#but again its not gonna disappear overnight!

[butteredfrogs]

vent in tags

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Hello hello!

I saw your “Them comforting reader after a long day” post and i thought how about a “reader comforts them after a long day” with Furina/Mona and whoever you choose. I’m gonna go back to bing read your posts now! Take care!

Comforting them after a long day

characters: Furina / Mona x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: maybe slight hurt/comfort, but mostly fluff

a/n: Couldn't exactly go the full comforting route in Mona's path, bc let's be honest. That girl is too proud to show even a little bit of weakness or vulnerability, but this should do as well.

Oh, also: FINALLY A REQUEST FOR MONA I LOVE HER SO MUCH I- SOJDVNIJSDVNSIDVNSIDJVNIJSDNV

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Furina

Even though Furina had promised herself not to hide behind a facade any longer, there were times she instinctively fell back on her old habits, the 500 year old autopilot that made it possible for her to keep her secret for so long not disappearing overnight. So when she finally closed the doors to her apartment, only to immediately turn around, lean onto them and let gravity do its job until she had slid down to a sitting position, Furina finally closed her eyes before letting out a heavy sigh she had held back for far too long.

“That was a big one. Want to talk about it?” Your voice suddenly rang out, causing her eyes to snap open and quickly land on your silhouette in the hallway as she struggled to leap back up, embarrassment flaming up in her as she tried her best to play it off as if nothing happened, only for her to end up leaning awkwardly against the door.

“Want to talk about what?” Furina shot back immediately, only to silently cringe at the way her words came out, putting on a smile as she slowly took off her shoes and coat and made her way over to the living room, being closely followed by you.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s also fine. Can I take your hand for a bit?” You eventually stated with an understanding smile, grabbing her head once she gave you a nod and starting to massage it by pressing your thumbs against different spots.

It wasn’t like Furina didn’t want to tell you… actually getting her complaints off her chest probably wouldn’t feel so bad. There was nothing stopping her except old habits and the fear something bad might happen once she opened up, that she inherited from her “former life” as Fontaine’s Archon.

“ No, I want to. But I’ll warn you. It might be a long and ultimately boring tale, so are you sure you want to list–” Furina interrupted her melancholic monologue when you pressed against a particular point on her hand, causing her to suddenly yelp in pain as you briefly stopped and looked up at her once again, your face asking her if you should stop. Just like with her opening up, your hand-massage was painful, yet also felt… pleasant and before long she signaled you to continue before reopening her mouth. “–so are you sure you want to listen to it?”

Without a moment of hesitation you responded, giving her a determined nod as you continued to carefully massage the same spot until stopped being painful, showing Furina one last encouraging smile until her complaints and worries started to pour out of her mouth. The former Archon talking until she felt the corners of her mouth dry up, with you intently listening to each and every one of her words.

…Maybe being more open every once in a while didn’t feel too bad.

Mona

Being an Astrologer was what Mona had always dreamed of being, so when it came to it, she wasn’t scared of pouring every single second of her free time into her work, even when chances were her research would reach a dead-end. Because even with fate ordaining everything that ever happened or still lied in the future, there was no way of knowing how things were going to turn out without at least giving them a shot.

So having her the last couple of weeks worth of work turned out to be for nothing when it became clear it wasn’t going anywhere was nothing Mona was unfamiliar with. It was simply a part of her job after all… but even though the great Astrologer Mona Megistus would never admit to being bothered by setbacks, you knew her better than to fall for her unaffected facade.

“Do you have ingredients at home?” You suddenly asked in the middle of your walk, immediately gaining Mona’s attention as she quickly got lost in thought, trying to remember what food she had used up and what still remained, only to eventually give up and shrug her shoulders, letting out a small sigh as she straightened her hat.

“There might still be some left. I can’t say for sure though, keeping stock of my supplies wasn’t exactly something I kept in mind these last few days,” she admitted only for you to quickly whip around your head, a smile adorning your lips as you came up with a suggestion.

“Let’s go out and eat something! That’s something we didn’t do in quite a while.” Considering Mona’s thoughtful look and how she paused in her tracks for a few seconds, it was fair to say that she wasn’t completely against your proposal, even if you were sure it would still require a lot of convincing to get her to finally agree.

“I’m not sure. Going out to eat when you could just as well buy ingredients and cook something is a waste of money isn’t it?” She hesitantly responded, still pondering as her fingers continued to scratch her chin. Truth be told. You couldn’t agree with her more. You had recently spent a lot of your money on things that in hindsight didn’t exactly prove to be the wisest investments, but even so, you felt as if it was your duty to get Mona to eat something tasty today, even if it meant eating nothing but bread and butter for a few days.

You knew Mona better than to not notice how demoralized she seemed the last few days, her sudden mood change and her increase in free time coinciding too well for it to mean anything except her latest research turning out to be for naught. Of course you knew better than to confront her directly about it… something that would only lead to Mona getting defensive as she’d deny feeling down about anything, too proud and stubborn to open up. And so, the only option left was for you to do what you did best.

“I know… But you’ve been so busy these last few weeks so I couldn’t see you all that much and... I’ve missed you,” you explained while trying your best impression of a puppy, “So can we please go out today?” When you saw Mona’s face heat up slightly as she quickly glanced around the two of you, looking if there was anyone in earshot, you knew your plan turned out to be a success, having to do your best to stop your lips from curling up into a smile when she let out a yet another deep sigh. 

“Fine, but stop saying embarrassing things. We’re in public.”

[otomiyaa]

nice.png

(literally how I named the image, couldn't think of something else)

Hi guys :') To my followers and tumblr friends, I'm really sorry if my sudden disappearance scared or upset you. It wasn't quite... planned. And today was a busy day and I needed some time to consider what I wanted to do.

Short version of the story:

My tumblr account got terminated for copyright infringement. A certain Mr. Green got me in unlucky trouble (ref 1, 2).

I won't get it back, or try to get it back. It's gone.

Needed a moment to consider 2 options: ask Mia to extend my dramatic farewell letter and stay gone, or make a new blog.

Not planning to post new writing here. I won't be using words like 'never' or 'forever' because I'm a known clown with things like this, but the intention is to no longer post fics. I will finish Tickletober on AO3 and then take a break from writing. So yes, I cancel the swiftscribbles event too, sorry!

When I opened my laptop, I could see my old blog in its final hour lmao (I found out about the loss on my phone). So that's what the snap is from on a fitting grave. It was fun while it lasted!

Long version of the story:

Losing my blog(s): My Tumblr account with main blog + sideblogs got terminated overnight, it was quite the surprise! I've either been reported or tracked by bots. The posts are a bunch of numbered URLs I can't open, but the message is clear: for including anime content, genshin impact or media from other sources (whether it's videos, screenshots, official art, gifs or even fanwork) you technically can get a strike. Upon googling the claimer I quickly found this first, and knew it was a lost cause. Although it feels shitty and unlucky, I am in no place to appeal. It's like when I used to make AMVs in the past, you never knew whether a song or even anime footage was going to give your YT account a copyright strike or even a ban, it was a gamble. I have lost YT accounts before, and now I lost the Tumblr one. With 7+ years of tickle trash content and a bunch of sideblogs. But oh well, moving on!

Starting a new blog: It was a serious consideration whether this was my ultimate chance to do what I've always said I wanted to do eventually - quit my blog. My first thought was to ask Mia to share my explanation and literal goodbye with you guys, and stick to my chaos of a Twitter account to indulge in fandom stuff. But then I thought of how happy Tumblr made me, even without the fic writing, but just.. reblogging things, getting random asks, shouting about life and of course, about tickles. I decided to make a new blog after all, but also decided the following:

The 7K+ milestone swiftscribbles event is cancelled, for which I apologize! The follower milestone, together with the motivation to write the fics, and even the asks with the requests I got, all died with my former blog.

I will see how long I can survive without posting a new fic or drabble. A loose headcanon or two might fly around sometime. And if necessary, a link to a new fic on AO3.

Tickletober? Hell yes I'll finish it, I would cringe in bed for 49 days at least if I would stop. I just won't post the fics here, but on AO3.

Reposting/reblogging my old works? Undecided at the moment but I'm tired and lazy. I don't feel too upset since most of my fics are still on AO3 at least and not completely gone.

Anyways, I'll see what happens and how long I can enjoy this nerfed version of blogging.

Surprisingly I'm not upset about losing my other blog, there were a lot of memories but it was also very cringe. I'm gonna be just as cringe here, but at least I feel cleansed.

For those who choose to follow me again, thank you, but please know that there won't be much original content coming from me, for now!:)

[ellieluvr420]

Eye for an Eye Pt.4

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

I want to quickly stress that this is a darker fic and there will be a lot of darker, possibly triggering themes to do with mental health throughout so take that as a warning. I likely won't do warnings for each part because part of this fic for me is that you don't know what's going to happen until you read it so please do not read if you find graphic descriptions of mental illness and topics surrounding that triggering. But if you do read, thank you so much, this story is really important to me and I appreciate any interaction whatsoever!

Had this in my drafts and wasn’t gonna post until i finished chap 21 of friends?never but @moonspowder is holding their breath so had to get a move along 🤗

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧    

You waited for Abby to fall asleep, it didn’t take long, she was clearly exhausted from the day of crying and grieving her beloved friends. You watched her sleep for a little while, imagining what it would look like when she wouldn’t wake again but you dragged yourself away to pack your backpack ready to go back to Ellie. You grimaced at the thought of seeing Ellie again, after your dramatic exit earlier you were sure you wouldn’t get a warm greeting but you didn’t care either way. You were going to make sure Nora died, not to see her. 

The walk there was tranquil, you heard a few screeches here and there but that was normal, it didn’t bother you, you had managed to sneak into the weapon armoury as its never got someone working it overnight and you were quite adept at picking locks so the added weight of your weapons and ammunition in your backpack acted as an anchor, comforting you and keeping you on this plane of existence instead of floating away into your mind like you had been all day. You had a rifle over your shoulder and Ellie’s switchblade in your hand, every time you looked down at it you smiled at the memory of pointing her own knife at her as you left earlier, it felt like you were mocking her and you liked it. 

You practically skipped up the steps of the fire escape, bounding in through the window gracefully and sauntering through to the stage where she was already sitting on one of the chairs in the front row waiting for you. You smirked at her as you made your way towards her where she scowled at you. 

“You’re a fucking bitch you know that?” She spat. 

“Well that’s not very nice.” 

“I specifically asked you not to tell Jesse and you tell him at the first opportunity. What the fuck was that for?” 

“Payback.” She rolls her eyes and stands, holding out her hand, you look at her puzzled until you remember the switchblade still firmly planted in your palm. You fold it back together and place it in your back pocket as you smile.  

“You’re being weird, what’s wrong with you?” 

“You don’t know what’s weird and what isn’t with me Ellie, you don’t know me so stop acting like you do ‘kay?” That didn’t help, stop being so defensive. She was right, this wasn’t you but if you had been you, you would’ve let her kill you before you agreed to hurt Abby, but you’re not you, and that’s the point. “I didn’t come here to chat so are you ready?” 

“Yep.” You turn on your heel and start walking back towards the window. 

“Jesse not joining us?” 

“No, he needs to rest his ankle and he’s not the biggest fan of you so it was best he stayed.” 

“Can’t imagine why he doesn’t like me.” You flash a coy grin over your shoulder and Ellie chuckles before she can even think to hold it in which makes her scowl in your direction even more. As you bend over to crawl through the window you feel Ellie’s fingers brush against your ass before a hand comes up and grabs your hip, holding you in place. You squirm and curse at her as her free hand dives into your pocket and retrieves her switchblade. You glare at her over your shoulder, and she sticks her tongue out at you. Childish. Even the subtle blush of her cheeks angered you as you made your way down the fire escape, her following closely behind. 

As you trailed along the dark paths of Seattle towards the park you planned to cut through, you wondered what could have happened if you had met Ellie before, under better circumstances. You know if you had met her before you had been ruined, darkened by the torment of love and hatred, you would have liked her, found her charming. Anything that you would’ve liked about her only drove you further from her, the thought of getting close to someone again, feeling for someone again, it made your blood run cold. You’d do whatever you had to do to keep your distance until everything was over. 

You reach a dead end that has you huffing as you notice the double doors slightly ajar to your right. “Fuck’s sake.” You mutter to yourself as Ellie comes to stand next to you. 

“What?” 

“Was hoping we wouldn’t have to cut through any buildings, but I guess I was wrong.” 

“No hold on a minute, if you can get me to the top of the wall I can pull you up.” You quirk an eyebrow at her, challenging her declaration, it wasn’t that you didn’t think she was strong, it was just a very high wall, it seemed like a long shot. 

“Well worth a try because these buildings are crawling with infected typically.” She nods and you walk to the wall, pressing your back against it and cupping your hands together.  

“You ready?” She checks as she puts her foot into your hands. 

“As I’ll ever be.” You nod and in sync she jumps up as you boost her and somehow she actually manages to grasp onto the top edge and pull herself up. It was impressive to watch, you hadn’t met anyone as adept as Abby until you met her. She lowers herself down and reaches an arm out to you. 

“Just jump and grab my hand and then don’t fucking let go okay?” 

“Yeah I got it.” You take a breath and leap as high as you can, the second you feel your hand in hers, you breathe a sigh of relief, she starts slowly pulling you up and the second you can you grab onto the ledge to help her for the last bit. Once you’re both over the wall she stands with her hands on her hips and a smug look on her face. “I swear if you say I told you so.” 

“I wasn’t gonna say a thing, you said it for me.” She smiles and you continue walking without looking to see if she followed but you know she has from the faint patter of her footsteps. 

The entrance to the park comes into view at the same time that you hear a high-pitched whistling. “The fuck is that?” Ellie whispers. 

“Scars. We’ll take it slow and just try and sneak around them okay, keep your head down and stay quiet.” 

“Yes ma’am.” You glare at her before creeping forward, this time checking she’s following. The whistles grew louder as you moved deeper into the forest until you heard a blood-curling scream, followed by begs and pleads from another WLF soldier. “What the fuck.” Ellie whispers next to you as you both see the soldiers strung up from trees, one with his organs dangling from his body and the other flailing about desperately as he screams and tries to bargain for his life. “Do you know them?” 

“Yeah I know the one they haven’t cut open yet. Daniel.” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“Don’t be, I’m not.” She scoffs in disbelief at your bluntness as you keep moving until you hear the swish of an arrow cutting through air and the fleshy squelch of it landing in a body. You turn to see Ellie lying on the floor grunting as she yanks at the arrow. You immediately spot the scar heading straight for you and you lunge at her, digging your knife into her neck and yanking it out, her blood splattering over you, painting you skin red. Just more blood on your hands. It will all be over soon. You return to Ellie and kneel beside her. “Hey, hey, let me do it.” She nods and as you snap the arrow so you can pull it out easier, she gasps and squeezes your arm as she clamps her eyes shut. Her hand burns your skin, you needed to get this done quickly. 

“You better be right-handed.” You say trying to lighten the mood as you yank the arrow from her left shoulder, she whimpers slightly but as soon as it’s out, she breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Yeah I’m right-handed.” She watches as you pull your backpack off and retrieve a bandage from the front pocket. “You came prepared.” 

“I was actually planning to leave this time so yeah I did. Take your shirt off.” 

“Wh- why?” 

“So I can wrap this bandage around it. I’m not tryna cop a feel, relax. Just take your arm out of the shirt.” 

“Right.” She winces as she pulls her left arm from the shirt and you press the end of the bandage to the seeping wound before grabbing her hand and pressing it onto the hole firmly. You wrap the bandage round her shoulder and under her armpit as tight as you can before ripping it and tying it off then helping her back into her shirt. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah but we need to keep moving.” You help her up and begin sprinting towards the exit of the park until you’re no longer surrounded by foliage, instead comforted by the urban forest that you found a lot easier to navigate.  

“See through those two buildings there, that’s the hospital. We’re not that far away now.” You were half telling yourself that and half telling her. It’s not like it would get easier the closer you got to the hospital, but the closer you got, the closer Nora was to meeting her demise. That’s why you were here. To make sure she died, that’s it. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧   

 

The sound of ‘it was a good day’ by Ice Cube rang through the halls, one of yours and Abby’s favourite’s. You thought it was ironic, that particular song playing while Nora gets slaughtered, poetic almost. “There’s a door on the other side of the room, I’m gonna go round and make sure she can’t run through there. Just wait a couple minutes before you go in, yeah?” 

“You’re not coming in with me?” And let Nora blow yours and Abby’s relationship wide open? No, you were not going in there.  

“No, I’m gonna make sure no one comes and finds us. Why? You want a little company?” 

“You made your point.”  

“Make it hurt.” You mutter before walking off round the corner to go find the door. The song ringing through your ears causing a slideshow of memories with Abby to flash through your mind, you shake them away as the door comes into view, you press your ear to the door and as you hear Ellie’s voice inside you get to work barricading the door, you slam yourself into the large metal cabinet to scrape it across the floor until it’s firmly in front of the door. You moved slowly to make as little noise as possible, the music covering your plight well. You go back to pressing your ear against the door just as you hear Ellie’s disgruntled voice. 

“You fucking cunt- Agh!” A crash and then the handle shaking violently as Nora tries to make her escape, you can’t stop yourself from popping up in the glass pane of the door and smiling with a little wave and tilt of your head. She whispers your name as her face screws up before you disappear from the glass again leaving her and Ellie alone. You shouldn’t be enjoying this, you barely felt human anymore, it’s her fault, it’s their fault, it’s your own fault too but you’d fix that soon enough. You appear at the other door and glance through the window. Nora’s on the floor, unmoving as Ellie stands over her with a large metal pipe in her hand, the end dripping with crimson. You notice the tremor of the pipe, the rigid stance of Ellie as she stands over Nora, and then she thrashes the pipe down onto her, again and again. Was this what Ellie had witnessed when she found you at Hillcrest? You needed to get moving so you enter the room quietly and as she lifts the pipe again you grab it and yank it out of her hand. She spins to face you and you feel like she might kill you there and then for stopping her. “You got her. We gotta go.” She nods and lets you lead her out of the room, and out of the hospital into the cool night air. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t move without a nudge from you, she doesn’t notice when a runner creeps up on her from behind until you’re ripping it off of her, throwing it to the ground and stomping its head into the cement underneath you. If you don’t sort her out soon, she’d get you both killed so you drag her into a nearby house, sitting her down on the sofa before checking it’s clear and securing the doors and windows then returning to her. “Ellie, I need you to focus. We need to get back to the theatre, so I need you to focus.” 

“I- I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Why?” 

“I should’ve just killed her. I’m as bad as them. I made it hurt.” She looked up at you and suddenly that familiar feeling you thought you were free from comes rushing back like it had never left. Guilt was crushing, it was worse than any physical pain you could ever describe. Your whole body ached and twinged as every nerve felt like it was on fire. You crouched down to make her look at you, attempting to distract yourself from your own inner turmoil with hers.  

“Ellie, look at me.” Her eyes flick up to yours as you cup her cheeks with your hands. “She fucking deserved it, they all deserve it. You’re gonna do this and you’re gonna go back home and forget about this place and everything in it. You’re gonna go be happy with your girlfriend and your friends and you’re gonna move on but you have to make it out of here alive first, so I need you to focus.” She doesn’t say anything, she just mirrors your own hands as she cups your cheeks, your skin burns.  

“I don’t know how to be happy anymore, I don’t think I can go back to the life I had before all of this.” She leans in and your eyes widen as you put a hand on her chest. 

“Ellie, don’t do this to yourself. Dina is what you need.” 

“I don’t know how to be what she needs.” She leans in again and you can’t shake the feeling you’re taking advantage of her, she’s vulnerable, she’s grieving, you can’t do this.  

“Ellie, you don’t want this. You’re confused, this would be a mistake that you’ll regret every day. Think about Dina.” 

“She doesn’t look at me the same anymore, Jesse doesn’t other, they don’t get it. You do. Please, I know what I need, I need this. I need to feel real, like I’m not just a heartless killer, I know you understand that.” Fuck, she’s right. You know it’s wrong, everything’s wrong, she’s not Abby but in your eyes, Abby isn’t Abby anymore. She changed and she changed you with her. Why did cheating feel so wrong when you were fantasising and planning on killing her? Why did you feel bad for a girl you hadn’t even seen? Everything you were doing was driving you further into that bottomless black pit that you’d never escape from. It was pointless trying to fight the darkness slowly squeezing the life out of you, so why are you still trying? It would all go away soon so why fight it? You started all of this because the hurt they had enacted on you caused a large gaping abscess to form where your heart used to be but now, now you had lost control, blinded by your rage, by your bloodlust. She was right, you needed to feel real, just once more before it all ends, before everything catches up to you, it would sooner or later, catch up to you. You just needed to feel real. 

You sighed and looked into her eyes before nodding gently and leaning towards her, closing the already small gap between you both. Your lips pressed together, cautiously at first, her hands moving down to your hips and squeezing tentatively. This wasn’t right, you half expected to see a monster looking back at you next time you looked in a mirror, how could a broken heart do this much damage? Were you overreacting? Were you like this all along and Abby just gave you an excuse to show your true colours? You just needed comfort, affection, from someone who hadn’t set your heart on fire and stomped it into the ground. You just needed some comfort. 

Ellie sucked your tongue into her mouth as you straddled her hips, desperation seeping through your pores as you latched onto her hair and yanked her head back to give you access to her neck, you pecked at the skin just below her ear and as you went to suck you had to stop yourself, you couldn’t leave any traces of your evil on her pale skin. Her hands squeezed at your thighs as she nudged your cheek with her nose to get you to face her once again. The air was dense, it was clogging your throat, any time you pulled away you felt like the air was sucked out of you and your body was being crushed. You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t understand how it made you feel so much more immoral than anything you had done over the past few days, yet it still made you feel alive for the first time in months. 

Ellie could barely think, barely function, all she could focus on was your lips on hers as her hands roamed your body. Any time Dina would pop into her mind she’d just press herself further into you, it blocked everything else out. How could she go back to her normal life, after everything, after you? She knew you didn’t feel the same way, she could tell, this was just a necessity to you, a distraction, but to her, it was everything, it was like you were letting her be the version of her that rose from the ashes of Joel’s death, not trapping her in a cage of who she used to be.  

“I’m sorry Ellie, I’m so, so sorry.” Your voice was cracking and trembling as you spoke but when you opened your eyes to see hers still closed, no reaction to what you had said, the panic set in. Not again. “I’m sorry Ellie, please hear me, I’m sorry, I’ve ruined you too. I’m sorry.” You were practically screaming as tears rolled down your cheeks. This time her eyes snapped open again but they were only filled with lust, something else that you couldn’t decipher but you didn’t want to. 

“I needed this too, thank you.” She breathed out and your stomach churned, your hand immediately going to your cheek to feel that it was completely dry, you heaved at the feeling and jumped off of her, you’ve lost it, you’re barely connected to your body anymore, some outside force controlling it.  

Her eyes went glassy as her jaw dropped open slightly at your sudden change in demeanour. “Did I do something wrong?” Her voice was small, shameful as she averted her eyes from your manic ones. 

“No I- I heard something, we need to move, we’re too close to the hospital.” 

“Oh... okay.” She looked like a beaten puppy as she stood and grabbed her backpack, wincing at the pain in her shoulder. You tore your eyes away from her to look out the window and make sure it was safe to leave before turning back to her and taking in her features, her hair messy and tangled, her cheeks blushed, and her lips parted as her chest rose and fell heavily. You stared as she stared back until you took a breath and went to reach for the doorhandle, but it wasn’t there. Instead, your fingers found the bottom of the window that you had left ajar upon your exit of the theatre. You snapped your head towards it and screeched as you yanked it upwards and threw yourself through the opening. You turned back and you felt your body go cold as Abby was standing behind you, climbing through the window with eyes so dark you thought they were black. The blue was no longer there, replaced by inky darkness that matched the background, the theatre seeping away from your vision and leaving only you and her. You screamed and cried as she inched closer to you, you tried to scramble away but she snatched your ankle back towards her and climbed on top of you, squeezing your chin as her eyes stared into your soul and sucked it out of you. Your whole body tingled before going numb as a single tear rolled down your cheek at the sick grin that twisted her lips upwards mocked you. 

“Hey, come on, wake up, fuck please wake up, what the fuck?” Ellie’s voice boomed through your head, light blinded you as you used every ounce of strength in you to open your eyes only to come face to face with Ellie peering over you. “What the fuck was that? You just passed out as you went through the window.” 

“S-sorry, I- I dunno what happened.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“I mean I don’t fucking know.” You could never tell her what you had seen, what was happening to you, you couldn’t even begin to verbalise it. You sat up and surveyed your surroundings, you were at the theatre, you had blacked out for at least an hour, best case. You needed to fix this, you needed to get home before Abby wakes up.  

“Are you okay? Let me help you up.” She goes to lift you up but you smack her hands away, you didn’t know why you were agitated but you were, you needed her not to touch you or look at you or breathe near you because your skin was itching and you felt like you were a bomb seconds away from exploding. 

“I got it, I’m fine, okay? I’m probably just over-tired.” You walk away from her and disappear through the curtains as she follows you down to the chairs where you dropped your backpack and began pacing. She sat beside the backpack and pulled her arm out of her grey t-shirt once again to look at the bandages that were now stained red and leaking onto the hand she pressed on the wound. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve got anymore bandages you wouldn’t mind sharing.” 

“Yeah, front pocket of my backpack.” You would’ve got them for her but you couldn’t stand still right now, you needed to keep moving as you begged for the memory of the journey from the hospital to the theatre to return to you but there was not even a second of it you could remember. 

Ellie watched you for a second before going to the front pocket of your backpack and routing around it. Her hands brushed over something thin and smooth, a piece of paper but not like the paper in her journal, like film almost. She knew she shouldn’t snoop but you didn’t seem like the type to share and she just wanted to know more about you so she flipped the polaroid over to look at the picture and the sight made bile rise to her throat as she clutched it and brought it closer to her face. You were completely unaware of her actions as your back was turned to her mostly but her eyes still flicked between you and the polaroid. “What the fuck is this?” She spat as she stood and stormed over to you. 

“Hm?” You turned and immediately a polaroid fluttered at you, landing on the floor at your feet. Your hand shook as you picked it up and realised what she was talking about. The polaroid was of you and Abby, her kissing your cheek and you beaming at the camera, with ‘my love’ written in sharpie on the thick white border. “I- Ellie...” You whispered as you refused to look up at her. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” Her hands thrust you backwards sending you stumbling as she reaches behind her jeans and yanks her pistol out, aiming it right at your heart. You don’t move, you don’t look away, you just stare back at her eyes that were fiery with rage as her lips sneered at you. 

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv@a-little-bit-of-everybody@chrry1ovr

[hermitscratch]

or 2 with rendoc please? :)

Send me a pairing + a number! || Accepting

2. An accidental kiss, Ren/Doc, 953 words

Contrary to popular belief, Doc enjoyed slow mornings.

He was an early riser, when his ambitions were lax enough to allow him a full night's sleep, or his friends insistent enough to demand it of him. Something about seeing the sun crest the horizon and paint the sky in gloriously bright color always lit a fire under him, reminded him that there was a new day at his disposal and urged him to make the best of it. He could grind for hours on that motivation alone.

But, that didn't mean Doc didn't know how to appreciate downtime. There was a contentedness that came with everything being in its place, his builds ahead of schedule and his workspaces organized in a way he understood, even if nobody else did. In the distance, Doc could hear the sparking redstone and firing pistons of various contraptions, a cadence so familiar that he could tell they were working properly by sound alone.

The eggs were fresh from Doc's chicken farm. The steak had sat in an herb bath overnight. The coffee was ground from Doc's latest attempts to crossbreed a sweeter bean. The berry juice was pressed and chilled that morning. Ren was running downstairs in a rush-

...Wait.

Doc looked up as Ren flitted and fretted around their shared space, disheveled from sleep. "I am so late, dude," Ren said in way of greeting, apology, and explanation, all in one.

"I can see that," Doc said, putting down his coffee mug, "What's the hurry?"

Ren disappeared back upstairs. Into the bathroom, were Doc to guess, the door left ajar for the sound of running water and brushing teeth to travel. "Hah a meeing wih Hreah an' Hrea," Ren tried.

Doc's organic side softened. "Try again," He said, standing from the table. If he'd known Ren had somewhere to be, Doc might not have made him a plate. He'd've at least woken him up to eat it sooner, but no point letting it go to waste now.

There was the sound of swishing, spitting, and a much clearer voice repeated, "A meeting with Stress and Cleo!" Doc heard rummaging from the direction of Ren's room as he worked to slice the steak and scramble the eggs, "Where's my-?"

"Your elytra is hanging in the front hall," Doc interrupted, "Where I left it when I last mended it for you."

"Oh," The delight in Ren's tone seemed out of place, and Doc huffed, shaking his head fondly as the rummaging kicked up again, "I was gonna say my shades, actually, but good to know about that, too!"

"Have you checked your head." It wasn't a question, and there wasn't an answer, just a telling silence that made Doc wheeze with laughter.

When Ren came back downstairs a bit later, he was out of his pajamas, teeth, hair, and tail all brushed. "We're just gonna ignore that little faux pas I did there, alright? Alright," Ren insisted casually, walking past the kitchen to grab his elytra and strap it on.

Doc met Ren in the hall. "You can ignore it," Doc pointed out as he offered him an insulated bundle. The steak and eggs were sliced thin and mixed together, and he'd poured the berry juice into a capped bottle. Ren might have appreciated the coffee, but it wasn't yet decaffeinated enough to be dog hybrid-safe. "I'll be thinking about it for the next hour."

Ren snickered, accepting the bundle with one hand and pulling the front door open with the other. "Yeah, uh, this morning's been a struggle," He stood on his tip toes to press his lips to Doc's, and then he's out the door, calling a "Catch you later, baby!" as he flew off.

Doc watched him go. He shut the door behind Ren, and returned to his place on the couch. His coffee had cooled. Doc took a sip anyway, and didn't even register the tingling of his lips.

"DOC!" Doc coughed in surprise as Ren careened back through the front door. His elytra would need to be mended again, but that was less of a concern than the wide-eyed expression on Ren's face.

Doc hardly had a moment to set his mug down before Ren was trapping him on the couch, a hand holding his weight on either side of the headrest. "What is happening, man?" He asked skeptically.

"Doc, what did I just do?" Ren asked him with an urgency that made Doc's eyes narrow thoughtfully.

"Ruined your elytra, again, and maybe the door?" Doc spared it a glance. Definitely broken, or at least knocked off one of its hinges, hanging askew in the doorway by little more than a prayer.

Ren shook his head, "No no, before that! I left with the bundle you gave me, what did I do right before that?"

Doc thought back. Ren had been rushing to leave. He'd brushed his teeth, gotten dressed, and found his shades. He'd been putting on his elytra when Doc stopped him for the bundle, and then-

Oh. Ren had kissed him.

"You should call Stress and Cleo," Doc said, half-dazed. It had happened so quickly that Doc hadn't even processed the action until now.

Ren raised a brow, "Why's that?"

Doc hooked his arm around Ren's neck and pulled until Ren fell forward, body against him properly, and returned the favor. It was more than the quick press of lips Ren had spared him at the door, but if the wagging of Ren's tail and the feel of his rapid heartbeat was any indication, there weren't any complaints.

They were both breathless when they broke apart, and Doc touched his forehead to Ren's. "You aren't going to make that meeting."

[pattywagon2go]

FixTF2: What Happened, Why Did Valve Step In, And What Comes Next?

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with neither Valve nor the people who run the FixTF2 petition. Do not treat anything I say here as any official announcement of any future plans for the movement. All my thoughts and opinions are mine and mine alone.

As of the making of this post, the save.tf has officially closed down to new signatures, racking up a generous 343,711 total signatures. I've made my thoughts on FixTF2 clear in the past, where I said that I didn't have much hope that Valve would actually do something, but to my surprise, Valve seemed to have finally stepped in and done something about the bot issue plaguing the game for 5 straight years beyond the usual half-assed band-aid fix. In light of Valve surprising me, I want to talk about what's happened, some speculation as to why Valve is potentially doing this, and what I think comes next from all of this.

So, let's clear some stuff up: Is Casual really bot-free?

From what I've seen and heard, yes!

Starting around June 25th, multiple sources reported a massive drop in the active player count for Team Fortress 2 from Steam Charts, being around 15,000-16,000 users vanishing overnight. Many people suspect this to be a large-scale ban wave Valve enacted, and there is a large amount of evidence to support this. (More info from this video by shounic here) Since then, up until the day this post is being written (July 1st 2024), people have reported that Casual servers across all regions have been fairly bot-free, with only the occasional one popping up, a far cry from a month ago, where servers were flooded with them no matter where you went. I myself even hopped on a few games and to my surprise, there were no bots to be found whatsoever. Its honestly been super refreshing to see the game be this clean, as now its actually fun to play once again. I haven't touched the game in months, but since the bots have been kicked out for a little bit, it feels good to play once more. If you haven't played the game for a while cause of the bots, now's your chance to hop in and enjoy the game. Its actually fun to play now that the bots have been squashed. On top of that, (as of the time this post is being written), Valve appears to still be actively curbing cheaters and bots from the game, even setting up a dedicated Steam support page for anyone who gets a game ban here.

So, why's Valve doing any of this?

This is where I'm going to step into speculation territory, as Valve being Valve means there's barely any information they will share with the public, but I'll do my best to come up with some logical explanations. I would say that Valve doing a ban wave has both a short-term goal and a long-term goal. The short-term goal was Valve was always intending to do a ban wave, it just took a while to do. What I think happened was Valve took a while to collect a database of known bot accounts and (presumably) their hosters, and from there, once Valve felt they were comfortable with the amount they had collected, they pulled the trigger and proceeded to wipe them out. They obviously couldn't just outright say "Hey, we're gonna do a wipe of the bots soon" because that would have given the hosters plenty of time to set up proactive measures to make Valve's job harder. The only evidence I really have for this is the dropoff of players on Steam Charts, which shows around 15k-16k players mysteriously disappeared from the game, which seems to point to Valve issuing a game ban toward said accounts/deleting them entirely. Alternatively, Valve could have banned a limited amount of accounts, much lower than the 15-16k shown by Steam Charts, but it sent a scare to hosters who deactivated their bots and took them off the game once they knew Valve was watching them, but this explanation I don't have much evidence to prove beyond scattered Discord screenshots of supposed hosters telling people to change their bot configurations due to Valve clamping down on them. The long-term goal of this, though far-fetched and lacking evidence to support, could have to do with Deadlock, their next game, as a proactive measure to prevent these same malicious actors from flooding the game on Day 1, something many people have pointed out and what's happened to CS2 not even a year into its launch.

(UPDATE: Ok I might as well address this cause it did come up while I was writing the post, but a Team Fortress 2 DLC for an upcoming Funko Pop game called Funko Fusion was announced, and people have said that the only reason why Valve squashed the bots was because Valve wanted the game to look good in time for the crossover.

Now I am by no means a fan of Funko Pop, I think they look a bit ugly and there's a myriad of other things people take issue with, but that's all outside the scope of this post. I personally don't care that this is happening to begin with, as Funko Pops are something I routinely forget about, so as far as the DLC existing, I don't care that much. That being said, if it is true that Valve only squashed bots due to this collab happening to begin with, then that is pretty sad and disappointing to see, with how Valve wasn't motivated to fix the issue until a different company came knocking and asked them to do something cause they didn't want the DLC to look bad. But since there's no confirmation this is the case, Valve does have some level of plausible deniability here, and ultimately, something good did come from this, at a (to me, cause I couldn't give a shit about Funko) nonexistant cost so I won't complain)

So now time to return to the last part of the question in the title: What comes next?

Well for one thing, the war has not been won yet.

A big mistake with SaveTF2 was once Valve tweeted that they apparently "heard" us and were working to improve things, people largely declared victory and chose to stop there. Yet things didn't substantially improve since then, only cascading into a far worse situation. This time around, we cannot give up as quickly as last time. We are on the cusp of victory, but we need to keep the pressure on Valve. Keep holding them accountable for the bot issue. Put pressure on them to get rid of the bots for good. Don't let them off the hook and give them a slap on the wrist for only repelling the bots for a little bit, because believe me, as soon as Valve stops doing anything and slinks back into the shadows, the bots will return, and they will be far worse than anything we've seen thus far. It happened two years ago, it will happen again if we just declare victory now and go home. What Valve is doing is a great change of pace and they do deserve some praise for what they're doing, but we must make sure they stay committed to fixing the issue at hand. The best time for Valve to fix the issue was 5 years ago. The second best time is here and now. For now, hop on a few games and enjoy the (relatively) clean servers. We've earned a small break after our victory, but once you're done, make sure to grab your best bot-stomping boots, because our job is far from over.

[iseos]

: lipstick stains

wc. 687 archive. pairing. huh yunjin x fm!r synopsis. quiet laughter and messy makeup genre. fluff now playing: mine by ive

  THE TWO GIRLS WERE CROSS-LEGGED on yunjin's bedroom floor, sat so closely together that their knees were touching and yunjin could feel whenever y/n exhaled after holding her breath as she did her makeup.

“stop moving.”

  "i'm not!" yunjin whisper shouted, trying to avoid being scolded by her members again for being too loud.

  y/n tossed the used makeup wipe to the side and brought the eyeliner pen back up to yunjin's closed eye.

  y/n’s hand started to cramp up as she desperately tried to keep her movements steady. this was already the fourth attempt at mirroring the simple design she had already drawn on the girl's other eye but yunjin's eyelid kept fluttering and forcing the pen's felt tip off its course— like it did just now.

  y/n sat back with an annoyed huff to look at her girlfriend after messing up once again but all frustration immediately disappeared and was replaced with laughter. the brunette had one eye open with her eyebrow raised as she tried her best to keep the other eye closed and relaxed.

  "what are you doing?" yunjin burst into laughter seeing the incredulous look on y/n's face, causing her to laugh as well.

  "i want to look at my beautiful girlfriend but you're taking too long!" yunjin pouted.

  "well, i would be done quicker if you just kept both your eyes shut! you're making me mess up." with a huff, yunjin finally shut both of her eyes and rested her hands over y/n's thighs as she waited for the girl to finish. the touch reminded them how close they both were and a warm blush started to cover their faces and made their hearts beat like crazy.

  wiping off the messed up line, she was able to draw on the second wing successfully and they could finally move on to the final step.

  looking down at the pile of different makeup products scattered around them on the floor, y/n suddenly remembered something, "oh! i have a new lipstick that i bought the other day, can i try it on you?"

  yunjin hastily nods her head so y/n jumps up to grab it from the overnight bag she brought over. once she dug out the desired item, y/n turns around to see yunjin staring up lovingly at her from the floor.

  "what?" the standing girl asks with a shy chuckle.

  "it's just... you look really pretty wearing my clothes." y/n looks down at the shorts and gray sweater that yunjin insisted she changed into. she keeps her head down hiding her bright cheeks and sits across from yunjin once more.

  y/n quickly leaves a peck on yunjin's lips and swiftly begins coating her lips with the muted pink-colored lipstick before the other girl can tease her for blushing or the sudden kiss.

  "okay,” y/n claps and scoots back to get a better view of yunjin’s whole face, “i think i'm done!" she passes a small hand mirror to her so she can see her finished look.

yunjin gapes at her reflection. she knew her girlfriend was talented just by seeing her do her own makeup, but seeing her skills showcased on her own face… yunjin immediately tosses the mirror to the side and pulled y/n closer again to place multiple short kisses on her cheeks.

  pulling back, yunjin laughs loudly seeing the pink lip prints that she left. picking the mirror back up and turning it towards herself, y/n begins laughing as well from both the feeling of yunjin’s lips on her skin and the sight of the transferred lipstick on her own face.

  remembering the late hour, the brunette girl quickly puts her finger up to her lip and shushes them both. "chaewon is gonna wake up again and force us to go to sleep."

but seeing the smeared lipstick around yunjin’s lips only made y/n laugh harder, so she covered her mouth with her hands to prevent more laughter from escaping while more and more pink marks were left all over her face.

“no, no doubt in my mind, i’m sure you’re a special someone in my heart”

© iseos

[mysticpear]

running list of my favorite moments from Paris 2024

the rapper who now sponsors women's wapo

stephen from penn state and everyone being obsessed with pommel horse now

SIMONE BILESSSSSSSSS literally eating after tokyo and at age 27 (dont fact check me im not doing google searches)

jade carrey's grace after her quals on floor

womens gymnastics having qualifiers on every event in the top 3

womens gymnastics leading all teams by FIVE WHOLE POINTS and the 2nd/3rd difference being 2 TENTHS (aka 5.0 vs 0.2)

synchronized diving bros tm

the new womens gymnastics commentators who are focusing on the incredible skill of the athletes and their resilience and safety rather than a single flexed foot like in the past

aly raisman is there love

waiting for track events bc i just want to see hurdles and sha'carri richardson

womens rugby absolutely demolishing great britain

con't:

12. snoop memes 13. simone's response to reporters asking about hezly, simone's caption under the team gold win, simone's response to aly raisman asking what the team nickname is 14. stephen from penn state again for becoming an overnight national hero 15. the main woman on the rugby team (ilana?? not sure) whos fully an icon and a beast and knows it as she damn well should 16. my friends and coworkers tolerating my gymnastics infodumps

con't part 2:

17. SIMONE GETTING BLOCKED BY MYKAYLA LMFAO 18. continuation of stephen memes i love them keep it up 19. just saw that apparently martha stewart is joining snoop for equestrian events bc "he's afraid of horses" 20. ILONA MAHER MY ICON MY LOVE 21. tom daly's sweaters and children 22. simone biles' husband (no he will not have a name) sitting with her parents and keeping their scorecard. v wholesome 23. aly raisman asking the team what their name is and simone fully glitching on how to not say "fuck" at a press event

WAIT SAME DAY BUT I THOUGHT OF MORE

24. pregnant fencer winner, can u imagine growing up like "yeah i technically medaled at the olympics bc my mom had been growing me for SEVEN MONTHS already" that kid is gonna have incredible stories 25. simone and her biggest competitor Rebeca Andrade cheering each other on even tho they're both going to all around medals on different teams. they FUCKING GET IT that's girlhood 26. katie ledecky eating it up year after year

part three of the day:

27. the gymnast who's sponsored by cheese?? jealous 28. the swimmer whos obsessed with the muffins so true king chase your passions 29. i found my favorite meme, allow me to quote: "gay men thirsting over the lithe sun-kissed swimmers' bodies of Team Italia and lesbians thirsting over a woman in a backwards hat and severe bob doing shooting - this is what those people at Stonewall died for" with a gif of the pistol icon queen (do not know her name) (also this is obv dramatic, we know Stonewall is a deep and complex history, don't @ me) 30. a clip of synchronized divers from (i think) china and the commentators were talking about how they had to come up with a new term to describe their water entry and it was something along the lines of splash disappear magic or smth. crazy

I'm back and worse than ever 31. HAPPY SHA'CARRI RICHARDSON IS RUNNING DAY 32. Alice Bellandi, who i just found out about. LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GOOOOOOO 33. i just.. something about the olympics exposing how much progress there is to be made in the world. year after year. from women's rights to gay rights to trans rights to racism to sexism and on and on and on. some dumbos were like "yay international competition" and instead got lesbians celebrating their gold medals w their gfs and women sharing about how they had a therapy appt right before they competed. its kind of a beautiful testament to the validity and worldwide nature of these issues 34. simone sharing that she met w her therapist the morning of her all around gold win 35. once again SIMONE'S FAMILY AND THEIR SHIRTS IM CRYING 36. im kind of obsessed with seeing noticeable mistakes intermixed with perfection 37. PIN TRADING specifically the clip of ilona maher trading w simone

anotha one

38. Jade Carrey medaling on vault 39. Suni medaling on AA 40. stephen again. SLAY individual PH medalist!!!! one of my best friends texted me to make sure i'm also obsessed with him and i told her about my deepdive into his gf's NCAA career lol. PS stephen you should come visit ur alma mater because you genuinely seem like one of the coolest people ever and i wanna meet you. 41. shoutout to frederick richards (also men's usa gym) for tearing it up all the damn time. i think he posts a lot on social media and the men's all around gymnasts should be getting a whole bunch of hype 42. Sha'Carri Richardson. so beauty so grace. she didn't even look like she was trying for the last quarter of her 100m qual. 43. related: im obsessed with the purple track like hello???? iconic 44. video of the camera man for trampoline. just up down up down up down 45. honestly every new thing i find out about the shooting events (incl the post about america not medaling at all but phrased as a clear dig at our firearm policy) 46. how (and maybe this is just me) women are fully dominating the news cycle in terms of what i hear about the olympics. the only men i've heard about are stephen and the Dad energy guy shooting for turkey, everything else is THE GIRLS 47. katie ledecky holding so many consecutive spots on every event record list she's on

hello again

48. Snoop ACTUALLY with martha stewart and both of them in full esquestrine (??) fits 49. WOMEN HAVE WON THE V A S T MAJORITY OF USA INDIVIDUAL MEDALS YAAAAA 50. ilona maher still shes just. ugh. (as i write this i get a post w a pic of her and stephen captioned "asking a bisexual woman to explain her type" lmao) 51. KAYLIA (?) AKA ALGERIA'S FIRST GYMNASTICS MEDALIST 52. proposal 53. the mixed doubles couple in ?? badminton?? who broke up to focus on their sport then won together and got back together <3 love is real 57. not only the pregnant fencer but I also just saw about a pregnant shooter??? again these kids are gonna have top tier bragging rights. also women are sick as hell 58. maybe already said this but im not reading the last fifty seven entries to check so any of the women's gymnasts and their just proud af smiles when they hit an incredible stick. like the way they just stand there for a sec and slowly bring their arms down bc they previously accounted for an extra beat while landing. chefs kiss ugh 59. whoever the hell made stephen an american flag cape 60. omfg saw a post with a bunch of people talking about stephen and one of the connections was "so and so who is in the pommel horse specialist group chat" because a) that is a thing that exists??? im so delighted and b) what he was saying was that he usually logs on to see that stephen is playing some NERD ASS VIDEO GAME (i am not that direction of nerd so i dont remember which it was). obsessed 61. IMANE KHELIF. get angry yall. saw someone say "all it took was the other woman saying she had never taken a hit that hard. but girl ur in the hit people hard sport. at the most elite level." like ya. reading up on the "transvestigation" which is a term i just learned and genuinely needs to be cut tf out because the implication that ALL men will be and are biologically stronger than ALL women is absolute bs. 62. Noah Lyles: "America. I told you. I got this" so true king 63. the medal counter that added a ring category for the couple that got engaged lol very wholesome 64. jade carrey coming back to the olympics simply because she didn't perform up to her standards at Tokyo 65. omg the pic of simone touching up her lip liner SO iconic 66. oh the other name for the womens gymnastics team (other than fuck around and find out) being the golden girls because they're the oldest team to compete maybe ever? for usa 67. the owner of stephen's former (? current?) gym saying the phone has been ringing non stop with parents signing their sons up for classes 68. DID I ALREADY SAY LAURIE HERNANDEZ COMMENTATING + HER W ALY AGAIN??? 69. as the sixty ninth entry this feels appropriate. the paris pole vaulter who didn't win bc his dick caught the bar. 70. also sha'carri richardson's silver but also her in team USA and a ponytail... idk if i love or feel a Type of Way bc shes so known for her own style but also this feels super affirming that she's competing for team USA but not in a way thats something she needed, more like we needed. does this make sense

[superstar-nan]

Fight Tooth and Nail

Day 1

Summary: Your best friend goes missing after working a shift as an overnight security guard for the upcoming horror attraction Fazbear's Fright. You masquerade as a journalist to investigate their disappearance and find yourself with more questions. Questions that only a murderous animatronic intent on killing you has answers to.

Words: 3,586

Fun stuff: Springtrap/Reader/Michael, gender neutral reader, cannon typical violence, vv slow burn and romance is more implied kinda?? I'm very aromantic and the characters have complex relationships. william and michael are very much corpses and very much gross. Uploaded from my Ao3.

Next

───── (\ /) ─────

Your eyes flitted from the hastily scrawled note in your hand to the crumbling building in front of you. You knew it was supposed to look rundown to add to the scare-factor, but even from the back Fazbear’s Fright seemed more likely to receive several health code violations over screams. Maybe it was the broad daylight, or maybe it was the metal beam that collapsed in front of you right at that moment, but you couldn’t imagine the horror attraction gaining as much attention as the newspaper clipping led you to believe.

You hesitantly opened the back door, praying another metal beam wouldn’t collapse on top of you. It was unlocked, just as the man on the phone said it would be.

“Hello?” You said, before reeling back into the fresh air outside. The stench coming from inside wafted in a plume of rotten eggs and sweat. You gagged, taking in a couple gulps of fresh air, and then steeled yourself as you entered the building. The door shut with an uncharacteristic soft click behind you. 

“Hello?” You called out again. You blinked a few times, trying to adjust your eyes to the dark interior. 

“Over here!” A hand waved out of a room to your right with a dim, ghastly yellow-green light spilling from its doorway.

You walked into the room; an office filled with grime (possibly decorational), loose wires (hopefully decorational), and trash (definitely not decorational). A young man with a nonchalant grin swiveled on his chair to face you. He said your name and you nodded. 

“Awesome,” He held out his hand in a wide, informal handshake, which you returned. His grip was loose and a bit sweaty. “I was the guy on the phone.”

“Oh,” You said as you distractedly looked around the office. There were big boxes filled with Fazbear Entertainment merchandise along with character posters plastered on the walls. “It’s nice to meet you in person.”

“For sure, for sure,” He started clicking through security footage, drawing your attention. 

You noticed there were quite a bit of people throughout the building, all splattering blood stains or grimming-up corners to make the attraction just a touch more spooky. You bit your lower lip. Would any of them be willing to reveal some information to you, or would they keep you from investigating anything useful? 

“Welp,” He clapped his knees and stood up, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Why don’t I show you around? You can get the gist of all the best scares of the place for... uh, who’d you say you write for again?”

“Scary Attractions Monthly,” You said, taking out a pen and notebook. It was a fake name for... something. Maybe a magazine or blog. You didn’t put too much thought in it and apparently neither did he.

No, you weren’t here to write a glowing article on a mediocre, somewhat distasteful, and very unsanitary hazard of a horror attraction like you said you were. 

You were here because of a call. A call you received at four in the morning. A call you didn’t pick up, but you wished you did. 

“Right, that,” He said in a way that told you he was going to forget it again. “Well, you’re gonna love the place, we found some real legit relics!”

You just hummed as you followed him out of the room. 

“The attraction opens in like a week, so everyone’s been working extra hard to make sure everything works, and nothing catches on fire.” He stopped in front of a disassembled torso of Freddy. “Uh, not that anything would, that was, uh, “off-the-record” .”

“Right.” You said, pretending to cross something out. 

“Yeah, so when the place opens, people will come in at the opposite end of the building, and work their way towards where you came in; that’s the exit. We’ve got some totally vintage relics, man. Like this foxy head, super authentic.”

You squinted at it. 

“Like, it’s not a crappy cosplay for sure .”

That made you think it was a crappy cosplay.

“But it’s not just these totally authentic pieces that make the place, the whole place is rigged super vintage.”

You stepped to the side as two employees rushed past you, holding a heavy box of miscellaneous mechanical parts, “What do you mean?” You asked.

“Like, the whole place is built like it’s 1987, just like from the missing kids stuff,” It felt a little insensitive to refer to that tragedy as the ‘missing kid stuff’ . “The ventilation, the electronics, even the cameras and stuff, all for that authenticity.”

You swallowed, “So there’s no security footage?”

“Nah, but we’ve got a guard on around-the-clock, even overnight, so it’s perfectly safe.” You already knew that. Your best friend was an overnight security guard.

Suddenly, a pipe burst, spewing some white, cloudy vapor rapidly at an employee who was struggling to get the pipe under control.

“And is the ventilation perfectly safe?” You asked.

“Heheh,” he started to sweat. “Basically, I mean. He’s probably fine. Here,” He turned you around to a different hallway, “Let’s go this way, you gotta see the coolest part of the attraction.”

You followed him to an area with no one present. It was an odd feeling going from a busy part of the attraction to this place of complete emptiness, and you finally found the creeping horror of the attraction. With the molding tiled floor that was once bright, the low-ambient lighting flickering on-and-off, and the decades-old child’s drawings interspersed on the walls, the place really felt haunted. 

Then, the smell of rot and decay hit your nose in a crashing wave. You held your nose and gagged. It was worse than when you walked into the attraction, and then you knew why this area was so empty. 

“You gotta get that pen out because you’re not gonna believe this,” He said. “We got one, a real one!” He looked back at you gagging and coughing. “Oh. Yeah, the smell is, like intense , but you get used to it quick.” 

“What do you mean...?” Your sentence was lost on you as your entire focus was drawn to figure in the corner. 

A very large figure in the corner. A rotten bunny animatronic that towered in the shadows. 

Chills danced up your spine in your visceral fear. You were stalled by some animal instinct you didn’t know you had. 

It was large and lumbering and fully intact—ruined and soiled with time. It had to have been nearly seven feet tall, even as it stood motionless in its hunch. It looked almost half a century old, and even in its decayed state you could still see the design of what it once was: a golden Bonnie suit now corrupted a dingy green by age and rot.

Your heart beat slowed when you realized it wasn’t moving. It was just an animatronic; part of the attraction. Even as you followed your guide towards it, its eyes flashed with reflected light in a way that was perfectly terrifying. This really was a great find for the attraction. 

“So cool, isn’t it?” He said, knocking on the animatronic’s mildewy chest, and though logically you knew that wasn’t dangerous, you couldn’t help the drop in your gut as he touched the thing. “It’s like it was made for this place.”

“No kidding.” You said, and you meant it. Honestly, that animatronic might’ve been the scariest thing you had ever seen, let alone the scariest part of the attraction. You dared to take a few steps closer to it. You weren’t able to pull your eyes away from it, almost as if you did it would lunge at you. 

Its eyes looked too human. You wanted to throw up.

“Yeah, so spooky.” He also was transfixed, but not for as long as you were. “You wouldn’t believe how long it took to find it! We found some vintage audio training cassettes with it. We’ll probably have them playing, like over the speakers while people walk through the attraction. It’ll make the place feel legit .” 

The cassettes didn’t even cross your mind, “Does it still work?”

“Uh, yeah, probably.”

You were finally able to pull your eyes away from the rotted Bonnie. “Probably?”

“Well, I’ve never seen it move, and no one else has either, but nobody moves it and sometimes it’s not in the same place so probably. The cassettes mention something about the suits following kid noises, but I haven’t seen that either. And uh, we’ve got a guard checking the cameras all the time, so it's not dangerous.” 

He said that so nonchalantly you were baffled, “Are you sure about that? Didn’t somebody get bitten by one of these things years ago?”

He started to sweat, “Oh ye-yeah, that’s something uh, we’re working on this week. We’re grabbing a mechanic or... There’s a week until the place opens so, you know.” He trailed. 

Your face blanked. Well, it wasn’t any of your business how dangerous these things were anyway. You were only here for one reason. “Right,” Your eyes wandered back to the animatronic.

Your heart dropped. You held your breath.

Its eyes were looking at you. Eyes that were too human. 

It wasn’t looking at you before, was it? You would have certainly remembered it looking at you. You swallowed as you took a step out of its sight. Its eyes didn’t follow you. You must’ve imagined it.

Turning away from the rotted Bonnie, you put your pen to your notebook, “Having overnight guards is a good safety precaution.” You said, and his shoulders visibly relaxed when you said it. “And it’s pretty authentic to the original Pizzeria.”

“Oh, for sure, for sure,” He said. “That’s what we’re trying for, authenticity and all. Plus, they’ll also be a part of the show to really get that feel of a pizzeria!”

“The place hasn’t opened yet, but do your guards run into any trouble at night?”

“Nah, or at least I don’t think so.” 

His nonchalance irked you, “You don’t think so?”

“Well, nobody’s mentioned anything to me yet, so.” 

“Hmm.” You tapped your pen on your notebook before setting it back down, “I heard a rumor that one of your night guards disappeared on the job, is that true?”

“What?” He started to look nervous again, though whether it was from the pressure of saying the wrong thing or the guilt of having done something wrong, you didn’t know. “Oh uh, I don’t really know anything about that, where did you hear that?”

“Somewhere online.” You said, casually. 

“Well, it’s not true, somebody would’ve said something or—”

“But if there’s only one person on the night shift, how would somebody be able to say something?”

A click was heard behind you. Almost like the sound of a gear. Both you and the man you were talking to turned toward the rotted Bonnie suit. It didn’t move, or at least it didn’t look like it moved. It was still. That didn’t matter. You and the man you were with were deadly silent for a few moments. 

“We should, uh, we should talk in the office, right?” He said, and it wasn’t a balm that he was anxious as well.

“Yes, that’s a good idea.” 

The two of you left the area with the animatronic, and you felt the air around you lighten. It seemed he was right when he said you’d get used to that rotted smell, because you didn’t notice how much it was a relief to get away from that thing. 

“Anyway,” He said as the two of you walked. “I don’t know anything about a night guard disappearing. Yeah, a night guard quit suddenly without any notice a few nights ago.” The two of you ducked as a vent dropped nearly on top of you, barely being stopped by two employees who grabbed it just in time. It didn’t slow either of your gaits, “And yeah, this is not the first time that’s happened and is eerily similar to events that happened thirty years ago. But there’s always a bad string of luck before grand openings, typical exciting attraction stuff. So...” The two of you slipped into the office as a group of employees brought in a string of large boxes, “Probably don’t mention any of the rumor stuff in the article.”

You eyed him head to toe as he sat in the office chair. He was sweating a little under your scrutiny. He wouldn’t give you anything if you antagonized him, so you smiled and he relaxed, “Of course, it’s typical. Especially for haunted attractions.”

“Heheh, yeah, ‘course,” He swallowed and sniffed. “Well, uh, what other questions can I answer?”

“Tell me a bit about the security guards' role in the show.”

He leaned back slightly in his chair, “Oh yeah well, this is where they will be, in this office. When the place opens, people will come in where I told you before, and work their towards this office, and pass them, and out the exit.”

You wondered if your faux-enthusiasm was believable enough, because it felt as stiff as the disassembled animatronic pieces, “Oh, very cool.”

“Yeah! Just like a real security guard from a pizzeria.” He said, “Or well, they are real security guards, but you get what I mean.” 

“Absolutely,” You said. “Can I see the cameras? They’ve got such a neat 80s vibe to them.”

“Oh yeah, for sure,” He rolled his chair over so you could look over his shoulder. “I just click the camera here and... one sec.” He pulled an old panel with a few technical reboot options on it, before clicking one. You leaned your arms on the back of his chair as you watched the cameras fizzle from white static to a poor resolution of video footage. “There,” He said. “Pretty legit, huh?”

“Very legit.” You paid very close attention as he flitted through the different cameras, or rather what the cameras didn’t catch. 

“Yeah, in trying to make the place feel more vintage we have overdone it a bit, heh heh. Some of this equipment is barely functional!” His eyes widened slightly as he held up his hands, “But still functional, of course.”

“Of course,” You said. “Well, I thought I might take some more notes on the attractions and then I can let myself out in the front?”

“All the way to the other end of the building? Sure, if you want.”

“Thanks,” You held out your hand. “It was great meeting you.”

He smiled and shook your hand, and you almost felt bad for lying to him. He was just a guy excited about horror attractions doing his job. Even if he was brushing the dangers of this place under the rug; brushing your best friend's disappearance under the rug... No, nevermind. You didn’t feel even a little bad.

“It was awesome meeting you too,” He said. “Can’t wait to read about us in...” He forgot your fake journalism blog/magazine/whatever. “A few days or whenever you get around to writing it.” What a save.

You threw him one last smile before making your way through the busy preparations. You pretended to take a few notes, gave your best impression of someone interested in an empty Chica head, and attempted to talk to a few employees. Talking to the people who were working was more fruitless than you hoped. They either were too busy to talk to you or were skirting around certain subjects like the man who’d shown you around had. You attempted to find real evidence and real clues as well, but that was just as fruitless. Fake blood and artificial claw marks fooled you every time and you had to pass it off as admiration and journalism.

No, if you wanted to know what really happened, you would have to get into that office. Look at it more closely and see if there were any traces or clues left by them. Or even if you could take a look at the cameras more closely, see if a bird’s-eye-view gave perspective. You could only hope that maybe there would be an hour between the day shift and the night shift that you could look around and do some real investigating.

First, you needed to find a good place to hide. Somewhere the cameras couldn’t see, but employees wouldn’t spot you either. From what you saw, the cameras even extended to the vents, which was insane to you. However, not all of the vents were monitored. In your mind, you imagined some big locker or box you could hide in, but there was nothing like that, so the vents would have to do. 

Your stomach dropped. Hiding in the vents also meant you couldn’t be seen tampering with them, which meant you had to go to the area with the least amount of people. You rubbed your eyes. You were an adult. You shouldn’t have been so hesitant to be around what was basically a giant toy, a decoration. A nearly seven foot, moldy, possibly dangerous decoration that could crush you just by falling on you. You swallowed.

Steeling yourself, you walked toward the area with the rotted Bonnie.

There it was. Unmoved in a way that mocked your fear. Just as horrible to smell (was it really that ruined by mildew? Did someone stuff food in there? Did some poor animal die in there?), but you were getting used to it quickly. After a quick moment of choking. 

You wondered briefly what it must’ve looked like on stage, alive with music and light, warm in color and a delight to children. That must’ve been such an exciting thing thirty or forty years ago. Now it wasn’t even a shell of what it once was, it was a perversion. Twisted and moldy in such a way that its wires looked like guts and its endoskeleton was dulled like bone. Its smile that must’ve been cheery at one point now looked like a permanent, malicious grin. Its eyes—ever too human for your liking—and teeth were nearly the same dingy color of its mildewy fur. You realized this Bonnie was missing his bowtie, and that made you sad for some reason. 

You cursed under your breath, “What happened to you?”

You hadn’t realized how close you had gotten to the rotted Bonnie. Not unlike the sickening smell that you had adjusted to, you seemed to have adapted to the initial fear the animatronic instilled in you. Suddenly in a morbid curiosity, you were wanting to poke and prod at it; to test how rusted its joints must’ve been or to try peeking for rot inside. You shook your head of the impulse. 

You turned your head to look at the way you came. There wasn’t anybody passing by just yet. You looked at the camera, which didn’t seem focused but you couldn’t be sure. Lastly, you looked at the vent against the wall. 

In an effort to alleviate the tension beating against your chest—caused by a fear of getting caught, a fear of not finding anything, and a fear of the rotted Bonnie themself—you threw the animatronic a wink and said, “Keep an eye out for me, will you?”

You hurried to the vent, throwing a cautious glance behind you. You knelt in front of it, fully prepared to use a piece of shrapnel you found to undo its screws. However, you found the screws had already been pulled loose, interestingly enough. You briefly wondered who could have the strength for that as you quietly shifted the vent open and slipped in, gently and silently putting the vent back. 

You laid there on your stomach for a few moments as your exhilaration began to calm down. You hoped this place’s ventilation system wasn’t so “vintage” and “legit” that you’d suffocate or get some noxious gas spewed into your lungs.

As your heartbeat fell slower and slower, you cast your eyes downward. You had a long evening of waiting ahead of you. You shuffled quietly until you could get a hold of an earbud in your pocket. You took it out along with your phone, putting the earbud in your ear. You tapped on your most recent voice messages. 

Maybe you’d be able to recognize something in the voice message... or maybe you just wanted to remember why you were doing all of this.

You tapped on your phone until their voice message began playing in your ear.

Silence.

Shuffling.

Heavy, muffled breathing.

More silence.

Your name in a shaken whisper.

“...Come...” Their voice was hushed so so quiet. “...Come to...”

A child’s laughter, not quite right.

“...Hurry...I-”

The sound of the phone dropping.

-Click-

Your finger hovered over the option to play the message again. Your best friend was working at Fazbear’s Frights the night you got that message. They were supposed to meet you the morning after. They didn’t. After giving the message to the police, Fazbear Entertainment reported that your best friend had clocked-out at 6AM that morning and that there was no incident during their shift. You didn’t buy it. Whether there was some big corporate conspiracy, or whether something happened and Fazbear Entertainment just didn’t want to delay the attraction’s opening, you didn’t know. But a body hadn’t been found and that was something . Something to hold on to. 

You would get to the bottom of it.

You rested your head on your arm as you played the message again.

[sitp-recs]

okay i totally understand if you have no idea what to make of this... but do you know of any fics that have fine line by harry styles/im your man by mitski vibes??? like the fic is lowkey filled with doom and regret and melancholy and is overall kind of miserable but like draco and harry find love and its like not gonna heal everything magically but theyre gonna pick up the pieces of their lives and theyre eventually gonna be okay

Hi anon! That’s a really interesting ask, I wasn’t familiar with either song but I looove the gritty, melancholy “doomed lovers” vibes. I feel like apocalypse AUs are perfect for that so I’ve included some. I hope you enjoy these, some are angstier/darker than others but I think they all fit the bill nicely:

Intelligence by aideomai (T, 6k)

“I don’t believe it,” Ginny said, voice low with venom and fury. “Did you know?” “I knew there was a spy,” Hermione said.

Silence series by RurouniHime (E, 10k)

It was his battle, yet he never hurt me, and he could have.

The Taste of Magic by @romaine2424 (M, 10k)

As the world's atmosphere changes, magic starts to disappear. Only a "lucky" few will stay in the magical world until the earth begins to heal.

Put a Price on My Soul by lamerezouille (E, 12k)

Harry has become used to being a whore in the crapsack Wizarding World that’s now governed by Voldemort. Everything changes when Malfoy becomes his new pimp.

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by @the-starryknight (M, 16k)

The Ministry didn’t turn bad overnight. Harry didn’t suddenly turn rogue either. Between covert Legilimency links and Polyjuice disguises and running and running and running, Draco has forgotten what it is like to have a safe harbor that isn’t a person. If there’s an art to fighting back, then they’ll find it hand in hand.

The Seventh Life by @corvuscrowned (E, 18k)

If Draco had looked the other way, he may never have seen him again. But Draco turned, because he always would have turned. He found him, because he always would have found him - in life, in death, or in Paris.

Unfinished Business by cupiscent (E, 20k)

Ten years after the War ends, Harry and Draco still haven't got their act together. But maybe it's not too late.

All the Ashes Like Leaves by @firethesound (M, 21k)

Nothing about being the Chosen One had prepared Harry for this. With most of the population blinded and man-eating plants running amok, he can only stay close to his friends as they make their way to safety. Not that he’d call Malfoy a friend, but the end of the world does rather make their ongoing feud seem trivial. And it just figures that it took nothing short of an apocalypse to make Malfoy seem like less of a git.

The Boy Who Died by @magpiefngrl (E, 27k)

Harry dies in the forest. Sixteen years later, he comes back to life.

If an Injury Is to Be Inflicted by @shealwaysreads (E, 45k)

If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. Harry Potter disappeared a year after the Battle of Hogwarts, and with him went all hope for true change in magical Britain. Three years later, Draco indulges himself and attends his first Dog Fight—the infamous underground fights with no rules, no referee, and no points system bar blood on the floor. The game was simple: you win, or you die.

Bonus: my favorite WIP!

In The Dark by @bixgirl1 (E)

In the aftermath of an apocalypse, Harry receives an order to find and bring Draco Malfoy nearly a thousand miles, to the tenuous safety of Hogwarts. But more than distance separates them from their goal.

[dragongutsixofficial]

Never in my life will I understand why all cinema adaptations from The Mysterious Island stray so much from the book, to the point that they are two radically different stories.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE the prospect of a remote treasure island inhabited by strange, eerie creatures- heck, even dinosaurs ! These stories are always a blast. Who knew what nature was hiding from humankind all along ? And how powerless are we against it? How fast can it erase us, along with the island, out of existence ?

But.. The Mysterious Island was never about what nature can do. It has always been about humanity, its good and its bad.

It has always been about a group of people finding themselves stranded on an island they know nothing about, with a teenager and a dog to take care of, and coming together to decide that they're gonna make something out of it. That they're not just gonna survive, they're gonna have a good life.

It has always been about them learning to love their new home and making it their own, it has always been about finding love and appreciation when you could let despair overcome you because humans keep hoping.

It has always been about what the love of a found family can do, against all odds.

It has always been about reaching out your hand to one another, and accepting them as your own even though you have no reason to. About how humankind is inherently good and enclined to help someone who is alone and struggling, and making them part of a community no matter what their past is.

It has always been about hubris.

It has always been about us seeing too big.

It has always been about us exploiting nature until it can't take it anymore. Until it isn't nature anymore.

It has always been about our spectacular lack of foresight.

It has always been about always striving to have more and better things, no matter how that might impact us in the future.

It has always been about the lack of responsibility humans feel towards the natural order of things, to the point that it can disappear overnight.

It has always been about beginning again, together, and honoring the memory of what we've lost.

It has always been about one of the most iconic polycules i've ever seen, their adopted son, their dog and their monkey.

It has always been about nitroglycerin.

A lot of nitroglycerin.

It has always been about Jules Verne needing to change the dates of Twenty thousand leagues under the sea just so his messy chronology could even attempt to start making sense.

It has always been about each new page being even more batshit crazy than the last.

It has always been about being a beautiful mess.

And it needn't be Jurassic Parc to be awesome.

[hangatyr]

FOR @thechthonicmother BECAUSE THE ASK DISAPPEARED

Tav questions:

6: What companion are you platonically close with?

Agatha is so close with Karlach its not even funny

Both of them tough girlies who are finally seeing the world, one for the first time, the other finally free from Hell. They tell each other secrets and gossip and if they could go clubbing they would they are best friends to the end of time in every universe

Taz is close with Halsin methinks, both in a fwb way and an actual healthy "You are someone i enjoy being around" way. I imagine that Halsin is Taz's vet whenever any of her beast companions get sick. He also makes a good babysitter when its Shadowheart date night

8: Who are they suspicious of?

Agatha- Gale. She has a natural distrust of mages, but understands that Wyll got his from Mizora, not too weird. Gale she cannot wrap her head around *how* he does what he does. It befuddles her poor 8 int brain

That and she worries very much that hes gonna blow up for Mystra and she doesnt want that he might be a mage but hes still her friend

Taz I think is a little suspicious of Kithrak Voss and Laezel atm. The party just escaped the monastery and Vlaakith's wrath, and saw how indoctrinated the average Gith warrior is. How can these two just... stop believing in that almost overnight? She doesn't like it and worries that if they can turn that quickly on their god, how quickly will they turn on the party?

17: Do they enjoy life as an adventurer?

Both of them yes absolutely. Agatha because of her friends shes met and the world she gets to see now that shes left behind the mountains; Taz because she has NEVER been richer and frankly the dwarven holds were getting a little stuffy for her tastes. Monster hunting is fine but you get so used to the same underdark beasties over and over again. The surface has FUN THINGS like OWLBEARS and DRAGONS

25: What arcana major best represents your Tav?

Agatha- The Fool but eventually Strength

Taz- The chariot

[lunarflare64]

This isn't gonna be a pretty vent under the cut. We basically dump 10 years of medical neglect and describe how our medical issues came to be what they are now in graphic detail, mind the tags, its kinda gross at some points

In a few months it will officially be ten years of chronic illness and pain. The idea of it is suddenly making us really upset. Ten years of doctors ignoring us, no one thinking to do medical testing on the kid who couldnt stay awake for more than five minutes at a time. No one questioning why that kid disappeared for an entire school day after a morning class made them walk long a really long distance in Australian summer heat. No one checking when they heard a person throwing up in one of the bathroom stalls and never leaving, unaware of the possibility of an unconscious teenager being in there. Everyone yelling at us and calling us lazy and punishing us, the conditions we were forced to accept when we dropped out for the sake of our mental health, and the slowly building up exhaustion and mental breakdown that followed because those conditions where the same things we wanted to escape when we dropped out. Throwing up and almost passing out and throwing up again and almost passing out again after every shower for all of our teenage years and then some more after that. Pain and cramps and lightheadedness and being pushed to our limits just standing in one place, moving out and finally being free mentally, but physically being worse. Mess and mould building up because we we're too exhausted to clean. Ditching the stove mid-cooking to run and throw up and try to avoid passing out. Overdoing it with baking and being too exhausted to give the finished products to the people we made them for until two days later. Trying to mass clean the kitchen with a rare burst of energy and not even being half way through before we were too nauseous and in pain and lightheaded to do anything but lay on the ground and cry. Having a shower episode so bad that we could only lay on the floor with our face in our own vomit as we continued to throw up, shaking with completely black vision. Walking getting slower and less balanced and certain, using an umbrella as a cane for months. Our first fall, and our legs refusing to hold our weight for a week straight before we caved and bought our first crutches. Getting heart palpitations so bad we went to the ER once, twice, three times, and then it was happening twice a month. That one time palpitations jumped us right into hyperventilation and we had to call an ambulance. Being in the ER for choking on meds and then just as they were about to release us we had a major palpitation episode and they kept us overnight. Walking through the back of the clinic after an appointment with our councillor and our knee suddenly loosing all feeling and forcing us to catch ourselves fully on our crutches yelling. Xrays showing nothing, MRIs showing nothing, labs showing nothing, echocardiograms showing nothing, but ECGs showing mild signs of something we already knew and yet the cardiologist refused to do the specific tests to that condition. The rheumatologist finding nothing and dismissing us as a lazy pill-seeker with severe deconditioning. We have so many suspicions about what's going on, some stuff we're fully certain about like the POTS, and others things that we suspected for a long time before doctors dismissals and refusals to test made us dismiss them too, and now they're all coming back to haunt us. ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia being the main two.

In a way we're kinda lucky, back when we first thought we had those the research and general awareness about them was garbage, but then covid happened and the population dealing with ME/CFS sky-rocketed and awareness actually exists now.

We read the ME ICC primer today. There's sections on how it appears in teenagers in there.

If someone had thought to look, if someone had thought to care, to tell us what we were going through wasn’t normal, how much of the past ten years wouldn't have happened? Would we be part of the high number of teenagers who fully recover with treatment? Or would our schooling have been managed properly, with people not pushing us to overdo it, not putting pressure on us to stay awake, would we have been able to recover enough to start treating our depression sooner? Would our suicide plan have become unnecessary?

How much more medical neglect will we have to deal with before we're actually diagnosed for the first time with an actual physical medical condition?

[fuckzachariah]

As Zach sang, he held back. With the venue so small and the setting so intimate, there was no need for him to utilize the full effect of his vocal abilities. Even in doing so, anyone familiar with his voice would recognize the stark difference between its timbre then and now. He was healthier than he had ever been, and it was evident in the artful, easy swoops of his singing, the control he wrought over his breath and agility, the easy application of rasping without harming his already shot respiratory system. Though he had avoided their faces throughout, when he turned back he saw that Andrew had noticed the change, and was grinning ear to ear. It was true that Zach held the promise of all Andrew could give him in high esteem, and was reluctant to risk the opportunity to work with him; but Zach was an undeniable goldmine for the Label. Andrew could take the Dupree legacy and send it, straight shot, to the moon by having their name attached to Zach’s return. Not only was it greatly anticipated, but the nature, depth and ability surrounding the star everyone assumed they knew had since transformed. Despite his enthusiasm, and wanting to meet him in the middle, Zach could do nothing but search for Alex’s eyes. She gave him little in the way of a response; a stoic, unintelligible expression held her pretty face hostage as Kylie applauded and squealed on her piano stool, and Andrew began to praise him.

Zach couldn’t hear any of it. He was sucked through a time vacuum, spit out on the other side in that cold holding cell, knuckles white around the iron bars and jaw cemented as he shook the metal into clamorous life. “Calm down. We’re going to need a different number to call if you want outta here by tomorrow morning. Last chance.” Zach abruptly stopped shaking the bars, a cruel half-laugh pushed out from his nostrils. Unsteady on his feet, one eye half-closed with the swelling and with blood drying around his nose, he rebutted. “Respectfully, sir, fuck that. Let me call again. She’ll pick up this time.” The officer had peered at him as though in a certain amount of pain, giving him a look like a wince, then he passed his stubble-rough chin over his shoulder in muttered conference with another cop. Zach shook the bars hard, his foot and knee slamming into them in incoherent unison, the cocktail in his blood triggering a sudden violent rise. “Fucking. Please! Just wait - she’ll -” The cop interrupted him, square shoulders and thick brow. “Son, are you a danger to yourself?” Zach was hysterical; his laugh was so loud and sudden, like a bad dog yanking on its chain. All he saw in his mind was a rapidly unravelling reel of Alex. “What does that mean? Am I gonna try killing myself if you leave me in here overnight?” He smiled, sinister and abandoned, his palm coming down on the bars to rattle them. “If I say yes, do you have to let me out and send me to the psych ward?” He laughed cruelly, spinning away from the bars and landing hard on the plastic bench, flattening his back out. He groaned. “I can’t die, sir. Tried that already. Tried it twice, actually.” He laughed, manic tears squeezed down his temples and disappearing into his hairline. “Just wait,” he hummed, a facade of calmness becoming of him. “She’ll call back.”

In the present, he shuddered out from the memory like shedding dead skin, blinking the picture to life before him. “What? Thank you,” Zach muttered, tossing a glance to Kylie like a life buoy ring to the water’s surface. She picked up in a millisecond, floating from the piano stool to his side, loping a small arm over his broad shoulders. “Two hundred was a shot in the dark, but he has a bunch. Over a hundred, for sure.” She nodded, smiling at him, pulling her arm back to squeeze his knee. “Right, Z?” Zach looked at Andrew and cleared his throat, then nodded, the aural information he’d missed floating back to him. How the hell did you pull that off? The answer was almost laughable. Well, that’s simple, really; if you’d take a casual look to your left. He’d pulled it off because it had been survival; he’d done it because he couldn’t stop, or he would’ve done something much worse. Far more stupid. Zach only shrugged, a sheepishness becoming of his face. “I guess I had a lot to get off my chest. And, well, you’re familiar with Ryan Santos?” Andrew nodded; of course he was. He had done his research. Not to mention Ryan had now produced records for a great number of industry hit-makers. Zach’s eyes instinctively cut to Alex, but only for a second. A glimpse of their old life; when Ryan was her close friend, too. “Mm. Well. I wrote a lot just for myself, just fucking around and trying to process shit. Whatever. But any Ry got his hands on were polished within two days.” Andrew blinked, taken aback. “You’re saying a lot of these are recorded? Finished?” Zach reluctantly, slowly, nodded, leaning back into the sofa and away from the bodies closing in on him to breathe a little. “In a loose sense of the word. Demos. I’ve never listened to any of them back, really. There’s a strong possibility most of them are dogshit.” Kylie scoffed, then, shaking her head. “Don’t do that,” she said, the most like her private self she had sounded all night; voice an octave lower, her tone lacking that self-preservering spring. “They’re brilliant. You know they are.” 

Hand still sturdy on his knee, she turned to Andrew in all sincerity, flashing those impossible blue eyes. Now she was sure of her own fate, she was not concerned with Zach usurping any interactions; Andrew wanted both of them, and this had been made clear enough with ink to paper. “I swear to you. Whatever he puts out next, it’ll be unbelievable. You’re lucky. I hope you know that.” She was deadpan; dead serious. Zach felt he needed to squirm free of the whole evening. He wanted desperately to be enthralled by talk of his future, but he would not be free of the ghostly hand wrapped around his throat until he and Alex had had a chance to clear the air. If she told him she wasn’t comfortable with him putting any more music out about her, then at least three quarters of that backlog was lost. But maybe that was for the best. Zach produced a hard smile, gaze flitting over the three of them. “Let’s shelve the me talk for another night. OK? I’m jet-lagged.” He waved his hand dismissively, then set it atop Kylie’s, subtly sliding it from his knee. “I can’t give the conversation what it needs. Not right now. Talk about Kylie. Or Alex. Or - you, Drew.”

As Alex observed the dynamics between Zach and Kylie, she noticed the seemingly normal and genuine nature of their relationship. Her discerning eyes moved between them, sifting through the layers of connection that unfolded before her. Admittedly, she had questioned if it was some contrived publicity stunt – a skepticism rooted in her own past experiences. Only a few years ago, Zach’s former manager had approached her with two separate propositions. The first proposition was clear: being in a steady relationship with him was deemed harmful to his image. Given his young age, the importance of being perceived as available for his libidinous fans’ fantasies took precedence. They could continue their relationship, but under the condition that it remained private. This would involve a formal contract, including a non-disclosure agreement to safeguard any information that may threaten his reputation. In the eyes of the world, Alexandra Burton would a hidden figure, unknown and unseen. The second option presented to her was born out of a fear of the potential fallout if she and Zach were to break up. Their inner circle had witnessed the volatility of their relationship and its direct impact on him. Any compromised to his stability could lead to financial repercussions for those who depended on him. The expectation was for her to play a role in keeping him happy, especially as they prepared to launch him into his next era. Alex refused to acquiesce to either proposition, however. She resisted the idea of being bought, controlled, or entangled in his career in any capacity. All she wanted was to be with him on her terms, untethered from the constraints of contractual obligations and hidden agendas. It saddened her they never made it there.

Reflecting on her time in therapy, she recalled the moments when she expressed hope that Zach would find happiness, even if it meant that wasn’t with her. Now, looking at the reality before her, it seemed that this particular wish had been granted. The bitter irony of it all wasn’t lost on her. Nothing had changed. She still desired for him to find his peace, but the ache of actually witnessing his joy with someone else was a painful reality she hadn’t anticipated. Whilst Andrew suggested continuing their evening together, she found herself yearning for its conclusion. The weight of the evening had taken its toll on her, and exhaustion settled in. She wondered if Zach shared a similar sentiment, secretly hoping for a reprieve from the tension that lingered. The strain in their interactions would continue until they had a chance to speak alone, to devise a plan for their way forward. The impending conversation held the promise of addressing the unspoken, unraveling the threads of their lives since the last time they had seen each other at her apartment. Alex recognized the need to prepare, to decide what she was willing to share with him and what she would keep guarded. It was an opportunity to craft answers for potential questions he might ask. She wanted to be careful with her delivery and mindful of his feelings. Despite her apprehension, there was a part of her that looked forward to it. The prospect of finding closure loomed largely in her thoughts. Perhaps it would alleviate the remaining feelings she had about him. Maybe that’s what it was – an itch for closure, a resolution that had the potential to bring a sense of finality to the chapters of their intertwined past.

Alex seamlessly shifted back into the role of the hostess, straightening her posture and adorning a pleasant smile. She swept a tendril of hair away from her face, allowing her opposite hand to rest on top of Andrew’s as he squeezed her waist. He didn’t seem particularly bothered by her interactions with Zach. His confidence in their relationship meant he rarely felt threatened, even when she received a little extra attention from the opposite sex. She expected that he might inquire about her thoughts on how the evening went, what she made of Zach, and whether she was genuinely surprised to find him at their doorstep. It was a straightforward line of questioning, and she would appreciate the simplicity of it. At least she wouldn’t have to fabricate her responses; the word “surprised” would be a considerable understatement for the evening’s unexpected turn of events. Kylie readily embraced Andrew’s request, energetically responding and making her way into the living room, where a piano awaited. They followed, greeted by the melodic sounds of soft keystrokes as Kylie began to play what Alex presumed to be an original piece of her own. Alex took the opportunity to remove her heels, dangling them on her index and middle fingers as she casually ambled toward the couch. Kylie began to speak to her, sharing details of the surge in Zach’s musical creativity over the past two years. Alex could not imagine why. Their relationship had undoubtedly provided enough material to fuel a lifetime of songs, yet the true source of inspiration remained a well-guarded secret. Alex grappled with mixed emotions. While she could understand that it might be cathartic for Zach to express his experiences through his music, for her, it felt more like plucking the stitches from a healing wound.

The idea of reliving those moments, especially from Zach’s point of view, felt daunting. Alex settled beside Andrew, curling her legs up onto the couch. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. Zach appeared reluctant to share this particular song, pushing back against Kylie’s insistence. However, Kylie’s firm desire to hear it seemed to wield its influence, as a tender glance in his direction swiftly led to his concession. Andrew, intrigued and eager to hear the direction of Zach’s music, offered no resistance. For him, it presented the perfect opportunity to kickstart their plans into high gear. As Zach looked to Alex, she detected what seemed to be an apologetic glint in his eyes. Her heart sank as he silently acknowledged that it was in fact about her. She was uncertain about Zach’s mental state during its composition, leaving her to ponder what kind of lyrics awaited her and what emotions they might elicit. Andrew stirred beside her with excitement, narrowing his brows in concentration as he prepared for Zach’s musical display. Alex, on the other hand, chose to lower her gaze, focusing on the four prongs of her engagement ring. Nervously toying with it, she listened intently as the room with the smooth, silk-like sound of Zach’s voice. The melody resonated, healthy and full, floating through the space. As she absorbed the lyrics, Alex attempted to find meaning in them, and it only took a moment for them to connect to a memory. Both she and Zach had been guilty of at least one accident call since their separation. Alex’s had followed her one-night stand with Luke, while Zach’s came not long after their accident. She answered the call, only to be met with an unfamiliar voice on the other end.

Assuming it was another attempt to grab her attention and insert himself back into her life, she promptly hung up. As the music faded, Alex briefly looked up at Zach, her lips forming into a thin line. Andrew, however, was quick to express his admiration, his voice filled with pride. Cupping his hands together, he scooted toward the edge of the couch, commending Zach, “That was incredible.” His enthusiasm was evident. Glancing over at Kylie, still a vision at the Baby Grand, he continued, “And you said he has about 200? We’ve got to get you into the recording studio! 200? How the hell did you pull that off?”

[houseofwolvess]

yikes