#if cyrus leveled up (still so mad story wise that he didnt) and he was on par with his brother

[screechingfromthevoid]

I made myself mad thinking about Dorian and Cyrus again.

Do you think Cyrus knew? Do you think Cyrus knew that Dorian was in love with Orym? Because I don't think so.

I'll back up because there's a reason why this pisses me off.

Dorian and Cyrus were never super close. They'd beat the shit out of each other and then, what? Pretended like it didn't happen? Dorian has no positive things to say about his brother. Not even when he's compelled to help him.

Then Dorian, being the good and loyal brother that he is, helps Cyrus out. (After Cyrus ruins his life) They go on to travel together for months. In close quarters. This is probably the longest they've ever spent together.

And at the end of it Dorian says "I've known him my whole life. He's always been there. Now that he's gone, I can't imagine what he would want me to do."

Which means in all this time. In running for their lives together. They never got closer. They never truly got to know each other. Cyrus spent his entire life not knowing his brother for who he really was.

Part of that is on Dorian for not opening up to his brother. But can you blame him if his brother never made him feel like he could? I've already gone on about how Cyrus doesn't change throughout his time abroad.

So if Cyrus has not changed. He has not learned a lesson. Why in all the realms would Dorian tell his brother about himself? Dorian has been Brontë since the ball episode. Dorian slipped back into that role for the ball and could not come out (AH) until his brother was dead.

Because Cyrus never showed the capacity to accept Dorian for who he was. (Again i don't think it's fully just homophobia.) Dorian has always felt the need to hide who he was from his family. He always made himself small, because it was never about him. It was about Cyrus. The heir. Dorian shrunk himself and compartmentalized and put on an act all his life.

And his brother never noticed. His brother never asked why he felt the need to change his name. His brother never decided that as the older one, he should be the one taking care of Dorian. His brother never did anything to be a fucking leader like he was born to be.

SO it pisses me off that Cyrus didn't know that Dorian loves Orym. Because it pisses me off that they never bonded. They never got close. They never got over the way they grew up. Now he's dead and those things will never happen.

And I blame Cyrus for this because he never made the effort to prove to Dorian that he changed. Or that he cares enough about him to not care. Or made him feel safe enough to confide in him.

They're brothers for fucks sake. They should have more than blood that holds them together. But they don't. Because Dorian has been afraid of being who he is in front of his brother his entire life. And Cyrus was too stupid to fucking notice