#i have more energy than i have in a year
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y’all ever feel like you’re trying to diffuse several bombs while a bomb is also strapped to your chest? cause my friends are sad and angry and not feeling well so i’m trying to take care of them and cheer them up and be the comic relief and also my parents are stressed so im trying to help them calm down and do the cleaning and stuff for them so they can go relax and my dog is crazy so i have to help wear him out so he doesn’t stress my parents out more and im constantly trying not to have a meltdown and also look like im not about to pass out every time i stand up and it’s just like UGH. i can physically feel tension in the air and it’s like aghhhhhh i can’t breathe
#sort of vent??? idk i’m not upset im just stressed the fuck out#some dumbass girls in my choir thought it would be the funniest fucking thing ever to touch my neck and set things on my head#like YOURE NOT QUIRKY YOURE NOT CUTE STOP TOUCHING ME???? I DONT KNOW YOU#i don’t think they’re bullying me or anything i think they just think they’re really funny#whatever#anwyays that got me super overstimulated and i couldn’t get over it until like 8th hour which is stupid my brain sucks#and then i almost had a meltdown when the library didn’t have the book i need for ap lit (which i felt like a baby for like i need to chill#and then i had to come home and do precalc and take care of the dog and do the dishes and clear off the table#and i’m just exhausted#i’m taking iron now which is definitely helping but it’s really only making it so i have enough energy to pretend like im all good#which dont get me wrong im not complaining#and being out of the flare up is GREAT#i have more energy than i have in a year#but like…… that still doesn’t mean i have energy yk???? i still feel like shit just less#anywaysssss we ball#it’s all good honestly i’m fine now it’s just been a long day#and idk how to keep everyone happy while also keeping myself functioning#alas i shall have to figure it out#if you read this sorry lol ily <33
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been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff
also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop
#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u#pokemon#trainer lyra#trainer kris#trainer dawn#trainer lucas#rival barry#rival silver#ayalumi#hisuian zorua#luxio#timeskip tag#rkgk#anyway it's sinnoh time !!!#still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now#god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying#dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion#distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair!#4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man#the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN#and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else#design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍#and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy#btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL)#oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him)#character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh
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Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep - A Fragmentary Passage
#kingdom hearts 0.2 birth by sleep a fragmentary passage#kh0.2#darkside#heartless#realm of darkness#my gif#i really do wish to learn more about these heartless#they're huge and intimidating although never particularly strong yet they still feel so significant#i'd like to think they're more than what they seem and are not just a reoccurring boss#waiting for the possibility to learn info on a very specific thing for an ongoing 20+ year old game series... agonizing#the fact that only this kind of heartless can create a giant evil ball of energy in the sky that consumes worlds means SOMETHING right?#whenever we have to fight one the camera always zooms out through the empty heart shaped chest cavity and i want that to Mean Something
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OCtober Day 6: Past
Iryna and Mirall today! Growing up, Iryna spent a lot of time at Mirall's inn, meeting travelers and following Mirall around. It was her happy place :)
Mirall likes to embroider, and the flowers on these aprons are her work. She loves flowers, and passed that love on to Iryna
Memories of the inn and the thought of maybe seeing the innkeeper again one day are one of the reasons that Iryna is able to push through. She writes letters for Mirall all the time, but never has the courage to send them. They both miss each other more than they know how to deal with
#simple drawing for today 👍 i didn't have the energy to do anything more complicated than this lol#i really love these two and the relationship they have#iryna had to leave her home when she was 15. at that point mirall's daughter fia was three years old#when Fia got older Mirall let her wear the aprons she'd made for Iryna#Fia reminds Mirall of Iryna a lot#my art#my ocs#iryna oc#mirall oc#bweirdoctober#bweirdoctober2024#digital aritst#oc art#artists on tumblr#illustration#oc tober
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once, you were almost a ghost
#my art#noctis lucis caelum#ffxv#render#not sure i really have an excuse for this other than i wanted to see noct's pretty pretty face#and maybe show off his hands a bit#have you ever seen a prettier video game man?#xv did not have to go this hard#they could have said that being in the crystal stopped noct from aging#but no#they said we are going to make the handsomest 30 year old the world has ever seen#and then they gave him to us#really we need to be more appreciative#also thank god for flagrum#i spent ages trying to figure out the shaders and never got even close#i understand how things work better now but the difference between the flag rum model and what i had slapped together are like night and day#i'm trying to look on the bright side and not be frustrated by all my wasted time and energy#:):):):)#it's almost working
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So okay I know I was literally just whining about school a bunch but it is definitely awesome to get to see all my (and I do have some, believe it or not) friends again! The one I was worried about was actually super chill so I think it’s fine now lol. She does have beef with my other friends though and she does still hate the friend I maybe sorta have a tiny crush on.
(Okay so that friend that I might have a crush on held my hand today when we were walking to English class and I stg I was moments away from spontaneously combusting.)
(Ignore the messy drawing lol)
She’ll be yapping about something that annoyed her meanwhile I am no longer breathing and by some miracle she remains completely oblivious.
She keeps doing stuff like this and that’s why we had so many dating allegations last year lmfao
#Okay so she has told me to my face that her type is tall strong girls#And I mean.#I’m 6ft.#I lift.#Soooo….. I’m her type?????#She’s a dance major and last year she choreographed a dance (with a group of eight dancers) as a school project#But she dedicated it to me which like#Did make me cry bc it was a really beautiful dance and so sweet of her#She also made me these super super pretty bracelets#With mushrooms and Celtic knots and purple and green beads#Plus she keeps calling me pet names#And we have gone on dates but not real dates just as friends#I just feel like if she like liked me than she’d be more nervous right?#But she’s super confident and stuff#i don’t know#Someone help me#how do you know if a girl likes you or not#Oh and sometimes she’ll just show up to school with my fav flavour of energy drink for me#Like I don’t even have to ask she’s so nice#help me#Is she just a close friend who likes holding my hand and braiding my hair or are we dating I genuinely don’t know
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To be fair 3/8 of episode is almost half way through so if the first half is okayish….welp
yeah that's my thought too - we've seen more than enough to understand how the writers/director are handling the book... which is just sanitizing the ever living hell out of it. So unless they pull something unexpected out of the bag in the second half (which I would love for them to), as of now we're set to receive a perfectly fine, fairly faithful adaptation that is just largely duller than its source story in most aspects. Again, the biggest shame to me is that the actors are just so good.
#I've lived through one shitty adaptation before I can manage through a blasé one#just a bummer more than anything#at least the movies are fun now#asks#pjo show crit#also I would have higher hopes for a more... higher energy action packed second season if people voiced their complaints#but the majority seem very content w/ the show?#... and I cant tell if its genuine or false positivity after years of begging for a faithful adaptation#idk im prob just too critical but oh well
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the earth can shatter and the heavens can fall, but rita kaniska remains unshaken
#kai tries to art#super sentai#kingohger#king-ohger#i don't have the time or energy to do anything grander TwT so this is my commemoration for the finale ;w;#late but u kno#better than never LOL#SO MANY FAVES#but rita is my Fave fave#and i've been meaning to paint them for the longest time#so this is my love letter to them and king-oh lol#thank you for the wonderful year king-oh!!!!!#def my fave reiwa sentai thus far#it's literally everything i wanted and more in a sentai since i was a kid 🥺
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people who write long fics who somehow manage to keep the sneeze/symptom descriptions feeling fresh throughout and not repetitive - please teach me your ways 🤯
#i only know of so many mannerisms...#i only have a finite number of symptom descriptions to draw from...#trying so hard to not feel like i'm just repeating myself but#somehow this latest chapter is proving to be v difficult to write#semi unrelated but#even after spending 3 years getting a minor in creative writing i somehow cannot approach revision in#a normal way... having to go into a scene to add more and rearrange things then having the evaluate whether the end result still flows is#excruciating to me and i more often than not skimp out on that process entirely by just rewriting a scene from scratch instead of properly#doing revision 😭 but i do not have the energy to rewrite all of chapter 3 so#let's see
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omfg . radio play version of much ado with david as benedick from 2001
#this version of benedick is a lottttt more serious and restrained than the 2011 version#definitely due to the medium and bc it matches the energy of this version of beatrice way better#it's not david and catherine's insane comedic chemistry but it's still really good imo..#like it's obviously not as endlessly fucking funny as the 2011 version but it's still really solid#and i'm impressed with how they did the humor in a 100% audio format#and i actually really love this interpretation of benedick as more cynical and leaning into his Hater side#ironically david's benedick here generally comes off as older and more mature than his benedick 10 years later#'the prince's fool... hAhH???' is obviously extremely funny but also 'the prince's fool... [uppity hmph]' is Inspired#and his outraged 'oh!'s and gasps and sighs when he listens to don pedro/claudio/leonato talking abt beatrice being in love with him#also funnily enough i think benedick's whole monologue after this is SO good. if not better than the 2011 version#cuz it's more restrained you have benedick's haterism actively fighting and losing against his satisfaction and giddy laughter#and the bit where benedick challenges claudio is so ohhhghhgouhgghg#the way his voice deepens with 'and her death shall fall heavy on you' just FLOORS me it's fucking perfect#but also equally as fun are the line readings where they have evidently remained the same (or similar)#my dearrrrr ladyyyy disdaiiiiinnnn#and the 'she misused me past the endurance of a block' rant#and when he's bitching about claudio falling in love w hero#but the vibes are so different this feels like a whole separate guy and that's really cool#i'm not sure how much i would love this production overall if i wasn't as familiar w the play tho#much ado#essentially trying to say in the least embarrassing way possible that david tennant is now both my first and second favorite benedick
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Fernando Alonso arriving on Media Day ahead of the 2024 Singapore GP | 📸 by Denzyl KY
#fernando alonso#autumn posts#I always will love a photo of a camera showing a photo ✨🙂↕️#sending everyone so much good energy today#the uncertainty for Daniel is making my heart so heavy but I am going to try to believe everything will work out!!!#it can be so stressful so I hope everyone is doing okay#qualifying my next tag by saying I believe Tarot card readings are more for illuminating vs predicting anything#like helping see within yourself more than examining the future#but a deck that I've been poking at for years did give me the Chariot when I asked about Daniel's future#and I have been clinging to that all morning ahhhh#so yeah realistically answers will come in time and there's no way to know for sure now#but I believe the best is yet to come!!! defiantly hopeful 24 7 365 🙂↕️💞#anyways this is just me yapping before I gotta run to the office!!!!!!!#hoping to peek in when I can but thanks y'all always I love the tags folks leave so much 🥺💞#even just the idea of folks liking photos and my silly gifs I always smile!!!!! thank you!!!!!#hope its a great Thursday wherever you may be!!!! 🏙️🌆🌃💕✨💖✨
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it should be a cut and dry case if you go to a restaurant and get glutened by them. and by case i mean criminal. not just suing for damages and distress.
#celiac disease#celiac#i dont eat at restaurants anymore but people who do always share the craziest fucking stories that are downright criminal#asking if it's gluten free and being told 'everything is gluten free' only to be told after paying that it's gluten free 'if you ask for it#^^^^^ literally criminal and the server manager and chain should be held fully liable#as well as HEAVY compensation for the victim#people downplay celiac disease SO much. even celiacs#it isnt just 'ooooo my tummy hurtin owwie i have a rash :('#your body. is. attacking. itself.#it isnt just your intestines either. it's a full body immune response. it causes other disorders if unchecked like hashimotos disease#it causes CANCER#and complete malabsorption on a long term scale#TMI but after im glutened i literally shit things out more whole than when i swallow them. for up to a YEAR afterwards. No matter how much#i eat i simply will not digest it.#no matter how much i chew i will not digest it.#You know how dangerous that is? :)#especially when i dont get to eat often enough anyway bc of budget and low energy??? :))))#celiac kills you cant convince me it doesnt#no it doesnt kill you immediately like an allergic reaction.#it kills you slowly#painfully#over years and years of your life#and yes restaurants should be held liable and have to at the very least pay a considerable amount of money
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YAY YOU'RE STILL UPDATING YAY!
I have no intention of stopping, in other words, even if the update schedule has been pushed to a two-week period for right this minute! To put a long story short, I've got some health issues that make it hard to stay at my desk & consistently work on stuff, & I don't quite have the means to fix those issues right this minute. So I'm pushin' through with what I've got, without putting myself into burnout! That's why it's taking a little bit, but everyone has been incredibly patient, & I'm always grateful for all the feedback I get in the meantime.
Thanks for sticking it out with me! 🧡
#mod post#mod draws#what i'm saying is w/o getting too into it: i'm too broke to get the things that would fix my ergonomics problems#so i'm working with a bad setup right now#when i get that fixed i can safely say i'll have more energy!#regardless i'm doing a lot better than i was a few years ago. my brain's in a good place to keep going with this
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Tumblr isn't letting me find again @fictionadventurer's and my own posts on epistolary novels, but I have been thinking about it again, because I fell down a Goodreads review rabbit hall and I have thoughts again.
So many people dislike the style, and honestly, I don't blame them, because it's so often done... not well. It is in some aspects, a deceptively easy one, and in others, deceptively hard. And because I'm trying to write a novel with this format myself, I have been thinking about what makes or breaks an epistolary novel.
I talked yesterday about TGLPPS, because it is an interesting case to analyze. I have thought many times about it, and cannot think of a single non-merely-aesthetic reason for it to be told in an epistolary style. A lot of it depends on -British- people who have survived some terrible war conditions willingly opening up to a stranger about their experiences, and that's made... even more difficult if the medium is letters? typically writers will appeal to tropes like making the reserved character drunk, or have them share an extreme experience in isolation with the stranger to create sudden intimacy. None of this is possible in writing; if anything, one is much more self-conscious about the things one writes than the things one says; verba volant, scripta manent.
It seems to me the story would have flowed much more naturally if Juliet had been stranded on Guernsey for some reason -like the first author herself!- suddenly Dawsey commenting that he got a book from her library makes so much more sense! Yes, certainly, if you met a stranger out there, and they introduce themselves and you realize you have a book that once belonged to them, you would tell them so! And it is in this way that the epistolary format does violence to a story that would otherwise sound much less contrived.
Another problem is the large cast of characters and multiple settings. For all I complain about Dracula, Stoker manages this pretty well (of course he has the model of The Woman in White, but TWiW has fewer povs), at least on the first half, because structurally the storylines of the characters are converging, and that does a lot to guide the reader in the understanding of the character's relationships. TGLPPS's relationship structure is more of a multidirectional flow chart, and that becomes confusing really fast.
Another novel I read reviews for recently is one set in WWI, composed of back and forth letters between two lovers torn apart by war, and one common complaint was... that the climactic scenes, the times they meet, etc all happen... off-camera. It is a fair complaint, but also one I cannot really blame the author for, because that's what usually happens with real life compilations of letters of that kind. Sure, usually the editor/compiler will fill in the blanks sometimes and add an epilogue of sorts explaining what happened afterwards, and that is possible if you are writing it fictionally too, but some may think it spoils the effect of immediacy and whatnot, which, fair too.
But it makes me think of how aware Jean Webster was of these difficulties, and how deftly she managed them in both Daddy Long-Legs and Dear Enemy. Both novels have aged badly in terms of content and message, but they are very interesting stylistically.
DLL is a bildungsroman with a dash of romance; through Judy's letters to daddy long-legs we can see how she grows as a person, gaining independence intellectually and economically, and as a writer, as her grammar and vocabulary change and grow. Between making Judy an orphan who hates the orphanage where she has lived her whole life, and one where she lived past the usual age of being thrown into the world, Webster does away with the need for letters between Judy and her friends and family: all her friends and family are her college roommates and her benefactor, who is the person she writes to. The benefactor scheme also makes it so that she doesn't have to write dll's replies, which in turns makes it much more natural and acceptable for the reader when Judy writes him the ending's love letter describing the feelings and impressions of their finally meeting in person and in truth; Judy has become a writer, and she is so used to write to him as another person all the time, that it just makes sense for her to write to him one more letter at the point where her benefactor and her lover become one and the same person. She has written a novel where the core is the correspondence between lovers AND managed to include as well all the moments of their meetings that we would otherwise miss.
Dear Enemy is a similar, but longer and more ambitious story. Instead of one relationship-connection (Judy and Daddy's), we have Sallie as a nod of connections: she's Judy's friend, Jarvis' "employee", the boss of several characters, has a tense colleague-boss relationship with the visiting doctor, a boyfriend of sorts in Washington, and a family we have met before. It is, in that way, a similar setup to TGLPPS: a urban girl of means becomes a fish out of water in a different setting till she ends up assimilating to it, and settling definitely through marriage. But Webster does a few things differently to make it click.
For starters, it is clear to her that this is the story of Sallie's maturation -I have sometimes talked of Dear Enemy as a novel where a Mary Crawford-like character undergoes a transformation arc. The happenings and stories she meets and tells Judy about along the way serve this arc, besides standing on their own as case studies to illustrate the problems, ideology and solutions proposed to the secondary themes of the story (education and social reform). I feel like TGLPPS is much more interested in Guernsey's survival through the war, in which case Juliet's story is already a frame, which, again, makes the epistolary format cumbersome rather than complementary.
Dear Enemy adds more correspondents, but it is very austere/economical with them, and narrows the letters we see to only those Sallie sends. YMMV regarding if it was too much cutting or not, but the undeniable effect is structural soundness; you are never confused by what is happening or who is writing to whom. We can guess the Honorable Cyrus Wykoff probably wrote some indignant letters to Jervis, and those would be funny to read, but... would they be worth the break in the flow of the narrative? I don't think so. To this effect, just having Sallie write a line to the effect of "I expect at this point you have at hand an irate letter from the Hon. Cyrus" is enough to paint a picture for the reader. Perhaps a letter or two from Dr. MacRae would have helped develop his character more -definitely a first read of the story obscures how much misdirection there is in Sallie's narration to Judy, which in turns tends to create an impression of suddenness to the closing letter that doesn't come across well to the reader.
The choice of Sallie mainly writing to Judy is, IMO, a really good one too. It not only establishes a connection with DLL, but it also allows for the intimacy that makes disclosure believable (something TGLPPS struggles with, as I mentioned above). When you add a few letters to the doctor and Gordon and Jervis, you also get a better perspective of Sallie's personality, how she deals not only with a friend, but with acquaintances, romantic partners and coworkers.
From all this it is pretty evident that for Webster the main function of epistolarity as format is aiding in showing psychological and moral development. But that's not the only thing the format can be really good for: perspective is another, and Austen uses it to great effect in both Lady Susan and Lesley Castle.
Both stories deal with mainly static characters, but who have very strong perspectives of the same situation, and it is this singularity of setting and story that anchors the narrative to avoid confusion, while the variety of perspective brings interest. In Lady Susan, we are dealing mainly with the marrying off of Frederica and seduction of Mrs. Vernon's brother, Reginald. There where Lady Susan paints Frederica as an undisciplined, irrational and ungrateful daughter, her sister in law, Mrs. Vernon, paints her as a sweet girl and a victim of her mother's ruthlessness and lack of love. Both agree that Reginald is being seduced, but, of course, with opposite goals: Lady Susan wants him to succumb, Mrs. Vernon, to escape, and this is a delicious struggle for the reader to follow!*
Lesley Castle being an earlier effort, and unfinished, does show some of the defects I have mentioned before (mainly, the relative confusion of having several correspondents in separate storylines), but illustrates well this same perspective effect: Margaret writes to Charlotte about the new Lady Lesley, and the new Lady Lesley writes to Charlotte about about Margaret and her sister... and in these contrasts lies the main interest of the narrative.
Some conclusions to these musings, then:
Not every story is suited to the epistolary format.
The epistolary format seems to work the best when it is used for either A) showcase psychological and moral development B) to play with perspective on people and/or events.
One of the main difficulties of the format is finding a narrative element to anchor and structure the letters around.
It must have a core couple of correspondents, or at most, two. More than that will make it confusing (unless, perhaps, the story is very short and about a single event or two).
A delicate balance must be found so that the secondary correspondence doesn't cut the flow of the main one, and if possible it must feed into it.
*It is interesting how Love and Friendship, being such a delightful -and I sustain one of the best ever- Austen adaptation, is by force of the perspective switch towards a more impersonal third person, more about a love story between Frederica and Reginald than a struggle between Lady Susan and Mrs. Vernon. Which isn't dissimilar to how adaptations of DLL end up being more about the romance between the leads than Judy's coming of age in college; tropes aside, I feel like if the epistolary format is well embedded in the story, it's going to be nearly impossible to reproduce the effect in adaptation.
#writing#epistolary novels#Jane Austen#Jean Webster#Daddy Long-Legs#Lady Susan#Dear Enemy#Lesley Castle#Thinking about Percival and Nadine of course#and how in the end it is trying to be both a psychological and a perspective story#And that might be more than I can chew#But the story is definitely about growth and change in the main character and love interest#And perspective seems so necessary too#Eleanor is the last person alive Percival feels responsibility for#Of course he'd write to her in a light way with jokes and anecdotae#so that she doesn't worry about him#whereas in day to day life he does not have the energy to behave so towards others around him#and both things are important to understand him!#It's the other way around with Nadine#she keeps the cheery façade IRL but can relax when she writes to Beth#And both seem so necessary to me!#But then there *are* things neither tells to anyone and those I'm struggling hard with#I have considered adding journal entries as well back and forth#and remain unconvinced one way or another#anyways this is the way I'll spend 10 years writing an 80 page novelette at this point XD
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*wonu's voice* my grandiose dream😭💎🩷🩵
#felt surreal#don't know if it makes sense but!!!#they sound so good live like even better than cds?!?!?#the energy was insane i love them sm#got in as a wonwoorideul and came out a couprang because....#his stage presence is no joke#today was insane everything ive done this year feels crazy#and it's all thanks to them#ALSO getting into svt watching highlight#and watching them perform it live...goosebumps#17 yr old kashi would not believe today#boo seungkwan!!! he's soo adorable and hyper active i love him#and hoshi!!! he's literally the conductor of the concert#wonwoo...i felt like i was dreaming#they're all soo much more taller than i thought(as a 5ft girlie)#im biased but hhu unit has my heart#ill stop babbling#these boys have given me so much#thank you for the love that makes me feel less lonely🥺#shutup kashi#my boys#🌟
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