#was literally just driving home from the store and it was such a euphoric experience i had to make a post

[lycandrophile]

if you’re young and transmasc and the people in your life haven’t been great about the whole thing and you’re starting to feel like it might be easier to just give up and pretend to be the person they want you to be, i need you to hold on. because the thing is, one second you’re 16 and a future where you get to make decisions about your own body and life feels so impossibly far away and you can’t imagine living like this for that long, but then you blink and it’s been six years and you’re in your car with the music blasting and your voice is lower than the guy in the song’s and your hair is long for the first time in a decade because you’re finally confident enough to grow it out again on your own terms and your chest hasn’t been weighed down in months and it’s the freest you’ve ever felt in your life and i promise it will be worth the wait. don’t give up on yourself.

[adventurouskiwi]

Norway

Every time I talk to someone about my time in Norway I get emotional. It's such an indescribable feeling to be on this current high. I have so much gratitude. I can't write about this without being filled with so many overwhelming emotions. This year has been a roller coaster but I wouldn't trade any moment for anything. I have gone from complete isolation and a dream job in the hills of Vinstra only surrounded by animals, to my first van trip which ended up being a lot tougher than I imagined. On new years I watched the fireworks from a rooftop in Oslo with a bunch of deep strangers. I spent some hard weeks looking for a job in Oslo and battling through one of my lowest mental points. Then I traveled North to start an awesome new job and met more great people and animals. I got to show my parents this country with all the pride a person can feel and now I face some very hard goodbyes which just cement how much of my heart this country has. I feel so damn lucky right now, I have just had the craziest year and am ending on an incredible high. I'm unsure how things got this good for me, it all feels very dreamlike. Extremely sad to be leaving this beautiful place but my heart is as full as can be. I am sitting here writing this at 11:30 pm with the most beautiful pink mountains out my window and a sky that never goes dark. I just can't believe this is my life; this has been my life, this is what I made it. This one might be a bit of a read but I want to get everything on the page so I never forget it. So I remember in hard times to come, how bloody special life is.

Norway. The place of grass roofed wooden houses, of picturesque fjords and vast valleys. Where people are quiet but friendly and hard to meet. The place of overpriced chocolate but pancakes for dinner. Where getting drunk takes on a new meaning and everyone stays living where they were born. The place where Winter is as real as it gets with snow stories thick. Where you learn that anything below negative 10 degrees is just fucking cold and frozen hay bales become your worst nightmare. Where the sun controls how you feel, keeping you awake in the summer and something you yearn for in the winter. It's untouched beauty, small cities and summer cabins in the middle of nowhere. Where everyone has a good quality of life and don't quite realize how lucky they are. Where farms have 20 cows, each with a name and farm dogs that sleep on your bed. The place you need winter tires to drive on roads encased by 3 meter tall snow walls. Where reindeer are feral and farm animals roam free in the summer. Land that comes with surprises at every turn and a hike into the mountains is as accessible as walking out your front door. A country you feel safe enough in to leave your car running while you do your grocery shop and where you don't think twice about spending the night alone in the mountains. There are so many amazing qualities of this country and I am so glad I have been immersed in it for the last 12 months. It would be fucking hard to find a place to beat this.

In the summer I would drive the tractor to the very end of a gravel road in the middle of the mountains where my little log cabin with a fire heated spa on the deck awaited. Surrounded by only mountains and animals and experiencing the most happiness I've ever known. Being able to step outside and venture into the mountains almost daily made me think I had found one of the most perfect spots in the world. My dogs would come everywhere with me, whether it was to the grocery store or on a 3 hour road trip to one of our many hikes. Road trips that always filled me with awe as the most breathtaking scenes were found literally around every bend. Then painting murals in the animal shed as I consumed far too many energy drinks and wondering how the fuck I was being paid to do something I loved so much.  When winter came so did darkness but with more beauty then I can describe. A van trip that pushed me more than ever before, one that brought new lessons as I climbed new peaks. The emotions of witnessing the aurora which is by far the most magical thing I've ever witnessed. Countless nights staying awake as my fingers went numb, waiting to see if the sky would come alive. Moving North to old cute stables where I would greet 20 horses in the morning and put them out in the snow. Where you could chuck some snow shoes on and walk into the mountains to find a lake, ready to drill a hole in and go ice fishing. Where bonfires with burnt sausages became a common activity and at night I'd walk outside to watch a dancing sky as my fingers went numb. Meeting travelers from around the world to trade stories with and if they were brave enough, to get in the arctic waters with. Riding beautiful warmbloods in the snow and chatting to friendly horse owners as we watched the most picturesque sunsets. Going running beside the water in such cold temps that my body would be numb, giving me the ability to run further than I'd expect. Waking up to scenes that some people don't even know exist, unsure of how I'd become this lucky.

My little mate Tussi, she deserves her own paragraph. Fuck, she deserves her own book. That dog has been an overwhelmingly precious part of Norway. I can't begin to think of what this year would have looked like without her. She has been there in my hardest times and she has joined me for almost every peak, usually just the two of us, stunned every time by what our eyes were seeing. We became inseparable from the beginning and there was no where I would go without her. I didn't know a dog could become so much of me but she has really been more than I can explain. I hope that I remember every quirky thing about her (and her little tongue). How much she made me laugh, how she stuck by my side wherever we went. She came fishing with me, hiking, camping, skiing and gave me cold night van snuggles when my mood was low. That dog touches every one she meets. Always so excited to get in my car and was so gentle when meeting new people but explosive when she knew you. The biggest attention seeker ever but full of an unmatched amount of love. So many of my moments were shared with her and made better by her being there. I got so incredibly lucky to find myself on a farm with such a precious dog that very quickly became the best shadow. I'm so grateful I will get to spend my last few days with her and although leaving her is fucking hard, she is in a home full of so much love and a place I know will always be my home too. I only wish she knew what she has done and meant for me over the last year.

When I hopped on that plane 1 year ago I had little expectations and just a big yearning for adventure. Well that was the best decision I could have made because fuck it's been a good ride. I have experienced 4 crazy seasons, been left speechless by the northern lights, unable to sleep by the midnight sun, ridden in snow, skied and camped on beautiful mountains, surfed in the arctic waters, fallen in love with every animal I've met, gone on so many road trips, painted numerous murals and just lived. This is it, this is life and it's fucking incredible. I feel like this year has it's own little place in my heart. I cant believe the amount of pinch me moments I have experienced. To wake up almost every day with an unbelievable view no matter where I am. To feel so happy in these vast mountains but to learn my limit of time alone. I've pushed myself in new ways and now have a whole new relationship with my brain. I mean, I'm a couple of glasses of wine deep and reminiscing the shit out of the last 12 months right now but I couldn't be happier or thinking more positively. To leave a place when I'm at my highest point just leaves me so grateful to be alive, so grateful to be able to do the things that I've done, to have had all these new experiences. I can't wait to go home, to see all my favourite people and to return the best version of me yet. I can't wait to create fresh dreams and to continue growing. Last time I travelled I felt like I grew but this is something completely different, now I feel like I know my place in the world, like I know who I am and I belong here. I'm fucking ready to spread every ounce of positivity I have and to see just how much more I can achieve. I have a good sense in how I want to live my life and the level of experiences I can have. Norway has opened new doors of possibilities in my brain. I want to remember this, I want to get this down in words as best I can, I want to remind myself in the future that life is what you make it and these euphoric moments exist. I want to continue being fearless when chasing any crazy dream my brain can imagine, because fuck living any other way. I want to remember it all, to pack it into a snow globe and be able to return to this exact feeling every time I shake it. Norway, the land of so much more than any words I could write.