#fucking medical trauma

[queerlyloud]

Yall, medical trauma is wild as hell. My PCP asked me the basic MS diagnostic questions at our appointment on Thursday after I told her about the pain in my spine that woke me up out of a sleep induced by tizanidine AND meclizine. Like I should have been dead to the world for 8-10 hours, but the pain was so bad it woke me from that heavy a sleep and was so intense that I was in too much shock to move for more than 2 minutes after I woke up. Literally paralyzed by the pain.

Anyway, I told her about that and about how even though I told the neurologist I was referred to that, he only had an MRI done on my head, neck, and upper vertebrae , with absolutely none done of my middle or lower spine, despite those being my primary pain centers. So my PCP immediately booked me for x-rays of my spine so that a full spine MRI would be approved by my shitty work insurance.

I have every single symptom of PPMS, all I need is for an MRI to catch lesions on my spine so they can do the tap and identify the inflammation in my spine that shows up in every single blood work I've had done in the past 5 years.

I might finally get my diagnosis.

But instead of being excited and happy, my brain is instead choosing to have me pre-experience the depression I will feel if they don't spot any lesions on the MRI.

Fml 🙃

[ronkeyroo]

I'll 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 through concrete Past the dirt and through the cracks There will be 𝙣𝙤 surface that keeps me down

[iaminsideyourwalls]

i'm thinking of posting more (censored for tumblr) "spicy" pieces, what do you guys think?

[vzgxizv]

desire.

desire.

desire.

+ blood version

🥸

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Please take kids seriously they are actually people. sentient intelligent beings believe it or not. they know when they’re being blatantly lied to.

They might not understand it, but they know when grownups are being shady.

They know.

Please stop acting like it’s inconsequential if you lie to them or ignore them or dismiss their thoughts and feelings. It’s not. It stays with them forever.

Please take kids seriously.

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Tumblr terf: *telling me I trust the medical system "way too much" bc I don't think elective hysterectomies are evil*

Me: *laughs in disabled, chronically ill, fat transmasc*

[repeatdeath]

there are so many possibilities when it comes to other symptoms of HJ7 that isnt told to us and i cannot stop thinking about it

vomiting, distorted vision, twitching, breathing problems, increased appetite, muscle numbness, false memories, auditory hallucinations, increased heart beat, hypersensitivity, lack of sensitivity, stretch marks, damaged vocal chords, memory loss, increased blood loss, swollen muscles, tics, abnormal pain, poor circulation, dizziness, nose bleeds, peeling skin, weight loss

[ink-blot-thoughts]

Okay just played the Sigewinne quest and hear me out: mildly more evil Sigewinne AU (cause fuck you fight me she is terrifying) where the only doctor willing to teach a melusine was THE Doctor.

Il Dottore gets accosted by the world's cutest psychopath demanding he teaches her and goes "Oh this is gonna be fucking hilarious".

Cue Dottore's dramatic corvid themed ass striding up to commit the horrors tm while a cutie patootie little melusine skips behind him giggling at everything.

People go from "omg did he kidnaps that girl?!?!" To "dear fucking god she's worse" the second she opens her mouth.

The Harbingers have to go through the mortifying ordeal of anytime they mention their terrifying Doctor, people go "Oh Yes I've heard of Dottore", and they sigh and go no... her and take out a picture of a chubby faced girl with bunny ears.

Her world lore is every horrifying experiment of Dottore's has some adorable little sticker attached.

[crimeronan]

another Vital AU hunter-and-camila thought from this morning was a thought of, like. camila very very very gently and carefully explaining that she'd like luz to get a basic physical done by a doctor in the human realm, because luz has not been seen by a human doctor since she was four and is overdue for ten million vaccines and desperately needs bloodwork to check her vitamin and thyroid levels, etc, etc, etc, and hunter is like. visibly freaked out and upset by this. bc he is SO afraid of strangers hurting luz.

anyway. that's all pretty much expected, on account of The Horrors.

what got me in my feelings was the thought of camila telling hunter that she has a lot of the same worries, and that she Knows not all human healers have good intentions, and that she Promises she'll take that into account when finding one for luz. because she does not want luz to get hurt.

hunter, naturally, is like "how.... do you know that....?" and camila is like ay dios mio. HOW do i explain medical racism or the united states..... to a boy.... with no concept of racism or the united states.....

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

Clinical misdiagnosis is more common than self misdiagnosis. Just for the record, in case anyone is still skeptical of self diagnosis :) it’s not up for debate btw

[faeriekit]

Health and Hybrids (XX)👽👻💚

[I can't remember the original prompt posters  for the life of me but here's a mashup between a cryptid!Danny, presumed-alien!Danny, dp x dc, and the prompt made the one body horror meat grinder fic.]

🖤Chapter navigation can be found here🖤 Click to browse previous updates.

💚 Ao3 Is here for all parts (now featuring mediocre mouseover translations, only available on a computer)

Where we last left off... A LOT of readers google what an "ostomy bag" is! Danny reestablishes his comfort with the Arabic numeral system!

Trigger warnings for this story:  body horror | gore | post-dissection fic | dehumanization (probably) |  my nonexistent attempts at following DC canon. On with the show.

💚👻👽👻💚

The next time Diana comes to visit her charge, her gloves are blue. Her scrubs are a pale pink. She is given a new face mask, and a new hair net, and walks through the double doors without needing to be buzzed in.

Alright. Perhaps the boy is not genuinely “her charge”. Still, he is hers to protect and to keep; although her position is, officially, as security to the medical team working with their young patient, the medical team knows as well as she does that the boy does not genuinely intend harm.

Is he prone to outbursts? Perhaps, but very few of them are powered. It is entirely understandable too, according to the mental health professionals on board the Watchtower: trauma affects how well one comports oneself and how one interprets their environment. They may see things, hear things, or misunderstand things, and believe they are under threat. The circumstance makes for a great deal of residual fear and mistrust.

Diana was once raised amongst communities of women with few untouched by battle fatigue. She recognizes the signs of lost time and of reawoken fear. She understands what battle-weary warriors are truly fighting against.

A doctor and a nurse mumble a greeting as Diana passes by them. “Morning, Wonder Woman.”

“Good evening,” Diana returns, eyes crinkling. One nurse visibly glances out the window—and then smiles, sheepishly, having forgotten their location in space. Time zones on the Watchtower are often…flexible; Diana, however, has only just returned from her day job. “How is the patient?”

A doctor jerks their head towards the monitor. It is only ever left on if no one else is in the room; privacy is key to recovery. The active monitor means that the medical team has left him alone for now. “Take a look. You might have to go kid wrangling again, Ma’am.”

Alright. Diana obliges them.

On the monitor, in little stick-figure form, are three figures, all sitting or crowded around the room’s singular bed. Her patient sits in his little white gown, legs still as ever, as Impulse drapes himself across the bedspread, and Robin (ex-Robin? Third Robin? Doesn’t he have a new name now?) stands at the bedside.

The Speedster wiggles, mouthing out words she can’t hear without a microphone. Robin is focused on something in his hand—a tablet, perhaps? If Impulse is chattering into the air, then Robin is short on answers; her charge, in comparison, looks back and forth between them, likely unable to understand what the two are up to.

Diana’s mask catches her sigh. “Busy, are they?”

“Do you think you can hold the red one down long enough for a refresher on proper PPE usage?” the doctor begs. The question appears to be genuine. “They just zoomed in a little bit ago. We’ve been trying not to disturb them, but without masks and gloves…”

…Her charge was still at risk for possible contamination or infection, as they couldn’t get consistently accurate test results on his immune system. Diana hummed. She could see the problem.

“I shall. Buzz me in, if you will.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

The door clicks open. Diana strides through, unafraid of teenagers or similar ilk, and content with her position as designated scolder.

And, to his credit, the Robin at her charge’s bedside recognizes Diana’s lack of enthusiasm with the situation, and winces with artful precision. Silly boy— as if Diana would believe that any Bat would be ashamed of breaking a rule if they had already chosen to break it. She cannot help but be fond of each Bird’s eccentricities in their own ways. Robin hides the contraband food in his hand behind his back.

Impulse, however, hardly notices her approach, draped over her charge’s casts as he is—a whiteboard in his hand, furiously scribbling away at whatever attempt at communication he has decided to test today. Having met several male teenagers in her recent years, there is a decent chance he has been drawing genitalia as well.

Diana politely coughs into her mask. The gesture is entirely performative. Robin responds by hiding a separate can of energy drink—opened—on the side table behind him, in the hopes of hiding it from view.

Impulse, who failed to notice her arrival, continues to scribble. Occasionally there will be a burst of superspeed, but it will be in contained little bursts. He likely either wants to preserve the marker, or he is taking more care with his attempted art than usual.

Her charge looks up.

His eyes are still a concern—glazed with a green film, they jitter back and forth ever so slightly when he tries to focus on any one object in particular. He hasn’t indicated any discomfort with his eyesight, however, so it hasn’t been addressed beyond documentation.

The crack in his face—from two inches above his white, nebulous hairline and trailing down to his chin—is visible evidence of an injury or gouge of some sort, with new pink skin all around the edges as the only visible sign of inhuman levels of healing. Diana has seen a number of scars, and a number of healed, gaping wounds, but it is occasionally unsettling to set eyes on her charge and see the still-healing brain matter, skull, and inner sinus cavity through a viscous, green, not-quite-organic wound filling material.

There seems to be a consistent rate of healing, though. Diana can only hope that recovery is possible.

“Good afternoon,” Diana greets softly. Her charge’s discolored fingers flex as his face turns to look at her. “Are you well?”

His green-tinged lips part and then come together again. He’s not not paying attention—he listens very well, and has begun to use certain words in English to compensate for his need for communication. That being said, Diana has little idea what he is and is not capable of understanding.

Impulse, however, finally recognizes the newest occupant in the room. “Wonder Woman! Uh—we totally had permission to be here this time! Promise!!” he offers, immediately switching from someone gleeful to see her from someone remembering their misdeeds.

Diana is very lucky that her mask covers her fond smile. If it is her job to be stern today, she ought to live up to the task. “Did you, now?”

Impulse beams sheepishly, and rolls off of the casts of a bemused half-alien boy. “Yes! Remember last time when the nurses all said I could ‘come whenever’ and ‘bring a friend’ and—“

“You were asked to buzz in ahead of time and put on your protective gear?” Diana finishes, wry. Before she is able to scruff him appropriately, however, the superpowered boy is already gone and back—now with an askew hairnet, an upside-down surgical mask, and gloves a size too large for his hands.

“So I did that!” Impulse protests, the mask moving unnaturally over his face. “Look! All dressed up!”

It is a well-intended last minute effort. Alas, it would all be for naught. Diana scoops up a squawking speedster by the nape, and a now-blinded-by-a-misplaced-surgical-mask Robin, and trots them both back to larger medical.

“One moment!” Diana tosses back to her charge, who is, understandably, concerned.

Still. It takes Wonder Woman, two nurses, and a paraprofessional to successfully sanitize and gear up an uncooperative speedster. Robin sulks through the entire process, but capitulates to it with more grace.

Her charge’s green eyes shine and his fingers curl around his few personal possessions as Diana returns to him his companions; she wishes, so dearly, that she could ruffle his pale hair. “All done!”

The teenaged heroes sprawl across his bed just as casually as they had before—if better prepared for their environment. Robin largely gives her charge his space, careful not to impede where he isn’t wanted, but Impulse freely shares affection that her charge, at least, does not visibly deny.

Diana has her own routine to complete. She heads for the intravenous injection bags, pulls out a fresh one, and cracks the seal. After that, it’s shaking to mix the concoction and a fresh replacement.

Impulse grabs one of the toys off of her charge’s side table and brings it into his lap. The board is tilted, and all the slotted-in pieces fall out. He spends some time sorting them by shape, and then by color, until her charge lifts trembling fingers to pick them up, very carefully, one by one.

She’s impressed. His pincer grasp recovery has not been consistently smooth sailing. “Excellent work,” she praises.

Robin looks up from his tablet. Impulse looks back at her and beams. Her charge gives her a brief look, observes that she doesn’t need anything from him at the moment, and gets back to sorting the little pieces back into their allotted slot.

Impulse rests his chin on the steel arm bar of her charge’s cot. The pose seems…uncomfortable. “Hey, Tim. He got them all right.”

Timothy Robin taps away at his tablet—no doubt taking down documentation of his own. Diana can’t help but feel affection; every Bat and every Bird is so nosy, but if she wants to actually see those notes on her charge, she will have to press Batman for them with a reasonably-sized threat.

“Really?” Robin asks, eyes on the screen. “Do you think the pieces were matched based on color, or actual understanding of the numerical system?”

Diana looks down, line in her hand as she reconnects the intravenous bag. The toy in her charge’s lap is a mock clock face. Each of the numbers is printed onto the removable piece, in different cut-out shapes, and painted different colors.

The atmosphere changes. The air itself tastes different—something like electricity sparks on her tongue. And then it’s gone.

“No, he’s looking to put the clock face back in order, specifically,” Impulse confirms. Ah. Speedforce. Diana should have been able to recognize the feeling by now. “He’s kind of annoyed, actually. It’s like a baby toy.”

“Well, it is a baby toy.” Robin taps away.

“Yeah, that’s why it’s annoying. He knows he should be able to do it.”

Impulse buzzes again, and her charge hums, stuffing his flat hand between the board and the sheet until he can tip it over without grabbing at it. He repeats the same process, the only difficulty stemming from his shaking grip and his shaking eyes.

The urge to pull him close and pet his hair is understandable, Diana reminds herself, but not conducive to his long-term comfort. She smiles at him, as best as she can behind a surgical mask, and discreetly checks his drainage bags to see if they need replacing while she’s already close.

“All’s well,” she declares at last, finished with anything that isn’t social. Thankfully, having two teenagers in the room takes care of her charge’s most frequent issue—boredom. She claps her hands together, and her charge looks up at her, eyes vibrating. “Do you require anything?”

Her charge looks at her. Her charge looks at his friend. “Ouatair?” he tries to enunciate, tongue thick against the green-filled split in his hard palate. “Pleese?”

“Ithinkhewantssomewater,” Impulse rushes to translate, but Diana already knows this request. The water provided is chilled in a refrigerator, and it takes no time for her to find sanitized cup and straw—steel, so as to be safe when dropped, and relatively uncrushable, with a handle for simple gripping.

She presents it to him grip-first. His expression is grateful, and frustrated. No warrior wishes to be in the position of needing constant. Diana can understand the wish to do things on his own.

“Soon,” Diana offers, voice a whisper. “You’re already better off than before.”

Her charge grumbles into his cup. His tongue, half-green, finds the straw for him; he chomps down on the straw, slurps as loudly as he can, and sulks.

Teenagers. Diana finds herself unable to understand how Bruce has so many of them, and understands perfectly well how easy it is to take on a child in need and make them your own.

The cup goes back onto the side-table, half-empty.

“Hey,” Robin starts again. He puts his tablet to the side. The white board is pulled out of Impulse's hands and goes onto her charge's lap, and with only a little whining. “How’s this?”

Her charge mumbles something neutral. His eyebrows scrunch together, but he takes the offered blue marker from Impulse and lets the boy uncap it for him.

“Yeah, it’s more adult or whatever,” Impulse encourages. Her charge sticks out a green-mottled tongue, but takes the marker to the white board and writes. Robin peers over his shoulder to watch. “It’s just the alphabet. A, B, C, D~!”

Her charge hums the tune back to him, continuing seamlessly where Impulse left off. The teen hero beams.

Diana stills.

“Yeah, you got it!” Impulse encourages, and peeks over the edge of the board to see her charge hard at work. His letters are wobbly, certainly, and there are some that he misses, but the alphabet song is a longstanding English-language tradition. He know it. He knows it by rote.

“You missed the ampersand,” Impulse points out. Her charge scowls through the fissure in his face.

…There is no reason for Diana to get excited. Yet. Robin-the-former is already jotting down his own notes, pleased with his observations. There are many reasons and many ways this teenager might have picked up the song. J’onn famously picked up on Earth’s radiowaves before being transported to Earth; this could be further evidence that her charge has some connection to Earth, or it could be a connection to something more bizarre and unusual.

There is no shortage of unusual events these days.

And, of course, Diana runs out of things to do. She smooths down her charge’s blanket, which he hardly notices in his frustration. She refills his water. She is tempted to go grab her copy of The Art of War from her bag in the other room, which she has read before, but which she is rereading at behest of Bruce’s newest initiative: Tactical Book Club. She is optimistic about the opportunities for further education this will provide her comrades-in-arms, if not underwhelmed by the reading material. As long as the teenage heroes are in the room, Diana is obligated to remain with them, in the event that the danger level might…fluctuate. A book would give at least the semblance of privacy to the three.

Her charge makes a noise. “Hay!”

Diana looks up. In shaky hands, resting on his lap, he holds up a largely complete alphabet. There are one or two shaky letters—thorn, which is fairly common, and eth, perhaps less so—but otherwise carefully drawn, very neatly done.

“Excellently done,” Diana praises. The alphabet is a triumph of the physical work it takes to heal.

Her charge beams through his craggy face, buzzing with delight.

"I dunno," Impulse teases, upside down on her charge's legs. "They're kinda wonky."

The boy's face scrunches, smears the color away with a swipe of his arm, and draws something else.

The board shakes with his exertion as he lifts it back into place on his lap, and Diana allows herself to sigh, audibly; sure enough, as she had expected, there is a misshapen, blue, cartoon representation of a penis.

Robin full-on cackles with surprise, but Impulse falls of the bed with laughter.

Unfortunately, it is now Diana's job to figure out how to scold a teenager, and one who speaks no known language besides. Based on the resulting expressions she earns, Diana is unsure if the scolding works, but. Well.

...She tried.

[sprinkleofquirk]

I’m so tired of being honest about my pain level and having no one believe me because I don’t show pain the way they expect

[kaiserouo]

[justaregularken]

Doctor taking advantage of your lack of medical knowledge to push your body and abuse it as they please 🤧🤧

[liddolwitch]

I had... a lot of medical trauma that I could tell was building up but I wasn't feeling. Compartmentalizing and all. New song about Viktor released and uhhhh I found where I had stashed those feelings.

(Might spend an hour or two sobbing). Holy fuck the subject matter has ended up coinciding with my medical stuff so often.

Really feeling Viktor's storyline a lot more after the whole almost dying (multiple times) thing.

So much I need to explore in journaling about :

Fear of being a 'bad' person at the worst of my symptoms

Fear over letting other people decide to stay or leave

The realization that it's not actually all fine and okay for me to go through all my medical stuff alone (especially when I have a long-term partner)

What my body means to me (positive, negative, expression, pain, others' perceptions, etc.)

The grief over things other than death in disability. New fears, experiences others might not share, new perspectives on taboo topics

What it means that I've become a different person as my disability has shaped my experiences, my identity, my social circle... everything.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Can we go ahead and normalize medicine? Taking pills in front of people? Taking pills in public and not getting weird looks? Using alternative medicines or anything other than pills and not being treated like a novelty? Fucking please because first of all literally everyone takes medicine of some kind at some point in life okay and second of all people need medicine to live it’s a thing it’s pretty common and people need to be in public for a lot of reasons actually so can we please