18 she/it/they, if ur a minor i won't follow back or might block, if i don't interact/block it's usually not personal. idk what to say, my banner sets the tone pretty well manhttps://retired-magical-girl.tumblr.com/aboutme more info if u need
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a broken clock is right twice a day and a cactus blooms once a year
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yap session 27.01.2025
ill feel so horribly doomed one hour to a day the next im like omg life is beautiful i am so awesome wow. and repeat on fast forward. i think so low of myself and expect myself to get jealous at other peoples lives but most of the time im genuinely in awe at people and their joys granted i don't hold a grudge or need to run. tbh i can be perverted towards others lives not sexually but i feel like i intrude and observe emotional matters, personal ambiences, and interests. none of them involve me and i tend to bring about ruin and disappointment if i dare touch it, i just like reading their books of self and life.
i met up with a friend who spends most of his time in my hometown and some time in my new town. what i like is they have lots of people drama and things to tell me and its like damn im kind if removed from reality so its like hearing about a different world i'll never really have. also people get really comfortable telling me very personal things but i just let people talk i don't mind though but the more i think about it or get close to a person the more i get a bad instinctive ick even if i don't mind the person. besides, i don't have much to say or much that people want to hear.
people are so fascinating and this dude's family was very interesting, they treat dinner very seriously with a dedicated set of cutlery, dinner mats, napkins (with metal encasing!). their home overlooks by the water, art and models of boats adorning the interior which makes sense considering the career one member had. extra care has been put into the architecture so you can always gaze into the scenery. one of the walls has its entirety filled with all sorts of new and old books. one part of the family comes from a line of public service, english heritage, and i can hear their environment in their accents. various old pieces of technology lay on tables and shelves, even an early 20th century phone. three dogs, all some kind of poodle mix. three birds, one a parrot who i enjoyed having on my shoulder. encased by nature, orb weavers, lizards, turkeys and insects surround. i'm not alone in the cockroach problem! well i always knew that but people don't like admitting they have one.
i made friends with their parrot and dogs (one was pretty protective and loud but by the time i left she let me pat her yay) so i am happy. and damn stars on empty beaches r so freaking vivid so i got to have the best cig of my life under the milky way.
also happy i meet people who like archer as well.
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im alone for a few days and the septic tank keeps being super random and weird and idk and i'm honestly just scared cause i got more baits for insects and shit (the house is crap and the landlord is a fuckface cunt who will have fun when he has to sell the house in the condition its in or demo it cause he is lazy and stupid and didnt fix the structure years ago and saved money and also still wouldve gotten tax deductibles on it) and have been cleaning alot but its just bothering me still.
it feels like even when im alone something else is just running around as well and i'm not scared of it at the moment but i'm very aware that it is there.
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Chainsaw Man | チェンソーマン – Chapter 124 ⊙ Soup
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anyone else confused on if they fit genderfluity, have an unstable self identity, or just feel so alienated from any general image or group of a gender. i actually despise the concept existing (not people identifying as things just the precursor of it all and all the violence, self hatred, alienation etc that exists with it) because it seems to cause more people great grief than joy and is more like a tool for conformity and hierarchy at times. idk it just perplexes me outside of evolutionary biological function (not in an anti trans way at all i mean like i understand how people procreate thats it) and even then, intersex people exist so it's not like there's just this way or that way when there's always going to be a road inbetween it by nature anyways. like sometimes im just a dude, sometimes im a girl, and sometimes im nothing and it isn't even a statement (and to reduce everyones identity as a "statement" isn't quite right, yes some people do take it as an active statement but some people just work like that and some people do both or have to advocate/protect themselves against violence and oppression regardless), it's literally just how my brain comprehends itself at times and no nagging on about whatever would change it. it doesn't serve me in any way to catagorise myself as "i birth the baby", it serves people who are directly against my wishes and autonomy.
tbh this is low on the list of my own personal issues to deal with but it does perplex me, i used to get screamed at for not wearing dresses or acting like xyz but then people would be confused on why i didn't want to be associated with the label i got told i wasn't doing correctly or fit into like it's simple logic, if you're told you're shit at maths and don't enjoy the problems in the curriculum and all the conflict it creates why would you major in maths in university. some people will then be like "well maybe you're just a masculine woman" but why do i have to be forced to accept that when i genuinely don't care and i don't like being called that nor do i think of myself like that anyways. and people who INSIST you have to be a feminine man or masculine woman and not anything else don't even treat them nicely like they treat it as a fetish or oxymoron/failure to comply. there's just a top layer of what people want and expect you to be so they don't have to think too hard about the world or themselves and what benign soul sucking things people expect of them they begrudgingly carry out for the sake of saving face and avoiding shame.
#my thoughts#ramblewaffleton#this doesnt cover everything this is just from my corner#like i cant account for other peoples experiences and their background and environment and brain but yeah im just perplexed at it#like besides use for conformity and hierarchy or personal gain i cant see a reason why existing differently in terms of gender is an issue#like theres ways you can weaponise it for example well misogyny or anything to justify doing something wrong but thats not just existing#lol memories of me asking my mum if trans people went to heaven and iirc she said like#she didnt gaf what other people do but im not allowed to and im wrong for it#people betray themselves in shitty marriages and other shitty things that make them miserable all the time#so i dont understand the well god gave you xyz because we betray ourselves in more way than our social image and is it betrayal of the sel#to finally be happy?#when i was in a particularly poor semi psychotic mood i thought it was just both satan or a clone of him and god out to blackmail people#into conformity#and people then claim a lack of conformity creates violence and sin but itll just be two people happy and free and peaceful#violence exists in odds and even#so why do we decorate it as something beyond us? i mean maybe it is#but the beyond is just a translation of within#there is an upper and lower and fear drives the lower to provide the upper and the upper conquers for resources for the lower to give upper#my mum would say im just overthinking but either way youre miserable because you cant live up to anything accepted so may as well see it fo#what it is and create peace with it
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Making a Weezing Mosquito Coil Holder
An engineer built a mosquito repeller in the shape of a Pokemon.
Full video on YouTube : 3D SANAGO
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bro i dont have to be sad archer ended now ive got so much other stuff with adam reed to watch 😭
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my goal for today is no instagram reels & read 20 pages of my book. no consequences if i don’t do that because you cannot hate yourself into becoming who you are
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1. need to watch frisky dingo and sealab 2021
2. next time i finish and post fandom art im making a side blog for it because i just want to be unhinged and miserable in my digital abode tho rn im chilling cause im eating mangoes and i got tea.
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I GOT THE MASTER PLAN
i still havent watched sonic 3 LMFAO i will sometime
shit this mix is awesome tho
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