#even if it is not really a vent and more of writing some thoughts but still

[userautumn]

i thought you would be happy with buck getting his oh moment and realizing his feelings for eddie but i guess you really were sucked into the bucktommy fanon created huh. Shame that you won't be able to enjoy canon buddie when it happens.

This is the only message I am going to answer about this specifically since I initially brought the topic up on my blog.

So, first of all, by definition, BuckTommy isn't fanon. Fanon is a ship or character that is completely generated by fandom. Buddie, for example, is fanon. Although they share a strong platonic bond, their relationship is not textually romantic. They do not kiss. They are not textually established romantic partners. Eddie said in the last episode that he is straight. So Buddie only exists within a fandom context. Conversely, BuckTommy is established as canon. Buck has touched mouths with that man on-screen. They were established as boyfriends and, now, ex-boyfriends. So it is, quite literally, impossible for BuckTommy to be fanon, even if fans do extrapolate, embellish, or reconstruct that relationship for their own pleasure. So, that's number one.

Number Two: According to this fandom, Buck and Eddie have had their oh moments a combined total of six times now at least (3x15, 3x03, 4x13, and 5x11, to name a few) and absolutely nothing concrete has come out of these events. The shooting is the closest we ever got, and that was four seasons ago. I don't begrudge anyone for reading that moment at the end of tonight's episode within a romantic Buddie context. Go absolutely nuts and have fun with it. But to me, that moment, such as it was, was more of the same - Buck or Eddie look at each other a certain way, or have evident (non-romantic) feelings related to the other, fandom loses their minds, they speculate, convince themselves they're right, nothing happens, rinse and repeat. I'm personally tired of the spin cycle.

I said I wanted strides toward Buddie canon to be made crystal clear and that's still true. You clearly see things differently (and that's alright), but outside the Buddie fanfiction hivemind, tonight's episode was not crystal clear. There was no discussion of Buck's feelings. He didn't vent them to Maddie or Bobby or Eddie himself. He didn't say, out loud, or indicate in any explicitly romantic way that he has feelings for Eddie. Buck having feelings about Eddie leaving is not the same as having feelings for him. They are best friends. They are family, actually. If Eddie leaves, Buck is losing the anchor to his support system and his (pseudo-)son. That's a big deal. That is an extraordinary weight to carry, especially on the heels of a significant breakup, and especially while dealing with abandonment issues. There was nothing romantic about that and, reducing that moment to a romantic reading, seems... odd. To me.

I'd like to think I'd still be able to enjoy Canon Buddie if it happens tbh. I actively write fic about those two in my spare time even though I keep my conversations about them to the DMs. But if I'm not able to enjoy it, it won't be because of the ship itself, it will be because I finally tired of the abject cruelty that's cropped up in this space. There's this unspoken rule in fandom that what happens during hiatus stays in hiatus, and we all just silently agree to move on from it when the show comes back. But I'm having a hard time with that this year because I've seen and experienced some absolutely insane things from this fandom the last few months that have stuck with me. So. Maybe I won't still enjoy it, but I hope I will.

I was really angry with the (non-Buddie related) content of this episode when you messaged me, so you probably thought or hoped I would bitch and curse you out, and we'd do this whole back and forth thing that would inevitably lead to you getting blocked. But I meant what I said - I have no interest in arguing with anyone about this show. We're not going to agree, and that's okay. I'm not your inspirational Buddie Warrior, and that's also okay. I have too much to deal with than to actively engage in internet beef. What is is what is, whether you or I or both or neither of us like it, and arguing about it isn't going to change it. So we might as will just learn to live with it and each other as best as we can.

I'm going to go watch TV now.

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

[pekoeboo]

ugh. some thoughts.

really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.

hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.

I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.

I'm just . tired, I guess.

[smalltimidbean]

I'm putting this under cut for my own comfort, but be aware that I will be discussing certain types of art and how it is fetishised, to put it in the most blunt way jkgsdfl

Here's an unrelated thought I have no conclusion to, but it's been rattling around in my head for a sec

So in this post, Fiend was actually going to eat that anon - I had three drafts before the final one (One being Fiend spits up sunglasses, with the implication they ate the anon. Two being they had the anon in their mouth before Bean finds them like 'what do you have???' and Fiend swallows like a naughty dog eating plastic, and three being Fiend had the anon partly in their mouth (as punishment I guess??) and they got startled by Bean, making them swallow involuntarily) (should also probably be noted that the anon would have been fine in all variants, they respawn kdfgkga), and two of them were partly drawn before I decided against it

Mainly bc I didn't know what to cw tag that as (it's not cannibalism since Fiend is not an anon creature, and vice versa) - or rather, there was a tag I could have used (starts with v ends with ore), but that specific type of art is rather... Notorious, and I did not want to imply anything sexual, even if it would have never been my intention to do so

Although that being said, I am aware there is a SFW community where it is non-sexual, and no judgement either way, but there is kind of a reputation, y'know? And regardless of artist intentions, it can still be misconstrued - intentionally or not

And I suppose the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable with the idea I was - not with the idea that Fiend can/has/probably will eat people, but the actual depiction of it on screen, and I am unsure as to why

Maybe it is the fear of my intention being lost, and it does end up being seen as something fetishistic. Maybe I am frightened to (unintentionally) push people away by drawing something 'weird' (negative), or the opposite, and I draw people in with an expectation or assumption, or they try to push my boundaries with seemingly 'innocent' questions, but when I feel uncomfortable, I'm the bad guy bc 'it was just a question'

If you cannot tell, I have had issues with fetishmining - or people pushing their kinks onto me, simply bc I draw fat people or some other thing that is commonly fetishised - before, and I am worried it will happen again (there are spaces to get your rocks off, here is not one of them kjdfkl)

That all also being said, again no judgement, and I don't mind people who are into that stuff following me (and I know there is, I have checked on blogs/in likes and found it jkdfslk), and no one (recently) has been like super uncomfortably weird about the things I draw

So I don't know! Like I said, there is no conclusion to this ramble - besides, maybe I will leave Fiend's taste in people (pun intended) implied and off-screen for now

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

[culmaer-sideblog]

please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore

[cynicalmusings]

‘the most crucial skill that a good drinksmith needs is listening… drinksmithing is all about having conversations with your guests’

tea house owner!reader energy for real

[thethingything]

"why do I feel so weird and awful" says man who already made a post half an hour ago that included the reasons he feels weird and awful

[alligaytorswamp]

Im kind of feeling like i can't take it anymore

[sad-fool-i-guess]

Currently fighting back tears because of something stupid

How fun /s

[tm1o-a]

all this culture about cancelling things and the hate i'm seeing on the web lately is. kind of scary, haha. it's kind of pushing up my anxiety in the latest days. not talking about pokémon, it's just a general thing! i might focus more on my works and the blogs when i'm online while avoiding particular discussions, and focus on my books and podcasts and videogames when i'm offline, which it's arguably the most time i have. i really need to breathe.

[badolmen]

I don’t normally get comparative about stuff I make but lately I feel like I’m missing out on some fundamental ‘here’s how you get people to like and interact with stuff you make’ advice. It’s hard to make something you’re proud of and know to be well-made and full of love only to see it wither away while the work of others excels yours in popularity alone. Is it just too obscure a subject? Is there a fundamental flaw or something people find off putting that I’ve missed? Am I not using the correct avenues of inviting interaction? What am I doing wrong?

[nbclover]

teehee

[raksh-writes]

I have the second of the worst exams ever tomorrow and I SHould be studying and making more notes for it rn, but instead I can barely focus bcs my brain's being squeezed into a pulp in my head with the migraine that's been inching on me since yesterday's evening. I hate it here ;_;

[allurilove]

Yandere Classmate x you

Rated 18 + — mature short content !

Includes: Headcanons of stalking, obsessive behavior, unhinged man lowkey, sexual fantasies, perverted and lewd behavior, stealing, male masturbation, gender neutral reader, grumpy x sunshine,

*He has no name, and is only referred to as “your classmate” his only existence is to be obsessed with the reader, and without you, he ceases to exist. This yandere classmate is different from the other one I have wrote about. Here is the second part! This is purely fictional writing!*

Synopsis: You wish on a shooting star for a boyfriend. Your classmate has an unhealthy obsession with you, he’s almost entranced, and he follows you around like a lost puppy. He doesn’t know what you have done to him, but he won’t let you go. No, he’ll hunt you down and make sure you’ll stay with him forever.

When you wished to be in a relationship with a man that was utterly obsessed with you— joking or not joking— the universe heard you loud and clear.

It was like he was here on earth just to be with you. Every single part of his body was screaming, clawing, and dragging his feet towards you. It was hard to get close, and near damn annoying that you were surrounded by your friends all the time.

Your classmate was entranced the moment you walked past him, and whenever you did and he heard your sweet laugh… his legs immediately made him get up from his spot to follow you.

You were just the sweetest being he has ever seen. Always nice and kind to others, even if they didn’t deserve it. He felt like he had a responsibility to protect you from assholes that would take advantage of you.

He began to follow you around. Listening in to your conversations, and he would take mental notes of what would make you laugh. He was determined to make you smile, to make you laugh harder than that fool in front of you.

He gave up on his education to pursue you. I mean he was learning… just happened to skip some of his classes to sneak into yours. You were a more interesting subject anyways. He would sit somewhat far away, and switch it up every time. He didn’t want you to notice him, not yet anyways.

Your classmate really wanted to sit next you, or maybe offer to buy you lunch. When you went to the bathroom, and left your cup on the table, there was a faint lip mark on it. He gulped, his hand slowly reaching for it. If he couldn’t kiss you soon, this was the next best thing. He pressed his lips where yours were previously, his tongue flicking the rim. He savored your saliva, and out of adrenaline he decided to keep the cup all together.

Whenever you were gone, or didn’t come to school that day, he had to visit your locker. It was after gym class, and no one was around as he leaned in to sniff at the little vents. Your scent had been brewing in there for a couple of hours, and he groaned.

He desperately tried to lap up every scent — he inhaled and licked the air— his hands palming the tent in his shorts. If only he knew your locker combination.

Your classmate pulled his shorts down, and his boxers followed suit. He finally freed himself from his confinements, and he rubbed his hand up and down his length. He masturbated at the thought of you often. He only needed an image of you, a scent, or an item of yours. Either way, his dick would be in his hands, twitching and cumming.

When he wasn’t stalking you and literally trying to learn everything about you, he took the liberty to primp himself. He wanted to look good for you after all. He would wake up early, shave and even wax his body clean of body hair, cut his nails, and do shit to his cuticles. He went to the barbershop and got a new hair cut, and made sure his face was clean and shaven. If that wasn’t your thing he would grow it all out.

He was a bit hesitant to do much with his lower body. But he sucked it up and made sure to trim down there too. He wasn’t used to shaving, and had to buy a couple of bandaids. A sanrio bandaid near his crotch.

And he realized he was deeply out of shape. Shit. When you were running on the tracks, so was he. He had to hold his breath to hide his deep and hard breathing. He soon found out he shouldn’t have done that.

You came over to him after he briefly passed out cold on the ground. He slowly opened his eyes, and you came into the view, and he saw a tiny bit up your shorts. That was enough for him to go into a frenzy.

He bought all of the fruits he could find, he read on the internet that the best way to eat someone out, and practice, was to use fruit. The peaches juices were dripping down his neck as he continued to tongue, and devour the hole. He imagined that he was on the ground and you were sitting on his face, his arms would lock you down onto him, making you put your full weight on him. Suffocate him for all he cares, he just wanted to hear you say his name. Or at least acknowledge that he exists.

He isn’t popular like you are, but he has his own group of friends. And by friends, he means your siblings. The only natural way to get close to you, was through your family after all. Plus, if you two were to get married, he already had an in with the family.

It also meant he could see your room. He snuck away for a minute to examine where you slept. He slowly knelt down, his hips aligned with corner of the mattress, and he digs his face into your sheets. His hands gripped the soft plush of your blanket, his cock rubbing against the corner. He whined as wanted more, he just wanted to bury himself deep inside you, and feel your warmth around him. He bets that it would feel like heaven.

Your classmate quickly retracted as he felt a tiny wet spot growing on his pants, his face flushed as he sat back down onto his ass. When he does so, his hands land on a piece of fabric. Out of instinct his hands curl around it and he picked it up, he inspected it and his eyes widens. Your underwear. In his hand.

His hand was tightly gripped around his mouth and the other was around his cock. His back was arched and he locked himself away in your bathroom. He loved the feeling of your underwear rubbing on his tip, and his hips snapped against his hand. He closed his eyes and he imagined you were giving him a handjob instead. Fuck, he just needed to smell you instead. He smelled your underwear, as he climaxed, his cum dribbling on the floor.

When you applied for college, he did too. He found out every single one you wanted to go to from your siblings. He got waitlisted. You got accepted. It wasn’t even a straight up rejection, it wasn’t a yes, and it was just a damn maybe.

He winced, his eyes almost closing as he smiled for the picture. It turned out alright and he paid the fee. A couple of months later, he got his passport in the mail. He booked his flight, and he lied right to your face. He convinced you to get an apartment with him instead of going to a dorm, and he followed you around campus, even though he doesnt have a single class there.

Allure: This is a bit of a different format from how I usually write, and idk how to feel about it lol! Here’s the c.ai link: https://share.character.ai/Wv9R/ondwnvhr

[pinkmanmath]

Sometimes i feel like i dont deserve to feel this way. Like i've got everything a person can wish for. I live in a first world country with a lot of problems but still. Was born and raised in a middle class family which makes just enough and more and educated in a mostly safe and welcoming environment and i mean could have a better family but theyre not bad people and not that much abusive just misguided. Plus im healthy and young and not really conventionally atttactive per se could take more care of my appearence but still not ugly either. If i was a straight cis man i could have an easier life sure but im still pretty privileged and these days in my social context being molested or discriminated against isnt really one of my primary fears or concerns so. Why. Why am i not happy. I don't really deserve to complain to anyone. Compared to other people who are suffering everyday because they live in shitty places and are surrounded by shitty people and who are just constantly exposed to violence and pain and stress and poverty and crime and abuse and disease. Who am i to not feel happy.