#housing experiment

[scp-head-canons]

Have you read the Boarding Experiment on AO3? could you make a fic based on that? No requirements at all lol, just based on the BE

Yes, and I can do that! Here we go:

The Housing Experiment

--Day One, Week One--

Dr Jack Bright, or "Oh God No" as many have nicknamed him, may or may not have accidentally left a dead body. That definitely wasn't his fault, but he wasn't sure about that.

The reason he was leaving the body was because there was an experiment the others wanted him to participate in. He was going to a house and they wanted to introduce some SCPs to the "real world" outside.

Anyway, he attempted to ignore the screaming and the breach alarm (which MIIIIGHT have been his fault), and got into the van to go to the village or whatever.

The driver didn't even look up, but waited for him to close the door and buckle himself in before he drove off.

"So, do you know what SCPs I'm moving in with?" Jack asked the driver, side eyeing him hard. The driver paused for a second, turning to the left, before responding.

"I don't know three of them, but one of them is SCP-049," the driver mentioned, "I assume you know what scp that is? Have you met the guy before?"

Jack nodded. "Plague doctor. White mask, long robes, with a hood that's never observed to be down."

The driver nodded, and the two didn't speak for the rest of the journey.

Eventually, they had arrived to the vil-

"Village? This is a city!" Jack choked out, horrified at how many would so obviously die today and soon after. The driver ignored him and kept driving until they had reached the very back of the city. Jack unbuckled himself and looked out the window.

The house they were staying in was a small, quaint house. It was completely white on the outside but relatively big. There wasn't any houses behind it as far as Jack could see, and the houses to the left and right were few and far between; on both sides there weren't any houses for a good fifty metres. (for the Americans, that is about 83 washing machines).

Anyway, in front of the house there was a good spacious road, so there wasn't any houses too close to them. Jack sighed in relief and stepped out when the van was just short of stopping.

Jack turned around and saw a few guards lowering SCPs down. It was night- around 2am- so Jack couldn't see what SCPs they were, and they were sedated so he couldn't hear them, so he made a rough guess.

There was four of them, one of them he could identify as 049 by the beak mask. That was the first one carried into the house. The three others were pulled in as well.

The driver gave Jack a map for the city and a credit card before driving away. Jack's clothes, laptop, and other essentials were transported here earlier. Jack muttered about people never giving him a map for the house before he walked in.

When he walked in, he saw a hallway that had four doors on the left side, two on the right side and a final door at the end. On the outside, the house was a square, so that was fair well enough.

Jack went into the first door on the left and found the living room- there were two SCPs here right now.

The living room was a rectangular room with a door on the right, supposably to the room next to it. The room had a fireplace on the side opposite the door and a bookshelf next to it. It had a triple chair sofa next to the door and in the corner were two loveseats. There was a coffee table, a round oval shape, between the chairs with a lovely rug under it.

At the front of the room, there was a window to see outside the house. It was still dark, but the fire was lit.

Jack turned around to see 049 asleep on the sofa, laying there like a typical movie dead man, his arm over his shoulder and the other hanging off the sofa.

The other SCP in the room was, apparently, SCP-054, who was in the furthermost loveseat, next to the door to the next room. She was breathing quietly, but due to the warmth and the fire in the room she was curling up and evaporating slightly. Jack decided to get her a glass of water when she woke up and went to the next room.

The next room over was a kitchen- a big one, with cupboards and two ovens, a toaster, and two kettles. There was an island area with a few drawers- Jack checked; there were already plates, cups, and cutlery- and there was a fridge next to a freezer. There were two sinks- one at a lower level to the rest. Jack assumed there was a child or shorter SCP here.

There was a cutting board and a few other equipment in the other cupboards. There was already food, but not much; Jack should go shopping later.

Jack left the room and was back in the hallway. He continued to the third door on the left and found a small bedroom, the average size of a Containment cell in the foundation- about 20metres by 20m. There was a child-sized bed, and in it was SCP-053. Jack saw there was a stuffed teddy bear on the ground next to the bed, so he picked it up and handed it to her. She clung tight and smiled in her sleep 

Jack couldn't see much in the room so he left and went to the fourth room in the row on the left.

this one was a dining room, about 30m by 40m. There was a table, a six-seater, and there was a few shelves around the room- all of them empty. There was a window, letting in enough light to see the wallpaper was strangle yellow- (it reminded Jack of that joke they'd made in the foundation... Backrooms?) He wondered who was such an idiot they thought this wallpaper was good for a dining room. With a sigh, he left and checked the right side.

The right door closest to the front door led into a garage that took up quite a bit of space- Jack could easily fit in six cars, three in the front three in the back, and still easily move around between and around them. There weren't any cars here, but he'd get a car soon enough.

Jack left and found the last door on the right- this led into a bathroom; a typically white-tiled one, with a shower, sinks and toilet. Jack was told there were two bathrooms, so the second must be upstairs- as would be the fourth anomaly.

Jack entered the door at the end of the hallway, and went up 13 stairs- yes, he counted.

Upstairs, there was another hallway, this time with two doors either side. On the left of the house, there was the bathroom at the front- same looking as the one downstairs, but with a bathtub instead of a shower- and a storage room.

On the right, there was a master bedroom, quite big; Jack assumed this was his, by his stuff being here and his laptop on the bed, which was king-sized and had a red quilt. He made a mental note to change the quilt; red reminded him too much of a certain incident. There was a shelf to the left of the door, and a bookshelf to the right. In the far right corner, next to a window, was a desk and chair. There was also a wardrobe at the foot of the bed.

And the last room was another bedroom; this one had a queen bed with a lovely navy blue quilt and a lighter blue pillow. There was another wardrobe in the corner, next to a smaller desk and two chairs.  Jack wondered where the last SCP was when he heard a soft whimper; and turned to find the SCP behind the bed...

It was SCP-096; wearing a bag over his head and curled up into a ball. Poor thing, he must be terrified about the new location. Jack knelt next to him.

"Hey, buddy," Jack smoothed, "it's alright. I'm here. You're safe. It's okay." Jack watched as 096 turned his head and crawled towards Jack. He was surprised 096 was already trusting him; but he quickly remembered how years ago... Well, something. He was tired and his memory wasn't the best. He'd recall it later.

Jack continued comforting 096 until the sun rose and he heard footsteps. He stood and, watching 096 stand to follow him, made his way downstairs to meet the SCPs.

SCP-054 was in the hallway, talking with 053. She looked up and smiled at Jack, who was confused- wasn't she... against males?- before remembering his host was a female. He nodded at her and walked over.

"Are you doing alright?" He asked, little anxious a woman made entirely of ordinary water had slept all night in a room with a fire.

"Oh.." She said, quiet, "Yeah, sure. I could use a drink, though."

"Coming right up." Jack stood and walked to the kitchen, getting a large cup and filling it with water. He added two ice cubes for good measure before going to 054 and handing it to her.

"Ice cubes! My favourite." She smiled at Jack before having a sip, cracking the ice cube in her... water teeth? Hell, she was sentient water, let's not question her eating ice.

"GAH!" Jack turned around to find SCP-049 standing above him.

"Oh, I apologize, fellow doctor. I did not mean to startle you." 049 took a step back and watch Jack stand up.

"It's alright, tis not your fault." Jack shook his head to remove the shock (and sleepy) from his head. Boy, was staying up all night not fun. He had a human body, goddamnit, and  the thing required sleep for... whatever reason god had within him.

Jack shrugged and turned around. "Alright, I assume you've all been briefed on the experiment?"

049 shook his head. "I wasn't, and I doubt the others were."

"Well," jack began, "we are in a house at the back of a city. This is a 'Housing Experiment', where four SCPs and a scientist will move in- one per month- to slowly populate the city with SCPs. We are the first household."

054 stood up. "I'm 054, who are you?" she was a little more confident now she was replenished; she nodded towards both Jack and 049.

"I go by 049," the doctor replied, "it is nice to meet you."

054 nodded and looked at Jack.

"I'm Dr Jack Bright, but call me Jack." He grinned and pointed to 096. "He's 096; he don't speak, tho. Also, don't take the bag off him. Someone sees his face, the person is dead."

054 looked mildly interested but otherwise nodded and left to explore. 053 jumped up.

"I'm 053!" She was still clutching the teddy from earlier, "and you can cal me Abby! And this is Mr Chocolate." She held up the bear above her head and ran off after 054 to check out upstairs.

Jack stretched, and pause.

"When you're all done exploring the house, do you want To explore the immediate area?"

049 and 096 both moved towards Jack, and he accepted that as agreement. 054 led 053 down soon after; they were ready to go, too.

"Great! Let's go." Jack led them outside and showed them around.

there were two libraries nearby, in addition to threw restaurants and a few police stations. There were more police here than there really should be due to the proximity of SCPs. There were three offices by Jack's count and a few lovely little cafés. Some apartments stretched into the sky and there was an airport, which fascinated 053 quite a bit.

Jack checked his map and found it was cut into sixteen boxes- boxes one to four was the top row, five to eight were the one below and so on so forth. They were in box three, and haven't left it.

Eventually they returned home. Jack was looking through his map as the other four dispersed. He ended up going upstairs and opening his laptop.

He input his password and while waiting for it to boot up looked through his wardrobe. There were shirts, trousers, two shorts, a few jackets and jumpers, a hoodie, running shoes, boots, dress shoes, and a suit. A blazer was on the side to complete the formal look if needed.

Jack returned to the laptop to see three notifications. One was a spam email; which was promptly reported and deleted. Another was a digital version of the city map, in case he needed it, as well as directions to the nearest site should be need to evacuate; and the last was an email from a supervisor of his.

"Dear Dr Jack Bright," it began,

"I assume that, as you are reading this, you have arrived and checked out the house. I assure you it is perfectly safe to let the SCPs wander on their own- we have cameras on the outside of every building and on the inside of every public area, such as restaurants and libraries.

"In addition, there is ONE camera in the house- in the stairwell. This is to make sure nobody dies.

"As well as that, I am sure you know of the agreement- that once a month, a new household of a researcher and four SCPs will enter the city. Worry not; as the amount of SCPs increase, so too will standby personal, guards, and cameras.

"If you feel there should be increased security, or anything of the like, please do not hesitate to call or email us. We will provide you with the details for the other SCPs one week before they arrive, as well as the name of the scientist. Your credit card, and theirs, will be linked back to the Foundation, so we can monitor everything you buy. However, you can buy anything you like as long as it is appropriate. Aka, no nsfw. Especially as SCP-053 is within your house.

"We hope you enjoy your stay.

"Best Wishes,

"05-6."

Jack stood and stretched, knowing that you never reply to an 05's email unless they explicitly ask you to do so.

CRASH! Jack jumped as something downstairs was thrown or dropped. Barely touching each step, he flew down into the kitchen to figure out what was going on.

There, 096 and 053 were staying away from 054 and 049.

"Sooo close." 054 taunted 049. Jack should've known; 054 was hostile to men, especially doctors. No wonder she'd eventually attack 049.

049 got a knife out of his bag and began approaching 054.

"Oh no!" She grinned, "I'm sooo scared.."

She dodged to the left and was on the opposite side of the island to 049.

"Hey!" Jack called out, realised soon enough that neither SCP had heard him.

"Do you want me to let you get a hit in? Slow down for you?" 054 smirked, obviously terrified under that nonetheless. She seemed to... she seemed to want 049 in trouble, rather than fighting him outright.

"Stop that!" Jack walked over and pulled 054 to him.

"049, to the living room. 054, to the dining room. I'll deal with you both separately."

Jack went to the living room with 049 after watching 054 leave the room- hopefully to go to the dining room.

"So," Jack stared as 049 sat on the sofa, "what happened?"

"She said I was not a good doctor. That my work was for nothing." Jack could see why 049 was riled up. The doctor was tapping his foot, agitated. Jack nodded curtly and stalked off to find 054.

"What happened." It was more a statement than a question.

"I simply told him he should pursue another hobby." 054 shook her head, looking vaguely mournful. Jack knew she was terrified and had acted out of fear- though that didn't excuse her behaviour.

"He won't attack you unless you provoke him." Jack sat down next to 054, who quickly turned away from him. "You should stay away if you're that fired up against him."

054 shrugged, clearly not in the mood for talking. Jack stood and left, deciding to deal with it when 054 was in the mood to listen and understand.

In the hallway, 049 was comforting 053. Jack nodded, knowing the fight would have set 053 off and 049 could comfort the child, and went to find 096 in the kitchen.

096 seemed to be fine- he was actually cleaning up the broken plate that must have been the crash earlier. Jack smiled and went upstairs to check his email.

There wasn't anything but Jack decided to write to them.

"Heya.

"So, 054 decided to taunt 049 and make him attack her. She told him his doctoring, for lack of a better word, was a 'hobby' and he should 'get a better one'. So you can see why 049 is riled up.

"I'm asking for another camera- preferably in the kitchen or living room, or downstairs hallway perhaps?- to make sure we cover more ground. So we can make sure this doesn't happen again.

Yours sincerely,

Jack Bright (Level 4)"

Jack hit "send" and waiting for a second, making sure to see it was read, before going downstairs and making sure everything was in order.

--Day Two, Week One--

Jack yawned and stretched, sitting up off the bed. He was quick to sit up and get to the wardrobe, where he chose a comfy t-shirt and jacket as well as some jeans- grey jeans, his favourite jeans- to go to the store.

He'd looked at the map, and there was a pretty big store in sector 7, about six times the size of their house. He tugged his shirt on and tied his jacket around his waist before walking downstairs to find it was 7:56am, and only 049 was up besides him.

"Hello," Jack said, walking into the kitchen and seeing 049 sitting on the counter next to one of the kettles, "you alright?"

"Sure." 049 stayed quiet, but when the kettle clicked he jumped up. Jack saw a cup next to the kettle.

"Making tea?"

"Yes. In the foundation, I couldn't exactly wake up properly, but here I can make tea and wake myself up. Is that not allowed?"

"No, no, it's fine! Go ahead." Jack hummed as he began to make toast. "Have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"I prefer to not eat breakfast until after my tea."

"Understandable. One of my coworkers are like that."

"Oh?" 049 looked up at Bright to see if he was sincere. "What's their name?"

"Dr Herr. He loves to make tea. I swear he drinks fifteen cups a day."

049 paused, staring at Jack. "Genuinely, or is that human hyperbole?"

Jack blinked, turning his head to 049. "Hyperbole. I doubt any human drinks more than six cups of tea a day, unless you count that one Agent Star," he laughed, grabbing a plate, "I swear to high heaven that one really, genuinely loves to drink tea so much it's one cup an hour or less."

049 nodded, sipping at his tea- was it absorbed through the mask?- before speaking once more. "Agent Star? A MTF or Security?"

"I'm not sure. I never worked with her; just heard of her and seen her in break rooms once in a long while."

"So you don't know what exactly she does?"

"Nope, sorry. I could email the foundation, or look into her personal file, if you'd like to know more?"

"No, that's fine. Thank you." 049 finished his tea and put his cup in the sink before starting the tap.

"Oh! You don't have to wash up- I'll do it after everyone's had breakfast."

"Alright," 049 stopped the tap, "what will happen today?"

"Well, I was thinking of going to the store. After that, maybe we can go to one of the nearby cafés for lunch?"

"Sounds good." 049 nodded before turning to see 053 entering the room, in her nightgown and yawning.

"Heya, kiddo." Jack grinned down at 053, who looked up and smiled back.

"Hello!... Jack?"

"Yep! Want some pancakes?"

"Yeah!" She laughed, running towards him.

Jack quickly whipped up some pancakes and laid them out on the island, letting 053 sit up there next to it.

"We don't have syrup yet," Jack checked the cupboard to make sure, "but we can go shopping for some later."

"Okie!" To be fair, 053 didn't seem to even notice what exactly he'd said. She was already halfway through the first pancake. Jack laughed and turned away.

"Do you two think 096 or 054 would eat breakfast?" Jack wasn't sure if 096 even ate. He wasn't sure if the others SCPs even knew such a thing. He decided to risk it.

"Hmm? Oh, probably not 096. 054 would like some ice cubes, if yesterday was anything to go by." If 049's voice was a colour, it would be red right now. His hands were shaking and he quickly left the room.

"Huh. Is he still upset?" 053 chirped through the silence that had infected the room.

"Probably," Jack looked out the window and watched a passerby, "he was pretty shaken up earlier. He's slow to anger and slow to cool off."

"Oh." 053 finished her pancakes and pushed the plate into the sink just as 054 walked in.

"054?" Jack looked up. "Do you want breakfast?"

"No, just a glass of water and maybe some ice." Her eyes were downcast and she wasn't looking at either of them. Jack hummed in thought as he handed the glass over to the anomaly.

"Might as well go to the shops?" Jack watched 054 for any movements. She looked up at him for a brief second before snapping her head away again.

"No, no, I'll be fine... You can go." She turned and left with her drink, presumably going to the dining room due to the direction she went.

"Alright, so me and you and 049," Jack stared at 053 as she cuddled her teddy, "096-"

Speak of the devil, and he shall arrive. 096 came lumbering in from the living room and tilted his head at Jack- or, probably did. It was hard to tell under that bag.

"You wanna go to the shops with us?" 09- shook his head. Jack shrugged and watched 096 turn and leave, back where he came from.

"Welp, we'll go in five minutes. Get your shoes." Jack nodded at 053 and began to wash the plates.

A few minutes later, Jack finished washing up and left the plates on the rack to dry. He went upstairs, got his trainers, and jumped down the last two stairs to find 053 just leaving the living room and 049 at the door.

"Ready to leave?" Jack didn't wait for an answer before opening the door and watching the SCPs shuffle out. He locked the door behind them- "Safety precautions," he told them- and they were off.

"Is it common for non humans to walk around?" 049 was glaring back at everyone who was staring at him.

"No, but a few will think it's costumes. Just don't go too close, and play it off. Say it's a tradition, or a joke, dare, you're autistic, whatever have you."

"Hm," 049 turned back to Jack, "why do they stare?"

"Because humans stare at things not normal, and you're not normal."

"Hmm." 049 looked at the ground and remained silent through the rest of the walk.

When the shop was in sight, 053 skipped ahead to make It to the giant double doors. It was a Wal-Mart, giant and imposing. Jack hadn't been to one of these in so long...

Either way, inside the shop was immediately the Beverages section. Jack noticed that was not typical, but hey, the foundation probably made some changes for the anormalies.

Jack nodded at 053 and 049. "Get yourselves two drinks each. When you're done come find me," he pointed at the groceries section, "I'm gonna get some food."

Both the anormalies turned away, not reacting otherwise, as Jack made his way to the groceries section.

A long while later- aka, two and a half hours- they had gotten quite a lot of food- enough to feed them all for at least three weeks. Jack quickly paid and picked up three bags in each hand, turning to 049 as the doctor picked up two bags in his right and one in his left. 053 was holding her drinks and already struggling a little, so 049 took one in his left and let 053 grab her other drink (chocolate milk) in both hands.

The walk back was quite uneventful, save for the odd passerby giving the odd trio an odd glance. Soon they were walking through the door Jack had just unlocked, 049 putting the bags on the kitchen island and opening 053's drink for her.

"Ima go find 054!" 053 called out, clutching her milk and waddling off out the kitchen. Jack chuckled and began to unload the food. 049 helped out, putting some fruit in the fridge and bread in a higher cupboard.

"How many dishes can you make?" Jack barely glanced up from struggling to put the salt away. 049 took it and put it away easily- he was 0'3 taller than Jack's current body- and walked away again.

"I can make a few dishes. I never really had an interest in cooking, that would be 035's speciality." 049 shook his head at the mention and went back to putting away the food.

"So, he can make a few dishes?"

"From what I've seen, yes."

"He's cooked for you before?"

"Plenty of times."

"So you knew each other before the foundation?" Jack knew he was throwing himself on thin ice, so his voice turned out as nonchalant as possible.

"... Precisely." 049 stared at Jack for a few seconds before putting away the milk and leaving.

Jack put away the last three items and closed the cupboard with a sigh. He had gotten new information, but at what cost? He snorted as he remembered that meme and turned away to see the time.

It was 13:03pm, so Jack walked out to find 053 playing with her teddy.

"I thought you were going to find 054?" Jack looked around, wondering if the water nymph was out of sight.

"Oh, I couldn't find her anywhere. Trust me, I looked. All I found was that giant pale guy sitting by the fire in the living room."

Jack quickly ran upstairs and to his computer. He input the password without even thinking and checked the email he'd received while out as soon as possible.

"Jack.

"We understand you are out at the moment, but when you return, worry not- 054 is with us." Jack sighed in relief before continuing,

"We have reviewed your request for cameras and have decided to keep 054 in Containment for two days. After that she shall be returned.

"However," Jack cringed, "we have decided that instead of entering a new house at the next month, the house will be tomorrow." Jack found himself having to shut his mouth- already? "There will not be any of the four anormalies yet, but we will be sending in a scientist.

"Hoping to keep in touch,

"05-4."

Jack stared at the email for a minute longer than necessary before wondering which scientist would be brought in. He knew thata new scientist would mean two more MTF undercover, so he stood and walked downstairs to give the news to the others.

--Day Three, Week One--

Jack watched as the moving van pulled up. There was a scientist stepping out, they signed some papers, they got some cards, they went inside and shut the door. The van drove away after letting a MTF out with a bag.

The MTF walked some way into the city, disappearing from Jack's line of site, which was shorter than normal due to it being 5am. Jack watched as the scientist, having dropped off the cards at their house, leaving, locking their door, and walking to Jack's household.

Jack opened the door for them before they could knock and wake a SCP.

Lo and behold, it was Alto Clef, the bastard. Holding a cinnamon roll in one hand and the other was raised to touch the doorbell.

"Heya, buddy." Clef stared Into Jack's eyes, making him uncomfortable. Oh, right. Female host.

Jack saw the trademark ukulele tied to Clef's waistbelt, which Clef lowered his free hand to when the door opened.

"Can I come in?" Clef, without waiting for an answer, stalked himself in and was seated on the living room couch by the time Jack closed the door. Luckily, none of the anormalies had chosen to sleep here tonight.

"Sure, I guess." Jack muttered, hand gripping the door handle harder than needed (he definitely didn't cause a new crack or two. Hell, the only crack or two.)

"Now, I'm here early due to a... complication on 054's part?" Clef smirked, arms over the couch back and legs crossed. Jack could see Clef belonged here.

"Yes..." Pausing to check for any movements in the hallway, Jack sat down next to Clef, crossing his legs at the ankles and keeping his arms tightly folded in an attempt to show off his discomfort.

"Well?" Clef leaned in. "Details?"

"Well, she purposefully agitated 049," Jack began, "and even managed to make him physically attack."

"Huh. That's... strange, especially for such a calm anomaly. We really messed up on that one."

"Yeah, I suppose so. I never worked on her, though, not anywhere near. I work with disease prevention, specifically the genetics, not humanoids. Why exactly did they throw ME in with humanoids?"

"No clue, man." Clef stood up and began to walk away. "Alright, I'm going to get settled in at my new home. Talk to you later?"

Once again, he ignored the potential for an answer and left without another word.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

the fact that shakespeare was a playwright is sometimes so funny to me. just the concept of the "greatest writer of the English language" being a random 450-year-old entertainer, a 16th cent pop cultural sensation (thanks in large part to puns & dirty jokes & verbiage & a long-running appeal to commoners). and his work was made to be watched not read, but in the classroom teachers just hand us his scripts and say "that's literature"

just...imagine it's 2450 A.D. and English Lit students are regularly going into 100k debt writing postdoc theses on The Simpsons screenplays. the original animation hasn't even been preserved, it's literally just scripts and the occasional SDH subtitles.txt. they've been republished more times than the Bible

[bacchuschucklefuck]

typical tavern scene

[ktempestbradford]

I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me

It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:

At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.

On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."

Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:

But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:

It gets worse.

"Tempest, how could it possibly--"

source of this video that also includes this charming description:

Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'

There is already a meme.

Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:

Who has already done an interview!

As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!

Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.

The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.

Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!

I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.

Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:

I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.

Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:

Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.

Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.

Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.

I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.

This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.

Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:

With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"

"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:

There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.

The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.

Even better, this weirdly grainy image?

From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.

If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.

As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.

And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...

This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.

Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.

As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...

Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.

Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.

HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.

[leminaus]

red and vee :)

[bet-on-me-13]

Vampire Misunderstanding

So! Danny got adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he doesn't know that Bruce is the Batman. He is just supernaturally oblivious to all things Batman related going on in the House.

But he does notice that Bruce leaves home a lot at night, that he doesn't like to go out in the day and often has his parties at night, and once or twice he's caught Bruce with a bit if blood still splattered on his cheek.

So he comes to the only plausible conclusion. Bruce is a Vampire.

He starts trying to hint at the fact that he knows, but doesn't want to just go out and say it. What if Bruce reacts negatively to him knowing? He's dealt with enough Supernatural Beings to know that they don't like other people (and especially other supernatural beings) intruding on their lives.

So Danny decided to subtly hint at it.

He started asking questions like "So hypothetically, how would you deal with having a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?" Or "So if you had very sensitive skin that could sunburn extremely easily, how much cloud cover would you need to go outside?" And "So what's your opinion on a High-Iron Diet?"

Basically just tossing out questions and trying to Guage Bruce's reaction.

He thinks he's doing a good job!

...

Bruce is certain that he has adopted a Vampire.

Danny is a good kid, but he has a few oddities that are hard to ignore.

For one, his skin is constantly Ice Cold, but he never seens to be bothered by it. As if he was an Undead that didn't require Body Heat anymore.

He also seems to like Hanging out in the Graveyard outside, and when asked about it he says that he is comforted by the place. Just like the Vampires he has met in the past, who feel comfortable when surrounded by Death.

And of course the biggest reason for suspicion is the fact that Danny seems to be hinting at it to him.

He keeps asking stuff like "How would you deal with a Garlic Allergy in Gotham?", probably trying to hint that he is a Vampire who can't eat Garlic, or asking about easy to sunburn skin, saying that he is probably not a Daywalker.

Bruce hopes Danny will just come clean about it soon, he doesn't want to intrude upon the kid when he is so obviously nervous about how he will react.

[hellofellowneighborhoodnothings]

house md summary

[bixels]

In the past, people in the Animal Crossing community would make fun of Tom Nook as a sleazy landlord. Since then, he's really rehabilitated his image as this 'heart of gold' businessman (he's the one who puts bells and furniture in trees for you to find! he adopted orphans! he donates to charity!), but New Horizons genuinely paints the most devious version of him.

He's successfully privatized settler colonialism: you pay HIM to move to a "deserted island" (which apparently the oceans in the AC world are just full of) and start a colony that he is directly invested in. At best he's running a weird vacation package scam (you arrive on the island with no money and in debt for "using his services"). At worst, he's using you to set up company towns. For god's sake, he literally has his own fake currency that he forces you to use to pay off your debt. But don't worry, he's repackaged it in a way that definitely doesn't sound like an MLM scam: the Nook Mileage Program!

You're no longer just his tenant or his temporary part-timer, you're his business lackey. The entire tutorial section of the game has you spending actual weeks running around completing tasks and doing hard labor to set up his colony. You're even tasked with preparing his properties and finding buyers for them. No, you aren't a tenant anymore. You work for the landlord. You are directly responsible for finding tenants for him. And he doesn't even fucking pay you. Not for setting up town hall and museum, or his nephew's shop –– which is the ONLY store on the entire island that sells necessities –– or bringing KK Slider to town, or helping populate his town. Not a single cent. No, actually, you have to pay HIM to BUY infrastructure like bridges and stairs and park benches. And all the while, he's telling you're the "resident representative"; you get to call the shots! That the reward is the community's progress. That what you're doing is in everyone's best interest (but most importantly, his).

Since NH's release, people have done a lot of legwork to say that Tom Nook isn't a capitalist while the game shows him at his very worst. He owns the only general store in town. You're forced to use a phone that he modified and branded as his own. Buy Nook-branded furniture and merchandise at the self-serve kiosk in the town hall, a governmental building! There's no conflict of interest here!

But hey, if you're tired of being the landlord/business mogul's goon, you can also find work as a deluxe resort home designer for a company that also pays you in their special company currency that can only be used to buy their products instead of a real salary! Because that's what the Animal Crossing franchise needs! More vacation homes!!!

[plorpl]

Today I offer Tumblr real, undoctored screenshots from the House MD DS game, free of context:

Special awards go to:

"Would you still love me if I was a worm" core:

And my personal favorite, for all the omegaverse girlies out there:

EDIT: adding a link to my other post with more info on the game

[lycandrophile]

if you’re young and transmasc and the people in your life haven’t been great about the whole thing and you’re starting to feel like it might be easier to just give up and pretend to be the person they want you to be, i need you to hold on. because the thing is, one second you’re 16 and a future where you get to make decisions about your own body and life feels so impossibly far away and you can’t imagine living like this for that long, but then you blink and it’s been six years and you’re in your car with the music blasting and your voice is lower than the guy in the song’s and your hair is long for the first time in a decade because you’re finally confident enough to grow it out again on your own terms and your chest hasn’t been weighed down in months and it’s the freest you’ve ever felt in your life and i promise it will be worth the wait. don’t give up on yourself.

[jerseygirljasontodd]

this is so funny like im cracking tf up... the cocky son of color thinking that he can call his mother by her first name, and getting eyebrow raised into submission? many such cases

[scp-head-canons]

is it bad I took this long to make Chapter 4 of Housing Experiment? sorry

[everythingwasnormalhere]

There's so much wrong with "everyone is a little bit autistic"

Yes, allistic people might know a lot of facts about the things they like. Yes, allistic people might get a bit overwhelmed or underwhelmed sometimes. Yes, allistic people might not get an expression sometimes, mostly if it's the first time they hear it.

That doesn't make them autistic.

Those traits only make someone autistic when they become disabling. Because, big shock, autism is a disability. Yeah, even if someone is low support needs, because that doesn't mean they don't need any support at all.

Saying "everyone is a little bit autistic" is like saying "everyone struggles with this, so suck it up, you have no right to need help". Which is just pure ableist bullshit. It denies the fact that autistic people have higher support needs than NTs, no matter where in the autistic spectrum they are. We're not "neurospicy", we're disabled, and denying this fact is denying us the right to get the help we need, we deserve, to have a good life.

(yes, this rant is just because I made the awful decision of listening to "neurospicy (interlude)" by Jax. honestly I'd rather be called a slur than listen to that shit again.)

[jibberjibbsart]

Supernatural “Power Hour” Part 20!!

Reveal time 👀

First | Prev | Next

[drowningbpdbodies]

“How are you?” I should be in a straight jacket but unfortunately for the both of us I’m here

[weirwoodweirds]

Rhaenys is dead but her spot as Number One Daemon Hater has been passed down to Alys Rivers, thank god