/Feathers - and maintain the Quadfecta as the "system".

I scratch my chin at this.

Honestly I think the most fun thing about full integration is just how much you can really just explore and play around with identity and parts to figure out what works and what doesnt and all the interesting changes to how you experience and perceive yourself.

It kind of makes me feel like a kid again - in a really good and positive way - cause I'm just over here playing with my parts and my identity like a kid that just got bought like a 100 pack of different playdoh and just going "OH WHAT IF I DID THIS"

I really honestly find this whole identity thing at this point to almost be an art form that I can partake in rather than anything I've been cursed or diagnosed or anything with. It's unironically, honestly, extremely engaging and fun to work around with.

(now for me to run through every tag discussed that I can remember until we collectively decide on something cause I wanna support all the tags and the development of the community)

[crimson-lair]

the previous anon is so real. uncertain, startled cat-like rahu who doesnt know how to deal with your hugs and physical touch... her instincts ask you to punt you but she cares about you so much she cant punch you... plus it feels nice and warm... what is happening to her... why is she giving in she is literally the scariest person around... oh but the head pat... hmm.... OR. unexpectedly clingy rahu warming up to you and since she sucks at expressing her emotions she simply leaves all her body weight on you out of nowhere to imply that she likes you and feels safe around you like a domesticated bear, giving you back pain and a lifetime worth of unbridled joy... but now you are being carried around like rahu thinks you cant function with her because i mean. she is here. why should you bother when she is here. she is the best guard in the world and she will SHOW it to you. picture rahu going from picking you up by the scruff of your neck when you two first met to now princess carrying you through normal everyday tasks. OR. OR. forced proximity but either rahu or you sort of just dont want to get out of the booby trap anymore. yeah. so either rahu or you make up shit like idk the fucking hush units are still out there so we cant go out and the world is ending so its safer here or oh nooo we cant get out of here we cant move (proceeds to make it impossible for the other to move deliberately) or HEY LOOK A BUTTERFLY just anything to distract the other from getting out of the tight fit. i am sorry OR. hehehhehehe. how about a high-end eastside business party where rahu is your plus one or you are rahu's plus one WHATEVER and you two have to act all smooth and charming and completely okay being so close to each other acting like the couple of the night but honestly both of you have ZERO FUCKING CLUE what you two are doing because shalom really just left you two to the wolves (dw she is watching from the second floor and having a fun time watching the [or her? potential poly...?} two losers navigate the final boss called Social Cues. she will sweep in when things start looking bad. but for now. she and schorl [or whatever that flying device of destruction is called] will be judging.)

O.M.G this is the first time i read this long ass paragraphs (more!)

anon.. YOU'RE SO DAMN SMART MY SAVIOUR 🧎‍♀️(big brain moment) and and AND HEELLLOO THE IDEA FOR SHALOM-RAHU (the previous one is kinda.. 😏 +18)

you're giving me ideas anon

[juicezone]

hi!! can i ask 4, 12, and 13 for the agere character ask game for cooper and ward? :D

4: is their regression more voluntary or involuntary? do they ever regress without realizing it? ward's pretty much always voluntary! sometimes it's involuntary in a pos way (especially if cooper's regressed and he isn't, bc half the time if he sees someone regressed n he isn't, ward's brain gets punted into kid move |D)

cooper's more of a 70% voluntary, 30% involuntary (usually if he's regressing involuntarily, it's bc he's wicked overwhelmed, stressed, or like on the edge of barely being able to function) he's not always the most upfront abt being regressed tho, so 90% if the time if he's visibly regressed/looking small, its invol. they are a very private person

12: do they have any specific nicknames for when they regress? how about nicknames they've given to their caregiver(s) or friends? ward (his nicknames): -problem child, sweetheart, buddy boy, terror, pain in my rear {affectionate}, Raincloud, "Should call you Taz, you little devil tornado" (Bones) -any variation of kid/buddy/gneral nicknames are fine -(see cooper's list) -Weatherboy (Kirk) -Tester of Patience (Spock) ward (nicknames for others): -Len, (Bones) -Coop, Super Duper Cooper, Chomper, [STOP BITING ME} (Cooper) -Jimmy, Jim-Jam, (Kirk) - MR. SPOOOOOOOOOCK (loud and drawn out on purpose <3) (spock)

cooper (hisnicknames): -(see wards list) -Coop, sweetpea [10000% flusters Cooper. won't admit it, does love when McCoy calls him sweetpea. feels safe] , Baby boy, Puppy-love, (Bones) -Doesnt really like nicknames from others -secretly tolerant of any nickname Bones comes up with, refuses to admit it. cooper (nicknames for others): -Mickey [10000% only ever on accident. absolutely mortified if brought up when not major baby brain], Puppa [puppy-re cooper mode] (Bones) -annoying, {GROANS}, wuh (Ward) -not often one to use nicknames, he just feels akward and isnt sure if he's really close enough to give ppl nicknames even when small

13: what do they like to do when they're regressed? do they like to play pretend, watch tv/movies, color, etc.? ward likes to get even more up in Bones' personal space honestly thats his fav thing to do. otherwise he's down to watch (weather) documentaries/science cartoons, likes doing (kid safe) science stuff, sometimes Bones just takes him out into the holodecks and tells him to run himself silly because "you got the zoomies, kiddo. go on, go zoomie" if he's with Cooper, it's more relaxed a bit, but Ward does his best to bring them outta their shell and get cooper engaged in mischief. Also, he and jim are a force to be reckoned with when they're both regressed, and Bones and Spock (kirks CG) gotta keep a close eye on em. silence is not good for those two >:)

Cooper almost always intends to do low energy activities, or things he doesnt need help with. laying on a blanket watching a dinosaur cartoon or listening to a read aloud, dozing, just generally keeping to himself. sometimes lets himself be coaxed into ward's silly momence

PUPPY cooper however. 10000% energy. everything goes in their mouth. wants to be held or with someone 24/7. will whine and look so sad and puppy-dog eyes if having to be alone (even if its just getting up to go to the kitchen). Both Bones and Ward take advantage of this and play as much as possible bc non-puppy cooper is much more reserved about it and wont admit even when he does want something its the best when ward has zoomies and cooper's a puppy because they wear each other out so well and Bones gets a nice peaceful afternoon watching them <3

[kohakhearts]

i feel like yeah i mean, gary is essentially a palaeontologist, but he has this like, Thing established early in the narrative about Bonds between pokemon and humans - emphasized in his eevee evolving into umbreon, of course, but this part of his character is…interesting, because we’re given hints that kind of go against the idea that in the indigo league he’s not as emotionally attached to his pokemon as, say, ash (a nod to his character inspiration in blue, obviously, who professor oak says can’t win because he doesnt love his pokemon enough or whatever. similarly in the anime prof oak is the one to point out the difference in ash’s and gary’s styles of raising pokemon, that ash values friendship and gary values strategy, which……..aren’t really mutually exclusive and ash shows us this too but whatever. my point is gary has lines and actions prior to that exchange that are kinda contrary to what prof oak says there). anyway i just woke up from a pretty intense nap to say that i think we all should lean into gary being more anthropological in his pokemon research compared to goh in particular who is a lot more scientific and whose character arc kinda functions around learning to accept that humans and pokemon can and do have mutually beneficial relationships, something he rejected initially under the assumption that pokemon can’t learn to help themselves if humans are always rushing in to do the hard stuff for them. like in a way they have a common goal of research yes but i think this is an interesting disconnect that would be fun to explore because its a big area of potential conflict that the anime doesnt show us because they have so many OTHER conflicts that make them good foils to each other And by the time they meet this isnt something goh is grappling with nearly as much as he was in the beginning. but i feel like later in his life it’s something he believed so deeply for so long maybe it could affect his research. i dont know how to coherently put this into words - that nap really drained my brain power, which was already low anyway - but i am so interested in the idea that a cold, detached view of science is antithetical to the study of it. and like who better to prove that to you then the guy who pisses you off so bad you stop being cold and detached about things without even realizing it

[wetslug]

ive mentioned it briefly but i thought i'd elaborate and give yall the full story of How High School Me Accidentally Induced a Mental Disorder, if anyones interested and wants to learn from my folly

alright so its ~2014, im in grade 10, i've been Dx'ed with autism about a year now, and my depression is as bad as its ever been. basically everything sucked so my brain was naturally susceptible to just short circuiting and causing more problems in the first place

i think my first tics (which were small neck and eye muscle tics) were probably no fault on my own, because like i said my brain frequently Sucked at that time and this is a common age to develop tic problems. but at that time, i had multiple friends with tics, and as I love to research my own problems, I was looking up potential diagnoses all the time, and interacting with online content trying to find tics that looked like mine. soon, my tics were almost incapacitating, i had to modify my schooling because it was distracting to other students, i had pseudoseizures that would last for minutes, and my body was in constant pain because it was always twisting and convulsing. looking back at it now though, i realize that my tics HEAVILY mirrored the ones my friends had and the ones i read about/saw on the internet

i was misdiagnosed with tourettes, which was then changed to Functional Movement/Neurological Disorder, which is a bit of a catch-all term for certain neurological symptoms that can't be linked to an organic problem with the brain (i.e. your brain hardware is fine but software isnt working). a feature of FND is the symptoms often improve with distractibility (they decrease when you focus on something else), and are more suggestible than other organic-related disorders such as tourettes (though the basis of tourettes is still little understood).

why did my brain "decide" to induce problems?? some aspects I think that contributed: -humans are extremely social and are great at mirroring behavior -especially when that behavior is coming from people you admire i.e. your friends! -simply watching a motor movement can cause motor mimicry and automatic imitation (possibly through mirror neurons). this is a big help for most of the human experience.. except for this one -i was in so much mental pain that I appreciated (subconsciously) when people could physically see that i had a problem -humans like attention, this is normal !! again, when youre a shitty lil teen and your life sucks, sometimes it can be gratifying for people and doctors to worry about you

its been 9 years now, and i mostly have a handle on my FND (i will tic a couple times a day, moreso when i drink or too much caffeine), mostly by treating the underlying triggers (mostly my depression) and not worrying or giving it attention when i tic.

in retrospect, i should have been stopped consuming such content and effectively triggering myself immediately when i saw i was taking on those characteristics. but ofc i was 15 and a dumbass and didnt realize what i can see now. if youre a teenager, you know youre susceptible to mirroring behaviors, and you consume mental illness/disorder content or conversations with peers, i would be VERY careful about monitoring yourself and making sure you're not accidentally triggering yourself and taking on the same symptoms. its no fault of your own, it doesnt mean youre a 'faker' if it happens, and it doesnt mean youre weak. some tips i have to avoid this while still consuming said stuff; -i found written content (like blogposts) were less triggering than video form content -try communicating with friends online/by text/etc to avoid seeing their tics irl. without being a dick ofc its not your friends fault that your brain said Copy Paste -rather than research into tackling the tics itself, see if you can identify what may have precipitated it or seems to make it worse (such as stress, low blood sugars, etc), and try to work on that. see if it subsequently improves the secondary disorder.

OF COURSE IM NOT A DOCTOR DONT SUE ME ASJKDJKDAS IF U HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS SEE A DOCTOR