#cw: mental break
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there's a million ways to spill blood on the court...
#greenlight volume 10#so ruby can have a break that isn't of the mental breakdown variety#rwby#ruby rose#fanart#fan art#chaikachi#cw: blood#cw: death#oscar pine#penny polendina#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#nora valkyrie#weiss schnee#pyrrha nikos#qrow branwen#rwby little
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day 192
a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!
anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.
#day 192#year 5#it me#cw gore#cw blood#cw... anthropomorphic uterus?????#hysterectomy#anyway much like the tit surgery this is both gender affirming and ALSO fixing a health problem that has been gnawing at me for years#never been confirmed but we suspect i have pcos and the usual medication regimen for that hasnt been managing things very well#SO suffice it to say my periods are logistically and mentally extremely fucking difficult to manage#always have been but since my thyroid problems began about a decade ago they've become horrible AND unpredictable#frankly im fuckin sick of it and going on T for the 6 months i did gave me SUCH a nice break from it all#that as things have started back up it has been made EXTREMELY clear what a huge burden i have been dealing with this whole time#basically i dont want to go back on T right now im happy where im at. BUT. the thought of having to have periods like this#for like 20-30 more years is rapidly becoming un fucking bearable#SO. we yoink that thang asunder
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I have to share a story about why I HATE the term "trauma dumping".
So basically, we were at my at the time partner's house with friends of them and we were talking about mental health.
I don't remember exactly how we came to this but one woman started talking about psychosis and her sister who is schizophrenic.
She had a lot of preconception about this and, while I am not schizophrenic, I dealt with psychosis and hallucinations.
So I started to talk about my experiences with that, stating AGAIN that I wasn't schizophrenic but I thought it was an interesting point of view.
Some other people started asking questions so I answered them, asking here and there if it was okay for me to talk about it, and nobody, INCLUDING the woman who started the conversation in the first place, said anything.
And at one point I saw she was uncomfortable and asked her if she'd rather drop the subject.
And then, she BLEW UP on me saying that I was trauma dumping, that she felt like she was partaking in a conversation she NEVER ASKED to partake in (again, she was the one who brought up the subject), that I was being insensitive and over sharing shit and that she didn't like it.
Like, bitch, I asked a bunch of time if it was okay, you were the one talking about these symptoms without even living it and trying to teach people some crappy over the counter shit, but now that she wasn't the Main Character with the Knowledge it became an issue and I was the problem.
I know that I'm open about my experiences and tend to talk about it but I ALWAYS make sure that people on the other end are okay with me sharing this. This was just utter bullshit.
And online or IRL, I just noticed that the term "trauma dumping" is just the easy way out of a conversation that makes you feel uncomfortable while putting the blame on the person doing it.
You can absolutely put boundaries, but don't you dare guilt someone just to avoid being seen as an asshole and make yourself clean of anything. It's healthy to state that you are uncomfortable talking about things, but you can do so without making up shit about others.
#tw psychosis#psychosis#discourse#actually mentally ill#mental illness#mental health#schizophrenia#psychosis mention#trauma dump#actually neurodivergent#neurodivergent things#neurodivergency#psychodivergency#psychiatry#tw hallucinations#tw delusion#delusion#delusional#actually traumatized#actually cptsd#actually did#actually bpd#actually psychotic#psychotic disorders#psychotic break#mental illness tw#cw mental illness#cw psychosis#cw schizo#schizospec
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Wilbur Soot has obviously read the Callmecarson handbook on how to handle being outed as an awful individual
#''hey guys I'm back from my... mental health break... some stuff happened but that's in the past now''#where have i heard this before!#''lets all just go back to supporting me and my online career without speaking about that stuff any further''#wilbur soot#callmecarson#cw wilbur soot#i am so far from having consistent internet connection where i am#and some of my precious seconds have been wasted on learning that wilbur soot is ''returning'' or whatever
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I can't see how the writers still think Skystar's a good person. Like, twelve year old me liked him and thought he was interesting, but I was like twelve. And even I knew he was an irredeemable asshole after Moth Flight's Vision. If a twelve year old can figure this stuff out I have no idea what these grown ass writers were doing.
DOTC has a thesis, stated in The First Battle, that really explains everything.
"Fear and Greed" is just a fake-deep way to reinvent a Good and Evil dichotomy. Because Clear Sky's abuse comes from a place of fear, it means it's not malicious, unlike a "greedy" cat.
He can be "soothed," ergo, he's a fundamentally good person.
Post-First Battle, the books are focusing constantly on his feelings, how sad it makes him to not be trusted, how happy he is when people are on his side. All while he continues to screech at people who tell him what to do, manipulate and mistreat his son, and even still beats and mauls those who offend him.
But because it's "fear," that doesn't matter. That's a justification, an excuse. The writers don't seem to believe in good and bad actions as much as they do good and bad people. True 'evil' comes from a person who hurts others for the wrong reasons, like 'revenge' or malice.
It's abuse apologia. Plain and simple.
The truth is that abusers don't think of themselves as evil people, and everyone, even you and me, is capable of being toxic or abusive. Talk to those who have been abused and we'll tell you; we often stayed because we "saw the good," or even felt responsible for them. Abuse can be passed down through generations because the kids come to believe the way they were treated was normal and okay.
If you go through life thinking that abuse only comes from evil/greedy people, you won't see it when it happens right in front of you. Fundamental good and evil is childish. Abuse comes from fear all the time.
Abuse is about power and control. Fear of rejection, of losing someone, of pain, those are all very common motivators as the abuser tries to stop them from happening before they even begin. It doesn't MATTER that your abuser is in pain too, you NEVER "deserved" what they did in an attempt to break your legs so you wouldn't run.
But... we can all change. Even the worst of us. It's never too late to stop hurting others, move on to a better life, but some people never will. Skystar loves his power, and he keeps that power no matter how many times he misuses it.
He has no reason to change as long as his cruelty rewards him with status and authority.
But the writers are incapable of recognizing that, because for this entire arc, they were stuck in an absurd view of the world in terms of Fear and Greed. Abuse can be excused if he did it for the "right reason," and that makes him "fundamentally different" from the truly evil villains, Slash and One Eye.
Hopefully, it now makes more sense to you.
#I am completely sincere when I say that I am legitimately concerned for the mental health of these writers sometimes#It's a lot of words to say. Again. That evil is really really simple.#It feels good to get what you want.#Power gets you what you want-- Security. Assurance. Respect.#Everyone wants these things.#It's not about having a twisted and sadistic soul#I'm sure those exist out there. But they're so so rare#And you will get hurt if you need to believe that the only person it's okay to leave or distrust or hate is a literal monster#You can leave anyone who tries to control and hurt you actually!!#Even if they're in emotional pain and insist that they NEED YOU#You didn't deserve it! You never did! It's okay! They didn't need to be a monster. And you're not one for leaving either.#Or resenting them. Or recognizing that they can't be trusted.#Of course... well. Clear Sky DOES act like a monster in this text.#Gouging out people's eyes and slaughtering innocent women#But most of the time irl your abuser didn't like. Kill someone lmao#At some point the metaphor breaks down#BUT!!!#cw abuse#dotc hate#Clear Sky#Skystar#Anyway casting spell of I Love You on every abuse survivor who feels a connection here#bone babble
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Day 1 | Mirth
Gt July Prompt List
Next
When stranded on an uncharted underwater planet, alone and surrounded by hostile lifeforms, there are only two possible outcomes: adapt and survive, or die trying.
Spoilers: For the game Subnautica
Content Warnings: Mentions of death and violence. Mentions of drowning and suffocation.
Introducing the Subnautica AU
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Fritz finds himself laughing uncontrollably.
In hindsight, it shouldn’t have been as funny as it was to him. But once he started to laugh, there was no stopping it.
Even though he’s positive he’s the only survivor of the ship that crashed on an undocumented and hostile planet. No hope of being rescued as he fights for his life using technology that might as well be magic to him. Nothing but certain death lying in wait for him at every corner.
But maybe that’s why he had such a visceral reaction. To something as simple as a fish getting stuck in the rock and exploding out of sheer frustration.
He hadn’t even been confident on how he should’ve reacted. The teenager thought he was a respectful distance from the sulfur plant inside the tunnel he was just outside of to collect materials. Apparently this particular crashfish didn’t appreciate it and decided to come after him. Seemingly attempted to be stealthy and decided to squeeze through a narrow hole. A move that, if it worked, would’ve left Fritz dazed and bleeding.
Fortunately for Fritz, it hadn’t worked. Ended up with the territorial fish firmly stuck, unable to swim forward or backward. Went completely still for a full minute as the confused teenager watched before exploding.
Not because anyone or anything got close enough to trigger the reaction. No, purely out of frustration. Decided that would be the best course of action.
Fritz had stared for a good minute. Felt a smile tug on his lips when he realized what happened. Couldn’t hold back a small giggle after it bubbled in his throat. Unable to stop as his laughter grew louder, stronger, to the point there were tears in his eyes as he desperately tries to gasp for air.
"Me too,” Fritz wheezes as he clutches his stomach, his body in pain but unable to stop, part of him not wanting to. “Me too.”
How ironic the fish that tends to cause him the most grief is the one that makes him laugh for the first time in days. Most likely this will be the only time he finds a reason to, but he’ll take it. Hope that he can be treated to such a sight again in the future. Give him something to look forward to amidst the daunting task of surviving without any promise he’ll ever be rescued.
The flashing from his HUD warning he’s about to run out of oxygen jerks Fritz out of his daze. Takes a long and slow breath as he quickly swims up to the water’s surface. Sends fearful glances below him as his air replenishes.
The last of his mirth vanishes when his eyes catch a blurry but unmistakenly large figure swimming in the distance. The Aurora stretching into the sky as smoke continues to bellow from the once magnificent ship. The reminder just how insignificant he is on a planet completely submerged in water.
...if a fish half his size valiantly protects its home despite clearly being outsized and outmatched, then Fritz can too. It’s about time he finally looked at everything the Lifepod can make.
#should I be starting such a project?#HA HA no#but I am and no one can stop me!#unless I need to take a break because mental health is important#thank you gianttol for making such an amazing list!#and sharing it so others can join the fun!#for those who may be new to how I like to use month-long prompts#this will be a continuous story with each day acting as a chapter#each individual day might not be very long#but then they slowly accumulate until it forms a full narative#I hope ya'll enjoy the ride!#G/t July 2024#Day 1 | Mirth#FNAF bois#g/t#giant#tiny#BTE writing#Subnautica AU#cw#content warning
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TW: rant‼️
Basically recent life events and the reasoning why I probably won’t be writing as frequently. If you’re easily triggered by relationship issues and mental health this is nawt for you pookie stay safe🫶🏾
Y’all I just got out of a five month long relationship literally yesterday and I’m still processing so much of it. I thought the information I garnered yesterday was the end of it but turns out he’s just been playing pretend,using me to feel loved and said and quote “I thought you would catch on to me being unhappy” when I’m SO autistic and have told him many times that I need things spelled out for me. Like I don’t get undertones a lot of the time in day to day conversations and I’ve mentioned it so many times so now it hurts even more to know that the whole duration of the relationship my needs were just falling on deaf ears. And it sucks even more that I was being played like bozo the fucking clown the entire time simply because I couldn’t read between the lines of his bullshit.
Like I already have trust issues from previous relationships both romantic and platonic and this really nailed the coffin shut on that. It’s looking like it’s back to therapy for me to unpack this shit cause Jesus Christ.
Like y’all I want to be so fucking mean about him right now but it’s not in my character to hurt the people I love even though I really want to but I know better so I took the high road and it doesn’t feel good even though I told him about his ass.
Like I just want to snap and be a bitch and yell and scream but I’m too god damn nice to hurt anyone unless they’ve pushed me past my breaking point which has only happened once in my life despite everything I’ve been through.
Like it’s so jarring to think this was the man I was going to move in with and marry and have a family with only to realize his love for me was a lie because he was too much of a coward(his words) to let me go because he liked the way I made him feel.
No matter what I say or how cocky I get I am a LOVER and I am SENSITIVE y’all. Daughter of Aphrodite kinda shit. Been having crushes since I was four kinda shit. Thinking about marriage since I was eight kinda shit. I am a lover and a nurturer and sensitive and fragile and one hell of an empath which this world wasn’t made for so I’m fighting for my life.
Everyday I wake up and choose to be kind but it’s like a choice that isn’t mine because it’s etched into my being and comes as naturally as breathing. I hate being kind because it’s always been to my detriment but I will continue to do so because that’s what I’ve always done.
Im honesty just sick and tired of being hurt and I don’t even know what love feels like anymore.
I will continue to be a lover, and that will be the thing that ruins me.
Me if you even care btw
#bunny’s personal life#bunny’s ranting#cw mental health#cw break ups#cw relationship issues#cw cursing#cw cussing
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is this anything
#sunnysidewips#<- i would love to finish this actually but im so busys help#welcome back to me thinking WHAT IF SHE WAS FREAKISHLY TALL . INHUMANLY TALL . DO YOU EVER DYOIU EVER THINK ABT GIGANTIC WOMEN DO Y#I THINK ITD BE FUN . GOOD FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH EVEN /J DFGHD not for harry's mental health tho sorry king#also smth smth about being larger than life about being revered about being statuesque#[starts foaming at the mouth]#girl im so emo abt harry rn im in shambles DFDGHJD#ME AND MY HUSBAND WE ARE DOING BETTERRRRRRRRR#idk if its that obvious but better to be safe#cw implied noose#tw implied noose#horrific necktie if ur out there hor#was also thinking abt incorporating the skills as lil fishies in the bg#idk man im so tired had to take a break from finals again bc i was going insane whoopsies#starry don't look
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Having physical and mental illness at the same time is honesty such an experience.
I went to the doctor last week and asked to see a therapist/psychiatrist or just anyone who can help me manage my bipolar better because I'm just so over having several episodes a year. And my doctor is great and she said she did want to refer me, but she also said that I'll likely be rejected since I'm not visibly disabled from it (like I'm in a full time job and haven't asked for sick-leave. Which - I haven't worked a full day since the middle of May. But saving up hours by working way too much when I'm hypomanic and stable + using vacation time is functioning enough apparently)
So then we moved on to the other reason for my visit, which was "my wrist hurts a bit and it makes it a bit uncomfortable to type and drive which I need for work". And within 2 minutes I had a prescription, a blood draw and a referral for an MRI scan.
And it's just fascinating because my depressive episodes hurt so much more than my wrist, and they disable me so much more. And yet it's so much easier to get health care services for my wrist, simply because it's a physical thing.
#honestly it might even be psychosomatic#in which case we're right back to not getting help for it#and I'm really grateful that I live in a place with public healthcare#because without it I'm pretty sure I'd be dead or homeless by now#but I'm just so frustrated that it's so hard to get help for mental stuff#especially when I'm pretty sure being so mentally run down is what makes my body break down physically in the first place#cassirambles#personal#rant#bipolar#cw medical#not fandom#not hp
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removed our broken fucking sink faucet. took me half an hour, a lot of wrist pain, plus a tremendous amount of spiderwebs, rust flakes, mysterious grime, and water falling on my head. love it /s. now i need to scrape off the black ooze and shreds of old silicone, clean it all thoroughly, and figure out how the fuck to properly protect the holes from continuing to rust. then install the new faucet (had to drive 45 min each way this morning to get it). i hate this.
#personal#keeping it fun and funky fresh#our house in the middle of our street#literally everything is breaking. we had to spend $6000 to get the entire breaker box & mains power cable replaced#bc water was leaking through it & corroding the neutral terminals (bad)#the dishwasher performs the impressive feat of making our dishes much much dirtier. the new 'shwasher has been on order for 2 gd weeks#everytjing sucks. everything fucking sucks. i wish i were dead.#matty's mental health#suicide mention#gross cw
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[cws: starvation/food insecurity, fantasy racism, psychiatric abuse, ableism, and Upsetting Pictures.]
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one thing that fucks me up immensely about pericles before and after the asylum is how fucking skinny he is.
like. as much as obviously the two designs are Very Inconsistent in general which annoys me, look at him pre-timeskip. look at how he's shaped.
his head and face are way smoother and rounder, both in front and back, and the space between his cheekbones and his eyebrow ridge is filled in; his body is rounder in general and his belly is noticeably between his thighs when he's standing up; he has kind of a chubby butt; his chin and neck are softer and wider around, which you can really see with the width of the scarf compared to his shoulders and the angle where it meets his head. it comes up in front of his face more because there's not as much of an angle with his chin to hold it down.
now. compare all those things to this.
christ.
and like, you could argue some of these design differences are tiny things to zero in on in a show that's as loose with its models as sdmi is. but present-day pericles' design is pretty obviously supposed to be unsettling because he's physically built to be a Cute Roumb Little Mascot Creature--so much so that the framework has managed to stick around a little in spite of everything--and has become gaunt and haggard anyway. and you could also argue that the body type changes are just thanks to aging twenty years (and i don't doubt that's contributed).
except. he spent those twenty years in an asylum where the other inmates we see look like this.
christ.
(fun little fact that @thecottageinthedark pointed out also: remember how he literally got caught at one point because he couldn't stop eating sunflower seeds, even during a heist? a high-fat, high-calorie snack for birds? you know, exactly the kind of thing a starving person who finally has proper access to food would be wolfing down?)
(yeah.)
did i mention that this happened in a (fantasy) racially segregated prison, which is technically an asylum so the inmates can be kept there indefinitely, because in an actual prison you're required to have a sentence? did i mention that none of the human characters we see in human prison look any less healthy during or afterward, and on top of that are allowed to move around and socialize? did i mention the absolutely horrific treatment of the asylum inmates is implied to be despite the fact that the (physically abusive!) guard is playing up how dangerous and malicious they are? (you know. except for pericles 🙃)
did i mention the man who got pericles imprisoned--who he had not only done nothing to beforehand, but had helped--says he was there to 'live out the rest of his miserable parrot life in a cage, where he belonged,' and not only do none of the characters we're supposed to side with have anything to say about that, but the audience is clearly supposed to agree with him too?
(did i mention said man--who was in on the crime, singular, that pericles went to prison for!--spends those twenty years living a life of luxury in power while abusing the child he kidnapped as a baby and held hostage his entire life, and when we see him in prison he is not only chilling out and helping the authorities but reading a newspaper?)
did i mention the part where by the time we meet pericles he hasn't spoken in years?
like. man the 'ooooo scary evil abused asylum crazies' trope is bad enough, even when they pretend to lampshade it for a minute before playing it straight; i don't know how they added in All That and made him emaciated and expected no one to find it heartbreaking or even sympathetic. i don't care how bad he was before the asylum (and dear god was he ever), that is horrifying and no one deserves it. god damn.
#sdmi#professor pericles#scooby doo: mystery incorporated#the worldbuilding re: the talking animals in this universe is already really fucked up and awful#but everything to do with the asylum is one of the biggest things for me that shoves it over the edge from#'this aspect of the show is really disasteful and uncomfortable and i Don't Like It'#to 'wow this is actually really fucking upsetting i am straight up having to skip past scenes and/or take breaks when a detail comes up'#anyway pericles is a colossal piece of shit and also incredibly fucking tragic and i need more content that acknowledges and goes into that#and also due to Recent and Ongoing Life Experiences i am especially pissed these days about#'character loses a ton of weight and looks Haggard compared to before; because of that and in general' being associated with Evil Scary#especially when it's done to them in some way as *punishment* for being Evil#same energy as how badly it fucked me up as a kid to grow up constantly seeing#'villain has a horrifying spiraling mental breakdown because they're Pathetic and Evil'#in every fucking piece of media i engaged with!#anyway lol#the crit files#SDMItag#cws in post
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Takao: Alright, class, here’s your assignment. If you have any questions, be sure to ask me now. Yuki: *raises hand* Sir? Takao: Yes, Amano? Yuki: May I kill myself...?
#yuki is gonna need a mental health break with how his home life is spiraling out of control#incorrect quotes#incorrect mirai nikki quotes#incorrect future diary quotes#mirai nikki#future diary#takao hiyama#yukiteru amano#source: vine#tw suicide#cw sui mention
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Vent
Gonna take a break because I need my mental health issues to be treated - mainly from suicidal ideation.
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#Sometimes I think about how much I've let anxiety take from me and it's...a LOT#like a lot a lot#and now I can feel it taking fandom from me too#no desire to write (and most of the last few fics I’ve posted have been…not good and I’m really sorry about that)#it’s my own fault 100%#(not just with fandom but everything for not trying harder)#but it still sucks#i guess it sucks more because I know it’s my own fault#misc#tw mental health#cw mental health#cw anxiety#personal#negative#anyway still on a break for idk how long#but the break hasn’t helped at all 😞#and now I just feel so guilty for not being around and reblogging more stuff#and I have major FOMO#ughhhhhhh#plus my health anxiety is just so so bad rn
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sorry everyone I'm Normal Again I think
tbh I have like, weirdly complicated history with Ghiralink because "I was there Gandalf" but I can get into that context later, rn I'm tired and finally have the correct meds so maybe I can be less intense on main without putting myself in designated grass-touching time-outs after every post
#shea muses aloud#maybe one day i will share some Thoughtful Analysis And Perspective but for now it is summed up as like#'do not cite the deep magics to me witch i was there when they were written'#and you (general problem-havers) have no idea how fucking easy you have it with the modern awareness#surrounding authors tagging CWs and being safer about how they present triggering work#very much i am old man yells at cloud about this because i experienced some shit online as a teen#and decided i wanted to enter the space with an improved approach#yet people are telling me myself and similar others are the problem from ten years ago#like buddy. we were the teens reading back then. now we're adults going 'yknow maybe this stuff should be#handled more responsibly'#and it is stupid and ignorant as hell to disregard all that work#local mentally ill enby (me) yells at cloud and considers longterm internet break before total necrosis of brain tissue hits#i rambled. i must nap now goodbye.
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we're gonna put our rats up for adoption at the animal rescue. things are. bad. we can't keep their cage clean. grayson gets exhausted taking them out to play and i rarely join bc i just feel empty or disgusted or i start sobbing or wind up in pain or exhausted myself. so they don't get the amount of human interaction they deserve/need.
i feel awful about it. i feel sick. i don't know the last time i've felt like such an abject failure. not just as a person responsible for small lives but as a partner. grayson gets such joy from these boys, and they are so sweet to us too. i just. i can't even take care of myself. it isn't fair. it's not fair.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#the wild brunch#matty's mental health#i'm genuinely not okay. about any of this. about anything happening.#but the rats specifically are a real no-win scenario.#either 1) we pull the bandaid off & give them to the rescue. a clean (ish) break#we know they'll be fostered & adopted by ppl who will not just love them but will actually be able to take care of them#and they'll live out the rest of their lives with other rats who they'll get to know now while they're still middle-aged. & other people.#or 2) we keep them but continue the current plan to have them be our last batch of rats. they live in a habitat that we can't keep clean.#we're both wracked with guilt about this all the time. we keep exhausting ourselves doing what we can to keep things out of crisis mode#grayson gets to keep playing with them. i get to keep being miserable and More guilty every time i *don't* play with them#or just plain miserable every time i do#eventually they get older and their health goes downhill. one of them dies. i have a mental breakdown just like every other time#we rehome the other two. it's harder bc they're older and sicker and they miss their brother.#but they live out the (much less) rest of their lives with other rats. & other people.#in both scenarios we stop having rats. grayson is devastated either soon or later bc no more pets#while i'm wracked with guilt bc i feel very very very responsible for us not having rats anymore. and also devastated#bc i am. well. goodbyes are very bad for me.#which is why i feel responsible lmao bc last year i had like 4 straight months of ceaseless sobbing from all the back to back pet deaths#and i was like Listen. grayson. i can't do this anymore. i just can't. i can't keep having short-lived pets like this bc each death#feels like i'm being stabbed in the lungs over and over.#i guess technically option 3 is we keep having rats. we get another batch & introduce them. no rat off-ramp.#i just. keep getting stabbed in the lungs as they die. and we keep not being able to take care of them properly.#hey i didn't say it was a *good* option. but it is an option#pet death cw#idk how to tag the lungs metaphor.#injury cw#?
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