#discussing influence artificial

[fora-h]

Navigating the Global Landscape:

"Unveiling the Top 5 Influential Events Shaping Our World Today".

#For_Human's_Life

https://href.li/?https://forhumanslife.blogspot.com/

[artsekey]

I really hate how ads have taken over the internet. On one hand, I know that hosting a website costs money, right? And ad revenue is one of the simplest ways for free-to-use websites to cover their operating costs.

My question is-- and I would genuinely love an answer-- is this ever going to stop? Tumblr ran for a long time without ads. So did Youtube. I know that the cost of hosting so much media has gone up, but there are a lot of users on these websites that make the content that drives people to use the service that don't see any of the money generated by this revenue. On Youtube, there's at least a way for creators to make some money from what they do. For most, it isn't much, but the opportunity is there. On Tumblr, well... the ability to convert the visibility of my blog into any financial gain practically nonexistent, though they did at one point promise that users would be able to make money from ads run on their blogs (whatever happened to that, Staff?).

"You can pay to avoid seeing ads!" Tumblr says, as if the views on my main blog alone over the past few years have not generated more than enough ad revenue to cover the price they're asking me to pay, the person who is actively making content that brings eyes to their ads.

I'm not mad at Tumblr for hosting ads. I get that it has to happen because it's the easiest way to keep the site free, and honestly, I imagine Tumblr's staunch opposition to monetization has been a real obstacle for the team building Tumblr. But at the same time, it feels like yet another small concession in the usability of the site. I'm tired of ads that auto-play with blaring audio while I'm scrolling. I'm tired of adds that, if I touch them while trying to scroll past them, take me to an external site. Outside of tumblr, I'm tired of looking for information online only to get a webpage that's 95% ads and otherwise illegible. Hell, I recently got an ad on Discord. Was it unobtrusive? Maybe. But it was there, for the first time, and I know that won't be the end.

I know the first reply I'm going to get on this is "use adblock", and yes, that's a solution, but think about how much the landscape for media has changed in just ten years.

Popular forums are basically gone outside of reddit.

Youtube, without Red, is ad hell. You can't watch more than 3-4 minutes of video without getting sent to marketing hell.

Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter-- it's terrible. I firmly believe they've manufactured a worse experience through the implementation of ads to convince you to buy into their premium services.

Just Check out this video of Penguinz0 trying to watch a video on a third-party site.

There's discussion of putting ads into video games.

Remember when games didn't include micro-transactions? Blizzard is charging $70 for one mythic skin. You could almost buy Overwatch 1 twice-over at that price-point.

Influencers make a living by making their lives into advertisements.

Youtube has retaliated against users using ad-block on non-chrome browsers by artificially inflating the load times of it's videos.

What can we do about this? I imagine companies see it as an infinite money hack; users can't stop companies from hosting ads, and the action they could take to voice their displeasure-- leaving the site, using other competitive services-- has been all but obliterated thanks to the homogeneity of popular social media outlets. If someone is truly so incensed about ads, well-- it isn't like they have to engage with them, right? They can enroll in a cheap, auto-renewing service to get rid of ads entirely. Well, wait, the price of premium might just have to go up. Don't worry, it's auto-renewing! You won't even notice it. Oh, no, it's got to go up again, you won't even notice it.

There's no incentive for them to cap this behavior, and no way for us as users to pressure them to do so. We create these spaces; we fill them with color, art, activism, community, and the companies that ride on the tailcoat of the spaces we create tell us to give them more. What comes next?

[koimethehorizon]

Fionna and Cake theory: Simon the Artist

Nothing like a good old creative panic attack.

Fionna and Cake good. Haven’t been excited about a show like this in a long time, though it being a part of Adventure Time does help quite a bit. I was holding on to some cautious optimism for the show when it was announced as yet another big IP series covering the multiverse (still waiting to groan at THAT scene where Prismo has to explain to us about there being infinite universes), but as usual, Adventure Time’s crew continues to surprise me with its creativity, humor, and thematic resonance.

The most striking part about Fionna and Cake so far is just how deliberately the show wants us to differentiate it from the original Adventure Time.

We’re getting shots where Simon pops an artery from his arm, a theme song that explicitly talks about suicidal ideation, discussions of rent and financial problems, and curses no longer disguised with AT’s usual dialogue. Adventure Time has always had violence, thematic density, and juvenile rating pushers, but they were always reserved at small points. Meanwhile, these are factors that are just casually shown and discussed in Fionna and Cake every 3 minutes or so. This is not an all-ages miniseries, it’s for young adults. (hint: this will be relevant later)

Let’s get right into it. This is much less a speculative lore theory and more on what thematic direction the story may be going.

Before we do, let’s get this out of the way first. This theory assumes that the current Fionna and Cake world is all a part of Simon’s head and not merely a separate multiverse, which… I’m certain is fact for the following reasons.

The immediately obvious piece is that Fionna and Cake was always the Ice King’s fanfiction. Now if you’re versed in AT’s continuity you’re probably going to be asking about the red light in Fionna and Cake + Fionna and… I’ve no answer for it unfortunately. It’ll probably be relevant later in the series and possibly age this post like milk but for now, we’re not here to focus on the how, but the why.

Second is that the intro and the ending of Ep 2 literally show Fionna’s world spilling right out of Simon’s head like an animated world out of a frozen brain. If that isn’t clear enough-

Didn't realize this until writing, but these glasses are just plastic made to look like Betty's

There’s no other explanation for this other than that this world is artificial or influenced by Simon in some sense. Fionna even specifies that the statue went under renovation 12 years ago, but nobody seems to know who it is. Considering how Finn looks in the episode, it’s likely that it’s been that long since Betty’s sacrifice in the finale.

With that out of the way, here it goes.

The reason Fionna and Cake exist in the first place is because the creators found Natasha Allegri’s genderswap designs charming and wanted an in-universe reason to use them the Ice King wanted to create trashy, wish fulfillment through art. It was a phase.

Definitely changed that image for publishing.

Simon can argue if they’re good or bad but it’s undeniably his art. It’s not just a portfolio he left behind in a closet, it’s an experience that was shared with a larger audience.

And even if wasn’t liked at first, the citizens of Ooo seemed to have come around to it. And some of them love it!

Whether Simon likes it or not, he has a fan base that is so endeared to the story he made all those years ago that they demand he makes more. Why let a good story, loved by many, go to rest when you still have some life and creativity left in you?

Can't move on in more ways than one.

Except, the problem is that Simon isn’t Ice King anymore. He’s aged out of it.

His real passion is history, he's an adult who who finds passion in the mundane and antiques from the past. And frankly, there isn’t much room for wish-fulfillment and fantasy anymore. Simon has responsibilities. He has a job and a daughter in a world that is moving faster than he can process.

And where Ice King wrote about looking for love, Simon has already had it.

And lost it. His mind isn’t focused on the rosiness of finding new love, it’s grieving the one he already thought was the one.

Wasn't he supposed to be good with kids?

Despite his new life experiences, all his peers seem to want from him is to make more of what they’re familiar with.

A story made from wants and wishes that he doesn’t even have anymore.

A story that was literally made by someone else at a different time. It’s a fiction he cannot connect to anymore, art that he’s embarrassed by. Yet also jealous of. Because at one point, the body Simon used to be in understood what exactly was missing from his life and could express that easily.

Seeing it again is like experiencing a retrospection of a cringey loser you don’t want to imagine having ever been. It’s not you anymore, and you don’t want to be reminded of that.

Because despite him having a new creative passion, no one seems to care about that. All they want is Fionna and Cake. And what is more lonely than other people misunderstanding what you’re trying to express?

If I failed to make it clear somehow, my theory is that: Simon’s relationship with Fionna and Cake is a metaphor for creators growing out of their art. And this new Fionna and Cake world is still comfort art born out of Simon’s current desires and perceptions.

The snippet subtitles this “child holding a phone”. I guess I’m wrong. Essay over.

Episode 1 and 2 both have direct parallels with each other. They’re both about a protagonist who are feeling displaced from their world, living a phase of losing a significant other, leaving a thankless job, wearing a mask of stability in front of the people they care for, seeking a guru at the heart of the forest, and concluding that they no longer belong in their current world.

But more importantly, Fionna and Cake (the characters, the world, and the show) are no longer for an all-ages crowd. Fionna and Cake now feature young adults, curses, gore, alcohol, partial nudity, financial issues, morning routines, mid-life crisis, and overt suicidal ideation. These are the feelings that Simon relates to and possibly desires to express through art. Thus, his story and our new miniseries have warped that way.

Am I overthinking this? No. How dare you assume that.

Is equating the unconscious writings of his dementia-ridden self to Simon as his younger self seem a bit odd? ….Kinda. Again, it’s not the how but the why that matters in this case. I'm NOT crazy, I have proof that there is some acknowledgment of this directly in the show.

Rewatch the bar scene and apply this reading of the episode to what Simon says there:

“Your old stuff, Fionna and Cake, honest to glob my man, is an inspiration to me.”

“My old stuff, I don’t really want to talk about my old stuff…”

“Why not? You should be proud! You wrote an entire extended universe in a fugue state if you think about it.”

"Simon cringes"

If you have ever shared art with a group of people in the past, you’ve had this conversation.

Not likely, not possibly, no perhapses. You HAVE.

And Fionna and Cake being an epilogue to a massive award-winning, near-decade-spanning, cultural sensation 5 years after it ended, might result in its creators feeling very retrospective about what audiences want from them now.

And how difficult it’s going to be to tell new experiences and tones from what’s come before. Also, come on. “Extended Universe?” That doesn’t sound like Fionna and Cake. That sounds a lot like something else.

Again, seems bad with this kid.

One of the more profound shots in the main trailer for the show features the inconspicuously Finn-like kid crouching at her Fionna and Cake book in Simon’s trash. I believe this character is going to have a major role in two ways. Convincing Simon to be proud of what he’s accomplished and/or embracing that Simon wants to move away from his original work in order to create something new, or perhaps more likely, reinvent Fionna and Cake into what Simon relates to now.

We’ll just have to see what Simon thinks of his new Fionna next week.

PS. Talking as a fan now, WHAT IS UP WITH THE 1000+ TREEHOUSE IN THE INTRO?!!! ARE WE REVISITING THIS TIMELINE AGAIN?

SOMEONE TELL ME NOW!!!

[nostalgebraist]

Steve DeCanio, an ex-Berkeley activist now doing graduate work at M.I.T., is a good example of a legion of young radicals who know they have lost their influence but have no clear idea how to get it back again. “The alliance between hippies and political radicals is bound to break up,” he said in a recent letter. “There’s just too big a jump from the slogan of ‘Flower Power’ to the deadly realm of politics. Something has to give, and drugs are too ready-made as opiates of the people for the bastards (the police) to fail to take advantage of it.” Decanio spent three months in various Bay Area jails as a result of his civil rights activities and now he is lying low for a while, waiting for an opening. “I’m spending an amazing amount of time studying,” he wrote. “It’s mainly because I’m scared; three months on the bottom of humanity’s trash heap got to me worse than it’s healthy to admit. The country is going to hell, the left is going to pot, but not me. I still want to figure out a way to win.”

Re-reading Hunter S. Thompson's 1967 article about Haight-Ashbury, I thought: "huh, this guy sounds like he's going places. I wonder whether he ever did 'figure out a way to win'?"

So I web searched his name, and ... huh!

My current research interests include Artificial Intelligence, philosophy of the social sciences, and the economics of climate change. Several years ago I examined the consequences of computational limits for economics and social theory in Limits of Economic and Social Knowledge (Palgrave Macmillan, 2013).  Over the course of my academic career I have worked in the fields of global environmental protection, the theory of the firm, and economic history.  I have written about both the contributions and misuse of economics for long-run policy issues such as climate change and stratospheric ozone layer protection.  An earlier book, Economic Models of Climate Change: A Critique (Palgrave Macmillan, 2003), discussed the problems with conventional general equilibrium models applied to climate policy. From 1986 to 1987 I served as Senior Staff Economist at the President’s Council of Economic Advisers. I have been a member of the United Nations Environment Programme’s Economic Options Panel, which reviewed the economic aspects of the Montreal Protocol on Substances that Deplete the Ozone Layer, and I served as Co-Chair of the Montreal Protocol’s Agricultural Economics Task Force of the Technical and Economics Assessment Panel. I participated in the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that shared the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize, and was a recipient of the Leontief Prize for Advancing the Frontiers of Economic Thought in 2007. In 1996 I was honored with a Stratospheric Ozone Protection Award, and in 2007 a “Best of the Best” Stratospheric Ozone Protection Award from the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. I served as Director of the UCSB Washington Program from 2004 to 2009.

I don't know whether this successful academic career would count as "winning" by his own 1967 standards. But it was a pleasant surprise to find anything noteworthy about the guy at all, given that he was quoted as a non-public figure in a >50-year-old article.

[puzzleddonkey]

Forgot to Lore dump about meeks. Basically, they're artificial sentient life designed to rival the short financial success of the Moon Mite franchise during its prime.. being even shorter-lived because of how unstable these critters were (and this would be before the Moon Mite Incident).

" The Pugs of artificial sapient lifeforms. Made for the sole purpose of competing with the moon mite franchise (pre-incident), and instead sparked a very heated discussion on the limitations of creating artificial life, ESPECIALLY sapient life. It didn't help that meeks were designed to be as close as possible to a "living doll, having very "cutesy bodies, fussy tempers, naive minds, small mouths, stubby, weak legs, and weaker bowels. Though the intended result was to make an adorable, empathetic, and intelligent pet that is fully dependent on its owners and can only be produced by the franchise, meeks instead ended up as disgusting, entitled, manipulative, and ignorant critters that breed and die in mass. Now ditched in the streets of shady planets, some meeks have gotten crueler, but some can become genuine companions if patient enough. However, one's patience can easily run thin with these meeks, especially when they can say and do the shittiest things to rile you up. It's one thing to shit on the carpet or destroy clothing, but it's another to insult you for your shortcomings, wish you'd endure graphic scenarios and purposely trigger any trauma response just because you didn't let them finish humping their own pile of shit. They're sapient but built so fucked up that their minds are fucked up, only getting worse as street rats. Which is why other species violently despise them. How else would you respond to a street meek screaming that they'll hump and shit on the corpse of your deceased loved ones? Doesn't help that they're also telepathic, but only capable of reading thoughts which is one of the biggest factors as to why they end up so cruel, their focus is often on the intrusive thoughts, influencing the meek. Very few realize that those thoughts are meant to be ignored."

Also doodles of meek variants that are more cunning, more somewhat civilized than their more pest-like counterparts.

[rubra-wav]

Vox HCs #4: Theories about how he works like biologically

Cw: Sfw - but discussion about non-sexual anatomy type stuff

A/N because I've thought way too much about the logistics of him and robotic/tech demons and how they work/could work way too much. 💀 These are just some of the things I've thought about

- The main thing I see people wondering about is his face and how he drinks stuff, kisses people, etc.

- I think that the screen of his face is a full screen in its resting state, but he can influence the way it kind of functions/presents. ie. Manipulating the area around his mouth so he actually does have a mouth and its not just a projection on his screen.

- I don't think his mouth is a constant actual 3 dimensional thing though and is rather something he can change at will whenever he sees fit.

- If you were to touch it just in casual day to do life, his mouth would just be the screen / 2d.

- Also, I don't think his mouth feels like a normal mouth. If you were to kiss him I feel like his lips would not feel exactly like normal lips, and that his lips and tongue would kind of have that kind of static electricity sensation to them.

- Like if he were to lick you, I feel like you'd get that kind of static electricity sensation that makes your hair stand on its end.

- I'm not too sure about the rest of his face though. Maybe he can manipulate the rest of his face to become more 3 dimensional, but I don't think he would do it often as it's not necessary.

- Due to him being seen drinking during season 1, I think it's safe to assume that the way his internal functions are designed are relatively similar to normal humans.

- I believe he'd also have a somewhat similar body system as well. However, it just would be like metal parts, wires and artificial stuff underneath his skin rather than actual muscle, veins, ligaments, organs, bodily fluids, etc. Etc. That mirror those bodily systems.

- Having said that though, I do think parts of him are sensitive to being damaged by water. He may be just fine drinking water and liquids, but if they got in his ports (like on the back of his head), that would be bad.

- Because he prides himself on being up to date tech wise, he'd likely be waterproofed to a degree, but it still wouldn't be good. I can imagine him being damaged by it and bluescreening and forcefully shutting down to prevent any further damage to his less human reminiscent systems. (Do you think he lays down in rice when that happens? 💀)

- Also, I do not think he technically needs to eat or drink stuff. Judging by the fact he can plug into things (like how in the Stayed Gone video he plugs into all the computers and stuff), I think his main energy source would actually be charging using electrical wires and stuff.

- I think that him eating and drinking is just a preference of his, and that other demons who are similar to him wouldn't need to eat or drink. He can still get energy that way, but it's less efficient and more of just a preference/reminiscent of his past life as a human that he's held onto all this time.

- I also don't think he really 'sleeps' in the traditional sense or needs to sleep? He can likely regain power that way, but he wouldn't really need to sleep and could just stay awake all day and night if he's connected to a suitable charging source every couple of hours.

- I do think he would like powering down/switching off for a bit to rest though - just to not go crazy. Even if you wont die from lack of sleep, it's still nice to not have to think about things for a couple of hours.

Now I'm thinking about him laying down in rice after trying to go swimming without water proofing himself properly while bitching lmao.

[sleeplesssmoll]

Reverse 1999 Theory: What is "Perception" and how does it work in arcanists?

Vertin canonically has uncanny perception and a deep understanding for arcanum even amongst arcanists, despite her lack of skill. Arcanists are very sensitive, or rather, vulnerable to emotions. There is another arcanist known for her perception we can look at for more clues.

Mesmer Jr. also has a "acute perception", much like Vertin.

In Reverse 1999, Perception functions like a 6th sense in arcanists. But how does it work? I looked up to see if there is a connection between magnetic fields and emotions. Turns out there is A LOT. Specifically the magnetic field radiated by the heart.

Biomagnetic Communication Between People (source).

We have found there is a direct relationship between the heart-rhythm patterns and the spectral information encoded in the frequency spectra of the magnetic field radiated by the heart. Thus, information about a person’s emotional state is encoded in the heart’s magnetic field and is communicated throughout the body and into the external environment.

There is so much cool information in this article I'd love to gush about, but we're here for lore. Remember my psychube post that I never shut up about? It's actually missing very important information that I didn't add at the time because I could not figure out how it worked.

Polarization:

The different frequencies are triggered by different kinds of emotions and we can see the heart being affected by the electromagnetic fields. My theory is that this is the key to arcanist perception. This is how they "sense" emotions. They are picking up on these frequencies. For a real life example from the same article, look at these graphs showing how the influence of emotions:

Most people tend to think of communication solely in terms of overt signals expressed through facial movements, voice qualities, gestures and body movements. However, evidence now supports the perspective that a subtle yet influential electromagnetic or "energetic" communication system operates just below our conscious level of awareness. The following section will discuss data that suggests this energetic system contributes to the "magnetic" attractions or repulsions that occur between individuals.

Arcanists sense these waves and it can cause distress in them. Mesmer Jr. is a prime example of this. Other people's emotions get to her.

Now how does this tie into our beloved Timekeeper?

What if the reason Vertin has to stay "stoic" is because her emotions can influence the others around her and because she is extra susceptible to other people's incoming emotions. She needs to stay calm even in mental distress. Mesmer Jr. is also like this. She may come off as abrasive and snappy at times but she is described as a "an indifferent and refined machine" (Chapter 3: An Opened Sandwich). These two share a lot in common. They are both victims of trauma yet must operate in many emotionally taxing positions.

They even say "engraved in the heart" (although this could simply be word choice it really fits)!

Both Vertin and Mesmer Jr. struggle everyday to keep the their feelings at bay. Neither of them is "used" to this life but they have to keep up the facade for their sake and possibly for those around them.

The main story doesn't give us as much insight into Vertin's head but the traces do. She is always holding back, just like Mesmer.

Side note, do you remember the heartbeat we heard as Schneider was reversed? It raced. Interesting how later Schneider shows up in one of her dreams during Artificial Somnambulism. This could be an example of HF Polarization which generates strong and temporary mental images with very powerful emotions.

This also adds an extra layer to Vertin's interactions with others. She tried to get through to Druvis and Schneider, but as for Forget-me-not and Arcana, she didn't bother. Maybe their feelings of revenge and hatred are so tangible she knew it was lost cause. However, Druvis was laden with grief and loss. She was not a malicious person. Schneider was desperate and motivated by love for her family. Vertin even mentions she knew Madam Z was not part of Constantine's game by the "look in her eyes" and never blamed her for the loss of her friends.

If anything seems wrong or if I missed something, please let me know! I'd be happy if I could refine it further.

[sunflowersandcherryblossoms]

@quiterambunctious

You asked about the Reishi Pod concept.

I didn't want to make the other post even longer, so here it is...

Me and @mondengel2 had discussed how Byakuya and Ichigo could have kids without falling into the Mpreg trope.

We discussed each of our headcanons for how many kids and their names, and amidst this conversation, the Reishi Pod concept first appeared as an idea.

Mondengel ended up writing a ficlet on that Tumblr post which used the same concept but slightly different construction of pod.

When I begun writing My Dream Has Your Eyes I used that concept as a piece of machinery used exclusively by the Great Noble Houses.

The Reishi Pod is what would eventually spark the Artificial Souls development, with Kirio Hikifune basing her research on them but tweaking it a bit so that they could only develop the Artificial Souls' pills as we know them. Not complete living beings.

The pod itself is a type of reinforced glass, a translucent shield over it and finally a metal shield that encases everything, keeping the pod safe.

It has a dashboard attached with collecting spheres, in which the Reishi donors (aka the parents.) will set their hands on and the machine itself collects the right amount of Reishi from both of them.

There's four Reishi collecting processes per day and although it can be stopped at the seventh month, it's advisable to do so until the very end to prevent any issues with the baby.

It takes about one whole month for the Reishi to fully aggregate and form a fetus, a placenta that holds to the top of the Pod and, of course, the umbilical cord.

Some of the Reishi floats around the baby like amniotic liquid does in a biological pregnancy.

The Reishi Pod can only be used by two people. It will not function with only one person to prevent the Heads of the Clans to simply go on producing what's basically a clone of themselves.

The gender of the parents does not influence the gender of the child, since the Reishi itself can randomly create a boy or a girl, regardless...

The whole process need surveillance from a qualified member of the Fourth squad.

So, yeah... That's basically it.

[zvaigzdelasas]

[TIME is US Media]

U.S. and European officials are growing increasingly concerned about China’s accelerated push into the production of older-generation semiconductors and are debating new strategies to contain the country’s expansion. President Joe Biden implemented broad controls over China’s ability to secure the kind of advanced chips that power artificial-intelligence models and military applications. But Beijing responded by pouring billions into factories for the so-called legacy chips that haven’t been banned. Such chips are still essential throughout the global economy, critical components for everything from smartphones and electric vehicles to military hardware.

That’s sparked fresh fears about China’s potential influence and triggered talks of further reining in the Asian nation, according to people familiar with the matter, who asked not to be identified because the deliberations are private. The U.S. is determined to prevent chips from becoming a point of leverage for China, the people said.

Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo alluded to the problem during a panel discussion last week at the American Enterprise Institute. “The amount of money that China is pouring into subsidizing what will be an excess capacity of mature chips and legacy chips—that’s a problem that we need to be thinking about and working with our allies to get ahead of,” she said.[...]

Legacy chips are typically considered those made with 28-nm equipment or above, technology introduced more than a decade ago. Senior E.U. and U.S. officials are concerned about Beijing’s drive to dominate this market for both economic and security reasons, the people said. They worry Chinese companies could dump their legacy chips on global markets in the future, driving foreign rivals out of business like in the solar industry, they said.[...]

domestic producers may be reluctant to invest in facilities that will have to compete with heavily subsidized Chinese plants. [...]

“The United States and its partners should be on guard to mitigate nonmarket behavior by China’s emerging semiconductor firms,”

While the U.S. rules introduced last October slowed down China’s development of advanced chipmaking capabilities, they left largely untouched [sic] the country’s ability to use techniques older than 14-nanometers. That has led Chinese firms to construct new plants faster than anywhere else in the world. They are forecast to build 26 fabs through 2026 that use 200-millimeter and 300-mm wafers, according to the trade group SEMI. That compares with 16 fabs for the Americas.

So what's the problem? is it that you suck at manufacturing & want more neoliberalism? That's what it seems like to me [31 Jul 23]

[erriga]

Pathologic and Edward Gordon Craig

In this episode, one very tired theatrology student will try to explain how Craig's ideas about actors and theatre in general might have factored into the way theatre is used in pathologic, especially when it comes to minor changes made between patho classic and 2. We'll talk about puppets vs actors, the role of directors and how it all relates to death. Yay!

SPOILERS FOR BOTH GAMES AHEAD

THEATRE IN PATHOLOGIC

So, anyone who's seen Codex Entry's video essays might be aware that Pathologic very visibly uses and plays with various theatrical ideas and concepts, especially when it comes to XXth century avantgarde movements. So far, Ruby has discussed the influences of Artaud (my boi), Brecht and Beckett, but today we're going to take a little step back and focus on one thinker who might have just been on of the most important theatre theorists ever and whose ideas definitely influenced all those that came after him. We're talking about our favorite theatre malcontent- Edward Gordon Craig

Soo, Craig was a theatre theoretician, actor, director, and founder of the magazine "The mask" back in the 1910s. In it, Craig would talk about his thoughts on theatre, which were largely counter-cultural, at least in comparison to the standard established back in the mid XIXth century. His works are often cited as fundamental to the Great Reform movement, which included among others, Stanislavsky, Reinhardt, and Appia. Their works paved the way towards avant garde theatre and a completely new understanding to it.

Now, why is Craig so important? Basically, he complained a lot and had very cool, albeit sometimes impossible ideas which were later inspired other in creative ways. His main ideas were:

Theatre is not a synthesis of other arts but rather something autonomical, unlike SOME OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT (im loking at you wagner)

The director>>>>>>>> some dumb smelly actors

The actor shall one day be replaced by the Uber marrionette (tm)

Today we'll focus on those last two, since they are interconnected and most relevant in Pathologic.

The second point is pretty self-explanatory. Craig proposed that the director and their vision is the most important part of any given theatre show. The director should have a holistic vision, knowledge about all the arts participating in theatre and abilities to make their ideas reality. Before that, directors were more like the caretakers of shows, while the main focus was on the star actors. And this way of thinking leads us directly toooo:

THE UBER MARRIONETTE

(project by Oscar Schlemmer)

So, what is the uber marrionette? Basically it's a slightly esoteric idea that somewhere between puppets and living actors exists a form which would be perfectly responsive to the director's artistic vision. Human actors were ego-driven, restricted by their bodies and minds which generally not malleable enough to be a good material, even going so far as to suggest that acting is not an artform at all, since it is driven by chance and not specific intentions.

In contrast to that, Craig explained the nature of puppets- perfectly controlled, humble, objects of worship. And also symbols of death. Which he thought of as perfection. So, in some way, a perfect actor is a ...dead actor. Or, not literally dead, but posseing the perfect stasis of death, one usually assosciated with inanimate objects.

OK, WTF?

As I mentioned those ideas are very cool theories but are rather hard to actualize in the real world, especially since Craig was sometimes vague about what he ACTUALLY wanted to see. He would complain about people misinterpreting his works and declaring that he wants to replace actors with literal machines, while also never specifying what he actually meant. So different artists tried to bring his ideas to life, mostly by "mechanising" living actors, or using some blend of life and artificiality. In practice it was mostly shit like putting actors in giant metal pots and making them communicate in mono syllables to restrict their natural expressions od self as much as possible

OK, BUT HOW DOES THAT RELATE TO PATHOLOGIC?

So my theory is, that by portraying the player character(s) as puppets in classic, and as actors and tying all of this to the idea of death, the makers of PAthologic are playing (pun intended) with the concept of the uber marionnette and maybe even proposing a solution to this impossible problem.

Let's start with classic, because it's pretty straight forward. The characters are dolls/puppets (I'll be using those words interchangibly because fundamentally they serve the same purpose). The theatre itself is specifically said to host puppet shows (which is in itself a nod to the long standing tradition of folk puppetry in Russia and other eastern european countries)

Which in hindsight, are a direct reference to the fact that the very story you are playing is nothing more than a game/puppet performance hosted by in-world The Powers That Be and at the very top by the makers of Pathologic. In that way it is a very straight forward (but ultimately incorrect) use of the uber marionette- the player character is a humble vessel through which an idea is manifested. It's a puppet made out of polygons and lines of code instead of wood or felt. Your role as a player in this performance is two fold- you are both the puppeteer (the one who moves the dolls) and the spectator (because you are being told the story, not the other way around). What you are not is the Director- that role, personified by Mark Immortel and later by the Executor and Tragedian is out of reach for you. So, as you can see it's definitely using puppets, but not necessarily uber marrionetes.

AND THEN WE HAVE PATHO 2

So, the theatre inspirations in Patho 2 are a lot less...subtle than in classic, one of them being literally namedropping my boi Artaud's concept of the Theatre of Cruelty.

But what I want to focus on in this case is the seeming dissapearence of the puppet metaphor from the first game. You are no longer compared to a puppeteer moving a vessel, but to an actor inhabiting a role. A role which is in a way highly restrictive, since there are only four endings, and only two choices that actually impact what happens in the end (what you do with the documents, and whether you take the fellow travellers deal or not) You are faced with the idea that you are replacable, so your personal ego is not valuable to the director in universe and the game creators out of the universe. And finally, to make it even more interesting, you are in-universe faces with the neverending cycle of life and death, through the system of deaths having consequences/being part of the game's continuous timeline instead of just out of universe reloading. I think you might already see where i am going with this.

I THINK THAT THOSE TRAITS MAKE ARTEMY'S PORTRAYAL SIMILAR TO THE CONCEPT OF THE UBER MARRIONETTE

So not the concept itself, but something that heavily resembles the ideal version of what it could have been. Now, does it theory make perfect sense? No, but I thought it was a cool though experiment to do nontheless. The idea of an uber marionnette is onfusing theatrologists to this day, and many people have claimed to having founf a way to realize it, but since Craig himself was unclear about it, we will never know how relevan those tries were. But I still think that the topic of video games and theatre concepts is a fascinating one (that will probably be the topic of my bachelor's thesis lol), and pathologic is a perfect examples of those two ideas working together. If you have any other ideas about it, please let me know, and if you're interested i can make more posts about the theatrological angle of patho!!

[mitigatedchaos]

Election 2024

EigenRobot's opinion for you all this election eve.

I expect that whoever wins this election, I'm going to have to shift my writing towards the other side.

Unless Kamala suddenly becomes assertive and independent-minded, very much unlike what we've seen so far, and starts disciplining the left coalition, the capability of institutions is likely to continue to decline under a Harris administration, with something like an amnesty grant making direct future challenges less feasible. Today's left are off-the-charts conformist - I've never seen anything like it - and with this, there is a tremendous disregard for inconvenient reality in the face of social opinion. (It's anti-agentic, which is bad for the meta-rational thinking needed to update formal systems.)

Their selection criteria for personnel disregard merit in favor of credentials, and use credentials as political rewards. With each round the quality of personnel will get worse. This is not sustainable, so it will not be sustained - alternative institutions will have to grow in the shadow of declining state capacity.

If Trump wins, and they start cutting back on agencies, there is likely to be more economic growth, but Republicans don't have a good stack for actually replacing all of these agency personnel with highly agentic, highly intelligent, mission-driven individuals. In a sense, this limits the potential damage, as they'll have to continue hiring a lot of blues due to manpower shortages, just as they already do.

However, the reduction in agency power may lead to increased corporate power, leading to increased influence suppressing the re-emergence of agency power on a correct trajectory and lead to a cyberpunk dystopia. Today's US left aren't set up to even discuss how to prevent a cyberpunk dystopia, because they're all-in on censorship, to the point that they can't even consider the implications of the science fiction stuff happening all around them.

There are two big changes to the dimensions of human life coming down the pipes during the next 20 years.

The first is the obvious one, artificial intelligence. AI increases the dimensionality, the richness of the response, of machines in production systems. This makes capital, as controlled by AI, more like labor.

It is the opinion of Samo Burja that automation will not arrive fast enough to outpace tightness of labor supply caused by collapsing birthrates, which are falling all over the world.

The second big change is genetic engineering.

While people weren't paying attention, the FDA have approved multiple monogenic gene therapies. The costs are staggering now, running a range from around $500,000 to $3 million dollars, but if it's anything like gene sequencing costs, which fell from $100M to $1,000 per genome over about 25 years, it will fall rapidly towards the price of surgery.

If the price does fall, this means that a gene is no longer a life sentence. Something that's genetic will be more likely to be something that can be changed. Most major ideologies right now are based on the assumption that genes can't be changed. Gene therapy has not yet reached the periphery of people's social networks, so, mentally, people still treat it as "sci-fi."

So that's my assessment. The blue candidate is low-variance short-termism. The red candidate is high-variance medium-termism. You have to decide how comfortable you are with risk. You have to estimate what you think the current rate of burn is.

If you can't bring yourself to accept either of them, you can still vote and leave the "President" portion of the ballot blank.

The good news is, both vice presidential candidates are smarter and more civilized than both presidential candidates. For what it's worth, my read is that Vance is smarter and more focused on long-term issues than Walz.

[a-big-chicken-nerd]

i always imagined the way the forbidden scroll works was it like put artificial ideas and thoughts of assurance and self-righteousness in ur noggin that were indistinguishable from ur own regular thoughts. like it doesnt Talk To You it Influences You from the inside out

anyway ice emperor doesnt know what his own scepter is he has noo idea it messes with ur head at all. imagine if it made him think of something upsetting to him and he didnt know those thoughts werent even his haha would that be messed up or what

A pack of hostile wolves had been reported to have grown defensive of their territory surrounding a lake, one that was an important staple to one of the fisher villages. Several villagers had been attacked and injured by the beasts.

“It is my advice to you that you should send a few of your ice samurai to deal with the creatures there before any more harm is done,” Vex stated conclusively. 

It had taken the Emperor’s advisor several minutes to reach the point, among a decently long list of other happenings and concerns from his kingdom. The Emperor hardly minded Vex’s detailed long-windedness, though. The words were something clear, concise, and trustworthy to the cluttered fogginess of his own mind. 

“Send them then,” the Emperor agreed.

“It will be done as you command,” Vex nodded, unrolling the scroll he was reading from a bit further and moving on to the next point.

Vex was an excellent advisor. He could always be trusted to be on top of things regarding the well being of the kingdom. He would stand to the right of the throne and come up with the most efficient solutions to any issues, and the Emperor wouldn’t have to doubt them for a moment. The Emperor should get rid of Vex.

…

What? That last thought caused the Emperor to pause. Where did such an idea come from? He needed Vex.

Disturbed by his own thoughts, the Emperor refocused on Vex, who was still talking; halfway through a discussion about taxes now. There was no issue regarding them, it was simply a report for this period.

Perhaps he needed Vex too much. When was the last time the Emperor had bothered to gather information on his own kingdom? Or command action without blindly following Vex’s judgment?

It was because Vex’s judgment was always solid and his intel always thorough and trustworthy, that’s what made him such a good advisor.

But was he really just an advisor if he was the one truly running the show?

The Emperor closed his eyes. Taxes, taxes. Vex was talking to him, he needed to pay attention. He could trust Vex’s words.

What if Vex was deceptive in his intentions, and really he was just using the Emperor for his power? He should be punished for his deceit.

That wasn’t true, though. He didn’t believe that, he didn’t want to do that. Vex was his trusted advisor and friend.

Was that actually true? Or was that just what was easiest to believe? The advisor could not be trusted. Be rid of him.

The Emperor gripped his scepter, tilting it away from Vex as if it would give in to the impulsive thoughts on its own and do something regrettable. The tighter he held it, the louder the thoughts seemed to grow.

Be rid of him. Be rid of him. Be rid of him.

“My Emperor?”

The Emperor blinked and realized Vex’s concerned eyes were watching him, scroll rolled up and forgotten. In the same moment he noticed liquid pooling on the edge of his mask, and beginning to run down the front. He wiped the stuff away and it stained his glove a darker shade. His tears were strange that way; water would freeze far before it could come anywhere near his palace. Whatever he cried wasn’t water.

He should just kill that liar now and take back your kingdom. He should, even if it would pain him to do so.

“What troubles you?” Vex spoke again, softly.

Freeze him freeze him freeze him

Clutching his scepter as close as he could and doing his best to shrink away deeper into his throne (as unbefitting of an action as it was for a royal), he closed his eyes tight and hid them behind his glove. He growled out a sigh that did nothing to release the tension in his chest.

“Leave me, Vex,” the Emperor finally commanded.

There was a pause.

“Are you sure? I may be of assistance with whatever disturbs you.”

And now he questions your word. He cannot be trusted. Destroy him.

“You heard me,” the Emperor snapped shortly.

Another long pause before Vex finally responded with a simple “as you command, my Lord.” The throneroom sound doors closing behind him as he left echoed around the now empty room.

[strangenewwords]

If you have a therapist, please discuss with them their AI useage.

Many therapists are turning to various AI products to assist with workload. I am wholly against this, not because of that AI itself, but because I want complete transparency about where information from the session is being stored, and how it is being utilized.

There are a variety of tools, and some are much more worrisome than others.

According to the American Counseling Association:

"Recommendation: Maintain transparency and informed consent. Counselors should clearly inform clients about the use of AI tools in their counseling process, explaining their purpose and potential benefits (H.2.a). Obtain explicit informed consent from clients for the use of AI-assisted tools, ensuring they understand the implications and potential impact on their treatment."

However, this is just a recommendation at this point (the code of ethics is ten years old so they're working on a new version). But ask your therapist. Discuss how you feel about it. Make sure they're open with you.

[saturnrevolution]

2023 major transits

MARS GOES DIRECT - January 12th motivation, pleasure, will

After two and a half months in retrograde, Mars will finally be direct for the whole year. Mars is the planet of action-taking and will. We might have felt rather indecisive or confused, not really sure where to direct our attention during this transit, but as soon as Mars goes direct, we will be able to focus more, be more social and outgoing and open up to new information. However, it’s still in Gemini until March, so don’t expect to have solutions all of a sudden - but rather use this time to research and make sure that you read the right information. Collectively, this transit will help us put into action what we’ve researched, it will allow us to feel pleasure around the things we have been ignoring and we might be more active in our bodies.

SATURN IN PISCES - March 7th imagination meets reality Saturn has been in Aquarius since 2020 and we have finally learned the lessons of it. Starting in March, we will slowly ease into the wisdom of Saturn for the following three years. Saturn in Pisces is here to either bring order to chaos or bring chaos to order. We might learn to be more disciplined in our spiritual rituals, our goals and wishes, turning our art into something tangible and useful and setting emotional boundaries. But until we do so, we might experience a lack of boundaries, overindulgence in unhealthy habits or zoning out into our inner reality. Collectively, there might be more rules and laws that come up connected to art, as well as laws around drugs, alcohol, or mental health. Activism will become very impactful.

PLUTO IN AQUARIUS - March 23rd revolution in a digital world This is huge. Pluto has been in Capricorn since 2008 and will slowly shift into Aquarius for a sneak peek this year, while in 2024 it will go into Aquarius and stay there for the next 20 years. This energy will be one we will get used to. Pluto in Aquarius will look like understanding the reasoning behind pain, behind the world’s most dark doings, as a way to move forward and build a more self-aware environment in which we can live and feel safe. It’s about global warming, artificial intelligence, the darker side of technology, debates and ultimately, using authenticity to evoke greater feelings within us. This also looks like communities built on interests they share, especially in an online setting, but also not following rules. JUPITER IN TAURUS - May 16th money, money, money Coming from the energetic Aries, Jupiter will move into Taurus till 2024. This means growth in anything that has to do with the Taurus archetype. We are already in it with prices, money will be a very talked about subject. However, this also indicates us overindulging, overspending or having more possibility to earn fast. Also, this transit is great when it comes to feeling more stable, but it might make us want to cling onto things, not allow change to occur or overidentify with material things. There will be an increase in self-help books or subjects, self-worth discussions and it’s important to see what resonates with us. Spending time in nature, grounding, sustainability will also be big. It’s all about learning to balance both sides. VENUS RETROGRADE - July 22nd taming the beast within Venus goes retrograde every year and a half and this time it will be in the sign of Leo until September. This indicates a period of analyzing and rethinking our relationships, especially from the perspective of what gives us pleasure, what makes us feel alive and how we can bring more of that into our lives from within us - not from an external source. Once we do find that, we will be able to adjust to the new environment we want to create once it goes direct again. Also, Venus has to do with money as well, so it’s a time of considering how our spending might influence us and trying to bring back the things we were investing in as a kid or investing more in our kids and adopting a rather “spending by the heart” habit. MERCURY RETROGRADES IN EARTH SIGNS April 21st - in Taurus August 23rd - in Virgo December 13th - in Capricorn redirection of perfection

Yearly, Mercury goes retrograde in different signs. This year, the earth signs are being targeted. This indicates the fact that our grounding presence will be a bit shaken by the retrogrades and we will be forced to retrace our decisions, some of which might have seemed pretty stable to begin with. Mercury retrograde in Taurus will ask us to review the way we spend, the way we view our worth and what we value. Mercury retrograde in Virgo will ask us to review the way we talk to ourselves, our habits and eating styles, lifestyle and health. Mercury retrograde in Capricorn will ask us to review our career path and long-term goals. NORTH NODE IN ARIES SOUTH NODE IN LIBRA - July 17th

The nodes of the moon have been in the sign of Taurus and Scorpio and will be until July, when they shift into Aries and Libra. The South Node being in Scorpio has taught us how to embrace the dark, whilst it being in Libra will teach us how to let go of anything superficial and how to speak up instead. This will come in the form of lessons, in which we won’t feel heard or appreciated and so be pushed to speak. The North Node in Taurus till July is getting us closer to the inner stability we’ve been searching for, while it moving into Aries will amplify our need to express ourselves, take action and not let others dictate how to live. Collectively, we will move towards focusing on our body. LUNAR & SOLAR ECLIPSES Apr 20th - Solar eclipse in Aries May 5th - Lunar eclipse in Scorpio Oct 14th - Solar eclipse in Libra Oct 28th - Lunar eclipse in Taurus emotional back and forth The eclipses this year are a way for us to let go of the themes of the past year that have reached an end. We might be done with a project, finish paying a loan, letting go of heavy emotions that do not serve us. Instead, we are going to look forward to taking more risks, getting away from gossip and lower vibrations, we will embrace relationships with a newer light and be more open to mutual understanding. At the same time, we might stubbornly take decisions that we regret, rush into things or be slightly careless. All meant to help us grow.

check my 2023 PDF readings on my website www.saturnrevolution.com

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Why did Joon posting that song blow up to such an insane degree, but Taehyung mouthing the n-word seems to have made no noise? I’m absolutely not saying I wanted Taehyung to be at the center of a hate campaign, but I’m kind of surprised? If I understood the meaning of the song correctly, Joon really didn’t do anything wrong or offensive at all, but it blew up and was everywhere for days. I saw so many discussions about it on different platforms. But then Taehyung actually DID do something wrong. But it’s just… crickets. I guess I’m just confused? Why did Joon’s thing turn out like it did, but Taehyung seems to have gotten away unscathed?

***

I just want to say, first of all, that I abhor this sort of ask for two reasons: (1) because it ultimately taps into the incredibly toxic hyper-competitiveness in k-pop, where everything is seen within the lens of comparison and competition - nothing is sacred; and (2) because I'm Black and Korean, and having to explain the intricacies of how this space creates and engages in the sort of prejudice cocktail one uniquely finds here, especially since I've been into k-pop for this long, is annoying and borderline dehumanizing to experience.

But I understand why you asked it. I know you likely bore no malice in asking it and I can see why the stark difference in reactions could be confusing, so I'll use your ask to make a general comment about general fandom dynamics. It's something I've talked about before, when discussing hate and how Jimin doesn't actually get as much hate as a lot of people think, but that he does get huge amounts of certain kinds of hate. I suggest you read that post with this one please, because I won't repeat all I said there, here.

I often talk about the different players in k-pop fandom, how hate can be manufactured, and that various things have influenced previous scandals blowing up. It can get confusing to fully explain, but I'll try not to ramble and will try to outline this methodically somehow, splitting up the factors I think are important into sub-headings.

The Background/Setting

This might not seem obvious at first, but it's important to know what else is happening in k-pop fandom at the time.

In the case of Namjoon's artificial scandal of recommending a Frank Ocean song about Black queer experience, and unrequited love related to religious truama - a song 10s of idols and people had shared before to zero controversy, and a scandal started in a Blinks GC including BTS akgaes (who were Blinks) - the background context was Lisa getting dragged by most of stan twt for an unflattering picture posted on Popbase, Blackpink getting flayed by several k-pop fandoms for not selling out their latest concert venue, and simultaneously NewJeans taking yet another record from Blackpink. This wasn't the catalyst for the hate on Namjoon, but it provided the background noise for why Blinks were so angsty and pissed. All that happened in one day.

You see, before Blinks came after Namjoon, they'd actually gone after NewJeans' fandom in retaliation. A blink hacked the NewJeans Global fanbase following the achievement announcement. Look at the date of that tweet. If you were on Twitter you would've seen "APOLOGIZE TO LISA" trending globally. Well, that's what happened. Bunnies are a much smaller fandom but their group is the top girl group, meaning that fandom dynamics make them an easy target to overwhelm that nobody would care to defend and so their pleas that their fanbase was hacked fell on deaf ears, Blinks easily overran them and practically everything that happened to Namjoon two days later, happened first to NewJeans and their fanbase. But the scandal didn't gain much traction and Blinks were like, raging pissed. I'm talking people screaming in various Twitter spaces mad. Just insane any way you look at it.

Then a day later Namjoon said in a magazine interview that BTS would be returning around 2025. That was the catalyst for the hate. Aside from the additional annoyance for Blinks of BTS, well, BTS-ing, BTS akgaes who were also Blinks, absolutely lost their shit. It might seem like such an innocuous thing, but one thing you'll realize is, a lot of people here are frankly insane. I know I use that word a lot but I actually mean it. Much of what passes for 'discourse' here, is actually fueled by people who are very unstable and cannot manage their emotional reactions to facts outside their control. Such is the perpetual plight of BTS akgaes and one such fact is BTS all saying they intend to return in a few years, and so their attention turned to him and he would've had a hate train sooner or later. It was only blind luck that he shared Bad Religion on Instagram the next day.

To contrast with Tae's situation, Blinks were celebrating various achievements yesterday and today. And so, silly as this might be to say, they were less pissed than they were in the lead up to Namjoon's situation. Also, Blinks and most other shooters were pre-occupied with much juicier drama today, which was the blow-up around Bang Chan's room being suspended. Dives and Stays have been going at it, with Blinks and shooters well in the mix. Scandals sometimes never happen the day of the incident. In fact it's more common for something to happen which an anti or rival fandom notices, keeps away, and then blows up at a more opportune moment - such as during the actual comeback. So it's not like Tae's even in the clear. This could still come back to hurt him (and BTS, because that's how these things always play out), though I doubt it, because of the players.

The Players

The fact is that since Tae started dating Jennie, he has less natural predators within the Blink fandom. He's still hated, just not to same degree he was by that fandom when he accidentally followed Jennie on Instagram a year ago. Also, many Blinks are BTS maknae-line akgaes meaning many Blinks are also taekookers and KTHs. In case anyone was unaware. So Tae is likely never going to get as much umbrage from Blinks as he would from Orbits, for example. But just by being in BTS, he's hated by that fandom.

Rival BTS akgaes are also players here who tried to get the ball rolling on the hate train, but in recent weeks I'd seen sympathy from PJMs towards Tae for his abysmal performance numbers, so not many of them joined in right away. JJKs on the other hand, who have been dealing with a lot of flack for Seven's versions/performance, saw an opportunity to use Tae's gaffe to play off his akgaes and the fandom against other akgaes. ARMYs are a bit stupid, as I've said before, and PJMs are careless, loud, and moronic - they've earned a reputation that makes them easy scapeoats, as I've said before too, so playing those factions off each other was very easy to do.

This all left Black ARMYs, who knew that if this blows up, every BTS member would become a target because of k-pop fandom dynamics, whether that was fair or not, especially for a gaffe like this, to contain this somewhat.

Namjoon does not have the benefit (if I can even call it that) of dating Jennie, his akgaes do overlap with some other fandoms but not Blinks, and his crime was not the sort that was very contagious to other members, so it allowed more akgaes to zero in on him and Blinks to let loose on him.

The Crime

There's no pretty way of saying this, but identity 'crimes' in k-pop fandoms are kind of a bitch and can be tricky to understand. In Tae's case, the fact is that the clips do offer him plausible deniability. I can see how someone could persuade others to think he never mouthed it, though I personally don't buy it. But given the fact that racist charges in particular are very sticky and will be used to target every member, from Jimin to Namjoon even if Tae was the culprit, I can see why the fandom approached it this way.

There's also the very simple fact that a lot of people didn't actually notice that Tae mouthed "nigga". I know the song he was listening to so I know what he said, but I could bet you 40 quid that 80% of the fandom is actually blissfully oblivious. And that's how it usually is with these things. Unless an anti or rival fandom blows it up, it might as well have never happened because few people would've registered that it happened in the first place. And because of (1) the background and (2) the players, it was always unlikely that this could turn into a shit storm today. It could still happen for Tae, but it happening today, in my view at least, was always unlikely.

Namjoon by contrast, had a crime that wasn't even one, but religious sensitivities can be very volatile, and the people who eventually believed he was in error and were fanning the flames, were primarily homophobes and misogynists who justify those beliefs with their religion - in addition to some Muslim fans who perhaps felt genuinely hurt. Not Black ARMYs or Black k-pop stans who have likely dealt with exactly this sort of crime before. I mean, this is k-pop, Shinee and Mamamoo for example, well loved k-pop groups still haven't apologized for doing Blackface and Brownface, they've never even acknowledged it, and yet nobody cares. And so many Black fans unfortunately have a sort of resignation or racism fatigue. In a sense.

One other reason is that, for racist or anti-Black accusations, sometimes other k-pop fandoms could be hesitant to join in and blow up the scandal because they’re aware of their own idols being guilty of the same or much worse, and they know explicitly going after BTS will get ARMYs to drag their faves to filth. It would be something akin to mutually assured destruction but ARMYs would possibly overwhelm with share numbers. Comparatively, accusations around Islamophobia aren’t as common, and so more k-pop fandoms could join in to virtue signal on that basis, and blow it up further knowing ARMYs wouldn’t have equal basis to retaliate towards certain fandoms.

**

I took my time writing all this for a few reasons. One is because I'm very well aware that there's a narrative in some parts of the fandom that Jimin is hated the most and Tae is hated the least. Again as though this is some kind of competition. And that it's very likely for this to be the talking point in this space filled with Jimin biases, jikook shippers, and Jimin akgaes. Not to call y'all out exactly, it's just the reality as I see it. But like I keep saying, if you're listening to akgaes for most anything, you're being quite stupid because you're guaranteed to be misled. In my opinion. There's a lot more things that influence how things play out here, there's so much more nuance into how various patterns develop, that the simplistic and victimizing arguments offered by that point of view, aren't all that helpful if what you want is to actually understand what's happening here.

*

And while I'm on the subject since this post is already too long and I've gotten asks about how to feel about this, I'll copy-paste here what I already told someone else privately:

I don't hate Tae, and as a Black person, much less a Black person who has lived in Korea with family there, this sort of anti-Blackness, while disappointing no matter where its encountered, even more so since it's from a BTS member in this case, is something many Black people live with.

I understand what you mean I think, and though you say you don't know how to feel right now, I know how I feel: I feel disappointed. Tae mouthing the word on camera, not bothering to show more care around how it could look, indicates to me that it's possible he shows even less care in private i.e. he's possibly comfortable saying the word in private. This could be true or false. And while not the worst thing in the world (I don't for a second think any of the guys are perfect people - it's possible there's a high chance they'd behave like typical Korean men in various situations with all the cultural prejudices and ignorance), it's disappointing that this could still happen in 2023. As you've said, it seemed very unlikely. But then again, unlike some other members, Taehyung himself has never come under fire for this sort of gaffe. Where Joon, Hobi, and Yoongi have been forced to grow in their engagement with Black culture as they're the members that have worked very deeply on hiphop, Tae's always had a bit of a peripheral view. He's never been personally impacted by any of that particular scrutiny, and given what I think his personality is like, I won't be surprised if it never really registered in his mind as something to be cautious about, since he'd never been personally really affected by it. Hence one reason I started out that post by calling him stupid, as harsh as that might sound.

Personally, I never expect perfection from BTS, so while this is disappointing, it does not dramatically impact how I feel about Tae or BTS or Layover a week from now. I listen to a lot of music and a lot of hiphop made by artists who have very likely killed before, so my personal tolerance for 'problematic' artists or things like this could be very different from yours. It's unfortunate that Tae's actions could bring very negative attention to the whole group, and people will have feelings - some people being hurt and other people re-offending in a bid to defend or antagonize him, so I'd suggest trying not to get caught in the crossfire. If you still want to support Tae, that's okay. Personally, I'll be checking out his album and plan to support it with streams and some sales. If you're hurt and want to say that, that's okay too. If you don't feel like supporting his project, that's okay too. Process this in a way where you honour your feelings and beliefs first, based on the facts as you have them. And anyone who tries to make your life difficult about it either way, fuck them. In my opinion.

[kalevalakryze]

Yhe'na Det Och'sa Chapter 7: Mi K’ya Ke Omaki

Summary:

"Would you die for me?"

"No. I would live for you."

Golly Gee Willikers, guys, it's been a minute. I have been Going Through It™ these last few months, but thanks to our wonderful and amazing Gabi ( @somewillwin) and all my lovely internet people in the Shin Tano discord, I've finally managed to get some time to work on another chapter! There's still so much more to go, and so much more to cover, so sit tight, and please continue having patience with me through these next few months especially.   Shin is also going through it... and Ahsoka,,, and- yeah, everyone is going through it. and don't forget! ALL ART USED IN THIS SERIES AND CHAPTER IS BY SOMEWILLWIN ON TUMBLR/TWITTER | SOMEWILLLOSE ON INSTAGRAM. Make sure we give credit where it is due, and if you share art, make sure the love goes to Gabi because she really is keeping this whole thing going!   WARNING: chapter imagery contains blood. The chapter contains descriptions of injury and suicidal ideation, and I feel like the influence of the dark side can count as a warning as well. Continue at your own risk. AO3 Link: Here!

“Ahsoka!” Kaeden protested for what had to be the hundredth time since they received the comm. “Do you really think there’s time to drop us off when we know where Shin’s at?” 

“I am not risking your lives,” Ahsoka repeated like a broken record, fingers curled tight around the yoke of the ship's controls as anxiety pulled her muscles tight. She was no stranger to the way fear could manipulate decisions, no stranger to the dangers that lurked behind every choice made, and yet… with her world on the line once again, she found difficulty in arranging her thoughts, found discomfort in the age-old mantra of letting go.

“Commander, you can’t be serious,” Rex was strapped solidly in his seat, fingers pressing into the armrests to keep himself steady through flying that could only be taught by General Skywalker, passed on so similarly in his Padawan, weaving them through space until they could reach the closest discreet jump point in the system. 

“I’m not discussing this with you!” 

There was a time, long ago during the Clone Wars, when Rex had to face the reality of a Togruta’s predatory behavior when Fives got hurt and a fourteen-year-old had bowed over his prone form and bared her teeth at any medic that tried to get too close, wouldn’t move an inch until it was Kix slowly kneeling at his vod’s side. 

He was reminded now of this instance, in the growl that rumbled in the woman’s chest and the way full lips had pulled back, sharp fangs protruding threateningly as she dared a fiery look back at the two humans, a warning echoed deep in their bones in the way artificial lights glinted off of passive blue orbs, almost making it look as if yellow were seeping into her irises with a toxic sludge. 

There was a click, then the sound of seatbelts retracting into their holders as Kaeden unbuckled, feet unsteady against the ground as Ahsoka neared the safest hyperspace lane. “Ahsoka-“ It was a valiant effort to try and calm the frenzied Force-Sensitive, though it didn’t seem to have much of an effect. 

“You weren’t there,” Ahsoka hissed. “You didn’t feel it,” her facial markings were scrunched, and Huyang was almost sure that the woman was going to destroy her steering console if she didn’t lighten the hold. 

“What didn’t we feel, ‘Soka?” Kaeden pressed, hand still pressed against the taut muscle of her bicep, her other hand moving to cover her hands on the yoke. 

“She died , Kaeden. And I just don’t have what we need on the ship to handle that. I can’t trust anyone else to get the space ready, that’s why I need you two to go,” She deflated with this admission. 

Ahsoka had felt the deaths of thousands of Jedi at once, had felt her aliit killed in battle, and had come to terms with the death of her own Master and Grand Master once their presences had closed off to her. For Shin? It was almost like their presence revealed itself, only to torture Ahsoka with the feeling of it being ripped from the world. 

There had been so much fear in the way it had bounced like bait on a string, when she’d meditated, the Force held no answers, no whispers of what could be done, or how she could get there faster. It had stayed torturously silent until the bond had strengthened, soured by darkness and the thick fog of their presence being so weak, unable to truly commit to a bond that stretched across systems when it hadn’t even seemed to want to stay tethered to the physical realm. 

Kaeden had already secured an Alliance frigate to wait on Dac for them, and in the quiet that had followed Ahsoka’s confession, the medic had taken a moment, either to alert them to an earlier arrival before Shin was rescued or to step away and breathe through the sting in her eyes, unwilling to lay any more stress on Ahsoka’s shoulders. 

The rest of the trip was spent in silence, save for Huyang’s mumbling of different coordinates or whatever they were apparently passing, along with, as they passed their clearance code to the spaceport closest to the medical frigatem randomized facts about Dac’s history and environment thanks to the Mon Calamari. 

“Commander,” Rex began as they gathered near the shuttle doors. Before Ahsoka could correct him, she found that strong arms were wrapping around her midsection. She’d grown taller than him over the years… but it was nice to be able to drop her head into the familiar plastoid on his shoulder and squeeze him in her arms, knowing that despite everything, he was with her. “Bring the kid home, alright?”

Swelled with emotion, the Togruta only nodded as they parted. Kaeden stepped up next, as Rex slipped into the frigate, the medic moved to grab at Ahsoka’s face, thumbs brushing over the markings on her cheeks as the Force-Sensitive woman pressed into her. “Don’t forget, we need you to come home too,” She reminded gently, with a parting kiss to the crown of her head. Before Kaeden could depart, she paused in the doorway. “Bring our girl back,” 

“ I will. ” 

Jestfad was a mess, harder to navigate than some warzones, and drenched in the dark side. The electrical storm was threatening to short the entire ship, even Huyang's power cells found issues with the charge in the air, eyes flickering ominously as he did his best to keep himself and the ship moving as Ahsoka kept them free of direct strikes. 

Worry was heavy in Ahsoka’s bones, urging her focus to remain only on getting through the storm. They just had to make it a little bit longer… 

They broke through the worst of the storm, headlights cutting like a sharp blade through the thick fog that settled across the surface, beams swaying as they looked for anything that resembled a humanoid, coming up with boundless sights of storm-torn boulders and the like. 

Shin would have been impossible to see if it hadn't been for the exactness of the coordinates that had been sent over the Fulcrum network, their small frame curled up under a stone monolith that absorbed lightning and kept her mostly safe; safer than Ahsoka was, open like prey waiting to be attacked. "Keep us in the air, we need to get out of here," She instructed, already making a mad dash for the door as they closed in on her position.

 "I have a bad feeling about this!" Huyang called as Ahsoka dropped the ramp and readied the stairs to give her a boost in sliding down to the surface.

"All you need to feel right now is urgency, Huyang!" Ahsoka snipped from the open door, squinting as a bolt of lightning cut through her eyesight of Shin. The force swelled with a helpful exigency and her montrals rang with the aftershocks of the sharp crack of lightning further damaging their surroundings. "Now!" 

The steps smoothed out immediately to send Ahsoka careening to the rocky surface of the planet hard . She had to hit the ground running to avoid the lightning that threatened to turn her to ash, but keeping herself moving after catching the state shin was in was another challenge in itself. 

They were shaking from where their body curled in so tight, with how they sat with their hands folded in their lap, Ahsoka could make out the unnatural twists and angles their fingers made, and the gaping wounds that morbidly decorated their palms. Large chunks of skin were missing from her hands, barely scabbed over lacerations striping painfully across her fingers and knuckles racing almost halfway up her forearm. Blood soaked through the clothes they'd been taken in, blues and grays ruined with the dark, rust-colored evidence of the worst.

"Shin!" Ahsoka shouted over the storm, moving faster than she should have; Silver-blue eyes were half-glazed, jumping to her with absolute fear , unseeing and unregistering of the reality of Ahsoka’s presence. 

"I'm sorry," The child had sobbed once Ahsoka grew near, montrals twitching at the rattle in their chest and the lethargy sinking into their being. Broken fingers flexed around nothing, and fear oozed from their being at a rate almost as concerning as all the blood. 

 All Ahsoka could offer to comfort them was her presence as she dropped to Shin’s side, ginger in the way she approached them and in the waves of pain that radiated off of them and into the very fibers of their bond. The wail of pain from them was agony in her head, one Ahsoka would not be quick to forget as she gathered her lanky kid up into her arms. "I know, I know-” As much as her heart ached to soothe Shin’s worries, to promise they had nothing to be sorry for, she had to be their Master more than their mother if she wanted any hope of getting them off that blasted moon. 

Shin was light, physically at least, though she sunk into Ahsoka’s arms with the weight of a zillobeast, feverish forehead dropping against her lek as hot tears streaked down their face. “ Didn’t say anything ,” Shin rasped at last, voice all but a wheeze. “ They don’t know, ” The rattling in their chest seemed to shake their entire being, “I swear, m.. Ahsoka… please,”   They couldn’t bring themselves to call her mom , not when the Inquisitor’s cutting remarks went far beyond their flesh. 

Ahsoka paused, a strike of lightning caught the monolith, illuminating Shin’s face and the blood that stained sickly skin. “ Oh , Tazi Unt,” she wanted to cry, tell Shin that everything would be alright, and  make everything all right. But the longer they stayed, the more dangerous it became both for her resilience in the force, and their physical wellbeing, and with each passing moment, the weaker Shin seemed to get. 

 The run back to the ship was harder, the storm grew stronger with every passing minute, and the shuttle was beginning to attract attention that they couldn't afford. "Huyang! We need to move, fast!" She shouted the minute her foot touched the durasteel ramp, muscles burning as Shin writhed in her arms uncomfortably, reaching but unable to truly hold onto the woman’s lek for comfort, failing to tether themselves into reality as their feverish state glazed over their eyes. 

The ramp raised behind her as she all but flew into the cockpit, setting Shin down in the knick of time; A bolt struck the hull of the ship, and the next thing she knew, they were diving towards the ashen ground, plummeting to their deaths in seconds; Ahsoka had slammed into the pilots seat to grab at the controls, eyes fixed on the rapidly approaching ground, slamming her free hand into every available control around her, with the painful clicking of Huyang's haywire systems trying to reboot with such an intense electronic disturbance.

 Faintly, she could hear Shin's erratic breaths, fighting to suck in wails to prove they were fine, even as fear flowed into their bond from the woman who just didn't have time to block it. They were trying to pull on the safety belts around them as their fate loomed ever closer, unable to even hook the straps into whatever was left of their hands, instead only able to watch and prepare themselves for the crash. 

 The underbelly of the shuttle scraped painfully against the planet as the power came back on, allowing Ahsoka's next hard yank at the controls to pull them up, and a well timed opening of the throttle to push them just out of the way of the next bolt of lightning that surely would have killed them. 

Huyang clicked back to life with a start; the palm of his hand switching to the hyperdrive, engaging it quickly, with their emergency jump points already queued up for a speedy escape; Ahsoka didn't dare a look behind her, to the injured girl fighting to stay in their seat, shattered hands trying in vain to find some form of a handhold against the turbulence, only earning more bruises from the painful jostling in the seat as they fought to maintain stability in their lane. 

Eventually, the ship steadied, and Ahsoka was able to take her attention away from the control panels at last, autopilot engaging with just a few buttons to maintain the course, listening to the broken gasps as Huyang knelt before Shin’s seat, and the sickening sound of bones being pulled into place along the splints. She couldn’t watch, but she couldn’t just sit there and do nothing, either.

“You’re okay, Tazi Unt , you’re alright,” She repeated those words like a mantra, even when the brunette’s head turned to bury into her stomach, attempting to spare themselves the sight that lay before them. “You’re doing so good,” She’d promised, cupping the back of the girl’s head with her hand, wincing at the indents and scabs along their scalp that felt too much like another being’s fingernails. 

Their hands were in such disarray, tendons and bone made themselves known, ripping through pal, bloodied skin, and Huyang had to scramble to catch up and get some form of control in straightening them out. But to prevent further injury was to bring more pain, and in bringing her more pain, Ahsoka was stuck with their cries echoing in her head, and the way their small frame had shaken so violently in the chair.

When Shin’s cries of pain quieted and turned into something more haunting; whimpers and sucked in breaths, turning to silence aside from the absolute worse, Ahsoka knew they couldn’t continue.  “Huyang, we don’t have anything to help, we can’t do this,” She croaked, hands hovering over Shin’s shoulders, unsure of whether or not she should soothe, or aid. 

Somewhere, long ago, far away on a battlefield surrounded by men who looked the same, Ahsoka could hear the echos of her own voice, younger, back then, with the shrapnel from an IED tearing through sepia-colored skin- “Let me die-” The fourteen-year-old had begged as a Clone’s steady hand pulled everything from metal to bone shards from her skin. 

“Let me die… Please.” The twelve-year-old sobbed into Ahsoka’s stomach, surely unaware of what they were asking for, unaware of everything but the way their bones cracked under Huyang’s fingers as he tried to reset the placement. “Huyang,” Ahsoka pleaded, voice thick with unshed emotion. “Stop.”

“Lady Tano, she needs medical attention, and you’ve dispatched our only medic-” 

“Call her, then, please… Anything but this,”

With hyperspace came silence, and with the silence of the ship around them came the sound of Ahsoka’s own heart thudding in her chest, and an airy rattling that couldn’t have come from the ship- Shin’s chest rose and fell, yes, though it was rapid and unsteady, they couldn’t draw in enough oxygen and-

“Ahsoka? Did you get her?” Kaeden’s voice came from the small comm disc in Huyang’s hand, the sound of materials being moved around following her words.

“Kaeden, she can’t breathe,” The Togruta rushed, oxygen entering her lungs for the first time since Huyang stopped his relentless first aid, warm fingers pressed against their pulse point, the rhythm weak against her fingers, eyes blinking open slowly to watch as her mother’s eyes jumped around their face, to watch Huyang, as if Kaeden could slip from the comm to help, and makers, what she wouldn’t give for that right now. 

“It’s okay, Ahsoka-” There was a small clatter on the other end. “In your cabin, I left a bag. There’s an oxygen canister and everything you should need-”

Shin tried to focus, really she did. But Kaeden’s voice sounded like it was coming from far underwater, and the persistent lingering feeling of drowning stayed clogged in lungs that struggled to fill with enough oxygen. “ Meht ?” Shin called, her voice crackling under a wheeze. Huyang’s fingers around their wrist stopped the child from reaching out as Ahsoka pulled away from them. Why was she leaving them? She didn’t talk… “Meht, please-” Their voice came in a broken sob, lungs constricting as they tried in vain to rise past Huyang. The Inquisitor was right, and Ahsoka never considered them hers and- 

There was just no more energy left to cry, no water left to sustain the tears that contorted their bruised and bloody face as a high, broken sound leaked past split lips, aching with the sorrows no one their age should have known. “She will be back, young Tano,” Huyang tried to ease them as he wound a strip of gauze across their hands, the rich smell of bacta stinging her nose even after the worst was covered. “Here she comes-” His voice couldn’t go as soft as he was trying to portray, the distortion felt like an out-of-body experience as he leaned back, away from Shin- 

“ Please ,” Again, they keened, unable to turn their head to catch Ahsoka juggling items back through the door, only the heart-sinking sight of even Huyang moving away from her. “ I didn’t say anything, please ,” She couldn’t sob, could only crackle out against blood-stained lips and try to plead her case, to beg for their forgiveness and only hope to be accepted. 

The hand that cradled the side of their head had been startling- Black gloves shoving into brunette tangles, gathering them up in strong hands to twist, and pull, or to hold a flailing body under the surface until the fight had left it, only to use the handhold to drag them up and force air back into their lungs. She did not notice the warmth or the way Ahsoka had jumped back twice as much, how every ounce of progress they’d made in getting Shin to accept her safety had been extinguished like a campfire on Kamino. 

“No,” Ahsoka listened with pursed lips and the beast of grief heavy in her heart. “Let me die,” Shin’s hands raised, broken fingers useless in their attempt to curl into a fist to protect their face, blind to the broken horror on Ahsoka’s face as the girl shrank away from her in fear, expecting Ahsoka to hurt them. 

“Shin!” It was Kaeden’s voice on the comm this time, hazy and alternating the line between reality and delirium. “Right here, okay, just listen to me, alright? Just breathe,” She spoke slow enough to earn her their attention but was unable to aid in calming the way they sucked in air too fast.

“Can’t-”  

“It’s okay, baby, your mom is going to help you, okay? She’s right there, she’s right next to you, okay?” The medic couldn’t see, the comm wasn’t equipped for video imaging, but she trusted, maybe even in the Force, that Ahsoka was right where she promised. “ ‘soka, do you know how to set that up?”

“Yeah, yes, I got it-” Keeping her voice level was a lesson she’d learned long ago; it helped her brothers feel more at peace, whether they’d died on the battlefield, or in the relative comfort of the medical wings as long as she didn’t allow her own fear to waver in her voice. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you… Not this time, never again…” 

Quiet reassurances were passed between mother and daughter as thin tubing was carefully laid out, looping behind their ears before the cannulas were placed at their nose. “Your mom is going to help you breathe, alright, just let the air in. Ahsoka, when she’s ready, turn the knob on the canister forty-five degrees counter-clockwise.”

Shin coughed and sputtered at the oxygen pushing into her lungs, lidded eyes flying open to the sight of Ahsoka trying to adjust the tubing, aching to touch them but unwilling to brush against their skin again, lest she be the reason they went back again. “You’re alright, Tazi Unt ,” She cooed, settling herself into a kneeling position at their side,two fingers pressing gently against the center of their chest, listening as their breathing struggled to even out while feeling for the rest of the damage that tore through their small frame, hidden beneath their ill-fitting tunic.  

“You’re doing so good, baby girl,” Kaeden called, easing Shin into finding some sort of compliance, relieving their struggle against the aid offered. 

“Ahsoka, I need you to keep listening to their breathing, have Huyang take over the controls for a bit,” Huyang’s eyes met Ahsoka’s and without a word, the droid rose to his feet, sliding into Ahsoka’s chair and adjusting everything to himself as he brought their course up on a map, taking them out of autopilot so he could work around through the different shortcuts the Rebellion had found.  

“Meht?” Shin was blinking up at her, bleary-eyed and beaten down, shoulders shaking with the looming threat of freezing cold water, long dried, but sticking far beyond their skin brought an intense chill. “I swear…” They coughed, a thick and sickly sounding thing as they struggled to allow the oxygen to help them breathe. 

“I believe you,” Ahsoka promised, fingers hovering where they wanted so badly to reassure them through touch again. “No one blames you, strong girl. We only want to help it stop hurting, but… we won’t be able to do anything more until we get to Kaeden, okay…?” 

The hypospray was in her pocket, she knew she needed to help Shin to sleep, but it was wrong to do such a thing, to even suggest it after all they’d been through, knowing that any kind of a needle brought into the mix wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near them- 

“Please… hurts.” They croaked, closing the distance between their feverish forehead and Ahsoka’s hovering hand of their own accord, seeking comfort in the way Ahsoka’s thumb brushed across the old and ruined paint across their cheeks. Offering her permission to touch them once again. “I don’t want… “ They paused, unsure in their delirious request. The Force answered for her, instead of pain or chains, the child’s request came in the phantom feeling of arms wound against her. “It’s okay, Tazi Unt… I can do that for you, anything you need.” She promised gently, using the aid of the Force to help adjust their position in the chair, keeping their hands steady through the Force until she could slide herself in beneath them, their weight resting fully against her chest as the seat creaked under their combined weight. 

Shin’s head tucked into Ahsoka’s neck, though the woman had to loosely wrap her fingers around their wrists to keep them still, their resistance weak as they struggled against the urge to reach for her mother’s lek. Their erratic breathing slowed once their weight was settled, allowing Ahsoka’s mind to drift away from the weight of the sedative stashed in her pockets, 

“Ahsoka?” Kaeden’s voice on the comm reminded the Togruta of her virtual presence. “I know it’s calm now… but I need you to keep an eye on Shin’s breathing, even the slightest change and we’ll need to adjust our entire approach.” 

“I… She’s as steady as she can be, right now,” Their heart still thundered in their chest, pulse thrumming wildly against the pads of Ahsoka’s thumbs where they pressed into the point on her wrist, feeling the broken rise and fall of their chest as the girl fought to retain every lesson they’d ever been given on easing that pain into the force where it could dissipate. 

“Did you use..?”

“No… I don’t think I can…” Ahsoka’s eyes slid shut in reverence, lips pulling into a frown as Shin’s weight twitched against her. All she’d wanted was to have them back in her arms, but now, with their breath coming in broken puffs against her chest, all she found that she wanted was some way to relieve them from their pain. “ I’m sorry, ” Her nose brushed against the veritable womp-rat’s nest of their head, nose crinkling at how wrong Shin smelled when iron, dirt, and grease hung on them like a thick smog.

“She’s going to be alright, Ahsoka. You found her, she’s safe . Huyang will get you guys back here, and we can treat them properly… we’ll make this work.” 

Ahsoka’s sound of discontent is trapped between her teeth as she worries a fang into her bottom lip. Kaeden spoke, but Fulcrum did not listen, focused entirely on the whistling in Shin’s lungs as exhaustion pulled their consciousness under, the hiss of the oxygen pushing into their nose through the cannulas the only other sound she could find it in her to care about. 

“Ahsoka…?” Kaeden called, though Ahsoka could not gauge how much time had passed, wild eyes filled with worry and tunneled on the small human form curled into her chest. “Hey, you still with me?” 

“Yeah…” Her voice croaked, hoarse as the hailstorm of emotion that refused to bleed into the force dragged down on each syllable. 

“Shut your eyes a bit- I’ll keep my ears out if Shin moves, okay? And Huyang will wake you up- Right Huyang?” She called towards the droid piloting the ship, satisfied with the sound of his servos whirring as his head nodded in the affirmative, even if she couldn’t see him; they’d always had an understanding when it came to their two Fulcrum agents. 

Emotions swirled inside Ahsoka’s chest, dark and rotting- She breathed through it, always had, and always would- Shin was safe . Shin needed her at her best… It was logic she could get behind, the logic that she could rationalize as the days' worth of sleep deprivation caught up with her. An exhale, and the rot subsided, blooming into something lighter , even if the roots were tainted in toxic sludge. 

A dark covered hand reached out for their face, this time, Shin did not flinch away in fear, to their horror, they found their cheek pressing into morbid fingers, something sinful on their tongue as fingers dragged through their hair. “You’re more like me than you want to admit.” The Monster breathed, putrid breath ghosting across their cheeks, filling poison in their lungs. 

Fingers curled in their hair, tugging harshly as the child’s head was wrenched back. “Show me.” Shin heard their own voice rasp out, and felt the words betray her on her own lips. “ Teach me .” 

A flash of orange, green dust caught in the wind, something… purple-

Their eyes opened in a flash, breathing stuttering as their heart thundered. Restraints dug into her skin, something beeped nearby. Unable to gather the strength to look, Shin’s eyes slammed shut tight. But Ahsoka came… She was supposed to be safe!  

Testing at her restraints, she found that the Inquisitor hadn’t locked their wrists to the chair. Broken fingers protested at the movement, though they persisted, moving to rub the snot on their nose away on their forearm- The tubes near their face gave them pause and their next inhale was thick with growing emotion. What were they doing to her now? Was that green dust something else to make her talk…? She was so tired… Why didn’t they just kill her already?Her pinkie curled around a tube, it hurt, but she couldn’t just lay there while they pumped her full of… whatever this was. “Please… Just let me die.” They croaked in a broken whisper, pulling in vein at the tubes that looped back behind her ears.

“Shin…? Sweetheart is that you?” 

Her voice was warm, drowsiness dragged her voice an octave deeper- a naive part of Shin had always loved it when Kaeden would tell her stories in her sleepy voice. 

“Meht…” Broken and tired, Shin’s head relaxed back into the warm flesh of Ahsoka’s shoulder, eyes cracking open enough at last to peer up at the once familiar lights and panels all across the ceiling. “They won’t let me die…”

“No… We aren’t going to let you die, d'bhem. ” A whine formed in the base of Shin’s throat, a sound as broken and desolate as they looked outside. Something clattered on Kaeden’s end, though Shin could not speculate when the predator under her shifted her weight, a sleepy grumble that came in the form of a rumbling chest and a squeeze of her arms reminded the girl of her situation. 

“If I’m not going to die..” Shin dared a look at her hands, finding immediate regret in the way bile, nothing but stomach acid, gurgled up their throat, threatening to expel past their lips at the sight before them. Swallowing thickly, Shin focused instead on the ceiling once more, breathing heavily through her nose, silently thankful for the support they were given. “I can’t be a Jedi… Not like this… I’m ruined.” They whispered, tension leaving their body as they went boneless in warm, restricting arms. “ She isn’t going to want me around anymore.”

“That’s not true. It’ll never be true. We want you, we want you with us all the time, sweetheart… and we will make it better…” A pause, someone’s voice called out on Kaeden’s side. “What’s that thing Ahsoka’s always saying? Do or do not…?”

“There is no try,” Shin’s cheek pressed into Ahsoka’s bicep, freezing body seeking to find some warmth in their mother’s unnatural body heat. There was an uncomfortable shifting as the child wiggled, struggling to raise their head enough to take in Ahsoka’s face for what felt like the first time.

Dark bags hung under the Togruta’s eyes, stress lines etched into the creases of her face, and even her facial markings seemed to be permanently scrunched up as she failed to find relaxation in a fitful slumber. “...Is she okay?”

A pause, the clatter of Kaeden setting something down as she took a measured breath. “She’s just worried about you, Tazi grut .”

Shin’s breathing stuttered again, throat itching with a cough they were unwilling to release, not wanting to risk waking Ahsoka up after causing her so much strife. “ I’m sorry, I never meant to wo-”

“Babygirl,” Kaeden cut her off effectively, “When you love someone, you’re always going to worry. Even Huyang can’t turn that one off.” 

“Oh…” Shin’s chin tucked into her chest bashfully. “Did… Did I worry you…?”

Warm laughter bubbled from the line, tight with the stressors depressing on this brief moment of reprieve. “Very, very , much. But I’ll see you very soon, and I’m going to be here the whole way, I’m not going anywhere, so don’t you go where I can’t follow.” Her plea was hidden in false merriment, although Shin could hear it clear as day. “Do you think you can try getting some more sleep for me? I’m not sure how much further you have to go…”

Shin could see the way Huyang’s metallic fingers flexed against the controls- Tried not to think about curling their own fingers, or the way her own were broken in a similar fashion. “Can I take this off…?” Their forearm brushed against the tubing that crossed along her cheek. 

“Sorry, baby… Not just yet,” And maybe it was the genuine sympathy in the woman’s voice, or maybe it was exhaustion threatening to take them back that had Shin’s arm dropping, broken hands resting over Ahsoka’s gauntlets, smearing blood across the material as they pressed into the familiar garment.

“Okay… You’ll be here when…?” Shin wouldn’t dare to finish, unsure what would be waiting for them, if this was another hallucination, or if the Force would be relenting enough to allow this moment to be real, even if she could feel the way her life threatened to slip through her own mangled fingers. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, my little hunter.” 

Silence followed, the ship rattled, Shin’s broken breathing accentuated by the whisper of snores sneaking past Ahsoka’s lips. “Hey Huyang…?” Their voice was timid where it broke the tense tranquility. “Can you tell me about the Purgill again…?”

The droid cleared his nonexistent throat, clearly glad to be doing something other than bringing further harm to Shin or piloting through the emptiness of hyperspace. “Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away…”

The proximity alarms blared; doing nothing to ease the swirling pit of anxiety in Rex’s stomach,  fingers flexing around the handles of his blasters as they watched the ship pop out of hyperspace, peering through thick transparisteel as he may have all those years ago, once again waiting for Ahsoka return with someone he cared for.. “It’s okay, Rex, we’re safe-” Kaeden’s voice was gentle, pulling him from his thoughts, away from the memories of fallen brothers and Jetti that had been brought home in starships just like the T-6. 

Brown eyes looked at her with a pain built upon years of fighting that she could barely begin to understand. “T-6 one-niner-seven-four you are clear to land,” Kaeden could hear the flight crew through the shuttle’s speakers echoing through her comm. 

The silence was thick, both humans could feel their hearts thundering in their ears, neither daring to break the silence until purposeful footsteps rang through the hall leading to the operating room. “Fulcrum, we can prep her sooner if you-” Kaeden could only imagine the look on Ahsoka’s face as the voice froze in its tracks. The doors hissed open, revealing Ahsoka, with her lips still curled and fangs bared in a warning, with something that screamed danger lurking in the flecks of yellow that seemed to poison her irises, and with a lump of human in her arms, all awkward angles and dried blood. She needed something to hold onto- to ground herself. Thankfully, Rex’s arm was in reach. Her fingers curled around the ancient plastoid, feeling the soldier’s hand reach to grab her elbow, taking the same support being given as they leaned on each other.  She took a breath, letting her eyes slide shut as Ahsoka’s long strides closed the distance. She couldn’t look at this personally, couldn’t look at the fractured bundle in Ahsoka’s arms as Shin. “Kaeden.” Ahsoka’s voice cracked. She’d hoped in vain that the crackling in their earlier conversation was due to the comms, had hoped she wouldn’t have to hear the ache in each syllable. She released her hold on Rex, straightening up as she reached for the bundle in Ahsoka’s arms. “I’ll take them from here, Ahsoka.” Her voice wavered, forcing her to clear her throat as the bundle was passed into her arms. She couldn’t tell who was trembling more, Ahsoka, Shin, or herself?  She’d caught a glance at the pre-teen's face, all pale skin and a multitude of bruises, pounding on that invisible barrier she’d stuffed her emotions behind. 

“Come on, Commander. Kid’s in good hands.” Rex’s voice was rough as he reached for Ahsoka, grabbing her elbow and expertly ignoring the way she mirrored the deadly Akul from her planet, saw past the twinge in her jaw that threatened teeth that itched to tear into his flesh, muscles that spasmed, taut and ready to spring into action for even the notion that he would take her away from her own. 

With Rex and Ahsoka retreating, the small team of trusted medics finally felt safe enough to step in, careful hands helping as the woman laid Shin out against the operating table. They were no strangers to the cruelties of the Empire, not at this point, not when the Empire grew bolder in their blatant disrespect for all life. 

“Careful.” She hissed, just under her breath as a faceless attendant slid the fabric shears through the ruined tunic, all careful stitching and loving repairs forgotten in favor of granting them access to the battlefield painted against a child's skin. “Oh, makers. ” Kaeden paused, her head snapping to the side, bile rising in her throat- she stumbled back, and felt another medic place their hands on her back, steadying her when the sight became overwhelming

“If it’s too much, we understand-”

“I’m fine.” The woman spoke all too quickly. “Continue prepping her, Jlik’fi, help me scrub in, please.” 

Rex learned all too well than when it came to his General, it was better to let him pace when Ahsoka was stuck in the sick bay. Letting the Knight wear holes in his boots and only interfering when gloves hands would reach to pull at his hair or hint at some form of danger- some way to let the worry out that would leave the maintenance squad trying to fix the dents. Thankfully, Ahsoka didn’t have hair to pull on as she stalked the length of the small quarters he’d been ushered into, and as wild as she was when she was a kid, she’d never been big on the violent outbursts.. 

She did, however, have dried blood coating her skin, blood that wasn’t hers , blood that should have been safely flowing through her padawans’ veins, not painting her skin in all its horror.

Blunt nails scraped at her arms, flecking rust-colored remnants away and leaving white scratches in their wake. “Commander,” Rex heaved a great sigh as he stood. Ahsoka sure wasn’t a youngling anymore, and the Togruta had outgrown him tenfold, all broad shoulders and lean muscle, montrals sprouting like a crown from the sides of her head. He’d never been scared of her before, but there was something… off. Something that screamed danger, just like Anakin, a red flag that no one knew to catch onto. “Ahsoka.” He repeated for what had to have been the hundredth time, trying to get the Force-Sensitive to acknowledge his existence before she worried a hole into her lip, where fangs indented the skin of her lip, threatening to break the skin. 

“She’s in there with the best of the best-“

“What if it’s not enough?” She hissed, voice dropping, weighted down by that ache that went deeper than her bones, the pain that seemed to permeate her being in the very force. 

Rex blinked, a slow, contemplative expression furrowing his features as he reached to scratch his fingers through his beard. Ahsoka was always a woman of action , she didn’t get caught up in the ‘what-ifs’. 

“We have to let her try, though. All we can do right now is make sure, when Shin wakes up, that we’re here, right where she needs us.” He reasoned, scooting himself to sit on the edge of his seat, fingers curling around the edge of the table he’d sat himself at. “C’mon, kid. Sit with an old man.”

“I’m older than you.” She lacked the emotion, the impish look that would cross their faces when they teased each other about age, but it was a start . 

“Well, only one of us can get the senior citizen discount at forty-twos.” 

“Rex, it’s literally a clone bar, built by your brothers.” Her pacing came to an end as she slid bonelessly into the seat opposite him. Trembling fingers came to rest on the tabletop, though he was quick to cover her hands with his own, hiding the dried blood that clung to her skin under the guise of squeezing her hands in his own. 

“Yeah well… meli-room, meel-roo-un.” A smile cracked his lips as he shook his head, playfully dismissive of her argument. “Now c’mon. What’s that thing you Jetti are obsessed with? Meditation?” 

“ You want to meditate ?” Fulcrum asked incredulously, the facial markings above her eyes furrowing in disbelief as he shrugged. 

“Give it a shot before you carve a hole into the floor…” he just didn’t want to watch her lose herself, didn’t want to watch her plummet the same way Anakin had after she’d left. He could never help but feel like there was more he could have done, and when it came to his vod’ika , he was determined to do all in his power to never feel that strange, encompassing guilt once more. 

“Alright… alright.” She slipped her hand from his in order to rub at the side of her montral, surely aching from the intense stress of the day. 

Rex couldn’t help how closely he paid attention to the way the gold-flecked in her eyes lessened with her agreement, how her eyes slid shut but her chest still rose and fell too fast to achieve a proper meditation. He found his own worry easing now that the gnawing unknown fled from his vod’ika, leaving her as she was- exhausted and sick with worry, but Ahsoka all the same.

With a quiet groan, the clone rose from his seat, putting himself on the floor right beside her, legs folded beneath him with his head leaning against her knee, one hand resting against her ankle as he lent her his strength. 

The Togruta’s hand dropped from the tabletop, curling against the plastoid armor at his shoulder before dropping to his chest plate, following a grove left from a battle she could hardly remember. 

Rex’s breathing became more pronounced, giving her something to follow as her fingertips rested over his heart. 

Eventually, her own breathing evened out, the Togruta seemed to slip back, away from the immediate stressors of reality as she dipped into the vast pool of life that was the Force, surely seeking answers or calm beyond what a mere mortal could ever provide. 

“We’ll be okay, commander.” He grumbled, voice barely breaking the white noise of the air recyclers humming in the walls. 

Rex didn’t know how long it took, or how much time had passed before one of Kaeden’s medics poked their head into the room, rousing both Clone War survivors from their separate stupors. He did know, however, that when he looked at Ahsoka, the gold in her eyes was gone, and that worrying gnawing on his heart had subsided as she rose from her seat to follow them back to the room aboard the frigate. 

Kaeden looked as exhausted as everyone felt, all but collapsed into a chair at Shin’s bedside in the frigid room. Warmed blankets covered the frail body in bed, with a skinny wrist poking beneath the covers, tubes, and wires going this way, and that while medical equipment and droids beeped a symphony of life around them. 

Warm brown fingers curled around Shin’s wrist, just above the length of bandages that curled around the girl's hands and up her wrists, grounding herself to the steady thrumming of blood in her veins as she waited. 

“Kaeden,” Ahsoka greeted in a whisper, eyes taking over the room. The rest of the medical team had filed out on Kaeden’s request, leaving the family with much-needed silence. 

“She’s okay.” Kaeden rasped, thumb brushing against the small patch of unmarred skin beneath her fingers. 

Ahsoka crowded her field of vision when she knelt before her, taking her attention with soft eyes and kind fingers tapping against her chin. The question was silent, passed between the two women with a glance. “I’m okay,” she promised, free hand reaching to wrap around Ahsoka’s wrist, thumb pressing into the pulse point in a gentle swipe. “Get your girl.” 

With permission, Ahsoka finally allowed herself to take in the sight of the child- her child as they laid out before her. Her hair was cut and shaved in a patchwork where the team had needed to handle the injuries that had danced across the delicate surface of her head. Stitches and bandages broke up the expanse of pale skin and bruises on their path to disappear beneath the thin shirt provided. Even in sleep, Shin’s face was contorted in pain, nose wrinkled at the smell of bacta across her bruises that permeated even her medically aided dreams, with small twitches and spasms firing through various muscles as the haze of sedatives wore down. 

“ Oh, Shin. ” Ahsoka whispered, taking her place at her Padawan’s side, reaching out to ghost her fingers along the mess of bandages, careful to avoid the wires that let the humans hear the unstable thrum of her heart, to know that she was alive, to promise that she was there , with them, when the minuscule rise and fall of her chest failed to ease their concerns. 

Ahsoka’s very bones seemed to rattle inside their prison of flesh and muscle. She recognized this for what it was- with each wave of pain that thrumemd in time with her heart beat, she focused on the feeling, the attachment, so dangerous to someone like her, like them . Even now, she could feel the way the ache for revenge itched under her skin, the way something darker whispered in her mind. You can make sure no one ever hurts her again . 

Drawing her legs onto the chair with her, the Togruta repositioned herself, heavy eyes falling closed with the sound of Shin’s breathing and the beeping of the monitors tethering her to the world around her.  She’d been down this road before, many years ago, had lost countless brothers and felt the same simmering danger under the surface, a poison that threatened to sink into her bones and take control. 

Attachments led to pain, Jedi were taught to forgo all attachments, to let go and become something greater . 

Something rumbled in Ahsoka’s chest, unknown, uncultivated, something the Jedi would have never bothered to teach her to understand, a feeling and a hurt so primal, unlike anything she’d ever known the dark side to be capable of- a low, keening sound escaped her lips. She was no stranger to the behaviors of Torguta, but she’d been left to assume that such a… visceral reaction to one of her pack being injured would have been long removed from her abilities. 

The sound dragged Kaeden from her solemn reverence. She was familiar with the Force-Senstive’s silence when she’d meditated, had only ever heard the warrior speak in quiet words that commanded attention. Even injured herself, Ahsoka had never emitted such a noise, not in all the time she, nor Rex, had known her. And despite Shin’s own human biology, it seemed that the noise resonated in her, too. Enough for glassy eyes to crack open and a hand to lift just mere centimeters from the bed. “Meht.” Shin had croaked, voice barely loud enough to register past all the equipment. 

To Ahsoka, though- The rasp in their voice was an answer, not just to the question pressing on all their shoulders, but to that deeper ache in her chest, lessening when she opened her own eyes and saw herself reflected in watery depths. “I’m here, Tazi Unt. ” She leaned across the bed until the tips of her Lek dragged against the scratchy material of the sheets, letting her fingers ghost over the sliver of skin that poked out of the bandages along Shin’s arm. “ You are here.” 

She could feel the way Shin’s muscles quivered, the strain keeping her arm raised was taking. With a gentle press, Ahsoka succeeded in easing the girl's arm into dropping back into the bed, a look of relief- albeit minor in comparison to everything else, crossing their face, allowing the girl just a moment of peace. 

It didn’t last, of course. Nothing good ever seemed to. The girls mind finally seemed to break through the barriers of painkillers, racing to catch her up to speed with the burning sting in her flesh and the fractures in her bones that ran deep enough to penetrate their very soul. “Ahsoka…” The woman blinked- Her name from those lips was wrong , yet she could not stand to correct them, not when she’d failed them as both Master and Mother. “Don’t…. Don’t lose yourself for me.” They grumbled, weariness dragging them back down as the weight settled back across her shoulders. “I’m… You’re not- I…”

A bandaged hand brushed against her lekku, making them both wince: Ahsoka in shock, and Shin in what could only be pain. “Hush now, Shin… Just. Get some rest, okay?” Ahsoka pressed forward until her lips came to rest at the crown of Shin's head, pulling back just enough to watch as exhaustion dragged their eyelids down and their breathing deepened into something as close to a restful sleep as any of them could hope to get anytime soon. 

Translations Togruti Mi K’ya Ke Omak - I want to live Tazi Unt - Little one Meht - Mother d'bhem - love Tazi Grut - Little Hunter Mando'a Aliit - Family Jetti - Jedi Vod - Brother/Sister Ori'Vod - Older Brother/Sister Vod'ika - Little Brother / Sister