#cw: mental break

[chaikachi]

there's a million ways to spill blood on the court...

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 192

a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!

anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.

[gor3sigil]

I have to share a story about why I HATE the term "trauma dumping".

So basically, we were at my at the time partner's house with friends of them and we were talking about mental health.

I don't remember exactly how we came to this but one woman started talking about psychosis and her sister who is schizophrenic.

She had a lot of preconception about this and, while I am not schizophrenic, I dealt with psychosis and hallucinations.

So I started to talk about my experiences with that, stating AGAIN that I wasn't schizophrenic but I thought it was an interesting point of view.

Some other people started asking questions so I answered them, asking here and there if it was okay for me to talk about it, and nobody, INCLUDING the woman who started the conversation in the first place, said anything.

And at one point I saw she was uncomfortable and asked her if she'd rather drop the subject.

And then, she BLEW UP on me saying that I was trauma dumping, that she felt like she was partaking in a conversation she NEVER ASKED to partake in (again, she was the one who brought up the subject), that I was being insensitive and over sharing shit and that she didn't like it.

Like, bitch, I asked a bunch of time if it was okay, you were the one talking about these symptoms without even living it and trying to teach people some crappy over the counter shit, but now that she wasn't the Main Character with the Knowledge it became an issue and I was the problem.

I know that I'm open about my experiences and tend to talk about it but I ALWAYS make sure that people on the other end are okay with me sharing this. This was just utter bullshit.

And online or IRL, I just noticed that the term "trauma dumping" is just the easy way out of a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable while putting the blame on the person doing it.

You can absolutely put boundaries, but don't you dare guilt someone just to avoid being seen as an asshole and make yourself clean of anything. It's healthy to state that you are uncomfortable talking about things, but you can do so without making up shit about others.

[dogin8]

Wilbur Soot has obviously read the Callmecarson handbook on how to handle being outed as an awful individual

[bonefall]

I can't see how the writers still think Skystar's a good person. Like, twelve year old me liked him and thought he was interesting, but I was like twelve. And even I knew he was an irredeemable asshole after Moth Flight's Vision. If a twelve year old can figure this stuff out I have no idea what these grown ass writers were doing.

DOTC has a thesis, stated in The First Battle, that really explains everything.

"Fear and Greed" is just a fake-deep way to reinvent a Good and Evil dichotomy. Because Clear Sky's abuse comes from a place of fear, it means it's not malicious, unlike a "greedy" cat.

He can be "soothed," ergo, he's a fundamentally good person.

Post-First Battle, the books are focusing constantly on his feelings, how sad it makes him to not be trusted, how happy he is when people are on his side. All while he continues to screech at people who tell him what to do, manipulate and mistreat his son, and even still beats and mauls those who offend him.

But because it's "fear," that doesn't matter. That's a justification, an excuse. The writers don't seem to believe in good and bad actions as much as they do good and bad people. True 'evil' comes from a person who hurts others for the wrong reasons, like 'revenge' or malice.

It's abuse apologia. Plain and simple.

The truth is that abusers don't think of themselves as evil people, and everyone, even you and me, is capable of being toxic or abusive. Talk to those who have been abused and we'll tell you; we often stayed because we "saw the good," or even felt responsible for them. Abuse can be passed down through generations because the kids come to believe the way they were treated was normal and okay.

If you go through life thinking that abuse only comes from evil/greedy people, you won't see it when it happens right in front of you. Fundamental good and evil is childish. Abuse comes from fear all the time.

Abuse is about power and control. Fear of rejection, of losing someone, of pain, those are all very common motivators as the abuser tries to stop them from happening before they even begin. It doesn't MATTER that your abuser is in pain too, you NEVER "deserved" what they did in an attempt to break your legs so you wouldn't run.

But... we can all change. Even the worst of us. It's never too late to stop hurting others, move on to a better life, but some people never will. Skystar loves his power, and he keeps that power no matter how many times he misuses it.

He has no reason to change as long as his cruelty rewards him with status and authority.

But the writers are incapable of recognizing that, because for this entire arc, they were stuck in an absurd view of the world in terms of Fear and Greed. Abuse can be excused if he did it for the "right reason," and that makes him "fundamentally different" from the truly evil villains, Slash and One Eye.

Hopefully, it now makes more sense to you.

[blametheeditor]

Day 1 | Mirth

Gt July Prompt List

Next

When stranded on an uncharted underwater planet, alone and surrounded by hostile lifeforms, there are only two possible outcomes: adapt and survive, or die trying.

Spoilers: For the game Subnautica

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and violence. Mentions of drowning and suffocation.

Introducing the Subnautica AU

____________________________

Fritz finds himself laughing uncontrollably. 

In hindsight, it shouldn’t have been as funny as it was to him. But once he started to laugh, there was no stopping it.

Even though he’s positive he’s the only survivor of the ship that crashed on an undocumented and hostile planet. No hope of being rescued as he fights for his life using technology that might as well be magic to him. Nothing but certain death lying in wait for him at every corner. 

But maybe that’s why he had such a visceral reaction. To something as simple as a fish getting stuck in the rock and exploding out of sheer frustration. 

He hadn’t even been confident on how he should’ve reacted. The teenager thought he was a respectful distance from the sulfur plant inside the tunnel he was just outside of to collect materials. Apparently this particular crashfish didn’t appreciate it and decided to come after him. Seemingly attempted to be stealthy and decided to squeeze through a narrow hole. A move that, if it worked, would’ve left Fritz dazed and bleeding. 

Fortunately for Fritz, it hadn’t worked. Ended up with the territorial fish firmly stuck, unable to swim forward or backward. Went completely still for a full minute as the confused teenager watched before exploding. 

Not because anyone or anything got close enough to trigger the reaction. No, purely out of frustration. Decided that would be the best course of action. 

Fritz had stared for a good minute. Felt a smile tug on his lips when he realized what happened. Couldn’t hold back a small giggle after it bubbled in his throat. Unable to stop as his laughter grew louder, stronger, to the point there were tears in his eyes as he desperately tries to gasp for air. 

"Me too,” Fritz wheezes as he clutches his stomach, his body in pain but unable to stop, part of him not wanting to. “Me too.” 

How ironic the fish that tends to cause him the most grief is the one that makes him laugh for the first time in days. Most likely this will be the only time he finds a reason to, but he’ll take it. Hope that he can be treated to such a sight again in the future. Give him something to look forward to amidst the daunting task of surviving without any promise he’ll ever be rescued.

The flashing from his HUD warning he’s about to run out of oxygen jerks Fritz out of his daze. Takes a long and slow breath as he quickly swims up to the water’s surface. Sends fearful glances below him as his air replenishes. 

The last of his mirth vanishes when his eyes catch a blurry but unmistakenly large figure swimming in the distance. The Aurora stretching into the sky as smoke continues to bellow from the once magnificent ship. The reminder just how insignificant he is on a planet completely submerged in water. 

...if a fish half his size valiantly protects its home despite clearly being outsized and outmatched, then Fritz can too. It’s about time he finally looked at everything the Lifepod can make.

[nanamin-nah-nanamine]

TW: rant‼️

Basically recent life events and the reasoning why I probably won’t be writing as frequently. If you’re easily triggered by relationship issues and mental health this is nawt for you pookie stay safe🫶🏾

Y’all I just got out of a five month long relationship literally yesterday and I’m still processing so much of it. I thought the information I garnered yesterday was the end of it but turns out he’s just been playing pretend,using me to feel loved and said and quote “I thought you would catch on to me being unhappy” when I’m SO autistic and have told him many times that I need things spelled out for me. Like I don’t get undertones a lot of the time in day to day conversations and I’ve mentioned it so many times so now it hurts even more to know that the whole duration of the relationship my needs were just falling on deaf ears. And it sucks even more that I was being played like bozo the fucking clown the entire time simply because I couldn’t read between the lines of his bullshit.

Like I already have trust issues from previous relationships both romantic and platonic and this really nailed the coffin shut on that. It’s looking like it’s back to therapy for me to unpack this shit cause Jesus Christ.

Like y’all I want to be so fucking mean about him right now but it’s not in my character to hurt the people I love even though I really want to but I know better so I took the high road and it doesn’t feel good even though I told him about his ass.

Like I just want to snap and be a bitch and yell and scream but I’m too god damn nice to hurt anyone unless they’ve pushed me past my breaking point which has only happened once in my life despite everything I’ve been through.

Like it’s so jarring to think this was the man I was going to move in with and marry and have a family with only to realize his love for me was a lie because he was too much of a coward(his words) to let me go because he liked the way I made him feel.

No matter what I say or how cocky I get I am a LOVER and I am SENSITIVE y’all. Daughter of Aphrodite kinda shit. Been having crushes since I was four kinda shit. Thinking about marriage since I was eight kinda shit. I am a lover and a nurturer and sensitive and fragile and one hell of an empath which this world wasn’t made for so I’m fighting for my life.

Everyday I wake up and choose to be kind but it’s like a choice that isn’t mine because it’s etched into my being and comes as naturally as breathing. I hate being kind because it’s always been to my detriment but I will continue to do so because that’s what I’ve always done.

Im honesty just sick and tired of being hurt and I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.

I will continue to be a lover, and that will be the thing that ruins me.

Me if you even care btw

[u3pxx]

is this anything

[cassiaratheslytherpuff]

Having physical and mental illness at the same time is honesty such an experience.

I went to the doctor last week and asked to see a therapist/psychiatrist or just anyone who can help me manage my bipolar better because I'm just so over having several episodes a year. And my doctor is great and she said she did want to refer me, but she also said that I'll likely be rejected since I'm not visibly disabled from it (like I'm in a full time job and haven't asked for sick-leave. Which - I haven't worked a full day since the middle of May. But saving up hours by working way too much when I'm hypomanic and stable + using vacation time is functioning enough apparently)

So then we moved on to the other reason for my visit, which was "my wrist hurts a bit and it makes it a bit uncomfortable to type and drive which I need for work". And within 2 minutes I had a prescription, a blood draw and a referral for an MRI scan.

And it's just fascinating because my depressive episodes hurt so much more than my wrist, and they disable me so much more. And yet it's so much easier to get health care services for my wrist, simply because it's a physical thing.

[caterjunes]

removed our broken fucking sink faucet. took me half an hour, a lot of wrist pain, plus a tremendous amount of spiderwebs, rust flakes, mysterious grime, and water falling on my head. love it /s. now i need to scrape off the black ooze and shreds of old silicone, clean it all thoroughly, and figure out how the fuck to properly protect the holes from continuing to rust. then install the new faucet (had to drive 45 min each way this morning to get it). i hate this.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[cws: starvation/food insecurity, fantasy racism, psychiatric abuse, ableism, and Upsetting Pictures.]

-

one thing that fucks me up immensely about pericles before and after the asylum is how fucking skinny he is.

like. as much as obviously the two designs are Very Inconsistent in general which annoys me, look at him pre-timeskip. look at how he's shaped.

his head and face are way smoother and rounder, both in front and back, and the space between his cheekbones and his eyebrow ridge is filled in; his body is rounder in general and his belly is noticeably between his thighs when he's standing up; he has kind of a chubby butt; his chin and neck are softer and wider around, which you can really see with the width of the scarf compared to his shoulders and the angle where it meets his head. it comes up in front of his face more because there's not as much of an angle with his chin to hold it down.

now. compare all those things to this.

christ.

and like, you could argue some of these design differences are tiny things to zero in on in a show that's as loose with its models as sdmi is. but present-day pericles' design is pretty obviously supposed to be unsettling because he's physically built to be a Cute Roumb Little Mascot Creature--so much so that the framework has managed to stick around a little in spite of everything--and has become gaunt and haggard anyway. and you could also argue that the body type changes are just thanks to aging twenty years (and i don't doubt that's contributed).

except. he spent those twenty years in an asylum where the other inmates we see look like this.

christ.

(fun little fact that @thecottageinthedark pointed out also: remember how he literally got caught at one point because he couldn't stop eating sunflower seeds, even during a heist? a high-fat, high-calorie snack for birds? you know, exactly the kind of thing a starving person who finally has proper access to food would be wolfing down?)

(yeah.)

did i mention that this happened in a (fantasy) racially segregated prison, which is technically an asylum so the inmates can be kept there indefinitely, because in an actual prison you're required to have a sentence? did i mention that none of the human characters we see in human prison look any less healthy during or afterward, and on top of that are allowed to move around and socialize? did i mention the absolutely horrific treatment of the asylum inmates is implied to be despite the fact that the (physically abusive!) guard is playing up how dangerous and malicious they are? (you know. except for pericles 🙃)

did i mention the man who got pericles imprisoned--who he had not only done nothing to beforehand, but had helped--says he was there to 'live out the rest of his miserable parrot life in a cage, where he belonged,' and not only do none of the characters we're supposed to side with have anything to say about that, but the audience is clearly supposed to agree with him too?

(did i mention said man--who was in on the crime, singular, that pericles went to prison for!--spends those twenty years living a life of luxury in power while abusing the child he kidnapped as a baby and held hostage his entire life, and when we see him in prison he is not only chilling out and helping the authorities but reading a newspaper?)

did i mention the part where by the time we meet pericles he hasn't spoken in years?

like. man the 'ooooo scary evil abused asylum crazies' trope is bad enough, even when they pretend to lampshade it for a minute before playing it straight; i don't know how they added in All That and made him emaciated and expected no one to find it heartbreaking or even sympathetic. i don't care how bad he was before the asylum (and dear god was he ever), that is horrifying and no one deserves it. god damn.

[worlds-4th-best-dad]

Takao: Alright, class, here’s your assignment. If you have any questions, be sure to ask me now. Yuki: *raises hand* Sir? Takao: Yes, Amano? Yuki: May I kill myself...?

[pizzaqueen]

.

[unironicallycringe]

sorry everyone I'm Normal Again I think

tbh I have like, weirdly complicated history with Ghiralink because "I was there Gandalf" but I can get into that context later, rn I'm tired and finally have the correct meds so maybe I can be less intense on main without putting myself in designated grass-touching time-outs after every post

[deviatory]

@helllords asked : aloe :   how does your muse handle grief ? (for malachi)

Okay meme is question is getting its own post because it's a large piece of lore for the last century, and two, it's a contains some very dark and triggering subject matter.

SO cw for : r*pe mention, drug use, abuse, attempted suic*de mention, mental illness and medical procedure

Malachi has never dealt with grief… well. At this point I doubt he’ll ever be able to properly, again, however to understand this there has to be context.

It should be stated that the current Malachi does not react the same way as he would have over a century ago. Malachi was failing mentally after Qaqu’s death and his new found duties. He had been forced to race in his equine form prior to Qaqu’s shootout to earn his keep amongst the ageing witches, however his own advancing age found little success and left him volatile, with periods where he would become “uncooperative” and avoidant. It hadn’t been the first time. He had been used and abused his whole life, and suddenly he had inherited a role where he had been placed in charge of not only his sisters’ wellbeing but also that of the family who had abused him. However it would be the stress brought upon by sudden reappearance of his son in 1930, Mordecai, after forty years forcing him to come to terms with his r.ape which would leave him in a complete state of helplessness, anxiety and depression that led into sharp mood swings, unusual behaviour, insomnia and triggered aggressive behaviour. 

The sum and stress caught up with him and he suffered to a point where his friends, a young Wesley, Jack and Sarah fearing for his own safety as due to what he was were forced to chemically restrain him with opioids and keep him contained within his room for a time. It would eventually come to a headway with Malachi, having attempted to slit his wrists with pen nib, unwilling to live in this state, with his pain or “inherit the madness of his father” would come to beg Wesley to end his life where he would refuse and threaten that if his mental state did not improve he would have had no choice but to permanently physically restrain him. Malachi would slowly seem to “recover” after this, Wesley providing Malachi regularly with sedatives until he’d returned to a “functional” state to administer himself, although the occasional period of depression would still occur. His focus would become determined to provide the witch family with a comfortable quality of life, knowing as time had told him before some would be inflicted ailments of Alzheimer's disease. 

Sarah would marry, Jack would disappear, and Wesley would move away after a falling out with Malachi to continue his studies as a doctor in New York state, perhaps prompted by Malachi to pursue his field in psychiatry. The last witch would die in 1954, and Malachi would start living with Sarah after her husband would pass in 1956. Unfortunately issues with his mental health would start to rise again, with Sarah’s declining health and a growing tolerance to opioids after decades of use would leave Malachi increasingly neurotic. 

In 1974 Sarah passed away while he was away during a business trip. He shuts down emotionally. There’s a nickname he gains due to his initial response after Sarah’s death that I haven’t really touched (because mainly I haven’t had a thread which explored that moment in time) : the hollow man. Grief becomes cold. He doesn’t appear to even care. He does not cry, he shows no emotions or any kindness. He becomes reactive, and this often becomes one of the few times we see Malachi become intentionally cruel. Sometimes he has periods where he will break out of this into a period of intense mood swings and involuntary transformations, often beginning with him engaging in a moment of violent behaviour and ending in him literally running away. 

During one of these periods he would seek out Wesley, who had at this point become a teacher, at his office and collapse. Over the next few days, and an argumentative back and forth Malachi would eventually ask Wesley to recommend him for a lobotomy, despite the doctor’s proclamations that the procedure was largely being considered dangerous, outlawed in many states and ineffective with the theory that because of his accelerated regeneration it might not work the way Malachi wanted. Despite that Wesley made the arrangements for the procedure to be performed privately due to Malachi’s inhuman potential. The surgery went ahead without issue, and his temperament improved. Sadly, it was not the result Malachi wanted and the pain he’d felt was still in him, revealing during his recovery that he had simply hoped it would “leave him with nothing”. Despondent, Malachi would leave Wesley to his life without a goodbye and return to his sisters in California. He would suffer some cognitive issues affecting his ability to read, focus, yet he would create unusual routines for himself in the time after. Maria would later note he was never quite with them anymore and found him “austere, annoyingly unhelpful, but easy to direct” for the first few years until he began to become more lucid and gradually show a great range of emotion by the end of the decade.

Arguably it could be considered one of the few reasons how he became so easily manipulated by Setepen-it.

[prisonicmorality]

was gonna try and get to some of the replies i owe but my mood has suddenly tanked into "bad" so i guess im putting them off another day. :(