#cardiology appointment taking up the whole day and then arcane finale the same night

[liddolwitch]

I had... a lot of medical trauma that I could tell was building up but I wasn't feeling. Compartmentalizing and all. New song about Viktor released and uhhhh I found where I had stashed those feelings.

(Might spend an hour or two sobbing). Holy fuck the subject matter has ended up coinciding with my medical stuff so often.

Really feeling Viktor's storyline a lot more after the whole almost dying (multiple times) thing.

So much I need to explore in journaling about :

Fear of being a 'bad' person at the worst of my symptoms

Fear over letting other people decide to stay or leave

The realization that it's not actually all fine and okay for me to go through all my medical stuff alone (especially when I have a long-term partner)

What my body means to me (positive, negative, expression, pain, others' perceptions, etc.)

The grief over things other than death in disability. New fears, experiences others might not share, new perspectives on taboo topics

What it means that I've become a different person as my disability has shaped my experiences, my identity, my social circle... everything.