#idk if i consider it sh because i really just slapped my thigh a bunch of times until it bruised a little | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-lark-ascending69 · 15 hours ago

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Had this moment of extreme anger and aggression out of nowhere and ended up hurting myself and then i wrote about it, went out to get some coffee, chatted w the coffee lady for 5 minutes, watched an episode of amphibia and now i feel weirdly refreshed and hopeful about life and the future??

#self harm cw #idk if i consider it sh because i really just slapped my thigh a bunch of times until it bruised a little #like there's no blood nothing serious happened i just wanted to break something #then i found a bunch of scrap paper and i tore it to shreds before i did anything stupid with the scissors on my desk #looking forward to this tattoo appointment so bad. i'm hoping to 1) get something so pretty it will make me happy and calm me down #whenever i look at it 2) to get something to pretty in my left forearm that it will stop me from doing anything to it to not risk ruining it #and 3) hopefully feeling all that pain will like... discharge everything in one go so i won't want to hurt myself again for some time #thinking about all the things that made me feel bad was the only thing that got me through my wisdom tooth removal surgert #like yes... yes... pain and suffering... i deserve... hurt hurt hurt #anyway two gone! only two more to go #in one hand: it's a genuinely helpful way to handle pain and pain is inescapable a lot of the time so having a mental resource to protect me #is pretty cool actually #on the other hand: oh my girlfriend is gonna cry so much when she finds out. i know it's not good or normal or healthy #i really need to talk about it with my therapist. idk why i get so angry. nothing happened #i'm just glad i was alone and there was no one i could take my anger out on. because that someone is usually my girlfriend #and i love her so much i never want to hurt her #i felt so proud of myself when she told me one day she thought i wasn't an angry person at all #that i rarely ever got mad #like... yes... yes... i have succeeded... at making myself appear harmless... this is everything angsty teenage me ever wanted...#personal #when does this therapy thing kick in guys #maybe i just need to tattoo my whole body so i won't do anything to it #for now: toothless tattoo on my arm will protecc it from my crazy brain. hopefully.

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