#i have more energy than i have in a year
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y’all ever feel like you’re trying to diffuse several bombs while a bomb is also strapped to your chest? cause my friends are sad and angry and not feeling well so i’m trying to take care of them and cheer them up and be the comic relief and also my parents are stressed so im trying to help them calm down and do the cleaning and stuff for them so they can go relax and my dog is crazy so i have to help wear him out so he doesn’t stress my parents out more and im constantly trying not to have a meltdown and also look like im not about to pass out every time i stand up and it’s just like UGH. i can physically feel tension in the air and it’s like aghhhhhh i can’t breathe
#sort of vent??? idk i’m not upset im just stressed the fuck out#some dumbass girls in my choir thought it would be the funniest fucking thing ever to touch my neck and set things on my head#like YOURE NOT QUIRKY YOURE NOT CUTE STOP TOUCHING ME???? I DONT KNOW YOU#i don’t think they’re bullying me or anything i think they just think they’re really funny#whatever#anwyays that got me super overstimulated and i couldn’t get over it until like 8th hour which is stupid my brain sucks#and then i almost had a meltdown when the library didn’t have the book i need for ap lit (which i felt like a baby for like i need to chill#and then i had to come home and do precalc and take care of the dog and do the dishes and clear off the table#and i’m just exhausted#i’m taking iron now which is definitely helping but it’s really only making it so i have enough energy to pretend like im all good#which dont get me wrong im not complaining#and being out of the flare up is GREAT#i have more energy than i have in a year#but like…… that still doesn’t mean i have energy yk???? i still feel like shit just less#anywaysssss we ball#it’s all good honestly i’m fine now it’s just been a long day#and idk how to keep everyone happy while also keeping myself functioning#alas i shall have to figure it out#if you read this sorry lol ily <33
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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff
also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop
#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u#pokemon#trainer lyra#trainer kris#trainer dawn#trainer lucas#rival barry#rival silver#ayalumi#hisuian zorua#luxio#timeskip tag#rkgk#anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now#god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying#dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion#distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man#the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN#and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else#design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy#btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh
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Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage
#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage#kh0.2#darkside#heartless#realm of darkness#my gif#i really do wish to learn more about these heartless#they're huge and intimidating although never particularly strong yet they still feel so significant#i'd like to think they're more than what they seem and are not just a reoccurring boss#waiting for the possibility to learn info on a very specific thing for an ongoing 20+ year old game series... agonizing#the fact that only this kind of heartless can create a giant evil ball of energy in the sky that consumes worlds means SOMETHING right?#whenever we have to fight one the camera always zooms out through the empty heart shaped chest cavity and i want that to Mean Something
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I finally draw hippocampus
bonus lineart because i cannot colour. feel free to colour it XD succeed where i have failed
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v the embalmer#unconcerned art#I FINALLY DRAW THIS ONE. IM DEFINITELY NOT AN ENTIRE YEAR LATE /shot#i probably have to draw them again.... their coat is so shaped i want to draw it#but then i realized this pose is. difficult. to show the entire coat. slaps myself#im resigning to the fact that im never going to have the energy to work with more than one type of colour#yall gonna have to deal with purple shaded purple linearts
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#i gotta go get my T bloodwork done tomorrow#which is fine but like#last time i was there the nurse was REALLY weird and they were pretty annoyed with me#because i hadn't come in for a long time#because life shit happened including breaking my ankle#and it's the same situation now but like so much fucking worse#and i don't want them to be assholes to me about it or about how i kind of miss shots quite a bit#like that's A Thing#it's a problem for me#but i don't deserve AT ALL to get scolded for it or treated like I'm doing something wrong#ugh i just have a chip on my shoulder#i know it has the potential to go fine and i am bringing backup with me#but EVERYTHING has gone wrong lately!#and if this goes wrong there is every chance it'll drive me to getting the stuff online and not getting bloodwork AT ALL#and I want to tell them that but I feel like they'd just be shitty about it because ultimately they may be an inclusive clinic#but they are still medical professionals and gatekeepers at heart and you can't trust medpros and gatekeepers further than you can spit#idk man I'm an adult just leave me alone to do my thing and accept that I will be in once a year for sure but no promises on more than that#i'm tired in advance#idk i just got the feeling last time that they were accusing me of getting my T illicitly and it's like bitch im not but even if i was#aren't you supposed to be a place people can be honest about their situations? am i not here jumping through your hoops to do it legally?#im doing what you wanted but the thing is I DON'T HAVE TO and if you keep acting weird im going to have to STOP#because i don't have energy to deal with my disintegrating life AND gatekeeping judgy bullshit#do cis men have to dance like this?
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I just wanna say, thank you for sharing your art and ocs with us. I know you've struggled with art theft and rude behavior and burnout and all kinds of things, but its been such a source of joy and inspiration all these years to see your insane creativity and talent and personal expression. So thank you--thank you for risking all that unpleasantness to share the things you love. Admittedly I do kind of miss the old days of seeing your characters and art all the time, but I absolutely understand and respect your moving on. I'm glad you're living your life, and its still a joy to see the things you make, even if its not as often. Anyway happy new year, I hope this year brings you tons of kindness, fulfillment, and happiness.
Ah gosh that means so much to me, thank you dearly!
I genuinely love sharing my stuff a lot, and I love interacting with you guys and talking about what I make :) It makes me really happy that so many of you enjoy what I do! It's honestly a huge reason as to why I keep doing it.
And don't misunderstand me, my lack of art recently isn't really due to me moving on or not wanting to share more or sharing less (though I don't share as much lore as I used to due to the theft). But mostly it's because I have much more going on irl these days. I have a much bigger demand for my time irl with my partner, friends, work, family and all of that. I draw and chill when I can, I would do a lot more if I had the time haha
I also miss when I used to draw and share a lot, but a part of why I did so much of that was because I did not have many friends or much going on at all, and I had few other hobbies than "make art" so I just did that for much more time than what was probably healthy ^^; it's less about moving on from drawing and more about being able to spend time being a proper person now. Also some of the stuff i work with on my own time are things that take a lot of time to finish so it looks like I do a lot less
Though maybe one day I can finally dedicate myself full-time to art (in a healthier way) and just let loose! I hope you will stick around for that :]
Thank you for taking the time to write this out, it genuinely means a lot to me! I hope you have a fantastic new year too, and again, definitely hope you will stick around to see all the cool stuff I have cooking >:)
#ask#anon#part of growing up is just realizing theres a lot more to do than the one thing you thought was your only talent#i adore drawing its a part of me but its no longer ALL of me! and that has freed me to explore a lot of things more#im experimenting more with art#im having so much fun with the new stuff im making#a breath of fresh air for sure#i got a little sidetracked answering you sorryyy but i really want people to understand that i dont draw less because ive lost interest#in either my art or my characters. i love all of them like you wouldnt believe. i couldnt put it into words if i tried writing for a#thousand years and then for another thousand#i just lack the time and often energy to whip out shit like i used to. just means what i do now is a lot better quality though !#and you can rest assured whatever I draw is something i REALLY wanted to draw#ARG IM GETTING SIDETRACKED AGAIN
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OCtober Day 6: Past
Iryna and Mirall today! Growing up, Iryna spent a lot of time at Mirall's inn, meeting travelers and following Mirall around. It was her happy place :)
Mirall likes to embroider, and the flowers on these aprons are her work. She loves flowers, and passed that love on to Iryna
Memories of the inn and the thought of maybe seeing the innkeeper again one day are one of the reasons that Iryna is able to push through. She writes letters for Mirall all the time, but never has the courage to send them. They both miss each other more than they know how to deal with
#simple drawing for today 👍 i didn't have the energy to do anything more complicated than this lol#i really love these two and the relationship they have#iryna had to leave her home when she was 15. at that point mirall's daughter fia was three years old#when Fia got older Mirall let her wear the aprons she'd made for Iryna#Fia reminds Mirall of Iryna a lot#my art#my ocs#iryna oc#mirall oc#bweirdoctober#bweirdoctober2024#digital aritst#oc art#artists on tumblr#illustration#oc tober
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Oh my god 2025 ummm what the fuck amirite (it's not even for me yet it's over 10pm)
Okay so um hi hey hello. What a year huh (at least for me). So wild I transed my whole gender like damn the she/her to he/him pipeline was so real but ANYWAYS
I already said quite a bit during Christmas here but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a million more things to say. Even more to some certain mutuals/friends that have really been nothing but kind to me. Some old ones, some recent ones, I can't list everyone but I genuinely just appreciate any amount of support and love, big or small.
I've been thinking about whether I should directly say a few things to some mutuals/friends for a while (and I already have to some, but I don't mind repeating myself lol), but I think New Year's is the perfect chance to do so.
Apologies for the tagging in advance SUDISAHFIUHISDE
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@crystallizsch I have already expressed to you how much I appreciate and grateful I am to you for encouraging me to make this blog, way before we had ever even interacted. I love you a lot buddy, you're absolutely the best<3
@oya-oya-okay OYAAA OYA OYAAA!!! I love you sm my darling friend, your kind words and support have genuinely been some of the biggest reasons I pushed through this year. I know the latter part of this year has been really hard for you, but I want you to know you have my support for whatever you need <3
@viperbunnies YOU HAVE MADE ME SOBBED SM ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GIFTS. I sometimes go back to see your art of my persona or my oc just to make myself feel a little better. Ty for making me feel part of this amazing community (PS. I still get shroompocalypse war flashbacks/j) <3
@fell-e We have mostly chatted on Discord recently and legit you're one of the funniest and nicest people I've had the pleasure of talking to! I can't wait to interact more in 2025, you're such a nice person to be around <3
@lficanthaveloveiwantpower Hi Nah! We don't interact really one-on-one, but the kind words you've given me have always made me smile. You're one of the biggest reasons I got comfortable with openly self-shipping and sharing my thoughts about my f/os. And don't even let me mention how much joy your art has given me, you're seriously one of the best artists I've had the pleasure of being mutuals with <3
@theolivetree123 I'm a sucker for your ocs I won't even lie they're always so creative and fun! Still remember the time you asked to be mutuals and I just DIE/pos. It really was a pleasant surprise and I look forward to every post you make, whether it's art or just talking about your ocs and dynamics! You're extremely creative you genuinely inspire me a lot <3
@sunnysidesevenup I KNNNNOOOOWWWW we became moots pretty recently but like. You're so cool dude wtf. Legit freaked out when YOU followed ME first. I got cold feet about following you back for a while ahaha.....but I'm so happy I did you're such a fun dude I love your creations so much too (low-key biased towards Tilly...I love him sm and for what...)
@jadelover69 MIMI YOU ARE SO FUN, JUST SOO FUN TO INTERACT WITH YOUR WHOLE ENERGY IS SOOO SDUBHDSJNAGISBSJDH/POS your reblogs always make me giggle, even if it's just you straight up dying <3 Tysm for showing so much love for my creations, it means the absolute world
@summerspook You madman. I can't believe we've been friends for almost 2 years online. You have helped me through so much stuff, sometimes I even felt guilty about it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being one of my bestest friends, talking to you is one of the main things I look forward to every day, I can't express how much appreciate you and our friendship <3
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OKAY THIS IS ALL FOR NOW there are more of you but I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings the best, but either way I love and appreciate all of you with all my heart.
New Year's has slowly lost its meaning for me (I'm neutral about it) but at least I get to use it to show my application to the people who have been with me this year, mutual or not tbh <3
Also if you wanna say something back but not publically, dms are open for mutuals <3
#ugh getting me sappy and emotional on main smhh#just.#my god what a year.#I never imagined this blog would get this far#that I would actually make positives impacts on people#small or big#I just. idk never saw myself as someone who could#all my life I felt like I was nothing but trouble and a bother. so I focused all my energy to trying to help others#and I still do it to some extend. but I do try to prioritise myself way more than I used to#just the fact I my art is liked. hell even loved. by some people just#I don't even know. I don't have the words#it's overwhelming but in the best way#I get so giddy when people say nice things about my creations#because it makes me realise I can be so much more than just that annoying kid in the back of the class no one likes#I can do what I love and still have people like it. I don't need to bend over backwards for others to be liked and cared for#okay Im quite emotional now I think I will explode#harry's rants
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once, you were almost a ghost
#my art#noctis lucis caelum#ffxv#render#not sure i really have an excuse for this other than i wanted to see noct's pretty pretty face#and maybe show off his hands a bit#have you ever seen a prettier video game man?#xv did not have to go this hard#they could have said that being in the crystal stopped noct from aging#but no#they said we are going to make the handsomest 30 year old the world has ever seen#and then they gave him to us#really we need to be more appreciative#also thank god for flagrum#i spent ages trying to figure out the shaders and never got even close#i understand how things work better now but the difference between the flag rum model and what i had slapped together are like night and day#i'm trying to look on the bright side and not be frustrated by all my wasted time and energy#:):):):)#it's almost working
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“Things will be worse for the palestinians now!” argument liberals are parroting like a mantra up until this point either mean that they genuinely haven't been paying attention, and so they don't know about the countless massacres and graphic images that have been coming out of Gaza daily for the past year. Or they do know. But they truly believe that palestinians should be able to take such events as long as they don't exceed that imaginary line in the sand that they've carved from the comfort of their homes, that Trump is definitely going to cross. And I really can't decide which is worse.
#free palestine#liberals dni I'll just block#i no longer have energy for you#every time i see someone make such a post and i decide to go through their blog#9 / 10 the only context in which they bring up Palestine is for their shitty harm reduction arguments and to votescold arab Americans#i mean how arrogant do you have to be to think you get to talk down to arab & palestinian Americans who have been watching their people#get annihilated for over a year#how dare you think you'd know what's better for them more than they do? what kind of gross infantilization is this??#liberals: oh so 10 babies were beheaded under biden? well guess what?! trump is gonna behead 11 babies! checkmate leftists
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So okay I know I was literally just whining about school a bunch but it is definitely awesome to get to see all my (and I do have some, believe it or not) friends again! The one I was worried about was actually super chill so I think it’s fine now lol. She does have beef with my other friends though and she does still hate the friend I maybe sorta have a tiny crush on.
(Okay so that friend that I might have a crush on held my hand today when we were walking to English class and I stg I was moments away from spontaneously combusting.)
(Ignore the messy drawing lol)
She’ll be yapping about something that annoyed her meanwhile I am no longer breathing and by some miracle she remains completely oblivious.
She keeps doing stuff like this and that’s why we had so many dating allegations last year lmfao
#Okay so she has told me to my face that her type is tall strong girls#And I mean.#I’m 6ft.#I lift.#Soooo….. I’m her type?????#She’s a dance major and last year she choreographed a dance (with a group of eight dancers) as a school project#But she dedicated it to me which like#Did make me cry bc it was a really beautiful dance and so sweet of her#She also made me these super super pretty bracelets#With mushrooms and Celtic knots and purple and green beads#Plus she keeps calling me pet names#And we have gone on dates but not real dates just as friends#I just feel like if she like liked me than she’d be more nervous right?#But she’s super confident and stuff#i don’t know#Someone help me#how do you know if a girl likes you or not#Oh and sometimes she’ll just show up to school with my fav flavour of energy drink for me#Like I don’t even have to ask she’s so nice#help me#Is she just a close friend who likes holding my hand and braiding my hair or are we dating I genuinely don’t know
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it should be a cut and dry case if you go to a restaurant and get glutened by them. and by case i mean criminal. not just suing for damages and distress.
#celiac disease#celiac#i dont eat at restaurants anymore but people who do always share the craziest fucking stories that are downright criminal#asking if it's gluten free and being told 'everything is gluten free' only to be told after paying that it's gluten free 'if you ask for it#^^^^^ literally criminal and the server manager and chain should be held fully liable#as well as HEAVY compensation for the victim#people downplay celiac disease SO much. even celiacs#it isnt just 'ooooo my tummy hurtin owwie i have a rash :('#your body. is. attacking. itself.#it isnt just your intestines either. it's a full body immune response. it causes other disorders if unchecked like hashimotos disease#it causes CANCER#and complete malabsorption on a long term scale#TMI but after im glutened i literally shit things out more whole than when i swallow them. for up to a YEAR afterwards. No matter how much#i eat i simply will not digest it.#no matter how much i chew i will not digest it.#You know how dangerous that is? :)#especially when i dont get to eat often enough anyway bc of budget and low energy??? :))))#celiac kills you cant convince me it doesnt#no it doesnt kill you immediately like an allergic reaction.#it kills you slowly#painfully#over years and years of your life#and yes restaurants should be held liable and have to at the very least pay a considerable amount of money
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To be fair 3/8 of episode is almost half way through so if the first half is okayish….welp
yeah that's my thought too - we've seen more than enough to understand how the writers/director are handling the book... which is just sanitizing the ever living hell out of it. So unless they pull something unexpected out of the bag in the second half (which I would love for them to), as of now we're set to receive a perfectly fine, fairly faithful adaptation that is just largely duller than its source story in most aspects. Again, the biggest shame to me is that the actors are just so good.
#I've lived through one shitty adaptation before I can manage through a blasé one#just a bummer more than anything#at least the movies are fun now#asks#pjo show crit#also I would have higher hopes for a more... higher energy action packed second season if people voiced their complaints#but the majority seem very content w/ the show?#... and I cant tell if its genuine or false positivity after years of begging for a faithful adaptation#idk im prob just too critical but oh well
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the earth can shatter and the heavens can fall, but rita kaniska remains unshaken
#kai tries to art#super sentai#kingohger#king-ohger#i don't have the time or energy to do anything grander TwT so this is my commemoration for the finale ;w;#late but u kno#better than never LOL#SO MANY FAVES#but rita is my Fave fave#and i've been meaning to paint them for the longest time#so this is my love letter to them and king-oh lol#thank you for the wonderful year king-oh!!!!!#def my fave reiwa sentai thus far#it's literally everything i wanted and more in a sentai since i was a kid 🥺
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listening to radio 4 news and losing my fucking mind
"what if Donald Trump tells us to put money we don't have into defence spending?" "what if Trump won't give the UK special treatment on tariffs?" "what if he won't accept Mandelson as our ambassador?" "what if he asks us to cut ties with Chinese markets?" "what if he won't call us his special relationship sugar baby in his state address?"
what if a single member of the political establishment spat out the star-spangled cock long enough to tell Donald Trump no? what if instead of staying in a special relationship that only one side thinks exists, we pursued other alliances and markets just a little? what if you grew a fucking spine? what then?
#like what if we put a single percent of this energy into building relationships with ANY OTHER COUNTRY#instead of straight up saying our political strategy for the next four years#is “flatter his ego take his abuse and try to bribe him with royal audiences”#“maybe then we can have some of the scraps!”#fuck off. i know diplomacy is more complicated than that but genuinely fuck right off.#diplomacy is ALSO more complicated than “do whatever the bigger country tells you”#like you KNOW the demands you anticipate will weaken the UK politically and economically#so. just don't do them! just tell him no! i don't understand how this never strikes them as an option!#(ooh ooh is it because we're a state entirely built on lifelong indoctrination into bootlicking? is that it?)
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people who write long fics who somehow manage to keep the sneeze/symptom descriptions feeling fresh throughout and not repetitive - please teach me your ways 🤯
#i only know of so many mannerisms...#i only have a finite number of symptom descriptions to draw from...#trying so hard to not feel like i'm just repeating myself but#somehow this latest chapter is proving to be v difficult to write#semi unrelated but#even after spending 3 years getting a minor in creative writing i somehow cannot approach revision in#a normal way... having to go into a scene to add more and rearrange things then having the evaluate whether the end result still flows is#excruciating to me and i more often than not skimp out on that process entirely by just rewriting a scene from scratch instead of properly#doing revision 😭 but i do not have the energy to rewrite all of chapter 3 so#let's see
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