#honestly this really upset me to read
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So, honestly I gotta to admit I kind of shipped TopJade, but then I stopped. Like, I'm even embarrassed that's I fan girl over the scene between the two of them... But after reading a few criticism, I decided to stop shipping them, since Jade manipulates Topaz. Like as the Yuri fan, I also enjoy some hetero pairings, but, in general, I decided to stop shipping at all, because of the fandom. Sorry, if it's sounded weird or negative
No there’s nothing wrong with how you worded this dw
Honestly I say fuck the fandom and ship what you wanna ship, so long as you acknowledge that the dynamic between the two of them is toxic, I don’t think there’s any problem w enjoying TopaJade, they aren’t real anyways and at least personally I find their dynamic to be incredibly interesting BECAUSE it isn’t healthy
maybe stay off TikTok bc ppl on there can’t handle complicated relationships + honestly I don’t think proships should really be on there (TopaJade is a comship but it’s been argued otherwise and tbh its annoying start fights w ppl so probably not worth ur time anyways) even if they are tagged correctly bc TikTok has a rather young audience
either way if you came to the conclusion that you don’t like it naturally, all the power to you, but I don’t think others shaming you into not liking something is a good thing for anyone
#honkai star rail#hsr#topaz hsr#jade hsr#jadepaz#topajade#jade#topaz#honestly this really upset me to read#It just sucks others bullied you out of enjoying things#I think so long as people don’t try to misrepresent the things they enjoy as being better/worse than it really is#Then there shouldn’t be a problem with making content about it in spaces appropriate for it#Like no I don’t think your dottore x scara post belongs on TikTok#But if you tag it correctly and put it on ao3 then who cares really#Bc if you don’t wanna see it you will never have to#TLDR TikTok needs a better tagging system#And community 😭
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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lol i pregamed a tiny bit for agatha but now after finishing im just taking shots for coping reasons
#i am…… not all that pleased with the ending#/not trying to sound like a complainy bitch#SPOILER WARNING ->#i expected agatha to die tbh#but honestly what i Did not expect was for the ending to feel unfinished#and for me to come out of it feeling so deeply unsatisfied#and it’s not that any of the scenes were bad really!! i loved them#i just feel like a lot of them…. needed some further context or elaboration that we got absolutely none of#like i have So Many questions still that weren’t at all answered by the finale#and also questions that came up BECAUSE of the finale that didn’t get answered lol#idk i’m just.#i’m so proud of kathryn hahn and all of the cast and crew#and i don’t want to seem ungrateful bc i can FEEL that they put their heart and soul into this show#but the writing and contextualization just REALLY really fell flat for me in the last two episodes#also some decisions that felt…weird and last minute#like the reveal of agatha being the one to take jen’s powers?? still makes zero sense to me#idk i just wish we had more time with them i think#also i’m not upset that agatha died again i kinda expected it but the manner in which she died felt abrupt and inauethentic to. e#it just didn’t feel fleshed out at all idkkkkk#ugghhhhhgg#can’t believe i got fucking got by yet another sapphic show#i’m just asking for one good sapphic show with a satisfying ending PLEASE#(read: NOT necessarily a happy ending im not asking for all that i just need it to MAKE FUCKING SENSE!!!!)#anyway. i have more thoughts that ill get into soon im a bit tipsy and prob and not expressing myself right but TLDR love them all but…. 😬#agatha all along#agathario#agatha harkness#billy maximoff#kathryn hahn#joe locke
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Honestly, I’m just gonna call it a day and not write anything else. I’ve gone through 3 WIPs, yes 3, and literally nothing I type or put on paper is to my liking and I’m comparing myself to other writers. I know to enjoy myself during the process of writing and I do, but it’s another type of frustration when your thoughts aren’t being translated the way you want them to when you’re writing, you feel like a fucking idiot. This is a phase most writers go through, it happens and you just hit a plateau at times you can’t control. That doesn’t make it any less annoying or aggravating to deal with. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time focusing on writing in general or making my thoughts more cohesive, maybe I’m still tired. But I honestly want to read some fics and watch some movies cause at this rate I’m going to give myself a headache. My heart ain’t in it, my head ain’t in it, and I don’t like working that way.
I’ll try to finish something before I go on vacation, but right now nothing is working out and it’s genuinely pissing me off. I hate feeling like I’m forcing myself to write, cause every time I do that, I end up creating something I consider mediocre and I hate it even more. Oh well, toodles I suppose. If you see me reblogging some stuff, I’m just here for the vibes right now.
#honestly upset cause I really did want to write something#I had my mind set on it#but now I star at my computer screen like an idiot#literally a lead stare cause I feel stupid#and now my head hurts#anywho let me go read some fics#this will pass eventually#but today is not the day I suppose
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vent in tags
#so i posted earlier saying i wish i could ask people what makes me so dislikable#and i was referring to a situation which happened to me in the past#and how i wish i could say to these people like what about me is so dislikable that you had to react the way you did#(i would like to clarify i was not in the wrong in this situation i have asked multiple people#and they agree i wasnt in the wrong so im not just saying it)#and an anon decides to send me an ask saying#ngl its the desperation for validation but i think youre cool#and it made me so upset because its such a fucking back handed compliment#because like i am aware of the fact im a people pleaser and i want to be liked by people#like i know its a huge flaw and i am trying to do better and not worry about what other people think about me#but its not something that is going to happen overnight#and so to point that out when im already aware of it and then follow it up with a backhanded compliment#is honestly really hurtful and just kinda really upset me#also saying that i'm desperate for validation like is just so#idk it just was so unnecessary for them to say that and phrase it that way#anyway im sure no one is gonna read this and if they do it probably makes no sense or it just sounds like#im being a whiny bitch and probably more anons are gonna come call me attention seeking or#say im looking for validation#but i just wanted to rant about it bc like there's ways to say things nicely to people and that was not one of them#esp when its a flaw im already aware of and would like to work on more#but again its not gonna disappear overnight!#butter’s thoughts
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Saw the Epilogue for Liar Satsuki just now and yeah no, I was coping when I thought it'd make things better. I still can't believe Akira and Satsuki didn't end up together. After EVERYTHING these two have been through together. Komachi is not even slightly as relevant for most of the manga, and you can say what you want about both their abilities tying them together thematically and what not, but frankly the entire manga set it up such that Akira x Satsuki was the obvious choice.
#unma rambles#liar satsuki can see death#usotsuki satsuki wa shi ga mieru#also the dad thing is... fine. Could've been done better if it was given more chapters to breathe#and the way he acted to her still makes me upset thinking about it#so seeing him forgive Satsuki but not acknowledge how much he's hurt her really annoys me#bullshit that things will get better fucking tell your daughter sorry#okay I'm sure he probably says it off screen given it ends on “We need to have a talk” but like#I can't just accept that#but this is just a me thing tbh#at the end of the day it's fine#honestly this is probably the first yuri to leave me so annoyed at its ending#I've read and dropped bad yuri before#not often does it leave me annoyed because I have a high tolerance#but like#wow this is the first time I've been mad at the ending of a love triangle#and part of that is that one side of the love triangle didn't even exist!#it appeared in the last few chapters and suddenly won#it makes no sense from anything but a thematic standpoint#and even then it fucking sucks on that point because Komachi and Satsuki barely interact directly compared to Akira#like if you wanted Satsuki x Komachi to be endgame#YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO MAKE THE READERS LIKE SATSUKI X AKIRA#the collective despair of the mangadex comment section upon realizing that this was the ending they were getting#yeah. I felt the same way man#okay that's it. I have things to do. ramble over.#rambling in the tags
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can some fucking people stop being to celebrities like “oh this person is either gay or queerbaiting because their personality is making me interpret them as queer because they act ‘stereotypically’ gay and that if you act like this you have to be queer. so we’re gonna either force this person to come out via peer pressure when they may not want to or be ready to or bully them for acting a certain way if they’re not queer because that’s the only way i can accept these people acting this way.” it’s really fucked up, based on toxic patriarchal values, and plain homophobic. analyze these parts about yourself and put a stop to it. it’s not funny. it’s not doing the lgbtq community a favor. it’s an asshole thing to do and you better be leaving that shit in 2023.
#this shit upsets me so deeply i hope you noticed#kit connor#harry styles#billie eilish#shawn mendes#honestly i’m not even a huge shawn mendes fan but what some people did when they were look omg he’s gay bc he acts 💅#fucking disgusting#let’s not even start with how people made gross speculations about him and camila’s relationship#don’t forget the fact that billie had to come out bc she was put on the spot and she can’t just exist as a queer person#it really rubs me the wrong way all of it#and the kit connor situation is self explanatory#oh right i forgot to mention#taylor swift#like read the prologue please#also i feel the large majority of the community drowns out the g*ylors but it still clearly gets to taylor y’all#she’s stated multiple times she’s straight. stop insinuating otherwise.#even if she didn’t#the public doesn’t have to act like they’re entitled to sensitive details of someone’s life bc they’re famous.#gain some empathy. grow the fuck up#lgbtqia#lgbtq#queer
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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a truly terrible idea has latched hold of my gremlin brain which is, buck and tommy do break up so that buck can pursue eddie because either tommy thinks buck is in love with eddie or buck feels like he should be with eddie because everyone else keeps suggesting there's something more there BUT buck/eddie getting together changes their dynamic so much that neither of them are enjoying themselves (and they're worrying about losing what made their friendship so special because of all the changes to the dynamic) AND buck and tommy keep hooking up [air quotes] platonically (with tommy stumbling into inconvenient feelings and pining pathetically for buck while fucking him) while buck struggles to sort out intense feelings toward eddie (which obviously have to be romantic of course) vs. his calm, more settled feelings toward tommy (they're not as intense as his feelings about eddie so they can't possibly be romantic) blah blah long story slightly less long but buck realizes he's been in love with tommy the whole time and was having trouble separating strong but platonic feelings for eddie from his romantic feelings toward tommy and then tommy's like "newsflash asshole i've been in love with you the whole goddamn time"
i'll never write it because it's irredeemably stupid and i value my peace but it IS sitting in my hindbrain tormenting me right now
#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i'm not tagging this bc i don't want it showing up in any show or ship tags but...............................#terrible evil plotbunny free to a good home#nobody ever writes about the friends who get together bc 'why not everyone else already thinks we're dating' and then it doesn't work out#because the dynamic changes SO MUCH that you're not sure if it was such a good idea in the first place#now add a third person to the mix that you like but aren't sure how you feel about them#not sure if eddie would be aware it's casual and non exclusive or if there'd be miscommunication leading to angst#honestly this is just me venting my frustrations with those breakup fics masqueraring as b*cktommy that have tommy#graciously sacrificing himself on the altar of b*ddie's true love and stepping aside magnanimously#that's not interesting to me to read even as a b*ddie shipper#if buck and tommy have to break up let it be real and messy because real people are real and messy#let tommy fight for buck even if it doesn't end up working out#let buck and eddie feel guilty because buck did genuinely care about tommy and eddie does like him as a friend#let tommy cut both of them off because even though he likes both of them he still has feelings and it hurts seeing them together#let tommy be petty about showing off a new love interest or fwb and how much happier he is with this guy than he was with buck#let buck wonder if he made the right choice or not bc he didn't ever want to hurt tommy#he only convinced himself tommy would be completely fine with the breakup because he needed him to be fine so that he could do it guilt fre#let eddie wonder if they made the right choice or not bc while he finally has what he's wanted for years it did hurt someone he really like#maybe it'll all work out in the end for buck and eddie AND tommy but i just want it to feel real and not overly polished and sanitized#and no one is hurt or upset or petty or flawed#anyway#i like mess#don't @ me#i might have to write this now but i don't want to be chased off with pitchforks and torches#text#shut up giallos
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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)
Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq
I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq
#I mostly talk to my partner#But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life#But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much#I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it#But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq#Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into#And have been playing non-stop#They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but#But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just#Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but#But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here#Because they were fucking playing#And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole#And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people#I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq#My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself#And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing#And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends#Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone#Man; just#I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point#There's no point nor reason#I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way#I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way#I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq#I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment#It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible
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y’all ever feel like you’re trying to diffuse several bombs while a bomb is also strapped to your chest? cause my friends are sad and angry and not feeling well so i’m trying to take care of them and cheer them up and be the comic relief and also my parents are stressed so im trying to help them calm down and do the cleaning and stuff for them so they can go relax and my dog is crazy so i have to help wear him out so he doesn’t stress my parents out more and im constantly trying not to have a meltdown and also look like im not about to pass out every time i stand up and it’s just like UGH. i can physically feel tension in the air and it’s like aghhhhhh i can’t breathe
#sort of vent??? idk i’m not upset im just stressed the fuck out#some dumbass girls in my choir thought it would be the funniest fucking thing ever to touch my neck and set things on my head#like YOURE NOT QUIRKY YOURE NOT CUTE STOP TOUCHING ME???? I DONT KNOW YOU#i don’t think they’re bullying me or anything i think they just think they’re really funny#whatever#anwyays that got me super overstimulated and i couldn’t get over it until like 8th hour which is stupid my brain sucks#and then i almost had a meltdown when the library didn’t have the book i need for ap lit (which i felt like a baby for like i need to chill#and then i had to come home and do precalc and take care of the dog and do the dishes and clear off the table#and i’m just exhausted#i’m taking iron now which is definitely helping but it’s really only making it so i have enough energy to pretend like im all good#which dont get me wrong im not complaining#and being out of the flare up is GREAT#i have more energy than i have in a year#but like…… that still doesn’t mean i have energy yk???? i still feel like shit just less#anywaysssss we ball#it’s all good honestly i’m fine now it’s just been a long day#and idk how to keep everyone happy while also keeping myself functioning#alas i shall have to figure it out#if you read this sorry lol ily <33
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if any of you ever notice me liking, un-liking, and re-liking your posts, (sometimes multiple times a day. sometimes multiple days apart.) please (try to) ignore me. i am sorry. i am insane. thank you. have a good day
#i like actually have issues#i need to ''line up'' and semi-organize my likes (which act as my bookmarks)#and like. it drives me insane when things arent how i Need them to be.#like for example three fics of the same character need to be one after the other and stuff#it goes kinda deeper and more insane but just to give you a general idea#so catch me constantly liking and unliking and reliking things a billion times#also do it to like put some things back at the top of my likes because so much gets buried so quickly and i just need to remember its there#both with things i that havent read yet and with things that i want to reread#i feel like so insane and annoying about it all the time🧎but like its just something that i Need to do...#like it actually kind of upsets me#if i dont. but also when i do.#it also honestly makes me scared/nervous that people will get really annoyed and or weirded out by it if they see/notice it happen:/#i definitely have further mental issues#anyways#basically just im sorry and please ignore me#talkin shit#maybe i should talk to someone about this. or go down the research rabbit hole. aaaaaaaanyways.#goodnight!#it is 8am and i dont know how im still awake!#this was a certified talkin shit post#absolute wall of tags jesus#sorry :p#if you read all of this. i am sorry and i love you (big deal for me)#(another issue of mine)#🧍#hashtag unnecessary off putting weirdo rant😝#my specialty#okay bye#just had to edit this post a billion times.#woah tag limit reached. its a sign for me to shut the fuck up. note taken. thanks tumblr.
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I made myself mad thinking about Dorian and Cyrus again.
Do you think Cyrus knew? Do you think Cyrus knew that Dorian was in love with Orym? Because I don't think so.
I'll back up because there's a reason why this pisses me off.
Dorian and Cyrus were never super close. They'd beat the shit out of each other and then, what? Pretended like it didn't happen? Dorian has no positive things to say about his brother. Not even when he's compelled to help him.
Then Dorian, being the good and loyal brother that he is, helps Cyrus out. (After Cyrus ruins his life) They go on to travel together for months. In close quarters. This is probably the longest they've ever spent together.
And at the end of it Dorian says "I've known him my whole life. He's always been there. Now that he's gone, I can't imagine what he would want me to do."
Which means in all this time. In running for their lives together. They never got closer. They never truly got to know each other. Cyrus spent his entire life not knowing his brother for who he really was.
Part of that is on Dorian for not opening up to his brother. But can you blame him if his brother never made him feel like he could? I've already gone on about how Cyrus doesn't change throughout his time abroad.
So if Cyrus has not changed. He has not learned a lesson. Why in all the realms would Dorian tell his brother about himself? Dorian has been Brontë since the ball episode. Dorian slipped back into that role for the ball and could not come out (AH) until his brother was dead.
Because Cyrus never showed the capacity to accept Dorian for who he was. (Again i don't think it's fully just homophobia.) Dorian has always felt the need to hide who he was from his family. He always made himself small, because it was never about him. It was about Cyrus. The heir. Dorian shrunk himself and compartmentalized and put on an act all his life.
And his brother never noticed. His brother never asked why he felt the need to change his name. His brother never decided that as the older one, he should be the one taking care of Dorian. His brother never did anything to be a fucking leader like he was born to be.
SO it pisses me off that Cyrus didn't know that Dorian loves Orym. Because it pisses me off that they never bonded. They never got close. They never got over the way they grew up. Now he's dead and those things will never happen.
And I blame Cyrus for this because he never made the effort to prove to Dorian that he changed. Or that he cares enough about him to not care. Or made him feel safe enough to confide in him.
They're brothers for fucks sake. They should have more than blood that holds them together. But they don't. Because Dorian has been afraid of being who he is in front of his brother his entire life. And Cyrus was too stupid to fucking notice
#silver sending stones#aaaaah this is another one you dont have to read#like straight up it turns into me yelling about cyrus again.#dead dove do not eat#dorian storm#cyrus wyvernwind#It actually really upsets me that cyrus is such a static character#(not in a “this is bad >:(” way because honestly? some people dont change. it be like that)#it upsets me because i think it would have been really beautiful for dorian. like super healing#because cyrus marches in and ruins his life and then doesnt try to fix it?#it would have been really beautiful if during kymal he sees that hes a little useless in clearing his own name#and he thinks to himself “hey. my brother and his friends have been doing a lot for me. im going to do a lot for them”#and then he starts to be a really good older brother? and dorian gets some actual good memories of his brother? he learns about him?#they joke. they laugh. cyrus isnt a burden. cyrus HELPS. cyrus saves dorian?#cyrus had a fling with opal. right? wouldnt it have been a great thing for him to also be in the fight to save her?#if cyrus leveled up (still so mad story wise that he didnt) and he was on par with his brother#IF HE COULD FULFILL ONE FUCKING DUTY OF HIS AND PROTECT HIS LITTLE BROTHER#THATD BE FUCKING GREAT#siiiigh#dorian storm deserves a brother who would do the same for him. dorian deserves a brother who loves him. who protects him.#who puts him before himself.#instead he got cyrus.#and i think thats a fucking shame
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𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱. This, beyond being a testament to his softer heart, his rather sizable well of care, is a consequence of his time shared with Mystra. Being a worshipper, a follower and lover both to the mother of magic, Gale is far more familiar with giving than receiving. A tremendous deal more. Beyond those illusions of love, Mystra granted him nothing, and whenever she was troubled, even sour or short, it was Gale, doting Gale, who would smooth it out. In truth, short of the stars, he had offered her everything. His whole life to boot. Still, living for some years prioritizing Mystra, Gale's grown notably reluctant to ask for help. It's why, when strapped with the netherese orb, newly blighted and rotting to death, he'd sooner clamored in his tower than look to friends. He's loathed to show his folly, of course, and is far from a fan of stirring worry, but with Mystra, any ask he'd made was resolutely shunned, and from his lover, his deity, that left its mark. Gale--a giver, a man that wants to hope but doesn't dare to--is not a man to ask for anything. If ever he does, the ask is comically small, and even then, he expects to be denied almost immediately. Consequently, an eager kindness leaves him floored. Gale can read displeasure. (See: Mystra.) Gale's trained to soothe it, too. Yet, when confronted with the novelty of that same generosity, your resident Gale of Waterdeep is like a fish out of water.
#HEADCANON.#This hit home because I know too intimately what Gale went through.#God. It sucks. Gale is so attuned to Mystra and her periods of distance and#her cold demeanor.#He just learned to go right into tell me what I can do to make it better mode.#I think Gale isn't really the best at reading or catching social cues#but he's very aware when someone is upset.#He had to learn because god forbid he failed to recognize something and receive less warmth from Mystra#(she isn't exactly warm to begin with.)#she was just largely neglectful of Gale and Gale was convinced it was love#he showed so much of it and so much warmth and...kinda felt being chosen by her#was enough of an expression of love on Mystra's part (it isn't!).#Gale also only asking for help from YOU because he knows you deserve to know#because hiding it would be a danger to others around him.#Like Gale truly asked for no ones hand before the nautiloid incident. he had to be quite literally#torn from his life and freefall into another disaster before even asking for help#a small ask too. This man is like hey can I have your UTTERLY useless necklace so I don't die? i'm so sorry i'm such an inconvenience#fuck. Gale. Gale...baby....#Literally you go 'children shouldn't die' (arabella) and he's all you're such a decent person...i trust you#???? honestly. need i say more.#anyway idk if ill write much today beyond this. im DROWNING in work and i have to prep for an event tomorrow#so you can just frown with me about gale#Me writing about Mystra: wow theyre a lot like my abuser. 🥲🥲🥲🥲hauew..a..
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feeling real lonely lately, ngl
#my two irl friends both haven't been responding to messages for weeks#one explained it's because she's not doing well mentally and that's understandable#the other one just. didn't reply for several months and now it's been weeks/a month again#and now my best friend is mad at me bc of something that I honestly think isn't fair (it was a misunderstanding at worst... I didn't respond#to something they said the way they expected/wanted so they were pissed... which I get but.. it really was not intentional and I just#completely misread their intentions/what they needed in that moment... which I'm sorry for and all but it feels shitty to have them read#so much into that 😭)#idk. no one owes anyone anything and people don't have to reply and arguments (?) happen but it's too much all at once#I don't have a lot of friends so this has made me feel like shit#I'm so bad at responding to messages myself so I guess I can't even be upset about that. ugh idk#I'm just sad and lonely :(#personal
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#ok i will say smth abt it bc im a little pissed hehe#and verito is not answering my texts so now u all have to hear it#im not self absorbed enough to believe i know what's best for phoebe or if she planned it or not or whatever#the way she announced it seems she's pretty excited so good for her#but honestly some of the takes i've seen on here...#people in their middle/late 20s calling this 19 year old girl an idiot#saying that she must not know the difference between her vagina and her urethra#that louis must be soo disappointed and that he didn't pay and expensive school for her to get pregnant (????????)#do u guys hear yourselves what the actual fuck#ofc teen pregnancy is an issue worldwide but is this really the hill you're gonna die on?? that it's all the girl's fault bc she's stupid??#u sound like a 50 yo congressman wtf is the actual matter with you#people i've seen joking about how long until her bf leaves her...#i literally encourage u to seek help it is not normal to lack empathy in this way and to be so cruel to a person who has#literally done nothing to you#also louis can pay for whatever school he likes he still doesn't have the right to decide over his little sister's body?? do u guys#hear yourselves be so real with me rn#also how do u even know he's upset??#tfw some of u think u know louis.. it's insane#i literally am in shock at some of the things i had to read today#i really hope you are not in any field where people come to you for help#especially girls especially young girls#you guys are insane lmao#that's all <33#shut up laura
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