#i have more energy than i have in a year
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y’all ever feel like you’re trying to diffuse several bombs while a bomb is also strapped to your chest? cause my friends are sad and angry and not feeling well so i’m trying to take care of them and cheer them up and be the comic relief and also my parents are stressed so im trying to help them calm down and do the cleaning and stuff for them so they can go relax and my dog is crazy so i have to help wear him out so he doesn’t stress my parents out more and im constantly trying not to have a meltdown and also look like im not about to pass out every time i stand up and it’s just like UGH. i can physically feel tension in the air and it’s like aghhhhhh i can’t breathe
#sort of vent??? idk i’m not upset im just stressed the fuck out#some dumbass girls in my choir thought it would be the funniest fucking thing ever to touch my neck and set things on my head#like YOURE NOT QUIRKY YOURE NOT CUTE STOP TOUCHING ME???? I DONT KNOW YOU#i don’t think they’re bullying me or anything i think they just think they’re really funny#whatever#anwyays that got me super overstimulated and i couldn’t get over it until like 8th hour which is stupid my brain sucks#and then i almost had a meltdown when the library didn’t have the book i need for ap lit (which i felt like a baby for like i need to chill#and then i had to come home and do precalc and take care of the dog and do the dishes and clear off the table#and i’m just exhausted#i’m taking iron now which is definitely helping but it’s really only making it so i have enough energy to pretend like im all good#which dont get me wrong im not complaining#and being out of the flare up is GREAT#i have more energy than i have in a year#but like…… that still doesn’t mean i have energy yk???? i still feel like shit just less#anywaysssss we ball#it’s all good honestly i’m fine now it’s just been a long day#and idk how to keep everyone happy while also keeping myself functioning#alas i shall have to figure it out#if you read this sorry lol ily <33
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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff
also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop
#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u#pokemon#trainer lyra#trainer kris#trainer dawn#trainer lucas#rival barry#rival silver#ayalumi#hisuian zorua#luxio#timeskip tag#rkgk#anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now#god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying#dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion#distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man#the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN#and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else#design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy#btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh
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Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage
#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage#kh0.2#darkside#heartless#realm of darkness#my gif#i really do wish to learn more about these heartless#they're huge and intimidating although never particularly strong yet they still feel so significant#i'd like to think they're more than what they seem and are not just a reoccurring boss#waiting for the possibility to learn info on a very specific thing for an ongoing 20+ year old game series... agonizing#the fact that only this kind of heartless can create a giant evil ball of energy in the sky that consumes worlds means SOMETHING right?#whenever we have to fight one the camera always zooms out through the empty heart shaped chest cavity and i want that to Mean Something
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I finally draw hippocampus
bonus lineart because i cannot colour. feel free to colour it XD succeed where i have failed
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v the embalmer#unconcerned art#I FINALLY DRAW THIS ONE. IM DEFINITELY NOT AN ENTIRE YEAR LATE /shot#i probably have to draw them again.... their coat is so shaped i want to draw it#but then i realized this pose is. difficult. to show the entire coat. slaps myself#im resigning to the fact that im never going to have the energy to work with more than one type of colour#yall gonna have to deal with purple shaded purple linearts
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OCtober Day 6: Past
Iryna and Mirall today! Growing up, Iryna spent a lot of time at Mirall's inn, meeting travelers and following Mirall around. It was her happy place :)
Mirall likes to embroider, and the flowers on these aprons are her work. She loves flowers, and passed that love on to Iryna
Memories of the inn and the thought of maybe seeing the innkeeper again one day are one of the reasons that Iryna is able to push through. She writes letters for Mirall all the time, but never has the courage to send them. They both miss each other more than they know how to deal with
#simple drawing for today 👍 i didn't have the energy to do anything more complicated than this lol#i really love these two and the relationship they have#iryna had to leave her home when she was 15. at that point mirall's daughter fia was three years old#when Fia got older Mirall let her wear the aprons she'd made for Iryna#Fia reminds Mirall of Iryna a lot#my art#my ocs#iryna oc#mirall oc#bweirdoctober#bweirdoctober2024#digital aritst#oc art#artists on tumblr#illustration#oc tober
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once, you were almost a ghost
#my art#noctis lucis caelum#ffxv#render#not sure i really have an excuse for this other than i wanted to see noct's pretty pretty face#and maybe show off his hands a bit#have you ever seen a prettier video game man?#xv did not have to go this hard#they could have said that being in the crystal stopped noct from aging#but no#they said we are going to make the handsomest 30 year old the world has ever seen#and then they gave him to us#really we need to be more appreciative#also thank god for flagrum#i spent ages trying to figure out the shaders and never got even close#i understand how things work better now but the difference between the flag rum model and what i had slapped together are like night and day#i'm trying to look on the bright side and not be frustrated by all my wasted time and energy#:):):):)#it's almost working
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“Things will be worse for the palestinians now!” argument liberals are parroting like a mantra up until this point either mean that they genuinely haven't been paying attention, and so they don't know about the countless massacres and graphic images that have been coming out of Gaza daily for the past year. Or they do know. But they truly believe that palestinians should be able to take such events as long as they don't exceed that imaginary line in the sand that they've carved from the comfort of their homes, that Trump is definitely going to cross. And I really can't decide which is worse.
#free palestine#liberals dni I'll just block#i no longer have energy for you#every time i see someone make such a post and i decide to go through their blog#9 / 10 the only context in which they bring up Palestine is for their shitty harm reduction arguments and to votescold arab Americans#i mean how arrogant do you have to be to think you get to talk down to arab & palestinian Americans who have been watching their people#get annihilated for over a year#how dare you think you'd know what's better for them more than they do? what kind of gross infantilization is this??#liberals: oh so 10 babies were beheaded under biden? well guess what?! trump is gonna behead 11 babies! checkmate leftists
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So okay I know I was literally just whining about school a bunch but it is definitely awesome to get to see all my (and I do have some, believe it or not) friends again! The one I was worried about was actually super chill so I think it’s fine now lol. She does have beef with my other friends though and she does still hate the friend I maybe sorta have a tiny crush on.
(Okay so that friend that I might have a crush on held my hand today when we were walking to English class and I stg I was moments away from spontaneously combusting.)
(Ignore the messy drawing lol)
She’ll be yapping about something that annoyed her meanwhile I am no longer breathing and by some miracle she remains completely oblivious.
She keeps doing stuff like this and that’s why we had so many dating allegations last year lmfao
#Okay so she has told me to my face that her type is tall strong girls#And I mean.#I’m 6ft.#I lift.#Soooo….. I’m her type?????#She’s a dance major and last year she choreographed a dance (with a group of eight dancers) as a school project#But she dedicated it to me which like#Did make me cry bc it was a really beautiful dance and so sweet of her#She also made me these super super pretty bracelets#With mushrooms and Celtic knots and purple and green beads#Plus she keeps calling me pet names#And we have gone on dates but not real dates just as friends#I just feel like if she like liked me than she’d be more nervous right?#But she’s super confident and stuff#i don’t know#Someone help me#how do you know if a girl likes you or not#Oh and sometimes she’ll just show up to school with my fav flavour of energy drink for me#Like I don’t even have to ask she’s so nice#help me#Is she just a close friend who likes holding my hand and braiding my hair or are we dating I genuinely don’t know
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To be fair 3/8 of episode is almost half way through so if the first half is okayish….welp
yeah that's my thought too - we've seen more than enough to understand how the writers/director are handling the book... which is just sanitizing the ever living hell out of it. So unless they pull something unexpected out of the bag in the second half (which I would love for them to), as of now we're set to receive a perfectly fine, fairly faithful adaptation that is just largely duller than its source story in most aspects. Again, the biggest shame to me is that the actors are just so good.
#I've lived through one shitty adaptation before I can manage through a blasé one#just a bummer more than anything#at least the movies are fun now#asks#pjo show crit#also I would have higher hopes for a more... higher energy action packed second season if people voiced their complaints#but the majority seem very content w/ the show?#... and I cant tell if its genuine or false positivity after years of begging for a faithful adaptation#idk im prob just too critical but oh well
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the earth can shatter and the heavens can fall, but rita kaniska remains unshaken
#kai tries to art#super sentai#kingohger#king-ohger#i don't have the time or energy to do anything grander TwT so this is my commemoration for the finale ;w;#late but u kno#better than never LOL#SO MANY FAVES#but rita is my Fave fave#and i've been meaning to paint them for the longest time#so this is my love letter to them and king-oh lol#thank you for the wonderful year king-oh!!!!!#def my fave reiwa sentai thus far#it's literally everything i wanted and more in a sentai since i was a kid 🥺
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people who write long fics who somehow manage to keep the sneeze/symptom descriptions feeling fresh throughout and not repetitive - please teach me your ways 🤯
#i only know of so many mannerisms...#i only have a finite number of symptom descriptions to draw from...#trying so hard to not feel like i'm just repeating myself but#somehow this latest chapter is proving to be v difficult to write#semi unrelated but#even after spending 3 years getting a minor in creative writing i somehow cannot approach revision in#a normal way... having to go into a scene to add more and rearrange things then having the evaluate whether the end result still flows is#excruciating to me and i more often than not skimp out on that process entirely by just rewriting a scene from scratch instead of properly#doing revision 😭 but i do not have the energy to rewrite all of chapter 3 so#let's see
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omfg . radio play version of much ado with david as benedick from 2001
#this version of benedick is a lottttt more serious and restrained than the 2011 version#definitely due to the medium and bc it matches the energy of this version of beatrice way better#it's not david and catherine's insane comedic chemistry but it's still really good imo..#like it's obviously not as endlessly fucking funny as the 2011 version but it's still really solid#and i'm impressed with how they did the humor in a 100% audio format#and i actually really love this interpretation of benedick as more cynical and leaning into his Hater side#ironically david's benedick here generally comes off as older and more mature than his benedick 10 years later#'the prince's fool... hAhH???' is obviously extremely funny but also 'the prince's fool... [uppity hmph]' is Inspired#and his outraged 'oh!'s and gasps and sighs when he listens to don pedro/claudio/leonato talking abt beatrice being in love with him#also funnily enough i think benedick's whole monologue after this is SO good. if not better than the 2011 version#cuz it's more restrained you have benedick's haterism actively fighting and losing against his satisfaction and giddy laughter#and the bit where benedick challenges claudio is so ohhhghhgouhgghg#the way his voice deepens with 'and her death shall fall heavy on you' just FLOORS me it's fucking perfect#but also equally as fun are the line readings where they have evidently remained the same (or similar)#my dearrrrr ladyyyy disdaiiiiinnnn#and the 'she misused me past the endurance of a block' rant#and when he's bitching about claudio falling in love w hero#but the vibes are so different this feels like a whole separate guy and that's really cool#i'm not sure how much i would love this production overall if i wasn't as familiar w the play tho#much ado#shakespeare#essentially trying to say in the least embarrassing way possible that david tennant is now both my first and second favorite benedick
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Fernando Alonso arriving on Media Day ahead of the 2024 Singapore GP | 📸 by Denzyl KY
#fernando alonso#autumn posts#I always will love a photo of a camera showing a photo ✨🙂↕️#sending everyone so much good energy today#the uncertainty for Daniel is making my heart so heavy but I am going to try to believe everything will work out!!!#it can be so stressful so I hope everyone is doing okay#qualifying my next tag by saying I believe Tarot card readings are more for illuminating vs predicting anything#like helping see within yourself more than examining the future#but a deck that I've been poking at for years did give me the Chariot when I asked about Daniel's future#and I have been clinging to that all morning ahhhh#so yeah realistically answers will come in time and there's no way to know for sure now#but I believe the best is yet to come!!! defiantly hopeful 24 7 365 🙂↕️💞#anyways this is just me yapping before I gotta run to the office!!!!!!!#hoping to peek in when I can but thanks y'all always I love the tags folks leave so much 🥺💞#even just the idea of folks liking photos and my silly gifs I always smile!!!!! thank you!!!!!#hope its a great Thursday wherever you may be!!!! 🏙️🌆🌃💕✨💖✨
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it should be a cut and dry case if you go to a restaurant and get glutened by them. and by case i mean criminal. not just suing for damages and distress.
#celiac disease#celiac#i dont eat at restaurants anymore but people who do always share the craziest fucking stories that are downright criminal#asking if it's gluten free and being told 'everything is gluten free' only to be told after paying that it's gluten free 'if you ask for it#^^^^^ literally criminal and the server manager and chain should be held fully liable#as well as HEAVY compensation for the victim#people downplay celiac disease SO much. even celiacs#it isnt just 'ooooo my tummy hurtin owwie i have a rash :('#your body. is. attacking. itself.#it isnt just your intestines either. it's a full body immune response. it causes other disorders if unchecked like hashimotos disease#it causes CANCER#and complete malabsorption on a long term scale#TMI but after im glutened i literally shit things out more whole than when i swallow them. for up to a YEAR afterwards. No matter how much#i eat i simply will not digest it.#no matter how much i chew i will not digest it.#You know how dangerous that is? :)#especially when i dont get to eat often enough anyway bc of budget and low energy??? :))))#celiac kills you cant convince me it doesnt#no it doesnt kill you immediately like an allergic reaction.#it kills you slowly#painfully#over years and years of your life#and yes restaurants should be held liable and have to at the very least pay a considerable amount of money
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YAY YOU'RE STILL UPDATING YAY!
I have no intention of stopping, in other words, even if the update schedule has been pushed to a two-week period for right this minute! To put a long story short, I've got some health issues that make it hard to stay at my desk & consistently work on stuff, & I don't quite have the means to fix those issues right this minute. So I'm pushin' through with what I've got, without putting myself into burnout! That's why it's taking a little bit, but everyone has been incredibly patient, & I'm always grateful for all the feedback I get in the meantime.
Thanks for sticking it out with me! 🧡
#mod post#mod draws#what i'm saying is w/o getting too into it: i'm too broke to get the things that would fix my ergonomics problems#so i'm working with a bad setup right now#when i get that fixed i can safely say i'll have more energy!#regardless i'm doing a lot better than i was a few years ago. my brain's in a good place to keep going with this
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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