#get a quote

[twinliches]

cannot stop thinking about the french man who during dinner responded to a person asking "should we be naughty and get desert" by pulling a face and going "naughty? it is chocolate, it is not an, uh, threesome"

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[shadebloopnik]

Penelope: Would I fall in love with you again? Hmmm, well. Can you also move our marriage bed over there? Hmmm? What? I thought we were pretending to be stupid by asking the most idiotic questions.

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Dick, holding Wally’s hand while they lie in bed: God I love this bed. God I love this house. And you. Especially you.

Voice: How domestic.

Wally: God?

Damian in his Robin suit, holding his bleeding side: No. It’s me. May one of you please direct me to the nearest medical kit.

[Frantic scrambling]

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Jason: Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Tim, not looking up from his case file: Bold of you to assume I was ever held.

Everyone else in the batcave:

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.

[yesthechaos]

[annasanthology]

[brian-kinney-apologist]

I had to do this guys

[propussyslayer]

aizawa watching izuku enter the staffroom as his coworker

[spacespacespace]

Dick: so if it’s you or the laptop-

Tim: me. 100%.

Dick: …your not even gonna pretend to think?

Tim: about what? I can always just rise from the dead but my laptop-

Dick: what?

Tim: what?

Dick: what made u think you can rise from the dead?

Tim: well Jason did it so it’s obviously not difficult

——

Jason, in his safe house reading a book: I feel a chill or disrespectful in the air.

——

Dick: alr can you at least lie abt it

Tim: ughhhh

Dick: for me *flutters eyelashes*

Tim: Fine. *says in monotone voice* If it were either me or my laptop to be destroyed I would choose … the laptop.

Dick: thank you Timmy

Damian, walking past: Richard even you know that’s an outright lie.

[tiger-grace]

Jason: I have a bone to pick with you

Bruce, just happy to talk to his estranged son: sure, what’s going on?

Jason, pulling out an entire femur: I stole this evidence from a crime scene. I need help with a case

Duke: hey B I have a bone to pick with you really quick

Bruce, on the verge of tears: please don’t.

Duke: I? just have a question?

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Kid!Tim, called to the principles office. Waiting for an adult to come get him.

Dick, storming in: WHAT HAPPENED.

Principal: as you can see Timothy has engaged in-

Dick: SHUT THE FUCK UP. Now Timtam what’s wrong? Are you alright? Do you need a hug? It’s alright.

Tim, pulled the fire alarm because he wanted the last chocolate muffin in the cafeteria but they aren’t allowed seconds: I- I just though I saw a fire. I was trying *hiccup* I was trying to do the right thing. I’m so sorry.

Principal: Mr. Grayson. We have security footage that Timothy pulled the alarm completely purposefully-

Dick: Can’t you see he’s never done anything wrong in his life?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Damian, visibly distressed: Has Grayson always had a habit of running headlong into certain death?

Tim: Well sometimes he walks. Occasionally, he shuffles. Periodically, he ambles.

Jason: Once, I'm pretty sure I saw him trip into certain death.