#diary blog post

[balkanradfem]

Whimsical adventures with my Nepali roommate

So one day I come home from work, get into the bathroom, and realize while I'm in there that I'm being called, and that someone is at the door. I get out to find my roommate talking at tge door to a guy I've never seen before, and they're both smiling. I ask her if that's her friend, and he clarifies that no, he's here to promote Hare Krishna. I immediately put my guard up; I'm not about to be dragged into another religion, but she's smiling at him, taking books from him, he's explaining to her that she needs those books and they are 'a path towards her', meanwhile when he offers them to me, I politely say 'I'm not interested', and try to move on with my day.

They're still chatting at the door, and she tries to take one of the book and go, but he stops her, asking for a donation, but in a very evasive language, which she didn't understand. I then interjected to explain to her that the books aren't actually free, even though he's handing them around as if they were; she'd have to give some money to him, but she can decide how much. When she realized what I was saying, she immediately turned to him and said 'I don't have any money', to which he decided to try me, and started asking me if I could lend her, saying I needed this book too. I said no thank you, I have it all figured out. He asked if I was joking, in disbelief. I didn't comment, and then he asked me directly 'What's the meaning of life? What is the purpose of being alive?' and I replied 'Each of us gets to choose our own', and he did not like that answer, and immediately attacked it with 'but that's an illusion', and I already had enough of this guy so I told him to not waste his time and sent him on his merry way. I find it rude that anyone would doubt I understand the meaning of life; I've spent years figuring it out!

My roommate was emabarassed for not figuring out that the guy was selling religion, but I reassured her it's alright, she just moved in here, she couldn't have known that people are fake-selling books around the place. I later looked into Hare Krishna, because they've been around a lot recently, and found their religion is a hinduist one, connected to reincarnation and featuring 'levels of consciousness', but reading on it turns out they believe in one guy who is the holy person and beginning of all life, and I understood it was just another sexist scam religion like all the rest, stealing credit from female creators.

Few days later, roommate called me up to come to kitchen, and proposed she'll make lunch for both of us. I had already eaten, but I didn't want to refuse such a great invitation, so I replied yes and was excited to try some of her food! She had a pressure-cooker which made a lot of hissing noises and scared me, and she used some cooking techniques I've never seen before.

She made a soup by putting red lentils into water, adding spices, adding salt, and then she put the entire thing to pressure cook. Then, she minced some garlic, put some oil in the pan, and sauteed the garlic. When it started smelling delicious, she grabbed half of the oil and all of the garlic, and added it into the soup! I knew it was possible to infuse oil with garlic like that, but had never made a soup in that order; it was a delicious soup. Then she added some mushrooms and tomatoes into the pan that still had garlic-infused oil in it, and made a sauce to eat with the rice.

When we got to eat, I asked her which utensils she likes to use, unsure if Nepali people used chopsticks at all, (which I own and love to use like a little weaboo) and she replied none, she eats with fingers! I laughed because that sounds so freeing and fun and she indeed, ate the entire lunch with her fingers; I've never seen that! So tempting to try, but I also love utensils and not having to wash my hands after lunch. Her food was great; it was so different and yet delicious, tasted like nothing I've ever eaten before.

Since my roommate is so nice I haven't been that much on guard about hiding how mentally ill I am, and she picked up that I'm overly tired and have awful blood pressure, because I collapsed in the corridor when she called me up to help her with something. She was immediately on this, suggesting I need to go to the doctor, and I tried to explain it's just blood pressure. But now she's looking at me suspiciously all the time. Today she offered to get me medicine when she noticed I'm lightheaded, and then suggested that I don't drink enough water 'All you drink is tea!' and I insisted that tea is water, while also sitting down so I don't fall again. She then ran off and brought me a handful of walnuts and hazelnuts and told me to eat those. She also left me some soup in the fridge.

Feeling embarassed with myself now; I should be having things figured out and offering her medicine and food, and instead she's appointed herself a doctor and a pharmaceut to me. She also brought me a few mandarines the other day and I said I'd make lunch for her tomorrow. I'm not used to roommates being that nice! I would usually get dirty looks for being a mess.

On the other note I have no idea what to do for lunch; I have some green lentils and dry peas and carrots and potatoes so maybe a soup? Her meal was so good I am certain to look bad next to her but, I can handle that, I can be the worse cook, it will make her more confident and that's like a win for everyone.

[timetravell]

[borderlesbian]

me fighting the urge to be such a bitch to someone bc i'm overstimulated and anxious

[himeshifts]

reminder: shifting is real. you’re going to have memories from when you were a kid or random interactions with people you knew back then. even the dream you may have had when you were 10... oh and perhaps the supermarket you visited with your parents 6 years ago? your life in your dr doesn’t start from the moment you shift there. life is still life. don’t treat your dr as a ‘magical‘ place.

[tear-stained-lenses]

*No reply*

Oh so you want me to kill myself?

[dwaintydoll]

⠀ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝑐𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝑏𝑜𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝑜 𝘶𝘴𝘦 :

𝜗℘ ᶻ 𐰁 ⟢ ݂

ᨳິ † ♡ྀི ꒱

꒰ ౨ৎ .ᐟ .ᐣ ᡣ𐭩

[deepestdelulu]

Learning to love yourself ౨ৎ

Celebrate yourself. Every accomplishment deserves to be acknowledged, no matter how big or small. Stop putting yourself down by thinking that you don't deserve to celebrate your achievements just because others have accomplished "greater things." Also, there is so much fun in hyping small wins; call your girlfriend, bake a cake, and enjoy yourself!!

Invest time in things that you love. Doing what makes you happy is essential for your mental health. It's so important to pursue one's small and simple pleasures without the intention of turning them into profit!!

Boundaries and relationships. Learn to say no, define and set boundaries, question your current relationships and friendships, and distance yourself from people who make you feel unloved or worthless.

Allow yourself to grow. Let go of the notion that you are undeserving of growth. Acknowledge the past for what it is, learn from it, and grow from it.

Refelct. Getting to know yourself deeply is key to self-love; journaling is a great way to reflect. Ask yourself questions, question your habits, observe how you respond in certain situations, etc...

Trust yourself and your intuition. Listen to yourself, and don't dismiss the small cues that your inner voice gives you!!

Care for yourself. It is not selfish to look after yourself. Start exercising, eat balanced and healthy, stay hydrated, educate yourself, read complex literature, consume media mindfully, prioritise your sleep and routines, care for your skin and hair...

Be patient. Self-love takes time; you must slowly unpack and unlearn past habits, confront uncomfortable thoughts and memories, and gain a deep understanding of yourself. Give yourself time and approach this as a journey to enjoy. <3

[siyzuii]

shifting is self discovery.

excuse the yap but i think it’s very important that people realize how fundamental you are in your shifting journey and that you are literally the only thing you need to shift.

you do NOT need:

a method

subliminals

(guided) meditation

to look for advice hour after hour online

symptoms

the void state

lucid dreaming

to visualize

to use your 5 senses

a script

you DO need:

yourself

you can say fuck you to the universe, doubt as much as you want, and still shift. i say that because i’ve done it before even with doubts! so you can too!

“how do i shift?”

every time someone asks this i lose 5 years off my life span. i can’t determine that for you, nobody can. i can tell you what has personally worked for me and so can others, but there’s no guarantee it’ll work for you.

“so what do i do?”

sounds a bit harsh but you figure it out. and that’s what i mean by self-discovery.

of course, you can & should see what other people are doing to create a base line of what you think could work for you. for example try getting into the void state, see what happens from there. doesn’t work or you don’t like it? (because that obviously won’t do the same thing for everyone) try something else!

play around. add new things into the mix. affirmations. intention. you can visualize or use your 5 senses. keyword can. you don’t have to. because what do i think works the best? minding your business and shifting your own way.

remember that you can literally just say “fuck you i want to shift” and shift. you can shift accidentally. so who’s to say what you’re doing doesn’t work? (if it really doesn’t then you can adjust it slightly. look back on your behavior and think about what you want to change.)

seriously!

you can shift:

tired

awake

asleep

in the hypnagogic state (the state of the transition from wakefulness to sleep)

in the hypnopompic state (the state of consciousness leading out of sleep)

while dancing

sitting

standing

laying down

on the floor

accidentally

through a lucid dream

with doubts

and so much more i didn’t mention. seriously no need to overcomplicate it.

just remember that other peoples’ shifting journeys are not yours and that you’re the most important part of your own.

you are what makes you shift.

it’s not your subliminals or your method or whatever, it’s you. YOUUUU. subliminals? “methods”? those things? just helpful tools. they can HELP you shift, but there’s no guarantee.

for example, i personally have been getting more effective results after listening to specific subliminals regularly (psst.. i make sure they’re safe! to check if they are safe, look at the comments around the page and if you’re still not sure and you feel uneasy then do not use the subliminal. if it makes you feel unsafe or weird then do not use it. always read the benefits or what you can find in the description.) it works for me. it got me results (along with other stuff) but it might not give them to you and that’s okay. you don’t have to use subs.

just a reminder that you don’t need anything but yourself to shift <3

it’s self discovery because you’re learning from it and actively finding out (discovering) what works for you.

your shifting journey is yours so don’t make it rely on what someone else does.

THERE’S NO KEY TO SHIFTING EXCEPT YOURSELF.

[malusokay]

Learning to love yourself 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Celebrate yourself. Every accomplishment deserves to be acknowledged, no matter how big or small. Stop putting yourself down by thinking that you don't deserve to celebrate your achievements just because others have accomplished "greater things." Also, there is so much fun in hyping small wins; call your girlfriend, bake a cake, and enjoy yourself!!

Invest time in things that you love. Doing what makes you happy is essential for your mental health. It's so important to pursue one's small and simple pleasures without the intention of turning them into profit!!

Boundaries and relationships. Learn to say no, define and set boundaries, question your current relationships and friendships, and distance yourself from people who make you feel unloved or worthless.

Allow yourself to grow. Let go of the notion that you are undeserving of growth. Acknowledge the past for what it is, learn from it, and grow from it.

Refelct. Getting to know yourself deeply is key to self-love; journaling is a great way to reflect. Ask yourself questions, question your habits, observe how you respond in certain situations, etc...

Trust yourself and your intuition. Listen to yourself, and don't dismiss the small cues that your inner voice gives you!!

Care for yourself. It is not selfish to look after yourself. Start exercising, eat balanced and healthy, stay hydrated, educate yourself, read complex literature, consume media mindfully, prioritise your sleep and routines, care for your skin and hair...

Be patient. Self-love takes time; you must slowly unpack and unlearn past habits, confront uncomfortable thoughts and memories, and gain a deep understanding of yourself. Give yourself time and approach this as a journey to enjoy. <3

You guys ALWAYS ask about self-love and confidence, sooo I hope this can be a little helpful to some of you and as always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and tips in the comments!! ♡

love ya ･:*₊‧౨ৎ

[unknownn-girl]

[pink111shit]

[neizia]

sometimes i wonder if this an actual disorder i have or am i just being weird

[hyacinth7clover]

[borderlesbian]

i don't want to heal i want them pay for what they did

[trouble-de-la-belle-princesse]

having bpd fucking sucks because I'm constantly switching between "I'm the scum of the fucking earth and should be killed on site" to "if I'm not getting constant praise and attention like i deserve then i don't deserve to be a human"

[tear-stained-lenses]

“I love you.”

No you don't.